#https://st-just.tumblr.com/post/677286995539722241/tanadrin-to-restate-itmy-general-theory-of

[postsforposting]

(speaking of a cis man) Imagine going through your life, like normal, and everyone’s decided that they should call you ma’am. That everyone was using she/her pronouns for you. And that no matter how hard you insisted that, no, you are a man, and no matter how many ways you tried to “prove” it, no one would believe you or take you seriously. That’s what it would be like if you were trans.” 

That does happen, though. This is what gender policing is, when people call cis men pussies and needle them for "acting like women" or "being homo", and when people harass women for "not acting lady like" and "acting like a man".

I think a lot of people don't see a problem with transphobia because it's actually normal behavior to them. Protesting when people treat you like this is no different than not being able to take a joke and being a snowflake and "not being able to handle the real world", among all those other lovely phrases people use to excuse this stuff and claim it's the target's responsibility to shut up and like it, that protesting means you need more of it to toughen you up so you learn what's good for you.

It's not just transphobia that works like this, either. It's part of a larger trend of callousness that's whipped into people from birth.

I think for a lot of white people, when you call them out on their casual racism (microagressions and non-overt things), they see it as a case of hurt feelings from your point of view as opposed to a discussion of harmful practices that aid the vehicle of racism. So in response, they take it as a personal attack, rather than a learning experience, and go on the defensive by bringing up a time that you made them upset as leverage. Or they defend their actions by doubling down on the behavior at hand and dismissing your criticism as over sensitivity and emphasizing their “harmless” intent. And I think that is one of the reasons why it’s so hard to address casual and interpersonal racism with the general white population (and also other poc tbh).

People in general grow up under systemic abuse as children, being taught that maltreatment is a good thing; at worst, that their "fee fees" don't matter and are a sign of their immaturity, and at best that systemic dehumanization, second class citizenship, is nothing more than a case of "hurt feelings" which are good for you to experience to become a better person, which you as the target are responsible for sucking up and getting over on your own time, and which are not the problem of anyone else. If you try to claim someone is in the wrong for doing these things to you, or even that you are hurt because of them, then you get told to "stop crying before I give you a reason to cry". That's a threat and punishment for recognizing what is actually happening. Anything overt is not to be mentioned or brought up at all, because it's explicitly required as "for your own good", and "casual" aggression is seen as you putting up a fuss and being whiny and "sensitive"--again, as you not being able to handle the real world, as evidence that you need more of the same.

You learn to shut up and smile. You learn to treat people the same way, because this is what's considered right, because you will be next if you don't and so you defend the system and slap down those who deviate from it. You learn to never admit to mistakes, because mistakes are proof you're lesser, didn't listen, and deserve punishment. All of this starts from birth.

When that's how you're taught to view yourself, of course you're not going to see identity struggles like racism and queer issues as different from what you yourself live with. It's all just people being whiny selfish snowflakes who don't know what's good for them. You justify what's happening to you because that's what you've been taught to do all your life.

You do not "see it as a learning experience" because mistakes mean you deserve punishment, so on top of being taught to straight up not see harm as harm, you will never acknowledge any errors you make because what should be a simple mistake you can correct is actually admitting you deserve torture. Forever, because there is no such thing as your mistakes being over and done with when they can be infinitely brought up to belittle you.

"Racism" of this kind isn't a problem because "people are white". Bigotry like this isn't rooted in beliefs of superiority and inferiority. It happens because people are taught to not see any harms of its kind as a problem, and are in fact taught to see its behavior the same way they see all other callous behavior: you're a snowflake, they're having a laugh. Until you can crack the idea that people deserve callousness, and that callousness is good and fun and makes you a better person, people will still insist that there is nothing wrong, not because they are "racist" or inherently defective because of their race, but because they were taught that "having feelings" and "being hurt" is weakness that must be burned out. Because they were taught that admitting to wrongdoing means they deserve that same callousness.