#always had to drag it to the bin or another floor before bust the dust

[rebouks]

That vacuum isn't long for this world..

[artificialqueens]

Trixie's day out 3- Return of the jedi (Trixya) ~ hobnob

A/N: Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Tatooine in an attempt to rescue his friend Han Solo from the clutches of the vile gangster Jabba the Hutt. Little does Luke know that the galactic empire has secretly begun construction on a new armored space station even more powerful than the first dreaded Death Star. When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of rebels struggling to restore freedom to the galaxy.

“TRIXIE” Katya screeched, spazzing out on the floor.

“Tf cunt” Trixie awoke, rubbing some of those crispy yellow balls out of her eyes graciously.

“We’re out of milk go get some” Kathua cried, looking down at the milk she just spilled.

Trixie couldn’t believe her ear nubbs. She’d have to pop down to Tesco extra and miss Antiques roadshow on telly.

“Not today satan, im having…Trixie’s day in” she spoke softly, sneezing into katyas wig.

“You have to what are we going to eat with our weetabix” Katya said, stealing a pack of haribo from the mini fridge.

Katya did make a compelling argument. Every morning they would talk about last nights Britains got talent and eat weetabix.

Trixie grabbed her Jacamo coat and wellies. She was out the door like a vegan in maccies.

The streets were surprisingly quiet apart from a few D list queens sat on a bench, making audition tapes. Today she may actually achieve what she set out to do without any wacky antics.

Just then Trixie fell, making sweet tender love to the floor as her dentures fell out.

“Ur mum drinks spaff!” Trixie yelled in pure unadulterated rage, getting up and dusting off her boy body.

She looked around to what caused the accident.

It was the head of ivy whinters, rolling around in panic. “Woo0ooah!” She tumbled, blood spewing everywhere as her decapitated head made circles on the ground.

“Hows ur head” Trixie said drenched in blood.

“Ive been having some complaints” Ivy cried, licking a garden snail. “Somebody stole my body-ody-ody!”

“I could get you 2 litre bottle of tizer” Trixie said sympathetically, picking up ivy’s head. Tizer always made her feel better.

Ivy, shook her head, though it was really more of a vibration because she had no neck. “I want you to find who did this to me”

Trixie nodded, throwing the decapitated ivy to the floor as she rolled down a storm drain. The dairy goods would just have to wait.

Trixie walked over to the bench of D list drag queens, they all eyed her down apprehensively. She needed information.

“Wott do you want?” Vander von odd spat, sticking our her forked tongue.

“Yeah, piss off!” Evah destruction hissed, ripping trixies skin with her talons.

“Tf u doing you rat bastard?” Trixie said slapping away eva’s hand. “I just need to ask if-”

“We ain’t saying nothing!!” Soju snarled, lifting her microphone to Trixie’s face. “However, do something for us and ill give you answers”

The girls on the bench nodded in agreement, going back to making audition tapes.

“What you want”

“Im out of alcohol to give to my guests” soju cried, her fake microphone crumbling apart. “Im under 18 so i need you to go to get me some bevs”

“Im about to pop into tesco, i could get you the latest beano and a kopparberg” Trixie offered, dressing her open wound in spongebob plasters.

“Yh peng”

A few minutes later and a quick chat with pete behind the till, Trixie had a bag of cheap booze. She slammed it into soju’s belly.

“Ah” soju thumbed up, clasping her chest in pain. “Rad, how can we help u”

“There was a decapitated head rolling around”

“Word on the street is” Evah destruction leaned in “there’s been a body snatcher goin round, nabbing queens!”

“I saw a shadowy figure jump into that there bin” Vander van odd pointed, taking a puff oh her novelty oversized pipe.

Without hesitation, Trixie leapt into the bin. It smelt of old gum and used condoms, much like katya. It was nothing but a plain bin! She’d been dooped!

Before a disgruntled trixie could react, the lid was slammed shut. She heard cackling as the bin moved. She was going on her biggest day out ever!

After about 7 hours of squatting in a bin, the lid lifted. She found herself in an underground science lab surrounded by tubs of body parts and leftover curry.

“Nice of you to join us miss mattel” a shadow figure said, all intimidating like.

“Wasn’t voluntary was it you daft cunt” Trixie retorted. At some point her hands had been tied up.

Trixie looked over to the table. An abomination of human limbs and makeup lay on there, covered in blood and wig hair.

“Intrigued?” The shadow stepped forward. Making them not a shadow. By teresa may’s sagging ballsack, it was karen from finance!

“Karen you old slag! Let me out ill be your bff”

“No trixie, i shan’t fall for that again. See i need your body-ody-ody for my experiment”

This wasn’t an ideal situation, Trixie just wanted to watch Antiques roadshow with weetabix.

“You see, we are the forgotten queens!” Karen monologued “None of our shows get booked because of people like you!! But thats about to change. I am creating the perfect queen, to outbook all other shows in england!!!”

Trixie nodded.

“Ive used the legs of Naomi smalls, the body of Courtney act, the collar bone of Alaska, and i was going to get ivy’s head but she got stolen by sewer rats idk where she is”

“Karen m8 i have to call the police this is well messed” Trixie said, busting out her phone and contacting the authorities.

“How in the dickens did you escape from the rope?”

“You tied me up with strawberry shoelaces you berk”

That very second, Laganja estranja slammed down the laboratory door. Her half reptilian body shone in the UV lamp rays.

“Oh yall wanted a rescue??” She deathdropped, making her way over to karen from finance. “You going straight to jail you best believe mamawww”

“Im in a secret location, how did you find me” Karen panicked.

“I got my snapchat location services on” Trixie said, getting out the bin and giving laganja a scooby snack. “Were in the middle of sheffield”

“Im young and hung and clearly march to the sound of my own drum” Laganja shrieked. without hesitation, she whipped out a gun and shot karen square in the face.

“Shit thanks laganja you can go now” Trixie nodded, poking Karen’s lifeless dead body with her foot.

“Okuuuuur mamaw” Laganja sashayed. She really hadn’t been the same since the accident.

Another job well done. The killer had been caught, with a little help from her friends of corse!

Trixie looked over to the rotting pile of flesh. Karen was some form of mentally disabled, it would never of worked.

She made her way back to camden. She spotted evah, vander and soju still on the bench, chuckling to themselves menacingly.

“Lads that prank was shit” Trixie said, shaking her head.

They all began to cry, hanging their heads in shame. “We had to let karen slice you up. How else would we get money?” Evah sobbed.

Trixie gave them all a knowing smile “investment…”

They all nodded in agreement, looking into the sunset. She would be seeing more of these girls, possibly on bbc news in some form of scandal.

Trixie bought the milk and got back to the hotel room. Katya was sat on the bed watching the biggest looser on telly.

“Its been about 5 days trixie where you been” Katya said, her eyelids peeled back from dehydration.

“I had to walk from sheffield to london :/”

They both sat together and watched telly, eating weetabix as the day came to a close.

“We not only have a parliamentary democracy, but on questions about the arrangements for how we’re governed, there are times when it is right to ask the people themselves, and that is what we have done. The British people have voted to leave the European Union, and their will must be respected.”

-Rupaul