#amore:task002

[hcldenbitch]

wanna play 20 questions?

what are 3 flaws your character has?

3 of holden’s biggest flaws are; he deprives himself of any sort of affection. sure, he’ll come fuck you, but the second you start trying to be weird and cuddle after he’s gotta go. he was told a few times by a shit ex that he was OVERLY affectionate, so he took that as a hint to fucking stop altogether. he likes to think he can take care of himself, he can handle any sort of chaos that comes his way with no problem, but the fact is, holden struggles A LOT when it comes to being responsible, or when something unexpected happens. he likes to think that he’s got his addiction under control - and for the most part, he does - but holden struggles with it every single day and just doesn’t know how to deal with it. therefore, he buries his dick in someone and calls it taken care of when the itch of wanting something comes around. 

what are 3 insecurities your character has?

holden’s always afraid that he’s gonna relapse. whilst he has a pretty okay grip on his addiction, the temptations are ALWAYS there - especially with the company he keeps around. holden’s also insecure that he’s gonna be alone all his life - whilst he has a load of people he talks to all the time, there’s a few he really considers his friends / family. but he has that voice in the back of his mind always telling him that they’re just keeping him around as not to hurt his feelings. he really struggles with his health in general - his mental health is a fucking nightmare; with constant nightmares when he’s capable of falling asleep, to sleep paralysis demons, to full on panic attacks holden doesn’t feel it’s anything he needs to talk to anyone about. he’s always telling himself ‘well, if you hadn’t fucked up your life then maybe you wouldn’t have so many fucking issues’ and refuses to be a burden to anyone. he likes to play like he’s superman, but he isn’t.

what is something your character is most proud of?

the thing holden is most proud of, is his career. for someone that wandered the streets, selling himself, drugs, and even going as far as stealing, this is a huge accomplishment for him. and he’s amazed that so many people can appreciate his work as well. holden puts his heart and soul into each and every tattoo and sketch that he does because he wants people to be fucking proud to have his art on them for good.

where does your character feel most comfortable?

the tattoo parlor. holden finds himself at ease at love hate tattoo, the people there are his kind of people, the clients are always interesting, and holden gets to show off his skills. so when he’s there, he feels like he just belongs in the space, and no one is sitting and judging him.

where do they feel most uncomfortable?

anywhere that he’s alone. holden and being alone have never gone hand in hand - before johan arrived to the apartment for residency holden was never there. if he had to be, he made sure he had someone over. if not, he’d be out in the bars, finding company and solace in someone else. when he’s alone, he thinks too much, and when he thinks too much, he gets that itch for a line or two to shove up his nose. 

what are some hobbies of your character?

he’s a gym rat; holden absolutely loves being in the gym to keep up with his physique. ever since he’s been in recovery, building up muscle and tone so he doesn’t look like that lil sick, thin, deathly looking man he used to be. he actually likes hiking, too! anything that requires him to be outdoors, sign him up. he also has a drum set, but given that they live in an apartment he’s been unable to play it like he wants to.

are they more extroverted or introverted?

definitely extroverted. there’s not one person that holden wouldn’t talk to - if a brick wall would respond, you could bet your ass he’d have a conversation with it as well.

does your character have any scars, how did they get them?

holden has too many scars to even count. however, they’re mostly covered in black ink, or in places people can’t see and he prefers to keep it that way. most of them are from using needles to shoot up, some are self harm scars, some are just from being completely stupid. but a huge majority are due to his self sabotaging ways.

what is/was your character’s relationship like with their mother and/or father?

holden’s always been the black sheep of his family; his mom and dad had his life planned out for him before he even arrived on earth. the meant to be lawyer was anything but what they expected. a rambunctious, rowdy, and hard to get anything done kid was their soon to be worst nightmare. once they found out that holden wasn’t going to comply to their expectations, and they found out that he was on drugs, they kicked him out and disowned him on the spot.

have they any siblings, if so, do they get along?

he has an older sister, elisabeth. the two of them haven’t spoken since she found holden overdosed in his apartment. 

has your character ever had a reoccurring dream or nightmare, what happened?

it’s very seldom that holden sleeps; he has insomnia and finds himself awake more often than not. when he does sleep, more often than not he’s paralyzed in bed whilst a figure that looks like a mixture of gollum and the broke neck lady ( from haunting of hill house ) looks over him and holds him down. nine times out of ten it starts with the creature just sitting on his chest, staring him down with drool just oozing from it’s shark like teeth. they then lean over holden’s face and breath this hot, sulfur smelling breath right in his face and they slowly start unhinging their jaw ( think pennywise in IT ), trying to eat holden’s face and he can’t move. so needless to say, if he can skip the sleep, he does.

what qualities does your character look for in a friend?

holden just looks for someone that can be as annoying and as hilarious as he can. someone that doesn’t take life too seriously and he can just vibe with. as long as he can get along with you, that’s all that matters to him. ( they also gotta not mind him stealing their food whenever they go out to eat ).

what qualities does your character dislike in others?

people who take life too seriously. holden likes to think of himself as a jokester, so if you’re going to be around him and suck the fun out of every little thing, don’t even bother speaking to him because he will put you in your place. he also hates when people are overbearing, and naggy, and just a fucking negative nancy. 

how does your character react to confrontation - are they a fight or flight?

fight definitely. holden has no issues taking a problem head on ( unless it’s a problem that relates to him ). if he sees someone in trouble, or if someone comes to him saying something happened - holden is the first one to ask where they are and how he can find them.

how easy or difficult does your character find it to say ‘i love you’ to someone? have they ever said ‘i love you’ without meaning it?

saying it and meaning it, is something holden can’t bring himself to do because he truly thinks that love is some made up concept that he’ll never understand. faking it, that’s a different story. he just laughs and says thanks and goes about his day. holden has never said it without meaning it though, except the one time he told his ex right before they started getting bad. 

what does your character believe will happen to them after they die? are they in fear of this belief?

holden’s convinced that he’s gonna come back reincarnated as one of the queen’s corgi dogs. and if they’re dead before he dies, he claims he’ll come back as a cricket so he can piss everyone off.

how does your character react toward children?

he hates them. they’re gross, needy, rude, they ain’t his cup of tea.

does your character have any fears? if so, what are they?

holden’ afraid of swimming. he once nearly drowned during a swimming practice when he was 8 and ever since then, getting in the water - whether it be a pool, sprinkler, or ocean - he just ain’t having it.

if your character could relive one memory they have, which would they choose and why?

it would more than likely be the moment he realized what love really was. when he felt it, it was unlike any other feeling in the world that he had ever encountered. and he would give up anything just to feel that little bit of happiness just one more time.

[johanncs]

twenty questions - task #002

what are 3 flaws your character has?

first and foremost, johan is one stubborn little shit. if he wants something done a certain way, he’s not going to let up until he gets his way and you can bet he’ll make a big song and dance about it ‘til it happens. he’s also rather blunt, often saying things how it is but not quite realising there could be a nicer way of saying it so that it doesn’t hurt someone’s feelings. lastly, he’s honestly just really annoying sometimes. he’ll bug you and pick at you, wind you up and tease you but sometimes doesn’t understand when he might’ve crossed a line.

what are 3 insecurities your character has?

the biggest is his appearance, moreso with regards to his missing limb. he’s still adjusting to life as an amputee and is often on the receiving end of stares which makes him self-conscious, even if there’s no harm there. he’s received plenty of comments that are negative which only solidifies his insecurity, so much to a point where despite being in pain, he won’t take his prosthesis off at home even around holden, his roommate, because he fears a comment will be made. the next biggest one is definitely his virginity -- back home, the man was so career driven that he never truly explored his sexuality, never had that sexual awakening as he was too busy buried in books and swimming in the damn ocean to think about it. but now he’s reaching thirty and he feels like a failure of sorts, but all he really wants is to find someone that he can put his complete trust into so he can be intimate with them. honestly, it’s probably why he’s so tightly wound up. another insecurity he has is to do with his voice -- well, his accent, mainly. he knows it’s different and a little hard to understand, plus he’s lost count how many times people mimic him and it pisses him off big time.

what is something your character is most proud of?

being alive? honestly, johan’s grateful he managed to come out the other side of his accident. not from the injury per say so much as his mental state; he sunk into a dark depression upon awakening and adjusting to this disability he now has. there were times when he wanted to give up as the physiotherapy was just too gruelling to deal with, but he continued to fight and work on rebuilding his strength up and he’s glad he had the guts to leave home and just explore what else is out there.

where does your character feel most comfortable?

swimming in the ocean. he’d be out there for hours if he could.

where do they feel most uncomfortable?

anywhere that’s too crowded because he’s cautious of himself and of being knocked over.

what are some hobbies of your character?

he taught himself to play guitar from his his hospital bed and he still carries on with it now, he’ll have a little sing song too and has tried his hand at writing songs but never to be performed. he’s not interested in that lifestyle so much. as he’s unable to swim until he’s built up more strength, another hobby he’s found is something he likes to call ‘watching sad films to see what makes me cry the most’.

are they more extroverted or introverted?

johan’s probably more extroverted, really. though he isn’t one for going out out often, he loves to be social and goes crazy if he has to be by himself for too long. 

does your character have any scars, how did they get them?

well, the obvious would be the scars on his residual limb from where the amputation was. he also has several scars littered across his lower back, remaining thigh, his arms and his other leg from the accident (he’ll never refer to it as an attack, he’s adamant of it being a misunderstanding) due to the razor-sharp denticles on the shark’s skin causing lacerations. 

what is/was your character’s relationship like with their mother and/or father?

johan is definitely lucky to have two caring parents who have supported him from day one. there’s never been an argument or disagreement between them and since arriving in the states, he has a video call with them at least once a week to check in. he really couldn’t ask for more and he misses them terribly.

have they any siblings, if so, do they get along?

he doesn’t! it’s like his parents knew that he was going to be enough of a handful as it is.

has your character ever had a reoccuring dream or nightmare, what happened?

surprisingly not. johan’s a fairly deep sleeper and rarely remembers his dreams, if he does it’s usually something really mundane. he has been known to talk in his sleep however but it’s always in afrikaans.

what qualities does your character look for in a friend?

someone patient, kind, understanding and willing to just have fun with him.

what qualities does your character dislike in others?

messiness, being obnoxious, disorganised, too cocky for their own good.

how does your character react to confrontation - are they a fight or flight?

johan is a definite flight -- he’ll avoid confrontation like the plague, if it’s physical, anyway. he’ll give a verbal fight if it means proving that he’s right.

how easy or difficult does your character find it to say ‘i love you’ to someone?

johan has never been in love before so this isn’t something he would know of just yet, but he likes to believe in the fairytales and disney movies that when you know you know and he’d say it easy enough so long as he believed it.

have they ever said ‘i love you’ without meaning it?

never! because he’s never said it, haha.

what does your character believe will happen to them after they die? are they in fear of this belief?

johan believes in some sort of afterlife but he’s not sure what exactly. really, he just tells himself there’s something else after for a bit of comfort.

how does your character react toward children?

he adores kids. he’d love to be a father one day and he knows his time is running out, really. but at the aquarium he loves giving talks to the young kids, answering their questions and telling them stories. he’ll always offer himself up for any babysitting duties too.

does your character have any fears? if so, what are they?

yeah, mayonnaise. it’s not so much a fear as it just really, really puts him off and makes his palms go sweaty and he feels sick just thinking about it. he’s also a big baby when it comes to any sort of reptile, especially lizards.

if your character could relive one memory they have, which would they choose and why?

his first freedive with a great white; there was something just so spectacular about swimming side by side the ocean’s greatest predator and it being so serene. he’s done numerous dives since during his time as a shark biologist but the first will always be the one he remembers of most fondly.

[ninaxmikkelsen]

TASK 002 - CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT QS

x nina mikkelsen.x

TW: violence, anxiety & murder

what are 3 flaws your character has? first and foremost, she’s so undeniable scared and anxious of every little thing, which is understandably. nina’s also a little emotionally immature. she really wants to be loved and cared for. she’s a hopeless romantic, or at least she wants to be, but she’s so scared of letting anyone come that close, into the reality of her situation. so she ices people out from getting too deep. and finally, she’s got quite the temper when it comes to certain things, specifically work related. though it comes out as bursts of frustration rather than anger..

what are 3 insecurities your character has? well, her biggest insecurity is her entire personality. which to most would be strange aspect to feel so insecure of, but for nina; she doesn’t even know who the fuck she is anymore. most days she feels like a mime that takes attributes from others and makes it into her own after lying for such a long time, and that hope of rose sondersby being in there, has long gone. so she’s left feeling like an empty bullet casing that just witnessed a violent crime and was left empty afterwards. her other insecurities stem from not feeling like enough, so she’ll overcompensate for that, as child she was an overachiever and even then, her mother never showed any affection towards her. somewhat related is that feeling of not being experienced in a regular life, like little things just seem bizarre to her.

what is something your character is most proud of? nina is most proud of actually being alive, even if she’s not doing much living. just given the prior circumstances, she’s so incredibly lucky to be alive. so her most admirable trait is that will to live, to survive and stand against injustice, which came with a great personal cost that has tested her above and beyond, so that’s what she’s most proud of being durable in a complex situation.

where does your character feel most comfortable?  she feels most comfortable alone at home, in the lanes. perhaps a pile of work to do or something to keep her mind busy. also, some bad television is often involved.

where do they feel most uncomfortable? during any sort of conflict, be it a mild disagreement or argument. she feels extremely uncomfortable if she’s not in the driving seat of the situation. so she’ll often storm out or go quiet if it gets a little to overwhelming.

what are some hobbies of your character? she doesn’t have any real hobbies, maybe chugging down on tequila? ha! can’t do that anymore. her work as florist serves a certain purpose by keeping her mind busy, but the only healthy way she emotes is by going outside for walks. strolling around town until anything that bothers her makes sense or she’s too tired to continue.

are they more extroverted or introverted? maybe a little mix of the two? i would say she’s an introvert that desperately wants to be an extrovert. so she’s much more comfortable being on her own because that’s what she knows ( and that’s a little bit out of fear of the unknown ). buuuut, she still wants to be around people, she in dyer need of any connections and feels the need to socialize.

does your character have any scars, how did they get them? so she has a few childhood scars, like most people do; mostly on her knuckles after being a rascal. the most recent scars are mainly on her back and upper body after getting violently scratched by branches and debris when she escaped the first safe house which had been compromised. there are multiple little scars, so she avoids anything too revealing and often opts for turtle necks. something that could be perceived as conservative fashion.

what is/was your character’s relationship like with their mother and/or father? nina has never met her father, and actually believes that he’s passed away before she was even born. even if there’s no evidence to back up that claim. the relationship with her mother is so complicated to say the least, they haven’t spoken since the incident that led to her arrival to san amore which was 8 years ago. as a child, she played the part of being the perfect daughter and dutifully followed her mother’s directives to a tee. nina even looked up to her mother at one point, but ended up resenting her for not ever being there for her. so now, as ugly as it is, her mother’s dead to her.

have they any siblings, if so, do they get along?  no siblings.

has your character ever had a reoccuring dream or nightmare, what happened? nina has struggled with restless nights for a very long time and is never quite rested. mostly due to the nightmares she experiences, it could be a replay of events that have happened or more recently she’s had a reoccurring dream of being chased by a dark looming figure which wakes her up dead in the night sweating bullets.

what qualities does your character look for in a friend?  friendships for nina aren’t really planned out, they just happen on their own. that being said, the biggest thing she actually does seek out in connections with someone, is that they’re not the prying type or ask too many questions. it’s important that they have a similar humor. so something that just feels natural and easy to be around.

what qualities does your character dislike in others? narcissist is big no or anyone that pokes her temper, constantly and on purpose. it’s a long thread until she’ll get fed up but once she does, she’ll ice them out. also, clinginess is a major dislike. as an introvert ( with extroverted traits. ) she can’t handle being with someone 24/7 and their source of entertainment. then of course, the obvious; she does not like nosiness.

how does your character react to confrontation - are they a fight or flight? definitely flight and that’s been proven in the past. it’s the sole reason behind her being alive, because in that fight, flight or freeze moment; she chose to run. that had a heavy cost on her mental well being because she could’ve maybe kept one of the officers at the previous safe house alive if she had stayed, but then would’ve lost her own life. so it’s this survivor guilt that’s lingering always in the back of her head.

how easy or difficult does your character find it to say ‘i love you’ to someone?  very difficultly, that’s something she’s never had to utter before since she’s stayed far away from any romantic / close friendships. she did love valerie though, as a person and a friend which is quite heartbreaking.

have they ever said ‘i love you’ without meaning it?  no, never!

what does your character believe will happen to them after they die? are they in fear of this belief?  there isn’t a lot of fear of death itself for nina, or what happens afterwards. it’s the fear of dying before she’s done her purpose and having an opportunity at living a life without the restraints that it currently has.

how does your character react toward children?  well, she refers to them as little devil spawns which is not great. as a child, she hated kids and she’s never had to be around children, being an only child. so there was never really exposure to what wonders children can bring into life. though that’s about to change real soon.( hehehe.. she might be pregnant )

does your character have any fears? if so, what are they?  SO MANY. this could be an essay tbh! most, if not all of her fears stem from one thing and that’s illya. he has inflected so much fear and uncertainty into her life that it scares so much. also, blowing her identity is a very real fear of hers and where she has to be careful in normal day to day life not to make one wrong move.

if your character could relive one memory they have, which would they choose and why?  if she could go back and relive on memory, it’d be the night that everything turned upside down and not for the reason one might think. nina would want to go to the beginning of the night. where everything was so exciting and thrilling with valerie. maybe to just take a peak into her old self, the old naivety of the world she had and get an idea who she once was.

[ahendriks]

      An Ongoing Study of Aleksander Hendriks.

triggers for depression & death / loss mentions

What are 3 flaws your character has?

Aleks is emotionally stunted, especially concerning the loss of his wife and child. He’s yet to fully face the reality of it, and is stuck somewhere within the 5 steps of grief. He’s also a boyscout, in some sense of the word - he always wants to do the right thing, which has lead to him seeing only his task at hand, not the affects it has on the world around him. Lastly, Aleks is a bit detached from a lot of things around him, especially if they don’t concern work in some fashion.

what are 3 insecurities your character has?

All of Aleks’ insecurities are emotional: he’s incredibly hesitant to involve himself in anyone or anything emotionally since the loss of his family. However he tends to throw himself so deeply into his work that he becomes emotionally invested in cases (not in the sense you might imagine).

what is something your character is most proud of?

His station in his career and how far he’s pushed himself within that, on his own merit. He’s a damn good detective and he loves his work, which shows with it, really.

where does your character feel most comfortable?

It used to be at home, with his family, but obviously that’s changed. Aleks is the most comfortable at work, where he can distract himself with his work, keep his mind and hands busy. He hates being idle.

where do they feel most uncomfortable?

In any unwanted social interaction. He’s a social animal by nature but if he’s made to feel awkward, unwelcome, or generally like he’s disinterested in the topic or person ... he’s not comfortable. It’s not easy to do, but it happens on occasion.

what are some hobbies of your character?

Aleks is a fixer - he’s really good at it. Fixing the leaky sink, fixing the vacuum when the belt busts, changing his oil ... just small household tasks to keep him from being idle. He’s also very fond of fantasy movies (give him a Star Wars marathon ... the prequels and original trilogy only, pelase) and he’s a happy camper. A little nerd at heart.

are they more extroverted or introverted?

A really nice mix between the two, I’d say. In the right social situation he’s incredibly extroverted. However if he’s thrown into something new and uncomfortable he’s the exact opposite. Regardless of the situation though, he’s always observing.

does your character have any scars, how did they get them?

Inconsequential scars, like anyone does. One from a chicken pock mark on his hand, maybe. A couple nicks from shaving accidents that healed a little oddly, a scar on his thumb from a knife slipping ... random little things that are hardly noticeable.

what is/was your character’s relationship like with their mother and/or father?

Aleks has a good relationship with both of his parents, who are still alive (in their mid-seventies) and have moved out of Chicago to Florida, like a lot of retirees like to do. His father was a source of inspiration for the job and something of an icon for Aleks, and his mother was always a doting woman who could be stern when need-be. They ensured their son grew up with a good head on his shoulders and a good moral compass, as well as with a lot of affection and positive reinforcement.

have they any siblings, if so, do they get along?

He has no siblings.

has your character ever had a reoccurring dream or nightmare, what happened?

None that he can remember, though he does wake up in a cold sweat on occasion. Such is the way of a man suffering from depression, who uses sleep as an escape.

what qualities does your character look for in a friend?

Aleks doesn’t really look for friends, they just happen. Like interests, a personality that isn’t overbearing or obnoxious, and having some semblance of their life together is typically a good start for someone he would get along well with.

what qualities does your character dislike in others?

Narcissism, people who are incredibly loud or those who don’t know how to pipe down when necessary ---those are really chief properties that turn him completely off in getting to know a person.

how does your character react to confrontation - are they a fight or flight?

He’s a fighter, and it’s definitely gotten him into trouble over the years. Aleks doesn’t like to back down from a challenge, and he typically informs himself on something before facing it - if he can. 

how easy or difficult does your character find it to say ‘i love you’ to someone?

Very difficult. It takes a while for him to open up to someone, though he had an easy time with Nora. Since her passing Aleks can’t imagine saying it to anyone (unless it’s his parents over the phone, etc) again.

have they ever said ‘i love you’ without meaning it?

No. He’s very careful with his words.

what does your character believe will happen to them after they die? are they in fear of this belief?

He believes he’ll rot in the ground and make decent mulch for whatever grows over his body. That’s it.

how does your character react toward children?

He loved his own daughter with all of his heart. He doesn’t care for other people’s children. They’re loud, often poorly parented, and sticky. All things he took into consideration when he was a parent. But he also didn’t feel the need to brag about his child because it was nobody’s business.

does your character have any fears? if so, what are they?

Aleks doesn’t have any gut-wrenching fears, or things that would otherwise impact him, outside of the same standard fears an individual might have. No heights, no clowns, nothing that would bother him.

if your character could relive one memory they have, which would they choose and why?

The birth of his daughter for incredibly obvious reasons. She was the absolute light of his life. Holding her for the first time and sharing that experience with his wife is the be-all, end-all happy memory for him.