#tw drug mentions

[chaos-cousins]

Look, interdimensional mail is still mail. We have to follow some laws. I can't just ship alcohol to someone that's underage. Weapon or not the laws are there

Please tell that to the people who have drugged me with pelipper mail. Please tell that to the people who stole my rebellion once.

[thedanytorres]

( roberta colindrez. cis woman. she/her. ) - let me introduce you to a staff member of the eversley family, dany torres is here at the eversley estate working as a sommelier at whispering vines. they are thirty-five and are known as the broken bird around the estate because they are cynical, hidden, and brash. when you get to know them, you think about shifty eyes and nice tailored suits but you can only wonder why they’d choose to work for the eversley family.

tw: drug mentions

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: daniela torres

Nickname(s): dan or dany, wont answer to daniela

Date of Birth: november 4th, 1989

Age: 35

Occupation: sommelier for whispering vines

Hometown: tijuana, california

Orientation: lesbian

Stay with the eversleys: about two years

pinterest

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Hair: curly, black with speckles of gray

Eyes: brown

Height: 5'4"

Notable Features: random scars on her arms and legs from fights or just general injuries

PERSONALITY & BEHAVIOR:

Strengths: quick wits, strong willed, brave

Weaknesses: quick tempered, brash, cynical

Quirks: cracks her knuckles a lot

Vices: smokes and drinks way more than she should. has a slight coke addiction that she denies is a problem

BACKGROUND

dany came from a broken home. her father was in the picture at some point but around the time she was 5 or 6, he just left. she doesn't know the full story of it, never wanted to ask her mom because her mom was always busy juggling two jobs and with a rotating list of boyfriends who came and went from their small house over the years.

she left school when she was 16 to get a job and help her mom with bills but when she realized that making money the old fashion way didn't help much, she started doing less than legal things to make money. first selling dime bags of weed to kids she used to go to school with before moving up to worse things.

she fell in with bad people, owed money to some and swore the one time mule job would be it, she would never do it again. but then she learned that she loved the rush of it.

eventually she made her way to england and tried to get out of that life. as much as she loved the rush, she knew it was only a matter of time before something bad happened. she decided to lay low and took a job a whispering vines. she thought it was just a bartending job but then learned the scale of it.

after working at the vineyard for awhile, she learned that the eversley's weren't running an honest business and with one little whiff of the secrets they held, dany couldn't stay away. the craving for danger she always had started to come back

and for those who need more than wine to take the edge off, she sells a variety of things to help to the members of the estate for an added fee

[27-royal-teas]

hi its lyric analysis time and uhh this time im tying Hum Hallelujah to the Best Buy incident because i really do think that pete’s past is integral in his writing and also i just kind of want to address it. It’s some dark shit so read with caution. Trigger warnings for lengthy (but not graphic) discussions of suicide, suicide attempts, and drug overdose.

i address things very jumbled and the verses are out of order so yeahh. In addition i did use lyricgenius a lot but im not just copying off them, i have my own ideas, give me some credit ://

For those of you guys who dont know, pete tried to commit suicide via anxiety med overdose in a best buy parking lot after FUTCT was released in 2005 (thus, ‘best buy incident’) but i just want to touch on how it affected his songs, this one in particular; it shows through the lyrics in this and i really dont see enough people talking about it because this song is a masterpiece (i am well aware Infinity On High released sixteen years ago (WOW) but you all talk about thnks fr th mmrs and arms race enough- this is not a bad thing, i just really like this song)

So hum hallelujah’s chorus goes like this:

“So hum hallelujah, just off the key of reason

I thought i loved you but it was just how you looked in the light

A teenage vow in a parking lot; til tonight do us part

I sing the blues and swallow them too.”

pete is pretty much known for his lyrics (aside from being a bassist and several media scandals) and a lot of his lyrics, if you havent noticed, are really fucking depressing. He thinks that maybe he can swallow the sadness which presumably alludes to the drug overdose (“i sing the blues and swallow them too”). It feels also like hes saying that he swallows his own words, as well- his style of lyrics is deeply confessional and tells a story, just like blues, of which is described to hold a conversational feel. It could also be a throwback to the saying you’re going to eat your words, which basically just means ‘you’re going to regret what you say’. He’s singing his sadness. 

For the rest of the chorus, it’s pretty much just the best buy incident. Hallelujah references what he was listening to when he tried to do it. lyricgenius notes that the key of c major is often referred to as the ‘key of reason’ (the original hallelujah was written in this key). HOWEVER, hum hallelujah was written in the key of D (which is right after C major) which makes it just off the key of reason. ‘A teenage vow in a parking lot’ (lyricgenius doesnt agree with me on this one rip) references the attempt- a vow of death; vows are meant to be binding, but a teenage vow might be broken as teenagers are typically painted to be naive (showing he DIDNT SUCCEED IN THE ATTEMPT). the parking lot is because best buy. You might also contrast this line with marriage and how those vows are supposed to be binding, although thats not always the case. ‘Til tonight do us part’ brings up the marriage vow (again) ‘until death do us part’. hes talking about how since he’s going to do it that day, that will be the day they are parted. 

i also wanted to look into the reasoning of hallelujah beyond the fact that that was what he was listening to, and google steadily reports that it means praise the lord or praise god and appears in several psalms in the Old Testament, typically at the beginning or the end. Its a phrase that, to me, symbolizes relief and new beginnings, and i think its interesting that its paired with this line in this way. 

Straying away from the musical explanation, ‘just off the key of reason’ could also be interpreted as ‘just off the verge of insanity’ (just off reason). 

thanking the lord while losing your mind… nothing patrick does in any of his songs is unintentional. to me the entire chorus itself feels like a musical panic attack.

lyricgenuis also brings up an excellent point with i thought i loved you but it was just how you looked in the light. It’s kind of a regret sentence. it could mean a lover, someone he had glorified until he actually got to know them (gee, i do get that) or it could be his outlook on death and his suicide attempt in general. He thought that dying would be an escape, but in another light, looking back later, he can see it was not the right choice after all.

The second verse goes: 

“The road outside my house

 Is paved with good intentions

hired a construction crew 

cause’ its hell on the engine”

This entire verse is telling us this: pete is trying his very best to live, to get outside his house, to wade through the massive depressive slump and his view on how he just messes everything up, but no matter what he does, nothing works and he hurts everyone else (‘it’s hell on the engine’). Hes saying that his best is never good enough because whenever people try to help him- when he tries to help himself- it only backfires. The prechorus goes like this:

“And you are the dreamer

And we are the dream

i could write it better than you ever felt it”

i feel like everyones dreamed of being famous at some point of time. I know i have. I still want to be famous. Its the dream, i guess, being credited for accomplishments. We all want validation (how sad is that?) but these two lines, you are the dreamer and we are the dream is kind of like saying dreams can come true, because look at me, im living it. 

as for ‘i could write it better than you ever felt it’ lyricgenius does have a pretty decent explanation. it could ALSO, HOWEVER, mean not being able to put a name to things, but even if you feel numb inside, you can write it down. i for one have an entire moleskine filled with potential song lyrics and poetry, and every single line is something ive felt. 

I think that, excluding the chorus, my favorite verse in this song would have to be the one right after the chorus.

“My words are my faith, to hell with our good name

Remix of your guts, your insides x-rayed

and one day we’ll get nostalgic for disaster

We’re a bull, your ears are just a china shop”

lyrical GOLD

I cant even decide which one i want to go through first so lets just start at the top. fall out boy was never known for being good; they were known for being different, weird, emo. ‘my words are my faith’ call to mind the mention of religion, something of which has been a controversial topic pretty much the entire time humans have been alive. he will fight to keep his ‘religion’ alive, even if it sours his name. And pete has spent his whole life writing; hes pretty much dedicated himself to this band, so it wont take much for him to throw away his name to keep it (perhaps this is linked to the best buy incident because he doesnt care anymore). 

Remix of your guts could mean someone changing the meaning of something you’ve poured your heart and soul into. your insides x-rayed is interpreted to mean being overanalyzed so much that the orignal meaning is lost (rip im doing that right now arent i) but honestly when i heard this line the first thing i thought of was that one time pete got his heart x rayed to give to his girlfriend, which was truly peak pete wentz. i dont think its correlated with the song but it would definitely be interesting

One day we’ll get nostalgic for disaster again its that LOOKING BACK. im a fucking sucker for nostalgia. Id get high on it if i could. Im so stuck in the past, but im trying to move on. Nostalgic for disaster,.. he probably misses the van days. those were definitely a disaster, but he can look back and go hey, that was one of the highlights of my life. 

We’re a bull and your ears are just a china shop calls back to the song’s second verse again-- it’s similar to hired a construction crew, 'cause’ it’s hell on the engine. It recalls the phrase a bull in a china shop which comes to mean ‘a clumsy person’. ‘a clumsy person breaking things’. He’s using a generalization (which I actually notice he does a lot, it takes the pressure off something being personal, it’s a tactic of YEP, YOU GUESSED IT, AVOIDANCE) to say that he will ruin everything he does, and that could translate into the listeners eventually, as well. 

The second prechorus of the song also ends with ‘I could write it better than you ever felt it’ but the first line is different. It goes:

“Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills”

This is so clearly influenced by the Best Buy Incident. You can choose to live, to take a chance, or you can take the pills and take the fast way out. This could also mean taking a break from medication (I’m pretty sure pete went off his meds for some time). By going off his medication in order to feel things (sometimes we take chances) it could harm him, but he’d rather do that than take the pills. 

Halfway through this essay i have come to the realization that im writing in a really light tone and it could be taken as im joking about this situation and for the record i am not joking about any of it, i am very serious, pete attempting to commit suicide was terrible and mental health is not something to joke about. i understand the weight of what happened and im not trying to make light of it im just trying to analyze how this event impacted his work- specifically this song in particular- and i just want it known that i dont take suicide lightly and while the mood of this is supposed to be analytical and easy to read, im not trying to be casual about any of it. ok thanks for reading this interlude 

anyway the first verse, the intro, is actually really hard to hear the words in the song because patrick does not enunciate at ALL and even though i know the lyrics i still cant tell what hes saying lol but anyway the first verse goes like this:

“It’s all a game of this or that, now versus then,

Better off against worse for wear

And youre someone who knows someone who knows someone

i once knew

and i just want to be a part of this”

The first line here i believe correlates to the pressure that pete felt as the frontman of fall out boy; their entire goal AS fall out boy was to take something current and differentiate it with a spin. often the fans would complain that the sound had changed (im looking at you, everyone who hated mania, i am glaring, mania is my musical wife) and often their new sound would be compared to the old sound, mostly by fans who didnt like anything after take this to your grave- thus, ‘now versus then’. ‘This or that’ could also relate to this but furthermore i think its the choices and sacrifices pete made as the frontman. Im not going to go into specifics but uhhh yeah.‘Better off against worse for wear’ makes me think of mcr’s set at wwwy fest when they dressed up super old as a stab at nostalgia.,, perhaps here pete is saying that the fans would rather them have their older sound and be less mentally stable rather than doing better off with something new.

‘And youre someone who knows someone who knows someone i once knew’ im not sure this is completely relevent and slash or connected with the previous part of the verse but its definitely connected with the next line : “and i just want to be a part of this”. again connecting it to sickly sweet nostalgia. Maybe its about him himself. He thought he knew himself five years ago maybe but now he doesnt, and he sort of wants that back, when he was freer, and now here he is in a best buy parking lot, overdosing on ativan. 

I think the only thing that i have left on this is the second half of verse two (fuck, this is what i get for doing this song out of order over the span of four days) so um:

“I love you in the same way, there’s a chapel in a hospital, 

One foot in your bedroom and one foot out the door”

This might be the second part most linked to the best buy incident because it feels especially morbid, the idea of a chapel in a hospital, waiting for the people who are already dead. ‘One foot in your bedroom and one foot out the door’ sort of illustrates someone who is ready to escape at a moment’s notice, someone who is preparing for the worst. it sort of reflects the feeling of waiting for someone to die. Chapel in a hospital definitely plays into the ‘waiting for someone to die’ factor. when you’re holding your breath to make sure your best friend in the world is still alive… fuck. I cant even imagine what that feels like. I’d also be preparing for the worst. 

The bridge to this song is interesting. It’s just the main chorus of the original Hallelujah but still in the key of D, and it has a slightly faster tempo than the original. And, of course, patrick is singing it. It gives the feeling of a climax, a deciding factor. given the fact that its the bridge and the whole point of a bridge is to make the turning point of a song, i guess that kind of makes sense, but it feels even more like you’re holding your breath with anticipation and the cusp of regret. 

anyway this song is just really interesting and there are. so many different ways to take the words of pete wentz. i should make a lyricgenius account. 

[beerecordings]

Wolf Bite - Part 24

When she comes into the courtroom behind him, Anti can smell her.

She wasn't there for his first appearance in front of the judge. They assigned him an attorney and sent him back to his corner of the jail, where the male werewolves stay. All the others seem to leave him alone, moving in circles around him. There are packs in prisons, but rarely in jails. Everyone just wants to go home to their Alphas, and Anti knows how they all see him: a bruised Second worn down to skin and bone, smelling like an Alpha who left him behind.

He can only shift for one hour a day, locked in a secure room to be a wolf, and his body hurts when he does it for reasons he doesn't understand. His own nakedness is jarring to him for the first time in his life, trying to shower when the bathroom is unoccupied or shifting in corners, away from everyone else's eyes. It's always so quiet it's painful. Everything smells like sweat and cooking oil.

But he never has to see her as long as he's there. And if he secretly finds himself missing her desperately in the late hours of the night - if he cries over her abandonment, if he wishes his sheets and blankets smelled of her - that shame's just his alone, and his cellmate doesn't comment on the scent of despair.

Somehow, he had stopped expecting her to be around every corner. That was stupid of him. Hasn't he learned before that she always finds him again? It takes him by surprise, still - takes him by the throat and shakes him like a puppy - when he smells her coming into the courtroom.

They must hold the cases for the female werewolves right after the males. It's his first appearance with an attorney, some harried brunette human fresh out of the bar exam who had only had about thirty seconds to whisper to him that they would discuss his options together later. The judge hasn't called his case yet, but the security at the courthouse is leading the women into the room - and they sit the chained row of them down right behind the males.

He can hear the clanking of her handcuffs. It doesn't help. She's behind him. She's right behind him. He can smell her. She's still using, can the guards not smell that? Do they not ferret out the drugs in their own jail? The chemical grip still wrapped around her, cloying her friendly, crisp springwater scent into poison and stimulants?

She breathes. His mouth is dry, his heart throbbing so hard he thinks the judge could see it in his neck. She breathes in, breathes out. It's barely louder than anyone else's breathing, but he's sure she's doing it on purpose. She's behind him and she's looking at him, staring at him, thinking of him. The other werewolves seated behind him and beside him start looking at him, and that only makes his heart pound later. Can they smell his terror in the air?

He starts laughing to himself, high-pitched but quiet, gripping at his face as he bends over himself in the courtroom pew. No worries, everyone, it's just my girlfriend, he wants to say, some private joke that's hysterical just to him. It's just my other jailer.

He knew they had arrested her, knew the red wolf caught her, and the relief at the time was so powerful he'd been sick with it, crumpled in the infirmary, unable to keep food down. He was so glad JJ wasn't taken away to the wilderness - and so full of self-hatred that he wasn't the one to save him. He vomited up the hatred til the only thing it brought up with it was white bile, curling in pale clouds inside the water of the toilet. The nurse gave him medicine for drug withdrawal and left him to shake in his bed.

His attorney's beside him, suddenly, pressing her way through the row of inmates to touch his shoulder. "Mr. Jackson? They called your case."

He licks his cracked lips and pulls his head up haggardly, finding the whole courtroom looking back at him. He gets to his feet shakily, and the attorney seems relieved. Does he look like a fucking nutjob? Can everyone sense how pathetic he is? He can't help but cackle again, covering his mouth as he gets to his feet, and she leads him out of the row of fellow prisoners and stands beside him at a worn oak table in front of the judge. Anti doesn't bother to look up or over at the stack of papers hiding the prosecutor almost entirely from sight. He just wants to be convicted already. He did it. He did all of it. He would do it again if he had to.

"Something funny, Mr. Jackson?" asks the judge, and he loves the old-fashioned cliche of it. He shakes his head. His attorney grabs his arm as if to steady him.

"I already talked to your friends," she tells him. "Just let me talk and we can get you out of here."

What? He doesn't have friends. Who is she kidding?

The judge is reading off his charges, he thinks. "One count of possession of a controlled substance, one count of criminal trespassing, one count of forgery..."

He had drugs on him, the house wasn't theirs, he'd made a fake license that didn't say he was a werewolf. Whatever. Get to the good charges already: the aggravated assault, the criminal restraint, the abduction, the breaking and entering, and, of course, three counts of aggravated lycanthropic transformation.

He knows he's looking at 25 to life.

But the judge never gets to those. She sets her paper down and concludes: "one count of assault. Counsel, status of the case?"

Anti turns to his attorney, trying to resist the urge to look back at Iris instead. Is she smirking? Is she furious? Did she do this? Those aren't his charges.

"What about the other shit I did?" he whispers.

His attorney blinks at him, trying to listen to what the prosecutor's saying. "Hold on, we'll talk afterwards."

"Ms. Miller, is that your understanding?"

"Yes, your honor," she says, straightening. "I met with the victim separately and then with the prosecution and we have reached an agreement which I believe will be acceptable to my client."

"There is a quick matter to attend to before that," says the prosecutor. "The victim is asking for his no contact order to be dropped. As you know, your honor, he is a certified lycanthropic rehabilitator, and he's interested in offering services to the defendant. He's here in the courtroom now."

"Sir, you can come up here."

If smelling Iris shocked him to hysterics, smelling Sean leaves him completely silent. Anti stares at him unabashedly as he comes up to the podium with a warm, easy smile on his face. He smells fucking good, too, the scent of fury and blood gone, leaving only campfire and coffee behind. Sean catches him looking and just smiles at him too.

"That's all correct, your honor," he chirps. He's Irish too. Anti hadn't known. "My information on the situation was skewed when I first engaged with the defendant, and I wasn't able to respond in a way that was helpful. Now that I understand better, I fully believe that future incidents can be avoided if I can work with Anti."

The judge knows Sean, Anti realizes belatedly. How often is he here talking about different werewolves like this? She grants his request without hesitation.

"It's an unusual situation, Sean, for you to be the victim, but I'll drop it if you're comfortable. I will also place a no contact order with the co-defendant. Your attorney can explain the specifics to you, Mr. Jackson. Furthermore, I will order that if you are able to make bond, you report immediately to Community Corrections and to Lycanthropic Services. You will complete a mental health intake, a drug and alcohol intake, and a lycanthropic intake with Sean, and you will complete any and all recommendations made."

"Excuse me, your honor?" Sean inputs. "If you look at the charges of the co-defendant, you might consider a domestic violence treatment intake?"

She looks through another folder for a second. "And I'll order a domestic violence treatment intake as part of the mental health evaluation. All recommendations made will be followed."

Then she looks up at him like his world isn't spinning, face flat. "Is that clear, Mr. Jackson?"

"Yes," he manages.

His attorney pipes up again. "I just need to talk to him about the plea deal and ensure that he's on board. Can we set a date for arraignment?"

About sixty percent of all time spent in court is scheduling, and Anti sits, perfectly and completely lost, as they find a date that works for everyone. Then his attorney is shooing him back to the other inmates, telling him she can meet him downstairs in five minutes.

His jailers lead him from the room. The hair on his neck rises as he passes Iris. Fuck, the temptation to look to her is almost overwhelming. He knows as a concrete fact that she is staring at him as he goes. He does not look.

Security separates him from everyone else and sits him in a meeting room. The door clicks and he looks up, expecting his attorney, but it's not her.

"Hi," says Sean. Mmh, he smells nice. Anti could go for a hot cup of coffee. Maybe it would bring him back down to the earth. "I would have gotten in touch sooner if not for the no-contact order. I'm Sean."

Anti stares at him. Sean sits down in a chair next to him, folding his hands in front of him.

"I really don't need your pity," Anti tells him finally.

"Nah, it's not pity. I get paid to do this."

"Oh, I'm sure pleading the cause for every werewolf who gets in over their head in this courthouse pays really well."

"Anti," says Sean. "I'm a professional rehabilitator. And you're right, I don't have to be here to help you, but I am."

"I should have more charges," Anti interrupts. "Don't BS me. This is wrong. Something's wrong."

Sean nods. "Yeah. You have Chase to thank for that. When the police interviewed him, he told them Iris was behind everything. They asked him who it was that bit him and turned him. He said he couldn't tell who it was at that time, but that she took credit for it later. They'll put the pieces together themselves. She's already been charged for all three of them."

Anti can't breathe, for a second. "But I bit them."

"Chase didn't do it out of pity either, Anti. He didn't even really do it to screw over Iris - she'll go away for long enough on the abduction and unlawful imprisonment shit. He did it because he thinks it's what's best for his pack."

"The doctor," Anti croaks. "He'll tell on me."

"Henrik hasn't been interviewed yet. But they all talked about it. He'll need more time than Chase, but... he's not against you, Anti. None of them are."

His attorney comes through the door then, carrying a stack of papers that's almost knocking her off balance. She re-introduces herself and starts putting papers in front of him, talking about what a great plea deal the court is agreeing to, how he's just going to need to get some help, blah blah blah. Anti can barely hear her.

"So, what do you think?" she asks brightly. "Any questions?"

He stares at everything in front of him. "I didn't... I'll have to look through it all, I don't... what am I pleading to?"

"Okay," she says, clearly repeating herself, but at least she's polite. "Sean talked to them, so they'll drop the assault charge, and they're open to adjusting the others. You just have to plead to the drug charge and the forgery."

"They'll order the same sort of mental health treatments they've already told you about," Sean adds. "I'll help you set up everything."

"How long am I going to prison for?" he asks.

His lawyer shakes her head at him. "No, Mr. Jackson, you're not going to prison. These charges are presumptive probation."

Something catches in his chest. He stares at Sean because he can tell this isn't about the attorney anymore, maybe isn't even about Sean. Someone's playing games with him and he needs to know who it is.

"Anti," says Sean patiently. "I'll help you find somewhere to live. We can look into work, rehab, all of it. Everyone understands that you were a victim -- "

"No!" he cuts him off, voice cutting. "No, I was fucking complicit, you know that, I could have killed you, I - I don't have anywhere to go, I've lost everything - just send me away, don't toy with me!"

"You haven't lost everything," Sean returns, and suddenly his voice is just as loud. "You got caught up in something and you fucked up, Anti, but that doesn't mean you just throw in the towel."

"I am finally away from her," Anti snarls. "And I'll decide whether I want a stupid plea deal or - "

"JJ needs you, Anti."

It cuts him off short. He grips the table hard, hands trembling.

"He's not well," Sean says.

"He never will be again," Anti whispers. "I hurt him for good."

"That's not how this works," Sean tells him. "Take it from someone who's seen people heal from things you can't even imagine. JJ can recover. But he needs you. He wants you."

"No, no. He won't want me once he remembers."

Sean shakes his head. "You're wrong, he will. I'll prove it. We'll take you to him."

"What?"

Sean stands up, pushing the papers towards him. "There's someone you have to talk to first, but then you can see him. Look over the plea deal. Think about what's actually best for you and for your brother."

Anti stares down at the papers. His attorney slides her business card towards him a little awkwardly. "Call me when you get out, okay?" she says.

"Out," he repeats numbly. "I can't afford to bond out."

"Oh, the guards didn't tell you?" asks Sean. "Jackie's going to pick you up from the jail in a half an hour. Your first appointment with me is tomorrow at ten. Don't miss it."

He sweeps out of the room with a scent so determined and so hopeful that Anti will be smelling coffee for the rest of the day.

.

The living room smells like anxiety: hot metal and stale air.

He steps towards Chase and Henrik on the couch, pulling them from whatever they're thinking about. They both look up at him with big eyes. He reaches down to touch Henrik's head, rubbing against his scalp for a second. "You two both sure you're okay with it?"

"Yeah," says Chase, quick but quiet. "I've never been able to get rid of my attachment to him. And he deserves better."

Henrik sighs and peers up at Jackie, nodding tightly. "I'll get there. I want him and JJ to have each other. I know that if he tries anything..."

"He'll be gone in a second," Jackie agrees, leaning down over him. "I'd never let him hurt you again."

And he hears Henrik murmur back "I know."

There are few things more important to an Alpha than that trust.

"Play Mario," he tells them, drawing away, and they both grin. "You told me that's what you came out here to do. No sulking. I'll be back soon."

He turns towards the door even as the smell of Marvin and JJ greets him from the hallway. Marvin gives him a smile, and Jackie takes a moment to breathe in the smell of him, smoky, minty, peaceful. For once, something's settled inside of him.

"Be back soon," he repeats, squeezing Marvin against his side for a second. "And my JJ!"

JJ waggles his tail at the sound of his name, but it's not half as hard as usual. Jackie kneels down to hug him too, ruffling his fur and fake-growling at him for a moment, letting JJ nip at his ears.

"I'm going to get you some help," Jackie says into his ear, rubbing at the sides of him, smoothing his fur against his fingers. "My buddy."

JJ doesn't wag his tail now. His head is cocked, his scent disoriented. But things will make more sense when he's human again, Jackie knows. Or he really hopes, anyway.

"Okay, bye, bye," he says, getting up and heading out the door, swinging the keys of his Cadillac. At the living room window, he sees a black wolf peering out at him, ears up, waiting to see what happens next.

.

He's so tense he's shaking.

He's been tense like this before. It's not new. Overwhelming stress or the need to not catch her attention: his body locks and closes up like a clam. He isn't sure he can get up off this bench.

The secretary at the jail is looking over her glasses at him like she's considering telling him he has to wait outside. He directs his scowl her way and she turns hurriedly back to her computer.

The door jangles. Anti freezes.

The Alpha's footsteps connect with the floor like stones being dropped. Anti doesn't turn to look as the smell of summer air and authority sweeps over him, dampening everything else. Jackie stands over him.

And then sits down on the bench beside him. Anti sees red sleeves and rough white hands out of the corner of his eye.

"Ready to go?" asks Jackie.

Anti considers his options. Actually, he's been frantically considering his options since Sean mentioned the name Jackie, and he still has no idea what to do. There's no one else to come get him, though, and he's already been bonded out. He can walk down the street and try to fend for himself with nothing but the shirt on his back - one provided to him by the nurse as he gathered his things, since all his own clothes have been taken for evidence - or he can go with this Alpha.

Maybe get beat to hell again. Maybe get trapped again.

But maybe see JJ.

He gets stiffly to his feet. Jackie goes with, unhesitating, and leads him out the door.

They clamber into a worn out four-seater. Jackie starts the car and glances over at Anti.

"Seatbelt," he says.

"What about it?" Anti shoots back snidely, trying to keep the breathlessness out of his voice.

Jackie doesn't seem to notice the sarcasm. "I meant that you should put it on."

Anti glares over at him, breathing harshly through his nose, like the puffing of a bull trying to get its air back. He stares at the dashboard for a second. Fight or defer. Fight or defer.

He pulls the seatbelt over his chest and buckles it.

"Let's get you some food," says Jackie.

"Why are you here?" Anti snarls. "You fucking asshole. This is some sick goddamn bullshit."

"Nobody else was going to help you," Jackie replies.

"Are you going to kill me? For taking your pack?"

"No. We all decided you aren't the mastermind."

Anti blinks. "Who's you all?"

"Me and the pack."

"You mean how Chase lied about what I did."

"He didn't lie, he just... left some things out."

"This is insane. You're insane for doing this."

"Where do you want to eat? We'll get fast food and then go to the park."

"I don't need an Alpha to take care of me!" Anti screams.

"So, like, Arby's?"

The engine rumbles from the front. The cars around them buzz into motion as a light turns green. Jackie taps his fingers against the steering wheel, turning to glance at Anti for just a second before he starts driving again. Anti feels pinned down by his gaze the same way he did while guarding the house. He turns quickly away, trying not to sink through the floor of the car, suddenly dizzy and incorporeal to himself, a ghost on a plane separate from everyone else. He remembers Jackie throwing him to the ground and pinning him with that same look. He remembers bleeding against the floor.

The smell of greasy food draws him back minutes later. He blinks as a hot paper bag lands in his lap, grabbing it instinctively. His mouth fills with water. He's not eaten well in... well, a long time. Anti looks up at Jackie, and Jackie's looking back, pausing in the parking lot of a fast food place.

"I'm not going to hurt you," says Jackie. "I can't make you guarantees other than that, but I'm not going to hurt you. We fought because you had them and you wouldn't give them up. You don't have them anymore, so there's no reason for us to fight. Why are you mad?"

"Is that a joke?"

Jackie sighs. "No. I don't expect you to be grateful, Anti, but I don't know why you're mad."

Anti's eyes scan the Alpha's face. It takes a long draw of silence for him to realize he doesn't know why either. He turns away.

"I don't play games with people and I don't lie," Jackie tells him, with a certain finality. "Eat your chicken strips."

"Whatever," mutters Anti.

Fuck, it's so greasy - and so delicious. Jackie steals casually from the bag as he drives towards a quieter part of town, far from the jail. There's something settling about having a full meal in his stomach again. How long has it been...

"You look better," comments Jackie.

"Oh, fuck, do I?" groans Anti. "If this is better, I must have really looked like pure shit before."

"You looked terrible," agrees Jackie. Anti glares, but Jackie just glances back at him, face open. "At least you're clean now. Still pretty terrible though."

Anti rubs at his face. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"I was joking."

"And yet, you're eating food I paid for, so you're welcome. You have any money saved, man?"

"That's pretty rude."

"Oh. Why?"

Anti's flustered for a second. "To ask about money. It's rude. No, okay, I don't have any money. I don't even know if my bank account is still open. She had access to all of it."

"Your probation officer will want you to have a job. Sean will help."

Anti scowls, dropping the empty bag of fast food to the floor, letting crumbs spill out. "Enough! Just drop me off somewhere I can sleep and leave me alone, okay?"

"Don't you want to see your brother?" asks Jackie, smelling confused for a moment.

"My brother doesn't want to see me," Anti snaps. "Or if he does, he's just a lost fucking wolf who can't remember why he should hate me, and I - "

Anti turns towards the window again, trying to breathe. "And I don't trust you for a damn second, so just let me go."

"I think your brother will want to see you. He's a really nice wolf."

"You smell like him," whispers Anti.

Jackie's quiet for a long moment. "It just happened. He bonded to me when I rescued all three of him. He's with me now."

Anti shakes in the passenger seat of that stupid old car, holding his arms around his body like he has to stop himself from dissolving into nothingness. He abandoned JJ to Iris, and now he's stuck with another Alpha entirely, one they know nothing about. He could already be hurting JJ, and Anti wouldn't know. Strangers have his kid brother.

"I bet you don't even speak sign."

It's meant to be snarled, but it comes out kind of like a sob.

"I don't," Jackie answers. "I was hoping you could help with that."

"Just tell me what's going on," croaks Anti. "I don't understand anything."

They pull into a parking spot along the side of the road. Anti turns his head and sees the sign for one of the werewolf parks in town, ringed in tall fences to give them privacy from humans as they shift and run and play.

Jackie turns the car off and turns to look at Anti again. He's pinned like a butterfly.

"I talked to my pack," says Jackie. "To all of them, alone and together. I talked to Sean. We talked about what's best for us as a pack and what's best for all of us as individuals. We talked a little bit about what you deserve, but mostly, about what they want."

Anti tries not to shake. Tense as a mouse with its tail caught in a springtrap.

"I don't care what you deserve," says Jackie, and it could be cruel, but it's just a statement to him, just true. "But I care that Chase still worries about you, and that JJ needs help, and that Henrik's never going to be able to trust another werewolf fully again until he gets some clarity on why you did what you did to him. That all of them need to believe you wouldn't have done this to three completely innocent humans if you didn't have to."

Anti bites down hard on his mouth, clenching his hands in his lap.

"So we talked, and we decided. You are formally invited to come meet my pack. You will not leave my sight while you're around them, and if you make a single move to hurt them, you will not see JJ again as long as he's with me, but you can come meet them. You can spend time with JJ, with all of us."

"Are you asking me to be a part of your pack?" Anti whispers.

"No," Jackie says. "We can't trust you yet and you know that. You wouldn't tell me yes, anyway, because I'm an Alpha and that makes you scared of me."

Anti sucks in a breath, snarling. "I'm not scared of you. Now that I have my strength back, I could destroy you, I could - "

"But you can come meet them," Jackie says again. "You can even stay in my home if you have nowhere else to go. Everyone else is staying at Chase's now. I won't bother you there. You can have somewhere quiet to figure things out. Eventually we can help you find your own place - or maybe you'll decide you fit with us after all."

Anti shakes his head at him. This is a fever dream. It's not even some wonderful moment of relief, it's just wrong, and confusing, and he feels furious in a way that makes it hurt every time his heart pounds. He hates admitting when he doesn't feel well, but for a moment, he thinks he might really need to go back to that nurse at the jail.

Jackie climbs out of the car. Anti can't quite follow him, but Jackie swings open the passenger door and waits for Anti to step out.

Weighing his options. Fight or defer. Tense, tense, tense.

"I don't deserve to see JJ."

The words come out of his mouth without the executive approval they usually need. He's frozen in place in the car of an Alpha who beat him into the floor just days ago. He's far away and completely stuck at the same time. His fingers dig into the fake leather of the seats.

Jackie's hand falls down in a clasping grip on his shoulder, and Anti jumps, but Jackie just leans down, forcing him to meet his gaze, and squeezes his arm for a second.

"I'm going to tell you something a very wise werewolf told me when I was really doubting myself," Jackie says. "You've got a lot of fear and self-hatred right now, so listen closely, because this is important: I don't give a fuck."

Anti blinks at him, stopped short. Jackie nods sagely.

"Your brother needs you. Get over yourself. Come on."

And Anti gets out of the car.

They pass the mess of abandoned clothes and signs detailing every one of the dozens of park rules, finding Henrik a couple kilometers away from the entrance, looking out at nothing. He turns to see Anti and his gaze turns hard, his mouth thin. Anti looks back at him, forcing himself to hold his gaze, and Henrik looks away again, deflating. "They all ran off into the trees," he says.

Jackie cups his hands around his mouth and makes a decent approximation of a howl. The baying of a pair of wolves comes back to him, and then Chase comes running out of the forest with a pretty grey wolf with mussed markings on his head trailing behind. Anti recognizes his scent: the wolf who came to guard him while Jackie went to get the others back from Iris. Marvin, who spoke to him in a quiet voice for more than an hour while Anti shivered in a corner.

Chase comes closer and licks Anti's hand tentatively, a shy hello.

"Where's JJ?" scolds Jackie.

Chase and Marvin exchange glances and then look back at the little forest.

"You lost him? He's not even supposed to be here without Sean supervising, guys."

Chase rolls onto his back sweetly, letting his tongue loll out. Jackie shoves him with his foot. "Don't give me that. Go get him, go on."

The pair loop obediently back around, but Anti's gaze is fixed on one small section of the trees. Through the foliage, he thinks he makes out the body of a small black wolf. For one moment, their eyes seem to meet - then the wolf starts moving away.

Anti shakes his head, something heavy in his chest. "I'm going back to the car," he croaks.

Henrik looks at Jackie. "Anti," he says.

"Just leave me alone," Anti spits.

He walks back towards the car, beginning to pick up the scent of caramel. It's only once he's out of Henrik and Jackie's sight that he takes off at a run.

His running is shaky and stumbling, his lungs protesting as he sprints back down the way, but he won't stop. He saw JJ. This might be his only chance to see him alone, to make sure he's okay away from that Alpha. Maybe he should even take him and run right now. Or was JJ running away from him instead of trying to meet him alone? He would be right to. Anti wouldn't blame him.

The entrance comes back into view and Anti puffs for air, slowing as he looks around, nose lifting. He can't see his brother, but he can smell him.

"JJ?" he calls, and his voice comes out wavering. "Jay, are you - ?"

He stops.

JJ's there.

His brother looks back at him with big blue eyes, standing on two legs, wearing clothes that smell like Chase. The wind's playing with his soft brown hair. His expression's unreadable to Anti, who used to think he could always understand him. There's something hard there, something changed.

Anti doesn't know what to do.

"You're human," he says weakly. "I wasn't sure I'd..."

Ever see you as a man again. Wasn't sure I'd ever see you at all again, after she left me there and took you away.

JJ's silent, his hands unmoving. Anti bites down hard on his mouth again, struggling to breathe. Is he furious? He should be. Is he going to say nothing and leave Anti floundering after him for the rest of his life, drowning in the gap he opened between them? Is he gone, already, even though he's here? Is he lost to him?

Anti can't breathe at all. "How - when - why did you shift back? Was it just now? I... everyone's worried about you."

Jameson nods wearily, seeming to consider it for a moment. He takes a step forward and raises his hands. "I was thinking about staying a wolf. But then I saw you, and I thought that... well. That you needed me."

Then he's moving forward, moving into Anti's space. He reaches up to touch his face for a second, looking into his eyes.

"I'm here now, Anti," he signs. "I'm here."

He wraps his arms around him.

And when Anti crumples into his brother with a sob and sinks to his knees on the forest floor - when JJ tangles his fingers into the folds of his clothes and clings to him, pure warmth against his body, alive and aware, smelling like something that could maybe be forgiveness - the feeling of safety is so shocking and so new that he thinks he may have forgotten it altogether until this very moment.

[3y3-jesters]

Colored some Cheese Factory Sam and kept the latter drawing a sketch bc it kept coming out inconsistent.

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: Why do you smell like weed?

Jason: How do you know what weed smells like?

Bruce: I—

Jason: Aha, busted! You're grounded for a week!

[emotionaleating]

[aria-greenhoodie]

I should be asleep but it’s 1:50 am and I’m thinkin bout these freaks again

Click for Quality!

[peterpcrker]

DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE 2024 | dir. Shawn Levy

[corndog-patrol]

and it went down in history as the fattest bong rip of all time

[chaos-cousins]

It was really stupid of him because this drayton’s hobbies include being the worst, and being the most protective man in existence

["Isn't one of them also weed. Is that a hobby."]

[teaboot]

Tumblr ads trying to educate me on "new" scary heroin blends that blew up 4 fucking years ago using graphics of a generic white powder that looks nothing like it

[planetary]

25 SHOCKING TRUTHS ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE CHILDHOOD TV SHOWS😱

1. POKEMON - ash is in a coma and the show is he's dreaming

2. RUGRATS - the babies are on drugs

3. edd edd eddy - they died in 1962 (tuberculosis)

4. scoopy doo - theyre on drugs too and the dog cant really talk :(

5. rugrats - angela is in a coma and the show is her dream

6. spongbob - songebob is in a coma and the show is his dream

7. spongebob - spongebob and his friends are the christian hell sins

8. spoinegbob - squidward is heroin?

9. COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG - it was real it was all real none of that was a dream or a nightmare everything you remember is real

10. rugarts - angela is on drugs and all the other ones are dead

11. jimmy neutraon - jimmy is weird because he is gay

12. fairly oddparsnts - timmy is in a coma and the show is his dream

13. spongebob - sandy is taxidermy

14. higgly town heroes - higgly town is all cannibals and they eat other people and thats why they do that . how could they do that..? my heroes..

15. max & ruby - they are bunny rabbits and thast because thrre was. an apocalypse and max is a real human little boy but there was an apocalypse and his parents died and he's with ruby but he got hit on the head with a steel pipe because of the apocalypse so now he's in a coma and the show is his dream

16. disney aladdin movie - the tiger head cave is really really scary

17. danny phantom died - this one really happened they tell you in the theme song and you can see it happen in blood and gorey detail if you watch that one scary episode that only comes on at 3am. does anyone else remember that episode

18. dora the explorer - dora is on crack

19. faaiely odd parents - the fairies are drugs and timmy takes drugs and maybe goes into a coma for this reason and maybe has a dream that they're his magic fairies

20. caillou - hes bald. this theoru explains that cailiu has no hair because he is bald. and perhaps his parents are nice to him because he is bald. this could also explain why he has no hair (because hes bald)

21. courage the cowarsly dog - courage is a dog and he's in a coma and

22. the magic schoolbus - its magic because the bus was on drugs and then it blew up (becasue it was high) and they all went to purgatory and clones took their place

23. tom and jerry - tom should have been allowed to cook and eat that baby chick. and its fucked up that the show didnt allow him to. me and my friends watched it and we were all clapping and cheering for him to cook and eat it and we were so excited but of course the writers pussied out and didnt let him do it

24. finding nemo - that thing in the beginning didnt even happen but the dad made that story up so people would feel bad for him

25. sponegbob - in the latest season patrick says "Ok boomer!" to mermaid man and barancle boy

CHILDHOOD = RUINED 😫

[fence-time]

[surilovesbones]

"Como você quer vencer na vida, sendo que vc perde pra um prato de comida?"

[emotionaleating]

i just wish you met me before all these bad things happened to me