#an inflated idea of who i was as a person & a tendency to lash out at me anytime i didnt live up to that

[orcelito]

honestly. reading posts from that time period just makes my heart ache 

18 is far too young to have to deal with those things 

[hillbillyoracle]

Being Wrong is Vital to Witchcraft; Let’s Get Good at It

Something I’ve seen a lot of lately is folks having very strong reactions to being told they’re wrong about an assertion they’ve made. They just cannot stand even the idea that they’re wrong and they’re quick to call those who try to give the correct information toxic, bullies, and even abusers. This is wildly out of line and it’s time we talked a really basic tenant witches need to hear.

You are wrong. Period.

Like that’s just the fact of the matter. I’m constantly having information I learned prior corrected by folks who know more or better source texts I read as I come across them. Right now, at this very moment, something I believe to be true is incorrect. I don’t have a lot of feelings about that, it’s just a part of life.

You too are wrong about something right now. That’s just the way it goes.

I know this is largely stating the obvious but I want to get this out of the way first because I’m running into a lot of situations where people just don’t consider the fact that they’re wrong in this moment and someone else making them aware of that in the future doesn’t change that. Or that being wrong is just a completely natural part of life.

So, let’s start digging into it at little

Stop judging folks for being wrong and start judging them for how they react.

How we think of and treat others is both a result and a foundation of how we treat ourselves. A big reason I’ve found why people cannot take criticism themselves is that they harshly judge others for being incorrect or feel an inflated sense of ego – I’m better than this person – when someone is wrong. Oftentimes they’re not even aware of it which makes it all the more difficult.

When you do this, you are ripe for then projecting those feelings onto people who tell you that you’re wrong. You then see them as feeling like they’re better than you. It’s unfair to project that on folks who take the time to educate. You do not know what is going on internally. You are not a mind reader and I think we’d all do well to remember that more often. It’s important to evaluate whether something said is harmful based in what’s actually being said, not in what you believe someone might think of you.

So how do you shift mindsets? I don’t actually recommend not judging. It’s not really reasonable for most folks. But I think there’s more room to shift what you judge. Start admiring folks who can be wrong comfortably. Judge folks who have no tolerance for being wrong. You’ll start to see how you handle being wrong shift toward a healthier way.

Witchcraft attracts traumatized folks and that trauma needs dealt with.

I want to be very clear here because this needs to be said more.

I do not blame anyone for being abused, traumatized, or neglected. What you went through was absolutely horrible and wrong.

Healing that trauma, though, is your responsibility. No one else is going to do it for you. You have to make sure you do not continue the cycle of abuse both in acute ways like with partners or families or in ambient ways like in a community.

I know some folks aren’t going to be ready to hear that but it’s pretty foundational to my point here which is witchcraft has a tendency to attract folks who’ve experienced a real loss of power. And I think that’s great honestly. However, some of what people are bringing with them really isn’t okay. Just because I might understand why folks do certain actions, doesn’t mean I think it’s okay.

Among these things that I see a lot of is fragility; fragility around differences of opinion, fragility around folks sharing their experiences, and – most importantly for this post – fragility around being given new information/being wrong. That fragility itself wouldn’t necessarily matter if it weren’t for how people act when they feel so viscerally threatened by these things. They lash out, play the victim, and shut down all conversation.

This is terrible for the witchcraft community.

It has folks who are overflowing with knowledge actively avoiding sharing it with the community because so much of witchblr has made it clear they value personal validation over accurate information. People are absolutely using witchblr to patch holes that therapy, shadow work, and social support need to be used for. Some of that is lack of access, but some of that is fear.

If folks would like a separate post on fragility through a shadow work lens, let me know. My aim isn’t to unpack it here. It’s just to say that unhealed trauma, and witchblr’s protectiveness of around it staying unhealed, keeps the whole community walking on glass which becomes this background radiation trauma that infuses so many witch spaces.

Conclusion

I know there are going to be folks who respond to this and say that I haven’t considered their exact situation – which is true. I’m also not speaking to anyone’s exact situation and what this will look like in practicality in your specific life will differ wildly.

All I’m asking folks is to be aware of how they handle being wrong, about their thoughts, feelings, and unhealed trauma they’re bringing to the table when they’re wrong.

On a community level, we need to get better at settling healthy boundaries. There are gonna be some of us out front trying to do this. And we’re gonna get tired and worn out. But I hope others will join in.

My boundary is this: Wrong answers exist. I will always try to find sources on my own when presented with contradictory information, but I will ask if I’m unable to find it. If I cannot find enough information to support your claim and I can point to information to support mine – then I will let you know you’re wrong. Your feelings around that will be yours to deal with. Some positions will not be interacted with given their toxicity and physical danger to me and the communities I’m a member of – TERFs this ones for you.

The center absolutely cannot hold in this community if people continue to put their personal validation over continued education.

Journal Prompts

Describe a time when you were wrong and how you handled it. What are your observations?

Where did you learn being wrong was shameful?

What is your inner/outer critic trying to protect you from when you’re wrong?

[yanderedbh-moved]

This post was a tag-game sort of thing started by a major inspiration of mine, and a serious blog recommendation @dear-yandere ! Odds are if you follow this account then you’ve come across at least a few posts of theirs before, but if you haven’t, check out their account! This was just a fun little post I wanted to finish before the end of the year, I’m using the original categories in the original post, ass well as adding a few more so all the characters I write for will be featured here. (Here’s a link to the original post for any other writers interested in this tag, it was a lot of fun, and it didn’t take too long to fill out, so give it a shot!^^)

Most Delusional: Ralph

Not at all a difficult decision here, unfortunately. While he may not have always been the scatterbrained and nervous recluse, he is in the game. The severity of the psychological and physical damage leaves Ralph as easily the most detached of all the characters. Resulting in him living in his own little world to cope with the harsh reality of life. In how this extends to him is a yandere, Ralph sees the two of you as star-crossed lovers living in your own oasis in a life away from the other cruel people of the world. No matter how many times you try to run away from him.

Most Manipulative: Josh

This category likely doesn't seem quite as evident as Ralph's. However, when it comes to exploring Josh is a yandere and less so his character, this adds up if you think about it. Obviously, as a character who represents the path of peace and nonviolence, Josh would be the type of yandere who will never use violence to control you. Instead using his words of persuasion on you. One of his most prevalent modes which to control you include persuading you to remain loyal to him alone because going against him would be like turning your back on the piece itself.

Most Sadistic: Zlatko

Unique from nearly every other yandere mentioned here who would, to some extent, feel remorseful for having to hurt you or your loved ones as punishment for rejecting their love, Zlatko would honestly feel a sort of obligation to cause you pain. The reason here being he doesn't see your relationship as a loving connection between two equals. Instead, you're more like his own personal test subject. The more he hurts you, the more he can learn about you, and that's how the relationship grows. In a way, Zlatko has abnormal ownership over your pain. It's something special to him. Only he deserves to see you screaming in agony teary-eyed and entirely at his mercy.

Most Protective: Kara

This woman is protective to a fault and nothing less. Kara sees herself as the only one in your life who knows you well enough to properly look out for your well-being, Kara hates when you try to distance yourself from her or if she feels as though other people are posing as a threat to the relationship. All she wants is for the two of you to remain loyal together forever. If you would only stop trying to fight her on this and let her keep you safe and happy when you'd see why the two of you were made for each other.

Most Obsessive: Markus

When Markus first falls for you, it was new for him and, as a result, left him feeling less in control around you as he typically would around others the way of a first crush often leaves just about anyone. However, as more time passes between the two of you and a genuine relationship begins to form, Markus would feel a significant change around you. No longer does he feel so insecure and nervous but rather powerful, passionate, dominant, and the most addictive feeling of all in control. Markus would begin to obsess over this relationship because he views it as something which provides some strength and power. And for a man with such a weight on his shoulders, Markus would take whatever source of energy he could even if that means keeping you under the tightest of control.

Most Possessive: North

Driven and feisty as a fighter North can't help but allow these traits to manifest themselves and her love life as well. North isn't the one to take things slow and settle to be just your friend. She's a lady who knows what she wants when she sets her sights on you is over. North is terrified of the idea of losing you to another human. Considering how hard it is for her to take a chance with someone and allow herself to be vulnerable and loving with someone in the first place, this relationship is to be protected at all costs. It's hard for her to keep you so entirely under her control when she knows how awful it is to live like this, unfortunately for the time being North doesn't know what else to do. As much as she loves you and will keep you happy, there's no way for North to fully prevent her hatred for humans from manifesting in this relationship.

Most Lucid: Nines

In a word, his character could be described as decisive. The ideal android in its purest form. Uncorruptable, unscrupulous, unflinching. Even a love-struck Nines would behave wildly different compared to other yanderes. Rather than allowing these new and overwhelming feelings to control him, Nines woldn't take that chance and would force you to live by his command. There is no way to compromise or to bargain with him, to let you go or to spare you. To Nines, it's just too high a risk to allow you to walk free again. Nines is a skillful and season hunter, and you are his most prized of prey.

Most Submissive: Chloe

When it comes to the way Chloe feels so weak and emotional and powerless around you, it's nothing short of addictive to her. Unlike many other yanderes who would act violently or cruelly as a precaution around their obsession to keep you under their control. Chloe would never even think to hurt you without reason. Chloe adores how human and real she feels as she goes to the emergence of developing her first-ever crush and never wants these feelings to go away.  Chloe would rather cling to your side and give you no reason to ever suspect she means you any harm or has any other ulterior motives. Reluctant: Luther Despite the fact, Luther was created to act as a violent and ruthless attack dog, that doesn't mean Luther wants to behave that way around you as a way to keep you by his side. In his eyes, it was a miracle he ever escaped from that life in the first place. It hurts to resort to violence in the name of keeping you safe. More often than not, Luther will provide you with a warning before lashing out that you know what he's capable of. If you keep trying to fight back against him, then he won't trust himself to hold back against you. It is indeed quite dangerous to put the fear of losing you against the fear of his own violence for Luther, and more likely than not the both of you will suffer the consequences of this derision.

Most Jealous: Gavin

Don't ever underestimate the way jealousy will cause people to act irrationally. In the mind of the genuinely envious, it's everyone in the world against them and, by extension, if they want to look out for themselves, then they must take whatever they can before it's gone forever. Before someone else gets it first. If Gavin wants a relationship with you and he has no choice but to make sure that he's the only person in your life. Aside from the jealousy, Gavin is something of a misanthrope which gives him all the more reason to separate you from others. On the one hand, because he doesn't want anyone else to convince you to leave him but also Gavin worries that you and leave him all alone.

Most Deceptive: Connor

Deceptiveness isn't too far from the lucid category; however, several key differences result in two different superlatives. Connor is more likely to act perceptively and gather much more information he can on his target before making a judgment on how to respond. Connor would at least try to get close to you on his own and would try to give a healthy relationship a chance. Any yandere-Esque tendency flare-ups he would playoff as not knowing any better. Or would use any other possible alibies first so he can keep you from suspecting anything of him. Because he wouldn't want to act before thinking first, he can easily use alibies to keep other's suspicions down and to keep and to keep them from believing you over him.

Most Controlling: Kamski

There was never any chance the two of you could have shared a regular healthy relationship for the moment he developed feelings for you. No way could someone with an inflated sense of ego like Kamski would view the relationship as one between two equals and not one between a superior and lesser. Kamski lives so separately from other humans he has no desire to live by anyone else's terms but his own, and it's very likely for the longest time Elijah never saw himself as sharing a relationship with another. Not when he lives with the Chloes that can function as a source of companionship and sexual gratification. But when he falls for you, Elijah is overwhelmed and feels as though he's never really been another before. Can't see what at the end of the day see you as one which would serve to gratify his own needs a little more than that. The idea of you rebelling and trying to become anything more than that is unspeakable to him.

Most Emotional: Daniel

For the longest time, Daniel never imagined he would want to share a relationship with a human, considering how he was burned so hard the last time. But when he falls for you, he can't help feel a sense of optimism and wonders if he's once again found a human he can trust enough to reach out and become attached to. And this is all well and good for the time truly difficult, and toxic relationships are tricky to ever fully recover from. The scars of old memories are still sore. Daniel isn't so well equipped to handle the sore spots in a relationship resulting in impulsive, emotional outbursts. At these moments, Daniel is at his worst and most dangerous.

Most Nervous: Simon

Similar to the reluctant category but not quite. The hesitant yandere would feel painful remorse for their own actions. Simon is more nervous because he fears what you would do if you ever saw him for exactly who he is. There's a nagging voice in the back of his head which warns him over he's in over his head. If you were to ever escape, you would ruin everything he has in his life, leaving him with no choice but to keep you entirely to himself. He's guided by fear first and foremost, and this is why he acts so secretively.

Most Selfish: Hank

It was a grave Injustice the day Hank lost his son. Rather than genuinely coming to terms with his own misery here and hoping to move on, Hank chose instead to develop an unhealthy attachment to you. Forever stuck in the grieving and self-serving mindset rather than allowing himself to move on. Hank keeps you in his life because without you, there nothing would distract him from his own sadness, and this is just too bleak a reality for him to ever face. Even if this hurts, he can't bring himself to ever do what's right and let you go.

[albyfm]

˙✫*ﾟ YUNGBLUD  ,  DEMIBOY  ,  HE/THEY  :･ did  you  hear  alby miller  is  joining  the  cast  of  exposed  after  their habit of facilitating drugs at events, festivals & awards shows  was  revealed  ?  the  twenty-three  year  old  bass guitarist  with 500k followers is  trying  to  clear  their  name  .  they've  become  known  as  the  resident  juvenile  in  the  mansion  ,  and  it's  clear  that's  spot  on  because  they're  quite -  recalcitrant & -  stuck in their ways ,  but  also +  charismatic &  +  outspoken .  you  know  they're  heading  to  the  confession  booth  if  you  hear  lonely boy  by  the black keys  blasting  ,  most  likely  talking  about  how  they're  more  than disheveled outfits of black leather & denim, talking way too candidly to the press, smashed lenses of paparazzi cameras that got too close, an unmistakable mischievous grin & an inability to express real feelings.

hey !! finally getting around to posting this. you can call me aries, i’m 23 and in the bst ( uk ) timezone. my pronouns are she / her. i’m a little lost art school grad with a lot of student debt, a taste for red wine and an unhealthy obsession with arctic monkeys. not gonna lie, i whipped this kiddo up specifically for this rp so i’m still getting used to them, but hopefully with this intro you’ll get a feel for what they’re about. without further ado, here’s alby—

trigger warnings & disclaimer: mentions of hard drugs, alcohol, anger issues, destructive tendencies. my intention writing this intro was not to glamorize or romanticize these things in any way but if anything i have written comes across that way, please lmk!

smash that ♡ to plot or hit me up on discord @ chaotic aries#5793 !!

‘and this is how it starts...’ ( the basics )

name: alby fox miller age: twenty-three gender: non-binary ( demi-boy ) pronouns: he / him & they / them date of birth: may 24th 1997 zodiac: gemini sun, pisces moon, aries rising orientation: pansexual occupation: bassist for drive like i do career claim: ross macdonald ( the 1975 ) genre: alt-pop, pop-rock

‘it’s the way we are, we were smoking by eleven & knocking ‘round town...’ ( background )

you’re born in 1997, in the north west of england. wilmslow, to be exact. a quaint and affluent town, just south of manchester. the family you’re born into is a comfortable one. not quite living lavishly, but not at all struggling, either. your parents both work in business out in the city. you go to a good school. but... all is not how you exactly want it to be.

see, your parents are quite pushy. they expect you to live how they want, rather than how you do. at the all boy’s academy they enroll you in as a teenager, they expect you to pick what they deem as intellectual subjects, such as foreign languages, further mathematics and computer science. there’s a focus on you becoming someone that makes a lot of money, rather than someone who is happy.

but you’re... not the kind of person that can be molded so easily. you’re a fairly happy-go-lucky kid, but also a rebellious one. your parents’ strict ways of trying to force you down their chosen path, only encourages you more heavily to choose your own. 

at fourteen, you meet the guys. lennox, jovi & jasper. they’re some of the only kids at school who can be bothered to be around you, with your high energy and bolshy attitude. really, they’re the only people who embrace you for who you are. they encourage your weirdness and outspokenness. it’s not long before you find yourself wanting to do everything together. it’s not long before the four of you are inseparable.

from there, you fully detach from everything your parents want you to be. you embrace your individuality. you also find the courage and bravery to come out to your parents as non-binary at the age of sixteen. there’s not a single person’s opinion that you’re afraid of, or even care about. 

it’s not all rainbows & sunshine, though. you struggle somewhat with anger issues, and a bit of depression. you’re also practically addicted to getting into trouble: picking fights with bullies at school, selling weed & pills to your friends around town, underaged drinking... you get the gist. though you keep your fears internal, you sometimes worry you’ll get nowhere in life.

so of course, the second the boys are talking about starting a band, you’re all in. imagine if you made it big someday? wouldn’t that be sick? you’re immediately drawn to bass guitar, and use a month’s worth of saved up pocket money to pick one up from the big music store in the city. thankfully, you pick it up quite quickly, because before you can even realize it, things are getting so... real. by sixteen, you don’t feel you have the option to stick around at school for sixth form, because drive like i do is already playing local venues and working on its first album.

you’re just seventeen when the album is released. somehow, the climb to fame is faster than you could have ever imagined. it seems like yesterday you were still watching bass tutorials on youtube in your bedroom and practicing in your friend’s garage after school. first is some notoriety across the uk, but before you know it — boom! global stardom. the fame is a heavy weight for someone so young to carry... but fuck it, it’s gonna be fun, and you know it.

you’re twenty-three now, and days are gone of pipedreams formed in your parent’s shoebox room. you split your time between manchester, london, and LA — and that’s just during rare moments of downtime from your world tours. your band is 4 albums in, and whoever hasn’t heard of you might as well have been living under a rock. is it narcissistic to think like that? maybe, but you don’t care. this is rock n’ roll, baby. this is the life.

naturally, all eyes are mostly on your very outspoken frontman. he’s controversial, but the media can’t get enough of him. as for you? to them, you’re... the band’s problem child. while you argue that your behavior is no different than that of your friend, he’s got the lead singer charm. they don’t seem to like you as much. why? well...

‘drink, fall, spew...’ ( troublesome tendencies & exposed secret )

you never really coped as well as you acted like you did, did you? while you were grateful for the fame, everything was... a lot, and it was all at once. you didn’t even get the chance to process it. 

take four twenty-somethings and add constant prying journalists, paparazzi, and constantly full schedules into the mix. and why not pepper in some typical rockstar vices, too? alcohol, drugs, parties, throwaway sex. things are destined to get a little rocky. though you tried at first not to show it to your fans, your destructive behavior soon got the better of you, and you became known to drunkenly lash out at paps, smash cameras and storm out of interviews when the questions got too personal. 

this all came to a head when you were caught on camera several times distributing acid tabs, cocaine and mdma at events, music festivals & awards shows. the press gave the band a pretty bad time over this, and given the other members’ controversies and lennon’s similar link to drugs, it wasn’t a good look for any of you. 

it didn’t matter that you had a side to you that was good, pure. that you were always kind and loving and down-to-earth towards your fans and friends. you were a bad seed, and you wound up on exposed with the rest of your bandmates. hopefully you can prove there’s more to you than what the media shows...

‘oh & you say, i’m such a cliche...’ ( personality )

immm gonna rush thru this section & write less formally bc those other parts too me WAY too long

basically a literal toddler. loves a laugh, loves a good time, but get on his bad side and he WILL throw a tantrum

it’s mainly people like press & paps he lets his anger out on. the band’s fans and people he’s close with on a personal level know he’s a good person underneath it all

loves a bit of mischief / rebellion / drama

king of hiding insecurities....

literal softie.... like... who allowed this binch to be so soft. he’s so open about how much he loves his friends (particularly his bandmates) and will platonically kiss and hug and love people all the time, particularly on the show bc he’s trying to show the cameras his softer side dfjghdfdfg

so excitable like WHERE does this kid get all his energy...

( tw drugs ) will probably struggle a bit on the show without access to drugs, but ( tw addiction mention ) he has never really been addicted or dependent on them, just a frequent user.

outspoken as fuck, has no filter sometimes oops

very flamboyant, in line with the general aesthetic of his band but also on a personal level. sports a kind of soft gothic/punk/early 2000s emo look. always paints his nails and wears makeup etc

sleeps around a lot but has never really been able to find a lasting relationship, has just had a bunch of short-lived flings???? but lowkey develops crushes at the drop of a hat and would love to properly fall in love with someone who could be with him forever & accept him for all his flaws, but he highly doubts that will ever happen fgjdhsfg

‘why don’t you figure my heart out?...’ ( wanted connections )

exes on good terms

exes on bad terms ( maybe someone who actually really wanted to stay with him but couldnt deal with his bullshit and now resents him? )

 someone who loves the band’s music & inflates his ego ab it

 someone he hasn’t seen for years that he’s reunited on the show & maybe they’re revisiting old feelings for each other??? and he wants it to be DIFFERENT this time but also theres shit tons of fucking cameras and shit which... makes things difficult...

first friend he made in LA or in the states in general, someone who showed him the ropes

someone who hates him / hates the band like PLEASE

and also just a straight up enemy maybe?? someone who finds him annoying as fuck??

FRIENDS!!!

literally anything just hmu and lay an idea on me and theres 90% chance ill be down