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jzeeeeeeeee · 5 years

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Game of Thrones 8.06 Series Finale Recap and Review

THE NIGHT IS DARK AND FULL OF SPOILERS

This should be kind of obvious but I'll be discussing the final episode of Game of Thrones here so if you're not caught up don't read this unless you want to be spoiled!

CITY OF ASHES

Tyrion walks us into the episode, literally, walking through the ashes of King's Landing, closely followed by Jon and Davos. Ash is everywhere, still raining down, floating in the air like snow. I can only imagine the smell, if the scent from piles of burning dead outside Winterfell was bad this must be a thousand times worse considering they've always said how bad the city smelled to begin with... The horror on Tyrion's face is evident and surely echoes our own, as he walks by dead children and a near-naked burnt man stumbling out of the ruined city looking truly shellshocked. Tyrion tells Jon he wants to go on alone and heads for the destroyed Red Keep. Jon and co. run into Grey Worm and the Unsullied sentencing some Lannister soldiers to death in Dani's name and under her orders. Jon tries to tell Grey Worm that the war is over and the enemy soldiers are prisoners now, pleading for their lives. But the overwhelming loss must have had a hollowing effect on Grey Worm, emptying him of every last fuck he had to give. It almost comes to blood between Grey Worm/the Unsullied and Jon/random Northmen but Davos intercedes, quickly urging Jon to go speak with Dani directly. As Jon walks away, Grey Worm goes back to slitting throats of Lannister men like it's nothing, as if to show Jon how truly empty his fuck-tank was.

Back to Tyrion, walking around the remains of the Red Keep. He follows the steps down just like he told Jaime and sees the gigantic mountain of rubble covering the exit he had described. He starts digging through the rubble and finds jaime's gold hand. Digging further he uncovers both his siblings, dead on each other's arms. The music is haunting, a slow violin rendition of Rains of Castamere. This scene was picture perfect in it's tragedy, the bricks washing all color out of the scene save for the Lannisters. I might not have liked the way Cersei's end came or Jaime's middle finger to his redemption arc but seeing Tyrion kneeling there crying over them definitely gave me the feels.

PLAZA OF PRIDE

Arya walks past dead bodies and ruins out into the square in front of the Red Keep where the mysterious remaining half of the Dothraki are riding around on their horses, cheering and raising their arakhs in the air. We switch to follow Jon who's walking past the Dothraki and Unsullied towards massive, imposing steps of what is apparently left of the Red Keep. It makes me think of the Mayan Temple of the Sun, draped with a truly ginormous Targaryen banner. Jon looks at Grey Worm when he gets to the top of the stairs like "this is not handicap accessible". Just kidding, Jon looks at Grey Worm like he's gone as bonkers as his Queen. Dani and Drogon come flying in overhead and land somewhere behind the ruined Keep. Drogon's wings behind Dani stretch out and fold as she comes walking into the foreground. The sight is truly amazing and I've watched that part alone a hundred times. This is a powerful leader with men fiercely loyal to her returning victorious, no longer that little girl in Essos constantly on the run from assassins. There's a nice juxtaposition of the Unsullied lined up with precision thumping their spears in perfect unison, while the Dothraki are in a frenzy behind their orderly rows, practically doing wheelies on their horses as Dani delivers her victory speech.

Ok let's just stop and appreciate this character for a minute. Let's just imagine going through what she went through, it truly must feel like destiny, step by step bringer her closer to madness, all that power she has. She has a huge dragon that is closely bonded to her, she's the Unburnt not just a Khaleesi, not just a Queen. She's conquered before, and liberated before. When a character is too OP you just know they can't last... Remember the speech she gave when she named the entire khalasar her bloodriders? These men watched her walk out of fire, TWICE, unharmed. Who wouldn't kneel? They must think her a goddess! Grey Worm is devoted utterly because he was freed by Dani and he controls the Unsullied. The naming as Master of War, a great boon to him I'm sure, leader of ALL her forces now. He's still covered in the blood of dead Lannister soldiers as he steps forward to accept the nomination.

Danaerys speaks passionately, fervently as any champion of fire would. I could practically see flames dancing in her eyes as she talks of liberating the people of King's Landing. The show told me she's going crazy so I guess she must be. Jon's eyes when she starts talking about liberating the entire world... But it seems Tyrion agrees with me and in a fit of pique and anguish he casts off his Hand of the Queen pin to the ground. Dani commands the guards to take Tyrion and he locks eyes with Jon as he's walked off, with this "Your girl done gone nuts bro" face.

Arya catches up with Jon on the steps, urging him to see that Dani is a killer and he's in danger from her since she knows his true heritage. I like how he's surprised to see her, asking for its the audience what she's doing there in the first place. He doesn't even question the fact she came to kill Cersei and walks off to go find Tyrion's cell.

BROKEN THINGS

Jon and Tyrion discuss what happened and Jon can't deny what Dani did was wrong but he's trying to justify it by naming all the things she lost along the way to madness. Tyrion reiterates what Arya was saying, that Jon's life is at risk because of his claim to the throne. Jon actually rolls his eyes before sitting down to take it all in. It seems like Tyron admits he had feelings for Dani here, saying he loved her though not as successfully as Jon did. He walks Jon by the hand to the idea that she's the biggest threat to the people, especially his sisters. He lays a choice at Jon's feet, knowing that only Jon has the chance to bring this to an end.

Jon leaves to go find Dani in the Keep. Drogon is stretched outside like the largest cat ever, briefly getting up to see who's disturbing his rest but let's Jon go by without even a puff of smoke. Dani's walking through the ruined throne room, stretching out her hand to the Iron Throne she's sought after for all these years, touching the arm briefly. The ruins of the throne room and the snow-like ash in the air are the payoff from the vision she had in Qaarth's House of the Undying. She's contemplative, making a meta comment about the throne being made of a thousand blades from Aegon's fallen enemies. This is a sort of dig because the throne GRRM had described and imagined was more like the one she does here. Jon comes in to rain on her parade, angry about the Unsullied executing Lannister soldiers along with the thousands of dead and burned children outside. He seems to be giving her one last chance, begging with her to see reason. As she says her final words about building a new world and breaking the wheel I'm heartbroken because I know what's coming next without anyone telling me. "Be with me. Build the new world with me. This is our reason, since you were a little boy with a bastard's name and I was a little girl that couldn't count to 20. We do it together. We break the wheel together." He kisses her passionately this time, "You are my Queen, now and always", not breaking away like he did at Winterfell and Dragonstone, and I know the instant the knife goes in her heart he's sobbing and so am I. It's like she had plot armor her entire life... until today.

THE IRON THRONE

Jon lays Dani's body down on the ground and suddenly Drogon's there, sensing something wrong with his mother. He nudges her with his head but she's gone, and the sadness that pours out of him is an echo of my own seeing her tragic story at an end. This girl had been on this path since her birth, freeing slaves, serving justice to those who deserved it and I'm supposed to believe right at the end she decides to kill all the innocent people she came to save. Ok fine I'll go along with it for now since we're on mega fast forward this season and maybe I just missed all the subtle steps on the way to Dani's madness. Back to Drogon... He's so full of anguish he let's out a few huge bursts of fire, melting the Iron Throne down to slag. The scene was awesome in the true meaning of the word but I'm a little confused why Drogon would understand the meaning of such an act. And why didn't Jon move out of the way more? He has a weird thing with facing dragons I guess, maybe he planned on yelling at Drogon like he did to his brother. The scene ends after Drogon snatches up Dani's body in one claw and flies away, never to be seen again.

Tyrion awakes, finding his buddy Grey Worm at the door. He's led out to the Dragonpit where the Lords and Ladies of Westeros (🤷) are waiting. I have no idea what kind of time has passed but guessing from Tyrion's hair it's been a few weeks since Dani's death. Sansa demands to know where Jon is but Grey Worm insists they are in control of the city and it's prisoners. Sansa doubles down letting him know King's Landing is surrounded by Northmen. Yara makes some threat about Jon getting killed by the Unsullied but Arya comes right back at her saying she'll slit her throat lol. I think it's right around here everything becomes a bit hokey to me. After some back and forth with Grey Worm about the fate of Jon Snow, Tyrion suggests they choose a king or queen (who will ultimately be in charge of that fate). That Tully dude, Lord of the Riverlands gets up to make a speech (maybe to make a play as king?) but Sansa shoots him down by asking him to just sit, be a good boy, and drink his bottled water. Sam suggests a type of democracy system where everyone gets a say and they all just laugh at him. Just like everyone imagined, Tyrion reveals Jon is the heir to the Throne and they all live happily ever after. Wait no, actually he walks around and talks about how stories hold the world together and Bran should be King. What in the ever-loving fuck? Who has a better story than a man who came back from the dead only to find he was not a bastard at all but the heir to the Iron Throne????!!! Ok I get that he killed Dani so that's a stain on his honor but he did it to save the whole damn world. He didn't want to rule but neither did Bran! Tyrion proposes kingship to Bran in a way that sounds like a marriage proposal from the realm. Then Bran shows more emotion than he has in the past 2 seasons, he smiled a little and says "Why do you think I came all this way?" Huh? Well I had thought it was to help defeat the Night King and the White Walkers but fine I'll go along with that too I guess... I thought for a hot second he'd say "I am Groot". Sansa declares independence for the North after we get a round of "ayes" from all the other Westerosi Lords and Ladies in favor of Bran the Broken as king. I face palm but on my 3rd or 4th rewatch I see that Tyrion's cleverness did shine through one last time. He knew that giving Jon to the Unsullied would mean more war, knew Jon didn't want the throne anyway, knew that the puzzle needed solving and I suppose he did it. Jon would go to the Wall and serve a life sentence in the Night's Watch as a compromise, apparently to keep everyone from getting what they want. We see Tyrion meet briefly with Jon to explain this and he's as baffled as I am there's even a Night's Watch left. What are they watching? Season one?

A DREAM OF SPRING

Another time jump of unknown proportions and Jon is getting on a boat, headed for the Wall. He sees Grey Worm on another ship about to set sail for Naath where I can only assume he'll die from butterfly poison trying to protect Missandei's people. As Jon rounds a corner he sees Bran, Arya and Sansa are there to see him off. Hugs all around, Sansa apologizes to Jon and I can't help but think it's forced, Arya will sail West of Westeros. When Jon kneels in front of Bran saying, "Your Grace" I'm still wondering what his Targ ancestry had to do with anything and why Bran thought it was so important for him to know. The last of the Starks are going to go on their separate paths again, but hey they won the Game.

We next get a cute scene of Brienne writing Jaime's deeds in the White Book, meaning she's the Lord Commander now. This part is uber meme-able, particularly when she makes faces trying to think of good deeds to write. After a few creative truths she closes the book without writing anything about how he saved the people of King's Landing from being burned alive with wildfire. This scene also shows us Bran the Broken has taken a raven for his sigil, it's now prominent on Brienne's Kingsguard armor.

We go next back to Tyrion, the Keep mended enough to have a small council meeting in the old spot he's meticulously rearranging the chairs. Sam, now Grandmaester, brings in a book called a Song of Ice and Fire, very Hobbit of him, setting it in front of Tyrion. The rest of the small council files in, Bronn as Lord of Highgarden and Master of Coin, Davos as Master of Ships, and Brienne the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard. Bran is wheeled in just for a minute so we can hear they're missing a few officers and see Sir Podrick is in charge of pushing his chair around now, making an ambiguous comment about finding Drogon just before leaving the running of the kingdom to the council (please give me a sequel of just that!). The scene ends with Tyrion starting his famous jackass/brothel joke but we never get the punchline.

NORTH OF THE WALL

Jon arrives at the Wall, which has been repaired with wooden gates. Then the most well-done cutting of scenes together happens as we bounce between Arya getting ready for her journey west, Jon's arrival and subsequent leaving of the Wall, and Sansa's coronation as Queen of the North. We see Jon moving through the wildlings and finally, FINALLY, he pets Ghost. Arya's on a ship with a huge Stark wolf on the sails. Sansa is at Winterfell newly crowned. It all ends kind of how it started, with Jon on his horse walking north into the woods, wildlings on foot following him into the future. The scene evokes a sense of adventure unknown and reminds me of the first scenes from the pilot where we first saw the wights and Walkers in action but instead of death it's life moving through these woods now.

UPS AND DOWNS

So my main reason for breaking this all down was because I've been asked over and over what I thought of this episode. Many of you know I'm passionate about this show and even now that's it's over I'm sure I'll rewatch it many, many times again, season by season. In fact, this will probably be the first blog entry I have in "Watching Thrones Backwards; maybe it makes more sense this way?"

That being said I feel like this ending was really perfect for what they set out to do. A show based on a book series is always difficult, and Thrones lost access to the written word once the show moved past the books. I've read every single book and felt that more character development could've been done here in Seasons 7 and 8, both of which would've been better with more episodes. It felt rushed without those extra moments this story deserved but instead we got what we got. And what we got in the last episode was amazing for this series, beautifully produced, imagery leaps and bounds ahead of anything else on television, well-acted, even if not always well-written.

The biggest criticism I have was that the dive into Dani's madness was too abrupt, and such a huge deviation from her character. But her last words will haunt me for all of time. "We will break the wheel together." And they did. Jon's act was a sacrifice for both of them and gave rise to the new system of electing leaders.

Time was also my enemy in this episode, I know that it opens pretty soon after the last one because there's still fires burning but as we go through it I felt less and less certain where we were on the timeline. At the Dragonpit scene Robin Aryn was much taller, does that mean years have gone by or mere weeks? Years of Unsullied occupancy in King's Landing doesn't make sense to me but ok whatever. And at the end stuff was kind of fixed like in the Red Keep and at the wall so that must've been years certainly! But Sansa was just getting crowned so did they really wait all that time to do it? I guess I'll need to wait for GRRM to help me clear that up, hopefully in my lifetime.

My other problem was that everything was getting tied up with pretty little bows, basically going down the list and checking off all the weird bets people were making online. I could've easily told you Arya would head west of Westeros, Sam would name that book a Song of Ice and Fire, and that Tyrion would never finish his joke on screen. I say "was" though because I'd rather have all these things tied up neatly than a lot of wtf moments. We had enough of those watching this series, and this being the last episode it truly was "bittersweet" so seeing storylines get sewn shut was much nicer after I had time to really think about it all. I'm over a dozen times through this episode now and it's held up amazingly well to rewatch.

Even with all the negative criticism I absolutely loved this episode. Each scene in this final episode looked incredible, Jaime and Cersei dead in each other's arms, the dragon wings behind Dani at the Keep, Drogon melting the Throne, even Jon walking off into the woods at the end. Cinematically it was successful, thematically maybe a little less so. But it made sense in a way the Dexter or Lost finales never will. Dany succeeded in the end with breaking the wheel - Shakespearean tragedy at its finest, Tyrion is for all intents and purposes ruling as Hand, Arya stopped killing everyone, Sansa's a queen in her own right, Bran is probably warging into Drogon somewhere off screen flying about and Jon pet Ghost. Team Stark FTW I give it a solid 9 out of 10!

*Picture credits to HBO Game of Thrones*

#game of thrones #got season finale #got season 8 #got #gray worm #danaerys stormborn #danaerys targaryen #jon snow #sansa stark #arya stark #brandon stark #tyrion lannister #hbo

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iknownothingihearnothing · 5 years

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Game of Thrones 8.4 “The Last of the Starks”

I. Am. MAD.

This...this week’s offering right here is an example of an episode I loved and loathed in equal measure. There were lovely moments of--

And then...then there were even more ones of--

Y’all know what I’m talking about. From Brienne’s heartbroken face to that motherfucking Northern stubbornness, to Missandei’s capture and death, to Jon still not knowing enough (he’s so naive), to Euron shooting poor Rhaegal out of the sky, to JON BEING A HORRIBLE WOLF-DADDY!

He just ABANDONED Ghost! Without even a pat goodbye! Even if he had to leave him, he could’ve at least spared a frigging goodbye. Yeah yeah budget blah blah. You couldn’t get an actual big, white, fluffy dog for the few seconds needed for Jon Snow to bid his wolfy buddy who RISKED HIS LIFE for him a proper farewell?!

I pet my dog and call him a good boy when he gets the ball and goes poop outside. You couldn’t spare more than a “laters, brah” nod to your poor puppy?!

LOOK HOW SAD HE IS!

I want to hug him and kiss him and snuggle him and tell him he’s the goodest boi in the North. Pawning him off to Tormund to live Beyond the Not Wall where he knows no one, what’s the matter with you, Jogon of House Snowaryen?!

Dany may be leaning a biiiiiit too far into her House Targaryen roots but at least she is a dedicated pet owner. We know she loves her...scale...babies? They have spines, right? Spine babies? Fire babies.

Ugh, let’s get into this week’s slice of sadness.

The episode opens with a massive funeral for those that died in the Battle of Winterfell. Including Jorah, Lyanna, Theon, Mr. Edd, and Beric, who is now definitely out of lives.

Dany, crying, leans over Jorah’s prone body, kisses his forehead, and whispers something we’ll never know into his ear.

At least, we’ll never know unless either Emilia or Iain decide to spill the deets. Iain Glen said in a post-ep interview with Entertainment Weekly that it was “something definitely profound”. But who knows, he could be bullshitting us and she actually said “I like muffins” or something and he had to lay there pretending to be dead.

On second thought, she’s English. So perhaps she prefers crumpets.

Sansa is sniffling over Theon’s body and places a House Stark pin in his shirt. Jon is looking out at this sea of corpses like--

There is no more Ol’ Nighty to bring them back.

Or so we’re led to believe.

The camera pans across the mourners and we catch a glimpse of our favorite furry friend.

He’s such a good, loyal doggo. Wolfo? Direwolfo.

Oh Jon I am so MAD AT YOU!

Saving my rage for a bit further down. Barely.

Jon gives a farewell speech about all their dead--they defended the realms of men, no one will ever see their like again, etc. etc.--and then some of the mourners who knew the dead best are given flaming branches in order to set the bodies alight. In the North, they burn their dead. I guess cus the ground is forever frozen and one day someone from House Whyrevr said fuck it and lit his dead grandma on fire.

Afterwards, they have a joint funeral/”glad we’re alive” party because of course they do. Kinda reminiscent of our shiva except people are sitting on chairs. At the head table, Jon is looking awkwardly at Dany--apparently, that whole “we’re technically related and oh you have a better claim to the throne than me” stuff has lingered beyond fighting for their lives. Damn. Not even surviving Team Undead’s invasion could get them out of that business.

Elsewhere, Gendry asks the Hound if he’s seen Arya. Does Robert’s bastard have a wee more on his mind than all the death? Like, say, his wee-wee?

Some things never change, no matter what century it is.

Gendry tries to stutter that it’s not about that but the Hound knows it is. Gendry’s alive and the dead are not. Might as well take ASS-vantage of it.

Eh? Eh?

Srsly, this is like the worst party in the history of Westeros. Uh, aside from the Red Wedding (but not the Purple one, #ByeJoflecia). They just buried burnt a heap of their dead, two of their hosts are keeping a huge secret from everyone (and being super weird around each other because of it), and Dany’s endlessly fighting against that frigging Northern hardheadedness. It’s not GREAT, Bob.

Speaking of that famous Northern jackassery, Dany sees an opportunity to crack that stubborn ice as Gendry crosses the party hall. Calling him over, she at first inquires about his parentage, asks him if he knows that Robert Baratheon kinda had her whole family killed and wanted to slaughter her as an infant. Gendry’s like “Whoa, did not know that he was my daddy until after he was dead” and Dany’s all “Yep he dead and so are Renly and Stannis so who’s Lord of Storm’s End?” and no one knows.

This is Dany’s chance to make good.

Not only did Gendry survive the battle, he got laid and made a lord!

You go, Glenn Coco, Gendry Baratheon, Lord of Storm’s End!

Ser Davos, the onion knight (lol) leads the room in a toast to Gendry, the newest Lord on the block.

Don’t be fooled cus he’s now a Lord, he’s still he’s still Gendry from the Forge.

Tyrion remarks that now Gendry will forever be loyal to her and Dany says that he is not the only one that is clever.

Sansa, hearing this, looks at her like bats just sprouted from her head and flew out her ears while her eyes turned red as she chuckled evilly.

Oh, come on! This is what people in powerful positions on the show do. That’s how they secure allies without, you know, marrying their allies. You want someone’s loyalty, do something for them. Dany’s not the first one to try that. And it’s not like she had Drogon Dracarys the hell out of one of Gendry’s enemies to secure that loyalty. She made him a damn Lord.

The Starks are annoying me this season. Except when Arya laid the smacketh down on Ol’ Nighty.

In another corner, Jaime and Brienne are celebrating by gettin’ crunk. She offers a halfassed excuse but Jaime’s all “Dude, we defeated a horde of zombies. Drink up!” and she does, giving him this look:

Bow chicka wowowwwwwwwwwwwwww chicka chicka boom.

Not that I can blame her. Aside from all that incestin’, Jaime’s a fine slice of Kingslayer pie.

Ser Davos of House Onion and Tyrion are talking about Melisandre, who last episode took off her necklace and aged into evaporation. Davos tells Tyrion that he swore to Melisandre he would kill her next time he saw her but he never got the chance, as she did it to herself. Or the Lord of Light took her. Or whatever. They don’t like him much. They fight his war and then he fucks off.

Tyrion crosses the room to BranBot, who is reading in his wheelchair, which Tyrion calls a clever invention. I keep forgetting that wheelchairs aren’t really a thing in Westeros.

BranBot, as animated as he’s programmed to be, delights in telling Tyrion that it is reminiscent of the one Daeron Targaryen made for his nephew over a hundred years ago. Just your regular episodic reminder that BranBot is...BranBot.

Tyrion says BranBot’s BranVision will come in handy as the Lord of Winterfell, which he technically is as Ned Stark’s last surviving “trueborn” son. But BranBot doesn’t want it. BranBot doesn’t really want anything or anyone. He totally just doesn’t care, man.

Tyrion envies BranBot’s ability to not give a shit and and BranBot tells him not to because--

Yes, yes. You’re an “old soul”, BranBot. BranBot calls himself a grandpa in a teenager’s body. He forgets what generation he is and refers to people his own age as “you youngins”. He constantly crows that he is a “proud introvert” who’d rather be reading. We KNOW, BranBot!

Tormund leads a toast (with his awesome tusk cup) to the Dragon Queen and everyone cheers so maybe Dany’s making headway. She herself turns her own toast to Arya, the hero of the Battle of Winterfell.

Jaime, Brienne, Tyrion, and Pod are playing a Westerosi version of Never Have I Ever with wine and Tormund, a bit drunk off his red ass, is going on and on about how awesome Jon is. Meanwhile, Dany is listening and though she toasts him she knows that she will always be an outsider to these people and they fucking love Jon.

Also, this happened:

“May I have your name?”

“Daenerys Stormborn, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Mother of Dragons.”

“Okay, that’s Daniellris Shoehorn, the Sunburnt, Keen of Mean Girls, Bean of the Sandals and the Thirsty Hen, Call Sweetie of the Eight Assed Bee, Brother of Wagons. Is that correct?”

“Ugh. Just write Dany.”

“Okay, Fannie.”

The PTB at HBO have since digitally removed The Cup from the episode but wah bro I think they should have kept it in. That’s hilarious. I want to live in a world where Starbucks exists on Game of Thrones. And it survived the battle. Of course House Styrbycks is right around the corner from Winterfell, conveniently situated at the heart of the town square.

And you better believe there’s a ride-thru for the horseman on the go.

I enjoy how HBO came out with a statement that Dany ordered herbal tea. I can see Dany ordering herbal tea.

In warmer climes, though, she’s definitely a dragon fruit smoothie girl.

Aside: Liam Cunningham recently went on Conan and gifted him The Cup:

He swore it was the actual cup. How is that even possible?! Wouldn’t someone have tossed it after all this time? And the fact that it was still around had to signal to someone on set that a) trolol a person in Consistency fucked up and at least one dude on GoT knew it before the ep aired and b) that Emilia’s discarded latte appearing in a scene would be gold.

I want to believe it’s legit. I want to believe so hard that it’s the real Cup and that all these circumstances came together to land the Cup in Liam’s hand all this time later. I want to, and so I shall.

(Yes, I know it is not the real Cup but shh I want to BELIEVE!)

So, Dany is watching everyone have fun and be close with each other, especially how everyone seems to love Jon here, and she’s feeling even more like an outsider (and not a bit insecure about her claim to the throne) and she gets up and leaves. Varys starts to follow her with his watchful Varys eyes.

Jaime, Brienne, Podrick, and Tyrion are still playing their game and getting increasingly drunker doing so. Drunker and more giggly. Everything’s all well and good until Tyrion suddenly sits up, looks Brienne in the eye, and accuses her of being a--dun dun dun--virgin. Pod nonchalantly sips his wine.

Brienne clambers out of her seat and mutters that she has to piss. Tormund, also drunk as a skunk, stumbles to their table, celebrating, and asks--

Well? Who did shit in Tormund’s pants?!

It’s kinda awks because Tormund is into Brienne but Brienne has feelings for Jaime and when did GoT become a teen soap opera? It’s like The North 00000 up in here.

Tyrion pours more wine into Tormund’s tusk as Jaime follows Brienne out.

Dramz. Will they? Won’t they? Stay tuned next week!

No, they totally will right now.

But first, Tormund is going to bitch.

I was cheering for Tormund to win his Big Woman, I really was. But then Jaime showed up and their chemistry just...reignited.

Tormund expresses sadness until a Northern lady volunteers to take up his time. The Hound continues to drown his sorrows--tho idk what he’s sad about, he’s alive--ignoring even the prospect of sexytimes until Sansa, finally able to make eye contact with the Hound, shares his table. It was a long time ago when she couldn’t even look at him, back when she was just a little bird. But now she’s a dark phoenix (see what I did there? Because Sophie Turner is starring in Dark Phoenix!) risen from the ashes, having had her revenge against her latest torturer/husband, Ramsay Bolton via his own hounds.

None of if would’ve happened if Sansa had left K.L. with the Hound way back when. But Sansa gently squeezes his hand and says that without Ramsay, Littlefinger, and all those assholes, she’d still be that same naive little bird.

Anyone else get the vibe that David and D.B. are kinda...trying to justify what Ramsay did to Sansa here? Just an itty bit? All that’s missing is Sansa belting out Christina Aguilera’s “Fighter”.

Outside, Arya is practicing her archery skillz when Gendry, the new Lord of Storm’s End, is imbued with way too much enthusiasm after being dubbed by Dany and legit blurts out a proposal to his one night stand right then and there.

Ugh. I can’t wait until my shitty copy of Phhotoshop arrives. Until then I have to use paint shop. Look at those corners! They are making me itch.

Anyway, Arya obvs rejects Gendry’s proposal and it’s d’awww. Gendry is like that guy you hook up with once because he’s hot and afterwards, he won’t stop calling you and texting you and trying to add you as a Facebook friend and messaging you on Twitter suggesting that you fly to Michigan to meet his parents for Thanksgiving. This is something I know nothing about.

Ah, now we’ve circled back to the Jaime and Brienne Show!

That’s if he’s not still obsessed with his siiiiiiiiissssterrrr (she’s a psycho!)

Brienne’s throwing more wood onto yet another hearth (there are a lot of hearths in Winterfell) when Jaime knocks on her door and unceremoniously proclaims that she did not drink when Tyrion accused her of being a V to the gin. He pours her some Dornish red and mutters about it being hot in here; Brienne has learned in the North to always keep a fire going. Jaime has learned in the North that he hates the fucking North. Brienne counters that it grew on her.

Jaime wonders if Tormund Giantsbane also grew on her. He seemed quite sad when she left.

He wants the V-card and the V.

Jaime chuckles awkwardly and begins to pull at the collar of his shirt because “it’s bloody hot in here”. Brienne watches him warily for a second until she gets annoyed and unties the garment herself.

You see where this is going.

First time for Jaime, too. He’s never slept with a knight before.

Has he ever slept with anyone who isn’t his sister before?

Shows how much he cares about Brienne. Letting someone in who isn’t Cersei. That’s a good, non-incestuous step forward, Jaime.

It’s a big moment for Brienne, too, aside from the obvious. She’s had a thing for Jaime for years. This is like that guy you’ve been secretly pining for suddenly realizing he’s totally into it.

In the next scene, Dany confronts a “slightly drunk” Jon, who did not know Ser Jorah very well, but he is pretty sure that if he would’ve chosen a way to die, it would have been protecting Dany. Dany knows Jorah loved her, but she couldn’t love him back--not the way he deserved, not the way she loves Jon.

They kiss and it’s like before Jon ever found out he’s also Aegon until--

“Does Westeros have any support groups for this? Maybe I should ask Ser Jaime.”

Jon wishes that Dany had never told them that they were related and I’m sitting here like--

He would’ve figured it out sooner or later, right? I mean, if he knew he was half Targaryen and all and Rhaegar was his daddy. I understand math is hard but...

Dany tries to forget and sometimes almost succeeds until tonight when she saw all those people gathered around him, looking at him like I’m The Hero! People have looked at her like that before, lots of people, but not here, not on this side of the Narrow Sea. She begs him not to tell anyone of his Targaryen lineage, to swear Samwell and BranBot to secrecy, so that things could go back to how they were before between them.

But Jon must tell Sansa and Arya because family and nobility and Starkism and all that. And we all know Sansa no likey Dany, despite the fact that HER ARMIES SAVED YOUR NORTHERN ASS.

She begs him some more and he promises that she is his Queen and they can all live together. And they can, if Jon keeps his trap shut.

In Brienne’s quarters, if the animal pelts are a rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’!

Warm enough in there now, Brienne?

In the War Room--damn, don’t we all aspire to have a War Room?--our favorites are gathered around the Great Table or whatever with a map of Westeros in the center and some old timey Checkers pieces standing in for the two sides’ respective armies. Obvs, the Battle of Winterfell has depleted Dany and Jon’s forces greatly, but they still have enough to wage hell on Cersei. Yara has taken back the Iron Islands in her name, and the Prince of Dorne pledges his support. Still, Cersei has the Golden Company led by Guyliner Greyjoy and the Lannister Army fresh and ready to fight.

Dany is not appeased. No matter how many noble people declare their fealty to her, while Cersei still sits on the Iron Throne, she can still call herself Queen of the Seven Kingdoms.

Jon, Tyrion, and Varys reassure her with talk of dragons and the people of K.L. having rebelled against their King before. Sansa adds that she wants to give the armies time to recuperate, which is also--

--since they just fought Team Undead and all. But Dany wants to hit up K.L. NOW NOW NOW because the longer they wait, the stronger her enemies become. Or something.

Someone’s starting to lean a wee too far into her Targ roots. It’s just common sense, Dany. Take a chill pill.

But Jon sticks up for his GF. Very sternly, he swears the North will honor its commitments and allegiance to the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms and blah blah blah.

Dany appears smug.

Silently, Arya and Sansa trade glances like--

Tyrion narrates that Jon will lead the remaining forces up the Kingsroad while a smaller group of them will take a fleet to Dragonstone while the Queen will follow on...dragonback.

Jaime will remain at Winterfell as a guest.

The camera ticks to Brienne’s expression at the mention of her former crush and new lovah’s name:

She’s trying to outwardly remain passive, but inside--

She’s getting laid and she’s not dead. Those are good times in Westeros.

Dany completes the conference and Arya demands a word with Jon. Outside, Jon is like “We’d all be DEAD if not for her” which is again DUH and Sansa snides “Arya’s the one that killed the Night King”. Arya wouldn’t have had the chance to kill the Night King without Dany’s armies because they’d all be DEAD. Seven Hells, you people are ridiculous. “We don’t trust her, ShE’s nOt OnE oF Us.” That is an absurd reason not to trust someone. I’m from New Jersey. It’d be like me about to be murdered and refusing help from someone because they’re from Florida. Don’t trust her because of her personality not because of where she is from.

And then, like a naive idiot, Jon actually thinks because he swore them to secrecy, Sansa and Arya will for sure totally keep his true lineage behind zipped lips.

This here was one of the scenes that made me roll my eyes so hard, they almost got stuck.

From that, thankfully, GoT moves on to one of my favorite scenes of the episode. Jaime and Tyrion sitting there over drinks gossiping like yentas. Jaime’s giving his younger brother all the deets vis-a-vis his liaison with Brienne. When Tyrion doesn’t say anything snide, Jaime is visibly uncomfortable, and Tyrion claims he’s happy Jaime is happy.

And--

Tyrion has been waiting for ages to make tall person jokes.

He also wants to know what she’s like “down there”. Jaime calls him a dog.

But then Bronn shows up, finally after Creepy Qyburn hired him to kill Cersei’s “traitorous brothers”, a bit drunk off his ass, brandishing that crossbow. After he smacks Tyrion in the nose, he tells them that Cersei offered him Riverrun, but he knows the Queen is fucked after seeing Dany’s dragons, even with their depleted forces. And Cersei can’t pay up if she’s dead, so...

So Tyrion counters the offer. Highgarden for Riverrun. Bronn would be made Lord of the Reach. It’s certainly open now that House Tyrell has been decimated (RIP Olenna, you ultimate badass). Jaime blanches. How could Tyrion just give him Highgarden? Well hell, it’s better than being dead.

Jaime doesn’t think Bronn will seriously kill them. Jaime is wrong.

Jaime scoffs Highgarden will never belong to a cuttrhoat but Bronn laughs pish-posh. Isn’t that how all the great Houses started? Kill a few hundred, they make you a Lord. Kill a few thousand, they make you a King?

Tyrion gives Bronn-y his word he’l give him Highgarden as long as they take King’s Landing. Bronn opts out of leading the fight, but wishes the brothers luck with a casual “Don’t die”.

The Hound yells “FFS!” when he meets up with Arya on the Kingsroad. Yep, they’re both goin’ Kings Landing way. Nope, Arya doesn’t really care to hang around, even if she is the hero after knifing that horned fucker. Yes, she probably will abandon the Hound again if he gets hurt.

They both have “unfinished business”. Arya to scratch Cersei off her infamous Kill List. The Hound, presumably, to finally fulfill our fantasy of Clegane Bowl!

Elsewhere, Dany is getting ready to leave the fucking frozen North, petting her dragons. And on this show, that is not a euphemism. One of them, presumably Rhaegal, takes flight.

While Drogon remains with her, that mama’s boy.

On the bridge, Sansa is watching Drogon and Rhaegal lift off, trying to shoot them down with her eyes.

Before he leaves, Tyrion tries to convince her one more time that Daenerys is it, or at least a way better option than Cersei, and he believes in her, her people love her, Jon loves her, etc, and he’d totes appreciate it if they were at least allies, and he turns to leave as the camera pans close on Sansa’s face; she calls him back to spilleth the beans..eth.

Did I win?

As Jon is loading up his Horshon Wagon, Tormund jokes that he’s not riding the dragon down south. Jon laughs that Rhaegal needs a break; he doesn’t need Jon weighing him down.

Tormund says that he has had enough of “the south” and plans to take the Free Folk back Beyond the Not Wall through Castle Black. It’s not home, not where they belong. Or, suddenly, where Ghost belongs either after EIGHT YEARS.

Yeah, this is where I RAGE.

Jon insists the North is no place for a direwolf and asks Tormund to take Ghost with him back Beyond the Not Wall, where he knows no one, will be lonely, and have to contend with even colder weather than what he’s used to. Tormund tells Jon that he has the “real” North running through his veins and “maybe” they’ll meet again before he departs and Jon goes to HUG EVERYONE.

ALMOST.

RAGE! RAGE AGAINST THE JONCHINE!

I know, I know working with the CGI wolves is ExPeNsIvE, blah blah. I DON’T CARE. There are dragons that spit actual fire on this show. Y’all couldn’t substitute a real big, white, fluffy doggie so Jon could bid his furry friend a real goodbye?! This was the saddest scene in GoT history. Forget Ned’s beheading or even the Red Wedding. This right here is inhuman.

The episode’s director, David Nutter, tried to defend himself, weakly, by insisting he thought this way was more powerful. He obviously does not own dogs. Or any pets of any kind. He did not anticipate how much we all love our furry friends. As soon as the episode aired, Twitter lit up with #GhostDeservedBetter. Poor Ghostie. He lost an ear for you! You’re leaving forever. I snuggle my dogs when I just leave to go to the bathroom. I shall honor Ghost here, First of His Name, Protector of the Realms of Men, the One Eared and the White Furred, Warden of the North. Or at least Warden of the Woof.

I had to watch this portion a few times to get the right screenshots so now I must go snuggle my own doggies. And tell them they are my own little direwoofies and I will never ever leave them. Especially for King’s Landing.

Jon “I’m the worst Wolf Daddy in Westeros” Snow rides off and Sam, Gilly, Tormund, and Ghost watch him go, even after his owner slighted him, because he is the goodest boi on the continent.

On the way to Dragonstone, Tyrion has immediately spilled to Varys because let’s be honest: Jon’s true parentage was always going to stay a secret for about, meh, an hour? And now eight people know--Jon, Dany, Sansa, Arya, Tyrion, Varys, Sam, and BranBot. Which makes it less a secret and more info. If the internetz had existed back then, the whole of Twitter would’ve known within fifteen minutes. #JongonSnowgaryen would trend worldwide. Westeroswide?

I need to start following The_Mastr.

People like Jon. They follow Jon (even tho he’s a terrible pet owner). If this were to get out, Dany would lose the North--Winterfell and the Vale. Sansa would see to that.

Tyrion suggests marrying them and they could rule together. They love each other, but Varys ain’t so sure Jon could ever see beyond that whole “she’s his aunt” thing. And Dany doesn’t like to have her authority questioned. Then Tyrion cheerfully suggests that Cersei could end up killing them all anyway and that would solve their problems.

And then Guyliner Greyjoy comes out of nowhere and motherfucking shoots down Rhaegal!

I literally gasped “NOOOOOOOOO!” out loud when this happened. My animal-loving heart can only take so much, Game of Thrones. There’s a fan theory that technically we didn’t see Rhaegal die and two somethings appeared in the sky in the trailer for the next episode so he could come back with a vengeance. Please come back with a vengeance, Rhaegal.

Dany is furious that Captain Maybelline shot her baby and orders Drogon to make a beeline for him. But afraid for her other baby’s life, she turns at the last minute. Euron, annoyed that he only took down one dragon, instead aims for the boat carrying Team Daenerys, which explodes under the force of multiple scorpion arrows.

All of them swim to shore--all of them, except one. Just before the arrows flew, Grey Worm ordered Missandei to seek refuge on the skiff, and, when we shift to the castle gates, we see Cersei presiding over thousands of innocents who will be caught in the crossfire of war between her and Dany, her child (which she tells Captain Maybellne is his), and a captured Missandei.

In the War Room at Dragonstone--every Great House has a War Room, it seems--our merry band is presiding over a map of King’s Landing where Varys looks Dany in the eye and begs her not to attack the castle. They have Missandei, they killed Rhaegal, yes, but thousands of innocents are held inside the Red Keep, which is Cersei’s modus operandi. Varys pleads with her not to destroy the city she came to save but Dany believes she has a destiny to rid the world of tyrants, and she will fulfill it, no matter the cost.

That sounds vaguely culty, Dany. It wasn’t that long ago you were doing all you could to avoid a battle inside King’s Landing, cus you didn’t wanna destroy the city and the people you were gonna rule over. What happened? Don’t go all Aerys on us.

Tyrion suggests offering Cersei her life in exchange for the throne to avoid carnage. Dany knows Cersei will never go for it, but it’s good for PR, anyway. The people will know that Daenerys Stormborn tried to avoid bloodshed, and Cersei Lannister refused.

Take it back a few, Dany. Just a few, mkay?

At the hearth--there is always a hearth chat going on, and Dragonstone is no exception--Tyrion and Varys are having A Talk. Varys has served many tyrants, and they all talk about destiny and stuff. But, Tyrion negates, Dany has walked through fire and made dragons and lived, maybe she really is destined to rule the Seven Kingdoms.

Varys considers How To Solve A Problem Like Jon Snow. Who may not be a problem so much as a solution. Who would make a better ruler, Jon or Dany? Varys knows Jon doesn’t wanna rule, which is partly why he bent the knee, but maybe a good ruler would be someone who doesn’t want to rule at all.

And Jon’s a dude, which, in ye olden times, was important. Also why he’s got a tighter claim to the throne than Dany does. They’re talking treason right now. Tyrion accuses Varys of abandoning all of the kings he served under. Varys reaffirms that he will always serve what’s best for the realm and the people, thousands of whom will die if the wrong person sits on the throne.

Tyrion asks what happens to Dany and Varys gives him a look like “What do you think?”

At Winterfell, the Northerners are rebuilding while Sansa and Brienne are being all secret-like, talking in whispers and glancing at Jaime. He follows them, having the creeping sensation that they’re talking about something that pertains to him. When he asks what’s up, Brienne tells him that they just got word of Guyliner Greyjoy’s ambush on Dany’s ships, Rhaegal’s death, and Missandei’s capture.

And another for Jaime Reacting to Bad News screenshots:

BUT what exactly is he reacting to? That Cersei is going to die or that he isn’t going to do it himself?

That night, Jaime is watching Brienne sleep, then creeps outside to pack up his mighty steed to head back to the capital. Too bad Brienne wakes up and catches him. The city is going to be destroyed, they all know this. And Jaime doesn’t have to die alongside Cersei.

Jaime doesn’t think he’s a good man. He pushed a boy out of a window and crippled him for life (which led to him becoming BranBot) for Cersei. He strangled his cousin to get back to Cersei. He would’ve killed every man, woman, and child in Riverrun to get back to Cersei. She’s a monster. And so is Jaime.

And then he leaves and Brienne is heartsick and her POOR FACE.

THIS EPISODE IS KILLING ME.

But--and I know a lot of other people think this, too--after I wrung my hands a bit, I thought about this moment. I think Jaime’s going back to K.L. to off Cersei himself, leaving Brienne to believe he left because he thinks he doesn’t deserve her. It still SUCKS but it’s less sucky than thinking he’d rather have his twin sister’s V.

In said capital, the remaining Unsullied and Dothraki forces, along with Dany and her merry men, are lined up outside the gates. Cersei, Pirate von D, and Cersei’s ever lurking zombie Mountain are on the battlements with a chained Missandei. The camera sweeps to show both sides and when did King’s Landing get so FLAT?

Isn’t King’s Landing supposed to be all lush and hilly? What has Cersei done to the place?! This is Dubrovnik, ffs!

Creepy Qyburn comes out of the gates and Tyrion goes to meet him, Hand to Hand. Queen Daenerys demands Cersei’s unconditional surrender and the return of Missandei, unharmed. Queen Cersei demands Daenerys’ unconditional surrender. It’s a stalemate and they’re not getting anywhere so Tyrion tries to appeal to Creepy Qyburn’s logic. They have a chance to prevent bloodshed. To not cause the screams of thousands of children as hellfire is rained down upon them. It’s not a pleasant sound, Qyburn agrees. Alas, he still goes on about Cersei being the one true Queen so Tyrion pushes past him to speak to his sister himself.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are all--

Dany also thinks this is not a good idea.

Some of the Lannister army up on the battlements with Cersei and Co get their bows and arrows ready but as Tyrion approaches, Cersei waves them off with a smug smile. Calling up to her, Tyrion says he knows Cersei doesn’t care about the people of the Seven Kingdoms; they hate her and the feeling’s mutual.

He mentions her children, her unborn child. How she loved them more than life itself. And just because her reign is over doesn’t mean her life has to end, her her child has to die.

Just for a moment, one moment, it appears as if his words are getting to her. Cersei takes a deep breath, lets it out shakily. Lena’s acting in this instance is superb. And then, she crosses to Missandei as Dany and Grey Worm race toward the gate in alarm, and murmurs “If you have any last words, now is the time”.

Missandei’s last word?

With her last word, Missandei is telling Dany to fuck it all and burn King’s Landing to the ground.

Cersei gives zombie Mountain the nod to take off Missandei’s head, and poor Grey Worm can’t watch as the undead monster kills his girlfriend.

Dany shakes, turns, and walks away as Cersei smiles triumphantly.

The Mother of Dragons is so done fucking around, y’all.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh this episode was a ride. I wanted to wring SO many necks. Jon Snow, how does it feel to be the villain of the internet? Jaime, you best be headin’ back to K.L. to kill Cersei. Don’t you be breaking Brienne’s heart for nothing. Burn it all down, Dany! #Cleganebowl!

I am EXCITE for the penultimate ep. So EXCITE!

#game of thrones #game of thrones recap #game of thrones 8 #emilia clarke #Kit Harrington #nickolaj coster-waldau #gwendoline christie #kristofer hivju #Sophie Turner #maisie williams #jacob anderson #nathalie emmanuel #ghost #ghost deserves better #warden of the woof

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cattythoughts-blog · 7 years

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Game of Thrones: The Alternate Ending

Intro of Dissatisfaction

Okay, so I’ve never been much of a revisionist when it comes to story-telling. Whatever ending I got, I could have mixed feelings about with no sway one way or the other to impact my overall enjoyment of a story. When stories go completely off the rails from what they once were (first 3 seasons of Supernatural vs everything after, Penny Dreadful season 3, Hannibal) I can still enjoy the show and, in the end, hold whatever first few good seasons I did have close to my heart.

And, I think the reason for this is that all all those shows had an “ending” before their true season ending. That ending paid off everything and was consistent with theme and tone first presented. Which brings up the question: What do you do when you have a story as big as Game of Thrones, a grand-scale epic by design? There can’t be a satisfying conclusion mid-way through the Game of Thrones show, where everything comes together because there’s too much going on. Too many loose strings. Too many factions. Stannis Baratheon’s death after burning his daughter could have been that great end-point of the show (the Baratheons known for gaining power by drawing the blood of their relatives finally take infighting to the deepest, darkest conclusion and are left with ashes) if we’d only been following Stannis, the Battle of the Bastards for the stark plot (to resolve the imbalance of rule of the north. The show starting with Ned and his family losing power and this culminating in the ultimate regain of that power through virtuous means but also new compromise and understanding of the “Great Game” on Sansa’s part), go all the way back to the Red Wedding and that could be that satisfying cut-off point if we only cared about the Starks.

Instead, there’s a show pushing a bolder of its own plot threats up a mountain, slowly dwindling in stakes and tension as the plot armor becomes too strong to kill of anyone important. That’s kind of a problem. The show has lost what made it, and the books, so great in the first place. Understand that I’m mostly talking about the show Game of Thrones, not the book series—but, this is actually a problem I have with both if George RR Martin and the writers are shooting in the same direction. If the TV show was without a doubt Full Metal Alchemisting these final seasons, I would probably not feel the need to write this. I’d just wait for the books and get my sweet, sweet, Brotherhood fix with George’s conclusion—but what if George’s conclusion is the show’s conclusion? If the end-goals set up in the show are the ones I’m to expect in the books then all I can say is—George…my man…my buddy…my better Santa…dafq?

The Core of Game of Thrones:

Here’s what I mean:

The main selling point of George RR Martin’s books is not realism—stop that, please. When people say “realism”, they’re talking about the feeling of stakes and motivation that copy realism. In realism, a lot more people would have died from drinking the bacteria in foreign fresh water and syphilis by now. George RR Martin doesn’t kill people without purpose. They have a thematic or plot-related edge to them that makes every death make sense in the grand scheme of things.

The main selling point of Georg RR Martin’s books is the subversion of expectation, actively taking tropes and turning them on their heads, and the consequences of actions. Every character is out to get something and if you don’t know what they want or how to make them think you can get it for them, you’ve lost. Here’s the problem of the show since season 5, more prominent in 6, and overt in 7, there are no consequences. All that cold-calculated conversation where you were trying to figure out what someone really wanted in the end-game is gone. All those terrible decisions made by Danny don’t backfire and have an overall consequence on how she’s viewed as a leader. Cersei—well the Margery-taking-over-thing was pretty good and the religion backfiring—but no consequence for blowing up the church when (especially in the books) it is explicitly stated that any ruler who ever did that was turned on by the people? The Iron Born suddenly decide to go and team up with Danny and give up their old ways in a snap because we need clear dividing lines on who is good and who is evil to wrap up this thing. Arya gets away with “tricking” the many faced men—the ultimate deception crew? No!

But, here’s the thing that frustrates me the most about all of this, up until Season 7, I could live with it. Fine. The overall story still had some promise to it. We have the “prince that was promised” thread, Tyrion “using” Danny to get revenge on his family or just see what happens (though in the show they kind of just make him love her and have no motive). Jon essentially usurping Sansa’s birthright to be lady of Winterfell and keeping Little Finger around while also having not told him about the vale, and then the whole Arya killing spree she was finally going to go on, Cersie dealing with a city/country that had to hate her after blowing up the church, the white walkers still had potential to be twisted as some kind of “no yeah, we’re sapient, and it’s cold and we just wanna go south, shut up” type-thing. Pieces were in place to be played with and set in order that was unexpected—an order with consequence.

Why Season 7 Fails:

What did I get in season 7?

In a nutshell: sister’s fighting over nothing from 5+ years ago—Danny and Jon, the 5$ love story. Cersei sitting in her chair with a fresh set of crazy pants and Jamie being angry, but not enough to do anything about it. And last—OH NO—That one! That dragon! I’m not sure which one but oh no…oh no…that one’s dead. Bummer. Wall down. Scene.

So…what was the consequences of this season? What were the biggest changes? The wall came down because the walkers had a dragon. Everything else was putzing around until that point. I’m not even joking. Little Finger’s death means nothing because he’s an inactive player in the story at that point. Danny’s getting evil—except—she’s always been evil (well, like, shes no more ruthless than she had been before). She crucified an entire city, so burning two guys alive is not out of character for her and changes nothing about the propoganda. Jon being declared the prince that was promised means nothing because that prophecy is vague. Bran’s omnipotent and missed the part where his aunt whispered the baby’s legal name because…reasons. Oh, oh, and the sand snakes finally died. Cheers to that.

Petty Child Explaining the Petty Rant

Now, here’s why I’m so mad. Because they have set up for—maybe not a great ending—but a good one that stays true to the tone of the books. Yes, this is the part where I say I can do better—and I really REALLY wish I couldn’t. The fact that I want every action to have a consequence, should not be something I have to insert to a story.

The following is “fixing” Season 7 of Game of Thrones, working with the plot threads set up at the beginning. I’m not going all the way back to 6 or 5 because that’s too much work, and I’m honestly just doing this for my own piece of mind. You can tell me this version of season 7 sucks. Hey, you’ve got the real TV version written by people with more talent and success than I’ll ever see. I’m some idiot with a keyboard and some ranting issues. Also, I’m more editing things that already exist like “working off the same budget” not adding new things, just going with what they gave me.

______________

So, the best way to fix this is to go narrative thread by thread, so let’s start with the 2nd worst one first. Danny. Oh…Danny, Danny, Danny. So much set up. No payoff. Loved you this season, girl. In the original Season 7, nothing changes with her character besides her becoming the ultimate Mary Sue with everyone falling in love with her left and right and her never dying on her dragons. Nothing she does or says or what people do or say to her this season have consequence unless it leads to getting into her nephew, Jon’s, pants (is anyone else not creeped out that there are literally no degrees of separation there. Her brother was his father. He’s sleeping with is aunt…no? And she’s totally going to get pregnant with an incest baby next season because they made a really huge point of saying she couldn’t have kids (and that’s mostly a man’s fault if you can’t have kids—like biologically speaking). Okay, it was a thing when the Lannisters were doing it but sure).

DANNY CHANGE:

To explain how to fix Danny is to explain her overall relevance to the plot—the plot of Game of Thrones. Her mechanical purpose was two main things. 1. Bring dragons to the army that dies of getting burned so that they can be defeated by getting burned, but also so that they have a dragon to break down the wall and make plot happen. 2. Be the inspirational invader that provides pressure for the native forces to band together and fight on two fronts (north and south) while bringing in these foreign fighters.

Danny is not meant to sit on the iron throne. Mechanically, she has been foreshadowed to be a great conqueror and a terrible, terrible ruler. In the books, it is better portrayed that she’s a little girl who can draw in inspiration, but has no clue what she’s doing when we get down to brass tax. In the show, she’s like mid-20s, so it doesn’t come off the same way. But, that’s the core of her. A girl who does not want to become the monster of her past, but believes that her lineage—not her actions—makes her deserving—not earning—of the Iron Throne. She wants to rule over this country because it exists and someone told her it was hers. Danny is a villain so letting the invasion play out is fine, but the two major threads need to be addressed. 1. Dragons are in Westeros (check), but now they need to go north. 2. Danny is leading inspiration and causing terror (check if you do the first 3 episodes of her plot the same).

There’s two main themes for Danny this season that culminate into nothing. She’ll ask for advice and listen to no one after they’ve given that advice “Be a dragon.” That should make Tyrion more frustrated with her and put a strain on their relationship because Westeros is Tyrion’s home, and he’s trying to put a ruler on it that he can’t mold to his views so easily. She’s an impulsive child. That’s what you should get out of all those close calls where she takes her dragon and nearly gets killed. The other theme is succession. After Danny is gone, what will happen? Danny doesn’t want to think about that, but she’s this inspirational ruler that brought armies across the sea for her. What do they have to fight for if Danny is dead? This isn’t their home. They won’t care after she’s gone. That’s why the children thing kept being brought up, and it’s never acted upon. So, here’s Danny’s conclusion for Season 7.

That stupid plot with the guys going across the wall to kidnap a walker happens, they’re on that lakebed… sure. Tweak it. As Danny swoops in to save them she is yet again not listening to advice and endangering herself. Danny drops with Drogo to go pick up the SQUAD and it’s too hot. She gets on a dragon, commands one to pick up the boys while she goes straight for the white walker kings (as the boys could have pointed out to her that you kill the boss, the adds die). And then, that Olympic-gold-winning javelin throw goes straight into Drogo (the only dragon you can actually tell apart) with Danny riding on his back. They both plummet to the ground behind a mountain or something (not in the lake because where’d the wights get chains?) out of sight and the SQUAD has to take the walker and run because one of the least favorite children dragons takes them away already. Jon can even have his stupid staying behind moment if he was trying to get Danny if they really needed that scene (he’d have a reason to stay in the middle of the army of wights fighting one or two because he’s just as impulsive and brash). I’d prefer everyone just left on least-favorite-dragon #1 or #2 and they flew back over the wall.

Then, by the end of the season, the white walkers now have the ice dragon they wanted. Not just any dragon. The only dragon the audience could name/care about: Drogo. (maybe Danny’s in there too as a wight, or a wight king if we wanna apply the rule of cool—like this would be kind of dumb but I’d want to see it. It’s probably more poetic for her to fall off the dragon and one of her least favorite children to pull her corpse out of the snow and fly her home).

What does this change/do?

Danny’s arc is a woman who doesn’t want to be an evil ruler but is not willing to learn or be flexible. Her inflexibility and inability to understand her limits because of years of have the ultimate advantage of dragons is what causes her death, ending that thread. Two, now what are Danny’s forces doing in Esos? Tyrion still has this army to deal with and they have no leader, no inspiration. That burning fire that has been carrying them is snuffed out and an entire group of people who’d hoped to find a great ruler (Tyrion’s hope) is dead. As for Danny, she did not want to become a mad king like her father, she did not want to kill hundreds of thousands, but due to her inflexibility, her ultimate drive for power, her defiance of death shown many times throughout the series—she has failed to reach her ultimate potential (and if we go with the white walker thing, she defies death for the final time becoming the ultimate conqueror of death and the destined ultimate conqueror of the nation she set out to rule, but not how she would have wanted. (but this one I’m ehh on because I got a better plan)) She’s fallen to tragedy because of her lack of familiarity with the country she was going to reign over. (also something else pays off from this in like 10 paragraphs, I’m sorry).

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Chopping block goes to Cersei next…also not that long. Mostly because it’s not hard to make it interesting.

CERSEI FIXING WHAT’S BROKE

Cersei’s character is fine. It’s not great, it’s not the best with the magic plot lack of logic, but it’s fine. Have her do the thing with the iron bank and take Highgarden…Highgarden—the wealthiest country—being overthrown because…rich people don’t have the biggest armies to protect their loot? Oh my god, Highgarden. The way the show presented it, I could run in there with a toothpick and win.

Anyway, sure. But, the people hate her because she blew up their religion. (I know the show plays it off that the people think it’s an accident but…come on). Consequences is that she now has lack of support from the people while this foreign invader tears up her home. She needs aid. So…she’ll call upon the north, upon Winterfell because there’s a new Boss up there who may be wiling to work with her. She hears they’re in need of military aid. Why wouldn’t she band together as many men as she could from all corners of her country to kill Danny?

When she summons Jon, he’s already south yucking it up with Danny so Sansa has to deal with that.

What does this change?

Things remain basically the same, but Cersei has to be willing to drag in new allies like she did with the Iron Born. The Lannisters have always been a flexible group. With the North having a new power player, why wouldn’t she reach out to them? Also, she should be shown protecting the people to keep them happy. It has never been a more crucial time to get rid of the problem that is Danny. Danny is making the people unhappy as Cersei’s reign is starting with the terror of invasion. People already hate Cersei. The longer Danny’s around, the more they’ll hate her. Now, she has motivation beside territory claims to hate Danny. Motivation is clear, it’s present, and it relies on public opinion—something the Lannisters are slaves to. The lions do consider the opinions of the sheep.

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That Meeting at the End Tho:

Okay, that last episode was everyone bitching until nothing got accomplished or changed. Here’s how you change/fix it. Danny wasn’t invited. Cersei organized the meet-up, inviting Jon along with other lords she’s going to try to win over. Jon happens to be doing exactly what he’d been doing throughout the entire season with the walker expedition (there’s honestly just no good way to fix this, unless they break the wall early or if they just have Danny fly up, swoop down to grab a white and fly back. I get it. Mechanically, walkers need to be shown as real and dragon needs to die. Mostly, dragon needs to die) So the show can do whatever needed to happen to get Jon to meet Danny and be like…you’re a hot aunt. That…happened. Then the usual sich happens with Jon coming back with the walker. Sure. Whatever.

But, we changed what happened with Danny. Danny’s now dead. Tyrion is the one in charge. So…what does he do when the Queen’s dead? Tell everyone pack up and go home? NO! He’s got a steak grilling on this army. He wants his family out of power and this is the only way he’s ever going to get anywhere. He’ll show up, uninvited, as the ambassador for the queen, a messenger protected by the knight’s law (or a dragon). He will take a seat at the council saying that Danny wants to negotiate peace in order to fight the wight walkers. Spin the excuse so that he says it was Danny’s plan all along to invade Westeros just to kill the things in the north and she has every intention of leaving afterwards (some kind of clever bs lie that gets his foot in the door and makes Cersei consider it).

We’ll come back to this in a second, but the point is, this meeting had a reason to happen. Here, there’d be tension because…why couldn’t Danny come herself? Cersei has a reason afterwards to doubt the power of Danny. Tyrion is left a leader, unofficially an equal with his sister.

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Next important plot line is Sansa, but it won’t be touched on that much. Because, basically, for what they were going for, they did okay. Like…yeah…if you took Sansa, put her in her own Sansa box in this season and edited some things in your mind, it’s cool.

SANSA, LADY OF WINTERHELL:

Okay, so first off, Jon has to scream at Sansa for not letting anyone know that she had a cavalry that would be a larger army. That knowledge alone would have prevented many deaths in the battle of the bastards. (or at least have it that Sansa told him and then they go like “Oh, I guess the vale didn’t show…shit we have to fight these guys on our own” and then it just turns out the vale was late. Jimmy stubbed his toe—anyway). Sansa and Jon have a power dynamic that is inherently interesting—until it’s presented to you.

A bunch of old white guys chose a bastard over a queen and Sansa’s birthright was taken from her. Now, the reason this is cool is because, though the Starks are the closest family, they haven’t seen each other in years and Sansa has grown up in places of manipulation and deceit. Living with her Aunt should have broken trust she had in family ties. Jon, has usurped her and she’ll see it like that, but know that he’s too stupid to have done it on purpose.

In public, she has to put on a bold face because if they go against Jon, they go against the Starks. She and Jon are a packaged deal in the eyes of the northerners right now, so she has to be quiet and kind in public, while in private, they can have those confrontations. (If Sansa learned anything from the series, it should have been to keep her mouth shut and pretend to be one unbreakable unit—but she doesn’t in the show. Pretend she did in this version and went against Jon only in private). Sansa would be caught between two things: The love and trust she has left in her family, and survival through playing the great game. She can love Jon, but think he is a terrible leader in Winterfell, think/ know she can do better, be great where Jon is failing.

When that letter comes from Danny inviting the king of the north, it should be Sansa pushing Jon to let her stay in charge if he does go—because she knows he will go. Make it her decision. The consequences of her conversations with him are carefully crafted for Jon to instill confidence in her and leave Winterfell to her as if it was his idea. Sansa wants power because she thinks she can be better. So, Jon shoves off, and she’s lady of Winterfell, to many people’s chagrin.

Then, she uses the tactics she learned in the south, throwing sly comments here and there that make people twist on themselves and acknowledge her as ruler and stabilizes her power. She’s not trying to take the throne back from Jon as much as she’s trying to secure it (instead of little finger doing all of this for her). The entire Season 7 could have been her dance between loving her family and desiring power because she can’t trust anyone else with it. Little Finger would be the devil on one shoulder, whispering encouragement to be tricky. She could employ him to sway the Vale her way, making their change in allegiance and sudden trust in Sansa not LIttle Finger make sense. Arya would be the voice family on the other shoulder.

Little Finger would still die in the end. Sansa, the most Tully of the Starks, ultimately choosing family over the poison she’s seen in the slimy pursuit of power—but she will want to remain lady of Winterfell because she’s doing such a good job at it and Jon (who she hasn’t seen in years, has deserted the night’s watch, come back, and never even waved at her as he passed their home some 2 odd times on his travel past the wall and back) isn’t capable, and she uses her manipulation to strengthen the FAMILY not herself.

What does Sansa change?

This basically gives Sansa more agency and culminates in payoff for her arc. That whole thing where Arya was accusing Sansa of wanting power comes off as flat in the show because you know Sansa already chose family and hasn’t been manipulative, it’s only been Little Finger. So…give those actions weight. If Sansa really is torn, show why, because she has more than enough reason to be.

She’s a new ruler of people in uncertain times whose alliances are in a shifting period. Power is hers and Jon’s but unstable and she should be able to see it. She does in the show. The fickleness of the people around her is a danger and honest tactics, which rely on knowing another’s character, is impossible for someone like Sansa or Jon who haven’t been present. Have men whispering of usurping the absent Starks, saying things were better before this dumb war. Have them saying two children of Ned, their failure, will get them all killed. Have Sansa deal with that. She’s learned from her travels how to be clever, how to make people follow her, how to gain power, but only ever power for herself. Here, with her family, she’ll take the cruelty she learned and grow as a character to expand her definition of rule and make the Starks, as a house, as a name, strong as a pack.

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So, let’s go to the next major plot thread that made me gnash my teeth: Sibling rivalry. I think the worst part about this is that the fight between Sansa and Arya never needed to happen. It has no consequence. It had no reaosn to exist because niether sister changed status. Before, they were annoyed with one another but willing to work together. After, it’s the same thing. The presentation of this plot is also terrible. The writers leave you in the dark with Sansa and Arya because they want a cheap “shock factor” when Sansa puts Little Finger on trial. But for an entire season, Arya is bringing up bs from 5 years ago (as sisters tend to do) and threatening to murder her own sister over it! But, twist! Sansa and Arya actually weren’t fighting—but they were-and it was all a ploy to get Little Finger exposed…only we were only ever shown Arya saying she is super jiving to kill Sansa in a room with no one else around. Why would a single private conversation between them ever end with Arya threatening to kill her sister if they’re fine with each other by the end? It certainly wasn’t for Little Finger’s benifit, he clearly wasn’t around. It was to manipulate the audience, and it’s dumb. Simple as that. Dumb. Soap Opera levels of lacking in consequence. (In my head, Bran was the one to end it. Like the fight between the girls got so bad it literally created a future that would tear down Winterfell, so he had to grunt and wheel himself into a room with them. Then he used his omnipotent power and told both his sisters to stop being idiots off screen).

Arya…oh god. She has plot armor just because she’s the favorite and it hurts. Nothing hurts more than seeing a 14 year-old rave about how they could have done everything better and you suck for bending to the world. And, unfortunately, she hasn’t had to compromise for a long time. Everyone she interacts with lets her get away with things that would kill other characters. (many faced men plot). Somehow, she’s still one of my favorite characters in principle, but execution is….er… The girl needs a thematic slap on the wrist.

ARYA AND THE MANY-FACED CONTRIVANCES

Let’s look at the core of Arya’s character again. She’s the reluctant princess. The girl who was wild and always wanted to be wild, and there were consequences for that for a very long time. She was never able to be a proper lady, and judged for that so she turned to being tough. That was great with the hound and the red wedding for a long time. Her learning the hardships and cruelties of the world and the need for compromise through a man like the hound was great.

Then, she goes to the many-faced men and…tricks them. The cult that makes a living understanding people and taking on the personas as their own indoctrinated a faker because 12-16 year old Arya was the first kid to try to trick them? By being good at the hazing ritual of being blind that everyone probably had to go through? It’s dumb, but roll with it because the books is doing it cleverly so I’ll live.

Let’s say we keep that, but that the many-faced man let her go because he knew she’d only be more trouble if she stayed. (GLaD0s motivation pretty much. Want her gone because killing her has proven to be more trouble than its worth). Arya can have her Frey thing and the poisoning scene, but then she goes home to Winterfell. She was on a murder spree until she heard Jon was alive. When she gets there and there’s no Jon, she should want to go right back to murder. She’ll want to leave. But Sansa, seeing Arya is trying to travel alone to the most dangerous place in the country, will want to keep her around. As far as Sansa’s concerned, Arya is a child. To Sansa, if she goes out on her own again, she may very well die. Sansa has to keep Arya in Winterfell, lock her in for her own good, not wanting to split up a family. Arya can even tell Sansa she has people on her list to kill and Sansa isn’t going to believe her sister became a magical face-murderer. She’ll say “Okay, that’s nice. Wash up for dinner, don’t stab anyone, please stop creeping everyone out by staring at them like they all killed Nymeria.”

So, Arya has a reason to bring up distrust and events of Sansa’s past. The sister fight now has a purpose grounded in the characters and their actions. The fight still shouldn’t last long. At best, two episodes. The consequences of a conversation/fight matter more than the actual fight/conversation.

Set the scene so that Arya confronts and threatens to kill Sansa in that lying game. Sansa says something like this, “I’m keeping you here because I love you and I love my family. I don’t want you to die, and I don’t believe that you can waltz into king’s landing and kill the Lannister’s. You’re a child. You’re going to get yourself killed so excuse me for trying to keep what little of our family is left together. You belong home to be a lady of the house and help when winter is coming!” Only, you know, written well.

Arya is told for the first time since bravos that she’s not “the shit.” (because who was listening to the waif or the many-faced guy. No one she’s taken seriously has talked her off of her high horse in a while and it shows). So the fight happens and though it ended with Sansa confessing her choice of choosing family over power, Arya takes it to heart that someone thinks she can’t take care of herself. She hates the the idea that she may still be that powerless little girl watching her father get executed from season one. All that’s been keeping her going since that point is that list. If she can’t check off the names, and can’t be a proper lady, what’s left of her? She’s stuck in the past, stuck in a fantasy that will be a revisionist history and keep her from achieving closure.

Thinking this, Arya runs away from Winterfell and fast-travels to King’s Landing. There, she steals the face of another servant girl and tries to kill Cersei, but the mountain (or something) catches her and her face is removed. Cersei (who’d is about to have a council meeting with the king in the north) will now have leverage. She’ll use Arya as a pawn to win the Stark loyalty, showing her craft and desperate need for allies.

Arya gets traded for Jon’s declaration of loyalty. He’ll choose family over Danny (who he’s been dicking around with for a while the same way as in the show, sure). Now we got a happy little brigade that’s going to fight the white walkers together.

What does this change?

Now, there’s a reason for Arya to stay in Winterfell and for her to have a conflict with Sansa. It also fleshes out Sansa’s family vs cunning theme we were going for. Now, Arya can bring up her sister’s past mistakes because Sansa is actually trying to overthrow Jon, so there’s grounds for suspicion. NOW this fight has a consequence. It leads to Arya, who’d been a character shown to be consumed by revenge, relentlessly pursuing that path instead of truly coping.

When Arya fails to kill Cersie, it makes an impact on her character. She goes to thinking she’s just as powerless as she was when she was little, and it crushes her, frustrates her, boils in her. She can’t stand that thought. She’s trapped in the past and now her purpose is shown to be infeasible. She’s the weak princess she didn’t want to be. (of course, she’s not actually, but that’s what she would think of herself as she’s taken down a peg and she’ll understand her sister’s need to play the game.)

What else does this change? Something that I really hate. (coming up next).

THE PRINCE THAT WAS PROMISED

I wonder who—it’s Jon. It’s always Jon. Sure. But NO! NO! NO! NO!

Here’s why I say NO! Because prophecies in this show have been used as kind of like a cryptic underline to events that happen. Whatever is said is not always whatever is meant. Now, remember when everyone was theorizing who could be the prince that was promised and this is basically Game of Thrones Jesus? For the story to be in keeping with it’s original tone, Game of Thrones Jesus should not exist! Jon should not be him. He’s the most obvious choice and the show has built that up since day one. Sure. It was a three-way tie between Jon, Danny and Tyrion for a long time. But…how about this:

Keep it the obvious choice everyone discounted. Keep it Danny.

“But…you killed Danny in this narrative before anyone got to smash,” you say.

“I did!” I say to you. “Because we’re going to make this prophecy better.”

Arya has been set up as the girl who can steal faces, someone designed to slip into personas that aren’t hers and nothing of use has been done with that. (I mean in the overall plot. There’s this story telling tool that says you introduce a mechanic early on in a book and reuse that mechanic for another purpose later that wouldn’t be initially thought of. Face stealing is a mechanic with boundless potential).

What if, at this meeting with Cersei, Arya is thrown in the center with the face of the servant she tried to use. Arya’s called a witch. Tyrion takes notice (because we put him at that meeting already). When Arya is traded back, and Jon has her, Tyrion takes Arya aside and asks her if she can slip into any face. (This is why we need Danny’s corpse back—Oh shit, Danny could be that white walker they present to Cersei. Like, they got what they wanted…you know what? They should have literally just brought someone [like a prisoner marked for death or something] over the wall, killed them, tied up the corpse, waited for the corpse to reanimate, walk back…ANYWAY). Tyrion and Arya have a conversation about the face-stealing-thing and a plan forms in his mind.

He looks to Arya and asks, “How would you like another chance at ending the Lannister reign? I can help you kill all the people on your list.” (With better written dialogue). Arya’s super down for this plan. Why wouldn’t she be?

They got the Danny-dead-body-face and Arya slips it on. Now, she’s impersonating queen Danny. In comes the Princess that was promised. Arya will be exactly who she wanted to be, Nymeria, the conquering queen, who has to juggle the duality of the game in her deception, with the gore and violent vengeance promised to her. Now, the legacy of Danny will truly be one of a merciless mad-queen driven only to kill the enemy. Burn them all, Arya. Burn them all.

WHY?

Because I don’t doubt that Jon Snow’s birth would be a great twist, but it makes the prophecy too obvious now. It fits too well. I hate the prince that was promised prophecy because of how much it adheres to modern convention. I just think George has set up a world that can easily subvert the obvious. If it turned out that someone was wearing the face of the person who was supposed to be this prophesied messiah, that’s so much better in my opinion. (It also has to be someone the audience has as much attachment to as Danny. Someone from season 1, who won’t be a “lesser” replacement. You still want to keep people interested after killing off a major character so another major character has to take her place). Arya’s technically Danny from that point on, making her the prince that was promised. The “savior” is now Arya, the girl consumed by revenge and blood, the girl shaped in this world, taken all around it, and culminated into this leader for people she doesn’t care about. Her own goals are short-sighted, leaving her a pawn for Tyrion (a great ruler the people would never follow) to shape the world as he sees fit. You can even add Cersie’s prophecy that a younger queen will usurp her–Arya in Danny’s skin.

You remember that phrase “The dragon has three heads?” One for Danny (the OG ruler), one for Arya/impersonator, one for Tyrion (the man who will rule in her name). I know it’s supposed to refer to the riders, but let me dream.

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Oh my god, we’re finally near the end! There’s other plot points that aren’t great, but they either ultimately don’t impact the story that much, are implied with the changes, are fine as they are, or I don’t care. This is long enough as it is. A few closing thoughts: you can’t have a long-running series and kill off all the main characters while still keeping investment intact, I get it. Danny’s a favorite, so is Jon, so is Arya, so is Peter Dinklage. That’s why they have super thick plot armor. But, the show has grown toothless. The overall story is not the story of these characters. It’s the country’s story. How this one continent ends up scarred by the damage of people who ends up ruling it. Whoever sits on the Iron Throne says something about the world, not the people in it.

The main conflict of the show is that there’s this terrible force coming in from the north. While it’s approaching, power has to be a loose structure and chaos has to run rampant through all of Westeros. If you watch everything before season 6 and say “Hey, looks like this country’s plot line is finally going to be in order and we may have a stable and just power structure”—No. That’s why you had the Red Wedding, that’s why you had the Lord of Light and demon baby, that’s why you have a line of dead Lannister kings. It’s a world-wide story. That’s why there’s no mini-cut off point with perfect plot resolution.

Also, I know there’s a lot of cool stuff in the books I’m not mentioning. That’s because the books and show are separate entities with just the main stretch goals as their common ground at this point (I guess). So, most of this is show-based.

I feel like I said this before, but I don’t hate this series. I love it. I’ve had a lot of fun with it. There’s a metric ton of talent going into the show and the books and I am glad they exist. I’m still dying waiting for the next book, and the show will have my groaning support every Sunday when it next airs. Until then, for my own piece of mind, I’ll just scream at this wall.

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hoopslab · 7 years

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Game of Thrones S7 Ep 5 Eastwatch: What does annulment mean?

SPOILERS FOR GAME OF THRONES ON HBO, UP THROUGH EPISODE 5 OF SEASON 7. I said, SPOILERS FOR GAME OF THRONES ON HBO, UP THROUGH EPISODE 5 OF SEASON 7.

"He (High Septon Maynard) issued an annulment for a Prince Rhaegar and remarried him to someone else at the same time in a secret ceremony in Dorne.” --Gilly

One of the fun yet maddening things about A Game of Thrones is how the writers can toss out something just to mess with the audience, that the characters on-screen completely miss because they have no reason to pay attention. They went back to that in a big way this week, with the whole scene where Gilly was just annoying the mess out of Sam with “unimportant” minutiae while he stews on whether or not to drop out of the Citadel. Of course, the writers had to tease us by dropping something important into the mix. But HOLY CRAP. They just drop info that changes the entire game, then have Sam completely miss it? I was yelling at my TV like it was a horror movie with that one.

So, not only is Jon the son of Rhaegar and Lyanna...which was confirmed last season, roughly 19 years after the R + L = J theory went crazy in nerd reader land. But now, we hear that Rhaegar had annulled his marriage with Elia Martell (sorry Oberyn), and that he actually married Lyanna...thus, not only is Jon the son of the late crown prince, he’s the LEGITIMATE son of the late crown prince. Meaning that, Dany has absolutely no leg to stand on as the “rightful queen”, as in every way that particular crown would go to Jon? Oh yes, Bend the Knee indeed!

Bronn pulls Jamie out of the fire...and the water

At the end of episode 7.4, we saw Jaime Lannister charging Daenerys Targeryan on a horse, only to have Drogon the dragon catch him before he can get there and flame the whole situation. Just before Jaime is flambe’d, someone rides into the scene and pushes Jaime out of the fire and into the water, where Jaime’s armor sinks him like a stone. End scene.

This week, we got confirmation that, as expected, that last second savior was Bronn Stone. Bronn then doubled down on his heroism by diving to the bottom of the water and dragging Jaime, armor and all, back to the surface. Once back on land, coughing up water, Jaime and Bronn continue the verbal sniping of their bromance, with Jaime complaining that Bronn could have killed him and Bronn saying that, until Jaime gives him the castle he was promised, no one gets to kill Jaime EXCEPT for Bronn! He did make the exception that when Dany brings all three of her dragons into play, all bets were off because dragons are where their partnership ends. Speaking of dragons...

Drogon and Jon stare into each other’s eyes

As teased in the previews for the episode, upon their return to Storm’s End, Dany and Drogon confronted Jon Snow. However, in reality, it didn’t appear that Dany had any say-so whatsoever in the confrontation. She looked just as confused as the rest of us about just what was going on between her head dragon and her nemesis/bae that refuses to bend the knee.

The scene, which took about two minutes but didn’t have any words, was powerful. Drogon ran up on Jon like it was on, but Jon didn’t back down. Instead, they stared at each other for several seconds, then Jon reacted like one would when your friend has a giant dog that wants to get to know you. Jon took off his glove, let Drogon smell his hand, then started petting him. Now, outside of this proving once again that Jon has nerves of steel, this also was another confirmation that his Targeryen blood will likely let him eventually control a dragon. “The Dragon has three heads”, as the prophecy goes, and it certainly looks like Jon is on deck to join Dany as the second.

Also, as I saw someone point out on Twitter, there are now exactly three people in the show that have touched a full-grown dragon and lived. Dany, Jon, and Tyrion. Hmmmm.

Arya & Littlefinger: who’s playing who?

Littlefinger has been arguably the sneakiest player in the Game of Thrones universe, but Arya has trained as a Faceless Man and prides herself on being a good spy. In this episode, after clashing with Sansa about whether Sansa really wants to steal Jon’s crown, Arya decides to spy on Littlefinger. She sees him come into possession of a scroll, breaks into his room, and finds it. The scroll is the letter that Sansa wrote way back in Season 1, when she was held by the Lannisters and thought she would be marrying Joffrey. In that letter, Sansa reports King Robert’s death, names her father a traitor, and urges her brother Robb to surrender to Joffrey. Ouch.

The letter visibly horrifies Arya, who sneaks back out of Littlefinger’s room, apparently unaware that Lord Baelish is now spying her from around the corner. Put into perspective, it certainly seems that Littlefinger is playing Arya, letting her find the scroll to fan the suspicion between the sisters and keep them from working together. Will Arya be smart enough to catch it, or will she fall head-on into his trap? We should soon find out.

Bran wargs a million ravens and spies undead army

This section was self-explanatory. Bran sat at the tree, warged into a whole flock of ravens that he sent north of the wall, and spied the Night King’s forces...before the Night King looked up and broke Bran’s hold on the birds. Bran sent warnings out all around Westeros, including to both the Citadel and Storm’s End. The Citadel seemingly ignored the warning, prompting Sam’s frustrated conversation with Gilly from the opening paragraph and ultimately Sam’s departure from the Citadel. Jon Snow got triple-blindsided by the message, as he learned that both Arya and Bran were still alive at the same time that he got confirmation that his nightmare was on the march. This leads directly to later events in the show (below).

Ser Friend Zone & Ser rows-a-lot both return

Jorah Mormont was last seen in the Citadel, cured by Sam, so we all knew that he would be heading directly for his Khaleesi ASAP. He found her this week, and was welcomed back with open arms. The dynamics whenever he, Jon and Dany are in a seen together are interesting. Dany openly shows her emotion at Jorah’s return, but he looks at Jon before responding. And Jon quietly stares daggers at him too.

Meanwhile, the bigger return in the episode was Gendry, Robert Baratheon’s bastard son that we last saw rowing away from a date with Melisandre’s flames after The Onion Knight freed him three or four years ago. It’s been a popular inside joke that, as the seasons were going along, Gendry was still somewhere rowing that boat. The Onion Knight even delivers a line to that effect, tongue firmly in cheek, as a nod to the fans. Gendry has been waiting for something to happen to give him an excuse to leave his life of building armor for the Lannisters, so he’s quick to bounce with Ser Davos. Along the way he shows off his skills with a hammer, crushing two nosy guards, and illustrating that he has at least some of his father’s fighting skills.

The funny part of Gendry’s return (outside of his alarming resemblance to Ser Podrick) was his introduction to Jon. Davos warns him, repeatedly, to hide his past and use an assumed name so as to not bother Jon. Instead, Gendry marches right up to Jon, tells him his name, his lineage, and announces that since their fathers were friends, they would be friends too. Jon appears skeptical, especially when Gendry makes a quip about Jon being short, then suddenly he smiles and they become friends in a very meme-able way.

I’m a King

After Jon receives word from Bran that the Night King is on the march, he decides it’s time to leave Storm’s End and head home. Dany visibly doesn’t want him to go. Tyrion then comes up with the (IMO not that smart) idea that if someone can go North of the wall, capture one of the undead army, and bring that zombie south it could be used as proof for Cersei that they needed to be fighting the zombies instead of each other. As I said, to me it was far fetched. But, Jorah Mormont jumped on the idea with two feet, promising to bring back a zombie for his Queen. Dany looked semi-emotional, but then Jon jumps in that he’ll lead the expedition. First, he absolutely trumped Jorah’s I’m-going-to-impress-Khaleesi play. Second, Dany didn’t react well at all.

OK, that’s an exaggeration. But barely. Dany’s face said it all, then she told him she hadn’t given him permission to leave. He then drops the TI line, “I’m a King”, so I don’t need permission. And proceeds to sweet talk her into nodding her head, when she clearly didn’t want to. This leads to...

Bronn matchmakes the Lannister brothers

To lay the groundwork for his big plan to convince Cersei with a zombie, Tyrion has Davos smuggle him into King’s Landing to meet with Jaime. This is the trip when Davos goes and finds Gendry. But while he’s doing that, Tyrion gets old buddy Bronn to set up the meet with his brother. Jaime’s still pissed the Tyrion killed their dad, and Peter Dinklage killed the scene because you can actually see him bleeding inside that his beloved brother hasn’t forgiven him. But he does convince Jaime to at least deliver the message to Cersei: upcoming queens meeting to discuss armistice because of the Zombies.

Cersei most likely to try to recruit the Night King?

Jamie goes to report to Cersei about his meeting with Tyrion, only for her to reveal that she knew about it all along and suggest that he punish Bronn for setting it up. She suggests that she’ll accept the armistice because Dany has the numbers and is currently winning, but she also doubles-down (triples down? quadruples down? What’s the highest number you can think of?) on the idea that she’s going to find a way to turn this to her advantage and find a way to defeat Dany, especially because Cersei is pregnant again. And this time she plans to tell the world that it’s Jaime’s baby. Twincest ick factor resurfaces a bit, but more than that, there is very little in the Game of Thrones universe scarier than motivated Cersei planning skull-duggery. I really wouldn’t put it past her to try to form an alliance with the Night King, if that’s even possible.

The Magnificent 7

The final scene in this week’s episode wasn’t a big battle sequence, like it’s been in several episodes this season. Instead, we journey up to EastWatch and get a reunion of seven badasses that are all going to go on this zombie expedition: Jon Snow, Jorah Mormont, Gendry, Tormund Giantsbane (huge readheaded wildling that loves The Big Lady), The Hound, Beric Dondarrion (guy with eyepatch that keeps dying and being reborn) and Thoros of Myr (priest of the Red Lord that keeps reviving Beric).

It turns out, most of the seven have reason to hate each other, but Beric says that this doesn’t matter since it’s their destiny to fight together. The Hound keeps it real, curses all the talking, and says he’s ready to go. Jon delivers the final line, that they’re all on the same side because they’re all breathing (while their enemies don’t have to breathe). The show ends with a shot of the seven of them, beyond the wall, gearing up for what looks to be another action-packed next-to-last-episode of the season...a Game of Thrones specialty.

Not mentioned above, but the showrunners keep teasing the fear that Tyrion and Varys, as well as others, have that Dany will become more like her father as another fire-loving tyrant. Will anything come of that? Will Arya fall for Littlefinger’s plots and go after Sansa? And what the heck can the magnificent 7 accomplish against the Nightking’s undead army of thousands? Can’t wait to check it out.