#and El 💕 she's gone through so much and there's still so much

[thewolvesof1998]

Hi Wolf 💕💕💕

Please share more about headcanons or any other thoughts you have related to Eddie’s dog tags :)

Hi 🪐!!!

So here are the three that I've already sent to @malewifediaz: Buck and Chris wearing Eddie's dog tags after he's gone missing and is presumed dead, Buck railing Eddie into the mattress and the dog tags hanging there between them/Eddie's hand coming up to Buck's chest, and he feels the tags underneath Buck's shirt and the one that I'm turning into my first Christmas Fic mistake identity- Buck is wearing Eddie’s tags when he gets hurt

But I have sooooooo many thoughts- it all started because Amanda wrote a fic i’ll bandage up your body and your bones and your bad days too and in it Buck's wearing Eddie's dog tags:

Buck, who’s halfway through a 24. Buck, who has Eddie’s dogtags around his neck and tucked beneath his uniform shirt. 

And I haven't stopped thinking about it since and if I can get Buck wearing Eddie's dog tags in all of my fics I will. Here are a few thoughts that have been bouncing around my head since then:

Eddie and Shannon don't get married when she gets pregnant, Eddie still runs away to the army to "support his child" between tours one and two, Eddie comes home to El Paso and has a hard time adjusting, Chris doesn't know him, his family is hard on him, he gets on well enough with Shannon though she still is like I need a partner. Anyway, he meets Buck who's in his ranch hand era, they have a steamy whirlwind romance and when Eddie goes back to Afghanistan he gives Buck his dog tags. Buck moves on to LA - because he thinks it's over with Eddie (which is kinda is as they leave it on a bad note). Eddie gets injured and discharged and when he gets back to El Paso is hurt to find Buck's left. He and Shannon move to LA to co-parent and help Shannon's mother, Eddie joins the LAFD and runs into Buck - who is still wearing his dog tags- which's revealed later at the angstiest time. - this one would be super long so I'm not going to be writing it anytime soon- if I ever do but I do think its juicy.

Young Buck and Eddie (kinda similar to above) where they're both broke so instead of proposing with a ring, Eddie uses his dog tags- instead.

Historical Buddie- Buck and Eddie meet during WW2 and fall in love, they exchange dog tags before they get separated. They both return to their lives afterwards- no way to find each other- a few years pass and they run into each other- they're still wearing each others tags.

Eddie has a lot of complicated thoughts about his tours and his tags, one day he's going through the box he keeps in his closet, its got his silver star and dog tags and some photos of his friends. Buck finds him siting on his bed with the stuff. Buck shows some interest in the tags and Eddie suggest that he wears them. Buck puts them on and Eddie loves it, loves having his name on Buck-basically its a possessive Eddie fic

Established Buddie, Buck wears Eddie's dog tags at work and it's five times Eddie sees his tags on Buck and it turns him on/he loves it and one time he shows Buck how much he likes it kinda thing- Like they're at a call and the tags slip out from Buck's shirt and someone has been flirting with Buck so Eddie goes over to him and tucks them back in and basically stakes his claim.

I'm just obsessed so thanks for letting me ramble about this!

Mwah <3<3<3

[grapesodatozier]

apologies as always for how incoherent I get when talking about mileven lmao but I’m having thoughts about them again and how important mike is to el, and how consistently there for her he is, and how that plays into st4 vol 2 especially.

as soon as mike meets her, he’s listening to her. he doesn’t tell her it’s weird when she says no to closing the door, he finds an in between and asks her if it’s okay with her before walking away. he spends 353 days listening for her, and reminding her that he’s there for her whenever she’s ready. he listens in s3 and thinks over what she said, and even in the midst of all this when she’s hurting or in trouble he shows up for her and defends her against flayed billy and holds her when it’s over and she’s exhausted, then apologizes and encourages her to be her own person and pursue what makes her happy, while making clear that he wants to be there with her when she does. he pays attention, and he remembers what happened when el turned herself to dust to save them all in s1 so he stands up for her in s3 when she won’t stand up for herself bc no one else there (except lucas, who also comes through for el in a big way) understands what el has been through and how far she’ll push herself for others bc she feels like it’s all on her. mike again is there for her in s4, crossing half the country to prove that he’ll always be there for her.

and to me that’s the crux of his speech to her. el’s series-long arc, to me, is about guilt and feeling solely responsible and alone. so it’s so powerful to me that she tells brenner he’s at fault, not her, and at the end of that she has mike right there, who led a multi-day, endless search across the desert for her, showing her she’s never doing anything alone anymore. but, naturally, when faced with the stress of seeing max being hurt, she slips back into the guilt and gets incredibly overwhelmed (especially bc she has henry constantly blaming her), so what helps her get through is mike. and to me it’s not even really about the “I love you,” to me it’s about the “I’m right here” and the “i can’t lose you” and “I need you to fight.” that’s what it’s always been about. when el is faced with all this pressure and is falling back into that place where she thinks it’s all on her, when she’s feeling powerless and alone and immense guilt, mike is there to say “this is not all on you, I’m right here, I’m always gonna be right here, you’re never alone in doing this anymore.” and to me, that’s what that scene is all about. he says I can’t fight this the way you can but I’m here for you and I always will be. please come back to me. and she does! she always comes back to him like he always comes back to her 💕

there’s a beautiful children’s book I love about grief, and in it one of the characters has a huge block she has to drag around, and her new friend comes up to her and asks her to hang out, and she says “maybe tomorrow?” bc she doesn’t feel she can move the block or let go of it. and over the course of the book, the new friend keeps coming back, and listens, and helps the grieving character pull the block until she can talk about her grief, and the block gets smaller. it doesn’t go away, and it’s still hers, but her new friend helps her with it and stays with her and it gets smaller. and it just makes me cry all the time bc like…that’s what love is!!!!

and that’s what mike does for el. el has gone through so much terrible shit, but mike is always there to listen to her and help her carry it. he never stops waiting for her, he never stops writing to her, he never stops looking for her, he’s always there at the end of each season to listen to her.

and we hear from mike that el still thinks it’s all her fault, but she told mike she feels that way!! that is a huge step!! even if she does still feel solely responsible at this incredibly low point, she knows that she can share that feeling with mike. a part of her knows she’s not alone even in the moments she feels most alone bc mike always shows up for her and listens to her. when visiting max in the hospital, el leans on mike. even in her darkest moments of isolation and guilt, she knows instinctively that she can lean on mike.

and that’s where their relationship is for me. in every single time they say to each other, “I’m here.”

[twinstarlovers]

You know this is interesting.. my friend knows I’m sick right & she knows I cut my old friend off right & like she was like I’m probably sick because I’m going through withdrawals from her & the thing is I’ve cut her off before but this is actually the end for us & my soul actually feels it so it’s like.. yeah suffering rn lol. Maybe in a few years we’ll bump into each other. Maybe not. It just makes me sad that I won’t see her baby grow up. It doesn’t feel nice to see the baby randomly grown up. I wanna be there though it all but I mean… I can’t stay friends w her for a kid. But hmmm that’s interesting. I asked my tik tok tarot cards & they are saying the same thing. Keep in mind that I never get sick like ever. I was thinking it’s cus I’m so used to the cold that I’m getting sick cus it’s hot over here like the change in temperatures is hard to adjust to. I’ve been taking medicine & it’s not working. The ones I’m taking anyways. I wonder if it’s cus as I said it’s a soul thing & medicine can’t take that away like I have to wait this out. Also I think this is a test, me being sick cus this morning my grandpa was getting buried & I didn’t go. I was thinking if I should’ve gone but I was like nah. I would only be going to make others feel good & cus I feel like I have an obligation to be there. I would be self sabotaging cus I’m sick & I know I would not feel good being there. Plus I wanted to go as a way to say goodbye but that would mean I really don’t believe he’s eternal & that he will always communicate & be there w me. He has been so I have to believe that he always will. (The Hannah Montana song is playing 🥹🧸💕. This song reminds me of you now every time it comes on 💗 SIT BACK AND SAY TO MYSELF) but yeah I feel like shit cus I’m coming across as so selfish but I shouldn’t care what everyone thinks of me cus I know I care & I know where I stand w my grandpa & I don’t gotta prove it to anyone. I told my mom to tell my grandma I’m sorry I can’t be there & she was like that she understands which is good I guess. Idk. It feels right to be there for my family. That’s something I should be there for, that’s what makes me feel like shit but it’s fine I guess. I gotta put myself first cus im sick. Not only that, if I were to go I would ruin it for everyone cus I would be complaining that I’m sick & shit so it’s best that everyone gets to say goodbye in peace & not worry about me. I feel like ima live to regret not going but no… I have to move on. Omg I kinda am getting emotional but the moon is in cancer today so. I’m just imagining him getting buried, not being able to process he’s gone, saying goodbye but no… it’s an illusion. I gotta tell myself death is just an illusion. I still can’t process he’s gone tho, maybe cus I know he’s not so my soul can’t process it. When I got to my grandmas house, I started crying cus I could feel his absence. I’m never even there but that was the energy. The energy was strong. His sister was crying when we got there too so she probably felt the energy too. It felt like…. something is just missing… something that gave the house life is gone. You felt the absence intensely. I don’t know how but I did. He loved it here in El Salvador. It’s crazy cus I think last time I came, he took a picture of his moms grave & you see his shadow & now he got buried next to her. This whole situation on how he died is just so sad & fucked up. When you & I get together I’ll tell you everything but it’s quite a story. But sorry for saying so much lol. I need my account back lmao. I’ve felt my cousins absence before when he used to live at his old house too. He’s not dead but the family shunned him which considers him dead but I started crying in that moment too cus he’s what gave the house life. Idk how or why I feel these things. Yes I’m an empath but still. It’s actually really sad cus my grandma & grandpa grew up together & then they were together till now. They are both Taurus’s lol. They had my gift out here, the light w my grandpas face & shit :,) , everyone was like they loved it… to be continued

[indigobackfire]

But I wanna say the good things cause I need to keep my blood pressure in check

So big spoilers in the tags

[fatale-distraction]

Happy Friday!! For dadwc, how about "with you by my side, I feel like I can do anything" for Krem and a person of your choice! 💕

Some Kremquisitor for @dadrunkwriting on this fine evening! Hope you enjoy the start of an idea I've been tossing around for a bit.

***

"Are you sure about this?" Ellana's large violet eyes tracked Krem relentlessly as he paced back and forth across his small room, packing and unpacking bags that should have been prepare hours ago. He didn't even have that many personal belongings. He was stalling, and he knew it, and he kept doing it anyway.

"Nope," he replied, stuffing a now quite wrinkled dress shirt back into a drawer. What did he need his fancy Inquisition reds for anyway? They weren't going to some fancy ball like at Halamshiral.

But what if they did end up going somewhere nice? He grabbed the shirt and stuffed it back in his pack.

Ellana put her chin in her hands, elbows propped on her knees as she slouched on the bed, still watching him with concern on her face. She'd been packed and ready to go for days, which was unusual for her. Typically she was a last-minute kind of packer, but this particular excursion had her very nervous. It was the furthest she'd ever traveled in her life, further than anyone in her clan had even gone, with the exception of one person, and he had never returned.

"I know you're worried," she started as Krem rearranged one of his bags unnecessarily. "But the Chargers and I are going to be there for you the whole time. Even if she doesn't want to see you--"

"I'm not worried about her," Krem threw his arms up, then scrubbed his hands over his face with a frustrated groan. "I'm worried about you!"

Ellana straightened at this, eyes widening. "Me? I'm not the one meeting my estranged mother for the first time in almost ten years!"

The mercenary scratched the side of his head, eyes scrunched up. "I know, I know. Believe me, I'm fucking terrified of that. I don't even know why I want to go. I'm still not sure I do. But we're going to be close by for a job, so...I might as well, I guess?

"But El, I...I don't want you to go with me," he admitted with a guilty cringe.

The Inquisitor crossed her arms over her chest, wood and metal from her prosthetic creaking. "I'm going. Try and leave me behind, see what happens. I'll track you assholes down and let Sera sic her bees on you."

"It's dangerous," insisted Krem. "Tevinter is no place for any elf, but especially a Dalish one, and especially the Inquisitor."

She gave him a sober look that hurt his heart to see on her normally cheerful face. "I know that, Krem. Probably better than most. You know what happened to my mums, and my father." She turned her gaze away, tears glimmering in her eyes. "They sent us back their vallaslin," she choked.

He sat next to her on the bed, the straw mattress sinking beneath them, and pulled her close. A stray red curl tickled his nose and he brushed her long hair back from her face. "I know. And I know you're coming because it's not any safer for me. Tevinter doesn't much appreciate military deserters. Or fraud. 'Least when it's Soporati committing it." Krem rubbed his hand over her shoulder, cheek pressed to the top of her head. She smelled like lavender and vanilla, sweet, floral, and a bit peppery. Fitting, he thought laughing a little to himself.

"They'll have to get through me," she reminded him, cracking a knuckle with her thumb. "So will your mum, if she has anything nasty to say. I don't care if she's your mother, I'll hit her, Krem, I swear it."

"I know," he laughed. "That's why I'm bringing you. Even if it scares me." He pressed a long, loving kiss to her temple. "With you by my side, I feel like I can take on anything. Even this."