#and FFS did not in any way create any new problems that i didn't have for two and a half decades before that

[katyspersonal]

How did you let Shabiri gaslight you?

Oh, to be honest, gaslight is not a right term here! It specifically means manipulation that makes another doubt their own memories and perception, but I have a bad habit of also using it when the person got a (generally) right idea about something and someone makes them doubt this idea in favor of a way more detrimental one. The idea, not one's own ability to analyze and perceive! With that being said, what I mean is that Shabriri pushed me more to the 'bad' side of permanent existential dilemma. His words, and "philosophy" of Frenzied Flame in general, appeals both to the brand of despair contained within Soulsborne games and to my own despair.

We spend a lot of Elden Ring seeing suffering and oppression, consequences of "all that divides and distinguishes". The world is broken fundamentally. Greater Will doesn't know what it wants to do, but sought mortal plane to allow them to give it purpose and order. But no matter who takes up so much power, it will all just eventually lead to more misery and need to be destroyed and replaced with the new thing.. and that thing will also eventually collapse. And so on, and so on.

Yeah, Shabriri is the bad guy, sure. It is said that the FF sickness started with him, and now the world is cursed with the condition where if you get reasonably depressed you get linked with the mindless power that wants to undo the existence itself. But why Shabriri had the power to slander the Nomads to begin with? Who set the oppressive system that punished the "heretics" with being buried alive in motion? Certainly not Shabriri. His crime is a symptom of "all that divides and distinguishes", not the cause of it. And the world would've still be broken even if FF was never unleashed. Other endings are still questionable. Age of Fracture is just keeping the world broken as it is. Age of Duskborn and Age of Despair are effectively "swinging the pendulum the other side" and we all know it is pretty bad resolution, no matter how justified or expected. Age of Stars and Age of Perfecf Order remove the 'authority' over cosmic horrors that took the form of gold-colored magic in this world: Ranni removes it from anyone's reach and Goldmask makes it accessible to everyone equally. The problem is-

Yes, exactly lol Thank you, Brador! Who is to tell that now in this sort of anarchy, people won't again battle each other until new leader, new oppressive system arises and new kind of suffering and injustice is created? In the end, it didn't solve anything. People suffer under a leader, people suffer without a leader.

As for my personal experience? I am just thinking about this stuff a lot. ALL the time. As a neurodivergent person I've been experiencing the sense of any society I enter trying to remove me like a tumor on an otherwise healthy body early. Children and teens are naturally cruel to the 'odd ones', that's true, but did things really improve in adulthood, or just became more elusive, buried under layers of pretenses and lies? However, is not it reasonable?

Are social animals, ALL of them and not just humans, at fault for trying to preserve definition and customs of their community by excluding those that don't fit in it? We often claim that animals are innocent, but social ones do the same thing: they are not kind to those who are weaker, "useless" or just break the "rules". Nature itself is very ruthless: you are born with something off or lose it for reasons you could not control and you will not survive. Humans developed the ways to help disabled to adapt and survive, but somehow trapped themselves in the system where helping everyone is "not efficient". The opposite way to build the society, on the other hand, leads to stagnation and a different sort of oppression. Both capitalism and communism are built to get rid of those that don't fit into it, just different criteria of not fitting, and yet you can't trust humanity with anarchy.

But are those born different at fault for being this way? But hey, why do we live in the world where if someone could choose what way to be born as, they'd be inclined to fit the norm just to avoid more misery? But how community is preserved if there is no bar for who can belong in it? No matter how you are born - different or normal - both options are bad because you either suffer or cause suffering with your very existence. But don't normies also suffer when we "ruin" their experiences, systems and traditions by existing, but don't we cause suffering with our own existence? Trying to accommodate to everyone leaves world in stagnation and suffering and eventually some people get fed up and off to declare and exterminate the "enemy", NOT trying to do that causes misery, loneliness and deaths. Again, with people trying to overthrow it but all it does is makes pendulum swing. Happiness can only exist atop of neglecting and oppressing others, and if you ARE oppressed, your own way to happiness only lays through committing atrocities and learning TO oppress so is it worth it?

The problem is in how mind and feelings of everyone that lives work. There is some fundamental error in them, because they seek to harm each other and self, because freedom is dangerous but all control becomes too rotten and brings too many victims in the end. No matter who you are, being born into this world is on itself a curse. You'd think that civilisation and education would improve things, but have they? So far most of what I've seen humans do with knowledge about justice, decency, 'red flags' and abuse, bigotry and morality is to distort and misuse it to no end. They just invent new enemies and eat their own, there is never enough victims. Bigotry and evil is not rooted in ignorance, but in nature of life. Idiots do not become smarter when given knowledge, they just become dangerous idiots. So, is not evolving and not seeking knowledge and meaning better? But we already figured that animalistic drives are pretty evil and brutal too.

I respect Soulsborne for having all this, and much more, seen. I don't feel satisfied with the answers to this problem I tend to get from people, and I definitely don't believe that God who cursed humans for slipping under 100% control and threatens people with even more pain if they don't offer him their love is anything good to fall back on. But hey, the guy who rebelled against him doesn't have humanity's best interests in mind either! He is just waiting to pry on us, and humanity got no one. Being oppressed with fear or being a food for demons or wandering aimlessly without purpose? Choose your poison, there is no mercy except for death, and death is the one and only thing that makes everyone equal! Neither side cares for us, and not even we ourselves care for us. I am talking about both the games and real thing here, because Soulsborne is basically a big real world reference x)

I can only laugh it all off as "edgy teenager angst" for so long, but I am thinking about things like this every day. This post is just a tip of the iceberg because I can't spill my whole heart even if I want to, there is just.. too much stuff. More than all words in all languages could encapsulate. "Destroy all that divides and distinguishes, may Chaos take the world" however, is a good way to express the sentiment. It feels cathartic to say. Why not just end it all, if it's fundamentally broken? If the world is just a farm of suffering but deceptive with many beautiful things to hide its true ugly meaning? Although there were other characters delivering meaning of FF, Shabriri felt like the real manifestation of it, and fed that despair I already struggled it into winning.

Like I said, the whole 'picking FF ending to save Melina xD' flew completely over my head. For me it was about being convinced that just returning everything into primordial state of Chaos and singularity was better. And, again, conversation with Melina was so meaningful for this reason. Because there are enough of people that still agree to live in this world, even if wretched, and experience whatever they can. I'd argue that maybe wish to live itself is just something programmed in us to not let us avoid our given purpose to suffer and struggle, or cause suffering and struggle.. Still, I don't know that. Whatever I am looking for is not something logic or heart can help me with, because both comprehension and nature are insidious, fundamentally broken to turn on other humans and yourself. It is something that can't be identified and thus reproduced and shared, but whatever Melina said must have been connected with it if it made me stop believing in FF as the good thing. It could be about finding your own way, that can't be shared with others, but this means everyone else has the capacity to find their own way. In the end, no one has the right to take that chance away from them; not to spite God, not to end endless suffering, not for anything.

[astralartefact]

FFXIV Dawntrail FanFest EU Predictions Bad idea for a Green Mage to gamble against a Corsair

Jobs Okay, so listen. Let's talk about Yoshi-P's T-shirt again. Some of the leading theories seem to be, in no particular order:

a) Green Mage, because Green (& Krile's Letter in 6.5) b) Pictomancer, because Turtle Names (& because it would be cool) c) It's just that the Melee Job shares Ninja gear (& Yoshi-P thinks we're stupid)

And I could see all of these being true but I'm here to bet on something else. Or rather, I bet on the exact same thing:

What if they are all true? What if the Pictomancer-inspired Green Mage IS the Ninja Class? What if the WoL's class we see in the trailer is actually the Mage class? Think about it. He even wears a robe...

Joking aside I actually do think that would be a great idea. (and with great idea I mean I would receive all the good nin glams for my pictomancer/green mage) It would give us a real melee mage! It would be an easy way to shake up the formula even just a little bit and it would also make for a nice Fanfest Surprise (everybody is expecting that the WoL's job is revealed, but actually...)

Also I just want to see my girl Krile in the trailer q_q Please don't let me wait until January... q_q

I will debunk myself, of course that's not actually going to happen, that would be far too cool and we can't have that, not if it goes against lore. They will make up some problem and pretend as if they didn't create it themselves, something like "But NIN gear doesn't have Magic attributes" (you could just write a stat conversion trait for that, i think drk(?) even had something like that back in the day) or "something something Mage Visual Identity" (and everybody hates that everytime you bring it up, read the room yoshi-p, and also the "corsair" wears a robe too and now what)

also i just don't want corsair okay i think "pirate" as a concept for a whole job is boring af, at most it's going to be a reverse rdm bc yoshi-p is certainly not going to base it on gambler like they did in 11 (bc rng is evil)

Alliance Raid I mean we're all expecting Sakaguchi to do the Alliance Raid and I agree, very likely, especially given Yoshi-P's hint ("It's more Final Fantasy than ever") and also 24-mans are more interesting to write for guest writers since the story sections are less fragmented. What is it going to be about though, I could see it being any of the games he made...

A FFX raid series would fit the tropical theme and we don't have that much 10 content anyways, but aesthetically maybe that's a little too close to the rest of the expansion... Then again 10 is big enough, I'm sure they could make it work just fine.

From Yoshi-P's hint I could also see a FF1 raid happening, but I'm not sure that 1 even has enough stuff left that would warrant an alliance quest line... like even just imagining him doing a Matsuno and just copy/pasting Cornelia somewhere, where would they put it? Into one of the Shards? Which other places would we go to and which enemies would we fight that haven't been namedropped somewhere else already? It would likely have to come with a lot of new stuff - but maybe he would love to do that? An official Sakaguchi FF1 revisit?

I'm also feeling FF6 on the wind tbh. Maybe it's just because I'm playing a lot of FF6 music on Theatrhythm though. Sigmascape is so far back at this point that I could see them returning to give 6 a bit of the FFXIV interpretation treatment, especially since Omega basically just copy/pasted the boss designs. Also Valigarmanda is FF6 right?

Then again I could also see him just creating something new too, just write a new story and create new bosses fitting the world... Like what if they just made the Golden City (whatever it turns out to be) the raids? I could see that happening...

Aaaaah, I don't know. I can't decide and I don't know Sakaguchis work good enough to make any attempt at calling it. I'll put down "He's going to make Fantasian FF canon" and my wager is "The community is going to take this as a reason to talk shit about Y:DA again".

8-man-raid I'm putting down "FF13 references" for "pleeeeeease, we don't have nearly enough hamauzu ost in this game q_q". I certainly don't think they'll do it, but let me dream okay? I just feel like with how out there some of the FF13 stuff is they could interpret it in really interesting ways... I don't even know what they would reference, Orphan maybe? Even though Orphan as a name would probably have been a better fit for when we had Sin Eaters - omg maybe they could have rogue sin eaters in Tural... "Orphan" would be perfect for that...

i'm looking at the orphan concept art right now and damn, that's what the Twelve should have become. it makes the final battle stage of Thaleia look like discount final orphan... man i hate Eulogia more every passing second

Except for a few minor one-off bosses, I don't think we've had anything FF13 related since... the FF13 collab? And that was back in ARR... (Okay, we probably had a bunch of them that I just don't recognize - but nothing near the scale of FF8/Eden or FF4/The Void)

They could of course finally do a fully original 8-man-raid not based on an existing name - maybe the Golden City (or whatever it turns out to actually be)? What if the MSQ just discovers it and then in the raids we actually explore it?

Just don't do Matsuno stuff again, we had him enough now, he's at least 60% of this game already and you keep adding stuff that's just a reference to a thing he did. We know you love him Yoshi-P, but there are fifteen other games and then some if we count all the spin-offs.

Final Random Notes Hrothgar Ladies are basically confirmed thanks to 6.5, but I don't think they will reveal them until Japan. (If they do announce them, they might have another surprise announcement in store for JP)

I want one of the new areas to contain one of those salt flats that becomes a mirror when it fills with rainwater. (I just really love salt flats, I can't get enough of them. The Lochs are underrated!!!)

I don't think we'll get the second trial - and honestly I have absolutely no idea what it could be except Maduin bc FF6 - and iirc the trial series won't be revealed until the live letters right before they happen (we didn't even know Barbariccia until patch day)

I think when we get Void Arc 2: Zero and Durante and Unukalhai and Cyella and Ryne and Gaia's big adventure it's going to be as a new Bozja/Eureka-like (I think that's absolutely the only type of content you could reasonably require the Shb Role Quests for, but I think then they have an excuse to make it a little bit harder because nobody is going to accidentally stumble into it) - But for Dawntrail I predict they're going to set the Bozja-like thing they already announced (if i didn't dream it up) on the dark side of the Moon (and I would love some covert Bravely Second Ba'al references Undead Chicken Bride!!!)

Anyways, that's it! Have a nice FanFest!!!! Me and my Matsuri-Namazu will have Sushi at 11am to celebrate!!!

[not-poignant]

I was thinking of how much work and effort you've poured into FFS and how you've had burnout and health issues since you've been writing it, and then I thought about how horrible Ef would feel knowing someone was experiencing all of that while trying to write his story and then I just felt really sad and protective of both of you.

I hope you're taking care of yourself. <3

I mean, I don't really like to think of it that way, because I get enough guilt from myself (and sometimes other people irl) and I don't want to feel guilty imagining what a fictional character feels re: how I live my life. And 'this person feels terrible about how you're treating yourself so maybe just don't treat yourself that bad so they don't feel terrible anymore' is like very much guilt-tripping. So you don't need to think about it that way anon!

Efnisien can't feel terrible about it, because he's a fictional construct, and I created this version of him mostly to help me get through the pandemic, and the story has very much succeeded at that, and I've talked about that a lot! :)

But quite aside from that - I've had burnout and health issues since I started writing. In fact, I started writing Falling Falling Stars as a way of coping with an even more severe burnout caused by The Ice Plague. It literally came into being as a comfort and catharsis fic for my own self-interest. I didn't really expect anyone to read it, except for like two people, my beta - who loves Efnisien - and...actually my beta lol.

I've always been very honest about being an ill writer. Chronically ill both in terms of mental illness and physical illness. That didn't start with Falling Falling Stars, and you may have missed it before, especially if you only came in to start reading re: the last year or so, but it's like... I have a big track record being very honest about everything from chronic suicidality, to cancer treatments, to burnout due to working too hard and seeing a therapist about it. I've taken long Patreon hiatuses, I didn't work on The Golden Age that Never Was for 8 months, like, me being burnt out, or exhausted, or sick, did not start with Falling Falling Stars.

It's one of the main reasons I write, because if I was healthier, I would have ended up in a different career choice. I write a lot of trauma recovery because I live a lot of trauma recovery. I tend to write characters who aren't actually going through as much as I am, because it starts to become one of those 'that seems unrealistic, no one is dealing with ALL of that stuff at the same time.' But some of us are.

Falling Falling Stars has been an incredibly helpful process for me, even though I've been sick and burnt out at times while writing it. And I've talked a fair bit about that too (maybe you've missed those posts, or maybe it's just easier to focus on the burnout ones). But here's a whole thread about it that I posted on Twitter. There's like 6 listed reasons in that thread re: how Falling Falling Stars has helped me so much, so I think reading that might help. :)

But even if Falling Falling Stars was really hard to write, and was causing more burnout, etc. I don't think imagining my characters feeling really awful about it, or thinking that they feel terrible on my behalf, is a very motivational thing for me to think about. I already have people in real life that wish I didn't push myself too hard, and you know what I do when I feel guilty? Hate myself. Try to hide my problems from them. And conceal the truth from others. You know what it doesn't do? Magically fix the fact that I work too hard to cope with incredible levels of incurable 24/7 pain, fatigue, PTSD and illness. I really really don't need to create more of that in my own head, y'know? Guilt might seem motivational, but it's not really that motivational.

I'm super happy that Efnisien doesn't feel terrible about how I live my life because he's just a character, and he doesn't feel anything about me at all. He doesn't even know I exist. Writing stories is a place I can go to not experience extra guilt and the difficulties of interacting with real people who might go: 'You know I feel awful that you treat yourself this way' and make my problems about themselves, and make me feel responsible for something that isn't actually my issue at the end of the day. (If they feel that bad about it, probably they need to either not be my friend, or see someone about how to cope with their own helplessness, because if other people truly thought that kind of thinking would fix me, I'd be fixed). I know you mean well anon, it might even be a way of thinking that really helps you! And if it does, I'm really glad that it does.

But I'm not looking to feel guiltier about being a sick person who engages in unhealthy behaviours sometimes to cope with being a sick person. And I love Falling Falling Stars, and I've already cut back on how much I was writing it compared to this time last year. (Which I've also mentioned in posts).

I cannot avoid burnout. Even if I did nothing, eventually being this sick just runs my body and brain into the ground. Sometimes waking up and having a shower makes me so tired I start crying and have to go back to bed. I'd rather experience burnout while also getting to feel productive, engaging with people online, enjoying myself and getting to write someone's trauma recovery! Rather than just by lying in bed, still getting brain fog, still feeling agony, still being exhausted, etc. Like obviously I need to learn to strike a balance with it, but I'm better at it than I used to be.

Take care, anon!

[arcaneglitch]

I feel very blessed that we got canon 4/4 at last bc it only took for fucking Ever to happen but also it led to a whole much of mixed feelings regarding the lore

(the following is about the canon characters unless specified otherwise)

the Wilbur van story takes place before the prison break, so Phil definitely 100% saw Ranboo but said he didn't (bruh moment)

but also instant return on the part from Wilbur's story where Tommy accuses him of being a liar

"If I truly believed it was the truth, does that make me a liar?"

Tommy thought for a moment. "Well, not exactly, but-"

"That's the difference between me and Schlatt. That's the difference between me and Phil. That's the difference between me and Quackity."

We have confirmation folks. Philza Minecraft's pants are canonically on fire. Lying to Wilbur's face was a dick move but I'm hoping it'll get addressed later

Also, Phil once again is the master of giving advice that sounds good on the surface but when applied to the actual Person he's talking to, just does not work at all. We got that with his advice to Tommy regarding Dream and we all know how that turned out. I reckon Wilbur following Phil's advice will have similar results

The Techno conversation felt extremely weird for a number of reasons. Wilbur said he wanted to blow it all up with everyone inside but that doesn't really fit with his motivations on the 16th. As talked about in various other analysis posts, he really only cared about taking out himself and Schlatt. And given how well ccWilbur knows his character, that wasn't him retconning anything. That was Wilbur's perception of himself, making himself out to be worse than he actually was.

He has a big problem with self-blame and Techno sure didn't help by blaming more stuff on him. Sure, Wilbur technically created the government for New L'Manberg when he appointed Tubbo president, but he thought he was taking L'Manberg with him in the explosions. He didn't think they would rebuild it. Techno already has plenty of people to blame for the Butcher Army, he doesn't need to be going around adding Wilbur of all people to the list. The guy was dead at the time, ffs.

And I thought it was weirdchamp of Techno to bring up Wilbur's last words calling him a traitor. (I guarantee that was a product of ccTechno rewatching lore because I have no idea when he would've learned that in canon). Phil was the only one who heard Wilbur's last words — the only one who could've told Techno what Wilbur said. Wilbur didn't tell "everyone" to get Techno, he just told Phil that Techno had withers. Phil was the one who told everyone to get back from Techno and fought the withers with L'Manberg.

Then we have the Dream XD stuff. Not gonna lie, Wilbur mentioning XD threw me for a loop because up until that point, he gave every indication that he thought it was Dream himself conducting the train. Which raises the question: when and how did he learn about XD? He obviously doesn't know what XD is like if he thinks he'll help get Friend to Ghostbur and involving Tommy just seems like a recipe for disaster.

I'll admit that I'm excited for the return to Logstedshire though. I didn't feel like Ghostbur needed any more expansion in the story after Wilbur came back, but since they're doing it, I'm glad it's leading in a direction that could end up with Wilbur finally learning about exile (fingers crossed for that one).

iirc ccWilbur said he had two(?) more arcs planned for Wilbur so I think this is the start of the penultimate arc. Either way, I'm excited to see where things go from here

[exosmutfactory]

It's really heart breaking to read this. I can't begin to imagine the exhaustion you must feel. It's sad to know that something that you used to give so much drive and joy became this toxic and just ends up consuming you because of others. I'm sorry to hear that from you. I don't know if you will continue to write even if you don't decide to publish and just write for your own entertainment. But I really hope you do! I created my ff blog after anonymously reading Six Phases and it had such huge impact of on me. As did many of your works... You are a really gifted writer. Thank you for everything I can only hope things go right for you. Sending strength and compassion your way.

I spent the last 2 weeks taking a break away from here and AFF. The only way to not stress is to not see anything, so I make sure to stay away as much as I can.

I remember how active and happier I was in January this year. I wanted to start the new year right and full of positivity. Yet for the past two months, I'd wake up every day wondering: which story will they report this time? Did I block all their suspicious accounts? Why are these strangers I've never seen before laughing then deleting their weird replies to me?

It took me this long to stop feeling hopeless when I had to delete a blog post on AFF expressing my frustration. I posted the same one here as well, when someone reported my story for having smut when it didn't have smut. 5 days or so after I received that report, I had published a new smut-free story. That same day, of all days, a reporter came and reported my blog post. One where my readers were "bashing" the reporter. "We do not tolerate this behavior, reporters are doing their job." Yet I am held responsible for other people's actions? I simply said I might not update often because I was upset over it, yet when my supportive readers react more intense than me, I get the blame.

-Anyway, I learned not to say sh*t on that site coz it is crawling with people ready to report me for everything and nothing. Its very uncomfortable to be watched 24/7. That's exactly why I turned off my "online" green dot on Tumblr, because some people wait for me to Be Online before they come in with their trash talk :) months ago someone came into my Tumblr inbox in September like "for someone on break, you sure are clogging the tags with your shit posts" ??? BLOCK me? Or come off anon so I can do it for you, seriously, it takes 2 seconds.

Sorry this is so long, I've been holding this in for a long time and every time I get upset over it, I ask myself if I'm overreacting or too sensitive. I had a breakdown 2 weeks ago because someone reported my story on AFF for "violation of content guidelines" because:

hahaha. It's hard. The stress makes it impossible to write. I feel like a lot of my readers there hate me because I am inconsisitent with posting and I can't even tell them what is happening because I'll just be reported again. It's funny seeing writers with big followings throwing my name around in their public conversations with their friends. It's so nice to know how hated I am and a relief because I could disappear from the internet any day and never hear from them again. Because a hobby, a passion, causing so much stress is never worth all these sleepless nights.

I barely interact with anyone anymore because I feel like a failure. I can't even write fanfics and post often without hating every word I write. I always wonder how unreliable and selfish I must seem to other people, but those are all my problems. I wanted to spread happiness with my stories, and now, my stories are the ones sucking the joy out of me.

I'm trying my best, but I have to look after my health first, and all of this isn't helping.

Sorry for all of this (>.<) thank you for sending me this message, anon. I will finish my stories no matter how long it takes. My works are supposed to be happy vibes, not full of my personal pains. It's hard to write things when I don't feel them. Honestly that's how Six Phases came to be (>////<) good luck with your blog!!! Share your unique writer voice with the world 💕🌸✨ I wish you the best, love 💖