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botwstoriesandsuch · 4 years

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Hi I was hoping to ask for your advice on writing. I’m trying to write from headcanons to little short fics (like one shots) from the readers pov but I’m finding it difficult to do so smoothly. Any idea how to do the transition without it coming out as a fanfic readers worst nightmare?

Well, I cannot guarantee the quality of my “advice” but I will give it a shot!

Apologies for you folks that hate my big essay length posts, but I do love infodumping about the writing process :P

So just click “J” to skip the post (if you’re on mobile...sorry just exercise your scrolling finger a bit more)

- - - - - - - - - -

So I’ll start with the distinctions between a headcanon and a fic. On one hand, you got simpler sentences, that summarize a broader idea or scene. You might have visualized the entire thing in your head, but at the end of the day all you do is write down a few sentences or pieces of dialogue that give the broader basis of an idea and/or scene. That’s not to say writing headcanons is easy, but it is, bluntly, the simpler method.

Writing, obviously, is more complicated. Not only are you trying to convey a more abstract idea to your reader, but you’re doing so with more layers and complexities, given that what you are trying to write is generally more detailed. You have to not only account for what your basic premise is, but the method in which you convey it. So, in a “good” fic, it typically doesn’t just focus on the basic “what is happening right now” in a scene, but can give subtleties and intricacies with its tone, themes, point of view, connotation, foils, imagery, symbolism, sentence structure, diction, context, figurative language, narrative, foreshadowing, setting, irony, character arcs, and the thousands and thousands of other layers that go into constructing story.

And I say “story” there deliberately, as I think the best way to summarize the differences is that a headcanon is a plot, while a one-shot is a story. Your one-shot has the ability to tell different messages, details, and themes, and give several points of interest to your reader, while your headcanon is limited to the structure of its initial premise.

[And before you English nerds bash me for my definition of story and plot, please know that I am using my film teacher’s old definition, which (to quote this quizlet I found) is “Story is all of the elements of a narrative that are involved, both shown and un-shown on screen. Plot is only all of the elements of a narrative that are shown on screen.” So yeah, it theoretically could be rewritten as a headcanon is a scene, and a one-shot is a story, but I’m just nitpicking at this point half of you don’t care and want me to move on anyway, apologies!]

So how do you transition between them? Well, in honesty I don’t exactly have a sure fire way for you, saying I do would be very hypocritical. However, what I can do is point out the “gap” between headcanons and fics, and perhaps from there you might be able to forge your own path..?

Chances are, if you’re already familiar with writing headcanons, you’ve already knocked out half of the work. See in a story, specifically in our case, fic, you have eight elements that construct it. You’ve got

Plot

Setting

Conflict

Character

Point of View

Tone

Style

and Theme

With a headcanon, (assuming it’s slightly more specific than “Headcanon that this character likes peaches!”) you’ve already got plot, setting, conflict, and character down.

Plot: being the actual premise of your story. What happens, why things happen, how other characters react, the beginning and ending, etc.

Setting: Being the location and time of your scene/plot. The setting might be a contingency to your story, such as a prison break that takes place in prison, or maybe it is the time that is essential for your High School AU fic

Conflict: Typically goes hand and hand with your plot, although not always (obviously, plot and conflict aren’t essential when talking about fics, *winks at the nsfw side of tumblr*) But if your headcanon does have a basic plot, then it probably has some sort of conflict whether external (The Calamity kills everybody) or internal (you’re character is going through grief)

Character: This whole aspect is practically already done for you. Whether by canon from the video game or media you got it from, or perhaps by fanon, with the collective fandom agreeing on certain traits about your character(s) in question. Obviously, if you got an OC, that’s another thing, as you have to create their traits, and construct a believable way that that character reacts and makes choices throughout your plot, depending on how you characterized them

So congrats! In writing up your everyday headcanon, you’re now halfway there to making a full on fic! Obviously, 50% is still a lot, which is probably the reason you were seeking advice in the first place, so now we should move on to the other half, and arguably it is this other half of elements that give the entire distinction between a headcanon and a one-shot. So in theory, if you get these elements down, you’re on your way to writing that much faster!

Quick additional note: Another way to think of your headcanon is as an outline. While not in every case, a good way to jump from your headcanon to a fic is to stick with the major elements of your headcanon, and weaving your writing style in between. Think of the headcanon as your skeleton, and the story being the meat and muscle. Idk if that makes sense, blame my old English teacher for the metaphor

Alrighty, so for demonstration purposes I’m gonna use the very first headcanon I’ve ever written as a basis. Bear with me for a moment:

“Zelink Headcanon: Zelda Just Wants Some Snacks

Everyone always jokes and adores about how Link eats so much and cooks great food in the game (he’s gotta carbo load guys, he walks like 9 miles everyday!)

However I propose, equally hungry and feral Zelda

After Link and Zelda defeat Ganon, one of the first things they do is stop by the nearest cooking pot and eat

She hasn’t eaten for 100 years!! She’s gotta be starving!

Link just cooks up some meat skewers

“…wait I forgot the Goron spice, gimme a sec…”

But Zelda just immediately snatched it off the fire and eats the whole thing in two seconds

Link keeps trying to go out of his way to make really nice food but Zelda is just like “I DON’T CARE RIGHT NOW PLEASE LINK”

So yeah, their first date is basically just Link cooking Zelda a buffet until his inventory empties out”

Again, this headcanon has already given us half of the answers.

We got our plot: Link, a talented chef, is cooking food which Zelda scarfs down without fear and hesitation

Setting: They are by a cooking pot, perhaps in the wilderness, away from the prying eyes of nosey villagers. This takes place sometime after the initial defeat of Calamity Ganon.

Conflict: Link keeps trying to cook “good” food, but despite the Princess’ royal upbringing, she has no care for the whole “show” of cooking with spices and garnish. She is starving, willing to eat anything

And Characters: Link and Zelda. You know... (Today unfortunately is not the day in which I construct a thorough character analysis of the two...perhaps one day...)

So, now that we have this, we start adding the meat and muscle of our story with point of view, tone, style, and theme. These elements, could be summarized as your writing style. Yes, writing style is more intricate than those four elements alone, but they do fit in with its broad definition.

So, in essence, a way to transition between headcanon and fic is to find out what kind of writing style you’re comfortable with.

How do you do that? Well... shocker, I know, you gotta write.

Write first, plan the elements of your one-shot later!!

Allow yourself to write complete utter garbage. I know you said that you don’t wanna create a “fanfic reader’s worst nightmare,” but if you become more concerned with the quality of your content before you even start writing, you will never ever ever get anywhere. You’re gonna be stuck in writer’s block for eternity, so just let the garbage and nightmares out and write. You’ll never improve if you don’t have something to improve from, you feel me?

So, now that your mind is open and ready to write anything, whether garbage or gold, let us dive in to the parts of your writing style.

Point of view: Do you prefer writing in third person? First? Second? Each have their pros and cons. Second person is good for your “x reader” inserts. First person is good for your narrator’s characterization. Third person is good for describing elements of your surroundings that might not be inherently obvious to your characters or audience. There are hundreds of other pros and cons to the different POVs that you can search up online, but it’ is ultimately up to you to decide which method you like best.

When you find the method you like best, make sure you use it to it’s full potential! Use foreshadowing with your third person POVs. Use connotation, and diction to further characterize your narrator in first person. Elevate the mood and senses of a scene when in second person.

Tone: Now, this element is often confused with another literary device, mood. The difference being that you as the author have more control over the tone, than the mood. The tone, is the attitude that you as the author (or as a character/narrator, depending on your POV) have towards something. For example, your tone might be suspenseful if you withhold information from your reader, or if you have a certain choice of diction. It is typically better to look to the type of genre you’re writing for to identify what kind of tone you want.

Mood is the feeling that the reader experiences from your writing. It’s really much more simple, a beloved character dying give a depressed mood. A cute couple hanging out will give the reader a happier mood. This is your angst and fluff feelings, if you will. (Although, please remember than mood and tone are not a binary thing, it is a spectrum, as broad and diverse as the capabilities of human emotion)

Style: Ok yes this is a bit meta, me explaining how to use style to help you construct a writing style. Blame the bendable definitions of the writing world. So just think of this as the face of your writing. The more obvious and apparent part that is unique to you and your personality.

Think cake. Your story is a delicious cake, it is a chocolate, Zelink cake. Now, your style is the way that you present this cake. Pink frosting? Yellow? A full cake or just a slice? Chocolate ice cream cake? Chocolate lava cake? Five tier cake? Cake pops? These possibilities are the infinite ways your style will present the story.

Style, sometimes called voice, is the combination of your use of tone, mood, POV, syntax, diction, and other literary device that you commonly use in your writing. This isn’t something you learn, it’s just something you do naturally when you write. It’s what readers will like about your fics, because they like the way that you use this or that, or the way you describe this thing or that person. It’s something that can change and improve over time, but in essence, it’s what readers can read and identify as you, without even looking at the username.

Style isn’t something you have to remember, per say, like other literary devices, but it is something to be aware of as you should try to keep it consistent through your whole story. Sometimes have people have different writing styles depending on their own mood, or what they’re writing about. That is fine, so long as you keep it consistent through your whole work. A good trick for this is to listen to music that fits with the style of your writing. Use that one catchy love song whenever you’re writing cute headcanons or fluffy one shots. Use that anime opening theme for your adventurous fics and fight scenes. This way, you are keep in a consist atmosphere and your brain will be in the “Oh! It’s time to write ____ stuff!” mood.

So just be aware of when you’re in a descriptive style, a narrative style, argumentative, or whatever style you like using. You style might even derived of the way you already create headcanons!

Theme: This is a big one. Have a cohesive theme can easily bring any story from good to great! I like to think of it as you’re story’s destiny, or reason for existence.

Theme is an outlier for the other elements in that not only is it not necessary for your fic, it is also not necessary for your writing style either. It’s really not necessary... at all. Yet, people always use theme in their writing, even accidentally.

Theme is your story’s underlying message, or lesson. Yes, yes, if you paid attention in your basic English class you probably already knew that, but this is a big pet peeve of mine.

The theme of your story isn’t “true love,” the theme isn’t “innocence”, or “failure”, or “trauma”, or whatever. Theme isn’t a broad idea, it’s a specific question and an answer.

For example: The theme of Breath of the Wild isn’t “exploration” or “time”. The theme is there is always something to seek and find, so long as you have the curiosity and courage to find it. The theme is despite the eternities of time, we still found each other.

Your theme shouldn’t be a broad, one word answer. What about love are you trying to convey? What specifically about failure are you saying?

Theme is the entire reason why the entertainment medium exists, because artist found a way to create something compelling and interesting while also connecting them to real life things.

When you give your reader something to really chew on, even days after they finished reading your fic, then you did a brilliant job. Essentially, you want to use theme in your story because it is what will stick with our readers even years after they’ve read your work.

While that’s all sentimental and sappy, that’s still not your biggest problem, is it? You still need to practice, you still need to learn how to use the things you’ve learned to actually write. So, a summary of what I advise you should do.

Look over and improve your old headcanons, and keep making more! Keep making headcanons and litte prompts, and let them grow bigger and bigger, and more desprictive. This could help you ease into actually writing paragraphs a bit more

Find out what you like to write. Yes, you probably already have a fandom in mind, but think back to those first four elements. What types of plots are you comfortable with, what settings, characters? Genius is only the work of enthusiasm, if you don’t like what you’re going to write, you’ve already failed

Write, write, write. Practice, practice practice. Let yourself write complete and utter garbage and nonesense. Then read it over. See what you don’t like about it. Then change it and write again. I MEAN it when I say you should write garbage. Write a completely terrible, nightmarishly cringe scene. See what you don’t like. Then rewrite it again. Repeat, repeat, repeat. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be a scene or something from your fandom. Let it be your description of a shirt, let is be some cringy poem from 7th grade. Just write and learn how you like to write. It will be so much easier in the long run

Read stuff. The stuff you read usually seeps into how you write. When you get used to reading things a certain way, you usually unconciously try to imitate it when you write. So, got a favourite fic writer? Read their stuff over and maybe even analyze the elements you like (again, think back to those eight elements I talked about) and hey, writers like it when you analyze their stuff so maybe even hit them up and talk? We like book reports we swear, most of us don’t bite.

When you finally think you’re comfortable with your writings, maybe think about what kind of themes you’re into, or what kind of messages you want to say. It doesn’t even need to be that complex. Could be as simple as “I love this ship because it shows that you can still have flaws and be loved” Again, themes are the rEASON for eVERYTHING in the entertainment world

For further demonstration purposes, I’m going to come up with further elements for a hypothetical fic I would write based on that Zelink headcanon. So I’ve got the plot, setting, conflict and theme down. Hmm... I’ll probably use a third person POV as that is what I’m most comfortable with. With third person, I can better highlight the descriptions of Link and Zelda’s surroundings taking in the atmosphere and the aromas and and tastes. The tone will be more happy, focusing on the fun of Zelda and Link’s banter, I’ll try to create a mood in which the reader is laughing along with them, and enjoying the scene. My style will be more descriptive, again with the tastes and smells and other senses of the scene. However, I might go into a more narrative style for Zelda and Link’s banter and dialogue. While typically some people don’t want to use two different styles, I am personally familiar with the styles and know how to write them so as to blend them together more seamlessly. I might have a hint of angst at the end of the fic, as a little climax, given that the setting of the fic is after the defeat of the Calamity. I might through in some themes about how it wasn’t the material power of Hylia or the Master Sword that saved Hyrule, but the courageous and wise bond between Link and Zelda. Then...idk, a little romatic kiss for resolution because this is a fic and I can throw in some fanservice because my writing my rules.

Babam! I just converted a headcanon to a fic.

So yeah, go write your headcanons. Then maybe next a paragraph. Then next a scene, and then you’re well on your way to one-shots and chapter fics. Happy writing and good luck!

#writing #botw #breath of the wild #botw headcanons #zelink

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anavoliselenu · 4 years

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blood chapter 22

I stayed hunched over the toilet in the bathroom. This had become my home for the past couple of hours, and it actually wasn't because of the pregnancy. My stomach was more unsettled because of nerves. Well, I'm sure it was a mixture of both, but my worries were outweighing my hormones.

Justin had been gone since yesterday and was supposed to be back this morning, but he had to stay wherever because of a freak snowstorm. I didn't know where he was and he wouldn't tell me what he was doing. I figured it was something horrible, so I didn't even want to ask.

The more pressing issue was that my seven days were up. Today was the week mark from when I found out that I was pregnant. I gave myself a time limit and I knew what I had to do. Justin was coming home, and he deserved to know. I had tried calling him because I really wanted to say something about the baby. I thought it might be easier over the phone, but that didn't work out like I had planned.

I tried to throw up one more time, but at this point, I had nothing left to expel.

I got up off of the floor and brushed my teeth to get the awful taste out of my mouth. I splashed some water over my face and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like shit, but I hadn't been sleeping well lately; the mix of finals and fear was a good sleep inhibitor. I was scared out of my mind for several reasons.

For one, the father of my child—the man I loved—hated what I was carrying. It wasn't just that Justin didn't like kids; he passionately despised them. He acted like a big kid himself, but I couldn't imagine a person hating a child. If anyone could, though, it was Justin. It didn't matter who they were, either. I had seen him push his little cousins away because they were annoying him or glare at kids on the street because they looked at him funny. How was I supposed to tell him that I was carrying a baby?

Secondly, the school year was over, and I told Charlie that I was staying here for summer classes. When he asked how I was paying for them, I said that I had gotten a small scholarship. That was a complete lie, and I was going to have to go home at some point during the summer—preferably before I started showing. I didn't know what to tell Charlie. I had been so secretive with him over this past year because I was involved in a lot of things I shouldn't. According to him, I was the sweet, innocent girl who was studying her ass off in her dorm. He would soon realize that I not only had a twenty-five year old boyfriend, but that I was knocked up as well? That was going to be a shocker for sure.

He would start digging into Justin and who he was, even though they had already met. Charlie was going to find out what Justin's real last name was, and it would all go downhill from there. Maybe I didn't even need to tell Justin that I we were having a baby, because once Charlie found everything out, it wasn't like I would ever see him again anyway. What about Renee? Oh God, just kill me now.

I was making a mental list of what needed to be done. I had to tell Justin, get to a doctor soon, and go from there.

How was this supposed to work?

"Just tell him." I tried to pump myself up in the mirror. It wasn't working.

I went downstairs and decided to stress cook. I had to do something to subdue my nerves.

I spent hours in the kitchen, making a couple pies, and then a pan of macaroni and cheese since I suddenly wanted some. By the time all of that was done, the kitchen smelled like a cooking show, and I was running out of room to put things on the counter.

The doorbell rang and my heart stopped. I calmed down when I realized that Justin wasn't home yet. He would have used his key. I peeked through the peephole and saw Rose's face on the other side.

"What took you so long?" she asked when I opened the door.

"I was just checking."

"I'm bored. Let's go do something." She plopped down on the sofa, and I sat in the chair next to her. "Do you want to go to Plasma before the guys get back?"

"I don't think so." I shook my head.

"Why? You can't still be sick."

"I think I am and I don't want to go without Alice."

She still had one final test and was studying her ass off, so I hadn't seen her in the past couple of days.

"You don't like me?" Rose feigned hurt.

"You're not exactly the warmest person to hang out with."

"I still know how to have fun and we like each other."

"Yeah, with people around for buffers." I got up from my seat and went back into the kitchen.

"Well, at least I'm not a full on bitch anymore. We just have butting personalities. That doesn't mean we can't go out."

"I guess, but I'm still not feeling well." I munched on a small chocolate chip cookie.

Rose looked around the kitchen. "This sure is a lot of food."

"I was hungry."

She picked up her own cookie and hopped onto the counter. "Well, what do you want to do?"

"Just sit here and wait for Justin to come home."

"Last time I called, they were still stuck in Maine."

"Maine? Is that where they were last night?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Did Emmett tell you that?"

"Emmett tells me everything. Justin didn't tell you why they were going?"

"No."

She bit her lip. "Well, they'll be back soon."

"What do you know?"

"It's best if you don't know right now. Let Justin explain it."

I exhaled deeply. "I try not to ask what he's up to. It scares me too much."

"I understand."

"Rose, can I ask you a question?" I was about to take a big leap of faith here.

"Sure."

"Why do you think Justin hates children?"

She snorted. "Because he can't control them. Or at least, he doesn't know how to. They make him feel awkward, and he wants to treat them like adults, but he doesn't understand that you can't."

"But why is he that way? Emmett and Jasper are fine around kids. I've seen them."

She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe his brain just doesn't work that way. I can't explain it. But he probably just doesn't like them. Think about all that poop and throw up and piss; he would go insane."

"Do you think he'll ever change?" My voice was scared and soft.

"Probably not any time soon. Why do you ask?"

I turned around to face the wall, because I couldn't look at her anymore. All I wanted to do was cry or shout or… something. "I was just wondering if he was ever going to change."

"Nope," Rose bounced down from the counter, "that bastard is set in stone."

"Great."

"Are you sure you don't want to go out tonight?"

"I'm just going to stay in and wait."

"Alright, loser. I'm taking these cookies." She picked up a pan and walked out of the kitchen. The front door shut a couple seconds later.

For the rest of the day, I sat on the couch and ate fattening foods. I'm sure it wasn't very healthy, but I needed something to do. When the sun went down, I started to get very nervous, because I figured that Justin would be home soon. I got up from the couch around dinnertime and made a full pot of chicken and broccoli alfredo.

I kept my phone in my hand, and it vibrated an hour later. I took a breath and saw Justin's number on the screen.

"Hello." I tried to make my voice sound as normal as possible.

"Hi, I tried to call earlier, but we were stuck on the runway and it took us forever to take off."

"That's okay. Are you hurt?" That was always the question I asked when he had just finished with a job.

"No, we're all fine and business has been taken care of."

"That sounds ominously terrifying."

"I'll explain it all when I get home. Do you want me to pick something up for dinner?"

"No, I made lots of food so you can come straight home." I chewed on my nail. "When are you going to get here?"

"We just landed, so about an hour? Are you alright? You called an awful lot when I was away."

"I'm fine, I just…needed to hear your voice."

Justin didn't say anything for a long second and I could almost hear the unbelieving thoughts he was thinking. He knew something was up.

"Alright, well, I'll be waiting. I missed you."

"I missed you too, Selena. I'll see you soon."

I couldn't fall apart now. I needed to stay strong so that I could get this out. I paced the area in front of the window for about an hour, doing my best to dig a hole in the rug.

When I heard the key in the lock of the door, I raced to the kitchen so that I could throw up again. All of this stress was doing me in, and I was about a second away from falling over in exhaustion. I quickly washed out my mouth and fixed my hair.

"Hi." I turned around and smiled just as Justin came into the kitchen. He was in the same clothes from yesterday and looked tired.

"Hi." He grinned. "Did you miss me?"

"I told you I did." I pulled him by his shirt until his lips locked with mine. We stayed connected for a couple of seconds. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving." He looked around the kitchen. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"There's all this food here. Either my mother had another party while I was gone, or you've been stress cooking. Which one is it?"

"You know; finals." I shrugged.

He sighed through his nose. "You can't keep using that excuse, Selena."

"It's not an excuse." I turned away from him and started fixing a plate. "I'm stressed about my grades. Isn't that a viable reason?"

"Not when you're a genius. You've never worried about grades."

"I'm not a genius, Justin. I have to study and work hard."

"Well, regardless, I know you're hiding something from me."

"And how do you know that?" I handed him his plate.

"Because," He leaned in close to my face, "you're a horrible actress." He placed a kiss on my lips.

"I'm not horrible."

"No, actually you're very good at hiding things, but you can't beat me at my own game."

"Damn," I said under my breath when he walked away.

We sat at opposite ends of the table, and I watched him eat for a couple of minutes. I didn't know how I was going to do this, so I settled for silence. Should I just blurt it out? Should I lead him in with a question or say something funny? Why was this so fucking complicated?

Justin, I'm pregnant.

That's all I needed to say, but those words just wouldn't come up out of my throat. I was only making this worse because the longer I waited the more he was going to claim that I kept this from him. He was going to make this all about him. I knew his game plan. He had the right to freak out, but he was going to go dramatic on this one. Justin was going to start WWIII over this baby.

"I got you a gift," he said from down the table.

"Really? From Maine?"

Justin stopped eating for a second and twisted his neck. "Who told you we were in Maine?"

"Rosalie. She wouldn't tell me why, though."

"Do you really want to know, or are you just being nosy? Because I'll tell you, but I know you won't take it well."

"Did you kill someone?" I asked, chewing on my bottom lip.

"A lot of people," he answered, twirling pasta around on his fork. "Seven people."

"Seven? Wow, that's… a lot."

"Not nearly enough and the rest of them killed more."

"Who were they? Did I know them?"

"Two of them, yes."

"Just tell me what you were doing," I sighed.

"We went up to Maine because that's where Felix and Demetri were. I told you I was going to handle them and I did. Don't say that I should have talked because the time for talking is over; and don't tell me that I needed to just leave them alone. They threatened you on multiple occasions so I handled it."

"I wasn't going to say any of that. I know how you feel about that situation. Was it worth it?"

"I can finally breathe now that I know those douches aren't on your ass anymore."

"I just don't like to think that people died over me."

"I will protect you at any cost. If I have to blow through a whole country, then that's what I'll do."

"You're scaring the shit out of me." I pulled my knees up so that I could rest my chin on them. "I don't like thinking about this."

"You know what I do and who I am."

I nodded. "So you got me a gift?" I asked, changing the subject from our morbid one.

"Yeah, well we were stuck in that fucking place for the whole day and had some time to hang out. I saw this in the window of an antiques shop." Justin pulled out a small white box and slid it across the table.

"Antique, huh?"

"I know you don't like the shiny, new toys so this should be more acceptable."

I pulled out a beautiful silver ring with a small diamond set proudly on top. It had a pink hue and was almost blinding, but still small and not overbearing.

"Wow, it's beautiful." I slipped the ring over the fourth finger on my right hand.

"I just thought I'd get you something nice." Justin's voice was suddenly closer. He had taken a seat next to me. "Carlisle always says that the sight of blood can always be washed away by the sight of diamonds."

"That's a cute saying. Is that how Esme's survived all these years?"

"Probably." He sighed, "Look, I know you don't fully understand what I do and why I have to do horrible things sometimes, but I need you to know that I won't let anything happen to you. I have to do what I have to do. Simple as that."

"I know."

"My family is important to me and when we're threatened, it doesn't end well."

"You're very hot when you're protective."

He chuckled my favorite sound, "I try."

He was mesmerizing me with his eyes, and his face was coming dangerously close to mine. I closed the gap and meshed my lips with his. They were soft and incredibly tender; everything I needed right now. When he pulled back slightly, I knew it was either now or never, because I was slowly starting to go insane from keeping my massive secret.

"Justin, I have something to tell you."

"What?" His lips moved to my neck, and his hand dipped into my sweatpants, running over my slit. Now it was really hard to concentrate.

"I…" I gripped his hair tightly, "I'm pregnant."

His hand stilled and his kisses stopped completely.

"What did you just say?" Justin pulled away from me. His face had turned completely to stone.

"I'm pregnant," I whispered.

He let out a shuddering breath. "How do you know?"

"Besides the changes in my body, I took three tests."

"Changes in your body?" He looked me up and down.

"My boobs hurt; I'm nauseated, always tired, and I can smell absolutely everything."

"Oh my God." He sat back in his chair. "This can't be happening."

I let him ruminate the information in his head for a couple minutes. I didn't say one word, but I really wanted to. I needed to know what he was feeling. His face and body didn't give anything away. He just sat there like a statue and breathed through his nose.

"I thought you were on the pill?" Justin asked me.

"I am, but… I skipped a few days, and then I wasn't paying attention to the time so…"

"You missed a couple of days? You weren't watching?" He pushed himself up from the table and grabbed his plate. He went into the kitchen, and I heard a crash as the plate broke into tiny pieces.

He was furious.

There was another crash, and then his feet stomped back into the dining room. "Selena, you better not be joking. Did Emmett put you up to this?"

"This isn't a joke, Justin."

He nodded. "Okay, then. Deal with it."

"Deal with what?"

"Get rid of it." Justin started climbing the stairs.

It took me a couple of seconds to realize what the hell he was saying, and I almost went into full volcanic mode when I did. I ran up the stairs after him and barged into the bedroom.

"What did you just say?"

"I said, I want you to get rid of it; the baby has to go," Justin muttered with finality.

"Are you serious? You don't even want to think about this? You're first reaction is to get rid of it?"

"Yes, I'm being a realist. Get rid of the baby."

"What happened to all your old Italian, Catholic teachings?"

"Don't get all religious on me, Selena." He undid his tie roughly. "Do you realize how bad this is?"

"Do you realize how good this might be? We're going to have a child."

"No, we're not. I'm going to give you my credit card, turn my head, and you're going to handle this."

"Can you hear yourself right now?" I shouted. "You haven't even thought about this."

Justin sat on the bed and took a deep breath. "Selena, you're eighteen fucking years old. You are in no way financially or emotionally stable to have a child."

"That's what I have you for."

"I sure as hell am not having a child. There is no way that I'm ready to have a kid. I'm never having children." He went into the bathroom.

I followed him. "Justin, I know that I'm young and I'm fucking scared out of my mind, but I can't just get rid of my baby."

"Alright, adoption?" He leaned against the counter. "Can you carry a baby for nine months, and then give it away?"

"Why would I even want to do that?"

"Because I'm not having children. I can't say it any more ways."

"You're such a coward. I knew this was going to happen, but I thought you'd at least think about this. Maybe you need time…"

"I don't need to think, Selena. I'm about to take over the largest crime family in the world, and you want me to not only protect you, but also a child? If you want to give it up for adoption, that's fine with me, but I highly doubt that you would want to go that route."

"You're being a complete jackass. This is more than just you and me, Justin."

"I can't believe you would do this to me," he suddenly said and gripped the side of the counter. "You've ruined everything. How could you not prevent this? You're completely irresponsible."

"I didn't do anything on purpose, and I'm sorry, but my sense of time kind of got knocked into a hurricane when I had to deal with you and your fucking heart attack. It wasn't like I planned to bring your perfect life down to its knees. I'm sorry that you think I ruined your life."

"You're so reckless. This affects more than just you, Selena. I can't have a child. I hate them; I don't have the means to take care of one, and I certainly don't feel like dealing with a baby when I have so much shit on my plate I can barely breathe."

"So you're just going to kick me out?"

"No, I love you. I don't love that baby."

I stood there stunned for a second. "How could you say that? This is just as much a part of me as it is you."

"Well, I don't want it." Justin walked out of the bathroom. "Get rid of the baby, Selena. If you think you can handle adoption then that's what we'll do, but if not…" He left his sentence trail off.

"I can't believe I'm hearing this right now."

"What did you expect? You know I despise children and you drop a bomb on me like that?"

"Do you want to think about it? I can tell you right now; I'm not killing our baby."

"You don't have a choice. What are you going to do if I kick you out? You have no money, no place to live, and you're still in school. Selena, I'm trying to help you right now. You can't have this baby."

I just shook my head and walked out of the room without looking at him. I could feel tears in my eyes, but didn't care.

"Where are you going?"

I put on my shoes. "To stay with Alice for the night."

"Are you going to tell her?"

"No, I'm not going to tell anyone." I wiped my face. "Just so you know, you're making me feel incredibly horrible for something that could be good. I know you're scared, because I am too, but… just think about it, Justin. I'm not giving this up. I'll do this whether you want me to or not."

He didn't say anything as I backed out of the door and heard it shut behind me. All the way down to Alice and Jasper's floor, I cried so hard that my eyes hurt. I was exhausted, and all I wanted to do was crash. I barely made it down the hall and to their door. I knocked and waited.

"Oh, hey, Selena," Jasper answered in sweatpants and nothing else, running a towel through his hair. He noticed my tears. "What happened?"

I calmed my sobs so I could speak. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

"Sure." He moved away from the door. "Are you okay? Is Justin hurt? What happened?"

"Nothing, we just had a fight." I shook my head. "It's nothing."

"I'll get Alice." He guided me into his family room, and I sat on the comfortable couch. I didn't get a chance to talk to Alice, because I fell asleep a couple seconds later.

My dreams that night were filled with things that were starting to become impossible.

I saw brief moments of a life that I would never have: Justin and me at an altar; Justin and me walking in the park with a bronze haired boy and green eyes; Justin and me with a little girl, who was too beautiful for words. None of them would be in my near future. The way I saw it, I could either have one or the other—Justin or my baby.

How was I supposed to choose? What was I supposed to do? How could I make this decision? I shouldn't have to make this decision. I was dealing with way too much right now and nothing was making any sense. How could Justin not want his own child? I knew he was scared, but so was I. Maybe I was being a little hypocritical since I had thought about my options for a split second, but it was only that long. Justin was pushing this abortion thing pretty hard. He did suggest adoption, but he was right. If I carried this baby for nine months, I would be far too attached to give it all up. I was too attached now. I would never be able to give up my child— now or nine months down the road.

When I woke up, I was even more exhausted than I was before.

I rolled over and felt a strange bed with covers up to my chin. I looked around the room and saw that I was in one of Jasper's guestrooms. It was minimally done in gray and black; soothing colors. The bed was incredibly fluffy and I never wanted to get out.

"Jasper, don't wake her up." I heard Alice's voice in a whisper from the other side of the door.

"Why? She's been sleeping for basically the whole day."

"You saw her when she came in last night. She looked terrible. She must still be sick; that's what Rose said. Did you talk to Justin?"

"Yeah, all he said was that they had a huge fight, but he wouldn't tell me what it was about."

"Maybe they broke up?"

"No, he told me he didn't want to break up with her; I asked."

"Well then, what the hell happened?"

"Can we go in now?"

"Quietly." I heard the door creak open and feet coming into the room.

"Selena, are you up?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah." My voice was thick and grainy. I rolled over and smiled at him.

"We were so worried about you." Alice got on the bed lightly. "Are you sick?"

"I think I have the flu," I lied. I still wasn't ready to tell anyone yet.

"Oh, no. I can't get sick." Jasper backed up quickly. "Why did you come here?"

"I'm not trying to poison you," I laughed, straining to sit up in bed.

"You look like shit," Alice observed.

"Well, thank you."

"I didn't mean it badly: I'm just concerned. Did Justin kick you out?"

"Of course he didn't," Jasper defended his brother. "He didn't, did he?"

"No, I left. We needed to cool off after… our fight."

"What happened?" Alice's face was so tortured for me.

"Nothing. I don't want to talk about it right now. Did you see him today?" I asked Jasper.

"Yeah, he looks like shit, too. He said he wanted to talk to you."

"Really?"

"You two must be dealing with something serious."

"You could say that." I pulled the covers off of me, suddenly very hot, and climbed out of bed. "Thank you for letting me stay here last night."

"Of course. Are you sure you want to go back so quickly? Maybe we should talk," Alice suggested and followed me down the hall.

"No, I just want to see Justin. It's going to be alright," I assured her. "Sorry for crashing."

"It's okay, get better." Jasper leaned in like he was going to kiss my cheek, but then backed up. "Uh, never mind. I can't get sick right now."

"It's alright. I'll see you guys later." I left their apartment and waited for the elevator.

On my way up, I had a slight sense of hopefulness. I knew I shouldn't have just expected Justin to rejoice at the prospect of having a child, but I didn't think he would be so rash. To jump straight to abortion without even really talking about things was frightening. I wouldn't give that option the time of day, and he couldn't tell me what to do. I was just praying that I could talk some sense into him.

My heart beat thunderously as I stood in front of his door and knocked. It took a couple of seconds, but he opened it and let me in. Justin looked like Jasper had said—shit. There were deep bags under his eyes, and his face had a deep strain to it that told me he had been up the whole night.

"Hi," I said awkwardly and looked down at my feet.

"Hi," he replied. "I guess we need to talk."

"Yeah."

He led me to the kitchen, and I sat on a barstool.

"I would offer you coffee, but the books say that you're not allowed to have any." He held up a "What to Expect When You're Expecting" book.

"You brought that?"

Justin nodded. "Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to understand what the fuck was going on."

"I know you're scared, and I'm sorry…"

"No, Selena, I'm terrified and not just for me. What kind of father would I make? I shouldn't be raising a child, and I don't think you're seeing that correctly. You seem to think that this will be a good thing, but if you bring a child into this world, we'll both screw it up."

"We'll have help. We don't really know what to do now, but we have your parents and everyone else. We'll learn."

"We'll learn," he repeated. "That's not how it works. I just can't see this being positive. I know I was harsh last night… but that's the only option I see."

"You would want to kill your own flesh and blood?"

"I don't want this baby. I just want you." His eyes were so sad. It was heartbreaking, but I told myself to stay strong.

"We're a package deal now, Justin. I'm having your baby." I jumped off the stool and took his hands in mine. "We're having a baby."

"I don't know what to do."

"Isn't this what's supposed to happen? Aren't you supposed to have a big family and lots of kids to help your legacy last or something?"

"Selena, you're eighteen. Even if I wanted that stuff, I would wait until I was ready, and you were older. I can't… I just can't do this right now."

I deflated completely. "There's no changing your mind?"

"There's no changing yours?"

I shook my head. "I'm keeping this baby."

He nodded and closed his eyes. "What am I going to do?"

"You could… accept that. I don't want to push you into a corner, but I love you and I know you love me. This is just a speed bump."

Justin let my hands go and ran his through his hair. "I'm sorry, but right now, my mind just can't wrap around the thought of having a child."

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him; he didn't pull away. "I'm going to go for a walk and give you some more time to think. I know I just dropped this on you, but this is happening. I really need your help, Justin."

He didn't say anything, and I kissed him again.

I went upstairs to change and brush my teeth. Surprisingly, I wasn't hungry this morning. All I wanted to do was get out into some fresh air. I felt like that was the only way I could think.

When I was in the bathroom, I took a look at my stomach. Nothing had changed, and I was still flat as a board, but I could almost feel the baby growing inside of me; it was a part of me. How could Justin not want this? Was it a guy thing? I figured he just needed more time, and I would give him all he needed.

I went back to the kitchen and found Justin reading the book, his head bent and furrowed in thought.

"Don't go too far," he said without looking at me.

"Just think about everything I said." I began to walk out of the kitchen. "And could you ask Benny to stay here? I need to be alone."

"I can't…"

"Please, Justin. I don't want him breathing down my neck."

He didn't reply, but I saw that he gave his approval.

I left the apartment and tapped my foot on the elevator floor as it went down. The more I was in this building, the more I felt like I was suffocating. I needed to get out and walk around, or I was going to go crazy. This was a lot to handle in such a short amount of time, and my head was about to explode. Finally, the doors dinged open, and I shuffled into the lobby before taking my first breath of fresh air in what felt like years.

I walked slowly, just thinking, for what must have been an hour. I went to the park and made sure to take a break on a couple benches so that I could see the kids running around with their parents. I wanted to know how they dealt with children. Was I going to be a good mother? So far, things weren't going so well, but I had to believe that they would get better.

While I was sitting and watching, I felt the bench dip down as someone occupied the space next to me.

"Hello, Selena," a deep voice said.

I was surprised as hell when I turned my head and saw Jacob Black sitting there. He was playing with his tie nonchalantly and had his sunglasses on so that I couldn't see his eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I scooted away from him. If there was a reason he was here, it wasn't good.

"I'm here to bring bad news, unfortunately, but we'll get to that later. How are you?"

I started to get up from the bench, but Jacob's hand pushed me back down roughly. He didn't let me go when I was sitting again.

"What do you want?" I spat. "I need to get back home."

"I'm sorry, but that won't be happening today. Why don't we just sit and talk. I'm trying to be nice for a change."

"I don't want to talk to you. Let me go." I tried to get out of his grasp, but he wouldn't release.

"Where were you last night?" he demanded.

"At home."

"Where was Justin?"

"With me. Let me go."

"Was he there the whole day and night?"

"I don't know what he does during the day, but he was with me last night. Why the hell do you care?"

"It's not nice to lie to a police officer, Selena. I'm sure your father taught you that."

"What the hell do you want?" I struggled and he was really starting to hurt me with his grip.

"I'm sorry I have to do this, Selena. I really thought you'd be more cooperative. You're under arrest." He swung my wrist behind my back painfully, and I felt cold metal against my skin.

"I'm what?" I felt like throwing up. This was happening so fast that I couldn't even understand it.

"Selena Swan, you're under arrest for obstruction of justice and racketeering. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?"

"I don't even understand what you're talking about; racketeering?

"Among other things." Jacob started walking and pulled me behind him towards the street where a car was waiting. "We have a whole laundry list of wonderful charges."

"You're just doing this to get to Justin."

"Bring down the girl, bring down the man." Jacob ducked my head into the back of the car and another officer was in the front seat, "This is the end of Selena Swan and I'm sorry."

"I'm Embry Quill. We'll be seeing a lot of each other."

I didn't know what to say or what was going on. I was scared out of my mind and terrified. I wanted to talk to anyone who knew what the hell was happening. How did my life become so drama filled? It was one thing after another, and this was just the icing on the cake.

How more fucked up could my life get?

Jacob Black got into the driver's seat with a devilish grin. "Selena, I would get very comfortable, because this is the last of the outside you're going to see for a long time."

It would be surprising if you weren't tired. In some ways, your pregnant body is working harder even when you're resting than a nonpregnant body is when mountain-climbing; you just can't see its efforts. For one thing, it's manufacturing your baby's life-support system, the placenta, which won't be completed until the end of the first trimester. For another, it's adjusting to the many other physical and emotional demands of pregnancy, which are considerable. Once your body has adjusted and the placenta…

I had to stop reading after that.

I smashed my palms into my eyes and scrubbed them across my face. My heart was still pumping a little quicker than usual, and my head was pounding. For the first time in years, I wanted to take a nap.

Could this really be happening? How could this be happening?

I took a large gulp of water and tried to sooth my fiery nerves. I was pissed; I was confused. I was uncertain, but I was also terrified, and I had never in my life felt that emotion.

Selena had just left for her walk, and I was thankful for that, because I couldn't breathe while she was around right now. It was hard for me to even think about being in the same room with her. Did she really not see how much of a bad idea this was? She was pregnant! Holy shit, she was pregnant! She was pregnant!

I had to say it at least ten times before I could even fathom the possibility of that statement. A child with my eyes or my hair or my nose… It made me sick just thinking about it. Like she requested, I had called Benny and asked him to stay behind. She needed her time alone just as much as I did.

There were so many things that could go wrong with this, and I wasn't just thinking about myself.

Selena was fucking eighteen years old. She had her whole life ahead of her for this kind of shit. In ten years, when she had grown up and was with some man who wanted kids, then she could rethink things. But that brought about a new set of problems. I didn't want her with another man now, and I didn't want her with another one in ten years. Selena was mine, and I planned on keeping it that way. Never mind about the marriage thing or the fact that I would make a horrible husband; some people just dated forever, right?

Last night, I was so excited to get home because I had taken care of the threat. With Felix and Demetri gone, a weight was lifted off of my shoulders, and I felt like I could finally breathe. Selena was somewhat safer now. I didn't have to look over my shoulder every five seconds for one of the Volturi boys to pop up and kill her. Of course, the threat would never be truly gone, but I didn't have those stupid mosquitoes buzzing in my ear anymore.

My seemingly good mood came crashing down when Selena revealed her little secret.

My first reaction was to disbelieve her. I had encountered this before, and on those occasions, girls lied because they wanted to trap me. There was never any truth to those situations, and I really hoped that Selena was following the same path. But then the logical side of my brain stepped in. Selena and I were already together. She had me under her finger. What need would she have to fabricate a lie like that? She didn't need to lie to me.

So, Selena was pregnant. That was the only conclusion I could come up with. Whatever happened to modern science? I knew birth control wasn't full proof, but this was ridiculous. Why now? This was the worst possible time for this to fall into my lap. I was on the verge of taking over a major crime syndicate and still in remission from a fucking heart attack. My life wasn't really conducive for a child, even if I did want one.

I could never see someone like me raising a kid. I would be horrible; things weren't going to get any easier as I got older. I knew that it was my lot in life to produce children, but I was hoping that I could skirt around that topic. I'm sure Emmett, Alec, and Jasper could provide more than enough kids to keep the Bieber name going. Why did I need to be a part of that?

When Selena told me, I blew up. I didn't know how else I was supposed to act. My brain was going crazy with questions that I just wanted to spit at her and demand answers. I felt like I needed to hit something, so that's why I got up from the table. I should have taken a couple of breaths and just talked it out, but i didn't have words. When Selena did push me to say something, I exploded with all of my thoughts.

I was ashamed of my first reaction to the news, but I had always known that "getting rid" of the baby was the path I would choose. Abortion or adoption, I didn't care which just as long as I didn't have to be burdened with a fucking baby. Call me a coward or whatever, but that was my stance, and I was sticking to it. I wasn't only doing this for Selena and myself, but for that kid too. How well could it turn out? There were no positives to this situation, and I just needed to convince Selena of that.

I didn't know how far along she was—we never got that far—but I figured abortion was still an option. She could be through with this in minutes. That would be fine with me. We didn't even have to tell anyone. If Selena didn't go for that, then there was also adoption. That would be a far more strenuous route, but it would still leave us free of a child. That was the main goal. People would obviously know that Selena was pregnant if we went that way, although, it might be a better option if she didn't want to go to a clinic. Everyone would hate me, but it was the only viable possibility. Whichever was fine with me.

Unfortunately, Selena wasn't seeing things my way. I didn't know what about this made anything appear positive, but it seemed like I was the only one in this relationship with a clear head. This baby was going to ruin Selena's life. She was going to have to drop out of school, take time off and probably wouldn't ever go back. I didn't want that for her. I had already taken so much from Selena without giving anything back and now this? I was destroying her life. We couldn't have this baby.

I groaned and banged my head against the counter, "Stupid, stupid, stupid…"

There was a knock at the door, and I didn't even move from my spot. I didn't care to open it. Selena had a key so anyone else could suck it. I wasn't in the mood to deal with stupidity today.

"Yo, Justin," Emmett's voice yelled, "we're here and we're hungry. You better not be hogging pizza or I'm breaking your arm."

"I have to remember to take that key away," I said to myself and put the pregnancy book in a drawer so he wouldn't suspect anything. I was going to leave it up to Selena about telling people. I didn't mind as long as in nine months' time, I wasn't rocking a baby to sleep.

"What's going on?" Emmett started going through my fridge for food. Alec was with him, and he sat on a barstool, eating a massive chocolate bar.

"Don't you have your own house? I'm tired of you being over here," I growled.

"You will never be rid of me." He laughed. "Besides, Rose hasn't gone grocery shopping this week. I'm hungry and I know Selena always keeps this place stocked."

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Why is there so much damned ginger ale?" He moved stuff around. "I can't even find the food. This is ridiculous. There must be ten bottles in here."

"It helps Selena's stomach. She's still sick," I lied.

"Maybe she should go see a doctor," Alec suggested. "It's not healthy for her to be sick this long. Is she all right?"

"She's fine." I shut the refrigerator door. "Can I help either of you?"

"We're bored," Emmett pouted. "Let's go shoot something. We could go play arrow roulette."

"As much as I would love that, I'm busy and you need to occupy your time in a healthier way. I'm sure you have some work to do."

"Don't care. I'm on vacation."

"We just got back from vacation and like I said, I'm busy."

"With what?" Alec asked.

"Things that don't concern you. Leave," I commanded and crossed my arms.

"No, I don't think we will." Emmett sat next to Alec. "What the hell happened with you and Selena last night?"

"What do you mean?" I exhaled, getting very annoyed with my brothers.

"Jasper said you guys had a massive fight and she had to stay with him and Alice. What did you do?"

"Can nothing stay private in this family?" I ran a hand through my hair. He didn't mention the baby, so I assumed Selena hadn't said anything to either Jasper or Alice. I would have heard about it by now.

"What's going on?" Alec was concerned. I could tell by the tone of his voice. His childlike curiosity and knack for sensing problems was becoming highly dangerous for me in this situation.

"Nothing, just drop it."

"You did something to Selena, didn't you?" Emmett squinted his eyes at me. "You made her cry?"

"Yes," I admitted, "we just had a fight."

"About what?"

"I can't remember." I shrugged.

"You're lying," Emmett accused.

"So what if I am? No one asked you to butt into my business."

"This is Selena's business too," Alec challenged. "We have a right to know."

"Stupid Italian, gossiping, brothers…" I grumbled under my breath and filled a glass with water. It was time to take my medication and today, I needed it more than ever.

"Are you still taking that shit?" Emmett asked.

"Yes, and I don't need your mouth right now. Just leave." I ingested a couple pills and swallowed the water.

"You're extra bitchy today," Alec said.

"It must be his man-period."

"Both of you need to leave." I roughly picked Alec up by the collar of his shirt and started shoving him into the hallway.

"You know, we can give you brotherly advice if you'd just ask." Emmett followed us.

"I already got the big brother talk from Jasper last night."

"He's stupid. You need to come to me for girlfriend problems."

"That makes me feel so much better." I rolled my eyes.

"Are you going to break up with her? You know Ma would kill you if you did." Alec pushed me off of him.

"No, I'm not breaking up with her. We're just… having issues."

"Jasper said that she was crying like crazy last night. Did you hurt her?"

"Of course I didn't and I would appreciate it if you would stop getting your information from Jasper. You three are like old ladies. Keep your noses in your own business."

"Fine, we'll go downstairs and have some fun without you." Emmett walked out of my apartment. "Come on, kid."

"Bye, Justin." Alec waved and trotted after him.

I slammed the door and stomped back to the kitchen. I didn't want to go back to reading that stupid book again, because I could barely understand what the hell it was saying. There were so many words that were foreign to me, and I only got more stressed with each turn of the page. How the hell were we supposed to raise a baby? There was no way in hell it was going to work. I just had to convince Selena that our only option was to handle it by other means.

I wasn't a total monster. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized that I had created something. A part of me was growing inside of Selena, and I'm sure some people would die to be in my position; just not me. Should I want a child? Like with most normal things, my mind wasn't wired that way. I only saw this as a negative.

Besides the theoretical horrors of me raising a child, there was also the very real possibility that I might actually die if I had to care for something that vomited and pooped and peed excessively for the first year of its life.

I shuddered just thinking about being anywhere near a baby. How the hell did people take care of those things?

I sighed heavily, going back into the kitchen to resume my reading. I was trying to understand what about this child thing was so appealing to everyone. My plans still weren't changing, but I might be able to sympathize with Selena more if I knew why she was willing to sacrifice everything for this baby.

I never wanted to be away from her again, because that only caused me to do stupid things. I didn't want to lose Selena, but would she make me choose? I figured yes, and I didn't want to even think about that right now. My main goal was to just get her to see reason.

Before I could even open the damned pregnancy book up, there was another knock on the door.

"Justin, open up. I need to talk to you." I heard my father's voice frantically commanding me.

"What do you want?" I shouted, not moving from the counter.

"This is no time for games. Open this fucking door!"

I rolled my eyes and trekked into the hallway. He pushed past me when I opened the door, and I could tell that he was worried about something. Carlisle rarely showed signs of agitation or stress, so this was a little perplexing.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Sit down." He went to my liquor cabinet that had just been restocked, and pulled out a large bottle of scotch.

"Should I be worried?" I sat on the couch.

"I'm about to tell you something, but I want you to just take deep breaths and think before you act."

"What's going on?" I said skeptically, "I don't like the way you're talking."

He downed his drink and began pouring another one. "Selena got arrested."

It took me a second to digest his words. "I'm confused. What did you say?"

"Selena was just arrested."

"No… what? That's impossible. I just saw her like an hour ago. She went out… for a walk. I think you misunderstood."

"Justin, listen to me, this is serious. I just got a call from the Commissioner; they're holding her downtown."

I blinked a couple of times, trying to understand what the hell he was talking about. "She was arrested?"

"I don't like repeating myself and I've done it twice already." Carlisle sighed. "I'm working on it."

"What the hell are the charges?" I jumped up from the couch, my legs wanting to run out of the room.

"A whole bunch of shit that's trumped up. They're trying to get her to talk about your recent trip to Maine."

"What does that have to do with her?" I realized that I was shouting at this point, but I didn't care.

"Racketeering, harboring a suspect, money laundering, drug trafficking; it's a mess, Justin and they're just getting started. They're even trying to charge her with accessory to murder since they think she knows something about Maine."

"She has nothing to do with any of that." I was seething.

"Of course she doesn't and most of the charges aren't going to be worth anything, but she is in a very bad position right now."

"Why? Just get her out."

"I can't do that. The Commissioner is blowing smoke up my ass and he's starting to ask questions."

"Get her out!"

"It doesn't work like that, Justin. You can't just bypass the entire legal system; not this time. Selena has been arrested and there are actually a few things that suggest she broke the law, but they're trying to get to you. You need to calm down and let me handle this."

"I won't let her go down for my mistakes. She didn't do anything wrong," I argued, my heart starting to thunder in my chest.

"She will be held and I have Jenks working on things, but… this is a tricky situation."

"Why? It seems simple to me. Selena is innocent so she'll get off. How are you not seeing this?"

"Justin, they won't let her go without getting to you first. Selena's just a liability and they're trying to scare us."

"So you're not going to do anything?"

"I'm doing all I can. You have to let this work itself out."

"Are you fucking serious? Is that what you have to say to me?"

"Justin, this is going to get very dirty because Jacob isn't letting Selena go. He's going to use her against us."

"They don't have anything on her." I was pulling at my hair so tightly that it hurt. "Why not Alice or Rose?"

"I don't know," Carlisle sighed. "I'm being proactive about it all, though. I can't stall much longer and once things get out about this, they won't stop. People are going to ask questions and start searching for answers."

"This shouldn't be as bad as it's sounding. I still don't understand the charges. Don't we have a plan in place for this?"

"They can hold her for a traffic violation and beef it up to ten years if they want to. It doesn't matter. They're trying to humiliate you and it's working. Our plan is always to be proactive. We're going to nip this thing in the bud before it even gets started."

Before I could even think about it, I jumped over the back of the sofa and went into the kitchen, grabbing my keys off of the counter. I threw the pregnancy book in the trash. I would worry about that later.

"Justin, where are you going?"

"To get Selena back." I slammed the door shut and was in the elevator in a second.

I heard Carlisle yelling at me as the doors closed, but I could have cared less.

This was my biggest fear come true. I didn't even really know what the whole situation was, but after the words "Selena got arrested" were uttered, I didn't really need to know. Because of me, she was being taken, and I would figure the rest out after I got her freed. This was turning into a massive shit storm that neither of us needed to be dealing with right now, and I was going to make sure that the right people paid for crossing me.

Why was it always Selena? Alice and Rosalie were sitting ducks and perfect candidates for the taking. Not that I ever wished anything bad on them, but Selena needed a fucking break. I knew why Black was doing this. He wanted me to do something rash and dig myself into a hole. Carlisle was right; they could hold her on trumped up charges and plant all the evidence they wanted just to make me enraged. It wasn't a secret that I acted before I thought, and this was just one instance when I wished I could control the beast inside of me. It wasn't going to happen.

I would handle everyone else after Selena was let go.

Thankfully, the Saleen was waiting in the garage, and I was more than ready to stretch her legs. I sped out of the parking lot and blasted through the streets, not bothering to look at lights or stop signs. I didn't know what I planned on doing when I got there, but I would figure it out later.

By the time I reached the downtown office, my blood was raging in my body, and I was trying to convince myself that I didn't need to blow up. For good reason though, I brought my Eagle. I wasn't playing games anymore. I jumped out of the car and just kept running.

"Justin, where are you going?" Emmett's Mercedes screeched to a halt in front of me, effectively blocking my path.

"What does it look like?" I tried to move in front of the car, but he accelerated and blocked me again.

"You can't go in there. Dad told me what happened."

"Get out of my way." I closed my eyes to calm down. The last thing I needed to do was shoot my brother in the parking lot of the police department.

"Justin, let them handle this."

"She did nothing wrong!" I shouted at him.

"I know that, but you can't just barge in there and expect things to be resolved."

"You can say that because Rosalie isn't sitting in a fucking jail cell."

"I know you're mad, but we're going to get her out. They won't be able to hurt her." Emmett got out of the car, leaving it running. "Just calm down before you give yourself a stroke."

I breathed deeply, clutching my gun in my hand. "They arrested her. It was my fault…"

"It's not your fault, Justin. Just get in the car and I'll drive you home."

"I can't just leave her in there."

I pushed him off of me and jumped over the hood of his car, sliding to the ground and darting up the sidewalk. I took the stairs three at a time and right before I reached the door, I felt arms wrap around my torso from behind.

I struggled to break free. "Get the fuck off of me."

"I can't let you get in anymore trouble." Emmett was too strong, so I was flailing around aimlessly but still trying to break free.

"Let me go!" I threw my head back and heard a crack as I broke his nose, but Emmett still didn't release his hold. He carried me to the car and by the way my hands were bound, I couldn't move or use my Eagle.

"I've been ordered to take you home." It took him a long time to get me in the car, but he finally shoved me through the door and grabbed the gun from me.

He was speeding away from the police department and as much as I protested, he wouldn't hear my reasoning.

"Just let me handle my own business." I was debating on whether or not I should just kill him now and take control of the car.

"Let Dad deal with this. He knows what he's doing but you need to lay low. Did you know that Aro took out a hit on you this morning? He's fucking out for our blood, dude."

"Let him try. I'm ready for him."

"You need to just shut up and take a break for a couple of days. You can't run over everyone and expect to get off without consequences. You know I'm with you but calm down."

"She's in fucking jail. Does no one understand that?" I pulled at my hair.

"Selena isn't going to get in trouble and you know it. Black wants you to come out of hiding."

"Why didn't he just come after me?"

"Because he needs you enraged. We have to keep you safe, first and foremost."

"I can't believe we're just going to let her sit in jail!"

"Dad's dealing with it," Emmett yelled. "Just shut up. I can't have you getting yourself locked up too. Then we'd get nowhere."

I sulked in my seat, trying to control my heart because it was about to explode out of my chest.

It didn't matter what "condition" Selena was in, I had to push through my opinions on our baby and just get her the fuck out of jail. I almost choked on air as I thought about what I had just said: our baby.

This was not good at all. I had to keep reminding myself that my father promised to handle this. If I didn't have that vow, I would have turned this car around and headed right back to the police offices. Selena was my main priority right now. Not the baby, not me, and not Jacob fucking Black—just Selena.

By the time we reached my parents' house, I was still furious, but trying to calm down so that I could logically get some answers.

I jumped out of the car and raced inside.

"Justin, calm down or you're going to give yourself another heart attack." Esme hugged me. "Carlisle's going to get her out."

"Where is he?" I pushed her off.

"In his office." Her voice was small, and I could tell that we were in a worse situation than people were telling me.

I bounded up the stairs and busted through Carlisle's office door. He was on the phone and shouting with a red face. Nicola was in his wheelchair and watching his grandson work.

"How the hell did you get up here?" I asked him.

"Never mind that; how is Selena?"

"I don't know. No one's telling me anything and Emmett wouldn't let me get in to see her."

"Good. Who knows what you would have done." Nicola rolled towards the desk and pressed the receiver button on the phone, cutting it off.

"What the hell was that for?" Carlisle slammed the phone down.

"You're not going to get anything done with normal bureaucracy. What's the Commissioner saying?"

"He wants to know who the hell Selena is and why she has racketeering charges against her. Jacob locked her up for illegal gambling." He sat in his large chair.

"Are you fucking serious?"

"He has tape of her at the tracks a couple days ago and says she frequents your casino a lot."

"She's been there once and she never paid for anything at the tracks," I argued, "Isn't the legal gambling age eighteen?"

"Horse betting is different; twenty-one."

"This is bullshit." I yelled, "She did nothing wrong."

"It doesn't matter; until they do an investigation, we can't get her out. At least, until her arraignment tomorrow. They'll set bail and we'll post it, but until then, she's staying downtown. Plus, you went home last night after that massacre and they're trying to say she harbored a fugitive."

"I went back to my own house. They can't charge her for that."

"They can do anything they want if they spin it the right way. Don't underestimate this, Justin. The Commissioner has never been on our bad side, but this could turn out horribly."

"And what about that gambling shit? Alec is way younger than she is and he was betting too."

"I know, I know. No one cares about that, though, and now I have people looking into you for RICCO charges. They want to know where each and every cent of your money is coming from."

"What about you?" My breathing was harsh and deliberate.

"They would never touch your father. He pays all their salaries and he would just fight back, causing a hell of a scandal," Nicola thought out loud. "Selena can't fight with any gusto. She has nothing."

"So what are you going to do?" I asked my father. "She didn't do anything. I won't let her go down for me."

"First of all, we need to get you out of the country, and then I'll post her bail tomorrow. After that, I'll get Jenks to handle her case because this sure as hell will end up in court. Black won't ever let this go now that he has you in the palm of his hand." Carlisle was typing on his computer quickly, his fingers flying across the keys.

"I'm not going anywhere until I see Selena."

"Justin, I don't have time to debate this with you. You're leaving and getting under the radar. Once they start with this investigation, I won't be able to hide you anymore. The RICCO charges are just the start. You better believe that they have things on that stunt you pulled in Maine, especially if Aro's involved."

"And then that Shinobu shit's going to get on board." Nicola rolled his eyes. "I suggest posting Selena's bail tomorrow, and then shipping her off to wherever you send Justin to."

"You want to make them both fugitives?" Carlisle sighed. "I can't do that. If Justin leaves now, he can come back without any consequence. If Selena violates her bail, she could be in deep water."

"Oh, please," Nicola scoffed. "I've been a fugitive since 1972. They don't have enough resources to hunt her down. Get Justin out now, and then Selena can follow tomorrow."

"I said I'm not leaving until I make sure she's safe," I repeated.

"You don't really have a say anymore, son." Carlisle looked at me. "If you want Selena safe, then you'll do as I say. Let me handle this."

"You keep saying that, but nothing's getting done. I need Selena out of jail and her name cleared." I slammed my fist down on his desk, rattling the things on top of it.

"First of all, never raise your voice to me again. Don't forget who runs this family. You might think you have clout, but I can run your ass over in a second if I need to. No one is above me and I'll do what I think is necessary."

"What if your way is wrong?" I gritted.

Nicola slapped the back of my head so hard that I thought my spinal column had snapped, "Bite your tongue. We know what we're doing. You young kids think you can do anything and everything, but there's a system."

"The system doesn't work." I challenged.

"Justin, you're two seconds away from having my gun in your mouth. Don't test me right now." Carlisle glared at me with such authority that I had to prevent myself from cowering backwards.

"Selena is a civilian. I can't just snap my fingers and have her out of jail. That's not how it works in this case." He calmed down.

As much as I wanted to argue, I couldn't. I was in no position to say a word, because things were moving too quickly. It was times like these when I realized just how inexperienced I was. I had no idea what I would do in this situation. I needed to be more like my father and think things through. Unfortunately, all of my reasoning kind of went out the window when Selena was endangered.

"I'm sending Justin off in an hour. As for Selena, I think we'll take our chances. I don't want her being an international deserter. She doesn't need that," Carlisle said.

"And where exactly am I going?" I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Switzerland." Nicola rolled away from us towards the liquor cabinet. "You'll stay there until things have calmed down."

"How long does that take?"

"Maybe a year, could be longer." Carlisle answered. "And connections will be limited. I don't want to risk it. They'll be trying to find you."

"How will I know if Selena's safe?"

"She will be. You have to trust me Justin."

I heard the door open behind me, and then small arms wrapped around my body. "I don't want him to go, Carlisle," Esme said.

"We've been through this before, sweetheart. He has to go. We've been through this with Emmett before and we'll make it work."

"Why does he have to leave?"

"If they bring an investigation against him, they'll find something; maybe not soon, but they will. Once he's out of the county, everything he has will be wiped clean. No bank records, account information, identity. I can help him from afar, but not while he's still here."

"Why now?"

"Because they're ready to take you down. They have enough. First Selena, then you, and then they'll try to come for me. That's how it works. If we break the chain, they'll lose everything."

"We'll get Selena out of there and make it okay for you to come home quickly." She kissed the top of my head. "Stay safe."

"What about everyone else?" I asked.

"No one else is about to be knee deep in the middle of a federal shakedown."

"I can't do this. I don't feel right leaving Selena."

"You don't have a choice. There's a car waiting for you downstairs and you'll get to the airport within the hour."

Carlisle stood up and pulled the massive Eagle out of his front desk. It was the same one he had pointed at me on our trip to Russia, and the one that would have probably been stuck in my mouth if I hadn't shut up a couple minutes ago. I was still fucking scared of that thing. He popped the magazine in place, and then handed it to me.

I took it from him and put it in my belt, not knowing why he was giving it to me, but I didn't question him. Instead of a tearful goodbye, this was his way of telling me to be safe. Things like this were always tricky because communication was completely non-existent. I wouldn't be able to speak with anyone from my family for at least a year. I wouldn't be back to the states for a very long time—even if my name was cleared. I wouldn't need to pack anything because by the time I got to Switzerland, my accommodations would be set.

"You need to leave now." Nicola started pushing me out of the door. "You will only have one shot at this and if they wise up, you won't be able to get out of the country."

I didn't know what to say or what to do.

I just stood at the door, opening my mouth a couple of times to speak, but no words came out.

"We'll make sure Selena gets to you soon. Jenks is going to get her off, and then after I'm sure she's clear, I'll send her on," my father said and tightly smiled. "I promise."

"Just go, Justin." Esme was crying into his shoulder, and I wanted to give her a massive hug. I didn't, though.

I shut the door behind me and briskly walked down the stairs.

"Where are you off to?" Jasper poked his head around a corner up when I was about to leave the house.

"Switzerland," I answered, my hand on the doorknob.

"Oh." He came into the foyer, followed by Emmett and Alec.

"Have fun." Emmett nodded. He had been through this before about five years ago, so he knew how hard it was to leave everything at the drop of a hat. His separation was quick though. "Switzerland's nice."

"I…" I wanted to say something profound, but nothing was coming to mind. All this emotional bullshit was making my head hurt.

"Just take care of yourself." Jasper manfully hugged me. I kept my arms at my side.

"We'll keep Selena safe," Alec assured me. "Don't worry about anything."

"Should I write her a letter?" I asked them when he let me go.

"Why are you not gone, Justin?" Carlisle shouted from the stairs. "The plane is running and waiting."

"We'll take care of everything." Emmett started pushing me out of the door. "I'll call if we can."

"Alright." I gave them one final wave, and then started walking down the driveway, where a car was waiting at the gates.

"There you are. Finally." My father's most trusted associate stepped from behind the driver's side.

"Seth Clearwater. I didn't know you were still alive. I haven't heard from you in forever."

"You know, just keeping a low profile over there at the police office. I have to keep you informed all the fucking time. They almost caught me there for a second."

"How bad is it?" I asked.

"Truthfully, you're in a pile of shit. Black is going crazy and he's pulling out everything he's been gathering for the past couple of years. They actually have a good case against Selena but they'll let her go if you turn yourself in."

"Well then, let's do that. Take me to the police department."

"I can't do that, Justin." Seth crossed his arms. "I'm to get you to the airport and you're not arguing with me. Get in the car."

"Not unless we're going downtown. Fuck the airport."

Seth pulled out his gun, pointing straight at my knee. "I'll blow it out."

"Don't threaten me unless you actually plan on using that thing." I said menacingly. I knew he wouldn't hesitate to fuck me up because Carlisle had taught him well. Seth wasn't family but could have been since my father had trained him since he was young.

"You know I'll do it," Seth replied, just as darkly as I had. "Get in the car, Justin."

I ground my teeth together and ripped the backseat door open, plopping down in my seat. Benny was up in the passenger's side and looked incredibly deadly with his massive form hidden behind his sunglasses.

Once Seth was in the car, he sped off through the streets, not even bothering with the speed limit.

Seth Clearwater was my father's mentee. Besides his sons, Carlisle thought it prudent to have informants on the inside our enemies' camps. He had people burrowed everywhere in this city, especially in the police department. Come to think of it, someone should have told us that this was coming. Seth was simply the best at what he did, and he was the one who had been giving me all the inner workings throughout this past year.

The ride to the airport was silent. I wanted to pull out my phone and call Selena, but I couldn't. There was no way for me to get in contact with her. How was she doing? How was the baby doing?

Fuck, she was still pregnant. I kept forgetting that. As much as I hated what she was carrying, Selena's health was important to me and right now, that included the baby. Should I tell someone that she was pregnant? Then I realized that someone already knew.

"When were you going to tell me?" I asked Benny. I figured he knew what I was talking about.

"She begged me not to say anything," he replied. "I trusted her to say something."

"You didn't think to warn me?"

"I didn't think it would be appropriate to get involved in personal business, sir."

"What's going on?" Seth interjected.

"Selena's pregnant," I sighed.

"Holy shit," The car swerved wildly, and then corrected itself, "are you serious?"

"Yeah."

"How the hell did that conversation go?"

"We never really talked it out. There was too much yelling." I combed through my hair with my hand and tried not to think about how much of a dick I was last night to Selena. The final true conversation we had with each other was one of shouting.

"I think I can guess which side you were on."

"I never got a chance to really think about it."

Now that I was being shipped off, how was this going to affect us? I wouldn't see Selena for a couple months, at least. By that time, the baby would certainly be here to stay. Selena would never go with adoption. I didn't really have a choice anymore. It didn't matter what I thought now. I was having a child.

That thought struck me deep, but I didn't have a chance to dwell on it, because the car came to a halt a second later.

We were on the tarmac already and a private plane was geared up to go. It was smaller than the one I normally took, because I knew that Carlisle's planes were being tracked. This one probably belonged to one of his friends.

"Get out." Seth opened his door.

As soon as my feet hit the ground, shots rang out and echoed around us.

I ducked behind the car door and pulled out my father's gun, trying to survey the area. I stayed low and to the ground as bullets pelted the car, but they were bouncing off.

"What the fuck!" Seth was next to me, sporting his own gun. "This is so not cool."

"Who are they?" I asked and peeked over the hood at the three men on the roof of the hangar.

"Aro's guys. I would bet my life on it." Seth started firing above us, and I did the same.

We were no match being this far away and not having the proper weapons. I could see the stairs of the plane from where I was hunched over and judged the distance at about a couple of yards. I could easily make it if I ran, but I didn't want to. I had never backed down from a fight. Today was seemingly not my day. First, I had to pussy out and leave Selena behind—which I positively didn't want to do, and now bullets were raining down on me. I wasn't going to let them win.

I started shooting and missed a few times before I saw one the guys retreat. I think I got him, but couldn't be sure.

"Where's Benny?" Seth asked me as he reloaded.

A low whine came from the other side of the car, and I looked under it to see Benny lying in a pool of his own blood. His eyes were open, but unresponsive, and his breathing was too low to hold out much longer.

"Holy shit," I said in astonishment. I never thought I would see him in a weak position like that.

He was trying to push his gun towards me under the car, and I reached out to grab it from his bloodied hand. He sputtered up some more blood before he gave out completely. His chest stopped moving as his breaths were exhausted.

"You have to run for it," Seth shouted at me and pointed to the plane, which was still revving and ready. I could see the pilot beckoning me over.

"I'm not going to leave you here." I fired some more and realized that I was out of bullets. I tried to use Benny's, but he was also out.

"Just go. I can make it back. Once I know you're safe, I'll just take off."

"Are you sure?" I was running out of options. "I hate losing at this shit."

"You're not losing. Selena needs you alive and safe. Hurry up and go."

"I can't leave you here alone. You won't make it out."

"Yes, I will. I've got-" His words were cut off by the bullet that popped through the side of his head. He slumped forward and fell onto me, but I propped him up. The whole right side of his head was blown off, and blood was running over my hands, while seeping into my clothes.

It seemed like I was running out of words today, because once again, I couldn't think of anything to utter.

I guess now I didn't have a choice.

I let Seth's dead body slump to the floor and judged the distance to the plane again. I could make it. I took off my jacket so that I wasn't bothered with extra fabric and took a look over the car to see if the men were still there. It was quiet.

I darted over the tarmac, keeping my body low, and made it about halfway there before my leg erupted in pain. The bullet went straight through my left thigh and straight out the other side.

I didn't gurgle a word, taking my punishment in silence and held the wound as I made it that final distance onto the plane with a pronounced limp. The stairs shut quickly behind me.

"We're going to get you out of here." A man started tending to me. "I'm one of the pilots. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. It's just a flesh wound."

"How do I know you're not one of them?"

"Because I'm your fucking cousin, Justin."

"Oh." I vaguely recognized him. I thought I knew his face from Sunday dinners, but my head was hurting too much to know for sure.

"Just sit back and shut up. We'll make it to Switzerland in ten hours."

I was losing too much blood to reply. The darkness was coming quickly, and I couldn't fight it off.

"Who's Selena, sir? Why do you keep saying her name?" the pilot asked.

My head hit the floor with a thump as my thoughts became clouded over and the blackness consumed me.

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