#and Kiburi is just so done

[spottedmischief]

in this house we love and respect a teen who will proudly admit that he is the trash king and so is his kingdom

[devilsrecreation]

Absolutely living for my friendship headcanons I made for the crocodiles and the lizards cuz they’re legit so fun to play around with

-First there’s Makuu’s canon friendship with Hodari the gecko

-Pua’s also taken Hodari under his wing so now the little guy has 2 crocodile mentors, not to mention he tells the former leader everything

-Ucheshi and Hodari are so close they almost share a braincell

-Kenge’s now a sort-of honorary crocodile to Kiburi’s float cuz they’re good friends

Not only is Kenge an ally, but Njano’s proven to be a pretty good friend to Kiburi on several occasions. Hell, @spinnysocks and I agreed that all of Kiburi’s float would be all buddy-buddy with the skinks. Neema and Nyeusi are aroace icons who watch all the shit go down, Nyororo/green skink helps Tamka with his acting by teaching him how to be more…believable ig? (and by teaching him how to fake flirt with someone lol). Nyata would definitely encourage Nduli’s sassiness and helps him come up with witty comebacks

YA’LL I EVEN GOT KENGE TEACHING NDULI HOW TO BE MORE INTIMIDATING AT ONE POINT THAT’S HOW MUCH I LOVE THESE HC’S

I’m even thinking about Tamka and Nduli eventually befriending Hodari. They may have only used him in the past, but imagine them being unlikely friends when the little guy helps them out with something. Just a lil something to think about :)

Also I can’t help but imagine Tamka mentioning how he was being used by the meerkat mafia one time (as I mentioned in an episode idea I had for him) and Hodari goes “Been there, done that” and Tamka’s all “You have? By who????……..Oh yeah, my bad”

[handfulofmuses]

"Run this dump” is still the funniest song. They burned down a small patch in the Pridelands. Scar was like congratulations now stay here so the guard can’t reclaim it. Everyone thinks Scar is nuts.

Janja is all like hey guys we all agree this place is a dump and no one likes it?

Everyone agrees and Janja is like great I’m doing you guys a favor we hyenas are in charge now and everyone was like no way

Janja starts singing. Janja literally admitted he is the trash king. He kicks dust in Kiburi’s face and Kiburi is just so done.

Reirei starts singing. She kicks Chungu away. She pushes Janja and Cheezi away.

Mzingo is over here like "okay my turn” it’s a singing competition now. He finishes and looks over to Kiburi, expecting him to sing along.

Everyone else looks at Kiburi to sing, including a member of his own float. Kiburi looks between everyone as he realizes they want him to sing. He is grumpy. "I don’t sing. =w=“

Scar grounded his entire army to a single patch and everyone hated it.

[godofevrerything]

Hell Rising Chapter Seven: Rana

Rin was better than I expected.

She was fast and strong, with a eye for the bigger picture.

I focused on the details, and she strung them all together.

Ivan however...

He was clumsy. He was similar to Darcy. He wasn't used to creeping quietly and quickly. And it didn't help that he was tall and bulky.

But he would learn.

Or we'd all die.

I glanced at Rin.

She was sitting on a turned over trash can, balancing carefully with her legs crossed.

I called out to her. "Hey! What are doing?"

She glanced up. "Working on my henna."

I frowned. "You have a tattoo?"

"A henna." Rin sighed.

I walked over to her. Sure enough, there was a mass of black ink on her arm that she was tracing with a pen.

Rin smiled tentatively at me. "It's what I do when I have time. Helps with the stress."

"It's pretty." I commented.

She relaxed slightly. "Really? I can give you one if you want."

I jumped back. "No. No, don't touch me."

Rin stared at me and then shrugged. She stuck the pen back into her jean pocket and grabbed her coat.

We walked over to Ivan and Darcy, who were talking quietly.

"Hey guys!" Darcy chirped. "Ready to go?"

Rin clucked her tongue. "Don't be so chipper. It's not even 6am."

Ivan grinned. "And?"

Rin rolled her eyes, smiling. "Get up Ivan."

Darcy gasped. "Is that a tattoo?"

"It's her henna!" Ivan grinned.

Rin rolled down her sleeves and pulled on her coat. "Also really recognizable."

"Well, I think it's pretty." Darcy said.

She glanced at me. "Don't you think she's pretty, Rana?"

I scoffed. "The henna looks fine. C'mon, we got to get moving."

Darcy opened her mouth, but Rin and I were already walking. I slowed down and fell into step with Darcy.

"I meant Rin." Darcy whispered.

"What about her?"

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Don't you think she's pretty?"

"What?!" I yelped. "This isn't the time for that!"

"You're not answering me!"

I glared at her. "It doesn't matter."

Darcy grinned. "So you do think she's pretty."

I flushed. "Yeah. So what?"

"Nothing." Darcy hummed.

"Stop." Rin hissed.

We froze.

I glanced around. I couldn't see or hear anything.

And then I heard it.

"Yeah, yeah. We're looking for 78, I know that. Now get off my ass, Robert."

I froze.

It was a guard from the Facility.

They were looking for me.

Darcy and I traded a look of panic. If they found us, we would all be dragged to the Facility.

I wouldn't go back to the hellhole.

I couldn't go back.

"Run!" Rin mouthed.

An just like that, she was sprinting away, dragging Ivan with her.

Darcy grabbed my hand. "Rana, come on! We gotta run!"

A light fell on us.

I looked up. It was a guard. One of the faceless ones from the Facility. The same red and black uniform and clean shaven face that I had seen everyday.

I couldn't breathe.

Everything was blurry.

I couldn't hear anything.

It was like a thick sludge has risen up in my throat.

I felt like I was floating.

I couldn't go back there.

Click

Click

Click

No. No. Nonononononononononono

He wasn't here.

Nonononononononononononono

"Rana! Come on!"

A hand grabbed my arm and yanked me up.

Rin.

"Don't let them get away!"

I heard a whistle.

Rin screamed.

I looked up.

Rin was holding on to her shoulder, her face twisted in pain.

There was a bullet in her shoulder.

She had taken a bullet for me.

Rin dragged me down the alley.

My legs gave out.

Everything lit up.

Rin made a dome around us.

A dome of lightning.

"Rana! Rana, look at me!" she gasped.

I looked at her, breathing hard.

She held my hands tightly. "It's going to be okay. Rana, you're going to be okay. We will be okay. They aren't going to touch, I promise. I promise, okay? But you have got to get up. We have got to run. Get up. I'll protect you, I promise."

I looked at her.

The light made her face glow. I could see her bleeding shoulder. She was telling the truth.

I nodded.

The dome around us exploded. Lightning slashed out, hitting everything. The men screamed.

Run grabbed my hand and we ran as fast as we could.

We made it into an abandoned building. Darcy and Ivan were waiting.

"Oh my God!" Darcy cried. "Rana! Rana, are you okay? Are you hurt? Oh my God, I thought that I lost you!"

She hugged me tightly, her tears soaking into my shirt. I hugged her back.

Ivan crushed Rin in a tight hug, mumbling in Russian.

Rin drew away and looked at me. "Rana, are you okay?"

I swallowed. "Yeah."

Darcy pulled away. "You sure?"

"Yeah." I mumbled. "Uh, can I talk to Rin for a sec?"

Darcy and Ivan glanced at each other. They walked away.

I looked at Rin.

She smiled at me softly, and then cringed, grabbing her shoulder in pain.

"You gonna be okay?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. I can take care of myself."

"Why?"

Rin sighed. "You're a good person. Traumatized and aggressive, sure, but a good person. And you're my friend. I protect my friends."

I was stunned.

Rin smiles at me again and then started to walk away.

"Wait." I whispered.

She turned back around.

"Thank you." I whispered. "Nobody has ever done that for me. Thank you."

She nodded.

"And," I hesitated. "You're a good person too. We make a good team."

Rin laughed warmly. "Well, I hope so!"

I grinned. "Yeah."

I ran into the training grounds, my hear pounding.

It was three months since we came to the Haven. And then they found us. Or, more accurately, me. They were looking for me. And now, because of me, all of these people were going to suffer if I didn't get them out as soon as I could.

It was all my fault.

I made it into the training grounds and got myself ready for a battle.

There were only a couple of people.

"Everyone, follow me!" I yelled. "We are under attack!"

They didn't even hesitate, and ran out after me. I sprinted as fast as I could to the escape routes.

But something was off.

It wouldn't be this easy.

If the Admin was going to attack, there would be guards everywhere. Things would be on fire. People would already be dead. It wouldn't be this peaceful.

I hesitated, and then turned around. "I want you all to go the the escape route together. Stick together. I'll be back."

I ran off to the mess hall.

Something was really wrong.

No.

They didn't attack.

Then, did Marcus lie?

No. Marcus would never lie about this.

"Guys!" I called out.

"Rana?"

I flinched and turned. "Oh. It's you."

Rin nodded. "Yeah. It's me."

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

She glanced around. "Something isn't right. The Admin wouldn't attack like this. It doesn't make sense."

I scoffed. "Because he didn't attack."

Rin spun to me. "But then that would mean-"

"HE TRICKED US!"

We whirled around.

Marcus came storming into the mess hall, his eyes wide with fury. Jae, Darcy, Ivan and Lanis came walking in behind him.

"Of course it was a trick." Darcy snapped. "That's why nothing has happened."

"Which brings us to the question," Lanis growled. "Why the goddanm hell would you pull a false alarm, Marcus?"

Marcus glared at her. "I didn't pull a false alarm. They were right behind me, about 30 guards, I swear!"

"Then where did they go?" Ivan asked.

"I don't know!" Marcus yelled.

"Well you better think of a reason." Jae spat. "Because the entire Haven is in frigging chaos thanks to you."

Kamira came sprinting in. "Rocco! Where is he? Where my brother?"

"He wasn't with you?" I demanded.

"No!" Kamira screamed.

She looked around frantically. Tears were pooling in her eyes.

Jae grabbed her shoulder. "It's okay. You know Rocco. He always has a plan. He'll be here, just you wait."

"I can't wait!" Kamira yelled. "He's my brother!"

As she yelled, the concrete rumbled. It split open a few feet away, and a jet of icy water spewed up.

Darcy and Ivan jumped away.

Rins head snapped over, her eyes wide.

"Did she just do that?" Rin yelped.

I gave her a sharp look. "Yes. Kamira can manipulate water. You'd know that if you hadn't spent the past few months ignoring everything and skulling."

She glared at me.

"Kamira!"

Rocco ran in, his chest heaving.

"Rocco!" Kamira yelled.

She ran over and Rocco scooped her into a crushing hug.

Jae exhaled. "Oh thank goodness. I thought we lost you."

Marcus nodded at Rocco. "Glad that you're okay."

"Are you okay?" Darcy asked.

Rocco glanced up. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Don't ever do that again!" Kamira yelled. "I can't lose you, okay! I can't lose you. You're all I have left."

Rocco hugged her again. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to lose you."

"While I'm glad that you're okay," Rin sighed. "We have a bigger issue."

"Yeah." Rocco snapped. "Why the hell did you say the Admins men were coming, Marcus?"

"Because they were." Marcus growled.

"Apparently they didn't, you mgonjwa kutomba!" Rocco yelled.

"Rocco!" Kamira yelped.

Lanis let out a snarl. "Call him that one more time and you'll lose your tongue."

Rocco whirled to her. "Read my lips. Shut up you bubu viziwi kiburi!"

Lanis launched herself at Rocco. "Why you bloody bastard! Go to bloody hell, you arrogant motherfu-"

Marcus yanked her back.

Rocco sneered at her.

Lanis spat at him. "I might be deaf, but I don't need to hear you to know that all that comes out of your mouth is pure bullsh-"

"Guys!" I yelled. "That's enough! The biggest issue is about the Admin. His men were chasing Marcus, and then they left. That's the problem!"

"You don't know if he's telling the truth." Rocco snapped.

I glared at him. "Considering that I can read his mind, yeah, I do know."

"Yes." Jae said. "We have to deal with that first."

Darcy spoke, her voice quiet. "Isn't it obvious? He wanted to scare us. That's the reason why he didn't attack. He never meant to attack."

"Wait, so he's just trying to mess with our heads?" Ivan asked.

"Yeah." Rin murmured. "That makes sense."

Kamira frowned. "Are you about that? What if he's just waiting to strike?"

"He won't hit here." Darcy said firmly.

"How do you-" Lanis started.

"Because the Admin is my uncle. I know him." Darcy snapped.

A single beat of silence passed.

"WHAT?!" Rocco roared.

Darcy jumped.

"Don't yell at her!" I snapped.

"The Admin is your uncle?" Kamira whispered. "I don't understand!"

Rocco stepped in front of Kamira. "How do we know that you didn't lead the guards here?"

"Because Darcy is the one who saved me from that hellhole." I snapped. "She would never do that."

"I agree." Lanis said firmly.

Marcus and Ivan nodded in agreement.

"But-"

"Darcy didn't lead them here, trust me, Rocco." Jae sighed.

"Trust?" Rocco repeated. "How am I supposed to trust you? The Admins men made it practically to our front door! You're the leader! You're supposed to protect us!"

Jae flinched, her eyes widened in surprise. She looked at Lanis for help.

Lanis shook her head. "You walked in here three years ago and took charge. You've lead us out of so many encounters with the Admins men. You are the leader, not me."

"Yeah Jae." Rin hissed. "What are you going to do?"

Jae took a step back. She looked around, swallowing in fear. Everyone glared at her.

"Jae?" Kamira asked. "You have a plan, right?"

She opened her mouth. Panic haine from her eyes.

"Jae? Are you okay?" I asked.

Jae looked at me. "I- I don't-"

She stopped suddenly.

Jae looked around again and then back at me. Suddenly, she turned and ran out of the mess hall.

"Jae!" Rocco yelled.

I looked around.

Everyone seemed stunned. But nobody was going to go after her.

"I'll get Jae." I whispered.

Rin's eyes widened. "What? No, Rana, stay here. I have a bad feeling about this."

I glared at her. "Nobody gives a damn about her. I will make sure that she's alright."

I ran out of the mess hall after Jae.

She came to a stop at the tunnel entrance. Jaes back was turned to me, and I could see that she was shaking.

"Jae? Are you okay?" I asked.

Jae glanced at me. "No."

"Well, I just wa-"

"Y'know," Jae interrupted. "I spent three years in the Facility."

I frowned. "What-"

"I was just ten when the Admins guards yanked me out of my life. They got a notice that I was stealing food, and they just swooped in and ripped me out straight from the Cuban marketplace."

"Jae, what does-"

"One week later, I was in a cell." Jae breathed out. "An year later, a girl was thrown into the cell next to me. She was fighting so much, and even when Ricker came around, she still bellowed and kicked and spat at him, no matter how many times he electrocuted her."

I froze. "Electrocuted?"

Something felt wrong.

"Yeah. She was tortured and tortured, but she never stopped fighting."

Jae turned to me, her eyes red. "She was so nice to me."

I felt a chill run up my back. Jae took a step towards me, smiling faintly. I backed away.

"What are you doing?" Jae whispered.

"Jae, stop it." I hissed. "It's not funny."

She laughed. "Oh, I know that. The story isn't meant to be funny. But, where are you going? Don't you want to hear the rest of story?"

I clenched my fists. "No. Stay back. I don't want to hurt you. I'm going back to the mess hall. You come when you're ready."

I started to walk away.

"Abandoning me again?"

I froze.

Jae grinned at me. "I mean, this time Darcy isn't helping you escape. But it's practically the same thing!"

"Clarita?" I whispered.

Thud

I shrieked, and Jae covered my mouth with her hand.

"Hi Rana." she whispered.

"Clarita? Oh my God." I gasped.

She beamed. "You broke your promise once. It's not going to happen again."

Her smile turned into a furious sneer.

I saw a needle in her hand.

"Nighty night, traitor."

[ladyscribbles]

Plot Stumbler: Chapter 1

The day I encountered the trapped-in-a-different-world trope for myself started as a frosty December morning. I was wearing a red plaid skirt with black leggings and--for some reason--only a black sweater. I shivered as I walked down the street, not going anyway in particular. I’d just wanted to escape. 

“Why the hell are you home so late?!” my mother yelled the instant Dad slunk inside. 

“Why are you yelling at me? I told you I was going to be late,” he said in a subdued and quiet voice. 

“Not four hours late! You’ve been hanging around that Akemi bitch, haven’t you?!”

“You think I’m the kind of person that would sleep with her behind your back? You honestly think I would do that to you?” he asked calmly.

“Considering how late it is, yes!”

“For your information, I was stuck in two surgeries.”

“That’s what they all say!”

Irritation crept into his voice. It was clear he was getting tired of her bullshit. “It’s my job. Are you saying I should just go tell those people to screw off because my wife wants more quality time with me?”

“You think I’m that horrible of a person?!”

“It seems like it.”

“Ugh! I can’t believe you!”

“Stop shouting. You’ll wake up Melanie.”

“You just don’t want to hear me tell it to you straight, you non-confrontational, cowardly bastard!”

He growled in exasperation and then happened to look up. His eyes widened the moment our eyes met. Mom turned too, and she gaped at me like I was an alien from outer space. “Then go tell your daughter why she’s awake at two in the morning,” he said without taking his eyes off me.

I closed my eyes. My mom was such a bitch. Not even I could stand her, and I was her own daughter. How my dad did it, I had no idea. Honestly, why didn’t my dad just leave her ass already? 

I sighed and opened my eyes. I then noticed that there was a rabbit sitting in front of me. A rabbit? Here in the city? I shrugged and got into a crouch. I reached my hand out to pet it. 

“Don’t! It’s dangerous!” someone yelled behind me. 

I frowned as I froze. Dangerous? But it was just a little rabbit. How on Earth--

Then suddenly, the rabbit grew to ten feet tall and half as wide, and its teeth were replaced by huge, razor sharp teeth! I gasped as I fell backward onto my rear end.

What the hell was that thing?

It growled, drool escaping from its mouth. Then it lunged. I screamed just as I was grabbed from behind. We whizzed right by the monster rabbit. Whoever had me released me, and I whirled around to find a black woman around my age. 

She had a curly rainbow mohawk, the first thing I noticed. She also had shockingly violet eyes that almost seemed to glow. They looked even stranger in contrast to her burnt umber skin. 

She was wearing a shoulderless long-sleeved shirt that was black except for its sleeves, which were rainbow. There were also shoulder straps of a black tanktop that was underneath her shirt. There was a black choker with a rainbow heart-shaped charm on her neck. She had black jeans and a white belt on, and on her feet, she wore black combat boots. 

I sure couldn’t say she’d blend in with the crowd.

She nodded to me and turned her attention to the rabbit. I gaped as she charged toward the monster. Was this lady nuts? Then she held out her hand, and a giant sword appeared out of nowhere! It dropped into her hand and began to glow in all the colors of the rainbow. 

She ran toward the monster and then jumped even higher than the rabbit’s height! She yelled as she raised her sword overhead. She brought it down and sliced it in half. The monster rabbit howled in pain as it disintegrated into dust.

The woman landed on the ground gracefully like a freakin’ ballerina and then turned to me. There was a grin on her face. “Well, that was fun,” she said with a slight African accent (of which country, I had no idea).

“Who are you?” I asked. 

“Name’s Avana,” she replied. Then a rift in the atmosphere appeared. Avana placed her sword into it, and the rift disappeared. 

“W-what was that?!” I stammered. 

“My stash,” Avana said. “That’s where I keep Kiburi.”

“Kiburi?”

“That’s the name of my sword.”

Okay, this lady actually named her sword? And had violet eyes. And a rainbow mohawk?! Not to mention she just killed a freakin’ monster rabbit! What was up with all that?! What the hell was going on here?!

“Considering you saw that, I’m going to guess you’re the one.”

“The one what?”

“You know, the one. You watch movies, don’t you?”

“I don’t live them, so can you please just go?”

“I’m afraid I can’t. And please, let’s skip the whole ‘you’ve got to be mistaken’ thing.”

“But--”

“Normal people aren’t supposed to see those creatures. Or me, for that matter. But you did.”

“Uh...you’ve got to be--”

“You’re going to say it, aren’t you? Even after I asked you not to.”

“Say what?”

“You know what.”

“You’ve got to be mistaken?”

  “Darn it. You just had to do it, didn’t you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You just had to go the cliché route.”

“Uh…”

“Okay, anyway, since you’re the one, you’re going to make Ytol great again.”

“Like Trump?”

“God no! Wait, who is he?”

“Uh, so what exactly is Ytol?”

“Let me show you,” Avana said as she grabbed my arm. 

“What are you-”

Suddenly, I was standing in the middle of a lake. I looked down. Whoa, hold on! I wasn’t standing in the lake but rather on it! I was standing on water! Since when had I become Jesus?!

Whatever was keeping me standing collapsed, and I plunged into the icy water below. I gasped and immediately regretted it as water started rushing into my mouth. I felt something tug on my feet and pull me down deeper into its depths. I widened my eyes when I saw a gaping black hole at the lake’s bottom. I screamed, drawing in more water, as I was sucked into it. 

Then my feet were on solid ground once more. I immediately collapsed and started coughing and spluttering. Bile rose in my throat, and I vomited. I heard a chuckle from behind me and turned. Avana was there, and she was grinning. 

“Yeah, it takes a while to get used to that.”

“What was that?” I asked after wiping my mouth with my sleeve. 

She took my hand and hoisted me to my feet. “I call it the in-between. It’s where you go between teleportations.”

“Whoa, hold on, we just teleported?”

“Duh. So anyway, this is Ytol.” I then took my first look at my surroundings, and my eyes bulged out of my skull so much I was sure they’d pop out. The sky was pink, the clouds purple, and the grass orange. “Yeah, it’s a bit of a shock the first time.”

I frowned. First time? “How many times have you done this?”

“Enough,” she replied just before dropping to the ground. 

I widened my eyes and ran to her side. I turned her so she was now lying on her back and saw she was unconscious. At least, I hoped so. I felt for a pulse and froze when I didn’t feel one. 

Oh, God. 

Panicked thoughts began to invade my head, but I quickly pushed them away as I got into position. There was no time for that. 

I put my lips on hers to blow air into her lungs when suddenly, I felt Avana grab the back of my head. She held it tightly as she kissed me. I widened my eyes in shock and jerked away from her. 

She opened her eyes and then widened them in horror. “Oh, shit! You’re not--”

“Uh…” was all that came out of my mouth, too stunned to say anything else. My heart was beating so fast I was sure it was going to burst out of my chest--whether it was out of fear I didn’t know. And I couldn’t get the taste of coffee out of my mouth. 

I love coffee. 

SHUT UP!

“So...um...that happened.”

“You...you didn’t have a pulse so I was just…just...uh…” At this point, I was sure my cheeks were redder than beets. And by the way, you taste like coffee…

Oh, my God, SHUT UP!

She burst into laughter. I frowned, but she didn’t seem to notice. In fact, it took her a good few minutes to stop. Why she’d laughed that much, I didn’t know. It hadn’t seemed very funny to me. She wiped away the tears that’d welled in her eyes. 

“No wonder you panicked! I guess I should’ve told you earlier: you won’t find a pulse on me.”

“I’m sorry, what?” I must’ve misheard her. I must’ve. 

“That’s what happens when you go through the in-between too much. You turn as much in-between as it,” she said with a hollow smile. As in-between as it? What did she mean by that? She saw my confused look and sighed. “You’re not dead, but you’re not alive either. You’re just in-between.”

My blood ran cold. “You’re kidding, right?” 

But her pulse…her pulse…

“Nope,” she exclaimed cheerfully--obviously fake--as she rose to her feet. 

I pinched the bridge of my nose tightly and took deep breaths. This was crazy. This was insane! A person couldn’t just not have a pulse! That was unheard of! At least when it came to the living! 

You’re not dead, but you’re not alive either. You’re just in-between. 

No! No way! There were only two options! Either you’re alive or you’re dead. Simple as that. There was no in-between. There shouldn’t have been any in-between! 

“And you’re just okay with this? This crazy-ass phenomenon that’s breaking every law of science?!”

“No, but all the same, I’ve got to deal with it, because that’s my reality now,” she said in a hardened voice. 

I stopped, sensing there was much more under the surface than she was letting on. “Okay, so you said I’m the chosen one or whatever?” I asked instead, changing the subject. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Well, there’s this real evil ruler on Ytol who needs to be defeated. Yeah, I know, what a cliché, right?”

No kidding. Then again, clichés were easy to understand, I supposed. They were easy to follow, since I’d seen them so much before in movies. The trouble was, this wasn’t the damn movies.

“So, I’ll have to defeat said ruler?”

“Exactly. You’re pretty sharp once you get over the initial shock of it all.”

“Um, yeah, I guess. Anyway, how the hell do you expect me to defeat this king or queen or whoever?”

“First off, it’s an empress. Second off, your first step will be to summon your weapon.”

“My weapon?” 

She held out her hand, and her rainbow sword--Kiburi, I remembered--appeared. In the split second that it appeared, I saw a hole open up in the air, big enough for the sword to travel through. Then less than a second later, it was gone. I was shocked that I’d even noticed it this time, considering how quick it’d happened. 

“Yeah, like I said before, I have a stash.”

“And how the hell did you make that ‘stash’, or whatever the hell you call it?”

“I didn’t. Someone else did.”

“Who?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I just know it’s mine now.”

“And what makes you think that?” 

She handed the sword to me. I picked it up and immediately dropped it. God, it was heavy! How was she able to swing this thing?! She picked it up from the ground with ease. “It’s just the right weight for me, and only me.”

“Yeah, but why?”

“I don’t know, and honestly, I don’t care. This thing’s just freakin’ awesome!”

“Is that why you named it Kiburi?” I asked, guessing its meaning was somewhere along the lines of “awesome”.

“No,” she said in a suddenly solemn voice. 

I blinked in surprise. Okay, touchy subject, then. “Um, okay, so am I supposed to get a weapon too?”

“Probably. Considering you’re the chosen one.”

“Okay...so...what do I do?”

“Just hold out your hand.”

“That’s it?”

“Well, you also have to look like you’re constipated.” I glared at her, which, to my disappointment, didn’t seem to faze her at all. “Alas, she saw right through my ploy,” she muttered with a grin. She then cleared her throat. “Yeah, just hold out your hand.”

I held out my hand and waited. And waited. But nothing happened. “Um...is something supposed to happen?” Or are you just pulling my leg again?

Avana frowned as she approached me. She stared at my empty hand, and then she started walking around it, observing it from every angle, as if she was some kind of scientist studying her specimen. Finally, she shook her head and straightened herself.

“That’s so weird. I would’ve thought you’d have one, considering.”

“You know what? Maybe I’m not ‘the one’ like you thought.”

She shook her head. “No way. You’re the one.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“White and straight. Obvious chosen one.”

I widened my eyes, and she grinned. “Just kidding. Seriously, though. I can just sense it.”

“You can sense it,” I replied skeptically. 

Avana raised her brow. “A doubter, huh? Well, if you’re looking for proof, I’ll just take you to a guy I know.”

“One of those wise old men?”

She grinned and tipped her imaginary hat to me. “Well, well, well! Someone’s been paying attention to her clichés.”

“Um, yeah. So where is this guy?”

She turned, and I followed her gaze to a single, unbelievable huge building that was probably as wide and long as a castle and way taller than any skyscraper I’d ever seen! It was actually higher than the clouds! I had to squint, but at the top, I could see that more construction was going on. 

“That’s a big-ass building,” I said in wonder. 

“That’s Ytolia City.”

I turned and gaped at her in astonishment. “That’s a city?!”

She nodded. “Yeah. The capitol of Ytol, too. Anyway, here in Ytol, rather than take up a bunch of land, they just keep building up and up and up. That thing there has hundreds of floors--some of them are dedicated just to living space.”

“You know the dimensions?”

“I wouldn’t bother telling the height to you now since it looks like they’re building more up, but the length and width won’t change, I’m sure. It’s six thousand by six thousand feet.”

“Jesus. You said the city residents live in there?”

“Yeah. Each apartment’s about one thousand square feet, so there’s about thirty-six thousand apartments per floor. They’re all interconnected too.”

“Oh my God! How many floors are dedicated to apartments?” 

“I’d say at least twenty. Maybe thirty.”

I ran the math through my head. “So there’s 720,000 to 1,800,000 apartments in that building?” 

“Ooh, a math whiz over here. Anyway, yeah, your calculations sound right.”

I shook my head in disbelief. And I didn’t even know how many people lived in each apartment! God, this building must’ve had millions, maybe even tens of millions, of people living in it! All in a single building! 

“Yeah, crazy right?”

Crazy didn’t even cover it! And those floors were just a small percentage of the building! “What are the other floors used for?”

“Name it, they’ve got a floor for it. Restaurants, fast food, groceries, clothes, video games,, sports, holiday stuff...you get the idea.”

“So each of the floors is dedicated to one thing?” I asked. 

Avana nodded. She then giggled as she blushed. “There’s even one full of stripper bars,” she hissed in my ear. 

My cheeks flushed red about the thought of such a place. “I’m never going to that floor,” I muttered, to which Avana roared with laughter. 

“Yeah, no kidding!” she exclaimed. “I only know about it because I had to pass it to get to the library floor.”

I perked at that. “Library floor?”

Avana grinned. “You a bookworm too?” 

A bookworm? That was an understatement, considering I’d bought a hundred books from a library book sale for just twenty-five bucks once. Or maybe it was twice. My room at home was practically a library, considering the walls in there were lined with bookshelves! 

I then frowned. Home. I wonder if Dad misses me. Does he know I’m gone? Is he out looking for me? Then a much more bitter thought entered my head: I bet Mom wouldn’t even notice. 

I sighed, and Avana must’ve noticed, because she asked, “Is everything fine?”

Hell no, I thought. But all I said was, “Yeah. Just getting a little homesick, I guess.”

“You won’t see me getting homesick,” she replied bitterly, and her accent became much more pronounced than before. For a second, the darkest of looks spread across her face, but it was gone in a second. She shook her head, as if to snap herself out of a trance. “Let’s go,” Avana said as she started walking toward the building in the far distance. 

I nodded and almost had to run to catch up with her lengthy strides. God, her legs were long! I commented on this, and she smiled at that. “Yeah, I’m a real good runner. They used to call me Umeme.”

“Is that Swahili?” I asked. 

She nodded. “Yeah. I ran faster than the electricity in a new home ever could. That’s what they said, anyway.”

“Do you like running?” 

“Had to, considering I ran everyday.”

“For fun?”

“So my guy’s on Floor Sixteen.” It didn’t go unnoticed by me that she’d deliberately avoided my question by changing the subject. However, I didn’t press her about it, since it was her business and hers alone.

“Um, what’s he like?”

“He’s wise.”

“That’s not much of a personality.”

“It works in the movies, doesn’t it?”

“Well, this isn’t the movies, last I checked.”

“Okay, well, he’s loud.”

“How loud?”

“You go to church?”

“Um, no. I mean, I’m religious, but I just don’t go to church.”

“Gotcha. Anywho, church--at least the one I went to--was what you’d call a ‘black’ church. Everybody was black--duh--and everybody was up on their feet and singing and dancing to their hearts’ content until the walls were shaking, both the chorus and everyone else. This could go on for eternity--us singing and dancing and praying to Jesus until the Holy Spirit finally left us.”

“Wow, that sounds way different from the church I went to once when I was little. We just sat quietly at the pews while the pastor read straight from the bible. No singing.”

“Yeah, that’s funny, hearing ‘quiet’ paired with ‘church’. When we weren’t singing along to the hymns with the chorus, the pastor would bellow at the top of his lungs about the Devil and how if we weren’t careful, we’d all be roasting in hell. I don’t even remember if he ever talked about heaven. All I remember is hell, hell, hell.”

“Sounds like one hell of a guy.”

Avana giggled. “Yeah. Anywho, that’s how Benito is. He’s loud enough to wake the dead and would preach to them too if he could.”

“Just what does he preach?”

“Not sure. It’s always in some language I don’t know, and that’s saying a lot.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Hablo. Ich spreche. Je parle. Watashi wa hanasu.”

“Spanish… Is ich spreche German?” She nodded, and I continued figuring out each language she’d used. “Then French...and then Japanese. Wait, hold on, you can speak Spanish, German, French, and Japanese?!”

“And nearly every language of Africa,” Avana replied as she puffed out with pride. 

I shook my head in wonder. God, she must’ve been a freakin’ genius! “And you can speak them all fluently?!” Oh! Now that I think about it, she can speak English fluently too! Wow, she sure is a wonder! 

“Yeah, though there are a few words that I struggle with, especially slang. Like what does the phrase ‘knocked up’ mean? I’ve heard it, but I’ve never understood it.”

My cheeks flushed red. “Uh, well… Um, if someone doesn’t plan on having a baby but then someone gets her pregnant, then she just got ‘knocked up’.”

“Oh.”

“Anyway, back to...what was his name? Benito?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, so he’s loud. What else?”

“Uh, he’s white and straight like you.”

“Wait, how do you know he’s straight?”

“He told me.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. He’s always blurting out random facts about himself. And others.”

“So he’s a trivia nut?”

“Yeah. Don’t play Trivia Pursuit with him. Or watch Jeopardy. He’ll make you crazy. He’s dramatic about everything too.”

“Note taken.”

There were a few moments of silence as we tried to figure out how to continue the conversation. Then I started thinking about how Avana knew so much about this place even though she couldn’t have been from here. 

“So how long have you been here?”

“Long enough.”

“Okay, how long is ‘long enough’?” She sighed, and I realized I must’ve been aggravating her with my questions. “Sorry I’m going reporter on you. Half the time I don’t even catch myself doing it.”

She immediately waved her hand in dismissal. “No, it’s fine. I...I just don’t like thinking about it.”

“About what?”

“About how I shouldn’t even be here,” she muttered angrily. 

Avana then stopped. She held out her hand, and Kiburi appeared in a flash. “What’s the matter?” I asked. 

She didn’t seem to hear me. I could tell she was focused on something, but on what, I didn’t know. Then a white bunny leapt out of a nearby bush and lunged at her. 

In the split second it was in the air, I wondered what a cute, little thing was doing here, but then I remembered what’d happened when Avana and I had met. 

“Avana!” I yelled just as she caught the creature by the ears. 

I blinked in surprise when she moved the animal so that she could hold it by the bottom. She then started petting it affectionately while humming softly to it. 

“Uh…”

Avana turned to me and saw that I was confused as hell and trying to figure out what the hell was going on here. “You don’t have to worry about this little guy,” she said as she walked over to me. “He’s mine.”

“You have a pet rabbit?”

“Yeah. He’s the only rabbit in Ytol that won’t try to spill my guts and then devour them.”

“Thanks for the pleasant description.” Avana only shrugged. “Okay, so how’d you know it wouldn’t end up murdering you?”

“I’ve known him since he was a little baby.” She then turned to the beast, and they rubbed noses. “Haven’t I, Benji? Haven’t I?” The rabbit’s teeth started chattering. “Aw, you’re purring,” Avana said in an affectionate voice. Purring? She called that purring? “Did you miss Mama, little Benji? Did you?”

“Benji?” 

“Short for Benjamin.”

“It doesn’t turn into a killer rabbit, does it?”

“He does when I need him to.” She started scratching his belly, and he started thumping his foot against her chest excitedly. “You help Mama in battle, don’t you? Don’t you?” 

“Against other rabbits?”

“Those and more.”

More? “You saying those killer rabbits aren’t the only things from this place that won’t try to murder us?!”

“Duh. I did tell you about the evil empress lady you’ll have to defeat, didn’t I?”

“And lucky me will have to deal with her minions?” I asked. 

Avana nodded. “Yeah.”

“Lovely,” I muttered. “And that’s if you’re right about this ‘chosen one’ shit.”

“I am.”

“And your evidence is a feeling.”

“Feelings matter in this place.”

“Yeah...sure.”

“I’m serious.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you’re right.”

“You’ll find out soon enough from Benito.”

“How do you know you’re not the ‘chosen one’?”

A dark look spread over her face. “I’m not,” she growled. She then sighed as the darkness passed. “We should get a move on,” she said as she started walking once more. 

Several minutes passed, and we didn’t speak for the entire time. I was too unnerved by that look she’d had. Honest to God, it’d scared me.

Finally, we arrived at the base of the building. I looked up. God, it seemed to just stretch forever! I suddenly felt as small as an ant. 

“Shocking, right?”

I swallowed. “Yeah.”

“Welcome to Ytolia City!” she exclaimed as she swung open the large double doors, her rabbit jumping up onto her head right before doing so.

She was immediately bathed in golden light. She looked like an angel that’d just come from heaven. I tried to look past her, but I immediately had to shield my eyes. God! Why the hell was that so bright?! 

“You coming?” she asked. 

I nodded, and, squinting, made my way forward. The doors slammed shut behind us, and the light immediately vanished. I opened my eyes fully, relieved that they no longer had to suffer, and I looked around, trying to find the source of the light. 

The first thing I saw was the giant spiraling staircase in the middle of the room. Rather than simple old railings, there were golden dragons chasing each other and continuing for what seemed like infinity. I ran to the center of the stairway, at which there was a circle on the ground made up by a rainbow dragon chasing its tail with rainbow flames in the middle of the circle, reaching their fiery fingers up toward the magnificent beast. I looked up and...uh...I couldn’t even see the top. 

“Where does this thing even lead?” I asked. 

“I have no idea,” Avana replied as she approached me, that damn thing still on her head like it was Pikachu or something. 

“How the hell has that thing not fallen off yet?” 

“Benji’s really graceful,” she said before reaching up to rub the top of its head. It “purred”, as Avana would’ve put it, in response.  

“Okay, so you have no idea where this leads?”

“Nope. Nobody knows.”

I turned to her in astonishment. “You’re kidding!” 

She shook her head. “I’m serious. Nobody’s been up here. It’s off limits.”

“How do you know?”

“Uh, are you two just going to stand there or are you going to check in?” a female voice said from behind us. 

I turned to see a tan (like, glorious-sun-god kind of tan) thirty-or-something-year-old woman standing behind the counter--the receptionist. She had an absurdly large beehive of dark purple hair and violet eyes just like Avana. Her lips were the same color as her hair. She was wearing a lavender crop top that didn’t even cover her belly button and short--like, really short--purple shorts.  

I blinked in surprise, wondering if this was just some crazy monochromatic hallucination. Then Avana jabbed her thumb at the woman. “She told me.”

The woman immediately lit up the moment she heard Avana’s voice. “Oh, hey!” she greeted with a friendly wave. “I haven’t seen you in here forever!”

Avana grinned as she went up to her, and she leaned over on the counter. “Hi, Amethyst! Yeah, I’ve been busy.” She then jabbed her thumb at me. “Busy saving her butt over there.”

“She doesn’t look like she’s from around here.”

“No kidding. That’s an Earthling right there.”

“So she’s just like you!” Amethyst (God, I have to say that name’s fitting) then looked me up and down and scowled. “Ugh, her clothes are so drab, just like yours were! Though I’ll give her this: they’re not dirty rags.”

I turned to Avana. Dirty rags? “Well, she also didn’t grow up in Kenya,” Avana replied, and I sensed once again some bitterness, though this wasn’t quite so deep like the other times that feeling had shown itself.

“Were you poor?” I blurted out before I could stop myself. 

Avana blinked at the question and then laughed, which took me entirely by surprise. “Poor?! Ha! I wasn’t just poor! I was knee-deep in poverty!” I noticed the humor hadn’t moved to her eyes. “Worms and dirt were my daily meal! My daily nutrients! And soap--God bless soap--was a freakin’ luxury! Ha!” 

I was alarmed to see tears welling up in her eyes. Avana quickly hid her face and walked away without another word. I stared after her, wondering how this all had just come out of the blue. 

“I can’t imagine that existing on a planet,” I heard Amethyst say. I turned and waited for her to clarify, hoping she’d have some exposition for me. “Here, everyone has been given a home. Everyone has known what a home was since birth. And nobody has ever starved. If someone didn’t have any food, then others were glad to give it. If someone didn’t have any water, then others were glad to let others drink theirs. It’s always been like that. When someone needed something, there was always someone who’d help. I can’t imagine that not existing in any place.”

“Avana didn’t have any of that?”

The woman shook her head. “Not from what she’s told me. She grew up alone. No parents, no siblings, nobody. She had to fight on her own to survive on the streets.”

“She lived on the streets?”

“Yeah. Like she said, she didn’t have any money. The only thing that kept her from starving was eating dirt and worms.” Bile rose in my throat. God. She continued. “She didn’t have any education either, considering school was too expensive. She couldn’t even afford food, so why would she spend it on school?”

I thought about how she knew so many languages and how she was able to speak them fluently. “She seems pretty educated to me.”

“She’s smart. Smarter than anyone I know. But it wasn’t until she came here that she finally got the chance to gain knowledge about stuff. Hell, she didn’t even know how to read or write.”

“Then how did she learn?”

“I taught her.”

“You did?”

Amethyst nodded, and I saw her chest puff up a bit in pride, and a prideful fire started burning in her eyes. “She picked it up so fast, too. It only took her about six months. She’s the best student I’ve ever had, no joke about it.”

“You’re a teacher?”

She nodded. “I teach English at one of the high schools on the education floor.”

“Wait, how’d you teach her if you don’t know Swahili?” I asked, taking into account that Avana had been raised in Kenya. 

“She knew how to speak English--at least enough to communicate with me.”

“But you said she didn’t have any education.”

“She didn’t. She picked it up from others.”

“Wow.”

“Avana is quite amazing when it comes to languages. The moment I showed her the library floor, the first things she devoured were books on learning different languages. She went through those like crazy. She learned Spanish and French in just six months, and German short after. Japanese was the hardest for her since it had kanji in addition to hiragana and katakana, but still, she was able to become fluent in the language just a year after learning it.”

“You’re kidding!” 

She shook her head and grinned. “And before I even knew her, she’d already taught herself most of the languages of Africa, in addition to Swahili of course.”

“Wow. Avana must be a genius!”

“Yes. It’s just so sad, though.”

“What?”

“Hey, let’s take you to Benito,” I heard Avana declare from behind me. I turned and saw she was grinning. Her smile was strained though. Not to mention her eyes were rimmed with red. “He’ll show you that you’re meant to be here.”

“She still needs to check in!” Amethyst exclaimed in exasperation. 

“Oh, yeah. Right.”

“So is this like a hotel or something?” I asked. 

Amethyst shook her head. “You have to register for your permanent living space.”

“But I’m not going to live here.” Amethyst and Avana exchanged glances.

 “What?” I demanded. 

“You can’t go back,” Avana replied. 

“Uh, what’s with the bullshit right now? We can just teleport back with that magic crap you pulled.”

Avana shook her head, and a fist of fear grabbed my heart. No? What did she mean by no? “You can’t go back. Not back to your normal life.”

“W-why not?” 

Avana turned so her back was to me, and she lifted the back of her shirt. The color immediately drained from my face. There was a giant scar straight in the middle of her back that ran from top to bottom. It was made even more startling by how its paleness contrasted with her dark skin. 

“W-what the hell is that?!” I exclaimed. 

She turned to face me once more. “Staying outside of Ytol for too long threatens to tear your body apart. I tried to do that on Earth. I’m lucky I only got away with this.”

She called that lucky?! “God!” 

“Yeah. You should’ve seen it right as it happened. Wasn’t exactly pretty.”

“Hopefully my student won’t do something stupid like that again, considering the experience nearly killed her,” Amethyst added. 

I gulped. Nearly killed her. Jesus.

“It wasn’t stupid. It was just--” Avana froze, and her gaze slid to the floor. 

“How long have you been here?” I asked, not yet aware I’d voiced my thought aloud. 

“Five years. Since I was eighteen.”

“Wow. That’s a long time. Don’t you miss home?”

The moment I said it, it struck a chord deep within my heart. I thought about them fighting again. Maybe they were fighting over me, who knows? I thought about the bitch I had to call Mom doing all the yelling while my father just stood there and took it with that calm composure of his. I thought about how quickly that calm composure might change now that I wasn’t there--that I wouldn’t ever get to go back.

“Why is Mommy a bitch?” I asked Dad as he started tying my shoes. He stiffened, the bunny ears frozen in his fingers. 

“Where’d you get such a potty mouth?” he asked in a joking voice, though I could tell it was quite strained. 

“I heard you two fighting last night,” I said quietly. 

“I see,” Dad replied as he finished tying my shoes and slowly rose to his feet. 

He looked out toward the distance, and I followed his gaze to the setting sun. I turned back and was startled to find that a tear had trickled down his cheek. “Dad! You’re crying!” I exclaimed in alarm. 

Dad shook his head, as if snapping himself out of a trance, and he quickly wiped the tear away. He then grinned and swept me into his arms. He tossed me into the air and caught me before I could fall to the ground. I giggled all the while. 

“What were you looking at?” I asked him. 

“The sun was setting. It made me quite sad,” he replied in a sorrowful voice. 

“Was that why you were crying?”

“When a sun sets, it reminds me that some things are coming to an end, much like how day is coming to an end right now.”

“But it’ll be back in the morning, right?”

He hesitated, and even though I was only five at the time, I could tell he was afraid of telling me something more than just yes or no. He eventually replied, “I’m not sure, honey. I’m honestly not sure.”

“Is this one of your stories, Dad?”

“Huh?”

“You know how you’re always telling me stuff. In your story, is the sun not going to come up again?”

“Um, I’m not sure.” He then smiled sheepishly at me. “I suppose I need to start at the beginning, don’t I? Otherwise it wouldn’t be a very good story.”

“What about Frankenstein? By the shell lady?”

“Shell lady? Oh, you mean Mary Shelley?”

“Uh, I don’t know. I guess.”

“What does a little twerp like you know about Frankenstein?” he asked as he tickled me a bit. 

“It starts at the end!” I said between laughs. 

“Where’d you hear about Frankenstein?”

“Karen.”

“Who’s Karen?”

“She has two dogs, a parrot, two dogs, and a goldfish. And two boys! They gave me some guys.” I pulled out a couple of action figures I’d stored in the large pocket of my overalls and showed them to him. “Batman and Spiderman!”

“Oh, your babysitter! I’m always thinking her name’s Nicole.”

“What’s the story? Are there spiders and bats and ghosts?”

He laughed. “Well, there’s a mommy spider and a daddy spider.”

“Why are they spiders?”

“Because they are.”

“Can they be ghosts instead?”

“They’re spider ghosts.”

“Because I squished them with my boot!”

“Yes, you sure did. Okay, here goes. There once was a family of spider ghosts. There was a mommy and a daddy and a baby one too.”

“The baby was named Baby Maggie.”

“Maggie?”

“No, not Maggie. Baby Maggie.”

“Oh, of course. Anyway, they all loved each other very much.”

“And they watched Gravity Falls together.”

“Uh, yes. That was their favorite movie.”

“Don’t you mean show? It’s a show, Dad.”

“Oh, right. That’s what I meant. Anyway, they loved each other so, so much, and they were so happy too. But then-”

“But then?”

His eyes grew misty as he continued. “The mommy spider ghost started getting angry at something. And the anger started taking away the good things about her.”

“The mommy spider ghost was going bad?”

He nodded. “The mommy and daddy started fighting a lot. And one day, the baby spider woke up and started crying. The daddy and mommy didn’t hear her, though. They were being too loud. The next day, when the daddy was walking with the baby spider ghost, she told him that she’d heard them fighting.” He clenched his jaw and then picked me up as something I couldn’t describe entered his eyes. “And the daddy spider ghost doesn’t want the baby spider to hear them fighting ever again.”

“Why?”

“Because the baby spider ghost shouldn’t have to wake up to that. The daddy doesn’t want his baby to hear that anymore.”

I sighed and buried my head in my hands. I wanted to go home. I wanted to go home to the man who tried his damndest not to let me hear their fighting. I wanted to go home to the man who refused to raise his voice at my mother, not even when she was being a total bitch. 

I wanted my father. 

“Benito will know.”

I looked up at Avana through my hands. “What?”

“Benito must know if we can return home for good.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

“He will. I can feel it.”

“Again with the feeling,” I grumbled. I was starting to think that this nonsense coming out her mouth was all it was: nonsense. “Maybe I’ll just take my chances going home.” 

“Benito’s never wrong,” Amethyst said. “He can see things others can’t.”

“So he’s crazy.”

“Don’t call him that,” Avana snapped in a surprisingly aggressive voice. She must have noticed it too, because she added in a much toned down voice, “He’s the real deal, okay?”

“You guys think I’m just going to accept this just because you say it’s so.”

“He knew Amethyst was going to be a teacher.”

“Oh, wow. How impressive,” I replied drily. 

“You don’t understand.”

“I was studying engineering in university,” Amethyst said. “I was extremely skilled in mathematics and science. They were my favorite subjects in school, too.”

“What about English?”

“Hated it.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I hated every English class I’d ever taken. I was good at English, sure, but I hated every minute of it.”

“Okay, so what? You just decided to do a one-eighty?”

“Well, here’s the thing: I met this guy in college.”

“It’s always a guy,” I muttered. 

“I know, right?” Avana hissed in my ear, and I grinned. 

Amethyst scowled at the both of us. “Anyway, he’d write poetry to me.”

“Poetry? Woo. Haven’t heard that before.”

“Anyway,” Amethyst continued after sending an icy glare my way, “Navin, while we were dating, would always write me this poetry, and it wasn’t like any I’d seen before. It didn’t follow any rules. It didn’t care about meter or number of syllables or anything. He just let the words flow out naturally and didn’t try to force anything with them.”

“Let me guess: this made you see poetry in a new light, and you decided to try it out for yourself, and when you did, you wanted other people to know that you didn’t have to follow the rules, so you took up teaching.”

“Um, yes.”

“Anyone could’ve predicted that.”

“First off, maybe not. Second, Benito predicted she’d become an English teacher before she even met Navin,” Avana replied. “Before she was even in university.”

“He knew since I was born,” Amethyst added.

“He knew since you were born?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that doesn’t mean anything. He said you’d be one thing, and you unconsciously moved yourself toward that.”

“He never told me I would be a teacher.”

“Then how the hell do you know he said that?”

“He told my parents. He also told them not to tell me until I’d become a teacher.”

“Okay, so you’re saying that everything’s up to fate? That we don’t have a choice in the matter? There’s no way that’s right.”

“It’s not as simple as that,” Amethyst replied. “Yes, the end result is fixed, but what you do to get there is entirely up to you. If Benito had told me, I probably would’ve forced myself into studying English at every moment. Or maybe I would’ve forced myself to choose the farthest thing from it just in defiance. But since I didn’t know I had a set fate, my life played out naturally. I didn’t force myself to do anything because I thought every action I took felt right. I studied engineering in college because I thought it was right. But eventually, I found out on my own that teaching English was really the true right path for me. And now, I love every second of it.”

“Okay, thank you for the inspirational quote, but what does it have to do with getting home?”

“Look, Benito can see the end result of everybody’s future. He’ll be able to tell if you’ll end up home or not.”

“So I’m only going to get a yes or no? No how?”

“Right.”

“What kind of old, wise prophet is this guy?” I muttered. 

“You’d at least be reassured that you will get home.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Oh, come on! Let’s just go already!”

“She still needs to check in.”

“I thought you said you were a teacher. What are you doing here?” I asked.

“This is my summer job.”

“Wait, it’s summer here?”

Amethyst  gave me a strange look, and Avana explained, “It’s winter where she’s from.”

“Can we just skip the check-in? At least for now?” At least let me believe I won’t be here forever.

Amethyst sighed and waved her hand in dismissal. “Just this one time. Now go.”

Avana tipped her head in respect, nearly sending that beast of hers tumbling to the ground. Luckily for it, it managed to hold on to her hair and scramble back onto the top of her head. “Thanks. I’ll pay you back later,” she said as she started walking away. 

“Tell Benito hi for me,” Amethyst replied. 

Avana stopped in her tracks, and I saw her fists clench and then unclench in less than a second, before she started walking again. I didn’t comment on it as I ran to catch up to her, though I had to wonder why she’d gotten so irked just now. 

She stopped in front of an elevator. It looked normal enough, which was probably why I hadn’t noticed it at all when we came in. Avana pressed the up button, and we waited patiently for a few moments. The doors slid open, and several people bustled out, nearly running me over. I stumbled backwards, shocked, and just barely managed to stay on my feet. Avana reached her hand out to steady me. Once the stampede was past us, I was able to breathe again. 

“That’s Ytolia City for you,” Avana said as she stepped into the now vacant elevator. 

I nodded and followed her inside. She pressed a button marked sixteen out of hundreds. I swallowed as the doors slid shut. The elevator started going up. I moved toward the corner of the tiny room and clutched the railing tightly. I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to think about the walls closing in on me. 

There was a ding, and I heard the elevator doors open. I opened my eyes just as a bunch of people rushed inside, immediately filling the room. I tried to take a step back even though I knew I couldn’t. I swallowed again as I tried to control my racing heart. I closed my eyes, trying not to think about how close everything and everyone was. 

Too close too close too close. 

You’re fine. 

Too close. 

You’re fine. 

Too close. 

Suddenly, I felt someone grab my hand. I looked down and recognized it as Avana’s. I looked up, but I couldn’t see her. The rest of her was hidden by the crowd. Warmth emanated from her palm, and my heart rate slowed to a steady pace. 

Someone bumped into me, and I squeezed Avana’s hand tightly. Then the elevator dinged as the doors opened again. Everyone poured out, leaving me alone with Avana. The doors shut, and I sighed in relief. 

Avana released my hand. “You okay?” she asked. 

I nodded. “Yeah. Just don’t like tight spaces.”

I closed my eyes, and immediately, the image of me banging my fists against the door in manic fear flashed through my mind. I immediately shoved the memory away. 

“Are you sure?” Avana asked. 

I nodded just as the doors slid open once more. I braced myself, fearful another tidal wave was coming, but no one came. I relaxed, and I saw Avana smile slightly at me before she walked out of the elevator. I hurried after her, anxious to get out of that tiny metal box. 

“So how long have you had claustrophobia?” Avana asked the instant I caught up. 

The memory barged into my mind again, and I immediately shoved it away. “Since I was little,” I replied.

I then looked at my surroundings and frowned. We were in a living room. A flat-screen TV completely covered one way, which was currently playing some kids show, and against the wall across from it, there was a brown couch on which were two adults with two kids who I assumed were theirs. They didn’t even seem to notice we were there. 

“Uh, this isn’t Benito’s apartment, is it?”

Avana shook her head and strode right past the family. To my surprise, they didn’t react at all. It was like they saw right through her. “We have to go through here and then a few more apartments to get to his.”

I followed her into the kitchen, and there was a door beside a refrigerator to my right. Avana was about to leave through it when I asked, “What’s going on?”

She turned to face me. “What do you mean?”

“This is somebody else’s home. It belongs to someone we don’t even know, and we’re just walking straight through it. And they don’t seem to notice it at all.”

“You heard me when I said the apartments were interconnected, right?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think you meant this.”

“Okay, yeah, I get it. It’s a little weird to get used to. That’s just Ytolia City for you.”

“The weirdest thing to me is how they didn’t seem to notice us at all. Didn’t they see us?”

To my shock, Avana shook her head. “Nope. They can’t see us at all. To them, we’re invisible.”

“Uh, how?”

“Technology!” Avana exclaimed while wiggling her fingers dramatically. “Woo!” I waited for her to clarify, and luckily, I wasn’t disappointed. “There are tiny devices--so small you can’t even see them--set up in every apartment. If they sense a non-resident, they cloak him or her so the family can’t see. Or hear, for that matter.”

“Do people walk in and out all the time?”

“Well, yeah. It’s impossible to get to your apartment without going through somebody else’s.”

Avana walked out the door, and I followed her into another living room, this one belonging to a single woman. She was typing furiously on a laptop, and tears were streaming down her cheeks. 

“I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” she screamed at the device as she started pounding the keys with her fists. 

I stopped and stared at her as she rose from the sofa and started pacing around while yelling profanities at no one in particular. I tried to look away, but I couldn’t. This was wrong. I didn’t have the right to see this random woman at her lowest point. This was too personal. This should’ve been private. Her moment and hers alone. How could people be okay with this?

“You coming?” Avana asked, having already reached the next door. 

“This doesn’t bother you?” 

“What?”

“What do you mean, what? This! This whole barging into other people’s homes and being able to see their private moments in all their naked glory! How can you not--”

“It’s how life goes here. Everyone sees the good and the bad with everyone.”

Avana continued, and I reluctantly followed. A deep feeling of uneasiness never left my stomach, though. We entered another living room, and to my relief, this one was empty. Well, empty of people anyway. 

“Somebody’s feeling lonely and depressed,” Avana commented, referring to the multiple ice cream containers on the floor. There were also a countless number of candy wrappers littering the floor--so many that they had become the floor. Lonely and depressed indeed. 

I didn’t like this, being able to just see everything about a person, their good and their bad times. I wouldn’t want everyone to see my everything. There were some things I didn’t want others to see. So why was I able to see this, then?

A door creaked, and I turned my attention to Avana, who was halfway out. She beckoned me to come on, and she disappeared into the next apartment. I was about to follow her when I felt someone grab my hand. I whirled around to find a lanky guy a little older than me with messy black hair and, of course, violet eyes. He was dressed like he was going to the prom in a black tuxedo and matching pants. He immediately let go of my hand, having gotten my attention.

“Hey, was that Avana just now?” he asked. 

I nodded, and he held out a slip of paper to me. “Will you give this to her?”

I blinked and then took it. “Yeah.”

He thanked me and went to the freezer in the kitchen and grabbed a pint of ice cream before disappearing into what I assumed was his bedroom. I hurried out and saw she was waiting for me. Her brow was raised. 

“What took you so long?”

“Uh, the guy living there asked me to give you this.”

Avana raised her brows and took the paper from me. She looked over it, and her eyes softened. “I’m glad to hear that,” she whispered, her voice so low I almost didn’t hear it. 

She then cleared her throat and tucked the note into her pocket. “Alright, so Benito doesn’t seem to be home right now, so we might have to wait a while.”

“Wait, we’re in Benito’s apartment?” She nodded and then plopped down on the black sofa. I looked around and immediately noticed the walls were lined with rows upon rows of photographs. I gaped at all of the people smiling back at me. “Who are they?”

“Everyone he’s ever predicted the future for.”

I then spotted Amethyst. Her monochromatic look wasn’t hard to miss. In the photo, she looked considerably younger, maybe by ten years or so. In her hand she held up a framed college diploma for an education major. She had a grin stretched from ear to ear. Beside her stood a tall and stocky young man with brown curls and violet eyes (okay, seriously, does everybody here have violet eyes?!). He was in the midst of kissing her on the cheek. This must’ve been that Navin guy she’d told us about. 

“He doesn’t look like a poet,” I commented. 

Avana smirked. “No kidding. He looks more like a farmer who’s been out in the field all his life.” 

“Do you know any of these people?” I asked. “Other than Amethyst?”

She shook her head. She then walked over to a bookshelf. She started skimming over its shelves filled with different Trivia Pursuit games covering every category imaginable. I turned back to the pictures. 

One of them caught my eye. I got closer to it to inspect it further. 

It was a young woman my age with burnt umber skin and black dreadlocks that had become wild, unruly, and dirty at some point. Her cheeks were gaunt. Her eyes were hardened and belonged to someone much older. And they were brown, a stark contrast to everyone else’s violet eyes. Her body, currently covered by a t-shirt and shorts nearly reduced to rags, was extremely thin. It didn’t look like she was starving, per se, but more like she was close to it. Or maybe that she was recovering from starvation. 

I whipped my head toward Avana. She had lived in poverty before she came here. And she was the only one here other than me that was from Earth. That had to explain the brown eyes. I turned back to the picture on the wall, and I was immediately able to pick out identical features between the two. That was Avana, alright. 

Why were her eyes brown in this picture but violet now? I paused to think about it. She had lived here for five years. Perhaps spending enough time in this place turned your eyes violet. I frowned. Would my eyes turn violet too?

I turned back to the picture. Her hair had undergone a dramatic change as well. I turned back to Avana and frowned at her curly rainbow mohawk. What had prompted her to change her hairstyle so drastically? And her clothes, for that matter?

Then I remembered what Avana had told me about these pictures: Benito had predicted each of their futures. I turned to Avana. What had he predicted about her future? 

“Hey, Avana?” I asked, wondering if she’d tell me if I asked. She looked up from a game she had started to open. “What did Benito predict for you?”

She stiffened, and was it just my imagination, or did her eyes turn brown for a second? She then shook her head. “I’m not on that wall,” she replied. 

Avana turned back to setting up the game. I turned back to the picture. She was lying. I was certain of it. But why would she lie about it? 

I was about to ask her when a door slammed open and a young man burst into the room. He had an insane blue pompadour that was close to defying physics and violet eyes widened with optimism and wonder like he could see the world under a much brighter lens than the rest of us. He wore a black suit, with an orange turndown collared shirt underneath, with purple cuffs, orange dress pants, a blue cape, black shoes, purple epaulettes (yeah, freakin’ epaulettes), a black bowtie, and, of course, a black top hat with a purple silk band wrapped around it to complete his insane magician image. 

He paused for a moment, apparently stuck in a triumphant running pose with his fist thrust up toward the air. Then he swiftly shifted back to a normal pose. He gracefully took off his top hat and bowed before us. “Welcome, ladies!” he boomed in a dramatic voice. 

“Uh, hi,” I replied as I raised my hand in greeting, not really sure what to do in the presence of such a wacko. 

I widened my eyes as he leaned in close, his widened violet eyes piercing through mine. I half-expected him to suddenly lay one on me. He sure seemed crazy enough to do it. 

“Melanie Olivia Mitchell of Earth, eighteen years of age.” He cocked his head after a few seconds of staring at me. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Benito, give her some space!” Avana exclaimed. 

I blinked. Benito? This was the Benito she’d told me about?! The old, wise man?! 

Benito immediately straightened and backed away a few steps. He cleared his throat and launched into a tirade of random trivial facts about himself, some normal enough while others completely bizarre, and the whole ordeal came with a bunch of overly dramatic gestures and poses. A few minutes went by, and then he started shouting at the rooftops in some language I didn’t even recognize. I stared at him, his behavior escaping all comprehension. 

“Uh…”

Suddenly, his hand exploded into flames. I screamed. Benito only examined his hand calmly, as if their burning touch didn’t affect him in the slightest. The fire flickered between all the colors of the rainbow. I felt Avana stiffen beside me, though I couldn’t understand why. Benito shook his hand once, and the flames quickly disappeared. 

Benito sighed and muttered quietly, “They went out so easily.” He then turned to Avana.“So you’re here to see your future again.”

“Not mine. Melanie’s,” Avana replied, and her voice was laced with bitterness and anger, which made it come close to growling. 

Benito cast a disbelieving glance at her before snapping his fingers. He then clutched his hat tightly and spun in a circle. The walls then turned into a shimmery mist. On each wall was a frozen image. 

The first was of Avana and me standing before hundreds of monsters lunging toward us. Rainbow flames surrounded the both of us, shielding us from their attack. 

In the second, I was hugging both of my parents, both of whom had tears streaming down their cheeks. Both. Both my dad and my mom. It was a sight I just couldn’t fathom. I then noticed that Avana was there too. She hung back several feet behind me, her arms crossed and her gaze focused on the ground. 

Unnerved, I turned to the next one. I widened my eyes and covered my mouth in horror as I saw Avana frozen in a scream of agony. Tears streamed down her face, but they were red. Red like blood. Crimson trickled down from a gash in the middle of her forehead, and there was a large puddle of blood at her feet. I stood in front of her, clutching both of her hands and screaming at her while normal tears flooded down my cheeks. 

I looked at Avana. She was staring at the last wall, and the color had drained from her face. I slowly turned around, afraid to see what the last image had to offer. 

There was an evil-looking woman (obviously the evil empress I was supposed to defeat or whatever) with white hair, the palest skin I had ever seen, and golden eyes. She was dressed all in white and had her hand raised. Dark energy surrounded her enclosed fist. Her brown lips were curled back in a snarl. Above her was Avana. She was flying toward her with Kiburi high overhead. And her rainbow sword was on fire. 

From what I’d seen, Avana was going to be the one who defeated this evil empress lady. Why then had she been so convinced that I would end up doing it? I turned to ask her and was startled to find tears welling in her brown (holy shit, brown!) eyes. They flickered and returned back to violet, and Avana blinked away her tears. 

“Benito, why do you keep showing this?” she shouted angrily. 

“Wait, you’ve seen this before?” I asked. 

Benito snapped his fingers, and the images vanished. He put his top hat back on. “The future is fixed. It never changes. It stands firm as a rock. You have told you that many times.”

“Then you’re wrong!” I blinked in surprise, wondering where this one-eighty had sprung from. 

Benito’s hand burst into rainbow flames again, but they disappeared just seconds after. He sighed. “You know that isn’t true.”

Avana grabbed my hand, and I cried out as she jerked me behind her as she stormed past Benito. “Come on. We’re leaving.”

I yanked my hand out of hers. “Why are you getting so upset about this?”

After all, the whole reason we’d come here was to listen to Benito. And now that we had, Avana was acting really weird, and I just couldn’t understand it. Then Benito said something that threw me for a loop and stunned me into silence.

“It’s because she doesn’t want to believe that she is the chosen one.”

[mreugenehalsey]

Understanding The Myth of Heirloom Variety Coffee

When we speak of Ethiopian coffees, we use descriptors such as “rosehips” and “magnolia”. But if you’re curious to know what specific variety produces these flowery notes, you’re often stuck with just one word: heirloom. 

In the early days of third wave coffee, heirloom was used as a catch-all name to describe coffees from Ethiopia. But it’s not a very useful term. Because there is no recognition of the different varieties, Ethiopian producers are being deprived of transparency and the opportunity to earn a higher income. Roasters aren’t able to differentiate between Ethiopian coffees, and consumers are denied the chance to savour new, exciting flavours because it’s not clear which variety is on offer.

But changing the terminology is easier said than done. Let’s take a closer look at what heirloom means and the difficulties in achieving more transparency about Ethiopian varieties.

You might also like Geisha vs Bourbon: A Crash Course in Coffee Varieties

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What Heirloom Actually Means

The word heirloom describes an old cultivar of a plant grown for food. Some say that a cultivar must be over 100 years old to be classed as heirloom, others 50 years. And then there are those who classify heirloom plants as from before 1945, which was roughly when hybrids were introduced, or 1951, when hybrids became more widely available.

In the coffee world, you’ll find the term heirloom applied to varieties introduced to Latin America and Asia over a hundred years ago, and also to many coffees from Africa, particularly those from Ethiopia.

You may also like Coffee Varieties: What Are F1 Hybrids & Why Are They Good News?

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Getu Bekele is East African Supply Chain Manager at US roastery Counter Culture. He also contributed to a reference guide to Ethiopian coffee varieties. He says that, in Ethiopia, the term heirloom came with the specialty movement. Specialty coffee buyers who didn’t know what varieties of Typica and Bourbon they were buying classified everything as heirloom.

But he tells me that Ethiopian coffee producers do have individual names for different coffee trees. They will most likely not use the variety’s globally accepted scientific name but will use a local word. A community might borrow the name from an indigenous tree that shares physical characteristics with the coffee plant.

Medina Hussein is Export Manager at DW Coffee Export, an Ethiopian coffee supplier. She tells me that specialty buyers differentiate coffees from Ethiopia by region, altitude, and cupping score, but not by variety.

[image]

Broadly, you can classify Ethiopian coffee varieties into two types: JARC varieties and regional landraces.

JARC varieties are those that were developed by the Jimma Agricultural Research Centre (JARC), one of Ethiopia’s agricultural federal research centres, for increased resistance to pests and higher yields. There are around 40 such varieties.  Regional landraces are coffees that grow wild in Ethiopian forests. Getu tells me that there may be over 10,000 of these.

This means that when a consumer picks up a bag of Ethiopian coffee and sees the variety described as heirloom, the beans come from some combination of the more than 10,000 varieties.

Learn more in Makers and Superpickers: Experimental Ninety Plus Coffee in Ethiopia

[image]

The Advantages of Using Specific Variety Names

What if buyers stop asking for heirloom and instead asked for specific varieties? There is an argument that this would encourage efforts within Ethiopia to use a common language for coffee, and that it would help us better understand what varieties exist in the first place.

Getu says, “If you look at the Ethiopian coffee varieties map published by Counter Culture, Kiburi, Sinde, Bedessa, Yawan… all these different landraces from the western, south-western region of Ethiopia, they’ve got different characteristics. They taste different.

“If you tell the farmer ‘just produce the western and south-western landraces, he’s going to mix up all these different varieties together and will produce mixed flavours”.

So, identifying varieties and selling them separately could mean that buyers would have a more accurate idea of what profile to expect from each lot.

[image]

Getu asked coffee producers in the Guju region to begin separating lots. He says, “…at the end of the day, we found Kurume [a regional landrace] is an amazing variety that will change the whole quality profile of the area”.

He hopes that identifying the variety by name and marketing it specifically will help smallholder producers earn higher premiums on their coffees.

Using variety names could also help producers in other ways. Planting a large farm with coffee you know only as heirloom could mean that you make a significant investment in plants that are not resistant to disease. By using variety names, producers can be more informed of the risks of the crop they select.

Problems With Abandoning The Term

The term heirloom may seem much too general to be meaningful. But its use does have some advantages.

For one, naming each variety has its own problems. It’s uncommon to find the same variety in different regions. Getu explains that “if you plant a variety in Haararge, and if you plant that exact same variety in Yirgacheffe… you don’t find the same adaptation potential and you don’t find exactly the same quality profile.”

What this means is that each region cultivates varieties with different characteristics, so calling varieties by the same name can be confusing.

A coffee buyer who has taken the time to acquaint themselves with all the varieties in the Guji region may discover that this information isn’t useful when looking at the completely different varieties in Haararge. This makes it very challenging for single buyers to know the full spectrum of coffee varieties in Ethiopia.

[image]

Another challenge is that producers are used to mixing varieties at harvest and selling the result simply as heirloom. So if a buyer wants just regional landrace coffees, they might struggle to get it.

Medina Hussein says that, if a buyer asked her to obtain regional landrace coffees exclusively, “I could only give 50 bags, or 100 bags, nothing more than that”. She says that she would also need prospective buyers to ask her for such an order with plenty of notice before harvest to ensure she could fulfil their needs.

This relates to the fact that many of Ethiopia’s farmers are smallholders who treat coffee as a cash crop. They select varieties based on whether they’re disease-resistant and high yield. Flavour has less priority.

Heleanna Georgalis is the owner of MOPLACO, a green bean coffee exporter. She tells me that if a roaster wants to work with a farmer to test a specific variety of coffee, they’re going to struggle. “A farmer with 0.01 hectares of land will really not sell you ten kilos of coffee, and you are not going to buy it for $200 per kilo just because you want him to plant a variety called Bedessa.”

So although grouping thousands of varieties together under one blanket term may seem illogical, in the context of Ethiopian infrastructure, it makes some sense.

[image]

Jimma Agricultural Research Centre has ongoing efforts to genetically document different coffee varieties and some buyers are collaborating to develop a common language for these varieties.

But there’s a long way to go in documenting every variety and agreeing on how to refer to each one. “In Ethiopia, it will take a long time to reach [full transparency about varieties],” Heleanna tells me.

Getu Bekele sees a bright future for Ethiopian coffees. “10 years from now, we’re expecting high-quality, amazing, great coffees from different parts of the country.”

If consumers request more details about the Ethiopian coffee on offer in a café, roasters may start to ask buyers which varieties are in heirloom blends. Transparency could trickle down the supply chain and benefit all parties involved.

Learn more in Coffee Varieties Debunked: Why Not All Geshas Taste The Same

Written by James Harper.

Perfect Daily Grind

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[devilsrecreation]

How many TLG Outlander incorrect quotes have I done? Here’s more anyway

Sumu: I know over 200 ways to kill a man

Kuumwa: You could glue an open jar of rats to his face and then blowtorch the other half of the jar so the rats have to eat their way out through his face :)

Sumu: …..201

Alternatively

Kenge: I know over 200 ways to kill a man

Sumu: You could glue an open jar of rats to his face and then blowtorch the other half of the jar so the rats have to eat their way out through his face

Kenge: …..201

Cheezi: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three-

Cheezi and Chungu, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks!

Goigoi: Our turn, Sumu! One, two, three- vanilla!

Sumu, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake.

Mzingo: Looking left cause you don’t treat me right

Janja: Looking right because you left

Reirei: Looking up cause you let me down

Kiburi: Looking down cause you fucked up

Jasiri: What is wrong with you guys

Janja: Hah! 69! You know what that means?
Cheezi: What?
Mzingo: That you're a child.
Chungu: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?

Sumu: Can I be frank with you guys?

Goigoi: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.

Chungu: Can I still be Chungu?

Tamka: Shh, let Frank speak.

Kenge: Why are Shupavu and Njano sitting with their backs to each other?

Sumu: They had a fight.

Kenge: Then why are they holding claws?

Sumu: They get sad when they fight.

Janja: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Chungu: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Cheezi: I got distracted about halfway through.

Nne, as Tano nods: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

(Royal Mjuzi au)

Kiburi: Are we really going to let Nduli keep Mwamba?

Neema: We kept Tamka.

Jasiri: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life

Mzingo: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!

Kiburi: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!

Janja: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Reirei: My moral code, is that you?

Jasiri:

Jasiri: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?

Tamka: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.

Wakali: I witnessed the dumb stuff.

Neema: I recorded the dumb stuff.

Nduli: I joined in on the dumb stuff.

Kiburi: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

Janja: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Reirei: Janja no.

Kiburi: Mistlefoe.

Reirei: Please stop encouraging him.

Ucheshi: If you had to choose between Makuu and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Kiburi: That depends, how much money are we taking about?

Makuu: Kiburi!

Ucheshi: 63 cents.

Kiburi: I'll take the money.

Makuu: KIBURI!!!

Kiburi: I trust Janja.

Reirei: You think he knows what he’s doing?

Kiburi: I wouldn't go that far.

Janja: Don't worry, I got a plan.

Reirei: Alright.

Janja: TraitorSayWhat?

Kiburi: Excuse me?

Janja: What?

Reirei:

Janja:

Janja: No wait-

Goigoi: Reirei, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

Reirei: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later

Goigoi: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask one of the kids.

Chungu: What if mayonnaise came in cans?

Cheezi: That would suck cuz you can’t microwave metal

Janja: Good morning to everyone except these two furbrains

Ucheshi: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.

Makuu: I almost died.

Kiburi: That... was my favorite memory.

Reirei: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.

Janja: Screw that, I’m not kissing any of you.

*Jasiri walks in*

Janja: Fine, I’ll do it. Rules are rules you know.

Janja: I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness—

Jasiri: Hi.

Janja: *melts down in a flustered heap of softness*

Kiburi: I'm not doing too well. 
Pua: What's wrong? 
Kiburi: I have this headache that comes and goes. 
*Makuu enters the room* 
Kiburi: There it is again.

*Kenge and Sumu are planning to break in somewhere*

Sumu: We need to distract the guards.

Kenge: Right.

Sumu: What are we gonna do?

Kenge: I'm going to break their elbows while you poke their eyes.

Sumu:

Kenge:

Sumu: Deal.

Human/Zootopia-esque au: trying to use the family/Kiburi’s computer

Dogo: “Password clue: Favorite child”? Oooh, ah, ouch…sorry, sis. This is awkward *types in their name, but gets denied* What?!

Kijana: Really??? *starts dramatically crying tears of joy* This moment is so much bigger than me! I would like to thank my parents and my manager— *gets denied*

OR

Tamka: “Password clue: Best friend”? Oooh, ah, ouch…sorry, man. This is awkward *types in their name, but gets denied* What?!

Nduli: Really??? *starts dramatically crying tears of joy* This moment is so much bigger than me! I would like to thank my parents and my manager— *gets denied* Aw :(

The Outlanders trying to draw Jasiri:

Janja: I think I made one eye bigger than the other

Mzingo: I was going for a feeling

Reirei, with a perfect drawing: Honestly, I can’t even draw a circle

Kiburi: *shows his picture*

Janja: Okay Kiburi, you just drew yourself

Kiburi: I like me

Jasiri: Dammit, Janja!

Janja: What?! It wasn't me!

Jasiri: Sorry, force of habit.

Dammit, Mzingo!

Mzingo: Not me either.

Jasiri: Oh... Then who set the Outlands on fire?

Njano: *whistles*

Janja: We need to get through this locked door. Reirei, give me your credit card.

Reirei: Here.

Janja, pocketing it: Thanks. Kiburi, kick down the door.

*The group is getting into the car*

Janja: I’m driving.

Cheezi, out of view: Shotgun!

Chungu, turning to face Cheezi: Aww! But you had it on the way here-

Everyone except Cheezi: WOAH-

Cheezi, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*

Fuli: What do you think Bunga will do for a distraction?

Kion: He’ll probably make a noise or throw a rock. That's what I would do.

*Explosions and several car alarms go off*

Kion:....Or he could do that.

Goigoi: And now it’s time for... WHAT’S. IN. TAMKA’S MOUTH?

Never try this game. Ever

Tamka: Agahhhagg

Nduli: oh oh oh! It’s those napkins from that one chicken wing place!

Tamka: Uh uh

Chungu: Oh! It’s the entire country of China!

Tamka: *spits the thing out* No! It’s a piece of dental cotton!

Cheezi: From five weeks ago?

Tamka: Uh huh!

Cheezi: And now it’s time for Janja’s poetry beat

Janja: Eh, I don’t wanna

Chungu: But it’s your thing!

Janja: No, it’s not!

Cheezi: Yeah, it is. That’s why it’s called “Janja’s”, emphasis on “Janja’s” poetry beat!

Janja: Why don’t one of you do it this time?

Chungu: You don’t like my poetry!

Janja: Sure, I do! Come on

Chungu: Okay.

I sat down on the ground today

Baobab ball I was to play

But instead of rolling north or south

How’d it end up in my mouth?

Janja: You’re right. That sucked

Chungu: Will Shakespeare my butt

Kiburi: (on one line) Hello?

Tamka (on the other line): Hey, what’s up?

Kiburi: I need a little help, can you come over?

Tamka: I can’t. I’m buying clothes

Kiburi: Alright, well hurry up and come over here

Tamka: I can’t find ‘em...

Kiburi: What do you mean you can’t find them?

Tamka: I can’t find them, there’s only soup

Kiburi: ...What do you mean “There’s only soup”

Tamka: It means there’s only soup

Kiburi:Well, then get out of the soup isle!

Tamka: Okay! You don’t have to shout at me! (walks into another isle) There’s more soup

Kiburi: What do you mean there’s more soup?!

Tamka: It means there’s just more soup

Kiburi: Go into the next isle

Tamka: (goes into the next isle) There’s still soup!

Kiburi: WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?!

Tamka: I’M AT SOUP!

Kiburi: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE “AT SOUP”?!?!

Tamka: I MEAN I’M AT SOUP!

Kiburi: WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN?!

Tamka: I’M AT THE SOUP STORE!!

Kiburi: WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!?!?!

Tamka: FUCK YOU!!!!!

Kenge: I’m not worried about silly things like labels. Animals can call me whatever they want. They could even call me little…..

Kenge: NEVER CALL ME LITTLE!!!!!

(Nduli leans in towards a sleeping Tamka)

Nduli: Tamka..Tamka...Tam-zebra.

Tamka: (wakes up) Gimme the leg! I want the leg!

Makuu and Ucheshi: (staring into each other’s eyes)

Kiburi: (rips the leg off of a kill)

Makuu: We’re having a moment

Kiburi: I’m having a snack

Goigoi: The good news is I named my nickel “Phillip!”

Janja: What’s the bad news?

Goigoi: It’s a girl nickel! :D

Janja: YOU BET ME FOR A NICKEL?!

Cheezi: But it was a shiny nickel!

(Hodari saves Njano’s life)

Njano: Bro... 🥺

Hodari: Bro... 🥺

Kenge: Can you guys stop making out and go get the chimps?!

Neema: [Could I give Tamka a -2?]

Tamka: For what?

Neema: [Just for being you]

Jasiri: You assaulted a 94-year old animal!

Kenge: He sassed me

Mzingo: Ooh, you have some pie! Would you mind if I have a piece?

Janja: Uh, sure. (gives Mzingo a piece of pie)

Mzingo: Can you pass the cool hwhip?

Janja: What’d you say?

Mzingo: You can’t have a pie without cool hwhip!

J Cool hwhip?

M: Cool hwhip, yeah

J: You mean cool whip

M: Yeah, cool hwhip

J: Cool whip

M: Cool hwhip

J: Cool WHip

M: Cool hwhip

J: You’re saying it weird! Why’re you putting so much emphasis on the h?

M: What are you talking about? I’m just saying cool hwhip! You put cool hwhip on pie. Pie tastes better with cool hwhip

J: Say “whip”

M: Whip

J: Now say “cool whip”

M: Cool hwhip

J: Cool WHIP

M: Cool hwhip

J: COOL WHIP

M: Cool hwhip

Janja: YOU’RE EATING FUR!

Actor AU: Deleted scene with Scar and Jasiri

Director: Action!

Scar: Are you saying I’m stupid?

Jasiri: No…

Scar: Do I look. Stupid. To you?

Jasiri: *starts laughing* I’m sorry 😂😂

(Cut to next take)

Scar: Are you saying I’m stupid?

Jasiri: *starts wheezing* I’m sorry! *recomposes herself* I got it. No no, just do it again. I’m fine

(Cut to next take)

Scar: Are you saying I’m stupid?

Jasiri: *pointing* YES! *laughs*

Scar: This is the fifteenth take, I cannot work like this. I will be in my trailer…

Jasiri: I need a break

[devilsrecreation]

More thoughts on TLG episodes

The Savannah Summit:

First things first, major kudos to Makuu for actually being responsible and caring about what’s best for his float

You really can’t blame Kion and everyone else to be super skeptical about Makuu. I know he changed for the better, but he’s done…a lot since he beat Pua

“but to invite him to the Savannah Summit? With all these other peaceful animals?”—I hate to break it to you, Kion, but just bc an animal is an herbivore doesn’t mean they’re peaceful and friendly. If anything, it means survivor

Crocs at the Summit worked with Pua cuz everybody loves him 😎

“Makuu has more enemies than friends!”—So does Bunga lmao

The song is great. I love how everyone seems annoyed at first but near the end, it’s all 🎶Kumbaya, my lord! 🎶. Except Makuu…dude looks like he’s lowkey regretting his life choices he did NOT ask for a bs song

I’m totally on Makuu’s side. He was genuinely trying to be civil here, especially when it comes to Bupu

At least Beshte was trying to be the mediator cuz he looks at Makuu AND Bupu, Kion was just being kinda speciesist

Shut up, Bupu, you started the whole thing

Vuruga Vuruga saying “buffalo eat whatever we want” is actually pretty accurate. They, like other animals, don’t care. I read that buffalo will occasionally eat insects if it were an option. Even Twiga could sucking on a bone if she wanted to. Seriously, look it up

If Zazu had a nickel for every time a rhino used him as a chair, he’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice (great nod to the OG movie)

Rafiki is such a mood “not the official painting” you old ass gremlin/aff

I remember Athena P criticizing Simba for blaming Kion about ruining the Summit after Makuu understandably leaves and I agree. Wtf Simba he’s 10. Go easy on him, come on 😭

The part that irks me the most is that when Mufasa asks “What has Makuu done to make you think this way?”, Kion says “Nothing, really”. BRO WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘NOTHING REALLY’?! I understand Mufasa meant what Makuu has done today but there are a LOT of things Makuu’s done in the past that Kion should have told his grandpa. In fact, here’s a whole list:

-Taking over Big Springs when he became leader, resulting in all the animals to scatter

-Challenging kids to fight

-Taking over the flood plains

-Trying to eat Basi which would have been just him being a crocodile if not for the fact that the reason is so he wouldn’t have to follow any rules (says so on the wiki)

-TAKING NALA HOSTAGE (seriously did Simba even KNOW about that? Did Nala or Kion bother to tell him?)

-Generally being a dick to animals

Makuu I know you did nothing wrong in this episode, but you can’t blame Kion for acting this way

I’m not placing any blame on Mtoto. He’s a good boy and all he did was tell the guard what he heard and that’s it

Twiga and Vuruga Vuruga coming up with the trap doesn’t surprise me. Cape buffalo are actually really vengeful irl so it makes sense how she wanted to teach Makuu a lesson. They ain’t called “Black Death” or “Widow Maker” for nothing

It’s cool how Makuu took the prank well. Respect.

Wonder how Makuu felt about animals fighting over him lmao?

Let Sleeping Crocs Lie

Once again this episode would be VERY different if my oc Piga was still alive

Kiburi has a right to be mad. I’m not excusing what he does later in the episode but I’d be pissed too if someone woke me up

Okay but Nduli sleeping next to Kiburi is adorable. Adds to my hc how close they are

Serious question: Why exactly can’t the crocs go back to sleep after they’ve been woken up? The obvious answer is bc it drives the plot forward, but is it true in actual crocodiles? I kinda wanna know the scientific reason

Good on Makuu for going the pacifism route. He’d really do anything for his float

Love how Kiburi was like “Yeah yeah, whatever you say” but the second Makuu left, he was like “ANARCHY!”

Idk if any of you caught this, but when Ushari’s like “we reptiles will rule the pridelands under your leadership, right?” Scar actually hesitated before going “sure bud”. That makes me think he was going to betray Ushari the moment he and his army get rid of Simba and the Lion Guard

Crocs really DO need a lot of water, otherwise their lives are on the line. Makuu was really more concerned than upset

“KIBURI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”—Fighting a child, what’s it look like

Side hc: I like to think something similar happened with Pua, Piga, and Kujivunia. Pua saw Piga antagonizing some poor young animal and he was all “Piga! What in the Pridelands do you think you’re doing?” and Kujivunia (who happened to be there), with her typical sarcasm was like “Performing a dance number, Pua 🙄”

There go the skinks again. Njano with his cuteness and Shupavu…doing her best Grinch face

“At least you’ll be close to all your friends!”Awww Beshte trying to be positive 🥺

Kiburi saying “we crocs deserve better!” brings me back to my hc that Kiburi had good intentions (again, until further in the episode), he just went about it the wrong way. He’s almost like an activist in a way. He’s not trying to be selfish, he just wanted a better watering hole. Now going as far as to rule the Pridelands…..yeah too far

The background crocodiles who were like 😦 when Kiburi called for the mashindano are so me. I’m the one going “Ooooooh shit!”

Still not getting over that super gay conversation between Kiburi and Ushari

STILL CAN’T GET OVER HOW KIBURI AND HIS FLOAT LAUGH AAAAA (Neema’s laugh tho)

Nduli looks so derpy I love him

I LOVE HOW SELF-AWARE TAMKA IS WHAT AN ICON

Lmao Nduli just gave up like “Fuck it you win”

Love the parallels of Makuu pinning down Kiburi like he did to Pua

Kiburi, I love you but what the hell did you expect? You literally confessed to like 500 animals about your plan and then you get surprised when Simba and Makuu banish you? What did you think was gonna happen? You got way too cocky, I swear

Saying this again, Tamka and Nduli looked worried/traumatized when they were exiled

“Now you’re calling me a reptile?”—My love, you ARE a reptile. I thought crocodiles were supposed to be smart omg

Kiburi’s actually showing emotion for the first time

OMG JANJA HEY BABY HOW ARE YOU?

Full disclosure: “I have a plan” is mediocre at best. It has nothing on Be Prepared. That being said, I love Kiburi’s “Aiight I’m in” smile

That’s pretty much it. Maybe I’ll do more in the future

[devilsrecreation]

Okay Nikki, you’ve made a fair amount of TLG oc’s. You do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT need to make more. ESPECIALLY not next gen oc’s. It’s not necessary. You understand? NO MORE—

…..I made more TLG oc’s.

Pua’s mate: Kuimba (singing, to sing)-A singer in the Pridelands and easily the kindest, prettiest, most loved crocodile in Pua’s float, and that’s what made her perfect in his eyes. The heart and soul of the float, she was able to open everyone’s minds when they were subjects to change. Because of her love of singing, she could do so at any given moment and the rest just allowed it because they loved her that much. Although she wasn’t a complete idiot (she was ditzy tho lol), Tamka gets his stupidity from her

-She died when Tamka was very young. Thankfully, he was old enough to remember her and carry memories of their time together

Piga’s mate: Ungwana (gentle)-If Piga had a soft spot for someone before Kiburi, it was her. Living up to her name, everything about her was gentle. Her gaze, the way she handled things, her voice…especially that voice. Never raised it or anything. She’s kind of has a way with bad boys, which is how she won Piga’s affections. Kiburi doesn’t have too many memories of her, but Piga sure does

-She also died during Scar’s reign, specifically the time when the float finally moved on with the other animals. It was extra rough for them, seeing how there were so many mouths to feed. Quite a few of the members starved to death, Ungwana included. She always put others needs in front of her own

Kinywa (mouth;mouthy)-Nduli’s mom and the sassiest in the float. She kinda had that wine aunt energy and says whatever the hell she wants. Nduli gets the sass and some of his temper from her, not to mention he was kind of a mama’s boy when not following Kiburi around

-How she died: Alright, so the Dry Season is difficult for practically all the animals in the Pridelands. But it’s especially the hardest on crocodiles, as they tend to get more moody and make worse decisions than other animals. This happened with Kinywa. She was unfortunate enough to get woken up during the Dry Season (no one knows what caused it, as she was the only one to wake up) and decided it was a good idea to try to hunt a rhino calf, causing its parent to get involved and….well, I don’t think I need to explain who won….or lived.

Next gen outlanders: (WITH VERY BRIEF PERSONALITIES)

Janja and Jasiri’s kids-Shida (troublemaker) and Hatima (destiny, fate)

Shida-Shida is the older sibling. A hyperactive little troublemaker who enjoys pranking his fellow Outlanders just for fun.

Hatima-The younger sibling and the more mature of the two. Being a girl and based on how hyena clans work, she is destined to be the next leader. Problem is, she doesn’t know if she really wants to lead the Outlands in the first place. She would rather figure out her own destiny

Chungu and Aibu’s kid-Huangaza (sparkle); she’s the most extroverted, yet ditziest of the bunch. Total hippie personality-wise. She just wants to make friends and chill

Cheezi and Nguvu’s kid-adopt a wild dog pup named Igizo (play); a playful, fun-loving pup who just wants to have a good time and never takes anything seriously. He treats everything as if it’s a game

Nne and Madoa’s kid-Hila (cunning);the sarcastic, cocky friend who always has an answer for everything. He likes to show off his smarts and frequently calls himself a genius.

Kiburi and Hukumu’s kids (one of them, at least)-Piga; the rebellious, self-proclaimed “tough guy” who doesn’t take anyone’s shit. Doesn’t last long with his parents though, as they usually tell him off (He’ll only listen to Hukumu, as she scares him a bit lol)

(One of) Tamka and Erevu’s kids-Kutojali (indifference); The one who’s been done with everybody’s shit since the day he hatched. Like Erevu, he often looks on the logical side and is usually embarrassed by his dad

(One of) Nduli and Kuamua’s kids-Shauri (rascal); The most clumsy, but rambunctious croc you have ever met and Shida’s best friend. Her “genius” ideas often get the two into trouble cuz of how she acts before she thinks, leading to uh….interesting situations

Outlanders whose kids live in the Pridelands:

Kenge and Maji-unnamed children

Shupavu and Njano-Ushari. Yup! They named one of their kids after him! The definition of chaotic neutral. He’s a little shit who says and does whatever he wants, not really caring about the consequences…at first. He’ll still back down when there’s an actual threat. The best way to describe him is the song “One Jump Ahead” from Aladdin. That’s his antics in a nutshell.

-Ushari was the only one the skinks actually picked a name for. Njano accidentally blurted it out loud enough for him to hear and it stuck

-Ushari (as in the cobra) is in charge of watching over the kid and he’s even taken him under his wing

-His catchphrase, like his dad, is “Trust me!”

-However, I’m also thinking of the name Mpangaji (mischief-maker) since the name is a bit more fitting and less confusing lol idk

[devilsrecreation]

Some more TLG Outlander Incorrect Quotes

Janja: Hey Kenge, we could’ve gotten the job done without paralyzing the animals

Kenge: I LIKE PARALYZING THE ANIMALS

Human au: Teaching math

Mzingo: Okay, Tamka has 19 bottles of dish soap-

Janja: Wait, why does Tamka have so many soaps?

Tamka: Ey, mind your business, hyena!

Kiburi: While I’m gone, you two are in charge of the float

Tamka: Alright!

Nduli: Yes!

Kiburi: *to Neema* You’re obviously in charge

Neema: *grunts and nods* [Obviously]

Pua: You have to apologize to Makuu

Kiburi: Fine.

Kiburi: *to Makuu* Unfuck you or whatever

Nduli: Are you sure you can eat that?

Tamka, eating a pile of bones: Nduli, I want you to take one good look at my fat ass and tell me if you think I give a fuck

Njano: If you’re ever having a bad day, just remember there’s somebody out there pulling a door that says push! ….Fucking dumbasses

When Reirei met Goigoi

Reirei: What’s your favorite color, Goigoi?

Goigoi: Red—no, green!

Reirei: Aww, I love learning new things about you!

Goigoi: I fucked up, it’s yellow-

(Why is this generator making Goigoi so unhinged?!)

[devilsrecreation]

Couple more things about my girl, Ucheshi

Being siblings, Ucheshi tends to bicker a lot with Kiburi, even as adults. Ucheshi 100% starts it since Kiburi’s a lot of fun to mess with lmaooooo

“I told you already, if you’re not gonna join my float, then get out of my territory.”

“I’m not in your territory *takes a step forward* I am now! *steps back* But now I’m not! Am! Not! Am! Not! *giggles*”

“Yeah, that’s real mature.”

“What, I can’t have a little fun?”

“This isn’t fun.”

“You don’t even know what fun is!”

“Course I know what fun is! It’s sparring.”

“Sparring isn’t fun.”

“Is to me.”

“Whatever you say, Mr. Boring.”

“Name-calling? Really?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you based on how boring you are.”

“What does Makuu even see in you?”

“Oh, someone’s jealous!~”

“Jealous of Makuu? Don’t make me laugh!”

“I dunno, you do get really obsessed with him. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you had a secret crush on him!”

“I don’t have a crush on him!”

“You never know!”

“If you weren’t my sister, I swear-“

Yeah, it’s like that

She can outsmart other animals by pulling a Looney Tunes. You know that Rabbit Season Duck Season joke? It’s like that. She mostly does it to Kiburi and his friends for laughs. Hell, she’s even done it to Makuu on occasion

A good example would be during the events of “The Savannah Summit”. Makuu would be ranting about how the other leaders don’t trust him and it’s like

Ucheshi: Look, I’m sure they’ll all warm up to you eventually. You just need to be patient. Give them another chance!

Makuu: Absolutely not. All they and the Lion Guard did was make things harder for us. I’m not giving them any more chances.

Ucheshi: Sure, you will

Makuu: *chuckles* No, I won’t

Ucheshi: Yes, you will~

Makuu: No, I won’t.

Ucheshi: Yes, you will

Makuu: No, I won’t

Ucheshi: You will

Makuu: I won’t

Ucheshi: You will

Makuu: I won’t!

Ucheshi: You won’t

Makuu: I will!

Ucheshi: No, you won’t!

Makuu: Yes, I will and that’s final! In fact, I’m going to go set things right. *starts walking away, but pauses*

Makuu:

Makuu: Clever girl.

She and Kiburi used to rap together all the time when they were kids. They could make a rap about anything and it always made them laugh. They were so in-sync, you could say there was some sort of psychic link between them. It always used to cheer them up whenever the mood was down. It wasn’t the same when they stopped talking. Ucheshi and Hodari had fun doing it (Hodari tried his best) for a while but she still felt that missing link she once had with Kiburi. Meanwhile, Kiburi stopped rapping altogether since he was more serious and Tamka and Nduli couldn’t rap to save their lives (Neema could, but his version is basically FNF with all the sounds he makes lmao)

Their rapping actually helped them find the trail to Udugu. It was very heartwarming when they realized none of them forgot about it

Even though she wasn’t there whenever Kiburi attacked Makuu’s float, the battles would be very different if she was. Kiburi would have a disadvantage, not because Ucheshi is stronger than him (they’re equally strong in terms of fighting), but because Kiburi refuses to lay a claw on his sister. She would do whatever she wanted to him, but he wouldn’t retaliate. He’d even go so far as to protect her from the rest of his float and anyone else who decides to go after her. They may be on the same side, but nobody touches his little sister

[devilsrecreation]

Me and @sweetheart-weeb-33 came up with the best TLG au ever. Listen to this:

TLG Actor Au where all the animals in the Lion Guard is a Zootopia-esque actor

Imagine all the villains are actually super sweet irl and I do mean ALL of them

Kiburi’s an actual rapper who had a hand (claw) in helping write the villain songs, especially with Janja’s lyrics. Kiburi also wanted to do a solo in “Run this Dump” but his record label wouldn’t let him

-He probably writes his own version

He and Makuu are pretty good friends irl

Oh speaking of which, it’s one of the songs that won an award. Jasiri, Ushari, and Kiburi all collaborated on it and it was legit their greatest masterpiece

-The other songs that won an award were “Sisi ni Sawa” and “A New Way to Go” (both songs Jasiri wrote herself)

-They got the news during the shooting of a scene by someone shouting “WE FREAKING WON”. There was a huge party at Janja’s afterwards. Kiburi has picked up Makuu during the excitement

-Kiburi wasn’t allowed to speak during the ceremony due to the fact that he gloats to the other nominees. Reirei offers to do it instead

They got Kenge as a guest star from another show and he accidentally keeps mixing up the two. “Oops, wrong show” is something he says a lot

This one’s my favorite: Tamka is actually English as opposed to the New Yorker accent he does in the show

“Oh! How dreadful! I have been defeated!”

“Cut! Hey Tamka, can you say that in like a New York mobster kind of voice?”

“Oh, like this? OHHHHH! DE AGONY! YOU HAVE BEATEN ME!”

“Perfect.”

Believe it or not, Sumu’s really shy and introverted off-camera. He gets so awkward when someone recognizes him in public. He gets even more surprised when people are positive about it like “Wait, you LIKED my part? You think I’m a good villain? Really?”

-He’s even apologized profusely about what his character was about to do and if he was being too scary. He swears he would never sting out of malice

Bunga gets along well with his “enemies” offscreen. He and Ushari’s friendship is so wholesome and Mama Binturong freaking loves him. She is THE mom figure ever. You know how Danny DeVito took care of Mara Wilson during the filming of Matilda? That’s Mama with Bunga

Mama’s the mom figure to everyone, honestly. She’s interrupted filming just because Ushari or Janja didn’t have breakfast that morning

Ushari doesn’t need to act much he’s already done with everybody’s shit

He and Shupavu are married irl

Njano got a part due to being the director’s son. Yup, good ol nepotism. He sometimes needs help with his lines

Bunga’s the best with improv. 98% of his stunts are improvised

Makucha has a friendlier, higher pitched voice irl. Sometimes doing his gravelly voice hurts his throat

Ora plays his part so well, everybody’s genuinely scared of him

The cloud and fire used for Mufasa and Scar are done with special effects and puppets

The bloopers are golden. There’s a lot of cursing done backstage for a preschool show lmaoooo

[fabletonrp]

BASICS

Name: Kovu Kiburi Age: 22 (2 1/2) Neighborhood: Sherwood Job: Associate at Chop Shop Story: Lion King II Character: Kovu Faceclaim: Elliot Knight Status: Open

PERSONALITY

+ discreet, changeable, capable

- secretive, obtuse, damaged

BIOGRAPHY

Kovu never knew his mother, so her loss never held any great importance to him. He still had Vitani, his only surviving sibling. Zira adopted them and Scar was like a father while they were still at Pride Rock. Then Scar died and they were sent to the barren outlands. Kovu was told that he had to be the one to kill Simba in order to avenge Scar’s death. While he never wanted it, the plan was set beyond his wishes. His childhood became training as Zera turned him into little more than a killing machine, cold and filled with hate towards the Pridelanders.

When the time came for their plan to be put into action, Kovu was ready.  He may have appeared to befriend Simba’s daughter, Kiara, but in reality he felt nothing for her. She was just a tool to get him to Simba -- or so he thought.  He “rescued” her from a fire that had been set around her rather easily and earned a position in Simba’s pride for his “bravery.”  The problem was, he didn’t feel nothing for her after all was said and done. Kiara showed him there could be more to life than anger and revenge. In addition, Simba told him the real story of what happened with Scar, forcing Kovu into a new perspective. 

He had a difficult choice between returning to the life he’d known or accepting the new one. Before he could expose the plans of the outsiders, they convinced Simba that Kovu was in on it. Kovu was no longer welcome with either group, and found himself feeling more alone than ever. When Kiara found him, he saw it as a chance to get away and start fresh, where nobody would see him as Scar’s heir, but he also knew she was right when she said they had to stop their families from fighting. Simba came around, but Zira did not. It was almost a relief for Kovu when she died, resolving his inner tensions.  

That resolution didn’t make it any easier to be pushed into an entirely new place.  Simba’s response was to become overprotective.  Kiara’s reponse to rebel.  While Kovu couldn’t leave her at the mercy of her father before he’d gotten back to normal, he was sorely tempted when Vitani set out on her own.  Ultimately, he decided his place was with Simba’s pride, whether they were in Africa or Fableton.

CONNECTIONS

Vitani Kiburi: Love was not an emotion encouraged in the outlands, it was too weak. But Vitani is his sister, and he loves them, even if he doesn’t always understand them.

Kiara Kiburi: Everything is stranger in this world, including his relationship with Kiara. She was still the one who brought him back to life, as he sees it, and he thinks he loves her for that.

Djaq Gelinler:  She’s been into the Chop Shop a few times and he doesn’t mind helping her one bit because he sees something in her, something that appears different from the people she’s sometimes hanging around with.  He thinks if she can be happy and at ease in that sort of a situation, he could too. 

ALTERNATE FACECLAIM: None yet.