#and after the emotional devastation that was last twilight today I think it’s safe to say that I

[fandomfairyuniverse]

Can’t wait for the sign to destroy the last shreds of my sanity tomorrow. I didn’t need it anyways

[maudelebowski29]

My Top 10 Movies Of 2017

So this was hard because I saw a lot of good shit this year and I thought 2017 was a way better year for films than 2016. Here’s my list:

1. Baby Driver Is Edgar Wright capable of making a terrible movie? The answer so far has been a resounding no. The man who gave us The Cornetto Trilogy and Scott Pilgrim vs. The World continues his unstoppable streak as one of the best film makers of the 21st century and gives us a fantastic hybrid of heist movie and jukebox musical. Baby Driver is an excellent example of great character study, technical prowess, and scene geography. I adored every second of it. It also has the best soundtrack of the year. Oh, and a film that finally knows how to use Jon Hamm correctly!

2. Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 Are Wonder Woman, Logan, and Thor: Ragnarok technically better movies than this? Probably. But I don’t care. GOTG Vol. 2 is still my favorite comic book movie of 2017 and holds the most emotional resonance for me. It deals with themes of losing a parent, toxic fatherhood, and making a family of people who aren’t blood-related to you and it had many moments where I wept in a movie theater openly. It’s a tearjerking heartbreaker that still manages to deliver the laughs and satisfying space battles. I can’t wait to see what James Gunn has in store for us in Guardians 3.

3. Blade Runner 2049 Easily the best science fiction movie of 2017. Absolutely gorgeous to look at, fantastic performances all around (including one of the best roles Harrison Ford has had in many years) and manages to ask a lot of poignant questions about what it means to be human. There are things about it I like even more than the original and that’s saying a lot. Unfortunately this didn’t do well at the box office, but I hope more people do see it. Denis Villeneuve is one of the most gifted directors working today.

4. Thor: Ragnarok The best movie in the Thor trilogy, the most fun I had at a movie all year, and it has some subtle anti-colonialism messaging to boot. Marvel lets Taika Waititi loose on their product and he gave us a cosmic party adventure that wouldn’t look out of place in the Flash Gordon universe. It’s drenched in 80′s - the colors, the costume design, and Mark Mothersbaugh’s synthy score, but it doesn’t feel cynical like the upcoming Ready Player One. Also, hearing the term “devil’s anus” in a superhero movie will never not be funny to me.

5. I, Tonya Darkly funny, well acted, and an almost feminist call-to-arms to reevaluate Tonya Harding in the pop-culture landscape. This is a star-making turn for Margot Robbie and I hope she wins all the awards she can for it. We also see strong acting from Sebastian Stan, Allison Janney, Paul Walter Hauser, and Bobby Canavale. The cast is stellar. I only saw this a couple days ago as of typing this out and I can’t stop thinking about it.

6. Star Wars: The Last Jedi My favorite Star Wars movie since The Empire Strikes Back. I loved The Force Awakens but you can’t deny it played it quite safe. This, on the other hand, does not. I love the weird, bold choices it makes in terms of storytelling and the Star Wars mythos, the characters, and the stunning visuals. Mark Hamill has never been better as Luke Skywalker and Rey, Kylo, Poe, and Finn continue to be fascinating. I also really loved Kelly Marie Tran as Rose Tico, a fangirl who loves Finn but doesn’t shy away from pointing out his faults. Plus a lot of MRA and Reddit choads hated this movie which gives it a ringing endorsement, as far as I’m concerned. 

7. Logan Lucky Holy shit. A movie about working-class people that doesn’t condescend to them. Steven Soderbergh’s return to the director’s chair sees him going back to the well for a heist movie but I liked this way better than any of his Ocean’s films. Adam Driver’s quiet dignity as Clyde and Channing Tatum’s likable Jimmy make for a great duo. Though Daniel Craig steals the show as Joe Bang. He’s terrific. There’s a scene in this movie where a little girl sings “Country Roads” by John Denver at a beauty pageant and could have been corny as hell and laughable. But it’s not. It’s a show-stopper and an emotionally effective moment.

8. Get Out The best horror movie of the year. No contest. Smart and genuinely scary. It has a lot of intelligent and relevant commentary about race in America but never comes across as preachy and heavy-handed. The fact that this is Jordan Peele’s first time as a director is astonishing. Oh, and I will never look at a spoon tapping against a teacup the same way ever again. *shudders*

9. Logan So if you’re Fox what do you do with the X-Men franchise after the disappointment of Apocalypse? Why, you do a Wolverine solo movie, make it R-Rated, and turn the universe into a dystopian western. Nice. Logan isn’t for everyone - it’s violent and bloody as hell and there are no happy endings. But I fucking loved it. It’s certainly the best X-Men film since First Class. Dafne Keen is a revelation as Laura Kinney (X-23) and one of my favorite female characters in recent memory. When her claws came out the first time I literally squeed in the theater. Please give her her own movie as soon as possible. Logan is a fitting send-off to Hugh Jackman’s signature role.

10. War For The Planet Of The Apes The third entry in the second best trilogy of the 2010′s (the first being Captain America) is a different breed of summer blockbuster and one I hope to see more of. It’s thoughtful, ambitious, and emotionally devastating. The themes of slavery and genocide and the allusions to militias and the white power movement are pretty clear and it definitely puts you on the side of the apes. Andy Serkis is still amazing as Caesar and the motion capture used to create him is astoundingly realistic, Woody Harrelson is genuinely frightening as the main villain, and Amiah Miller as the mute Nova is one of the best child performances of the year. Oh, and that last shot is killer. I’m hoping they make more of these films, but if they don’t this is one hell of a finale.

Some honorable mentions: Spider-Man: Homecoming Huge thank you to Marvel Studios for saving our favorite webslinger from the awful Amazing Spider-Man franchise, two movies that turned Peter Parker into Edward Cullen from Twilight (ugh).

Wonder Woman After the cinematic wrongness of Man Of Steel, Batman v. Superman, and Suicide Squad (three of the worst big-budget movies of the decade that are not Transformers films), I had really low expectations for this one and was pleasantly surprised by how good this is. Three words: No Man’s Land.

IT Another film that surprised the hell out of me. A horror movie released in the beginning of September has no fucking right to be this good. But it is!

Dunkirk Christopher Nolan at the peak of his powers. This almost made my top 10 list for its technical acumen alone but it didn’t quite make the cut.

Atomic Blonde Probably the best pure action movie of the year. Is the plot convoluted as all hell? Sure. But it has Charlize Theron kicking major ass in well-choreographed fight scenes and making out with Sofia Boutella. What’s not to love?

[lotornomiko]

The Dark Flavor Of Addiction Chapter Fourteen

3B cannon divergence with a heavy focus on a secret sexual relationship between Hook and Belle. Both devoted and swearing to love others, Hook and Belle both can’t deny the irresistible passion and attraction they have for one another, leading to repeated secret trysts, hurt feelings, and a whole lot of jealousy. But what happens when feelings unravel completely,& secrets come out?

Captain Beauty Endgame…so not safe for work….

Tonight had looked to be no exception, the place already packed long before sun down. It meant there had been plenty to bear witness to the wicked witch in all her malevolent glory, and she had said more than enough to set the town's tongues wagging. Even without the threat of the Dark One, there would be a crowd of spectators for the duel that was impending. The people of Storybrooke couldn't pass up a show, and there wasn't many that wouldn't like to see the Evil Queen get her comeuppance. They couldn't know that Zelena was just as bad if not worse than Regina, the witch all the more terrifying and not simply for the fact she held the Dark One in her total thrall. She was an unknown, her rhyme and reasons a near and total mystery. We knew very little about her, save for a few certain facts. She was to bring the end of all as we knew it, was after Mary Margaret's baby, and that she hated Regina with an unnatural brand of passion. How these things all tied together, none of us knew, the events of today bringing us no closer to discovering the answers that we so desperately needed.

It felt hopeless. WE felt hopeless though no one would actually admit to it out loud. Least of all Emma. The savior clung hardest to her ideals, that sheer stubborn will powering the belief that we would find a way, that good would not only prevail but triumph over evil. I couldn't see how, my hurt heart dejected, crippled by the devastating blow done to me back at the cellar. By the memory of eyes gone black with malice, the shadows spreading, consuming every bit of the sunlight until there was nothing left but the darkness. I had known fear then, not for Rumple, and not so much for myself, but for the entire town. For every last person in Storybrooke, all of us in a danger that even I couldn't stop, the dagger too powerful, the Dark One too strong a curse for platonic plays at love. It had need of more than just friendship, of more than just family, and especially more than that fond affection that I felt so strongly for Rumple still. It had needed true love, and without it, I hadn't stood a chance.

Defeated long before I had ever set foot in that cellar, I was lucky to come away with just a few scratches and a bruise. I was lucky to be alive, lucky to be intact, and it was only because of Rumplestiltskin, his love FOR me having held the worst of his monster at bay. It had hurt him to do it, Zelena and her command over him near indisputable. He could have killed me, and most likely SHOULD have on Zelena's command, but just as I had believed, Rumple hadn't wanted to hurt me. Not even when my kiss had failed him, my love proving untrue. His love and desires hadn't kept him completely from a lifting a hand to me, from roughly manhandling my hair. I remember Rumple trying to fling me out of the cage, my body hitting against the door.

While still on his knees, he had managed to snarl at me to run, his every wooden action that of a puppet. Zelena's, Rumple tangled up in the threads that bound him to the dagger's sway. The darkness that had flowed out of him, was not merely a show to make me fear. I had looked into the shadows, had seen the primordial dark that had frightened man for a lot longer than either I or Rumplestiltskin had been alive. It had made me scream, made me scramble half falling towards where I thought the cellar's stairs still were. One risked look back, and the shadows had lashed out at me, battering both my body and my soul, coils of dark energy trying to grab hold of me as I had basically crawled up the stairs.

The darkness had followed me out into the sunlight, no safety in the day or amongst the people that had gathered there. With the sun blazing in the sky, with the savior and other able warriors of might and magic to run interference, I had still been terrified. I was no less frightened now, alone on the street, with the approaching twilight that cast it's shadows everywhere. Suspicious of them, and of every dark corner, and skitter of sound, I all but ran the final distance to Rumple's shop. The door slammed shut behind me, the sign already flipped hours ago to regretfully announce to the public that the shop was closed.

Still riding high on my panic and the caffeine from Granny's heavenly brand of coffee, the worst of my exhaustion did a temporary retreat. I actually managed to walk across the shop's floor without stumbling, setting my large plastic cup of coffee down on a glass counter. I took note of the arrangement of oddities and knick knacks, the various belongings that a town full of desperate people had been willing to barter away. For a help both magical and not, the town of Storybrooke just as plagued with problems as the Enchanted Forest had once been.

The whole shop was filled with the like, a veritable treasure trove of magic and the mundane. I wondered if anything in this eclectic collection could possible have the power to help save us, then groaned with real feeling at the thought of all the research that was waiting on me. With a tired sigh, I lifted my hands to my face, rubbed fingers against my temples, wanting to sleep and not daring. I was beyond exhausted, and no amount of coffee and panic would keep me from ultimately collapsing and soon.

Trying to steel myself against that from happening even one minute sooner, I drank several swallows worth of my large drink. The coffee tore an appreciative moan from my throat, Granny's special brand the best and most flavorful in all of the town. And then I was choking on it, the front door of the shop having slammed open, scaring me so badly that I dropped what was left of the coffee in it's cup to the floor.

Still coughing on the hot liquid, I spun around at the touch of a hand on my shoulder. "Hook!" I managed to sputter his name, thinking how close he had just come to getting slapped.

He loomed over me, and frowned when I tried to knock his hand off my shoulder. "The door wasn't locked." Hook had said it in such a way that I couldn't tell if the pirate was accusing me of something, or simply making a sheepish excuse for the way he had burst into the shop in the first place.

"It takes time not to mention people to fix a door!" And this door had suffered plenty, first Neal, and then later Hook, both men having forced their way into the shop at some point during the day.

Hook didn't so much as apologize for the hand he had played in damaging the door and it's many locks. But then I didn't really expect him to. He had done a lot worse, and a lot of it to me, and rarely had I received a sincere apology for his misdeeds. Having run roughshod over my heart, Hook has helped to ruin my life as I knew it. And yet I couldn't hate him half as much as I did myself, the knowledge burning, the seething fact that made me bristle. I had LET him. It had been my bad choice to make, and I had made it gladly and done so a dozen times more. Maybe even more than that, if Hook was to be believed about the missing year. I was afraid to ask, afraid that he would say something irrefutable that would paint his claims to be truth.

"The shop is already closed for the night." I then say with a pointed look at his hand. It still sat on my shoulder, still tightened it's fingers in a firm grip whenever I so much as tried to move away.

"I'm not here for the shop." Hook speaks in a firm tone of voice.

"Then you might as well LEAVE." I am just as firm in voice. "There's NOTHING else left for you here."

A clench of his jaw hinted at the emotion that he was suppressing. "There's YOU."

The words should have thrilled me, and once they would have unquestionably. But I didn't, couldn't trust them, the words or the man speaking them. "Don't be silly..." I start to say with an airy, unconcerned laugh that I didn't truly feel. "'I'm not..."

The sharp point of his hook did a gentle touch on my lips. A feather light touch that I barely felt, and yet it had me gasping all the same. The protest dies before it, and even once the hook has eased away, and caught instead at a stray curl of my hair, I say nothing. I can't, just staring, his dark blue eyes as unfathomable as the sea, heavy with an emotion that is focused on me. I can't claim to understand it, or the answering thrill that responds inside of me, but for one second I am drowning, the world actually reeling, guided only by the hand on my shoulder, and that hook of his curving about the nape of my neck.

The warmth of his hand is at direct odds with the cold metal of his hook. The counter play of sensations, send a familiar reaction shivering through me. I actually tingle and feel my flesh prickle in awareness, a mortified crimson flaring to life on my skin. I expect to see that predatory smugness, to see that mocking smile curve his lips as Hook revels in the power that he STILL has over me. Something very much like loathing fills my gaze, my body going stiff as he pulls me forward that small distance.

Hook doesn't just press us together, he MOLDS, ignoring my tension, my blatant upset as he bear hugs me to him. The wind is nearly squeezed out of me, my every panicked inhale bringing in the leather and sea spice scent of him. It's a familiar mix, one that is all uniquely Hook. It's a sweet intoxicating flavor, one that sparks an immediate response. Hook smells like HOME to me, and there's a sense of belonging whenever I am fitted between his arms.

It lulls and relaxes me, some of the worst of my tension melting. I don't swoon, but neither do I hug him back. I simply endure, secretly reveling in the experience, that of the fit and the feel of him against me. The hard muscles of his body, the warmth of his breath stirring my hair. I don't know how long he intends to hold me, don't even know how long it has already been. Time is at a standstill, my heart beat and his the only tick of sound that I can hear.

My trembling breaks the spell that has us both dazzled. That unsteady tremor, my legs actually shaking with the effort to keep me upright. I lean into him fully, feeling weak, feeling sick, a million unvoiced protests lodging in my throat as my feet lose contact with the floor. I find myself in a most awkward carry, Hook having lifted me up off the floor to rest bridal style in his arms. My mouth drops open with a wordless, near soundless squeak, to which he responds with the barest glimmer of a smile.

"Try not to shift about too much." He tonelessly advises. "One hand and a hook is not the most deft and able for this sort of carry."

It's one of the rare times Hook has ever acknowledged to me the disadvantage of having that sharp pointed metal be a replacement for his lost hand. Normally the pirate prides himself on how well he manages with it, Hook not seeing it as a disability so much as it giving him a cut throat advantage. A weapon as well as a tool, Hook had often taken to using it wherever he could, whenever he could. Even in bed, as my fever heated body could well attest to.

With the blush still alive in my cheeks, I held and maintained the stare. "Put me down." I manage to order in a somewhat shrill tone of voice. "I have research to do."

"It can wait."

"No, it cannot." I retort, wanting to do the exact opposite of what he had warned me against. I want to squirm and to struggle, and fight my way free. I don't, too aware of his hook, and how neatly it could slice open my flesh on accident. "Emma asked me to..." I trail off, not liking the glower speaking her name causes Hook to show. "All of Storybrooke and it's people may be dependant on what I can find out."

"And what good will it do anyone for you to work yourself to collapse?" He stared at me with one eyebrow arched.

"I might be able to save everyone..." I'm more than a tad petulant, even as I know he does have a point. I won't be good to anyone if I work myself sick, if my exhaustion ends up seeing me laid out in bed for days on end.

"You need to stop worrying for the others, and think of yourself for once."

It comes out before I can stop myself. "What, and be like you?"

He goes completely still at that, and I gasp out some half formed apology that Hook interrupts. "Aye, I deserved that." He says, and then resumes walking. I'm held firm against his chest, and I don't even know where Hook thinks he's going. "There's not been much room in my life to worry for others, and I can't see that much changing any time soon."

My brow furrows. "Then why the big show of it today?"

"Show?" He inquired, as he carries me into the private rear of the shop.

"It was for Emma, wasn't it?" It all makes a twisted sense in my tired mind. I was certain Hook wasn't over Emma, was certain that he had just been playing me AGAIN. All in an effort to somehow win over Emma, some mad play to make the savior as insane with jealousy and feel as much hurt as the woman had caused Hook to feel. Everything from the kiss that had surely been staged, to the fake concern and worry that he had, to Hook's incredibly strange, possessive behavior in the car and at the diner. I even reasoned to myself that the only reason he was here with me now was that it was another one of his schemes to land the savior in his bed, and that just as soon as we were in the back of the shop, away from the windows he'd drop all pretense, and drop me.

I had thought I couldn't be any more hurt by him, but now I had been proven wrong. He was still using me, still twisting things about for his own purposes. He didn't give a damn about me beyond what I could get him, and probably enjoyed splitting my heart in the process.

Gutted in half by him, my glare was bitter as I told him that he could set me down now. "There's no one to see." I add angrily. "You don't have to pretend to care."

His brow furrowed, while Hook most decidedly did not let me go. "There's few things that I ever pretend to do. Caring is not one of them."

"Don't I know it." I mutter softly.

"I've never lied about my feelings." Hook adds. "They may have gotten confused, and I may have done some...ill advised things..." I snorted at that. "But I've always tried to be honest about what I feel and for whom."

He continued to carry me, past the table, and the many cases and shelves, towards a nondescript curtain. "What are...you can't go back there!" I protest with a genuine alarm, but Hook was already stepping through the heavy velvet drape. I came this close to struggling, panicked by what I saw as the ultimate in an invasion of Rumplestiltskin's privacy.

Hook kept on walking, striding with powerful, purposeful steps down a corridor that would lead away from the shop, into the first floor of the extravagant townhouse that was Rumplestiltskin's home. I saw the familiar sight of the finely furnished sitting room, saw the love seat and the matching sofa set where Rumple and I had taken our daily tea and chocolate.

There was several books on a glass coffee table, and my one concession to vanity, a fashion magazine laying spread open still where I had last left it. There was freshly cut roses in an expensive, oriental vase, and an extravagant seascape painting that had been done in shades that complimented instead of detracted from the room's color and decor. It was one of the more cozy of the rooms in Rumplestiltskin's home, less about showing off his wealth and his power, and more to do with living.

Hook had paused for a second to get his bearings. He'd note the beautiful and delicate belongings, and then make a comment about how Rumplestiltskin had always liked to surround himself with pretty things.

"Always?" I couldn't help myself. The time before Rumplestiltskin's rise to power, before he had become the Dark One, so much of it was still a mystery to me. I couldn't help but be curious about a time Rumplestiltskin almost never talked about, the man loathe to bring up the bad memories he still associated with his human life.

"Even when at his most dirt poor, he always found a way.....be it trinkets or women." Hook had focused on me again, that unreadable emotion clouding his sapphire gaze.

"Milah..." It was said with a knowing whisper.

"Aye." Hook quietly agreed. "And YOU."

"I hadn't been fishing for a compliment." I protest, unable to stop the scarlet heat rising to warm my flesh.

"No, that's not like you at all." He agreed, and resumed moving. We passed by Rumplestiltskin's very crowded private library, the likes of which had many great volumes of stories and spells that would never be seen by even a quarter of the people in Storybrooke. The whole house was like that, Rumplestiltskin never inviting anyone over, sharing his domain with only one other person, and that person had been me. And now Hook was invading it, striding confidently about as though HE owned the place.

"You really shouldn't be here!" I tried again, even as he passed by room after room. "Hook, no!" I protested as he started up the staircase. "This is wrong!"

It was more than wrong, and it was more than an invasion of privacy, now that we were on the second floor landing. Being this close to Rumplestiltskin's and the guest's bedrooms, left me feeling like we were doing the ultimate in violations, as though this was a dozen times worse than all the other times that I had been unfaithful. It didn't matter that all Hook was doing was carrying me at the moment, I didn't trust him or his intentions, and my mind so frazzled by the day's stress and heartache, could not fathom any innocence to his reasons for bringing me here.

"No, not there!" I cried out urgently, when Hook started to use his hip to push open the door to the master bedroom. "I...I have been staying down the hall...." To my utmost relief, Hook changed direction, heading towards the guest bedroom I had claimed as my own upon awakening back in Storybrooke.

The room was nearly Rumplestiltskin's equal in luxurious decadence, made that way in part through a fault and a neglect of my own. After Rumplestiltskin's apparent death, after we had all awakened back in Storybrooke with a year of our lives and the memories that went with it, gone, I hadn't had the heart to redecorate. I had been too busy alternating, mourning one moment, lusting with Hook the next, and spending a whole lot of time on despising myself.

Now I felt embarrassed at my surroundings, Hook looking around with more interest. "It doesn't seem to fit you very well." He said, and I shrugged in reply.

"Rumple's the one who chose the decor."

"Ah...." One word, a sound more than anything, but it came off disapproving. I tried not to fidget in response, and tried even harder when Hook made a beeline for the bed.

"What...what are you..?" Seduction was the only answer I could think of, and only that sharp pointed hook kept me from kicking up a fuss with my outrage. I was rewarded with a gentle easing down onto the super soft mattress, it and the cool satin linen making me moan in helpless appreciation. I was so tired, and the bed held a greater temptation to me than any seduction Hook might have in mind. I fell over backwards into it, letting the mattress conform comfortably to my body. I actually fell asleep, at least long enough for Hook to leave and come back with a bowl of warm water, a white bar of soap floating in it, and a thin cloth towel draped over one of his shoulders. I shot up straight when that water touched my face, Hook wrapping an arm across my chest, to keep me against him.

"Shhh...." He murmured into my ear, carefully dabbing the wet cloth against a spot over my eye. The soap stung just a little, doing a temporary easing of the sleep that was trying to claim me. "How did you get this cut?"

"Probably when I was thrown against Rumple's cage..." I can't see he expression, but I can hear the furious sound to his voice.

"He threw you? Like he did with Regina and Emma?!"

"No...not with his magic." I protest quickly.

"I don't know if that makes it worse or not..." Hook muttered angrily.

"He wasn't trying to hurt me!" I protest. "He was trying to get me to leave..."

"I'm sure there was a better way!"

"Not when the witch was leaving him with no time and no options!" I cry out, and try to pull away. His arm holds me prisoner, and the battle exhausts me further. I droop in weary defeat, letting Hook continue to clean the sliver thin cut, and scrub at some smidgeon of dirt on my right cheek. He even goes so far as to pull out the stray pieces of straw that had tangled their way into my hair, though it will take more than his fingers to comb my hair free of the mess that Rumplestiltskin's cruel grip had made of it.

"I must look a fright if you're going that far..." I murmur with my eyes half closed.

"You're more beautiful than ever." There's heat in that retort, my eyes snapping open wide with surprise.

"How can you say that?" I ask, forgetting my tiredness for one brief moment.

"Because you survived." He answers just as fiercely as when he had proclaimed me beautiful.

"I was never in any real danger..." I protest.

"You were never NOT in any real danger." He counters. Finished with the cloth, he sets it and the bowl on the floor. "Belle.." His slightly damp fingers caress my cheek, and I give voice to the bewilderment that I feel.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" His eyes seem to blaze in response, that emotion I can't, won't believe in, dancing in that blue's depth. "You never were before." I add more than a tad crossly.

His smile is one of real regret, his rough and calloused fingers feeling over every contour of my face. "Aye, I haven't."

"You were even worse after we all woke up in Storybrooke..."

"I was angry....." He actually looks embarrassed, a look I've had very little experience with seeing on the pirate's face.

"About Emma?"

He hesitates. "No..yes.."

"Well, which is it?" I demand.

"It was both...and yet it was not." His thumb extends towards my lips, brushing over the frown there. "I was hurt and was angry, not understanding...not able to understand why you had left me."

"I left you?! During the missing year?" I sit there in numb kind of shock when Hook nods. "But..but why?"

"If you're asking me the actual reason, I don't begin to claim to know it. But I can guess...." His expression darkens. "I haven't been at all fair to you."

"No, you haven't..." My voice murmurs a soft but heartfelt agreement.

"And you're right, I was even worse after we all found our way back to Storybrooke." Hook hesitates. "I was so hurt and not wanting to understanding, not capable of admitting for a long time now what I had--HAVE been doing to you."

My lips trembled, but I couldn't get the words out. It didn't matter, my eyes, as tired as they were, showed him, all the hurt and confusion, and the millions of tears.

"I was punishing you...Punishing you for the betrayal, for the abandonment you did of me." He sighed then. "It's not right, and it wasn't fair, and I hadn't even thought to take into account how you must have felt living in Emma's shadow." He made a rueful noise then. "If I am at all honest, you didn't betray me..I betrayed myself and I betrayed YOU."

He began attempting to brush away my free flowing tears. I pushed him away with a little hiccup of sound, not sure what to think, what to feel. I couldn't trust, not in him, and not in the feelings that those words hinted at. It wasn't a love declaration, but neither was it one of hate. It was some muddied in between, and I was still so afraid, so wary of his tricks. I didn't want to be made the fool anymore, didn't want his mind games and the knife that he continually twisted in my heart.

Most of all I was tired, physically as well as emotional exhausted. This was just the last to sap me of what little energy I had left, leaving me no longer able to protest, to even try to, the research and the town's danger pushed aside, for the rest I so needed. With great big tears streaming down my cheeks, I rolled over, putting my back to him as I cried myself to sleep.