#and also. i’ve explained this so many times. to multiple people today alone. cant they just notate this or something

[shatteredsnail]

if i get questioned about head injuries one more time i’ll scream

[sylleboi]

𝕰𝖓𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗

Unit 8: Developing an art and design project.

For our FMP (Final Major Project), we are required to do some research activities. This includes the following;

Select an image or and object that inspires you. This could be something in your home/garden/room/journal. Take a photo of it and explain why you selected it.

Select an image of an artwork or design in a museum collection that you like.

Select a quote or textual reference that interests you. This could be a passage from a book you have read, a headline from a newspaper or magazine, text from a comic book or graphic novel, something inspirational someone has said or written, a song lyric, etc.

Afterward, we are told to ask someone that we know to do the same and to make sure to document their responses. Ask them to tell you about their choices and make a note of what they say.

Create drawings/sketches/doodles based on the research you have collected. These will be necessary for the next part.

Using all of the material you have collected, create a collage/mixed media piece/image that visualises your ‘encounter’ with the person you spoke to.

By the end, we are expected to be able to present all of the above in the first week of our FMP, making sure that it can be presented in an appropriate format such as a sketchbook, blog, production file or portfolio.

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01: Select an image or and object that inspires you. This could be something in your home/garden/room/journal. Take a photo of it and explain why you selected it.

For the selection of the image/object that personally inspires me, I chose plants as a general. I have always grown up around greenery, helping my parents in the garden since I was a kid. It was an unavoidable thing to encounter in the Danish countryside where I grew up. I have always found that the cycle of growth, death and surviving is inspirational to me. I have gone through many things in my life already, most of them not coming from a healthy place, but having plants decorating every possible wall and surface in my room was helped me more than I initially would have thought that it could. I felt less alone; like I had a reason to live, although it might seem little to some, I couldn’t end things for good, knowing I would completely abandon all those plants; living organisms; sending them to deteriorate with me. Although I am doing better, I cant seem to fully feel and be me without the presence of the green leaves and spiky cacti all around.

Below is a picture of all the plants I currently own:

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02: Select an image of an artwork or design in a museum collection that you like.

This step took me some thinking to do- I have many favorites that come to mind when thinking of artworks that I feel some sort of connection to, but I found myself coming back to one specifically, multiple times; Lucifer by Franz Von Stuck. My first encounter with this painting was in a museum in Germany. I was touring with my music school and our choir, (Ollerup Efterskole kor 16/17), in which we were allowed time off to just wander around the different cities we went to, exploring all the different corners of each destination. With some friends, we found a museum in Erfurt.

I don’t remember the name of it, but I recall it to be quite small. I picked up a magazine in there, showing different old paintings and artists, all German. That was where I found a small picture showing the work of Franz Von Stuck and the piece Lucifer.

Below is a picture of this painting:

Lucifer, Franz Von Stuck, c. 1890

I feel as if there are many different reasons as to why I was so immediately drawn into this. At the point that I was in my life when I saw this painting, I was going through some tough times. Within the magazine, around all of the colourful landscape paintings and portraits, this stood out immensely. There’s little colour and light, making for less clear information for your eyes to read, causing you to fill in the gaps yourself.

This is something I myself have adapted into my own artwork, for the main reason being how I find it intriguing and fun to twist people's minds to think and see something different every time they lay eyes on a piece of artwork.

One thing that I have found myself to have adapted since discovering this piece of artwork is the eyes; the way I draw them has changed over the years after seeing Franz’s art. Below are various examples of this:

I have found inspiration in his artwork, the darkness of it, the lighter aspects and everything in between, but it is not only his use of colour and shade that I admire but the way that he has managed to convey emotion. I personally find myself to aspire to be able to convey it as successfully as he has here; the rawness of it makes it all the better.

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03: Select a quote or textual reference that interests you. This could be a passage from a book you have read, a headline from a newspaper or magazine, text from a comic book or graphic novel, something inspirational someone has said or written, a song lyric, etc.

For the quote, I knew right away what I wanted to pick; a lyric from a boy band called Brockhampton, more specifically from their song J’ouvert. 

One of my favorites in this group is a guy called Russell Boring, but is better known as JOBA.

In J’ouvert, his verse goes as such:

'Til the casket drops, I will play God Fuck the world, let's start a riot Got too much, too quick God damn, I'm feelin' sick, bitch, call the doctor Don't act like I ain't been dead to ya Don't act like I ain't deserve this shit Couldn't last a day inside my head That's why I did the drugs I did Got issues with these motherfuckers Looking down from they pedestals From that petty view, on that petty shit Pray for peace with a knife in my hand Speak my piece like a gun to my head Come equipped just to blast this shit Misunderstood since birth Fuck what you think, and fuck what you heard I feel betrayed, you can keep the praise And all of the fuck shit need to get away Still ain't got the fright to the fickle-minded people I thought I knew better, wish I knew better Should have known better, wish that I was better At dealing with the fame and you fake motherfuckers Guess I'm too real

But the part that really hits deep with me is near the end of the verse, which is the highlighted part; (I thought I knew better, wish I knew better, Should have known better, wish that I was better).

This quote hits deep for several different reasons, but mostly it’s on the background of how I’ve been raised; how I’ve been taught to see and view the world, as well as myself. My parents have always been there to push me further; which I don’t see much wrong in, but well...

If I came home with a B, all that I’d get back would be odd looks of disappointment and “Huh... a B? Why not an A? or an A+?”.

Still, this ideology is stuck with me. I always feel as if I should know better, should do better and be better. - I don’t think I’ll be able to let go of this for some time, although I’ve tried countless times. I believe it’s built on the fear that If I don’t live to impress my family, they will completely cut me out of their lives; as they have done on all social media already. It used to be a go-to threat that would echo through the house a year ago.  ; “Do this, and this will happen”. - Come out to your friends as trans? Well, then we’ll force you to wear a dress while touring Denmark and Germany with the choir in your boarding school:

Ever since I physically removed myself from that place, it’s been a process of healing. In Joba’s verse in J’ouvert there is another part that applies seamlessly to what I used to feel and probably still feel quite a lot today, marked in bold:

'Til the casket drops, I will play God Fuck the world, let's start a riot Got too much, too quick God damn, I'm feelin' sick, bitch, call the doctor Don't act like I ain't been dead to ya Don't act like I ain't deserve this shit Couldn't last a day inside my head That's why I did the drugs I did Got issues with these motherfuckers Looking down from they pedestals From that petty view, on that petty shit Pray for peace with a knife in my hand Speak my piece like a gun to my head Come equipped just to blast this shit Misunderstood since birth Fuck what you think, and fuck what you heard I feel betrayed, you can keep the praise And all of the fuck shit need to get away Still ain't got the fright to the fickle-minded people I thought I knew better, wish I knew better Should have known better, wish that I was better At dealing with the fame and you fake motherfuckers Guess I'm too real

I’ve been through so much at this point, that things such as people talking behind my back, calling me names, or doubting me seems so little and worthless. I simply don’t care anymore; Don’t care what people I barely known thinks of me, don’t care what they’ve heard about me. I am who I am and no one can take that away from me, at least not anymore.

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04: Afterward, we are told to ask someone that we know to do the same and to make sure to document their responses. Ask them to tell you about their choices and make a note of what they say.

I chose a good friend of mine to fill in the other side of the coin for this task. I let them explain everything since I feel that it’s personal to them, and they will know how to word it the best; I simply just asked them questions.

01.2: “Why have you chosen this object, and what is it?”

“I chose this to be the object because it has great sentimental value to me, but from first glance to those who don’t know what it is - it seems ordinary. The picture is an illusion piece, by tricking your eyes to look at the pattern a certain way, the background appears to completely drop back - as if there is depth to it - and from the background, an Eagle of the same colours emerges. What is interesting about this object, is not only that it first belonged to my late grandmother who gave it to my father (her son), and then my mother but also that it appears only me and my family are able to see it. As far as I know, the illusion hasn’t been worked out by anyone else who we’ve showed it to; it’s almost like our own personal piece of art.”

02.2: “What painting did you choose, and why?”

Artwork: NIGHTMARE FUEL by Oleg Vdovenko

“This piece of art has been the center of a great deal of curiosity and confusion for many years, for me at least. I’ve always wanted to understand it, and if ever came the opportunity I would love to ask Oleg Vdovenko what exactly is happening within the piece, the story behind this strange and somehow almost religious scene. The piece is so compelling, and as a writer, it has always made me want to understand the events leading up to the scene in this painting.”

03.2: “Which quote have you chosen, and why this in particular?”

Quote 15, by Plato.

“This quote speaks to me primarily because I am someone who as a child was fascinated by sleep. I have always been interested in sleep, what happens and where exactly we go. Training myself to achieve lucid sleep was something I used to do often as a child, as well as practicing the art of being able to remember dreams. Even now in my young adult years, I still continue to write down my dreams and remember each of them very clearly due to the practice that I did as a child. Sometimes, as someone who has experienced the less desirable aspects of sleep as well (i.e. sleep paralysis and insomnia) the line between asleep and awake can become blurred. This quote really spoke to me, and made me recognizer the existential idea that we may never know if we are truly all just asleep, or awake.”

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05: Create drawings/sketches/doodles based on the research you have collected. These will be necessary for the next part.

Below are some scans of some doodles and sketches that I did while just letting go and try not to think too much whilst drawing;

06: Using all of the material you have collected, create a collage/mixed media piece/image that visualizes your ‘encounter’ with the person you spoke to.

[cyberdelusionphilosopher-blog]

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BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolution.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I have used all the comparison sites, so please dont suggest them. If anyone knows of any other company for cheap car insurance please advise.""

""Car accident, neither driver has insurance?""

Was in a car accident yesterday. The other driver was completly at fault. He gave me insurance info, but has just informed me he was dropped due to lack of payment or something. I also have no insurance. YES, I KNOW ITS ILLEGAL TO DRIVE WITHOUT INSURANCE. IF THATS ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY MOVE PAST MY QUESTION!! What am I suppose to do? Do I need to try and get a lawyer and sue? My car was totalled,my hip is in a lot of pain, so is my bfs shoulder n back. The other driver is fine and had very minimal damage. Im at a loss, any advice would be.greatly appreciated""

Insurance for a cheap car?

Hi all, i am living in NYC which has notoriously high car insurance rates. I'm looking to purchase a second beater car to work on as a side hobby. This car would run anywhere from $500-$2000. Is there anyway to insure this car without it being $100/mo? Because those are the quotes i am currently getting for just liability insurance. Seems a bit ridiculous seeing how the cost of insurance would go over the value of the car in just a year or so.""

What happens if you got into a accident and have no insurance?

I was driving my girlfriends truck and got into an accident.. I didnt know she has no inaurance. The officer made an accident report then let us go. What happens next does she eventually get a ticket oe me. and is it criminal offense she ia crying cause she feels so bad. Does she lose her license or me cause i was driving? And who will get sued? Please answer all questions. If i had known she didnt pay her insurance i would have paid it for her.she is mainly worried she will go to jail

Estimated costs for restaurant insurance?

I am working on a business plan for school and need to know what types of insurance an upscale restaurant in Chattanooga, TN would need. Approx. 15 workers, alcohol will be served, and there is outdoor seating. I am having trouble getting any idea of how much this will cost because the online insurance quotes require quite a bit of information, which I don't have because this is not a real business. Any info will help. Thanks!""

Help with life insurance?

Term insurance is recommended over whole life insurance for most people. If you, too, choose term insurance, how might you then provide a long-term savings for yourself since term insurance has no savings plan?""

How much does it add to your insurance if you add a body kit to your car worth about 500 if your 18???

How much does it add to your insurance if you add a body kit to your car worth about 500 if your 18???

Can I get temporary car insurance for 3 to 5 days?

I'm not currenty insured because i go to San Francisco state and dont need a car, im going to florida for thanksgiving and ive got my old car out there, but my parents wont let me drive it unless im insured..

Buyin a car? Insurance driving it back?

Hi i may be purchasing a car this evening. Can any1 tell me how i get it back do i need some sort of cover note? I am 19 and was a named driver on my uncles insurance on my previous car. Now don't have a car but buyin this one tonight its only 10mins drive. will i be ok or not ?

What are some quicker cars that are lower in insurance?

I'm looking to get a quicker car, I've been looking at WRX, Speed3, and GTI, but they are all really expensive on insurance for a 19 year old, are there any comparable cars that might be a little less on insurance rates?""

Why is car insurance so high for young drivers?

I am 18 and currently on my fathers motor trade insurance. This covers me for anything upto 1600cc for social and domestic, you are actually having a laugh 1600cc is a joke! I can drive anything for business purposes. Recently rang the insurance to see if they would insure me on an IVECO DAILY 2.8 turbo diesel, as i was delivering some furniture to my grand parents in malta, about 1000 miles away from the uk, 2000 mile round trip. The answer i got was a blatant no, i didn't even get chance to say .8, anyway i was so pissed off i did the trip. didn't have one accident what so ever, not even a near miss when i drove to malta there and back. explain why they wouldn't insure me i really don't understand. My dads friend who is 53 years old was born not to drive a car, he has an accident atleast once a week because he mentally switches off when he drives. He drove down to germany any rolled his car times on the autobahn and i didn't have a crash or a near miss once in a 3.5 ton van, where is the common sense surely they should coin the people who litterally can't drive?""

What is a good health insurance company?

I don't make much $, but I would like to have health insurance at a reasonable cost. What say ye?""

I really need some good advice for travel insurance please?

Going to thailand and possibly france or spain to for 1 year. Wats good and why?

Should Insurance companies be forced to protect against preexisting conditions? Buy Ins after car gets stolen?

How much would that add to the insurance premium if they had to pay out for preexisting conditions? What if you totaled your new corvette and bought insurance the next day. How soon before the insurance companies went bankrupt and we had to go to the government option. (Where you would be forced to drive a Yugo in order to qualify).

Does taking driving classes cheapen the cost of driving insurance for new drivers?

I'm planning to get my driver license when I turn 18 which is in two months and I live in Massachusetts. The state law says that you don't have to take driving classes in order to get your driver license if you are over the age of 18 but I am taking in order for my driving insurance to be less. If so, do you save around 10-15% on driving insurance rate? And how long does this discount on this insurance last for drivers.""

How much would these cars cost to run per month?

renault clio 1.2... citron Saxo.... corsa (old) including tax , m.o.t and insurance and watever you have to pay for :) x""

What affordable medical insurance can I get for my income in Texas?

My husband and I only make between 1400-2000 a month from working. We have NO medical insurance because his company wants to charge an arm and a leg for me just to be included. I am currently having some high blood pressure problems and kidney problems but I do not have insurance to go for a visit. Im desperately trying to find a program or insurance affordable for us so I can get checked up- NOW I am NOT qualified for Adult Medicade-we make too much, but private insurance is too expensive for our budget. We have a free clinic but there is a 3-4 month wait to see a doctor. Can anyone else please help point to a direction that may help my situation? Like I said Im desperate enough to ask the public.""

What car is cheapest to insure?

I'm looking for a cheap car what is kinda cheap to insure kinda in the insurance group 1 i'm looking to spend about 700-1000

What is the difference between insurance and banassurance?

Ex. Insurance deals by LIC, GIC Banassurance deals by banks""

What is the price of a mini copper and its insurance?

just wondering what the price of a mini copper is to buy and the cheapest insurance? Details would be helpful Thankx

Car insurance??

Do yesterday i accidentally back up into a metal pole and slightly scratch my rear bumper, and there are another couple bigger damage from before. should i report this to my insurance. it cost 500$ to of deductible to get it fix.so should i report it to my insurance company??""

Who thinks the health insurance waivers means that companies don't have to provide health insurance?

You'd be wrong. Care to understand why? http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2010/12/10/truth-about-health-care-waivers The bad news is that today mini-meds are often the only affordable option for many low-wage workers because retail and chain restaurants rarely offer their workers options beyond these plans. And because mini-meds are built around annual limits, estimates from employers and insurers indicate that beginning the phase out of annual limits this year would cause mini-med premiums to rise by more than 200 percent, forcing employers to drop coverage and sending many low-wage workers to purchase insurance on the more expensive individual insurance market, where they would get an even worse deal than what they have today. The result would be a whole new population of uninsured Americans. To ensure that we protect the coverage that these workers have today until better options are available for them in 2014, the law allows HHS, in extreme cases, to issue temporary waivers from the phase out of annual limits. There are some important facts to remember about these temporary waivers: The waivers only apply to one provision of the law  the provisions phasing out annual limits. Insurance companies and employers that receive waivers must comply with all other parts of the Affordable Care Act. The waivers last one year. Insurance companies must reapply for the waivers each year between now and 2014 when annual limits on coverage will be completely prohibited and individuals will have more affordable and better private insurance choices in the competitive Exchange markets. All employers and insurers that offer mini-med plans may apply for a waiver if they demonstrate that there will be large increases in premiums or a significant decrease in access to coverage without a waiver. You can read a list of employers and insurers that have received waivers here.""

I was wondering who has the cheapest auto insurance rates in the bay area california? please help.....?

I was wondering who has the cheapest auto insurance rates in the bay area california? please help.....?

Health insurance question plz help?

My husband lost his job and my and our child health insurance was with him. Can i get health insurance my employee even through its middle of the year will my husband loosing r insurance qualify us qualify event that allow you to enroll

What's the cheapest auto insurance ?

What's the cheapest auto insurance ?

In san diego when you have a driving permit do you have to be part of your parents insurance?

In san diego when you have a driving permit do you have to be part of your parents insurance?

Speeding ticket in california?

i got my first speeding ticket i was going 55 on a 45 how much would that cost me? and also it wasnt my car it was my parents car but i dont live with them so will there insurance go up???

Would insurance for a 1991 Camaro RS v6 be affordable for a teen driver?

Would a 1991 or any other 3rd gen Camaro's insurance be affordable for a 16 year old with the good student discount?

Is it cheaper on insurance to make payments on a car or buy it straight out?

Is it cheaper on insurance to make payments on a car or buy it straight out?

What car is very cheap to insure? Im 17 and really want a car!?

I was thinking about the peugeot 106 before ad the saxo but apparentley its too expensive, i just want to know a car that i can get quite cheap insurance for, bearing in mind im 17!""

Cheapest car insurance in nj?

Cheapest car insurance in nj?

Cheapest auto insurance for a teen?

im 18, got a used car, and now need insurance to drive it. my family has AAA auto and if im added to that ill be paying 2k a year. i also work at target and might get a discount on metlife or travelers but i cant get quotes online and also think it wount beat the adding on plan. is there any good autoinsurance or should i just be added on parents?""

What is the best health insurance's for myself?

added info im 22 years old with no medical problems.

Can I get temporary car insurance for 3 to 5 days?

I'm not currenty insured because i go to San Francisco state and dont need a car, im going to florida for thanksgiving and ive got my old car out there, but my parents wont let me drive it unless im insured..

When does wisconsin drivers need to buy insurance?

My roommate and I heard that in wisconsin that we need insurance at least liability insurance. We haven't heard anything on the news about it!

Auto Insurance coverage -- How much Liability and Medical?

I got a couple of questions about about auto insurance coverage. Namely, what's the best amount of liability and medical coverage to select. 1) For the liability, I know it's wise to get the best liability that one can afford to cover your assets. But how about if one also gets umbrella coverage. For example, if one gets an umbrella coverage at a $2 million limit and the liability limit for the auto insuarance is $300,000 or $500,000, does it make sense to select the $500,000 or is it better to select the $300,000 limit since the umbrella coverage would kick in? 2) for medical, is this redundant coverage and not needed because wouldn't the liability portion also cover medical expenses? Or is it wise to get this, for example, if a passenger is not insured (no health insurance), so the medical part would help out in that case? Thanks.""

Which insurance companies will let me drive other cars whilst fully comp at 21?

Which insurance companies will let me drive other cars whilst fully comp at 21?

What is electronic insurance?

details about electronic insurance

Does anyone know whats the cheapest car insurance in NY ?

I have a 2003 Mitsubishi I'm 24 and i want to know which is the cheapest insurance that i can afford. I check a lot of the insurances out there but they are all so expensive. i just want something with the basic cover in order for me to be able to afford it. If someone knows of anything cheap please let me know thank you so much

Obama used to be critical of insurance companies. But his health care plan seems like it will benefit them.?

Obama used to be critical of the health insurance companies, but his health care plan seems like it was designed to benefit the insurance companies more than anyone else. Why is that?""

No car insurance automatically suspends CA driver's license?

So apparently in CA, if you stop paying your car insurance (I had to), your vehicle registration is revoked and your license is suspended automatically, and you get a notice in the ...show more""

Can i pay for a car and insurance together monthly?

Like on finance or something? so i pay the insurance and the car price on a newish car both at the same time each month?

What kind of insurance would I need to start a home improvement referral service?

What kind of insurance would I need to start a home improvement referral service?

Car Insurance Question?

Hello- I was involved in a really bad car accident, where I was the stationary vehicle in my lane and the other driver was completely at fault, texting, speeding at 60+ over, lost control of his car and ended up horizontal in the road- needless to say my car is totaled and the other driver lost his life. He was really close to have taken mine as well. Anyways, my question is how long does it take for the insurance to cut a check so that I can go out and buy a car?""

All my friends seem to be getting cheap car insurance?

All my friends seem to be getting cheap car insurance but i cant seem to find it lol, im 17 and i know its expensive but people say they find it for 1.4k or 1.5k which id be happy with but im getting quoted 5k (and dont say what type of car is it!!) cause i know all that""

How much will auto insurance be?

I am going to be getting my permit in a month and i already have a car. its a 94 plymouth acclaim 4 cyl and i was wondering how much insurance will be, I will be joining my moms insurance she has farmers.""

Farmes Car Insurance?

I had a accident on the freeway a girl hi tme from behind and she had farmers insurance are they good at fixing other peoples cars when their cutomers are at fault

Best insurance company in ..........................?

What is the best insurance company if I live in Alabraska?

I am looking for an eye docter that takes any insurance in los angeles california?

for kids that will give contacts

Is Auto Insurance cheaper in Florida or Georgia?

Is Auto Insurance cheaper in Florida or Georgia?

If the policy holder on car insurance crashes does it affect the named drivers?

I am wanting to get a car and been 19 it will cost a lot , my insurance drops below 1000, if i put my parents as named drivers. I was wondering if the policy holder (me) had a crash would it affect their insurance or is it just the other way around, if they crash as named drivers it will affect the policy holder? As they have no claims discount and i have none , so i can not apply NCD protection ? Thank you :)""

Is There A Way Of Finding Insurance Prices Without Owning A Car In The First Place?

Ok ill explain it better here. I'm after a car but i will need to know how much the insurance is for different cars. So for example if i wanted a car in insurance group 2, could i find out how much that specific car and insurance group would be for me? I know there's go-compare and all the other comparison websites but they are expecting you already have the car and just need to insure it. I need to know the prices before i get a car so i know i will have enough! Help please? Cheers""

I'm buying a used car from a private owner. Will I need to have insurance before I purchase the car?

I've never had insurance before. Should I call insurance agencies before I get the car? Get quotes/etc? I won't know if I'm going to buy the car until I see it.

Motorcycle insurance?

I am looking at buying a road bike to save money on gas. i am 21 years old and have a good driving history. how much do you pay for insurance? I live in Michigan? do i need insurance? does it matter the size engine for different price insurance?

Is motorcycle insurance expensive?

I am 18 looking to get a bike want a CBR 600 or something along those lines. My question is how much is it to insure a bike my mother said that the personal protection would be very expensive how does this work and do i need two different kinds of insurance for riding? Like is the personal insurance separate than the insurance on the bike? And don't tell me thats a big bike i have been riding all my life and have took my friends CBR out more than one time i know i will probably kill myself lol

Any one know about car insurance for teenage driver in north carolina?

so im going to be driving soon and i will need to get insured. does anyone know how much this will cost if i live in north carolina? by the way, i dont know what car im getting...im looking. ;] so it would be helpful if you could give me a range for different types of cars. oh yeah, and sources would be nice. =] thanks a bunch!""

Where can I buy 1-day car insurance?

I have my car parked in a storage facility in LA, CA and I want to sell it, but I don't have insurance to cover my drive from storge to the dealership. I've looked online for temporary/1-day car insurance but all the ones I find are the the UK. Does anyone know of any companies that offer temporary car insurance? Thanks!!""

Can the car insurance find out that I have been in a car accident?

I have just gotten a new job and I said I havent been in a car accident, but I did twice. Are they gonna find out about it when they add me in their car insurance?""

Is pregnancy considered a pre-existing condition in florida?

IM PREGNANT!!!! I am 7 weeks along and just found out! The problem is I start a new job next week and will not be eligible for insurance until after 90 days.. By then I will be over four months along and I'm not quite sure if they will accept me or if they will say that it is a pre-existing condition? So, my dilemma is either: pay out of pocket until my 90 days are up and hope they accept me OR apply for medicaid and use the health department? If it changes anything the insurance I would be applying for is Florida Hospital private owned insurance.""

Can I get temporary car insurance for 3 to 5 days?

I'm not currenty insured because i go to San Francisco state and dont need a car, im going to florida for thanksgiving and ive got my old car out there, but my parents wont let me drive it unless im insured..

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/i-involved-multiple-vehicle-accident-do-know-possible-walter-dunn/"

[tracedandreplaced-blog]

Termination of Employment or the Time Lithium Exploded my Brain -bipolar storytime 2

I'd been working in the buying office of one of the largest high end fashion retailers in the country for about six months when everything went to shit, but let's hold off on that for now. It was the best job I'd ever had. It paid very well and exposed me to an exciting industry I'd never been apart of. I felt like I was performing at a high level (which I was at first), and it seemed that I fit in well. My coworkers were ultra high functioning people and fun to be around. They were sharp dressers and I learned to dress well too. Disconnected undercut, check. Skinny tie with tie clip, check. Overly shortened tight slacks exposing brightly colored "statement socks" under monthly shined wing tips, that too. I took the commuter train downtown everyday and read snobbish mid century east coast intellectual literature through dark sunglasses even in the tunnels to complete the look. I boarded buses and strutted, really strutted, down the Seattle sidewalks at a million miles an hour. My confidence was going through the roof, which was important after coming out of my last job, which I didn't exactly fail at, but never really did as well as I hoped.

It took a few months to come out of the "learning period" and really be expected to take on responsibility and perform. I did that at about the right time and for awhile there, my team was impressed. They felt lucky they landed one of the good ones to support them. I handled product set up and clearance promotion execution. It was the lowest rung on the ladder in the buying office, but still a lot of pressure, for if I didn't do my job right, no one else could do theirs. The products had to be in the system, and they had to be right. It was a shit ton of data. I probably got 200 emails a day.

But after I'd been really pulling my weight for a couple months, the headaches started. They didn't seem normal. They weren't I drank too much headaches, they weren't pop a few ibuprofens and carry on with your day headaches, they were ice picks driving into my skull and then being lit on fire headaches. Anytime they'd hit, usually in the afternoon, I'd be sidelined for the rest of the day. I'd stay at work and pretend to be okay, but I was really just sitting at my computer clicking back and forth to random emails and spreadsheets, doing absolutely nothing. I saw a doctor and she said they were cluster headaches. Migraines that came in cycles and caused extreme pressure and stabbing pains. I tried heavy duty anti inflammatories, steroids, and even oxygen therapy, but nothing worked. Until Lithium.

For some reason, explained the doctor, Lithium was able to usually break the cycles of these particular types of headaches and patients could cease taking it after a month or so without the headaches returning. They didn't really know why, but there you go.

My headaches went away about a month after starting the Lithium. It was a miracle. I assumed I would get right back on the horse after this minor bump in the road and fix what ever few mistakes I'd made during said bumps. Then I'd keep kicking ass. What I didn't foresee however, was that the undiagnosed and completely unknown to me bipolar disorder would erupt like Mount St. Fucking Helens when I quit the Lithium. It was a nightmare.

The first things everyone learns when getting to know manic depression is of course the mania and the depression. These cause the scariest and most damaging consequences of the illness. But what most people massively underestimate is the impairment in cognitive functioning. Inability to focus, loss of short and long term memory, decreased pattern recognition, terrible organizational skills, inability to multi task, poor follow through, disruption of routines, and no sense of prioritization. Simply put, I started fucking everything up. My product set up information was consistently wrong, if even done at all. I would forget or mess up live dates on essential promotions that went out to all stores and online. A dozen or so unanswered emails consistently filled my inbox for months. They were action items for me and always caused major fallout. For some reason, I always felt like they'd just resolve themselves if ignored.

I would take extra long lunch breaks almost every day and maniacally speed walk all around the city, headphones in and hopping buses back and forth in the train tunnels or wandering through shop after shop in Pike's Place Market. I became obsessed with music I would never have listened to previously, but like the snooty academic literature, it enhanced and defined this new identity I had adopted. I used it to induce near trance like states while working or commuting to and from. I would catch other commuters staring when I came to and opened my eyes, slack faced with my gaping maw practically drooling through incessant head bobs.

I was losing the company money. A lot of money. When you're in a position that essentially starts the process of getting goods from suppliers and vendors to customers, you can miss out on hundreds if not thousands of dollars with one keystroke. If the product isn't live, it cant sell. This happened over and over. My bosses boss became aware. HR became aware. I was given a horrendous review and put on a performance plan. The beginning of the end was when I simply forgot to tell my boss that I'd be taking two weeks paternity leave for the birth of my second son, not one like previously discussed. I told him a couple days before I was supposed to come back by text. That doesn't fly.

When it was obvious I was going down in flames and probably weeks away from getting fired, my wife suggested I try and get some help. There was definitely something going on here. I was a smart person, she kept saying, but something was causing it all to breakdown. I needed to go to a psychologist.

After a few visits, he diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. That's a story for another time, but I can at least say that I now had hope for the situation. I thought it wasn't too late to save my job, all I had to do was get on some drugs and go see a shrink. But it was too late. Ironically, I wan't able to get my Lamictal prescription filled for the first time until the day I was officially terminated. Initially I thought they wouldn't be able to fire me at all. Like that would be some sort of discrimination. I mean, I was disabled now, right? But in fact they have no legal obligation to continue employment if I am unable to do the job effectively, illness or not. I discussed welfare, disability, and leave of absence with HR when the first rumblings of action were taking place. I had a family to support. But HR couldn't help me with any of that. I hadn't worked there long enough and my situation didn't fit the specific requirements. I left and got a part time job in retail that didn't cover half of daycare costs.

During my very first appointment with my Psychiatrist, which was weeks after the first Psychologist appointment due to a patient intake administrative error, the doctor confirmed that my brief relationship with Lithium probably did in fact trigger a downward spiral of manic depressive cycling. It was because of this that my cognitive functioning went to hell. It also didn't help that I'd been on anti depressants for the last 15 years, ever since high school. That most likely caused many of the manic episodes, which I was having much more than depressive ones. She and my Psychologist estimated the illness had manifested in my mid twenties based on the past behaviors I described, especially the drinking.

My confidence was shattered after the firing. I questioned if I'd even be able to handle part time retail, let alone get a "real job" ever again. The schedule that had me working evenings and weekends in a completely random fashion put an incredible strain on my wife, having to handle child care alone and never connecting with me outside of stressed and resentful late night conversations after the kids went to bed.

We found a solution a few months later, thank God. I became a stay at home dad, which I still am today. It's the greatest and hardest thing I've ever done. She makes just enough money to keep us comfortably afloat, and since there are no daycare costs, we're not losing money for me to go to work anymore. I'm improving everyday with medication and therapy, and I think I can say my cognitive functioning is back where it belongs, but I definitely have a whole new set of fears. What if this illness gets worse, a lot worse, and I can't effectively care for them day in and day out? What if we have to send them back to daycare and I can't find a job? What if I get a job and fail miserably because of it? What if I can't do anything at all and have to go on disability? Or can't get disability? There probably is a good chance, a great chance, that none of these things will happen, but that doesn't mean I don't sit up at night playing the situations over and over in my head.

Maybe in reality getting fired was the best thing that could've happened to me. After all, it led to my diagnosis and has put me on the path to better mental health. Most days are pretty damn great and I now have the tools to work through the days that aren't. I definitely miss being a part of something so exciting, staying at home with the kids can of course get a little repetitive, but I know it wasn't the right fit for me. I remember my psychologist saying once that simply put, I can't do that type of job. A high stress, high performing office job where hundreds of emails with multiple tasks to juggle at once coming through daily will quite literally drive me insane. Even if it didn't, my brain is just not wired that way, and it is very likely I wouldn't succeed.

I have no idea what sort of work I'll do once the boys are in school, but I've got a few years to figure it out. I'm probably more suited to doing something with my hands, but have no training in any trades. Who knows, I might just stay home, cook and clean. My wife will probably be making even more then and we'll be just as comfortable money wise. Or I suppose I could just sit around and write stories no one will ever read about manic depression. It'll be like that Jimi Hendrix song, but with more trips to the doctor and less guitar solos. Thanks for reading.

[momentofclearity-blog1]

Day 2

Black folks, I'm not sure where this came from, not sure who came up with this ideology, but every issue CANNOT and IS NOT be the devil. More importantly, mental health cannot be directly correlated with the works of the devil or demons. Now Let Me Be Clear... this is not to take excerpts from any USA Today article or any Psychology.com study. This is from the point of view of of someone who has heard these comments ring out in the many of households that I've both lived in and visited, hearing boys told to man up or girls told to stop being a drama queen and get over it. Even the references made towards zodiac signs seems to be more of a reason to excuse behaviors and signs or justification to blow things off. WORD TO THE WISE: every gemini does not have mood swings. Every cancer is not overly emotional. Every pisces is not confused about life because their fish are swimming in opposite directions. Make no mistake, their are situations when it happens, but we cannot continue to use that as a scapegoat instead of asking the right questions to get to the bottom of issues. Many issues are serious in our communities but we place these things in a chart and place them in order of severity instead of simply trying to understand what the true cause is. Many times i've heard "oh well black people dont go through stuff like that." Or "aint nothing wrong with you. You better go grab your bible & pray. This aint nothing but the devil." It is thinking and verbiage like this that causes more issues in the long run. Mental illness knows no gender, age, socioeconomic status, etc. And damn sure knows no race. But we have made ourselves to believe that we are invincible and being so we would never have to worry about something so beneath us. Beneath us to speak with our children and comfort them rather than ridicule. Suicide as a result of mental health treatment or the lacktherof is in the top 5 leading causes of young african americans aged 15-24. Is that not reason enough to worry about the mental well being of those around us just as much as we focus on the physical aspect? But hey, what do I know. Not like growing up fearing that the schizophrenic you live with is going to invent a situation in her mind that makes her lash out at the whole family, the 7 year old included is a true event. I speak from the experiences I know. Experiences I've dealt with. Its often said that a great of blacks suffer from PTSD as a result of the slavery experienced by their ancestors and the discrimination and racial inequality that they experience at the hands of their counterparts. While I feel as though thats true as well, I'd like to think that more of this starts at home than by what we see in the media and experience in neighborhoods like the East Side, Park Hill, Montbello, etc. Its almost as though we fear the world knowing that we are imperfect. Knowing that we have flaws like any other human being. So we hide any imperfection we can. Rather the world know that we have food stamps for sale than allow our children a voice to express the fact that they are depressed or are often extremely anxious or even go through multiple mood swings & are unable to explain the reasons why. Rather than acknowledge the problem, we use the "oh shes just going through something" disclaimer to make our friends not judge us too much. Black folks, please understand the stigma that we are placing on the heads of the ones we love by doing this. The anguish that you put on a love one when you force them to deal with a level of adversity that can be treated, that can be talked about, that can be maintained and should under no circumstances be ignored. But we don't want to put a bad name on ourselves. So we do things in secrecy. Talk to the pastor & give in abundance for prayers and oils & well wishes when that same energy should be going towards finding out the triggers. Please understand, I speak on this out of personal knowledge. No book, no article, no movie, etc can tell me of what I have already dealt with and seen since 1994, if not earlier. Make no mistake, I judge no one person for the issues I have dealt with nor do I want any one person to do that to their loved ones. My hope is that we will stop being so passive to an illness or set of illnesses that can attack a person in an very aggressive manner. I've heard people told to "just suck that shit up" when they muster up the courage to tell people of the pain they have been dealing with. Hell, I heard the remarks Drake made about Kid Cudi for him checking himself into a facility to get treatment for his mental health issues. I also heard the remarks from people saying the exact same types of comments. " Oh he's ok. He'll be alright. Ain't nothing wrong with that nigga" Even worse, we MUST as a people, as a culture discontinue the word crazy as a way to describe someone who has taken a leap of faith to bring this to ones attention. Its dismissive as Dave Chapelle said. Crazy is not a term used to describe the hardship of wanting to live a productive life but not knowing how to. Crazy is not a term to use for someone that has been so battered or abused or damaged that they show signs of PTSD. Crazy is what you use to describe a crowd of Duke University students who are excitedly celebrating the victory over North Carolina rival, University of North Carolina. Crazy is a word you use to describe a sale that you took advantage of at your favorite store. Crazy is NOT a term you subject a mentally ill person to being labeled as. Regardless of the diagnosis or the reasons for wanting not to reach out for help, it is important that we look for signs or look into ways to respond more appropriately to the issues of those around us, especially our youth. Depression is real, regardless of what caused it. Schizophrenia is real. Anxiery, Bi-polar disorder as well. While the church and our communities have always been an outlet for us, it cannot be the ONLY outlet. The only source of solace from an issue that constantly makes some question if their existence is worth preserving. Let me tell you all a story of how serious mental health can get, regardless of age. Imagine a teenager. Abandoned by family. Using sports, school, or other extracurriculars to take their mind off of the lack of certain family members. The lack causes anxiety in this teen. A desire to want to fix any issues with these missing family members but an uneasy feeling that also comes about showing them that the outcome may be not be desirable. This teen decides to put their already diagnosed depression on paper. Talk about the things that have happened through pen and paper, with hopes that this will not only help with the anxiety but help fix the relationship. The teen is praised at school for their work and their writing snd finally allows the anxiety to subside and shares the work with family. Only to be told that the writing is the "dumbest shit they have ever heard" and told to "get that shit the fuck out of their face." Anxiety spikes. Depression does as well. The writing talked about a character from a book that they can relate to( the character unfortunately deals with so many issues alone that they take their own life at the end of the book). The book is almost synonymous with what the teen has experienced, but they cant seek help or even say what their issue is because it is "dumb shit" So the teen decides the only appropriate thing to do to cure the issues is exactly what the character did. So the plan is made. The plan is drawn up perfectly. The i'm sorry letter is drawn up. And the attempt is made. Not for attention. Not for people to feel sorry for the teen. But because of the fear that this situation is NEVER going to get better. How could it when your own family has turned their back on you? Made you feel like an idiot for bringing up a situation that should have been announced at least 2-3 years prior. So the plan it put into action; but the teen fails.... miserably. So much in fact that the issues only become worse and are hidden even more than they were previously not only out of fear of admitting that there was once and issue but also having to admit that an attempt at taking ones own life was also a failed attempt. A vicious ongoing cycle that the teen dealt with for years, even into adulthood... How do I know about this story you may ask? I told you I only speak out of personal experience remember...