#and anxious af

[fortheloveofthestyles]

Bruh…stressy stressy lemon zesty

[tartadefresas]

[shamelesslymkp]

oh! and! I saw someone there who looked similar to The Dude, which made me panic a bit, but I wasn’t sure, not the way I was on crafternoon, y’know? it was more of a resemblance than a OH FUCK IT’S YOU. (the panicking part is not the good part of this story. the good part is what happened after the panicking.)

so after I ran away into the foyer/entrance way where there were staff people I knew and could chat with, when they were switching shifts, I pulled aside one staff member that I know and trust and asked if it was like, possible to find out this dude’s fet handle because I wasn’t sure if he was the dude I scened with 6 years ago that I Need To Avoid (S: *looks confused*; ME: I blocked out his real name; S: ohhh.) and he got me to write the fet handle down on a piece of paper, then REWROTE THE HANDLE so it was in his own handwriting not mine, and went and during a lull asked the dude if he was on fet and if this was his handle and it Wasn’t Him, which was such a fucking relief in two ways: a) he wasn’t there that night! and b) I now feel like there is at least one person I can ask to check/confirm the next time I Do See The Dude, which. is gonna happen, unfortunately. I steeled myself and checked his fet and he is, in fact, back in Falls Church and going regularly to events and idk, maybe he’s learned better in the interim - he’s only 3 years older than me, apparently, so maybe he was less of an experienced kinkster than he claimed back then?

but regardless. I told S that I was so stressed out about the dude because it’s not like I can make an official complaint or anything, even now that the club ACTUALLY HAS AN OFFICIAL WRITTEN POLICY ON THIS SHIT, PRAISE BE TO ALL THE GODS AND ALL THE TNG FOLK SLOWLY INFILTRATING THE LOCAL COMMUNITY INFRASTRUCTURE, since the dude didn’t actually do anything against the rules, he listened when I safeworded, etc., he just. also. pulled fucking surprise knife play on a newbie at a D101 night.

(S made a very validating blanched and offended face at that, and then gently requested if he could pat my head, which I said yes to and he did and that was nice.)

(S is really nice. and also huge and imposing but in a like, this person is Solid And Safe Like A Fortress kinda way! so I felt a lot safer after that.)

(still was so anxious I took a second xanax tho, because my back was starting to get excruciating and I was pretty sure it was panic induced.)

(the xanax possibly helped. possibly.)

(I still felt pretty unsafe driving home on account of the EXCRUCIATING PAIN making me intermittently inadvertently cry out.)

(like! taking the muscle relaxant *before* driving home was definitely the MORE dangerous of the two, but I realized 2/3 of the drive home that I was definitely not driving in an exceptionally safe manner, and promptly began praying both for the pain to stop AND for me to not like, crash, which! I didn’t! so, SUCCESS.)

[tinyredpoppies]

Fuck everything. I'm going back to bed until my gf calls me later.

[prettyhighfemme]

Rant below, just ignore

[the-nicotine]

Damn 6 am and I feel lonely and stupid

[5perm]

I get to see my favorite band tomorrow so I’m excited

[urfreakinmeoutt]

Yep

Depressed once again

[furbyhater]

working with kids is really really hard 

[twitchywitchy-girl]

Seriously feeling myself in this outfit

[jihanlife]

fanmeeting at thailand is so freakin small....... omg..... if i cant get the ticket..... omg.... i cant...... asdfghjkjaAFGHD 

[shinji-ikariii]

My sleep schedule is so fucked

[s0methingbetter]

i’m just going to bullshit the rest of my work and then take it back/explain it during office hours because i’m tired and also very tired 

[eatingthecolourofcottonrose]

21p tomorrow night.

[hello-mcfly]

Why am I so fucking lonely