#and arent i doing what you ask? i dont understand if you have your qualms with this.

[cannibal-nightmares]

let's make trouble in the dream world, we'll hijack heaven with another memory now; i make the most of the turning tide, it just split what's left of the burning silence

[dballzposting]

TBH Yamucha has always hated Vegeta with such passion, like hes familiar with the curve of bad guy -> good guy and hes not so stubborn that he cant see the good that Vegeta has done, but GODDAMN, yknow? Yamucha can move on but it's not like hes under any obligation to FORGIVE Vegeta for anything.

And he had gay sex with him ONE (1) time and had said "come back anytime," but he didnt really mean it that much. It's just polite to say. You know how Yamucha is . He drinks a little whiskey and then feels no qualms with having gay sex with Vegeta. And he will in fact maintain a conversation with him about it for as long as Vegeta will allow, to any end.

But I SERIOUSLY BELIEVE that Yamucha can NOT talk to Vegeta before hes had something to drink. After hes had atleast a little of any type of alcohol, he loosens up, and can freely converse with Vegeta without feeling bitter and/or losing interest. This usually is not a problem however becasue Vegeta never goes out of his way to converse with anyone, and alcohol is always being served at the functions where they may cross paths.

And it's not like Vegeta is especially keen on cheating on his wife again or admitting to hinself that he wants a hot boy summer with that tasteful slag who is pushing 40 (or is like 45 I dont keep track of eras and ages that well...) and dresses like a used car salesman. But when Yamucha is up there on karaoke night with Oolong and Krillin, Vegeta is strangely not complaining or cringing as much as he usually is. And when Bulma hosts a summer event, Vegeta hides behind corners and stares at Yamucha's legs in his tiny summertime shorts.

Sorry I keep posting about Yamucha and Vegeta having gay sex ... Honestly every time I make a post that ISNT about Vegeta having gay sex I feel a bit of pride becasue I feel like it's such an overdone topic, I appreciate the variety.

Anyway. When Vegeta starts to actually ask Bulma questions and listen to her stories, she is delighted to see how far hes come along. But then she notices that hes really mostly just asking about Yamucha. What Was It Like. Why Did You Like Him. What Did Love Feel Like? Do You Feel The Same About Me? Do You Think That First Love Is Special? Do You Regret Leaving Him?

And like some of those questions would be typical of a sentimental, melodramatic, brooding, sensitive, curious husband. Vegeta isnt exactly those things tho. And she doesnt understand what vein of curiosity hes coming from when he asks What Was It Like type questions. She appreciates being able to tell her story, and she'll spare the details she thinks are relevant, and then he'll be like "Was he as hot as he says he was? I mean, at karaoke night he was blabbering about how be was adored for being a stud when he was younger and had more vitality." And she laughs and goes "I wouldn't say THAT, but he was cute enough" and Vegeta asks "Did you like him. What was it like to kiss him..." and shes like............. "I dunno Vegeta why dont you find out for yourself. What're you drilling me for, you writing a book?"

Cue his angry blushing. Bulma's just getting testy becasue she wants to talk about HERSELF not about Yanucha's toned baseball player legs. She is conversing with her husband not having a gossip session with the other wives at poker night.

Bulma defintiely thinks in self-absorbed ways, so when she catches Vegeta sitting and staring at pics of Yanucha in a photo album (this one literally taken at their last outing like it was not long ago...), all she can conclude is that the reason he keeps asking about Yamucha is that hes wondering why he left.

"Admit it. You're wondering why he was able to let me go. You're having doubts about our marriage, arent you? You're wondering what it is about me that sends people away. Well, you've known me long enough. What is it that you're coming to dislike about your perfect wife? SPIT IT OUT, Vegeta - why do YOU think that Yamucha didnt put a ring on it when he had the chance?!"

And Vegeta is just like. "He left so that he could have gay sex with other men." This is not quite a fact but it did defintiely play out that way. He knows this becasue of the long conversation he and Yamucha had that one time about gay sex with men.

Bulma is not expecting to hear this. Vegeta not only used the word "gay" but he used the word "sex" too. This is quite shocking for the man who has always considered casual talk of sex and sexuality and even love at large to be too vulgur to be permissible.

She doesnt know what shes supposed to make of that. She thinks that maybe hes making fun of her somehow. It really is one of the weirder things that shes ever heard him say.

Anyway. Yamucha never hits on Vegeta ever again and Vegeta feels the pain of having been played by a summerboy :( if Bulma found out shed be so mad at Yamucha A.) For fucking her husband and B.) For breaking his heart. Look at him sitting there like a kicked puppy. He married his first lover, he doesnt know the bittersweet pain of a boytoy's love. SO WHY DID YOU TEACH HIM ?! You fucked up a perfectly good Vegeta is what you did. Look at him. Hes got sadness now

[chikkou]

Will you talk more about Lisa?? Lisa the character specifically but also your feelings on his feelings about Buddy? I just thought your analysis was so good and I want to hear other thoughts you have on her.

yall are honestly spoiling me rn sdhkfdjfks this is like a dream come true 

i already got into the stuff with buddy in this ask here but i have a LOT to say about lisa and the connection between her and buddy so u better settle in!

ok so firstly ill start with lisa. i played the original lisa game (lisa the first) not long after it first dropped in 2012, and im not even kidding when i said it changed me LMAO.... seeing a story about a girl suffering is nothing new, but austin jorgensens approach to it was so fucking unique. you dont just witness it, you get to EXPERIENCE it right along with her. many stories that involve sexual abuse/rape show or otherwise depict it explicitly for the shock value, which is both disgusting and, in my opinion, extremely fucking exploitative. i feel that it is horrific to dignify an act so deeply evil with screentime. but lisa stood out to me immediately because, even though you know exactly whats going on, the game NEVER shows anything explicit. everything is layered in subtext and symbolism, and austin is fantastic with indirect storytelling, so you learn so much from just a little drop of information. this applies not just to the game proper, but to the character as well.

in case its not clear: i absolutely ADORE lisa. she is my favorite character in all of the games, bar none. its going to sound kind of fucked up, but as a kid around her age going through some fucked up shit, her committing suicide at the end felt like a sort of victory to me. she knew she could never escape from marty or what he was doing to her. he leaks into every single part of her psyche, everything she ever cared about or loved is ruined because of him, and even the vague memory of her mother is completely corrupted, and turned into a muddled version of him. lisa the first also had the added benefit of some religious commentary, as there are crosses all over their home and marty is characterized as an extremely religious man, which i fucking LOVE and wish had come back in the painful, but its an acceptable loss. anyway, lisa committing suicide at the end was an act of defiance against not just marty, but martys god, as suicide is considered a mortal sin in catholicism. lisa knew she’d never be free of marty in life, so she escaped the only way she could; she was defiant to the end.

ive seen people complain that the painful has a bit of a “lost lenore” thing going on, since lisas death seems to fuel the Manpain of both brad and buzzo, but i actually disagree. on the contrary, its just like austin himself said - lisa will never be gone. lisa is ALWAYS there, with brad, and buzzo, and buddy, and marty, and yado, and the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD. i dont necessarily think that there is something paranormal going on in the game, but i AM going to say that, unlike other cases of a girl/woman dying for a mans backstory, lisa isnt just a bittersweet memory they can reflect on and then put away when its convenient for them. she is a presence that is felt throughout the entire game. brad sees her more than once, sometimes watching, sometimes reprimanding him. buzzo is clearly haunted by her, as he cries out to her a few times in the joyful. every character who was directly touched by lisa - brad, marty, and buzzo - calls out to lisa as they die. call it their guilt or call it her actions, but in either case, it is clear that lisa just as significant of a character in the painful as she was in the first, even if she cant always be seen. even in a meta-sense, every game in the series - even the joyful, whose protagonist doesnt even know who she is - is named after her. she is at the center of everything that happens in them. 

that actually brings me to buddy, because i find the dynamic between her and lisa fucking fascinating. as i previously mentioned, brad never talked about his past with buddy, and snaps at her for bringing up his adoptive son dusty (rando), so it goes without saying that she definitely doesnt know who lisa is. in spite of that, though, lisa is a fucking massive part of buddys life, and while she may not know the person herself, i think she is aware that when people (and brad especially) look at her, they arent seeing HER. 

i mentioned it in another post, but even though brad takes it upon himself to raise and “protect” buddy, he seems to almost unwittingly recreate lisas appearance, primarily by allowing her hair to grow long even though he knows what a risk that is to her safety. he also treats buddy in a manner thats incredibly similar to how marty treated lisa (sans sexual abuse, of course) - he insults her, does not let her leave the house at all, and forces her to do unsavory things that no one should ever have to do (in buddys case, this means killing at least two innocent people because brad doesnt want a “weak” daughter). the most literal comparison between buddy and lisa is the fact that they are both very young girls being essentially held captive by their father figures, albeit for different reasons, and both long for freedom from their captors. 

theres also the fact that both buddy and lisa have to deal with misogyny and the effects of rape culture firsthand; they both battle against men who feel entitled to do with them whatever they please, and the threat of ongoing sexual abuse looms heavy over both of their heads. neither one can seek help from anyone; the neighbors in brad and lisas town seem complacent at best, if they even know what is happening to lisa at all, and buddys only allies (sans rando) are long dead by the start of the joyful. this is not just a hypothetical or a distant possibility. this is the real, tangible fate that will befall them if they cant somehow secure their safety.

sadly, because lisa wasnt playable in either of the rpgs, we dont know if she was able to fight as brad was, but it is highly probable that she had the innate skill but was never able to learn it (as marty highly discouraged them from learning “their grandfathers karate,” and seemed disgusted whenever brad did so). however, she did have ONE weapon she could make use of, and this is a weapon buddy ends up using, as well - her femininity. she became close to bernard (aka buzzo), made him fall in love with her, and then used him as a last ditch effort to stop martys abuse by having him mutilate her face. im not saying lisa never cared about bernard - in fact, i think she DID really love and care for him - but her own fucked up experiences with “love” meant she really couldnt understand what it was supposed to be like, or that it was wrong to manipulate the people you care about. lisa did very few things wrong - it pretty much just stops at the maiming of the cat and her manipulation of bernard - but she knew that she would never get away from marty without some kind of drastic action being taken, and scarring herself was her last ditch effort before ultimately committing suicide.

buddy ends up taking a somewhat similar tack in the joyful, and like in lisas case, its simultaneously resourceful and horrific. one of buddys key moves in the joyful is to flash the enemy (which the player obviously doesnt see) in order to distract them long enough to get the kill. its fucking horrible and disgusting and makes you feel so dirty, but then, how must buddy feel having to do something like that just to survive? shes just a child, but in a world where almost every man is out to get you, she knows this has to be done to save herself, very much like lisa. unlike in lisas case, though, buddy is successful in securing her safety in this way - lisas effort is for naught, and leads to her committing suicide not very long after. 

in a way, i sort of attribute buddys brutality to lisas omnipresence; all of the men pursuing buddy are just like marty, monsters who would harm a fucking child for their own disgusting ends, and i think that when buzzo said that lisa wouldve loved olathe, what he means is that she would have loved seeing so many horrible men being punished for what theyd done. so in my opinion, buddy carving out a place for herself in olathe by killing all those who would subjugate her seems very much in the mentality lisa would have had. sure, there are some innocents who sadly get roped into it, but that would definitely not be her intention; for example, if buzzo could have practiced amputation without harming a living thing, i dont think lisa would have asked him to practice on the cat. note the LACK of brutality at the beehive and the swamp bar, two of the few peaceful places in the painful and both devoid of predatory men hunting for buddy - lisa has no qualm with any of them. but marty? brad could hardly even get a full sentence out before killing him on the spot. i dont doubt that that has a great deal to do with lisas presence. 

ok i talked for a while LMAO but basically i think that, in a more metatextual sense, lisa and buddys relationship really strikes me as an accurate depiction of generational trauma. of course it was intentional with the more obvious trauma chain (marty to brad to buddy), but the trauma chain of marty to lisa to buddy is rarely ever addressed due to lisa not physically appearing in the painful. however, i believe it may inform buddys actions a great deal more than people realize - after all, buddys experience is unique, but who could understand it better than lisa? who knows that sort of pain, of being alone on an island, the lone woman trapped with a man (or men) who want nothing more than to cause you harm? even without her realizing it, lisa is guiding buddy, encouraging her to take back what is hers no matter the cost, to punish those who would try to take what they want from her. lisa might be dead, but she is a vengeful presence throughout every game, and buddys actions feel like theyre meant not only to save herself, but to avenge lisa, even if she doesnt realize it. at the end of the day, buddy and lisa both get to exact revenge against all the men who have wronged them, and they succeed. they are aggressive, and violent, and selfish, and ANGRY - and they have every fucking right to be. 

[savnofilter]

Honestly im very disappointed in how this was all taken out. The bullying harassment and now someone lost the will to write. Dont you feel disgusted? Dont you feel bad? You went and talked with adults. Didnt say your age and we who are over 18 would assume if your a smut fic writer your an adult. But you said nothing idc what you or your group did or whatever but this shit was taken to far. If you can reproduce evidence of all claims your saying its all Bullshit. Very disappointed in you.

wow.... this really changed my point of view, wow i am so sorry....

lmao bruh what, why would i feel bad? you dipshits are so stupid, the people who said they felt groomed were in their server. you do realize that she "left" and did not address not one claim against her and her server? but no, keep blaming everything on a teen.

their server is meant for adults but welcomed 16+ kids, giving them the idea that their friends and forced adults to talk with children. open your fucking eyes, why is an 18+ blog running a 16+ server? are there NO red flags going off right now?? and she also had no qualms shouting blogs that were -18 either.

there are people 16-22 who are afraid of YOUR favorite writer. i spent months feeling shit about myself because her and other writers, and you want me to feel fucking bad? i know youre not the brightest, but these writers decided to block and ignore people they have hurt as well for months and now you feel bad because shes not writing? i have DEATH THREATS because of her.

you know what pisses me the fuck off? she provided no evidence where she told me she blocked me because of my age? because did sav tell her that?

you brainless fucks really arent going to question that her last post was about riding foreheads??? or that shes NOW blocking minors but has jojosmilktea unblocked? your white knight is showing.

you want to know a secret? shes the reason why some accounts randomly deactivate and why writers have had to switch accounts because she made them feel gross staying at their old ones.

i just find it entertaining that you guys actively like missing the point with the guise that i once lied about my age, and in that one time was to feel accepted. she literally knew i was a minor lmao and never asked for my age. and i really dont understand where this misconception that only adults write fanfiction? i hope you guys do realize you guys look weird asf compared to actual teens writing for teens. just say you hate minors and go on your merry way.

so no, i really do not care if youre "disappointed" in me, and i bet you dont even follow me. anyways lady-bakuhoe is suspected to be lurking as a small writer on another blog if you feel that guilt ridden, youre welcome. : ) and if youre going to come into my inbox with some bullshit, do it with better grammar next time.

[e8luhs]

i am very excited for refactoring!! i already love the characters. can you tell us more about the main cast? like personality and interests and stuff.

AW YES IM SO GLAD THAT YOURE EXCITED!! i got this ask this morning and it seriously made me want to stay home from school and just infodump. im putting this under a cut since it will probably get a bit long i just kind of wrote down some fun tidbits and etc

mavis

absolute jock-passing nerd. she dresses like she Does Sport even though she did like quiz bowl and whatnot instead.

shes quite chill and thoughtful (its the taurus rising) but gets easily bored and needs constantly new forms of stimulation to stay motivated. she loves a challenge and basically feeds off of that kind of stuff. this really only cancelled out when its something deeply stressful (like being teleported to an entirely new dimension and all that). she CAN settle down into one spot and feel comfortable with that so long as she isnt BORED because GOD FORBID SHES BORED.

mavis likes science but especially astronomy, and despite everything shes actually really into horror movies and the paranormal too. a definite Halloween Enthusiast and also listens to lemon demon dare i say.

whenever shes stressed or frustrated or anxious her knee jerk instinct is to try and joke about it and move on. she isnt really direct about how she feels and whatnot and when she IS its usually via punchline.

silas

silas is probably one of the easiest people to read in the cast. its basically impossible for him to lie or say that hes doing well if he isnt. hes a very honest person and expects that kind of honesty from others also, and it becomes really frustrating for him when people arent direct about how they feel

BECAUUUUSEEEE hes also very empathetic. both of the hao siblings are but he goes about it in a very different way than catriona. hes much more like “I have to know everything about why you are upset or else ill die” because if he sees someone sad and doesnt know why it basically eats him up inside until he knows.

hes also a bit of a jokester not about his feelings or anything but just in general! rather than using it as a defense he just really enjoys making people laugh. silas is very sociable.

sometimes he can be a bit of a try hard.... he is really doing his best and i love him. him and lea and mavis all share a need to establish themselves as something greater than they are and his mainly stems from Youngest Sibling Syndrome with a side of boredom with his own life too. mavis and silas really bond over that but silas didnt really take on any escapist tendencies like mavis did. he pushes himself to take action and try many things and considers many paths.

catriona

she has a teddy bear in her room that she hides in a reading cubby because its still important but she feels that her image as Mature and Put Together matters too much to really share that soft side with others. and i think that basically sums her up as a character.

really just needs some fuckin sleep. she is fueled by various caffeinated beverages (her favorites being an overly elaborate coffee order and arizona green tea). shes articulate, but because shes usually running on 4 or 5 hours of sleep she can sometimes miss small details or starts talking faster than her own thoughts+stumbling over her own words.

shes a bit suspicious of other people because shes had her trust tested a lot. catriona is very like kind and warm still though its just that like... you know. if you wrong her its very hard to win her back and she likely wont trust you with anything again.

shes also much more of a “fix it” kind of person when it comes to problems. she will absolutely provide a shoulder to cry on when you need it but at the end of the day she provides very practical support by trying to provide options. she takes the same approach with her own feelings too.

kirabo

basically like “*softly* dont”. they are very cautious and dont take a lot of risks unless theyre absolutely sure that it will work out and there will be a benefit. however, theyre still optimistic and theyre always able to see the best in other people and in any situation. not really in that toxic kind of positivity way... but as in like they are able to appreciate the small things and whatnot

^ that world view is basically why they are so into botany. its very precise but its something small that you can really appreciate and see your own success in little by little. they also like arts and crafts.

they are incredibly diplomatic despite their initial virgo stubbornness. theyre really open to other perspectives and theyre very patient/understanding. kirabo and catriona are basically opposites in this respect and so they balance eachother out a lot here.... they are like bestest buds.

they are very big on like Emotionally Productive Self Care. kirabo WILL put on a face mask and will be like “dont @ me i am chillin”. and they will be like “enough is enough i am going to knit a fucking scarf a second”. they just have a lot of little hobbies to keep them busy like that because they are super fidgety. anxious energy... the mercury-ism

minka

absolutely hates being underestimated in any capacity. minka is fully aware of her intelligence and capabilities and expresses no qualms with it whatsoever. alot of her insecurity ends up lying in her social life and etc. shes just been through a lot and really just wants to share her passions with other people.

really likes to decorate and APPEARS messy but is super organized. she has that sort of “chaotic order” thing going on where she can locate something even if its under a huge pile of random stuff. she has lots of stickers and lots of color-coding methods too.

will do the “are we there yet” thing and the “why? why? why?” thing. mostly out of curiosity to see how far she can go. she is always so curious about how far she can go with everything. so once she finds company she basically never wants to be alone. shes very talkative and inquisitive.

a baby bi.... she is still figuring it out a little though

lea

a little >:3c and i like love that for her. she has a lot of charisma and energy and those are things that she really NEEDS TO HAVE with being a video game streamer and all but deep down shes just really mischievous and playful too.

i consider her a vriska by technicality. she has a lot of issues revolving around her identity and how people perceive her because so much of the time she deals with people projecting an idea of what shes like onto her. so alot of her thing is allowing herself to just be rather than feeling like she needs to put on a show.

^ shes actually probably one of the hardest people to read in the cast because of that. its not that shes not being herself... its just that she feels like she needs to be a pretty altered version of herself. the neptune in 1st struggle. she also kind of tends to have one foot out the door on everything but it makes her very adaptable. pretty much opposite to mavis in that its hard for her to settle down in any sense.

has a scorpio mercury but a libra venus so basically like “good luck my deep lovecore affections for you will be hidden behind several proxies”. also it just makes it to where she comes off very Intense at first as is the scorpio placement way. but really its fucking great and i love her.

trinity

well theyre a scorpio sun AND a scorpio moon aka theyre like “i will know everything about you but you will never know anything about me ever” and also theyre like *rebirth* *rebirth* *rebirth*

despite what the emotional constipation and capricorn rising may tell you they are seriously A Lot. they make very quick decisions based on any instantaneous assumptions that they have so deep down theyre just very emotional and impulsive. AND intuitive which is partially because they are analytical of others but all around theyre mostly guided by like Vibez.

their precognition is kind of like if you randomly started having dreams during the day and only saw them through your left eye. so more than anything they get kind of like... weird deja vu when they talk to people or go to places that theyve seen in their visions.

really they are just like. okay in theory by first impression they would be a vriska but in actuality they are a rose lalonde because like. come on. theres a certain self-aware yet chaotic and dramatic and repressed je ne sais quoi here

[xenosagaepisodeone]

i really wish that some people on the left would make an actual attempt to reach out to people and appeal to them. when i see white nationalists make carefully constructed videos and speeches attempting to arouse fear and camaraderie out of ambivalent white americans who pretty much dont know anything about social issues, it can feel really frustrating when i look the other way and see leftists miss perfectly good windows of opportunity to radicalize people because they turn their noses up to the idea of interacting with liberals or are too busy bickering with each other over Hegel. so much of the language and imagery we see in leftist posters/slogans/media appeals to people who already have leftist leanings and therefore arent immediately turned off by certain aspects that others would be due to what the education system/society tells them about communism. educating people on topics is important but fascism operates entirely out of irrational, emotional appeals; something that the common layperson may not fully understand but can sympathize with if they spin it innocuously enough. theres a lot that i want to say here but the bottom line is how can you say that youre for “the people” when you cant even concoct language that speaks to them or the things that matter to them?

liberals can be a migraine to interact with but not all of them are necessarily hesitant about the left because they ideologically oppose them, some people really just....don’t know anything about what they stand for and have pretty much everyone else just showing them sjw cringe compilations when they ask. most blue collar people i know (one of which who doesnt even have internet) who can only squeeze factory or contract jobs out of the system have qualms about capitalism but don’t probe their concerns deeply because they don’t have the necessary tools to do so and end up writing off alternatives with ‘socialism can’t work because of human nature’ cliches. the radical potential is there but absolutely nobody is tapping into it.