paranoia tw
BPD culture is your favorite musician going live and opening a fan line but not calling him because you are scared your ex-friends will find the stream and then expose the horrible things you did to them in the past and make everyone including your fave musician hate you.
My cousin's stepdad kept making fun of the items I was gonna sell at a garage sale, calling me stupid for thinking anyone was going to buy them. Meanwhile, a group of roughly 5 people listened into all my conversations from massive pipes under my house as part of their efforts to ruin my life. I knew they were there, but everyone else thought I was insane.
I haven't made a post in a while, so here's my think piece on why the "Anakin was sleep deprived and thought Padme was going to die" excuse for his actions in ROTS is bullshit, since I feel like tossing my two-cents into the conversation.
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I have really bad anxiety and, when I am without my medication, that anxiety turns to extreme paranoia. I am also in a near-constant state of minor sleep-depravation, since I suffer from insomnia, but when my paranoia kicks in, I will go days on end with little to no sleep.
Some backstory, so that all of you understand exactly how and why my anxiety when it comes to death/sleep is so severe:
I had cancer a couple of years ago- (about three I think, but my memory from that time is very foggy) -and, during that time I suffered from something called Methotrexate Toxicity, which is when chemo leaks into your brain---or, at least, that's how the doctors explained it to me.
In short, I went to sleep one night and woke up paralyzed, and for a week I was certain that I was going to die.
I'm better and am no longer paralyzed, but now when my paranoia kicks in I become convinced that---if I go to sleep---I'm going to either die in my sleep or wake up paralyzed again and then die. Depending on how severe the paranoia is, sometimes I also become convinced that my mom and dad will die as well if I sleep, usually in a car crash---since my dad has almost died in a car crash twice.
I become physically unable to sleep because I am so terrified of doing so.
Now Anakin, as he's portrayed in Lucas canon, has no such issues---he only suffers from occasional nightmares, not the sleep depravation/paranoia combo that I suffer from. I'm sure we can all agree on which is worse.
Even if he did suffer from the same issues, though, it still doesn't excuse his actions.
I have had times where I've been up for almost 3 days, running off of 3-4 hours of sleep and convinced that the moment I fall asleep I'll stop breathing, and still I have never thought of harming other people. Mass murder, genocide, whatever! None of it has ever seemed acceptable to me, even during my worst spirals.
So I don't give a fuck whether Anakin was sleep deprived or running on fumes or what, he's still responsible for his actions!
Here's a dumbass joke me and my friends made watching the finale of Fionna and Cake. Don't question why Simon has weed gummies, he needs to take the edge off.
To all the people telling me "I'm in your walls" is a harmless meme and "if you are sensitive enough to be triggered by it you shouldn't be on the Internet", please read this and then tell me it's a meme that has nothing to do with schizophrenia, it's a harmless meme, and if me and other people with schizophrenia get 'triggered' by it we are too sensitive.
It was literally made to purposely trigger people in psychosis/ people with schizophrenia specifically. Me and many other people who post about our schizophrenia/psychosis online get spammed with this type of thing, I get anons pretty regularly. I actively try to avoid it but it doesn't matter. I can't think of any other popular "meme" that purposely triggers people online who are already vulnerable. It is blatant sanism/ableism.
There is no way you can divorce the "joke" from its original intended purpose. And why do you guys fight so hard to justify this "joke"? It's not ever funny, it's not clever or creative, it's just bullying a minority, that's literally it.
Those of us with schizophrenia/psychosis deserve to be on the Internet just like everybody else. It's not our fault that there is a popular meme made specifically to target our vulnerabilities. Even if we try our hardest to avoid these types of jokes, people will seek us out and harass us regardless.
Notice on the Know Your Meme page, all the other related searches that are more "memes" meant to trigger, harass, or make fun of people with psychosis/schizophrenia. A lot of these memes have only started/become popular in the last few years. And yet no one seems to be speaking up about how fucked up that is. Not even neurodivergent/mental illness awareness online. And when those of us with schizophrenia try ourselves to call it out, guess what kind of comments we get 🙄
Trigger Warning for De-realization and paranoia because this character goes REALLY hard with it. You cannot really tell what is real and what isn't, things are popping up and there's loud screaming as well so... yea just be careful guys.
I thought this stream was excellent though and had to save some of my favorite clips