#and as we go into 2024 i am swearing to myself that this fic (and probably several others) are getting finished

[novelconcepts]

i don't make resolutions, but if i did

it would be to finish this fic

(and to be kind to myself for however long it takes to actually do so)

[aphroditesbaby1616]

Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 2

♡ Summary: Carmy & Syd go horseback riding!!! Carmy's therapy friends push him to go for what he wants, his 'light at the end of the tunnel'

♡ W/C: 6,534

♡ Posted Date: 04/07/2024

♡ A/N: Hayoooo!!! I am too inspired... this has become a multi-chap fic hahaha I am havin' so much fun here!! Thank you @gingergofastboatsmojito for inspiring me to keep going!!! ILY! As per usual please know - this fic was inspired by THIS FIC here - Tucson by the GLORIOUS GINGER!!!! Go read that before you even THINK about reading this fic ok?! I love how I hate storer for the same reasons but im a sucker for writing a slowburn - I find myself screaming at MYSELF internally "make them kiss already!!!!" but they will KISSSS SHORTLY SO SHORTLY MY DEARSSSS !!! It will be a JUICY TAYLOR SWIFT DAYLIGHT ASS KISS OK!!!! THEY WILL ONLY SEE EACHOTHER FROM THEN ON!!!! Its gonna be a 'and I can still see it all in my mind all of you all of me intertwined I USED TO THINK LOVE WOULD BE BLACK AND WHITE BUT ITS GOLDENNNNNNN. We need Carmy to realize a few more things but then - he will be hozier level devoted to this woman even more then he already is, I hope you enjoy!!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Not really any? Like? LOL - Swearing?! Smoking cigarettes?! They just went horseback riding & carmy went to therapy- oh Ig talks of carmy getting hard LMAO but thats as crazy as we get this chapter. ➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

Stardust nudges his shoulder so hard he almost falls over, and he turns to look at her. His heart jumped into his throat, his mouth suddenly feeling dry. She was there, she was really there. 

“Uh-” he blinked a few times, to be sure that she wouldn’t disappear. “Syd? Hey..uh-” he felt his entire body buzzing with excitement. He couldn’t help the smile that took over his features. She looked… gorgeous. Carmen wasn’t sure there actually was a word in any human language ever to exist that could describe just how wonderful she looked. 

Her hair was in its natural state, she was wearing an adorable corduroy jacket, black jeans, and white sneakers. “You came to a farm…in those?” he motions to her shoes. 

She laughs a bit “Wow- it’s great to see you too, Carm. Didn’t realize you were…actually like living on a farm” she approached him carefully. 

“Shit- yes- fuck- It’s its so good to see you, Syd, C’mere” he pulls her into a tight, long hug. The smell of her lavender vanilla perfume nearly made him melt. 

“You’re like…tan- and…muscley now” She laughs a bit, squeezing his arm lightly. 

“Uh..” he pulled away, cheeks bright red. “Yeah uh.. It's like- fuckin hard t’ride a horse. And the um…” he rubbed his neck nervously “The uh cows.. They eat hay? Most the time, and so we need to move the bales during the morning for em, they’re like…. 75? 80 pounds? So moving like 10 back and forth every day helps. And I dont really.. Go inside? Here? Its like… uh.. Thats the therapy mostly, the animals- at least f’me” he said sheepishly. 

She nodded, looking around the stable. “That one behind you is yours? Shes been side-eying me creepily since I started talking” she pointed to Stardust. 

“Oh! Fuck sorry yea, well- no…not- not mine- I got ‘er t’trust me. But uh, yeah this is Stardust. She’s a super sweet girl” He explained. Stardust leaned in, sniffing Syds hair carefully. 

“Cute- All you’re missing is a hat” She teased.

He chuckled a bit,  “Ok, c’mon - why are you here, Syd” He said with a small smile, crossing his arms over his chest.

She shrugged, looking at the ground and kicking a rock out of the way with her shoe. “Cause…I was worried- I dunno…” She definitely wasn't going to get bold and tell him that she’d missed him, terribly.

“Ok…well now that y’here, and y’see i’m okay…wanna have some fun?” He asked, a small smile on his lips.

Syd looked back up at him, as if he had 3 heads. “Okay- Where is Carmen Berzatto- Not his… Weird alien clone- Camren Brazota” she said, laughing a bit “what do you mean fun?” She asked, and Carmy laughed, real, and genuine. 

“Well- If I didn’t change my view a little I’d never leave. So, yes, Syd, ‘a little fun never hurt noone’ - per my therapist. Shes fuckin annoying. I much prefer the horses.” He pet Star’s mane and she leaned into his touch.

“Holy shit” Syd laughed a bit. “Wow- alright. I feel like you’re a whole new man already, what kind of fun?” she mused. 

“Ever ridden a horse?” he walked over to the saddle rack, pulling off a double seated one and hanging it over the back of the stall door. 

“No- Actually, Don’t I need um…like - stuff for it?” she asked. 

“Oh don’t think I wont give you the full experience” he opened the riding closet, “Whats your shoe size?” he asked, crouching down and looking through the pairs of extras. 

“8? Er- 9 probably 9” she said. He dug through them until he found a matching pair.

“These should do, y’stuff is cool here we can just leave it in her stall” he told her, holding out his arm for her to hold while she switched her shoes.

“You seem like…” she said as she slipped off her sneaker and put on the boot. “I dunno…chill- well- i wont go that far- but chill-er then before.” Carm snorted a laugh, holding on to her arm to steady her. 

“Thanks? I guess..that’s good right?” He asked. 

“Yeah! Yeah of course…I mean, it’s nice. To see you not so…anxious.” She said, slipping the other boot on. 

“Yeah I um…” he cleared his throat, opening the stall door. “I uh..I’m takin meds- Now? Uh..all this shit. Y’know they have me like tranquilized more then these guys” he said and she laughs, Carmen smiled proudly at the fact, relishing in the wonderful sound. 

“But yeah like Like 3 er..er 4. they say I had all this uh..mental shit. Goin’ on w’me and that’s why I was all…wound up I guess” he explained, calling Star out and getting her harness situated. 

Syd caught herself staring at his arms as he worked, how the toned muscle moved beneath the fabric of the shirt. 

“Aren’t you freezing?” She asked, noticing he wasn’t wearing a jacket like she was. 

“Used to it now, well- I mean the moving around. It gets hot this shit is heavy. Wanna try to hold the saddle?” He asked, unhooking the saddle from the stall door where he’d left it momentarily. 

“It can’t be that bad” she countered. 

“I think this thing weighs probably as much as you do.” He said “hold out your arms” he smiled a bit. 

She lifted her arms out in front of her and he plops the saddle down, she had to plant one of her feet forward so she didn’t fall face first due to the sudden weight and he laughed, catching the saddle quickly and baring most the weight. 

“Told you” he teased. 

She rolled her eyes “yeah whatever. Saddle up the horse, cowboy” she dropped the saddle back in his arms. He hurled the saddle over Stars back with a grunt. 

“Fuckin hell” he huffed, realizing since the saddle was nearly double the weight as his usual, and being on the shorter end- he couldn’t just get it on her when she was standing straight. “Bow” he told the horse and she just stared at Sydney. 

“Don’t embarrass me, Star. Bow” he told her and she looked the other way. 

“So uhhh…this one’s trained, huh?” Sydney teased. 

Carmen looked back at her “mmhmm maybe she doesn’t like strangers” he said, walking over to the other side. 

“Since she’s bein difficult y’gonna have T’help. C’mere” he waved her over and she followed. “So when I push it up, just grab the saddle pad and make sure it doesn’t move, yea?” He asked. 

“The fuck is a saddle pad, dude- I know my way around a kitchen not a fuckin horse stable.” She looked at the many different layers the horse was already wearing. 

“Alright. So this,” he lifted the cloth, “is her blanket. Keeps her core warm. And beneath it” he pats the pad “this is her saddle pad, it makes it more comfortable. So our bones aren’t like..diggin in her back and shit. Also shock, when she jumps the foam of it helps our weight disperse. The saddle is so big and heavy I can’t keep the pad still at the same time, so just hold it f’me,” he took her hand, guiding it to where he wanted her to hold. 

She felt her heartbeat quicken, his hands were so large and calloused on top of her own. She nodded wordlessly, keeping her eyes trained on where she was meant to be holding and focusing on keeping it steady as he went back around and carefully lifted up the heavy saddle with a grunt, laying it over the horses back. 

“Jesus- how much can this thing carry” Syd asked. 

“Well she is a mare, she weighs about…mmm- 1900? She can comfortably hold about 400 pounds for a decent distance but she can’t do that for hours and hours at a time. We together can’t be more then 300, and her gear is less then 100 pounds. Were just goin f’r a quick ride, I gotta get to therapy at 3” he explained as he buckled on her saddle. 

“Ah. So you’ve been memorizing horse information instead of creating recipes? I figured when I got here you’d have gone nuts by now without being in a kitchen so long” she gently touched the horses mane as she spoke. 

“Maybe. Well…I am kinda goin crazy? But I can’t…let it out?” He chuckled a bit “does that make sense? Nights are a little hard before my sleep meds kick in but that just says I haven’t done enough that day” he got up. “So y’gettin up first since I’m sittin in back” he explained. 

“Oh…uh- ok how do I?” She asked looking up at the at least 7 foot tall animal. 

“Y’not gonna be able to do it alone. C’mere” he told her. She comes over and looks at him. 

“How the fuck do you do this?” She looked up at the saddle that was at the top of her head before looking back at him. 

“So-“ he snorts a laugh at her wide confused expression. “She’s not gonna like you trying to roll up on her back, and I don’t want you t’get thrown off, she can be moody with new people. I almost broke my shoulder my first time trying to ride her” he said and she crossed her arms slightly. 

“So how. How do I get up there?” She asked. He pulled out a step stool, setting it next to the horse and getting up on the third step. 

“I’m giving you a lift. Arms up” he said with a playful smirk. 

“No- no way- Carmen that’s too high. You’ll drop me!!” She took a step back, feeling slightly nervous. 

“I won’t because I’ll bribe her Syd. C’mere” he pulled a pack of peep marshmallows out of his pocket and the horse nearly starts dancing. 

“Carm- what the fuck is happening?” She asked and Carmy chuckled. 

“Bow. Cmon Syd wants t’ride. Bow and you’ll get y’treat star.” He told the horse. 

It obediently bowed down and before Syd could process what was happening, Carm was scooping her up beneath her arms Syd squealed in surprise. “Oh my GOD WHY ARE YOU PICKING ME UP!” She shrieked, wiggling in his arms. 

“open y’legs! Cmon! she’s gonna get up!!!” Carmen laughed holding her up higher. Syd finally obeyed and he gently plopped her on the first saddle. “Good girl” he told the horse, feeding her the marshmallow and putting the packet in his pocket again before swiftly getting on behind Syd. 

“Alright. Hard part done.” He reached around her waist, and she lifted her arms slightly. 

“What- can you tell me what’s going on? I’m a horse virgin!” She said, and they both went quiet for a moment, before cracking up laughing. Syd leaned to her left slightly as she tried catching her breath, grabbing the rein for stability and tugging. 

Star took off sprinting, Syd screamed in surprise, her body going tight with fear. Carmen quickly wrapped his arms around Syds waist protectively, tugging on the reigns “WOOOOAH!” He called to Star and she quickly came to a stop. 

“Stand.” He told the horse firmly. 

“What the fuck Carm I thought she was trained!” Syd exclaimed, gripping onto his forearms for dear life. 

“I gotchu, you think I’d let her kick you off?” He tightened his arms around her. Carmen swore his heart was thumping so hard that she felt it on her shoulder blade. 

“Also when she moves it’s hard to keep still.” She said nervously. 

“Don’t worry, I gotchu, Syd. Lean into me, if our weight is centered then it’ll be easier for all 3 of us” he gently pushed at her stomach. 

She leaned back into his broad chest, “see” he said softly. He was lucky the angle didn’t allow for her to see him, because his face was bright red, And having her body pressed against his…was making him flush somewhere else too. 

He clicked his tongue and Stardust started walking again, at an easy comfortable trot. “This…is ok.” She said, much more comfortable now. 

“I’m gonna take you t’one of my favorite spots.” He said, pulling on the reins to the left lightly so she would follow the left trail. 

“Wow, already sharing secret spots huh? I think this therapist may just be Doctor of the year I don’t even think I’ve seen your favorite Chicago spots” she teased. 

Carm laughed a bit, he felt so much lighter with Syd around. And life had been lighter ever since he got here. 

“How is…uh- how is it back home?” He cleared his throat lightly. It was something that had being weighing on him. Yes, he was here, he was doing the thing. He was making Sugar happy. He was making Syd happy…but he would go back, at some point. 

And his biggest fear was things will just go right back. He won’t have this outlet, he won’t have sunset rides with Stardust to ease his mind. He won’t have the cows happily running up to him and greeting him when he was the first one to bring out a bale of hay. He felt like if he was here, he may have the confidence to tell Syd how he feels. But back home? It was another life. 

“Fine..things are..y’know. The usual shit. But nothing bad, no one’s getting locked in any freezers if that’s what you mean” she said playfully. 

Carm rolled his eyes with a light smile. “Mmhmm. So the restaurant is-“ 

“Is fine.” She said. “I’d have told you. You know that.” She said and he nodded a bit. 

“I know she scared you back there…but it’s pretty fun to go fast. You wanna try?” He asked. 

She shifted a bit uncomfortably, her hands tightening around his arms that were holding the reins around her waist. “Uhh…maybe? Are you sure we won’t fall off?” She questioned. 

“I’m sure. Here you can be the one to control it. Start light ok? With your legs.” He gently ran his hands down her thighs to right below her knees “here” he said softly, squeezing the flesh gently so she wouldn’t have to lean and look. “With that part of your legs, give her a little squeeze. But really light, or we’ll take out of here like a bat out of hell” he held around her waist again, securely holding the reins. 

“Mmhmm” she said, she was beginning to feel hot- and not because she’d done any hard work in regards to getting the horse ready. 

“Alright. Whenever you’re ready, you’re the boss” he said the last part softly in her ear. If it wasn’t for her jacket, he would see the goosebumps that had risen on her arms. She nodded quickly, staring straight ahead and trying to maintain her composure. 

“So I just?” She squeezed gently and the horse picks up her speed slightly. “Oh…ok” she said. 

“Told y’she was trained” Carmy teased and she rolls her eyes. 

“Mmm you’ve done a very good job, bribing this horse with peeps. The staff know you do this?” She asked. Carmy snorted a laugh

“No. But she’s healthy. Made sure. She only gets one or 2 if she doesn’t listen.” He admitted. 

She shook her head with a smile. “And how’d you find this out, Carm?” She leaned into him once more. 

“I…” he laughed a bit, his chest vibrating with the movement and it made her heart warm. 

“I uh…spent a few days in the library here. Reading up. After she threw me off. It’s all about trust with em. So I never lied to ‘er and I’ve never done something she didn’t expect because I always try to warn her.” He said, pulling her reigns a bit tighter. 

“This is like a joyride Syd cmon, I said fast not an evening stroll.” He teased. 

“Fine. Mister horse master- show me what Miss Stardust can do.” She said. 

With 2 kisses and a quick tap of his heel, they were off like a rocket. He held Syd steady, being sure she wouldn’t have to do most the work of holding herself center as he gripped each reign with the opposite hand, holding them taught so Star knew to keep going. 

Syd laughed, the wind flicking her dark curls all around. He wished she could see her amused expression. “Holy shit this is the best!” She shouted over the loud thuds of Stars hoofbeats. 

“I know right! Can you believe she can go faster?” He said, holding his knees taut around her hips to keep her from sliding. 

“Okay we are not! This is fine!” She said and sat up a bit “are we going into the-” She asks as Star begins to barrel through a creek, the freezing water spraying up and around them getting them slightly wet, the freezing water splashing from their calves up to their cheeks.. “CARMY!” She screams through laughter. 

He could barely catch his breath as he laughed so hard his stomach and ribs ached. “I’m sorry!! Syd! Oh god-“ he chuckled “woah girl- woah” he called to the course and she slowed down once again to a stop. 

“Fuck-“ Carmen chuckled “you okay?” He asked, picking a wet leaf from her jacket and throwing it to the forest floor. 

“Yeah- I’m.. I’m fine. That was really fun actually. C’mon I wanna see the spot” she said and took it upon herself to tug the reins so Star would take off again

“Shi-it!” He quickly finds his balance, “warn me!! Oh god I almost flew off!!” He told her. 

“You think I’d let her throw you off?” She mimics him from earlier and he takes the chance to playfully pinch her waist 

“Yes because who’s in back and who’s in front?” He wrapped his arms around her again, taking the reins from her grasp. “Your reign privileges have been revoked for this riding lesson, Ms.Adamu”  

She laughed a bit “I’ll earn them back. Don’t worry” she mused. 

“Mmm we need to talk about more shit before I just literally hand the reins over. Coulda spooked her and we’d be fuckin dead.” he angled the outside reigns so she’d slow down as they came to the clearing. 

“Here we are” he hopped off, raising his arms to help her down. 

She carefully reached out for him and he lifted her off, gently setting her down. “Holy fuck Carmy” she turned around, watching the waterfall cascade down over the rocks. 

“Right! Told you. It’s a fire spot” he went over to one of the rocks he usually sat at, plopping down and taking out a cigarette. “Oh- shit- can’t have y’running off” he told Stardust and chuckled, leaving the cigarette between his lips as he walked over to her, guiding her over to the tree, and hooking her right rein around a branch before sitting back down. 

“Yeah…I can’t remember the last time I went somewhere so…” she trailed off, looking at all the trees and running water. 

“Green?” Carmy lit his cigarette, taking a drag. “Not packed with smog? Somewhere that doesn’t smell like shit.” He said as he exhaled. 

“…yeah” she said and laughed a bit. “Yeah. Guess that’s it.” She came and sat next to him. “What did you mean about her getting scared?” She asked curiously. 

“Oh- a scared horse will fucking kill you. Not on purpose, but they’re big and pure muscle, and will do anything to get away from danger. I scared the shit out of her one time, that was it. Dislocated my shoulder 8th day here. Doing that hurts like a bitch by the way.” He rolled his shoulder gently. 

“How’d you manage that? God I knew you were shit at chatting up girls but she dislocated your shoulder?” She teased. 

He rolled his eyes with a playful smile, taking another drag. “Yes, I was fuckin around on the trail, dunno why- but there was this branch sticking out so I grabbed it, it snapped, she fuckin reeeared dude. I flew back so hard. My back might still be bruised I’m not sure. Still hurts a little to laugh” he said. 

“You better have seen a doctor” she said. 

“Ohhh silly Syd.” He sighed, a puff of smoke filling the air in front of him. “We aren’t allowed to refuse treatment here. If you get hurt, and you refuse to get help, it’s considered self harm, which leads to them believing you have suicidal ideation, which leads to you being locked in the actual nuthouse. So yes. I willingly went to the doctor daily for a week. And now, I’m being checked on once a week. So yeah. Oh and therapy daily. And every day I’m given my meds and someone checks over ‘pre-existing injuries’ which that is now considered. So yeah. I’m good. I’m fuckin fine as fine can be.” He said. 

“Awww poor little chef, being taken care of so well that’s so hard isn’t it?” She teased and he gives her a playful glare, but couldn’t help but crack a smile when he realized she was smiling too. 

“I was being taken care of fine at home by myself but you and my sister just had to ship me off after one tiny accident” he leaned back on his hand, taking another drag of his cigarette. 

“It stops becoming an accident when you didn’t care, Carm. You didn’t care. It didn’t phase you. You weren’t even…you weren’t even scared. Just because you didn’t do it on purpose doesn’t mean you did the sane thing which would have been doing everything you could to not let something like that happen.” She said, her tone suddenly serious. 

He looked down at his lap, swallowing thickly. He suddenly felt all of the armor he’d spent the last 31 days chipping at, slowly start to meld back together and shell him back in at the shame the whole situation was making him feel. 

“I have nightmares…you know. About it. What happened” she said quietly, and he could physically feel his heart ripping open. 

The only sound between them was the bubbling stream, and the sounds of their even breaths. 

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly, gaze fixed on his lap knowing he would burst into tears at the admission she’d been so deeply plagued by something he’d done, if he had looked at her.

“I know” was all she said, gently resting her hand on top of his. He felt the same fireworks exploding in his chest that he only ever felt when she was around. 

“Do you um…” he clears his throat and shook his head, embarrassed by the question plaguing his mind. “Never mind it’s..it’s stupid.” He removed his hand, putting his cigarette in it and resting the hand opposite of her on the rock. 

“That usually means it’s not stupid. What?” She coaxed, bumping his knee with hers gently. 

“It’s stupid” he said again, shrugging his shoulders. 

“It can’t be stupider then asking me what UPS means” She said playfully. He rolled his eyes, smiling and looking over at her. 

“And what if it is?” He questioned. 

“I would be..worried they’re giving you a bad concoction of meds that’s turning your glorious chef brain in to Swiss cheese” she teased 

He snorts a laugh. “I was gonna ask..if you wanted to cook..t’night. My cabin…it uh- has a kitchen? I haven’t cooked in a month. They give us food so I haven’t really bothered but…seeing you makes me miss it more, I guess” he blushed, looking back down at his lap. 

“Well obviously. Not gonna let you eat whatever bullshit they’ve been giving you while I’m around.” She said and he shook his head, meeting her gaze once more with a playful smirk. 

“Maybe you should check in. My therapist says it’s bad apparently to feel ‘responsible for others’ - says it’s a ‘subconscious self harming behavior’ “ he teased. 

She smiled a bit. “Okay- say I do. How about, I check in now, we shoot the shit for what- eleven more days- then, you go back home- and see how stressful it is in that restaurant when one of your hands is basically missing” she plucked the cigarette bud he’d forgotten about from between his fingers before it burnt him, flicking it into the creek. 

“You know that’s the first time I’ve seen you smoke- other then…me like checking on you when you were about to explode at work. But you’ve never…pulled one out and smoked it I guess” she said, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her cheek on her forearm as she looked at him. 

“Oh…” he said, pulling one of his legs up and resting his arm on it. “Didn’t realize you noticed” he said, brushing some dirt off his jeans. 

“I notice a lot of stupid shit about you, it’s kinda annoying honestly.” She said without thinking, her eyes widening when she realized and she looked the other way, resting her other cheek on her knee and squeezing her eyes shut. 

Why would you ever say that?! She asked herself internally. 

“Oh?” He said again, smiling a bit. “You do?” He questions, but that was as far as he’d push. 

“Mhm” was all she responded. Carmys phone started buzzing in his pocket and he pulled it out in case it was one of the ‘base keepers’ they called them. Carmy rather call them babysitters. He knew what they were for, being sure if they were out of sight too long they were making sure they could still get ahold of them. 

He sighed in relief when he saw it was just his 2:40 alarm. “Gotta go” he stood up, offering his hand to Syd. “Like- now. Or my ass is getting chewed out.” 

The ride back to the cabins was mostly silent. He had no stool this time, so he had to pick up Syd essentially by the ass and gently place her on Stars back so she didn’t get spooked. 

He was embarassed as fuck that the tiny action had the crotch region of his jeans tightening more then was casually explainable. Thank god no one was around to see him awkwardly hop in the way of his semi hard third leg down his left pant leg, grunting but covering it with a dry cough when she settled her ass back into him to ‘center their gravity’ 

Syd absolutely felt the firmness pressing into her ass. She thought it was a bit funny, but also brushed it off to the strange friction that came with riding a horse. She couldn’t allow herself to fully believe his teenage like excitement was due to her, or she’d go insane. 

Carmy dropped Syd off at his cabin, giving her the key and telling her he’d put up Stardust and be back by 5, she would be blushing if it weren’t for her mahogany complexion at the domesticity of it all - er what she could imagine domesticity with Carmy would feel like. 

Her panties were also soaked through from the feeling of his enormous length pressed into the curve of her ass - the entire way back - but she just chalked that up to not getting laid for a few months, and misreading his natural arousal for him being horny- she quickly pushed the thought down and just chalked it up to the horse. Because guys get hard when they ride horses…right? Right?!

Carmen arrived to therapy extremely frustrated, and extremely ready to talk. He sat down in his regular spot in the back, tapping his knee nervously and covering his crotch with his hands. Luckily, thinking about his mother was enough to make him soft nearly instantly so he had that to thank her for at least. 

“Alright guys!” Julienne, the usual Friday therapist came in, sitting in her spot in the circle. “Who is up today! We are-“ she looks at her iPad “oh! Yes this is another OP class, so- no pressure but, I wanna hear what’s goin on!” She crossed her legs. 

Julie was far from his favorite therapist, at Blue Lotus. But he wasn’t his least favorite. So he would still talk. He cleared his throat, raising his hand slightly. 

“Carmy?! What a treat! Okay what’s up” she grabbed her little stylus pencil. He bit the inside of his lip nervously. He despised how casual she tried to make this all feel. 

“Uh…so- my um…business partner, she came to see me. I guess I haven’t been…keeping touch? Enough? She just said she was worried…” he cleared his throat again, gaze fixed on his lap. “And uh…I’m startin’ t’-t’realize stuff?” He sniffled nervously, rubbing his mouth with slightly clammy, nervous hands. 

“She uh..” he chuckled a bit. “She…she just…showed up. Didn’t hear shit from ‘er. She probably knew that I’d uh…I’d tell ‘er no?” He finally meets the gaze of Julie. 

“Okay. You know guests are allowed right? Like- during the visiting hours, 6am to 11pm, no fraternizing between patients but-“ Carmen cuts her off

“We aren’t - no. Not fraternizing” He shook his head. “But uh…today? We were- we were sitting. This spot, near uh, Jupiter point? On the north side. And I had this- this urge T-to tell her…everything.” He shook his head, looking at the floor again. 

“So…you wanted to tell her you love her?” Jesse, one of the guys he’d had lunch with a few times piped up. 

“T’be honest, I don’t know.” Carmen said honestly, looking at him. 

“Well what does it feel like?” Jesse asked, sitting up a bit. 

“What? Like- what does what feel like?” Carmen asked curiously. 

“Her. Being with her. Talking to her? Inside. Like. Your chest. Your skin?” He questioned. 

“Uh…” Carmen sat back, swallowing thickly and crossing his arms over his chest. He thought for a moment. 

“Hot. I get hot. All over. My chest feels tight but - but good? Like- a hug almost. And then…when she…” he blushed, looking down with a shy smile. “When she touches me” he shook his head slightly. “When she touches me it’s like um.. fireworks? Like fireworks beneath my skin.” He chuckled a bit at how cheesy it sounded. 

“And you haven’t fucking nailed her?” Jessie asked plainly. 

Carmen furrowed his brows, glaring at him. “No” he clenched his jaw “I haven’t.” He snips. 

“Dude- you are- pussy whipped with no pussy?! You- you love her, Carmen. You love this chick. I feel like I’m looking in a weird straight mirror - the first time-“ he laughed a bit “the first time I kissed a guy- god. He was so hot. But I had no idea! I had no idea. I really thought that I was just-“ he shook his head “that I was just wanting to befriend him? Or something? But like- I wanted to fuck him. And when I did kiss him? Something unlocked in my brain dude. It was like…like a whole new world. I felt like I knew - I knew what love could feel like? Just ‘cause of that one kiss “ he shrugged. 

Carmen looked at him, arms crossed, trying to absorb everything he was saying even though every fiber of his former self was screaming to take it with nothing more than a grain of salt. 

“Kiss her dude. Kiss her.” Jesse said and sat back in his chair. 

“Well. Although, consensual sexual instances are against the code of conduct to discuss - I am very proud to see you two coming out of your shells. Has anyone else felt… confused in their romantic endeavors and would like to share?” Julie asked. 

Carmen crossed his arms tighter, looking down at his lap. This was quite unusual for him, he was one of the patients to only add what he had to to be credited during inpatient, and during outpatient - only spoke when he really and honestly had to. 

“Uh-“ the super tall girl, Shayna sits up. Carmen was never really sure why she was here. She looked…perfect by all means. Perfect skin, perfect nails, pretty face, long blonde hair, a perfect body by girl standards. Or at least what Carmen had understood of them.

 “Not really the same.. but before I came out? I like…I would uh buy…girl clothes. That I liked. For my girlfriends at the time…” she blushed “and um.. I realized after a while that I liked them. And I wasn’t just..wanting to see my girlfriend in them. And like- it’s not the exact same, but when he said… about how Jesse realized he wanted the guy. That’s how I felt when I finally tried the clothes on” she shrugged. 

Carmen was…aghast. He just simply stared at her. He’d never met- or thought-  he’d ever met a trans person before today. But…Shayna? 

Well- he was wrong because he had met her, they actually knew each other fairly well as far as patients go, she joined the program when he did. When they first met, she’d made a joke about how they were the tallest girl and shortest guy in the class, so that meant they were bound to be friends, since opposites attract - and that earned a chuckle out of him before his meds had even fully evened out. 

“I love the cis-and-confused look- it’s cute” she said and laughed a bit. Carmen blushed, smiling a bit. 

“Not confused- well, maybe. Maybe a little. Y’Just so…dainty? I dunno..” he shrugged. 

“In case you haven’t noticed- mr.little man syndrome- you’re only one out with the cows doing the hay on time in the morning. Ninty percent of the group is your version of dainty ” Jesse teased. 

“Jesse” Julie gives him the look. “I’d assume that means- the rest of you that aren’t out helping with the bales- are scraping out the cow pens? Since Carmen is doing all the hard work according to you.” 

“I’m not girl- fuck no! The second I got out of inpatient house arrest? I walked my happy ass down to Walmart and bought me some blackout curtains. I recommend those to all of you! Oh my god and some ear plugs!! The stupid fucking roosters! Worst 15 days of my lifeee! I’m never coming back here peace and love to you all though. Truly. Can’t stand this cow shit stank ass place.”  Shayna said dramatically, causing Carmen to chuckle a bit.

 He had loved her boldness since they’d met. If Shayna didn’t want to do something- she wasn’t doing it. He learned that the day the staff tried to force her on anti-depressants. One of the main therapists got a Wellbutrin straight to the eye, they never attempted that battle the same way again. 

“We know Shayna you aren’t shoveling scat, princesses don’t do that” Jesse mocked her valley girl tone. 

“Okay! Okay. Alriiiight! Back on track- done with the bickering!” Julie said. “Now that open call is over let’s move on to breakthroughs. This issss-“ she looks at her iPad “ah- yes! D group. So. That makes it-“ he checks her watch “ah- right. 11 days! How are your light tunnel projects going?” She questioned. 

Carmen’s chest tightened, but not in the Syd is smiling or he made Syd laugh way- in the - I haven't done something I was meant to do way. 

The Light Tunnel project wasn’t hard. It was simply one thing you have done that you had wanted to do when you came into the program. And Carmy knew what his answer was, 

Admit how he felt to Sydney. 

Or, as his Therapist- Mandy told him ‘become more truthful with yourself and those you know about how you feel’ because “counting on someone to like him back would put him at square one” he had pretended to understand, but knew that he had to tell her and soon - or he was going to really go insane. 

“ my light tunnel was to talk to my asshole father- but lucky for me I just caught wind the motherfucker finally died thank god. So by default I win and don’t have to be here anymore cause his abandonment was what fucked me up anyhow“ Shayna said jokingly, causing Carm to snort a laugh. He knew she was only joking about the leaving early part, not the father part. Her father was an even bigger piece of shit then Carmen’s was, he had come to learn.

“Mmm that isn’t how it works we know that Shayna. We’ll talk more about this in one to one “ Julie told her and Shayna crossed her long legs, looking out the window. 

The last 20 minutes of the session Carmen sat silently, looking out the opposite window to Shayna, watching the horses running around in the field before they got called in for dinner and just spacing out, thinking about what he may say to Syd. 

“Yo - Carm space cadet” Shayna said before kicking his boot he jumped a bit, looking up at them both and had realized the room since had cleared and Julie was preparing for her next session. 

“Shit.” He said “how long have I been like…like that?” He asked, his cheeks feeling hot. 

“It’s the OCD meds. They get you stuck in a happy thought loop sometimes. Are you just gonna sit here? You wanna do another hour of this with sniveling group a? They got here three days ago.” Jesse said. Carm shook his head, getting up. 

“No- no sorry” he said starting with them outside. Shayna laughed a bit 

“You were thinking of screwing that business partner aren’t you. “ she said, causing Carmys cheeks to go pinker. 

“Shayna shut up!” Jesse scolded, pushing her shoulder lightly. 

“Awwww carmyyy are your feelings hurt little buddy? Do you need a hug? Jesus men are such pussys” she pushed open the doors of the therapy cabin for them. 

“Let me see pictures of this hot chick. If you don’t fuck her I will and I bet I’d do a better job” Shayna teased as they started heading back towards the cabins. 

Carmen couldn’t even process what she said as he felt his breath get caught in his chest, he saw her. She was sitting on the porch of his cabin, criss-cross in one of the rocking chairs as she writes in her notebook. He couldn’t help but stop and stare at the way the setting sun hit her bronze skin, her curls casting intricate patterned shadows on the wood. He felt his heart pick up, his chest squeezing in that way, the way that only happened when he saw her. 

Shayna and Jesse stopped after a few moments when they realized Carm had gotten stuck behind. They both follow his gaze carefully to see what he was so fixed on, like a trance. 

“Holy fuuuck!!! Holy fuck how did I get this lucky!! She’s here? She’s here still?!” Shana asked excitedly, “oh my god- you’re getting laid- tonight” she excitedly skips up to the cabin and Syd looks up, locking eyes with her before seeing Carmen just a few paces behind.  “I’m Shayna! Do you and Carm wanna hang out with us tonight?”

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡

[karahalloway]

The Highwayman: Part I - Look For Me By The Moonlight

Fandom: TRR (Historical AU)

Pairing: Drake Walker x F!OC (Harper Gale)

Series Summary: On a dark, moonlit night, a highwayman's luck runs out...

Masterlist: The Highwayman

Chapter Summary: Harper and Drake make a plan...

Word Count: 3,600

Rating/Warnings: M (swearing, references to smut, references to illegal activities)

Chapter theme song:

A/N1: So... This installment took a bit of a turn. Harper and Drake sprung a massive change on me because apparently, the original story was not heartbreaking enough... You have been warned.

A/N2: Astute readers will probably notice that Drake and Harper 'sound' different in this fic. This is deliberate, because this fic is historical fiction (set in the 18th century), rather than contemporary fiction, so I adjusted their vernacular accordingly (that said, I didn't go full Shakespeare because I'm not that extra 😆).

A/N3: As promised, this is my first submission for @choicesprompts January 2024 Song Rewrite Challenge. The song I chose to rewrite is below. I hope to do Parts 2 and 3 shortly as well, but I can't promise both of them for January. But I might surprise myself!

Part I - Look For Me By The Moonlight

The wind lashes the black expanse of the moor, flattening the browned-out clumps of grass against the frozen ground.

I reach a gloved hand up to wedge my cocked hat more securely onto my head, in a bid to stop it from blowing away.

The surefooted Merèns I am sat on picks his way through the brush of gorse and heather, seemingly oblivious to my plight.

"Bloody weather..." I grumble under my breath as a particularly vicious gust cuts through the buttonholes of my knee-length justacorps, instantly snatching away any vestige of warmth I may have managed to salvage.

The horse flicks his ears at the sound of my voice, as if questioning my assessment.

"Your opinion doesn't count," I tell him through gritted teeth, trying to work some warmth back into toes that have become chilled to the bone.

Drogon throws me a flippant raspberry as we skirt ‘round a flat-topped cairn.

Just then, the wind blasts through the cracks in the rocks, causing a ghostly tune to whistles out into the cold of the night.

The coal-coated stallion flattens his ears against his head, tossing his head in displeasure at the unearthly sound.

"Not so cocky now, eh, mon gross?" I grin, reaching out to give him a reassuring pat on his neck.

The horse responds with a sour-faced snort, stepping quickly past the moss-covered waypost — a brazen reminder of this land's heathen roots.

Because despite the House of Rys' conversion to Christianity almost a millennia ago, in the far-flung reaches of the kingdom — where the roads ran out, and the name of the King is just that... a name — the tenet of the old ways is more than just a memory.

It is a living, breathing ethos. Suffused into the very heart of this harsh, rugged, yet beautiful land. Where portents, spells, and otherworldly creatures exist in the same breath as Christ, the Eucharist, and Judgement Day, and the very air crackles with mysticism and superstition.

Which is partly what drew me here — to the edge of the proverbial map, where the laws of Cordonia fray into irrelevance in the face of the jagged peaks of the snow-capped mountains, and your fortune is what you craft it to be.

Not that I can afford to be flippant with my conduct...

As even this far from the capital, the King's Greencoats still man outposts and send forth patrols in a bid to maintain order. But their presence is cursory at best. Because if you know the moor — like I do — it becomes simple to lose yourself in the mist.

Plus, the superstitious inclinations of the border folk have aided in cloaking my less than savoury operations in the guise of fireside tales — spreading news of my exploits while keeping my identity masked behind successive, and ever more fantastical embellishments.

The Black Cavalier. The Raven Rider. The Headless Huntsman. Midnight Jack.

These are all names I've carried over the years.

But — more often than not — I am referred to simply as The Highwayman.

For that is what I am. A bandit. An outlaw. A common rogue living on the wrong side of propriety with no hope of redemption. For I've committed far too many sins in this life.

I've lied, cheated, stolen, and fleeced. Not to mention evaded the Greencoats one too many times for their liking. So, I wouldn't be surprised if the promotion-hungry Captain Belvedere Beaumont — who has been after my head for years — keeps a noose specifically for me in his saddlebag.

Because, worst of all, I've killed.

I've taken men's lives at both gunpoint and sword-point. Sometimes they've even begged. But I've cut them down regardless.

The ultimate sin.

But, there has never been honour amongst thieves. And if an unfortunate bastard chooses to pull a weapon on me, then I'm going to make damn sure that that becomes his last mistake, not mine.

I like living too much.

Especially as — after nigh on one-and-half score years on this Earth— I have finally found something to live for.

From out of the darkness, a lone spec of golden light hoves into view, nestled between the lee of a pair of windswept hills.

And, in spite of the hellish nature of the night, I feel the corner of my mouth lift.

As gold and jewels — while pretty and useful — pass through your hands just as fast as you acquire them, and sure as hell don't keep you warm at night. That is... unless you have someone to share your treasure with.

"Hue!" I urge, nudging Drogon into a trot.

But the opinionated stallion clearly has other ideas. As after a mere two steps, he launches into a full-fledged canter.

Not that I can necessarily blame him. We've been on the road... or lack thereof, for hours, and the sight of the twinkling promise of reprieve from the cold is enough to warrant anyone — man, or beast — to pick up their feet.

But, instead of riding up to the front of the gable-arched establishment, I direct my steed 'round to the back.

Slipping out of the saddle in the shadow of the stable block, I pull my sabre carefully from its scabbard as I reach for the metal of the door handle.

Creaking the heavy wooden door open, I sneak a glance inside. A man of my profession — and reputation — cannot afford to be lenient. So, an over-abundance of caution is a must. As is a well-sharpened blade.

Four horses occupy the darkened space, their heads coming to poke out into the gangway to assess my arrival. And, apart from the barn cat dozing on a bale of hay in the corner, there is nary a soul in sight.

Pushing the door wider, I lead Drogon into the relative warmth of the structure. Espying an empty stall to my left, I direct the horse towards the manger affixed to the wall, when I suddenly hear the scrape of boots on the hard-packed earth behind me.

Whipping around, the cold metal of my sword flashes through the air, like the talons of a kite, seeking its target.

A loud gasp of surprise rises into the air as the point of the blade meets the soft flesh of the intruder's gullet.

"Please, sir!" cries Emile, the stable hand, in fright. "I only came to—"

"Drop that lantern, and there'll be almighty hell t' pay..." I warn, seeing the lantern that the youth is holding shake dangerously in his hand.

The last thing I need tonight is the barn catching fire.

The lad swallows nervously, but nods, tightening his grip on the brass handle.

"Anyone else about?" I ask, scanning the dark.

Emile jerks his head. "Jus' me an' Lupin..."

Glancing past him, I spot the bedraggled hound ambling towards its master on bowed legs.

Sheathing the weapon, I move back towards Drogon to unclasp the saddlebags. "Feed and water the horse, but leave him saddled. My business will be brief."

"Of course, sir," bobs the lad, having recovered control of his faculties somewhat.

Hefting the bags onto my shoulder, I reach into the hidden pocket of my coat. Pulling out a ha' piece of silver, I flip it to the boy.

He catches it with wide eyes.

"For the trouble," I tell him as I stride past. Glancing back from the doorway, I add, "And if anyone asks, you never saw me."

"Thank ye, sir!" he affirms, quickly pocketing the coin. "An’ welcome back t’ The Crown & The Flame!"

Slipping back out into the night, I make my way quickly along the side of the barn. Locating the weather-worn ladder that leads up to the hayloft, I quickly scale the somewhat slick rungs. Grabbing onto the extruding stone lintel above the hayloft door, I use the imperfections in the crumbling mortar to pull myself up onto the peat-lined roof.

Scrambling across the ridge of the gambrel, I draw upon my destination — a lone, casement window suspended on the side of the inn, the light of a single candle flickering within.

Crouching down, I cup my hands to my face. Taking a breath, I imitate the call of a cuckoo, hoping that it will carry over the sound of the wind rattling the shutters.

I wait a second... then two...

The window creaks open.

"I was beginning to think you'd forgotten about me..."

She is leaning against the side jamb, head cocked to the side as she regards me with a wry look, her long, flaxen hair lying half-pleated over one breast.

I scoff back at her as I pull the saddlebags from my shoulder. "Not a chance in hell, lass."

She rolls her eyes at me, but pushes the stile wider, nevertheless.

Securing my stance, I assess the distance. Raising my hand, I test the weight, and with a determined movement, send the pack sailing through the air.

Reaching her arms out, she catches it with practiced ease.

"It's heavy," she remarks, slotting the bags down.

"That a complaint I hear?" I ask dryly, straightening back up.

"'Tis merely an observation," she replies with a shrug, the soft cotton of her shift sliding seductively off her shoulder in the process.

I shake my head as I retreat back across the stable roof somewhat. This lass is going to be the death of me...

Turning back 'round, I take a couple of long-legged strides across the hardened peat, before throwing myself across the divide.

My gut drops like a leaden ball at the momentary sense of weightlessness — my actions at diametric odds with my God-given sense of self-preservation — as the passage of time seems to slow...

...but then my boot hits the metal sill of the window and the heavy hand of Chronos comes crashing back down on me like a hard wave against the shore.

Grasping the coolness of the central mullion, I pull myself into the haven of her room.

"God," she says with a shudder, throwing her arms 'round my neck. "You send a piece of my soul to the grave each time you do that..."

"You'd rather I take the stairs?" I drawl, the honey and wood-fire scent of her hair washing over me, warming me like the heat of the summer sun.

"And risk being caught?" she tuts. "In truth, I am not certain what would be the worse fate."

"Getting whipped by your father, for sure," I reply solemnly. "I don't think my pride could survive it."

She pulls back from me with an aghast look. "So, you would risk a broken leg... or worse, over my Da's ire?"

"Until the day I can make an honest woman of you, aye," I confirm, lifting her face to mine with a gloved finger. "I will not risk your reputation."

She laughs up at me. "You shredded my reputation when you tumbled me in the hay, good sir!"

"Aye," I concede with a smirk. "But no one knows that."

"Well, they might soon..." she admits, dropping a hand to the front of her shift.

The breath tangles in my throat. "You... You are not..."

Her hazel eyes sparkle with feeling. "With child... Yes."

Her words hit me like grapeshot out of the blue. "Nom de Dieu..."

Her smile falters in the face of my no-doubt ashen expression. "You... You are not pleased?"

I bark out a laugh. "Pleased? Mon coeur, I am over the damn moon!" Lifting her into the air, I spin her 'round in a joyous arc. "I believed myself to be blessed already for the fact that a golden-haired siren such as yourself even deigned to look at a wretch like me, much less offer me her heart."

"I offered nothing," she counters breathlessly as I set her back down. "You stole my heart the very moment you looked upon me."

"Lucky for me that I have some skill in that area," I smirk, bending towards her.

She lays into me with a playful smack. "Incorrigible rogue! Your silver tongue could disarm the devil!"

"I should hope so..." I murmur, tangling a hand in her silken hair. "It managed to disarm you..."

Our lips meet, and she melts against me with a sigh.

"Christ, I love you, Harper..." I groan, tightening the heartfelt hold I have on her, albeit mindful of the new life budding inside her.

"I love you too, Drake," she whispers, gazing up at me with complete adoration as she runs her fingers down my face. "With all that I am."

My heart constricts in my chest.

A child... Our child...

In truth, I never dared dream of it. It is not something that I believed to be in the cards for me, living as I do, in the shadow of the night... and the law. Where one simple miscalculation could end with a bullet to the gut... or a noose around the neck.

But I never thought to trade it. The thrill... The freedom... It was too addictive.

That is... until I chanced upon the bright-eyed lass currently cradled in my arms.

I hadn't meant to succumb to her. I hadn't meant to do anything quite as foolish as fall in love. But she managed to slay me with a single smile. And I've been a fool for her ever since.

Fool enough to get her child, it seems, before I even secured her father's blessing, much less married her!

I really am an incorrigible rogue...

"Drake?" The softness of her voice cuts through my senses. "My love? Are you—?"

"I am fine," I assure her, turning my head to drop a kiss into her palm. "I was just thinking..."

"Always dangerous..." she quips with a smirk.

"Hey," I counter, clasping her hands in mine. "It was a lack of thought that landed the two of us in this quandary, so—"

Her mouth parts in shock. "You dare call your own child a quandary?"

I meet her eye with a level look. "He will be called a damn sight worse if he arrives into this world out of wedlock. Not to mention the fate that awaits his mother..."

Her shoulders slump in dejection. "My father would disown me for sure..."

"And cast you out onto the moor, newborn babe in tow," I add grimly.

She heaves a morose breath. "I do despise it when you talk sense..."

"It is the thankless burden I was born to bear..."

She smacks me again.

"But in all seriousness," I continue, catching her hand in mine once more. "We must be prudent, mon coeur. The child will be here before we know it, and it is our precious duty to do best by him."

"How do you know it will be a he?" she asks softly as I lift her hands to my lips.

"Have I ever given you cause to doubt me, lass?" I ask her, feathering a kiss over her knuckles.

"Cocksure rake..." she admonishes. But her fingers tighten 'round mine nevertheless.

"So," I conclude, straightening back up, "I am thinking that it's high time we eloped."

Her eyes widen. "Elope!"

"There is a small church, about a half-day's ride from here—"

"But my father...!"

"The contents of that saddle bag should more than compensate him for the loss of his serving wench," I tell her. "As well as cover your dowry."

Her mouth opens — no doubt in planned protest — but she suddenly thinks better of it. "Alright," she agrees, raising her face to mine with a beaming smile. "Let's find that priest!"

"Whoa, whoa!" I chuckle, pulling her back into my arms as she tries to spin away. "Hold your horses, woman!"

"I thought you wanted to be quick about this," she counters.

"I do," I affirm. "But it's the middle of the night and I don't have a horse for you, much less a ring..."

She glances towards the window. "I am sure there's something in those bags we can misappropriate for our purposes. And I can saddle up Devlin. He is a cart-horse, but I am sure—"

I shake my head. "Nay. I want to start our new life together as a reformed man. No more thieving... No more profiting off ill-gotten gains."

"But how will we—?"

"Don't you worry your pretty head about that, my sweet," I assure her. "I have enough booty stashed away to buy you a palfrey, as well as a ring that is worthy of your otherworldly beauty—"

She blushes at my compliment. "Don't exaggerate, sir..."

"'Tis no exaggeration," I assure her with a wink. "And perchance even enough to let us acquire a flat in town, or a small holding in the interior... Or if none of that takes your fancy, I'll build us a cottage in the woods, or a cot by the sea, and—"

"I've never set eyes upon the sea..." she breathes in wonder.

"The point is," I conclude. "We have sufficient coin to afford ourselves the freedom of choice, mon coeur."

She arches a skeptical brow. "And when we run out?"

I let out a low exhale. "And when we run out, I suppose I'll have to pick up an honest trade."

She scoffs. "You? Honest? Those two words don't abide each other, Drake. You've been a scoundrel your whole life!"

"And yet... somehow,"I roll my eyes at her ruefully. "You are about to make an honest man out of me, Harper. So, I am loath to admit that the concept may not be as outlandish as it may appear at first blush."

"I suppose," she concedes with an equally wry quirk to her mouth. "Just don't lose your zest for life. It is the very thing I fell in love with."

"I thought it was my roguish charm," I counter.

"The two go hand in hand," she assures me, lifting her face to mine again.

Our lips fuse — with greater ardency this time — and I am loath to part from her.

But, I know that I must. The night is wearing on, and if I am to abide by my promise to her, I must get back on the road.

"Unpack the bags and hide the gold where your father is sure to find it," I tell her, pulling myself away with great difficulty.

She nods silently, cheeks flushed from our heated exchange.

Slipping out of my arms, she retrieves the saddlebags from their place by the wall and carries it to the other side of the room. Locating the loose floorboard at the foot of the bed, she dumps the contents in and replaces the covering.

"When will you return?" she asks, handing the bags back to me.

"As hastily as I can," I assure her. "But if the Greencoats are out in force, I may need to trek via the marshes, which will take longer and be more arduous."

"Please take care," she pleads, grasping my hand in hers. "The marshes are treacherous, especially in the winter."

"I always do," I soothe, reaching up to cup her face with my free hand. "But should I do not return by noon, then look for me by the moonlight."

"I will," she affirms, eyes shining with fervour. "I love you."

"I love you, too, mon coeur," I rasp, drawing her in for one final kiss.

She presses herself to me, as aggrieved by our forced parting as I, and I kiss her hungrily back. But I know in my heart that the brief absence will be worth the bitterness of the sorrow.

Because this time tomorrow, I hope to call her my wife.

Breaking off the kiss, I swing the empty bags back onto my shoulder and turn towards to the still-open window.

"Wait!"

Turning around, I spot her pulling the dark red ribbon from the unfinished pleat in her hair.

"What's this?" I ask as she holds it out for me.

"A good-luck charm," she replies. "To speed you back to me."

I lift the silken strip from her fingers, and press it to my lips. "I'll always return to you, mon coeur. Even if hell should bar the way."

"I know," she says simply. "But a small trinket cannot hurt your efforts. Now, fly! Fly like a witch on the wind! And give Drogon a kiss from me."

"I'd rather steal another kiss from you," I admit, tucking the ribbon against my heart.

"I'd rather save some for the wedding night..." she counters with a sly look.

I throw her a sidelong glance as I climb back onto the window sill. "Lass, you can rest assured that we'll be doing a damn sight more than kissing on our wedding night..."

The waves of her now loosened hair brush my shoulder as she leans in to whisper, "I didn't say which part of you I'm saving the kisses for."

A deep-throated groan tumbles from my lips as she drops a teasing kiss on my neck. "You're going to be the death of me, woman..."

"A little suspense never killed anyone," she counters cheekily.

"Somehow I doubt that," I scoff as I drop back into the night.

The story continues in Part II - On The Stroke Of Midnight

A/N: Translations for the French below:

Mon gross - lit. 'my fat' but as a slang term, it is the equivalent of 'my buddy' or 'my bro'.

Hue - apparently this is a somewhat archaic equestrian command that was used to tell the horse to go (equiv. to giddy-up). Not 100% sure if the e is supposed to have an accent, so if anyone knows, tell me!

Mon coeur - lit. 'my heart' but connotatively the same as 'my love'

Nom de Dieu - lit. ‘name of God’, but connotatively the same as ‘Oh, my God’ or ‘Good God’

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[ferindencadash]

@spectre-requisitions-exchange is officially over for 2024! Not gonna lie, I'm a little sad. It was so much fun!!

BUT! Authors have been revealed, which means I can start hyping all the incredible people who took part this year! (And my own stories, but that will be a separate post.)

My gifts this year were PHENOMENAL. And I swear I am not just saying that to be nice. I got SPOILED ROTTEN this year. Like holy shit. 🥰

First up is my official gift! Mimicry by @keriweird featuring Kaidan and MShep's Clone.

First of all, I almost lost my mind when I saw the length. 25k?? That someone would write that much for a gift blew me away. Impossibly generous. Then I started reading and GODDAMN. This is, legitimately, one of the best Mass Effect fanfics I have ever read. Easily in my top ten now. They took my prompt and ran with it in the most creative and mind bending ways.

The DETAILS in this story. Holy crap. Talk about world building. And the way they turn a phrase?? 🥲Beautiful. I cried. A few times. And also laughed out loud. There is some top notch humour in here. GO READ THIS STORY!

On top of the masterpiece that I got for a gift, I got a treat!! (Seriously. Spoiled.) And I nearly peed myself (sorry) when I saw which prompt they had picked!

We have: Mother****ing Dragons!! By @thedaselcor featuring FemShep and The Iron Bull!!!

I didn't think anyone would jump on board with my crack fic pairing but I really hoped they would. You KNOW Shep and Bull would hit it off!! Come on! And holy shit did they ever deliver!!

This has got to be the most FUN I have ever had reading a fic. I was literally BOUNCING while I read this!! Giggling like an idiot the whole time. It is everything I could have possibly hoped for when I dreamt this up, and then some.

You have to go check this out! You will not regret it. What an absolute blast!

Honestly. I am so beside myself with joy. The biggest thank you possible to both my authors. I utterly adore you both. ❤️❤️

[automatedtellertellermachine]

Feb 8th 2024

ok, so i actually woke up at 10 yesterday, so yeah i didn’t sleep at all today i during the night i listened to, wearing beige on a grey day, narcissist on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and ok computer, i’ll probably listen to the bends later, i watched a lot of kurtis conner, umm i read that one jeskas fic in the cave, and it so cute, i also read that one valgrace youtuber au, gods if you showed half of those word to a victorian child they’d probably explode or something. i scrolled on tumblr a lot that’s probably all, im obsessing over it was a swift not a swallow (i never listen),

so ive been reading solitaire for the 16th time right, i just read a line and it’s so good and ive never noticed it before, the last line before chapter 10,

1st, we worked on our first drafts, me and isabella finally decided how we are doing this, so that’s good, we really had add a bunch of just words so that it is longer than just 2 pages, that’s about it, guess who i saw again, i swear if this becomes a daily thing i’ll like die or something

2nd, we waked, i talked to myself about crywank i saw some kid get fucking pelted by a ball like properly, i also got hit in the head but not as bad ig, that honestly it, im listening to a disgustingly sad concoction of crywank and radiohead

3rd, we went over the review i was bored the whole time because some how people don’t get it but it’s so fucking easy, i got fall a fake fan of crywank bc i like their most popular album, which is just bullshit like fuck off

at lunch right now and i have an urge to run away like just grab my shit and leave, i’m not but like i really want to, also im listening to it was a swift not a swallow (i never listen) right now i am literally wallowing in self pity, and self hate, i guess

4th, i am sitting here we have an assignment it is a crossword im not doing it right now, i could not be bothered, i read solitaire most of the period, i am tori, we are one in the same, i am very sad and pathetic i am still listening to fucking it was a swift now a swallow (i never listen) like the pathetic little man i am, i am full of hatred and i feel absolutely nothing. it does not feel like 1pm, it i feels like 3 or 4 i don’t want to go to next period it will be hell for me i don’t think i can deal with that im far far to tired i want to leave or die or both, my foot feels much much too heavy

5th, the essay wasn’t nearly as bad as i thought it would be it was on colonization and you just had to give examples of how european colonization effected africa

6th, we read a story about lucia’s little crush on alexander and how she almost had an arranged marriage and that was about it i almost fell asleep

7th we had a sub (shocking i know) i did the notes then fell asleep listening to kid a decided to finish listening to the bends im currently on bones, it’s pretty good, so far one of my favorites in the album

[titaniumpsychologist]

Duality of Light - Chapter 4 Deleted Scene

As everyone knows (especially with anything creative), sometimes what you're making just doesn't fit with what you're going for. Or sometimes you doubt your ability to accomplish it. Well, for those interested, and for my posterity, I'm going to post an initial (really rough, really meh, but was also really hard for me to remove) scene that didn't make the "final cut" for Ao3.

Contains spoilers for a "big reveal" for chapter 4 of the DBH fanfic I'm writing. If you know, you know lol. (Fic can be found here on Ao3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/37467820/chapters/93505051)

Rough draft content and my reasoning for removing it found under the break. Contains strong language. SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 4 AHEAD.

[Gavin POV]

[half-bros be on phone at this point]

"Elijah," Gavin said. Damn, was he crying? Gavin Reed did not cry.

"Gavin?"

On Elijah's end, Gavin could hear things dropping, like tools or metallic materials. His brother was probably in his workshop.

"Sorry, you sound busy," Gavin said. It felt like glue was trying to keep his words from coming out. "I'll hang up."

"No! No, it's okay. I'm not busy, I'm more surprised, actually. Can I help you with anything?"

"Make it make sense, Elijah, because nothing is fucking making sense right now!"

"Gavin, hey, you called me and I answered. So what happened?"

"Elijah, I swear, this better be some kind of fucking joke. You better not have had a hand in any of this even though I fucking know you did something. Tell me that you didn't fucking do this!"

Elijah went silent. Gavin nearly threw his phone across his apartment because that was confirmation enough that Elijah knew. He knew about this the whole fucking time.

"Say something, you piece of shit!" Gavin screamed into his phone.

"You found out. About your... condition."

"No shit! What the fuck is this? I'm getting pieces over here and I don't like the picture they're making. Make it make fucking sense."

"Gavin, you need to promise me that you'll remain calm if I explain myself, okay?"

"I'm fucking bleeding blue when the entire time I thought my blood was red like every other fucking human on the planet. But sure, I'll remain calm."

Elijah huffed a long sigh. "You're an android, Gavin."

"No shit, Sherlock! How long have I been an android? Can you even call me Gavin? Am I one of your fucking experiments? Are you the one that messed with my public records?"

"So you know about those, too."

"I know that they're locked down and I can't think of a single person with enough clearance with the government who'd think to do that shit. There's two files that are like that. Why the fuck is one dated when I had my accident?"

"It's... complicated."

"Then un-complicate it, dipshit!"

"I'll start at the beginning, then."

Gavin closed his eyes and wiped the tears running down his face with his sleeve. He should probably sit down for this.

[Insert Connor POV scene placeholder for what Connor and Hank are doing at around this time, probs at station or library]

[Gavin POV]

It was... a lot.

Gavin stared at the copies of his public records Elijah sent that were stored on a local drive somewhere. One was what he expected: a collection of newspaper articles where his name was mentioned for arrests, a brief article of when he got promoted to detective, a brief biography that listed him as "Reed, Gavin; D.O.B. October 7th, 2002," and one from a more recent time he had to talk to the press to bring awareness to kids about the dangers of Red Ice.

The second file...

Gavin Reed, born on October 7th, 2002 as Gavin Reed-Kamski in the city of Detroit, MI passed away on November 2nd, 2028 at age 26 while on duty working for the Detroit Police Department.

Son of Henry Kamski (passed January 2nd, 2025, aged 59) and Rachel Reed (passed December 18th, 2024, aged 55) he is survived by his half-brother Elijah Kamski. May his memory be honored and we appreciate his service to the community.

Underneath was the formal picture of him in his dress uniform, the same one hanging on a wall with all his other coworkers at the Detroit Police Central Station. There was another picture of his mom and dad with him and Elijah at the front, posing for a group photo for when he finished high school at sixteen, three years after Elijah.

He was looking at his own fucking obituary.

"You're still there?" came Elijah's voice on the other end of the phone call.

"Fuck."

"Are you okay?"

"Fuck, Eli. Just... what the fuck did you do? Am I dead or not?"

"You're dead. But... not."

"How does that make any fucking sense?"

"I can send you more files. Ones that'll give you more context."

"Eli, how the fuck is any of this fucking possible if this is saying I'm dead?"

[REDACTED SECTION BECAUSE LOL I'M USING THIS SEGMENT FOR STUFF]

Gavin scrubbed a hand down his face. Fuck. What did Elijah do?

"Explain," he said. "You better fucking explain. Now."

"Gavin, it's complicated and I'm going to explain the best way I can." Elijah sighed. His next words were shaky, like he was trying to keep himself together. "I was there. For once in my life, I was there for my brother, but it was too... fucking late to realize what I was doing to my family. I lost everyone. And it wasn't fair. My brother was just getting his life started and then it ended so fast. But no, I thought maybe I could get another chance, give him another chance. I thought maybe I could bring my brother back, so I left CyberLife and took the remnants of an RK100 android that I had in my possession and I programmed the most lifelike android I could create. I programmed his memories and his personality based on what I remember of him, of the journals that he used to write in for a majority of his life, specifically created a mind palace that would take all that input and simulate the closest thing to my brother. I did this for an entire month."

"Then why the fuck don't I remember it that way?"

[MORE REDACTED SHENANIGANS BC I MIGHT USE THIS LATER]

Well, my reasoning for why I removed this from the final draft was because of my struggles with trying to characterize Kamski for what I needed to fit in later. Also, I wasn't that happy with how to make this whole reveal impactful until the whole literally bringing Gavin to the gravesite idea that I had for another scene just... fit better. Ended up doing the shuffle with my timeline. It solved one of my issues with one of my plotlines (which is a bonus), but it created another problem with a different plotline. UGH. Why writing be difficult?

[takadasaiko]

Second Chances: Chapter Six

FFN II AO3

Summary: Steve has every intention of returning the Infinity Stones to their correct place in the timeline and heading back to his own. His problems start when he makes an impulse decision to jump over to 1946 and Peggy decides to go back home with him. It only gets more complicated from there when Howard tags along with them to 2023. Tony lives fix-it fic. Pepperony.

Chapter Summary: Steve tries to figure out how to best handle the situation without admitting to Tony that he's brought not one but two people from the past into 2024.

Chapter Six

Howard had always liked a good challenge, and convincing Steve and Peggy that he had reluctantly given up on the idea of going with them had certainly been one. Peg lived in a state of suspicion with him - especially after his fib over the vile a few weeks before - and Steve had called him on his tendency to misdirect and straight out lie more than once during the War. He had been questioning when the ruse would be up, but now the question seemed to be which one of them would take a swing first. Howard lifted his hands in defense. "It's not nearly as bad as you're thinking it is."

"No, it's worse," Steve snapped.

"How? You talk to your buddy - Tony, right? The one that set you up with that suit - and he'll be able to send me back to the same day I left. No biggie. I'll even get to deliver Peg's letter."

He glanced over to find Peggy massaging the bridge of her nose, all of the earlier joy and excitement completely washed out of her. "That's never been the issue Howard. I'm staying, but if you go back seeing all of the advancements, everything that could suddenly have Starkon it rather than whatever name should have been attached —"

"Ouch, Peg. You think I'm here to, what? Steal technology? Like I can't come up with my own?"

"You don't have to steal anything to alter your own timeline in ways that can't-"

"Like taking Peggy from it?" Howard cut Steve off, the amusement no longer lining his voice. He'd expected pushback and plenty of eye rolling, maybe even a swing in his direction, but this was rich coming from them. "Yeah, neither of you have a lot of wiggle room on that one. I'm not going to destroy time and space by being here. Not how it works. Hell, I could meet myself and three generations after me and all it'd do is make for a potentially awkward situation." He pulled in a breath, trying to reel in the burst of temper along with it. "I just want to see it. Walk through Manhattan and then I'll go home like I was never here at all. You've seen it, Peg gets to see it…. All I'm doin' is asking for a chance to peek through the curtain. That's it. No harm done, I swear."

The breeze pushing at the trees overhead was the only sound for a long moment as both Cap and Peggy stared at him. Finally Steve loosed a breath. "We'll have to get ahold of a couple of people to make it happen."

"See, not so bad," Howard responded, his tone light again.

Cap didn't look entirely convinced as he pushed forward. "C'mon."

Peggy followed immediately, falling into lockstep with him. Howard waited half a beat before hurrying to join them. Well, it hadn't been smooth, but at least he'd made it.

                                                      ___________

The first thing he did was grab a newspaper. June 2024. Okay. That wasn't…. terrible. Not great, but not terrible. He'd been gone just a little under a year then, even though it had only been a couple of weeks for him. That added complications, sure, but at least it wasn't decades this time.

Steve had no idea if his apartment would have been leased to someone else, but that was his second stop. If he were lucky - really lucky - the key would be….. there.

"Checkin' to see if the maid cleaned while you were away?" Howard popped off behind him as Steve ran his fingers along the top of the trimming around the door. He held up the key that he found there and Howard chuckled, lifting his hands in defeat.

Steve fit the key into the lock and turned, hearing the mechanisms shift and the lock slide out of place. He turned the knob and pushed inward. He was met immediately by the muted sound of the television. He was sure he didn't leave one on. Mostly because he didn't even own one when he'd left.

"Someone kept it up," Peggy said cautiously and Steve made a small sound of acknowledgement.

He was halfway to telling Howard to wait outside when the creek of the old, pre-war apartment's floor sounded a warning and Peggy shouted as Steve spun, meeting his attacker to block the blow aimed at him. Both men froze and he found a set of dark eyes on him. "I'll be damned," Sam Wilson managed. "Cap. You're back."

His lips tilted at the corners and he lowered his defenses. "Yeah, Sam. I'm back."

"With friends," the other man said uncertainly, motioning to Peggy and Howard.

Steve cleared his throat. "Yeah…. Sam, this is Peggy Carter and Howard….. Stark."

The younger man's expression inched towards amusement. "Hell, Cap. He's gonna kill you."

Steve didn't even have to ask who he was. He was well aware. "Yeah, I know. I, uh…. We're going to fix it. I'd rather let him know after we get Howard back to the past."

Sam lifted an eyebrow. "So…. she's staying?"

"She is," Peggy grumbled, obviously irritated at being talked about without being included.

"But he's not?"

Steve could feel the tension building in the room between the questions and the lack of names and the overall vagueness that wouldn't set well with anyone. Peggy had squared her shoulders next to him and Howard…. okay apparently the tension was all Peggy. Howard was halfway into the apartment. His fingers drifted over the TV that Sam must have brought with him when he'd taken over Steve's lease, dark eyes wide as he explored every inch.

The inventor crouched down in front of the entertainment center, fixated. "Is this a television?" he managed, and Steve was sure he'd never heard his old friend impressed until that moment. Great. The twenty-first century was going to give Tony's father an aneurysm and there'd be no sending him back. That'd be about the way things played out.

"Yeah…" Sam answered uncertainly.

"And these?" Howard asked, pointing at a collection of various boxes below the TV.

"Uhh… Blu Ray player and gaming systems." He turned to look directly at Steve. "Am I allowed to tell him that?"

"I'm not sure he'd give up until you did," Steve huffed and kept a wary eye on Howard as he continued to explore like a child on Christmas morning shaking gifts under the tree.

"So," Peggy cut in. "Sam, was it?"

"Wilson," Sam acknowledged, reaching a hand out to shake her. "And you are the Peggy Carter. Co-founder of SHIELD."

"Not anymore," she said tensely.

"In our timeline you are. Still makes you damn impressive. Ma'am."

She cracked a small smile at that and Steve found his friend's gaze back in him. "We thought you were gone."

"I took a detour."

"I can see that."

"And you moved into my place."

Sam looked sheepish. "We knew how long it took you to secure a place in Brooklyn that wasn't crazy expensive, and it just…. we couldn't let just anybody take it."

"We?" Steve echoed.

"You've missed a lot in the last few months."

A loud crash sounded off from the kitchen and the three vets jumped, all ready for a fight. Howard peeked around the corner from the kitchen. "Everything's good. It's fine. No irreparable harm done. You weren't attached to those big red bowls, were you, Sammy?"

Sam paled slightly. "You broke my popcorn bowl?!"

                                                     ___________

There was a shrill squeal that accompanied the five-year-old piling into the middle of the bed. Tony was halfway to sitting before his sleep-addled mind pieced together what was happening. He heard Pepper groan at his side and he reached up blindly, catching Morgan's around the shoulders with his arm and dragging her down into a hug she couldn't pull out of. Morgan squirmed and giggled, but her daddy had her locked into the bear hug, a smile tilting his lips even though his eyes were still closed

"Daddy! Let goooooo."

"Nope. I'm sleeping."

"No you're not!"

"Uh-huh."

"Nu-uh!"

"How did I end up with two kids?" Pepper groaned, and before Tony knew it there was a pillow being awkwardly smacked in their general direction.

"Pillow fight!" Morgan announced.

"Tony, I swear if you let her up —" his wife warned, but he was already loosing his grip.

"What can I say, hon? She's just too good. Regular contortionist. There's no holding her."

Morgan went after her mom first, Pepper laughing as she shielded her face. It wasn't long until she turned on her father too, and the Stark household dissolved into giggly chaos. By the end up it Tony was standing on the bed, feet sinking into the memory foam mattress, and in a standoff with his daughter.

"Drop your weapon or face Iron Girl!" Morgan announced in all seriousness and Tony had to swallow the burst of laughter.

"I thought you'd be at least thirteen before I became the villain. What'd I do?"

"Jumped on the bed and taught our daughter terrible habits," Pepper deadpanned from the bathroom that she had retreated to in order to stay as far away from the waging war as possible.

"You tried to blow up the world," Morgan told him matter-of-factly.

"Wow. I am bad. You're right," he said with a grin.

"I'm gonna beat you!" Morgan announced and threw the pillow, adding sound effects that sounded at least vaguely like the energy beams from the Iron Man suit.

The cube of fluff hit his shins and Tony made a show of going down, bouncing against the bed and flopping out. He felt Morgan creep closer and he cracked an eye open. "You saved the world. Good job, kiddo."

She grinned, showing off her newly missing tooth. "Can I have cinnamon toast for breakfast?"

"Definitely." He scooped her up on his way to rolling off the bed. "Pep, you want an omelet?"

"Just a smoothie. Do we have spinach?" she called from the bathroom.

"We do."

"With banana, please."

"I think I can manage that."

"No strawberries!"

"I know!" he chuckled as he slipped his feet into his slippers, flexing the fingers of his right hand. Stiff and a little slow, they still moved on command, even without the brace. It had been a full week since he'd had to use it, Peter's altered formula for Extremis proving to do the job without leaving his brain itching for more. The kid was good, he had to give him that. The real test would come when the nerve damage was fully repaired and he completely cut himself off from the localized doses. All he would have to rely on was the glowing ARC reactor in his chest to keep his heart beating, but that was hardly abnormal. Strangely enough it had almost been like welcoming back an old friend.

"Boss, Peter Parker is calling in," FRIDAY's voice echoed as Tony and Morgan made it down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"What's the kid doing up at this hour?"

"Fighting bad guys?" Morgan offered.

"Maybe. If so, he missed curfew and his aunt's gonna kill him."

"What's curfew?"

Tony glanced down, finding a big pair of brown eyes latched curiously on him. The questions never ended and he loved it. "When you need to be home," he explained to his daughter. "FRIDAY, put him through."

There was a click of the call connecting as Tony grabbed for the ingredients he needed, Morgan hopping from a stool to the table top and sitting there. She started to cross her legs on the table, but one look from her dad stopped that in its tracks. She gave him the most innocent grin he was sure he'd ever seen. He shot her a look. "Halo's a little crooked there, missy."

"Mr Stark?" Peter's uncertain voice echoed over the speakers.

"Good morning, Pete. You're up early."

"You too."

"If I told you I wasn't would you feel guilty?"

There was a long pause on the other end. "But FRIDAY wouldn't have…. you're joking aren't you?"

"Yup." Tony started sprinkling sugar and cinnamon on the bread. "What's up, kid?"

"Oh, uh…. hows's the new dose working out? Still lasting?"

"So far so good, but I doubt you called me at six in the morning to find that out."

"Daddy, more cinnamon," Morgan instructed and be quirked an eyebrow before dumping more on. She gave a nod of approval.

"Not that I don't like hearing from you, kid, but —"

"CaptainRogersisback."

It took a long moment for his pre-caffeinated brain to work through the run-together words, and even as he did he had trouble believing them. His hands stilled, his eyes unblinking. "What?"

"Captain Rogers is back," Peter said again, slower this time.

"Back?"

"Yeah."

"How…? And how long?"

"I don't know the details. I shouldn't even be telling you…."

"Like hell you shouldn't," Tony growled. "Where'd you hear it?"

"Uhhh….. through the Avengers grapevine."

Avengers grapevine? What did that even mean? Tony hadn't been thatfar out of the loop. "Where is he?"

"His place. In Brooklyn. From what I heard," Peter said, his voice entirely uncertain.

Tony pulled in a steadying breath. "Okay. I'll get to the bottom of it. Just…." He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. Peter didn't need any other pressure on him right then. "Thanks, kid. You did good."

"Really? I didn't break some kind of code or something, did I?"

"Probably, but you kept the one that mattered. I'll be in the city today. I'll drop by and we can talk after you're out of school."

"I'm… on summer break?"

"Right. Okay. Good. After I get done one Brooklyn."

"Do you need the address?"

"No, I've got it." He glanced up at the speaker. "End call."

"Is Uncle Steve in trouble?" Morgan asked from the table.

"He's got some explaining to do," her father grumbled.

"Can he explain after you make cinnamon toast?"

Tony blinked at the half put together breakfast he'd promised his daughter. "Yeah, sweetie. Uncle Steve can wait."

                                                     ___________

It was one delay after another. First breakfast, then Pepper decided she needed to go into the city that day too, so instead of hopping in the car and going, Tony was waiting on his wife and daughter to get ready. She could tell him all day long that she needed to go into the office for this or that, but she hadn't let him drive the two hours from their cabin into the city alone since they had moved back out. He had the OK from every doctor that mattered saying that he could drive again, but that didn't seem to satisfy her. What if something happened? It was a lingering, albeit unspoken fear, and as much as he would like to he couldn't quite hold it against her. Or tell her no. It was one less thing she had to worry about, even if he knew he was doing better than he had been in a long time.

"Do we get to see Pete?" Morgan asked as she bounded down the stairs, fully dressed and ready to go.

"Yep. After I talk to Uncle Steve."

"Can I see Uncle Steve too?"

"Why don't we let your daddy talk to him first? You can help me at the office," Pepper offered and she looked ready for a board meeting. Maybe she really had been planning to go in that day.

Morgan made a face at the idea and Tony reached out to ruffle her hair. "I won't be long."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"You ready?" Pepper asked as she grabbed the key fob from the ring by the door.

"Any chance you'll let me drive?"

Surprisingly enough she tossed the key his way and he reached up, thankful that his fingers chose to wrap around it rather than let it clatter to the floor. If it was a test or not really didn't matter. He felt like he'd won something in that. One more small step forward.

The trip was filled with Morgan's chatter in and around Pepper filling him in on the meetings she had scheduled for that day. Happy would meet her there and make sure Morgan wouldn't be too bored. Tony was sure that their head of security just lovedthe idea of being put on babysitting duty.

By the time he dropped them off at their New York headquarters plans had changed five times before finally settling on calling Peter to come keep her occupied. He left the situation in the best of hands before turning the Audii towards Brooklyn, his mind racing in the fresh silence. They had told him that Cap hadn't made it back, which they had all taken to mean that something had happened to him. What, they couldn't be sure, but popping back up nearly a year later didn't make any sense. Not telling Tony that he was back made even less. He had thought that, after everything, they were good. When he had left they had been good.

Tony pulled the car up to an apartment building that he'd never seen in person. It was old. Pre-war. Just the type Cap would have gone for. Sam Wilson had moved into it when Cap hadn't come back, so he must know that Steve was home. Who was next in the so-called Avengers grapevine was anybody's best guess. He still wasn't sure how Peter had found out, and he'd been too surprised that morning to press the kid on it.

A tap came at his window and Tony jumped in his seat, turning to find a patrol cop leaned down. "You lost, buddy?" he asked, but as Tony rolled the window down he watched surprise take hold.

"Nah, I'm good. Just here to see a friend."

"Holy crap. You're Iron Man."

"Used to be."

"I heard what you did…. everybody did. Are those —"

He was motioning to the scars that lined the right side of Tony's face and the former Avenger immediately opened the door. "'Scuse me, but I'm already late. You mind?"

"Oh yeah. Yeah, sure. Listen, if it's not too much trouble, my son is a huge fan of yours."

Tony offered a thin smile. "Sure, what's his name?"

A scrawled signature and photo later Tony was on his way up the flights of stairs, feeling it by the time he reached Cap's floor.

He stopped at the door, pulling in a shaky breath and steadying himself. It was fine. He'd get answers and that irritating, nagging feeling of being purposefully left in the dark would dissipate. Cap was always annoyingly consistent in having his reasons for doing things. He reached up, ready to tap against the door as it pulled open from the inside.

Suddenly Steve Rogers was standing right in front of him, a look of surprise plastered on his face. "Tony," he breathed, a little guilt around the edges of his name.

"Knew you were forgetting to tell someone something, huh?" Tony tried for a quip.

"Steve, is really like to see —" The woman who owned the voice rounded the corner and slammed to a stop. "Oh. Hello."

Steve sucked in a breath. "Tony, this is —"

"Peggy Carter," Tony finished for him, the first real smile touching his lips since that morning. "This is all making a lot more sense."

"You're not mad?"

The question sounded too small to be coming out of Captain America's mouth and Tony cracked a grin as he stepped into the apartment. "Well, you're not gonna shatter time and space, I don't think. I'm sure her new timeline will find a way to compensate." He turned to meet his friend's eyes. "You deserve a little happiness after everything. I get it, Cap."

A rush of air left the older man. "You don't know how good it is to hear you say that."

"That doesn't mean I'm not gonna hold this over your head until one of us finally bites the dust."

"Cap, did you say Tony? Your inventor friend?" a voice called out and Tony looked over. That voice sounded like —

"Holy shit," Tony breathed as Howard Stark rounded the corner.

                                                     ___________

TBC

Notes: And to think I thought this chapter was going to be on the short side... I had a lot of fun with this one. Pepperony fluff, Iron Fam, and Tony realizing that Steve not only brought one person back from the 40's, but two... the other being his dad. I've been looking forward to this chapter for a long time lol Even more so the next chapter.

Next Time: Tony tries to process what's going on and Steve asks for help.

[klaineanummel]

Story of My Life 24/24

Kurt reflects on the past twelve years of his life, coming to realize that one man in particular has affected him far more than he ever thought he would

Welcome to the final chapter of my originally-written-for-klaineadvent fic :) While this fic is now officially complete, I'm not done with this universe (I don't know how I ever imagined I would be, considering how huge this universe was when I originally conceived of it back in 2014). If you’ve been over to AO3, you will have seen that this fic is now Part One of a series! So far I have three follow-up stories planned, but who knows if that will really be the end. You never know with me!

I know a lot of you will probably feel let down by this chapter, but it was always in my plans to end it like this. It's actually this ending that made me more open to the idea of turning this into a series, because I knew how I wanted it to end, but I also knew that the ending would only be scratching the surface on a lot of issues that have been brought up throughout the fic. I hope you will enjoy nonetheless!

Thank you so much to everybody who has supported me and this fic throughout the past month-and-a-bit. I'm really blown away by the reaction to this story. I hope I will get to see you all (or at least some of you) soon when I post the first follow-up fic for this series (which, to be honest, I'm not sure when that will be). Love you all, and thank you so much for coming on this ride with me. I've had so much fun with it <3

Attachment   |   Bucket |    Collapse   |   Drink   |   Example   |   Fraction   |   Genuine   |   Health   |   Inch   |   Judgement |   Key   |   Mist   |   Nose   |   Orgy |   Perform   |   Raw   |   Stir |   Talk | Underline |   Variation |   Width  |   Year   |

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May 8th, 2024

Kurt’s brain doesn’t seem to kick into gear until the reception hall door is clicking shut behind Blaine. He scrambles off his bar stool and runs after him, feeling like the absolute stupid person in the world.

Six months? Six months? The fuck he’s had feelings for Blaine for six months. As memory after memory continues to hit him, he wonders how he could have spent so much time not realizing that he’s been in love with Blaine for years.

He’s so thankful that he didn’t follow his earlier desire to get completely wasted. Chasing after Blaine in his formal shoes is already uncomfortable enough.

He pushes through the reception hall door, and instantly calls out, “Blaine!”

It’s a little chilly for May, and Kurt shivers as he stares at the large parking lot the reception hall leads onto. Why couldn’t Blaine have exited through the back, with the gorgeous balcony and beautiful view? This would be so much more romantic back there.

“Blaine!” he shouts again. There’s no way he could have gone far, he literally just left.

He can’t believe he spent even a minute thinking that he was just settling for Blaine. That his feelings were anything but true. Of course he loves Blaine. He feels like he’s just been hit over the head with it. God, how did he not see it before?

“Blaine!” he calls out a third time, and is finally granted a response in the form of a groan.

He turns toward the sound, seeing Blaine step out from just around the corner of the building. His shoulders are slumped, and he looks more annoyed than anything at the fact that Kurt has followed him.

“Look, Kurt, I think I know what you’re going to say, and I thought I would be okay to have this conversation with you again, but honestly I’m not sure that I can.”

Kurt starts to head toward him, shaking his head. “No, you really don’t know what I’m going to say.”

“Yeah, I do. We’ve had this conversation about a hundred times. I know, you think of me as a close friend, you can’t imagine life without me, you’re not uncomfortable but you don’t love me back, you never will, I get it, Kurt.”

The anger in Blaine’s words make Kurt stop in his tracks. He stares at him for a moment, takes in the frustration in Blaine’s eyes, and the way that his hands are clenched tightly at his sides. His breath comes heavily as he watches Blaine, licking his dry lips, trying to think of what to say.

Blaine snorts when Kurt doesn’t immediately respond. “Seriously, Kurt, it’s fine. We won’t be having this conversation again, I promise. I’m really done this time.”

“No,” Kurt manages.

Blaine’s entire face falls as he stares at Kurt. “No?”

Kurt shakes his head. “No.”

“No, what? No, you don’t think it’ll be the last time? Because I know you have reason to believe that, but I really mean it this time.”

“No, I don’t want you to be done.”

Blaine’s lips part slightly in surprise, and Kurt takes a step toward him, wanting nothing more than to kiss them. He presses them back together tightly, though, instead of speaking. His eyes remain steadfast on Kurt’s, and Kurt’s heart aches at the mix of defeat and anger he sees written in them.

Kurt takes another step forward, almost reaching Blaine.

Blaine crosses his arms over his chest, and finally speaks. “Is that it? That’s all you have to say? You don’t want me to be done, and then you just stop?” He shakes his head. “What the hell does that even mean, Kurt?”

“I—” Kurt takes two final steps toward Blaine, close enough to reach out and touch him. He hesitates, though, not entirely sure if his touch would be welcome right now. He swallows thickly, then looks directly into Blaine’s eyes and says, “I do remember my promise from ten years ago.” He wraps his arms around himself as a wind gust blows past them. “I mean, how could I forget?”

“I don’t even know why I brought that up,” Blaine mumbles. “I’ve always known you were just placating me back then. Telling the stupid teenager what he wanted to hear.” His arms tighten around himself, and he shivers gently. “You know I told myself I would wait for you?” He scoffs, shaking his head, and Kurt’s heart aches. “God, so stupid.”

“I’m so sorry, Blaine,” Kurt says. “I… in hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have told you that. Not then. It wasn’t really fair, especially since you’re right. I was just placating you.”

“Okay, seriously, Kurt? This sucks.” Blaine practically spits the words out. “If you just came out here to beat me over the head with how stupid I’ve been to even consider that you might like me back—”

“No, I swear—”

“Because I refuse to feel stupid for it anymore, okay? I know you just see me as Cooper’s younger brother, that I’ll always be a kid to you, but you don’t treat me that way. I see you staring at me, and we’re always spending time together. You always tell me how amazing I am, how I’m the best person in your life. Don’t you see how that fucks with my head?” Blaine is practically shouting by the time he’s done, arms raising dramatically over his head. He’s shaking, though Kurt can’t tell if it’s due to anger or the chill.

“I don’t think you’re stupid, Blaine,” Kurt says, trying to remain calm. “I… think that I’m the stupid one, actually.”

Blaine stares at him for a moment, then raises an eyebrow. “Are you waiting for me to disagree? Because I won’t.”

“I’m not,” Kurt promises. “I’m sorry, I just… this is hard. I only just realized that I’m in love with you, and now I’m here, and I feel like this is getting so out of control, and I’m not saying any of the right things, and—”

“Kurt,” Blaine says, and Kurt stops, surprised at the tight tone of Blaine’s voice. “What did you just say?”

“I said it’s getting so out of control,” Kurt says, shuffling on his feet. “I didn’t really imagine this conversation going this way.”

“No, that’s not what I mean. The other part. The being in love with me part?”

“Oh,” Kurt feels his cheeks heating. He forces himself to stand still, arms wrapped tightly around himself. “Well, yes. That. Right.”

“You’re in love with me?” Kurt isn’t sure if Blaine sounds more disbelieving or frustrated. Kurt sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, watching Blaine carefully.

“Yes? Yes. Yes, I am.”

Blaine stares at him, face completely emotionless for a second, before his entire body stiffens and he shouts, “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

Kurt’s eyes widen in shock at the outburst, watching as Blaine spreads his arms wide in question, eyes burning with an emotion Kurt deeply hopes isn’t anger.

“Like, seriously, Kurt? You’re in love with me? You’re just going to drop that bomb on me at my goddamn brother’s wedding, after making me think that you were coming out here to reject me again?”

Kurt winces, taking a careful step back. “Uh, wow. I didn’t… Jeez, I’m really screwing this up,” he says the last part under his breath, but Blaine laughs sardonically, clearly having heard him.

“You think, Kurt? You think you’re screwing this up? What the hell is even happening right now?!”

“I’m sorry, Blaine, I’m still… my brain is sort of playing catch-up, this is all happening really fast.”

“Fast? This is not fast, Kurt. Twelve years is not fast.”

“Right, sorry, wrong choice of words, I just—” he puts his hands up, not really sure how to deal with such an angry Blaine. Aside from that one New Year’s, he and Blaine have never really fought, at least not like this, and so he doesn’t have much experience dealing with an angry Blaine. “Look, can we maybe sit down? Inside? And talk?”

“We can talk here and now,” Blaine grits out.

“Yeah, okay, we can do that, too,” Kurt says. “So, yeah, um, I love you.” Kurt scratches at his arm, shuffling uncomfortably on his feet. “I didn’t really picture telling you like this, or you reacting this way, but I didn’t really picture it at all since I just realized about five minutes ago, so—"

“Oh, my god,” Blaine interrupts, bringing a hand up to his hair. “You know what, I changed my mind, we shouldn’t talk about this. I think this is just a little too much for me.”

“No, Blaine, please,” Kurt rushes forward before he can stop himself, grabbing Blaine’s hands tightly. They’re cold, though Kurt is sure that his own are colder. “Please, don’t go.”

Blaine stops, moving, staring down at their connected hands. “Kurt, this is crazy. You realize this is crazy, right?”

“Of course I realize this is crazy,” Kurt says, squeezing Blaine’s hands tight. “How do you think I’ve been feeling for the past six months?”

Blaine’s head whips up. “Six months? You just said you just realized you loved me five minutes ago!”

“Right, yeah, but I realized I had feelings for you six months ago. You know, when you told me you were over me.”

Blaine stares at him, eyes wide in disbelief. “Are you fucking serious?” Kurt winces at Blaine’s volume, but Blaine continues with, “You didn’t realize you had feelings for me until I told you I was over you? Until I made myself unavailable? Kurt, do you realize how fucked up that sounds?”

“I know, I know, and that’s why I haven’t said anything!” Kurt says. “Because I couldn’t bear the thought of telling you I liked you if it wasn’t for real. I can’t… I still can’t bear the thought of hurting you again. Which is so stupid, since I’m clearly hurting you now.���

Blaine shakes his head. “This is unbelievable. Of all the ways I pictured this happening…”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt groans, hanging his head in shame. “I’m fucking this all up, I know. I should have waited, got you flowers, taken you out to dinner, or something, I don’t know… I was watching you walk away, and I suddenly remembered all these moments in my life, all these moments where you were there for me, all these huge moments where all I wanted was to be next to you, to make you feel better, to never cause you pain. And as I thought about all that, I realized that Mercedes was right. I did have my head up my ass.”

“Kurt, this is the worst declaration of love in the world.”

“Fuck, I know,” Kurt brings his hands up to his forehead, taking Blaine’s with him. “And I totally understand if you want to tell me to screw off after all of this. I do, I get it. But Blaine, the fear I had? That I didn’t like you for real? It was so stupid. Like, really, so goddamn stupid.”

Blaine’s fingers squirm in his hands, and Kurt gently lets go. Blaine instantly re-takes his hands, though, this time holding them in a more comfortable position. Kurt stares at Blaine in surprise, and Blaine just rolls his eyes and says, “Well, don’t stop now!”

“Right, sorry.” He clears his throat. “God, I really should have thought this through better.”

“Kurt.” His voice is slightly softer than before, and it gives Kurt a little hope that maybe he hasn’t completely fucked this up.

“Yes, yes. Look, Blaine, I was so worried that I was just projecting my loneliness onto you. I didn’t want that. I’ve hurt you so much over the years, that I couldn’t bear to actually give us a chance, only to realize that the feelings weren’t really there. So, I kept my mouth shut, and have spent the last six months practically burying my head in the sand. I didn’t want to think about it, because I was so scared that if I really thought about it I would realize it wasn’t real. But in hindsight… Jesus Christ, that was stupid. I was so concerned with hurting you again if I didn’t really have feelings for you, that I totally ignored the fact that purposefully ignoring my feelings for you would hurt you just as much.”

He looks down at their connected hands, then back up to Blaine. “I’m sorry, I’m royally screwing this up. You deserve so much better than this. You deserve so much better than me. You deserve someone who doesn’t push feelings away because they might lead to pain. You deserve someone who actually realizes they love you when they fall for you, not years after the fact.”

“Years?” Blaine asks, breathless.

“Yeah, Blaine. Years. I can’t… don’t ask me to pinpoint a specific moment, but when I think about it, it’s so damn obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t realize before.”

“Well, you did have your head pretty far up your ass.”

Kurt drops his head again, unable to help himself from laughing self-deprecatingly. “It was so far up there I’m surprised I don’t have colon problems.”

“Ew, Kurt,” Blaine’s face scrunches up. “Don’t talk about your colon. You’re confessing your love to me, come on.”

Kurt smiles sadly at him. “I’m sorry. I can’t even do this right. I don’t… I totally understand if you want to tell me to screw off.”

“Kurt, I’m not – god,” Blaine shakes his head, and for the first time since they’ve come outside, Kurt thinks he sees a hint of a smile on Blaine’s face. “I’ve loved you for almost twelve years. I’m not going to tell you to screw off now that you’re saying you love me back.” Blaine squeezes their hands tight, but then quickly adds, “Even if you said it in basically the worst, least romantic way possible.”

“Christ,” Kurt groans. “Why am I so damn bad at this?”

“Who knows,” Blaine says, and he’s definitely got a small, soft smile on his face now.

Kurt licks his lips, then says, “I know you said you don’t want to tell me to screw off, but I also understand if you need time to process all of this. I won’t be mad if you decide that I’ve made you wait too long, or that you really are over me.”

“Over you?” Blaine shakes his head. “Kurt, I think we both know by now that if I was going to get over you, I would have long ago.”

“But that phone call—”

“That phone call was made in a drunken stupor, after listening to my friends shit-talk you for over an hour. I was pissed, and feeling self-righteous, and too drunk to stop myself from doing something stupid.” Blaine shrugs, as though it’s nothing. “You didn’t seriously think that I was over you after that phone call, right?”

“Um, yes,” Kurt says, raising a confused eyebrow. “You told me that you were the morning after.”

“Well, what was I supposed to say? Things always get so awkward when I mention my feelings for you. Exhibit A, this entire conversation.”

“I don’t feel awkward.”

Blaine frowns. “Really?”

Kurt shakes his head easily. “Do you?”

Blaine shrugs. “A little. I think mostly because I don’t really know what to think.”

Kurt chews on his bottom lip, then hesitantly asks, “Are you still mad at me?”

“Kind of,” Blaine admits. “Not as much as I was at the beginning of the conversation.”

“But you’re not going to tell me to screw off?”

Blaine snorts. “Kurt, are you kidding? I’ve been waiting for this day for twelve years. Even if I was literally spitting mad, I wouldn’t tell you to screw off.”

“I’m sorry I made you wait so long,” Kurt whispers. “I can’t even imagine… god, how do you not hate me?”

“Kurt, I can’t think of a single thing that you could do that would make me genuinely hate you.”

Kurt just raises a skeptical eyebrow. “What if I murdered Cooper?”

“Oh, my god, Kurt, seriously, you are absolutely terrible at this. How have you gotten anybody to go out with you, ever?” Blaine laughs as he says it, though, and Kurt can’t help but smile.

“Well, usually I’m not the one doing the asking out, or confessions of love.”

Blaine’s laughter dies down, and he swings their hands gently. “To be fair, I have confessed my love for you about twenty-five times already. It was your turn.”

“I really messed it up, huh?”

Blaine shrugs. “Well, yeah. But I’ll give you another chance.”

Kurt perks up at that. “You will?”

Blaine nods. He looks Kurt over, and then, voice quieter, asks, “You’re definitely sure, though? That you love me?”

“One hundred percent.”

“Because this won’t be a fling to me. And it’s going to be intense, like, from day one.”

“I know, Blaine.”

“Once we do this, there’s no turning back. If you do change your mind and realize you don’t love me, I’m going to be so angry, Kurt.”

“I know,” Kurt assures again, stepping closer into Blaine’s space. “I know.”

“Because I love you, Kurt. I want to be with you, for real, and forever. I know that’s a lot, and if you were anybody else I would never say this, but… but this is the real deal for me. I’m not stepping into a ‘let’s see where this goes’ kind of situation. I already know where I want this to go, and if you don’t feel the same—”

“I do,” Kurt says. “I know this hasn’t been as dramatic as Cooper proposing to Rachel without even dating, but I promise that this isn’t just a fling for me. I was never really a fan of those, anyway.”

“You’ve had so many, though,” Blaine says, as though he can’t stop himself.

“Not that many,” Kurt defends, feeling his cheeks redden.

“It’s felt like an eternal amount.”

“Well, regardless, I’m done with that now,” Kurt says, not wanting to get sucked in to some tangent. Not when they’re finally getting somewhere. “I want to be with you, Blaine.” Blaine’s bottom lip trembles, and Kurt instantly says, “I’m sorry, oh my god, please don’t cry,” as a few stray tears leak out of his eyes.

“These aren’t sad tears,” Blaine says, voice slightly choked up. “I promise, these are happy tears. Kurt, I genuinely thought this day was never going to come.” He lets go of one of Kurt’s hands, bringing his own hand up to wipe away a tear. “I knew that if I said anything today, it would be the last time. I really was done. I don’t know if I’d ever have truly gotten over you, but I was going to give up the tiny sliver of hope I always held on to. This was it. I just needed to hear you say you couldn’t love me one last time, as stupid as that sounds.” He shakes his head. “And then you followed me out here, and I thought, well, you’re getting what you wanted Anderson, but it hurt so much more than I thought. That’s why I was so defensive, and I—I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore, I just can’t believe that this is happening.” He sniffs. “I didn’t think I’d ever get to hear you say those words.”

“I love you?” Kurt asks hesitantly.

Blaine shakes his head. “I’ve heard you say that a thousand times,” he says. “No, ‘I want to be with you’.”

“Oh,” Kurt says, stomach dropping to his feet. “Blaine…”

“No, not now. No more sorry’s, okay? Today has been crazy enough.”

“It really has,” Kurt says. Then, he straightens himself up a little, and says, “So, do I get some time to prepare for my second confession of love, or do you want me to do it right now? Because, fair warning, my mind is working pretty fast, and I can’t promise that there won’t be more colon talk.”

Blaine smiles up at him through his tears, then says, “You can have some time.”

“How about until tomorrow evening?” Kurt asks. “You’re not busy, right?”

Blaine shakes his head. “Only thing on my calendar is watering Cooper and Rachel’s plants.”

“Good. Then come over, and I’ll give you a confession of love so amazing, you won’t even be able to believe it.”

“I already can’t.”

Kurt raises an eyebrow, smiling as he asks, “Really? Because I haven’t given you much today to imply that I am any good at this.”

“You forget that I’ve known you for longer than just today,” Blaine says, grinning up at Kurt.

“So true,” Kurt hums. He looks down at Blaine, considering him for a moment, then asks, “So, you’re not mad at me anymore?”

Blaine shrugs. “Still a little bit, but the happiness is winning out.”

“So, if I ask if I can kiss you…”

Blaine grins and, before Kurt can have the decency to actually ask, he leans up and presses their lips together.

This kiss is unlike any they’ve shared in the past. Butterflies erupt in Kurt’s stomach as their lips meet, and this time he moves deeper into the kiss instead of pulling away. Blaine’s lips are just as soft as he knew they would be, and he takes his free hand and brings it up to Blaine’s jaw, tipping it up so he can kiss him better.

They part softly, Blaine staring up at Kurt like he placed the moon in the sky. Kurt wonders if Blaine can see in his own eyes how much he adores Blaine. If Blaine thinks Kurt put the moon in the sky, then Kurt is sure that Blaine must have placed the sun.

“Wow,” Blaine whispers. “That was…”

“Good?”

“So worth the wait,” Blaine replies, then tilts his head back up and connects their lips in another absolutely perfect kiss.

The End

[martian-m]

Feline

Pairing: Cheryl Blossom x reader Word count: 2,624 A/N: Requested by anon! hiya anon! hope you enjoy this fic hihu

MY REQUESTS ARE OPEN UNTIL JUNE 2 YO

It’s been exactly five years right now, August 14, 2024, since me and Cheryl graduated from NYU school of Law while also passing the New York bar exam which in lieu certified us into being lawyers. Talk about goals right? Well, currently we are in our mid-twenties, 25, and have been together for the longest time – 7 years. No, we are not married yet. Just to give a brief recap, we started dating by Junior year after the fiasco of finding out the killer of Jason Blossom, my best friend and brother of Cher. ((She hates that nickname if anyone else says it, but if it’s only me then she can tolerate it))

I walk down the sidewalk of the city that never sleeps, New York, in my tailor-fit suit, minding my own business and trying to come up with a plan that would make our flat/living space livelier. After 5 minutes of trying in vain to come up with an idea, I dialed Veronica’s number. ‘Riiiing’ ‘Riiiing’ ‘Rii – “This is Mrs. Veronica Cooper-Lodge speaking,”

“Hey V, it’s (Y/N)” “(Y/N)!! BETTY HUN, (Y/N)’S ON THE PHONE WITH ME” Veronica yelled away from the phone. *voice in the background* “shush V, you’re gonna wake up Xavier” “sorry, but come over here!!” Veronica replied half whispering and half yelling. “Hello (Y/N), aka Godmother of Xavier, oh thank you by the way for his mini batman costume, he loves it soooo much!” Betty finally replied through the phone as I was placed in speaker mode. “No problem Betts, anything for my nephew. Anyway, I need your advice guys” I replied with a sigh. As soon as you launch into your dilemma with Cheryl wanting your living space to be livelier and “lacks a certain element”, you sigh running your hand through your hair  as you finish updating V&B on the happenings between you and Cheryl, “so, what do you guys think?” “buy her flowers?” Betty says. “no, no…ummm…do you guys have a pet? Veronica asked. “no, we don’t have. Why??” I replied slightly confused why the subject suddenly changed. “that’s it!!! Get a pet!..but what pet though….” Veronica asked loudly. “maybe a cat? Since they poop in their own sandbox and are somewhat trained, not that I have anything against dogs.” Betty suggested. “not because she digs pussy as well?” Veronica asked while laughing “oh my god Ronnie” Betty commented while laughing at the crude joke as you could hear an audible slap through the phone. “you guys always crack me up at the same time are super helpful, I miss you all.”   “aw (Y/N), we miss you too. You and Cheryl should come by and visit us! Archie, Val, Teresa, and Juggie are coming by the end of August and I’m absolutely sure Xavier would be excited to see you both” Betty replied. “You mean he’d be excited to see Cheryl?”, I replied with amusement evident in my voice. “Aw (Y/N) of course he’d be excited to see you too!” Veronica replied while giggling. “Alright, alright. We’ll be sure to visit you three in California by the end of August.” I replied as I lightly chuckled. “ see you soon (Y/N)!” Betty replied. “YEAH AND GET THE PUSSYCA-“ Veronica replied loudly as Betty hit the end call button.

Shaking my head at the antics of my childhood friends, I immediately searched for the nearest pet shop so I could adopt a pet feline in need of a home. I am now a woman on a mission. [after 5 hours] After looking at the various cats for adoption, I took in this 8 month old munchkin cat that immediately came up to me as I stepped into the area for the cats to interact with the possibility of being adopted. A lot of them shied away from me but this one cat, named Tibby, came up to me to smell my loafers and slacks until she rubbed her whole body on my leg. ‘I need a 5 lint removers….’ as I thought to myself, but as she looked up to me I instantly melted seeing her hazel – almost amber eyes. Let’s just say I instantly adopted her and went on a shopping spree for all the cat necessities.

As I drove back to the flat, I let out Tibby to nestle on my lap while I was driving. I could already tell that this cat was gonna be spoiled and pampered all the time, by me. I just hope Cheryl will love her as much as I already do. Biting my lip I speed dialed Cheryl and connected the call to my Bluetooth earpiece since it was later than usual that I came home. Knowing she would start to worry, flood me with texts, and call nonstop if I dint contact her first. The first ring didn’t even get through as she answered the call immediately, “Riiii- Baby? Where are you?? Are you okay?? Are you on your wa-“ Cheryl rambled on as worry flooded her voice. “Hey hey. Babe, I’m totally fine. Yes, I’m driving, using my earpiece mind you and I’m on my way home. I just went shopping for something both of us would maybe find joy in?” I cut her off to somewhat relieve her from worrying too much. After Jason’s death, she became more worried than usual, it isn’t bad or anything, I find it quite endearing. “oh God. That’s great to hear. Oh? What did you get??” Relief immediately flooded her voice. “you’re gonna find out soon as I get home” I replied adding a tune to the words as a teased her, knowing she loves surprises. “you’re such a tease (Y/N). I’m cooking dinnerrrr~ you better come home soon!” Cheryl replied amusement apparent in her voice. “yes love, I’m actually 5 minutes away. Just gonna park the car and head up to you. I love you! See you!” I somewhat hastily replied as Tibby started yawn and meow at the same time as to reaching up my earpiece. “I love you too, baby. See you!” Appearing to not notice my hurried reply, she replied cheerily. I always let her end the call. A soon as she did, I let out a breathe of relief and peered down at Tibby, who was just seated at my lap looking at me as well. I tried to place her in the cage but as I opened the door to the cage she immediately nestled on my shoulder. Apparently not having the heart to take her off my shoulder, I proceeded to get all the things I ‘cat necessities’ bought and reached the elevator. As soon as the doors to the elevator opened, I somewhat wished it didn’t since the only person occupying the elevator was the same floor neighbor, Katy Harrison. I’m not practically fond of her since Cheryl discussed this theory that Katy likes me. All I know is that if your girl doesn’t like that girl, you don’t ever interact with her at all. But alas, as I loaded the things on the elevator with Tibby on my shoulder, she just had to help me while peering on the feline currently somewhat growling at her.

‘This is secretly Cheryl’s spirit animal’ I joked to myself. I didn’t have to say what floor since she lives on the same floor as me and Cheryl. So nodded my thanks to her, again I regretted my decision. I guess she took it as an invitation to talk to me. I mentally kick myself.  We started off with small talk on how my day was and all, I didn’t ask her on how hers was. Until she had the sneaky audacity to ask me out, “So (Y/N), there’s this event I’m hosting tomorrow night.. and I was wondering if you wanted to attend it? You can bring Cherry with you.” “I’m sorry Kaitlyn, I’m going out with Cheryl tomorrow night.” Yes, I purposely said her name wrong. I mean she knows Cheryl and I know she knows my girlfriend’s name so I don’t take the show of disrespect lightly. As we approached out floor I gripped tightly the bags to dash out the elevator as soon as it opens to not give her the chance to reply. ‘Ding’ I gripped my bags, cat tower and dashed the fuck outta there. I was walking fast to the door of my flat, until I heard heels clicking my way…meaning this Katy lady was coming at my direction. ‘Fuck’ I thought as I dinged the doorbell of the flat knowing Cheryl is there. The steps where getting closer. ‘Fuck fuck fuck’ I repeated to myself, finally I heard the door unlock and click open with Cheryl my goddess about to greet me with a hug, but saw Tibby perched on my shoulder peering down curiously at her. “Babe, who’s this?” Cheryl questioned with a smirk showing her amusement. “Her name is Tibby and SURPRISE!!!” Trying in vain to do the jazz hands, until the moment was destroyed as we heard a cough behind me. As I stepped in to step behind Cheryl, we saw Katy at by the door. Holding one of the bags I accidentally left in the elevator in my sudden rush trying to leave. Glancing at Cheryl, I saw this expression I hadn’t seen since high school. Hey ‘ice queen bitch face’ as she labeled it to be. I groaned to internally to myself while Tibby was sensing my internal struggle. I took her off my shoulder and held her in my arm as I placed a hand on Cheryl’s shoulder. Katy started to talk not even giving recognition to Cheryl which in turn I guess fueled Cheryl’s anger, “Hey (Y/N), you left this in the elevator” “Tha-“ “Thank you Katherine, we’ll just have dinner okay? Byee” Taking the bag and slamming the door on her face, Cheryl turned around to look at me as she placed a hand on my face, “She didn’t try anything did she?” Cheryl questioned. “well after she tragically tried to ask me out and being rejected again” I replied as I pulled her close to me while kissing her forehead while avoiding squishing Tibby.

“I swear. Why can’t she just get someone who isn’t taken?? Ughh”Cheryl closed her eyes as she pinched the  bridge of her nose in frustration but slowly breathed out slowly. Opening her eyes to look at me and Tibby, “I’m glad you’re home, let’s go eat dinner before it gets cold” grabbing my free hand leading me to the dining area with Tibby still in my other arm.

[Cheryl’s POV]

Plans were cancelled yet AGAIN. Tossing my phone on the bed, I lie on my back again feeling the disappointment wash away and get replaced with annoyance. It’s not like I haven’t noticed the lack of affection, communication, and attention I was getting from (Y/N). She was taking my (Y/N) away from me ever since she arrived here. I thought she would be harmless but no, that cat has been nothing but a girlfriend stealer.

“UGHHHHHHHHHHH” I groaned loudly. I need my girlfriend too you know? I mean being with here for 8 years has me expecting her to pop the question anytime now, not bringing a cat home. As I roll my eyes, I could hear the door of our flat open and close, signaling that (Y/N) and the fucking cat arrived home. “Cheryl! Babe, I’m home!” Deciding not to respond, I turned my back away from the bedroom door hugging a pillow next to me as I somewhat pout. Hearing the footsteps coming closer I still retained my position. I felt the bed dip in the opposite side and feel (Y/N) crawling to me, with her chin resting on my shoulder and the front of her body flush against my back she started to apologize and talk, “ Babe, I’m so sorry for cancelling our plans for tonight….I bought Chinese food, your favorite, a tub of Vanilla ice cream and also downloaded the movies and series’ you’ve been dying to watch……are you still mad? Do you forgive me?”

Turning to look at her, my annoyance and anger slipped away as I saw the genuine sincerity of how (Y/N) truly is sorry. Also, the fact that I can’t stay mad at her for too long. I mean what the heck, 8 years together and you’re bound to be each other’s soft spot. Instead I sigh and smile at her, “Well apology accepted and I’m glad that you’re home but that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook that easily” I kissed her on the cheek while bounding off to the living room to settle on the couch knowing (Y/N)’s gonna set up everything. ~ After a marathon of Friends, (Y/N) suddenly went to the bathroom before asking me if I could get Tibby for her, Rolling my eyes once again, I called Tibby’s name only to be attacked from below as she jumped on my legs. Yelping at the surprise attack, Tibby immediately nestled on my lap. Glaring at the cat while I pet her fur I suddenly felt this weird lump on her neck. Investigating thee weird lump, it came out to be a fortune cookie. Confused, I cracked it open to see a folded paper inside. I put the cracked fortune cookie at one side as I begin to unfold the paper. As I scanned it, I was stunned as I read the few lines,

‘ Me and Chandler share few similar sentiments as Chandler loves Monica and how I love you, Turn around.’

Shocked I stood up and turned around to find, my love, my rock and my one and only on one knee as she was surrounded by various flowers in boxes, only opening up to me so I could step in the circle of bouquets,

“From the moment I saw you in freshman year as I came back to Riverdale, my heart knew something in secret that my mind and I wasn’t privy to until a year and a half later as we started dating, it’s that you are my soulmate, my one true love. People look for this kind of love for the rest of their lives and I am grateful to God that I found it with you. I love you with all my heart, mind, soul, and I will choose you and us every day through the up’s and down’s.”- (Y/N) let a shaky breathe out and wiped the corner of her right eye while continuing. “As Chandler said to Monica, “You make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way”….. so Cheryl Blossom, will you allow me to be the Chandler to your Monica?” Crying freely I stepped into the circle of flowers and nodded as I couldn’t trust me voice at the moment. (Y/N) took the ring out of the Tiffany’s box and slid it on my ring finger. It was a perfect fit. (Y/N) suddenly lifted me up in her arms as she kissed me deeply and took me back to the couch so that we could continue watching Friends. Tibby made her way to us and perched herself on my lap, I smiled at the cat while scratching the back of her ear gently knowing she played a major part in this all. ‘I guess I’m starting to like you after all’ I thought to myself. Closing my eyes with comfort in my heart knowing this is for the long run and this isn’t the end of the surprises life has in store for us.

[lambergeier]

annnd: “Tooooooobio-chaaaaaaaan, how could youuuuuuu oh my god he’s so mad. Iwa-chan he’s so mad.”

hey. points my fingers at my eyes. points my fingers at your eyes. thank u for asking me about this fic. and its sequel. i am still so obscenely proud of thirty years that any chance to discuss it (not to emma, the dear) is generally more pleasurable than actually pleasuring myself. i’m sorry. it’s true. it’s true. i’m just gonna do this scene down to the section break. it’s fine.

just 2 start, this fic was born of three things:

1. an r/relationships post that i have never been able to find since about two childhood friends, now living together as roommates, who started fucking (as OP saw it) out of nowhere and could reddit please tell him what to do now. the update of course revealed that the girl had been in love with him since high school, and also the dude was kinda stoked to discover that he loved her back. it was good.

2. remembering that LA put in a bid for the 2024 olypmics, holy fuck i wouldn’t have to do ANY research about japan at ALL

3. spite. god, why is so much iwaoi fic so boring.

There, not fifty feet away, just off the path and for all of UCLA and the Olympiad and the world to see, are Kageyama and his little spiker.

Kageyama has his back to a tree, body curving gently downwards, eyes closed. Hinata is on his tiptoes, both hands on Kageyama’s shoulders. They’re kissing. Hesitantly, with one of Kageyama’s long hands cupping Hinata’s jaw, both their faces flushed and intent.

Hajime’s vertigo is suddenly worse, far worse, leaving him unbalanced and shaky as he watches Kageyama smile sweetly against Hinata’s mouth, one hand inching into his hair, the other circling his waist. Hinata smiles back. His hands tighten in the fabric of Kageyama’s Team Japan shirt.

i think, if i were more tolerant of slow burn romance (writing it, not reading it) i could have found a way to draw out oikawa and iwaizumi’s bullshit long enough to give kageyama and hinata the screentime they deserve, the little goobers. they’re useful as they are as an example of two high school friends figuring out they love each other even years after graduation, which helps spur iwaizumi on, but i could have done a lot more about how much the thought that he’s been missing out on something like this with oikawa terrifies iwaizumi, but, eh. i could only keep iwaizumi in denial for so long, didn’t have much time for side plots.

i had a vague thought of bokuto and akaashi provoking a similar reaction in iwaizumi, in that bokuto and akaashi figured it out IMMEDIATELY after high school, if not during, and have been ridiculously happy with each other for the past ten+ years. like iwaoi coulda been! but, again, brevity is the soul of homosexuality.

“Oh my god it’s really happening,” Oikawa says, voice quiet and face rapturous. “Look at them. Fukao owes me like three million yen. Oh my god.”

“Oikawa, don’t. We shouldn’t—”

“This is where he’s been going, Iwa-chan! He’s been running around getting some! You were right! How dare you!”

Hajime thinks he’s wrong. He thinks this is the first time Hinata and Kageyama have ever kissed. They look scared, and like they’ve achieved something. Hinata is talking now, or maybe laughing something into Kageyama’s chest. Hajime doesn’t want to see this. His mouth feels dry, too small for his tongue.

hey it’s almost like you’re terrified of being OPEN with your FEELINGS and also even HAVING feelings in public, you big dummy. work on that.

“Ohhh, he’s going to hate me,” Oikawa grins, and Hajime snaps back to attention.

“You piece of shit,” Hajime starts, latching a hand to the back of Oikawa’s shirt, “I swear to god if you—”

“Tooooooobio-chaaaaaaaan, how could youuuuuuu oh my god he’s so mad. Iwa-chan he’s so mad.”

extremely fun to write: an oikawa who is completely willing to ruin kageyama’s life but out of love this time, not insecurity. like he would for family. oikawa’s insecurities about kageyama were very much still central to this fic, they do still exist, but i love writing characters who acknowledge their insecurities, accept them as best they can, and then go on living their life, they have absolutely got other shit to do. i decided oikawa could probably swing that by the time he got to his late 20s, and i have 0 regrets.

but, anyways, per nords:

norway: you have traumatized those children for L I F E oikawa

norway: it’s going to take them a year to be able to kiss without like three locked doors and a live tracker feed showing them where you are at all times

“Fucker, run,” Hajime hisses, dragging Oikawa into the crowd as Kageyama and Hinata’s shocked, reddening faces vanish behind a gaggle of Indonesians and Oikawa’s delighted laughter carries them up and into the Village. The crowd swallows them happily, Oikawa grabbing up Hajime’s hand to tow them around a knot of drunken basketball players and Hajime lets him, holding tight to Oikawa’s palm, breathing shakily through his mouth.

i capitalized “olympic village” so inconsistently in this fic, and also i know one fucking adverb for breathing and that adverb is shaky.

The Village is wild, alight with men and women and drinks and noise. Hajime can’t hear it. He barely sees it. The line between Kageyama’s brows as he’d leaned into Hinata. Hinata’s flushed face when he’d spun around. Oikawa’s grin when he’d heckled them. Oikawa’s grin in the last set of the morning’s game. Oikawa’s grin as they sat on their asses on a golf course. Oikawa’s grin at the arrivals gate. Oikawa’s grin when they were in college. When they were in high school. When they were twenty-two, seventeen, fifteen, twelve, six.

 I want—

“The Americans—” Oikawa gasps ahead of him, “The Americans must have won gold in something tonight, look! This place is insane!”

It’s just color. Color and light and a pounding drone that sounds like joy to Hajime’s ears and makes him feel like he’s going to be sick. Oikawa’s face, warm and smiling softly on the golf course, in their old apartment, Oikawa’s hand between his shoulders in high school, his hand around Hajime’s here, right this second, his face at this moment, open and joyful, Hajime—

writing stream of consciousness stuff like this and the previous paragraph is so genuinely fun

Hajime’s mouth is open, sound forced from his throat before he even understands what it is that he’s trying to say, that he’s even trying to say something at all. “Oikawa—” he manages, low and strangled, and Oikawa turns, the mess of humanity splitting around them like a river and its rocks.

Their hands are knotted between them.

“Iwa-chan, did you—?” Hajime eyes are on Oikawa’s mouth, the faint ghost of a tooth behind smiling lips. He feels too hot. There’s no wind, the bodies too close together for such movement, but he can feel it through his hair, between his fingers. He looks up.

i couldn’t make proper santa ana references because july isn’t the season for santa anas, but let me let you in one a little secret: any time i talk about wind in this fic, i’m talking about the santa anas. and that’s because the santa anas are gay.

Oikawa is staring at him. Their hands are knotted between them. Oikawa’s throat bobs before his lips part. “Iwaizumi,” he says, voice low, eyes too dark to read. Hajime swallows, and grips Oikawa’s hand until he can feel the bones mash.

The party is too loud to be strictly heard, too dense to be exactly seen. Someone’s heel digs into Hajime’s toes as they stumble by.

this is like– i never made it anywhere near explicit enough in the fic proper, and didn’t honestly try too hard, but the reason iwaizumi steps away from oikawa at the airport and part of the reason he was uncomfortable with seeing kageyama and hinata kiss and possibly part of the reason him and oikawa never happened prior to this, is that i intended iwaizumi to be super uncomfortable with public intimacy. emotional or physical. so when it’s him alone with oikawa in the gym or on the golf course he can manage it, and he’s fine with oikawa throwing himself on iwaizumi after games because he still doesn’t register that as oikawa being physically intimate, he thinks that’s just how oikawa is (another problem!) but this line, about the party being impossibly dense, was meant to give oikawa and iwaizumi some isolation. just another PDA couple in a crowd not unlike a standing orgy. another thing i could have done a lot more thoroughly if i’d let the fic expand to the length it could have been

Oikawa’s eyes are on him. Oikawa leans in and kisses his mouth.

“leans in and kisses his mouth” is from captive prince don’t @ me

It’s gentle until it’s abruptly, immediately not, Oikawa’s hands hot on Hajime’s cheeks, behind his jaw, Oikawa’s tongue pressing insistently into his mouth until Hajime parts his lips and lets him in. Hajime is shoved against Oikawa’s chest by someone moving behind them and finds his hand’s in Oikawa’s shirt, tongue moving wetly against Oikawa’s but mostly just trying to breathe. Oikawa is a force unto himself. His teeth find Hajime’s lip and Hajime groans like it’s been ripped out of him.

so, as you may have noticed, i figured out how to describe kissing in between this and the captive prince ficlet.

“Not here,” Oikawa says when he pulls back, leaving Hajime glassy-eyed and heaving for breath. “Come on.”

He doesn’t pull them far, just enough to separate them from the flow of bodies through the plaza. There’s the tan stucco wall of a dorm building and then Hajime’s thrown against it, Oikawa kissing his mouth then his jaw then sucking hard at his neck. Hajime, crowded against the plaster, gasps. He tangles a hand in the fine hair at the back of Oikawa’s head and tries hard not to pull. When he does anyways, Oikawa moans against his throat and applies teeth.

good kissing, too. i’m very honestly proud of this kissing.

It’s unreal. All of it. Hajime feels drunk, except being drunk was never so vivid. The pain of Oikawa’s fingers around his arm is startling, his back and shoulders pressed flat and scraping against the wall. He hasn’t kissed anyone in an embarrassingly long time, and he’s never kissed anyone like this, where he’s not sure he’ll be left standing afterwards. Oikawa is consuming, and Hajime feels like he could live off this, off whatever it is Oikawa’s made of that he’s forcing into Hajime with teeth and tongue.

idk why you all let me get away with this line, oikawa is both consuming iwaizumi and giving him something?? make up your damn mind, op.

The sensation of Oikawa on him, against his mouth, is incredible but Hajime’s losing track. His heart is tight in his chest. The noise from the Village around them is still deafening, an indeterminate roar that swallows all meaning, and Hajime feels it too sharply. He can’t think and he suddenly realizes he needs to, because Oikawa won’t, and someone has to, and this feels like a dream but dreams can’t last and you have to wake up—

“Fuck,” he gasps, pulling back, and Oikawa tries to follow him until Hajime turns his face away. “I’m sorry,” he says, “I’m sorry.”

people apologizing during a heartfelt make out session is absoLUTELY from legal partners, do @ me on that, i refuse to apologize for cannibalizing that fic

“For what?” Oikawa murmurs, voice low and sweet. He’s kissing the corner of Hajime’s mouth. They’re too close together, Hajime can’t see any shape of him except the lidded light of his eye.

“I shouldn’t have—” Hajime says, stumbles, because he wants this, he’s thinking he’s maybe never wanted much of anything as much as he wants this, but not at the risk of— “We just started talking again, we can’t— We’re friends.”

you STUPID motherfucker

Oikawa stops. His lips on Hajime’s jaw disappear. When Hajime looks, Oikawa is staring at him, panting, eyes searching. His mouth is red and wet. Hajime barely recognizes him.

Hajime opens his mouth to say something, to, to maybe plead with him not to be stupid about this, but Oikawa surges forward, wrapping his hands over Hajime’s cheeks. It’s a rough kiss, closed-mouth and bruising, and then Oikawa pulls back. “Fuck!” he laughs, eyes screwed shut. His cheeks are pink.

i really love these two paragraphs, honestly. i hit the note i wanted and i hit it good and i fucked a lot of people up. a lot of innocent people, fucked ‘em right up.

And then he’s gone.

The outside world hits Hajime like a hammer, still too loud and bright and now too cold, too cold even in the desert in the summer, and Hajime pushes himself forward but Oikawa isn’t there. The crowds have swallowed him whole. Athletes surge past, all tall and beautiful and handsome, but not a one of them Oikawa, not a one of them with that smile.

oikawa’s smile: another recurring image, but that’s mostly unintentional. really, i just found it was the best feature by which to describe him every time i looked for one.

Hajime is suddenly alone among the bodies, lips still warm, heart heavy and plummeting into the earth.

ha ha ha you stupid motherfucker