#and ballad to amarie in general

[nereb-and-dungalef]

tfw you finally find a pdf by someone who shares what you thought were just insane theories and proves those insane theories in a way that supports your even more insane theories that the previous insane theories were just a footnote for))))))

[fragilelunar]

2023 Reading Wrap Up

General Stats:

Total Books Read: 105

Pages: 25, 224

Time: 194.17 Hours

Average Rating: 4.31 Stars

Library Books: 41

Books Owned: 14

5 Stars: 38

hello! for my first post on this new blog I figured I'd do a little wrap up of my reading from last year!! Tiny bit of back history to give y'all before I start doing monthly wrap ups and things. I always make my reading goal 50 books so that I can easily hit it and then just vibe the rest of the year btw!!

anyways!! here are all the books I read last year and my ratings of each:

Finale - Stephanie Garber ✭✭✭✭

The Sun Does Shine: How I Found Life and Freedom on Death Row - Lara Love Hardin, Anthony Ray Hinton ✭✭✭✭✭

The Inheritance Games - Jennifer Lynn Barners ✭✭✭✭✭

Unmasked: My Life Solving America's Cold Cases - Paul Holes ✭✭✭✭✭

Aquicorn Cove - K. O'neill ✭✭✭✭✭

Highly Suspicious and Unfairly Cute - Talia Hibbert ✭✭✭✭.5

Doughnuts and Doom - Balazs Lorinczi ✭✭✭✭

The Severed Thread - Leslia Vedder ✭✭✭✭

Anya's Ghost - Vera Brosgol ✭✭✭.5

The Hawthorne Legacy - Jennifer Lynn Barnes ✭✭✭✭

The Final Gambit - Jennifer Lynn Barnes ✭✭✭✭

Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism - Amanda Montell ✭✭✭✭

Babel - R.F. Kuang ✭✭✭✭✭

Save Yourself! - Bones Leopard ✭✭✭✭✭

Blink - Christopher Sebela ✭✭✭

The River Has Teeth - Erica Waters ✭✭✭✭.5

Hold Back the Tide - Melinda Salisbury ✭✭✭✭

Atari and Tika - Efa ✭✭✭✭

Goblin Slayer Vol 1 - Kumo Kagyu ✭✭✭.5

Goblin Slayer Vol 2 - Kumo Kagyu ✭✭✭✭

The Memory Eater - Rebecca Mahoney ✭✭✭✭✭

Legends & Lattes - Travis Baldree ✭✭✭✭

Amari and the Great Game - B.B. Alston ✭✭✭✭.5

Thanks a Lot, Universe - Chad Lucas ✭✭✭✭.5

Coming Back - Jessi Zabarsky ✭✭✭.5

I Wish You All the Best - Mason Deaver ✭✭✭✭✭

Heartstopper Vol 1 - Alice Oseman ✭✭✭✭✭

Heartstopper Vol 2 - Alice Oseman ✭✭✭✭✭

Heartstopper Vol 3 - Alice Oseman ✭✭✭✭✭

Heartstopper Vol 4 - Alice Oseman ✭✭✭✭✭

Chaos & Flame - Tessa Gratton, Justina Ireland ✭✭✭✭

Heart, Haunt, Havoc - Freydis Moon

The Feeling of Falling in Love - Mason Deaver ✭✭✭✭✭

Ana on the Edge - A.J. Sass ✭✭✭✭

Hell Followed With Us - Andrew Joseph White ✭✭✭✭✭

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes - Suzanne Collins ✭✭.5

Solitaire - Alice Oseman ✭✭✭✭✭

Nick and Charlie - Alice Oseman ✭✭✭✭✭

Radio Silence - Alice Oseman ✭✭✭✭✭

Belle of the Ball - Mari Costa ✭✭✭✭✭

Devil on Her Shoulder - Cédric Mayen ✭✭✭✭

City of Vicious Night - Claire Winn ✭✭✭✭

SpyxFamily Vol 1 - Tatsuya Endo ✭✭✭✭✭

Joe Hill's Rain - David M. Booher, Joe Hill ✭✭✭✭

Small Nozomi and Big Yume - Sou Hamayumiba ✭✭✭

Girls Like Girls - Hayley Kiyoko ✭✭✭✭

Cursed - Marissa Meyer ✭✭✭✭

I Was Born for This - Alice Oseman ✭✭✭✭✭

Threads That Bind - Kika Hatzopoulou ✭✭✭✭✭

Mooncakes - Suzanne Walker ✭✭✭✭

Ellen Outside the Lines - A.J. Sass ✭✭✭✭✭

Always Human - Ari North ✭✭✭✭

Out of the Blue - Jason June ✭✭✭✭

The Backstagers Vol 1 - James Tynion IV ✭✭✭✭.5

The Backstagers Vol 2 - James Tynion IV ✭✭✭✭✭

Dear Mothman - Robin Gow ✭✭✭✭✭

The Alchemy of Moonlight - David Ferraro ✭✭✭✭

Fake Dates and Mooncakes - Sher Lee ✭✭✭✭✭

The Backstagers Vol 3 - James Tynion IV ✭✭✭✭

So This Is Ever After - F.T. Lukens ✭✭✭✭

Bruised - Tanya Boteju ✭✭✭✭✭

Spell Bound - F.T. Lukens ✭✭✭✭.5

Sensory: Life on the Spectrum - Schnumm, Bex Ollerton ✭✭✭✭✭

Gender Is Really Strange - Teddy G. Goetz ✭✭✭✭✭

If You'll Have Me - Eunnie ✭✭✭✭✭

Fourth Wing - Rebecca Yarros ✭✭.5

Ode to My First Car - Robin Gow ✭✭✭.5

Save Me! (From Myself): Crushes, Cats, and Existential Crises - So Lazo ✭✭✭✭✭

Soppy: A Love Story - Philippa Rice ✭✭✭✭

You're Not Supposed to Die Tonight - Kalynn Bayron ✭✭✭

Rebent Sinner - Ivan Coyote ✭✭✭✭

The Bone Shard Daughter - Andrea Stewart ✭✭✭✭

Legendborn - Tracy Deonn ✭✭✭✭

The Bone Shard Emperor - Andrea Stewart ✭✭✭✭.5

The Spirit Bares Its Teeth - Andrew Joseph White ✭✭✭✭✭

Open Throat - Henry Hoke ✭✭✭.5

Girl Juice - Benji Nate ✭✭✭✭

Flavor Girls - Loïc Locatelli-Kournwsky, Eros De Santiago ✭✭✭✭

The Love Report - Béka ✭✭✭.5

Last Chance Books - Kelsey Rodkey ✭✭✭.5

Red Rising - Pierce Brown ✭✭✭✭

Where Darkness Blooms - Andrea Hannah ✭✭✭.5

Bittersweet in the Hollow - Kate Pearsall ✭✭✭✭.5

Dead Women Don't Tell Tales - Adrian J. Smith ✭✭✭.5

The Black Cat & the Vampire Vol 1 - Nikke Taino ✭✭✭✭

Mortal Follies - Alexis Hall ✭✭✭✭

The Hundred Years' War on Palestine - Rashid Khalidi ✭✭✭✭✭

The Black Cat & the Vampire Vol 2 - Nikke Taino ✭✭✭✭

These Violent Delights - Chloe Gong ✭✭✭✭✭

The Brothers Hawthorne - Jennifer Lynn Barnes ✭✭✭✭

Squire - Nadia Shammas ✭✭✭✭

The Companion - E.E. Ottoman ✭✭✭✭

Unfamiliar - Haley Newsome ✭✭✭✭

Something More - Jackie Khalilieh ✭✭✭.5

Turtle Bread - Kim-Joy ✭✭✭✭

Our Violent Ends - Chloe Gong ✭✭✭✭✭

Lore Olympus Vol 1 - Rachel Smythe ✭✭✭✭

Lore Olympus Vol 2 - Rachel Smythe ✭✭✭✭

Minor Detail - Adania Shibli ✭✭✭✭✭

Unfamiliar 2 - Haley Newsome ✭✭✭✭

Lore Olympus Vol 3 - Rachel Smythe ✭✭✭✭

Freedom Is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement - Angela Y. Davis ✭✭✭✭✭

Lore Olympus Vol 4 - Rachel Smythe ✭✭✭✭

Us - Sara Soler ✭✭✭✭.5

(titles in italics were ARCs!)

[illegiblewords]

ILLEGIBLE’S TOTALLY SUBJECTIVE FAVORITE EORZEA COLLECTION DESIGNS: RANGED DPS

NOTE: This was originally going to be a collection where everything was in one post, but it legitimately got so big that the post couldn’t save. And doing by halvesies broke all the links. So instead, I’m going to try and separate it into smaller chunks and see if that works.

I’ve mentioned in the past, the main thing that made me start playing FFXIV properly was seeing people’s character designs. I’m still blown away by the creativity and range of approaches people bring to this game, so I’ve decided to be an absolute madwoman and break my favorites into subcategories to share with anyone curious.

And to be clear. I’m not going to do something so broad as “oh top ten in-general :3″ because that would be sensible. No, I’m going to do it for all the current combat jobs. And all the current races. And different genders within the races and combat jobs as things stand. And I’m going to make a face-focus subcategory. And there are gonna be LOTS. Because I seriously cannot understate how inspired I’ve been by this community, and after however many years I just feel the need to vomit some incredible visuals I’ve encountered at you guys lol.

ANOTHER NOTE: In an abundance of caution, I want to stress this list isn’t a value judgment on anyone but a fragment of things that blew me personally away. Looking at the DRK sections it will be immediately clear that I Illegible really like that edgy dark knight aesthetic lmao, but there are plenty of non-edgy dark knights that I also love to bits. Other people might not like edgy dark knights. Due to a combination of size and search constraints plus trying to keep gear somewhat varied, these glamours are just what wound up on this particular list of mine. I could make another list one day. Other people can make lists too that are totally different.

Without further ado, let us begin.

BARD

FEMALE

- Cherry March by Toasty Steambun

- Scarlet Vagabond by Rena Nox

- Suzaku’s Champion by Kotomi Krios

- Serpent Elite Hunter by Vesper Amaris

- Rathian by Nya Nya

- Obsolete Ribbon Bard by Karielle Davva

- Ronkan The Huntress by Raven Ashfell

- Peacock Elegance by Lohia Aihol

- Purple Rain by Franya Mohali

- Aoidos by Miyu Fubuki

MALE

- Reaper-Inspired Bard by Flower Blossom

- Purest arrow by Lys Aludra

- Hunter of Lost Souls by Sahl Suh

- Bloodsinger by  Lys Aludra

- Wanderer of the Past by Nyuki Dewinter

- Maelstrom Song by J'roric Citlalloh

- Sand Hunter by R'yo Aderyd

- Tactical Automaton by Lys Aludra

- Ballads of Azim Steppe by T'yan Ardeo

- Violet Archer by T'yan Ardeo

DANCER

FEMALE

- Sidereal Goddess by Leisha Aysheen

- Crepuscule by Lohia Aihol

- Loving Blue Dancer by Kaisa Miyahara

- The First Ride by Kirin Anderfels

- Armored Bladedancer by Flower Blossom

- Masked Dancer by Aoi Umi

- Dancer of the Flame by Lohia Aihol

- Apothecary by Leisha Aysheen

- From sands to ashes by R'yo Aderyd

- The Monkey King by Stole Your'cat

MALE

- Flying Guillotine by Punch Mage

- Shadowed Step by Callum Crossy

- Rift Crusader by Onuki Saiga

- Prince Ali by Leisha Aysheen

- Battle Dancer by Ray Stormbringer

- Paglth’an Dancer by Vib'e Cheque

- Waterfall Adagio by T'yan Ardeo

- Memories of a Silhouette by Damien Cavalier

- Midnight Mint by Violet Wooden

- The Dancing Plague by Geraltus D'doritus

MACHINIST

FEMALE

- Skysteel Valentine by Pastel Alerion

- Artic War by  Ihon Nuzhysa

- Allied Officer by Mihri Ninaka

- Neo - doomsday by Goelia Sarantia

- bang bang shoot by Vegetable Juice

- Infiltrator: Lancehead and Gunmetal by Flash Galathynius

- Ruby Engineer by Lys Aludra

- GOBBIE BOOM! by Loki- Kun

- Wanderer: Dirt and Grit by Flash Galathynius

- Mysterious Stranger by Paragon Moon

MALE

- Fran - Chase by Goelia Sarantia

- Gunslinger by Lys Aludra

- Well-Stocked Sky Pirate by Sari Mogari

- Bozjan Ops by  Ilium Lavendeer

- Wild Western Demon Hunter by Mori Sumire

- High Class, High Seas by Yannick Ostheimer

- Onmyo Bullet by Uskhal Dalamiq

- The Wanderer by Dividus Yliaster

- Wildfire by Lys Aludra

- Intrepid Expeditioner by Brazen Elk

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 29/05/2021 (Eurovision, BTS, Olivia Rodrigo, Galantis/David Guetta/Little Mix, Anne-Marie & Niall Horan)

What better way to celebrate the end of a week in which I have been consistently ill and surprisingly busy? Sixteen new arrivals, of course! Shoot me, but first, congratulate Olivia Rodrigo for her second #1 as “good 4 u” gets the album boost to overthrow “Body” this week. I can safely say I think it’ll be there for a while. Let’s just start REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

Sixteen new arrivals and therefore, kind of a bloodbath. Why are there sixteen new arrivals? We’ll get to it. Other than six new arrivals from last week, we have a couple other drop-outs, the notable of which being those that spent five or more weeks in the UK Top 75 – which I cover – or those that peaked in the top 40. Therefore, those include, rather ironically on Olivia Rodrigo’s album week, former #1 “drivers license” (only dropping out because of a silly UK chart rule that only allows three songs per lead artist on the chart), as well as “Don’t Play” by Anne-Marie, KSI and Digital Farm Animals, “Another Love” by Tom Odell, “Calling My Phone” by Lil Tjay and 6LACK, “Heartbreak Anniversary” by Giveon, “Tonight” by Ghost Killer Track and D-Block Europe featuring OBOY and “Miss the Rage” by Trippie Redd and Playboi Carti. I’m not complaining about most of this, sorry, Giveon.

We have no returning entries – thankfully – so instead we can just focus on notable falls and climbers. I guess we’ll start with notable losses, songs that dropped five or more spots from their placement last week, and of course we do have a few of them at least as a result of, say it with me, sixteen new arrivals. The first few of these are all harsh drops because of ACR, which happened to coincide with the rest of the chaos, including “Little Bit of Love” by Tom Grennan at #24, “BED” by Joel Corry, David Guetta and RAYE at #25, “Friday” (Dopamine Re-Edit) by Riton and Nightcrawlers featuring Musafa & Hypeman at #26, “Peaches” by Justin Bieber featuring Daniel Caesar and Giveon at #29 and “Let’s Go Home Together” by Ella Henderson and Tom Grennan at #33. We also have the losses for J. Cole staying surprisingly slim with “My Life” featuring 21 Savage and Morray at #27, “Pride is the Devil” featuring Lil Baby at #28 and “Amari” at #35. The rest are mostly just expected continuous fallers, like “Wellerman” by Nathan Evans and remixed by 220 KID and Billen Ted at #44, “Nice to Meet Ya” by Wes Nelson and Yxng Bane at #46, “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S at #50, “Marea (We’ve Lost Dancing)” by Fred again.. and the Blessed Madonna at #51, “Ferrari Horses” by D-Block Europe featuring RAYE at #53, “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals at #57, “Seeing Green” by Nicki Minaj, Drake and Lil Wayne at #58 off of the debut, “All You Ever Wanted” by Rag’n’Bone Man at #61, “Martin & Gina” by Polo G at #63, “Leave the Door Open” by Silk Sonic at #64, “My Head & My Heart” by Ava Max at #65, Travis Scott’s remix of HVME’s remix of Travis Scott’s “Goosebumps” at #67, “Addicted” by Jorja Smith at #68, “Beautiful Mistakes” by Maroon 5 and Megan Thee Stallion at #70, “Sunshine (The Light)” by Fat Joe, DJ Khaled and Amorphous at #73, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi at #74 and finally “Believe Me” by Navos at #75. Phew.

Now what’s interesting is that we have nearly just as many gains, and they’re pretty unique, big surges in most cases, starting with “Cover Me in Sunshine” by P!nk and Willow Sage Heart at #52 thanks to the album boost that also prompted P!nk’s “All I Know So Far” to creep into the top 40 at #39, “Build a Bitch” by Bella Poarch at #32 off of the debut, “Starstruck” by Years & Years at #31 thanks to a bizarrely uncredited Kylie Minogue remix, “Little More Love” by AJ Tracey at #21, “Didn’t Know” by Tom Zanetti at #20, “Higher Power” by Coldplay at #19, “Black Hole” by Griff at #18, Majestic’s remix of Boney M.’s “Rasputin” at #16, “Good Without” by Mimi Webb soaring into the top 10 and hence becoming her first at #10, and Olivia Rodrigo getting her third thanks to the album boost as “deja vu” is at #4. I think that’s more than enough that needs to be said about music that was already on the chart last week, so welcome back to the part of this series where I get either increasingly frustrated or exhausted every time I have to list another song.

NEW ARRIVALS

#72 – “Life Goes On” – PS1 featuring Alex Hosking

Produced by PS1 and Mark Alston

So, what better way to start sixteen new arrivals? A generic piano-house club track, of course. PS1 is a New York DJ and for this track with a 90s-esque piano and synth melody, bassy drop and tight, bland percussion as well as oddly-mixed anonymous female vocals made to sound robotic regardless of genuine emotive performance, he’s enlisted Australian singer Alex Hosking as well as co-songwriting from hit-makers GOODBOYS, both of which make remarkably little difference to the fact that despite being a faux-inspirational club track, this song is incredibly joyless and flailing in as pathetic and one-note of a fashion as possible. Yes, that is one exhaustive sentence chugging on as long as possible, but there’s no better way to parallel this disposable garbage than that.

#71 – “What a Time” – Julia Michaels featuring Niall Horan

Produced by Ian Kirkpatrick and RKCB

Niall Horan coincidentally has two unrelated female-male duets debuting with him in this week. Thankfully, Julia Michaels only has the one track debuting, and for the love of God, I can’t even figure out why she has the one, as this is a track from a 2019 EP that flew massively under every radar except seemingly mine as whilst I have listened to this EP, I cannot remember for the life of me liking any of it besides “Anxiety”, which makes sense since Michaels is at best an uninteresting songwriter and at worst an insufferable vocal presence. Regardless, I’m going to assume the surge is due to TikTok or some kind of residual Niall Horan hype, whatever there is of that, and look at this song two years after the fact. Well, for what it’s worth, I appreciate the vaguely folkish guitar riff, even if it’s going to be drowned out immensely by Michaels’ approach to vocal takes, which is to put as little effort into that first take and then multi-track enough for it to sound listenable, particularly on that bizarrely unfitting chorus in which reminiscing on a wonderful, intimate time with your partner is demonstrated by rote piano chords, an awkward string swell and distant, reverb-drenched incoherency on the vocals. I guess I do like the switch in the final chorus as she changes “what a time” to “what a lie” to emphasise the bitterness of that break-up, but I don’t think that bitterness has to soak the entire master because this song is dripping in apathy that I just don’t have any time for personally in my pop power ballads. Wait, Niall Horan was on this song?

Eurovision Song Contest 2021

Whilst I may not do a special episode on this blog for the Eurovision Song Contest, I’d be lying if I didn’t confess to watching and enjoying it every year. This year’s, the first since 2019 for obvious reasons, was hosted in Rotterdam in the Netherlands and was won by an Italian rock band, with the United Kingdom infamously receiving zero points yet somehow more applause than Israel’s performance. Telling. It’s not all politics though, obviously: the reason songs win is not just the lighting, stage presence, vocal performance or grandiosity, but rather the songs themselves, or at least ostensibly so. The winner this year didn’t have the best of any of those factors in my opinion – no, not even the politics – so it’s clearly about a mixture of this success criteria. This year had some particularly good songs and the most consistency out of Eurovision in a while, naturally leading to quite a few new arrivals, also factored in by the charts being weak, so we essentially get an album bomb. Let’s pile up every new arrival related to Eurovision and talk somewhat more briefly about each song, starting with...

#66 – “Dark Side” – Blind Channel

Representing: FINLAND

The Finnish entry this year is one of two heavy rock entries, both of which charted, and this is a genre represented by about one country annually. There’s always a Gothic-influenced or industrial-esque band in the shortlist or national finals if not the semis and international final, but it doesn’t stop them from being some of the most interesting Eurovision contesters. It’s in English and came sixth with 301 points. Is it any good? Well, it’s far from bad with that pumping electronic groove before it’s crushed by metallic, distorted and rather ugly guitars that remind me of, if anything, scene-era nu metal and crunkcore, especially due to the clean and growling vocal dynamic. The song is still anthemic as all hell and if we ignore the dog barking and stuttering vocals, as well as the fact that these vocalists don’t have that much grit to their performance, we can appreciate the clamouring rock track this is, and I’d be lying if I said that final chorus isn’t pretty epic. Next!

#62 – “Voilá” – Barbara Pravi

Representing: FRANCE

The French entry this year is one my staunchly Italian nationalist online friend immediately had a distaste for, and as someone with British citizenship, I am also legally obliged to give this Worst of the Week. Sorry, Barbara but traditions are traditions. It’s in her native French and came second overall with 499 points. Is it any good? Well, like many French entries and French pop songs in general, it’s in a chanson style that adapts very well to the modern western art-pop sound, as Pravi’s cooing vocals are at full focus in the mix as they skate around more subtle pianos, wonderfully elegant strings and this wistful tone that may or may not make sense for the content. What? I’m not learning a word of French past what was grained into me during primary school. Overall, I think this is a pretty great song with a lot of that almost Bjork-esque swell especially in Pravi’s vocal performance that I think makes for a pretty excellent listen, especially by the time that abrupt finish hits. I’d probably prefer it being a bit less minimal and scattered so the hook hits harder but overall this is one of the best Eurovision entries this year. However, she is French so, next!

#59 – “SHUM” – Go_A

Representing: UKRAINE

The Ukrainian entry, always successful enough to get to the finals, was particularly hyped up prior due to its... eccentricity and ended up in fifth place with 364 points. It’s in their native Ukrainian so they might as well be garbling acid both verbally and as a written text, so I guess I have to judge it on the fact that this is pretty bonkers, with a charismatic and energetic vocal performance that yells over triumphant bassy horns perfectly blended with the 80s bass synths but not so much with those chirping flutes that, whilst cool on paper, kind of just give me a headache when faced against this thumping dance beat that remains decidedly strained for most of its runtime, and annoyingly so as it means the song never has that cathartic of a release, at least to me, but what drop it has ends up deconstructed and janky in something that might fit on PC Music but I’m not sure it does on Ukrainian Eurovision. This has something there, but I’m not into it. Sorry.

#47 – “Embers” – James Newman

REPRESENTING: United Kingdom

A catastrophic loss is British culture at Eurovision, and it’s not the first time in this century that we’ve gotten the infamous null points. James happens to be related to the more noteworthy John Newman, but that didn’t avoid a “nil points catastrophe”, coined by Jochan Embley, who reviewed the song for the Evening Standard and is now set in stone as an utter fool as his quote predicting that not to be the case this year is now forever preserved on the Wikipedia page for this very song. Nice one, Embley. We finished at twenty-sixth and Newman should honestly be glad this embarrassment is charting. The worst part of this whole ordeal is that the song’s actually fine and definitely representative of British pop music with its 90s-esque piano, bassy drop and anonymous vocal performance – if any of that sounds familiar – and I do love the plastic brass added here for the sake of bombast. It’s nothing interesting, and a tad too long considering how little it does with its musical premise, but it’s not worse than half of any given Eurovision. Maybe next year we submit a UK drill song, I’m sure that’ll get the people going. Tion Wayne, do you want to take a flight to Italy in 2022? Maybe bring Young Adz here while you’re at it; that could truly be a fascinatingly out of place Eurovision entry but at least one of these countries – probably Russia – would vote for it. As for now, at least this was funny to see absolutely bomb, and Graham Norton become increasingly hopeless for its success as the night went on.

#43 – “10 Years” – Daoi Freyr

REPRESENTING: Iceland

One part of this guy’s backing band tested positive for COVID-19 so they had to isolate and just show the dress rehearsal again but it didn’t stop them from charting and delivering a pretty damn unique entry, as Iceland is known for doing nowadays. It’s all in English and finished in fourth place with 378 points, and is it any good? Well, for one of the whitest concepts in television, this is the whitest song of this year’s entries, starting with some gentle violins before abruptly careening straight into this Daoi Freyr guy monotonously droning over bass-heavy nu-disco straight out of the 2000s with a level of irony balancing out whatever sincerity there is in the quasi-R&B breakdown, and, you know, it’s fun, at least? I do think the stage performance is remarkably more interesting than this funktronica mess in the studio, but this is catchy and inoffensive, two good ways to get people to care about your song in Eurovision, so it makes sense. Also,  that chiptune synth-solo borderline saves this song, even in all its brevity.

#17 – “ZITTI E BUONI” – Maneskin

REPRESENTING: Italy

So third place didn’t chart – sorry, Switzerland – but we do obviously get the winner charting as high as the top 20. The chart’s weak and the lead singer’s hot and probably does cocaine – it’s a recipe for success, especially when they probably have mafia connections and can threaten or buy their way into the charts. Unrealistic and possibly xenophobic stereotypes aside, this is the Italian entry and whilst I was personally gunning for Portugal, who came twelfth, I can see how this gathered 524 points, even if they had to censor the lyrics for the sake of the contest, not that I can tell because I do not know a lick of Italian. Sorry, Ignacio. Anyway, this song kicks ass and rather disrespectfully at that, as the lead singer breathily sings over garage rock-esque guitar licks and some pretty manic drumming that delivers not only a catchy hook but an undeniable groove, assisted by some slick rapping that comes out of the blue in the second verse and honestly fits the song – and the singer – a lot better than it has any right to. Congratulations, Italy – you’ll be paying out the ass for the next contest. Ciao!

Back to your regularly scheduled programming...

Well, that got a lot out of the way. Not all of it, though.

#60 – “Topshottas Freestyle” – Potter Payper

Produced by Chucks

Potter Payper is basically some guy from Barking, East London, and that’s all you need to sign a record deal with the same label that has Stormzy on payroll so that’s why he’s here. With that said, there’s something deeper here, or at least in the first few lines of this singular verse – without a chorus – in which Potter Payper narrates a street lifestyle, far too common for young working-class British men, retelling what is probably his truth about the consequences of ignoring motherly advices and finding yourself in a situation surrounded by gang violence, drug trafficking and all the paranoia that comes with it. Of course, he then brags about his wordplay, gunplay and fashion, and the rest of the verse just feels aimless with nothing exactly restraining the meandering checklist of clichés, and zilch returning it back to what I thought was going to be the point of the song. I guess this trap beat is okay but this same acoustic guitar and oddly-mastered bass is so common and uninteresting that I find it hard to care. I don’t have an issue with British music being Americanised as that’s just the result of musical evolution and the sharing of culture, but when the only way you can tell this isn’t from the States is the accent does make me question why this is charting amongst Dave and AJ Tracey instead of Lil Baby and Gunna.

#56 – “GANG GANG” – Polo G and Lil Wayne

Produced by Angelo Ferraro

Polo G, after just having the biggest hit of his career with the US #1 hit “RAPSTAR”, follows it up with a Lil Wayne collaboration and thanks to a busy and just misguided release date and timing, it makes a lot less noise than it should. It absolutely deserves that level of attention too, with its chopped-up borderline ambient melody that creates  a perfect foundation for this high-energy bass-heavy trap beat as well as Polo G delivering a lot more energy than on “RAPSTAR” (to the point where I think that’s the reason why his actually interesting songs don’t do as well). The chorus has a pretty great melodic switch-up by the end and whilst the flows are pretty rote, it’s hard to say they aren’t smoothly delivering all of the flexing and gunplay pretty typical of Polo G, and if anything that’s what it’s missing: an extra layer of depth, not that I care of course, because Lil Wayne’s on it. Wayne has been astonishingly great on features recently and this is one of his most impressive features to the point where I could barely write about it on first listen, with some of his slickest flow switches ever and whilst the content doesn’t get any more interesting than pouring his heart out for his lean, his pure charisma outshines anyone who could have been on this track and this means this ends up pretty excellent in terms of 2020s trap-rap. I don’t know when that Polo G album is coming but I hope it has more of this. Also, for the love of God, Wayne, keep this energy up for the next album. I’m begging you.

#42 – “SUN GOES DOWN” – Lil Nas X

Produced by Roy Lenzo, Omar Fedi and Take a Daytrip

As his follow up to “MONTERO”, we have a new, decidedly less sexual Lil Nas X hit debuting again surprisingly low on the chart considering the last single’s success, finally delivering in the musical department as for me, there’s a constant conflict between wanting to like Lil Nas as a character, performer and personality rather than actually enjoying any of the guy’s music. Last time I talked about Lil Nas, I did bring up the Pitchfork album review that questioned if he really liked music and whilst it’s funny, I do see how Lil Nas could have perhaps taken Pitchfork to heart as a result as he practically explains his love of popular music as a way for him to feel like he belonged in a community, which is especially meaningful for a man constantly left alienated because of his own mental health issues as a teenager and struggling to come to terms with his homosexuality, to the point of suicidal thoughts. I just love how the verse ends on a happy note where makes the leap of faith to come out and how now he’s proud of himself, he wants to make sure his fans are proud of him since they’re the people who got him there. For me, those last lines recontextualise the chorus as becoming less about contemplating death but more about ascending to a happier place and rejecting all your struggles that you’ve overcome. It helps that this is all sang pretty soulfully over an almost emo guitar melody with some basic flows but gorgeous multi-tracked vocal melodies accentuated by strings that elevate this song even higher, even if it seems underdeveloped. Sure, it doesn’t have that second verse, but does a victory lap need a re-over?

#38 – “Mask” – Dream

Produced by Perish Beats and Banrisk

Nope.

#22 – “Our Song” – Anne-Marie and Niall Horan

Produced by TMS

Okay, so this is a duet where two ex-lovers – only in the song – attempt to get over each other but end up hearing a song they held special to their relationship and all of the memories and pain comes flooding back. Without the youthful exuberance of Taylor Swift’s song of the same name, this duet should carry some bitterness and resentment but mostly capture a hesitant nostalgia... and despite being oddly Niall Horan-dominated, I guess it does that pretty effectively, or at least would if Niall wasn’t crushed by a misshapen trap beat that drowns this pathetically fluttering guitar loop into a mush that not even Anne-Marie can over-sell. Everything here is so utterly basic that it kind of screws itself over by trying for any energy or passion, and therefore kind of just doesn’t. I’m glad.

#9 – “Heartbreak Anthem” – Galantis, David Guetta and Little Mix

Produced by Bloodshy, Henrik Jonback, David Saint Fleur, Thom Bridges, David Guetta, Mike Hawkins, SONDR and Johnny Goldstein

It really speaks to the power of Little Mix that even with only three members and only one of them not expecting a child, they can bring Galantis back of all people. Although given that Galantis is already a duo, I fail to see why David Guetta needs to be here, and the same can go for any of the other seven credited producers of this song, which actually only includes one half of Galantis! I question if a song ever needs that many, despite the fact that in reality they probably contributed zilch to the song each, just enough to get a pay check. None of that should matter, however, if the song isn’t good and I’ll admit this is far from the worst that any of these guys have delivered, with a string melody and swell not unlike 2015-era house Galantis themselves made, and vocal deliveries from the girls that sound like they were located in vastly different locations from each other (to the point where anyone harmonising with Perrie sounds really awkward regardless of how many vocal manipulation effects you can put on them). For seven producers, that’s inexcusable, but as a song, it’s just a shallow post-break-up song that kind of feels like a dig towards Jesy if anything (although I hope it isn’t). I’m not a fan – I never was going to be – but it works for what it is as this colourful house jam, and not much else. This is Galantis’ first top 10 since 2016, by the way. Yeah, Little Mix are that big.

#7 – “traitor” – Olivia Rodrigo

Produced by Dan Nigro

It couldn’t have been “brutal”? Or “hope ur ok”? Okay, well, if we’re going to have the dullest track on the album bar one I guess we’ll go with the one that follows the “drivers license” formula to a T but without as much passion in the vocals, without as much interesting songwriting quirks and with a whole lot of rote fluff removed far from any indie-girl influence that undercuts what is essentially a teen-pop product. I’m not going to pretend I cannot get caught up in melodrama and embrace that, but this is a slog of a ballad with an almost sing-song, condescending vocal melody in that chorus, multi-tracked and studio-produced to rid her of any of that natural rasp she has when singing live. The song is about being annoyed by an ex finding someone new and the more toxic thoughts that come with being the ex-girlfriend in that situation, but with decidedly low stakes this time around that just make her more unlikeable than relatable. I’m sorry, I didn’t think that album was half-bad at all, but please don’t make this the post-release hit.

#3 – “Butter” – BTS

Produced by Ron Perry, Rob Grimaldi and Stephen Kirk

See, I value my personal information, and I don’t know about you but I’m as scared of these guys as I am Nicki Minaj stans, or Minecraft YouTuber stans, or serial killers, so whilst I doubt my platform is extensive enough to reach that level, I also know that these people are so online that they could easily find me somehow somewhere. With that said, just to clarify, when I say I wish I could “Nope” myself out of this one like I did with Dream because I have consistently little to say about this band, it’s not because I in any way dislike BTS or the band members within, or their record label that manages them and many other K-pop bands which I also do not dislike, or, because I’ve seen this happen, East Asians in general. Is that enough stalling to just say I don’t care about this basic pop fluff? When BTS are in Korean, their lyrics aren’t embarrassing and their production tends to be more experimental or at least catchier, more interesting. I like a fair few Korean BTS songs as a result but I just do not see the appeal in making another stiff, cleanly-produced 80s-esque funk-pop song with some chiptune synths that are admittedly kinda cool other than getting on US radio. There’s some interplay between the boys here but it just leads to a pretty homogenised track where none of them have enough personality to shine through, not even SUGA and RM on the tacked-on rap verse that so awkwardly ends. The synth solo sounds perfectly out of an era of dated 80s synths that I’m not sure anyone other than Bruno Mars actually had nostalgia for, and not even some pretty vocoder can save it. The writing is too clumsy, the production’s not equipped to handle it and there’s not much to speak of in terms of performance. I fear for my life when I say it but I think this is actually pretty bad.

Conclusion

Okay, so, we’re finally finished with this week and God, I’m glad, as there’s not that much quality here to speak of, although what is here is here in droves, so Best of the Week gladly goes to Polo G and Lil Wayne for “GANG GANG”, with “Sun Goes Down” by Lil Nas X following closely behind as an Honourable Mention. In terms of Worst of the Week, it doesn’t actually go to they who shall not or he who should not be named, instead going to the pathetic “Your Song” by Anne-Marie and Niall Horan, with a Dishonourable Mention going to BTS for “Butter”. It’s just “Dynamite” again but with considerably less reason to exist. Here’s this week’s top 10:

If I make it to next week, who knows what’s coming? This is a slower week – hopefully – and I don’t think black midi will chart, though it’d be comical, so I’ll hold off on predictions and just thank you for reading. See you next week!

[adrift-in-writing]

Going Beyond - Day Five (Respect)

Read on AO3

Falling | Pedant | Rattle | Saccharine

Author’s Note: This chapter is longer than I initially anticipated.

______________________________

Somehow and somewhere in one of the older Overwatch training facilities, Lena had wanted to prove herself to Amélie that she’d be more than capable of keeping up with a hypothetical kill-count if they ever worked together. That, and it was to see how much she improved over the years. She wanted to prove she really was as fast as people made her out to be, even if it meant trying to claim an empty reward that was no longer relevant.

Though the facility itself was rather in shambles in some parts, overall the Watchpoint was still functional to an extent. Fresh water still ran when needed, lights came on when it was needed, doors still opened, and the automated systems in general all worked properly. Even an outdated version of Athena was up and running, albeit it was not obeying the common commands it was assigned due to the command center being decommissioned.

They had wandered the halls for a bit, searching for a shooting range of sorts. Naturally, every single Watchpoint was interconnected globally; if one person participated within the training sessions, it’s likely they could have encountered their friend on a completely different side of the planet and battle them should they desire.

“How much further are we going?” Amélie had asked, for she was quite tired with having to walk long distances. They were getting side-tracked by all the nostalgia from Lena’s own whims.

To calm her, the smaller Brit assured her they weren’t too far. “I just gotta take a look at one other thing, then we’ll go straight there!”

She knew that dilly dallying wouldn’t do them much, so Lena had picked up the pace by blinking to her final destination: her old room. It was out of the sake of revisiting a small memory of course, but much of her belongings were still there. After all, Overwatch was not given the opportunity to pack up and go easily.

A picture frame of when she was merely 15 years old still stood on the lonesome side-table, and a now deactivated accelerator recharge station sat over in the corner.

Through these empty halls, Lena had felt like they were visiting her home away from home. For Amélie, it felt a little worrisome that they were here alone. It concerned her that this place was allowed to stand. What if potential thieves or looters came in?

Lena returned after a few minutes, carrying with her a small stack of photos. She placed it within her satchel bag that Amélie agreed to carry along, and cautiously stowed the photos away.

After some while of searching - and a bit of playful behavior by Tracer along the way - they had found the training facility. In stark contrast to the sleek and clean hallways, the facility was darker, and dust had settled and encrusted some bits of the terminals.

Because Lena had known Overwatch and how things operated in these terminals, the sniper proceeded into the course first. With a push of a few buttons, the young girl kicked in one of Athena’s old programmings so that she could join Amélie.

From that point on, they had to be identified as Widowmaker and Tracer only, to simulate and immerse themselves if the situation was ever real. What was once a dark room within the training course now became something...else.

Blending in a mixture of battlefield manipulation, room expansion, and overall simulated reality, the training grounds now became an entirely different world.

It wasn’t just the room that changed, for Tracer was now wearing standard issue Overwatch attire. Widowmaker was due a cosmetic change, but the program failed to register Amélie as a member. A practical shooting range was deployed, and a large holo-board filled with scores from international agents unveiled itself.

At the top sitting in the #1 spot was Captain Ana Amari, followed by McCree in a few extra points or so, Strike Commander Morrison in third position, Gabriel Reyes in fourth, Genji in fifth, and none other than Tracer in sixth position. Several other members not familiar with Lena were beneath her, but she didn’t bother with them.

The two looked at each other, and Tracer gave a big smile to Widowmaker, who in return had a rather blank stare. “I want you to give it your best, yeah?” 

“Oui (Yes). Expect nothing less.”

Tilting her head, the young girl chuckled and nodded. “Try and beat me.”

With a nod, Widowmaker affirmed it. “Give it your all, ma amour (my love). I will do the same.”

Before she knew it, Lena blinked right into her personal space. She didn’t flinch, but she what she was not expecting was a quick little peck on her cold lips.

“Kiss of good luck. You’ll need it if you wanna beat me then!” Once more, Lena had proclaimed it while snickering. “G’luck, luv~!”

Scoffing, Widowmaker turned her attention to what was now in front of her: a countdown to when the practice would begin. In approximately 30 seconds, holographic projections - produced by hardlight technology - would continuously spawn non-lethal robotic target dummies for them to take down.

Amélie took a long and deep breath, now scanning the scoreboard. She promised to end up in first place, but even then she could simply beat Tracer. By then, Lena had taken her position and stretched her legs, bouncing up and down to warm herself up.

Pulsefire pistols at the ready, the young Brit was determined, and even the aura of her giddiness was remarkably visible. Past this point, she had to treat Amélie more like a teammate than a significant other, and vice versa.

“5...4...3...2...1...” The timer ticked while Athena counted down the numbers. “Begin.”

The countdown now changed to a timer set for a mere 5 minutes, and the score showed 0 to 0 for both.

A swarm of mindless bots appeared in a flash. As if by instinct, Lena dashed around and began firing while Amélie scoped in, wasting no time on aiming more than a second.

Every target Tracer was going after was immediately struck down by Widowmaker’s bullet. One by one, they cracked and disappeared into the void of programs only to respawn at a later point. Though it would not be long before the young adventurer would catch up as she kicked it into high gear. For every one move Widowmaker made, Tracer had to make two.

Like a ballad of beautiful violence, gunshots, distinct swishes, and the occasional explosion filled the air. Amélie kept her calm, simply planting bullets into the robotic heads and moving onwards to the next target. If it was a group, she would deploy one of her venom mines and quickly finish them off with her Widow’s Kiss assault mode. 

The scoreboard showed that the sniper was now in a 20-kill lead - or roughly 200 points -  but Tracer was closing the gap. Every dash equated a few squeezes of her pistols. Holograms of those robots ended up disappearing as quick as they appeared, and it really looked like the young girl would get the lead. The first pulse bomb was thrown out, and it eliminated a grouped up crowd of five bots. There seemed to be no sign of exhaustion coming from Lena, but even Amélie knew she was pushing herself.

Like a light show, the arena became something along the lines of blue streaks blinking all around the battle. Though her accuracy was of no concern, it was her reaction times that mattered more in the moment. Widowmaker would fire, but she would end up missing because in the split second alone, Lena had already confirmed her kill. Suddenly, the gap became closer and closer.

Widowmaker simply could not keep up at this rate. She moved strategically around the arena, but never moved in comparison to Tracer. but just as Lena was behind by two simple kills, her accelerator short-circuited. Next thing she knew, Lena stumbled and fell to the ground, combat rolling to ensure she wouldn’t lose momentum.

“Agh! Dammit!” Lena had cursed herself in the moment, but she kept her determination high and moved onward.

Without her accelerator, Lena was in a bit of a snag. She wasn’t nearly as fast, and Widowmaker saw it as an advantage on her end. It was then she had grappled upwards in the air just to show off. One bullet made its mark, and another headshot came to pass all while she was in the air.

Two minutes passed in the time they had already spent in the training room. A score of 120 to 116 in Amélie’s favor seemed to be a new record at this point in time, beating out Ana’s old record of 112 in two minutes.

There was no banter between them, for they were too focused on trying to constantly one-up each other.

Things escalated from here on out. More bots showed up in increasingly larger volumes, and it became a lot more harder for Widowmaker to eliminate them all without having to leave some behind. Lena’s accelerator came back up and allowed her to move as she once did, but it would repeatedly sputter and fail every few seconds.

Perhaps that was because of the overexhaustion of the functionalities, but if push had come to shove even if this was just a friendly competition, Tracer would do it. After all, the room still kept her anchored in time in case of critical malfunctions. There was no holding back - like Tracer had promised initially to Widowmaker.

Those two more minutes passed by increasingly quicker than anticipated, and now the final minute to win the match was here.

Rather than continue on with an onslaught of bots, there were only a maximum of five being presented every few seconds. The scoreboard now was 353 to 331, a massive 22 point lead for Widowmaker. Lena had gained an upper hand for the second minute leading in with 265 to 247, but her accelerator kept failing at each turn. Thus, her lead was lost.

One minute became thirty seconds. By these final moments, Lena and Amélie were increasingly exhausted from overextending their strength. They breathed heavily, and it was harder to hold their weapons the more they continued.

The sniper was exhausted, that much was true, but she didn’t nearly exert as much power as the young girl before her. Truth be told, she was very impressed that a person with such a small stature had that much energy to keep up. Perhaps...?

For the final set, only three bots showed at one point, but they were in rapid succession. Though it was seemingly guaranteed for the sniper to win, it was nevertheless Lena would give all that she had in swiftly eliminating those three bots.

As soon as the first group was digitally reconstructed by the hardlight tech, Tracer madly dashed and eliminated them in quick succession, giving little to no time for Widowmaker to react. Upon those bots falling, the next set arrived, and so did the fifth pulse bomb from Lena.

But she was getting a little bit careless. Tracer would occasionally just go on ahead to the next stack of mindless targets while she left one alone, and that would be one Amélie would pick off, but the lead Amélie once held was now just two points away from being lost. There were about ten more seconds left on the board, and the scores were now 359 to 358.

Widowmaker took aim at the next group of three, making only one kill while Tracer took home two. Their scores were now tied up, and it seemed like Lena would be able to take it...until her accelerator crashed once again. She groaned audibly to the point where it almost seemed like she was about to swear.

The very last training target appeared right in the middle of the field. Lena took notice of it and swallowed hard, but she wouldn’t let Amélie take it. At the range she was in, there’d be no way she could land a hit. It was right in the sniper’s sights, and she was scoped in for the final point.

But she didn’t pull the trigger. Instead, she watched as her love was running furiously at it while spraying her pulsefire pistols at it. There was a smile - and a genuine one - when Tracer managed to break the tie with 360 to 361.

Practice was over. Widowmaker had lost on purpose, but she didn’t seem to care. More or less, she did it so Tracer wouldn’t be so bitter over it. After the simulations ended and the arena had reverted back to a simple black room, Lena fell to her knees, taking off her goggles and chuckling at her victory. Her accelerator chugged along, turning itself on again. The blue glow on it had been much paler and less radiant, and overall the juice was nearly depleted.

“I win!” The young Brit could be heard speaking weakly. Her breathing was a bit shallow from running and overexerting herself, but it was all worth it.

Amélie’s visor moved itself out of her eyes, and she casually sat down with Lena. “So you did,” She smiled and had a warm smile on her lips. “Outstanding, chérie (sweetheart/dear).”

With a breath of relief, Lena eased her muscles and lurched forwards. Her body had flopped in the direction of Amélie, and the woman responded by holding onto her.

“I did good, didn’t I?” Her voice had muffled off of the catsuit she was buried in.

Rest assured, the woman had nodded her head in agreement and gave Lena one tender kiss on her forehead. “Only because you pushed yourself harder than I did.”

Lena glanced upwards and blinked a few times. “...Whatcha mean?”

The sniper’s warm smile became something more of a comforting one, and she cocked her head to the side. “When we tied, I had all the opportunities to fire. But, I didn’t. The reward for me was something...better.”

For a moment, Lena spent some time registering the thought before swallowing and snickering. “Your love for me overrode your pride, then?”

Correct she was, and Amélie nodded once. “And in that moment, I saw not a sweet, foolish girl...”

The woman leaned into Lena’s left ear and softly spoke into it. “You are now, to me, a sweet girl.” Her head moved back, so now they were facing each other. “No longer foolish. No longer...annoying.”

In a flash, Lena lurched forward some more so now she had made Amélie fall on the floor. She started smooching the cheeks of the cold woman rather ecstatically, and Amélie in return laughed - her first actual laugh that felt quite nice to her. The woman’s hair became displaced, strands moved out of their proper position and drooped over Amélie’s temple.

“That’s the best compliment I’ve ever gotten from ya, luv!”

After her barrage of kisses swiftly ended, Lena got off of Amélie and went back to sitting down. “Best day of my life hands down!”

Amélie moved her locks of hair out of her face for the time being and stood up. “I would very much like to get out of this place,” she said. “Not very comfortable. That, and I’m a bit thirsty.”

Come to think of it, even Lena was weary of this training facility now. She scanned the scoreboard, now with her name moving from 6th position to the newly 2nd place - and Amélie being in 3rd - she stood up and happily agreed.

“Could crash in my bunker if ya want?” Her hand hovered over her accelerator, and immediately her watch indicated the accelerator was running on less than 6.4% life. “I need to at any rate.”

Nodding, Amélie picked up her gun and the satchel from earlier, slinging the latter over her shoulders. “Is there, by any chance, food as well?”

Grinning, Lena blinked forward to the exit as the doors opened up. “I’m sure we could find some nutritious stuff or somethin’ ‘round here. All the natural ingredients are probably way past expiration.”

Together, the two walked out of the training facility, keeping close to each other. From that point on, Amélie escorted Lena to her room and went by herself to search for rations, for she had more energy to do so. They wouldn’t leave the facility until later...

Much, much later.