#and by troll i obviously dont mean the. homestuck kind. whatever you get it

[cherry-shipping]

i think its awesome how every single one of my f/os, romantic or otherwise, would smoke weed with me EXCEPT dave. hed joke about it but if i asked him he would be so fucking scared. mf would never

[sweatertheman]

i am going to assassinate john egbert i am sick of him.

why are these humans so one dimensional???? they have their like. one characterization, and they just dont ever break from it! this isnt even no character development, its just no character! and fucking john, man, what an egg! he just. doesnt seem to care? about anything? what is his problem? why hasnt he shown even a single deviation from his initial characterization in the THOUSANDS OF PAGES IVE READ SO FAR. even, fucking... DAVE got that one time he was super keen to suicide bomb himself, and rose gets to be kinda interesting, and jade is completely unhinged. what the fuck is this guy's deal? man doesnt even care about the time he got murdered! or the time he got murdered again and became a literal god! he rants at a murderous alien about ghostbusters in the middle of her telling him about the murder she plans to do! why is he so... nothing?! he doesnt seem to have a care in the world most of the time! he doesnt seem to care that the fucking earth got destroyed! what the fuck john?! are we at least going to explore that???? i dont fucking know! why is this comic so long?!

and like, I DONT CARE, if at some point he does get around to like. expressing an emotion. or some kind of character. 2000 pages from now. THATS NOT AN EXCUSE, JOHN. what, did you just forget to have a character for like 6 years straight or something???? like, he isnt even unconcerned in an interesting or aspirational way. he doesnt have anything to say! and before someone says he has emotional repression issues, can you at least tell me why???? like, obviously most of the homestucks have that, but i can at least tell you WHY they do it. Dave likes playing the cool guy and doesn't want to be vulnerable, presumably because he was raised by a psychopath. Rose is overly analytical and likes to play therapist, telling other people what their problems are instead of looking at herself and her tendency to see malice in others. Jade has lived alone most of her life and puts all her faith in some greater picture. As soon as that stability and comfort goes away she becomes unstable and volatile, angry at everyone. What's John's excuse?! nothing! that's what! i mean, MAYBE he think its his job to be leader and sort of take whatever happens in stride, but. no? why does he think that, then? he's the leader in name only, perfectly keen to take orders from random trolls. he doesnt come up with plans, he doesnt lead. MAYBE he considers himself the wholesome centre that keeps everyone together? sure, but why?! why does he think that? its not like he's always been able to tell that his friends are unstable and tries to be supportive to keep their lives better! i mean, maybe he has???? i dont remember, and it hasnt been made clear! isnt john supposed to be like, our main boy? shouldnt his story be important enough to focus on in any way? its been thousands of pages already, and nearly EVERYONE ELSE has budged in some way! and NO attention has been drawn to john! NO intrigue around him, NO emphasis put on his traits! he just. DOES THINGS SOMETIMES. MAYBE he'll bother to be a character at some point, but thats not an excuse for dancing around having his character examined in any way for years on end, and in real life too.

fuck john/june egbert. i am going to kill him/her/whatever and it WILL be a just death.

[momestuck]

Epilogues: Candy, Ch 22-26 [Epilogue 5]

/So a lot of heavy shit has happened, though worse is yet to come (I’ve been warned of an onscreen sexual assault in chapter 32).

Everyone’s been having babies and funerals! It’s a busy time.

(note: csa mention in chapter 23, though it does not occur in the narrative)

Chapter 22

This is another John-Terezi text convo chapter. There’s been a three-year timeskip. And... it’s raining ghosts now.

So I guess that’s what became of the whole ghosts in the Furthest Ring thing?

We also learn that, on top of the breeding restrictions, trolls are banned from rising beyond certain levels in government. Jane is, we learn, pretty much running the government behind the scenes, because what makes fascist movements tick is one evil person, obviously.

Karkat’s the one with a backbone at least...

JOHN: and karkat...

JOHN: he’s gone completely off the grid!

JOHN: at first we all assumed that the reason he ran away was because he got fed up with his shitty poly relationship.

JOHN: which was probably part of it, honestly. but now i keep seeing his face on all the resistance posters!

JOHN: i think they may have actually put him in charge?

TEREZI: H3H

TEREZI: 1 4LW4YS KN3W H3 H4D 1T 1N H1M

This situation is only exacerbated by the ghosts. So that means characters who were very definitely dead in the main storyline can show up.

Gamzee has been apparently spreading this religion of ‘redemption arcs’ by ‘making out with people’, and doing some kind of milk-based ‘baptism’. John, meanwhile, asks about the ethics of kidnapping baby Tavros from his horrific parents...

We get to bare witness to Gamzee ‘redeeming’ the ghosts of Feferi and Eridan. Which involves Eridan going on about Feferi’s feet and Gamzee mashing their faces together to make them ‘kiss and make up’.

Jane, it seems, is going full Condesce in more ways than one:

Just then, a dark shadow passes over the park. The crowd falls silent as they raise their heads to watch a drone ship pass by overhead. Its design is insect-like, splitting into many jagged branches, each decked out with weapons and cameras. It’s completely silent, and encased in armor with a bright red finish, smooth and seamless. It’s often cited by Jane as the crown jewel of Crockercorp’s various military contracts with the government.

...including literally building her spaceships, and sending them out over the Troll kingdom.

So we’re basically going to have the Holocaust allegory in here I guess? Fucking hell.

chapter 23

We get more words towards Roxy’s steady character dissolution...

It’s not like Roxy had ever been argumentative, exactly. He just seems to remember someone from his youth who was somewhat more contrarian in spirit than this person he’s married to now.

Back when they were dating, John thought she was acting a little off. Not quite in a bad way, but perhaps a little too “in love,” too fast. At least she still seemed like herself most of the time. But since the wedding, every year that goes by, she seems to become just a little more conciliatory. Not just toward him but toward life in general. She indulges Harry Anderson liberally and almost thoughtlessly. She doesn’t care that her best friend is slowly turning into an executive overseeing the corporate arm up the puppet ass of a ruthless dictatorship. She still thinks Gamzee is being sincere about all this “redemption” bullshit, even though he’s been casting an increasingly dark and hungry shadow behind Jane: a malicious royal vizier to her burgeoning imperial persona.

So John’s going to do something, and hopes that it will make things feel ‘real’ again... which is to say obviously what he talked about with Terezi, kidnapping/rescuing Tavros Crocker. Well-intentioned, but... I do not anticipate this going well.

We learn a little such as... Jane’s planning to outlaw human and troll marriage, which would retroactively hit Rose and Kanaya. Which I guess is the final straw for them. (Frankly it should be well past the final straw for all of them. They should all be with Karkat by this point!)

Also Jane and Jake are in ‘auspistice counselling’. We witness a loud row, in front of Tavros...

TAVROS: It’s fine,,, my parents are kismeses after all,,,

like, fuck.......

It’s a birthday party for Harry Anderson (John and Roxy’s kid), and Jane’s gift is, well, a fucking imperial drone!

sometimes I picture V’s gleeful face as we see the next thing she’s got for us... and now you lick the clown’s armpit... jane’s making the Holocaust but for fictional space aliens...

John awkwardly finds an excuse to be alone with Tavros, to convince him to run away. The kid dialogue is convincingly naive.

The possibility of child sexual abuse (by Gamzee) is raised, but it’s made clear this isn’t the case: what ever else Gamzee is in this version, he doesn’t rape children. However, that the situation is overall abusive in just about every other way is more than clear. Tavros, on his part, seems to be very keen to leave once he’s convinced John can escape Jane’s security.

I have a feeling the imperial drone may become relevant again shortly.

Jade, however, witnesses what John’s trying to do. She insists it will just make everything worse... (also Jake has an ‘execution dance off show’ because yeah...)

Whatever weird character corrosion has hit them is finally raised...

JOHN: if there was another way we would have found it by now!!!

JOHN: but there isn’t one, because everyone’s been all... brainwashed by marriage, or whatever the hell happened over the last few years that made things be this way!

JOHN: it’s like everyone just talks past each other all the time!

JADE: john...

JOHN: i’m the only one who ever seems to realize that something...

JOHN: that something’s WRONG!

Tavros sadly can’t get a word in edgewise as they start having a go at each other - John calling out everything that’s wrong, the way Jade forced a relationship on Dave and Karkat, and... and the noise is loud enough that Jane arrives on the scene.

John finally has a go at her with all the latent awfulness that’s been building up to this point. The fascism, the way she’s treated Jake, the Gamzee thing... the narration has put us very much on his side, centred his perspective, but his friends won’t hear it. And his windy powers destroy the room. So that’s something.

John runs away.

Comment: the mostly strict John viewpoint makes me wonder if there’s any degree of unreliable narration. All the same, most of the stuff is pretty undeniable.

chapter 24

This one begins with an interesting exchange:

JADE [alt-Calliope]: the timelines are interacting again.

ARADIA: ooh do you hear anything interesting

SOLLUX: don’t be s0 n0sy aradia.

To me the implication is that a lot of the ‘arrivals’ in this timeline - alt-Calliope in Jade’s body, the ghosts - are as a result of things that might be happening in the Meat story.

Through alt-Calliope’s eyes, we see Terezi and John’s conversation. Terezi is lost, in more ways than one, in the dreaming void searching for Vriska. She’s also experiencing derealisation... John, apparently in a mood for dropping harsh challenges, tells her point blank that Vriska is either dead, or, not worth her time for leaving her in doubt for so long.

alt-Calliope explains that what is at stake is not the destruction of this universe - but those of them here are ‘the lucky ones’, who live ‘beyond the reach of the prince’. She doesn’t bother to explain what is at stake.

Meanwhile, John and Terezi talk depression. There’s some really vital Terezi dialogue here...

JOHN: please. please come home.

TEREZI: TH3N WH4T

JOHN: umm, i dunno.

JOHN: we hang out and stuff?

TEREZI: JOHN YOU ST1LL DONT G3T 1T

TEREZI: 34RTH C 1S *NOT* MY HOM3

JOHN: do you really miss alternia that bad?

TEREZI: 1 D1D FOR 4 LONG T1M3

TEREZI: MOR3 TH4N K4RK4T 4ND K4N4Y4 D1D 4T L34ST

TEREZI: BUT 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 4NYMOR3

TEREZI: 4LT3RN14, VR1SK4, SGRUB

TEREZI: 1M SO CONFUS3D 4BOUT WH4T 1 W4NT

TEREZI: UGH, 1 THOUGHT TH4T NOT K1LL1NG H3R WOULD M4K3 M3 F33L B3TT3R

TEREZI: BUT 1NST34D 1TS L1K3 1 R3TCONN3D 4 HUG3 CHUNK OUT OF MY SOUL

TEREZI: 1 3R4S3D 4N 4CT1ON OF R3GR3T 4ND GR13F...  

TEREZI: 4ND JUST TURN3D 1T 1NTO SOM3TH1NG 1 C4NT STOP CH4S1NG 4FT3R

TEREZI: M4YB3 WH4T 1 D1D W4S N3CESS4RY TO S4V3 3V3RYON3 3LS3

TEREZI: BUT 1T SUR3 D1DNT S4VE M3

oh terezi....

terezi is giving up. she tells john she texted, echoing his words, to ‘give him the courtesy of closure’. and that she’s going to let herself die, alone in the Furthest Ring.

this is the ‘sweet fluffy’ branch huh

chapter 25

finally an update on what’s going on with Karkat!

he’s been somehow appointed ‘Commander’ of the rebellion, with good old Swifer Eggmop as one of his comrades! I’m so glad Swifer is having a role. Karkat is not all that pleased about the successes of his rebellion:

KARKAT: SO FAR ALL THIS “TROLL REBELLION” HAS AMOUNTED TO IS A WHOLE LOT OF DICK ALL, WITH AN ADDITIONAL SIDE SERVING OF JACK SQUAT, FOLLOWED UP BY A FINAL COURSE OF GETTING TO WATCH OUR TOP ANALYST, CLIPER BORDEN, BEING FORCED TO DANCE TO AVOID LIFE IMPRISONMENT IN A LABOR CAMP ON LIVE TELEVISION AND MAKING A COMPLETE ASS OF HIMSELF.

It’s all a weird mix of surreal and grimdark, much like the Alpha kids’ backstory in Homestuck proper. There’s hard labour camps... making cake; a ‘pastry-based shadow dictatorship’.

Rose and Kanaya are at least involved somewhat in the troll rebellion, and transport of the Mother Grub has been arranged.

Anyway, Karkat’s typically grumpy internal monologue is interrupted by the sudden arrival of Meenah from another dimension. A living Meenah - equipped with a Ring of Life. John asks if she got it from Calliope, but Meenah insists she did not. (Possibly she got it from Andrew Hussie himself? I’d have to watch Cascade again probably...)

Meenah, it seems, is fresh from battling Lord English - apparently without success. But her massive army of ghosts arrives with her... and she’s willing for Karkat to take charge and order her around, as long as he does it with a suitably commanderly demeanour. Does this mean the rebellion now stands more of a chance? Meenah is ruthless (she was the Condesce in another life), though capricious... Karkat is honest and direct and angry about the right things, but rather prone to getting lost in it.

Also he still won’t text Dave, and won’t let Rose talk to him about it.

chapter 26

Back to John, who’s thinking about messaging Terezi again - presumably in the hope that she is not, in fact, dead?

He’s getting a good old mope on about the seeming fakeness, non-’canonicity’ of life on Earth C. But after some ‘melodramatic contemplating’ in this vein, he’s interrupted by his dad’s car.

I’m going to be very curious if the Meat route explains how all this stuff got into the Earth C universe.

Unfortunately, what John finds in the car is... not his dad, but a bit of Terezi’s blood. From which he concludes... he’s never going to see her again, there was never even a possibility of it.

Feeling derealisation more than ever, John just screams a lot.

Damn lol, this story is making me care about John Egbert of all people!

epilogue 5

This is the episode where the whole idyll comes crashing down. Things aren’t ok, things weren’t going to be ok, trying to pretend things were ok just made everyone miserable.

I am sufficiently depressed that that rather appeals as a narrative - much more than a ‘happily ever after’ ending. But it’s not over yet.

Hopefully there’s yet hope for the characters I like to find some manner of escape from this latest hell, develop out of the worst selves they’ve built... Roxy, at least, I hope can change, stop being this non-person...

[love-laika]

homestuck reread: act 5

sso , as a follow up to this post (jesus christ did i really write that over two weeks ago?), i figured i ought to post my thoughts while rereading act 5 of homestuck. obviously spoilers if you still care about that at this point

when most fans talk about homestuck today, they’re really talking about act 5. its when some of the more infamous aspects (trolls, absurd time shenanigans, ridiculously meta storytelling) come in full force. i also happen to believe it’s probably the best part of the whole story (well so far, i still have to reread act 6). before jumping in, pretty much all of my previous complaints remain.

The trolls are great. That’s really all there is to say on the matter! Seeing how their session plays out is really fun, especially since unlike the kids, it is aggressively abridged. It’s so short, I’m actually curious why Hussie chose to have it be an Intermission rather than Act 5 Act 1... or well, actually given the events leading to Cascade, that might not be true. It’s a nice meta way of signifying how the A and B sessions are intimately tied.

Either way, I thought it’d be fun to examine how I feel about each troll! 

Karkat - Everyone’s favorite, really. His ridiculous screaming rants and obsession with feeling important brushes over his intense insecurity. The obsession with hiding his blood (even after Alternia is long gone), insistence on being leader, past/future self-hatred... he’s got a hell of a complex. actually, the story shines a light on how he agonizes over every mistake he’s ever made, to the point where he dissociates his actions from himself by calling past/future him a FUCKING IDIOT or whatever. He’s a good boy

Aradia - On my previous read, I never thought much of Aradia. there wasn’t really anything in particular i disliked about her, she just never stuck. which of course is dumb, and past me is stupid for glossing over her. especially after going god-tier, she’s like... i can’t even really describe it. i guess is just safe to say i like alive aradia a lot because she’s just a little bit crazy

tavros - maybe its my bias towards vriska, but i kind of don’t like tavros. you know, maybe its some sort of reflection of how i feel about myself or something about how his coward schtick is annoying to me. (his raps are fun to read aloud though)

sollux - sollux is a complete asshole (basically to the end if i remember right), but even if he’s written to be unlikeable his position as a snarky jerk fits well within the troll group. though, surprisingly after his introduction he doesn’t do very much because he never interacts with the kids. his bifurcation gimmick though, and how its basically some absurd foreshadowing for act 5 as a whole is just. its so cool.

nepeta - nepeta has always been a favorite troll of mine even though she was basically born to die and plays no real role in the alpha timeline at all. despite this, fans like myself latched onto her because she’s a catgirl duh! the anime is inescapable. nepeta’s just cute bu her death scene makes me really sad... she didn’t deserve it! and being taken out by gamzee is just cruel. i guess this is what fanfiction is for???

kanaya - you know im starting to think my thoughts on all the various trolls were warped by the Vriska Distortion Field. I didn’t give a shit about the rest because vriska is the best!!!!!!!! this time around, i really noticed vriska and kanaya’s relationship sort of blossom all the way through act 5. its kind of touching after she had a pretty rough time in her own game after the Pupa Pan incident. kanaya’s great especially her transitioning from humorless broad to snark extraordinaire. i especially like to read her speech as just the most posh and practiced british accent Because It Makes Her Sound Sophisticated When Shes Saying Really Something Dumb Like Shout Pole

terezi - terezi’s gimmick is just so... so much. the obsession with justice and law (particlarly brutal troll law) makes her just totally silly. she hangs her stuffed animals from her treehouse. the blindness, the licking, H3Y D4V3-ness is a joy to read. it also helps that her harpsichord-led music is some of the best over the entire discography.

vriska - you know how i feel about vriska. you cannot beat her in a troll-off she is simply the 8est there is

equius - i don’t like equius! hes a creep! his gimmick is that hes a sweaty space racist! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! i really don’t understand people that get attahed to him! i wish nepeta got to spend more time separate from him!

gamzee - ah yes the most important character in homestuck. i like gamzee, but 

i dont like his position with fans as the fuckin yaoiest boy to ever live when hes actually a horrorcore clown murderer

how long he remains in the story. way longer than he ever should have stayed. i understand he has to do stuff for lord english and all that, but i kind of wished he died on the meteor. oh well!

eridan - ah yes the other space racist. eridan i can actually stand though because he’s basically every shitty boy you’ve ever met. he’s totally desperate and pathetic and then when he gets rejected he gets violent. for such a silly comic, i think it stumbles into something weirdly real there. eridan’s a douche until the very end. i also give him like chavviest voice i can muster. it is a blight on the queens english and i apologize

feferi - i really noticed that feferi is a little bit deeper than i originally thought! i always just thought of her as “the nice girl” but she can be pretty devious and even cruel occasioanlly. She has an interaction with Vriska in what of the Alterniabound flashes is just so... prickly? on both sides.

ANYWAYS when we get back to the kids, I’ll admit I don’t remember a lot of the details. john goes to explore skaia and spends a lot fot ime with vriska. dave builds up a ridiculous amount of money, rose fucks shit up, and jade eventually gets to start breeding frogs after fianlly entering the game. i can’t exactly explain why, but the pacing here just feels better. maybe its variey of environments and general avoidance of pointless distractions, but its a much easier read than the earlier parts. i mean, i guess id hope so after the comic has gone on for 3 years at this point i think. Act 5, in totality is about the same length as all the previous parts combined, but goes by way faster! it kind of sucks that you know, you have to dig through a lot to get to the good parts. but man those parts are really good.

ad then we get to the buidlup to cascade, the parts in doc scratch’s room. I feel like some of the realest shit is right here. vriska’s triumph/death just kills me every time. i kind of take john’s side here on her past. at the very end, when she really starts to show remorse and to wonder who vriska really is breaks my heart. terezi’s end as well. the culmination of their friendship and rivalry coming down to a single choice. kill her, or let her go and doom everyone. its sad in a way very little else is in the story (except maybe dave and rose’s suicide mission). even knowing what happens much later, it just... its so rough yall.

i remember crying reading most of these parts. i have very specific memories of it happening. i wish it was easier to show new people some of these parts because they are just ugh... so choice. im a sucker for it. also there’s the sotry of the troll ancestors, her imperious condescension, lord english, etc etc etc.

i dont have much to say about cascade, a lot has already been said by everyone else. it is almost certainly the climax, even if the story has a ways to go, and its a triumph! It almost feels like it should be the end of the story in some ways because of how it is the culmination of everything that has happened since the very beginning.

thats all i can really say about that without getting bogged down in minutiae. Act 5 is fantastic, period. Now that Lord English is here (or rather, he already was), a new arc begins in Act 6. It’s approximately around here where I caught with the story as it was coming out! I’m really really curious about how I feel about when reading it in one go because it’s also around this time that updates got slower and slower, due to increased production time, then the exceptionally troubled development of Hiveswap.

[blaperile]

Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 12 (Epilogue 2 Page 4)

[i-love-jade-harley]

alright heres some of my homestuck/warcraft headcanon shit

basically just like

what race they’d be/play, what class, what spec, how theyd play, how often they play, etc, etc...

idk how many characters im doing so more below the read more bullshit

mostly a ramble tbh lmao

(beta + alpha kids, beta trolls, calliope + caliborn. sorta a everyone lives/nobody dies au)

if u need to know what smth means just hmu

OKAY so lets start off with the kids

ok personally i think john would play either a monk or a paladin?? like i think he’d prefer the playstyle of a paladin but his monk would be for heals in case a raid group or smth needs it. he’d honestly probably do LFR and just casually play in general, but sometimes he’d play for like 11 days straight then not get back on for 2 months. but when he’s playing casually he just does LFR and world questing, maybe sometimes doing dungeon groups with dave or something. he’d probably be a DPS paladin because tanking is bullshit and so is healing. (believe me i know) he’d also use the heckin goofiest mounts there are. like you know the chicken? he’d spend the money to get it. like actual cash. he wants the chicken. let him have the chicken. but back on the topic of race he’d probably play a dwarf or a gnome. he’d probably have a level 2 gnome hunter. he also runs a prank guild that all the kids are in! a few trolls are in it, too. vriska, kanaya, terezi, and karkat are in it. 

rose??? would probably play a shadow priest. probably nothing else, really. she may go heals every once in a while but dont expect her to want to. she plays a human. she only plays human and worgen. belf if she has to go horde. i dont really know if she’d just play casually because dave roped her in, or if she got really into it so now she has 12 max level characters. even if she doesnt like the game itself, she’d probably really like the lore!!! she’d probably also love the idea of xmog and what you can make your characters look like, bc some of the xmog is really badass. she’d probably use the emo purple bird thing as a mount (i forgot the name) or maybe she’d use the wotlk undead dragons. maybe the bc netherwing dragons?? im not sure!!! for pets she’d def have the feline familiar with her at all times (roxy would too) because who doesnt want a little witch kitty flying on a broom with you???

dave would honestly play a survival hunter. except he’d just punch shit to death. just autoattack. though when he’s ACTUALLY playing like a normal person he’d probably play a dps warrior. i could also see him tanking sometimes if he needs to. he probably only has one or two max level characters, but they have decent gear. he probably sometimes actually plays his hunter in a decent way but he probably just goes to low level neutral areas. he probably plays on a pvp server for that exact reason. he has one level 10 belf. he uses it to dance on mailboxes and get gold. he really just trolls people on it. he also roleplays, but makes sure to do it in the shittiest way possible. he only uses walk. no running. he uses the biggest mounts he has and walks on roleplayers when hes playing on an rp server. he probably raids on his warrior and is probably in a raiding guild. he purposefully mic spams the raid so he just gets muted, though. for mounts he’d obviously use the love rocket that he worked oh so hard for. for pets i dont really know what hed use?? probably brightpaw or whatever the purple cat thing is. he makes rose disappointed because he pays for mounts and pets with real money. tsk tsk. he has no professions except fishing, which he has maxed out. he may also have a DK that he has just to piss people off. hes the second highest tier in the prank guild. whenever they do raids (they occasionally do) he rp walks across the map to get to the raid. kanaya screams at him to accept the summon but he insists that he’s almost there. 

jade would def have herbalism as her main profession!! she may also have mining to sell on the auction house. she would DEFINITELY play a bm hunter!! its a worgen all the way. she prefers to have it in worgen form too. since she doesnt really like horde and cant use many wolf mounts, shed def go with the mechanostriders! for flying i think she’d use the serpents!! i could also see her using the pandaren turtle moutns. her fave xpac is def either mop or wod. she actually liked garrisons. she’s really slow w leveling so she isn’t max level for legion, but her friends still play with her!! (me too buddy) she likes doing mount/pet/reagent farming and regularly gives her friends herbs and other mats to level their professions! she also sometimes roleplays with dave in goldshire to mess with people. she loves using emotes like /lol and /joke! she also uses toys VERY often. her hunter pet is a white wolf named bec, and she has a team of battle pets consisting of fel pup, frostwolf ghostpup, and cinder pup! sometimes she’ll use lil bad wolf, though. she’s actually super good at pet battling, but she only battles friends. she doesnt play to be the “best”, she just plays because its a fun game! she also loves playing hearthstone.

jane doesnt play much, and has a level 60 dwarf resto shaman. the only reason she has looms is because roxy gave her the gold to get them. she only has level 20 riding, and only has a single horse. she still plays with friends, but the game just really isnt her cup of tea. she has a few cool pets she found while playing in low level areas, and she likes playing the auction house when she does play! she’s in a prank guild that john owns (all the kids are in it, they prank the trolls and roleplayers) and that’s honestly the thing she enjoys the most. 

roxy loves doing pvp with dirk. some of her friends call them the sneakies. she plays a rogue, and switches around her spec depending on what kind of pvp she’s doing. (as in she switches specs for open world, battlegrounds or arenas) she’s decked out in full pvp gear and always gets the newest tiers when theyre released. though she loves pvp she really does love raiding but she prefers playing with her friends! she helps everyone exploit game bugs for the prank guild, and will help cover peoples tracks when gold buying and such. she has all of her fun mounts set as favorites and just randomizes which one she rides. she uses the feline familiar pet EVERYWHERE. she wont use any other pet. at all. roxy also datamines ptr and spoils new lore for rose occasionally.

hoo boy. dirk is a top tier pvper. he mostly mains a ww monk and a rogue for pvp. he has 12 max level characters and 12 horde ones that are also max. he chooses class/race combos based on which one is the most reasonable for lore. he has an orc hunter named getshrekt. hes gold capped on all of his alliance characters. hes basically sleeve (if you play on bonechewer i hope you know who im talking about) he multiboxes 25 accounts to shit on leveling players. roxy helped him set this all up. all of his bots and multiboxes are hal. hal plays with him. he buys gold from a third party source and overthrows the wow economy. he causes the great depression in wow. he buys out every mat and then puts them back on the auction house for a few silver. since hes gold capped this has 0 affect. his character for the prank guild is maxed out and in pretty decent pvp gear. its also gold capped. he buys level boosts and uses actual money to buy tokens to increase his gold numbers. hes everyones worst nightmare. hes the reason no one plays horde on dirks server. dirk plays with roxy a LOT. they do arenas and basically just crush anyone who dares standing up to him. he exploits game bugs and has items people didnt know exist. he uses his special snowflake mounts that people thought were unattainable. he has bots farming spawn points for herbs and mining nodes. he plans on ruling the economy of his server. he ganks people that are his own level. he camps their corpses until they force quit the game. hes absolutely hated. he’ll be flying, and itll look like someone with a glitched name. then he’ll land in front of someone, and 20 multiboxes will spread out behind him. he ganks his victim. there is no escape. no mercy. 

jake plays a worgen mm hunter! he refuses to use bows and crossbows. it ALWAYS has to be xmogged to a gun. he mostly does world quests and only has horse mounts to keep it simple and traditional. he likes to collect pets and plays with jade a lot! he’s also in the prank guild and absolutely LOVES it. he loves the open world aspect of the game. he also collects random items in-game, like the scarabs from ahnqiraj (i personally collect those oops) he’s also a bit of an altoholic, and loves leveling, but never really finishes anything. he has all of the exploration achievements. ALL OF THEM. he love love LOVES exploring the maps in the game. he also actually LIKED the cata revamp because it gave him more to explore. he has a goblin thats also a hunter thats level capped just so he could explore horde areas without worrying about being ganked or attacked. he knows his way in all of the major cities. you know huntards? well jake is the complete opposite of that. hes an amazing hunter. it surprises his friends. 

bonus: hal helps dirk with being an asshole to everyone on the servers he plays on. he multiboxes with dirk and set up bots to watch the auction house for him. hes just as much as an asshole as dirk is.

NOW FINALLY ON TO THE TROLLS!!!! 

aradia plays a belf destruction warlock. she’s a casual player and plays with sollux a lot. she doesnt play very often, but when she does she gets really into the game, especially when playing with friends! she doesnt have many mounts, but she has the headless horseman mount and thats what she uses most of the time. she has maxed out archaeology and has all the items for it. though she has the pets from it, the only pets she uses are frogs.

tavros plays a gnome bm hunter unironically. hes not a very good hunter but not huntard level. he mostly plays with the other lowbloods, sometimes vriska. he only really got roped into wow because of its ties to hearthstone. he wanted to know more about the characters, but stayed because of the animals. it really isnt too much of his cup of tea, but still plays because his friends do. he doesnt have professions nor a maxed out character. he has the mechanostrider mounts and the default pets. he also has the heartstone mount.

sollux heckin loves wow. he plays a troll mage. he switches between fire and frost, but never arcane. he hates arcane. he mostly plays with aradia, but he likes the occasional raid. he has good dps with decent gear. hes mostly a casual, but he loves messing with the games files and datamining. 

karkat is a....special player. he has a blood dk that hes maxed out but hes in all green quest gear. he keeps trying to defeat dave in a dual but it doesnt work. dave got rose and john to help convince karkat that gnome is masterrace. he believed them. now hes a shitty little gnome aggroing everything and getting caught in the fire. he’s very upset because he cant beat dave. help this poor boy. his only pets are crabs. he has all of them. every single one. they’re all the poorest quality, but he loves them anyways. the only mounts he’ll use is mammoths to be an asshole to everyone. he plays a lot because he wants to crush dave’s pride. help this boy.

nepeta plays either a bm hunter or a feral druid! she roped equius in, and they tried to level together, but equius went too fast, so nepeta doesnt have a maxed out character. she enjoys playing with him nonetheless, even if its just running around stormwind! she plays on a roleplay server (NOT moodguard) and loves roleplaying and meeting new people. she rides the tiger/saber mounts and has all of the cat pets! she almost refuses to go out of cat form when on her druid. both of her toons are nelfs.

kanaya mains a human affli warlock and a nelf demon hunter. she likes the aesthetic of both locks and dhs, but prefers the play style of a warlock. she plays with rose most of the time, and they do world quests when they play. she has tailoring and enchanting as her professions, and both are maxed out. she prefers this because she can just make her own gear to sell and get gold. she has the jade panther that rose made her, and uses that mount most of the time. she doesnt really like collecting pets, but rose gave her a moth that she adores. 

terezi plays a resto druid on nepetas server, and mostly roleplays with vriska. she roleplays as a dragon most of the time. she has all of the dragon pets and mounts, and shes VERY proud of her collection and wont hesitate to rub it in vriskas face. she almost got banned multiple times trying to complete her collection. she prefers doing old world raids and farming to get xmog to improve her roleplay outfit, and so she can have different sets for different characters. she sometimes roleplays with nepeta, but most of the time she roleplays with vriska.

vriska plays a nelf demon hunter, and roleplays with terezi on her server. sadly theres no spider mounts but she has the recruit a friend rocket because she did raf with tavros. she does pvp when shes not roleplaying, and she’s trying to get on the highest level. she has all of the spider pets. every single one of them. she tries to overthrow the auction house, but cant. (shes not on dirks server, so hes not messing her up. its just that she doesnt have much gold because of xmog.) she likes to ruin some peoples rolaplays, but loves roleplaying with terezi and sometimes nepeta. 

equius only got into the game because of nepeta. he didnt think hed like it at first, but he really does. he prefers to tank. he has a maxed out dk, warrior, monk, and paladin. he and nepeta tried to level characters together, but he went too fast for her. he has all of the horse mounts and will only ride those. hes not very interested in pets except the engineering ones, and engineering is maxed out on his main toon. he enjoys raiding in his free time, but will also pvp for mounts. hes mostly casual.

oh man, gamzee should be interesting. he plays a troll shaman. no one really knows what he does, really. they just see that hes online and in a major city. is he playing the auction house? is he talking to people? no one knows. when the darkmoon faire comes around, he plays for all 7 days straight. he doesnt really ride mounts or have pets, but he collects them. no one knows why he plays or HOW hes maxed out in raiding gear. he just is.

eridan is a whiny bitch when it comes to wow. he wants to get on dirks level but doesnt know how to. even though hes sometimes a bitch about it, he does enjoy roleplaying and playing with karkat. he plays an arcane mage or a mm hunter. the only mount he rides is the sea turtle mount. you know the one? the one that makes you slow on land but fast in water? yea. he rides that. he HAS other mounts, but he wants the turtle.

feferi does NOT like wow. i mean, yea, she’ll heal for raids, but she doesnt like killing things. she plays a resto shaman and doesnt use a specific mount because she doesnt play that often.

calliope also doesnt like wow, but will play with roxy. she likes doing pet battles, and thats really all she does. she has a level 10 druid that doesnt have a spec. she has no mounts but has cool pets that roxy gave her. she camps in stormwind and refuses to go ANYWHERE else. 

caliborn LOVES world of warcraft. he roleplays with dirk on moonguard, but dirk says nothing. just to piss off caliborn. he tried to multibox to kill dirk, but he ended up freezing his game. he constantly pesters the alpha kids, and really doesnt talk to anyone else except to make fun of new players. he has 1 mount and its the goblin mount. he mains a goblin rogue thats level 40.