#and cause lan qiren endless stress by proximity alone

[blue-mood-blue]

Saw just enough of The Sound of Music tonight that I was reminded of Captain von Trapp mentioning that the most important thing in his house is discipline (or some such sentiment), and

because I have the brain rot

While I cannot conceivably find a way to make that specifically into an au, I was nonetheless charmed by the thought of disciplinarian and rule-abiding Lan Wangji vs sunny and energetic Wei Wuxian cheering up the juniors with a little music tell me you are not turned to mush by Wei Wuxian teaching juniors the equivalent of “my favorite things” I dare you

Anyway

All of this to say, a no-sunshot-campaign au where, for whatever reason, Wei Wuxian is invited as a guest lecturer at Cloud Recesses. There are several thousand rules that Wei Wuxian is ignoring at any given moment. Lan Wangji, who is in charge of discipline, is annoyed (intrigued). Tiny juniors are following their new teacher’s heels all around while he’s playing the dizi like a more adorable version of the pied piper (and perhaps Wei Wuxian warns them with a wink that he is Very Evil and he is going to Steal Them Away which is met with un-Lan-like giggling). The Elders have discussed sending him back to Lotus Pier but, unfortunately, he is a fantastic teacher.

There are also, of course, shenanigans. Night hunt field trips. Wei Wuxian inflicting his cooking upon the poor, innocent youths. Bad dreams on both sides leading to some broken curfews and soft music in the garden. Some conflicting curriculums - not “demonic cultivation” level, but there are a lot more disciples asking a lot more questions in their other lectures.

Lan Qiren is incensed.

Lan Xichen refuses to do anything about it (he is watching his brother watching Wei Wuxian and waiting).

Lan Wangji should be doing his job of disciplining but, you see, whenever he tries Wei Wuxian smiles at him or hands him a bunny or chatters about how well the Lanlings are doing or about an idea he has for a lesson, and what is he to do? Stop that from happening?? Remove the smile from this man’s face??? That would be a crime.

(Lan Qiren gets the abridged version of this sentiment, which amounts to “Wei Wuxian is good” and he despairs. He is fighting a losing battle to send the guest teacher home.)

(The losing battle becomes a lost battle when Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian play a duet for the juniors together and share a kiss as soon as the juniors are out of sight and off to their next lesson. Lan Xichen catches his brother pacing while on patrol that night, his face as forlorn as it ever is, and says “You know, we could… offer him a permanent place here?”)

Lan Wangji writes to Lotus Pier that Cloud Recesses will not be returning their head disciple. The entire sect hears the “WHAT” and “HE CAN’T STEAL MY BROTHER” echoing from Jiang Cheng’s general direction.