#and either brought it on themselves or it's just karma paying a visit

[lavender-hemlock]

the be honest meme. - ALL OF THEM! -From ya know who.

Breathes. I am going to kill you. Everything of the honesty meme is under the cut you absolute fruitcake @kazexvoss . 

1.     What would prevent you from following someone?

Possibly if that person isnotoriously opinionated and hateful towards any opinion that opposes theirs.That’s about the only preventive thing. Just unbearable and toxic people. 

2.     Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?

Sure, I think aesthetics aregreat outlets to demonstrating outside of screenshots and prompts what yourcharacter is about in an array of colors, art, or examples. It’s beautiful.

3.     What current rp trend do you hate? Taken.

4.     How do you explain rp to someone in the real world?

Hahah- I don’t, but I would probably compare it to my lovefor literature and writing if I had to. I’m writing stories and adventures.

5.     Do you prefer interacting with male muses or female more? Why?

I don’t have a preference!

6.     Do you prefer writing male muses or female more? Why?

I write female muses because it is simply easier for me to put myshoes in the shoes of a female muse. For obvious reasons I should hope. However,I have written with a male oc in the past. I want to, just haven’t found theright dynamic yet for ffxiv. I had a male Au Ra by the name of Xathun- but nowhe is simply my retainer that brings me stuff he deems is shiny. 

I love himeven if he brings me level 5 rocks.

7.     What’s your opinion on call-out posts?

I think they are both useful topoint out harmful individuals who have harmful or greedy intentions – andharmful because some call-out posts I believe are just posts to continue a potstir off the platform itself or off the drama seeping from another dms. Thereis a time and place for all things.

8.     Name any three things about the rpc that bother you. Taken.

9.     What is your opinion on exclusivity? Do you practice it? Why / why not?

I think exclusivity iscompletely up to those who choose to practice it. I only practice it on whetherI am comfortable. Very few people can make me feel uncomfortable- but my guthas yet to fail me in this. I will not RP with anyone who makes meuncomfortable or if they are just looking for ERP. I’m not about it.

10.   Have you everhad a bad experience with commissions? As either someone who makes them or assomeone who buys them?

I have not had a bad experiencewith commissions. I really need to seek out one.

11.   What do youknow now about rp that you wish you knew when you first started? Taken.

12.   Have you beeninvolved in drama? Do you regret it?

In this community, I have onlybeen involved in one instance. It was during my first few months joining FFXIV,super early on. A RPer tried to guilt trip me for not responding to them forone day. One day caused a lot of drama from someone else’s greed and possessivenature.

I don’t regret it. It just demonstrated another example for me to be wary of everyone’s intentions. Unfortunately. It isthat split-second decision that you want to think the best in everyone that brings the failure. Oops.

13.   Have you everthought about leaving rp? What caused it? What changed your mind?

I probably considered leavingRP when I was leaving a forum base that I had invested eleven or so years of mylife into. I had grown so much through it and watched as it died out bit by bitonly for trolls to really remain. None of the inspiration was there and noone truly seemed passionate about anything but bars. Taverns. 

I changed my mind when I joinedFFXIV. At first I played the game because it was something to do. I wasbored and things were dying down for me. I have loved the FF series for such along time, so I thought, why not? Screw the pay wall. I just played through AtRealm Reborn and focused that down in a binge. Over time I got the itch Iwanted to write, and that had propelled me right into the RP crew in Siren.Then that branched onto the Tumblr. Creating my blog has led me to meet such wonderful people along the way. 

14.   Do you think rphas had a positive or negative affect on your life or you as a person?

Positive for sure. RP helped meduring the years I was unsure who I wanted to be, what I wanted to express, andhelped me communicate more when I said so little. I was so much moreintroverted, and the writing RP brought was so uplifting.

The character, Haine, I madeyears ago is a force in my life that influenced my traits as a role model. She’llalways have a special place in my heart.

15.   How has rpchanged you personally?

I suppose this builds on thelast question, huh?

Without finding RP as anoutlet, I don’t think I would have been ready to embrace what I could be.Things could have been far worse in my life, and I like to think some of thetraits I had crafted Haine to be throughout the years helped me remain true towho I should be rather than what everyone wanted me to be- or knock me down tobe.

16.   If you couldchange one thing about rp on tumblr, what would it be? Why?

I don’t think I want to changeanything- I would just want to encourage others to write and express themselvesmore in their outlets. Which can be writing, drawing, aesthetics. You do you.The passion is my favorite thing to see in others.

17.   Have you eversent a message to yourself on anon? Why?

No. Why would anyone do that?

18.   Have you eversent hate to yourself on anon? Why?

Why… would anyone do that? Arethey okay?

19.   Do you deleteanon hate or post and address it? Why?

I am content to say I havenever received anon hate. Yet.

20.   Have you everfelt pressured to write something you weren’t comfortable with?

No. I refuse to put myself inthat position.

21.   Have you everfollowed someone because you felt like you had to, not because you wanted to? Taken.

22.   What would makeyou block someone?

I try to avoid blocking becauseI believe most things can be recovered- because if I put you on that block list,I am never looking at it. You’re gone. You must be very toxic to get put there-or annoying. There was that one guy…

23.   Have you everstolen something from someone else?

Does luck count? Because Iswear I stole someone’s luck once and it was the funniest thing I had everwitnessed.

24.   Have you everhad something stolen from you? If so, how did you handle it?

Yes. I’ve had the alias Hainefor over ten years. I carried that name from my old RP community and thisperson that I used to call a good friend disappeared. She came back under a newname, and then I went on a hiatus. I come back, she’s going as the name “Haine.”She pretended she was just an anonymous person and not the friend I always knewbut playing stupid never was her skill.

I was… indifferent at first.Yet, it felt like a part of me was being violated. I knew her. It hurt. I hadmade Haine as this love child of my creativity. I tried to be reasonable butthen this person began to start discourse so it would go. “Did Haine do this?” “Whydid Haine do that?” It was confusing to always say “It was the other one.” Whenoften duplicate alias’ were not typical.

It was upsetting to say theleast, and after a while, as above it as I like to be- I started getting prettyangry. It was never pretty. I can regret a bit of it.

25.   Are you open toduplicates? Why / why not?

As in duplicates acrossservers? I do that! I had stared on Siren originally before I made a characteron Balmung before world visit opened up. I think duplicates are helpful in caseyou want to keep your strong attachments in both data centers.

26.   How do you feelabout vague posting?

Vague… posting?

27.   Do you followpeople even if they don’t follow you back?

Of course! Someone I followdoes not have to follow me back. I love their content and I want to stay tuned!That is the entire point! If they follow back, it is just equally delighting.

28.   Do you readpeople’s rules before following or interacting?

If they have rules, yes. Ithink it is very important to have OOC communication to express what you willallow or what you find inappropriate.

29.   What is youropinion on “reblog karma” and do you practice it?

I don’t.. understand.

30.   How have youresponded to popular slang used on tumblr? Do you use it in every day life? Doyou use it at all?

I don’t follow tumblr trends enough toknow?

31.   Is theresomething you don’t know the meaning of but you haven’t asked anyone becauseyou think it’s supposed to be general knowledge? Was there ever something youhad to ask someone to explain?

OH! I think I did this once. Beingnew on Tumblr awhile back, I did not understand a lot of things. So some of theterms was lost on me. I think I remember asking what on earth a “mun” was. Itwas lost on me.

32.   Have you everexperienced discrimination?

Yeah.

33.   How do you feelabout personal blogs following your rp blog?

The more the merrier! I thinkthat makes it more flattering to see. It makes me think that something on myblog had to be nice for someone to want to keep up on their personal blog.

34.   Have you evercried while writing a reply?

Oh go- Yes. Recently. The plot lines that make me feel things are the best kind. Happy, excited, nervous, bittersweet, thrilled. I love it. 

35.   Do you readother people’s threads or do you only read your own?

I read other people’s threads,and my own. I read mine several times because I figure it can be better. I love reading thewriting of others.

36.   What’s onething that other people seem to hate that doesn’t bother you? Taken.

37.   How do you feelabout tagging triggers? Do you tag them? How do you determine what istriggering content and what isn’t?

I don’t feel anything for themor tag them.

38.   What advicewould you give to someone new to rp?

 Embrace what you want to be and do not divert from what youare comfortable with. Feel free to go to public places and watch others work.If I know the person who is new to RP I would usually offer to be their partnerto get them into the cadence.

This exhausted me. I felt things throughout this journey of asks, and through it all I give to you- 

[mikeconphoto]

"WHY IT IS A SPECIAL PRIVILEGE TO BE A PHOTOGRAPHER" -By MikeCon Photography

Please read this blog in its entirety… This has been on my mind a lot and now I’m going to put it into words.

Most folks don’t realize all the things that go into being a photographer.  I’ve been in the photography industry for almost seven years now. Every day you have to grind and find something new, however the one thing that’s constant as a photographer is the people.  Yes, even landscape photographers that sell their art have to deal with people. People come in and out of our business lives all the time.

As photographers we’re constantly in contact with people that want to have us do work for them.  Those people give us all kinds of privileged information. We learn so much about our clients, subjects, etc. that most of us have our own database with that information.  For me, I know any and everything about my clients. They’re not just another face, or paycheck to most of us in this industry. Just like a doctor, or lawyer, we are supposed to have a, “Photographer to Client” privilege.  What they say, or do at a photo shoot is all privileged information. That’s how you build good relationships.

Prior to a shoot, I personally like to call each of my clients and discuss the photo shoot in full detail so they understand what we’re doing, so we can execute properly.  Most answer, some like to just text back and forth because of their busy lives, however having their phone numbers is a privilege. That’s something special because a lot of people don’t have access to the individuals that we work with.  They see the final outcome from the photos, but never the full process of how it got from, “Point A” to “Point Z”.

For me as a fitness photographer, I get to learn the stories about my people and how they got to where they are.  To me, that’s important because when they tell their true stories, there’s someone out there that’s probably going through the exact same story as the person that I’m working with.  Sometimes it’s eating disorders, being bullied, growing up with abusive people, being the overweight person, or just wanting to better themselves physically, spiritually and mentally.  They all have their own different reasons and struggles, and I love hearing about them because it drives me to ensure that they get the absolute best out of me, so they can tell their story if they desire to inspire.  My hope is that their story gets told by one of the major magazine out there that some person reads, so that it pulls them into a better place.

Another thing is that you get to know and become part of their families.  A little bit ago, I did a Mother’s and Father’s Day set of shoots. I got to meet my client’s children and spouses.  During those shoots, I was told multiple times that they wanted to hire me to do more shoots in the future for their families because they had trust and confidence in my abilities and I always aim to exceed all expectations, as all photographers should.  That to me was a step towards longevity because I can always step out of the fitness arena, and jump into just doing portraits. It’s called versatility...all photographers, business folks, and entrepreneurs should know about that already. It’s truly an honor whenever you’re brought into the family fold and treated as such.  

NEVER BETRAY THAT TRUST!!!  I have a few close friends that are fellow photographers, and some Marines.  I don’t use the word, “friends” loosely either. These are people that I’ve known for years!  Even to them, I never share my work with them. I don’t share deep details of the shoot, and especially of my people.  Call it karma, or whatever, but to me it’s just bad for business. Even in blogs, I don’t share bad details about photo shoots, or anything negative.  You see, professionalism, and discretion is kinda what people pay you for as well. You may not see it that way, but it’s true. That person you and hundreds may look at and desire may not know that he, or she had a bad case of flatulence during their shoot from a protein shake, or had a visit from Mother Nature that time of the month.  It’s none of their business, however it’s my business to ensure that they look their best when I’m shooting, and in post production.

To everyone that I’ve ever worked with, I will say, “THANK YOU!”  Knowing all that I know about you all has truly helped me become a better professional in this industry and I’ll always maintain that professionalism, or exceed it.  

Semper Fidelis!

Sincerely, Mike IG @mikeconphoto mikeconphoto.com

[satanseternalbenevolence-blog]

Memoirs of a Satan©

Hi, my name is Scott (You say, “Hi Scott”) and I am the new Satan. I have inherited the mantle and power of the Antichrist to do good in the World. Yes, you read that correctly, to do good in the World (more on this later). I don't know why I was chosen, maybe my core beliefs and understanding of humanity are the reasons why, or maybe I was just lucky. Either way, here I am, a 55-year-old raised Jewish (btw, the Jews don’t believe in Heaven and Hell) Atheistic Satanist from Los Angeles CA. I’ve often fantasized about having superpowers, but I never thought that I would actually have them, let alone become the most ultimate ‘villain’ ever!

Entry 1 I’ll never forget that day. The past few days the weather was beautiful, clear skies and temps around the mid-seventies. But by late Saturday night/early Sunday morning, a storm blew in from the coast. Pasadena, where my wife Beth and our two dogs Sophie and Sadie live, was expected to get up to 3 inches of rain, and after the 5+ years of drought we’ve had, 3 inches seemed like an ocean. I drove to work instead of riding my URB-E (Urban Electric motorized bike) to be safe. I work as a Security Officer at a Botanical Garden just south of Pasadena. I was at my post at the entrance of the gardens, under my huge orange Shademaker umbrella watching the rain pour down around me as I greeted the few visitors that come to the Garden on a day like today. A man walks up behind me and hands me a wallet and says that he found it in the desert garden and was told to give it to me. I thanked him and then went to examine the lost wallet. It was black leather, nothing special about it except for the fact that it was completely dry. As I opened it to see if there was any I.D. in it there was a number of credit cards in their appointed slots, and a card that read:

Hello Scott, you have been chosen to be the next Satan in this World. Do not throw away, give away, or turn this wallet into lost and found, it is yours now. You have every major credit card with unlimited credit to live on. More information will be revealed to you shortly. Your powers will go into effect in 24 hours. Hail Satan! Satan #30

You may be asking, how can you be Satan with all his powers and wisdom if you consider yourself an Atheist and don't believe in God or religion? The answer came to me that night. I slept like a rock (if rocks actually sleep), maybe it was the bowl of Dantes Fire I smoked before bed, but I was out when my head hit the pillow. In the dream I had, Satan #30 came to me as the devil character drawn by the artist Coop - red skin, pointy ears, horns, and goatee, and his signature cigar. He shared with me that yes, I was chosen because of my core beliefs and values and my understanding of humanity. He shared with me the history and understanding of this Being in the World. Man created religions and the Gods they associated with them. According to scriptures, God cast Satan out and gave him the power over this World. Since his power is in this negative realm, it is manifest as tangible and thus can make physical changes here. God is all speculative and invisible and does not have real power on Earth. Believers work themselves up into a frenzy because a preacher tells them that it’s the Holy Spirit working through them or they see the miracle of Jesus’ face on a piece of toast, but none of it is real. To quote the band Styx, “Welcome to the Grand Illusion.” The true paradox is that there has been more death, war, and destruction in the name of God, who is supposed to be the 'good guy' and Satan, the 'bad guy,' has been the one who brought positive changes.

The most important thing I was told to remember with this responsibility is to always be aware of how my choices and actions will affect future history. Yes, I can wipe out poverty and suffering instantly and make the ones who have been greedy and the cause of all the pain in the World pay for their crimes, but that wouldn't serve humanity in the long run. By manifesting such miracles I would be acting as a God and destroy the entity that is Satan. Giving the blessings of personal responsibility and cause & effect gradually will serve mankind in the long run. I'm what you might call a Spiritual, er I mean Satanic Lowrider.

I grew up in a very relaxed, reformed Jewish household. I went to Hebrew school after public school and studied for my Bar Mitzvah. In the Jewish religion, when a child turns 13 they are considered a man or woman after ceremonially reading from the Torah (holy scriptures) and collect lots of gelt (money) as gifts. Like most of my schooling, I squeaked by like the crackling voice of a young teenage boy. I was sent to the Rabbi’s office for disrupting the class so often you’d think we were having an affair. I would walk out of Temple singing the old McDonald’s commercial, “Scrambled eggs and sausage, yeaaaaa!” I was a bad Jew even then.

After my parents died at the end of my teens I became more spiritual and joined a non-denominational church called the Movement of Spiritual Awareness or M.S.I.A. I became a minister, chanted my tones, and did a lot of volunteering. I was really into it and thought that I had finally found my home and family, I was only in my mid-twenties. Everything was very ‘woo woo’ as I was sending the Light and ‘deflecting’ negativity. I was using all the lingo, “I ask for the Light of the Holy Spirit to surround, fill, and protect us for the highest good.”

As I grew into adulthood, worked a full-time job, got married, got divorced and lived on my own once again, the spiritual stuff faded from my life. I still wanted to believe that there was a God or Power greater than us but became disgusted by organized religion and their manipulative ways. Too many rules telling you how to eat, dress, and act (Fuck you, I like eating bacon!). I guess I was an Agnostic at this point. It took a couple of decades, but I finally accepted the fact that we are on our own, products of evolution, and proclaimed myself an Atheist.

When I met Beth at the end of 2003, I knew I had met my true Partner-In-Crime. As I was growing up in Culver City on the west side, Beth was going through much of the same family issues and cultural changes over the hill in North Hollywood. She also grew up in a reformed Jewish family and could relate to everything I went through as a youth. Although Beth does not like labels, she finally claimed the mantle of Atheist along with me. We call ourselves Deli Jews because these days we’re only in it for the food but still relate to our families as Jews culturally.

As I observed the changes in the World and started to learn the truth behind a lot of the things that society takes for granted - such as  thinking that our air is clean, our food is healthy, our legal system is fair, and our government is ‘For The People.’ I started to look at science as the truth and the way. Some people would call me a conspiracy theorist, but what is a conspiracy anyway? According to the dictionary, a con*spir*a*cy is a secret plan by a group of people to do something unlawful or harmful. Looking at the greed and manipulation of religions, governments, and corporations, I’d say there is a plethora of conspiring going on! So yes, I guess I am a good candidate to be the latest incarnation of Satan.

One of my first dilemmas was how to tell my wife that suddenly I am the embodiment of The Devil? "Hey Honey, by the way, you know that whole Satanist thing I'm into, yeah well, I'm Satan!" Actually, she was quite accepting of my new job title, especially the part about how our needs will always be met and we can live an easier life now. Part of the job description states that Satan's chosen family and loved ones will be taken care of as long as they respect the terms laid out by Satan. My siblings with receive the benefits of good health and enjoyment of life as long as they take care of themselves and don't rely on me to do it all for them. Here's an example - I may grant my brother good health and for every pound he loses, his family will also lose a pound until they all reach the healthiest weight for their size and body type. As long as they all continue to make an effort to live healthy through diet and physical activity the benefits will remain. If they choose to be lazy about it and expect Satan to just fix their lives for them, they will be on their own to deal with the consequences of the actions. That's pretty much how it works - take responsibility and step up to the plate and the blessings will be yours, choose to be lazy or arrogant, and karma kicks in.

Entry 2 Sure enough, 24 hours after I read that card from my new wallet, at exactly 12:00 noon, I have to vomit. So much for my half hour lunch. I spent the entire 30 minutes with my head in the toilet. At first, I thought it was my vertigo acting up again, but this was different. As I was puking I felt lighter, clearer, and freer than I have ever felt. I don’t know what was coming out of me, but I was glad to see it go. Once I stood up and washed my face, I felt like a million bucks! I thought to myself, that must have been my final initiation into Satanhood. So here I am, with the ability to affect people’s lives, and for lack of a better term change things in the physical world, but how do I do it? There was no instruction manual or advice from my chat with Satan #30 on how to do this. I kinda felt like Ralph Hinkley from the show The Greatest American Hero - here are your powers, you figure it out. I’m at work and now I am the latest Satan incarnate, let’s have some fun.

Part of my job is to make sure that people are wearing a paid admission sticker to enter the gardens. We close at 5:00 pm and stop selling tickets at 4:00 pm because it’s not fair to sell someone full price when they only have one hour to visit. Inevitably I get at least a few groups that come after 4:00 and want to come in. Here’s how the interaction always goes, I say, “Hi guys, do you have your stickers?” They reply, “What stickers?” I inform them that they have to have paid in order to pass this point, but we stop selling tickets at 4. “But we just spent X number of hours on the road to get here and we really want to see the Huntington gardens!” they exclaim. I explain to them that they should come back another day and plan to spend all day and that we are open from 10:00 am to 5:00 pm every day except Tuesday because we are closed. Before I can finish that sentence, they blurt out, “Oh we’re flying out of town tonight.” I always get frustrated because I hear this excuse over and over and over ad nauseam. Here they are with a smartphone in hand and they never thought to call or look up our website to find out what time we close?!? Today, I thought, let’s test out these new Satanic powers of mine <insert evil grin here>.

As I expected, at 4:15 pm a couple approaches, reads the sign on the front on my podium that reads ADMISSION REQUIRED BEYOND THIS POINT, and decides to confront me, “We just got here and reeeeeally want to see the gardens!” Me: “Sorry, but we’re closing in 45 minutes. I suggest you come back…” Them: “We’re flying back to Miami tonight. Can’t we just” At this point I thought, now would be a good time to test out my new satanic skills. I looked at them eyes wide, my mouth and left hand open, and then snapped them shut to simulate shutting their mouths with all the satanic power I could muster! Nothing happened. They kept talking but looking at me a little strange. Okay, my first attempt at summoning my new abilities didn’t quite work. “we promise we won’t tell if you let us in. We'll be quick, I promise. I just want to take a few pictures with my phone” “STOP!" I said firmly. Silence. “No, you cannot come in. Did it ever occur to you to pick up that smartphone you have in your hand and call here to see what time we were open until? Or look up our website? You show up 45 minutes before we close and it’s MY problem, what do you think, this is McDonald’s and you can have it your way?!?” This time they did stop talking, by the puzzled look on their faces and the impossible attempts at uttering a word, they couldn’t talk! So using my words of persuasion to command my power is one way of accessing it. Let’s find another!

I couldn’t get home fast enough. A gazillion ideas of what my powers were and how the hell I’m going to access them ran through my mind on my ride home. Usually, the 15 miles an hour of my URB-E didn’t bother me, but today I needed a rocket! Wait, I have super satanic powers, that  I - don’t - know - how - to - use. “Patience,” I told myself, I’ve got a lot to think about and fantasize about.

So this is the first time that Beth is seeing me with my new powers. She knew I was excited, but also warned me about going slow and keeping my satanic sorcery close to home and to not fuck with the neighbors (at least not yet). I stood there on our back patio ready to…I don’t know? Wave my magic wand? Point my finger with authority and intent? Use mind control? I started by thinking, WWSD - What Would Satan Do? Ah fuck it, how should I know? I’ve only had the job for a day, I don’t think I’m expected to know how to do it all by now. I decided to stop for now and go smoke a bowl of some fine Indica. 15 minutes later while laying on the bed with our dogs, I got it! Let go, detach, and relax your mind, then tell it what you want. Have two huge salads ready for Beth and I was what I thought on my way from the bedroom to the kitchen (all of about 30 ft.). By the time I stepped foot in the kitchen, Beth says uncontrollably, “WHERE THE FUCK DID THOSE COME FROM?” All I could do after looking at the beautiful salads on the table and turning my head to Beth was grin and wink ;-).

Over the munching and crunching of our scrumptious salads, we talked about how do I want to use these powers and do I want to go public with my new identity and keep in on the down-low. We both agreed that keeping it on the d-l would be the wisest and safest choice. I thought I’d start practicing locally, with my community - work, around town, and of course our neighbors. We love most of our neighbors, but there are some, let’s just say they could use a lesson or two about attitude and parking.

We live on a busy, main street that is our only place to park. The block is all apartments. Some of these neighbors own upwards of 4 or 5 cars and trucks! Not huge families, small families - parents and their two young kids, and couples. And, they don’t know how to park for shit - 3 feet from the curb, their back end sticking out, and parking in the middle of a spot that can fit 2 cars.

It’s a shame that there has been a rash of incidences of cars getting towed because they seemed to be parked in the middle of the street or on someone's lawn <insert evil grin here>.

Now, I know that part of the responsibility of being Satan is not just doing parlor tricks, so what else should I be doing with my newly acquired talents? The only one I can think of to ask is my predecessor, Satan #30. Before bed tonight, I took a long look at the tattoo I have on my left calf of Coop’s Satan that Beth and I got on our 10 year wedding anniversary. It was the first in a series of our tradition of getting a Halloween style tattoo each year to commemorate our years together. We were married on Halloween and love collecting tats, so this has become our anniversary gift to each other. Since #30 came to me like this version of Satan, I figured this would be a good way of focusing my energy on him before drifting off to sleep.

It worked. That floating, talking, cigar smoking little devil showed up ready to help. I found out later that part of your mitzvah (a good deed in Jewish belief) as a prior Satan is to assist the present torch bearer whenever they ask for it. My main question, aside from clarifying how to access these powers, was what is the best way to serve mankind (and not as a main course)? He reassured me that focus and a clear intent on what I want to create is the best way to access my powers, and to have fun with it (he forgot to mention that the first time we chatted). As far as how to be of service, his suggestion was to always think, how will this action benefit those involved? Even if my commandment is a form of tough love and is there to teach a lesson (as I did with the couple that wanted to enter the Huntington at 4:15 without paying), it must be for the highest good of all concerned. He also suggested I read the ENCYCLOPAEDIA OF HELL - An Invasion Manual For Demons Concerning the Planet Earth translated from the demonic by Martin Olson that was originally written by the O.S. (Original Satan). It gives some good insights into the truth behind Humankind.

I woke up refreshed and ready for my new job. After a nice cold shower, it was time to get to work. If my family is to be taken care of during my tenure, let’s start today. Our dogs, Sophie (a pit bull mix) and Sadie (a short-haired, low-riding Dachshund) are two knuckleheads that can be stubborn sometimes. I want them around as my Hellhounds for a long time, so they shall have perfect health, ticks and fleas can’t touch them, and they are perfectly obedient. All Beth and I have to do, is calmly tell them what to do, and it’s done - no fuss, no stress (for us or for them). I took them for a nice long walk. Even though I could now walk them without a leash knowing that nothing will happen without my consent, I didn’t want to break any laws. I put their collars and leashes on but had the leashes floating up as if I was holding them (kind of like the invisible dog trick with the wire in the leash). And I stopped picking up their poop piles. Now the canine logs of excrement instantly turn into the perfect fertilizer for the grass or plant it lands on. Happy dogs, happy daddy!

When Beth got home, we sat on the couch after dinner and discussed what she and I wanted in terms of our physical health and appearance. Obviously, we wanted perfect internal and mental health, but how do we want our bodies to improve. Beth wanted to slim up, clear skin and strength to do what she loves - hiking, skating, and exploring the World. I chose to only have a minute amount of body fat and more muscle definition along with the strength to keep up with Beth. To not attract too much attention, I’m having this transformation happen gradually yet quickly over a period of about 6 months, most people don’t notice anything odd about changes that take place over a slightly extended period of time, plus it will feel more natural that way. To not have to worry about vertigo, hearing loss, and erectile dysfunction, AWESOME!

There is one group that I’m involved with that I think might like to hear this news, the Los Angeles chapter of The Satanic Temple. I’ve been a member for about a year and a half and really love where their heart is. TST is doing a lot of work nationally for Freedom OF Religion and Free Speech, as well as the constant struggle to separate Church and State. The L.A. chapter has put on some fucking amazing Satanic Masses as fundraisers and as a way for people who feel like outsiders in society to come together and be accepted. I knew that they would understand the terms of the way I am to assist them, and that fact that we are going to have a hellaciously fun time doing it! To give you an example of what the Temple of Satan believes, here are the Seven Tenets we follow:

One should strive to act with compassion and empathy towards all creatures in accordance with reason.

The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.

One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.

The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own.

Beliefs should conform to our best scientific understanding of the world. We should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit our beliefs.

People are fallible. If we make a mistake, we should do our best to rectify it and remediate any harm that may have been caused.

Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.

Quite a bunch of evil motherfuckers, huh? One of the things about TST that I love is the fact that they don’t worship the actual being known as Satan, they believe in what the literary character represents - freedom from oppression, knowledge, and fun, as opposed to the other literary character that so many sheeple blindly follow. Now they have the real deal, the definite article, the man-the myth-the legend - Me. How are they going to explain that? I’d suggest keeping this our little secret and have fun doing the good works that we do. They also use Satan and Satanism for shock value to demonstrate to not always judge a book by its cover - Satanist doing good in the World and believers in God doing horrible things in his name. Btw, Anton LaVey - poser.

I can’t help but fantasize even more about all the ways I can help people and right injustices without anyone knowing it was me. If I see someone being kind to another person, I might reward them by paying for his or her parking or picking up his or her tab at a restaurant anonymously. Maybe teachers who choose to teach the truth and not just the curriculum that they are told to teach and brainwash their students will be given the support that they deserve. I love to see children become curious and question why things are the way they are. Like training a dog with positive reinforcement, every time a kid helps another kid whom he or she doesn’t know well or stands up to a bully, they get an instant reward of some sort such as found money, a certificate of appreciation, or their favorite meal from their parents. If a driver steals a parking spot that someone else is waiting for, their car dies and has to be towed. My mind just goes on, and on, and on thinking of ways to be the best Satan I can be.

“Be all that you can be, become a Satanist!”

And just so no-one catches on, I’m going to do these type of things all over the World so it doesn’t look like wherever I am miracles happen. Am I starting to sound like a god or something? Maybe so, but I am Satan. Again, I love that fact that this demonstrates not to judge a book by its cover, that which we label as good or evil just might be the complete opposite. Positive chaos can be the perfect action to right wrongs and balance unsteady ground. What if people of different nationalities and economic levels came together and organized against tyranny and oppression? Hey, a Devil can dream can’t he?

There’s a trick I’ve always wanted to do. I saw it in the 1995 movie Powder about an Albino teenager with extrasensory perception and the ability to heal the sick. In one scene, the main character Powder is camping with a group of boys (I think it was the Boy Scouts or something like that) and their adult counselors when one of the boys shoots a deer with a hunting rifle. Deeply saddened by the event, Powder touches the dying animal with one hand and grabs the hand of one of the adults. What transpires is that Powder acted as a conduit so that the adult counselor could see and experience what the deer was going through as it takes its last breaths. It’s a true example of demonstrating empathy. I would love to experience someone acting like an asshole, insensitive, or being a racist dickhead and just shake their hand or touch their shoulder and have them feel what the person that they are picking on feels when they are treated that way (Seems like a very Jesus thing to do, maybe I’ll go easy on this one).

I’m not a sports fan, I believe that sports are another way for humans to stay divided, it’s that whole ‘us against them’ thing. But I do love wearing jersey’s, so I bought a hockey, football, baseball, and basketball jersey in my favorite colors - orange, black, and gray, with my name BERGER on the back and number 31 (get it?) on all of them. GO TEAM BERGER SATAN! Did I mention that I suck at playing sports? I grew up with asthma and couldn’t run, let alone play without wheezing and coughing my head off. I died inside during P.E. every time the coach would yell, “EVERYONE RUN A LAP!” Even now, I have no desire to jog, run, or chase a ball (I’ll leave that to my Hellhounds, Sophie and Sadie).

Entry 3 Date night with the Mrs., tonight we’re going to see DEADPOOL 2. We loved the first movie and have been looking forward to this sequel for a long time. As usual, we got there early enough to get some buttered popcorn and our seats before the 20 minutes of previews. We like to sit at the top of the theater in the back row if possible so we don’t have to listen to anyone talking or munching behind us during the movie. We found a couple of seats at the top on the left side, with no one sitting around us. The previews we’re okay, a few of them that I can never seem to remember when I leave the theater, I want to come back and see.

Just as the movie starts, these three Jugheads with enough candy and food to feed a small nation, sit down right in front of us. We look at each other with that knowing glance that a couple develops after being together for years. We silently decided to not say anything yet, to wait and see. Once they started feeding their faces they became a little bit quieter, since their mouths were full of junk food. But about halfway through the movie, the commentating and texting began. “Why the fuck didn’t he just kill the motherfucker?” “Dude, that's fucking stupid! He can’t be dead, and what’s with all this mushy love shit?” exclaimed two of them while the third kept texting with the clicking sound on his keyboard. That’s it, last straw, time to have some fun.

I had the scene in the movie stop, and Deadpool played by Ryan Reynolds breaks the fourth wall (in stage and film, that’s where the actor interacts directly with the audience), and addresses the three Jugheads. “HEY PEABRAINS, YEAH YOU, THE THREE STOOGES IN THE BACK WITH A SEVERE CASE OF THE MUNCHIES AND OPINIONS - SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I WILL COME OUT THERE AND TURN YOU INTO A SUB-HUMAN CENTIPEDE!” At first, everyone thought this was a joke and part of the movie, but this wasn’t a 3D movie and none of us were wearing 3D glasses either. When Deadpool reached out of the screen with both hands and his ‘avocado-had-sex-with-an-older-avocado’ face and came towards our noisy neighbors, at least two of them pissed their sagging pants and I think the third shit himself. They ran out of there embarrassed as hell holding their poop and pee stained pants hoping nobody sees or says anything to them. After clearing the air of stench and replacing it with a gentle floral fragrance, I allowed Mr. Deadpool to continue with his scene (only after Deadpool and all the theater attendees applauded the Jugheads departure). By the way, everyone at our screening of DEADPOOL 2 received a full refund and two free passes per person to come back to see another movie.

Entry 4 8:30 am. It's too early to listen to all the squawking going on in the trees around my post. From the sounds of it, you'd think I was in a rain forest and a predator was threatening the flocks. The only way I'm going to enjoy my coffee and start the day in a good mood is to quiet things down a bit. A little concentration and a mighty, "SHUSH!" and silence. Ahh, that's better.

I was reflecting today on people who rock the boat, specifically at their jobs. Maybe, the employees who challenge the system, question management, care about their jobs and speak up, are the smart ones and the ones to listen to. They see what’s really going on first hand (the boots in the trenches), and usually have very innovative solutions to these problems. The workers and management that play by all the rules, are calm and complacent all the time, and are just buying their time in hopes of a good pension to retire on, are the dangerous ones. The latter live in fear and would never rock the boat or go out on a limb, especially for their staff. The meek shall inherit the Earth if anyone would listen to them! Maybe now I can bend a few ears and make some changes.

I’ve got to stop listening to bands like Ministry on the way home, without trying I was hitting speeds upwards of 60 mph on my URB-E. Focus Scott and remember safety first.

Entry 5 I was thinking about the quote from the King James Bible, 1 Timothy 6:10, "For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” There has been a meme going around that states IF MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, THEN WHY DOES THE CHURCH ALWAYS ASK FOR IT?. I found this to be a very good question. It sounds rather hypocritical to me - they preach the evils of the love of money, at the same time they keep asking you to donate it to the Church. I’ll bet that the Church's answer would be that they [the Church] are there to take the burden of the evils of money off of their parishioners. How fucking Christ-like of them.

Thank God Satan doesn’t have to ask for donations! I can’t see myself going door-to-door begging for change, “Hi, would you like to donate whatever you can to support your favorite arch-nemesis and fall-guy?” I’ve never liked the whole sales pitch thing. Even when organizations that I’ve been involved with called it ‘sharing your experience’ instead of what you are really doing which is selling goods and services, I was still hocking their wares. Isn’t Greed one of the 7 ‘deadly’ ‘sins’? Way to teach by example you cross-loving-self-righteous-robber-barons!

The Church asks for donations and tithing (giving 10% of your income), Jewish temples require payment to become a member, and Muslims are obligated to participate in a form of tithing called zakah. You can’t tell me that religion isn’t big business, this is a global money-making machine of ancient and epic proportions. Fuck the poor, praise the rich, and pray for trickle-down economics.

Entry 6 I woke up, made some deliciously strong Armenian coffee with smoked tea in the mix for an added flavor and caffeine fix, and started perusing Facebook. I started to feel discouraged by all the hate and religious rhetoric that is being vomited all over the internet these days. I hadn’t realized just how many people actually and wholeheartedly believe their chosen religion above common sense and logic. So here I am, the embodiment of ‘Evil’ on this planet, surrounded by a HUGE majority that believes that their chosen invisible god is the only one. I’m here to use my powers for good in the midst of this turmoil of political and religious power struggle which is purely manmade (kinda sounds like a comic book. I’m sure I can get Stan Lee to appear as a cameo in this nightmare of a reality, maybe as God himself and we can arm wrestle).

According to Wikipedia, Satan is an entity in the Abrahamic religions that seduces humans into sin. In Christianity and Islam, he is usually seen as a fallen angel, or a jinni, who used to possess great piety and beauty but rebelled against God, who nevertheless allows him temporary power over the fallen world and a host of demons. The Seducer, I like it! My thoughts on sin are that it is not negative, but merely human attributes. Seducing people to be the best self they can be (No, I am NOT plagiarizing the U.S. Army) sounds like a cool part of the job. Fallen Angel - well I am kind of a klutz, and I LOVE the term Host of Demons! I also like the name Satan because it only has two syllables. The Devil {3}, Lucifer {3}, Beelzebub {4}, they don’t slide off the tongue as Satan does.

I’m guessing that what I’ve been going through the last couple of days has been a ‘reflective time.’ It feels like I’m re-learning about myself all over again. I love the fact that part of the responsibility of being Satan is to keep yourself on the down-low, I call it Satanic Lowriding. The real magician behind the curtain, the master illusionist with a heart, the manipulator of mirth…Satan!

Entry 7 Sometimes I let the dogs poop in the house just so I have something to do that reminds me of the good ol’ days. They’re so well trained these days that it’s almost boring. Last night while walking them we passed a rather aggressive Chihuahua and it’s owner (is 'owner' not politically correct?), er, I mean person, that was so distracted by her cell phone that she didn’t even know her precious little pooch was acting like a terror. As we tried to pass, I had Sadie our Dachshunds eyes glow bright red and growl a low guttural rumble that meant, “GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY!” The Chihuahua got the message loud and clear, it yelped and curled up in a ball like a pill bug. Its person was easy, I simply killed the power to her phone, and then telepathically called her an evil demon and said, “Pay attention, Satan is watching you!” Of course, she dropped her phone in horror and looked around frantically trying to figure out who did this. When she looked my way, and I turned to grin at her with glowing red eyes to see her reaction - priceless!

Entry 8 I find myself asking, “WWSD - What Would Satan Do?” The Satan, Numero Uno Satanas, the OS - Original Satan, and how did he come to be? Did he just *appear* after his mention in the bible, or was it more organic like he was struck by a meteor particle? That must have been scary the first time he found out he had supernatural powers, “GOD DAMN IT, WHO THREW THAT ROCK?” Did he get tripped by a vagrant and cursed him, “May your feet fall off at the ankle!” and they did. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall the first time Satan read the bible. I bet Satan himself started a lot of the rumors and stereotypes about ‘The Devil’ throughout the Centuries.

At work, I was sitting there watching people shuffling around trying to figure out how to navigate the map of the gardens and what they want to see first. As they passed by, depending on their reaction to my greeting, I might make them lose their voice for about an hour or make some small physical improvement such as clear up acne, or even cause their clothes to fit them perfectly as if tailored just for them. I had a tour group of Japanese people act very rude towards me so I made them all speak Swedish for the rest of the day (that made my day a lot brighter).  

I know I’m supposed to do good in the World, but I can’t help but think that Satan was the Original Prankster. Maybe it’s that image of the devil with that gleam in his eye and that wink that says, “I got your back kid, let’s have some fun!”  

Entry 9 Aside from just my dogs, I can communicate with the other species of the animal kingdom. Sitting outside on the back patio of our apartment I was watching a crow on a power line cawing to the other crows in the area. He was looking for his murder (a group of crows is called a murder) which he became separated from. He must have sensed that I was looking at him because he stopped, turned his head in my direction and cocked his head to one side as if to say, “You understand me.” I nodded my head in agreement and calmly said, “Come here, my friend.” He flew down and landed on the back of the patio chair caddy-corner to me. We just looked at each other for a few moments as if we were two old friends who haven’t seen each other in years. I broke the silence by asking him if he knew who I was, he nodded and bowed his head in what I guess was a show of respect.

So I am able to speak English to animals and they understand me, and I understand them telepathically. I’m a real Dr. Doolittle! My new feathered friend cawed that he will let his murder know that I am here and to be of assistance to me and my family in any way they can. I smiled and nodded in appreciation.

Entry 10 Independent’s Day here in the good ol’ U.S.A. One tradition that I never quite understood was the annual hot dog eating contests where participants try to eat as many hot dogs as possible in a limited amount of time. The most famous of these contests are sponsored by Natan’s Hot Dogs on Coney Island in New York. Of course, small towns and cities all over this Nation have their own local competitions to see who in their community is the most gluttonous. Being the prankster that I am, I thought it would be fun to attend one of these displays of face-stuffing fun and hedge my bets, so to speak. Monrovia CA was having theirs in the park of the local library in the center of town. There were 8 contestants ranging in age from 18 to 70, both men and women. I chose the 70-year-old man who looked like a cross between Mr. Rogers and Ebenezer Scrooge. When the whistle blew the competing eaters started ferociously chomping on the pile of meat sticks in front of them. They had 10 minutes to eat as many of the 50 hot dogs in their buns placed in front of them with only water to wash them down. Of course, the younger participants started off strong, but then, thanks to me, my man started sucking down dogs like an alcoholic in a beer drinking contest. It almost looked like he wasn’t even chewing them, effortlessly letting those wieners slide down his throat. He finished his plate of 50 in approximately 6 minutes and then started reaching over to the plate of the girl next to him and started eating hers! The crowd was on their feet and going berserk! Part of the thrill for me was watching to look on the old guy's face as he was devouring the dogs in this meat-fest. Being the kind-hearted Satan that I am I made sure that the winner and all of the contestants had no ill effects from their gorging. HAIL THE HOT DOG!

I imbibed a little too much and tried to impress Beth by shooting bottle rockets out of my ass and spelling I LOVE YOU in the night sky. Good night.

Entry 11 It dawned on me that if word was to get out that I indeed was Satan and had these powers, I would be hunted by every religious whack-job on the planet. The fact that they had a physical target to blame all of the Worlds problems on, as well as their own personal shortcomings, would make me Terrorist #1. (I would make Hitler, Pol Pot, and Trump look like amateurs!) I’m sure I would hear everything from, “Children are starving because of you!” to “You’re the one who keeps taking my job!” even “The weather sucks today ‘cause of you!" If I was to get caught by these whack-jobs would they string me up and hang me, making me the ultimate martyr like Jesus, or would the military want to use me for their own evil doings? Now I know why I should keep my ministry on the down-low.

Entry 12 It’s hot as Hell today - pun intended. Temps here in Southern California hit 122 degrees in some areas, wtf? When did we move to Death Valley? I have a confession to make, I may be Satan Incarnate, but I HATE hot weather! Unlike old people from the East Coast, I will not be retiring in Florida. I’d be quite content living out my final days in Alaska (sans Sarah Palin and her dysfunctional clan), Canada, or the Highlands of Scotland. But since I was home here in Pasadena and off work today, I set the temperature in our hotbox of an apartment to a comfortable 68 degrees, turned off the ac to conserve electricity, and stayed in with my demon-dogs. They love when Beth and/or I am home with them, especially when I conjure up a big bowl of shaved ice for each of them.

Since we live across the street from the only Jewish Temple in Pasadena, I like to have fun with those obnoxious ‘chosen people’ who think that they are holier than thou. Tonight is the Sabbath. According to Jewish religious law, from sundown on Friday night to sundown on Saturday night Jews are supposed to usher in the Sabbath, or Shabbat as they call it, by going to temple, lighting candles and praying. Every Friday night it is impossible to find a parking place in front of our apartment because the temple goers have parked their Mercedes and BMW's in every available spot on the street. So to test their faith and teach them a lesson, I sent the most savory smell of bacon, ham, and shrimps-on-the-barbie to permeate throughout the temple. I’ll bet that the Denny’s on Colorado Blvd. will be filled with Jewish families ordering Moons Over My Hammy with a side of bacon and fried shrimp. You’re welcome.

Entry 13 - 9:45pm I decided to have some fun tonight. On the east coast, it’s 3 hours ahead of us here in California which makes it about 12:45 am. I used my Satan Sense to hone in on VP Mike Pence and Attorney General Jeff Sessions to make sure these two faithful children of God are fast asleep. I then telepathically visited each of them in their bedrooms, waking them as I appear as their God Almighty complete with white hair and beard, white gown, and puffy white clouds surrounding me. “I AM ASHAMED AND DISAPPOINTED IN YOU MY SON!” I said in a deep, booming voice. “USING ME AS AN EXCUSE FOR YOUR FINANCIAL AND POLITICAL GAIN, DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT I DIDN’T EXIST AND COULDN’T HEAR ALL THE VILE LIES YOU TELL IN MY NAME?!? THERE IS A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL FOR SINNERS LIKE YOU!” Both of their wives also woke up, saw, and heard me alongside their chicken-shit hubbies so there were witnesses. Jeff Sessions actually peed his pajamas, while Mike Pence started sobbing and apologizing like a little kid that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Will it change their stance on policies? Maybe not, but it sure was fun!

Entry 14 A First Aid/CPR class might not be the kind of environment to play around with my powers, but this particular class needed a little levity. First of all the instructor was an egotistical stick-in-the-mud who has been teaching these training classes for way too long, it felt like he was phoning it in. I could tell that most of the other attendees were getting bored and frustrated, so I decided to lighten things up a bit. The instructor, I'll call him Joe, was going over how to approach a person (the CPR dummy) who is unresponsive. His dry example of how to get a response from the nonresponsive person was the perfect opportunity. Just as he was about to lean down and give the two breaths, I had eyes, that wasn't previously there, open and look right at him. The look on his face and the girlish squeal that uncontrollably blurted out of his mouth was priceless! And just as quick as the eyes appeared, they vanished with no trace of what he just saw. The whole class gasped in unison and then broke out in laughter. Needless to say, we were all sent on a break after that.

* I put the 'lo' in El Diablo (as in down-low).

Entry 15 All fun aside, there is a very real and present danger to society looming over the United States - Christianity. With Trump and his right-wing cronies in the Federal government, their push to bypass the Constitution and drive to make Christianity the official religion in the U.S., the need for the varied people of this country to come together and fight this fascism is critical if we want to halt another Holocaust of that scale and larger. Those in power (governments, religions, banks, etc.) have been using the Divide and Conquer method to keep us separated and fighting amongst ourselves for Centuries. They use everything from a Bipartisan System, to sports, and even how products and services are marketed. Almost everything is modern society is designed to divide us up into more factions. Even amongst the same groups such as race, gender and politics there is fighting and turmoil. They want to undo decades of legislation to protect 1st Amendment rights, freedom of religion, gay rights, as well as the right to assemble. As Satan #31, I feel a strong sense of duty to support this fight and protect as many people as possible. (Crap, this feels like the most daunting tasks I’ve ever had to do!) Secularism is threatened every day. There is a movement in the right-wing community called Project Blitz. Their goals are to inundate government on all levels with Christian ideals, promote Christianity in public schools, and flood society with Christian symbolism.

I think I’ll start by more actively supporting the efforts of The Satanic Temple financially to assist with their growing legal costs. Next, I think promoting the After School Satan program and Women’s Reproductive Rights campaign will be important causes to help spread locally and nationally. Free and critical thinking should be offered to every child regardless of economic class, culture, or gender. Women’s Rights are a given, women should be recognized, heard, and fairly compensated for their active roles in society. The more transparent this work, the more people will clearly see that these Satanists are kind, loving, and compassionate individuals.

Now it will be much easier to send mass mailings, emails, and text messages to politicians. THE PEOPLE WILL BE HEARD!

Entry 16 Today I donated a substantial amount of money anonymously and specifically to the Security Department where I work. I stated that I wanted all Security Officers to receive a 25% raise, permanent structures in the entrance pavilion to keep the officers that work there comfortable and protected from the elements, and free ice cream for all Security staff anytime they want. The only clue as to whom this contribution came from was a note attached that said, “From a concerned Member.” That ought to keep ’em guessing for a while <wink>.

While I’m still working there I perform little miracles when needed, such as making people with faux ‘Service Dogs’ feel guilty when they approach me trying enter or causing the make-up of a model to run horribly down her face when she tries to come in to do an unauthorized photo shoot. One day I heard a call on the radio that there was a photo shoot going on in the Chinese Garden so I sent a small murder of crows to dive-bomb them and disrupt their plans (now THOSE would be some awesome pictures!).

Entry 17 I just had an AH HA! moment. It’s time get back on the stand-up comedy stage and influence audiences to the truth about God, Satan, and religion (Oh yeah, among other things I’m a stand-up comedian). I can write comedy bits about God and Satan interacting with characterizations of God being mean and short-tempered and Satan being as polite as an English gentleman. This is going to be fun!

Entry 18 The 'doing good work in the World' is the easy part. The hard part is using restraint when the urge to be painfully vindictive creeps in. Sometimes people piss me off so much that I just want them to feel the wrath that their behavior creates. Oh, how fun and easy it would be to make somebody pay for his or her arrogance, aggression, and stupidity for the rest of his or her lives. I've been finding that doing good work doesn't mean laying down and letting the negativity of the World walk all over you but sometimes using uncomfortable acts to get people's attention and wake them up. For example, I would love to set those people on fire who say to me, "Oh, it's not that hot today!" while I'm sitting outside in the 100-degree heat under an umbrella that makes it feel like I’m in an oven. But I hold back, and simply kill the air-conditioning in their office (only for a day).

Entry 19 Today I found out what scares the Jeebus out of Jehovah’s Witnesses, Me. 10:00 am there’s a knock on the front door. After carefully peeking out the front window, I open the door looking like Tim Curry as The Devil in the movie LEGEND. Red face and body (ripped I might add), goat hooves, and huge black demon horns. As I spoke in a deep rumble, “Good morning ladies, how can I help you?” smoke drifted out of my nose and mouth. They hesitantly offered me a copy of The Watchtower, which burst into flames and ashes the moment it touched my hand. That was all these Jehovah-Loving-Witnesses could take! As they turned to run away, they tripped and started crawling over one another to get away. I guess their faith wasn’t very strong. At least they didn’t piss themselves as A.G. Jeff Sessions did.

Entry 20 I remember once when I was in my twenties, I was assisting in a personal growth seminar - Insight Transformational Seminars. I witnessed a woman go through what they called Crabbing. Crabbing is when a person is going through a great deal of emotional release and their hands contort and stiffen-up like a crabs claws.

I can only equate when parishioners of televangelists go into those spastic fits claiming that the Holy Spirit is working through them, to Crabbing. It’s all in their minds and emotions, there is nothing spiritual about it. When believers claim to be possessed by demons and one of these flamboyantly Christian preachers ‘exercise’ the evil out of them, well that’s just bad acting.

My dear reader, you have probably guessed that I would treat them to a real possession at this point. Yes, but not the way you might think. I was watching the popular faith healer and televangelist Benny Hinn on television and he was going through his usual paces of knocking down the congregation with the wave of his jacket, er, I mean the Holy Spirit, when this one man claimed to be inhabited by an evil spirit that made him growl and bark like a dog as he rabidly showed his fangs (teeth). Just as Benny Hinn was beginning to ‘exercise’ this poor lost soul, I possessed Mr. Hinn. “THIS IS ALL FAKE YOU IDIOTS!” I exclaimed. “THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE DEVIL. I JUST WANT YOUR MONEY, AND STOP BARKING AT ME!” The ‘possessed’ man in front of me/Hinn and everyone in the television studio/church froze in silence. When I exited Mr. Hinn’s body I felt slimy like a snail. Of course, when Hinn regained consciousness he didn’t remember what just happened. The uncomfortable silence seemed to last an eternity until one of Hinn’s assistants whispered in his ear what just took place. Immediately the faux healer spoke up and assured the audience that there truly is a Devil and that it is more important than ever to $upport the Church. Sometimes you just can’t fix stupid. As for me, I need a shower!

Entry 21 I am offended that some people are comparing Donald J. Trump, the 45th President of the United States, the WORST President of the United States EVER, to the Antichrist. That idea lowers the bar way too much and gives this pee-brain moron extremely too much credit. The Angel that man has created to fall from the grace of their God in Heaven, the true Ruler of this physical realm (Satan), is in no way related to this pompous asshat! Cheeto-head also gives puppets all over the World a bad name. If Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd, Lambchop, and Madame were here today, they’d be on the front lines protesting this ignorant poser. As Satan #31 in these troubled times, I’ve got my work cut out for me. With the internet, social media, and international spy’s mucking up information to the public, getting people to think for themselves and take better care of each other is going to be a quite a challenge, to say the least.

Entry 22 Just got my 6 6 6 morale patches in the mail! I’m a Beast, Baby!

Entry 23 So rock music is The Devil’s music, well DUH! Who has had the tastiest licks, best beats, and most heartfelt lyrics? A: The Devil’s music. Music began as a rhythmic form of communication. Drumming, dancing, and chanting were all primal ways of expressing emotions and stories; both joyous and tragic. This level of vibration came from the Earth, from humans, from Satan. God and his heavenly hymns are lofty and boring. I love all the controversy about rock musicians worshipping Satan, selling their souls, and making teenagers take drugs and kill people. I’m actually kind of flattered to be worshipped for my music, but the selling of souls is waaaaay out of left field. Maybe some poser of a record exec. was playing God by requiring bands to sell themselves out to his label, but I have yet to come across any ancient or recent purchased souls in my Satanic studies. Teenagers taking drugs and killing because of some richly theatrical rock band and their deeply poetic lyrics? Maybe a closer investigation into the kids home life and relationship with his/her parents and their beliefs would give more clues as to the behavior of their gothic little angel.

You see, none of it is real, NONE OF IT. It’s all illusion, a stage show, a prop. The ‘good’ - church/temple/mosque, morals, the saviors, the good-guy-in-white, and the ‘evil’ - Satanism, paganism, horror movies, rock concerts - all fake. Humans over the centuries have given these things power by labeling them as good or evil, usually to use extortion to control the masses. Often times if you look closer, you’ll see that it is evil and corruption in the good, and goodness and kindness in the evil (ie. Satan here to do good in the World). I know that this pisses off the religious-right to no end because they think that EVERYTHING has come from God. God doesn’t exist, man has created the doctrines that generation after generation has blindly followed. You’re welcome.

Entry 24 Looking at the triplex we live in, I decided we needed some upgrades. First I talked to Beth and our neighbors about me doing some upgrades to the property such as the landscaping and painting the place as well as little repairs here and there. They were all okay with it. The only one who knows how I’m really going to do it is Beth, the rest I’ll have to make it look like I’m doing the work (it’ll just get done a bit faster than usual). Second, I contacted the owner, Barbara. Barbara is an elderly wealthy widow who lives in Santa Barbara (how ironic). This property is basically a tax right off. She hates to put money into this property and only comes to see the place every few years to do a quick inspection and then raises our rent. I informed her that I will be happy to take excellent care of the building and grounds if she would cut all the units rent in half. She was aghast at first and wrote me off as a big joke. I told her to come to see her property in one month, and if she’s not impressed the deal is off. But, is she likes the improvements I’ve made we have a deal. She agreed, probably thinking that she just got some free work done on the apartment complex she owns.

The first thing I did was replace all the pipes with brand new, larger copper ones. Now none of us will have clogged and backed up sinks and toilets again, and we’ll have great water pressure. Next, I fixed all of the electrical panels with more wattage and fixed all of the outside safety and patio lights, and then added some solar panels on the roof to lighten our energy costs. For the outside, I had all the bushes and plants trimmed and healthy in our new drought-tolerant landscaping. The final touch was painting the building. I chose an earthy brown with a sage green trim, very California (faux) Craftsman. Just to make it look like I was working I’d put a few ladders, drop-cloths, and paint cans lying around and did the whole thing in about a week (so it didn’t look too magical).

The day of Barbara’s inspection. The look of shock and then odd approval was priceless. I simply explained to her that I had the time and experience to do this kind of work and since all of her tenants have been long-term renters, including us, and weren’t planning on moving any time soon, I wanted to make our apartments the most comfortable and pleasant as they can be. I had a document drawn up putting this agreement in writing which she signed without hesitation. Home is where the heart is.

Entry 25 Sometimes I like to badger Christians on Facebook that post things about thanking God for their good fortune or sending thoughts and prayers. I will pose the question, what if God had nothing to do with it and those things happened simply because they happened? Their righteous comments usually are full of, “God gave us free will” “It’s part of God’s plan” or “God has promised us our place with him in Heaven for believing and loving him.” The more I bring logic into the conversation, the more they sound like a broken record (for those of you who don’t remember vinyl records, when they got damaged or scratched the needle would get stuck on that part of the song and keep repeating), but God, but God, but God, but God, but God, but God… I figure if I keep mentioning logical things, maybe some of it will seep past their brainwashing into their subconscious and plant a seed of free thinking in that skull of theirs.

Time to get off the computer, go outside, and help a little old lady across the street.

Entry 26 Bad parenting lesson of the day - keep an eye on your children at all times. After witnessing countless parents stroll along casually as their little angels run far ahead of Mommy and Daddy, I thought a lesson in parenting was in order. Just to be clear - no parents were harmed during this eye-opening experience.

<In my best Rod Serling voice>Two young boys, about 5 year's old racing each other a good 40 feet ahead of their parents on a crowded walkway. As they approach me, I wave to them with a hello gesture and *POOF*, they're gone! Not really gone, just invisible. Physically they are there, you just can't see them. I can tell that the boys themselves were having fun with not being seen, playing tag and sneaking around people. Just to add to the mystique of their disappearance I made them silent. Not only could you not hear their voices, but you couldn't hear their movements either. Of course, I was able to see and hear them.

By the time the parents of these two little ghosts reached me, I can tell that they still have no clue where their boys are, moms eyes were glued to her cell phone playing Pokemon Go and dad was taking pictures. I motioned for the boys to come over to me. I instructed them to follow their parents for as long as they can until they stop and wonder where you are. At that point, I suggested that they give them a little scare, nothing too crazy, we don’t want to give them a heart attack.  Their screams will be my cue to make them visible again. I hope those parents learned their lesson!

Entry 27 Oh, thank Heaven, for entry twenty-seven. I’ve always wanted to have one of those Candid Camera types of shows where you do something or set up a scene to watch peoples reactions. Now I can do it anytime I like. I love being out in public, such as at a farmers market, a bar, or a restaurant. As I walk past people, I would say, “Hello, I am Satan” in their native tongue. It’s always more fun when my target is wearing a cross or some kind of religious pendant. I love doing this to cultures that are very religious - Spanish, Italian, and French are fun, but the best is saying it in Latin. I walked past a superfluity of nuns on the street the other day, I made eye contact with one of the nuns, grinned as wide as I can, and said, “Salve, Satanas sum,” then I winked and blew her a kiss. The look of horror on the other nuns was priceless, the beautifully embarrassed blush of the one I had my sights on floored me! HAIL SATAN!

Do you want to have some fun? Here are a few that you could try out yourself!

Hola, soy Satanás (Spanish)

Bonjour, Je Suis Satan (French)

Hallo, ich bin Satan (German)

Ciao, sono Satana (Italian)

Salve, Satanas sum (Latin)

Usually, once the person looks at me inquisitively and possibly asks me what I just said, I just look dumbfounded and say, “I didn’t say anything” in perfect English.

Entry 28 I've noticed a lot of pop-up churches around town lately. Signs for church gatherings and services at other established churches. For example, I saw signs for a Presbyterian Church service in front of a Korean Church. They must be renting the church for their own congregation. My question is this, how many god-damn churches do believers need? And there are new ones popping up all the time - The Calling Church, Cenacle of Faith, TLC Church, but my favorite church is the Jews for Jesus. To the J of J, I say, "Make up your fucking mind!" Is the United States government just handing out tax-exempt status like candy on Halloween to anyone who claims to be a Church?

For shits and giggles, I had bumper stickers made that say, "SATAN LOVES YOU MORE" and I take selfies with it in front of any house of worship that I come across. This was inspired by countering the JESUS LOVES YOU signs that religious fanatics carry around in public. I now have a HUGE gallery of these pics. Maybe I should make a coffee table book of them and sell them, then donate the money to organizations like the Planetary Society and the Freedom From Religion Foundation.

Entry 29 I’m a huge star on YouTube, and nobody knows it. All of those videos of cars speeding down a street and suddenly get into an accident with what appears to be nothing - that was me. Putting invisible barriers in front of speeding cars is easy. Any video with an animal painting or drawing, me. All the paranormal shows and ghost hunters that experience garbled voices, cold spots, and an electromagnetic entity, yours truly. I love video editing, the way I do it.

Entry 30 My favorite saying these days, “It’s hot as Hades!”

Entry 31 Just for fun, I posted a photoshopped picture of a King James Holy Bible in a barbecue on fire. My Atheist friends thought it was funny, but I had some folks take quite an offense to it. I get it, burning a bible is akin to burning the America flag, two extremely revered objects that people kill in the name of. Would those offended feel better if I burned a copy LeVey's THE SATANIC BIBLE? I did it to make a point - they are just objects, physical things and nothing more. The value of these items is given to them by humans. I could take a 2 X 4 of wood and say that it is the most precious hunk of a tree on the planet and if I get enough people to believe me, then I have a sacred item - The Holy Post of Satan! If you burn my Holy Post, well, then you'll have kindling. If Jesus' bloody body hanging nailed to a wooden cross could be considered sacred, then so can my 2 X 4.

Entry 32 I wonder how many other Satans there have been, and what did they do? I feel like a new regeneration of Dr. Who but as Satan. This would be a fun trivia game that I could play by myself - look at world events over the Centuries and see if I can spot the ones that were facilitated by Satan. The Roman Empire? World War 1 or 2? Did Satan #30 leave me to deal with Donald Trump?!? (Satan never gives you anything you can’t handle)

Entry 33 San Diego Comic-Con International is the largest multi-genre entertainment and comic convention in the World, and a [relatively] safe environment for someone with actual superhero/super-villain powers to strut his stuff. Since getting in shape via the Satanic method meant that I could wear any lycra costume and look awesome. I chose instead, to go with the open shirt look of, wait for it…HELLBOY! Too obvious? Actually, it’s the perfect cover. When I make lasers actually shoot from a Stormtroopers gun, or make a kid dressed as Superman fly, they’ll never suspect HELLBOY.

I did it up right, morphed myself to look just like the Ron Perlman make-up from the movie, complete with oversized stone right hand and cigar (I love smoking cigars). I even smelled like roasted peanuts (hardcore fans will understand this). Personally, I chose this character because it just felt right.

Of course, Beth joined me, her hero of choice - Carol The Bowler from MYSTERY MEN. She looked great! She wore Dr. Marten’s, black jeans, the exact same jacket with the same patches on it, nail polish, dark eyeliner, dyed green hair, and without missing a detail - the enchanted skull bowling ball. Yes, I hexed her bowling ball prop so that she had power over it.

This was our first time attending ComicCon. It’s true, this convention has gotten huge and is mostly the entertainment industry buying and selling their next (they hope) billion dollar franchise. Regardless, the costumes of the Con-goers and hardcore fans are amazing! From toddlers dressed as the ‘mini-me’ of their parents' characters to the elderly wearing skimpy costumes that they probably shouldn’t be wearing, everybody looks fantastic and has fun posing with each other for friends and the media. One of my favorite groups that were there were the folks from Magic Wheelchair. They custom design motorized wheelchairs for kids with mobility issues. They do everything from an X-Wing Fighter from Star Wars to a Unicorn Princess, to a dragon or even a pirate ship, and they are all built by volunteers. The look on the kids' faces in their matching costumes was priceless (I’m such a big softy of a nerd).

Beth had everyone amazed at how she was able to make her bowling ball fly and control it. She was having fun flying the ball directly behind someone’s head and making it hover there like a balloon. When the unsuspecting character turned around, usually after someone near them told them to look behind them, they’d find themselves face-to-face with Carmine The Bowlers grinning skull. There were more than a few macho superheroes squeal like a little girl when confronted by his boney grin.

I kind of stood out also because I made myself 6’ 6.6” tall (Corny, huh?). I had the accent and dialect down pat. Some people started to think that I was Ron Perlman making a surprise appearance, even some of the event coordinators were on their cell phones trying to figure out who I was. One of my favorite things I did was to make people act in different ways as if they were hypnotized. I might have a guy dressed as Aquaman hiss and meows like a cat, or a Catwoman bark like a dog. I freaked out a kid dressed as Shazam!, when he started acting like the character trying to figure out how to fly, I made him levitate and then fly over the heads of spectators before gracefully landing in the same spot. (Speaking of Aquaman, I think I’ve got a man-crush on Jason Momoa) When I came upon the three guys wearing the Kim Jong-un, Donald Trump, and Vladimir Putin masks I couldn’t resist. I walked up behind them as they were dancing in front of a crowd and loudly exclaimed, “Well well well, what have we got here? The 3 Stooges!” I scared the holy dictator-shit out of them! “Kimmie, go suck a nuke. Don, ‘YOUR FIRED!’ And Pooty-Poot, stay out of our business!” The crowd went fucking wild! I love comic book geeks.

Entry 34 As often as I can, I like to go into a mixed neighborhood and wander the streets. Whenever I come across people, I like to just say hi, maybe ask them a question, and then shake their hand or pat them on the shoulder. Then when I do that to another person, I give them the power to experience some of what that last person I touched thinks and feels. You might say I’m sowing the seeds of empathy and understanding. No expectations, just spreading awareness in a friendly, social way. Imagine what could happen if in some of the poorer neighborhoods around Los Angeles the Latins, Blacks, Asians, Armenians, etc. start getting along and agreeing on things - shit’s gonna change real fast!

Whenever I travel anywhere I do this. I hope this awakening goes viral!

"He say I know you, you know me One thing I can tell you is You got to be free Come together, right now Over me” ~The Beatles

Entry 35 Welcome to Hell. I have found it, and we are all living in it. Yes, it is right here, our lives on planet Earth. Religion has convinced people for centuries that there is a firey place of hellfire and damnation that you will be sent to after you die if you have sinned while you were alive. Of course in some religions such as Christianity, there's always that loophole, or as I call it your 'get out of Hell free card.' Confess your 'sins' to a priest or donate a buttload of money to the Church and *POOF* magically you are saved! It's the oldest plot line in history - good vs. evil. There is always a hero and a villain, with their minions of angels and demons to do their bidding. This story of good/bad has been used primarily to control the masses. If you behave yourself, follow the scriptures of the religion you were brought up to believe, and don't question those in power, you'll go to Heaven. But if you think for yourself, question authority and choose to sin without asking for forgiveness from their savior, you're on your way to an afterlife of eternal pain, torture, and the repetition of your sinful ways (actually that last one doesn't seem too bad).

This existence we call life is either going to be our own personal Heaven or Hell. If you feel good about how your life is going, you could say life is like Heaven and you feel blessed. If you experience stress, depression, or anxiety due to the present state of the World at large, you are in your own personal Hell on Earth. What we, even Satan myself, choose to focus on will be how we judge whether we are living in Heaven or Hell. Don't get me wrong, I love the theatrics of Death Metal and Satanic Masses, but that's all they are - theater, entertainment, with lots of smoke and mirrors. The evangelicals love the drama as well, miracles and faith healing are two of their favorite things they use to exploit believers. Most religions use the image of Dante's Divine Comedy to scare followers into believing their rhetoric, which I find very comedic. I do love how organized Hell is. There are 9 levels called Circles of Hell. Depending on what your sin was, you are sent to the appropriate Circle. Lesser violations are sent to the upper Circles, while the hardcore sinners are sent all the way down towards #9. And then there is also Purgatory, which is a kind of 51/50 (72-hour hold) of purification before being allowed to enter Heaven. It seems like a lot of politics to me.

Entry 36 Part of the work that I do as Shaitan (word for Satan from the Quran) is challenging the stereotype of being the ultimate scapegoat for everything judged as bad. This act of not taking responsibility for one's own actions has been around as long as the good vs. evil plot line. It’s easy for people to pass-the-buck onto The Devil when things don’t go right or tragedy strikes. Geraldine Jones what famous for saying, “The Devil made me do it!” If this was true, I would have quite an impressive resume to brag about.

I love changing signs and billboards that blame The Dark One into blaming God’s Wrath. I saw a sign that read

GO TO CHURCH Or the DEVIL Will Get You!

So I fixed it. Now it reads

GO TO CHURCH Or God’s Wrath Will Get You!

Here’s a billboard that I saw

SHARIA LAW THREATENS AMERICA by UnitedAmericaCommittee.org

So I changed it to

GOD’S WRATHTHREATENS AMERICA by God.com

Do they want to play the fear game? I can play the fear game!

It has always seemed to me that when God doesn’t get his way or his followers don’t abide by his rules he punishes them, ie. the story of Noah’s Ark and the big flood. Satan doesn’t demand humanity to be loyal to him, he wants people to learn, think for themselves, and enjoy life. The people who invented God use fear and power to control their flocks, while Satan sings, "Come on people now, Smile on your brother, Everybody get together, Try to love one another, Right now” by The Youngbloods. Yes, it’s true, Satan is just a big ol’ music lovin’ mush bug.

Entry 37 My favorite actor to play The Devil on television is Ray Wise from the show REAPER. His mature, suave, and sexy look and demeanor was what I would want to be like if I was The Devil. Well, here I am, not exactly the Satan I thought I’d be. But it’s okay, I’m happy with how I look and my unique style. Again, like Dr. Who, each Doctor had his own unique style. I guess that goes for Satan as well. For a favorite movie actor as Satan, I would have to say Al Pacino in DEVIL’S ADVOCATE.

John Milton: Who are you carrying all those bricks for anyway?

God? Is that it? God?

 Well, I tell ya, let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch.  He’s a prankster.  Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift and then what does He do? I swear, for his own amusement, his own private cosmic gag reel, he sets the rules in opposition.

It’s the goof of all time. Look, but don’t touch. Touch, but don’t taste. Taste, don’t swallow.*laughter*

And while you’re jumping from one foot to the next, what is He doing? He’s laughing his sick, fucking ass off. He’s a tight-ass. He’s a sadist. He’s an absentee landlord. Worship that? Never! Kevin Lomax: Better reign in hell than to serve in heaven, is that it? John Milton: Why not? I’m here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began! I’ve nurtured every sensation man has been inspired to have! I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him, in spite of all his imperfections! I’m a fan of man! I’m a humanist. Maybe the last humanist. Who, in their right mind, Kevin, could possibly deny the 20th century was entirely mine? All of it, Kevin! All of it!Mine! I’m peaking, Kevin. It’s my time now. It’s our time.

Entry 38 I’m finding that even in Satanism there is angst and fighting between sects. It’s sad when even groups that truly want to do good in the world are corrupted by greed and power. Too many rules and doctrines end up working against the organization that is implementing them (see The Catholic Church). Here is another example of how the trickle-down effect doesn’t work. The people who occupy the upper-echelon want to stay at the top. Giving it away may sound Saintly, but I guarantee they would rather continue their comfortable, lush lifestyle than live like the majority of society. To soothe their guilty conscious, they donate scraps of money to charities that they deduct on their taxes.

If I become aware of this kind of selfish behavior, I like to make their generous ‘contribution’ check bounce, or their wire transfer fail. Not that I want to keep support from these charities, I would just rather them come from a more honest source, such as me.

Entry 39 Amorphophallus Titanum, aka The Corpse Flower. n. Latin: amorphos (without form, misshapen), phallos (penis), and titanum (giant). The flower gets its nickname from the pungent odor similar to rotting meat or a decaying corpse.

Lil’ Stinky as we call it at the Garden is quite popular when it blooms, which seems to happen anytime within an approximate 4 to 20 year period depending on the environment and conditions. The gardens become a media circus, and people waiting with bated breath to see and smell this natural wonder.

Just last week ol’ Stinky started to open, so the folks in the Botanical Department put it out on display and alerted the media. The biggest question of the week has been, “Has it bloomed yet?” When it does, hordes stand in line for hours to get a picture and a nauseating whiff of this infamous smelly penis flower.

I decided to take this display of [morbid] botanical beauty to the next level. I waited until Saturday to begin the facilitating process, since there will be more visitors, and there also happens to be a Members Summer Concert that night as well. Not only did Lil’ Stinky open, but grew to a size of over 20 feet in a matter of hours. Along with the size increasing exponentially, the odor intensified tenfold! Breathing inside the conservatory where it is housed and displayed, was almost impossible. About 1 in every 3 people lost-their-lunch, which just added to the death-like stench. They actually had to close down the viewing in order to clean up the mess and get some fresh air in there.

And, it was I that called the good folks at The Guinness Book of World Records. You’re welcome.

Entry 40 Often throughout my life, I’ve felt that one of my roles as this character I call me has been to act as a catalyst for change. Not necessarily earth-shaking events, but a change in policy, thoughts, or relationships. Many times when I’ve been involved in an organization, whether as an employee or a volunteer, major shifts take place during my stint with them. Sometimes it has manifested as a physical move to a different location or a change in policies. Roles and relationships change. I’m not saying that (up until now) I have consciously been making these shifts happen, but in hindsight, there has definitely been a pattern.

With the influence I have as Satan, this trend will continue, but more intentionally. Lately, I’ve been going to jails and prisons as a volunteer to simply talk to inmates and give them a chance to interact with someone other than fellow inmates and guards. Many of them don’t have friends, family, or a spouse to visit them. By being a neutral sounding board for them who doesn’t judge them is a great gesture in and of itself. I assist them a bit further by clearing their consciousness a bit more about life and the choices that they have made and why they are there. Sometimes this extra assistance bleeds over to some of the others incarcerated as well as some of the guards (oops, my bad).

Personally, I would love to see all of these for-profit prisons to go out of business. The less innocent people and low-offense (such as marijuana and drug abuse) folks are locked up, the more people in society to make positive changes in the world. Crooked politicians who are invested in these human money machines will be financially pinched hard by the loss of their inhumane investment.

Entry 41 God of the Bible (Old and New Testament) judges and punishes man, Satan accepts and supports Man in his efforts to enjoy and thrive in life. Just the simple fact that God is nothing more than a concept of man’s construct mostly used to control the masses, and Satan has been a tangible force doing good in the world says a lot. We are actually living in, as best as I can describe it, a reality that is more like the Upside Down from the series Stranger Things than we think. Here, people believe that God is good, Devil is bad. Yet there has always been more harm done in the name of God than anything that the Satanic Panic has ever yielded. Crucifixion, the Crusades, and the Republican Party are good examples of this. Whereas Witches, Pagans, and Satanists have been blamed for everything from bad crops to Smallpox, to the weather. Pills are good for you, but a plant is a drug. Priests are not Pedophiles, but Heavy Metal music makes kids kill. Trump is smart, while the press is fake news. Actors make good politicians, while kids who survive school shootings are called Crisis Actors. White is the new Black, and Brown is the new bad guy.

Don’t blindly believe everything that you’ve been taught your whole life. Do some research. Allow yourself the opportunity to see things through someone else’s eyes. Ask yourself, “What if what I know about something is the complete opposite?” What if Hell was a spa, and Heaven was a desolate, frozen and dead landscape? Be careful of labels.

Entry 42 Lettuce Prey. A favorite meme of many a Satanist on social media. There is a growing movement of Atheists and other secular groups that are attacking the concept of prayer to fix things such as natural disasters and ill-health. I just watched a satirical video about praying the gay away.

pray: verb - address a solemn request or expression of thanks to a deity or other object of worship.

Expecting an invisible being to adhere to your requests because you believe in them is as naive and childish as thinking that the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny are real. I’ve heard God described as not being ‘the Great Bellhop in the sky.’ Humankind has always seemed to place its faith in events and changes outside of itself.

So my question is this, what about the myths of people selling their souls to the Devil in exchange for talent, wealth, and power? Blues guitarist Robert Johnson supposedly met the Devil at the crossroads and sold his soul in exchange for being a virtuoso on the guitar, and thus made him a blues legend. I’m beginning to think that it really was The Devil that granted Mr. Johnson his extraordinary talents, as far as the soul-selling thing, I don’t know. If it’s true that humans souls are only their emotional reaction to things such as music, and that there is no otherworldly destination called Hell, maybe the Satan at that time was playing along with the whole Heaven and Hell story to bestow those talents to Robert Johnson simply because Satan loves the Blues.

I personally think the theatrics of pleading your case to The Devil and signing a contract with too much fine print, in blood, is very entertaining. Does it mean anything? Hell no! Plus, it would put you, as Satan, directly in the spotlight and might undermine your work to do good in the world.

Entry 43 I heard from Satan #30 last night in my dreams. He came through in the middle of a pee-dream (a dream that has some urgency to it in hopes of waking you up to go to the bathroom) where I was frantically trying to get somewhere on my URB-E but could never quite make it. There he was, at every stop that I thought had a bathroom. He was just checking on me to see if I had any questions or needed any assistance. I actually said, “Where the fuck is a bathroom around here?!?” He replied, “Down the hall on the right.” After acknowledging his answer with gratitude, the only thing I wanted to know was, am I doing it right? Was I doing enough with these Satanic powers? Should I kick it up a notch? Do I look good in red? He reassured me that I was doing great and reminded me to continue to have fun with this ‘work,’ actions speak louder than words, and [almost] always use caution. He then vanished, leaving me with a full bladder and a comforted mind.

Fully awake, standing over the toilet relieving myself and smiling. Today is going to be a delicious day!

Entry 44 "Now his holiest books have been trampled upon No contract that he signed was worth that what it was written on He took the crumbs of the world and he turned it into wealth Took sickness and disease and he turned it into health He's the neighborhood bully.

What's anybody indebted to him for? Nothing, they say. He just likes to cause war Pride and prejudice and superstition indeed  They wait for this bully like a dog waits for feed He's the neighborhood bully.

What has he done to wear so many scars? Does he change the course of rivers? Does he pollute the moon and stars? Neighborhood bully, standing on the hill  Running out the clock, time standing still Neighborhood bully."

I love the lyrics to many of Bob Dylan's songs, especially Neighborhood Bully on his INFIDELS album. These are the last three verses of the song. I can't help but wonder whom Dylan was thinking of as the neighborhood bully in this song, Satan? Is Satan really such a bad guy, or has he just been labeled as the Neighborhood Bully of the World?

~

Yesterday Beth expressed to me that I don't look like The Dark Lord and I agreed, I look more like Gimli from the Lord of the Rings with a farmers tan, the only things dark on me are my arms and face.

Entry 45 This entry I dedicate to the 45th President of the United States, no really, this is the best dedication. I know dedications, I've dedicated billions and billions of dedications for many many years. I got good dedications. I am the best dedicator ever.

Just kidding! That bloated-orange headed-fast food chomping-megalomaniac who is being referred to as the evilest man on the planet is giving Satan a bad name! Maybe another nickname such as Purgatory Pete, or Donald the Damned, or simply Scum of the Earth might fit him better.

I did give him food poisoning from one of his two Big Macs, and both of his Filet-o-Fish sandwiches (this is only one meal), 3 out of 4, I was feeling generous.

Entry 46 Thanks to centuries of religious doctrines, the vast majority of people on this planet are lemmings, blindly believing anything that their holy men, politicians, and advertisers tell them. They have been trained to obey, spend more money than they have (aka credit and loans), and feel overly righteous about their culture. How does one motivate folks to think for themselves and put their differences aside?

I could help promote Dan Barker’s book - GOD The Most Unpleasant Character In All Fiction. Mr. Barker basically uncovers and highlights the vast number of times GOD is jealous, petty, unjust; an unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously, and a malevolent bully in the Old Testament. This ought to open their eyes and get someone’s panties in a bunch.

After finding out in the news that Howard Lorber, the Executive Chairman of Nathan’t Famous Inc. (the makers of Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs) was hosting a fundraiser in the Hamptons for President Trump, I thought that tainting the production of some all-America hot dogs would be a good place to start to add fuel to this fire. Choke on it, Mr. Lorber! (Hmmm, I seem to be feeling rather wrathful lately)

Entry 47 And on His 6th and 7th days, Satan rested, because those were His days off from his day job. Not that I didn’t do any good deeds, I just chill-out the most on those days; smoke pot, do a bit of cleaning around the house, fix potholes in the street we live on, smoke some more pot, nap with the dogs, cook dinner, and wipe the sweat off of my brow.

Just thought of an awesome slogan to fit-in with today's generation - SATAN IS MY SUPERHERO. Maybe we’ll start with bumper stickers, then t-shirts, hats, and capes!

Entry 48 This is going to sound odd, but as of late I have decided to not continue as a member of The Satanic Temple. Wait, Satan doesn’t want to be a member of The SATANIC Temple??? Yes, it’s true. I found out that there was a power struggle going on between the higher-up and the local chapters, so following many other Satanists, I quit. Like the rest of TST expats, I still believe in their mission and the 7 tenets, but being a part of this organization is not working for me if you get my drift (Now THERE’S a statement that shows my age!).

I’ve learned about myself that I don’t seem to last very long in an organization.  I’m kind of a lone wolf in a way. I also tend to become a catalyst for change wherever I am. Just recently I have accepted this fact as well as fully embrace it.

Entry 49 If I ever start my own metal band, I’ve got the perfect name: SEB - Satan’s Eternal Benevolence (How’s that for getting personal?!?). I’ll be the lead singer, maybe I can get Robert Trujillo (Metallica) to play bass, Kerry King (Slayer) and John 5 (Rob Zombie) on guitars, and my cousin Rod Morgenstein (Dixie Dregs, Winger) and Dave Grohl (Nirvana, Foo Fighters) on drums. Oh sweet the sound. Our first single - Satan Loves You More is a counter-attack to the signs, Jesus loves you, that believers like to carry around.

Entry 50 Captains Log - August 20, 2018: I’ve seen more SATAN LOVES YOU MORE stickers all around town from Pasadena to Downtown Los Angeles, the San Fernando Valley, and all the way down to Redondo Beach. Your boy gets around! Almost like a subliminal message planting a seed in their subconscious, I’m letting them know that I am there for them.

Mikey ‘The Good Christian’ Pence has been spouting off lately again. He’s still pushing for creationism to be taught in public schools, wants the government to pay for gay conversion therapy, and hinted that condoms are ‘too modern’ and ‘too liberal.’ I guess my last visit as his Almighty God didn’t get through to him, time for a more direct approach. From now on, every time Mikey mentions God, the Bible, or utters the word Christian his ass from his tight little butthole, to his cheeks, and around to his tiny little pee pee will burn like the fires of Hell that he is so damn afraid of. I guess you could say he’ll be a real Royal Flush. He’ll look like the poster boy for Red Devil Fireworks. Matadores will yell OLE! and bulls will want to gouge him with their horns. Latin Americans will call him El Diablo (Wait, I take offense to that!). This ought to be fun to watch - the VP is going to go viral!

Entry 51 On my playlist these days:

PIG - The Gospel, Risen

FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH - And Justice For None, Got Your Six, War Is The Answer, The Wrong Side Of Heaven And The Righteous Side Of Hell

PINK FLOYD - The Final Cut

Entry 52 ’Hackers’ <wink, wink> deleted the credit card debt of hundreds of thousands of credit card users, mostly VISA, MASTERCARD, and DISCOVER. A good majority of AMERICAN EXPRESS cardholders can afford their debt so they can keep it.

A homeboy was pulled over on the side of the street having car problems with his lowered, gold Chevy Impala, so as I rode by on my URB-E I nodded to him and fixed his ride instantaneously. Without even questioning what just happened, he simply gave me a nod of approval and thanks. Maybe it was my motorcycle helmet with the three devil horns mounted on it, but there was a sense of respect at that moment.

Entry 53 I had another visit from Satan #30 last night, he was just checking in on me (WOW, the Satanic support staff is AWESOME!). I shared with him that I’m getting the hang of doing the Devil’s work and I wish I could do more. He reassured me that patience is one of Satan’s best friends, but to be very aware of Vampires. I asked him if Vampires actually existed, and he was extremely assuring that they did. He said that they have been on this planet as long as man has, and as man evolved so did they. Over time they have learned techniques to blend in with mankind and improve their tactics on how to not only survive but thrive. They’ve learned how to suck the life out of someone, yet keep them alive and craving more from their vampire. This species of vampires is one of the worst. The Latin name for these vile creatures is Vampires de Emotus, or more commonly know as Emotional Vampires.

Emotional Vampires, along with their close cousins the Mental Vampires, will suck the will to live right out of you. At first, they seem like a friend or relative that is going through some frustrating issues, but the moment you step in to help, they trap you and slowly begin torturing you with their long and drawn out monologues of woe-is-me. You want to escape their grasp, but guilt overcomes you and feeds off of your decency as a human being. *Note to self: unfriend 80% of my friends list on Facebook.

Entry 54 There is a small group of homeless folks that make camp by the Gold Line Metro Station on Allen Ave. I ride past them daily on my way to work. They recognize me and wave in appreciation of my acknowledging them. They are never hostile or beg for money from me, it’s like we are neighbors seeing each other around the same time each day. The most social of the group is a guy that goes by the nickname Chuckhead (I didn’t ask.) He’s a tall - 6’5”, broad-shouldered and bald rock of a man, and also one of the kindest and most genuine I’ve ever met. Chuckhead told me that he was a steelworker from Pennsylvania, but when worked dried up because of Trump messing around with tariffs, he moved out west. With no money and no permanent address, it’s been hard to get a job and find a place to live. He hooked up with this bunch as a way to always have somebody to watch your back and what little stuff you might have.

I set up accounts with Dominos Pizza, Vons, and Jameson Brown Coffee Roaster and have them deliver to Chuckhead on a regular basis. I explained to Chuckhead that I’m doing this to assist them in taking care of themselves while living on the streets. I simply asked that they use their strength find something to do for money, that is legal, and that they feel good about themselves for doing something for themselves.

Funny thing, people in trucks and vans started coming around looking for laborers to do yard work or help someone move, hmm.

Entry 55 There is a kind of Universal Knowledge that Satan has the ability to access. It's like tapping into a vast database of history and current knowledge, sort of like how the human subconscious records everything that a person thinks, feels, and experiences, but on an infinite scale. I started to notice that when I wondered about something I would get an answer. After a little bit of investigation, I found out that this is true and started testing it. Often. This is like having the fastest internet connection you could imagine but in your head.

Entry 56 The other day I watched a DIY video demonstrating how to make a magic [looking] wand from a chopstick using a glue gun and some paint. I thought, how fun would it be to have a cheesy little wand that I can do actual magic with. No one will ever suspect that a homemade magic wand made out of the finest disposable pine chopsticks would actually be able to perform real magic. I can make up wizarding sounding words such as, "Shutus Trapus" (to silence a person), "Vanisimo" (to make someone or something vanish), and "Gigglitis" (uncontrollable laughter) to command my powers.

I bet I could make some serious change busking as a street corner magician. I'll wear a top hat and cape to give me that old-time magician look. "Hocus pocus, alacazam - turn this girl into a man!" And poof, this cute little 9-year-old eating frozen yogurt, with a flash of light and a billow of smoke, instantly becomes a full-grown bearded man wearing tight jean shorts and a t-shirt that says, 'BEAR' on it. The best part was when she hugged her dad out of fear of the light and smoke part of the show, and they both realized that she was now a big ol' he. Of course, I turned her back to her original self when I distracted the crowd with an impromptu light-show across the street.

Seeing the looks of surprise and amazement on people's faces, and the smiles and laughter is the real reason I do this kind of stuff (but the pay ain't so bad either).

Entry 57 57 Varieties of Pickles" by the H.J. Heinz Company. That’s the first thing I thought of when I realized that I was about to start Entry 57. Heinz Tomato Ketchup was my absolute favorite condiment to smother all over my french fries, onion rings and scrambled eggs.

Since California is my home turf, I healed the San Andrea's Fault. Sort of like fixing two pieces a giant ball from pulling apart by using Super Glue. No more shakers, rattlers, or fear of California falling into the ocean. No 'Big One,' just peace of mind. I don't think anyone will notice, except for the geology geeks at Cal Tech.

Entry 58 I’ve developed my own style of stove-top cooking that creates food that is to-die-for. I take a skillet with a high edge (approx. 2”) and let it pre-heat for a minute or so, then I add one drop of cannabis-infused oil to the center of the pan. As flames rise around the edge of the skillet, I place my food; vegetables, chicken, or fish, in the dead center. The flames then envelope the tasty morsels and cook them to the point where the inside is cooked perfectly and the outside is charred deliciously for the best look and feel. I call this method Satan Flambé.

Entry 59 Whenever I’ve asked a believer in God where Heaven was, they would inevitably point to the sky. Okay, I get it, Heaven is up and Hell is down, but what I want to know is why does Heaven always looks like it’s just above a bunch of fluffy white clouds, seen from the window of a plane, in our atmosphere? Believers will argue that it is beyond space, but again I ask, why does it look that way? And how the Hell do they know? The bible was written by men Centuries ago, long before air travel, they would have no way of knowing what it looked like beyond the clouds. While I’m at it, which one of those lily-white-ass holy men knew exactly what a sinner would expect when they arrived in Hell? I think some scholars with some hallucinogenic plants and a great imagination had a field day composing the greatest piece of fiction man has ever created.

Entry 60 I often hear overly empathetic believers say, “Thereby the grace of God go I” when they see someone who appears less fortunate than themselves. I figured if they can use God as their fictional character of caring, I can use any other fictional character that I choose; “Thereby the grace of Ironman go I,” “Thereby the grace of Captain Kirk go I,” and my favorite, “Thereby the grace of Satan go I.”Try it sometime, it’s fun!

Entry 61 Mankind is a tough nut to crack. From the beginning of the human race, from small tribal villages to modern urban cities, man has been in love with power. Power over another person or people, power over the environment, power over the weather. To control others and profit from this behavior has become the Universal Dream. The negative side of greed - void of morals and value for life. This is the side of greed that sees other human beings as merely a commodity, a vehicle to exploit and discard. The positive side of greed is the motivation to do more and to want better for yourself and others.

I find that individually people are incredible, more than a couple and you start to get that group mentality. Groups can be dangerous because 1) they’re larger and more powerful, and 2) they can be more easily led to believe untruths. Groups become a generality, a race or culture of people, whereas one or two people are simply that, people. Fellow human beings with histories, families, stories, triumphs, and failures.

There is an insane amount of division between folks these days. Party lines in governments, religions, economic class, ethnicity, age, sports - it always comes down to us against them. We have been divided up and fattened for slaughter. My big quandary is how in tarnation am I going to do enough good in the World to make a difference? I already knew the answer to my own question - the only one judging me on whether or not I’m doing enough good in the World is me.

“What, me worry?” - Alfred E. Newman

Entry 62 The people that totally crack me up, but are extremely dangerous to society and the environment are those that claim to be the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. From Kondratiy Selivanov and Ann Lee in the 18th Century to the nutcases Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez and Alan John Miller of today, these extremists actually think that they are the embodiment of Jesus Christ. According to Wikipedia, there are 30 of these folks from the 20th and 21st Centuries alone. This is cosplay on a whole different level. I mean yeah, you'll find guys dressed as Jesus at Comic-Con, usually riding a T-Rex and sporting an automatic weapon, but they know that they are just playing around. To spout gospel, start your own cult, and take innocent people's money, and sometimes their lives are downright criminally insane.

Here are a few quotes from Alan John (AJ) Miller, head of the Divine Truth cult in Australia, "There's probably a million people who say they're Jesus and most of them are in asylums. But one of us has to be. How do I know I am? Because I remember everything about my life."

"Just a little over 2000 years ago, we arrived on the Earth for the first time."

"My name is Jesus and I'm serious."

This guy is a classic cult leader who has done his homework. He has plucked peoples heartstrings by calling himself Jesus. He uses the 5 common methods of mind control;  1. People are put in physical or emotionally distressing situations, 2. Their problems are reduced to one simple explanation, which is repeatedly emphasized, 3. They receive unconditional love, acceptance, and attention from a charismatic leader or group, 4. They get a new identity based on the group, 5.  They are subject to entrapment (isolation from friends, relatives and the mainstream culture) and their access to information is severely controlled. Miller has mixed in scientific proof with biblical bullshit and called it Gods Truth. It sounds convincing, but come on, humans have only been around for 2000 years?!? (It's actually closer to 200,000)

*note to self: never be like that.

Entry 63 After a little research, I found out that only a handful of families own and operate the World Banks and are heavily invested in all of the Fortune 500 companies. Ah ha, so I’m not a conspiracy nut! This mafia of money has almost every major country in their very deep pockets. These money magnets figured out what makes the most money - destruction. If they create, allow, and promote any kind of disaster that will need fixing, they finance it and get fiscally fatter. War is easy, push some false propaganda about a country who doesn’t want to sell their resources to these world banks, send in a bully such as the United States to create a coup, and finance both sides of the war and the rebuilding of the country. The devastation of natural disasters is a major cash cow. Mankind has been messing around with controlling the weather [scientifically] since the 1940s. Cloud seeding is real. The larger and more powerful the storm, the more flooding and devastation, the sweeter the payout is for these robber barons. The mainstream media are puppets that they control to promote the fear-mongering and hatred that keeps people divided and fighting. To them, human beings are merely collateral cattle to do their bidding, over-populate, and die off in the slaughter.

And they say Satan is the evil one! If greed is one of the Seven Deadly Sins, these Bastards should be very dead (oh that’s right, the bible is just a book of fiction). I love to mess with their capitalistic system by hitting them where it hurts, in their wallets. I like to create boycotts of companies and products that are morally guilty and have safety issues and hazardous ingredients. Now you know why Walmart and Amazon stocks keep dropping like a lead balloon (Sorry guys, should be treating your employees better and paying them a decent wage to live on).

Entry 64 “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64.” - The Beatles

Today I was challenged by some dimwit visitor at work. He thought he was being funny by wearing his admission sticker somewhere hidden. When I asked him if he had his admission sticker he quite confidently exclaimed, “Yes!” When I asked to see the sticker he declared, “Don’t worry, I AM wearing it.” At this point, I was ready to have some fun. I very politely said, “Game on. Let’s play. If you truly are wearing that sticker, it will begin to burn through your clothing and brandish itself onto your skin. If nothing burns, you don’t have a sticker and need to go buy one, AND one for another person waiting in line. The fire has been lit, and the burning will commence in 5, 4, 3, 2,1…

It was like watching a live action cartoon, his face went from a smartass cocky grin straight to a look of horror and confusion. I found out real quickly where he stuck that sticker. After letting him jump around smacking his own ass like he was riding in a rodeo, I stopped the burning. As a parting gift, I left the sticker inked onto his skin as a permanent reminder of our time together. What can I say, I’m a giver.

Entry 65 I love the names of some of the fundraisers that Satanic groups come up with; SOLES FOR SATAN, MASTERBATIN’ FOR SATAN, MENSTRATIN’ FOR SATAN, SATANIC BLACK MASS, SATANIC STORY TIME, EXERCISING DEMONS, SPEAK OF THE DEVIL. I think there should be something for senior citizen Satanists - CONSTIPATED FOR SATAN, GRAMP’N FOR SATAN, or for the Jewish Satanists - SHALOMING FOR SATAN. HEIL SATAN for those dedicated German Satanists, and for the White Supremacist Satanists(?) I’LL KILL MYSELF FOR SATAN.

Entry 66{6} Via one of my favorite information source, Wikipedia, some Number of the Beast history and trivia:

In Kabbalistic Judaism the number 666 does not play any significant role as such. However, the perfect number 6 and some of its multiples (e.g. 36, 72 and 216) represents the creation and perfection of the world. The world was created in 6 days, and there are 6 cardinal directions (North, South, East, West, Up, Down). 6 is also the numerical value of one of the letters of God's name, associated with the Sefirah of Tiferet, which represents harmony, beauty, and cosmic balance. Rabbi Eliezer Horovitz, quoting the Vilna Gaon, mentions in his book Mosad ha-Yesod that the number 666 contains hidden within it exalted and lofty messianic potential, but does not explain any details of this conjecture.

Jehovah's Witnesses believe that the beast identified by the number 666 represents the world's unified governments in opposition to God. The beast is said to have "a human number" in that the represented governments are of a human origin rather than spirit entities. The number 666 is said to identify "gross shortcoming and failure in the eyes of Jehovah," in contrast to the number 7, which is seen as symbolizing perfection.

Seventh-day Adventists taking this view believe that the Mark of the Beast (but not the number 666) refers to a future, universal, legally enforced Sunday-sacredness. "Those who reject God's memorial of creator-ship—the Bible Sabbath—choosing to worship and honor Sunday in the full knowledge that it is not God's appointed day of worship, will receive the 'mark of the beast.’"

"The Sunday Sabbath is purely a child of the Papacy. It is the mark of the beast.”

Idealism, also known as the allegorical or symbolic approach, is an interpretation of the book of Revelation that sees the imagery of the book as non-literal symbols. The idealist perspective on the number of the beast rejects gematria, envisioning the number not as a code to be broken, but a symbol to be understood. Idealists would contend that because there are so many names that can come to 666 and that most systems require converting names to other languages or adding titles when convenient, it has been impossible to come to a consensus. Given that numbers are used figuratively throughout the book of Revelation, idealists interpret this number figuratively as well. The common suggestion is that because seven represents completeness and is associated with the divine, that six is incomplete and the three sixes are "inherently incomplete". The number is therefore suggestive that the Dragon and his beasts are completely inadequate. Another suggestion is that this number represents an individual's incomplete or immature spiritual state.

In 1989, Nancy and Ronald Reagan, when moving to their home in the Bel-Air section of Los Angeles after the 1988 election, had its address—666 St. Cloud Road—changed to 668 St. Cloud Road. In 2003, U.S. Route 666 in New Mexico was changed to U.S. Route 491. A New Mexico spokesperson stated, "The devil's out of here, and we say goodbye and good riddance."The phobia has been a motif in various horror films such as The Omen and its 2006 remake. The number of the beast also appears in other films such as Pulp Fiction, The Doom Generation, End of Days, Bedazzled, and The Phantom of the Opera. Some women expressed concern about giving birth on June 6, 2006 (6/6/06).

I know that I should have waited until Entry 666 to lay all this Number of the Beast stuff on you, but I just couldn’t wait to share.

Entry 67 I have actually come to appreciate the creators of government, religion, and commerce. Their patience in their long-term goals of corruption and greed is unsurpassed. They knew even then, that control of the minds, hearts, and money of the masses would ensure them wealth and power. The Catholic Church has been molesting children for centuries, and followers to this day still believe that the Church is here to do good in the World. According to TIME magazine, the Catholic Church is worth somewhere between 10 and 15 billion dollars, and they don’t pay taxes on any of it! The naivety of a huge portion of the populous, for this long, is almost unfathomable. Countries have been spying on each other, keeping secrets, and starting wars not for the reasons the mainstream media tell us, but for private profit. And of course, major corporations know that enough money spent on lobbying and bribes buys you control of both governments and religion. The 'War on Drugs' is funded by the U.S. government. The U.S. military protects the poppy fields in Afghanistan, then supplies the drugs made from the poppy, and then uses the drugs as an excuse for police brutality and more drug-related arrests. Privately run prisons make a killing off of the minor drug convictions. None of this is new, they just keep getting better at pulling the wool over the sheeple's eyes. I guess you could say I am the fly in the ointment, the wrench in the system, the thorn in their side. I’m like the older brother sticking his finger an inch from his little brothers face while repeating, “I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you…”

Entry 68 It's officially Fall here in Southern California, which basically means it still feels like Summer. Daytime temps are in the 80's and 90's and humid in the evenings. It can be difficult to get into the Halloween spirit when the smell of suntan lotion fills the air and people are walking around in shorts and t-shirts. Here is Satan wishing for cooler weather <insert irony here>. I'm starting to think about what I want to be for All Hallows Eve. Since October 31 in Beth and my wedding anniversary, that night holds a special place in our hearts. Every year we do something fun and darkly-themed to celebrate our nuptials such as visit the Winchester Mystery House, take a trip to New Orleans or even go camping at a ghost town. But this year will be the first time I honor my love as Satan.

Entry 69 The yin and yang, the sex position, 96 to a dyslexic. The key is finding a balance. I'm finding out that I can't, and probably shouldn't try to save the world. A very wise supervisor once said to me, "Sometimes you've got to let it fail." This is a good reminder also to not draw too much attention to myself Satanic self. It's so easy to want to right every wrong, make every criminal pay for their crimes and be the hero, but I've got to remember - Satanic Lowriding (Satanic lowriding sounds like I'm riding around in a murdered out black Chevy Impala with red leather interior and hydraulics).

Entry 70 I have a confession, I like watching videos of people having huge pimples popped and blackheads squeezed. It's like a car crash, you don't want to look but you can't help it. Seeing the pus pulp of dead white blood cells and fresh red blood being pushed forth from the skin of their host makes me feel like I have the cleanest skin EVER! There is a woman on Facebook who goes by the name of Doctor POP that is a true artist at dermal cleansing. It's so beautifully sterile the way the patients are covered in surgical protectants leaving only the infected area exposed for Doctor POP to lacerate and squeeze like she's popping a champagne bottle with her latex covered fingers, true anatomic artistry.

Entry 71 Beth and I are not planning on having kids, but if we did, I'd like to use the names of the Devil to identify our little bundles of joy and also piss off the religious right. I just read an article about seven boys named Lucifer in England and Wales, how fun is that! Those towns are going think that it's an evil uprising coming to take over the World! I can just see our boy Lucifer burning up the streets on his skateboard, Satanas attending her first prom, and baby Beelzebub bouncin' 'round the room. My minion of misfit minors. I would teach our kids to be confident but not aggressive (unless it is necessary), to be proud of their names, and always keep their sense of humor. What will baby Bee's first word be, flies?

Entry 72 Last night I worked [security] for a wedding at the Garden. The usual big fancy set up with lots of staging, flowers, and rich people dressed to the 9's. The event was fine, until about 10:30 when a few of the neighbors in this wealthy suburb complained about the volume of the music coming from the dance floor. It was a beautiful celebration and everything was running smoothly until that visit by the police to turn things down, which did put a bit of a damper on the bride and grooms special day. As an anonymous wedding gift, I placed an invisible sound barrier around the property and told informed the DJ to turn it up. I asked my supervisor to step outside the gate of the garden near where the reception was being held to check the decibel reading. When she confirmed that it was quiet as a mouse across the street, we let the party rage on. The list of songs Mr. DJ was spinning from his laptop computer was an awesome mix of classic wedding tunes such as, "We Are Family" and "The Time of My Life, " to modern hip-hop. Mazel Tov you two crazy kids.

Entry 73 October 1st. Despite the fact that it is 95 degrees and sunny hasn't put a damper on my Halloween enthusiasm, as a matter of fact, it only motivates me more to find creative ways to celebrate All Hallows Eve. Since we are in Southern California and don't get the cool Fall weather with trees changing to a lovely Autumn orange and yellow, my image of this spooky time of year is that of an old western ghost town - dusty streets with tumbleweed blowing by, an old cemetery with wooden grave markers, and skeletons wearing cowboy hats and boots. Even though our apartment looks like we decorate for Halloween all year round, things get even more creepy during the last few months of the year. The 'Holiday Season' is a hauntingly beautiful time. Our neighbors have agreed to let me decorate the whole building, which means there will be a lot of traffic on our street due cars slowing down in amazement of our ghoulish display while expelling shrieks, ooo’s and ahhh’s. Time to start designing…

Entry 74 I had fun today at work doing nice, little, anonymous things for people. When I saw a co-worker with a handful of stuff approaching the reception door, I’d make the door gently swing open just as they arrived at the threshold. People would suddenly get great cell phone reception. Flowers would slowly fade from their original color to another hue, and then back. I even put a smile on a woman’s scowling face. Seeing the look of confusion convert to a pleasant surprise in her eyes was priceless.

Entry 75 Faux 'Service Dogs' used to really bother me when their obnoxious owners would get defensive when I would stop them to ask the two questions that, by law, I am allowed to ask, 1. Is it a Service Dog, and 2. What specific task is the dog trained to provide for their disability? The lying dog owner would always get agitated and blurt out something like, “Medical reasons” or “According to the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) you can’t ask me that” which just proves their dishonesty and arrogance. Now, I simply ask the dogs.

Today a couple tried to get in with not one, but two dogs. The white Maltese pups were on extending leashes held by the tattooed-shaved head-muscle shirt-douche with an attitude. When I asked him the questions he gave me the standard answers, they were service dogs and that I was not allowed to ask him the second question. I immediately looked down at the canines and asked them, “Are YOU Service Dogs?” to which they replied by telling me, “Service? We just want to run around, pee and poop!” They then both peed on their lying owners' legs and turn around to run back the other way. I politely look at him and said, “Service dogs huh? Get out and stop abusing a law that is for protecting the rights of disabled people whom legitimately need a dog to assist them through life.” He shot me a look of pure hatred that I found extremely humorous as they turned and stomped away, all the while his girlfriend never said a word, only rolling her eyes in embarrassment.

Entry 76 Typical of the church, they find something that people celebrate and enjoy and steal it for their own propaganda. I love a good haunted house, the more realistic the better. Hell Houses are the Christian haunted houses that show vignettes of the horrors of sinning - Anti-abortion, anti-drug, anti-free thinking, etc… The earliest hell house appears to have been created by Rev. Jerry Falwell in the late 1970s. The concept was picked up in 1992 by Keenan Roberts. His first Hell House was in Roswell, NM. Since then, he has become a pastor of the Destiny Church in Arvada, CO and sells Hell House Outreach™ kits to other churches. Included is a 263-page manual which covers everything from casting to publicity to instructions on how to make hamburger meat look like a fetus and where to store vats of blood. Roberts was once quoted saying that Hell Houses, "show young people that they can go to hell for abortion, adultery, homosexuality, drinking and other things unless they repent and end the behavior.” Can you believe this shit?!? Taking something fun like being frightened by gore and things-that-go-bump-in-the-night (which are healthy things to be afraid of), and scarring kids for life with these barbaric recruitment tactics.

There is a Hell House in West Hollywood, CA. I thought to myself, “How much fun would it be to visit their little moral macabre show and scare the Hell out of THEM?!?” So I did. It wasn’t very crowded, mostly parishioners of that church and their delusional families. I acted humble and quiet, waiting to see the horrors of modern life they were about to show me. In all of the rooms I went into, I changed the attitude of the actors to the enjoyment of the sin they were demonstratively demonstrating as opposed to the negative scare tactics of which they intended to portray. I had couples thanking God for the ability to get an abortion because of rape, men and women/men and men/women and women passionately making love, and one scene where a family was sitting around the kitchen table smoking pot and drinking wine and beer. For fear that anyone would see this gross display of carnal pleasure, this Hell House closed almost immediately after I left the premises.

Entry 77 So the story goes that back in the heyday of Rock and Roll on the Sunset Strip in Hollywood there was a drinking club made up of musicians known as the Hollywood Vampires who hung out at the famous Rainbow Bar on Sunset Blvd. next door to the Roxy club. They acquired the name Hollywood Vampires because they were only seen at night and quite often were drinking red wine. Fast forward to 2015. Three friends - Alice Cooper, Joe Perry of Aerosmith, and actor/musician Johnny Depp get together and decide to form a band to honor their dead drunk friends from rock and roll's past, and aptly name the band the Hollywood Vampires. Along with some of the best session players in the biz, the Vampires totally shred on songs by their friends from bands such as The Who, Led Zeppelin, T-Rex, and many others. I have been listening to their debut album non-stop for a couple of weeks! Alice Cooper being the rock and roll patriarch of the group owns the stage with his commanding prowess, while Joe, Johnny and the rest of the band rock the hell out of the songs of their fallen compadres. Never stop rockin’!  

Entry 78 I’m sort of happy that the folklore character Krampus is becoming more popular, at the same time I’d hate to see such kind-hearted ally become the victim of over-marketing. Krampus, in European folklore, looks like a fur-covered half goat/half demon. He plays the bad-cop to Saint Nicholas’ good-cop. While ol’ St. Nick rewarded the good children with toys, Krampus punished the bad kids by beating them with a birch switch, gathering them up in his wicker basket he wears on his back and tosses them into a special place in Hell. I’m tired of seeing all the faux goodwill towards man bullshit around Christmas time, and then it’s back to displaying our prejudices and hate to each other.

Entry 79 Not surprising, I support the supposed ‘War on Christmas.’ Of course, there is no War on Christmas, it’s just the extreme right-wing Christians that feel threatened because there are other people who celebrate the Winter Solstice differently than they do. Everything has to be “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays.” They get their Jesus loving panties in a bunch when Starbucks’ holiday cups don’t look Christmasy enough. They actually think that December 25th is the birthday of their fictional savior. Oy Vey.

Christmas lights on churches can’t seem to stay lit for some reason <wink wink>. People who display giant crosses as part of their Christmas decorations tend to find them inverted each night when they turn on their retina-burning light displays. Hypocrites who complain about Starbuck’s cups but continue to buy their coffee find that holding that not-Christmas-enough cup is impossible because it is hot as Hell in their sacred hands (making McDonald’s coffee seem like an ice bath).

Every time a choir sings, a demon gets their wings.

Entry 80 I think I’m going to take it easy for the rest of the year and wait for the overly sponsored Tournament of Roses Parade on New Years Day. Maybe I’ll hex the floats so that none of them stall or breakdown on the parade route. Happy New Year!©

[httplovecraft1890]

Tabula Rasa

A drabble that came to me earlier this week about a premise I’m not sure I’ve actually seen done yet in the LoveSick/Yandere Simulator fan fic writing community. You can consider its premise a slight AU given what we’ve seen thus far about the game’s back story or alternatively a prequel to pacifist!Ayano or good!Ayano play throughs. Happy (early) Father’s Day. You can continue reading here or go to this story’s AO3 page.

Mr. Aishi doesn't have an official name in canon yet, but I decided to go with Junichi as, based on an entry on BehindtheName.com, it's a combination of the characters for 'obey/submit,' 'pure,' and 'one.’

“…I tried, please believe me. I’m doing the best that I can. I’m ashamed of the things I’ve been put through, I’m ashamed of the person I am.” - Joy Division, “Isolation” (1980)

          The house feels surprisingly still for the middle of the day.

           It’s not a feeling that Junichi Aishi – no, he has to remind himself, when she isn’t home he’s Junichi Fukunaga once more – is used to. Every moment of every day and in every second of every minute in each hour, there is a pair of eyes on him. It’s a kind of tension that would be hard to describe if he could ever find the courage within him to tell his story to someone, anyone, who might listen. He thinks it might be the same sort of pregnant pause that soldiers must feel when they know that an enemy awaits them on the battlefield but no shooting has begun yet. The only difference between those men and himself is that despite the horrific cost they will face there is always an end for them though whether in death’s embrace or the shell-shocked aftermath of victory it doesn’t matter. For Junichi there are only brief moments he can claim are truly his own and it’s been that way ever since he moved in with her.

           ‘Trapped,’ he corrects himself bitterly. ‘No need to let the Stockholm syndrome slip in that much.’

           Today is one of those days. She had gone out to shop at the open air market in Buraza to fetch them pork cutlets for dinner tonight, among other things, about an hour ago now and he will have to work quickly if he’s to succeed in his plan. He tries not to think of the empty smile that ghosted her face as she told him she’d be back as soon as she could, normally hollow eyes lighting up to give the impression of human affection, but unable to mimic it if one were paying enough attention. She’s grown more trusting of him now since the birth of the monster. Perhaps she thinks that by having something that is theirs he won’t dare try what he’s been planning ever since they returned home from the hospital.

           She needs to be wrong just once.

           The monster’s room isn’t far away from theirs; it’s right across the hall, in fact. His fingers steady themselves on the smooth surface of the sliding door as Junichi closes his eyes. What he is about to do is only right and if there was anyone to watch he’s sure that no one would blame him. All he’s been through at her tender mercies… it’s not a fate he would wish on his worst enemy. She will cry, approximating real tears, but he knows that she’ll never make the connection between the monster’s slaying and his whereabouts today. Try as she might he’ll find ways to prevent her from delivering any more hell spawn into the world. Perhaps Junichi will try to set up an appointment for a vasectomy in the future. He’ll have to be careful of course. Baby fever is real, he knows, and sure to be at a pitch when it’s compounded by grief.

           He draws back the door and steps into the room. It’s surprisingly pleasant, if he does say so himself. Junichi had even told her that it was his responsibility as the male half of an expecting couple to take the initiative to prepare it. She had deferred to him as usual as he’d picked out the wallpaper covered in swirling pastels, the milky white chairs and changing station, and even the handsome oak crib in the center whose polished handles gleamed just so when the sunlight streamed in. It was downright picturesque. If circumstances were different, Junichi might have even been proud of himself for setting it all up.

           Junichi pushes himself forward. His window of opportunity gets smaller and smaller with each passing second he knows and he can’t afford to back out now. Nor can he think much about the implications of his decision either as any self-reflection would surely stop him in his tracks. He has no illusions that what he is going to do is fundamentally wrong. The monster’s nature hasn’t surfaced yet but it will in time. The shell it bears is no excuse for all the misery it can unleash if he doesn’t nip it in the bud now when he has the chance. Yet none of that reassurance seems to matter as he steps through the threshold and into its lair. His heart which had moments ago been as steady and calm as he could manage is doing overtime as he feels adrenaline begin to course through his veins.

           Making his way to the would-be bed he sees it there lying in wait for him, totally unaware and prone. If he were to allow sentimentality to creep into this he might even go so far as to say that his intended victim is cute. Sitting there in a pink jinbei, the monster’s chest slowly rises and falls, head resting gently against a sizable plush tanuki which his parents had dropped off the last time they’d visited during Golden Week. He tries not to pay attention to its rosy, chubby cheeks or a nose that reminds him oh so much of photos he’d seen of his grandmother. There can be no attachment between them; not now, not ever. But more than that Junichi tries to avoid its dark gray hair, thin as it is on its tiny head, and lips that even in sleep have formed a distinctive pout. If nothing else it steels his resolve to see this through to the end. Those things are hers, not his.

           He can remember the day she was conceived as clearly as what he’d had for lunch the other day at the Saikou corporate headquarters. It had been a Saturday when he’d been awoken by a pair of needy hands and met with a ravenous gaze on opening his eyes. She did this at times, sometimes with his permission, and sometimes without. On her better days she would ask him what he wanted to do in their bedroom, even letting him decline her advances if she felt magnanimous enough on rare occasions and Junichi hates how good she feels to be inside of and how wonderful her tongue manages to be against his most sensitive areas. Other days there is no choice in the matter. She would pin him to the mattress and suddenly he would be a scared high school student tied to an ancient creaking chair in the basement (a place he can’t go to now without breaking into a cold sweat), eyes shrunk to pinpricks and his breathing haggard as she straddled him, planting sloppy kisses all over him, over and over and over, “Tell me you love me, darling…”, “I don’t even know who you–”

           The audible cracking of his knuckles brings him out of his stupor and Junichi releases a grip on the crib’s railing he didn’t even know he’d had.

           He slowly reaches for one of the unused pillows by the creature’s head, removing it with all the skill of an experienced Jenga player. Junichi barely trusts himself enough to breathe at this point for fear of waking his target. It’s a quiet thing – on its best days he can even forget that it sits in this place at all until she asks him to check on it. Aside from the occasional murmur of discomfort to signal it needs a diaper change or to be fed Junichi might even go so far as to say it’s a baby that most parents could only dream of having. All of the supposed long nights that plague young couples haven’t hit him yet and he expects they never will. But he knows that it’s all an act, a ruse meant to fool him and the world from its instinctual nature. He knows firsthand what it will be like when its kind grows up. He doesn’t know how big her family is. Junichi doesn’t even know if she has siblings, but it doesn’t matter. Even if his act of rebellion will be known only to him and him alone, he at least fought against the fate he’s long since acquiesced to with a whimper every night when she wraps her arms around his midsection like a vice as they fall asleep.

           Junichi weighs the small object in his hands for a moment, feeling its cottony softness. He’ll be as gentle as he can with it as he pushes it down onto its face; he knows it won’t cry. ‘Sudden infant death syndrome, I’m afraid,’ says the imaginary doctor in his mind. ‘We don’t know the reasons for why they go. Sometimes… accidents like this just happen.’ Oh, he’ll weep alongside her then for appearances, but it’ll all be a show. She brought it into this world. Junichi’s practically doing the world a favor by ridding it of the vermin before him. But as he looks quickly away from the murder weapon and back to his target he realizes his mistake. He should’ve been quicker to do the deed.

           Its eyes have begun to flutter and for a moment Junichi forgets his plan, wanting more than anything to slam the object in his hands into its face and push down as hard as he can. He’s so close and there’s no guarantee he’ll get an opportunity like this for a long, long time and by that point an excuse might not be so easy. The opportunity literally lying in front of him is slipping out of his grasp. His hands hover in place over the monster’s head as he lowers the offending object. ‘Don’t look,’ he thinks as he tries to steady nerves which have begun to light themselves in panic over this latest setback. ‘If you do that, you’ll never be able to go through with it. You’re no murderer. You’re not her.’

           This is it.

           Do or die.

           He can’t feel guilty for destroying something whose only purpose is to perpetuate a cycle of abuse that is decades, if not centuries, old. What he’s doing is only right. Karma be damned, if he has to return in penance as some lower lifeform, he will. What Junichi is about to do is nothing but a mercy to the unsuspecting men beyond this house’s walls. The blood shared between them is as meaningless as the so-called marriage he’s been forced into. Junichi is totally and utterly alone in this hell. If she will never let him go then this might very well be the last act of defiance he can muster and, by all the gods in heaven, he will have it.

           If Junichi were a more observant man, however, he might have been able to avoid many things.

           He might have avoided her or at least able to incriminate her with something if he’d paid more attention to the girls who had slowly left or disappeared from Akademi one by one after they seemed to show some interest in him. He might have avoided her wolf in sheep’s clothing act about being too frightened to walk home with a murderer on the loose. Junichi might have avoided the chloroform rag that she’d brought along to use once they were navigating through one of Buraza’s alleyways. If he’d pulled out a little sooner he might not even have to destroy his innocence like he is attempting to at this very moment.

           But most importantly, Junichi might have avoided taking a minute too long to do the deed.

           His breath hitches in his throat as he meets the gaze of a pair of slate gray eyes staring up at him from the crib solemnly. No. No. This can’t be happening. It isn’t fair. All this time, trying to steel his nerves just right to do what he’s had to build himself up to for months ever since he found out she was pregnant… it’s slipped away from him. The pillow falls from his hands and bounces onto the soft bedding of the crib with a quiet plop. He can’t do this. Not now, not after making eye contact with it. A foolish part of Junichi doesn’t want the last thing for it to see being a father who doesn’t want it but instead whatever pleasant dreams are dancing through its head. It’s why he hasn’t downed an entire bottle’s worth of sleeping pills yet himself.

           There’s nothing that fills him with warmth left in him.

           He collapses to his knees, his hands sliding down the bars of its cage. Junichi wants so many things in this moment. He wants to scream, cry, run away and never look back from this place (as pointless as he knows that endeavor to be), to be the man in the photographs that litter his prison whose smile is genuine and not part of a carefully constructed mask, perhaps even more so than hers is, and to feel some sort of remorse for having contemplated for so long taking a child’s life. Instead Junichi feels the same deadened feeling he has felt ever since he came to live here sink in once more.

           Seconds turn into what Junichi is sure are minutes as he sits there, kneeling before his former target, shaking the bars of the crib as if he were the infant instead. It was foolish to think that he could ever hope to take control of his situation. She was right: there was nothing left for him outside and certainly no reason to do anything other than follow her whims. All he had to do was give up, to stop hoping that there would be a light at the end of the tunnel, and he would be free at last. Junichi had heard her casually mention before in passing that her father had been a man whose mind had never recovered whatever trauma it’d suffered when her mother had broken him. He is both empathetic and envious at the same time towards a complete stranger.

           Lost in his own despair, Junichi almost doesn’t notice the touch suddenly present against his left hand until he stops shuddering. But when at last he feels he’s cried as many tears as he’s able he finally turns towards the source of the sensation that has been resting against him. He’s tried to psyche himself up today for a litany of fake emotions: shock, grief, even anger, but surprise is not one of them and more so when that the feeling is genuine. In the time he has taken to wallow in his own self-pity his target has taken upon itself the duty of moving one of its small hands out to him, tiny fingers splayed against him as if it can somehow bless him and free him of his would-be sin, its expression unwavering in how calm it is.

           It takes all of Junichi’s willpower to meet its – her – eyes and he finds that as soon as he does he wants to look away in shame. She had done nothing to him; none of this had been her fault. In a war against someone who seemed remorseless to the depths in which she’d sink to keep her happiness, he’d sunk down too. Bile begins to rise in the back of Junichi’s throat as he tries desperately to mentally bargain with his daughter for forgiveness.

           Daughter.

           It’s the first time he’s ever ascribed that term to her. Oh, the hospital had told him that’s what she was, her mother told him that with a gleeful expression every single morning, but it was something he’d avoided altogether. It had been a foul word, a curse that was so awful he felt it shouldn’t pass from his lips. But now it seemed appropriate to him. In her own way, she was just as much a victim of circumstance as Junichi was.

           Picking himself up Junichi stares down at her. Features that had once seemed so alien, cruel that he could barely stomach them, no longer inspire that same sense of revulsion that they once had. Hesitating a moment, he reaches his arms down to pick up the girl, resting her head against the crook of his arm as he’d seen his aunt and uncle do countless times to his cousins when he was younger, her small body tucked close to his chest as he practically collapses onto the wicker chair next to her bed.

           ‘Do all things begin in innocence?’

           It’s a question that floats to the surface of his mind without much prompting. It’s hard to imagine at one point that she could be anything but the monster he knows her to be. But there must have been a time when even she was in his daughter’s place, defenseless and vulnerable, a tabula rasa waiting to be etched onto by the world’s sculptors. His thoughts travel briefly to her father, a living corpse of a man who saw, heard, tasted, smelled, and felt the world but at the same time couldn’t. Junichi didn’t blame him for retreating into himself. In its own way such a thing must have been like achieving nirvana. Yet had he fought as much as her mother…

           It was a dangerous line of thinking, Junichi knew. “Coulda, shoulda, woulda” was the eternal refrain of mankind. He was operating on a theory, perhaps even less than that, and it was something that he had no proof of. Perhaps this whole line of thinking was a sham and nature dictated everything. For her part, his daughter offers no support and no criticism to his reasoning. In the entire time since her departure from her little world, she has been totally silent, as per usual. Absently tugging on the neck of his white polo with his free hand, a nervous habit, a new plan begins to form, a desire for revenge borne out of anger at his failure and to atone for what he’s tried to do.

           “Your…” he has to steady himself to even the utter word, “…mommy isn’t the only one here for you. I am too.”

           Tears begin to well in the corner of his eyes and he has to fight the urge to give the little girl an impromptu bath.

           “I know I haven’t… haven’t been the best daddy, but I can change.”

           An understatement. She’ll never know just how lucky she was in avoiding what she did. Nor will she ever. It’s a secret he intends to take with him to his grave.

           “I don’t know if you can, but I’ll try to help you change too. We can be good together.”

           Images of his little girl over the years flash before him. Her first day of school, a broken arm from climbing a tree, sitting with other children at lunch, and, though he has to fight his way past his own desire to break into a panic, sitting across from someone and admiring them from afar. If she can’t understand what it means to be kind, then he will teach her, help her, so that she understands that she doesn’t have to be a monster.

           “I…”

           It’s not a burden he’s asked for but one he will undertake for everyone’s sake. Leaning forward, Junichi places his lips as gently as he can to her forehead in a kiss.

           “I love you, Ayano.”

           She will be her father’s daughter.

           He’ll make sure of it.

[lore-a-lie]

Chapter 2, Act 6: The Masked Grave’s Ritual

Deadly Life

Kaede still didn’t want to believe it. She thought she was finally regaining some control of their situation. That things were going to get better. How could this have happened?

Maki was no stranger to bloodshed so who could have possibly killed her? (Was she killed trying to defend herself or did this happen because she attacked someone else? Would Maki really do that?)

The fact this was Kiyo’s lab was a smaller area of concern. Unlike Angie’s lab, his didn’t have any locks so anyone could have done this if they weren’t complying with the student council’s nighttime curfew.

While Kirumi told her and Maki that Kiyo wasn’t Kaede didn’t think this was his doing. Something about how the artifacts were being treated didn’t line up. He was too protective of them before. (Not unless that was an act. Make you think he cared about others damaging them so him abusing them is unlikely.)

His surprise at seeing Maki’s body looked genuine enough when Kaito brought him for questioning. At least Kaito was suspecting him less now than when he first rushed down to see if this was connected to Maki wanting to pay him a visit last night. Not that it was saying much, Kaito’s still quite clearly a wreck.

Ryoma was trying to help ease Kaito’s nerves but he was also too shaken to be of much help. No one objected when the two excused themselves to see if there was anything else around that could be connected. She figured too many felt ashamed of how they treated her and Ryoma before to complain.

“For the sake of our investigation does anyone have any complaints if I go over Maki’s body? Unless Gonta would rather try, as he might be more used to corpses than I am. Not human ones of course.” Kirumi calmly asked. Kaede couldn’t help but notice Kiyo kept glancing at her like he had an objection, but he must have thought better of it as he resumed looking into what else in his lab might be involved here instead.

“Gonta can’t! Gonta not… Not smart enough to be useful like Kirumi. Kirumi smart so she do good. Besides, it not proper for gentlemen to touch a lady without her permission.” Gonta was trying to hide a light blush that came with his explanation, an odd contrast to the tear tracks that still stained his face.

“It is a bit late to ask her about that sort of thing I’m afraid. Particularly if we think we should check her for injuries that may be unrelated to the fall. I doubt anything else could be the cause of death, however. You can see where the banister underneath her broke off from even from where we’re standing.”

Kaede had to crane her head up to see what Kiyo was talking about but he was right, on the highest level there was a break in the rails. With little prompting Tenko made her way up the stairs as quickly as she could to see if there were signs of a struggle or any other clues as Angie followed, hopping all the way. (I’m impressed they have the stamina for that, since that’s on the fifth floor. Why is this so damn tall?!)

While the two were up there, Kirumi informed everyone that she kept finding some sort of ashes on Maki’s body she couldn’t explain. Kaede thought better of bringing up the candles she sent Ryoma and Maki to collect, as she didn’t want Angie to be made aware of her attempt at sabotage, and as neither he nor Angie were here no comment was made about it possibly being the Necronomicon.

This might get messy if it needs to come up in the trial though. Was Maki’s death an accident her killer tried to undo? I don’t know if someone other than Angie and I knew how this motive worked.

Nothing else seemed out of place though, no weapons or injuries on her that didn’t make any sense. Except for that weird stone mask that was laid over Maki’s face, modern looking in all but its medium.

“Why would someone want to drag poor Sun Witch ♪ Esper Ito into this anyway?!" Tsumugi bemoaned, looking torn between whether or not to pick up the mask before Kirumi waved her off to spare her the dilemma. After a depressed sigh, she got a curious expression as she looked around the lad. "Actually why is her mask even in here? It can’t really be culturally relevant right? Beyond like normal festival masks I mean.” (Leave it to Tsumugi to know what the heck that thing was or where it was from. It really is out of place.)

“You aren’t wrong about what it is, but what it represents is a fair bit different." Kiyo began, despite Tsumugi's brief attempts to assure him that he didn't have to. But there was no retracting an excuse for him to lecture. "This is the mask most associated with the serial killer Kirakira Seigi or “Sparkling Justice” who supposedly came from Spain. Naturally given the title and style of their trademark mask I am inclined to doubt that theory, as it’s too distinctly Japanese to think they would consider Spain to be their only point of origin, but they do make for an interesting modern connection to both cultures as a result. Being a serial killer who exclusively kills others of their ilk in poetic gruesome recreations of the targeted serial killer’s preferred methods also taps into various other figures and notions regarding popular concepts of “Justice” and “Karma”.” (Right, that thing again. He talked at me about it before too. It has no right to look this cute with what he says.)

For all her early objections the lesson stirred Tsumugi's geeky interest enough that she was simply bubbling with questions, as if they weren't still talking in the middle of a murder scene. “Is a stone mask really their trademark? What do you mean “they”, is there more than one person who uses this name? Do you think it’s related to that other Kira-”

“No. For all of those things." Kiyo sternly cut her off, but he obviously enjoyed having peaked her interest as he lead her off to a side of the room to continue without bothering anyone's work. "First off, the person known as Sparkling Justice is elusive so their gender is a point of debate, though I do lean in favor of that person being male myself, so I tried being as neutral as I could. Second, typically the mask they use is of the common cheap plastic affairs so I can’t really explain why this is was made to be so much more permanent and without any of its common colors either I’m afraid." And with his more basic deductions done his tone soured. "Third, I just told you they were thought to be Spanish so any similarities this has to a certain older manga are likely coincidence.”

Kaede tried to give Tsumugi a sympathetic smile at seeing her flinch at Kiyo’s surprisingly harsh response before asking a question of her own. “So do you think this mask was used to accuse Maki of something? Or mock her because of her talent? I mean an assassin and a serial killer would be kinda different right?”

“The irony is highly possible if the Kirakira connection to this design is known, and they are distinct enough that all of Kirakira ’s confirmed kills did what they did out of passion rather than a paycheck.”

“Should we be concerned by how our biggest suspect knows so much about niche serial killers?” Kokichi piped up from the second floor, staring down at them with his chin resting on his folded arms. Something felt off about him though. He was smiling like a cat toying with a mouse but there was a new cruelty to it.

“If you want to be that’s your own prerogative I’m sure. I merely felt it best to be aware given how often I travel and get considered to be either highly suspicious or a person of interest in dangerous situations.” Kiyo called back up to him, looking annoyed by how loud Kokichi was to make sure he was heard.

Kaede felt a tugging at her skirt before she looked down to find Monodam looking up at her at a loss. But much like his siblings, he’s also had a slight change in appearance. While he still hardly had any shoulders to speak of unlike the others he had somehow managed to attach Monokid’s shoulder pads to his chassis. (What? If he hates others being afraid of him why is he wearing the clothing of his victim like a trophy?!)

“Why-Did-This-Happen-Again-Miss-Kaede? Did-We-Do-Something-Wrong?” He retracted his arm as he turned to look at Maki, visibly depressed over what he was seeing. “Did-Miss-Maki-Deserve-This?”

“No. I’m not sure your motive even had anything to do with this. I mean all we found are some ashes, and that could have been anything. But don’t worry, we’ll figure this out.”

“Kaede, stop being buddy-buddy with a member of the beer-stain bears! Unless you think the ashes matter for something?” Kokichi paused for a moment to look up and theatrically held his hands to his mouth before calling up to the highest floor. “HEY ANGIE YOU STILL GOT THAT WEIRDO BOOK ON YOU?!”

Angie’s head poked over the broken railing looking for Kokichi before she replied, both ignoring Kiyo's seething down below. “Nooope, It went missing sometime yesterday! Why?”

“Any reason why someone might have wanted to burn it beyond it being obviously evil and stupid?”

“Oh? Did someone find an effigy of Maki with ashes on it?”

“Depends, does her fucking corpse count as an “effigy”? ‘Cause this is one duuusty cun-”

And that last bit of vulgarity proved to be Kiyo's last straw. “Can you both please stop yelling?! You’ll find the room carries sound very well on its own.”

“Hey we’re being helpful Kiyo, stop complaining!" Kokichi yelled back down, making everything worse as per the usual. "This isn’t even a real library, Jeez.”

Kiyo's eye actually twitched as he struggled to restrain himself. “Allow me to rephrase then: If you don’t settle down I will come up there and tear out your tongues. ”

“Kaaeeeeeeeeeeeede Kiyo’s threatening meeeeeeeee~” (Oh for the love of-! Isn’t Kirumi your mom?!)

With a hand to her face, Kaede muttered some curses as she shook her head before trying to settle Kokichi's latest mess. “I’m sorry Kiyo, just bear with it for now. Trust me I know how bad loud noises can be. Or maybe you can check out one of the other rooms? Like if the book went missing maybe Angie’s lab has something.”

“Oh yes, because leaving these relics unattended with Kokichi and Angie around is a simply  marvelous idea.” He replied, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“They are far from unattended." Kirumi was quick to assure him to help de-escalate the situation. "I will do my best to keep them from causing harm to any of your other pieces Kiyo. Feel free to help Ryoma and Kaito if you think it may be of more benefit to us.”

The look she gave him a look that was hard to tell if it was understanding or pity as Kirumi returned the mask to its proper place in the glass case. Kiyo looked reluctant, almost angry, to follow her suggestion but he hardly had any reason not to do so with how much stress seeing his room so crowded caused him.

With Kiyo out of the way, Angie continued to confirm it was probably the Necronomicon that was burned, though she didn’t think a body would count as an effigy in this case. That would explain why Maki was still obviously dead at any rate. Unless the ritual never had a chance at succeeding.

Kaede also felt a bit more at ease going around the room now, and quickly found another distressing detail. The golden katana was gone. The sheath wasn’t, which was why she didn’t notice at first, but the blade was nowhere to be found. When she asked Kirumi confirmed she didn’t see anything that looked like it had been hit by a rusty sword, which only made its absence all the more suspicious.

Seeing nothing else of note Kaede left to see if anyone else had made any progress. Aside from Monophanie’s efforts at repainting parts of the floor with her own puke, which she only just caught before she was going to step in the mess. (EWWWWWW, as if this floor wasn’t bad enough already!?)

Trying to be a bit more pragmatic she phrased things a bit differently. “Are you alright Monophanie? Can’t you just leave this to the others? Who would have the Monokuma file in this case anyway?”

“No! No, nothing's alright! This floor is gross, the body is gross, we can’t stop daddy’s game even if we try, and we still can’t agree on anything! It’s all just making me sick. In more ways than one. Monosuke’s the only one who really likes daddy’s game so he’d have it, but why bother? Nothing here is changing!”

It was odd to see one of her captors driven to such a manic state, even Monotaro’s scarf seemed to be acting in accordance to Monophanie’s frustrations. Things being as they were she was probably also assuming that like the two times prior either she or one of her brothers was going to die soon too.

She wasn’t really paying attention to Kaede though, so she just left the bear to her own devices. With a real horrifying situation on her hands going to Angie’s lab didn’t seem nearly as stressful as before, but she didn’t even have the chance as she saw the three boys were heading back already.

“Did you guys find anything?”

“You mean aside from the wax museum thing she had going on? Not much, Kiyo saw some gold leaf might be missing from her art supplies and Angie’s probably a bit loopier than we already thought.”

“Now now Ryoma, making mementos to honor those that are gone is a common response to grief, and I find her attention to detail to be rather touching. Obviously, they lack the particular beauty that comes with bearing the human soul but she matched their likenesses to an otherwise astounding degree yes?”

“You mean she made things that look like they crawled right out of the uncanny valley of robotics man!” Kaito argued, which given Ryoma's sigh wasn't the first time he made his discomfort over the figures known.

As Kiyo shook his head with a shrug he paused as a thought came to mind. “... I do hope you won’t use such a phrase within earshot of Kibo, that could be considered most rude.” (Actually where is Kibo anyway? Or Tsumugi? Did they go to find Monosuke for the file since it’s late? There’s a better question to be asking here though. We’ll see both of them soon enough I’m sure.)

“Why would gold leaf be missing?" Kaede asked to help address the more relevant evidence. "It’s not like money matters in here or anything. Do you think it could be related to the anthropology lab’s katana? I couldn’t find the blade and it’s the only gold thing here.”

“Huh? You sure Kaede? Kiyo, you didn’t say anything about that!” Kaito said.

“Didn’t I? Must have slipped my mind, my apologies. Besides, it struck me as a more personal issue, given how Kirumi hadn’t mentioned finding rust in any of her injuries. The blade hasn’t been taken care of well at all, so I can’t see how something that rusted could be used here, and had someone recently held the handle or sheath we’d find gold on their hands from where the leaf coating tends to peel off.”

“So Angie’s missing supply could just be someone trying to replace the older gold leaf that came off when they messed with the sword without permission?” Ryoma suggested. (Or a sign someone was setting something up.)

“I could believe that, the sword has been missing since at least last night and I suspect it was taken when I spoke with Kaede yesterday. As its uses as a weapon are limited I didn’t feel a need to worry anyone, given how Maki’s lab allows for equally easy access to a wider array of much more effective tools to use”

“Seriously man? You still shoulda said something so we could help you find it!” Kaito said though Kiyo seemed to just brush him off.

As Ryoma and Kaito continued to ask about the missing antique, Kaede saw Tsumugi and Kibo come out of one of the classrooms Maki and Ryoma took candles from before. It wasn’t clear how long they tried investigating in there, but without the candles Kaede assumed they’d be pitch black so she was confused.

“Hey, aren’t those rooms a bit too dark to be checking? Or are the candles back now? Kirumi did say something about finding ashes on Maki’s body so I’m not sure where else a fire could be from.” Kaede asked them, trying to hide her involvement in the candles being moved to avoid concerning Angie later.

“Not to worry, my new flashlight function was more than sufficient enough to be most thorough in our investigations!" Kibo happily informed her. "Kirumi had said she saw Maki remove a set of candles from this area before, and they are indeed still missing. Aside from that, we didn’t see anything unusual though, so this is unlikely to matter.”

“Even if it is kinda pink for a flashlight…” Tsumugi softly muttered behind him, looking kinda embarrassed for how improvised this "function" was.

“Would you have rathered I used a different color? I should have a more traditional yellow too.”

Before she could get dragged into a debate over Kibo's abilities Kaede quickly tried to excuse herself. “I don’t think that’s the issue, but that’s still good to hear! Now if we could just get the Mono-”

And speak of the devil, there he was. Monosuke’s pacifier was still absent, but he at least had the file in hand that should narrow down when Maki was attacked last night. Or it was a file at any rate. The pad in his paws did look a bit different, like some yellow stripes were doodled on the black half of it last minute.

“No need to get your panties in a twist toots, the Monosuke file’s right here! Just had to get some kinks for it worked out. Nice to see even without using a motive you bastards are still more than bloodthirsty enough on your own to keep this game going! Even when we got some brats insisting on playing house.”

Monophanie was near enough to still overhear him and was none too pleased about his snipe from the look of things. As if to complete the set Monodam came out from Kiyo’s lab too, trying to see what the noise was about which just led to the three bears bickering again. Seeing Monodam wearing Monokid’s shoulder pads did seem to intimidate Monosuke some, though if she noticed Monophanie didn’t care.

As it quickly proved to be just another petty power struggle, and one that didn’t concern the case at hand, Kaede and the others returned to Kiyo’s lab so everyone would have access to the file’s contents.

At the very least it did confirm the fall was what killed her, so the missing katana could be unrelated. She was also killed at midnight which with the council’s curfew further narrowed down their list of suspects.

Being shoved through the railing could also make this look like her killer acted in self-defense. But Maki doesn’t like swords and if she had it then it’d still be here. There’d be no reason for anyone to have hid it, it’s not like we can test blood or anything. Unless they just didn’t want us to know there was a fight?

“See? Atua was right after all! Had Maki heeded His warning like the rest of us she wouldn’t have died-”

Angie barely had time to blink before Kaito’s fist was only inches away from her face, as Gonta stopped him mid-swing. Kaito’s face was more distressed than angry though. Like he couldn’t believe he just tried to hit a girl, but he also wasn’t regretting the attempt if it was enough to make her stop talking like that.

“Bull-fucking-shit! You can’t go blaming the victim for this! It’s not like the killer was following your rules either. Cut the crap with your “divine protection” shit already, you know we’re all in danger right now!”

Despite his words she didn’t seem phased at all. Only a bit of surprise and disappointment showed on her softly smiling face. Kaede could swear she caught a flicker of fear in her eyes, but only for a moment.

“But it’s the truth, isn’t it? Atua said the next victim would die after nighttime again and here we are.”

Ryoma’s eyes were dark and cold but there was no doubt he was nearly as angry about her accusations as Kaito was. Angry enough something about him made him seem larger than he actually was. Tenko was responding badly to it at any rate, but she was posed to try striking at him if he acted against Angie first.

“That doesn’t prove anything. Murders happening when the least people would be out is just common sense on the killer’s part, to limit witnesses, and your rule only made it easier for this to be the case. Don’t go trying to make this sound like this was somehow Maki’s fault. Not without some proof for it.”

That gave her some idea as Angie put a finger to her chin in thought, before turning to Kiyo with a broad grin. “Hey-hey~ that’s an idea! Kiyo said something about wanting to perform a seance before right? Sooo why don’t we just try asking Maki herself?”

“I’m sorry, I thought you were under the impression no one was ever actually killed in this game yes?” Kiyo pointed out, looking suspicious at her suggestion.

“Exactly! So either we can reach Maki, so she is dead and we can just ask her about what happened, or we can’t reach her because she isn’t dead and you and the others will have proof that Atua was right!”

“Or we can’t reach her because Kiyo’s seances are also full of-” Kokichi wisely shut his mouth at seeing the glare Kiyo started sending his way, but Angie’s grin just got larger at the prospect of Kiyo failing too. (Am I seriously watching some sort of occult pissing contest right now? Do we really have time for this?)

“I assure you if all the steps are followed it will work. And we do have all the supplies needed for the Caged Child seance already, we merely need to pick a darkened room to have it performed in first-”

“Why not use a seance you’ve done before huh? Experience would make it easier to work right?”

Kaede was pretty sure Kiyo was pouting as he gave Angie a look. Even his zipper seemed to be frowning. “Well, where’s the fun in that? And besides, I don’t have the supplies for any other seance that would be this… Non-invasive, I suppose you could say. Unless whoever we pick as the medium wouldn’t mind risking some… “Physical changes” while Maki speaks through them.”

“... What sort of changes are we talking about?” Tsumugi looked really nervous over the notion before getting lost in her head again with a finger to her lips. When she came back it was soon replaced with an aura of excitement as a different question occurred to her. “Are you telling me the way Maya and Pearl would change when Mia possessed them wasn’t just a silly excuse to give them her big boobs?!”

“I would say it’d be best for a girl to act as the host to minimize any such risks, but it’s not out of the question no. Though given Maki’s build I’m fairly certain it would have the… Opposite effect on you. However things like the changing of one’s eyes or hair color are typically the more common reactions.” (“Minimize” the risk? Does this happen to guys too? How the fuck is that even supposed to work?! WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS?!?)

“Awww, never mind then. I’m not really sure a plain girl like me would work anyway. Even if red eyes and black hair are the best combination, if I don’t have my blue hair anymore I’ll be even harder to notice...”

“Unless she would have a personal reason to take issue with you I doubt Maki would mind. Any other volunteers? In addition to the host and myself, we need three other people to perform it correctly.”

“What exactly would everyone else be doing?” Tenko asked, looking a bit nervous and guilty as she twiddled her fingers. “‘Cause even if Maki and I kinda look alike I don’t think I’m up for something like being a host either. L-like just in case she’s kinda mad when she comes back.” (Makes sense that if Angie was onboard for this plan the rest of the student council would be too. So I should probably offer to help.)

“Even if she was in a volatile state the medium would be under the iron cage and the dog statue so there no danger of her lashing out at anyone aside from potentially the host herself. Unintended suicides may be something of a... “side effect” in a worst case scenario, but I don’t think Maki was that sort of person. Everyone else would merely be there for the summoning ritual itself, like placing those two objects.” (SIDE EFFECT ?! KIYO STOP BEING SO CALM ABOUT HORRIFYING THINGS. Ugh, I don’t want to do this...)

“Wow~ Kiyo you’re really bad at convincing people aren’t you? But I’ll help you guys out, it sounds fun.”

“Would you rather I lie about the dangers that may be present Kokichi? This was Angie’s idea, not mine.”

As if the terrified look on her face wasn’t answer enough Tenko gave him her most honest of replies. “ YES. TENKO WOULD HAVE GREATLY PREFERRED THAT THANKS. This was creepy enough already...”

“... Ah.” He obviously wasn’t expecting an answer that blunt. “So should I start doing that now then?”

“I’m sure it’s fine. As long as the spirit we get is Maki everything should be okay. She wouldn’t hurt us. Would the medium have to do anything other than just sit there? I could do that I think, but not help.” (Even if Tenko could lift those things by herself I’m not sure I could manage anything else this spooky.)

Kiyo really brightened up at Kaede’s unexpected suggestion, which was nice to see at least. “Yes, I do believe you’d work quite well. Being one of those she was closer to should also make the process go more smoothly. Not to worry, some forms of possession do come with memory loss surrounding the act so if the situation’s setting proves distressing for you it would only be but a... momentary discomfort.”

It almost looked settled, before a solemn but determined looking Kirumi chose to interject.

“No, I think I’d be better suited to this Kaede. Kaito’s still in a rather delicate state and I’m not sure you being involved with this too would help put him more at ease at all. I’d be happy to act as the medium.”

Kiyo was conflicted for a moment as he considered her offer, but even though his eyes indicate he’s still smiling under his mask Kaede couldn’t shake the feeling there’s something crueler about them now.

Maybe he’s disappointed I won’t be a part of this now despite knowing how much I hate this stuff? I mean I am on better terms with him than… basically everyone else, so he might just miss having a friend. Ugh, now I feel kinda bad. This wouldn’t be a problem if Himiko was still here, she’d be up for this.

“On second thought this may be for the best, thank you Kirumi.”

“Are you sure Kiyo? I could try to help with something else if you need me to.”

“No, I think this’ll be just fine. Unless you were exaggerating before about how you thought Kagome, Kagome was “terrifying”, given the Caged Child does have an associated song which it is similar to-”

“Hahaha no, we’re good! You all have fun with that, call me if Maki needs me or something!” (NOOOPE. NOT A CHANCE IN HELL. At least he remembered this now instead of later. Thank you sooo much Kirumi.)

Kaede did her best to ignore the sound of his chuckling and the feeling of Kirumi’s confused stare as she beelined her way out the door to find Kaito and Ryoma. Because she was definitely not running away. She was just trying to help investigate whatever else she could. Absolutely anywhere else.

Besides, finding Ryoma was a good idea anyway. He should know where the candles that belonged in those rooms were which would probably be helpful to have back now. Even if he doesn’t know where Maki left the candles she took, if they split them evenly Ryoma should have at least one for each room.

She found Kaito and Ryoma at the end of the hall, past the three empty classrooms Kiyo wanted to use, into the area that looked more mechanical. Kaito probably took off the second Angie said “seance” as he was clearly having some sort of panic attack again, while Ryoma was comforting him where he could.

At least that’s all she thought Ryoma was helping with before Kaito turned to look at her.

“K-Kaito, are you okay?! You’re bleeding!”

“I know, nothing to worry about. Just bit my tongue wrong earlier, it’s nothing I promise.” Kaito assured her, but Ryoma obviously didn’t buy it which made it hard for her to believe his words. But if he doesn’t want to talk about it there’s probably nothing she could say to convince him otherwise right now.

“Are they seriously going to waste their time on that ghost stuff Kaede?”

“That’s the plan, but I don’t want to call it a waste. I mean I can understand if Angie and Kiyo think it’s the only way they can really help investigate right now. It’s not like we have a whole lot of evidence yet, or any ideas where else to look for some. Speaking of, they probably need those candles back now.”

“Humpf. Likely right about that. Maki and I just put those things in our rooms so I’ll get them. If her’s is locked they’ll still be enough to put one in each room for now anyway. I’ll be right back.” Despite his attempt at an aloof attitude Ryoma was gone in the blink of an eye. It was still a shock to see how fast he could be when he took something seriously, especially up close unlike when he avoided Tenko before.

And this is him being “rusty”, not in his prime or anything! The world of tennis must be super impressive. Maybe I should try asking him more about it some time. He’s mostly just hung out with Kaito, Maki, and Kiyo as far as I know so branching out a bit more might be nice for him. Especially with Maki gone now.

“What are you two talking about?” Kaito asked, but not with suspicion despite their situation. That didn’t make Kaede any less nervous as she decided to answer him honestly, since Angie wasn’t in earshot.

“When I joined the council I was able to look at the motive the bears gave us. It couldn’t be used if Angie couldn’t burn it, so to be on the safe side I asked Maki and Ryoma to hide any sources of fire we could. Since they were the closest to her the candles were the first things to go. Just to buy us a bit more time.”

“Hmm, good thinking then. Ya coulda tried telling me earlier though, I wasn’t going to talk to her.”

“I know, I just didn’t want to risk being overheard or overloading you or anything. Are you really alright? I mean your health wasn’t the best before and now Maki’s…”

“I told you, I don’t need you worrying over me! I’m fine. Guys are tough ya’ know, just focus on yourself.” Kaito tried offering her a cheesy large grin and a thumbs up as if to prove his words, but she knew better. She could see he was pushing himself, but returned his grin with a weak smile and nodded back anyway.

He’s too stubborn to accept anything else from me right now. He’ll just need some more time. Then when he’s ready I can only hope he’ll seek me or Ryoma out. I’m not ready to try fighting with him about this.

Kaede helped Kaito take refuge in the computer lab when she saw Angie, Kirumi, and Kiyo come out of his lab, heading towards the three classrooms. Given what they were saying it sounded like they were just checking to see which of the three should be used for their ritual, to see if any of them “felt” right.

When Kaito insisted he’d be fine there alone Kaede went back to wait for Ryoma and the candles, but she couldn’t tell who went into each room. But Ryoma was true to his word as it was only a matter of minutes before he got back with five candles in hand. Not six. So one room would be short a candle.

She tried asking him about the missing one but he only said he couldn’t find it in Maki’s room. He assumed she may had it with her when she died and then someone else took it, as with the warehouse locked there wouldn’t be that many other sources of fire to burn whatever made the ashes on her body.

Angie’s timing couldn’t be better as she walked out of the middle room at that moment, so Kaede was able to give her the fifth candle to return it to that. Luckily she was too grateful to them for “finding” it to ask how they managed it in the first place, but Kaede couldn’t help but notice her hands had some gold flecks on them that wasn’t there before. At least she thought it was gold, with how they caught the light.

Rather than comment on it, given how messy making art could be and how she just may have missed them before in the lab’s lighting, Kaede took her two candles and headed towards the one on her left as she faced them while Ryoma took the remaining two to the side room farthest right.

She had no idea what a mistake that would turn out to be.

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[bienready2122]

Casino Players - Say Goodbye to Lady Luck

Club players, dispose of the possibility of karma. There are the individuals who consider karma a power outside of themselves, maybe even an embodiment, Lady Luck, and they accept that on the off chance that they charm her via conveying enough lucky trinkets she will come stumbling into their lives sprinkling star dust on the Blackjack and Craps tables so they can leave with a fortune. That is dream. It might work that route in the motion pictures however not, in actuality  cach tinh lo de hieu qua nhat What will be talked about in this article can be either acknowledged or dismissed. It's limited's perspective on. On the off chance that it's dismissed, there will be no mischief done and life will go on. Be that as it may, for the occasion, it will in any event be something worth mulling over.

There is nothing of the sort as karma. We bring all things - wellbeing, ailment, riches, need, glad occasions, hopelessness - into our carries on with through our considerations. There is a Power inside you that won't just let you become a victor in gambling club play yet can acquire achievement any undertaking you pick. You should simply figure out how to bring your deduction into a strong association with that Power and it will realize the ideal outcomes.

This Power made you, brought you into being- - you, however every individual that is or will ever be, just as everything that exists, the whole universe with its vast number of stars and planets, including the little one that we happen to be on. Without this Power nothing would be. This Power is All-Knowing, All-Wise, and its substance is Love. You are associated with this Power. It is in you. It communicates through you. This Power transfuses itself to you and needs you to utilize It to accomplish all that you want throughout everyday life.

People have utilized this Power down through the ages to imagine each innovation that was ever created, to assemble each extension that crosses a gorge or waterway, to raise each high rise that remains in all the urban communities of the world, to paint each work of art of workmanship, to compose each book at any point composed. Furthermore, this Power is yours to utilize today to bring whatever you want into reality.

How? By what procedure would we say we are ready to bring things into being?

We realize that in spite of the fact that we have yet one psyche, it has two sections: the cognizant and the inner mind. The cognizant brain gives us mindfulness. We are aware of our environmental factors and understand that things are going on. We utilize the cognizant psyche to get things done. We choose to head to a gambling club, step into our car and turn the key in the start. At the point when we originally figured out how to drive we deliberately thought of each activity before we did it. We took a gander at the switch that controls the rigging shift and moved it into drive. We concentrated how much strain to apply to the gas pedal, how far to turn the controlling wheel to cycle a corner, and the separation our foot needed to head out to apply the brake. Presently, in the wake of driving for such huge numbers of years, quite a bit of what we do has been consigned to our inner mind, leaving the cognizant brain allowed to tune in to the radio, and before we know it we are at the club, scarcely mindful of how we went there.

Our cognizant brain is grinding away as we tally our chips to perceive the amount we've won as we sit at a blackjack table. It thinks about which video poker machine to play, the Deuces Wild or Double Bonus, and it settles on a decision. The cognizant psyche embeds the coins into a gaming machine and presses the turn button. It decides, regardless of whether to stop play and grab a bite, or to proceed. This piece of our brain can be supposed to be the supervisor since it coordinates the decisions we make. It thoroughly considers things and chooses. It is the executive, the creation director.

Interestingly, the psyche mind does no picking at all. It serves the cognizant psyche. Its responsibility is to create things. It will create beneficial things as well as awful things too - whatever the cognizant psyche through its reasoning guides it to do. The cognizant psyche picks and the inner mind must react to that decision. The inner mind has supernatural forces and capacities. It realizes how to bring beneficial things into being, can appear achievement, and it stands prepared to deliver for the individual who figures out how to utilize it.

The inventive procedure comprises of accepting we can have what we need, requesting what we need, understanding that our psyche, which works in the Infinite Mind, can bring what we need into being, and afterward discharging it to that Power inside us so what we need can appear.

Some who read this article will be hindered at the absolute starting point of the imaginative procedure. They won't have the option to force themselves to accept that their brain can connect through its musings to impact gaming machines, dice, or cards. As a matter of fact, it's implausible, and if an individual's psyche can't acknowledge that chance, it will always be unable to do it. The cynic needs to move in his speculation from a place of unbelief to at any rate an acknowledgment of the thought as a chance, since this works just at the degree of one's comprehension of how it functions and his supreme faith in it. Uncertainty is an executioner. Stay distrustful and you stay where you are, a non-adherent, a non-achiever. The decision is yours. State, "Indeed, I trust it is conceivable. I need this capacity to turn into a victor at whatever point I step into a club to bet," and you start a mixing in your subliminal that will prompt extreme achievement.

We are submerged in Universal Mind. Our inner mind is interlaced with His Mind, and there is a law in life that gives us whatever we accept. All that transpires is an impact of our reasoning. The contemplations we set forth have inside them a drawing in pull, similar to the power of a magnet. What makes a washout a failure is that the individual methodologies his betting round of decision with an indifferent want to win. Expectation has inside it as much power as some modest magnet one would discover in a game at Toys-R-Us. The draw isn't there. As the idiom goes, expectation and two dollars will get you some espresso. As you remain before a video poker machine or spot your chips on the wagering circle of a blackjack table, you need to realize you're going to win. The preeminent certainty that is in your cognizant psyche will drop down into your inner mind, will collaborate with the Power inside you and get it going. The inclination you will feel as this is going on is called confidence. Confidence. With confidence acting inside you while you're playing, you won't need to ask, or crush to cause your great to occur. You will have the option to unwind, on the grounds that you will manage the Absolute. All Power will dominate and winning will turn into a conviction.

It's straightforward why some would laugh at this. You can nearly hear their wariness: "You mean All Power is there with me in a betting gambling club? Helping me to win? Ludicrous."

Where would we be able to go that He isn't? The writer Tennyson had it right: "Closer is He than breathing, and closer than hands and feet." We have been informed that the very hairs of our head are numbered. Would you be able to reveal to us what number of hairs there are your responsibility? All Knowledge knows. The scoffer has however a questionable association with the Power. He doesn't comprehend what his identity is, so he needs to depend on karma and a bunny's foot. It would do well for the scoffer to recall that the hare had four of them when he was alive and clearly didn't admission such well.

There are a few people who pronounce themselves failures even before they show up at the club. How frequently have you heard a discussion like this:

"Going to Las Vegas, right?'

"That's right. Got the opportunity to go make my commitment to pay for their electric light bill."

What you state is the thing that you get. The psyche mind isn't responsive to satire. Is anything but a Saturday Night Live crowd; it doesn't have the foggiest idea when an individual is joking. It generally accepts what is spoken on the grounds that what comes out of an individual's mouth demonstrates what's happening inside his head, so it just gets on that individual's negative remark, submissively slips into a failure mode and produces what is called for. You ought to never at any point, say whatever you would prefer not to bring into the real world. It's essential to dispose of each part of pessimism in discussions. This isn't anything but difficult to do on the grounds that at whatever point at least two individuals meet in a social climate, the discussion much of the time goes to the issues they by and by have. So watch who you run with. Life is intense enough without encircle yourself with a hover of bellyachers.

You can have what you need on the off chance that you accept that you can. Request it, acknowledge that your psyche mind, which is a declaration of Infinite Mind, can bring it into being, and afterward unwind and permit it to occur. Hope to win when you visit a gambling club, realize that you will, and you will. Those cards in Blackjack and Mini-Baccarat, the dice at the Craps table, and those video poker machines are under your psychological control through the Power inside you. That is ensured not by the writer of this article yet by All-That-Is.

[elizatellsthestory]

Énouement

Prompt: Love You Goodbye Fandom: Naruto Pairing: SasuSaku Rating: T (Major Character Death) Summary: Sasuke has always known great loss. It is what has shaped and controlled his entire life. When another great loss touches Sasuke’s life, he struggles to cope without falling into darkness again.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of characters. I am making no profit off of this and am only writing it for my entertainment.

A/N: Unbeta-ed.

So I’ve been suffering through a horrible period of writer’s block these past few days, but I really wanted to get this out for you all. I’m playing with a slightly different format, so let me know what you think! I hope you all enjoy it.

[ao3] [fanfic]

Seven days.

It had been seven days since Sasuke’s world came crashing down around him. He couldn’t feel anything. He was numb. Maybe he was getting used to the universe shitting on him. Maybe all the bad karma he’d managed to store up had finally come for him. He wished only he could take it all back if it would mean saving her.

He stood with his back to Konoha. It was the very same hill he’d stood on to look over Naruto’s wedding, only this time, he couldn’t bare to look at the place that had been his home for such a short amount of time.

He’d been a fool.

It would never be his home again. No where could be now. All that was left was the mission.

His jaw set. His entire being strained to stop the prickling at his eyes. As much as he never wanted to see that place again—the place that only brought him pain—he knew he’d be back. Even if he was just passing through, eventually he’d be back. For now though, he had to say goodbye.

…

Six days.

Sasuke stood in the middle of their-his. His apartment.The silence of it rang in his ears. He felt smothered. Their things laid scattered around the floor. They were more his things than hers. He’d been careful not to damage anything that was hers in his rage. The furniture though, had been fair game. Pieces of the dining room table laid splintered around the house. Stuffing was coming out of the couch where he’d thrust a chidori through it in his anger. He didn’t pay the mess any mind though. He wouldn’t be living in it anymore.

He picked his way over the wreckage, careful not to disturb it as he made his way to their room. That was the one place that had remained untouched. There was too much of her in it. Not even in his anger filled devastation could he bring himself to trash it. He hadn’t even pulled down the sheets while he slept. Everything remained exactly the same as it had the last time she stepped foot here.

Quickly, he began to pack for his journey. He didn’t need an excuse to linger here in this place full of memories that both tortured and soothed his pain. He intended to only grab the essentials: versatile clothes for various weathers, weapons, money.

He stopped in front of a picture frame. The photo of the two of them on their travels has already been tucked away in the pocket on the inside of his cloak. This one was a memory he’d looked at dozens of times before. It was one he’d left many years ago the first time he’d decided to leave the village. This time though, it held his gaze, or rather the young kunoichi in the center of the frame did.

It had been her copy.

His had been lost many years ago along with the other things he’d left behind, but of course she’d treasured her copy and kept it close throughout the years. He was glad for it. He didn’t have any other photos of her back then, looking so young and happy. Carefully he picked up the frame and cradled it in his hands. His bag lay forgotten on the floor. The only thing he could see now was that picture.

The Uchiha’s Curse of Hatred may be gone, but Sasuke still felt cursed. Silent tears dripped onto the glass frame and his hands tightened around the memory.

…

Five days.

It was adequately overcast as though the weather somehow knew and dimmed itself out of respect for the lives that had been lost. It was funny, Sasuke mused as he stood motionless in front of the slab of stone. She would have preferred it be sunny. In the days after the war, with what little free time she had, she’d liked to bask in it.

If he closed his eyes, he could imagine that they were still there. Him in the back yard with his back against a tree. The shade was cool upon his skin. The shadows danced around him whenever a gentle wind blew. She, on the other hand, would sprawl out in the sun, just outside of the shadows’ reach. It would bathe her in an ethereal light in a way that made it impossible to take his eyes off of her. He wished he could bottle those moments up and live in them forever.

It was a sight he’d never see again.

Many new plots had been dug in the wake of the destruction. He wasn’t alone in paying his respects, but he felt it. It was the kind of alone that he was oh so familiar with. The kind that she’d helped save him from, however briefly it had been.

“How long have you been here?”

He didn’t react at the sound of his old sensei’s voice. He knew that sooner or later one of her many friends would come by. He was relieved that it was Kakashi. If anyone would understand the way he felt, it would be the Copy Nin.

“Long enough.”

Kakashi moved to stand beside Sasuke. His gaze was trained down at the stone. He didn’t need to see his old student’s face to know that his eyes were bloodshot. “Are you sure you want to do this? It won’t bring her back.” There had been a time that Kakashi had thrown himself into his work out of grief to make himself forget, just as Sasuke hoped to do. Who was he to tell him not to do the same? People coped the way the needed to.

“Aa,” Sasuke murmured, never taking his eyes off the stone. “I just needed to say goodbye one last time.”

It wouldn’t be the last.

In the blink of an eye, Sasuke body flickered away, leaving Kakashi to sigh. “Look after him, will you?” He squatted down to place his flower next to the white lilies and cosmos flowers that already decorated the grave.

…

Four Days.

He stood in the back of the Hokage’s office, leaning against the wall. He let his bangs hide his face the same way she had when she was young, only rather than hiding fear, he was hiding a simmering anger.

The atmosphere of the room was anxious and mournful. It was packed full of the visiting Kages and their advisors as well as Naruto and himself. He wasn’t the only one who wanted answers. The room was buzzing with speculation.

The click of the door opening wasn’t loud by any means, but by the time it had shut behind the Rokudaime, everybody was silent. All eyes were on Kakashi and Shikamaru as they made their way to the desk. Sasuke could see the tired bags under his sensei’s eyes.

“We weren’t able to get much information from our…guest…but here’s what we do have,” Shikamaru began, his voice as business like and to the point as it ever got. “The attacked was instigated by some ninja attached to a group of missing-nin who fancy themselves anarchists. They figured the Chunin Exams would be the prime time to make their move with all of us gathered here. We have no idea who this group is or how big their numbers are, but we can guess that they formed sometime shortly after the war if they’re already organized enough to orchestrate an attack of this scale.”

“So what are we supposed to do? We can’t let them just get away with something like this!” Naruto blurted out. He clenched his fists and bared his teeth, his anger rising at the thought of this nameless, faceless group dealing such a blow to not only Konoha, but the rest of the villages gathered. There had been many a good shinobi lost to the chaos. “I thought we were done with this! We’re supposed to be at peace!”

“It seems that not everyone is content with peace. Not everyone trusts the system.” Kakashi sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose. “The best we can do now is get more information. These people are dangerous and we need to know what they’re planning. Ideally, we send someone out on a mission as soon as possible to find this group, infiltrate, and feed us information from the inside.”

“I-”

“I’ll go,” Sasuke cut Naruto off with the first words he’d spoken the entire day. “You’re too recognizable, Idiot. They’d never take you. I’ll go.”

“You aren’t exactly an unknown either, Bastard.” Naruto’s usual fire for their banter was muted. Rather than the glare Sasuke was used to getting, Naruto’s eyes held worry.

“Uchiha,” the Kazekage spoke quietly, “You’ll have to forgive us, but understand that several of us are worried about your objectivity in this.”

Saskue glanced around the room to be met with more pity than he cared for. “You don’t think I can get the job done.” It wasn’t a question. “It wouldn’t be the first time I’ll have abandoned Konoha, and no one has a better motive to stop believing in the system than I do. I’ll get it done.” His eyes met the eyes of every single Kage in that room to be sure they felt his conviction. “Let me do this.”

“You’ll be labeled a missing-nin again. You won’t be able to come back until the mission is over,” Kakashi clarified.

“I understand.”

…

Three days.

Sasuke returned home dressed in all black. Her funeral had been that afternoon, and somehow, he’d managed to hold it together in front of all those people. Somehow, in the midst of still working to find victims still buried under the rubble and patients in the hospital, many of their friends and comrades had managed to make it. Even those who had admired his wife from afar as an idol had come to pay their respects, and he’d stood strong in front of them all, grunting his thanks every time someone offered him condolences.

He’d always hated that. The way people would say they were sorry for his loss. He’d heard that phrase too many times in his existence. Sorry never brought any of them back. It only made the emptiness seem bigger, colder.

The moment he stepped over the threshold of their home, he felt it. Her absence. Everything looked exactly the same, perfectly in place, from the last time they’d been there. Three days. It had been three days since her death, and he hadn’t been able to bring himself to come here since the attack.

It wasn’t the emptiness that got to him. He’d had an entire lifetime to get used to that. It was how perfect everything was. As though it were frozen in time, in a world where she was still alive. It was the way her chair at the table was always pushed out instead of in, or the way her medic coat for her shift at the hospital was slung carelessly over the couch where she’d left it as she’d trudged to their bedroom late one night, too tired to put it up. It was the way her boots laid in the foyer, one up straight and one on it’s side, or the way that her slippers were perfectly lined up side by side. Those were the things that undid him. The things that sent his sorrow and anger spiraling.

Neighbors would say they heard shouts and loud crashes or the chirp of lightning in the silence of the night. He wasn’t aware of any of it. All he saw was the color of his anger flashing before his eyes. The color of the eyes that could achieve no higher evolution in his hurt. The color of his hand, scraped raw from his seemingly endless attempt to uncover her from the rubble. The color of her life’s essence spilt around her where the roofing had crushed her. The color that stained the dress of the little girl she’d thrown her body over to protect. The color that she’d always worn no matter how many shirts or dresses she’d outgrown or torn in combat. Her color.

When Naruto came to check on him the next morning, he found Sasuke curled on the floor in the middle of a destroyed living space, the medic’s coat wrinkled in his hands, but in one piece.

Neither would ever speak of how Naruto found Sasuke that morning.

…

Two days.

He’d outlived the only woman he’d ever loved, the only woman he would ever love, by two days so far. He felt like a crushing weight was pressing down on him. He didn’t know when it had happened, but someone had separated them and taken him to the hospital. His only remaining hand was bandaged along with his side. He didn’t know why he was there. He didn’t hurt. Not physically at least.

A nurse, who's name he didn’t know but whom he recognized from when he’d come to pick his wife up from a shift, entered the room. She looked surprised.

“Oh, you’re awake!”

“Where is she?”

“U-Uchiha-san, you should really lie down.”

“Where is my wife?” His voice came harder this time. The nurse seemed at a loss for what to say under his sharp gaze.

“Never mind.” He pulled the IV from his veins and stood from the bed in one swift movement, despite the way his muscles protested. “I’ll find her myself.”

“Y-you can’t do that!” The nurse squeaked as he pushed past her, striding out the door and down the hallways with purpose. His eyes swept the hallway and every single room he passed for any sign of pink or baring that, someone who’d be able to give him answers. It wasn’t too long before he caught sight of the Godaime’s assistant exiting a room. In seconds, his hand was balled in the fabric of her clothes menacingly, his glare meeting the overwhelmed woman’s wide eyes.

“Where is she?!” he snarled. His sharingan spun angrily.

“S-Sasuke,” Shizune choked. Her toes just barely grazed the floor from where he held her up. Despite his violence, he was only met with pity.

“Tell me she’ll be alright. That she’s in the operating room.” He was in denial. Shizune’s gaze only saddened, and it was the only answer he needed. His entire being trembled. Slowly, his grip loosened from the woman’s collar, and her feet dropped back to the floor.

“No.” The word was said with such conviction that Shizune almost believed that he’d be able to will her back to life. “No. There has to be some way. She said the Kazekage was brought back to life-”

“That jutsu died with Chiyo.”

“The Godaime-”

“Is saving as many people as she can. Sasuke…” The rest of her words fell on deaf ears.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, but he paid it no mind. His knees gave out, and he slid to the floor. Once again, he felt like the kid who had watched his entire family die before his very eyes, helpless and vulnerable.

He was vaguely aware of people moving around him and more voices joining Shizune’s, just as he was vaguely aware of a warm, gentle chakra on the back of his head. For a moment, he wanted to believe it was Sakura’s. Then darkness welcomed him.

…

The day.

It was a day that without a doubt, tied with the worst day of his life.

It started with the Chunin Exams. Something horrible always happened at the Chunin Exams. They were one of the first things that should have been changed once peace had settled throughout the Hidden Villages, but no. It was held as it always was, only this time, all five Hidden Villages were represented. All Five Kage were in one place. They should have planned better.

One second he was sitting in the stands with Sakura and Naruto watching the matches, and the next, chaos erupted. There was no warning, the arena just began to collapse in on itself and enemy ninja surrounded the stadium. With only a glance at each other, the trio had split up: Sakura to help evacuate civilians, Naruto to protect the Kages, and Sasuke to take out the enemy. He didn’t think to check on either of them until after the fight was over. It was something he’d never stop beating himself up over later.

The dust settled and bodies were scattered around the rubble, enemies, allies, and civilians alike. Sasuke had just finished tying up the man who seemed to be the ring leader and dropped him off with the Kage when it occurred to him that he hadn’t seen his wife for some time. Ordinarily in situations like this, he’d catch glimpses of her pink hair as she rushed from patient to patient, but all he saw were medic-nin clad in white rather than Sakura’s signature red. His pulse began to race in worry, but he calmed himself. Sakura was a more than capable kunoichi. She was probably off healing someone somewhere.

It took him two whole searches of the stadium before he began to ask around.

Ten people were questioned before his heart leaped to his throat in fear.

All it took was one pair of the Hyuga’s Byakugan to find her, and one large pile of rubble for every fear, every nightmare he’d ever lived to come rushing to the forefront of his mind.

“I can see two bodies, but…Sasuke, there’s only one chakra signature.”

That was all he’d allowed himself to hear before he was on his knees, clearing the rubble as quickly as he could with his hands. He wouldn’t risk using a jutsu and causing more of a cave in. Despite his injuries and the blood stain at his side growing bigger from his exertion, he worked as quickly as he could, blocking everything but his goal out of his mind.

At some point, Naruto joined him. Not long after that, more hands helped carry rubble and rocks away from the site until the last bit was moved to reveal a dust covered body.

“Sakura!”

He rushed to her, ready to collect her in his arm. For a moment, he swore he saw her chest move with breath. He swore she was alive, but before he reached her, a terrified, teary eyed, bloodstained girl crawled out from under his wife. Sakura was motionless.

No.

He refused.

No, no, no, no, no.

She had to be alive. She couldn’t be-

Blood colored the ground around her in splashes. It stained her clothes, her skin. He picked her up to cradle her in his arm and it stained him to, but all he could focus on was her. Her lack of breath. The dull look in her usually lively eyes.

The sounds of despair around him dulled to a muffled roar. All he could hear was his heartbeat in his of ears. All he could hear was the silence where her’s should have been.

His face contorted in despair as he slowly brought his forehead to touch hers. She was still warm. His tears rolled down her cheeks, leaving little trails in the dust that coated her skin. He could feel himself caving in around her body. He gripped her to himself, holding her tightly. His hair fell over both their faces, obscuring them to those who that the misfortune to see the great Uchiha Sasuke break.

Everything he should have done flashed through his mind. He should have stayed with her. He should have watched for her. He shouldn’t have wasted so much of his time with her. The time he spent alone when he could have been with her. The time he asked her to wait while he found his redemption. The time he spent consumed by hatred. He wished he could take it all back.

But people were only given one life, and he had wasted hers.

[zipgrowth]

How A Podcast-Turned-Startup Is Trying to Get More Non-Traditional Students Into Tech

Some of the earliest and largest coding bootcamp programs shut their doors for good last year. And it left many people wondering if these short term tech training programs are actually worth the investment (for investors and students alike).

One person who’s remained optimistic about the shake ups in the industry is Ruben Harris. Harris is a CEO of Career Karma, which aims to help prospective students navigate the bootcamp market, and he also hosts his own podcast about breaking into the tech industry, called Breaking into Startups.

We spoke to Harris recently about how his company is trying to shift the demographics of the coding bootcamp industry and what that looks like.

Subscribe to the EdSurge On Air podcast on your favorite podcast app (like iTunes or Stitcher). Or read highlights from the conversation (which have been edited and condensed for clarity).

EdSurge: Coding bootcamps are often pitched as a solution to a so-called skills gap. But many students who enroll in coding bootcamps have some sort of prior academic experience. How well are coding bootcamps doing at getting people from non-traditional backgrounds into tech?

A lot of times, [universities] are able to benefit from tuition without being held accountable for getting students into a job. But coding bootcamps have only existed since 2012, and they’ve been pushed to hold themselves accountable to getting people into jobs.

Bootcamps are really good at training [non-traditional students], but they’re not very good at job search or alumni engagement. So what we’ve done is create the software layer on top of coding bootcamps that doesn’t just match you to the program, but also gives you that support system to know what the technical bar is at these programs, what the financial resources are, where housing is, what scholarships opportunities are.

It’s also valuable to connect to other people who are in it, because bootcamps are intense. It’s very psychological. Pushing through these assessments is difficult. Then even after you’re in a job, it’s helpful to connect with other people that might have been through bootcamps that are recently employed.

Do you think that coding bootcamps could be doing a better job at recruiting non-traditional students?

Yeah, I think coding bootcamps want to address as many people as possible outside of tech who want to break in. But if you think about any institution, or if you’re starting a company, attracting users is difficult. Now, most of [the coding bootcamps] either rely on Facebook ads or Google searches, or just the reputation from influencers talking about them and hoping that students fall from the sky. Figuring out how to track users is difficult, and so, to your point, a lot of these coding bootcamps reflect the demographics of the actual tech industry. It’s people that went to college, white or Asian.

But there are some examples of like things that have a completely different demographics. Foresight Academy and Hopper Academy, the majority of their cohorts are women. But to your point, most people that are in the 99 percent aren’t aware that coding bootcamps exist, which is why we created the Breaking Into Startups podcast.

How have your thoughts about the coding bootcamp industry evolved with it, especially in the last year after high-profile closures?

It’s kind of like the airlines industry, like the Wright Brothers. They proved that you can get something off the ground and get it to fly. But like there’s no Wright Brothers airline that continues to exist today. So Dev Bootcamp, they said, “Hey, I’m going to teach you how to code in three months for X amount of dollars, and we’re going to do it fast.” And they did it.

But when you do something quickly and you’re moving fast and breaking things, those things are not going to be perfect. People start improving on the model, and some of them are going to work, some of them aren’t. Some people are going to get excited, some people are going to get bought out like how General Assembly was bought but Adecco, a staffing firm. MissionU was acquired by WeWork. Flatiron School was acquired by WeWork. Now they have capabilities and vehicles to expand quickly.

If you think about education in general, like universities, those are very well endowed. They have all these resources versus coding bootcamps which don’t even have 1 percent of the resources of the entire education system. So they’re very scrappy. And they’re doing very well. But I think that we will see more consolidation. We will see more institutions popping up. We will see more improvements on the model. I will say, we’re still at the Wright Brothers phase.

So you’re pretty optimistic about these examples of like the WeWork acquisition of MissionU?

Absolutely. When people think about the coding bootcamp market, they think about the people that are currently in bootcamps, and they think about how many bootcamps exist right now. And if you think about it from the perspective of anybody that wants to learn how to code, that’s kind of like been introduced to it, but never had the follow-up for it, that couldn’t afford college, that market is massive.

Look at the people that are in Blacks Girls Code or Women in Tech that really want to learn and want to keep going to the next level. There’s a lot of amazing people that have a fervor for wanting to learn how to code, but there’s no follow-up. There’s no collaborative effort that like helps these people that are working on solutions to the same problem, to work together and move collectively, and measurably and accountability.

Where does traditional higher-ed get into this world that you’re living and working in? I think a lot of people would say today that traditional degrees are still what most employers look to.

Traditional degrees, you do learn a lot. You learn how to start something, and how to finish something. I have a degree, my co-founders have degrees. It’s valuable for us. Whether I’m going to send my kids to college or not is a question that I ask a lot of people. For me, I don’t know, because it really depends on how the university system adapts. If the university system adapts to the future, yes, I will. But in the current way, no, I wouldn’t unless I can pay for their student loans, because student loans are toxic. I think the same thing that happened with the housing crisis is going to happen with student loans, and people are going to blame college for that.

But some colleges, like Rutgers for example, is a 250 year old brand. They’ve been around for a long time, which is why I like what Trilogy is doing, which is leveraging the bootcamp brand, and powering them to have these accelerated bootcamps that are available, not just for students, but also for people in the community as well.

There’s many millions of people here that have some college and no degree, that want to take things to the next level. I think bootcamps are a great model for them, even if they don’t want to learn how to code, because there’s like all kinds of different models, that’s always higher, the sales. I think that you’re going to see the bootcamp model applied to any skill set that is necessary in the future.

Bootcamps are such a stripped down version of the computer science education, and it often lacks theory behind coding, or any sorts of GE courses, maybe courses in ethics, which more CS programs are introducing these days. Could removing those sorts of lessons perpetuate some of the diversity issues that Career Karma is tackling?

Yeah, I think that’s a valid critique. But let me push back onto a little bit. As far as ethics is concerned, there are some programs that do teach you the soft side of tech, or the soft side of people, in general, and how to use tech to not take advantage of them, but build with them in mind and make sure that they aren’t taken advantage of.

As far as the theory is concerned, to your point, people are starting to realize that three months and six months is sometimes too short. You start seeing alternatives pop up that are longer. I think the most recent example of an interview that we’re going to drop soon is 42. So 42 was started by Xavier Niel in France. It is a free school that’s graduated thousands of people, and now, they’re in Silicon Valley.

They are also a completely free school that also has housing in San Francisco, where this is like a big issue. Completely free, no strings. All you have to do is like have the motivation and dedicated to go through. To your point, there is no teachers. But it’s pure learning.

It’s interesting that you brought up 42, because for folks coming from a really traditional academic background, it can be nightmarish to think that there are no instructors, especially for students who are coming from non-traditional education backgrounds. Why do you think that that’s a good way to throw students in, and assume that they can teach themselves?

I mean, I was there. I’m very resource-driven. I don’t like to talk about things that I can’t prove. I don’t like to promote things that I haven’t seen outcomes with. I visited [42] myself last week… Students can be in this program, and they can leave at any time.

During the hackathons [at 42], people are so good that the prize is companies actually giving them internships at the end. They’re being invited into like competitions with some of the best developers all over the world. It’s amazing.

When you’re out at events, and you meet a student who wants to break into tech, and has that non-traditional background, what’s the advice that you give people for when they’re just starting out?

If you really want to do this, I got your back 100,000 percent, you just have to commit to start and finish it, and recognize that even after you break in, that that’s just the beginning, and you’re at the bottom of a new hill. Most people that make it all the way through, it’s not ’cause they’re extremely intelligent and they were born smart, it’s just because they stuck with it all the way. So if you’re willing to commit to it, so am I.

How A Podcast-Turned-Startup Is Trying to Get More Non-Traditional Students Into Tech published first on https://medium.com/@GetNewDLBusiness

[thresholdwomens]

Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money?(Can I Only Choose One?)

“It is not more spiritual to be broke or have no money”

Just a couple weeks ago, my mom & step-dad came and visited my new family here in Lake Atitlan, Guatemala.

Loving family time in the jungles!

To see our new born baby, and enjoy Christmas together. It was such a valuable visit, on so many levels.

One evening, my step-dad and I had a very revealing conversation. I first met him when I was 12, and he always shares the story of when we first met… how I shook his hand, looked him in the eyes and introduced myself. He said he’s never met anybody with as much confidence, even as adults.

He said to me:

“I really believe you can be extremely wealthy… but there’s something holding you back”

Now, my step-dad and Mom are amazing partners in business and wealth creation. They invest in real estate, and I have a lot to learn from them, when it comes to money. After all, the greatest way to create the life we want is to find the people who have done it before us, and learn from them.

This sentence he shared with me, really struck a chord so deeply.

I continued to ask myself… what is it? What is it that is holding me back?

And I found a belief that has been my biggest obstacle towards true abundance in every way. Not just in love, joy, freedom, and amazing relationships… but in money, wealth and financial abundance as well.

We are here to have BOTH

It is not more spiritual to be broke!

If money wasn’t a problem, what would you do with your time?

What would you really want to do with your life?

First of all, we could focus more on the deeper inner work that is so important for us all to do. But so many of us can’t because they “don’t have the time” (since they’re trading all their time for dollars!)

The point is –

I found this belief within myself.

That almost thought it was wrong to have money.

That thought I could only choose one… either a beautiful life and family, peace, presence and LOVE… or money, work, and my purpose.

It’s really silly when I now look at it.

But the problem is…

So many of us actually have this belief.

Especially those of us who are on the spiritual path.

And as a result, you either see people with one of the two:

1. With a lot of money, stressed, so run by their minds, often rushing and probably have poor intimate relationships or disconnected from themselves.

2. Happy! Spiritually connected. In love with life. Joyous, radiant, free spirits, travelers and adventurers. But… they don’t have much money.

Of course, there are exceptions to this, but that is rare.

So I ask you..

Do you have this belief?

Look inside.

Ask yourself.

Do you believe it is almost “more spiritual” to be disconnected from money? To push it away? To ignore it or disregard its importance?

Do you believe that “money is wrong” or “the rich are evil”?

We have so many deep-rooted beliefs around money. From our parents, and their parents… From our society, and our upbringing…

That ultimately makes SO MANY of us… have very little money.

If You Worry About or Have Little Money, Pay Attention

I’ve walked this path.

For years, I strived for money above anything else… and then got a lot of it at a young age. Which brought me to the point where I realized there is something SO much more than money. (PURPOSE)

Then, I pushed money away, and made my life all about spirituality, discovering my True Purpose and cultivating the deepest JOY possible.

Now… I realize, it’s NOT “one or the other”.

It’s not Joy OR money.

It’s not Spirituality OR financial abundance.

It’s not an amazing family life OR my creation in the world.

We can have both!

We are MEANT to have both!

And I finally realize this… after my step-dad shared with me that life-changing sentance, one fateful night…

So This Message Goes To Those of You:

Who…

– Either constantly chase money

– Or constantly push it away, and as a result have very little of it

The question I have for you, is:

Do you really want one over the other?

Or do you believe that you can be HAPPY and ABUNDANT?

This is what true spirituality is about!

Look At Our Karma

We were born in the Western World.

We were born into a society that is driven by money and finances.

If we wanted to make life all about Spirituality, we would have incarnated in the East.

But we didn’t choose that. Our souls CHOSE to incarnate in the West. And there is a collective, national karma that we share.

For example, someone born in Zimbabwe has very different national karma than we do as someone born in North America. (the western mindset)

We are not here to AVOID the world and money… we are here to master it! AND master the True Self.

This is how we give our greatest gifts to the world!

This is how we make a difference in the world!

Because it’s finally time that those who live by the Rules of the Heart… lead our planet!

Imagine what changes we could make, as people who want to make a better world, for all of us. And the people who control the world based on a desire for money and power… are over-ruled.

Bold statements.

But an inevitability.

It’s time we OWN our power. Our gifts. And say YES to money. And the bigger picture, of creating a better world for all of us.

Really Sit With This

Really sit with all that I’ve shared with you here.

Without knowing it, these programs played in the background of my life.

What programs or beliefs about money do you have, that may be stopping you from receiving it?

This is the key.

And I want to help as many of us WAKE UP. So we can be ABUNDANT and happy. Wealthy… AND on Purpose! Peaceful… AND receive a lot of money!

Now, I am working on something so amazing beyond words, that is designed and intended to make this very vision a reality for as many of us possible.

I call it:

A Bold Public Experiment In Communal Wealth Creation

Click here to know more!

SO grateful for this journey together!

With SO much love, here’s to the BEST year of our LIVES, Trinity, Infinity & Baby AvaSanika ~ Your Soul Family

The post Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money? (Can I Only Choose One?) appeared first on Ayahuasca Healings.

from Ayahuasca Healings http://ift.tt/2CKuEtr

[woodlanereserve]

Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money?(Can I Only Choose One?)

“It is not more spiritual to be broke or have no money”

Just a couple weeks ago, my mom & step-dad came and visited my new family here in Lake Atitlan, Guatemala.

Loving family time in the jungles!

To see our new born baby, and enjoy Christmas together. It was such a valuable visit, on so many levels.

One evening, my step-dad and I had a very revealing conversation. I first met him when I was 12, and he always shares the story of when we first met… how I shook his hand, looked him in the eyes and introduced myself. He said he’s never met anybody with as much confidence, even as adults.

He said to me:

“I really believe you can be extremely wealthy… but there’s something holding you back”

Now, my step-dad and Mom are amazing partners in business and wealth creation. They invest in real estate, and I have a lot to learn from them, when it comes to money. After all, the greatest way to create the life we want is to find the people who have done it before us, and learn from them.

This sentence he shared with me, really struck a chord so deeply.

I continued to ask myself… what is it? What is it that is holding me back?

And I found a belief that has been my biggest obstacle towards true abundance in every way. Not just in love, joy, freedom, and amazing relationships… but in money, wealth and financial abundance as well.

We are here to have BOTH

It is not more spiritual to be broke!

If money wasn’t a problem, what would you do with your time?

What would you really want to do with your life?

First of all, we could focus more on the deeper inner work that is so important for us all to do. But so many of us can’t because they “don’t have the time” (since they’re trading all their time for dollars!)

The point is –

I found this belief within myself.

That almost thought it was wrong to have money.

That thought I could only choose one… either a beautiful life and family, peace, presence and LOVE… or money, work, and my purpose.

It’s really silly when I now look at it.

But the problem is…

So many of us actually have this belief.

Especially those of us who are on the spiritual path.

And as a result, you either see people with one of the two:

1. With a lot of money, stressed, so run by their minds, often rushing and probably have poor intimate relationships or disconnected from themselves.

2. Happy! Spiritually connected. In love with life. Joyous, radiant, free spirits, travelers and adventurers. But… they don’t have much money.

Of course, there are exceptions to this, but that is rare.

So I ask you..

Do you have this belief?

Look inside.

Ask yourself.

Do you believe it is almost “more spiritual” to be disconnected from money? To push it away? To ignore it or disregard its importance?

Do you believe that “money is wrong” or “the rich are evil”?

We have so many deep-rooted beliefs around money. From our parents, and their parents… From our society, and our upbringing…

That ultimately makes SO MANY of us… have very little money.

If You Worry About or Have Little Money, Pay Attention

I’ve walked this path.

For years, I strived for money above anything else… and then got a lot of it at a young age. Which brought me to the point where I realized there is something SO much more than money. (PURPOSE)

Then, I pushed money away, and made my life all about spirituality, discovering my True Purpose and cultivating the deepest JOY possible.

Now… I realize, it’s NOT “one or the other”.

It’s not Joy OR money.

It’s not Spirituality OR financial abundance.

It’s not an amazing family life OR my creation in the world.

We can have both!

We are MEANT to have both!

And I finally realize this… after my step-dad shared with me that life-changing sentance, one fateful night…

So This Message Goes To Those of You:

Who…

– Either constantly chase money

– Or constantly push it away, and as a result have very little of it

The question I have for you, is:

Do you really want one over the other?

Or do you believe that you can be HAPPY and ABUNDANT?

This is what true spirituality is about!

Look At Our Karma

We were born in the Western World.

We were born into a society that is driven by money and finances.

If we wanted to make life all about Spirituality, we would have incarnated in the East.

But we didn’t choose that. Our souls CHOSE to incarnate in the West. And there is a collective, national karma that we share.

For example, someone born in Zimbabwe has very different national karma than we do as someone born in North America. (the western mindset)

We are not here to AVOID the world and money… we are here to master it! AND master the True Self.

This is how we give our greatest gifts to the world!

This is how we make a difference in the world!

Because it’s finally time that those who live by the Rules of the Heart… lead our planet!

Imagine what changes we could make, as people who want to make a better world, for all of us. And the people who control the world based on a desire for money and power… are over-ruled.

Bold statements.

But an inevitability.

It’s time we OWN our power. Our gifts. And say YES to money. And the bigger picture, of creating a better world for all of us.

Really Sit With This

Really sit with all that I’ve shared with you here.

Without knowing it, these programs played in the background of my life.

What programs or beliefs about money do you have, that may be stopping you from receiving it?

This is the key.

And I want to help as many of us WAKE UP. So we can be ABUNDANT and happy. Wealthy… AND on Purpose! Peaceful… AND receive a lot of money!

Now, I am working on something so amazing beyond words, that is designed and intended to make this very vision a reality for as many of us possible.

I call it:

A Bold Public Experiment In Communal Wealth Creation

Click here to know more!

SO grateful for this journey together!

With SO much love, here’s to the BEST year of our LIVES, Trinity, Infinity & Baby AvaSanika ~ Your Soul Family

The post Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money? (Can I Only Choose One?) appeared first on Ayahuasca Healings.

from Ayahuasca Healings http://ift.tt/2CKuEtr

[erie-anime-experience]

Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money?(Can I Only Choose One?)

“It is not more spiritual to be broke or have no money”

Just a couple weeks ago, my mom & step-dad came and visited my new family here in Lake Atitlan, Guatemala.

Loving family time in the jungles!

To see our new born baby, and enjoy Christmas together. It was such a valuable visit, on so many levels.

One evening, my step-dad and I had a very revealing conversation. I first met him when I was 12, and he always shares the story of when we first met… how I shook his hand, looked him in the eyes and introduced myself. He said he’s never met anybody with as much confidence, even as adults.

He said to me:

“I really believe you can be extremely wealthy… but there’s something holding you back”

Now, my step-dad and Mom are amazing partners in business and wealth creation. They invest in real estate, and I have a lot to learn from them, when it comes to money. After all, the greatest way to create the life we want is to find the people who have done it before us, and learn from them.

This sentence he shared with me, really struck a chord so deeply.

I continued to ask myself… what is it? What is it that is holding me back?

And I found a belief that has been my biggest obstacle towards true abundance in every way. Not just in love, joy, freedom, and amazing relationships… but in money, wealth and financial abundance as well.

We are here to have BOTH

It is not more spiritual to be broke!

If money wasn’t a problem, what would you do with your time?

What would you really want to do with your life?

First of all, we could focus more on the deeper inner work that is so important for us all to do. But so many of us can’t because they “don’t have the time” (since they’re trading all their time for dollars!)

The point is –

I found this belief within myself.

That almost thought it was wrong to have money.

That thought I could only choose one… either a beautiful life and family, peace, presence and LOVE… or money, work, and my purpose.

It’s really silly when I now look at it.

But the problem is…

So many of us actually have this belief.

Especially those of us who are on the spiritual path.

And as a result, you either see people with one of the two:

1. With a lot of money, stressed, so run by their minds, often rushing and probably have poor intimate relationships or disconnected from themselves.

2. Happy! Spiritually connected. In love with life. Joyous, radiant, free spirits, travelers and adventurers. But… they don’t have much money.

Of course, there are exceptions to this, but that is rare.

So I ask you..

Do you have this belief?

Look inside.

Ask yourself.

Do you believe it is almost “more spiritual” to be disconnected from money? To push it away? To ignore it or disregard its importance?

Do you believe that “money is wrong” or “the rich are evil”?

We have so many deep-rooted beliefs around money. From our parents, and their parents… From our society, and our upbringing…

That ultimately makes SO MANY of us… have very little money.

If You Worry About or Have Little Money, Pay Attention

I’ve walked this path.

For years, I strived for money above anything else… and then got a lot of it at a young age. Which brought me to the point where I realized there is something SO much more than money. (PURPOSE)

Then, I pushed money away, and made my life all about spirituality, discovering my True Purpose and cultivating the deepest JOY possible.

Now… I realize, it’s NOT “one or the other”.

It’s not Joy OR money.

It’s not Spirituality OR financial abundance.

It’s not an amazing family life OR my creation in the world.

We can have both!

We are MEANT to have both!

And I finally realize this… after my step-dad shared with me that life-changing sentance, one fateful night…

So This Message Goes To Those of You:

Who…

– Either constantly chase money

– Or constantly push it away, and as a result have very little of it

The question I have for you, is:

Do you really want one over the other?

Or do you believe that you can be HAPPY and ABUNDANT?

This is what true spirituality is about!

Look At Our Karma

We were born in the Western World.

We were born into a society that is driven by money and finances.

If we wanted to make life all about Spirituality, we would have incarnated in the East.

But we didn’t choose that. Our souls CHOSE to incarnate in the West. And there is a collective, national karma that we share.

For example, someone born in Zimbabwe has very different national karma than we do as someone born in North America. (the western mindset)

We are not here to AVOID the world and money… we are here to master it! AND master the True Self.

This is how we give our greatest gifts to the world!

This is how we make a difference in the world!

Because it’s finally time that those who live by the Rules of the Heart… lead our planet!

Imagine what changes we could make, as people who want to make a better world, for all of us. And the people who control the world based on a desire for money and power… are over-ruled.

Bold statements.

But an inevitability.

It’s time we OWN our power. Our gifts. And say YES to money. And the bigger picture, of creating a better world for all of us.

Really Sit With This

Really sit with all that I’ve shared with you here.

Without knowing it, these programs played in the background of my life.

What programs or beliefs about money do you have, that may be stopping you from receiving it?

This is the key.

And I want to help as many of us WAKE UP. So we can be ABUNDANT and happy. Wealthy… AND on Purpose! Peaceful… AND receive a lot of money!

Now, I am working on something so amazing beyond words, that is designed and intended to make this very vision a reality for as many of us possible.

I call it:

A Bold Public Experiment In Communal Wealth Creation

Click here to know more!

SO grateful for this journey together!

With SO much love, here’s to the BEST year of our LIVES, Trinity, Infinity & Baby AvaSanika ~ Your Soul Family

The post Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money? (Can I Only Choose One?) appeared first on Ayahuasca Healings.

from Ayahuasca Healings http://ift.tt/2CKuEtr

[officialtaxdayteaparty]

Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money?(Can I Only Choose One?)

“It is not more spiritual to be broke or have no money”

Just a couple weeks ago, my mom & step-dad came and visited my new family here in Lake Atitlan, Guatemala.

Loving family time in the jungles!

To see our new born baby, and enjoy Christmas together. It was such a valuable visit, on so many levels.

One evening, my step-dad and I had a very revealing conversation. I first met him when I was 12, and he always shares the story of when we first met… how I shook his hand, looked him in the eyes and introduced myself. He said he’s never met anybody with as much confidence, even as adults.

He said to me:

“I really believe you can be extremely wealthy… but there’s something holding you back”

Now, my step-dad and Mom are amazing partners in business and wealth creation. They invest in real estate, and I have a lot to learn from them, when it comes to money. After all, the greatest way to create the life we want is to find the people who have done it before us, and learn from them.

This sentence he shared with me, really struck a chord so deeply.

I continued to ask myself… what is it? What is it that is holding me back?

And I found a belief that has been my biggest obstacle towards true abundance in every way. Not just in love, joy, freedom, and amazing relationships… but in money, wealth and financial abundance as well.

We are here to have BOTH

It is not more spiritual to be broke!

If money wasn’t a problem, what would you do with your time?

What would you really want to do with your life?

First of all, we could focus more on the deeper inner work that is so important for us all to do. But so many of us can’t because they “don’t have the time” (since they’re trading all their time for dollars!)

The point is –

I found this belief within myself.

That almost thought it was wrong to have money.

That thought I could only choose one… either a beautiful life and family, peace, presence and LOVE… or money, work, and my purpose.

It’s really silly when I now look at it.

But the problem is…

So many of us actually have this belief.

Especially those of us who are on the spiritual path.

And as a result, you either see people with one of the two:

1. With a lot of money, stressed, so run by their minds, often rushing and probably have poor intimate relationships or disconnected from themselves.

2. Happy! Spiritually connected. In love with life. Joyous, radiant, free spirits, travelers and adventurers. But… they don’t have much money.

Of course, there are exceptions to this, but that is rare.

So I ask you..

Do you have this belief?

Look inside.

Ask yourself.

Do you believe it is almost “more spiritual” to be disconnected from money? To push it away? To ignore it or disregard its importance?

Do you believe that “money is wrong” or “the rich are evil”?

We have so many deep-rooted beliefs around money. From our parents, and their parents… From our society, and our upbringing…

That ultimately makes SO MANY of us… have very little money.

If You Worry About or Have Little Money, Pay Attention

I’ve walked this path.

For years, I strived for money above anything else… and then got a lot of it at a young age. Which brought me to the point where I realized there is something SO much more than money. (PURPOSE)

Then, I pushed money away, and made my life all about spirituality, discovering my True Purpose and cultivating the deepest JOY possible.

Now… I realize, it’s NOT “one or the other”.

It’s not Joy OR money.

It’s not Spirituality OR financial abundance.

It’s not an amazing family life OR my creation in the world.

We can have both!

We are MEANT to have both!

And I finally realize this… after my step-dad shared with me that life-changing sentance, one fateful night…

So This Message Goes To Those of You:

Who…

– Either constantly chase money

– Or constantly push it away, and as a result have very little of it

The question I have for you, is:

Do you really want one over the other?

Or do you believe that you can be HAPPY and ABUNDANT?

This is what true spirituality is about!

Look At Our Karma

We were born in the Western World.

We were born into a society that is driven by money and finances.

If we wanted to make life all about Spirituality, we would have incarnated in the East.

But we didn’t choose that. Our souls CHOSE to incarnate in the West. And there is a collective, national karma that we share.

For example, someone born in Zimbabwe has very different national karma than we do as someone born in North America. (the western mindset)

We are not here to AVOID the world and money… we are here to master it! AND master the True Self.

This is how we give our greatest gifts to the world!

This is how we make a difference in the world!

Because it’s finally time that those who live by the Rules of the Heart… lead our planet!

Imagine what changes we could make, as people who want to make a better world, for all of us. And the people who control the world based on a desire for money and power… are over-ruled.

Bold statements.

But an inevitability.

It’s time we OWN our power. Our gifts. And say YES to money. And the bigger picture, of creating a better world for all of us.

Really Sit With This

Really sit with all that I’ve shared with you here.

Without knowing it, these programs played in the background of my life.

What programs or beliefs about money do you have, that may be stopping you from receiving it?

This is the key.

And I want to help as many of us WAKE UP. So we can be ABUNDANT and happy. Wealthy… AND on Purpose! Peaceful… AND receive a lot of money!

Now, I am working on something so amazing beyond words, that is designed and intended to make this very vision a reality for as many of us possible.

I call it:

A Bold Public Experiment In Communal Wealth Creation

Click here to know more!

SO grateful for this journey together!

With SO much love, here’s to the BEST year of our LIVES, Trinity, Infinity & Baby AvaSanika ~ Your Soul Family

The post Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money? (Can I Only Choose One?) appeared first on Ayahuasca Healings.

from Ayahuasca Healings https://ayahuascahealings.com/love-or-wealth-spirituality-or-money/

[regionouestt]

Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money?(Can I Only Choose One?)

“It is not more spiritual to be broke or have no money”

Just a couple weeks ago, my mom & step-dad came and visited my new family here in Lake Atitlan, Guatemala.

Loving family time in the jungles!

To see our new born baby, and enjoy Christmas together. It was such a valuable visit, on so many levels.

One evening, my step-dad and I had a very revealing conversation. I first met him when I was 12, and he always shares the story of when we first met… how I shook his hand, looked him in the eyes and introduced myself. He said he’s never met anybody with as much confidence, even as adults.

He said to me:

“I really believe you can be extremely wealthy… but there’s something holding you back”

Now, my step-dad and Mom are amazing partners in business and wealth creation. They invest in real estate, and I have a lot to learn from them, when it comes to money. After all, the greatest way to create the life we want is to find the people who have done it before us, and learn from them.

This sentence he shared with me, really struck a chord so deeply.

I continued to ask myself… what is it? What is it that is holding me back?

And I found a belief that has been my biggest obstacle towards true abundance in every way. Not just in love, joy, freedom, and amazing relationships… but in money, wealth and financial abundance as well.

We are here to have BOTH

It is not more spiritual to be broke!

If money wasn’t a problem, what would you do with your time?

What would you really want to do with your life?

First of all, we could focus more on the deeper inner work that is so important for us all to do. But so many of us can’t because they “don’t have the time” (since they’re trading all their time for dollars!)

The point is –

I found this belief within myself.

That almost thought it was wrong to have money.

That thought I could only choose one… either a beautiful life and family, peace, presence and LOVE… or money, work, and my purpose.

It’s really silly when I now look at it.

But the problem is…

So many of us actually have this belief.

Especially those of us who are on the spiritual path.

And as a result, you either see people with one of the two:

1. With a lot of money, stressed, so run by their minds, often rushing and probably have poor intimate relationships or disconnected from themselves.

2. Happy! Spiritually connected. In love with life. Joyous, radiant, free spirits, travelers and adventurers. But… they don’t have much money.

Of course, there are exceptions to this, but that is rare.

So I ask you..

Do you have this belief?

Look inside.

Ask yourself.

Do you believe it is almost “more spiritual” to be disconnected from money? To push it away? To ignore it or disregard its importance?

Do you believe that “money is wrong” or “the rich are evil”?

We have so many deep-rooted beliefs around money. From our parents, and their parents… From our society, and our upbringing…

That ultimately makes SO MANY of us… have very little money.

If You Worry About or Have Little Money, Pay Attention

I’ve walked this path.

For years, I strived for money above anything else… and then got a lot of it at a young age. Which brought me to the point where I realized there is something SO much more than money. (PURPOSE)

Then, I pushed money away, and made my life all about spirituality, discovering my True Purpose and cultivating the deepest JOY possible.

Now… I realize, it’s NOT “one or the other”.

It’s not Joy OR money.

It’s not Spirituality OR financial abundance.

It’s not an amazing family life OR my creation in the world.

We can have both!

We are MEANT to have both!

And I finally realize this… after my step-dad shared with me that life-changing sentance, one fateful night…

So This Message Goes To Those of You:

Who…

– Either constantly chase money

– Or constantly push it away, and as a result have very little of it

The question I have for you, is:

Do you really want one over the other?

Or do you believe that you can be HAPPY and ABUNDANT?

This is what true spirituality is about!

Look At Our Karma

We were born in the Western World.

We were born into a society that is driven by money and finances.

If we wanted to make life all about Spirituality, we would have incarnated in the East.

But we didn’t choose that. Our souls CHOSE to incarnate in the West. And there is a collective, national karma that we share.

For example, someone born in Zimbabwe has very different national karma than we do as someone born in North America. (the western mindset)

We are not here to AVOID the world and money… we are here to master it! AND master the True Self.

This is how we give our greatest gifts to the world!

This is how we make a difference in the world!

Because it’s finally time that those who live by the Rules of the Heart… lead our planet!

Imagine what changes we could make, as people who want to make a better world, for all of us. And the people who control the world based on a desire for money and power… are over-ruled.

Bold statements.

But an inevitability.

It’s time we OWN our power. Our gifts. And say YES to money. And the bigger picture, of creating a better world for all of us.

Really Sit With This

Really sit with all that I’ve shared with you here.

Without knowing it, these programs played in the background of my life.

What programs or beliefs about money do you have, that may be stopping you from receiving it?

This is the key.

And I want to help as many of us WAKE UP. So we can be ABUNDANT and happy. Wealthy… AND on Purpose! Peaceful… AND receive a lot of money!

Now, I am working on something so amazing beyond words, that is designed and intended to make this very vision a reality for as many of us possible.

I call it:

A Bold Public Experiment In Communal Wealth Creation

Click here to know more!

SO grateful for this journey together!

With SO much love, here’s to the BEST year of our LIVES, Trinity, Infinity & Baby AvaSanika ~ Your Soul Family

The post Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money? (Can I Only Choose One?) appeared first on Ayahuasca Healings.

from Ayahuasca Healings http://ift.tt/2CKuEtr

[potawatomilang]

Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money?(Can I Only Choose One?)

“It is not more spiritual to be broke or have no money”

Just a couple weeks ago, my parents came and visited my family here in Lake Atitlan, Guatemala.

Gotta love family time in the jungles of Guatemala!

To see our new born baby, and enjoy Christmas together, it was such a valuable visit, on so many levels.

One evening, my step-dad and I had a very revealing conversation. I first met him when I was 12, and he always shares the story of when we first met… how I shook his hand, looked him in the eyes and introduced myself. He said he’s never met anybody with as much confidence, even as adults.

He said to me:

“I really believe you can be extremely wealthy… but there’s something holding you back”

Now, my step-dad and Mom are amazing partners in business and wealth creation. They invest in real estate, and I have a lot to learn from them, when it comes to money. After all, the greatest way to create the life we want is to find the people who have done it before us, and learn from them.

This sentence he shared with me, really struck a chord so deeply.

I continued to ask myself… what is it? What is it that is holding me back?

And I found a belief that has been my biggest obstacle towards true abundance in every way. Not just in love, joy, freedom, and amazing relationships… but in money, wealth and financial abundance as well.

We are here to have BOTH

It is not more spiritual to be broke!

If money wasn’t a problem, what would you do with your time?

What would you really want to do with your life?

First of all, we could focus more on the deeper inner work that is so important for us all to do. But so many of us can’t because they “don’t have the time” (since they’re trading all their time for dollars!)

The point is –

I found this belief within myself.

That almost thought it was wrong to have money.

That thought I could only choose one… either a beautiful life and family, peace, presence and LOVE… or money, work, and my purpose.

It’s really silly when I now look at it.

But the problem is…

So many of us actually have this belief.

Especially those of us who are on the spiritual path.

And as a result, you either see people with one of the two:

1. With a lot of money, stressed, so run by their minds, often rushing and probably have poor intimate relationships or disconnected from themselves.

2. Happy! Spiritually connected. In love with life. Joyous, radiant, free spirits, travelers and adventurers. But… they don’t have much money.

Of course, there are exceptions to this, but that is rare.

So I ask you..

Do you have this belief?

Look inside.

Ask yourself.

Do you believe it is almost “more spiritual” to be disconnected from money? To push it away? To ignore it or disregard its importance?

Do you believe that “money is wrong” or “the rich are evil”?

We have so many deep-rooted beliefs around money. From our parents, and their parents… From our society, and our upbringing…

That ultimately makes SO MANY of us… have very little money.

If You Worry About or Have Little Money, Pay Attention

I’ve walked this path.

For years, I strived for money above anything else… and then got a lot of it at a young age. Which brought me to the point where I realized there is something SO much more than money. (PURPOSE)

Then, I pushed money away, and made my life all about spirituality, discovering my True Purpose and cultivating the deepest JOY possible.

Now… I realize, it’s NOT “one or the other”.

It’s not Joy OR money.

It’s not Spirituality OR financial abundance.

It’s not an amazing family life OR my creation in the world.

We can have both!

We are MEANT to have both!

And I finally realize this… after my step-dad shared with me that life-changing sentance, one fateful night…

So This Message Goes To Those of You:

Who…

– Either constantly chase money

– Or constantly push it away, and as a result have very little of it

The question I have for you, is:

Do you really want one over the other?

Or do you believe that you can be HAPPY and ABUNDANT?

This is what true spirituality is about!

Look At Our Karma

We were born in the Western World.

We were born into a society that is driven by money and finances.

If we wanted to make life all about Spirituality, we would have incarnated in the East.

But we didn’t choose that. Our souls CHOSE to incarnate in the West. And there is a collective, national karma that we share.

For example, someone born in Zimbabwe has very different national karma than we do as someone born in North America. (the western mindset)

We are not here to AVOID the world and money… we are here to master it! AND master the True Self.

This is how we give our greatest gifts to the world!

This is how we make a difference in the world!

Because it’s finally time that those who live by the Rules of the Heart… lead our planet!

Imagine what changes we could make, as people who want to make a better world, for all of us. And the people who control the world based on a desire for money and power… are over-ruled.

Bold statements.

But an inevitability.

It’s time we OWN our power. Our gifts. And say YES to money. And the bigger picture, of creating a better world for all of us.

Really Sit With This

Really sit with all that I’ve shared with you here.

Without knowing it, these programs played in the background of my life.

What programs or beliefs about money do you have, that may be stopping you from receiving it?

This is the key.

And I want to help as many of us WAKE UP. So we can be ABUNDANT and happy. Wealthy… AND on Purpose! Peaceful… AND receive a lot of money!

Now, I am working on something so amazing beyond words, that is designed and intended to make this very vision a reality for as many of us possible.

I call it:

A Bold Public Experiment In Communal Wealth Creation

Click here to know more!

SO grateful for this journey together!

With SO much love, here’s to the BEST year of our LIVES, Trinity, Infinity & Baby AvaSanika ~ Your Soul Family

The post Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money? (Can I Only Choose One?) appeared first on Ayahuasca Healings.

from Ayahuasca Healings https://ayahuascahealings.com/love-or-wealth-spirituality-or-money/

[woodlanereserved]

Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money? (Can I Only Choose One?)

“It is not more spiritual to be broke or have no money”

Just a couple weeks ago, my parents came and visited my family here in Lake Atitlan, Guatemala.

Gotta love family time in the jungles of Guatemala!

To see our new born baby, and enjoy Christmas together, it was such a valuable visit, on so many levels.

One evening, my step-dad and I had a very revealing conversation. I first met him when I was 12, and he always shares the story of when we first met… how I shook his hand, looked him in the eyes and introduced myself. He said he’s never met anybody with as much confidence, even as adults.

He said to me:

“I really believe you can be extremely wealthy… but there’s something holding you back”

Now, my step-dad and Mom are amazing partners in business and wealth creation. They invest in real estate, and I have a lot to learn from them, when it comes to money. After all, the greatest way to create the life we want is to find the people who have done it before us, and learn from them.

This sentence he shared with me, really struck a chord so deeply.

I continued to ask myself… what is it? What is it that is holding me back?

And I found a belief that has been my biggest obstacle towards true abundance in every way. Not just in love, joy, freedom, and amazing relationships… but in money, wealth and financial abundance as well.

We are here to have BOTH

It is not more spiritual to be broke!

If money wasn’t a problem, what would you do with your time?

What would you really want to do with your life?

First of all, we could focus more on the deeper inner work that is so important for us all to do. But so many of us can’t because they “don’t have the time” (since they’re trading all their time for dollars!)

The point is –

I found this belief within myself.

That almost thought it was wrong to have money.

That thought I could only choose one… either a beautiful life and family, peace, presence and LOVE… or money, work, and my purpose.

It’s really silly when I now look at it.

But the problem is…

So many of us actually have this belief.

Especially those of us who are on the spiritual path.

And as a result, you either see people with one of the two:

1. With a lot of money, stressed, so run by their minds, often rushing and probably have poor intimate relationships or disconnected from themselves.

2. Happy! Spiritually connected. In love with life. Joyous, radiant, free spirits, travelers and adventurers. But… they don’t have much money.

Of course, there are exceptions to this, but that is rare.

So I ask you..

Do you have this belief?

Look inside.

Ask yourself.

Do you believe it is almost “more spiritual” to be disconnected from money? To push it away? To ignore it or disregard its importance?

Do you believe that “money is wrong” or “the rich are evil”?

We have so many deep-rooted beliefs around money. From our parents, and their parents… From our society, and our upbringing…

That ultimately makes SO MANY of us… have very little money.

If You Worry About or Have Little Money, Pay Attention

I’ve walked this path.

For years, I strived for money above anything else… and then got a lot of it at a young age. Which brought me to the point where I realized there is something SO much more than money. (PURPOSE)

Then, I pushed money away, and made my life all about spirituality, discovering my True Purpose and cultivating the deepest JOY possible.

Now… I realize, it’s NOT “one or the other”.

It’s not Joy OR money.

It’s not Spirituality OR financial abundance.

It’s not an amazing family life OR my creation in the world.

We can have both!

We are MEANT to have both!

And I finally realize this… after my step-dad shared with me that life-changing sentance, one fateful night…

So This Message Goes To Those of You:

Who…

– Either constantly chase money

– Or constantly push it away, and as a result have very little of it

The question I have for you, is:

Do you really want one over the other?

Or do you believe that you can be HAPPY and ABUNDANT?

This is what true spirituality is about!

Look At Our Karma

We were born in the Western World.

We were born into a society that is driven by money and finances.

If we wanted to make life all about Spirituality, we would have incarnated in the East.

But we didn’t choose that. Our souls CHOSE to incarnate in the West. And there is a collective, national karma that we share.

For example, someone born in Zimbabwe has very different national karma than we do as someone born in North America. (the western mindset)

We are not here to AVOID the world and money… we are here to master it! AND master the True Self.

This is how we give our greatest gifts to the world!

This is how we make a difference in the world!

Because it’s finally time that those who live by the Rules of the Heart… lead our planet!

Imagine what changes we could make, as people who want to make a better world, for all of us. And the people who control the world based on a desire for money and power… are over-ruled.

Bold statements.

But an inevitability.

It’s time we OWN our power. Our gifts. And say YES to money. And the bigger picture, of creating a better world for all of us.

Really Sit With This

Really sit with all that I’ve shared with you here.

Without knowing it, these programs played in the background of my life.

What programs or beliefs about money do you have, that may be stopping you from receiving it?

This is the key.

And I want to help as many of us WAKE UP. So we can be ABUNDANT and happy. Wealthy… AND on Purpose! Peaceful… AND receive a lot of money!

Now, I am working on something so amazing beyond words, that is designed and intended to make this very vision a reality for as many of us possible.

I call it:

A Bold Public Experiment In Communal Wealth Creation

Click here to know more!

SO grateful for this journey together!

With SO much love, here’s to the BEST year of our LIVES, Trinity, Infinity & Baby AvaSanika ~ Your Soul Family

The post Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money? (Can I Only Choose One?) appeared first on Ayahuasca Healings.

from Ayahuasca Healings http://ift.tt/2m4AD26

[regionouest]

Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money? (Can I Only Choose One?)

“It is not more spiritual to be broke or have no money”

Just a couple weeks ago, my parents came and visited my family here in Lake Atitlan, Guatemala.

Gotta love family time in the jungles of Guatemala!

To see our new born baby, and enjoy Christmas together, it was such a valuable visit, on so many levels.

One evening, my step-dad and I had a very revealing conversation. I first met him when I was 12, and he always shares the story of when we first met… how I shook his hand, looked him in the eyes and introduced myself. He said he’s never met anybody with as much confidence, even as adults.

He said to me:

“I really believe you can be extremely wealthy… but there’s something holding you back”

Now, my step-dad and Mom are amazing partners in business and wealth creation. They invest in real estate, and I have a lot to learn from them, when it comes to money. After all, the greatest way to create the life we want is to find the people who have done it before us, and learn from them.

This sentence he shared with me, really struck a chord so deeply.

I continued to ask myself… what is it? What is it that is holding me back?

And I found a belief that has been my biggest obstacle towards true abundance in every way. Not just in love, joy, freedom, and amazing relationships… but in money, wealth and financial abundance as well.

We are here to have BOTH

It is not more spiritual to be broke!

If money wasn’t a problem, what would you do with your time?

What would you really want to do with your life?

First of all, we could focus more on the deeper inner work that is so important for us all to do. But so many of us can’t because they “don’t have the time” (since they’re trading all their time for dollars!)

The point is –

I found this belief within myself.

That almost thought it was wrong to have money.

That thought I could only choose one… either a beautiful life and family, peace, presence and LOVE… or money, work, and my purpose.

It’s really silly when I now look at it.

But the problem is…

So many of us actually have this belief.

Especially those of us who are on the spiritual path.

And as a result, you either see people with one of the two:

1. With a lot of money, stressed, so run by their minds, often rushing and probably have poor intimate relationships or disconnected from themselves.

2. Happy! Spiritually connected. In love with life. Joyous, radiant, free spirits, travelers and adventurers. But… they don’t have much money.

Of course, there are exceptions to this, but that is rare.

So I ask you..

Do you have this belief?

Look inside.

Ask yourself.

Do you believe it is almost “more spiritual” to be disconnected from money? To push it away? To ignore it or disregard its importance?

Do you believe that “money is wrong” or “the rich are evil”?

We have so many deep-rooted beliefs around money. From our parents, and their parents… From our society, and our upbringing…

That ultimately makes SO MANY of us… have very little money.

If You Worry About or Have Little Money, Pay Attention

I’ve walked this path.

For years, I strived for money above anything else… and then got a lot of it at a young age. Which brought me to the point where I realized there is something SO much more than money. (PURPOSE)

Then, I pushed money away, and made my life all about spirituality, discovering my True Purpose and cultivating the deepest JOY possible.

Now… I realize, it’s NOT “one or the other”.

It’s not Joy OR money.

It’s not Spirituality OR financial abundance.

It’s not an amazing family life OR my creation in the world.

We can have both!

We are MEANT to have both!

And I finally realize this… after my step-dad shared with me that life-changing sentance, one fateful night…

So This Message Goes To Those of You:

Who…

– Either constantly chase money

– Or constantly push it away, and as a result have very little of it

The question I have for you, is:

Do you really want one over the other?

Or do you believe that you can be HAPPY and ABUNDANT?

This is what true spirituality is about!

Look At Our Karma

We were born in the Western World.

We were born into a society that is driven by money and finances.

If we wanted to make life all about Spirituality, we would have incarnated in the East.

But we didn’t choose that. Our souls CHOSE to incarnate in the West. And there is a collective, national karma that we share.

For example, someone born in Zimbabwe has very different national karma than we do as someone born in North America. (the western mindset)

We are not here to AVOID the world and money… we are here to master it! AND master the True Self.

This is how we give our greatest gifts to the world!

This is how we make a difference in the world!

Because it’s finally time that those who live by the Rules of the Heart… lead our planet!

Imagine what changes we could make, as people who want to make a better world, for all of us. And the people who control the world based on a desire for money and power… are over-ruled.

Bold statements.

But an inevitability.

It’s time we OWN our power. Our gifts. And say YES to money. And the bigger picture, of creating a better world for all of us.

Really Sit With This

Really sit with all that I’ve shared with you here.

Without knowing it, these programs played in the background of my life.

What programs or beliefs about money do you have, that may be stopping you from receiving it?

This is the key.

And I want to help as many of us WAKE UP. So we can be ABUNDANT and happy. Wealthy… AND on Purpose! Peaceful… AND receive a lot of money!

Now, I am working on something so amazing beyond words, that is designed and intended to make this very vision a reality for as many of us possible.

I call it:

A Bold Public Experiment In Communal Wealth Creation

Click here to know more!

SO grateful for this journey together!

With SO much love, here’s to the BEST year of our LIVES, Trinity, Infinity & Baby AvaSanika ~ Your Soul Family

The post Love or Wealth? Spirituality or Money? (Can I Only Choose One?) appeared first on Ayahuasca Healings.

from Ayahuasca Healings http://ift.tt/2m4AD26