#and especially this song being sung in a lower register makes it even more painful with the whole queer identity

[finexbright]

hey funny random question how do you feel about All This Time and why

you've done it now 😭😭 it's just how much that song shows that it really is all about love and friendship and community at the end of the day. how no matter what you're doing, how you're doing, love is something that will heal you. i think in moments of those low feelings where you feel a bit hopeless and lost and adrift, you turn to love and hope it holds you together and it really really does. it's about community and how much it matters to have your people, a group of people who will love you through it all, through all your changes and transformations and actually be with you through that process rather than not recognising the new/different version of you, but instead these are the people who will understand you and grow with you.

and he talks about that understanding and how some people just see you and know you, the real you, true you. and the queerness of it all and how the lyric "our eyes meet, and i can tell that you're the same as me" directly parallels with the lyric "it was there, i saw it in her eyes" from home which is another queer anthem. and it's about recognising your own and sharing this community and understanding just through your eyes and expressions rather than words. and then he says "we see ourselves through walls of trees" that means that we built all these layers around ourselves to protect ourselves and our identities from those who won't understand us and find familiarity in the people who can get past that but also walls of trees can represent the layers and multitudes of being queer and queer culture in general.

and like the lyric about "just have patience, it's not how you spend the time, it's if you waste it" and how it's about wasted love and lost time and opportunity (please don't make me elaborate on this i will actually break). and "it's late now, i'm trynna find the words to say for ages" actually wrenches my heart because it's about screaming into the void and having no one to hear you and you're just there trying to get those words out and it's out but nobody's listening (fucking zouis kill me).

throughout the song there's this neat balance between hopelessness and hopefulness and it reminds me of louis saying how even the sad sounding songs have a hopeful line in them and he's talking about being lost and trying to find his identity and then having to hide it after having found it but at least he knows and the people close to him know and that's what matters.

it's just about the way how he thinks love conquers everything, even loneliness and hopelessness and he is so right about because the friends we make, the love it takes it worth it all this time.

and the very last lyric being "the friends we make the love it takes it's worth, it's worth, it's worth the pain" because he's like there's so much going on and so much hopelessness and loneliness and pain because i'm still screaming into the void, but i have friends who love me, i am surrounded by love, i am engulfed by love, i am swallowed whole by it, and that is worth all the pain that i need to endure and all the time that's getting wasted because at the end of the day, these friends, this love, this feeling of belongingness, is worth it all this time.

[spaceorphan18]

Kurt Hummel Solos Ranked

Ever since I finished the Kurt Hummel Meta Series - Finding Kurt Hummel - I’ve been wanting to talk about the music a bit.  Well, here we go.  I have four different categories -- Solos, Duets, Small Groups Numbers, and Large Group Numbers, and I’m starting off with Solos.  

Kurt didn’t have a ton of solos on the show, but that made them special when we did get one.  Kurt’s solos are usually integral to his story line, and usually hold a great deal of emotion one way or an other.  And while not all of them are 100% tied to his own plot - I think they all show bits and pieces of his character.  

As a note - there are a few songs on here that may not initially be counted as a solo, but I’m doing so anyway -- either there’s a studio version with just his voice, or the tiny bit of someone else singing I’m kind of ignoring.  For this discussion, I’m counting them as solos. 

There are two songs, however, that I should mention first -- two short solos that didn’t have a studio release -- 

1. Pink Houses (Laryngitis, 1x18)

I still find this number quite hilarious.  Kurt’s attempt at emulating his dad, and therefore singing John Mellencamp, to seem more ‘masculine’ is not only a great comedic spot, but shows us really what the opposite of who Kurt is.  While, clearly, not a great song for Kurt -- we do at least get to hear Chris’s low register for once, and get a rare moment when we get to see Chris be actually comedic during a musical number -- something that didn’t happen all that often because Kurt’s musical numbers were usually serious in nature and involves a lot of crying.  It’s not a great performance - but it’s a damn entertaining one. 

2. Music of the Night (Choke, 3x18)

Another non-studio release for what is an extended comedic moment.  Kurt’s right - his rendition of this is pretty bland, and you can tell he’s not putting forth his best effort.  There’s clearly no emotional connection to the song that is a hallmark of his songs, especially his solos.  That said - the scene itself is pretty entertainingly comedic -- from his ridiculous choreography, to Tina’s bored version of Christine, to the massive amount of candles on stage.  The scene is a lot of fun - even if it’s not meant to be a serious performance. 

So, with those out of the way.... 

Kurt Hummel’s Solos Ranked: 

I should preface this with, these are, obviously, my own objective opinion.  While I am taking into account performances and effectiveness of the song, at the end of the day, these are my own opinions, and everyone will have their own version of the list.  

17. I’ll Remember (Goodbye, 3x22)

I don’t think that there are any bad Kurt solos.  There are ones that I don’t think work all that well, and this is one of them.  First off is the fact that I’m not a big fan of the song, originally done by Madonna.  While the song does fit the moment lyrically, and I do buy Kurt singing it, the song itself isn’t that great.  The performance is fine. Despite all the tears and wistful looks, it’s a bit standard of a performance that doesn’t lend itself to being all that memorable.  Also, there’s the fact that this song is dedicated to all the men in the room.  Ug, Glee your plot points suck sometimes. 

16. Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina (Special Education, 2x09)

This is the first of a few songs on the list that are technically sung by two people, but this has a Kurt-only studio version, so it’s here as a solo.  Kurt does relatively well vocally with this song.  But it’s clear that it’s not his song at all.  This is a Rachel song, which is made clearer as they sing it side by side as a comparison.  While Kurt sings it technically and proficiently fine, he doesn’t embody the song the way Rachel does in the scene.  (And that’s fine - the point is that it doesn’t fit him correctly.)  Kurt is a little stiff and uncomfortable with this song, with a sense of emotion that doesn’t quite connect.  And while fine for the scene that they’re doing - it lands this one low on my list. 

15. I’m Still Here (Bash, 5x15)

This is Kurt’s last solo of the series, and, unfortunately, the only representative of season 5 (and 6), which is why it really pains me to put it so low on the list, but, also unfortunately, there are a lot of issues with it.  First of all, at this point in the series, while old Diva Broadway numbers were his bread and butter - he had been growing past them, and while the song choice works for the story (mostly), the selection feels a little tired.  Vocally, he’s proficient enough, though it lacks some of the grittiness and understanding of, say, an actual old school Broadway Diva.  (I can see Rachel Berry singing this when she’s 80 a la Elaine Stritch.)  The choreography is a little weird at times - but they did let Chris do the choreography of this one nearly by himself, and it shows a little.  

One weird nitpick I have about this number is actually a production thing -- it’s clear that in the close ups Chris is doing better acting and giving more of an effort than he’s doing in the wide shots.  It’s a weird thing to notice but between that and the tepid performance in general, it brings this one way down on the list for me. 

14. Some People (Funeral, 2x21)

This one is a huge step above the others on the list, as the rest of this list is really a bunch of fantastic performances.  Chris really brings it in this one (and fun fact, he helped do the choreography on this one), as Kurt’s energy is high and all of his moves here are quintessential Kurt classics.  It’s like all of standard Kurt Hummel in one song, especially since it’s a classic old diva Broadway standard.  While I don’t have any complaints about the performance, the reason it’s so low is for two reasons.  The first one is the context -- it’s for an audition for a solo and not directly connected to any meaningful Kurt storyline.  And secondly - it’s just not a favorite song of mine.  But, Kurt at least gets to have a peppy and physically entertaining solo, which doesn’t happen very often, so it is worth a watch. 

13. You Are The Sunshine of My Life

Honestly, the only reason this as low as it is, is because I’m not a huge fan of this song.  There’s actually a lot of great things going on here.  For one, this is a really sweet performance for Kurt as he sings a sentimental song for his dad.  The choreography is silly, but it’s intentionally childlike as little Kurt came up with this with his dad.  Kurt sounds really good when he’s in his lower register (I actually love his lower register - which isn’t complimented enough).  And one thing I really like from second half of the series Kurt is that he’s less choreographed Broadway style and more reflective of the quirky weirdo that he is.  And this performance is exactly that. 

12. A House is Not a Home (Home, 1x16)

This is an interesting one, because there are a lot of great things going on here that bring it up the list, but a few things that very much drag it down.  First of all -- it’s the first showcase in the show of something I don’t see Chris get much credit for (outside the fandom bubble).  The fact that he’s able to act while sing.  It’s a difficult thing that Chris does masterfully here -- it’s not easy to make a solo next to a piano visually enticing but he really sells it.  Anyway - the way Kurt’s emotion bleeds through the song is perfect, it’s not too overt or too subdued.  And we really feel everything Kurt is feeling in this moment.  It feels real, in a way that isn’t apparent in a lot of the other characters when they sing songs (coughrachelcough).  This song is a fantastic reflection of Kurt’s emotional stance, and fits into the story wonderfully. 

Bringing it down... first of all, technically, Finn sings a verse of this.  And while I don’t consider this at all a duet (duets, I feel, are sung together), it’s still there, and still a glaring ear-sore.  (Sorry Cory.)  It sticks out like a sore thumb that Finn’s voice is not suited for this material, and while I see what they were doing with the story, it’s cringey when it gets there.  The other thing about this song is that it’s kind of uncomfortable to watch.  Kurt sells all of his emotion, but it’s focus point is an unrequited love, and the discomfort on Finn’s face, as well as a few others, makes it not an easy watch.  Still -- overall, this is a great number and a fantastic performance. 

11. I’m The Greatest Star (I Am Unicorn, 3x02)

This is kind of an interesting one to talk about because there are a lot of conflicting things going on.  It’s one helluva performance, it’s a terrible interpretation of the song, and it’s not a great choice of audition song for West Side Story (all of which was the point), but that doesn’t mean I don’t agree with Coach Beiste, that Kurt made the song his prison bitch.  If nothing else -- this really showcases just how talented Kurt is -- not only can he act while he’s singing, he has other talents as well, such as climbing scaffolding and using sai swords.  The comedic/tragic element of this song, for me, is the fact that Kurt’s trying to show off everything he’s able to do in one song -- and in effect, while being an incredible spectacle, kind of backfires for him.  (If he had done this one for his NYADA audition - I would have bought Carmen Tibideaux’s remarks.) I think this is often an underrated Kurt solo due to the high level of proficiency that’s needed to pull this off -- but it’s also not the best Kurt has to offer.

10. Bring Him Home (Diva, 4x13)

This is another one of those Kurt/Rachel comparison numbers that I count as a solo because there’s Kurt-only studio version and because it’s not really sung together but side by side.  What I really love about this number is that subtle delicacy that Kurt brings to the number.  It’s sung with a restrained emotion that’s perfect for the number that is a pleasure to listen to when compared to the over-emoting mess that Rachel is doing next to it.  The other fascinating thing I’m learning, as I do this list, is that there’s a sense of maturity about Kurt’s voice that I’m finding in the later seasons - which is really neat to listen for. My only real reason it’s as low on the list as it is - is because there’s the song holds no real weight for Kurt’s story.  I kind of wish the Midnight Madness song had not been the popular number of the year thanks to Les Mis, but something more meaningful to their friendship - but ah well, for Kurt, it’s still masterfully done. 

9. Le Jazz Hot (Duets, 2x04)

This is a fun number that really showcases Kurt’s talents and ability.  I really love the moment at the end when he sings his entire range.  Like I’m The Greatest Star and Some People, it’s a showoff number, but I think more so than those other two, Kurt really brings it extra in this one as the choreography and costume additions are incredibly inspired.  It’s not his greatest vocal solo, or the most meaningful, which is why it’s a little lower on the list, but it’s quite entertaining to see Kurt push in so much on himself, especially when forced to do so by the story, and thus makes it a memorable solo. 

8. I Want to Hold Your Hand (Grilled Cheesus, 2x03)

I believe with this one we’re getting into the iconic Kurt-solo territory.  The show already knew that Chris was a great pretty crier, and that was used to great affect in this entire episode.  The one really great thing that Kurt (and Chris in his acting) does is not over emote.  He sings songs with great emotion, but it’s usually controlled and right under the surface, making it incredible compelling.  (By contrast - Rachel is always over-emoting, and always giving the same kind of over emoting that feels bland the more you see it.)  The fascinating thing is that Kurt draws you into his world and his pain with song, and while he’s not doing much but standing there, he is letting you get a glimpse of what is behind the guarded shield he uses so much.  This is why Kurt solos are special, because they’re rare, and a rare glimpse of what’s going on in a character who blocks himself off so much from the outside world -- especially in the early years.  While I just happen to like the other solos on the list more, I believe this is one of the best performances on the show. 

7. Defying Gravity (Wheels, 1x09)

So.  This is the last of the side-by-side comparisons that I have on the solo list.  And I want to start by saying that vocally, even minus the intentionally botched note, it’s not very good.  Honestly - go listen to the season 5 version, and you hear how much better a vocalist Chris became, and it’s really a treat to hear him grow into his voice.  And I do think Rachel won this competition.  However...  there is something magical about this performance.  First of all, the song is deeply resonant for Kurt (and for Chris) and that comes through clearly in the song.  He embodies the emotion of the song in a way that Rachel (and I’ll argue Lea) doesn’t.  The lyrics are meaningful, and are acted out superbly.  And on top of that is a layer where Kurt is debating with himself as to whether or not he’s going to throw the song.  The vocals might not be there, but the acting is, and the emotion is, and on that alone brings this song so high on the list.  This is a character defining song if there ever was one.  

6. Blackbird (Original Song, 2x16)

Do yourself a favor - go on Netflix and watch this one, the youtube version cuts off Kurt’s head, which really is a disservice to the song and the performance, but it’s the only link I could find. 

First of all, I’m biased, because I really love this song.  Kurt sings it beautifully, too, which helps.  But really -- I think it’s an incredible story element on multiple levels.  Kurt’s singing a eulogy for a dead bird, which is bizarre when written out.  But this moment is perfect.  It’s a moment where Kurt’s restrained emotion is channeled beautifully through song, and we see, again, an element of Kurt himself, who has been caged throughout the whole Dalton arc.  So, it’s not only about the death of Pavarotti, but about the death of Kurt trying to be something he’s not - and the freedom that comes with allowing yourself to be you.  

On top of that, it’s a pivotal moment in the Klaine story, where Blaine finally gets to see the raw emotion of who Kurt is, and realizes he’s in love with him.  The fact that this song is so multilayered on top of a great and beautiful performance is really what makes it one of my favorites.  

5. I Have Nothing (Dance With Somebody, 3x17)

This might be the most controversial choice on this list, but I’ll stand by it because it is one of my favorites.  Yes, Kurt is straining to get to some of those high notes, vocally it’s a bit raw and forced.  But my god, it’s one of the most stunning displays of emotion that he ever gets to do.  Not only is this song about him, and the type of person he is, it’s also about love, and how Kurt expresses love.  

Like so many of his best performances, there are a lot of layers going on here.  Not only does it have the emotional intensity that A House is Not a Home did, but it has a razor sharp, singular focus that the other song lacks.  Kurt is expressing himself, the best way that he can, to communicate to Blaine -- and the two of them have an unspoken dialogue during the song, which is really incredible.  (The acting chops for both Chris and Darren here are really remarkable.)  It is the most romantic performance on the list, and one of my favorite moments on the show. 

4. The Boy Next Door (Choke, 3x18)

Believe it or not, this is one time I’d actually recommend the studio recording over the show performance.  Despite lacking the Gold Lame Pants of Infamy, the studio version really showcases just how amazing this performance is.  But anyway - unlike Carmen Tibideaux, who clearly doesn’t know our Kurt Hummel, there is nothing surface level about this performance.  And unlike I’m The Greatest Star - this isn’t Kurt trying to shove everything he can do into one performance, it’s showcasing who he is as a person and a performer.  Vocally, it’s fantastic, and I’m glad the later seasons allow Kurt to do more songs settled in lower registers - as that part of his vocal range is really quite beautiful.  Visually, this is Kurt emulating a bit of Hugh Jackman while retaining some of his own, unique elements.  This performance is truly special because it’s a time when Kurt realizes that it’s okay for him to be himself, and lets that shine through song. 

3. Rose’s Turn (Laryngitis, 1x18)

Kurt’s first real big solo in the show, and it’s absolutely stunning.  The fascinating thing about this one is, again, just how much is going on here.  Kurt slowly gets to unravel, shaking off the expectations that he thinks society is putting on him, and blossoming into who he really is.  This song is perfect for him as a character in this moment.  While the vocals are a little shaky at times (I’m noticing that a lot about season 1 Kurt) the performance is not.  We never really get to see Kurt be angry and gritty through song again, but I’m glad we do have this moment to show how it would go.  I love everything this number chooses to be, and everything that it says about Kurt, which is why I feel it’s one of his best numbers. 

2. Being Alive (Swan Song, 4x09)

There is something kind of magical about this song.  And this is the reason that I find it tragic we don’t get an emotionally powerful song from Kurt after this point.  (Though - after this point, we don’t get a long going individual Kurt arc either, so I suppose it makes sense.)  But here’s the thing about this song... It is Kurt going inside himself, and reflecting on all the pain and heartache that his life has given him, and all the struggles he’s had in the change from child to adult, and almost unknowingly, as the song continues on, getting lost on that emotion as he reflects.  It’s very hard for, I believe, for a musical number such as this to work on TV -- that relies on more action and visuals than other mediums.  But as I’ve stated in all of these other entries -- Kurt (and Chris, really) is the master of reflecting all these different, conflicting emotions on his face, and making it visually compelling, even if it’s one person in a room, and nothing else going on.  The emotion, the complexity, the story is all there in a performance much more mature than anything that had come before it.  This is really one of the most beautiful and richly developed performances on the show, and truly one of the best that Kurt has to offer. 

1. As If We Never Said Goodbye (Born This Way, 2x18)

I debated for a while which would take the top spot, and what I kept coming back around to was that while Being Alive is the most technically proficient, and deeply profound of Kurt’s solos... As If We Never Said Goodbye is the epitome Kurt’s character and story all wrapped up in one.  It is his most iconic solo, and for a reason.  It’s all of the emotion, vulnerability, and deeply layered story telling we get so often from Kurt Solos.  It perfectly describes the journey this character has been on and where it’s going, as well as just being a fantastic performative piece.  It’s helped by the fact that the show allows the whole five minute song to be sung, where we get to follow Kurt as he moves from one stage of his life to the next, again another song about coming out of his shell to reveal his true identity and what is buried in his heart.  This song is why I love the character, and why I love his story.  The fact that it’s subtle and refined, but having so many layers if you’re willing to look.  It’s beautiful and imperfectly perfect, just like Kurt Hummel.  

[happymetalgirl]

Khemmis - Desolation

Khemmis have been quickly making waves within the doom metal sphere, and for good reason. Though their self-titled debut EP in 2013 fell more along common doom metal lines, it was still a prototypic effort for the band, who very soon after honed their sound toward the more emotive side of doom with their first full-length in 2015, Absolution. It was the next year, however, that saw them really take the genre by storm with their sophomore release, Hunted, a truly genre-defining album that took the modern doom stylings of Pallbearer and occasionally the sludge of bands like Baroness and turned the sobbing sorrow and potent remorse up to eleven. Hunted was an unprecedented and powerful statement from the young band, delivering a masterclass on all things doom and sludge, with an emphasis on beautiful melodies, especially in the guitar department. Not to take away from the strength of the album's melancholic, yet impassioned vocal melodies and Phil Pendergast's thoughtfully sung performances. Hunted was one of my favorite albums of 2016 and it's one of my favorite albums in the merged vein of doom and sludge, period. Needless to say, with two stellar albums in the genre that could immediately rival classics from older bands and acclaimed albums from publication favorites like Mastodon and Electric Wizard, Khemmis are one of metal's most exciting new faces and a much-needed kick to the doom subgenre's ass. And I'm also happy that, in general, the band doesn't constantly beat me over the head with a fawning obsession with Black Sabbath like so many other doom bands do so often.

It's not that Khemmis approach the sound with more metallic oomph than their contemporaries or any wild twist on the sound's traditions; their sound isn't particularly more or less heavy than the likes of Pallbearer or Mournful Congregation. But where Khemmis excell is conscious, meticulous songwriting, and their consistent display of their compositional chops across Hunted is what made it such a compelling listen. The question that has loomed for the past almost-two-years since (not that long really) has been I'd they could do it a third time, on Desolation.

And Goddamn, do they! I can't say I'm surprised. In a year that has seen Germany, Spain, Argentina, Portugal, and Poland all crash out of the World Cup in humiliating fashion, I'm glad to have something so highly anticipated to deliver actually do so in the music sphere. Not only am I so thrilled to hear them deliver, I'm happy they were able to capture the same brilliance and doomy catharsis without simply rehashing what Hunted did. Though they've done a few things similarly, Khemmis introduce a few noticeably new elements to their sound, which sprawls from doom's most primitive forms to the most pummeling crush and howl of sludge metal's blackened variations, one more prominent feature namely being a distinctly more grunge-esque vocal harmony technique that reminds me of Alice in Chains in so many places. It's not littered everywhere in a distracting way that might point to cheap imitation, but the band pull off sorrowful harmonies with the same prowess as Stayley and Cantrell.

The band makes a greater use of the dynamic between their more classically-oriented side and their sludgier, heavier side (which shows up less) than on Hunted, but makes itself known arguably more dramatically.

With just six songs spanning a succint 41 minutes with enough to separate them each stylistically, it's an easily digestible body of work and one that keeps you on your toes. The album opens with the classically crunchy yet inventively sorrowful "Bloodletting", which is drenched in sweet, sorrowful guitar lines and harmonies and painful vocal melodies with beautifully sung lyrics like, "take my hand and twist the knife, we're depraved and reviled, welcoming eternal night". It's a fantastic track full of visceral self-reflection and finality, and even a climactically heavy section near its end and vicious black metal vocals to close out the monstrously cathartic introduction to the album.

The second song, "Isolation", is shortest track the band have ever released and one that leans hard on the mournful vocal harmony throughout, delivering such heart-wrenching lines as "How could I pray for salvation, when I'm the only mourner left to grieve" and with such conviction. It feels weird to compare Khemmis to alternative metal heavyweights like Breaking Benjamin in these moments, but they really do capture that same raw, emotional catharsis that so many of those groups try to (which so few succeed at). It feels like a blend between Pallbearer at their most emotive and classic Maiden at their most soulful.

The third track, "Flesh to Nothing" sounds like something that could have fit in with Hunted with the heavy use of the sludgy guitars throughout the track. This is where the Alice in Chains-esque vocal harmonies show up a few times in their most clear forms. It's a more stoic track than the previous two with Ben Hutcherson this time (I think) using his lower register in a more somber tone, reserving the song's high vocal notes and black metal growls for the end, but it's a good moment for the band to play to this more reserved type of grief and demonstrate their emotional and musical versatility.

The second side of the album starts off with "The Seer", a six-minute cut riding low-tuned guitars and fittingly ominous vocal melodies that warn of unseen danger through mysterious fog. It's probably one of the most emotionally out of place tracks on the album, playing on fear and tension more than tangible, vivid sadness, but it's not a poor addition by any means, and perhaps at this point on the record, a break from the inward-directed sorrow that precedes this track is a good thing.

"Maw of Time" is a rather unique track as well for its being so heavily black metal inspired. It finds the band blending their pensive doom and gorgeous vocal harmonies with more overtly blackened death metal growls. The band does it so smoothly it doesn't feel like either polar opposite undoes the work of the other; rather the two styles are woven together to strengthen the song's duality of mood. It's a compositionally interesting piece too, as a false ending brings on a slow, thick, darkened dirge with all façades of emotional composure forgone as booming drum crashes signal the loss of control amid guitar wails reminiscent of those on the title track of Leviathan's depressive black metal masterpiece, Scar Sighted. Yeah I very much dig that part.

"From Ruin" wraps up the album on a note of powerful solidarity in the face of all the grief preceding it on the album with the triumphant declaration "No one could help me find the way, but in the new spring dawn, I've found the strength to carry on" at the end. Despite being the longest track on the album, it doesn't bring much new musically to tracklist, but the lyrical shift it provides is an important one, and its use of the band's classic metal-esque doom/sludge to now deliver a triumph of emotional fortitude in just as captivating and cathartic of a fashion does add to the album's experience and the overall emotional arch the album creates from beginning to end.

I certianly went into this album with high expectations, but I was still prepared for the probability of it being overshadowed by the incredible composition of Hunted. Desolation, however, doesn't try so hard to outdo Hunted at its own game, rather it expands even more on what Hunted could have done and makes a wholly unique experience through the variety of focuses it takes. I really like the trajectory the songs on this album take, from raw and gripping sorrow, to more composed grief, to uneasy fears of the unknown, to the uninhibited breakdown of mourning that gives way to closure and the ability to come to terms with moving on bearing the knowledge of the ever-present burden of that grief. It's actually not all too different from the journey of strong feelings Hunted takes, but I would say that Desolation's emotional highs and lows are more dramatic thanks to the distillation and concentration of various aspects of the band's sound from song to song. The answer to whether or not it lives up to Hunted is undoubtedly yes. As for if it's the better album, I imagine it'll take most fans of the band, myself included, a while to decide. Three albums in though, Khemmis is on a great run and in only three years since Absolution they have made a tremendous claim for the doom metal throne. It's already been such a pleasure seeing their meteoric rise as early in their career as this, and I'm excited for what the future holds for Khemmis.

[petitjazzboy]

Hey there I was the voice anon about the singing with hormones. I've heard I'd have to retrain my voice and such I just get scared of that because for my whole life I've just been able to pretty much sing anything. I can match by ear and am an audio engineer but I don't really look at actual music theory or notes I'm strictly a I can hear it and match it or know if it's out of tune so my fear relies on I'll be out of tune/won't be able to recognize that or something if that makes sense?

Hey!! So you’ve definitely come to the right person. I, too, have little to no training in music theory or notes - I just match pitch. The good news is that your voice changing definitely doesn’t alter your ability to recognize your own pitch. My ability to tell when I’m off-key, for instance, has never wavered - but the key I sing in certainly has. 

Here are some highlights of what to expect…  

In my experience, testosterone will not change the QUALITY of your voice. If your voice is smooth, or nasal, or warm, or meant for belting - those qualities will remain. Again, only your range itself will actually change. 

Keep in mind that the period of voice dropping is a gradual one. When you start T, you won’t even notice changes as much as other people will, and you’ll probably be able to sing all the same songs for a little while. This gives way to an odd transitional period of being able - and then suddenly not being able to sing songs how you’ve always sung them. And that’s totally fine. It just means that some songs may become more or less suited for your new range (just like songs are written for typically “male” or typically “female” voices). You might have to change key to accommodate a song with your new voice - I’ve done that a ton, and it’s worked very well! (I will note that if you’re doing topical T, the changes will be much, much slower - my point of reference is with T injections.)

Your range will be smaller in the first few months on T, but that will only last for a little while. My biggest piece of advice is NOT to push it. Your body is changing - you have to be kind to it and let it grow! Don’t go out of your way to hit those high Gs when it’s starting to drop. It will only strain your vocal chords and cause you pain. Be patient. Instead, what you SHOULD do is become as comfortable as possible in your new lower register. Then, use singing exercises like scales to help you slowly grow more comfortable with higher notes. (Here is a very rudimentary example of some such exercises.)

That said, don’t stop singing! Don’t push it, don’t belt too high, but do not stop. Practice is necessary to ease yourself into your new range.

It’s understandable to be scared. There is very little research on the effect of testosterone on the DFAB body - and especially on the voice.* I will fully admit that losing my singing voice was my BIGGEST fear before I started T. Ultimately, my dysphoria made the final decision, but I didn’t sing for performance for about six or seven months when I started T because I was still getting used to my new range. Still, like anything, I learned to work with it - and when I finally started auditioning again after growing comfortable with my new ability, the difference was incredible. I was so much more comfortable singing songs for parts that I wanted with my new range. I started to train for musical theater about two years after starting T, and learning breathing and vocal techniques really helped me expand my range without hurting myself, too.

It will likely take time until you’re satisfied. But rest assured - if testosterone is the right decision for you, your body, and your gender, your singing voice will not be lost. You just have to know how to take it along for the ride.

If you’d like, I will happily post a before/after of my singing voice so you can hear a comparison! And for others - feel free to reblog, or ask me anything else related to singing and T!

*This is the only academic study I’ve found on the effects of T and DFAB bodies - not bad, if a bit dated, but interesting!: http://www.radical-musicology.org.uk/2008/Constansis.htm

*And from the same study, here is a graph gauging FtM singing range to number of years on T: http://www.radical-musicology.org.uk/2008/constansisgraphs.pdf