#and get disgusted and repulsed bc 'ew sex'

[dovedrangeas]

btw if you are so repulsed by sex that you cant be normal about people saying they're trying to get pregnant (a very normal thing to do) or being around a pregnant person, you should talk to a therapist about it i think

[tw1stedthicket]

sad rant below lol just ignore me i just need this to exist in the world rather than not in my brain.

I crave death. Why am I questioning my sexuality again. I wanna cry dude I wish I didn't know any labels and just wanna fuck off into the woods and say I don't fucking know what I am except confused. I really, really like women, but also think sex with anyone is cool (even guys) because stimulation from multiple forms feels good and connection itself can feel good

and men can be cool but I don't really wanna date them though tbh, but also I can't say with 100% earnest that I have no appreciation why people are attracted to men because even though I do feel disgust sometimes at some things I also think painting with too broad of a brush erases the qualities/dynamics in people that transcend gender and are attractive in everybody and I can admit that I am attracted(*?) at times to men

or i at least feel kinda fuckin sick of it being funny to be repulsed by men bc like cmon touch grass at some point youre an adult why aren't men also great and desirable learn a different method of expressing your interest in other things than an online way of saying "ew cooties" to all of men who are individuals too

also I do think that at least for myself any hard line I draw feels redundant as fuck because the world is chock full of people and perhaps sexuality in and of itself is a phenomenon experienced in the context of others in relation to yourself meaning that it's heavily alchemized and influenced by people and there are always people who come across my path that I feel like I could really go through life loving and ppl's own genders can change as well or how they interpret even just "woman" means something wildly different and varying in its own way from a binary meaning that the utility of an identity emphasizing one specific "format" of person makes me feel icky, and also why the fuck does it make sense that i can be attracted to ppl who are bigender or genderfluid for example and they are women at times but men at others, like, is that a different kind of man? idfk.

but also I kinda feel like I don't know how to parse attraction vs. desire vs. arousal, and sometimes what I feel for men is more so arousal and getting off to the notion of being wanted -

except that probably has more to do with things like self esteem & someone finding me desirable, yknow (which is not hard to find in men, which with them being cool and all is like...well...*obligatory you have to be cool and reciprocate kicks in*) and even tho women are RIGHT THERE sometimes it's harder to believe that women, the vastly cooler ppl (lol sorry men i didnt mean to go back to being mean), would find *me* desirable, plus also it's prolly preferable sexual dynamics emphasizing wanted-ness (submissive peeps like myself WANT that setup of attention and desire and control so naturally I might gravitate toward that feeling), and overall male approval and validation can be a hell of a drug

a drug i might add that historically at no point in time in my life has ever been fucking normal and led to authentic experiences and always leaves me feeling like I just enjoy a cat and mouse feeling more than anything and being wanted - which in itself is interesting because a big aspect of feeling the resonance of an identity like "lesbian" that centers women is in how much greater i think life would be if i *wasnt* ever attracted to/desired/whatever men and vice versa and just lived in a world without those complicated feelings where every guy truly was just a bro to me and it was all kumbayah and i never had to worry about any ambiguity at all and i would pull that switch permanently off forever, and also because the fun always always stops the moment the other guy is interested in going further than just sexual messing around stuff and them experiencing legitimate /attraction/ like not just arousal or desire or pursuit but like legitimate ****romantic*** connection & that's a very gross and uncomfortable feeling that just kinda makes me feel guilty and wanna say "oh, buddy..."

except i don't know how to take it that as of the past few weeks i have been feeling fucking strange and topsy turvy because i for some reason have had my sex drive shoot through the fucking empire state building

and i know men are extremely easy access and you can play them like a fucking fiddle when all you care about is transactional (sorry men) and that's cool when you want to be all subby about it and let them dominate you which ppl into that are happy to do if you are a playful participant except also it feels incredibly shameful for me because i don't think that's what i truly want.

because why is this here when for the last few years i have been utterly enamored with women to the point i wanted to say "fuck all men!" and have been super happy to imagine life with women

and i also have some weird internalized beliefs/scripts im aware i unconsciously hold regarding women's sexuality and sapphic women's sexuality in particular that why do i sometimes feel like women are just purer or something and are like the people getting-fucked and not doing-the-fucking like deer or some shit like that classic tumblr post about how gay women dont owe anybody anything other than the nastiest sex they want to have. and all of the sparklies and butterflies in the world at beautiful women are also not just "hehe so pretty" but also "I WANT TO FUCK YOU INTO THE MATTRESS" and even how lesbian sex is im not sure how they do bdsm and i kinda feel at times like i'm operating solely in a vacuum just theorizing shit because it's not like i've even been able to have a single fucking conversation with a lesbian in my life -- ive met plenty of ppl attracted to women and even sapphics that are, but it's always a point of comraderie sometimes like "haha women are so pretty right"

NO FUCK SHIT DAMN IM TIRED OF THAT

I WANT TO MEET UP WITH A HOT WOMAN FOR COFFEE AND HAVE A GOOD CONVERSATION WITH HER AND FEEL AUTHENTIC AND REAL AND HEAR ABOUT HER LIFE AS SHE HEARS ABOUT MINE AND WE CLICK AND THEN MAYBE GO TO SOME STORES AND HANG OUT A LITTLE AND BE FLIRTY AND WE PICK OUT WHAT THE OTHER PERSON LIKES LIKE "HEY THIS IS SO YOU-CODED LOL" WHEN HOLDING A LITTLE FUCKING GHOST MUG

AND WE BE SILLY AND WALK AROUND OUTSIDE AND MAYBE FIND OTHER COOL THINGS TO DO TOGETHER THAT WE BOTH HAVE SHARED HOBBIES IN AND THEN SHE HOLDS ME AS I TELL HER ABOUT HOW VULNERABLE A FEELING IT IS TO BE SO HAPPY IN LIFE AND STILL YEARN SO BAD

AND SHE WOULD HOLD ME CLOSE AND CARESS MY HAIR AND TELL ME THAT MAYBE I JUST HAVE NEEDED SOMEBODY TO SHOW ME THAT I WAS WORTH YEARNING FOR TOO

AND WE BUY EACH OTHER LITTLE TREATS AND CALM EACH OTHER DOWN IN A PANIC AND LEARN TO TALK ABOUT HARD SHIT AND SHE GIVES A FUCK MAN AND WHEN IT COMES TO THAT POINT

WHENEVER IT IS

THEN SHE IS MATURE AND SMART ENOUGH TO BE HONEST THAT SHE WANTS TO FUCK ME AND WE CAN FUCK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE AND HAVE DIRTY FUCKED UP FANTASIES LIKE WE ALL DO AND HAVE OUR MOMENTS AND IDK ITD BE VERY NICE IF SHE REALLY DID KNOW WHAT SHE LIKED AND SHE LIKED TO DOMINATE PEOPLE AND MAKE THEM FLUSTERED AND GOD LIKE IDEK HOW TO PARSE WOMENS SEXUALITY TBH BUT I KNOW I WANT IT

AND IM NOT HAPPY ANYMORE MAN. IM NOT SATISFIED AND FULL ANYMORE ON JUST THESE SUPER WONDERFUL DREAMS OF RELATIONSHIPS AND HAPPINESS KNOWING I HAVE THE FREEDOM TO PURSUE THEM I NEED TO ACTUALLY FUCKING PURSUE THEM

LIKE IM FUCKING LONELY AND THE THING ABOUT LONELINESS IS THAT ITS LIKE A FUCKING NEWTON CRADLE OR SOME SHIT THAT PINGS OFF ITSELF AND THE LONELIER YOU ARE THE HARDER IT IS TO STAND YOUR GROUND AS YOURSELF AND AS A WHOLE PERSON AND A COMPLETE PERSON AND YOU FEEL LIKE A WEAK DOG WHO IS PRONE TO BEGGING THE LONGER TIME GOES ON AND IT BECOMES EVEN MORE SHAMEFUL TO SHARE WITH OTHERS THAT SEE YOU AND WANT TO AVOID THAT DESPERATION AND I HATE THAT IT'S PROBABLY MY FUCKING RITALIN IVE BEEN ON THAT HAS MADE ME NEED DOPAMINE AND WANT TO BE HORNY AS SIN ALL THE GODDAMN TIME BUT I ALWAYS JUST END UP CRYING WHENEVER IM ALONE BECAUSE IDK IF I NEED MY HAIR PLAYED WITH AND KISSED OR MY FACE SHOVED IN A PILLOW BUT I NEED IT DJDIDIFIFOGOGOVOVOGOG

[lunarkittens]

being a closeted lesbian is like annoying enough but before i never had ppl like THROWING the idea of me being with a man in my face and encouraging it like my one suitemate does and it’s been making me so uncomfortable and grossed out...

[michael-runs-hot-guerin]

Ok so tonight we will be getting a "S" ranting which is for explicit sex scenes but more times than not it is used for same sex sex scenes. So do we think ot will be Michael and Alex or Isobel and Anatsta?! I want ot to be Malex but trying bot to get my hopes too high just to get disappointed! ❤

Well that's fucked up. Sex is sex regardless of the genders involved. 😒 BUT bc it's still been like three days since malex got together, I'd prefer if they continued on as is and actually date. They KNOW the sex is good. I really don't think they need to fall back on that when they're still working on talking and communicating.

Isobel on the other hand can do whatever and whoever she wants (though I wish someone would tell us what happened to Blair?? Maybe Kyle will ask about her!). I like Anatsa but she doesn't have much depth yet, and she's a tertiary character (like do I just not watch much tv or do love interests not generally get promoted for at least half seasons?), and I'm not gonna lie, the fact that she already slept with Max kinda wigs me out. I'm glad it's not weird to some of y'all but if someone slept with my brother then tried to get with me I'd be like "my brother sleeps with people?" (Ew) and then "wait you think I sleep with people?" (Lol)

Idk it seems like it would require an acknowledgement that your sibling fucks and I have a hard enough time acknowledging that of anyone lmao

Isobel isn't me of course, nor is she shy (though she is somewhat disgusted by her brothers' sex lives, see her face when Michael asked if she meant experimenting as in sex back in s1). I could see her asking Max if Anatsa was any good in bed and Max being horribly embarrassed by the whole thing.

...back to the point , I would still rather this s rating come from Isobel and Anatsa than from malex. In fact I don't want an s from malex until next season. There's too much going on, they can do dates and cute shit and take over the internet for now.

But again, sex-repulsed-ace grain of salt lmao 💖

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #114

“oh yeah, i’m a reaper man; every good thing, i kill it dead.”

What kind of makeup do you think is appropriate for church?  Who cares.  Wear what you want; I don't see how your makeup affects God's opinion on you while in His house. What would you wear to church?  I don't dress up for the same reason as above.  I just wear my usual. Would/do you like having brown eyes? I like having blue eyes.  It's not that brown isn't pretty, it's just so common. What kind of gift would you appreciate for your birthday? I'm just asking for money again.  Can already go see Sara, time to work towards the tattoo. What do you use Facebook for?  My main reason is legit funny pictures lmao.  There's few people I'm actually actively interested in keeping up with. Would you rather be called a geek, a nerd or a dork?  A geek is 100% a compliment lol. Do you like pretzels? Soft ones, yes.  Especially the ones from those little shops at malls, omgggg.  I'd prefer to not eat hard ones. You want your next pet to be what? A bearded dragon.  Or two rats. Would you spend 20 dollars on a candle?  Ha.  No. What is the goriest thing you’ve seen in real life? There was a deer that died directly beside the road leading to our old house and it was decaying.  I still remember all the maggots squirming around in its side. @_@ Do you take any meds? If so which and why?  Mood stabilizers, anxiety med, something for nausea if one of my mood stabilizers causes it, Melatonin, something for heartburn, and birth control unless I want my uterus to tear me apart from the inside. Is "no glove, no love" your STRICT policy?  If I actually was to have sex, yes.  Even with me on the pill, I'm not taking any risks.  Not getting pregnant. If someone breaks a law, should they be punished if they did not know it was a law?  Depends on the law. Name a band you sort of like:  What a thing to admit, but Blood on the Dance Floor.  I like some of their songs, while others are just too repulsive. In your head do you call yourself 'I’ or 'you’ or both?  Usually "you," and always when I'm trying to calm or reassure myself, because it's like hearing validation of something from another person. Someone tells you 'well there are black people, and then there are (removed term bc fuck that word)’. What do you think?  My former friend used to say that and I fucking hated it. Who REALLY has a higher sex drive, girls or guys? How can you tell?  I might be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure there's science behind men having more of a libido. Do you enjoy wild parties?  I literally could never. Have you ever been stereotyped? As what?  I was called both emo and goth in high school.  It wasn't offensive to me personally, but I don't think I totally fit any stereotype. Who do you know that you believe does not masturbate?  I don't for a number of reasons, and I can name a few others I'm pretty sure don't. Does a cloned human being have a soul? Why or why not?  explosion.gif Who looks better naked, men or woman?  Women.  I'm bi, yes, but penises look fucking disgusting to me personally. Is there anything you won’t say unless someone else says it first?  Nothing immediately comes to mind. What’s your favorite type of doughnut? Either glazed or cake (the totally plain ones). Do you have any candles in your bedroom? Do you light them often?  No, I have an incense burner.  I use it often enough. What is your least favorite thing about your full name?  I just don't like my last name, and my middle name's too common, but at least I like the name itself. What’s your favorite kind of Poptart?  Probably the chocolate sundae one.  But I don't like Poptarts much. Do you think you look good with a hat on? I can't remember the last time I wore a hat. Are there some songs you can’t listen to because they remind you of something? "The Mortician's Daughter" and "Stairway to Heaven." Do you live near a street light?  No. Do you wear any rings? A red gem one I got from Mom, then a "bitch/jerk" friendship ring (Supernatural reference) with my girlfriend. Do you put collars on your cats? When we had cats, yeah. Do you like celery?  Ew no. Did you cry while watching the Notebook?  I've never sobbed at a movie, but I cried, yeah.  I've cried in subsequent watches too lmao.  I think I've always teared up, actually. Do you have a protective mom and dad?  Mom's extremely protective of me.  I'd say Dad's pretty normal. What field trip did you last go on?  Probably for a band competition in high school. Five ways to win your heart:  Uhhh.  Show compassion, patience, generosity, wisdom, and maturity. Your views on mainstream music:  It's getting too vulgar to be on the radio.  I firmly believe children don't need to hear profanity (they don't know when it's inappropriate to use) or talk of sex, and songs just have so much censorship yet lack thereof now.  If you're going to censor almost an entire song, why the hell play it?  Then some songs are so clearly about sex or just openly say the word that it bothers me.  I wouldn't wanna explain what sex is to say my like five-year-old if they heard some of the shit on the radio and asked questions. Put your iPod on shuffle and write that 10 first songs that play: 1.) "Clocks" by Coldplay, 2.) "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses, 3.) "Blessed With a Curse" by Bring Me the Horizon, 4.) "Let It Die" by Starset, 5.) "I Don't Love You" by My Chemical Romance, 6.) "Animals" by Nickelback, 7.) "Shoots and Ladders" by Korn, 8.) "Divinity Statue" from DMC3, 9.) "Float On" by Modest Mouse, 10.) "This Is Gospel" by Panic! at the Disco. A quote you try to live by: "Life's hard.  Shouldn't you be, too?"  ... It's not meant to be an innuendo. How do you know when someone thinks you’re attractive?  I would literally have to be told lmao. Which one of your relationships was the shortest?  Two weeks and it was fucking stupid. Which was the longest?  Almost four years. If you want to get married, what age? I don't have a set age in mind.  Just whenever my s/o and I are ready. What did you end up getting for Christmas? A PS2 after mine broke years ago ahhhh, way too much money from my dad, his wife, and my grandpa, a "meerkat lover" street sign, a meerkat puzzle I'mma do and frame for my room, some pajama pants, an iHome for my iPod, Pikachu and Grumpy Cat plushies that're too cute, among other things that aren't coming to mind rn. Do you think buying underwear/bras at Victoria’s Secret is a waste?  Meh, mixed feelings.  Like they are way too expensive for some damn bras and underwear, but if they make you feel more confident or pretty in your body, buy them. Do you like glittery things? Usually. Do you like Red Lobster?  It used to be my favorite restaurant, but after I got sick after eating there, I haven't gone since.  Even though I was feeling sick before we went, it's just an association thing. What are you most scared of?  Relapse, losing certain people. Favorite video game?  "Silent Hill 2" Do you believe that leaving a significant other for someone else is ever a good idea?  YUP. because if you loved the first person, you wouldnt even consider the second.  <<<< This. Do you have any possessions that you’re very attached to, and you’d be absolutely devastated if you damaged or lost them? Absolutely devastated... the little rock I got from my partial hospitalization at Holly Hill.  When someone "graduates," you pick a shiny rock from a jar that gets passed around the room for your "classmates" to wish you well and say anything they'd like to say about you while they hold it.  I cherish that thing so much. What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done, and you got away with it? I guess have oral entirely naked on the old chaise in the living room.  But we were home alone. How much do you want to weigh?  I was totally happy at 120, but I was fine at 140.  Supposedly I should be like 130-something. If you HAD to do your holiday shopping for EVERYONE in only ONE store what store would you pick?  Uh probably Walmart lmao. Do you believe that guns don’t kill people and that people kill people? Why?  People kill people, and that's coming from someone afraid of guns.  You have a choice where you're pointing that thing. What is the difference between a good poem and a bad one?  I don't like ones that are virtually impossible to understand. Which do you need more: sugar, caffeine, alcohol, drugs, sex, sleep?  I'm addicted to caffeine, I can't go two days without it. @_@ Who is someone you know should deserve more respect?  Ha, my Dad from my mom. What movie would you like to see again, that you haven’t watched since you were a kid?  The first movie that came to mind was "Shiloh." Are birds happy in cages? Are pets happy indoors?  I truly doubt birds are happy in cages, but maybe if they have enough entertainment and it's big enough?  But I'm sure like dogs and cats are fine indoors considering a whole house is much bigger.  Though I think bigger dogs especially need to be let out to run around sometimes. Hula hoops or jump ropes?  Jump ropes.  Loved it as a kid.  Now my knees would murder me. Can you understand sign language?  No.  But I remember learning this song in elementary school that we had to sing and do sign language to, but I don't remember any of it. Does anyone in your family hunt?  Nicole, my little sister. How about fish? Me and Dad, maybe his dad. Do you pronounce the "l" in salmon?  No. Have you ever gotten stuck on an amusement park ride? Thank Christ no. Have you ever seen an albino animal?  Maybe?  I've seen a white alligator, but it technically wasn't albino. Have you ever tried summoning Bloody Mary?  No. When is the last time you consumed alcohol? New Year's Eve.  I drank a margarita way too fast but felt nothing because my alcohol tolerance is God-Tier. ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ  (Though I like never drink.) Do you ever judge people based on if they believe in God or not? No. Are you sometimes scared to express your opinions in fear of what others might think? Y U P Do you ‘bless’ strangers when they sneeze? Sometimes. Would you rather go to a University or a community college?  The latter if they offered good classes.  It's cheaper, and you can still get a worthy degree. What’s your favorite kind of bread?  Pumpernickel. What toppings do you like on your pizza?  Only jalapenos or pepperoni. What color or design does your shower curtain have?  It's just white. What color is your microwave?  Black. Could you ever give yourself a shot?  If I had to, yeah. Have you ever been so embarrassed that you cried?  Story of my life. How many people have told you they were in love with you?  One. Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted?  Well, we're both girls, so actual sex would be psychically impossible, but I'd do as close as we could to it if she made it very clear she wanted to. Does it bother you when people don’t answer questions with exact answers?  Yes, especially if I'm asking them a question about needing validation for something.  Don't be vague. Have you ever watched a needle go into your own skin?  I usually do so I know exactly when it's coming.  And if I'm getting my blood drawn, I watch it for whatever reason. @_@ Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo? Yes. Do you like strawberry and banana smoothies?  Strawberry.  I doubt I'd like banana. Do you know someone that is mute, deaf or blind? My sister Ashley is literally blind in one eye, I think her right?  For the other two, idk. What’s your favorite horror movie? I really like both "Blair Witch Project"s, as well as "The Crazies." Is it true that people with depression CAN’T function in society?  Sometimes, absolutely. Can you think of any person or group you cannot empathise with?  Pedophiles, rapists, racists, abusive people, homophobes, the list goes on. Do you want to get married? If so, what color will your dress be? It'll be either black, white, or ivory, idk. Do you like peanut butter and fluff sandwiches?  NO. Do you play video games? If so, what kind?  Yes, just about exclusively story-based ones that usually involve horror.  But I like many others, so long there's actually plot to it. How old is your oldest and youngest friend?  Oldest is like... 32, youngest is 17, I think. How weight conscious are you?  Only extremely. Stripes or polka dots? Polka dots. What was your first word?  "Dada" What's a show that you absolutely refuse to watch?  "13 Reasons Why" Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? 7th grade. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before?  I'm actually not sure.  I don't think so.  If it did, Mom never told us. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls?  Yes, until I think a dirty needle was found in one of McDonald's ball pits. Do you think biting is weird or sexy? I like it so long you don't leave a mark in an obvious spot. Do you have a class ring?  No. What type of internet browser are you using?  Chrome. How long do your showers typically last? Not even ten minutes. Can you cry on cue?  No. Were you a Nancy Drew reader when you were younger?  No. Are you the kind of person that takes pictures with a drink in your hand?  No, and quite frankly, it's obnoxious.  You're getting intoxicated.  Congrats. Do either of your parents have a mental illness?  Mom has depression, and she says Dad's bipolar, but I absolutely don't see it now that they're divorced. When you were growing up, did your family rent or own your home?  Own. When was the last time you wore a full face of makeup?  I couldn't tell you.  The most I ever wear is eye liner, shadow, mascara, and lipstick, but I don't consider that a "full face of makeup." Do you own an iPad?  No. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?  No, thank goodness. Do you think it’s wrong for people to say 'retard/retarded’ as an insult?  I FUCKING HATE IT. How many people of the opposite sex have made you cry?  I think two. Would you eat a live tarantula for $1,000?  No, I just wouldn't be able to.  If it didn't have its fangs, maybe? What’s one health problem you wish you didn’t have?  Anxiety.  Shit would be so much better without it. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom by one year. Do you have any close friends that were adopted? No. Do you believe that people can be psychics? No. List these apple types from greatest to worst: green, red, yellow. Red, green, yellow. Does your house have more than one fireplace?  We don't have even one. When it rains does it leave a lake in your front yard?  No.  My original home was like that, though.  It ALWAYS flooded. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks?  No, I actually found it flattering to know they wanted me to sign it. Where is one place that you’d never be caught dead in?  A strip club, to name one. Do you have a favorite Scooby-Doo movie?  I loved the Phantom Virus one.  Even had the game. Do you dislike when people ruin the endings of anything for you?  Yes, unless I ask to just be told. You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?  ... Whoa.  I'd feel fucking godawful, but I'd save my grandmother.  I'm not calling the baby less human, but my grandmother is more conscious of life and everything, I guess? Which would you choose: true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? Never love at all.  Heartbreak is fucking awful. Have you ever seen the movie "A Walk to Remember?" Cliche or worth watching?  I think it's worth watching.  Very sweet movie. Do you know how to sew? What’s your favorite thing to sew? No. Do you own many pairs of shorts?  I don't own any. Do you ever have movie nights with your significant other?  Ye<3 Do you like fiction or non-fiction books more? What’s your favorite?  Fiction.  "Johnny Got His Gun" and "The Outsiders." Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend? Yeah. How many tattoos would you get?  I want LOADS. What brand of toothpaste do you use? Crest. Would you ever tattoo the name of a bf/gf or spouse on yourself?  No.  I'd get a matching tattoo relatively deep into marriage, but name, nah. What’s your least favorite season? Summer. D: What’s your favorite dessert?  Red velvet cake. Do you like cotton candy? Meh, I can have a couple bites. Do you have any shirts signed by famous people?  No. Where do you normally get your hair cut? A family friend's salon. What would your dream engagement ring look like? I really like dragon's breath opal rings or rose gold ones but idk how expensive either are. @_@ What’s the longest your hair has ever been?  Like to the small of my back. How do you feel about bleach blonde hair? Gorgeous on some people, not for me. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. Name 2 questions that you will most likely never say ‘no’ to:  1.) "Do you wanna go get a tattoo?", 2.) "Do you wanna Skype?" if it's Sara. Imagine someone has a great personality, sense or humor, family and job. they also really really like you a lot. Would you consider dating them if they: Were fat?  Yes. Limped?  Yes. Were a midget?  Yes. Had HIV?  No, because I'm too scared to put myself at risk. Were paralyzed in one arm?  Yes. Had a glass eye?  Yes. Had only 6 months to live?  No, that would destroy me. Would you get married on TV?  No.  I don't want people I don't care about watching. Do you own a metal detector?  No.  I did as a kid, though.

[tiredbiplantlady]

posted by celadon-city  ASK ME THINGS

bored, tired, passing time, like to narcissistically think about myself

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Texted: Ew wtf, did we get abducted by aliens? Messaged in general on my phone with an app: This is normal

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? Hahah

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? No, and it depends

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? No, 6 exactly 

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober, I don’t drink really

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? Lol I always mess everything up in relationships 

7. What does your last received text say? Text: “It’s almost like mom goes out of her way to watch the worst tv shows”  General phone message with an app, which I use far more often than texting: ”yeah” 

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? I really have no count, hundreds

9. Where was your last kiss at? My apartment

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? Like 10 years ago or something

11. What do you drink in the morning? Water

12. Where did you sleep last night? My bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard? Always, lots of the time 

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? There are lots of things I would change, but I also accept things being what they are, that led me to the knowledge I now have, which I find valuable 

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? Not at all

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? Rainy 

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? I can’t think of anyone off the top of my head, but it’s a pretty common name

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? Pajama shorts

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? I really don’t know

20. Does anyone like you? People like me, and sometimes I wonder why when there’s so much not to like

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? I’ve kissed lots of people and come to think of it, no I haven’t, not that I recall

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? No, he’s bi

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? There are lots of people and lots of characteristics people have I can’t fucking stand. Probably shouldn’t say that, but

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? Yeah and I did because I was dumb and 18 and now I have this monstrosity on my back forever. At least I don’t have to look at it, but I can never wear cutout shirts again

25. In the past week have you cried? Yeah, I cry all time. The last cry was in therapy bc my therapist was basically being p fucking confrontational and mean about stuff and I got upset. I’m still upset

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? In real life? I saw some Dalmations days ago, but I think I’ve seen more doggos since then

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? Partially in and partially out if I’m alone

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? I’ve kissed people who played football in the past, but no, I’ve never kissed someone in full out football gear or who was the QB of the team and I was his stereotypical GF or anything like that

29. Do you think you’re old? Nah

30. Do you like text messaging? I like talking through message apps on my phone, texting is the one I use the least though

31. What type of day are you having? I’m still in bed, but I’m anxious and sad

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? Yeah, and I did it. Don’t regret it. 

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Warm or cool, not cold. Either is ok. 

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Yes

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? Neither

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? Complicated to the point of not making sense

37. What song are you listening to? I’m not, but the last song I actively chose to listen to was “Doubt” by top

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? Of course...sometimes I just say it too much. Actually I think I’m so used to apologizing for everything from getting in the way even a tiny bit to apologizing for someone having their own feelings that I just spit it out without thinking to try to calm the situation (which kind of feels related to my PTSD, survival mode, saying whatever I have to to get the pressure removed and the threat lessened) and no, it doesn’t mean anything to me because I’m Afraid. It’s not wanting to lie or hurt people, it’s fear 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? Not really, despite being woman-centric and desiring relationships to be closer with women, every person closest to me who knows near-everything about me is a man. Like 4 men are like this in my life and not many women are that close. It’s not because I think I’m “one of the guys” and “better than women” it just happened to work out that way and I probably have some problems feeling that friendships are as important as “romantic relationships” even though I don’t logically value that sentiment, that romantic situations are “better” and also probably some internalized messages that tell me wlw relationships can never be what hetero ones are, again, not because I truly believe it at all but because I’ve been fed that narrative my whole life 40. What made you start liking the person you like now? I like lots of people. If you’re talking about crushes you should be more specific in your language. I don’t have crushes. Not now. I’m too fragile and scared and trying to grow 41. When did you last receive a text message? Last night 42. What is wrong with you right now? Nothing is wrong with ME, but the way my brain functions isn’t always great. I’d say I’m having a depressive episode in combination with some other stuff that is making me feel very easily hurt, reinterpreting harsh words as yelling, feeling like a failure and fearful for the future, and as though my therapist doesn’t like me anymore because I’m not good enough to be well all the time 43. How well do you know the last female you texted? My mom. Well enough.  44. Does anyone disgust you? Lots of people and the things they do disgust me 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? No, I’m not in a good place for new relationships, let alone the ones I’m in 46. Are you in a good mood right now? I don’t have many feelings right now except hurt and fear and anger thinking about therapy the other night and reluctance to go to school today, as well as social repulsion. Being around people right now sounds like the worst thing ever and I’m glad I’m alone 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? Kyle last night 48. What color shirt are you wearing? Black, as 90% of the time 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? Y U P 50. Anyone you’re giving up on? What the hell kind of question is this? I’m not responsible for ensuring all of my energy goes to any person. I’m not responsible for other people. Maybe it’s my own fault I detect shame in this question 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? What does “giving up on someone” mean, like seriously I have no idea what this means? Because it seems like it means “stop trying to help someone” as a disguise for “trying to make someone want you”. And that kind of repulses me. Does it mean breaking up? If so the way it’s phrased as though it’s the person I’m giving up on as though they don’t matter and mean nothing and not the relationship also repulses me. It’s like, breaking up with someone = telling them they’re not worth your time, which is interpreted as worthlessness and this whole thing just rubs me the wrong way. There have been times I wanted to give up A RELATIONSHIP because I didn’t want to expend energy into that RELATIONSHIP AS IT WAS and would prefer friendship or going our separate ways. I’ve never though “boy, I’m so troubled, I’m thinking about giving up on him because he’s not doing what I want him to do and I’m going to use this as ammunition to make him beg me to stay” like this phrasing is so toxic to me imo, but i guess I’m making a big deal of nothing 53. Do you like rain? Always 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? Not really unless they get drunk, but I feel the same way about my friends. I can’t deal with drunkenness after the things I’ve been through with alcoholics 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? Yeah, and it was actually better that way. A lot of the time I fantasize and put people on a pedestal and it turns out the fantasy and pretending was a lot more fun than reality and in theory sounded better than it was, and honestly I think I’m still trying to grow in ways I thought I didn’t need to. Deep down I am basically am a commitment-phobe, someone who puts her self-interests first most of the time in relationships, and quite frankly am not ready to even begin considering “settling down”. You think you’re a certain way and then realize you just WANTED it to be true, but it isn’t. I have liked people and it’s better off for the both of us if I never say anything because I’m not ready and I’m self-focused, which you can call selfish if you want, but there’s nothing wrong with being that way unless you portray yourself as a centered good relationship partner, which I fucking have over and over  56. Do you like to cuddle? Sometimes I really feel like I need human touch because I ache and feel deprived and desire comfort. Other times I’m completely repulsed and don’t want anyone to touch me, even the people closest to me 57. Are you shy? I’m anxious 58. Do you get along with girls? I love girls, and yeah 59. Have you dated the person you texted last? LMAO no that’s my brother wtf 60. What do you carry with you at all times? Phone usually, but more often than not it’s dying or dead 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Absolutely, even though I’d piss myself at every sound. I’d do almost anything for a million dollars, that’s money I’ll never see and I could pay off all my student loans, live in a nicer place, take care of my health better, buy a car so I didn’t depend on my dad for anything else.. 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? At this point in my life thinking about relationships stresses me out and I don’t want to think about time duration because I can barely think about next week planning school work, let alone trying to keep a relationship alive when I feel like everything I know is falling apart and I’m having to reconstruct my entire world-view, self-identity and what I’m supposed to do with my life 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Mmhm 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? It’s comforting when I want to be comforted  65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? Idk, I don’t want to write about things and I don’t want to recall 

66. How old are the last three people you kissed? No

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?   Do it myself    68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Zebra    69. Do you have any stickers on your car?     No. Well I guess there’s a military one since it was my dad’s car 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?   I don’t know who the first person is and I’m not into the second so neither   71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?   Android    72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?     Like last week 73. Do you like diet soda? I don’t like soda, period    74. What color are the walls in your room?     My apartment is all a gray/tan color that I don’t actually mind, but my bedroom at my mom’s house is deep purple 75. Are you 16 or older?     Lol yes 76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?     Nah 77. Do you have a job? Trying to function on a daily basis trying to go to school and communicate with people feels like a job      78. What are your initials?     KES 79. Did you ever have braces?     I should have, but my mom and dad just didn’t give a fuck about me so 80. Are you from the south?   No 

81. What does your last status on facebook say?     Idk, I mostly just post articles about fucked up political shit 82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?   We live together so yeah  83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?     ppffFFFTTTT BHAHAAHA. they’re both fucked 84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?     No 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?     I think it was...The Conjuring 2 86. Do you smoke?     No, but I used to fake some cigarillos  87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? Flipflops     88. Is your phone touch screen?     Ofc 89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?   Whatever it happens to do as it dries. If I sleep on it it usually turns out straight on one side, but my hair is naturally wavy    90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?     Not really, not as a teenager 91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?     POOL. I grew up in a town where everyone went “swimmin in the lake” and it’s the nastiest, fishiest lake with toxic shit growing in I’ve ever been to and I’m scarred for life 92. Have you ever made out in a car?     Yeah 93. …Had sex in a car?   Kind of I guess   94. Are you single or in a relationship?     Stop asking me about relationships.  95. What were you doing last night at midnight?   Reading on my computer   96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?   *shrug* last summer probably    97. Do you like the camera on your phone?   It does the job  98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?   Several    99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?   No   100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?   Hmm, there are probably a few who annoy the shit out of me   101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?     Lmao, not a real one 102. Name your favorite Kesha song:   Past Lives   103. Do you have any tan lines right now?     I don’t tan, I burn and return to pasty white 104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? I would never wear cowboy boots, I don’t need that in my life