#and had a student actually get upset w/me bc i wouldn’t tell her the answer to one of their guided questions

[cavriuola]

i like teaching. i like my students. but they are idiots !!

[simonsrosebud]

what is kevin and betsy like? does he take therapy seriously or act more like neil?

(idk how therapy actually works since ive never gone so idk how accurate his sessions w betsy are okay bye)

kevin takes his therapy seriously, yes.  

at first he doesn’t, when he first comes to psu.  he’s too scared to tell betsy anything bc if she tells anyone then kevin is doomed.

but when riko is killed, he starts taking it seriously.  it’s the main reason why his anxiety is amplified and his panic attacks and nightmares become more frequent.  betsy is working through his trauma with him and bringing much of it back to the surface.

when kevin first meets dalton he knows he likes him.  but he still isn’t ready to tell anyone, not even betsy.

unfortunately for him, she’s really good at her job.

“i want to bring the conversation back to this boy, dalton, that you said you’ve been hanging out with.  he’s your friend?”

something like that.

“yeah, he’s a friend.”

“that’s good, that you’ve made friends outside the team.  how did you meet him?  i notice you’ve been bringing him up a lot lately.”

kevin kneads his hands in his lap.  of course he’d make that mistake.  “i was doing homework at starbucks, and he helped me with math and then asked for my number.”  she nods.  “now we hang out a lot.  mainly at his place.  i don’t want andrew and neil to scare him off.”

she nods again.  “what exactly do you think they’d do?”

kevin shrugs.  “i-i don’t know.  but they’d get in my business and probably tell nicky or matt who would tell the whole team, and then they’d be all in my business,” he keeps going when betsy’s face changes an inch.  just contemplating his words, but he reads into it.  “-and i don’t need that right now.  dalton doesn’t even really know that i’m famous.  it’s too soon, and i can’t be outed to the public, it’ll ruin me.”

he only seems to realize what he’s said when betsy starts talking.  “can’t be outed in what way, kevin?”  he stammers.  “i have a feeling you didn’t mean to tell me that, but is dalton really just a friend?”

kevin’s heart is beating out of his chest.  he digs his fingers into his leg.  “no.”

but betsy hasn’t batted an eye.  “that’s okay.  do you want to talk about it?  you’re clamming up.  take some deep breaths, you know i wouldn’t tell a soul if that’s what you’re worried about.”

he pulls his knees to his chest and drops his head.  fuck.  no one was supposed to know, not anytime soon, anyhow.

he composes himself, but doesn’t move.  “i… like guys.”  he lifts his head.  “and girls, but…” he looks away.  “i’ve been seeing dalton, more than just friends.”

betsy is smiling, softly.  “that’s good, kevin.  i know aren’t ready to tell the others, but you shouldn’t be embarrassed.  not with me, anyhow.”  he shrugs.  “would you like to talk more about dalton or move along?”

he shrugs again.  after a minute, wraps his arms around his knees.  “he’s twenty-four, he’s a grad student...  he didn’t have any clue who i was when he met me, i still haven’t really told him a lot.”

“that’s alright.  things take time.  i know you have trouble lettings new people in, and sometimes with physical touch, are there any problems there that you’d like to discuss?”

kevin glares at her, “i’m not talking about our relationship.”

she backs off with an easy nod.  she does a lot of that.  maybe that’s why she works.

somehow, betsy eventually cracks kevin on talking in depth about his relationship with dalton.  she hears all about it when andrew finds out, then when allison finds out, then when nicky finds out.

when the foxes play never have i ever with dalton.  that was a fun one.

“i’m not taking their side, i’m just asking, but do you think perhaps they could have been trying to get to know him and see if he’s all clear?”

he scoffs.  “if they were they’ve got a fucked way of doing that.  they got him plastered.”

“he didn’t have to keep drinking.  from what i’m hearing.”

“he wanted to impress them, he’d never met them before.”  he crosses his arms.

“did you try to tell him to stop drinking?  was it the drinking that really upset you or that your friends were trying to get answers out of him.”

he frowns.  “second one- but it wasn’t just answers.  they went further than just never have i ever dated kevin, they brought up things like wymack and me having to get blacked out to get my tattoo covered, and… i don’t know, sensitive stuff.”  the yakuza.  “it wasn’t okay.”

“did you express this to them?”  he nods.  “you weren’t ready for dalton to know those kinda of things about you, yet.”  he nods and looks away.

“stop reading my brain,” he mumbles.  betsy takes it with a smile, but he’d be lying if he weren’t a tad annoyed about it.  he didn’t think he was this transparent.  

or again, maybe she’s just that good at her job.

contrary to popular belief, saying i love you for the first time didn’t mean that saying it again became easy all of a sudden.  not for kevin.  not for maybe two weeks, until he can get used to dalton saying it more and more.

he talks to betsy about it, just barely.  despite everything he’s told her already, there’s something about this that he’s too embarrassed by.

the only reason he tells dalton is because he wakes up in his bed, sweating and panting in the middle of the night.  the first thing he does is squint his eyes and look for dalton in the dark, and takes a breath when he sees him stir.  he’s still here.  he didn’t leave you.  stop being delusional.

his hands are fists in the sheets, and he presses himself back against the headboard.  you’re fine.

but he still jumps a little when dalton sits up.  “hey,” his voice is groggy, and he rubs his eyes.  he almost reaches for kevin, too, but stops.  “hey, kev.  it’s d, baby, you’re okay.”

“i know,” he whispers.  “i’ll be right back.”

he steps out of bed, hands shaking, and zips across the room to the bathroom.  it’s dark, okay?

he braces himself against the sink.  “get yourself together.”  he splashes water onto his face.  it doesn’t help.  he’s just wet, now.

he leans back against the wall and slides to the floor.  here’s his dilemma.  there’s a part of him that loves dalton more than life itself, he thinks.  and by a part of him he means all of him.

so why is he so scared of it?  of saying it freely, or without a second thought?  he’s never done this before.  he doesn’t know how it’s supposed to be, he just doesn’t understand why he so scared that he’ll get used to saying it and one day be reject-

oh.

dalton is up on his phone when he leaves the bathroom, and turns it off when he crawls back into the bed.  “are you okay?”

“i’m fine,” he says.

“kev”

kevin tucks his hands into the comforter and balls his fists.  “um, i had a dream that you left,” he mumbles. “i know it’s stupid, i just had a moment, it’s whatever-“

“no, it’s not stupid.  i’ve had the same dream before… s’why i said i love you the first time, actually.”

kevin purses his lips.  he can just barely see dalton’s frown.  “um, don’t judge, but i think… i have a hard time saying i love you,” he mumbles.  “so you just have to let me get used to it.”

“okay,” dalton says.  “do you wanna talk about it at all?”

kevin shrugs.  “i don’t know.”  but betsy’s advice swirls in his head.  the only way to know how he feels is talking to him, even if you’d rather not.

“you’re the first person i’ve had a real relationship with.  i think i’m scared i’ll get used to saying i love you and then one day you just won’t say it back.  reject me, or whatever.”  he lies back and feels dalton following.

dalton is lying on his stomach with an arm over kevin and his chin on his chest.  “you’re not crazy for being scared of that,” he mumbles.  “but i can tell you that i don’t see it happening.”  he brushes kevin’s hair from his forehead.  “i’m not leaving anytime soon.”  he kisses his chest since he can’t reach his face without moving.

“okay,” and kevin swallows his fear, or pride, he’s still not sure.  “i love you.”

the next week at his appointment with betsy he tells her of the late night realization, and how dalton reacted to it when he told him.

“the thing to remember about dalton is that we know he’s not going to reject you out of the blue, yes?  from what i see here and there, he’s not just a fling or a short time boyfriend, and he’s now made it clear to you.”

kevin holds his hot chocolate close to his face.  he hasn’t drank any of it, but it’s warm in his hands and the steam is nice on his face.  “yeah,” he murmurs, and without thinking, “i’m pretty sure he’s my soulmate.”

oh?  “i thought you didn’t believe in that kind of thing?”

he shrugs in attempt to hide his shock from saying it, and then tries to hold back a shit eating grin.  “yeah, well… it’s dalton.”

[santiagostyle]

1-150 ;)

I definitely didn’t scroll 3 months back in my archive just to find this ask so I could make a point but anyway LET’S DO DIS

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

Good question lol probably my brother???

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Both depending on the circumstances - usually outgoing if I’m with friends and shy if I’m by myself

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

My best friend from uni (who doesn’t go to my uni anymore), I’m going to a concert w her this weekend I’m supes excited

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Yes I’m a damn delight

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

I mean ?? Yes probably but I wouldn’t ever be in a situation where they would be the only person there to look after me. Like my friends would be there first and foremost

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

UGH people that make me laugh

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Probably not

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

tbh my theatre lecturer bc i have class in half an hour and haven’t done the reading

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Depends on 1. who i’m talking to and 2. the context in which we’re talking about it but usually no

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

probably my best pal from uni

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Yeah I got some”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Four Jews in a Room Bitching - Cast of March of the Falsettos

My Boo (triple j Like a Version) - Flume, Vince Staples, Kučka, Ngaiire, Vera Blue

I Have Confidence - Julie Andrews

Rude Judas (mashup) - Rihanna vs Lady Gaga

Romeo (Bassline remix) - Basement Jaxx

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

YeS

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Yes

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I went overseas (although technically that was during Aus winter but it was summer in the US where I was???)

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Yes

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Probably?? I try not to think about it

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Hahahah not unless I see him in person

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Yes

20. Do you like your neighbors?

No unfortunately 

21. What are you bad habits?

I bite my nails and I fidget constantly

22. Where would you like to travel?

Europe!!!!

23. Do you have trust issues?

Y E S

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

taking my bra off lmao omg

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

?????? idk all of it

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Snooze my alarm tbh

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

I mean neither but I wish I could tan instead of getting sunburnt

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my uni friends and my best friend from high school

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

I mean not in those exact words

30. Do you ever want to get married?

I mean hopefully yes

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Melissa Fumero and Andy Samberg but like only if their spouses were cool with it

33. Spell your name with your chin.

I am,,,, not going to do that 

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I dance and I do yoga

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

GOD NEITHER like I listen to music 24/7 but…. brooklyn 99

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Yes many times tbh

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Hahaha nothing I’m the worst

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

two words: Melissa Fumero

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

I really like H&M

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Plot twist I’m a uni student (I’m studying theatre, film, and english literature)

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

depends on what they did

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m either really like upset/mad or really tired

43. Do you smile at strangers?

I try to most of the time

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Bottom of the ocean but also fuck that

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

My alarm???? Fam I got class to get to

46. What are you paranoid about?

Literally everything this is a dumb question

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

yes many times

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

not that i can think of thankfully

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

I regularly wish I was Melissa Fumero does that count

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I wish I could sing tbh

53. Favourite makeup brand?

probably Too Faced

54. Favourite store?

Was there not an identical question not long ago

55. Favourite blog?

tbh probably @elsaclack but @johnnydora is i mean not terrible

56. Favourite colour?

probably purple 

57. Favourite food? 

BURRITOS

58. Last thing you ate?

a ham and cheese toasties

59. First thing you ate this morning?

…. the ham and cheese toastie

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

ACTUALLY YES I once one a competition to go to a cinema and see a performance of of Iolanta and The Nutcracker (but the nutcracker was a super weird absurd version) 

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Neither

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope

63. Ever been in love? 

Tbh probably not

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

HAHAHA wow I was drunk at a party and the guy who like low key tried to ruin my life a few years beforehand 

65. Are you hungry right now?

always

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

i mean tbh i like them equally as much

67. Facebook or Twitter?

facebook

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

no lol I’m in class

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

Macy Temiqua Sandra Megan and like. a lot more

71. Craving something? What?

SURPRISINGLY nothing atm

72. What colour are your towels?

tbh depends on the day mostly purple

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

nope

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

probably like 7

75. Favourite animal?

meerkats

76. What colour is your underwear?

black

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

cookies and cream

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

purple

80. What colour pants?

black

81. Favourite tv show?

is this really a question

82. Favourite movie?

Cruel Intentions

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

The OG

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Ms Norbury

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Dory

87. First person you talked to today?

@johnnydora

88. Last person you talked to today?

uni pals

89. Name a person you hate?

donald trump

90. Name a person you love?

baby samberg

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

see question 90

92. In a fight with someone?

not atm

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

too many tbh

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

also too many

95. Last movie you watched?

I honestly don’t remember but probably One of the Greats if that counts as a movie??

96. Favourite actress?

duh Melissa Fumero (but also Sarah Michelle Gellar is fantastic)

97. Favourite actor?

these are stupid questions ok the answer is Andy Samberg but i also love Robert Downey Jr

98. Do you tan a lot?

No

99. Have any pets?

negative

100. How are you feeling?

TIRED AF i was up until 11:30 last night doing an assignment

101. Do you type fast?

yes

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

not really i don’t think

103. Can you spell well?

you bet your ass I can

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Yeah I do

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Negative

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

I hope not???

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

No I don’t think so

108. What should you be doing?

taking notes looooool

109. Is something irritating you right now?

not RIGHT now????

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yes sigh

111. Do you have trust issues?

yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I very rarely cry in front of people (I very rarely cry full stop) but I think it was my dance teacher

113. What was your childhood nickname?

my parents usually called me Emma Jade

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yessss

115. Do you play the Wii?

we have one but don’t use it haha

116. Are you listening to music right now?

nope

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

I do not think so hahaha

118. Do you like Chinese food?

yes give it to me

119. Favourite book?

To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

The A to Z of You and Me - James Hannah

The Unbearable Lightness of Being - Milan Kundera

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

yes

121. Are you mean?

I hope not

122. Is cheating ever okay?

no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

lol no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not love at first sight, maybe infatuation

125. Do you believe in true love?

yeah i guess so

126. Are you currently bored?

a little

127. What makes you happy?

Brooklyn 99; my friends; anything having to do with theatre, film, or literature

128. Would you change your name?

No i don’t think so

129. What your zodiac sign?

Gemini

130. Do you like subway?

yessssss

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

I don’t really have a best friend of the opposite sex but like depending who it was I would either be v happy or a bit weirded out

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my best friend from uni

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

I’m gonna be free and I’m gonna be fine (maybe not tonight)

134. Can you count to one million?

god no

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

I told someone I was out with my parents bc I didn’t want to answer the phone haha

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed

137. How tall are you?

5′6″

138. Curly or Straight hair?

??? I have ?? wavy hair

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Brunette

140. Summer or Winter?

Both for different reasons

141. Night or Day?

Both but probably night

142. Favourite month?

June or October or December

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

145. Tea or Coffee?

coffee

146. Was today a good day?

so far yes

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“Everyone who terrifies you is sixty-five percent water. And everyone you love is made of stardust, and I know sometimes you cannot even breathe deeply, and the night sky is no home, and you have cried yourself to sleep enough times that you are down to your last two percent; but nothing is infinite, not even loss. You are made of the sea and the stars, and one day you are going to find yourself again.”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yes

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“Speaking personally, David, I want to tell you you have all my sympathy. Really. These things can be hell.”