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#and he said hes not rlly a fan of round faces and very eagle noses
boycannibal · 3 years
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bro im.
#ed tw#we stayed up til 5am and at some point he turned on the camera for some time#and at some point i joked i might turn on the camera too#and we talked about our preferences in people like physical ones#and he said hes not rlly a fan of round faces and very eagle noses#and like at some point he asked me to turn on the camera and i did because well i dont really care and i like him#except that apparently i do care. because i got so insecure about my face i straight up dont want to eat anything tmrw#like yeah its an oval because everyone tells me it is but also i probably have body dysmorphia so i think i look fat because im a healthy#weight..#and after i turned the camera on and off (quickly because i got insecure fast lol) he said he had to go to bed#which fair because its 5AM ! but also that timing was so unfortunate it made me feel a little like he went to bed bc i wasnt worth talking#to after he saw me.#which i know is so ridiculous because he saw me before and if he thought me disgusting he would NOT ask to see me on camera again#even if i suggested it#so i might be at least ok to look at which is an improvement to how i feel about myself rn#so like. rational thoughts please fight it#the plan is i think that tomorrow i do my hair actually nice and maybe do a little makeup on my eyes and get nicer lightning#and tell him that yesterday i looked like shit because i was tired#like man. i know he doesnt mean any of it but also hearing him say that he doesnt like chubby faces is not good for my psyche#because it makes me right away think about how much i weighted tomorrow morning and guilty for the chocolate i ate (that still ended up#at my maintanance calories but whatever)#like man thats not even good nutritious food i feel so bad about it.
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