#and helped motivate the camping trips and hosting I did do

[ultimateaclrecovery]

Checking in on my 2023 goals!

23 things for 2023

1. buy 1 horse

Done!! Bought Luna!!!

2. Knit a pair of socks

I knit a sock, that I finished today. But I mostly decided I wanted to knit other things instead so this is fine

3. Three camping trips

went to mt of the holy cross, and New Mexico for two camping nights, plus a day hike in winter park. So technically no but pretty close!

4. Plant four pumpkins

…..no. I bought seeds and did nothing and I don’t feel that bad about it

5. Handstand (five fingers) press

Lol no. Did nothing for it. Never made a plan and so did not achieve

6. Kill side yard weeds (because weeds are the devil 666)

Success? I paid a Gardner to pull them all so yes! Feels like a failure because I didn’t really deal with them or the yard in general, but they are all gone now.

7. Go to Loyola social justice meeting (7th heaven)

I went to a meeting! And baked cookies for an event. (And then never went back oops)

8. Mail 8 letters to mates - birthday cards probably

Success! (Rebecca birthday, Sarah birthday, Clare get well card, Callie birthday, Alison birthday, clare birthday, Callie wedding, clare kt recipe card)

9. Research 9 hours of getting a cat (9 lives)

Decided a horse was enough so stopped researching 🤷‍♀️[ read complete guide to adopting a cat 3 hours]

10. Do ten full pull ups

Total yes, in a row like intended absolutely not. I can do like 2.5 in a row. Made haphazard progress, but now I have a pull up bar so hoping for better next year!

11. Buy 11 things off of my to buy eventually list

Success! This was easy and I did it! (air fryer, air mattress, nice soap dispensers, office mat, thermometer, fire extinguisher, white tank top, little plates, shower cleaner, plastic drain pipes, sheet pan organizer, bonus: back door light bulb, rainbow flag and holder, more bras)

12. Go on 12 dates

Success! I thought this would be really hard but then I just got my boyfriend by like February and it ended up being the easiest ny resolution ever. He even asked me out to start.

13. Run a half marathon 13.1 miles

Success! (Okay this was a gimme because I signed up for it and had a training plan in 2022 but still)

14. Hike a fourteener

Success! mt of the holy cross and it was terrifying and very long but we did it!

15. Read 30 (15x2) books

I read 27 and have three in various states of completion. I kind of wanted to power this one thru but it wouldn’t have been fun and then what’s the point. This one is hard because I abandoned so so many books this year. Like I made it at least one chapter into like 40 and a couple half way thru. So close but no cigar but I refuse to read things that aren’t fun just to hit a goal so I feel fine about it.

16. Host 8 things

Hosted 3, organized a couple others so partial credit. I would like to do better in the future. ( galentines, whimsy brunch, birthday, organized brunch at watercourse, organized lake day)

17. Go out dancing (must be more dancing than drinking, dance class counts.)(dancing queen only 17)

Nope. But also that’s fine.

18. Upgrade phone and deal with all photos. Upload belize to fb and save others. Data management

Mostly. I got an external storage for Christmas so I can finish when I get home. So solid partial credit. (uploaded some. Upgraded phone plus new battery, still need to get data off of it) emmapictures2222_2@gmail.com emmapictures2222@gmail.com

19. General contractor for house cracks plus install air conditioner

Success. Installed ac. Got the cracks looked at once and they were fine and then they got worse and now I’m getting foundation work done. So success I guess.

20. Get 20 layout ds

… I did not count. I def got some but probably not 20 so partial credit. (4 from leiout)

21. Go to frisbee Masters regionals

Success! Another bit of gimme but we went and qualified to nationals!)

22. Buy purple navel jewelry (I’m feeling 22)

Success! (And I love it)

23. volunteer for 23 hours

No and I feel bad about it. I need to find something to volunteer with. I feel like I should have the time/be able to make time but it also feels like I never have time and also never want to. But I think it’s important.

So overall full success on 11 of the goals, happy partial on 5, annoyed partial on 2, abandoned 4 and failed my last one and feel bad about it.

But overall pretty good success!

[brekker-by-brekkerr]

From what I've understood is gicky fans have some epic backstory for them and probably head-canon so much stuff to make them the best ship on the show. When in reality the best writing was given to portwell (like their development throughout S2). And gicky's writing have been underwhelming and less explanation given to especially to Ricky's side of the story. Gina's side was pretty clear until they made a mess of it in S3 where she basically gave up on EJ just because he couldn't "show up" for 2 weeks and Ricky did. Very strange how she understands relationships. This isn't the same Gina who always pushes and never gives up.

In real life 2 weeks is nothing. Imagine if he went on a trip for 2 weeks for work/just spend time with family, and he couldn't make time for her, she'd ditch him? She'd suddenly run to a man who gives her attention? Where your partner can't give you time because it's genuinely something that is important. He wasn't ignoring her to hang out with his friends or deliberately just avoiding. He wasn't even wanting to ignore her. He wanted to prove something to his dad (I'm sure Gina can understand the sentiment, especially when her mother also told her 'there is no point of doing something if you're not the best at it' I'm paraphrasing but something along those lines). And by doing that he'd be able to have that gap year and be neighbours with Gina. He wanted to "show up" for her, he clearly did. He also wanted to make the show a success for her. He says 'I can't let Gina down'. Even though fate wasn't on his side, when it came to their relationship.

What I don't understand is Gina clearly has no value for EJ's intentions here. When in reality S2 Gina said 'I see a guy who tries to do the right thing although he fails a lot'. This was what Gina had to show EJ, but she clearly didn't mean what she said. Like what else are the viewers are meant to interpret from her behaviour?

Guess since many people who watch this show are early teenagers so their POV might be very different and all they care about is chemistry. But chemistry doesn't mean good writing, doesn't mean realistic development nor does it make the pairing the best in the show.

Sometimes I wonder if Olivia was a series regular still, how different S3 would've been. Because I'm sure Nini would've come to camp with the wildcats. And maybe Ricky would've got a season where he contemplates over his relationship decisions and decides to mainly be a friend and work on himself. Maybe Rini would be good friends by the end of the season and portwell would still be together. Or maybe they'd decide on breaking up because EJ is meant to be leaving East High. And then it opens up the possibility for gicky in S4. But I feel gicky would happen for a short period to eventually get back to rini after both have grown up a bit and changed. And portwell might have been hinted at, at the end of the show. I don't think gicky would've ever been endgame, doesn't seem likely if Olivia was still here.

oh my stars so many great points anon!! I completely agree that portwell has the best writing and that's so clear. Yes, R*na has chemistry but the writing just isn't doing much for them. Versus the hints from season 1 and us seeing Portwell scheming together and EJ buying her a plane ticket to season 2 when he's the one to listen to her and genuinely care (with no ulterior motives) and to choose her and them working together as co-hosts and being spies together (risotto) and their faces during "something there" and the freaking COUCH SCENE AHHH and so many other wonderful moments. I mean, Gina gets a whole romcom episode dedicated to helping her figure out her feelings. So much care is payed to both of their characters and their arcs and making sure they're both treated well and it feels like the most wholesome and healthy and lovely relationship I've ever seen on TV and R*na is just not on that level at all.

And I agree about the two weeks thing. It frustrates me to no end that all of this, the breakup, it was all about two weeks. Two. Freaking. Weeks. I agree and I think you're onto something with the whole Gina being able to understand him thing. Like, the Gina we know would understand. She has always this drive to succeed and she understands parental pressure, both from her own experience and from what her and EJ have discussed.

What I don't understand is Gina clearly has no value for EJ's intentions here. When in reality S2 Gina said 'I see a guy who tries to do the right thing although he fails a lot'.

This. Where did this go in season 3??

chemistry doesn't mean good writing, doesn't mean realistic development nor does it make the pairing the best in the show.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Also, I agree that it doesn't seem like R*na was meant to be endgame, but I'm not even necessarily opposed to the idea of that I just wish it had been set up well. I've seen people say that by pointing out that things would have gone differently if Nini had stayed we're somehow hating on Gina, and that's not at all true! Like, I want the best for Gina. The show itself highlights how much of a connection rini have, like from the raw emotion on ricky's face at the end of season 3, it's clear there's always going to be something there or at least will be for a while. meanwhile, EJ is someone who is emotionally available and chooses Gina and will continue to choose Gina. Stars, what I love about them is how they're both so driven to go after what they want so in a relationship they would really be each other's biggest supporters who keep pursuing each other so hard it's lovely.

we could have had so much better for Gina and EJ.

[godofdystopia]

Sashannarcy Week Day 4: Crossover

Thanks again to @phrogfrommars for hosting this Sashannarcy week.

This entry was both easier and harder than I thought it would be. It was easier because I was already planning to write this but lacked the motivation to actually write it till now. It was harder because after writing it I realized two things.

1. This was entirely based off of a Jeep Ad for Jurassic World and I didn’t even know it till i was three paragraphs in.

2. I probably could have done more with this since I failed to remember that one of the villains of Jurassic World is named Henry Wu until I was three lines away from being done. Also, I need to watch Camp Cretaceous, it would help with writing this in the future.

Either way, I desperately wanted a story about the Calamity Trio trying to adopt a dinosaur and since no one else would probably write it I decided to do it myself.

Also some unsubtle criticisms of Jurassic World: Dominion so like, extremely minor spoilers for that movie but nothing that would spoil the general plot or ending, just the vibe and feel of the movie is all.

Please enjoy. And remember: the Carnotaurus is the greatest dinosaur.

words: 2.7

It was yet another quiet night at the Waybright-Boonchuy-Wu household.

Marcy was off getting groceries and so Sasha and Anne were left to hold down the fort. Currently, the two women were cuddled up on the couch wearing comfortable pajamas as they watched the tv. Some random channel was on in the background, Sasha thinks it was the news, but it was on an ad break and so they just talked about their days

Well, Sasha didn’t talk because Anne was too busy excitedly talking about the changes that the Aquarium was going under.

“Still can’t believe they actually found some, but I'm not going to complain! Actual Amphibians from the cretaceous period Sash! It’s amazing, I get to learn so much about them now!”

“I’m still mostly excited about the Mosasaur you guys are getting. I always liked that show at Jurassic World back when we went.” Sasha explained as she cuddled her wife.

She remembered that trip well: Her, Marcy, and Anne had saved up enough money to stay there for a week, and they lived it up at Jurassic World. Marcy had info-dumped endlessly about the various dinosaurs they saw about, Anne got to pet a triceratops, and Sasha herself had watched a T-rex hunt down a goat and eat it in front of her.

The girls hadn’t been too happy about that, but Sasha still thought of it as the second biggest highlight of her time there. The first being the many makeout sesh’s they’d all had about the place.

Anne looked up quizzically as Sasha began chuckling, a small blush lighting up her cheeks as she did so.

“Something funny?” She asked, looking at the blushing blonde with an eyebrow raised.

“Just remembering some things, don’t worry about it.” Sasha waved away the question, trying to fight down her blush and think of a way to change the subject. “Saw Humphrey today, you’ll never guess what he was doing!”

Anne Hmm’d while Sasha, giddy with excitement, went on “He was sitting on a park bench and, you know, I thought he was feeding ducks but no! He was sitting there, a giant bag of beef jerky in his hands, and he was feeding a bunch of Compy’s!”

Anne blinked, thought about the tiny old man feeding tinier carnivores and started laughing.

“He knows those things will strip him down to bones in like, two minutes tops right?”

“Who cares, it was hilarious!” Sasha was laughing harder now. “The funniest thing was when this big Pteranodon looking thing swooped down and just grabbed a strip right out of the air before any of the Compy’s could. I swear I've never seen lizards look so depressed.”

Anne and Sasha laughed a bit before the sound of the news coming back on turned their attention back to the tv.

“...The dinosaurs are still rampaging across the world. People are coming to deal with adapting to a world with them in many different ways though it’s a very hard transition. From ranchers complaining about velociraptors eating their herds to trains derailed from migrating stegosaurus, from airplanes taken down by Quetzalcoatl's to cruise liners swimming with mosasaurs, the world is certainly a lot rowdier than it was before the change.”

The news anchor looked down at her notes, frowned, and lifted them up to squint at them a bit. She sighed and looked annoyed.

“But enough about that, apparently. Because we have word of some rather large bugs in the Midwest and we’re going to divert the rest of our news cycle towards that. Yes, it’s not as interesting as Dinosaurs in Manhattan but apparently that’s what we’re going with.”

From behind the camera, Sasha and Anne could hear someone saying “That’s not what we wrote on the notes.”

“No it’s not.” The anchor admitted. “Because people want to hear about dinosaurs in our modern world. They don’t want to listen to someone talk about giant bugs for two hours when there are dinosaurs roaming the earth now!”

“Just talk about the bugs, Lauren!”

The anchor threw down her notes and shouted “A Triceratops tore through my car cause it thought it was challenging her and you want me to talk about some damn BUG-”

The feed cut off, the ‘Technical Difficulties’ sign going up on the screen as Sasha and Anne just stared at the static image.

“Soo… bugs, what do you think that was about?” Anne asked her wife.

Sasha just stared at her. “Anne, you were literally screaming about how you get to ‘Swim on the back of the Loch Ness Monster’ at work in a week and you want to talk about bugs?”

“Okay, fair.” Anne said with a pout. “Like, they promised they were going to go in deep about how Dinosaurs are playing havoc on the ecosystem. But now they want to talk about bugs?”

Sasha just rubbed her wife’s back. “Perhaps they’re very big bugs?”

Anne just stared.

Sasha sighed, defeated. “Yeah, okay. I know bugs aren’t as interesting as Dinosaurs in our modern world now. Was just trying to cut them some slack.”

The two of them fell into a comfortable silence, just cuddling up and waiting for their wife to come home so they could hug her too.

The sound of the door being  slammed open startled Anne and Sasha out of both their conversation and their cuddle.

“GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS, You will not BELIEVE what just happened! Come here, Come here, Come here!” Marcy’s overly excited shouting drew them off the couch.

“Marcy? Marcy, what’s going on?” Sasha asked as they both walked over towards the doorway.

“Yeah marbles, what’s-” Anne’s question died off with a strangled whimper as she saw exactly what her and Sasha’s wife wanted them to see.

Marcy was standing there, proud as can be, holding a massive Great Dane sized dinosaur in her arms which squirmed and thrashed about. Marcy was covered in scratches, with a few still bleeding as the massive thing in her arms roared and cried.

It was a deep red, with a light tan belly, and it looked like a t-rex but with horns. It had a blunter head, and even tinier arms than a newborn baby. Every time it roared they could see sharp little needle-like teeth that looked like, when fully grown, would be able to tear through a car.

“What the fuck is that!?” Sasha screamed out as she thrust an arm in front of Anne, who just looked shocked at the screaming dinosaur.

“It’s a Carnotaurus!” Marcy said cheerily, the reptilian beast in her arms screaming up a storm as it thrashed about like an eel. Its massive hind legs tore through the air over and over as its clawed toes went up and down. “I saved him and…” She looked at Sasha and Anne, took in their appearance, and frowned. “Did you guys start the cuddle sesh without me?”

“What is it doing in our house!?” Anne screeched, not liking the look of those teeth at all.

“I rescued him!” Marcy tried to hold up the Carnotaurus baby proudly, but it weighed half a ton and she wasn’t the strongest person. She ended up falling to her knees and bringing the carnivorous dinosaur with her. With his feet firmly on the ground, he stopped thrashing about, but kept roaring and screaming.

“A bunch of people from BioSyn came and took his parents away. The poor little guy was left behind and he just looked so lonely that I couldn't help but save him! You should’ve seen how he looked at me, he was so sad!”

“He was probably sizing you up for dinner, Marcy! That thing is a wild predator.” Sasha yelled, gesturing at the still screaming carnotaurus wildly.

“Wrong! He looked at me with such big ol’ eyes that I knew he wanted me to take him to safety. You know you can’t trust those BioSyn guys anyway.” Marcy said firmly, holding the carnotaurus to her chest and making cooing sounds to try and calm him down. Amazingly, it appeared to work.

“They have a giant reserve in the Alps or something, they can take care of him there.” Anne said, keeping at least one eye on the creature.

“It’s in the Italian mountains actually, but that’s not the point!” Marcy pouted. “We don’t even know if he’ll find his parents there and the other dinosaurs will be mean to him without parents. But here we can keep him safe and warm and fed and not eaten by a T-rex.”

All throughout, Anne slowly detangled herself from Sasha and reached into a pocket to take out her cell phone.

“I’m calling BioSyn, they’ll take him to Sanctuary and-”

“NOO!” Marcy curled herself around the dinosaur, looking at her wives with tears in her eyes. “You can’t take Chomper away!”

“He’s a wild animal Marcy! He’ll- wait, Chomper?” Sasha just looked bewildered, looking between Marcy and the Carnotaurus.

“From the Land Before Time.” Marcy said, holding the now named Chomper tightly. She looked at them pleadingly. “C'mon, can you really say no to this cutie?” She grabbed both sides of Chompers head and angled it towards Sasha and Anne, his yellow reptilian eyes sizing the two of them up before deciding they weren’t edible, or not worth the effort ot make them edible.

“Marcy, I really don’t think this is a good idea.” Anne tried to explain, still angling herself away from the carnivore who was starting to calm down at least. 

“Well, I-” Sasha began, only to be cut off.

“Think of it like we’re adopting a kid! A big, scaly, carnivorous kid! Please, for me?”

Marcy then did something that Anne and Sasha thought was not fair at all: She looked at them with such big pleading eyes, her lip quivered, and it looked like she was close to tears.

Sasha and Anne stopped listening, in fact they could not hear anything else she was saying because the minute Marcy said ‘adopting a kid,’ their minds got stuck in a permanent loop of thinking about them and Marcy having kids. Seeing Marcy look at them with such an adorable expression just added to the torment.

It’d… if they kept the Carnivore for a bit, it would almost be like a practice run, right? They’d keep him, learn how to take care of something younger than them, and they’d have a better idea of how to take care of their own kids once they had them.

The justifications were flimsy as hell, but right now none of them cared enough to question. They tried, they really did, to stay strong. But against such adorableness what could one do?

Anne wrapped her arms around Marcy, hugging the girl to her chest. Sasha came and did the same, the three wives hugging each other in the doorway. Chomper the Carnotaurus looked at the scene, cocked his horned head to the side, and then leapt at them with a yelp.

The three women fell to the ground with the young Carnotaurus baby on top of them, he rested his head on their chests and looked at them, sticking his tongue out with a ‘blep’ as he did so.

Anne and Sasha refused to admit that they found the action cute.

“Alright Marcy, we won’t call BioSyn.” Anne said gently, though her voice was straining from what felt like half a ton of Carnotaurus baby on top of her.

“Yet.” Sasha said, glaring at the dinosaur. She did not like him.

“Yesss!” Marcy cheered, hugging all three of them to her and squealing happily. “ I promise, you won’t regret this at all!”

Anne figured that she would realize before the week was out that trying to keep a wild animal that could grow large enough to eat horses in a single bite wasn’t a good idea.

Chomper wouldn’t be staying with them long.

**********

Months Later…

Sasha always loved driving down the freeway, and now that she’s married she loves it even more. Anne next to her, Marcy leaning forward so she’s in the middle, it’s all perfect. Her red convertible cruising down the coastline, the girls heading out to go to a convention that Marcy had in a different city and they’d packed to turn it into a vacation as a family.

“RAAAWR!” Chomper, the great dane sized Carnotaurus calf roared out happily as he leaned his horned head off the side of the car. HIs tongue wagged in the wind as the massive juvenile carnivore enjoyed the car ride as much as his moms did. He had on a purple collar with his name tag attached, a bright white metal one shaped like a bone, to a harness around his body as just wearing the collar during walks caused him to ignore it entirely and run off towards whatever he happened to see.

Sasha hated that she found the big idiot to be cute, especially since he was still growing his teeth and so bit everything. And yet cute he was. He acted like a giant puppy, albeit one who needed to be fed whole roasted chickens and marked his territory by scratching his growing horns against anything till it left massive gouges. He slept at the end of their bed, went for walks at the park although the girls had to jog and sometimes sprint to keep up with him, he would rush over and knock them to the floor in excitement whenever they got home, and he sometimes woke up the neighborhood because he heard something outside and decided to roar loud enough to shatter the windows. He really was just a giant kid who could knock over a tree if he headbutted them.

PetSmart still wouldn’t let them ever return.

Marcy ran her hand down Chomper’s back, the big dinosaur rumbling with contentment while Anne filed his claws to try and make them less deadly. As much as they all loved him, he could do with less deadly weapons at the end of his limbs.

“We need to schedule a vet appointment for Chomper when we get back.” Anne said as she blunted the ends of his claws to an acceptably non fatal size.

“Again, I don't think there’s a vet around who knows how to treat dinosaurs and wont rat us out to the feds for keeping one in our house.” Sasha said as she felt the wind rush through her hair. It’d need to be cut before long but with trying to take care of Chomper, she hadn’t found the time.

“We could try and swing by Dr. Jan’s again, she and Terri love him.” Anne replied as she finished up grooming the big carnivore. Chomper flexed his clawed feet before snuggling back down on the car seat, his tail wagging back and forth and almost knocking Sasha and Marcy in the heads. 

Anne giggled as she saw him do so. “Someone’s excited to see Auntie Jan again. Do you want to see Jan again, huh? Do ya?”

Chomper roared happily, his whole body shaking with excitement at the thought. Sasha had to swerve to keep the car under control but ended up laughing along with her wife.

Laughter that ended as they heard Marcy simply say “Told you you wouldn’t regret this.”

Anne and Sasha stopped laughing at their wife’s words, just staring at the dashboard as they both sat in silence. Chomper decided to break the awkward silence by panting happily as he stared across the coast at a pod of Plesiosaurs who’d just breached the water and were swimming merrily by a passing cruise ship.

Sasha and Anne could feel Marcy’s smug look, their wife looking like Christmas had come early.

“Alright, fine. I’m glad we didn't call BioSyn on the big idiot, okay?” Sasha said exasperatedly, groaning as Chomper leaned his head over Marcy to lick her face. Sasha refused to admit she found the action endearing.

Marcy continued to look smug as she chuckled, reaching up to pet the top of Chomper's scaled head. He nuzzled against her hand and Anne reached back to scratch underneath his chin.

He was indeed cute.

[now-we-say-c0ral]

April 4, 2023

Woke up at around 6.30am in the morning and did my usual morning Wordle. Eddie texted me his Wordle attempts and he did 5/6 attempts and I had it in 4. I guess I win.

Got to work late because my ass wasn't just motivated to get on with my day. Oral list was canceled in the morning so we just helped with the arrangement of sets and relieved some ORs to help pass the time. Eddie texted me a cute reel on Instagram and it made me smile that he still thinks of doing sweet stuff with me. He's going on a camping trip with Flo and I'm going to give him some peace and quiet and won't be pestering him. Just some updates would do. I hope he's safe and well-fed. Miles invited me to go on a fishing trip in Seaford with the boys and I said yes. I think I need to see the sea more than once this week. Call time is 3am though. Too early, bro but whatever. I have to do it. I'm sure I'll have fun. I know the guys who are hosting. Sad that Porcia can't come due to some prior commitments but that's okay. The boys are good company anyways. In the afternoon did another oral list with Mr. Sameja and it was a very straightforward shift. Had a good talk with Leslie and Jarrell about how I'm steering my life. She's happy that I have been offered a new post elsewhere and that it's really a good development for me so that I could grow more.

Went home around 6pm and got to the gym around 7pm. Did back, arms, a short power walk. Eddie updated me that he's eaten and that camp's been set. I'll tell him in a while that I'll give him some peace. I think he deserves that since he's on vacation (also because of how I've been with him lately). I should think of stuff to tell him this Friday. My expectations in our relationships. Limitations on some stuff on his end and mine. I won't ask for much really but I guess I won't settle with the bare minimum too but I'll make my terms reasonable.

In a while after writing this I'll be walking home and taking a bath. I hope I sleep soundly tonight. My mind's calm... but still I'm sort of sad. Sort of, kind of, really sad. Calmly sad... silently sad.

Some days I wish I don't feel the way I do about most things. It's either I don't care or I do. A lot.

[ygreczed-3]

The Red Guard and the Snow Angel

Stormy Lands concept art

The Thunder War Spirit’s seal concept art

Gavin and the thunder war spirit

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

On the stormy lands.

Gavin : It's been raining for days. I just want to see a fucking fire now. And feel dry again. Connor : The man from Braverive said there was a city in the middle of the thunder desert… We should be close. Hank : I really need a dry bed. I'm too old for this shit…  Gavin : Rheumatism, old man ? 

They see a cave

Hank : Shut up. Let's just stop for the night.

X

Gavin wakes up in the middle of the night Nines and Connor are in stasis, Hank is sleeping.

??? : ℌ𝔲𝔪𝔞𝔫… ℑ 𝔠𝔞𝔫 𝔣𝔢𝔢𝔩 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔯𝔰𝔱… 𝔗𝔥𝔦𝔯𝔰𝔱 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔭𝔬𝔴𝔢𝔯… 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔰𝔱𝔯𝔢𝔫𝔤𝔱𝔥… ℌ𝔲𝔪𝔞𝔫, 𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔪𝔢…

Gavin walks away from the camp and goes deeper in the cave. There is a stone shining orange/yellow in the dark blue night.

???  : ℑ 𝔠𝔞𝔫 𝔪𝔞𝔨𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔭𝔬𝔴𝔢𝔯𝔣𝔲𝔩. Gavin : … And what do you want from me ? ???  : … 𝔜𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔟𝔬𝔡𝔶.

Gavin touches the stone and a huge lightning strikes from the dark grey clouds. Connor, Nines and Hank are awakened by the sound of thunder, and then Gavin's scream. A thunder spirit is invading the cave, transferring from the stone to Gavin's body.

Hank : What the hell ?!

The magic flows into Gavin's nape, forming a golden seal.

Connor : Nines ! His neck !

Nines sees the seal and hits the spot with an ice arrow. The thunder vanishes from the cave but the seal remains on Gavin's neck. Gavin drops on his knees, in shock, trembling and breathing heavily. 

Hank : You okay kid ? What happened ?

Hank turns to Nines

Hank : How did you know you had to hit the neck ? Connor : We're magic creatures. We have seals too, we know they're a weakness. Hank : So… What was that ? Nines : A thunder war spirit.

*Nines looks at the stone*

Nines : This one was sealed in that cave... Somehow, Gavin unleashed it and now... he hosts it.

X

NB : So, the people that live in the stormy lands sealed the thunder war spirit in that cave a long long time ago. The first generations used to educate fighting monks to watch the cave but as time passed, it became a legend and now fighting monks are sent to other strategic points. The cave and the thunder war spirit that, in the past, devastated the Stormy Lands with bestial ferocity are now almost forgotten.

The war spirit was waiting for a suitable host to come by, someone already powerful and skilled in the arts of combat, but also spirited and ambitious, because those emotions fuels it. Its purpose is to take control of the body it possesses using negative emotions. Attacking the seal that appears on Gavin's neck stunts the spirit and seals it again for an unkown period of time. The only way to control the spirit is to use a goal as a channel, and redirect the thunder power to serve this purpose. The control can be absolute when the host has a steel motivation.

The basic victims of the war spirit are theoretically unable to have higher purposes in life than their own interests, so they always end up being totally under the spirit's influence and are killed to give full control of their bodies.

X

Gavin is outside, touching his neck, lost in his thoughts. It's raining and he's drenched. Nines glares at him from the entrance of the cave.

Nines : You should be dead.

Gavin  doesn't even turn his head to stare back at the golem.

Gavin : Heard this already. Nines : Elemental war Spirits are powerful. Humans… Most humans actually couldn't even contain their magic. That’s... quiet impressive. Gavin : … It's lurking inside… waiting for the best moment to kill me, I can feel it. 

Gavin sighs and closes his eyes, his fingers still tracing the edges of his new scar.

 Anyway. I can't believe you left a scar there. Scars in the back are made when you run away… and I've never run away.  Nines : … Now you can't say you killed everyone who left you with a scar. Gavin : Who knows, I could still kill you. Nines : … Don't be ridiculous. You can't even defend your own body. How could you pretend to be strong enough to kill me ? Gavin : Don't underestimate me, snowy prick.

X

Gavin is still outside, in the pouring rain. Hank is standing by the entrance of the cave.

Hank : Hey… How do you feel ? Gavin :... Weird.  Hank : ...You know, we fight from time to time, but we're brothers in arms, in the Red Guard… Nice to know you're okay. Gavin : … Hm… ...Hey Hank… If I… Die during this mission… I want a tombstone… next to my mother. And I… I want you to visit it, sometimes. I doubt that anyone is gonna remember me… except you, because I was a pain in your ass. Hank : Pff. Don't think about it now. Just be careful in the future, alright ?

X

Hank's frowning in pain, groaning. Connor rises up his head. 

Connor : You okay ? Hank : … That little brat was right… I have an old injury on my back… this constant rain is making it so sore… Dammit. Connor : Does this make it better ?

Connor applies his hand on Hank's back, using snow magic.

Hank : … Yeah, it… actually works. Connor : Cold sooth pain. Markus knows healing magic, he tried to teach me but I'm way better at fighting.  Hank : … What was your job ? When you were still in Detroit ? Connor : I worked a long time in Amanda Stern's fields. And some time before the Night of Freedom, she asked me to clean up and classify her books. I… I read them when she wasn't around. She had a lot of books about Kamski and magic. Hank : That's how you had this idea ? Connor : … One book actually says something that… intrigues me. Hank: ? Connor : "The key to our prosperity lays in…" And the end was never written. If we knew that maybe… Our people could finally find peace.

X

During the trip, Hank and Connor grow fond of one other. Hank likes Connor's capacity to analyze things and is low key impressed by his knowledge and his fighting skills, they even start to spar together. Connor happens to be interested in human sciences, and they end up talking philosophy a lot. 

Connor feels intrigued by Hank, and starts feeling this "warm feeling" that puzzles him. Hank slowly realizes golems might not be totally responsible for what happened to his family, and starts showing empathy to Connor.

One night in an inn, Hank can't sleep, as usual, so Connor takes him out. They walk around the town, Hank talks about the Golden Age in Detroit, and the beautiful night market that was organized once a month. Connor says he remembers it. Golems weren't allowed in it, but he liked to watch the lights and hear the music from afar. When they get back to the room, Hank goes back into the bed and actually falls deep asleep. Connor stays there and looks at him as he sleeps, and can't help but think about how beautiful his silver thin hair looks in the moonlight. He brushes his hand, and it's so warm, a warmth that echoes his feelings. He just sits down near the bed and stays there, lost in his thoughts.

Nines doesn't like that Connor gets closer to Hank. He recognizes Hank is somehow well behaved and… righteous compared to Gavin, but he's still a HUMAN and he thinks Connor is forgetting they are not on the same side. Connor doesn't want to hear anything from his brother, because "I know what I'm doing okay ?". And he's embarrassed to think his brother might understand he's developing affection for Hank. Also, Connor is totally oblivious to Nines and Gavin's growing connection. 

X

On the other hand, Nines relates to Gavin more than he would like to : they're actually pretty similar in the way they think. Gavin doesn't believe they'll even reach and find Kamski, he's just sticking around to make sure he'll be able to capture the androids when they fail, to take them back to Detroit and get all the glory. Nines is accompanying Connor because he doesn't trust the humans and is ready to kill them without batting an eyelid if they tried anything. 

One day he finds Gavin in a sandy combe, training. Nines doesn't really know how, cause they didn't even say anything to each other, but he joins him in his training. Gavin admits the thunder spirit has made him really powerful and that he was sure he would be able to kill him, but this time, he wasn't bragging… His words sound like self realization, and Gavin doesn't seem that happy about it.

Nines provokes him saying "Show me" but Gavin shrugs. He says "I don't want to summon it… it would kill me too."

Nines asks Gavin if he is scared of the spirit, and Gavin looks away for a minute. "I'm a human. Humans are vulnerable  to magic, that's why we fight it. But now… magic is part of me… How am I supposed to feel safe with this beast inside me, all the time ?"

Nines can't believe he replies "Beasts can be tamed. Magic can be controlled. Fear can be overcome. Just work on that instead of doing bulk up."

Gavin stays silent and Nines starts to walk off but then he turns around to face Gavin again and says "I can show you how."

The man hesitates but finally accepts.

[some-dr-writings]

Kokichi, Rantaro, and Shuichi x SHSL Military General Reader

Kokichi Oma:

·       The Super High School Level Military General, that title sounded to be a mere invitation for a challenge to Kokichi. The moment he heard of you, your reputation of being so cold and distant, more stoic and silent than even stone, he knew you were his next target. He was determined to get you to crack that façade somehow!

·       There was just one problem.

·       No matter what he pulled you always either didn’t react, or effortlessly avoided it. You had to have some weakness. He just needed to snuff it out! And so that was how Kokichi began to follow you. The moment you exited class he’d be there to greet you at the door with some prank, after which he’d momentarily complain about how you were emotionless in a joking tone before hugging your arm talking nonstop about anything and everything that slipped through his mind. Not once did you ever utter a word or make a sound during these encounters.

·       One day after class you sat in the library, studying for an upcoming test. “Ugh, Y/N, this is soooo boring. We don’t even need to study at this school, just improve our talents. What are you dooooing?” You simply jotted down some notes before flipping to the next page in the textbook. Groaning he took out a drawing pad and crayons and started scribbling on it. Loudly humming he worked away, even when in the corner of his eye he saw how you had closed your text book, daintily placing the book onto your lap, your hands properly held atop one another on the cover of the book. “… Give Tojo Kirumi a task in the gym.” “Ah HAH! You do speak!” You stared at him, standing on the table, pointing, his finger touching the tip of your nose. “… Tomorrow is Tuesday. Normally she’d be doing laundry by eight, but yesterday Yasuhiro Taeke, more commonly known as Ludenberg Celestia, will be hosting a card gaming tournament at the behest of the principle since a well renowned group of talent agents will be coming here. Tojo Kirumi will be asked to assist with setting up the hall. In order to get as many of your targets as possible give her a request immediately before nine. That will lead both Yasuhiro Taeke and the talent agents to the sight of your prank and keep Tojo Kirumi from intervening and cleaning up the aftermath too soon after your prank is ignited.” So, a peak into the mind of the SHSL Military General.

·       Since that day you would occasionally speak to Kokichi, it was always abrupt and short, but it was always to assist in his scheming and nothing else.

·       Eventually Kokichi got bored following you, saying it wasn’t fair that you two only ever did what you wanted so he’d begin to drag you around. You never resisted, not even once. Kokichi didn’t think much of this, just that you likely went along since it was the better option than fighting against it.

·       Then he realized that was not the case.

·       You and he were meandering around the school festival, Kokichi making fun of the sad horror house effects much to Korekiyo’s chagrin. It was then one of the students from your class told you things had gone array at your booth, and they needed your help. They were about to take your hand and lead you there when you jerked your hand away, a harsh snap sound cracking the air. You look down at them with a cold steelie gaze and in an intimidating, confident voice you said “No.” Then you began to walk away at a brisk pack. “Come now, I know you can keep up.” And that same tone immediately got your classmate to walk in time with you, in your exact stride too. Not long later you returned to the haunted house where Kokichi still was. “Y/A What was that all about? Wait! Hey, hey! That’s your weakness, isn’t it! Tell me, tell me. It’s your weakness! Come on! Just admit it!” You didn’t do a thing for a moment before taking his hand. “Letting one of my soldiers lead the way would be a sign of weakness. The same however can not be stated about the closest thing I have to a friendship with another.” “… Aw~ You think of me as a friend? That’s so sweet!” … closest thing you had to friendship… What exactly was your life like before entering Hope’s Peak, he wondered. He had some guesses… Likely awfully lonely. But that’s exactly why he’s here. Kokichi is a clown, and he was determined still to get a reaction out of you.

·       It was strange. For the longest time he thought your stoicism was a façade, but truthfully that was just how you were. It just made the moments when he did get a reaction all the more special and mesmerizing. He wanted to be there to see each and every one of your little reactions. “Hey, Y/N!” He let go of your hand, spinning around and stopping before you. “Want to go out with me?”

·       You blushed.

·       Your eyes slightly widened, your posture laxed and your hands held the hem of your shirt. “I… l-like a date?” “Nishishi.” Your blush swiftly spread to the tips of your ears as Kokichi took your hands into his own. “Heh, who knew. Honesty is your weakness.” Suddenly he started skipping away, still holding one of your hands. “For a liar like me, this might be difficult but, if being honest with my feelings plucks at your heart strings, I guess I have no choice.” Seemingly out of nowhere Kokichi had a megaphone in hand and held it up to himself before taking a deep breath. “HEY WORLD! I’M IN LOVE WITH Y/N!” “Ah, O-Oma! I- uh Yes? I’d like to go out, b-but…” You covered your face with both of your hands, too embarrassed and loving how Kokichi smiled, continuing to announce his love for you to the world.

·       Equal opposites yet exactly the same you and Kokichi seemed to be a reflection of one another. You almost unemotive and Kokichi very emotive. Both of you were fantastic leaders always trying to manipulate the world as to protect your own even if it meant manipulating them too. As the Ultimate Supreme Leader and Ultimate Military General, nothing could stand in your way. You could own the whole world if you wished. Luckily for the world, all you wanted was for all you cared about to be safe and happy. Safe under both of your watchful eyes and happy at the silly shenanigans you’d plan out for your own but mostly other’s amusement. After all the fighting you had been through it was therapeutic to use your skills outside of fighting and perhaps… that was Kokichi’s goal the whole time. Maybe, for as smart and clever as you were, you were outmatched by the emotionally intelligent Kokichi. Whatever his true intentions he had for approaching you that even he possibly didn’t know, you were still together and something you were forced to accept as a Military general is that sometimes it matters not how you reach a goal, just the end result and though that thought often weighed heavily upon you, maybe just this once, a single clown had helped you lift up and carry that burden, even changing it to something lighter. Something with no blood, just tomfoolery. And… after all you had been though, it was like a dream to have it be this way.

   Rantaro Amami:

·       The pair of you had met only once before joining Hope’s Peak. Rantaro had stumbled upon a training camp you were temporarily heading. Impressed he was even able to make it there since it was near impossible to get through those snowy ranges without a helicopter or some way to just skip over manually trekking through the dangerous terrain, you allowed him to rest for the night after thoroughly checking he didn’t have anything dangerous or was a spy that is. Promptly the moment the sun rose you kicked him out, but he was still appreciative you let him stay at all. So when he saw you at the entrance ceremony he took the opportunity to thank you since you never gave him the chance to back then.

·       Since that day whenever Rantaro was at school and not traveling he’d make sure to spend time with you. You never spoke much mostly keeping to yourself or intervening into our class’ affairs should a leader be helpful, even so Rantaro would still chat with you. That was actually something he quite liked about you. The few times you did speak, there was always purpose and power behind it. No matter what was happening, even if you quietly muttered a single short word, you’d instantly garner the attention of all those around you and even if they were preoccupied with something else, you did not need to repeat your words, for they already knew what they were.

·       Others always though the two of you to be a strange pair. You were strict and up tight while Rantaro was more relaxed and laid back. Seemingly opposites, yet you did have a common thread. Nurturing. Rantaro, often his big brother instincts would kick in and he’d comfort and help just about anyone, even if he wasn’t all to great at the task at hand. You on the other hand always push those around you to their limit, motivating them to work as hard as they could independently while still being good team players. Rantaro more so focused on being the emotional side or being the rock others could lean on while you were their leader, assisting them in finding the best plan of attack that was most efficient but least costly on materials whether it be monetary or their health, you took all that into consideration as costs. A mentally damaged soldier can’t properly fight with their everything after all.

·       Sometimes when Rantaro was planning his next trip away from school you’d join him. “If you cut through the mountains, you’d have a direct path to the town.” “Well… Yeah, but I don’t know. There’s supposed to be wolves there.” “You said the town you’re coming from is known for fishing.” “Yeah.” “Surely one of them would have a boat or shipping route you can hitch a ride on. There’s a large river that cuts through the mountains, unless there’s white rapids I’m sure someone uses it for transport. If not, with your persuasion skills I’m sure you can convince someone to do so.” “Persuasion skills? I don’t know about that, but thanks.” You looked to him with that icy glare, one that would make most anyone flinch, but not Rantaro. His regular demeanor was just so calm and relaxed he was one of the few people who was unaffected by it. “Never doubt yourself. Hesitating for a moment will get you killed.” Rantaro simply smiled with his eyes closed, patting you on the head. “Okay, I won’t. Thank you.” “ah!... don’t, don’t patronize me. We’re friends, don’t treat me of a lower station, we’re equals.” “Huh?” He looked to you in confusion. There was still power in your voice, but did it waver? Your cheeks and tips of your ears were dusted with a bright pink. He retracted his hand. “Sorry, I wasn’t doing that. I forgot you don’t like touch. It’s a habit I guess.” “… Please refrain from doing so in the future. It’s common practice to treat a child in such a way. Not to say children are lower than us, but most often with head pats and that sickeningly sweet tone you took is used for looking down on those younger, those one sees as beneath them… Children are not given enough respect.” “Oh? I don’t look down on my little sisters.” The blush on you face kept darkening as you made unwavering eye contact with Rantaro trying to not show just how flustered you were becoming. “Well, I, I mean… Often people only treat others they see as lower like that, and, I…” You then abruptly stood up. “I need a moment to collect my thoughts.” You then ran off wondering what the hell you were even doing. Meanwhile Rantaro simply smiled watching you as you left. “Cute.”

·       As Rantaro thought about it, he did appreciate what you were trying to say. He knew how highly you treated respect, and you give that to children as well… Perhaps you’d be a good person to be around his sisters.

·       For all of Rantaro’s life he had always gone with the flow, so it was not surprising that the same happened when getting together with you. Neither of you ever confessed, you just knew you were together and that was that.

·       On occasion you’d go with Rantaro on his trips. Though he never had much luck before, Rantaro felt that with you by his side, perhaps he could find his sisters again. With a person as strong and smart and dedicated as you, he was sure you’d come up with some ingenious plan to find them all. If anyone could do it, it would be you. These trips, when these thoughts appeared, it reminded him of all the reasons why he fell for you, how kind and caring you were under that cold exterior. You just always wanted the best for others so should you be separated, you didn’t have to worry about them, because you knew you trained them well to be independent and a team player when needed. You were the best partner he never could have even dreamed of and with you by his side, he felt that just maybe anything was possible.

   Shuichi Saihara:

·       Shuichi was introduced to you through Kaito. Kaito acted like you and he were the best of friends, but you seemed to be so distant. “Kaito… Are you sure you’re friends?” “Huh? What do you mean, Shuichi? Of course we’re friend’s, just look at how happy they are to be here with me!” You did not even take a glance at him as he draped his arm across your shoulders, pulling you closer, he so brightly smiling. “They’re like Akamatsu and me, a great leader! I actually brought them here to see if they’d take you on as a sidekick as well!” “Soldier.” Shuichi’s breath got caught in his throat hearing that quiet, yet powerful voice. “Yeah, soldier, sidekick, they’re the same for you.”

·       Not long after you ended up joining he, Maki and Kaito for their training in the evenings. As the SHSL Military general, he thought it was going to be hell, but… it was not? You gave Maki, Kaito and Shuichi different amounts of push-ups or whatever exercise they had decided to do. Every one of you were pushed to your limit. You’d correct them on their form, but more so, you’d encourage them, saying you knew they could do better and asking that they not disappoint you, which was surprisingly motivating. Though he hadn’t known you for long, he didn’t want to let you down, something about you made him want to do better. Perhaps it was that commanding tone that made him feel he had too or how you were working out with all of them, not taking a break or slowing your impossibly fast pace till everyone was done. Whatever it was, some part of Shuichi wanted to make you proud of him as odd as that may sound.

·       You also ended up following Shuichi around. Nothing stalker like. You’d just sit by one another in the library or at lunch. Being more introverted, Shuichi actually rather liked this. Neither of you had to speak much but your friendship still blossomed.

·       One day you spoke up. “Shuichi, are you free after school?” “Yeah, I am.” “I’ll meet you at your classroom then.” And you just left. Indeed, when Shuichi left his classroom you were there waiting for him by the door. Locking eyes for a brief moment you began to walk away, and he followed. You lead him out of the school, down streets and alleyways till you arrived at a small building.

·       Once inside you were immediately greeted happily by men and women. “Hey, General, who’s this kid. A new friend of yours?” “Yes. A childhood friend of mine introduced us and I was asked to take him under my wing. I believe this place may be useful to him. I’ll be heading to my therapy session now.” With that said you walked up the stairs and left Shuichi behind. “Uh, therapy? What is this place?” It looked to be a large cozy house. There were not too many people about ten or so but most were of different ethnicities or were injured in some way. One of the people sitting at a table eating baked treats approached Shuichi. “A drop-in center. A place for us retired soldiers to gather and… just talk with others with similar experiences. You don’t seem like the Ultimate fighter or anything so a civilian like you must have been through something rough. Come, let’s share some snacks till the General gets back.”

·       And there Shuichi was told many a story of the battlefield, stories of you, how you always tried to take as little life while still being realistic. How you’d push everyone to the breaking point but also be tender. War is not kind but that didn’t mean you couldn’t be. “So… what about you?” “Eh- Me?” “Yes, Shuichi. You feel up to sharing your experiences?” “I… I can’t. My problems must sound so trivial compared to what you’ve been through.” “Enough! You never fought in a war but that doesn’t make your pain any less real.” “Exactly. This is a safe space to share any troubles, but if you don’t want too you don’t have to. I know it sure took me a while before I shared any of my stories.” “Well…” And Shuichi told them. About how he got his title, about the look the killer gave him, the guilt he carried on his shoulders, the fear of finding the truth only to cause more pain. And… everyone was so supportive. Some even saying that in some ways they weren’t sure they could deal with what Shuichi had gone through and fighting seemed easier to them. It seemed so surreal to Shuichi. So surreal in fact he didn’t notice you came back down those steps, briefly smiling before sitting in a corner to do your homework.

·       It was around dinner time that Shuichi had noticed you and realized how late it had gotten. You both quickly left, not wanting to miss out on Teruteru’s delicious cooking. About a block away from the building, you spoke up. “I go there just about everyday after school. Even if I don’t go, you’re welcome. A drop-in center is for everyone, not just soldiers of war.” Shuichi knew what you were getting at and accepted your offer. It was nice and quiet there. There were different regulars for each day, so conversation never got stale and… it was just so pleasant.

·       Eventually after you and Shuichi started going out you were occasionally teased at the Drop-in center, but it was always lighthearted. Some even shared stories of their spouses or past romances.

·       With Shuichi’s life seemingly being a rollercoaster, always so fast, loud and busy, he loved being with you. You were able to help him clear his mind. You were one of the few truly stable things in his life. No matter what happened he could always seek your guidance and you’d help to an extent but make sure Shuichi did most of the leg work. And you… truthfully you could say the exact same about Shuichi. He still needed to gain confidence, and independence, but you knew that you could rely on him. Should all the spilled blood seem overbearing, Shuichi would help you out of that dark place. You relied on him just as much as he relied on you. You were truly equal partners and neither of you could want for more from a partner.

[sohannabarberaesque]

“Underwater America with Peter Potamus” (episode 10: A diner somewhere in the Midwest)

In this particular episode of Underwater America with Peter Potamus, imagined as airing in first-run syndication in the 1970-71 season, we take a slight change of pace as we find our rolling dive party having breakfast at some small-town diner en route to the next dive destination in their travelling SCUBA party discussing what motivated each of its members to take up an interest in SCUBA diving and the attendant lifestyle and culture....

PETER POTAMUS, as Your Genial Host and leader of the whole: I bet you didn’t expect to find us here in some small-town diner having something of a decent breakfast before our next diving destination, which will be somewhere among the World-Renowned and Far-Famed Ten Thousand Lakes of Minnesota--

MILDEW WOLF, acting the heckler: MINNESOTA?! What kind of a dive destination is that exactly, even with those Ten Thousand Lakes?

PETER POTAMUS, trying to resurrect things: As a matter of fact, we plan to be doing some diving in a few of these legendary lakes of Minnesota, the Land of Sky-Blue Waters--uh, anyway, the purpose of this particular episode is so all of us in our crew could explain away how they got interested in the SCUBA experience and the attendant culture. As is apparently obvious by now, viewers, these dive sessions have become something of an interesting friendship display as we go through unlikely wrecks, discover interesting aquatic life--both fresh and salt water, mind you--and just enjoy the SCUBA experience.

Perhaps I’ll start by explaining how yours truly became something of a diving fan: You might say that hippopotami like myself are natural-born swimmers and divers, born basically underwater and learning rather quickly at that. In my own experience, I happened to have a rather wonderful father by the name of Perry Potamus, who had me join along on numerous expeditions of his in his Magic Balloon from the age of five. And naturally, many of these expeditions included some diving adventures that, by the age of eight, included some introduction into SCUBA, which seemed rather new and a novelty. And would you believe just how amazing the experience of SCUBA was at such a young age!

By the time I was 16, my father passed away from a Rare Tropical Illness he picked up somewhere in the Congo, and he left to me the Magic Balloon. It was about that same time I was encouraged, as a way to avoid getting too emotional over my father’s loss, to get into diving again. Which I did ... and managed to find a rather eclectic little dive club which made regular trips to Catalina Island, Hawaii and suchlike. And accepted me as a rather wonderful diving companion, even if a couple such were stunned at my prowess as a hippo! At least you have diving to fall back on between voyages with the Magic Balloon, which can get to be few and far between these days.

And which, in its way, can explain such a diving party as this. So, to keep it going, may I ask Hokey Wolf to explain his introduction to the underwater experience ...

HOKEY WOLF, in that usual Sgt. Bilko tone of his; you just can’t help his using it: Well, Peter, you might say that for me and Ding-a-Ling, my lupine companion from time to time, we were in Florida a few years ago (was it off Key Largo, perhaps?) and decided to try this snorkelling thing everybody was talking about over there ... and boy, WERE WE THRILLED AT THE EXPERIENCE! [Clearing his throat] And it would be on a return visit down that way a few years later that we got our first SCUBA lessons, Ding and myself ... you can certainly say that it took a couple of dives to get the serious hang of SCUBA, feeling oh so weightless and discovering much amazing life underwater! Ding especially!!

MAGILLA GORILLA, trying not to mess it up considering that he’s now free, by and large, from Peebles’ Pet Shop: My first encounter with SCUBA, you ask? It was a few weeks after that surfing escapade in Gremmie Gulch; I assume many of you recall it still ... and I acknowledge that I was influenced by way of some tacky diving adventure movie on The Late Show, even if I had to keep the volume down out of Mr. Peebles sleeping, you know ... and in fact, it was not too far from Gremmie Gulch that my experience with the old SCUBA got started, in a rather cheesy surf shop as dabbled in diving lessons and tours. Just “looking up the scene” more than anything, but boy, did I ever get stoked on the diving bug! It’s rather unusual to imagine a gorilla underwater in the old SCUBA getup, but when you get the feel of it--boy, does it become exciting!

BREEZLY BRUIN, trying not to look as obnoxious as back in Nome, Alaska: Once Camp Frostbite had been deactivated a few years back, I took to as much rummaging through Nome’s rubbish dumps until my buddy, Sneezly Seal, suggested I get back into the water. Even if it’s the Bering Sea, and the waters can get extremely chilly--even in the summer, where the sun doesn’t set until close to midnight. Turns out Nome has a group of local daredevils who call themselves a Coldwater Diving Club, and rely on drysuits all the more because of the chilly waters. For some reason, being appointed their mascot, you might say, got me some SCUBA lessons out of courtesy. And while I may nowadays be living rather close to Redondo Beach, I can’t help but feel passionate for diving every now and then!

LOOPY De LOOP: Perhaps the most unlikely sort of place to get acquainted with SCUBA, you might say, is off the Gaspe Peninsula back in Quebec; you’ve got the St. Lawrence River meeting the Atlantic, encountering some mild ocean waters off the northern part of the Gaspesie which locals call “le Chaleur.” I’ll only say it was along the south shore of the Gulf of St. Lawrence between Matane and Gaspe; I was on a short holiday of sorts there, including some hiking in the Chic-Choc range ... and the motel I was staying in was arranging diving lessons for guests, Yours truly seized on the opportunity ... and while some of the other tourists may have laughed at the fact of my being a wolf, I couldn’t help but sense a taste of something wonderful, discovering something new and amazing!

WALLY GATOR, with blatantly bombastic pride: Being a “native Floridian,” and an alligator at that, you quickly realise that you were built for diving from the get-go. But what opportunity I had to cultivate the manly sport, so to speak, fell athwart at the City Zoo under Zookeeper Twiddle, who kept me in a rather infantile cage with no better than a wading pool. Until the zoo began seriously unravelling, by which time I decided to hitchhike back to the old Everglades haunts--or at least somewhere near Silver Springs, which is where they filmed Sea Hunt, don’t you know, and decided to relearn the underwater experience I had somehow been depraved of. Which is basically what you pick up on when you spend considerable time in Florida, don’t you know ...

LIPPY THE LION: I have to admit that me and Hardy Har-Har, otherwise somewhat myopic and worried for no real reason of any kind, have gone into diving by way of stumbling upon an underwater treasure map ... and while it may not have yielded serious results in the end, it got us rather interested to learn further.

HARDY HAR-HAR, somewhat concerned about nothing: Now I have to wonder where we got the serious interest in diving, to begin with ...

LIPPY THE LION, picking up: It was at a somewhat down-at-heel resort among the lakes of Minnesota, believe you me; that bracing lake water, helped by some rather interested divers who were likewise staying there at the time, was enough to get us fascinated in SCUBA, and then some!

MILDEW WOLF, not trying to be spoilsport as earlier: I have to acknowledge that I, too, found SCUBA in Minnesota’s Ten Thousand Lakes. All thanks to a certain Bow-Wow Buttinski, as shall here remain nameless, making me lose any appetite, or interest thereof, in fresh spring lamb “on the hoof,” as it were. But for some reason, Loopy De Loop got me in contact with a dive school somewhere up by Nisswa over Friday-evening fish fry to take my mind off the whole notion of defeat with lambs. And whoever got the idea of doing practice dives around 6 am, with the lake a little chilly, was either crazy or--well, let’s just say the experience awakened me away from lamb for once. And directe me to diving.

SQUIDDLY DIDDLY, explaining his photographic angle in the whole: You might say that the shock closing of Bubbleland, where I had been expected to serve as “comic relief” more than anything, attracted me to underwater photography, cinematography even, as a way to stay busy. Even with a second-hand Nikonos underwater camera, perhaps the first practical such on the market, picked up at a pawn shop, I couldn’t resist developing such an interest in underwater photography, such eventually leading to an Honourable Mention at a photography salon I entered a couple months later ... not to mention Peter Potamus sensing some talent in me to be the series’ underwater cameraman; do I have talent here, or what?!

With that, It’s So Hanna-Barberaesque goes on the holiday-season hiatus, with new episodes in Fanfic Friday appearing in this space starting with the New Year, or soon after. In the meantime, It’s So Hanna-Barberaesque extends to all its fans the best wishes of the Festive Season, and thanks you for supporting this blog.

[themachiavellianpig]

Prodigal Son, Episode 11: Malcolm’s No-Good, Very Bad Day

Episode 11 of Prodigal Son and, good Lord, was this an episode worth waiting for. 

Malcolm begins the episode metaphorically much were we left it - in the hands of a maniac - and geographically in an unknown location. Being hit hard enough to be knocked out isn't good for anyone, so it's probably no surprise that we start off with a little flashback/hallucination to a much younger Malcolm being reassured by Jessica that he is not a monster; he's a survivor. 

As the episode proceeds, all we can do is hope that Jessica is right. 

Full review and spoilers galore under the cut. 

The story splits off into two separate threads - Malcolm trying to survive his imprisonment and torture at the hands of Paul Watkins, the Junkyard Killer, and the rest of the team desperately trying to find him in time.

Malcolm's interactions with Paul serve as a very good reminder of how good Malcolm is at his job, as he uses his knowledge of Paul to try to forge a connection or, at least, find a weak spot to exploit. The trouble comes from the fact that Paul knows more of Malcolm's story that Malcolm may of Paul's - particularly when it comes to their original meeting. Over the course of a significantly unsettling conversation, we learn that Paul did accompany Malcolm and Martin on a camping trip, and that Paul enjoyed his time "working with" Martin - I'm really hoping for some hints in later episodes as to how the discovery of the Junkyard Killer develops the story of the Surgeon. Maybe it could be the topic of Ainsley's next exclusive? 

Interestingly, Paul declares himself to be finished with his previous mission of punishing the wicked, in favour of trying to convince Malcolm to take his father's place as Paul's co-murderer. Even though Malcolm makes the valid point that he's not a killer, Paul remains unworried - he wasn't a killer either until he passed "the trials". 

Paul also indirectly confirms that the girl in the box was real and that she was killed on the camping trip which Malcolm can barely remember - but she wasn't the only one to suffer on that trip, as Paul himself was stabbed. 

He was stabbed by none other than little Malcolm. 

And, because turn-around is fair play in the world of serial killers, Malcolm gets stabbed as well. 

Meanwhile, the NYPD and the FBI are doing all they can to find Malcolm. Paul's blind and furious grandmother refuses to do anything more helpful that sing creepy Old Testament hymns about the wicked being punished, so Gil gets Special Agent Swanson to agree to two very different, and equally questionable, lines of inquiry - Malcolm's mother and Malcolm's father. 

Sidenote, but Swanson does explicitly say that she doesn't trust Jessica purely because she was married to the Surgeon - and while a certain degree of scepticism about Jessica's innocence or guilt may be understandable (I indulged in a little of it myself in the first half of the season), intending not to inform someone that their son has been kidnapped by a serial killer is a choice which I really want someone to call her out on at some point. 

Gil, one way or another, gets permission to share some of the photos of John's childhood home with Jessica, in case she can remember anything about John or the camping trip which might help them locate Malcolm. It certainly shuts down her attempts to identify the Girl in the Box, at least in the short term. 

(I also like that Gil clearly knows how Jessica got the picture of the bracelet, because he's not an idiot, and also how he is clearly not sharing that information with anyone else, because FBI doesn't deserve to know.) 

We also get a brief glimpse into Ainsley's life; the interview with her father has benefitted her career in the way which she had hoped, and she's on her way to a meeting with some bigwigs about her next move when her mother summons her home for emotional support. Ainsley and Jessica's last conversation was hugely stressful for all involved, and for me watching it, but I couldn't help but notice that at least one thing that Jessica said in episode 10 seems to have stuck ("There are victims! Real ones! ...And why is the story never about them?"), because she wants to do the next feature on the victims, not the killer. I am very amused that Jessica using 911 as an emergency code fails - but the word please succeeded. 

And then we get the interaction which I have been dying to see for quite some time now - Gil versus Martin. 

Apparently an NYPD consultant being kidnapped by the Surgeon's former accomplice is a valid reason to yank someone out of solitary confinement, but Martin's time in solitary has scrambled his brains a lot more than maybe anyone was anticipating. Amusingly, Martin instantly knows that it was Malcolm, not the NYPD, who found Paul Watkins - although the news that Paul has taken Malcolm knocks him for six. So convinced is he that Malcolm is dead that he collapses. There are still plenty of questions still to be answered about Paul and Martin's partnership, and about how Paul evolved after Martin was arrested, but it's very interesting that Martin is so instantly convinced that Malcolm is dead - unlike the NYPD, who are clinging to the fact that Paul liked to hold his victims for some time before killing them. Is that a habit which he developed after Martin was out of his life - or does Martin simply know that the relationship between John and Malcolm was far more adversarial even before Malcolm started actively hunting him?

Either way, the strength of Martin's reaction to the news prompts medical intervention in the form of sedatives - which gives us all the joy of seeing a Martin Whitly who is not in full command of his faculties accuse Gil of trying to replace him in Jessica and Malcolm's lives. Apparently this is a notion which has been plaguing the bad Surgeon for quite some time. But even with his concerns, he can still be convinced to give up the location of the cabin from the camping trip - if only as a sign of faith in his own son's ability to stay alive. 

Given the amount of time left on the clock, I was pretty certain that the cabin location was going to be a bust, but I was still on the edge of my seat as the show cut between JT and Dani on one side of a door and a madman with an axe on the other side. Different doors, of course, but a classic done well is always a lovely thing. 

While the FBI, the NYPD and a whole host of other people with guns kick down the wrong door, Malcolm learns a little bit more about his camping trip - and his first serious assault, which was apparently in self-defenses, as the whole point of the camping trip was allegedly to kill Malcolm. Little Malcolm, who had seen too much and, apparently, been chloroformed to the point of it losing effectiveness, and who therefore was starting to remember too much. 

It's a revelation which definitely takes Malcolm by surprise - and while it's something which he openly rejects when Paul first says it, it is something which he later accuses his 'father' (okay, fine, the stress-induced hallucination of his father) of attempting to do. Most telling of all, the hallucination of Martin openly admits to it. No matter what the truth was or is, in the moment, Malcolm truly believed that his father attempted to kill him - and will he ever really be able to believe any of Martin's denials?

Unfortunately, in the course of this particular argument, Malcolm reveals his ultimate motivations: "I protect my community and my family!" 

And Paul, being not all that stupid, immediately zeroes in on the best way to hurt Malcolm: by hurting his family: "Sacrifice shall be your final trial. But don’t worry. It won’t be something you have to do, just something you have to endure." 

Meanwhile, Ainsley is putting together some of the story for herself. The photos left by Gil almost immediately trigger a memory - the collection of angel statues in John's childhood home matches one which Ainsley was given as a child. Jessica brushes this aside as a present from Martin, but Ainsley disagrees - her imaginary friend, Mr Boots, gave it to her. The imaginary friend who she saw moving through the Whitly home, but thought was simply a ghost because he vanished in the basement. 

And then, in a gorgeous piece of timing worthy of any high budget horror film, Jessica and Ainsley look around a corner to see John Watkins emerging from the secret room in their basement, axe first. 

(Was this secret room where Martin killed his victims? How paranoid will Jessica be about that entire basement from now on? SO MANY QUESTIONS)

In the ensuing chase sequence, Jessica loses some points for stopping to fiddle with light switches, then immediately gains all those points back and then some for smashing John over the head with the first ceramic object to come to hand. She gets herself and an injured Ainsley upstairs in a bathroom, behind two locked doors, and barricades the door further with a dressing table. She is calm, collected, and absolutely bloody furious. Her attempts to reassure Ainsley are simply heartbreaking, talking about the headache Ainsley have in the morning, the illicit pills Jessica will offer, the simple declaration that they don't need anyone to save them even as John starts to chop through the door. 

All she had was a pair of scissors, but I truly believe she would have made John pay dearly before the end. 

Fortunately, it doesn't come to that. Malcolm, egged on by the hallucination of his father (I, as always, preferred the therapist), smashes his own hand with a hammer to get out of the cuffs and off he goes after John. He's been stabbed, concussed, and now just a little mutilated, so it's understandable that he avoids a straight-up confrontation, instead luring John back downstairs so he could freak him out with a open trunk and then blindside him with a crowbar - before locking him in the trunk. 

The framing of the final confrontation made me wonder for a second if we were going to have to watch Malcolm become the killer he's always feared, probably as he brutally beat to death the man who had tried to kill his family. A potentially unsatisfying plotline would develop of Malcolm being tormented by his own dark side, or equating justifiable homicide with his father's sadism. Maybe even a hugely dull trial. But I didn't need to worry. As Jessica said in the opening scene, Malcolm isn't like his father. He's a survivor. 

A survivor with a bit of a mean streak, given the way in which he effortlessly uses John's claustrophobia against him, but still. Not yet a killer. 

The reunion with Jessica and Ainsley was adorable, and almost makes up for us not getting to see Malcolm reunite with his team - especially after they gave us cute flashbacks of Dani's developing friendship with Malcolm, and showed JT's obvious and understandable concern for the guy. Hopefully we'll get to see a little more of that in next week's episode. 

Previous Prodigal Son reviews are available here. 

Ainsley Whitly Character Profile available here. 

[travllingbunny]

The 100 rewatch: 2x10 Survival of the Fittest

This episode has 4 different storylines with 4 very different character pairings, but I believe is known to many as the mutant gorilla episode. :D But as ridiculous the mutant gorilla is (and as bad the CGI is), it’s kind of… ridiculous in an almost charming way? Like something that comes from another show takes itself less seriously. So it doesn’t really bother me, unlike many other things in the show – instances of stupidly written storylines that seem dead serious. There’s also one of those Octavia storylines that don’t make sense to me but that make some sense to Octavia. But the storyline with Bellamy and Lincoln trying to infiltrate Mount Weather is really good, and the last scene is what I mostly remembered this episode by. The interactions between Jaha and Murphy (now this is an interesting new dynamic I doubt anyone saw coming before it happened) are also really interesting and well-written.

Rating: 6.5/10

My favorite part of the episode is Bellamy’s and Lincoln’s journey to and attempt to infiltrate Mount Weather. This is the most extensive interaction between those two in the show, and they have come a long way since their first meeting, when Bellamy thought of Lincoln as his sister’s kidnapper and tortured him for enemy secrets. By the season 2 finale, he had accepted Lincoln as his brother-in-law and was OK with Octavia going off with him, and in season 2 he was helping Octavia save him, but this is the first time we see them interacting one-on-one. I was never a fan of how season 1 portrayed the beginning of the Linctavia relationship (I’ve never been into the Romeo-and-Juliet type insta-romance), and Lincoln didn’t get enough characterization in season 1, but season 2 fixed that and gave him a lot more depth. He had several of the best lines in the show, and he has some really good ones in this episode. When Bellamy tells him: “You are good for her, you made her strong”, Lincoln replies: “She was already strong”. Which explains why he was drawn to her, and is also a good point that is often lost on people, that strength of character is not about fighting skills.  We also learn Lincoln’s very interesting backstory (which is also generally interesting as additional backstory for the people of the Ark), when Bellamy asks him what made him want to help Octavia at the time he didn’t know her yet: as a child, he found a ship with an injured man who had fallen from the sky. Bellamy recognized that as an instance of “suicide by Earth”, which was an unconfirmed urban legend on the Ark. Lincoln wanted to help the man but didn’t speak his language at the time, so he told his father, who made him kill the man. “The world has been trying to turn me into a monster since I remember.”  A line that is crucial for Lincoln’s arc in season 2. Bellamy has himself struggled with the idea t that he’s a monster (in 1x08, struggling with his feelings of guilt over indirectly causing the culling, he told Clarke “I am a monster”).

But the scene I most remember this episode by is the cliffhanger in which Bellamy’s plan to infiltrate Mount Weather with Lincoln’s help goes wrong because Lincoln wasn’t able to resist his addiction to the “red” when he saw it right in front of him, so the result was Lincoln apparently falling back into his old role as a Reaper, and Bellamy in the MW, but in the role of a “Grounder” prisoner to be harvested. I really like the fact that the show acknowledged that addiction is incredibly difficult to overcome, no matter how strong or ethical a person you may be. At least it did it in this episode, though this storyline will later get a rather quick resolution a couple of episodes later.

The other really good storyline was a very unexpected pairing of Jaha and Murphy, which works wonderfully. After Murphy ended up in a cell for a minor altercation with a Grounder who was blaming him for being there with Finn during the massacre (while the Grounder law and custom seems to be that it’s only the leader or whoever is perceived as the leader or main perpetrator who must be punished, people probably don’t quite feel that way in practice), he and Jaha ended up sharing a cell (do they have more than one cell in the camp at this point?) and having very interesting conversations that would have never happened on the Ark, where the class system was strict, and where a leader and a member of the lower class would have never interacted like this. This finally gives Murphy some really good dialogue and a role that’s not just being the nuisance in the background that other characters must begrudgingly tolerate (occasionally telling him “Shut up, Murphy”). And it also gave Jaha more interesting moments than he’s had since…ever? I really disliked Jaha on my first watch, and was bored and annoyed with most of his scenes, until season 4 when I started finding him more interesting. I still have the same, mostly negative opinions about his leadership and morality, but now I feel I understand him better and find him a bit more sympathetic. I also wasn’t a big fan of Murphy at this point, either, though I didn’t hate him anymore as I did in season 1. I enjoy his snarky lines, especially when he was telling Jaha some hard truths, but I just roll my eyes when he is whining that he’s still treated like trash in spite of being pardoned for his crimes. Well, duh, Murphy, what do you expect? Who would think that people will hold a grudge because they gave you a second chance and you went on to murder two of their friends, nearly murdered another one and crippled another, not to mention wasted ammunition and weakened the group’s defenses against an army trying to kill them. Especially when you just expect them to forgive and accept you back, and you haven’t even really said “I’m sorry”. I only fully got on board with Murphy’s redemption in season 4, when he started genuinely apologizing for his actions and trying to do better.

But it’s fun to watch a clash between Murphy’s sarcasm and pessimism and Jaha’s hopeful, messianic preaching. You kind of see how Jaha managed to get elected Chancellor – he can give good, convincing speeches. Even if, this time, he only managed to convince Murphy and 11 other people to go with him. Some of the lines he uses this time are: “Good can come out of the darkest things” “Everyone deserves a second chance”, and one that’s more worrying: “Sometimes you have to sacrifice the few to save the many” (this message will be shown just as dark as it is later in the season, when Jaha murders one of his companions in cold blood). A part of Murphy’s motivation to agree to the trip through the desert towards the mythical City of Light is that he feels like a complete outcast, but, even if he won’t admit it, he does have a desire for something better in life. “Let me show you there’s much more for you than this”, says Jaha. The City of Light thing will turn out horribly, of course, but Jaha’s promise will kind of come true: on the trip, Murphy is soon to meet Emori, who will change his life.

Also add this episode to the list of references that Wells used to exist as a main character for 3 episodes – Jaha asks Murphy to take him to his son’s grave and learns all the details about his death.

My least favorite storyline out of 4 is Octavia’s. I don’t get Octavia’s “I’m a Grounder” thing or her desire to assimilate herself into their culture, even though they are clearly not interested. But at least Octavia isn’t portrayed as being on the same level of skill as life-long Grounder warriors, after her 10 days (?) of training with Lincoln. She decides to do the Jake La Motta thing and prove herself to Indra by getting beaten up badly and still not giving up, because impressing a woman she’s met a week ago and who’s so far only shown her hostility and wanted to kill her and all her people, is apparently her main goal in life. Maybe she just really wants a mother figure. But it works, and Indra makes Octavia her “second”, telling her that the first rule is to never question her. Grounders have a very strict hierarchical society. Obviously a perfect fit for Octavia, who is constantly trying to rebel against something or someone.

Some backstory: in an awkward joint Arker/Grounder training session, where Kane is trying to be the perfect host, we learn that the reason Grounders don’t use gun is that they have a deep fear of them, due to the way the Mountain Men had discouraged them from using them, by destroying entire villages as punishment if anyone did it. Grounders also mention that they’ve lost thousands of people to Mountain Men, but we don’t know exactly how many.

Finally, the Clarke/Lexa storyline is a mixed bag and has some interesting and important interactions between those two, but also involves really bad CGI, and the only appearance of possibly the most annoying and hypocritical minor character in the entire show. The latter is a Trikru general called Quint, who’s going overboard with the Grounder habit of constantly yelling, acting irrational and ranting at the Sky people over the fact that they dared defend themselves when Trikru attacked them and tried to kill them all. At the strategic meeting about attacking Mount Weather, where Clarke was explaining Bellamy’s mission, he instead gets in her face and yells about how she’s burned his brother in a ring of fire. Clarke responds by getting into his face and making the obvious point: “He shouldn’t have attacked my ship”, which pisses him off even more, since he’s obviously used to being good at intimidating people. I guess he’s not used to losing wars his side has started, and the fact that the people he and other Grounders keep calling “weak” every episode not only defended themselves, but kicked their asses. He makes himself feel better by saying Clarke is only brave due to the Commander’s protection, and then tries to kill her as she’s walking in the woods by her own, yelling “Not so brave now, Sky girl?” Look at me, I’m a big muscular dude with a sword, stalking an unarmed teenage girl half my size, and I’m mocking her and talking about courage? Is this guy for real? Clarke runs away, sees her Arker bodyguard Major Byrne, whose arm has been apparently cut off (actually ripped off) fall dead, gets rescued by Lexa and her guard, and then hesitates to kill Quint when Lexa gives her a sword to do it. But then it all becomes irrelevant as Byrne’s actual killer appears: yep, it’s the mutant gorilla!

Then we get some action scenes of Clarke and Lexa trying to escape the gorilla while arguing over what it means to be strong. Lexa continues with her “lessons” to Clarke, which are in line with the Grounder mentality – ruthlessness is strength, compassion is weakness, etc. Clarke was at this point just as fed up with them as I was, so she mocks Lexa at one point and snaps at her when Lexa says: “To lead, you must make tough decisions” and Clarke replies ‘You’re telling me that?” – one of the only two times post-2x09 that she’s referred to her mercy-kill of Finn. A part of Lexa’s leadership philosophy is that people are expendable, and in that vein, she tells Clarke that she shouldn’t save her. Clarke calls her heartless but smart and says she needs her because things would be awful if one of her generals became the Commander. Which is true, but Clarke doesn’t know at this point that this is not how Commanders are made.

And this is where we get our first info on that, and on the Grounder religion: Lexa says that “death is not the end” and that her “spirit will choose more wisely than that” – which makes Clarke conclude that it’s reincarnation. It is actually not, but Clarke wouldn’t know that at this point. I’m not sure the writers did either, because the Flame thing has been retconed at least 3 times. I have no idea how exactly the previous Commander’s spirit is choosing anything, when the Conclave is decided by candidates killing each other?

In the end, Clarke saves Lexa from the mutant gorilla… which is kind of funny since season 3 gave Lexa’s fighting skills a huge upgrade and we learned that she basically had superpowers due to Nightblood, but she barely ever got to fight in season 2. (And IMO, she was far more interesting before the show made her into another “badass chick with a sword who is a Strong Female Character because she can fight well”). And Lexa changes her mind and admits she was wrong about Clarke: “You heart shows no weakness”. Clarke’s emotions give her strength. And you can see in that exact moment that Lexa has fallen for Clarke – she’s suddenly giving her big heart-eyes. For a moment, it seems like Clarke may be noticing that there’s some chemistry there, but then her mind goes back to the same place it is constantly going to throughout season 2: her people in Mount Weather and a plan how to save them – Bellamy will disable the acid fog and free the Grounders trapped in Mount Weather, who will be their army inside. (This was a great plan. Too bad that Lexa threw it all away in 2x15.) Since Clarke was later taken by surprise when Lexa kissed her in 2x14, she clearly didn’t notice Lexa’s interest in her – which is in character for her. She didn’t even notice in early season 1 how much Finn was hitting on her since the first time they met on the dropship, and she seemed convinced he only gave in to his emotions at the end of 1x04 – and Finn was really, really obvious with his flirting and trying to impress. That’s because Clarke is usually too distracted by other concerns, like survival and saving people. Lexa, however, can multitask and is pretty perceptive, and you can now see a tinge of jealousy as she notes how much faith Clarke puts in Bellamy (which Clarke confirms, giving another one of her many “Bellamy is so awesome” season 2 speeches, her second one just in this episode).

Timeline: The walk from Tondc (aka Washington DC) to Mount Weather on foot is 8 hours, according to the next episode, so that’s how much time passes from the end of 2x09 to the end of 2x10.

Body count: Byrne, Quint, Lexa’s unnamed guard – all killed by the mutant gorilla. I can’t say I felt very sorry – we didn’t know the guard, and my feelings on the deaths of the former two characters was “good riddance”.

[fluentlanguage]

#clearthelist August 2018: The German Retreat!!

Welcome to my latest language learning update through #clearthelist, which is a language learning round-up sharing monthly language learning goals, support, and accountability.

I’m writing this a few days into August after a week fully focused on the first German language retreat - more about that later!

What Happened In July?

As ever, lots of stuff happened! July is a long month packed with travel and events that took me out of my routine as a learner, but gave me new growth and motivation as a professional.

Earlier in the month I attended Shout Out Live, a podcast festival in London. I met a wonderful community of supportive and unique people who are killing it with their podcasts, and picked up some tips for the Fluent Show. After that it was time to prep for 2 weeks spent in Germany, some of it with my family and the second half on the first Fluent German Retreat.

The German Retreat

The German Retreat was a very small, all-inclusive language trip to Munich.We welcomed three motivated learners at level B2/C1, and for 5 days the motto was to learn, live, and speak only German.

I taught a custom German class focused around speaking German independently, and each participant was challenged every day. One attendee told me she’d been worried her language level was not good enough for speaking German only for so many days, but she certainly surprised herself. At the end, she told me “I have grown in confidence so much over the last week, I didn’t think I can do this and now I know I can. I am so motivated to continue and speak German.” As a teacher, the retreat experience was second to none, and I cannot wait to repeat it.

Every day of this trip offered something special, including a guided tour by a retired American history professor, a visit to the (non air conditioned 🚒) Deutsches Museum, and of course a huge giant pretzel and a beer in the beer garden. In other words, the perfect combination of a good week out and a language “level-up”.

Oh, and because I am me….we also cooled ourselves off in a river.

Our next German retreats are already scheduled in the diary, so watch this space and register on my retreat list if you want to experience a trip like this.

The Fluent Show

My favourite episode this month was our discussion on language bias, and whether our hidden prejudice holds us back from learning certain languages. As Lindsay concluded at the end, we might not have answered the question but we had a great conversation about it.

In August, the show is hitting a milestone: We’re celebrating our 100th episode with a live broadcast full of games and special guests. Every language lover is invited! If you want to join us, click here for more information.

Language Goals and Progress

All right, all right. I bet you didn’t come here for a diary entry, so let’s get to the goods. How did I learn languages in July 2018?

¡Oye! ¡Español!

My moments with languages apart from my beloved Welsh continued. Checking out an upcoming Fluent Show sponsor’s wares, I decided to see what they’ve got to offer in the Spanish department…and found myself in an online lesson speaking Spanish for a full 60 minutes!

I learnt Spanish during my foreign language training in 2001-2003, and got to a level of B1/B2 for conversation and business letters. Thing is, after the end of the course I never had another formal lesson. And after 15 years, turns out I’m still good enough to function in Spanish!

Here’s my tutor’s assessment:

Moral of the story: Don’t worry if you do have an ex-language somewhere (see podcast episode 98). Your brain has way more skill stashed somewhere up there than you imagine possible.

Chinese

Still dabbling!! I spent an hour or two practicing what I already learnt and adding a few question words. At this pace, I’m on track to be “officially learning” by 2020 and fluent by the year 3000. I like it!

Learning Welsh

Yes, I’m still learning Welsh. In fact, I’m volunteering for a few days at the National Eisteddfod Cymru next week. If you’re coming and spot me speaking Welsh in a high-viz, dyweduch s’mae os gwelwch chi’n dad! Having said that, I didn’t reach all July goals. Let’s take a look.

Listening

I wanted to listen to Welsh for 90 minutes every week. This started off well with radio and television, but while I was in Germany it dropped to zero.

Reading

I wanted to try and finish the book Sgwp!…and then I didn’t touch it all month. My Welsh reading really took a dip and I’m not too proud to tell this to the internet. Luckily, there’s always another month to improve.

Speaking

The goal was to have 1 long lesson and 3 conversations, and I did have a fab lesson with my tutor. It helped me lots with that yes/no issue in the grammar. Conversationally, things were quiet though I did chat in Welsh on social media. Good job I have a trip coming up!

Writing

The goal was “write one poem, any kind”. That one got done, one sleepy morning when I put my thoughts down on the Notes app in my phone.

You might not think this is much, but sometimes it’s necessary to set the goal at “more than zero” and then move from there. After all, a small goal achieved feels better than a big goal missed.

Monthly Contact Goal

Every month, I log my “daily contact” with the Welsh language. In July, I logged 12 days of contact. I know there was more but being in Germany meant my tracking habit was off. Still, it shows that when the daily contact drops, everything drops.

Goals For August 2018

Cannot wait for this month - it’s going to be very Welsh!

Listening and Speaking

These two areas are grouped together for the National Eisteddfod, where I’m going to be from 8-11 August. Although I’m getting organised very late (my airbnb fell through), my plan is to stay on the Maes Camping and hear and say everything in Welsh while I’m there.

I also plan to volunteer for a bunch of hours. This is all organised in Welsh, so I’ll get plenty of input.

Reading

Guess what….I’m gonna whip out Sgwp once again! I’m also due a new issue of Lingo Newydd. Let’s say I’ll get halfway in this book!

Writing

I’m not entirely sure what to do for writing practice this month! I might sacrifice that writing time, not set a goal, and instead spend a little extra time on Chinese. That sounds good to me!

So there we have it, my new goals for August 2018 are set and I’m ready to go visit my target language country.

How Was Your Month?

Have you ever visited a language retreat? Do you write bad poetry in Welsh? Are you setting goals?

Leave a comment below to tell me all about it!

I would love to read about what you’re up to in the comments below!

If you want to write your own goals and join the #clearthelist linkup and share your own goals for the month, hop on to Clear The List hosted by Lindsay Williams and Shannon Kennedy.

[misc-oneshots]

Meddling Princes

Words: 2,666 For: N/A Human!Reader x Dwalin

Bilbo was in the middle of assuring his unexpected ‘guests’ that he most certainly was not a burglar when there was another knock at the door. His expression fell, “Gandalf if that is another dwarf-” he dropped his threat idly into the air. The dwarves looked between themselves in confusion, they were all present and correct, whoever was at the door was not one of their party. “Go Master Baggins, it’s not polite to keep guests waiting.” Gandalf told him cheerily and Bilbo narrowed his eyes at him before throwing his arms up in a huff and stamping off to the door. The other dwarves watched his back as best they could while Thorin caught Gandalf’s mischievous look, “Is this your doing, wizard?”

“They are early, I was hoping to speak to you first.” Gandalf gave him a nervous smile and smoked from his pipe, as much as he had confidence in his choice of help for the company it did not mean that Thorin would approve. Dwarves may be stubborn and grumpy but Thorin was in a league all his own.

The Shire was quite nice by all accounts and you quite liked that the little houses where just the right size for you – perhaps this would be a nice place for you to settle down after you had grown bored of your adventures. Though coming from a line of Dragon Slayers in the South you couldn’t rightly say that you’d ever lose your adventurous streak. It was poison from a rogue Dragon fang that had stunted your growth in adolescence and left you looking up at almost every other human that you met. You were adjusting your cape when the door opened, and an incredibly short man gave you an exacerbated look, “Yes?” He asked. You gave him a half bow before standing back up and offering him a smile, “Y/N L/N, at your service. Terribly sorry that I’m early.” “B-bilbo Baggins at yours. Don’t be sorry, punctuality is the height of manners.” He mumbled and nodded his head nervously before eying you suspiciously, but you didn’t let it bother you, it was clear that he was shocked to find a woman on his doorstep.

Bilbo showed you into his house and to a side room with a table full of dwarves and your friend Gandalf who at least had the good manners to look sheepish. They all turned to gape at you and under your cloak you brushed your fingertips along the knife strapped to your leg. The Darrow at the top of the table beside Gandalf took one look at you before glaring at Gandalf, “What’s the meaning of this?” “Hello to you too.” You mumbled and the head dwarf and the burliest of them, a bald Darrow covered in tattoos and missing part of his ear, glared at you.

Gandalf gestured to you with his pipe in hand and rushed to introduce you, “This is Lady Y/N, a dear friend and she will be of utmost importance to our task at hand. Y/N this is Thorin Oakenshield and his company and I believe you’ve just had the pleasure of meeting our host Mr. Baggins.” You gave a little bow in introduction and a few of the older dwarves around the table tipped their head in greeting as not to be rude. Thorin’s head snapped to Gandalf, a plethora of scathing comments on his tongue about how he would not accept a woman in his company, neither mind a stranger and a human. But you interrupted him, “You’re going to reclaim Erebor.” You told him, it wasn’t a question and again the dwarves stared at you.

“You shared our plans with this woman?” Thorin snarled at Gandalf. Before Gandalf could defend himself, you interjected, “He did not but it doesn’t take a philosopher to understand your motives. Firstly, Gandalf comes to me to ask me of my time with the Dragon Slayers of the South and then invites me here with a proposition of work. The only Darrow kingdom in need of a Dragon Slayer that I know to is Erebor.” Thorin had turned in his chair before coming to stand before you, he was only slightly taller than you, but his glare was incredibly impressive, “We’re expected to believe that you’re able to kill a Dragon?” “Jealously doesn’t suit you, your highness.” You told him. Gandalf spluttered slightly on his pipe, “Y/N has promised to aid our quest and behave, and Bilbo will make a fine burglar.”

“Who said I would behave? Gandalf do not speak for me.” You told him. Beside you Bilbo squeaked, “I’m not a burglar.” One of the other dwarves, in a delightful hat, started to describe the Dragon that you’d be facing until Bilbo fainted and you and Gandalf helped in into another room. Dori, the Darrow that had rushed to get Bilbo a cup of tea, had introduced you to the other dwarves and pointed them out from afar while Thorin spoke with Balin and Gandalf. After you’d helped move Bilbo you’d been presented with a contract and the affirmation that Thorin and the company refused to be responsible for you fate which you understood and signed before handing it back to Balin, who seemed to be very agreeable with you joining when he learnt of your profession.

You were in a side room in Bilbo’s house when the gruff, tattooed dwarf joined you, you’d learnt that his name was Dwalin. “You look like no Dragon Slayer that I’ve seen.” He didn’t mince his words. “Oh, and how many have you seen?” You asked as you idly ran your hand over the details of Bilbo’s fireplace. He grunted before rephrasing, “You look like no Man that I’ve seen.” You gave him a coy smile, “Because I am in fact, a woman. I do not think this cloak would disguise that fact so much.” He scowled and light from the fire deepened the shadows on his face, you knew what he had meant, you were shorter than both he and Thorin which was unusual either for man or woman. “I didn’t think that a Darrow would discriminate another for their height.” You mumbled and glanced down by the side of an armchair and saw a glass container hidden slightly behind one of the chair legs. You reached down for it and held it up between you and Dwalin, it was a glass container full of cookies, “I think that Mr Baggin’s may have been trying to hide these.” You took one for yourself before holding out the container to Dwalin and after a moment he took it from you.

----

“It is not polite to stare brother.” Balin scolded Dwalin, his eyes full of mirth. “I do not stare.” Dwalin grumbled and tore his eyes away from where Bifur was showing you his lastest creation to glare at his Balin smoking his pipe. “You were staring.” Thorin agreed on Dwalin’s other side and the warrior glared at his King - the traitor.

“Were we not discussing our course?” Dwalin asked and gestured to the map on the ground between the three of them. “Changing the subject, old friend?” Thorin asked, his voice verging on teasing and for all that it was annoying him, Dwalin was happy to see the amusement in Thorin’s eyes, it was easy to see his nephews in him.

“Trying to stop you getting us lost.” Dwalin told him and took puff from his pipe. Thorin shook his head but he and Balin decided to give him from rest from the mocking and focused back on the map though the King had to bite his cheek a few times when his friend’s eyes flitted up to watch you moving across the camp. Ever since first meeting you at Bilbo’s house Thorin had noticed his cousin’s eyes drifting to you when he thought you wouldn’t notice, truth be told the King owed Balin five gold coins on a wager. Thorin had wagered that you wouldn’t make it long with the Company being such a lithe human, he bet that you would make it five days before leaving and his only concern was to take as much information as he could about Dragon weakness’ before you gave up. Balin had wagered the opposite and as they reached the fourteenth day Thorin couldn’t even be annoyed that he’d lost.

It hadn’t taken you long to fall in favour with the Prince’s who enjoyed your somewhat biting tongue and during most treks he’d find you at the back of the company with either his nephews or with Bofur and Nori competing to knock out the most raucous, dirtiest jokes that made even Fili and Kili blush! All under the watchful eye of Dwalin, but just as Thorin had seen Dwalin’s affections, so had his nephews and they couldn’t stop themselves from meddling – especially since they knew that you were hopelessly besotted with the warrior and if he was busy with you then Dwalin couldn’t stop them from getting into mischief.

Fili has implied that you’d hurt your ankle when you’d tripped (coincidentally Fili’s foot was what had tripped you) and Dwalin had marched over and taken your pack from you for a few hours before you managed to climb up his back and snatch it back from him. Nori got given pot washing duty after loudly mocking how Dwalin was blushing all the way up to his ears.

Kili told Dwalin that Bofur was going to peep on you as you bathed (impossible given that he was making the stew for the night with Bombur) and Dwalin marched straight down there and nearly scared the life out of you and Bilbo as you swam through the lake.

It was starting to frustrate you that they were mocking your affections to the warrior and Dwalin himself was close to losing his temper with them – but, when wasn’t he?

“My dearest Y/N.” Fili smiled as he dropped himself down on one side of you with his brother quickly joining you on your other side. You narrowed your eyes at them, “What do you two want?” Fili held his hand to his chest in mock hurt and Kili gasped, “We were just coming to wish you well for the evening and pass along a message from our Uncle.” You didn’t believe them, no matter how innocent they tried to look, “And the message?” “Uncle would like you to take first watch later with Dwalin.” Kili told you.

You glared at them, “You had something to do with this.” “I don’t know what you mean, m’lady. We’re just passing on the message.” Fili told you but the grin that he gave Kili over your shoulder told you different. “You two are the bane of my existence.” You grumbled and took you sword from the ground and stormed over to the tree line, ignoring the Prince’s laughter behind you.

A few moments of silence were afforded to you as you smoked deeply from the pipe that Bifur had carved for you as a thank you for helping him through one of his outbursts before you sensed someone could up from behind you. Dwalin leant on his axe beside you and you stood for a few moments in silence, for all the Prince’s terrible matchmaking it had not stopped you being able to enjoy peace with the warrior. “They botherin’ you as well, lass?” He broke the quiet. You nodded and blew out smoke, “If they carry on they will not see the mountain.” Dwalin took your pipe when you held it out to him, “Just make sure that you’re quiet about it, I don’t want them ruining more of my sleep.” “Old men do need their sleep.” You smirked, and he narrowed his eyes at you, but it held none of the menace that it had beside Bilbo’s fireplace.

“They’re not going to relinquish the subject of us, they’re too stubborn.” You mumbled after a moment and from your position leant against the tree you could see his cheeks darkening in the moonlight. Though you both may have acknowledged your feelings this was the first time speaking to each other about it. “What do you suppose?” Dwalin asked and held out your pipe, your hand gently ran over his as you took it, but he caught your hand to stop you and gently ran his callous thumb across your knuckles. It was amazing how tender the touch of the warrior could be. This time you felt yourself blush, you were sure your cheeks could light up the forest. You swallowed, “In private, I think that we could explore these - inclinations.”

He gave a deep chuckle at your avoidance of the word ‘feelings’ and brought your hand up to brush his lips over your knuckles before finally letting your go, “Would you be willing to court an old dwarf?” After putting your pipe on a low branch, you pushed away from the tree and reached up to wrap your arms around his broad neck and gently kissed his cheek. “Only if they’re as handsome as you.” You smiled, and his big hands found your back to hold you close.

Softly Dwalin turned you in his arms so that he could rest his rest on top of your head, the silly old dwarf, and you two could spoke your pipe. After a sigh that you felt against your back Dwalin asked, “You said in private lass? What did you mean by that?” You leaned to smile up at him, “Don’t you wanna help me get revenge on those Princes?”

---

“Lads, Lads! Wake up!” Bofur hissed as he shook Kili and Fili awake, both sat up with scowl and their hair sticking up on one side. “Bofur, what? What is it?” Fili asked as the more prepared of the brothers. “Look.” Bofur hissed and pointed to where Thorin stood between you and Dwalin shouting at each other. “Durin’s beard, what’s happened?” Kili asked. From where they sat they could fear snippets of your thundering argument.

“You old dwarf – clean out your ears! Kili told me that you wanted to see me.” “What would I need from a half-sized woman? You cannot even walk uninjured – Fili himself told me, I had to carry your bag.” “Well the Princes told me that you tried to peep on me while me and Bilbo were bathing!”

“I think you lads are in trouble.” Bofur mumbled to Kili and Fili, both of their faces had drained of colour and their uncle was glaring at them both. You and Dwalin stormed away from each other and Thorin followed his cousin until they were both stood with Balin. “Want to tell me what that was about, brother?” Balin asked, his expression one of amusement rather than worry. “You heard what we said.” Dwalin grunted as he focused on backing his bedroll and refused to turn to look at either of them knowing that he’d break out in a grin.

“Aye, that we did. So, did everyone else in the company.” Balin agreed and when Thorin gave him a confused look the older of the brothers gestured to the princes with his pipe. Thorin spared them a glance to were they were hurriedly packing away their own gear and for the first time since the trip they were keeping to themselves and staying quiet. Across the camp he saw you sneaking glances at Dwalin and laughing at Nori’s impression of Dori. “Dwalin, don’t take it too far.” Thorin told him and when the warrior turned to him Thorin gave him an all-knowing look that Dwalin couldn’t deny so he just nodded. “Are you happy, brother?” Balin asked.

Dwalin watched you across the camp before nodding, “Aye, I am.” Thorin slapped Dwalin’s shoulder in congratulations and Dwalin didn’t see how behind his back his king threw his smug brother a small sack of coins.

[johnboothus]

Back on the Ale Trail: Will Beer Tourism Rebound After the Pandemic?

This month, we’re heading outdoors with the best drinks for the backyard, beach, and beyond. In Take It Outside, we’re exploring our favorite local spots and far-flung destinations that make summer the ultimate season for elevated drinking. 

When I reach Chris O’Leary, he’s on his way from New York City to Spokane, Wash., to take a beer trip with a pal he hasn’t seen since the before times. “I’m literally on a plane right now,” he texts. It’s hardly a surprise. Since 2011, O’Leary, a marketing executive who publishes the New York-focused beer blog Brew York, has visited 2,267 craft breweries around the world. Averaging between 250 and 350 breweries per year, O’Leary is one of the most well-traveled beer tourists in the world, and I’d called him to get his take on the post-pandemic future of ale trails, brew tours, and general beer-related travel as hopefully vaccinated Americans re-embrace their wanderlust this summer and beyond.

“[Breweries] are as busy now, if not busier, than I’ve ever seen them,” he says on a phone interview from SeaTac’s baggage claim. “People are just ready to get back out there.” If O’Leary is right, and beer tourism is coming back strong in a post-pandemic world, it’ll be good news for the breweries, travel companies, and other hospitality companies that rely on beer-focused travelers to spend cash in their communities. But everything has changed since we all went into lockdown last year, and the craft beer business was hardly exempt. As the country reopens and cooped-up Americans eagerly book long-delayed vacations, will breweries be on the itinerary?

‘Beer tourists spend quite a bit of money’

Before we look to the future, a brief jaunt through the recent past. As American craft beer’s volume growth has slowed in a more mature, crowded market over the past half-decade, beer tourism — a broad term typically defined as leisure travel primarily motivated by visiting breweries, beer festivals, and so forth — has mostly held steady. “What we saw prior to the pandemic, is that … beer tourism has been on the rise for quite a number of years,” says Neil Reid, a professor of geography and planning at the University of Toledo and the author of several papers on beer tourism.

Data from the Brewers Association, the industry’s largest trade association, roughly tracks with that. According to an annual survey conducted among craft beer drinkers, from 2015 through 2019 the percentage of respondents who said they’d visited at least one brewery while traveling rose steadily each year, from 45 percent to 53 percent. (Among weekly drinkers, those figures were higher.) Bart Watson, the BA’s chief economist, says that “experiential [beer] tourism is growing more in line with at-the-brewery sales” as opposed to overall craft beer sales volume. “Prior to 2020, [those] were still growing very, very strongly.”

Speaking of sales: The reason Watson and other industry observers pay attention to drinkers’ interest in beer tourism is because traditionally there’s big money to be made luring visitors to breweries. While there’s no comprehensive national study showing how much cash beer tourists spend each year, regional reviews indicate it can be substantial. In 2019, an independent analysis commissioned by the tourism board in Grand Rapids, Mich., found that beer tourists generated an economic impact of $38.5 million to the surrounding county — $23.9 million in money they spent on beers, restaurant meals, hotel rooms, and the like, plus another $14.6 million indirectly recirculated through the local economy.

“Beer tourists spend quite a bit of money,” Dr. Cristina Benton, director of market and industry analysis at Anderson Economic Group and the study’s author, told me in a recent phone interview. In examining the spending habits of beer-focused Grand Rapids visitors, Benton and her colleague Sara Bowers found that beer tourists spent an average of $1,060 per party per trip compared to $959 spent on average by other groups.

Reid, who shared a study from the Sonoma County Economic Development Board that found Russian River Brewing Company’s 2019 Pliny the Younger release generated a $4.16 million economic impact on its own, points out that in addition to being potentially powerful revenue drivers, beer tourism programs tend to be fairly low-effort and low-cost for those tourism boards that elect to create them. “It’s an extra webpage, it’s an extra couple brochures. … I think the cost of promotion is pretty small, and return on investment can be pretty high,” she said, especially when factoring in all the ancillary businesses that benefit from beer tourist spending. “There’s a lot of winners when you can attract those folks.”

Uneven impact

Of course, starting in spring 2020, those folks went into quarantine, and many brewery taprooms were forced to close for long stretches due to state restrictions on indoor service, concerns for staff safety, and the demands of new business models. Some took the opportunity to retool and expand existing outdoor setups, or build new ones. But on the whole, on-premise brewery sales decreased in 2020 compared to the year prior; the Brewers Association tracked a 25 percent dent in Q3 2020 figures alone. Beer festivals, another traditional draw for beer-thirsty travelers, were effectively kiboshed, cutting breweries off from a vital way to expand their customer bases.

All this worked out predictably poorly for event promoters, and for companies that focus on conventional, destination-based beer tourism. “Our company, like the travel industry in general, was devastated by the pandemic,” says Allan Wright, president and founder of Zephyr United, a Montana company that offers guided beer, wine, and culinary travel packages through its Taste Vacations division. (Another arm of the company also hosts a beer tourism conference, though the pandemic put it on hiatus both this year and last.) “Last year we canceled 21 out of 24 vacations on our schedule,” Wright says.

Covid-19 did destination-based beer tourism firms like Wright’s no favors. But contrary to what you might have expected, the BA’s data shows that brewery visits actually held steady, and may even have increased from 2019 to 2020. Watson cautions to take those figures with a grain of salt to account for respondents mischaracterizing their visits for to-go beers during the pandemic with more conventional beer tourism. But here, too, beer tourism infrastructure helped out, as many state guilds, regional tourism boards, and ale trail promoters shifted from pitching their constituent breweries as travel destinations to encouraging drinkers to patronize their retail operations.

“People came to pick up carry-out [orders] and support as many local breweries as possible,” says Patrick Fannin, the head brewer at Dreaming Creek Brewery in Richmond, Ky. The brewery, which had only been open for a year prior to the pandemic, is a stop on the Brewgrass Trail, a 20-brewery network in the greater Lexington area organized by Kentucky’s Department of Tourism. “The trail was a kind of [customers’] guide of which ones to go to,” Fannin surmises.

In eastern Pennsylvania, the Visit Bucks County tourism board used its social media handles to encourage visits to the 27 breweries on its ale trail from followers within driving distance. “The Bucks County Ale Trail was actively promoted during the pandemic, primarily over social media, as many of the breweries still sold beer to-go,” says Paul Bencivengo, the president and chief operating officer of Visit Bucks County.

This makes sense when you consider the nature of most beer tourism in the U.S. While marquee beer destinations like Denver, Asheville, and San Diego are strong enough draws to entice drinkers to make cross-country pilgrimages, says Reid, most beer tourists typically hail from within 150 miles or so of the breweries they’re visiting. “It’s basically a weekend trip,” he says.

Driving revenue

As Watson points out, local drinkers skipping the supermarket for the taproom to-go window isn’t beer tourism, certainly not in the sense that Reid and his colleagues define it. But there’s some evidence that actual beer tourism did persist during the pandemic. With U.S. air travel dropping as much as 60 percent in 2020, dedicated beer tourists itching for an approximated taproom experience took to the road instead. To wit: Brew York’s O’Leary estimates he still managed to visit about 220 breweries in 2020, just a slight deviation from his norm, mostly by car travel. “Most of it was road trips. … A lot of my planning was around where Covid-19 [case] numbers were the lowest,” he says.

For Harvest Hosts, a travel firm that rents RVs to members looking to camp at one of the 2,500+ breweries, wineries, and farms that the company has contracted with across the company, that tendency was a boon for business. “We have seen a massive increase (over 400 percent) in RVers visiting breweries since the pandemic started,” Joel Holland, the company’s CEO, says via email. Harvest Hosts counts 338 breweries in its hosting network; in 2020, Holland says, its customers spent more than $25 million at all the businesses that participate in its program.

The combined effect of increased local emphasis, new outdoor spaces, and a shift to road travel may have softened the pandemic’s impact on American beer tourism last year. “I think beer tourism held up better than we would have expected, and is probably poised to rebound,” says Watson. “These numbers suggest that the fundamental demand [for beer tourism] didn’t really go anywhere.”

A post-pandemic bounceback?

As vaccinations continue to rise across the country, the factors do seem favorable for beer tourism to return to something like its pre-pandemic benchmarks. For one thing, Americans are itching to travel. In a June 2021 survey, Destination Analysts, a travel market research firm, found that over 77 percent of Americans plan to travel for leisure in the next three months or so, and 90 percent of those trips will be overnighters. Harvest Hosts’ own survey, conducted at the top of the year, shows similar appetite, with 60 percent of respondents saying they’ll travel more than in 2019. Holland says the firm is seeing customers extend the lengths of their trips as restrictions lift, and that Americans’ slow return to international travel “bodes very well for road travel to wonderful small town breweries.” The company projects that its RV-mobilized travelers will spend upwards of $40 million at their host locations in 2021.

Wright, at Zephyr United, hoped the bounceback would lift destination-based beer tourism that requires air travel. So far, so good: “We not only are back to where we were before, we are well ahead of our numbers from 2019,” he says.

From his vantage point at the BA, Watson sees only a few potential headwinds for beer tourism. For one thing, it’s experience-driven hospitality, he points out, a discipline that may be tough for more production-oriented breweries to master. “People don’t go [to breweries] necessarily just to look at the shiny tanks, they go for the knowledge, for learning, for the experience … and that can be replicated in other beverage alcohol arenas,” he says. On that note, with craft distilleries across the country lobbying for expanded privileges to do tastings and on-site sales, and vineyards already very sophisticated on those counts, beverage-loving tourists have more options than ever at which to spend their travel dollars. Craft beer drinkers, Watson emphasizes, are nothing if not “omni-biborous”: that is, they like drinking craft beer, but like drinking everything else, too.

Still, those are not insurmountable challenges, and though Watson cautions that beer tourism may not bounce back all at once, he speculates its return may come with a welcome post-pandemic “wildcard” for breweries. “A whole bunch of breweries developed new ways of selling beer … with more to-go and delivery” options, he says. That hard-won pandemic expertise may enable breweries to leverage direct-to-consumer sales (in states where that’s legal) to maintain relationships with beer tourists who visit, vineyard-style. “I think it opens up new potential, you know when bigger markets have that, to increase beer tourism, and more importantly the follow-up sales from those visits,” Watson muses.

That remains to be seen, but more certain, for now, is that beer tourism is coming back in some capacity. As he grabs his suitcase in Seattle, I ask Chris O’Leary what advice he has to offer to anyone looking to begin their own march to 2,267 brewery visits this summer. “Look for the hidden gem beer towns,” he replies. “The big [beer tourism] destinations are probably going to be even busier than normal.”

The article Back on the Ale Trail: Will Beer Tourism Rebound After the Pandemic? appeared first on VinePair.

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[megansaber]

Send it off Into the Universe

June 23, 2018

When I went to bed last night and reflected back on my day, I realized I didn’t cry the entire day, at least over my failed relationship. I did, however, shed some tears with my buddy Rob when we went to visit Lindsey’s grave. We hugged and talked about how much we missed her, and we overlooked the incredible views from the top of the mountain that she’s resting at. It was the first time in a full week that I didn’t cry about my ex, which is a relatively short amount of time, all things considered.

I wake up everyday with this amazing opportunity to travel the United States and see every national park I’ve been wanting to see for years. I get to travel with my two best buds and show them places most dogs would never see in their entire lives. I get to live out some of the best days of my life with old friends, while meeting new ones along the way. I’ve already stayed with some amazing Airbnb hosts who have become a part of this journey with me. And now as I sit in my friend’s house in Denver, I am filled with happiness, not that anxious kind of happiness I’ve been feeling for the past few months. I’m with people that are accepting, loving, caring, truthful, honest, and who haven’t ever turned their backs on me for as long as I’ve known them, most of them over 10 years at this point. I’ve been meeting new friends that don’t have ulterior motives; they just want good conversation and a few laughs for the short time I’m around.

I downloaded Tinder in St. Louis a few days ago for the first time in over three years. A relationship is the last thing I’m looking for, so I have it set to friend mode - people to keep me company while I travel in places I’ve never been before, people to explore with me or give me recommendations on places to go and other people to see. Sure, there may be easier ways of meeting people with like minded interests such as traveling, hiking, backpacking, camping, etc., but so far Tinder’s been a great tool for helping me talk to and/or meet some awesome people out there who are doing the same thing!

Today I woke up accepting everything about myself that has been shot down the last six months on a constant basis. My love and acceptance of everyone around me. My love for black culture, NBA, and rap music. My high-waisted workout pants. My cornrows. My gray hairs. My fucked up vision. My cancer. For the first time in months, I’m starting to realize that when people around you subtly make fun of the things you are/do/love, those aren’t the supportive people that deserve a spot in your life. Those are people that are hurting and want others to hurt with them. Those are people that only accept their truth as 100% correct and can’t see another person’s point of view. Those are people that I’ve let into my life all too often because I want to see everyone’s best assets shine through, but sometimes their lights are way too dim to ever reach that point, and it’s not my job to light it for them, I just wish they were able to do it for themselves.

Cheers to better days ahead. Cheers to this amazing road trip, being home in Colorado, seeing all my friends, and waking up in a new state every few days. How truly #blessed I am to be able to do this in my lifetime. Lastly, cheers to feeling every fucking emotion possible in seven days and waking up on the eighth day feeling like a god damn new person. Let that shit out and send it off into the universe <3

[montrealimprov]

Meet Your Makers: Indie Night’s Alex Brown and Saima Ahmed

Interview by Isobel Cully

Meet the legends that make Indie Night happen EVERY WEEK, Alex Brown and Saima Ahmed. 

You know Alex as an improviser, sketch comedian and all around funny person (Lil Strawberry Bitch, Fancy at The Haunt, Camp Wanapoke, etc, etc, etc). You know Saima as the girl behind the camera, taking sick pics of your favourite performers and making you jealous on Instagram. You know both of them as Montreal Improv’s best dressed duo. You can go see them host Indie Night every Saturday night at 9:30 PM, in Theatre B.

  1.    Would you like to be famous? In what way?

AB: Yes, I would like to be a famous podcaster and/or filmmaker/performer. I pretty much have the same career ambitions now as I did when I was 6 years old. Except for the podcasting part, if you asked me what podcasting was when I was 6 I would have probably explained it as some kind of net you cast to catch...pods? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

SA: Tbh, I don’t think so! It seems so competitive! I’m more a “behind the scenes” but very much in control gal. I prefer to be recognized and appreciated for my work and connect with people that way. In other words, I still want to dress up and go to the Oscars but as a producer rather than an actor.

2.   If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

AB: Mind for sure. I plan on having a tight bod when I’m 90 and I need my mind to keep up.

SA: Hm tough call. I’m going to agree with Al, an active mind means an active body!

3.   Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

AB: My dearly departed yellow lab Winnie and we would share a spaghetti dinner with a side of corn on the cob because those were her faves.

SA: Michelle Obama! To talk about how we can help empower women to run the world over some fish tacos.

4.   If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

AB: The ability to know which ability or quality I would like to gain. So I guess decision making and resolve?

SA: The ability to help create peaceful resolutions between 2 parties. Imagine how useful that would be in 2018!

5.   Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

AB: I thought this said ‘secret lunch’ at first so I’m assuming it’s going to have something to do with my not being able to read instructions properly and things going horribly awry. Conversely if it turned out to be lunch related I wouldn’t be mad.

SA: Haha, I’m a speed reader and I read secret lunch too! Agree 100% with Al on this.

6.   When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

AB: I wish I had a better answer for this than ‘in an improv show’, but I will have to admit that I serenaded a group of paying audience members this past Friday night with a rousing rendition of ‘I Wanna Be the First Female CEO’ at Friday Night’s Main Event - Fridays at 8:30pm at Montreal Improv ;)

SA: I have been singing “The Kids Are Alright” by Chloe x Halle to myself for a few weeks now. I’m a horrible singer so I avoid singing in public at all cost.

GROUP QUESTIONS

8. Make three true “we” statements. 

We both love thrift shopping

We both love a good time

Against our better judgment, we both are close personal friends with Seth Galina

9. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how she might handle it.

AB: What can I do to stay focused and/or motivated at my day job?

SA: Before you start, make a list of things you need to do. I find it surprisingly satisfying (even motivating) to cross things off my list. Also take breaks, I find it helps me focus if I know that afterwards I can chill.

AB: I am MC’ing a friend’s backyard wedding this summer, what should I wear?

SA: For the MC, I would say lean towards a bit more of a classic silhouette and add some Alex Brown touches via accessories to keep it hip. I’m a fan of a unique dress or a chic jumpsuit.

SA: I know for a fact that you are a morning person. I have trouble waking up really early, any tips?

AB: Unfortunately there’s no real easy hack for this, I think you’re either a morning person or you’re not. That said I’m sure you could cultivate habits over time to get better at it. I drink a really big glass of water as soon as I wake up and then I go to the gym or try to do a little bit of exercise at home at least. Giving yourself some time for you is super important. My motto for 2018 and beyond is ‘self care, don’t care’!

SA: I’m going to be moving soon but before that, I want to get rid of shit I don’t need. What’s the best method to declutter?

AB: Honestly since I’m a basic binch I pray to the goddess of tidiness, Marie Kondo. Her book actually taught me so much about getting rid of stuff. I can confidently say that the only clothes I own now are ones that ‘spark joy’. You can borrow my copy! Jk I don’t have it anymore, I gave it away.

SHOW QUESTIONS

10. Describe your show, Indie Night.

Indie Night is a weekly improv show that showcases performers of various experience levels from all over the city! We have a bit of everything from solo improv, class fields trips, current and past house teams and some pretty cool out of town acts. We’ve even had some musical acts! Indie Night takes place every Saturday night at 9:30pm and the last Saturday of the month is *Ladies Night*, featuring all female/female-identifying performers.

10. What excites you the most about your show?

We love that we have this amazing platform and get to provide the opportunity to new acts to perform. We are often the origin story show for some troupes that go onto create some pretty funny things. For some players Indie Night is even the very first time they’ve ever performed in front of an audience, which is very exciting!

The show isn’t just for newbies, we have all sorts of acts featuring varying levels of players. The fun thing about Indie Night is that you can see more experienced players perform with newer players and you never know what you’re gonna get on any given Saturday!

11. In 5 words, why should people come to Indie Night?

It is a good time!

FINAL QUESTIONS

12. Where can people find you (twitter, instagram, snapchat, kik, omegle, myspace, etc.)?

SA: You can find Indie Night at Montreal Improv on Facebook. We also have a hashtag across all social media #indienightmtl . You can find me on Instagram @steezsister and Twitter @_SaimaAhmed. You can also find us both Saturday Nights at 9:30 at Indie Night! Did you like that subtle plug?

AB: I’m on Instagram at @djbabybrown but I haven’t posted since October 2017 and I mostly only follow plants and Simpsons merch accounts. :) Seth Galina is @sethgalina on Instagram and Twitter.

13. Is there anything you want the Montreal Improv community to know (about you or in general)?

SA: I think this goes for both of us, we’re always here! Come say hi and talk to us, we don’t bite. Or so we haven’t been told otherwise yet.

AB: I will bite you if you ask nicely. :)

14. Do you want to plug anything else?

INDIE NIGHT. INDIE NIGHT. INDIE NIGHT.

Alex’s sketch comedy troupe, Lil Strawberry Bitch, will be performing at Sketch Republic on Thursday, April 19 at 8:30pm at MIT and then at the Montreal Sketchfest on May 10th at 8pm at Theatre Sainte-Catherine.

[schmidtchristmasmarket]

With even local trails getting clogged, our editor has some advice for you that he hoped he’d never have to give.

We can’t help ourselves: A hiker’s gonna hike. Hiking is good for your body and soul, and both need nourishment now more than ever.

But this isn’t about you, it’s about the health of others and the bandwidth of first responders, and it’s time to stay home. I know that’s a tough pill to swallow because I feel it, too.

Overflowing trailheads with minimal regard for social distancing isn’t what we need right now. I support the parks and trail systems that have chosen to close because that’s the only way to keep folks at home. And that’s the only way to ensure we’re protecting vulnerable populations and not unnecessarily taxing the limited infrastructure most small outdoor towns have.

I live in a town of about 2,000 in the foothills in between Boulder and Estes Park, Colorado. I moved here for one trail in particular, my favorite mountain bike trail. It doesn’t hurt that there’s a couple trout-filled rivers nearby as well as a few lifetimes of rock climbing. Naturally, it’s a popular weekend destination. It’s now seeing peak summer levels of traffic and taxing local law enforcement and first responders (I’m a volunteer firefighter, and I see it every time I work a shift).

For now, I’m not hiking or biking area trails. I’m turning to home-based stuff like the below. I urge you to do so, too. Frankly, it’s been pretty fun.

Work Out

I love training, and it’s benefits are endless. Stronger bod and lungs are up there, as are fun and camaraderie, but most pertinent right now, in my opinion? Stress relief. An hour in my driveway or garage working up a sweat while blasting Beastie Boys is an hour out of my house and out of my head. Here’s a sample workout from my friends at Boulder Athletics that you can do at home.

Put some weight in a day pack (15 to 20 pounds), then:

5 Rounds for time of

20 Backpack lifts from ground to overhead

15 Burpees, jumping over backpack

4 Rounds for time of

40 Backpack Russian twists

30 Second plank hold

Need a little motivation? Follow along with our recording of a live workout with coach and athlete Jason Antin. Heck, you might just come out of this thing stronger. Train hard now, hike easy later.

Zen Out

Take a few minutes to clear your mind and appreciate where you are and what you’ve got. You can do it on your own simply by sitting quietly with your eyes closed for 10 minutes and focusing on your breathing. Or you can download any of a host of apps. I’ve used Headspace for years and love it. We’re hosting our own guided meditation for our Basecamp membership program.

Read

To learn. To escape. To grow. To travel the world while not moving an inch. We have a few lists of our staff’s favorites here. I turned to Gretel Erlich’s Solace of Open Spaces and am cracking Peter Heller’s The Dog Stars next.

Write a Letter to a Hiking Partner

Take a minute to thank an old friend for an amazing trip, to reminisce about that one time it all came together perfectly, and you hiked with ease, ate well, didn’t see another soul, did see a moose or a griz or the biggest shooting star of your life, and enjoyed it all amidst golden weather. Or commemorate the hard times, that trip you toughed it out together and staggered back to the car grinning. I remember a late summer trip to West Virginia’s Cranberry Wilderness with my college roommate Glen. It was a little of both: We had torrential rain, and Glen had somehow forgotten his shell. I’d decided to forgo my canister stove for an alcohol stove I'd made from a Coors can. Our progress was slow, but that afforded us time to shoot the shit and solve all the world’s problems while drinking just the right amount of Jim Beam. Handwritten is the way to go for style, but email works too.

Address Your Maintenance Backlogs

My favorite sleeping pad, an old Therm-a-Rest NeoAir XLight, has a slow leak, which I’ve learned the hard way at least three times. But after each of those trips, I shoved the pad back in my gear closet bleary-eyed without fixing it. Today’s the day. I’m also going to wash my most-used sleeping bags, refresh waterproofing on my boots and gloves, and address long term inattention my cooking and water purification kits have suffered. Might even unbend some tent stakes, if it comes to that.

Video Chat Someone for Fun

Yes, I said fun. You may already be swimming in a sea of video-conferencing. Even my kid has Zoom meetings. But add one to your week with people you’re dying to see, that you miss. Toast to their health. Have a campfire. Human connection, even with a device in between, will do you good. A phone call works too.

Get Hooked on a Podcast

We’re biased for sure, but we have a brand new story from our Out Alive series that’s just dying to explore your headphones. It’s armchair entertainment and educational at the same time.

Learn Something New

If you don’t come out of quarantine with a new hobby, skill, or side-hustle it’s not for lack of time but for lack of desire. Just chillin’ is fine too, if that’s what you need, but make that a conscious decision. But if you and your family are well, consider this unstructured time the rare chance to learn the banjo, practice your conversational Spanish, or master your camp chef skills. And we’re giving this Essential Knots course away free. Grab some cord and show us a bowline or a taut line hitch.

Plan Your Next Trip

This pandemic grounded trips I had on the calendar for the country of Georgia, Colombia, and Oregon. It cancelled a few conferences I was stoked to attend. It closed the ski resorts and climbing gyms. It closed Rocky Mountain National Park. You get it, and I’m sure you have your own unfulfilled list you wish to realize. Use this downtime to plan (or replan) your next great escape. I have some pent up energy and can’t stop thinking about fly fishing and pack-rafting in Alaska, biking a section of the Great Divide, maybe finally hiking the JMT, or climbing in the Wind Rivers. As my friend and 2013 National Geographic Adventurer of the Year Mike Libecki says (cheesily, yet guilelessly), “Dream big, and climb those dreams!”

Written by Shannon Davis for Backpacker and legally licensed through the Matcha publisher network. Please direct all licensing questions to legal@getmatcha.com.

[ruthandliamgoplaces]

Is this a wilderness adventure or not?!

Since leaving our workaway host in Switzerland, we’ve cycled across the French Alps into Italy. A question we’ve been reflecting on a lot apres-cycle, is whether or not our tour can be considered truly adventurous as we are cycling across the more developed parts of Europe. Many other cycle tourists move quickly through Europe to get to the “adventurous” countries like Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Russia, China, India or even Slovenia, Hungary, Turkey. So, can what we are doing really be counted up there with that sort of adventure!?? What defines an adventure?

It certainly feels like a wilderness adventure to us! Whilst being surrounded by luxurious ski chalets, mostly well paved roads, and being never too far away from a hotel, restaurant or bar, we have existed for the last two weeks in a self imposed wilderness, our minds, goals and wallets being the only true barrier to accessing all the comforts the world could possibly have to offer. It’s an interesting situation to place yourself in; we theoretically could sleep in a campsite, or even hotel, and we could eat at restaurants, but instead we choose to bivvy every single night and cook all our own meals. Even if we had enough money to have luxury every day (which we don’t, most people spend more than we have on a weeks holiday!), we would still choose to travel in this way, because this is where the adventure happens for us. Surviving in the wilderness, even if that wilderness exists only through the parameters we have chosen to live by.

We also certainly could have avoided cycling through the Alps themselves, sticking to well trodden (mostly) trusty Eurovelo routes which carve cycle friendly routes through countries avoiding unforgiving gradients. There was definitely no need for us two choose to cycle two Tour de France Mountain passes, including one which has been used four times for the ‘King of the Mountain’ part of the competition and includes 9% gradients that are utterly brutal for our heavy touring bikes.

We could also have travelled lighter, like the four other cycle tourers we have seen in these enormous mountains. There really (we are discovering) was no need to bring a slackline, a laptop, two 38 litre rucksacks, walking boots and loads of different clothes for doing workaways! The frame creaking weight of our bikes multiplies the difficulty, and adventurousness, of ascending 2087m mountain passes.

Our musings have led us also to recognise the ways in which the adventurousness of our cycle trip is more limited! Whilst braving the elements on a rainy evening, we *know* we could just book into a hotel. Whilst fearing dehydration in the baking sun, we realise we could just stick out a thumb and ask for help from a passing car. But we don’t. However, it provides a buffer of comfort knowing that we could immediately escape our situation from the simple act of sticking out our thumbs, or waving down a passer by, or reaching for a credit card... or phoning our parents. And yet... even in less developed countries the same is true! Sometimes more luxury is possible outside Europe as it is more affordable. Credit cards, or cash, work everywhere to bail you out. To some extent.

My thoughts are that whether our trip can be counted as adventurous or not, will remain an unresolved and interesting debate. Adventure is relative, and deeply personal. I will let the reader decide!

The “adventure”

We left our amazing Swiss workaway hosts, who dropped us just outside of Lausanne in the midst of another 35 degree heatwave. After three weeks off the bikes, including one week at a festival drinking way more than we should have, we did not feel at our fittest. Oh, and Liam had a horrible cold. Our mission: cycle across the Alps to Italy, via a stop in Morillon to meet some workaway hosts for a potential job opportunity. Climb two Tour de France passes and wild camp the whole way.

The first days cycling was extremely hot, but despite setting off at 2pm, we managed about 50km as it was mostly flat. High point was having a lovely swim in Lake Geneva just past Lausanne. We found a quiet place over a stone wall so I felt comfy to swim wearing my amazing pants bought in Nepal. Unfortunately they are flesh coloured and completely see-through. Doubly unfortunate then that we were joined by a couple of guys smoking an afternoon spliff, an older couple having a swim and a young guy sunbathing. Oh well, I lost my dignity where nudity was concerned somewhere back in week one.

Low point was having to push our bikes through a seemingly never ending snake of street stalls set up for an enormous festival. Battling a tsunami of pedestrians not looking at all where they were going is not fun with a fully loaded bike.

That evening we found ourselves accidentally back on the Via Rhôna cycle track Eurovelo 17, the track we had followed for 500km to Geneva! We found a seemingly amazing camp spot tucked beneath the cycle track next to the river. All was going so well until the plague of mosquitos began. We were hit by hundreds of the things and bailed to set up a mosquito net and peg it down. Hot dinner plans cancelled, we sat gloomily in the mosquito net eating peanuts and cold chorizo, and watched the sun go down. We were treated to spectacular stars that evening, and we got by with minimal bites, even if our bellies were left wanting for more.

This was the first of nine bivvies - all perfectly adequate. Our worst one was the next night, sleeping in a lay by half way up Col de Forclaz. Liam was feeling really poorly and after ascending nearly 850m in a day with our dwindled level of fitness, we were both worn out. I had not so cleverly (as it turned out) treated us to some pricey marinated meat to cook, but unfortunately Liam in his exhausted delirious state couldn’t get the stove to work consistently with a new fuel we were foolishly experimenting with. In the dark, we couldn’t tell whether the meat disguised by sauce was cooked or not. I sat there, alone with a man down, in a dark layby 800m up a mountain, holding a bag of expensive, query cooked, Swiss meat in a zip locked bag, ready to throw in a bin lest it attract unwanted animal visitations in the night, ravenously hungry and seriously questioning my life choices. The tale has a happy ending. Motivated by both hunger and the repulsion boiling within at throwing away perfectly good and expensive meat, I managed to work with Liam to get the stove to work for just long enough to cook the meat to a crisp. Cremated- definitely. Going to give us food poisoning? Absolutely no chance. Winning.

The next day, after a restless night peppered with passing high beams of cars racing up the mountain, we slogged over two Cols at 1500 and 1400 metres, in a blistering heatwave. At the top of the first one, I pretty much climbed into the drinking water fountain to cool down! It took us an eternity to cycle up, pausing every 25-50m of ascent to dive into any shade, lay-by or non switch back we could find, catch our breath, rest our jelly legs and attempt to cool down. I prevented Liam from pushing the last 12metres of ascent, sniffing through his cold, and we got there and could claim some sort of victory. We had laid siege to the mountain. We had got there. After an expensive Swiss ice cream and beer to celebrate (both the ascent and leaving pricey Switzerland), we used our last Swiss Francs and cycled down to Chamomix to bivvy at the foot of Mont Blanc (highest mountain in Europe) in a spot recommended to us by a warm showers host that I had messaged to ask for advice about where to sleep for free in the bustling and pricey ski resort. Along the way, we whizzed through Argentiere, stopping to fill our panniers full of delicious French supermarket wares, to the sound of an outdoor Orchestra playing part of a Star Wars score!

As we pulled into the recommended wooded area on the outskirts of Chamonix, we passed loads of vans parked up for the night, and saw a woman doing yoga underneath a tall canopy of gorgeous pines twinkling in the evening sun. We tiptoed past her as quietly as we could manage with the unruly bikes, and later, after she finished her practice, she joined us for an hour to share her incredible story of cycling around the world with her two year old son! Now working as a mountain guide in Chamonix, she left us rich with some useful tips about local hikes, her phone number in case of any problems, and an invitation to stay in her flat down the road over the weekend as she was away!

The following day we left Chamonix and cycled through the valley drinking up the glacial scenery before sleeping next to a beautiful fishing lake, hidden from the public and the rain (but not the ducks) by yet more beautiful pine trees. We were kept awake some of the night by an incredible thunder and lightening storm projected over the snow capped mountains, and winds that kept changing direction blowing excitedly through our tarp.

By now, it was my turn to be poorly. Dosed up on cold and flu medication, we had another hard day slogging up hill again to Morillon, a skiing resort, to meet a workaway host and take some rest in their chalet. The heat wave was markedly over, replaced by unceasing torrential rain only the product of towering mountains. Our unfit and abused legs groaned and complained as we cycled on, and on, devouring an entire rotisserie chicken with mayonnaise on the roadside, navigating endless switchbacks and drinking litres of water. As we approached the chalet, we got lost in the middle of an exceptional part of deluge when google tried to direct us to cycle up a gravel walking track with a no entry sign on an impossible gradient. No thanks Google! Instead, we had to push our bikes briefly up a road with an impossible gradient. We became a spectator sport for people having a spot of luncheon on their covered chalet balconies.

At one point, white fork lightening struck the road very close in front of us, causing us to flee to shelter desperately under someone’s car port. Thunder boomed menacing around the valley crackling like artillery fire as we waited for the storm to roll over. The car port owners peered curiously out their window at us, and a very damp Liam and I mused at the unlikeliness of them venturing out to ask us what on earth we were doing cycling touring bikes up a massive hill in a dangerous storm. We barely knew ourselves.

Finally, we reached the chalet as the storm echoed in the distance, and soaking wet through we met Jean and John the workaway hosts. God knows what they thought of the two bedraggled red in the face creatures asking where they could store their life’s possessions in filthy panniers. Bless them for not complaining at us dripping mud and water in puddles through their lovely chalet. At least we knew how to use a mop!

We passed a restful couple of days recovering and waiting for the bad weather to pass before embarking on the epic journey to Italy.

The morning we set off for Italy was a glorious descent with beautiful weather- not too hot and not raining! We cycled down hill until we re-entered the foothills of the Alps and the gradients started gently changing. We wanted to find somewhere to sleep before doing any climbs, but everywhere was decorated with the friendly Private No Entry signs and electric fences typical in agricultural areas. Fortunately we found a walking track marked on google maps, and after pushing our bikes along a gravel track, managed to find a slice of quiet scrubland tucked innocuously behind a row of trees on the trail. Liam cooked up a feast as always, and we slept extremely well and remained dry under a tarp despite the evening rain.

The following days cycling to the base of Mont Cenis were a mixture of cycling up and down, but mostly up. We passed through some of the most beautiful scenery of the trip, through gorgeous Alpine villages and amazing panoramic views of valleys below. We swam in Lake Annecy, slept next to a river, cycled through gorges and over hills and through alpine meadows. We visited a market and tried some local goats cheese, being sure to choose the fresh stuff and not the mature variety! We both agreed it was the best scenery of the trip so far.

A low point was caused by road works. We were loving life, cruising along amazing quiet roads to our next destination, when suddenly it turned out that our road was blocked and we had to take a diversion. We ended up climbing a big ascent on a baking hot dual carriage way with very fast traffic zipping past us. Morale was sinking as there was no shade for refuge, and seemingly no places to sleep. However, that evening, we found a turn in the road that led to a slag heap, and a hydropower river section. The place was hidden from view from the main road, and whilst not being very attractive, it was actually a perfect place to spend the night. As I sat on the gravel facing a slag heap and a railway line, ants crawling all over me, to the sound of the motorway in the distance, I reflected that this was not what I came cycle touring for. However, it is the nature of cycle tour life- sometimes you have to take the horrible road to get to the good road. Some days you have to sleep in the lay by on the way to the beautiful spot.

On the day of Mont Cenis pass itself, we woke up only a tiny bit daunted about what awaited us. Yet another Tour de France Col, with sections of a gradient average of 9%. We’d cycled for 6 days in a row over some mountainous roads, and our legs were exhausted. As we crawled up the hill, painstakingly slow, 25m-50m sections at a time, there were times both of us didn’t think we would make it. However, as with most things with cycle tour life, you just have to do it! Pretty soon we were at the top, with incredible 360 degree panoramic mountain views all around us, and an exhilarating steep switch back descent to look forward to. We sat at the top with a beer and an ice cream, feeling thoroughly satisfied with ourselves, taking great amusement at watching people passing by stare in bewilderment at our bikes. Their faces said: how did those get up here?! Which nutters would cycle a loaded touring bike up Mont Cenis?!

That evening we passed into Italy and after one more painful ascent, we found a spot to sleep which makes you really appreciate cycle touring. It’s much easier to wild camp when you are hiking as you can wander into woods, get away from roads, and reach places far away from human activity! On the bikes, especially with cumbersome loaded bikes, we have to always stay near a road. Consequently, we don’t often get wilderness spots. So, the spot we ended up in was a real treat. On a very quiet road to a small village, we found a small turn around spot for cars, which led to a maze of mountain oak trees and rocky platforms with a spectacular view over Italy. It was warm, there were no mosquitos, barely any cars, no people and we really felt in the wilderness as we could push our bikes away from the road. That evening we sat out late, enjoying the sunset and the stars coming out, and felt we had really achieved something! We were in Italy, and over two mountain passes!

The only problems we had now were, we hadn’t bathed in several days, we had dirty clothes, no food and limited water. But they were tomorrow’s problems!