#and here’s the funny little autistic coded guy that follows him around

[whatthehickheck]

peacemaker x vigilante was made for destiel adults

[professorpalmarosa]

Weird Nutmeg Dream: The Chris Chan Escape Room

This is not the first time I have chronicled a weird dream brought on by diffusing Nutmeg Essential Oil. If you diffuse the correct amount, you increase your chances of having a lucid dream...or at least something fun and interesting.

Too much, and you’ll end up with dreams about bees building hives on the other side of your window or psychic hipsters with man-buns stealing your identity so you’ll kill everyone he hates with your brainwaves.

Wednesday night, I had a real doozy...

In this dream, one of my old high school friends had just turned 30. To celebrate, they wanted to get a big group together to play a brand new room at an escape room company close to my city’s amusement park. I was eager to play for a number of reasons:

I love escape rooms. I played my first one in 2016 and have been hooked ever since.

I have played two escape rooms at this facility already. Their rooms don’t have the ambient lighting, expensive sets, and mood music like my favorite place does; but their puzzles tend to be trickier (and honestly, sometimes pretty funny).

The engineer who owns the company and designs the rooms is a very nice guy. Once you finish a room, he loves to nerd out and explain how he constructed the room, how the puzzles work, etc. He also has a cool “replay room” where you can watch your gameplay. Sometimes, he’ll slow it down. Other times, he’ll speed it up and play Yakety Sax from the Benny Hill Show.

This was a brand new room. Only two groups had beaten the room so far, but no one had successfully unlocked the “special bonus ending” yet. That probably thrilled me more than anything else.

My group arrives on time and we’re all eager to find out what the theme of the room is. I try to weasel some information out of the owner, but he’s being uncharacteristically mum about all of this. That’s when our “guide” steps out to greet us.

He’s a chubby fellow dressed in a blue and red striped rugby shirt, a pair of blue jeans with a stain near his fly, a pair of thick glasses, an amethyst high school ring…and something around his neck that gives away what the theme of the room will be. My friends are confused and more than a little grossed out by the stain, but it’s all I can do to hold in my nervous giggling.

‘Oh my god,’ I realize. ‘It’s a Chris Chan escape room.’

For those unfamiliar with who Chris Chan is, Christine Weston Chandler (formerly Christopher/Christian Weston Chandler) is a high-functioning autistic internet personality famous for creating Sonichu: a hybrid between Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu. She occasionally releases comics; but nowhere near as frequently as she once did. This is due to stress, repeated harassment from online trolls, financial problems, and a deteriorating mental state due to all of the aforementioned.

Her life is pretty much what would happen if the Truman Show were real…if Truman was autistic and the show was 100% guest-written by internet trolls. Everything she does is chronicled by “Christorians” and broken up into sagas. Sagas are typically categorized by personal life events, failed romantic relationships with (sometimes real, sometimes fake) women, and whatever troll/trolling group is harassing her at present.

As a side note, I know that Christine’s preferred pronouns are now she/her. When speaking about her in the present tense, I will use those. However, since (1) this room dealt with Chris almost a decade before the transition was announced and (2) even Christine herself tends to treat the past Chris as a separate entity (she even kicks him in the nuts in the Sonichu comics, if I remember correctly); I’ll be using he/him for the purposes of the dream. This room was designed around Chris, not Christine.

I don’t have an account on the Kiwi Farms, nor have I ever contributed any articles or attempted to contact Chris. However, I’ve been following Chris’s antics for nearly ten years and fancy myself to be a bit of a closeted amateur Christorian.

No one in my group knew this and it was about to become relevant.

“Hello, ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, and dudes of all teen ages!” Fake-Chris greeted us. I’m trying my best not to crack up because I recognize that quote. I know where this is going. The actor does not disappoint. “My name is Christian Weston Chandler. I’m here, and y’all are there!”

My poor friends look like they’ve just crash landed onto an alien (Little Big) planet. They have no clue what hell they’ve just unleashed, but it only get crazier from there. I won’t go into the full specifics of what the actor said—again, this was a dream and not reality. Some of the details are hazy now that I’m awake—but I’ll go ahead and tell you what the general premise for the Chris Chan escape room was:

The Sonichu medallion around Chris’s neck was a copy. He wanted to give the original to a “sweetheart” he was courting online, but he lost it somewhere in his room. Just to humor the actor, I asked who the sweetheart was.

Fake-Chris’s face lit up with glee, probably because a real girl was talking to him. “Blanca Weiss,” he tells me giddily. “Blanca’s real. Yeah. I talked to her!”

By now, most of my friends are having second thoughts about entering that room. The actor has creeped out most of the ladies in my party, as well as my gender nonconforming friend who is really uncomfortable when people make comments about their chest. They haven’t had top surgery yet and it’s a very sensitive subject.

There was one more twist for the plot of the room: Chris believed one of us wasn’t being “true and honest” and was, in fact, a troll from the internet. This brings me back to the “special bonus ending” I mentioned earlier. Each group of players would have one troll among them. This person would have a slightly different objective from the other players.

All of us were tasked with finding the Sonichu medallion, but the “troll” player would need to:

Go undetected by Chris and the other players for the entirety of the game.

Find the Sonichu medallion.

Steal the Sonichu medallion from the rest of the party.

Leave the room before the hour was up.

If the troll could successfully do this, they would be rewarded with a free full booking of another room. Escape rooms tend to run anywhere from $15 to $25 per person in my city, so that’s about a $250 value! I don’t care who the hell the troll is in my group is. I’m not going to dox them because I want the free game.

In an attempt to convince my wary friends to move forward with the game, I reassured them that I’d probably be able to catch most of the inside jokes in the room. “I know my Christory, guys.” They looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. “I know this stuff! We can do this!”

Unfortunately, my enthusiasm and can-do attitude bit me in the ass. Not only had I outed myself as some kind of online weirdo to my friends, but Fake-Chris proceeded to hit on me for most of the game. Initially, he tried his best to give every player an equal amount of interaction. I guess he noticed the other people in the room were uncomfortable and I seemed “nice.” I was asked multiple times if I was “boyfriend-free.” (Spoiler alert: I am, but that’s because I’m a super choosy and super, super gay.)

I was right. My Christory knowledge came into play multiple times during the game play. There were puzzles based on:

The “Gitars of Fail” (Guitar Hero guitars Chris customized after Sonichu and Meatwad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, just to name a couple)

The Sailor Moon poster Chris used to look at every day to reaffirm his “straightness”

Rearranging the members of the Chaotic Combo in chronological order of their first appearance in the Sonichu comics. Their Amibos were spread around the room and needed to be placed in that order, otherwise a box with a magnetic lock wouldn’t open.

The Orange Fanta cans. If you don’t already know what those are for, you DON’T want to know.

The Sonic Totem

The Pixelblock Heart Torch

The “Yep! I’m on TV!” DVD.

The “Wall of Originals” custom Pokémon cards.

Chris & the Hedgehog Boys. My guy pal Patrick had to sing a rendition of “So Need a Cute Girl” and it was godawful.

Finding the one game in Chris’s massive collection where one of the characters was incorrectly colored (Sonic Boom, which Chris doesn’t own. Chris boycotted that game and even pepper sprayed a Gamestop employee).

A scavenger hunt inside the Manchester High School Year 2000 Yearbook. We had to look at every gal pal.

Having to pull half a key out of Officer Nasty and another half out of Kimmi: Chris’s inflatable sex dolls.

A DDR Mat that (once the four combination locks were unlocked) opened a portal to CWCVille. The four codes were SONICHU, ROSECHU, NAITSIRHC, and CLYDECASH.

One of my friends found the Sonichu medallion inside the CWCville portal. It was hidden inside an empty jug of OxyClean. I heard several cases of “oh thank Christ” muttered among my friends. I could tell they were having fun in here, but were ready to leave.There was just one problem:

Someone had to give the medallion back to Fake-Chris and none of my friends wanted to talk to him.

The clock was running out and Fake-Chris had become increasingly paranoid. “Aw, come on!” he kept whining, sweating and panting as he made grabby hands for the medallion.

“Okay,” I told my friends as I held out my hand. “I know none of you want to do it. Give me the medallion. I’ll take care of this.” My friend handed over the medallion without a second thought, but I didn’t head toward the actor.

I headed toward the door. I was the troll all along.

[waltdisneyconfessions]

ASK A DISNEY MANAGER: QUESTIONS ANSWERED!

This is a repost because of accidental deletion. Awhile back you guys sent in questions for a Disney Manager, below are his responses! Thank you!

1. What is the worst experience/mistake you've ever made with a guest? What is the best experience you've had with a guest?  I think my worst experience or moment was during my college program. I remember arriving at merge area at Peter Pan's Flight where Fastpass and standby guests merge into one line, and the Fastpass line was extremely long. I stepped in and tried my best to get the Fastpass line under control and I remember a few families in the standby line yelling obscenities at me. Once I began to let a few standby guests in, all I remember was five or six adults standing around me in a circle, screaming at me. I was so stressed that I tried to grab the attention of the person working to load guests onto the attraction, to ask if she would switch with me briefly because I thought I was going to break down and begin crying. Instead, I walked away from the merge area with no Cast Member there for a minute or two. I walked over to the person working in the load position, and said, "I'm really sorry, but I can't work in that position right now." We swapped positions until one of my managers could pull me aside to talk. I honestly thought I was going to get into trouble for walking away, but my manager was understanding and spent a few minutes with me to make sure I was okay. 

2. As someone who was a Disney manager, would you openly recommend it as a job to anyone who would want to work at Disney?

Personally, I would recommended working for Disney!

As with any job, I would also encourage those interested in working at Disney to evaluate and make decisions about their own career path before immediately making the jump to work for the company. Do your homework! Determine exactly what you would like your career path to be, study and read up on the company culture, and be prepared to work hard.

Also remember that Disney is massive Fortune 500 company, operating domestically and internationally. If working for a large corporation isn’t your thing, I wouldn’t recommend Disney. Most often, moving up within the organization can take time because it is competitive.

3. how do they handle workers who don't speak English? at some point that must have happened right?

In many Guest facing roles, you are required to have a basic understanding of the English language, or be able to speak English to communicate with Guests. However, bilingual skills a great qualification that the company looks for in job candidates. If a Cast Member doesn’t possess strong verbal communication skills or basic English, he or she may work in a backstage role where guest contact is limited.

4. For the former manager: did you ever have a heart warming experience while working at Disney? Or was it all work and no spark? Many thanks for taking your time to answer questions ️

Actually, I have a few really heartwarming moments from my time at Disney, but one of my favorites moments involved me assisting with surprising a young guest with a tour the Cinderella Castle Suite whose favorite character was Cinderella. The highlight of the tour was seeing the expression on the guest’s face when she knocked on the door to the Suite and Cinderella opened it. I, along with her parents and a few other Cast Members involved, were on the verge of tears.  

5. What's the snottiest, most entitled guest you've ever dealt with? And any recs for getting into the Disney College Program? Is there a chance to move up in the company into, say, the writing division in animation? Thank you so much <3

This is tough one for me because I can’t think of a specific story. That’s probably because the person acted so entitled that I wanted to completely erase them from my memory once they were gone. lol.

I will say that I’ve dealt with several Guests who have tried to essentially “pull rank” or highlight their social status by mentioning they were either lawyers or doctors when things weren’t going their way or they weren’t satisfied. I’ve also dealt with people who have tried to belittle me (and even other Cast) by assuming most of us didn’t graduate high school or attend college because we worked in a theme park. I’ll be honest, I often take words to heart, so there were moments at the end of the day when I questioned who I was and what I was doing with my life. I can’t describe the feeling I would get when I felt defeated because someone decided to belittle me…but… the good always outweighs the bad…seriously!

Even though Disney can be a competitive environment, yes, there are opportunities of moving up. I think using the College Program as your stepping stone is a great start! As for getting into the program, I would recommend opening yourself to as many roles as possible when you’re applying. I often hear that you chances are better if you don’t limit yourself to only one or two roles. These positions aren’t always going to be glamorous, but it’s what you make of it. If you are hoping to build a career at Disney, remind yourself that it has to start somewhere…and that somewhere may not be in the role you envisioned yourself. I recommend reading up on the roles available to DCP participants just to get an idea.  Apply early! During the interview process think about how you respond to situational questions using your past experience. Be prepared to discuss your strengths and weaknesses, and have a few follow-up questions for after the interview. I could go on and on!! If you need more advice with the process, let me know and I would be glad to give you even more preparation tips.

Finally, as for landing a career within animation, I would recommend the path of doing a college program, to familiarize yourself with the Disney culture (be a strong and consistent performer during your DCP experience),and  looking for an internship after that… Here’s a good link to check out: https://www.disneyanimation.com/careers/interns-apprentices#life-at-disney

6. can I just ask if there's something like special training on supporting Autistic Adults? Or just facilities in general? I'm saving to go to Florida next year for DisneyWorld but I'm very scared on how I may be treated if I start reacting badly to overstimulation :/

Cast Members complete training for assisting guests with specific needs, including autism, and how to assist guests requiring special assistance as part of the training process. When I worked in Guest Relations, I had to familiarize myself with the location of “break areas” throughout the parks which are helpful for individuals becoming over-stimulated. However, I think more Cast Members working in the park need to become more familiar with these locations.

Overall though I wouldn’t fear making the trip to WDW. I would recommend planning out your trip and studying up before taking your trip. Disney has some good planning resources including information for services for Guests with cognitive disabilities available on their website, and they also have a Guest with Disabilities department that can contact by phone or email before your visit.

7. how often did guests have asinine requests? like stupid things: "can you make the rain stop?"

Or… can we see Walt’s frozen corpse at the castle? lol. I’ve heard that one a couple of times. I also remember being asked by a father whose child wasn’t tall enough to ride an attraction, “what if I stuff my child’s shoes and come back later? Will you let him ride then?”

8. what are the best secrets that guests can access at the parks but few do? Also is the paintbrush on tom Sawyer island actually a thing? One last thing, what is the pay like? (Answer if you want, I know it’s not necessarily my place) I’ve always wanted to work there but I live in Ohio so I’m deciding whether it’s worth it to move. Thank you and you’re an amazing human being <3

I think some of the best secrets aren’t found within attractions or shows, but in some of the smallest details that Guests tend to overlook. For me, I enjoy the fact that the parks are full of small Easter eggs. For example, there is a telephone in the back of the Chapeau (the hat shop on Main Street) at Magic Kingdom. It looks like a simple prop hanging on the wall, but when you pick it up you can hear a funny “party line” conversation between two people. Or, if you’re ever in the lower level of the Main Street train station, you’ll hear a telegraph tapping out the Walt Disney’s opening day speech for Disneyland in Morse code.

I wouldn’t think of this as much of a secret, but one of my favorite Disney treats is a peanut butter & jelly milkshake from 50’s Prime Time Café. Many people think you have to dine there to order one, but if you stop by the Tune-In Lounge next door, you can order one to-go! If you’ve never had one though, you must!

Paintbrushes at Tom Sawyer Island did exist for quite some time, and it was a great scavenger hunt, especially for younger guests, but the Magical Moment was removed several years ago.

To answer your question about pay, I think it depends on your role. I think most people forget there are a wide variety of roles at Walt Disney World alone. I don’t know the exact current starting pay rates for guest-facing hourly positions, but the range is anywhere between $8 to just over $12 depending on the type of role.

And if that "you're an amazing human being comment was directed at me"... Thanks so much! I appreciate that! :)

9. I always loved Disney Quest, and we made one final trip when we heard it was closing. We had a blast, but the main attractions did look run down and out of date, and we constantly joked about the ps2 style graphics. It seemed like Disney sunk a lot of money into DQ for opening day and did little else to update it since. Do you have any info on why this was, or on what led to Disney Quest closing down? I feel like there was still a lot of potential there, especially with Disney's new properties

I think people have created their own theories behind the demise of DisneyQuest.  DQ was a pretty ambitious project by a division of the company known at the time as Disney Regional Entertainment. The long term goal was to open DisneyQuest locations in several major cities throughout the country. DisneyQuest Chicago opened in 1998 and closed two years later. Groundbreaking for another location in Philadelphia started and was halted after the DisneyQuest concept didn’t sustain itself in Chicago, and there were a number of reasons thrown out for its failure…from the theme park admission price structure to enter, to the lack of return visits, and Disney simply misunderstanding the market which led to low attendance.  

Unfortunately, I don’t have the exact “why” behind the closing of DQ at WDW. I think many will say that a lack of investment was the primary cause. I will agree there wasn’t much invested into DQ after the property transferred hands from Disney Regional Entertainment to WDW park operations. I think one of the biggest challenges for Disney was keeping up with the rapidly evolving technology trends to ensure that DisneyQuest stayed relevant, and the possibility of having update attractions within the building frequently to keep up. In the end, I think executives within Disney figured it would be wiser to invest its money into its largest attendance draw, its theme parks.

10. What was your best day and what was your worst day working? My worst day? Hmm...working in Guest Relations when it started raining during the last two hours of a Halloween Party. I remember the line for Guest Relations stretching across Town Square on Main Street...and there were lots of angry people. I wouldn't say it was the worst day, but it was definitely stressful. It's difficult to narrow it down to just one because I've quite a few memorable days. I think one of the best days involved the Cinderella Suite magical moment I was part of (mentioned in a previous question).  11. What was the weirdest complaint someone brought to Guest Relations?

A guest who was upset because he ended up getting wet while riding Splash Mountain. He tried his hardest to convince me there was nothing convincing him that he or his family would get wet on the ride, and that the rest of his day was ruined because his shirt was wet. Try listening to that with a straight face and concerned face…

12. if you had been high enough on the food chain to make larger changes to the park, what would be the most important thing you'd want to accomplish?

Hmm, interesting question. The first...BRING BACK THE ORIGINAL JOURNEY INTO IMAGINATION attraction, with some slight updates.

Although it’s practically unrealistic, if there was one thing could change about WDW would be its size, and try removing some of the growing pains that have come as a result of the WDW sprawl. I often think that Walt Disney World expanded at a pretty rapid pace, and maybe much too quickly at times.  After my first visit to Disneyland almost 15 years ago, I fell in love with the place. I felt like Guests had a personal connection to Disneyland, and that wasn’t something I had ever really noticed in Florida. As corny as it sounds, there is a certain charm about Disneyland and I think a lot of that not only has to do the fact that it was the only Disney park that Walt was involved in operationally, but it also has something to with the size and walkability of the resort.

13. How do you feel about the union negotiations? (From a current and scared part timer in the parks)

What has you scared?  My feelings are rather mixed about the current negotiations. I’ll be honest and say that I do think pay increases are needed, and that Cast Members are generally held to a standard higher than any other individual working within similar positions in the industry. I’m just not completely certain if $15/hour is going to be the solution. I don’t think I’m best person to ask regarding facts and figures because I’m not an economist.

As an outsider looking in, I do think that the negotiations has had an impact on service levels within Disney’s parks and resorts. I think the union will continue leverage the belief that if the organization expects such high performance standards, then Cast Members need to be paid appropriately to reflect those expectations.

On the other side of the debate, I think it’s possible to see a future where Disney will eventually begin to heavily focus on marketing its attractions and experiences to continue to entice people to visit, remove those high expectations often place on hourly guest-facing roles, and treat the role of Cast Member as simply a “ride attendant” or “sales associate” rather than placing emphasis on the role of a Cast Member as something unique (hopefully, that makes sense and it doesn’t appear that I’m rambling).  

One thing I will stand by is this… I recommend that Cast Members take time to develop their skill and not allow themselves to become complacent. Personally, I’ve witnessed a lot of that during my time with the company. I had moments when I felt that way about myself as well.  I know that each person has a different story, and a different set of circumstances, but I would love to see more hourly Cast Members try to advantage of Disney’s education funding/reimbursement program. I’m not certain if the new higher education program benefits announced earlier this year are available to WDW hourly employees, but if so, I would encourage people to take advantage of it! Even if a person thinks they are not cut out for college, the new program covers vocational training which provides individuals with a better opportunity to develop their skills.

14. What was your favorite magical moment you gave and received? [see Cinderella Castle Suite response] 15. Do you know what kind if engineers Disney hires the most? I'm looking at electrical engineering for college but I'm not sure if that's a good approach if I want to work at Disneyworld or Disneyland.

I think electrical engineering is a good choice and you’ll definitely find a number of positions seeking individuals with backgrounds in that specialization. It’s tough to say which types of engineers the company hires the most of, but I think some of the most common consist of mechanical, electrical, systems engineering, and even audio/visual engineering.

As you make your decision, I would definitely pay a visit to disneycareers.com and do a job search for engineering. I think you’ll learn that there is a pretty diverse offering of engineering roles not only in Parks and Resorts, but companywide as well.

Mod Jen: I’m going to butt in here: I was close with many of the maintenance team at Disney and I know straight from them that electrical is much more lucrative than mechanical, because you’re at greater risk. You also get paid more. 

16. If I want to become an imagineer at the parks, is there anything I can do to improve my chances of being hired as one?

Definitely ensure that you have a degree specialized in a field of engineering, art, or another creative field. If you are into design, it will be important that you start building a professional portfolio as well.

If you’re currently in college or a recent graduate, I would highly recommend looking into Professional Internships with Walt Disney Imagineering (WDI). I think the professional internship is a great way to “get your foot in the door” and understand the culture of Imagineering. I know a few people who have taken the internship route, worked hard, and were offered opportunities to continue their career with Imagineering after graduation. If you’ve been out of school for a while, I recommend looking for entry level positions within WDI, or take on a job with a design or engineering firm elsewhere so that you can develop some career experience. I know some Imagineers weren’t always Disney “fanatics” or knew much about the history of Disney prior to joining, but they’re experience and portfolio stood out as something Disney saw as creative or unique.

For designers, WDI hosts an annual design competition for college students and recent grads called “Imaginations” which gives winners the opportunity to be considered for internships.

17. Hi! I was wondering is there an age limit for DCP? I'd love to apply before I move out to CA for grad school. I'm 30. I also have multiple disabilities, mainly Cerebral Palsy. What jobs can be done from a power wheelchair? How accessible is Disneyland?

There is no age limit on the DCP. At one of my locations, I worked with someone who was 45 years old when she did her first program. As long as you’re enrolled full-time or part-time at a university, or a recent graduate. Utilizing a power wheelchair isn’t an issue at all, and there are a variety of positions you would be able to work within Disney’s parks and resorts. There will probably be some limits working in some roles though (such as some attractions) since those may require the ability to travel up or down stairs to access areas of the attraction when it’s needed.

Overall, I think Disney does an excellent job when it comes to accessibility within its parks. If you were to compare accessibility between the two parks in Anaheim, Disney’s California Adventure would probably win since it was built more recently with ADA accessibility in mind. Disneyland still does a great job with accessibility though, it’s just that many of the attractions may not have queues that are wheelchair accessible, so instead they use alternate entrances.

18. What are your guys' favourite Disney rides? Have you guys went to some of the other parks outside of the US?

My all-time favorite is The Haunted Mansion. I’ve always been obsessed about the early history and the development of the attraction. Laugh if you want, but It’s a Small World is another one of my favorites (I worked there during my college program). Spaceship Earth is another. I have yet to visit any of the Disney parks outside of the US. Tokyo Disneyland is on my list of must-sees!

19. How did you work up the ladder to manager? What position did you start in, how did you get that position, and what other positions did you have between then and manager?

I began my Disney career as a part-time attractions host at Space Mountain which lasted about two months before I transferred to a full-time attractions host role at DisneyQuest. It was during my time at DisneyQuest that I decided I wanted to become a Disney leader. Before stepping into an actual leadership position with Disney, you often have to take on the challenge of informal leadership positions, such as a trainer or coordinator. Six months after starting at DQ, I interviewed for an attractions trainer position and that became my first step to gaining some leadership experience.

During my time as a trainer, I began to communicate regularly with another manager who became my mentor, and he helped guide me through me through the process of strengthening my resume and interview skills. After spending a year at DisneyQuest, my mentor and the operations manager suggested that I transfer from DisneyQuest to an attraction at a park as a way of gaining more experience working at an attraction with a high guest capacity. I took their advice and transferred to Mission:Space at Epcot and became a trainer within six months of working there.

During this period, I was also given an amazing opportunity to join the Disney Traditions team as a Traditions Assistant facilitator. For those unfamiliar with Disney, Traditions is the new hire orientation that all company employees go through. This was a year-long, “once-in-your-Disney-career,” experience that I think helped open doors for me at WDW as well.

Almost two years after starting with Disney, I went through a process known at the time as Leadership Casting Call. This was the process WDW used to identify and develop a pool of talent to become Guest Service Managers for each line of business at Disney’s parks and resorts. After lots of networking, mock interview preparations, and finally, the actual interviews, I was selected to be part of the talent pool. My first temporary position as a manager took me back to DisneyQuest. This would also be the place where I would end up becoming a full-time manager about 8 months later.

20.  Is Splash Mountain an awkward subject to discuss? Have people asked about what that ride is based off of, & if they do, were you allowed to tell them about Song of the South, or did you have to lie & say it's an original attraction just like Haunted Mansion or Jungle Cruise?

Honestly, I’ve never had to have an awkward conversation about Splash Mountain. I think majority of the population may not connect the attraction with the movie Song of the South.

21. What has been one or more of the craziest experiences/incidents you ever had working for Disney?

     Splash Mountain probably led to some of my craziest and most interesting challenges ever. One of the craziest moments though was witnessing a ride vehicle at Splash Mountain nearly on the verge of sinking with Guests onboard because the log was taking on too much water.  Everyone was okay, but they pretty much drenched from the waist down. The family was pretty understanding in the end and actually ended up being some of the nicest people I’d ever interacted with while working at Disney.

[spockandawe]

So you’ve heard Spock is the actual literal devil

Have you heard that I’m a terrible person? A plagiarist? Have you been told that I’m only into transformers at all because I wanted to make this one random guy unhappy? If you’ve been told that, you’ve probably also been told that a year and a half later, I’m still making fanworks just to upset him. You might have even heard that shhhh, don’t disagree with Spock on anything, or they’ll hunt you down and harass you.

Right, okay. This is one hell of a saga that I will attempt to tell in as compressed a form as possible. It’s a lot. Years ago, back in HS, there was this one guy who policed the hell out of one of the character tags. I’m going to call him C. He’d pressure people not to make the content they were making, decry the hateful people reading with a malicious eye who thought the character would ever do anything bad (the character was a creep). And because being obnoxious wasn’t bad enough, if you didn’t cave to his demands, he just might do things like start whisper campaigns about how you support rape, casually out you as a survivor, cute little things like that.

This is not a story about that guy.

This is a story about C’s one-time attack dog, eventual boyfriend, and current ex. We’ll go ahead and call him R. I’ve tried real hard to avoid namedropping on my blog before, but could people find him from this? Probably. Have I stopped caring? Absolutely.

TL;DR, unsubstantiated accusations of serial harassment are a little questionable when they’re coming from someone with a years-long, extensively documented history of serial harassment and a personal grudge against me.

Cut for length.

Edit 7/2/2017: R has posted that he regrets making these posts about me, and admits that he said things that were out of line. And he’s stated that he’s going to try to do better in the future. I genuinely, truly appreciate that. I’m leaving this post up because there have been lies about me floating around for a while and I reserve the right to defend myself, but I really do appreciate that.

Oh balls, none of this makes sense without backstory (I’m so sorry)

If you think I suck or my work sucks, that’s fine! You do you, go enjoy the things that make you happy.

If you think I’m the devil because this one guy told you about my evil, evil past and all my terrible misdeeds, without anything at all to back up his words? You can ask me. I don’t bite, and oh lordy do I have receipts.

To be clear, R is totally allowed to hate me! I don't care. I don't care if he hates my writing, I don't care if he hates me as a person. But now he's escalated to spreading lies about me, and people are believing him, and I’m not enough of a doormat to let that just stand.

And I’m going to cheat a little. Here’s a memo with the cliffs notes version (not the original memo, I made a copy with C’s urls cropped out since he hasn’t attacked anyone in a long while). Warning, digging any distance into this turns up violent fantasies, violent sexual fantasies, creepy interactions with a minor, and lots more, it’s all really, really unpleasant. Evidence is thoroughly documented, please tread with care.

You would not believe how truncated that is compared to the reality.

Now, the worst of this came via C. Who has calmed down a lot these days, and I’m really happy that’s the case. Good for him. I hope his life continues in a direction where he doesn’t find it necessary to do this stuff.

Lucky for me, R was standing by to pick up the slack.

It doesn’t show up as much in the memo, which is mostly C-focused, but R was standing by C this whole time, defending his right to spread around private information about someone’s abuse history, sending nasty messages on the other guy’s behalf, and much,much more. it’s long, it’s awful, it’s unpleasant. R personally hurt people in some significant ways that I don’t want to link directly, for their sake. He expressed deep remorse a few times, but it never stuck.

Here’s my personal favorite quote from R. He’s speaking to the CSA survivor that C casually outed (with information given to him in confidence), and who they’d been running a long, long whisper campaign against, and who was understandably a bit upset over the whole thing:

oh go wank to your own tears [name]

#and get your sympathizers to help #nasty fucking people #maybe if you cry enough youll be able to go into second grade in the fall #ooc

Said, again, to a CSA survivor they outed and harassed. That person is such a sweetheart, and this screencap still infuriates me.

The first time I saw C pick a fight he had lots of friends. Shockingly, as he did things like loudly fantasize about how he wants to mutilate people and rant about how autistic people should die, those friends mostly drifted away. I know one person had a friend even help them stage a faux relationship-ending fight, so they could be sure they’d be able to completely cut and run from C. R stuck with him, though. Eventually they even started dating.

‘Spock followed R into transformers to harass him and stalks his favorite characters just to harass him more’

Then, transformers. Here, let me show you the first post (by R) that ever brought MTMTE to my attention. I spent years being aggressively uninterested in transformers, but this caught my eye

and honestly, ppl (adults too!!!) shipping someone who has the mentality of a child and is quite glaringly lacking a world of experiences and general understanding of things outside of ‘good’ and ‘bad’, with an adult, is just. very alarming and gross to me.

and honestly, the fact that there is a large portion of people who want him to become romantically (and sexually!!!) involved with either one of two fucking adults in canon, and hell, esp those defending it with ‘hes an adult too tho!!’ is really gross.

you can pretend all you want that hes ‘an adult’ because his body is, but theres no way jro didnt intent to code him as a child. stop fetishizing children lmao,

#pedophilia -/-/- #cygate -/-/- #if someone comes at me screaming ‘rule 38′ im gonna shove them in a locker

I didn’t know transformers, but I was pretty sure this was some straight-up bullshit.

(but don’t worry, he ships it now! no hypocrisy here, no sir)

It’s “really gross” to ship this adult with other adults. Mm. Given the reasonableness of the claims these guys have made in the past, and given their extensive history of harassing people over those claims, I hopped to the wiki to check it out. I read a bit about the comic and the plot, and all of it sounded so fascinating that I just had to give the comic a try.

Reader, I married it.

I shotgunned MTMTE 1-47 in two days, started doing fanworks right out of the gate, and I’ve never looked back. A lot of my art was cygate, because come on, the comic wants you to ship it so bad, my first readthrough ended with issue 47, and that was the first ship I’d ever read about for the series, even before I dove in.

Now, both these characters punch me right in the heart, in some painfully personal ways. Tailgate’s the more relevant one here, but I don’t even know if I could do justice to the emotions both of them give me.

I’m still not a fan of how R’s lies about me have edged me into needing to say this in public, but okay. I’m developmentally delayed. It’s been a rough ride. And Tailgate hits me in some of those spots so hard it just takes my breath away. I’ve got a lot of baggage over not being a real adult, and not in the funny oh-no-how-do-taxes-work way, more like an extended months-long meltdown my first year of college because I can tell that my friends are years ahead of me and I don’t know how to even start catching up, and just existing, as myself, is humiliating.

All of my relationship milestones have come painfully, painfully late. The whole thing is still one awful emotional bruise. I hate it, and I hate how easy it is to convince myself that yeah, of course you don’t actually deserve to be treated as an adult and you never will. Just look at you. So then it is unbelievably important to me that I can see someone someone who is like me, being treated as a legitimate adult, and being able to have an adult relationship.

Hearing that shipping someone like me is essentially pedophilia is the opposite of that.

But he ships it now, so everything is fine :)

Yeah, you know what? Another fucking receipt.

uGHGH im so tired of all the rabid cy// /gat// //e fans like even cy’s giving em a look like ‘leave my fucking child alone’

#i just #im hoping jro has some taste tho and doesnt make an adult date a child #and if not im hoping the outcome blows over soon bc im so tired of seeing people defend pedophilia #pedophilia -/-/-

Parental.

This continued even after JRO explicitly confirmed Tailgate was an adult.

Bonus ableism: shipping Whirl (another character who hits me way too hard) isn’t okay either. Even though there isn’t the excuse of ‘but he only lived three years--’ No, at that point, you’re saying that an adult who fails to adult correctly does not count, and isn’t allowed to have romantic relationships. It makes my skin crawl, and it is an issue which is very personally and directly important to me.

So some of my cygate was porn from the start (it’s what I write. it’s what I draw.), and some of the porn was made because I was upset over discourse that says someone like me needs to be treated as a child. I played with cywhirlgate too, because omg how could I not, and some of that was porn as well. It was ages ago, so I don’t remember the details for every little thing I made. But when I saw someone saying that Cyclonus and Tailgate had a parental relationship, I’m sure that helped nudge me in that direction. Maybe R thinks I should have channeled my emotions by starting a whisper campaign to exclude him from fandom spaces. But I think my way of working through bad emotions might have been a little healthier than that.

So when R accuses me of making cygate content to spite him? Half true. Just true enough to be real fucking dishonest. R spent a nice long time insisting that cygate was pedophilia. I channeled my outrage over that ableism into fan creations.

I didn’t attack him. I talked about him some – on a private forum, with people who’d already been aware of him and had been watching him and C hurt people for years, plural. I haven’t told people on tumblr any real details about him until now. And R still is happy to talk about how it was his toxic ex’s right to post torture/rape/murder porn vent fic about actual people.

Tell me, how exactly am I in the wrong?

Bonus pettiness: I posted some cywhirlgate porn. The next day, R vaguely whined about robot pedophilia and turned around and wrote some obviously-a-response cywhirlgate. Where it was super platonic and the text explicitly said it was super platonic and it even had platonic thigh nuzzling. With two “children” involved. Of course I turned around and wrote more fic of my own, because jesus h christ that made my skin crawl. You want to play this game? I guarantee I can write faster than you, let’s do this. (he did not follow through on that)

I’d also like to say that forgetting inconvenient little details like this is a thing with R. Hard to call me terrible for writing spitefic when you write it yourself.

A history of Spock’s personal involvement

Let’s backtrack a tiny bit. You may notice I am up to my elbows in this nonsense for no clear reason.

I was friends with some of the people C was taking shots at, and I was unfortunate enough to believe his original smear campaign about that one artist (I’m still ashamed about that). I cared about a number of people C was trying to hurt. I think one or two fanworks of mine upset him, but he already had loads of targets. I kept tabs on him and R, because anxiety is the gift that just keeps giving.

Eventually, C fantasized about wanting to put my former datemate’s hand through a meat grinder (ey wrote a fic that portrayed his fave in a negative light). And R defended his right to do that.

The person he posted about is still feeling the effects of that incident. I’m still feeling the effects of that. And it wasn’t even directed at me, just someone I care deeply about.

R has recently posted that ‘oh my goodness, C sure was awful, remember when he posted this thing about a meat grinder and how unreasonable it was?’ Thanks buddy, glad you noticed, now just go ahead and keep on blaming me for the aftereffects of what your boyfriend did, and what you defended.

After that, it was months before I could properly look away from either of their blogs.

C posted extensively about trying to track down the street address of his ~enemies~ (including the one whose genitals he fantasized about mutilating). He posted about how autistics should die. He had skype chats about wanting to do amateur brain surgery on people. All while posting very often about finding real addresses.

Yeah, it’s more than a year later, and every so often I get a stab of anxiety and have to head off to double check on what these two are up to.

I will repeat that C has been pretty chill lately. He’s got a career he’s aiming for. Good for him, go find success, please don’t slip back into being an internet bully. It’s sad and upsetting to see R echoing some of the early patterns of his ex, and it’s so strange to see me labeled as his own personal enemy.

‘Spock will totally come harass you too’ and/or various accusations of ableism

So there are some things I did in the mix in this history that I regret. Occasionally, I went out and flipped through the blogs of C and R’s friends, seeing if maybe they’d had said something in their notes, did they have any vagueblogs C liked, did they post about— It got unreasonable. I admit that. Anxiety was at the root of it, but it absolutely got unreasonable. And also it is a massive time sink, and I can’t remember the last time I bothered with it. I enjoy life much more when anxiety and paranoia issues don’t have their claws in me. This hasn’t been an issue in a very long time.

I came down hard on some of the kinfeels and system stuff too, which I do walk back a bit. C’s approach was… hahaha. It was something. And he was my intro to the kin and system paradigms. I saw R talking about C’s approach being unreasonable too, pretty recently. So that was an unfortunate bit of poison in how I processed the next people I met who did that sort of thing. I don’t do kin stuff, but I get it. And DID may not strictly apply to all systems, by the formal diagnostic criteria, but I’ve learned there are plenty of other dissociative disorders out there. And I met people who were multiples and who did kin things that weren’t these two guys. Which helped a LOT.

But the big one, hmmm. C wrote a fic. The idea was interesting, but the execution frustrated me. Everyone but the main lead felt so… flat. Everyone was constantly cruel to the main, for no reason. I saw a way to riff on the original text while staying true to its shape, and writing my bad emotions out is also a major, major thing I do to cope. Now, my big thing is that I should have asked before I remixed. I’d been thinking in terms of, y’know, transformative fanworks. Even with authors like Anne McCaffrey and Anne Rice, who fought against fandom, people have still felt that it should be allowed, even against their wishes. So I wrote the remix. I gave full credit on ao3 in the ‘inspired by’ box, linked to the original with positive words, the whole shebang.

The guy was still furious, and… that’s fair. I thought I’d written a thing on self-sabotage that was pretty sympathetic and compelling, and the self-sabotage actually drew a lot on my own personal history. But I gave the main flaws he strongly disagreed with, and I didn’t ask for permission. I get why he was/is angry over it.

I’ve been a fixture on their shitlists ever since :P

It’s remarkable, even while R posts now about ‘oh my god, remember how C wrote the creepiest things?’, I’m still the one who’s the the actual worst, for being skeeved out by the creepy things and finding a constructive way to deal with it. R’s controlling ex gets full freedom when it comes to vent fic, even when it’s about wallowing in torturing, raping, and murdering an avatar for a real person (the original one they harassed!), or punching someone in the face until they agree to be your friend (another artist these guys targeted). But R’s position seems to be that only C is allowed to vent (even if it’s genital mutilation fantasies), and I’m definitely not.

Oh, and R has now expanded this remix into me totally having a consistent pattern of stealing ideas and plagiarism and so many remixes that are obviously done as revenge on anyone who pisses me off. So that’s nice.

So R hates your writing. Is that seriously why this post exists?

Ha, no. Let’s look at the concrete things R is saying. Here, let me post a little sampling of evidence.

These aren’t just things he’s shouting into the void, people have responded saying wow, I never knew that! These are lies that people are believing about me. And then yesterday, June 30, 2017, he warned a friend not to disagree with my meta, or I’d come harass them. A friend I’m aggressively leaving out of this, just as I’m leaving out other responses, because these people don’t deserve to be dragged into R’s bullshit.

Let’s have bullet points. Some of these are the silly spock-is-bad-at-writing complaints. Those are here because this whole mess is pretty fucking depressing and the ridiculous claims make me laugh, but these are all things he says.

Spock is evil – You know what, he’s not calling people pedophiles, which is a step up. I’ll take it.

Spock is a plagiarist – I remixed one fic with full credit, said only good things about the original, and linked to it in extra places so that people would have extra opportunities to click through and check it out. I arguably remixed inappropriately, but that’s not the same thing. Words have definitions. If I’m a plagiarist, so is everyone who’s ever written a fanfic.

Spock is something something mean when people disagree – I don’t even know, man. I’m actually shockingly conflict-averse. Is this because I make walls of text and explain why I hold opinions at great length? I enjoy talking about a thing I love. I’m autistic, I’m hyperverbal, and this is my special interest, so is it that I talk a lot? That’s the best I can do. I’ve talked about things I disagree with on a private forum, in which case mister pot has had a lot of fun in public on twitter, not only talking shit, but also spreading outright untruths. Maybe he wants to rethink this one.

Spock will come harass you if you disagree – You need to back the heck down, pal.

Spock’s meta/fic/characterization is bad and they should feel bad – Hahaha, fite me. He won’t, because I can articulately defend myself at significant length, and his criticisms seem to stop at ‘spock sucks’, but hey.

Spock used ableist language about Whirl - I... what? This one confuses me and makes me laugh so it stays here. Also, holy double standards, batman.

Spock is only into transformers to harass R – I checked out transformers because I was pretty sure R was being disgustingly ableist (he was). I stayed in transformers because I adore it. I had to adore it a lot to make me willing to share fandom space with these two. My god, I have better things to do with my life than spend all my time on something that bores me just to annoy one asshole on the other side of the internet. I’d ask if he thinks I spent dozens of painstaking hours cross-stitching Starscream just to bother him, but….. yep, pretty sure he does.

Spock goes after all of R’s favorite characters to upset him – R latches on to just about every interesting and/or sympathetic character that shows up. When he was dating C, they covered most of the cast between them. I don’t care who R likes best because I don’t agree with his opinions. I tend to stay away from his opinions because I don’t like reading things that bother me. This is asnine. I’m only allowed to like the characters R despises, I guess.

Spock makes fanworks for things R likes just to make him see them – Oh my god, I don’t caaaaaare. I write about things that interest me, unless I’m venting. Say, venting about the way R and his ex have deliberately hurt a shockingly high number of people I care about. ‘Spock made rodistar because I liked it--’ I made it because I wrote a thing about their parallels, and shipping was the obvious next step. R isn’t that important to me. Promise.

This is just exhausting, man. The anxiety bugs had been dying down, and it had been ages since I checked out this guy’s anything. C, who drove the whole initial blowup that led to this, has been quiet and chill on tumblr. But R has learned from his ex’s old example and has been having fun spreading lies about me.

In conclusion

Some fun history.

R was 18 when he told a CSA survivor upset about being outed and harassed to wank using their tears for lube.

He was older than that when he defended C’s right to post about wanting to mutilate someone’s genitals (for the crime of saying C’s logic didn’t make sense).

He was older than that when he complained about that person’s spouse being ‘vicious’ for reacting badly to C’s genital mutilation fantasy.

He was older than that when he nodded along as C called autistic people retards and said they should die.

He was older than that when he talked about being happy that someone he disliked was triggered, and nodded along when C fantasized about that person drinking bleach.

And he was older than that when he defended C, his twenty-something boyfriend, against the thirteen-year-old that C had been having incredibly inappropriate conversations with, despite skype log proof and everything.

And despite all this, I’m still the bad guy, because I didn’t think what they were doing was okay. I’m the bad guy for being upset by C's actions, even though... R is now upset by C’s actions. The ways I responded to C were inexcusable. My only motivation is to hurt people. Every thing I did that ever upset them still means I’m terrible, even though R is saying this while he’s busy posting about how awful C is. And this all means that he needs to warn his friends not to catch my attention, or I’ll come harass them.

So, I’m tired.

I’m very tired.

I’m glad he’s trying to grow past that history. Good. Maybe he can do that without making up a story about how I’m unrepentant villain who lives for villainy and who only takes joy in causing him pain. I’m sure it helps him, because it’s a story that brushes aside the shit he did that he regrets, and makes his past less painful to think about. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with him telling lies about me.

I don’t know why I’m the one boogeyman he has left (I kid, it’s because I’m in transformers, and because he thinks I’m popular. he harps on it a lot, and it’s weird for everyone). I mean, whatever. I’ve aggressively avoided publishing drama details on here for a very long time. But there are two blog tags, miscellaneous other untagged blog content, three forum threads, and hundreds of pages of skype logs with hard evidence of this bullshit.

I’m pretty sure that if he tries to defend himself, one, he’ll place some blame on his ex. That’s fair. C was pretty darn controlling and demanding. But R is still absolutely responsible for his own actions, and is especially responsible for the harm he personally caused. He’ll talk about how it’s bullshit to pull up all these receipts from so very long ago. In that case, his receipts for me (whatever he even has) are equally old, so aren’t they null and void? No, because Spock is the devil. And it’s not so much bullshit if he’s clearly learned nothing, and has gone back to spreading outright falsehoods about people.

To be clear, a lot of the lies he told about me were told a while back. Weeks to a few months to a year. I was letting it sit, because I’d really, really hoped this was over. Yesterday, June 30, 2017, he warned a friend not to publicly disagree with my meta or I’d come and harass them.

It’s been three years since I first saw him doing this. I’ve watched him hurt a lot of people, and I’ve watched him admit, multiple times, that he has hurt people. I thought he’d learned to stop following these toxic patterns. Apparently he has not.

Edit 7/2/2017: To repeat the edit up above, R has said he regrets posting these things about me, and that he's going to try to avoid slipping into this in the future. I very much appreciate that.

[thewestenddavenportiowa]

The Most Racist Restaurant In America

Those people are wearing ‘dunce caps’ not the signature pointed hats of the Ku Klux Clansmen. Although, in this story, (and life in general) those hats are interchangeable.

Also, important to note: This is just another creative writing blog and any likeness to any actual restaurants in current or previous existence is purely coincidental. It’s on my ‘The West End of Davenport Iowa’ blog simply because I didn’t really know what category in which to post this. In fact, if a restaurant like this were to actually exist, it would most likely be on the eastside, not necessarily Bettendorf, but you can think whatever you want. Let your mind’s eye wander!

INT. BAR

The scene opens on the owners and management snorting lines of preworkout with just a hint of cocaine mixed in.

Doucheloser Owner #1: Hahahhaah let’s make miniature hot dogs on a bed of cabbage and call them ‘Indonesian Doggo Salad Sliders’

Borderline Retarded Manager #1: Hahahhahahaahahaha

Douchloser Owner #2: Let’s make a shot of everclear mixed with Red Bull, serve them in flights of three, and call them ‘Bus Is Running Late Better Run Waters’

Borderline Retarded Manager #1: Hahahaahhaahahahahahahahaha

Borderline Retarded Manager #2: This seems kinda racist, also are we sticking with a drug theme or switching to racial slurs for the menu because we should consider maybe a little continuity in our market...

Douchloser Owner #3: Fuck, I’m horny as hell! Wanna give me a hand job in the bathroom upstairs? (Looking longingly at Borderline Retarded Manager #1)

Borderline Retarded Manager #1: Hahahahahahahahahhaha, uhhhhh, yup

As the two head upstairs the others continue their weekly meeting.

Douchloser Manager #1: We need to hire more black people, but make sure they have the shifts that are slow because we all know they are useless anyway

(from upstairs)

Borderline Retarded Manager #1: Hahahahahhahahaahahahhahaahahahahhahahah

Borderline Retarded Manager #2: I met a potential investor at the last BBQ BeatOff, we just have to hire his severely autistic son to bartend

Doucheloser Owner #2: That’s fine, how hard is bartending anyway?

Douchloser Owner #1: That’s pretty valid that you’d ask that considering you literally do nothing around here but make drinks under the guise of Instagramming them and then...

Doucheloser Owner #2: AT LEAST I’M NOT EATING THE FOOD, OK?!

(awkward silence)

Borderline Retarded Manager #1 and Doucheloser Owner #3 come back down to the meeting.

Borderline Retarded Manager #1: Hey if we stick with the drug theme on the menu for right now I totally have a great idea on how we can transition safely to a racial slur one in the fall

Doucheloser Owner #2: Oh, I am ALL ears!

Borderline Retarded Manager #1: Ok, so the bar around the corner has like a police theme or some bullshit to it. I’m going to frame them for being racist because that’s funny because of the drugs in our menu or whatever and also like the whole ‘yo! fuck ‘da poh-leece!’ thing and then when everyone is focusing on that we can change our menu to the racial slurs thing as like satire for the whole situation

Doucheloser Owner #1: I honestly don’t follow nor do I see how that would be even remotely possible

Doucheloser Owner #2: Oh. Mi. God. That’s brilliant

Doucheloser Owner #1: Shut the fuck up. You have no idea what he is talking about. You can barely follow a recipe

(awkward silence)

Borderline Retarded Manager #1: It will be a breeze. My friend is throwing a festival in this neighborhood next month. I’ll have him shut the cop bar around the corner out of the festival, the owner is a hot-headed drunk who I already know will have a public meltdown, we make sure that is highlighted, we’re covered

Doucheloser Owner #1: Alright we’ll do whatever you guys want

Borderline Retarded Manager #2: ok, moving on. What about this new potential hire for server? Rumor has it she might be Jewish, but no one knows, I don’t think she actually even knows, probably put her up at the lunch counter selling lentil soup?

Borderline Retarded Manager #1: And have her work directly with the evangelical preacher’s 27 year old son who just left the peace corps who is only here looking for a submissive wife? Are you sure that’s a good idea?

Borderline Retarded Manager #2: It’s fine. No way is she going to catch on to the rampant and unrelenting anti-semetism coming from literally every single one of us at any given moment as it doesn’t really matter or count because the bottom line is that no one, including her, knows if she is actually Jewish or not

Doucheloser Owner #2: I wish she was black

Borderline Retarded Manager #1: Jewish people aren’t black, they just have a lot of black hair

Doucheloser Owner #1: We have a black girl up there already, it will be good to throw in the Jew

Doucheloser Owner #2: HOW DO YOU KNOW THERE’S A BLACK GIRL UP THERE, ARE YOU FUCKING HER?! Also that Jew seems very stupid, we should be able to very easily trick her with our idiotic parlor games usually used on the teenage hostesses

Doucheloser Owner #3: Fuck, I am seriously really fucking horny today...

Borderline Retarded Manager #1: Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahaah

Borderline Retarded Manager #2: It’s my turn

Borderline Retarded Manager #2 and Doucheloser Owner #3 head upstairs for a blowjob.

Borderline Retarded Manager #1: What about the back of the house? Are you still doing the thing with the timed bells and using old military code on the printed tickets to keep the extremely mentally and emotionally disturbed head chef from snapping and murdering anyone?

Doucheloser Owner #1: Oh definitely. We actually had him convince his staff that they were all members of the Illuminati so everyone is just kind of working as a cohesive unit and he doesn’t even have to be there all that often.

Borderline Retarded Manager #1: Oh thank god

Doucheloser Owner #2: Ok, I need to go, I have to get my 13 miles in today

Doucheloser Owner #1: Where are you running and how long will it take you I need you back at the hou...

Doucheloser Owner #2: Why do you always do this?!

Doucheloser Owners #1 and #2 disappear into the kitchen towards the back door. Borderline Retarded Manager #2 and Doucheloser Owner #3 come back downstairs.

Doucheloser Owner #3: Alright, well, I’m outta here. See you guys on the flipside! I’m headed to Austria for a month but I’ll swing through in a few weeks.

Doucheloser Owner #3 goes back upstairs and leaves through the main entrance. Borderline Managers #1 and #2 stand in the empty and silent bar.

Borderline Retarded Manager #1: Wanna get drunk?

Borderline Retarded Manager #2: Hell yes!!

FIN