#and i also want to fuck stacee jaxx

[crumbtrails]

to whatever higher being told me to watch rock of ages (2012) while sleep deprived,,, fuck u

[ethanhuntfemmefatale]

ur stacee jaxx posting has me so intrigued I feel like I need to watch rock of ages when it’s near the bottom of my TC watchlist 😭😭

sicko voice YESSSSSSSSSS

ok let me be nice and actually honestly lay out what i think of the movie and to what extent i would recommend it & why

So I really fucking loved watching this movie. But part of that is that it happens to jive well with my particular taste. I'm an MI2 enjoyer--I have more affinity for camp than the average person I think. I am also a performer by trade, and literally nothing gets me more rabid than watching someone perform who's really really good at it (not the craft, the Performance.) The way that TC works a stage in this movie is insane. The way he works a room is insane. TC always performs in movies, but in this movie he wants us to know he's performing all the time--"I am on stage," Stacee says before collapsing into the pool--and so he lampshades and spotlights and (pardon me) amplifies his own performance CONSTANTLY....it creates a completely mind blowing experience for me. It's basically performance porn. I also just love rock, so the music kinda slaps for me ngl. TC's voice is good! And he does character work through it which is unusual for someone who isn't a professional singer. The last thing is that I really liked how weird it was….which is not a positive quality for everyone but is a real necessity for me to totally love a movie

The movie itself is really bad. It's bad in a funny way at times, in an annoying way at times, and sometimes it's just boring. I did enjoy it, but once Stacee started showing up it became really difficult for me to watch the movie when he Wasn't on screen. There were a few non-Stacee moments that i genuinely liked, but they were pretty rare and far apart. The appeal of this movie for me is largely just TC's physicality, which might not be as appealing to everyone--TC spends The Entire movie shirtless, good god man someone get him some water, and it's not...for me, at least, the interest of that is not a sex thing. It almost becomes sexy because TC leans into the grotesque exaggeration of it. (He has this wounded-animal swag throughout.) But for me, it's--seeing the way he moves, and being able to watch the movements of his body so intimately, is really fucking striking, it kind of takes your breath away. There's so much gravitas to the physical presence of Stacee, there are so many moments (the movie is kinda built on this) where Stacee is silent for long stretches of time, he takes a Long Time to say most of his lines. But he's so physically expressive, even when he's just laid out on the couch, that you can't look away from him. And in a few key moments, the most compelling emotional beats happen while TC isn't saying anything at all, just acting his heart out.

For me, as a TC fan, it was really epic to see this movie because it feels like the most overwhelming display of skill I've ever seen from the man. To me, his work in this movie is far more viscerally impressive than any of the MI stunts. The character of Stacee doesn't come from the writing, doesn't come from the concept, literally emerges entirely from the depth and breadth of TC's work with the character. It's pretty spectacular.

Anyway those are my thoughts. If you don't like camp, if you don't like dealing with a very embarrassing watching experience, this is probably not the movie for you. It's all over the top and oscillates between intentionally flayed-raw (TC) and just silly (everything else). Also, if the idea of TC viscerally working a stage while shirtless in leather pants with gun tattoos pointing towards his crotch sounds uncomfortable or horrifying instead of fascinating, you probably won't like this movie. I really liked this movie.

[callmearcturus]

have you classpected EVERY cruise character

no no, of course not.

But I did figure out a few of them, mostly to entertain the wonderful @deanwinchestersfloralwallpaper

lemme seeeee....... we all know Ethan is Heir of Light, so I'm not gonna rehash that.

Roy Miller (Knight and Day): I remember Cecil suggested he was Blood bc how much he cares about people, but I countered:

that one is tricky bc Blood is not so much about caring, its about manipulating the obligations people feel about you I think his class would be tied to how he cares for people, but he himself is very solitary and transitory, and his hideout is FULLY remote. I almost want to say he's Breath, the aspect of freedom and of playing your own game within the game oh lmao he. might be a Sylph of Breath? he's very "listen. i know what's best, just follow my lead and i will take care of you" yeah, and a Sylph would heal/repair the Breath aspect in others, so he helps people find their freedom

William Cage (Edge of Tomorrow): Cecil called this one pretty good with Cage as a Witch of Time.

i can see that bc he isn't particularly skilled, so he's not like.... i mean the oNLY reason he 'wins' in the end is his deal with Time, he doesn't have the innate abilities of other classes and he doesn't have the bonds to carry him like blood would entail Doom is another possibility since a lot of his conflict is rooted in the 'rules' that dictate his ability and learning how to game the system witch of time or doom def works. witch is fun bc yeah its the Your Aspect Hates You class but also you get very thorough control of that aspect

Maverick (TGM): Cecil asked me for this one and I had to straight up go make a cup of tea and think.

Time is the aspect of opportunity and its one of the cruelest options. It grants a lot of just raw fucking skill, but it also demands mastery or it will fucking kill you. It is brutal but efficient. It always wins. And is associated with loss and with anxiety and the feeling that... you are privy to a secret about how the universe Works that no one else seems to be aware of, and how that isolates you. also Mav is obsessed with the past, and with the future, he is trying to dictate the clock for everyone around him bc if he doesn't act as that pivot point the hands are fixed to, everyone is doomed everything moving to perfect quartz rhythm so. ... Prince of Time. the obsession with legacy, the drive of self-improvement, the raw power that fealty to the aspect gives him Prince of Time

Stacee Jaxx (Rock of Ages): I saw this movie ages ago and hated it for non-TC related reasons so I have not watched it ago. So I asked leading questions and guided Cecil, The Official Stacee Jaxx Stan, until we decided on Maid of Heart.

[below-average-fangirl]

3, 4, 6, 10, 16, 19, and 22 for the TC asks!!

Hey,

Tom Cruise ask game

Under cut because of images/gifs

3. Which movie of his have you re-watched the most?

4. Favorite movie

Has to be Top Gun Maverick, it kicked off the whole obsession and is pretty fuckin perfect.

6. Favorite character 

Roy Miller my beloved

Joseph Donnelly my beloved

Danny Kaffe my beloved

Jack Harper my beloved 

Nick Morton my beloved 

Bill Cage my beloved

Ethan Hunt my beloved

Maverick my beloved

Stacee Jaxx my beloved 

Vincent Lauria my beloved

Vincent, I could fix him, beloved

10. Favorite haircut 

I do like it when he has a bit of length in his hair and I think Nathan Algren is the best example of this from a movie. Then both Nick Morton in The Mummy and Ethan in Rogue Nation for the slightly shorter version

16. Favorite stunt. 

I want to acknowledge Tom's bike riding skills, because going over 100 miles an hour, with no safety gear on is pretty fucking impressive, as is his car stunt work.

However, when you know all the elements which went into the halo sequence, you will get annoyed on their behalf with anyone who said it was simply falling through the air. I mean- they had to build a helmet that could be used to light Tom's face for the camera and keep him alive. Oh, and one thing I learnt on the behind-the-scenes feature about this, is that you don't tend to put lights in the helmet because if there's a spark it will ignite the oxygen and you'll catch fire... So Tom could have been falling through the sky and on fire if something had gone drastically wrong. 

19. Which character (from books, comics etc. or a possible remake) would you love to see Tom play? 

I would really love to see him tackle Shakespeare and I think he would fit well with the comedies. I’m sure someone who has more knowledge of the plays could come up with a better suggestion than me, but I could see him as Don Pedro in Much Ado About Nothing. 

I would also love to see him in something like a Rebecca, or within that genre, where he plays the quite authority figure with a hidden past and dark secret, a man who is starting to feel his age and the weight of past decisions.  

22. A scene where "he does that thing with his face that makes you die inside" the most

Okay, the whole of Top Gun Maverick is a given. It’s like a masterclass/greatest hits of the face thing. 

David Aames broke my fuckin heart a couple times in Vanilla Sky, but I think I have to give it to my man Roy Miller. There are number of moments in Knight and Day where he gets me, the look when June gives him the map and tells him they’re going to Cape Horn, it’s fleeting but the look kills me. He can’t believe he’s free. 

But the number 1 spot has to go to this moment where he believes it all over, that he’s lost June and stuck in this life forever. Ugh! It’s in profile and he still breaks my fuckin heart. 

[yikesharringrove]

imagine

if billy and steve

did high school theater 👁👄👁

this is seriously something I think about ALL THE TIME. I’m such a theater kid these two in theater is what I think about at night to go to sleep i’m not kidding

Billy as Roger in Rent also Steve as Mark (my Jewish Steve headcanon returns yeah boi)

Steve as Riff in West Side Story (although Billy would make a good Riff too. And Steve could probably do Tony well too. idk) Okay I want Steve as Riff for Cool and the Jet Song but Billy as Riff for Dear Officer Krupke I can’t tell you why I can just tell you I’m right

Billy as Billy Flynn and Steve as Amos Hart in Chicago (try NOT to get sad thinking abt Steve doing Mr. Cellophane are you serious??? That boy lashed out so hard to NOT feel invisible oh god I’m getting emo)

I lose my shit over the idea of nb Steve discovering Hedwig and the Angry Inch (that show made me Realize Some Things) but also imagine Billy as Hedwig and Steve as Tommy Gnosis and Robin as Yitzhak (Jewish Robin, anyone?)

I started a musical theater club at my university with some friends and I have been pushing really hard to do Heathers bc I would LOVE to have lesbian Veronica and J.D. but also consider: Steve as Veronica, Billy as J.D. (solely for Dead Girl Walking 🤤), Steve as Heather Chandler bc Candy Store is iconic and he would live his best life getting to be a mythic bitch like Heather C., and Billy and Steve as Ram and Kurt bc that idea made me laugh

Steve as Harry, Billy as Bill in Mamma Mia just to be cursed

Billy as Link and Steve as Corny Collins in Hairspray

Steve as Seymor, Billy as Dr. Orin Scrivello DDS in Little Shop of Horrors (Billy would get his life with the Dentist! song but lowkey I think he’d hate playing the role and having to Be Like That to Audrey)

Billy as Emcee and Steve as Cliff in Cabaret

Billy as Sweeney Todd and Steve as Pirelli in Sweeney Todd (although I could see this in reverse too) I could also see Steve as Anthony and now I’m thinking abt Robin as Mrs. Lovett and Dustin as Tobias for the Nothin’s Gonna Harm You song and I’m getting emo over it

Steve as Mike and Billy as Al? Or maybe Zach in A Chorus Line. idk I actually really like this show and want Steve as Mike real bad

Steve as Jamie in Everyone’s Talking About Jamie which I have a really good boot for if anyone wants it that show makes me emo it’s so good That show would be so emotional for Steve with all the dad stuff I’m 🥺

Steve as Danny, Billy as Kenickie (which is the superior men’s role tbh) in Grease

Steve as Jack in Into the Woods OR, galaxy brain, Billy as Cinderella’s prince, Steve as Rapunzel’s prince can u IMAGINE those two doing Agony and then Billy fucking the baker’s wife I’m gonna cry

lmao b Billy as Stacee Jaxx in Rock of Ages i’m gonna cry

and for a Rocky Horror Picture Show shadow cast, I want Steve as Frank, Billy as Rocky, but for a production of The Rocky Horror Show I want the roles reversed (remember that picture of Joe Keery with like, blond hair. I think abt that every goddamn day) Steve would also be cute as Brad and Billy can and would go ham as Riff-Raff

and if you wanna have a good time, picture Billy as Satan in The Devil’s Carnival. You’re welcome. (Also Steve as The Twin)

Steve as Charlie Price in Kinky Boots

And they fuck at EVERY cast party but you didn’t hear it from me

[belizedeservesbetter]

Rock of Ages is Hadestown

I don’t really know if this is a review or my upcoming college thesis 

I’ve always loved Rock of Ages. It’s so fun. It’s so dumb. But it’s also so smart. Rock of Ages knows exactly who Rock of Ages is and should be. Rock of Ages is exactly what Rock of Ages wants to be. It’s a blast and the songs are of course good and it’s funny and full of heart and there’s actually some really wonderful theatrical moments and I’m thrilled that it’s back at New World Stages for the summer. But as I sat there watching the show on Thursday, I realized something. 

Rock of Ages is Hadestown. 

The plot is literally the same. Young musician working in a restaurant falls in love with a girl who wants more out of life but young musician can’t give her what she wants and eventually sells her soul to the devil. All the while, a fun narrator steps in and out of the plot and a second story of young love and falling out of love occur between the older character. Three women who sing together are also involved. That is a vast oversimplification of both stories but you get my idea. 

Orpheus, then, is Drew. The wannabe musician with a big heart, good intentions but not the smartest or most logical person. Drew, who throughout the show writes a song that will Change Rock and Roll (and in Orpheus’ case, the world). This song that makes their female love interest fall in love with them. In this current production of Rock of Ages, he’s played by CJ Eldred, who looks STRIKINGLY like Reeve Carney, but can actually act. 

tell me that is not Reeve. tell me they are not long lost siblings or at least dopplegangers

Which brings us to Sherrie, aka Eurydice, who has blown in from nowhere and bumps into Drew/Orpheus and there is an instant connection that is only bolstered by a lovely duet by the Greeks and a shared slushee by the rockers. Sherrie, like Eurydice, is a “hungry young girl” who wants more out of life. Where Eurydice wants... something, I guess, Sherrie wants to be an actress. Kirsten Scott sings the hell out of all her songs and is a sheer delight to watch on stage. Sherrie and Drew have a good thing going until Drew mentions just how good of friends they are. 

Am I equating Orpheus’ inability to do anything but write his “La La La” song with a nervous Drew accidentally telling Sherrie they’re just friends? Yes. Yes and the scene it happens in the show is hilarious. There’s this wooden car set that Drew brings on and off that is SO cheesy and SO hilarious and they all know it too. There’s even a part where Drew mimes opening and closing the car door even though there is no door that was Comedy Gold. 

Which brings us to Hades, aka Stacee Jaxx. Where Eurydice sells her soul to Hades and goes way down to Hadestown, Sherrie sleeps with Stacee, who then gets her fired and puts a rift between her and Drew. Stacee Jaxx is as gross and sleazy as they come, and PJ Griffith (whose bio on the website is fun) works every second of it. His story ends with Sherrie breaking his nose before he has to flee the country. Where Hades is revealed to Have a Heart, Stacee is kicked to the curb, which I liked. I liked that the Big RockStar ends the show with nothing and no one. 

The Hermes of Rock of Ages is Lonny, who is both the narrator of the show and a character who influences the plot. “Just Like Paradise/Nothin’ But a Good Time” is literally Road to Hell and all the characters and themes are introduced right from the start. Lonny steps in to narrate quite a bit, going so far as to interrupt Drew’s train of thought towards the end of the show which leads to this funny “You’re in a musical called Rock of Ages and it used to be on Broadway and now it’s not and they made a movie out of it” moment which was absolutely on the nose but they KNEW it was on the nose and worked with it. Mitchell Jarvis, who created the role of Lonny, is back in this current Off-Broadway production and he is spectacular. You can tell he loves everything about this role and this show and he is having a fantastic time and you the audience are having a fantastic time with him. 

This is where it becomes a bit more of a stretch but bear with me on this so there are three waitresses who also work at The Bourbon Room and while they ominously sing like The Fates, they do pop in to provide Sherrie with some comfort every now and then. They’re also super cool and do some really incredible dancing. The standout waitress, also known as Waitress #1, is Katie Webber and holy shit she’s incredible. She was also in the original cast of the show and you can tell how much she loves it. 

This is even more of a stretch but the characters Dennis and Justice combined make Persephone. Dennis, the owner of The Bourbon Room, talks about Stacee Jaxx with a lot of love and nostalgia, which makes me think he had feelings for him at some point. Considering Dennis ends up with Lonny at the end, I think I could be right in this. This is probably adding layers to Rock of Ages that isn’t there but I think Dennis really loved Stacee and was hurt to see him leave him in the dust like that. Matt Ban plays Dennis currently and gives Dennis a strong “Tired Dad” vibe, which worked well for the character. He also had great chemistry with Mitchell Jarvis.

Justice also gives me big Persephone vibes, especially her moment with Sherrie where she talks about how she was in love once and how she’s not as happy as she used to be. I’ll definitely take “Pour Some Sugar On Me” (and Dennis’ “Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore”) as this show’s “Our Lady of the Underground” and maybe some of her verses in “Chant.” Jeannette Bayardelle was wonderful as Justice. She also had this glitter lipstick that looked like the glitter lips from Priscilla - Queen of the Desert which I love love loved. 

A lot of the themes are the same - with the ones on climate change, the workforce and capitalism being summed up in the Regina (pronounced like vagina)/Hertz plotline about tearing down the Sunset Strip. Of course the Orpheus/Eurydice themes match up surprisingly well with the Drew/Sherrie ones too. Actually, I think it’s interesting how Rock of Ages goes further in exploring what happens when Drew does get what he wants, like what happens when his songs do get noticed and how it turns out to be not what he wants after all. 

And in this current production, there’s even a Tall Ensemble Man, played by Michael Mahany, who, again, is clearly having a great time. He’s also the sole male ensemble member (not including Mekhai Lee because he plays The Mayor and Drew’s Agent mostly) which makes the big ensemble dance breaks really funny. 

The set is also literally the same as Hadestown, but more rock and roll. There’s literally the stares Hades uses to go up and down from his little patio, but this time they go into Dennis office. To be quite honest, I fully expect the inevitable Hadestown revival in the far off future to be staged in a rock and roll bar/club like The Bourbon Room. It fits the story perfectly.

The big difference is that Rock of Ages ends happily. Drew and Sherrie actually get to live happily ever after, which Orpheus and Eurydice don’t get to do. 

There is so much I love about Rock of Ages. It’s an absolute blast. I love seeing it because it’s sheer escapism. There’s nothing I have to think too hard on and it’s not a show that tries to be that either. I love how you can tell what songs they only got partial rights to, like the split second moment where Stacee sings Styx’s “Renegade.” I love how much fun everyone is having, especially Tall Ensemble Man. I love that the ending is absolutely ridiculous and Dennis is briefly mentioned to have died, but he comes back as an Angel that gets rid of Stacee Jaxx. I love that Lonny tells Drew to fuck the book writers of the musical. And I love that Rock of Ages has its flaws and problematic jokes, cause it keeps me humble. It reminds me that I’m seeing Rock of Ages and not a Serious Show. I love how much fun and how drunk the audience is for this show. I love that this is the closest thing to Straight Culture I’m ever gonna see, which is fascinating to say the least. I love the merchandise the show has! You can get Wolfgang Von Colt (Drew’s stage name) t-shirts that look like Drew made them himself. I love that you can buy Arsenal (Stacee Jaxx’s band) sweatshirts that look like Stacee designed them himself. I love that the band is onstage the entire time and I love that they are Arsenal and are constantly flipping off Stacee. 

Also! We don’t give enough credit to director Kristin Hanggi! Why do we always forget about her when we talk about female directors? She's been with this show right from the start! She’s infused this show with so much satire. It’s really a lot more progressive than you’d think. 

And this show is so fun. It’s so so fun. I understand why there’s die hard Rock of Ages fans who’ve seen this show hundreds of times. 

Go check out Rock of Ages at New World Stages till the end of summer! New World Stages has actually become a great spot for post-Broadway shows, like Jersey Boys and Play That Goes Wrong. There’s also Puffs, which I liked even though I’m a little traumatized from it. And there’s also Gazillion Bubble Show, if you’re into that.