#and i cld have looked up all the answers ig but im like is that cheating lol and supposedly i dont need to know this idk

[girlwithfish]

fuck indeed fr

[cowboyjimkirk]

maybe nb anon (gender dysphoria tw?)- think i mightve sent the ask to some1 else. mysterious. but basically…im afab & always just went w she/her bc idc v much/its easier & bc there are times i do rly like looking/feeling fem (& times i hate myself for not looking fem enough). but there are also times i catch myself wishing 4 a male body & admiring a more masculine look on myself (not just bc male privilege i dont think), & generally i dont feel v fem? but ig that cld just be the rigid gender roles/expectations that dont fit? i mean since i don’t feel over-strongly abt this, what right do i have to complain/wonder—ig that would prob just make me she/her, since i dont Loathe the concept of being aligned with women. & maybe my being sapphic plays into this too. but idk. hm. ik u cant answer this For me, but are these experiences at least familiar to u/anyone who might be reading this?

hey! so first, you shouldn’t feel so guilty about this. questioning your identity is healthy and good and we should all do it more often. you’re not appropriating someone else’s struggle or perpetuating gender constructs; you’re trying to figure out who you are.

i’m cis and not qualified to help you with gender stuff, but i did some similar angsting while figuring out i was a lesbian. id politics sometimes gets us mixed up and makes it feel like the simple act of questioning our gender or sexuality is a form encroaching on a marginalized group’s space. it’s not. you’re not. you’re just questioning and that’s awesome!

what helped me was following lesbian blogs, engaging with lesbian media, interacting with lesbian people...just generally dyking it up. i’d known for a while that the bisexual identity didn’t fit, but i wasn’t ready to run headlong into lesbianism. it felt like too great a leap, too bold, too irrevocable, and too big a transgression if i turned out to be wrong.

it took me several months of questioning to finally say “oh, wait. i am a lesbian.” but it was like an exhale after years of holding it in. i finally got to be a lesbian; i didn’t feel guilty anymore.

and it’s worth mentioning that, even though i’m happy and secure with my identity now, i still question it from time to time. like i said, it’s healthy and good and we should all do it.

so i guess my advice is to question all you want. talk to nb people and other trans people. follow trans blogs and read trans literature. think about gender and sexuality and try to figure out what fits.

and even if you do all this and come back realizing that you’re not nb, that’s okay too! you’ll have an enriched understanding of gender and your place in it. you’ll know yourself better, and that’s always worth the work.

if any nb or other trans people want to add to this/share their experience/impart wisdom, please do!!!

[excvlsior]

👫 philly leo

Send a 👫 and I’ll write four headcanons I have about our muse’s relationship

leo is such a physically touchy person it’s jst his ‘love language’ ig considering he’s jst not good w words n physical touch went hand in hand w how he garnered attention whether it . was good or bad bt either way its jst ingrained in him. n it shows w everyone he’s with he’s extremely upfront abt it to a point where it can b a bit much LKSDHKLSDHGLKSDG bt i think philly is the first person he like. took a deep breath fr n actually kept his cool........ told himself he had to relax sort of thing bc she ws like . the first person he viewed as waiting being worth it? which sounds bad its not like >_> hes never had good meaningful relationships LKSHDGKLHSKLDGHDS bt other times either ppl have been all gung ho n Ready for Action at all times like w lana n freya lov u ladies bt they’re super sexual ppl so there wasn’t like. a need to wait until they wanted to do anything he’s jst never rly done tht fr anyone....... cuz he’s never actually liked anyone the way he likes philly like it wld kill him a bit bt i think leo wld strap on a chastity belt fr the rest of his life if philly requested it...... its the first relationship he’s ever been involved in where he’s very satisfied and reassured with everything being mostly chaste cuz its the first time that it’s been abt more than jst sex and he’s wanted it to b abt more than that............

i think during the summer when philly travelled around the states with elektra and they never rly had much contact bc she broke her phone leo wld still send useless text msgs a lot, things tht absolutely did not need to b sent like a picture of a dog tht wld jst say ‘looked like u’ and wld call her phone a lot jst to hear the answering machine...... the amount of embarrassing drunk msgs on there r sm. theres one where on a particularly bad night he jst lied on the roof of a house party n called philly n was like ‘im not even good at math but i havent seen u in 52 days thats gross and sick and wrong. its the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other since we met.’ and one tht says ‘when u get to vegas let me kno, i’ll fly out there within five minutes and we can get married by the elvis guy there.’ even tho he knew she wldnt b able to call back..... i think there’d b at least one rly sad one tho........ probs the night after a fight w steve or something where he’d jst ramble fr a long time before randomly blurting ‘i kno it wldnt b like out of character if u didnt come back but i jst hope u need me as much as i need u and u do.’

i like to think sometimes they jst hv rly nice nights where they get high on shrooms n take a picnic blanket to an open field in the quad n jst stare at stars fr hours........ leo wld start making up facts abt stars and constellations n insistent there was at least 5 stars up there named philomena.... mostly bc he cldnt remember where he said the first one was n etc. it’d constantly change cuz he jst cld never keep track. he’d eventually actually name a star after her probs...... he’d b so proud of himself too LSDHGKLHSDLGKHLSDG it rly wld b a bit of a romantic gesture........ he’s pretty good at keeping quiet abt things if he needs to b bt he’d b excited to tell her bt wld wna wait until it’s a good time..... wld probs finally tell her during the next meteor shower tht happened n wld b all ‘i went onto that name a star site did u kno it doesnt even take long? this might be the smartest thing ive ever done’ even tho he 100% still has absolutely no clue which star it is when he gives her the receipt fr it

during tht period of time where leo slept over every night to check on her when she was concussed i think made him even more attached........ i mean he already was. quite attached to philly obvs bt he rly struggled to sleep on his own after bt... i think the like Intimacy of it all made him realize its not jst disliking sleeping on his own bt sleeping without philly..... she jst rly makes him feel very secure in himself n their relationship n its the first time he’s never second guessed himself w someone its a different feeling than hes ever had w someone before. i can imagine if philly wasnt sneaking over to his room after tht then leo wld b. a face off to see who cld sneak over first. esp after tht time they didnt get to see each other fr a bit bc he was on lockdown at home w the impending trial being fresh n wht not....... bt the second philly asked if he wld b able to sneak out he was running fr the fkin hills. think he got into quite a lot of trouble fr tht one, probs milked it fr all its worth n stayed at hers again fr a few days knowing once he left it’d b a while again until they saw each other, bt he jst tied her yellow ribbon around his pinky finger n refused to move it until they got to see each other again bc then it felt like she was still w him a bit<3

[lanasaved]

sssslithers onto the scene like nagini.... hlo! i’m nai n i’m rly excited to finally return 2 rp. uni is officially Over n i’m living bk at home nw so i actually hav free time again to write. c’est une.... how do u say.... Miracle! some of u might b familiar w lana already bt if not u can find out mre abt her under the cut n feel free 2 like this or hmu fr plots!!!

p.s. this is her pinterest for those of u tht like tht kind of thing

CIS-FEMALE — ever hear people say LANA JAMESON looks a lot like KRISTINE FROSETH? I think SHE is about 22, so it doesn’t really work. The DANCE major is a JUNIOR that is from ALBANY, NEW YORK. They can be + VIVACIOUS, but they can also be - IRRESPONSIBLE. I think LANA might be SHEEP. They are living in BALTA. ( nai. 22. gmt. she/her. )

some random aesthetics: a red water pistol topped up with caribbean rum and covered in stickers of cartoon pin up girls, a vinyl record whirring silently because you got too distracted by a stranger’s hands to reach over and flip sides, giant inflatable flamingos floating in the aftermath of a pool party, smudgy lipstick kisses left like an autograph on someone else’s mirror

ic im sayin she jst got bk from going abroad w louis, this kind of sleazy older man tht manages the camgirls on the website lana works fr. he calls himself a “big exec” at “the company” n mkes it all sound a lot more professional than it is. he also owns this big house w all these different rooms/settings fr the girls to film different kinds of scenes in n is looked up by a lot of ppl bt when asked why they look up to him, nobody ever rly seems to have an answer. jst...a shady figure. lana kind of.... went off the deep end lst semester n ended up deferring her next one after missing her big graded ballet recital. it’s a whole big mess n she’s wearin horse blinders to it. truly jst.... goin on holiday to ignore hw much she’s fuckin things up at school. queen of burying her head in the sand!

frm this point on ive jst pasted her old intro bc im the laziest woman alive n that’s jst life Babey

grew up in a big house in albany, NY, bt also spent time all over the place n was in the city a lot

okay so her mum is an old money socialite / three time campaign model way back when n her dad is a big record label mogul. he owns a label called jameson records n they repped a few big rock bands back in the eighties, altho they’re mostly known for ‘poppy injects’ whose lead singer had a big heroin scandal tht brought down his career. lana p much grew up around musicians snorting lines instead of spooning down cereal fr breakfast n her parents were v much absent her whole life

they’re pretty well off obviously n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pastel coloured fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably very pretty

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her. it was v clear that she was an accident after her older brother caleb n that even when they just had him alone they weren’t cut out for parenthood. they always kind of jst… ignored her n hoped she’d go away. she had to mke herself microwave meals when she ws only like 12 bc they’d forget to get her anything. once she went like 6 days without her mum even looking her in the eyes once

despite this tho!!! she’s always been insanely close w her brother caleb. he’s her whole world. thts why when he decided to sign up to the army she ws understandably scared bt supported him regardless. bt then he wound up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed his best friend die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home n he was never the same n lana kind of felt like he’d died out there too. he’s in n out of hospital a lot n it’s rly hard on her bt she doesn’t tlk abt it to anyone rly

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. jst literally…. knew everyone n everyone definitely knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. she has this magnetic way abt her tht is kind of hard to find in real life. it’s something ud only rly expect out of a movie character

she’s always been insatiably spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand stories tht always earn a laugh or a gasp over how ridiculously absurd they r

anyway so after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. in fact she’s so… shameless in her endeavours tht she’s actually currently having an affair w her ballet instructor tanya who’s engaged to b married

she also currently? is working as a cam girl. she found this website bc she trawls… porn stuff a lot n she wound up applying to work as one bc she thought it’d b fun n wld earn her some disposal income (even tho she frankly doesn’t need it bc she’s already well off). the guy tht manages all of the girls on the site is kind of suspect n it’s a whole plot i’m gna unravel where it’s actually like the front for a cult or something wild so. stay posted ig. kgjdkgjh

new development!!!!!!!! cue me trottin around doin jazz hands. she’s actually been cut off by her dad so she’s….. living off the money she has left n has to look to find a job which is jst. a nightmare fr someone like lana bc she’s insatiably irresponsible n destined to be fired from anything she tries to hold down bt. it’ll be interesting bc this means she genuinely has to keep on camming even tho she’s starting not to want to any more bc of other circumstances i won’t elaborate on jst yet winks

personality/some fun facts: uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. her fav book as a child used to b alice in wonderland n she’d fantasise abt having her own little wonderland too where everyone knew her name n asked her things n took her on adventures. at the time it didn’t rly strike her how evident it was tht that was bc she was so lonely. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s strawberry laces or gummy bears or cherry lollipops. she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. wildflowers r her favourites bc they’re the brightest and u can’t buy them. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another

plot ideas: exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other. someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh. an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool). someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label. someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh. umm a good influence too mayb? oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. let’s get wildt!

[lanasaved]

cue me, clanking noisily at a nearby manhole as i attempt to scrabble my way bk out of the sewer like the stinky little rat tht i am. enchanté, ghouls! some of u might remember me (nai/from manchester so i pronounce things like a gallagher brother n i’m profusely sry abt it) bt if nt i hd to drop off the face of the Earth rp wise fr a hot minute there bt now im bk n i couldn’t resist reviving lana so???? here we r. u kno the drill more abt her under the cut!!

( cis-female ) haven’t seen LANA JAMESON around in a while. the KRISTINE FROSETH lookalike has been known to be (+) VIVACIOUS & (+) ALLURING, but SHE can also be (-) UNRELIABLE & (-) CARELESS. The 22 year old is a SOPHOMORE majoring in BALLET. I believe they’re living in AUDAX but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( nai. 22. gmt. she/ha/the beast from split. )

some random aesthetics: a red water pistol topped up with caribbean rum and covered in stickers of cartoon pin up girls, a vinyl record whirring silently because you got too distracted by a stranger’s hands to reach over and flip sides, giant inflatable flamingos floating in the aftermath of a pool party, smudgy lipstick kisses left like an autograph on someone else’s mirror

SO i think in terms of explainin where she’s been fr the past month i’m gna say tht she didn’t rly.... tell a lot of ppl??? probably only a select few bt to others im guessin she was pretty vague bc she hates discussin anythin serious/personal. anyway essentially she’s been back @ home helpin her brother out n i won’t elaborate much more bc im a thot

frm this point on ive jst pasted her old intro bc im the laziest woman alive n that’s jst life Babey

she’s local to the ny area i jst havent decided where exactly she grew up tbh. probably somewhere upstate

okay so her mum is an old money socialite / three time campaign model way back when n her dad is a big record label mogul. he owns a label called jameson records n they repped a few rly big rock bands back in the eighties, altho they’re mostly known for ‘poppy injects’ whose lead singer had a big heroin scandal tht brought down his career. lana p much grew up around musicians snorting lines instead of spooning down cereal fr breakfast n her parents were v much absent her whole life

they’re pretty well off obviously n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst.... a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pastel coloured fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably very pretty

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her. it was v clear that she was an accident after her older brother caleb n that even when they just had him alone they weren’t cut out for parenthood. they always kind of jst… ignored her n hoped she’d go away. she had to mke herself microwave meals when she ws only like 12 bc they’d forget to get her anything. once she went like 6 days without her mum even looking her in the eyes once

despite this tho!!! she’s always been insanely close w her brother caleb. he’s her whole world. thts why when he decided to sign up to the army she ws understandably scared bt supported him regardless. bt then he wound up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed his best friend die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home n he was never the same n lana kind of felt like he’d died out there too. he’s in n out of hospital a lot n it’s rly hard on her bt she doesn’t tlk abt it to anyone rly

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. jst literally…. knew everyone n everyone definitely knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. she has this magnetic way abt her tht is kind of hard to find in real life. it’s something ud only rly expect out of a movie character

she’s always been insatiably spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand stories tht always earn a laugh or a gasp over how ridiculously absurd they r

anyway so after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. in fact she’s so… shameless in her endeavours tht she’s actually currently having an affair w her ballet instructor tanya who’s engaged to b married

she also currently? is working as a cam girl. she found this website bc she trawls… porn stuff a lot n she wound up applying to work as one bc she thought it’d b fun n wld earn her some disposal income (even tho she frankly doesn’t need it bc she’s already well off). the guy tht manages all of the girls on the site is kind of suspect n it’s a whole plot i’m gna unravel where it’s actually like the front for a cult or something wild so. stay posted ig. kgjdkgjh

new development!!!!!!!! cue me trottin around doin jazz hands. she’s actually been cut off by her dad so she’s….. living off the money she has left n has to look to find a job which is jst. a nightmare fr someone like lana bc she’s insatiably irresponsible n destined to be fired from anything she tries to hold down bt. it’ll be interesting bc this means she genuinely has to keep on camming even tho she’s starting not to want to any more bc of other circumstances i won’t elaborate on jst yet winks

personality/some fun facts: uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. her fav book as a child used to b alice in wonderland n she’d fantasise abt having her own little wonderland too where everyone knew her name n asked her things n took her on adventures. at the time it didn’t rly strike her how evident it was tht that was bc she was so lonely. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s strawberry laces or gummy bears or cherry lollipops. she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. wildflowers r her favourites bc they’re the brightest and u can’t buy them. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another

plot ideas: exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other. someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh. an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool). someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label. someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh. umm a good influence too mayb? oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. let’s get wildt!