#and i hate having to rely on my sister sm when she has her own problems to worry about

[scarletanpan]

.

Ik it was a joke but my sister going 'moms gonna kill me if u develop an eating disorder in my house' like. Girl the ships sailed. If were being fr I don't think I've had a normal relationship w food since I was like. 7, or ever rlly. And then when ur body stops telling u when ur hungry u go between barely eating for 1-2 days to spending another day dead inside bc everything u do eat makes u rlly fucking tired and feel like shit and not wanna work so fucked up

Ppl on adderrall might be gods strongest soldiers. Like wtf how the hell do u eat Anything w/o feeling hungry I didn't think I relied on my body needing to tell me things sm but like. If I'm not hungry most of the time even stuff I usually like feels. Physically difficult to consume the process of eating is so annoying like. U gotta pick something that won't make u feel pain in an hr, eat enough of it that u don't get rlly hungry and tired and annoyed halfway thru ur shift, and then u gotta eat it in a normal amt of time so u don't waste 90 mins in ur car every morning and not even manage to finish what u got bc there is something deeply wrong w u like. More than half the reason I cant function rn

Worst part is quite literally it wouldn't be this bad if I lived by myself bc the only reason I don't grocery shop often or cook food is bc as much as I love her I don't like.. existing in the same space for too long. Like yeah immense guilt abt being a worthless human whose living off someone else while making 0 improvements to their own life, but also I don't think I could bc. Idk I love her but sometimes I feel too autistic to talk to her for too long w/o getting bothered by Something like.. she takes care of me i swear but also v much has a i dont give a shit abt anyone attitude and does Not mind getting me rlly upset for a joke ik its stupid but. Every time it happens shes the one who looks at me like I'm the gross creature for having feelings when u do or say things to me and i take it literally. And shes been extra weird since I had a breakdown after she did it over my moms house... i apologized and said that part wasnt her fault a thousand times, but she didnt even try to acknowledge she did anything, just stared at me like im an idiot and said nothing the whole time like

Why dont I just drown myself actually itd be fine if its every once and a while, but ik if i rlly started shopping and cooking we'd be around each other constantly bc shes always downstairs on the big tv. It's so stupid im not scared of my sister but I kinda am bc she does so much messing w me and vaguely judging me jokingly never talking to me abt how she actually feels abt anything ever even when i ask its rlly frustrating and makes me wanna die I wish should could be more normal abt shit around me.. like yeah ik u hated me to the point of shoving me into the wall every time u passed me when we were kids but can u. Get over it? I was so glad when things started getting better, but she still never Actually talks to me. even cancelled our weekly sister meetings where all we did was complain abt anime we dont watch anyway bc of work even tho shes still home when we usually do it now but idc anymore its fine. Idk like cooking too it makes me happy actually its the one thing i can do pretty easily I rlly wish I could and not worry abt every fucking thing else its such a dumb reason too . It should not be why I can barely keep up with anything physically rn I just hate myself m so fucking incompetent if I told anyone why they would think im just stupid. Or need to grow thicker skin or stop having anxiety abt everything I am one bad comment away from . Something idfk but for my mental health I can't just suck it up and get made fun of for trying to make food and happening to be weird abt it I can't fucking help it. It's so frustrating knowing everyone kno2s u have autism and adhd and still treat u with the same judgment of weirdness and derision if not more how about aby of u learn to be fucking normal abt me I've spent my whole life forcing myself to do it for everyone else I just want idk.. not this

[freesomebodybyluna]

....

[ilovehimbos]

hi i'm super bored so i am here to Plague all of you with my stupid dead poets hcs

cameron i love him sm but hate too:

he is such a good big brother idc

he's fluent in english but due to his upbringing is also knowledgeable in russian bc his older siblings had weird hobbies

the entire family r meant to be catholic

he grew up in the middle of a pretty big family but definitely leaning towards the younger side

so there was his older brother, then two older sisters, his closest brother, cam, and then his younger sister !!

despite how many siblings he had, there was never much love in the house from the parents towards their youngest but nothing, thankfully, like todd's upbringing

it was more just awkward or tired

that being said, the siblings r all on pretty good terms with eachother ! his older siblings have pretty much all moved out bc there's an age gap between the last two and the others

that means him and his lil sister r very close

he adores her sm and she looks at him like he strung the moon and the stars

his parents had already put his older siblings through private schooling and some of their college, meaning that they didn't have much left over to put their youngest through school

cameron had to get a scholarship to welton for this reason and it kinda ties into why he's so uptight ab studying bc he knows it relies on him

he loves his lil sister sm that when he graduated and started making his own money while living comfortably with all his new roomates, that he helped her out with any tuitions or supplies

pittsie my bby boy:

he's actually adopted !!

grew up an only child with his parents being pretty doting but not smothering, he definitely has one of the better relationships with his parents among the poets

he was a problematic child and would be constantly eating fuckin wires or something and his poor parents needed a break

he loved music as a kid and would always hop around the kitchen with his mom

pitts has dyscalculia !! which is a difficulty in understanding numbers

after he graduated, he and meeks started doing engineering courses and they r honestly smart enough for nasa and who's stopping them

although someone tell them to stop fucking taking everything in their home apart and putting it back together like no u aren't improving it put the microwave screen back on

stephen meeks omg the loml:

he's also part of the loved big brothers club bc he has a lil sister he hates (affectionate)

his entire family is italian but its not, like, yk the.... typical italian or irish american, his family is acc italian!

meeks' family is jewish too but although he still has faith, he's not overly religious

ik one of y'all made some delicious meeks hcs so pls tag them if you know them

but meeks has two moms and a lil sister

he and his sister r constantly at eachothers throats (affectionate) and their moms r exasperated

she likes to talk shit ab him whenever the poets come over

he's fluent in english, italian, semi-latin, and learning like a million

he's not sure what he wants to do with his career and shit, but meeks definitely wants to do something with engineering or science, and his ultimate goal would be a nasa engineer probably

[srirachvbi]

Kageyama and Bokuto taking their kids to practice headcanons !

request: hihi i was wondering if you can do a continuation of the bringing their kids to practice with some of the other haikyuu characters? i’d love to see it with kageyama especially but honestly you can pick anyone! thank you :)

a/n: i AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG... I have no excuses, i was too sad about haikyuu e wording but i have read threads on how to write characters on twitter and i am thriving... so n e ways i was looking for a reason to write more of these because i just... love the idea of this so tsym for requesting!! if i write more parts, i might do hoshiumi, hinata, atsumu, and... maybe oikawa? i’m a huge bokuto stan so his might be longer than kageyamas im sorry <3 and and ik that kageyama goes to italy but for the sake of i want to write other characters, i will be using the adlers oops. i will also be only doing probably two characters per post for these because i write so much for it. LMAO ALSO these are super unrealistic this would NOT be allowed during pro sports practices but for the sake of entertainment, let’s just... do it warnings: manga spoilers

Bokuto Koutarou

He had been wanting to bring Kaori to practice for a while but each time he tried to, you would be like no bitch </3 

heart been broke so many times

When you told him that you had to go into work and couldn’t schedule the nanny in time, he was like “I’LL TAKE CARE OF HER!!!”

Honestly you were only against him taking her because you were still mad at him for leaving her in the high chair for a while and you came home to her crying and him just knocked out 

Like... Kou, pls <3 

He had brought Kaori into post game interviews before but you were always there so this would really be the first time he’d take care of her by himself for a period of time longer than an hour

He’s a good parent dw !! he had just spent the whole night thinking about the most random shit and he ended up sleeping like three hours 

He was thinking about horses cause Ushijima brought them up in an interview >:0

You were still mad tho 

It had been a while and he had actually shown to you that he could take care of her by himself so you were fine with him taking her to practice

He was super pumped and was practically shaking in excitement (he was texting Akaashi the whole morning asdlfjskdf)

Bokuto-san AGHASHEE!!!!! Y/N IS LETTING ME TAKE KAORI  TO PRACTICE!!!!!!!!! AGHASHEE Congrats, Bokuto-san. 

That conversation but every two minutes

I’m sorry Akaashi <3 

He also texts the whole group chat and Hinata’s equally as excited

Kaori and Hinata were best friends !!!! She literally loved him

Like he would put her on his shoulders and they’d run around for hours

How he has so much energy goes beyond everyone but it’s fun to watch 

You lectured him for half an hour about what he should do in certain situations and unlike most times, he listened really well because :(( the baby cares about Kaori

Both Kaori and him actually walked with you to the train station and saw you off before heading to practice !! 

He normally drives to practice because he has a super nice car and it’s easier to drive with Kaori instead of public transportation

When they get to the gym, he goes running in with Kaori on his shoulders 

“WE HAVE ARRIVEEEED!!!!!!!!” 

cue Hinata cheering super loudly

Kaori’s giggling and being all cute omg i love her

She was being carried in on her dad’s shoulders so Bo lets her down and she immediately runs (read: waddles quickly) to Hinata

“Hinata-nii!!!!”

Hinata starts crying-- jk, no

He goes “Kaori-chan!” and scoops her up in his beefy arms 

BEEFY HINATA BEEFY HINATA BEEFY HINATA

Sorry

She’s giggling and she like kisses his cheek and everyone’s like “so cute...” ohmyogd babies

Similar to her dad, she’s super friendly!! and a bit simple minded

It’s literally in her blood to not actually hate anyone so she gets along with EVERYONE at practice

She even makes the coach super soft omg

Atsumu’s just watching her and being like “child. want. child-- oh god, i need a kid.” cause she’s just so god damn cute

Lol atsumu having twins cause it’s a gene or smth idk biology

I barely passed bio please spare me <3

I actually got an 80 smth on my final last year don’t listen to me

Sakusa being hesitant at first to be near her but she’s actually super sweet to him!!

CAUSE LIKE HER DAD SHE’S ACTUALLY REALLY EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT AND CAN READ PEOPLE REALLY WELL

like she saw Sakusa’s face and was like “oh!! I remember what dad said!!” 

Kou talks about his teammates a lot and somehow Kaori remembered him telling her about how Sakusa’s a germaphobe so she’s like

“Sir!! I washed my hands!! I’m not dirty!!” and he

He just 👁👄👁 

He thinks she’s cute and treasures her now

Suddenly Kaori has a whole team of dads

it’s okay

Bokuto itching to let her play volleyball but at the same time worrying about her if she does

It’s like the angel and the devil on his shoulders

One sides like

let her pLAY!!!!! LET HER PLAY (read it as if it’s the LEt ME INNN meme)

While the other sides like

👁👄👁 (y/n) will kill me if she gets hurt and i’ll kill myself if she gets hurt and hinata will kill me if she gets hurt-

In the end he gives her a volleyball after she asks once and he’s like ‘PFFT KAORI-CHAN IF YOU INSIST’ while she’s like

dude i asked to play once and normally someone disagrees with me tf are you on, sir? 

she tries to pick the ball up but it ends up being half her size and it’s just... such a cute image

Bo takes a picture of it and sends it to you!!

You reply back in seconds lol

Kou-kun ❤💖 [image.jpeg] LOOK AT HER!! FUTURE PRO (Y/N)-CHAN!! (Y/N) MY LOVE ❤💕❤💕💕❤💕❤💕 be careful letting her hold that it’s too big!! but so cute!!! have fun taro <3

He ends up taking the ball away after a bit because she can’t walk while holding it

Eventually practice has to start tho so he asks her to sit on the bench and she’s an obedient angel and does so !!

The whole time she’s like swinging her legs and watching her dad practice

It’s fun for her to see him play 

Okay but like I’ve said, she’s similar to her dad

At one point at practice during a break, she stole Atsumu’s water and was running around the gym with him chasing her

He was ofc not actually chasing her cause he found it cute that she was trying to steal his stuff

Lol Sakusa being like “oh, you can’t catch up to a child? are your knees getting bad, old man?”

Atsumu’s like “bro, we’re the same age”

Sakusa ignores him

She ends up TRIPPInG AND ATSUMU’s LIke “Oh fuck” 

SHE CRIES

omg Bokuto’s like “tsum tsum-- do you want to die 👁👄👁🗡” because she just got hurt because of him

Atsumu picks her up and is apologizing so god damn much

This is the first time anyone’s seen Bokuto remotely irritated

Kaori: WAAAHHHH

Atsumu: please, child... i don’t want to die today... please... shhhhhhh

He lets her down and she walks (read: waddles) over to her dad and is giving him puppy eyes omg

Bokuto stops being mad and scoops her up and he’s like “did Kao-chan get a boo boo” and she nods, sniffling

Ohmygod dad bokuto dad bokuto dad bokuto stop

suddenly I actually want kids

no

Shion ends up getting a first aid kit since Meian asked (woah more black jackals players except I don’t really know how to write for them??? woahhh)

Shion roasts Atsumu with Sakusa for letting her fall and suddenly Atsumu’s the bad guy

lol

By the end of practice tho Kaori’s fine !!!

She’s back to her regular happy self so cute :(

She asks Bo to call you and when you pick up she shows you her bandaid on her knee and is like “Miya-san was chasing me and I fell!!”

Suddenly Atsumu feels a cold chill and knows you found out lol

Hi this is (y/n), and you’re watching disney channel-

good luck, atsumu *stops camera*

Kageyama Tobio

He

sigh

He would be equally as confused as a father as Ushijima

It’s okay, he’s trying his best

You normally work from home so you guys haven’t really hired a nanny! 

And if you needed someone to watch your guys’ son, Sho (which can mean to fly oho see what I did there I’m so smart), you just drop him off at your parents’ house or Miwa’s!

WAIT SHO... SHOYO... WAIT I DIDN’T EVEN DO THIS ON PURPOSE IM LITERALLY

However, today was the only time you had to go in for like the next few months and both your parents and Miwa are busy

So, you enlist in your husbands help

“Tobio... I need you to watch Sho...” 

He spits out his milk “wHAT” cause like,, he’s hardly taken care of Sho by himself and normally had either his sister or you around

He doesn’t actually spit out his milk-- you’d kill him if he did because it would be a pain in the ass to clean up <3

It takes a bit of convincing being he’s really nervous about taking care of Sho!!

Okay but he’s a great dad dw it’s just he’s nervous about having another human being literally rely on him completely

You also just remind him that Romero’s a father so he won’t be completely on his own while taking care of Sho

So he somehow gets to the gym with Sho in one piece but he’s literally so stiff like bro, i need you to relax

Hoshiumi yelling “KAGEYAMA SHO!!!!!!!” and Sho (who has actually met the team like two times) goes like “HOFIUMI-SAN!!!!!” 

Sho’s a bit of an energetic bby-- he’s less emotionally constipated than his dad <3

He’s... he reminded you guys of Shoyo and well, you thought it would be nice to name him after his god father

No this isn’t a kagehina post i swear i love them but this is me saying that i love their friendship sm omg stop im gonna cry 402 really just popped into my head again

Hoshiumi getting mad when he sees that Sho has actually grown even though he’s a grown ass man and the little toddler would not, in fact, be catching up that soon

“KAGEYAMA SHO HAVE YOU GROWN >:0000!!!!!” 

Sir, pls... sit down

The Adlers all love Sho since they’ve come into contact with him like twice at games before 

Ushijima just... doesn’t know how to interact with Sho

He just stares down at him and honestly Sho stares back up without fear

Kageyama Sho: no (0) fears 

I think it’s cause his father gives a similar stare sometimes and he just... got used to it

Ushijima gives him that stare and Sho just goes SIGH this again

Jk he’s a baby

He literally looks up at Ushiwaka and gives him this cute ass grin and Ushijima’s like “oh, children are very cute.”

Thank you, Wakatoshi-kun

Romero does, in fact, give Kags some tips about fathering and ends up showing pictures of Rubens to the team (love that) 

OKAY BUT LIKE OFF TOPIC FROM THE PRACTICE BUT

Sho being such a big fan of Hinata and being like “woAHHH!!! I’M NAMED AFTER HIM!!!” 

Hinata rubs it in Kags face because Sho practically idolizes him

anyways

Practice starts and Sho’s just sitting on the gym floor with a volleyball in his hands cause he

Kags just giving newborn Sho a volleyball and expecting him to become acquainted

It worked

Sho’s used to holding onto volleyballs and even tries to hit it but everytime he did, he’d fall backwards onto his lil bum and would be like :(

Kageyama watching from the other side of the gym and his heart just goes AHHHHHHHHHH

He’s about to cry that is the cutest thing he’s ever seen

Sho making sure he doesn’t interrupt practice!!! and like chasing after the ball to make sure it doesn’t go onto the courts!!!

Cute babs is so good :(

He ends up tripping tho and starts to tear up and Kags is watching during practice and goes “OH GOD”

He’s literally whipping his head from Sho to his coach and has this desperate look on his face 

he’s saying “JUST ONE BREAK!! JUST ONE, SIR!!” with his eyes and his coach just gives in

Kageyama going from one side of the gym to the next at insane speed

Sho: dad :((( i hwurt my knee :(((

Kags just picks him up and cradles him to his chest (he does this after making sure there’s no blood or anything-- it’s literally just a little bit red) 

Kags being a good dad just... WEAK

Only like two minutes later, Sho stops sniffling and is like “!!! go back to practice daddy!!” 

Kags does and he can’t focus on Sho anymore cause his coach would yell at him asldfjlsf

At the end of practice, Sho is like “dad i wanna play voweyball!!!!!!” and Kags heart just CLENCHES

He grabs his heart like that meme or smth 

You call them cause you know when practice normally ends and Sho’s just talking a lot and it’s so cute

He’s super excited and you’re like !!! My CUTE CHILD !!!!

Lol you tease Kags cause he was worrying about nothing

“Maybe I’ll let you take care of him by yourself more often Tobio” “Pls, I lost ten years of my life when I saw him fall pls not yet <3″ 

[teddybeckham]

charles melton, cis male, he/him, silver hey have you seen TEDDY BECKHAM ? HE let me borrow his PAINT BRUSHES . oh, you know them! they’re 27 and they’ve been at Roy G. for THREE YEARS. They are known to be a total SCORPIO. no wonder they’ve picked up the nickname THE BLACK SHEEP ! i’m surprised you haven’t heard them blaring STACY’S MOM BY FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE all night. they remind me of PAINT SPLATTERED JEANS, A LONG TIRED SIGH AND GETTING HIGH AT 3 AM. anyway, let me know if you see them ! (rachell, 23, she/her, mt, n/a).

ok hello omg im rachell and this is my lil shit teddy who just needs love ok? i haven’t gotten to play him in awhile and i’m really excited to play this new kinda version of him here?? this whole thing maybe kind of all over the place cuz we’re kinda figuring it out as we go lol but yes pls love us, this whole post is a lot so i apologize im--

tw cancer, tw death, tw depression, tw alcoholism

teddy was born november 3rd, 1993, as an only child, and though a sweet and happy kid he had always struggled with school, being diagnosed with adhd dislexia at a pretty young age causing him to learn at a different pace than the rest of the kids at his class

tho this was pretty hard on him and caused him to grow frustrated at his assignments more often than not, his mom was always there with the patient and supportive smiles, ready to give a hand wherever she could 

things were ok with his dad for the most part the boy was just easily more attached his mother, it being as clear as day to anyone who knew the beckhams

it threw everyone in the small family for a loop when his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer by the time he was six, soon growing familiar with the visits to the hospital and seeing her in a way he never wished he’d have to

as the years went by and his mom now practically stayed in the hospital, the small boy was completely at a loss on how to cope, one day he had to put together a creative piece for school, and being completely fed up with everything, he just painted out everything he was feeling, not giving a shit on how it looked or what he was supposed to have done instead, completely caught off guard when his teacher absolutely loved it, saying she saw great potential in it and him, it being the first time he had actually felt good about smth in school

his mother passed away by the time he was 10, causing teddy to be a lot more closed off and withdrawn from his peers at school, growing frustrated a lot quicker, with art being the only thing that really kept him going as he even pushed his dad away as well, the pair never having been good at talking about their feelings

the death took a big toll on his dad as well, soon falling into a depression that costed him his job, at times not being fully capable of caring for teddy on his own, bringing in the boy’s aunt to help out when she could as he spiraled into borderline alcoholism....that is, until jasmine’s mother came along, slowly helping him come out of his dark place with each moment they spent together, supporting him through therapy and alcoholics anonymous 

teddy found it difficult to be as happy for him as his aunt was, considering how it felt as if his mom was somehow getting replaced, let alone the seemingly perfect young daughter this new woman in his dad’s life had along with her. his dad never really took his love and passion for art all that seriously to begin with, now he had someone else to compare his son to, despite the age gap between the two and he couldn’t really stand it, causing him to give the new people in their life a difficult time at the beginning of them all getting to know each other that was pretty difficult to shake

by the time jasmine’s and teddy’s parents officially got married, the boy was around a freshman/sophmore in high school, at this point warming up more to his new step mom, able to see what his dad saw in her and over all grateful for all that she’d done for him, tho his new step sibling was still smth to adjust to, teddy being too awkward and feeling too much like he was living in her shadow to open up too much, on top of their differences with her as pretty much the golden child and him still not caring much for school and more throwing himself in his art instead of really socializing or getting to know others

fast forward to now with the 2 siblings having been in florida for 3 years, living together and still struggling to understand each other while also getting on each other’s nerves in between. their family at this point is a real one in teddy’s eyes, despite how much he feels like the black sheep when they facetime. call jas his step sister and he’ll sock you. over all there’s sm love there despite how difficult it can be to admit out loud or in general really

about him

takes meds for his adhd

there is nothing that he loves more or is more passionate about than his art, it’s his escape and his way to let out his emotions he doesn’t know how to communicate otherwise

his and jasmine’s place is filled with wips that he’ll just start cuz he got inspo, was bored, or was stressed out

kind of hard for him to sit still and can be pretty anxious but usually puts up a hard exterior so it’s kinda hard to tell 

he is tired all the time, stays up too late to work on his art and relies on coffee to keep him going, someone stop him

is pretty hard to warm up to i wanna say but he’s such a lil shit and has chaotic dumbass energy but like...lowkey lol, very loyal tho, he kinda keeps others at arms length but will appreciate you sm if you become one of his ppl

can be reckless if he’s comfortable w you and around the right ppl

swears too much

extra awkward once finding out he likes someone, will be gruffer than he means to bc he’s just like ew why?

projects this sort of intimidating, confident kind of aura but is actually v insecure

trust issues *finger guns*

usually has paint stains on his jeans but he couldn’t really care less? and he’d dare someone to say smth to him about it

actual name is theodore but he hates it sm call him that at your own risk

stubborn AF and can be pretty judgmental of ppl who come off as snobby and entitled??? hates those kinds of ppl

is so so protective of jasmine despite usually being a pain to her, that’s his baby SISTER

where does he work? idek man maybe at like a tattoo place or smth, ill figure it out

[the-empires-weapon]

My OCs and Their Fatal Flaws

I knooooow, there’s a quiz going around, BUT! I’ve thought about this a...surprising amount, so I’m taking the quiz, but I’m also talking about more specifically what I’ve written their fatal flaws to be. So, there.

Natasha Kameneva (JK) is selfless to the point of self-destruction. She believes in finding justice for others, including justice for her friends, and she’s always chased that, at the cost of her own happiness. I mean...she spends so much of her life going after the Emperor that when she gets frozen for years in crystal stasis, her only regret is that she couldn’t help defeat the Emperor for good. She feels like she was useless. Bright side, this means she’s a TERRIFIC mother, and she sacrifices so much for her baby, and it means she doesn’t become the abuser like her father was. But she certainly needs somebody to take care of her.

Suzuka Hamasaki (JC) is absolutely an idealist, which is nice, except that she goes with the “the ends justifies the means” route, meaning that she uses some pretty awful tactics to get her way. That doesn’t mean she means ill will, because she absolutely means well, but I mean . . . she releases prisoners on Belsavis, dangerous ones, in an effort to get in contact with political prisoners who were trying to reform the Republic. She allies with Esh-ka of suspicious morals; she takes the Rift Alliance she was trusted with and convinces them to fight for her. In the end she dismantles a whole fuckin’ system of Jedi within the Republic just to bring them under her gaze, so she can reform them. She’s uhhh . . . she’s not a mild-mannered freedom fighter.

Misha Kameneva (SM) is so disillusioned with the world around her that she can’t actually see what’s right in front of her. She has antisocial personality disorder, so she has pretty much no empathy and only gives a damn about herself - and fails to realize that deep down, she has a problem, a problem she wants to fix. So she goes around doing her own thing, and only realizes that something’s wrong with her when she’s forced to confront it. For example: her interactions with her sisters are heartbreaking because she KNOWS she should care, and she . . . does . . . but she can’t help but feel like she’s doing it wrong. And that haunts her. (To be clear: her fatal flaw is not her mental illness, but her inability and unwillingness to combat it.)

Ji-Yeong Lyanther (TR) relies so heavily on practicality and logic that it ends up foiling her when it comes to where her heart lies. She’s grown to trust rationality and utilitarianism, so when personal troubles arise she has difficulty seeing the forest for the trees. ...so for example, if she had to save herself or her lover, and she has the best chance for escape? She’ll rethink and catch herself, meaning she’ll abandon her better judgement. There’s a very clear example of this in her SWTOR story that has yet to be written, but if you’ve read “This Test is Not a Test”, let’s just say that her desire to protect her professor overrides her desire to, y’know, not get killed by a Dark Lord.

Channery Aerial (SW) refuses to budge on her morals, even if those morals happen to be fucking awful. Much like Suzuka, the ends justify the means, but unlike Suzuka, she doesn’t act for anybody else but herself and her own selfish desires. That means that she’ll build her own power for the sake of her morality, to defend her own actions and plans - and then nobody can convince her that what she’s doing is wrong. She becomes so bullheaded that she becomes blind. And even when people DO convince her they want to help, she’s so caught up that she just becomes intent on self-destruction.

Etsuko Kameneva (SI) won’t take her eyes off of a goal, and she won’t lie about her goal, or be subtle. She’ll see her purpose and she’ll pursue it without thinking about how she *actually* feels, or what she really wants out of it. It’s to the point where she becomes so absorbed she can’t even take care of herself. (For those of who have read “This Test is Not a Test”, she’s so focused on punishing the one who took her relics that she’s not prepared for a student to point a gun at her). This means that people can just...fuck with her, and she isn’t prepared to stop it.

Alexei Wright (BH) becomes so determined to do anything other than looking in at themselves that they’re unable to properly face their demons, and it puts them at odds with others. And they want to help others, especially their loved ones, which means that when they don’t take care of themselves, they crash. They were so unable to face the morality of their situation in Chapter 3 of their story that they shut down; their PTSD was a result of feeling hated and being unable to come to terms with their actions and how “right” or “wrong” they were, not to mention how those actions made others perceive them. Simply put: they’re unable to face themselves for who they TRULY are, and just hate themselves instead.

Miroslav Ivanov (IA) is also an idealist, and views himself solely as a conduit for change. He’s a mix of Suzuka and Alexei’s problems: his methods aren’t great, and he doesn’t look inwards at himself much at all. Not to mention that he hates himself. He figures his only use is to help the world at large, so he doesn’t take time to acknowledge his own needs, like for emotional connection or love. (This comes into play in his original story, where a large part of his development comes from - y’know - developing a family.) As for SWTOR, his whole family expects him to become a spy, so he just goes with the flow and doesn’t realize that his happiness lies elsewhere.

And lastly, Eden Carter (Commander/Outlander) tries too hard to be the person that they think everybody wants them to be. As Commander they force themselves to be more the leader than they were ever prepared for; as a lover, they divide themselves between their partners, even if it’s because they just wanted the two of them to be happy (the Alliance 3 is partially because they want Lana and Theron to be happy, not because they’re really “in love” with both of them). They’ve acted as weapon, as apprentice, as Outlander . . . in the end, when they reflect on who and what they’ve become, they struggle to pull the pieces together. They feel like they aren’t really themselves, and more like they’re a conduit for the world’s will. Frankly, they probably just need time to figure out their own shit without having to save the world.