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#and i just remembered someting and i am crying so hard!!!! bc it upsets me
psychoticscare
·
2 years
Text
.
#vent
#really triggering stuff ahead
#ummm!!! my entire life and everything thst brings me down really is just about being triggered
#so fucking triggered
#and i just remembered someting and i am crying so hard!!!! bc it upsets me
#and i am consumed w how much of a failure i am to everyone
#like it is so insane how it is so Easy for me to just be such a disappointment
#in so many ways
#and ik i say ive been getting better but
#i genuinely have been having serious thoughts of ending my life since around november
#and its not the way how it normally would be whenever i am doing through depressive episodes
#like. i tell myself i probably will and its not me being like Lol Okay its me
#finding genuine comfort. whenever i get triggered or i remember how im just
#sucha terrible fucking human being
#i tell myself that its okay ill be ending my life anyways like its all cool
#and i hate that i cant more than i hate that i hsve these thoughts
#i cant leave robin alone. i cant ruin my family's lives.
#those are the only things
#otherwise i would love to drown myself in suicidal ideation and just figure out hiw to pull it all off
#all dsy long
#i hate my past. i hate everything thats happened to me
#i hate everything that i have done to others
#i hate this stupid personality disorder
#i hate my poor emotional regulation. i hate my disability
#i just want to end my life so the pain would go away and so i can run from everytbing thats ever happened
#and they get more intense overtime and tonight theyre back again and it soothes me knwoinh
#that theres an end
#at least an accident. something. anything.....
#i cant stop thinking about everything and thinking too myself that it would be so nice and good to just
#to just die already
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