#and i think shortly after that he met akio

[calypsolemon]

ive been rotating an au in my mind where show utena remembers being friends with touga (like in the movie) at the beginning of the series and like recognizes him and she's like. "Oh its touga my old friend touga who i drifted apart from after the near-drowning incident for reasons ive never been able to articulate to myself." Nothing really changes in terms of actual show events, Touga is still a dick and asserts himself romantically at her bc he doesn't think women and men can be friends anymore, but in terms of character dynamics its less of Utena being manipulated into thinking a guy she barely knows could be her prince and more her reassessing why she stopped thinking of Touga that way in her childhood, and struggling to reconnect with him through the bullshittery of the duels and Touga's own manipulative behavior.

[dauntless-gothamite]

It’s Not That Simple and It’s Not That Strange [2/?]

Fandom: First Kill  Pairing: Elinor Fairmont x Fem! Reader  Summary: After Elinor’s would-be engagement to Tom Davenport falls through, the Atwood-Fairmont family decides to host a selection ceremony to marry her off to another eligible male Legacy vampire. While you are not competing, you are attending the ceremony with your family, and you and Elinor keep finding your way to each other.  A/N: the title is from the song Desire by Grace Potter. this is my first time writing smut, let me know if you like it!! also there is a moodboard for reader’s outfit at the bottom of the fic :) Warnings: smut, 18+ only

Your family and Akio’s were staying in the same hotel, so as soon as you’d arrived, you met up with him to catch up before getting ready for the welcome party that was starting at 7:30 pm. Back in your hotel room, you unpacked your suitcase and got changed. First, you slid into some lacy black lingerie. Then you pulled on some nice black designer jeans and a white button down, leaving the top few buttons unbuttoned. After that, you pulled on black leather boots with a little heel and a black blazer with a floral pattern. You’d already painted your short nails a burnt orange colour and applied a bit of makeup, but you figured you could touch up the deep indigo eyeshadow, black mascara, and copper bronzer on your face. After a final glance in the mirror, you decided to add a matte gold chain necklace to the outfit before heading out the door confidently. In the lobby, you met up with your parents, who were also dressed in fancy clothes. Your mother wore a black and gold pantsuit with opal and emerald accessories, and your father wore a black suit with a golden handkerchief in the breast pocket. Both of your parents nodded in approval as you walked up to them. 

“Ready?” your father asked. You nodded, falling into position behind them as your mother took your father’s arm, and the three of you walked around to the grand courtyard of the hotel, where the party was being held. At the entrance, the Atwood-Fairmont family stood dutifully, greeting everyone as they filtered in. Your eyes were immediately drawn to Elinor, whose vibrant lipstick matched her red dress. She looked stunning, and you sent her a shy smile as your parents shook hands with hers. You had tuned out their conversation, only drawn back in when you heard your name. 

“Of course, Y/N here isn’t participating, but she is honored and thankful to be here as well,” you heard your mother say before Mr. and Mrs. Atwood-Fairmont turned to you. 

“I don’t think we’ve had the pleasure of meeting,” Mr. Fairmont said, extending a hand. “We haven’t, but it is so nice to meet you,” you replied. “Thank you for the invitation.”

“Of course, dear,” Mrs. Fairmont said. “Now go on in and enjoy the festivities. The Sugimotos arrived just minutes ago and Akio had asked if you had arrived yet. There are refreshments walking around as well as a fully-stocked bar and buffet. We’ll be entering shortly, just as soon as all the guests have arrived.” You nodded and followed your parents through the gateway into the courtyard, where you quickly found Akio at the bar getting a dirty martini–his favorite. You rushed over to him and did a playful twirl, showing off your outfit. He let out a low whistle in reply before both of you burst into laughter. “You look great,” he complimented. “Seriously, you look better than half the men here hoping to woo Elinor.”

“You clean up well yourself,” you answered before ordering a drink from the bartender. “So,” you said, turning back to Akio. “Got any new book recommendations for me?” you said, skipping the small talk, just like you always did with him. Akio’s smile widened and his face lit up as the two of you began to talk about books, and before you knew it, the sun had set and the Atwood women were standing in the center of the portion of the courtyard that had been transformed into a dance floor and calling for a toast. 

“Thank you all for coming here tonight,” Davina Atwood said. “I’d like to start by saying that I apologize for not greeting everyone at the gate with the rest of my family; I was in a meeting. But I am here now, and I would like to start the evening by giving my granddaughter the chance to say a few words before we meet the gentlemen participating in this selection process. Everyone clapped as Elinor took a step forward, offering a dazzling smile to the crowd.

“As my grandmother just said, thank you all for being here tonight; this means so much to me and my family, and I can’t wait to strengthen the ties between our family and all the other Legacies. As I am sure everyone is aware, you are here as family representatives or maybe even my future husband, which is why, after all the participants have been introduced, the rest of the evening will be spent partying here, giving everyone a chance to mingle and relax before the formal elements of the selection begin tomorrow morning. Thank you again!” she said before stepping aside. Davina stepped forward once more and called forth the first contestant, a man with olive skin, curly dark hair, and the whitest teeth you had ever seen. Not caring much for this part of the evening, you returned to your conversation with Akio, which lasted until he had to step forward and introduce himself. Among the potential suitors, you saw your cousin Jonathan, the Savelli boy, the Davenports, and many others. You were grateful when the process was over and the lights dimmed, the music got louder, and everyone moved to the dance floor. 

–

Several fancy cocktails later, you were just buzzed enough to be more smiley than normal and receptive to touch. On the dance floor, you and Akio had danced for a while, but a couple songs ago he had disappeared with a tall, muscly man with dark skin and full lips; you doubted you’d see him again until tomorrow morning. Several men had danced with you, all moving on when it became clear you weren’t interested in doing anything more than dancing with them. Elinor’s younger sister Juliette danced next to you for a little bit before heading inside and disappearing from the party altogether, and while you’d seen Elinor dancing freely between several men earlier, you had no idea where she was now, and as the beat slowed down, your hands found their way to the waist of a woman in a maxi skirt with a slit that showed off her toned leg. The two of you got closer, and you smirked at her and pushed a dark strand of hair out of her face when the beat started to speed up again. Before you could get any further with the gorgeous woman, someone tapped her on the shoulder, whispered something to her, and another body took her place and slid a drink into your hand as she stepped off the dance floor. In the dark and flashing lights, you weren’t sure who you were dancing with, only that she was a woman. She spun in your arms and leaned in to kiss your neck while you sipped on the fresh drink appreciatively. 

“You have been teasing me all night with this shirt,” a sweet voice said, and one of the woman’s hands traced a line from your chin to the valley between your breasts, snagging on your gold chain. “I caught a peek of black lace under there, and the way you move your hips is downright sinful.” You smiled and tightened your grip around her waist, pulling her hips flush against your own and moving them, gaining confidence. 

“You could’ve come over anytime,” you whispered as she started rolling her hips against you and kissing your neck harder.

“Then it’s a good thing I’m here now,” she said before guiding one of your hands higher up her waist and up to her chest. “I want,” she breathed out, her voice catching. “Touch me, please.” You squeezed your hand a little and she moaned softly. “Like that, just like that.”

“You want more, gorgeous?” you asked, head spinning. The woman nodded. You guided her against the wall in a dark corner of the courtyard, and slotted your thigh between her legs roughly, which caused the woman to moan softly. Her blonde hair was starting to come undone as she began to thrust her hips into you. Everything was a bit hazy as you downed the rest of your drink and set the glass down so you could grip her better as you moved with her.  

“More, just fuck, I need more,” she said, panting lightly. You gripped her jaw and your lips met hers, and she gripped your shoulders tightly as you bit down on her bottom lip. 

“God, you're hot,” you muttered, pulling back a little. “You’d look so good in my bed, moaning my name” you mumbled before you could stop it. The woman nodded and moaned louder at that. 

“Please,” she said.

“Wait, really?” you asked, shocked. 

“Yes!” she replied. You grabbed her hand and led her to your room, stumbling all the way to keep your lips connected as much as possible. 

–

In the light of the hallway, you got a better look at the woman. Her cheeks were flushed, and her lips were swollen, and all she was wearing was a vibrant red dress that hugged her in all the right places. Her light eyes looked hungry and her smeared lipstick drew your attention to her delicate lips. Her hair was everywhere, and you couldn’t help but think she looked a lot like Elinor Fairmont. But there was no way Elinor would hook up with you. You didn’t even think she was interested in women. 

As you closed your door, you pushed the woman back against it and she jumped up to wrap her legs around your waist. She tugged at your clothes, and the desperation in her touch made you throb as you carried her to the bed and set her down before removing the rest of your clothes. “Hurry,” she said, somehow both whiny and commanding at the same time. You spread her legs apart, moving her dress aside, and moaned when you saw her slick cunt exposed. 

“How naughty of you,” you teased, looking up at her for a moment. 

“Just hurry up!” she answered. Within moments, you were on her, your fingers working against her folds, and she spread her legs wider and bucked her hips against your hand. With your other hand, you reached up and grabbed her breast, finding her nipple and pinching it lightly. 

“Fuck,” you moaned. “I want to taste you.”

“Yes, yes!” she replied, her voice getting higher. Without hesitation, you leaned forward and quickly found her clit with your tongue before licking and sucking in tandem with the thrusting of your fingers. “So close!” she cried, and you doubled your efforts. Within moments, she came, and you lapped it up, moaning at the taste. You looked up with a sly grin, and she pulled you up to her and in for a deep kiss. “Your turn,” she said playfully before shoving you back on the bed. You grinned down at her as she spread your thighs apart, much like you had just done to her. “I’m a woman who knows what she wants,” the blonde started, leaning forward so you could feel her breath against your core. “And I want you to ride my face like it’s your damn job,” she finished before leaning forward, her hands on your ass pulling you forward. You groaned and started moving your hips, giving her exactly what she wanted, causing her to moan and send pleasant vibrations through your center. She leaned in like she couldn’t get enough of you, and you’d never felt so wanted before, not even by your ex boyfriend. A few flicks of her tongue later and you were cumming all over her face. She smiled up at you before crawling into bed next to you and saying, “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight,” you replied, wrapping yourself around her as she nuzzled into you. But she was already asleep. 

It was only the next morning, when you woke up alone in your bed, that you realized the woman you’d fucked didn’t just look like Elinor Fairmont. She was Elinor Fairmont. 

[o3o-aya]

Demon Slayer oc pt.2

OIhgyuj Oki!!

So this is Kana’s daughter! Her name is Alyna  In Greek it means light, and also means sun ray

アリナ is her name in Japanese (don’t trust me i had to google this jbuhg)

She was born at the time of 4:20 am on October 15th, 1895

Upon meeting her, she’s a very quiet, and reserved person, not speaking much and keeping to herself. But once she’s opened up a bit more, she’s very energetic and a cheerful person! But she tends to think of herself as absolute perfection. Going as far as to bragging to her father that she herself is the definition of perfection unlike him.

She comes off as naive and gullible but she learned from her mother to act how people want her to act. So she pretends to be a helpless little girl who doesn’t know much. Which isn’t true at all, she knows better.

Species: Human Breathing Style: Breathng of Lava Best Friend: Mitsuri  Love Interest: Depends Demons Slayed: 16 Blades Broken: 3 Encounters with Lower Moons: 2 Encounters with Upper Moons: 3 Encounters with Muzan: 2 as a slayer but many when she was smol bby and child

Stats: Breathing techniques: 5/5 Aggression: 2/5 Stamina: 3/5 Strength: 4/5 Speed: 2/5

Breathing forms: Works in progress, help is welcome 

Sword Type: Katana Colour: Crimson Weight: 4.1 lbs Swordsmith: Unknown Unique property: Reflects damage

Sword stats: Speed: 3/5 Battle adaptability: 4/5 Durability: 3/5 Defense: 5/5 Power: 3/5

As a child, she wasn’t very aware of her surroundings. She never noticed her mother’s misery and she never noticed how her father was. 

She was always treated as the Kibutsuji heir and was isolated in the infinity fortress her whole childhood. Except the first few years of her life that she was in Mexico City.

She was oblivious to everything and just spent her days being a child, adoring her mother and being spoiled by her father.

The image above shows her in her early to late teens.

She became more aware in her surroundings, and noticed how miserable her mother was.

Soon, being locked in the infinity fortress was stressful for her, and she wanted to go outside, and live her life. 

She somehow managed to escape, and she never looked back.

Oki! The image above is her as an adult.

But it also depends on each route.

For Douma/Inosuke’s route- Douma overhears Kana and Muzan arguing over her marriage. She is coming of age and Kana wants her to marry a human, while Muzan wants her to marry a demon of his choice. Kana says if a demon can successfully woo their daughter she’ll allow that demon to marry her. Douma, seeing this as a challenge, tries his luck and it works! Though, he dies before marriage. Leaving her with a child, a boi named Akio. She met Inosuke a few weeks after her son was born, they bonded, became friends, shortly after Muzan was defeated, they started seeing each other. When they were in their 20s, they got married and had 2 more children.

For Giyuu’s route- Shortly after Alyna had run away from the infinity fortress, Muzan sent demons to go after her. One demon caught up to her and tackled her to the ground. Giyuu had been nearby and caught wind of a demon. He slayed the demon before helping her up. Thankful for helping her, she offers in a reward which he refuses. She in turn, and much to Giyuu’s annoyance, she follows him in hopes of a friendship. It took a long time before becoming his friend and an even longer time to be his lover. A few weeks before their wedding, Alyna gave Giyuu a pin, her mother’s family crest, a rose surrounded by thorns. When Kana noticed the demon slayer with the pin, she believed him to have killed her daughter and attacked him. Kana, realizing who he was, surrendered, giving information about her husband and allowed him to kill her. When they reach their 20s, they have 3 children.

For Shinobu’s route- Shinobu met Alyna in a village where a demon was. Shinobu, being able to sense the demon blood in her, confronted her, about to attack. Alyna, in a panic, came up with a story, about how her mother had been assaulted by a demon and died in childbirth. Even let out tears, tears of frustration. Shinobu, taking pity on her and making sure she didn’t have an appetite for human flesh, she took her in and Alyna helped around the estate. As they grew closer, Alyna found herself growing feelings for her, but she hid them for fear she would  lose her. After learning of her death, she was distraught, but she kept helping the estate. She even gave the others information on her father. She lived out her life before she died at the age of 75. She was later reincarnated along with Shinobu and the others

For Rengoku’s route- Instead of Alyna running away, at the age of 5, Kana dropped her off at the Rengoku household, hoping a servant would find her and take her in, not wanting her child exposed to the demon world. A servant did find her, and took her in. Alyna noticed Kyojuro, and spent her time happily following him around. Begging him to teach her the sword ways, he reluctantly agreed, and so she was trained along Mitsuri and they became friends as well as becoming a demon slayer. She visited a town and found a book of a breathing technique. She studied it not knowing it was her grandfather’s breath style. Alyna grew a crush on Kyojuro and confessed her feelings the moment she found out. He told her to wait another year or 2 and if she still had feelings for him, then he would think about marrying her. When he died she was heartbroken, but she lived on. She found her mother, after a quick battle. The two realized who they were, Kana told her everything and allowed Alyna to kill her. Alyna later died in the battle against Muzan, she was killed by her own father. She and Rengoku were later reincarnated 

If you have questions feel free to ask!

Her mother is posted here

[arigatouiris]

i’ll remember you // kuroo tetsuroo x reader (2/3)

Author’s Note: Here’s chapter two! I mean, it’s longer than the other two parts that I had in mind, but I hope that’s okay? Also, please let me know what you think of this? I worked really hard on it, so I’d feel so good if you guys tell me what you think :”) And there’s a Barakamon reference in this chapter :3

Word count: 7k+

Pairing: Kuroo Tetsuroo x Reader [Kimi no Na Wa re-write]

Summary: Everything had been perfectly normal until you woke up as a volleyball captain from a school you didn’t go to, in a city you didn’t live in. Ever since then, Kuroo Tetsuroo has been inching closer and closer into your life, wrecking almost everything that could perhaps be considered normal.

However, you never realized how vital he was to you; because you were sure you would understand upon seeing him.The struggle however, was remembering each other. Because what good would it do if you went to saw him and he didn’t remember you?

Well, the universe turns back time, of course. Until he did.

Warnings: angst, body-swapping, bullying, fantasy, reader is depressed, mentions of suicide, character death, slow burn, bittersweet end, awkward boners, mentions of porn

ｃｈ． ０２  —  ｓｌｏｗ ｃｈａｎｇｅｓ

When you woke up, you saw the window first.

You sprung up in your bed before noticing the thin cloth divide the room—your brother's half and yours. Tears threatened to form in your eyes but you blinked them away before rushing to the window, noticing how it was still slightly dark out, how it was about to be sunrise. You noticed that your brother wasn't in the room, he'd probably gone out to help your mom with the salt.

Your hands sprung to your breasts a second later before cuddling up to them, "I missed you..."

A second later, you noticed an evident note on the wall. Your heart sped up, wondering if it was from Kuroo, and walked over to see a rather cryptic message.

You're prettier than you give yourself credit for.

Your eyes widened at the note, before feeling a strange warmth in your chest. You go over to your table before checking if he'd left any more notes, but found none. You picked your phone up and saw that the wallpaper had changed. It was a picture of you that you hadn't taken—you were wearing your school uniform, and you were smiling at the camera; you wouldn't lie, it was an excellent picture of you.

A smile sat on your lips before realizing that Kuroo must have done this.

And I broke his laptop, you cringed before sinking to the ground in horror. A second later, you walked over to the bathroom before brushing your teeth but your eyes widened at the note in the mirror.

Akio is a douche!

You froze. Akio...? Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no!

Did Kuroo say something to him? Did Akio say something to Kuroo and he had said something back? You cursed yourself on thinking that Kuroo couldn't make your life worse than it already was. Scrambling to get ready, you wore your uniform before noticing that it was crumpled and thrown to the corner. Your eyebrow twitched before feeling a feeling of pure distaste sit on your lips. Rushing to make breakfast before your mother and brother returned, you immediately got the rice cooking and the curry boiling. The whole while, all you could think of was what Kuroo might have done, and your heart was pounding in your ear. For some reason, you weren't anxious, perhaps that was because you were in a fight-or-flight mode.

    "Ah," Your mother's voice alerted you, as you set the breakfast on the kotatsu, "How are you feelin' today?"

Huh? You gave her a funny look, "Whaddaya mean?"

    "You were actin' a bit odd yesterday. Thoughtchu were sick o' somethin'."

Your heart melted at your mother's worry for you before shaking your head. She's my mother! You scolded yourself.

    "I'm good today, 'kaa-chan."

    "Clearly you remember how ta make rice today?" Your brother perked up.

Your face reddened before thinking of how Kuroo must have made breakfast yesterday.

    "What?"

   "You were strugglin' to get the cooker on! As if ya didn't ever see it before. And yer curry was disgustin'."

    "I was sick." You mumbled before focusing on the food.

Letting out a breath, you packed your bento before looking at your brother strangely. He was staring at your face oddly.

    "What?"

    "You look like yerself today too. You'd forgotten how ta do yer hair yesterday."

Your heart sunk. It must be hard for a guy to live suddenly as a girl for a day. But, your mind kept circling around what Kuroo might have done to Akio. While walking to school, you stopped by your only friend's house, Kotoishi Naru, and hoped she was the one Kuroo had confided with. You were glad you met Kenma with such ease and wondered how Kuroo may have figured out that Naru was your best friend. Naru wasn't in your class, and she wasn't even around half the time considering how there was a big calligraphy competition that was coming up.

Once Naru saw you, she waved, almost as if nothing strange had occurred. You blinked as she ran over to you, her brown hair bounding behind her with ease.

    "How you feelin' today, (y/n)?"

    "Uh," Didn't Kuroo say anything to Naru? "I'm good. Did... Did anythin' strange happen yesterday?"

Naru scoffed, "A lotta strange things happened, especially with ya, (y/n). Where do ya want me to begin?"

    "Eh?"

    "That boy made me watch that movie, the one where they switch bodies? Wicked, really—"

You grab Naru's shoulders before forcing her to meet your gaze.

    "Naru! Tell me—"

    "You gotta watch that movie, (y/n). And like, maybe skip school—"

    "Naru."

She let out a sigh, "Yanno how Junko's got her ass on ya all the time? The boy in yer body gave her a piece of his mind when she forced herself on ya. She threatened to cut yer hair if ya didn't finish 'er homework. That boy wasn't havin' none of it. Junko's prolly not gon' ever talk to ya again. And..."

Naru looked a bit hesitant as she continued, "Ya prolly shouldn't talk ta Akio either."

    "Oh no," You felt your heart sink in your chest, "Was it about the confession?"

Naru blinked, "What confession?"

You sighed, "Two days ago, I confessed to Akio-kun. He turned me down—"

    "That bastard," Naru muttered, "But, it's good. Just don't go talk to 'im. Pretend he's scum, aight? Actually, he is scum—"

    "Naru, what happened?"

Naru shrugged before leading you to school. You knew you weren't going to get any answers out of her right then. But, your heart was pounding against your chest. You knew Kuroo was just trying to help out by standing up for you, but by changing the way you behaved just for momentary gratification didn't seem right to you. You'd barely made any changes in his life, but the way he'd completely turned yours around felt strange. You weren't thankful; in fact, you were angry.

On reaching school, people watched you as you made your every move. Naru wasn't by your side but had strictly warned you to not say a word in edgewise to anyone. That's probably what I'll do anyway, you thought before heading to class and freezing in front of your desk. Your eyes widened at the words written on the desk, 'Slut', 'Whore', 'Demon', and other things. Your hands were shaking at the way these words suddenly sprung up only after a day of living as Kuroo.

    "Ah," The teacher said, and you looked up with sad eyes, "Yer aight, there?"

Even the teachers noticed? You heard snickering from behind you but you ignored them. Never had you felt so degraded before, and it was all thanks to how some boy had lived in your body for a day and didn't bother to accommodate.

You ate your lunch quietly just as Naru trod inside and slammed her hand on your table. She frowned at the words that you hadn't bothered to erase, and then looked up at you.

    "We gotta move," She said, grabbing your wrist, pulling you, but you refused to budge, "Now!"

    "Naru! What do you—"

    "There she is," Akio's loud voice was barely missable. You had grown to fall for that voice, after all, "The school slut."

You felt as if your body was on fire; and you wanted to leave instantly. Naru moved before you could catch a glimpse of Akio's threatening gaze fall on you. You felt like his gaze could burn you. It wasn't in a nice way. His face had a very dark bruise, right below his eye and his nose looked a bit crooked. You couldn't move, you were frozen to your spot, confused at the scene occurring before you.

    "Watch yer mouth, Matsuo." Naru warned before Akio scoffed.

    "Ask 'er to watch 'ers! Dunno where it's been—"

    "What're you sayin'?" You snapped, feeling your heart burst.

The class burst into laughter at your sudden outburst, but you saw a tinge of... fear, you couldn't believe it, in Akio's eyes. Clicking his tongue, he walked away, taking the air of confidence with him. Tears filled your eyes and you immediately got up and ran to the roof, knowing that'll be the only place no one would bother you. Naru followed shortly after, knowing full well that you were distraught.

    "Naru, what happened?"

She sighed before groaning, "He threw 'imself at ya, (y/n)." Your eyes widened.

    "The boy in yer body were the one who gave 'im the black eye. Deserved it too."

Akio threw himself at me? That doesn't make sense! I was the one who confessed to him! You wanted to ask Kuroo what had happened but there wasn't any way you could contact him, considering how you'd failed to send yourself a text message. If you were ever going to wake up in his body again, you'd let him know just how much you appreciated him turning things around in your life. You clenched your fists so tightly that you swore you could punch through a wall.

Kuroo Tetsuroo, you goddamn pig!

*

When Kuroo woke up as you, he didn't really freak out as much. It took him until half a day for him to realize that it wasn't a dream at all, that having enjoyed Kimi no Na Wa so much he was finally living it seemed a bit too unreal. However, after learning what that girl Naru had called you, Kuroo froze a little bit.

You were the girl that had killed herself, opposite Kenma's house.

Here, you were a second-year high school student, which meant that this was a year prior to how things went. Kuroo didn't know why you had killed yourself in the present, but he assumed it must be some reason related to mental health, for all suicides were along the same lines. His heart felt for you, but he was now more curious to see why he was swapped into your body. Did this mean he had to save your life, the same way Taki had saved Mitsuha?

    "Oi," Kuroo said, as you, to the brown-haired girl calling herself Naru, "What's this girl's deal?"

    "Whaddaya mean, (y/n)?"

Kuroo groaned, "I'm not (y/n)! I'm a guy, stuck in her body."

    "Eh? That ain't possible—"

    "After school, I'll show you a movie, how about that? Now, just play along. What's her deal?"

Naru hummed before tapping her chin a couple of times. It wasn't as if she didn't like role-playing, but you had been acting weird all day. This didn't particularly seem impossible, even though science told her it was out of the question.

    "(y/n)'s the firstborn of two kids, she's got a younger brother, Takeru, and 'er mum's a bit of a bitch," Kuroo winced, "Ah, you aren't (y/n). She'd 'ave killed me if I said that."

Kuroo sighed, before gesturing her to continue. This was sometime after lunch, where Kuroo forcefully ate the bento (y/n)'s younger brother had made after he had called in sick on (y/n)'s behalf. He didn't understand why there wasn't a fully functioning cafeteria, but he assumed cities were different from country prefectures. He was in Nagasaki, after all.

    "(y/n)'s dad's passed while fishing for oysters. 'er aunt lives in Tokyo, and is honestly the only person in (y/n)'s family that she adores."

Her aunt, huh, Kuroo's eyes narrowed, "She adores her aunt?"

Naru nodded, "Aunt's nice. Brings 'er gifts and all. Always keeps askin' her to move to Tokyo. Mum's against it."

    "Why?"

    "Even I dunno that, shonen." Naru shrugged.

It was during lunch that Akio had approached Kuroo. He was quite certain that he was her boyfriend, with how close he was and how he was saying such cheesy stupid shit. Maybe, they fought or something? Kuroo was never the one to pry, although, he took very little to understand the context of certain situations. Just as he understood this one.

    "I know I said no ta ya," Akio's hands were inching closer and closer to Kuroo, "But lemme erase that, aight? With the way ya are right now, I'm not sure I can hold myself back—"

    "Hold up a goddamn minute," Kuroo smirked before placing both his hands against his chest and pushing him away, "You rejected me?"

    "That's in the past—"

    "And you're nuzzling close to me like we're dating? You must be some pig, eh?"

Akio's eyes flashed with anger before grabbing Kuroo's wrist. Judging from the strength (y/n) had, he was certain that she wouldn't have been able to push him away, but this was Kuroo. And even though he didn't like physical fights, helping a girl recover her honor was not against his many policies. He twisted Akio's hands before throwing a nasty punch to the boy's face, drawing blood. It wasn't as if he knew you personally or even knew enough of your story to be doing this, but he was in your body right then, and if at all you believed you were deserving of this idiot's schemes, Kuroo wanted you to know that you were much more.

The second he saw your image in the mirror, he was floored at how beautiful you were even in the morning. Your hair was marvelous, your smile was gorgeous, and your body... now that was something else. Kuroo wasn't a pervert, but he won't deny that having your body for a day was making him more curious by the hour. He had touched your breasts, he wouldn't lie, but he'd have done that if it were anyone. But, he refused to look at any part of you otherwise, which was perhaps why he decided he wouldn't take a shower. The farthest he would go would be touching your breasts, and if he had to comment, he'd simply say that he wouldn't mind waking up as you if it meant having your breasts.

He had learned later that day from Naru that (y/n) had been obsessed with this Akio boy for over a few months now. Taking a deep breath, he walked over to the girl and asked her if she had a computer with a stable internet connection. When she said only her phone had an internet connection, Kuroo groaned. Even the groan sounds adorable coming from (y/n), he thought before nodding once.

    "There's a movie we're going to watch, okay?"

    "Whatsit about?"

    "Whatever's happening to me and your friend."

It surprised him how quietly Naru sat through the entire movie. Kuroo didn't mind watching Kimi no Na Wa again, especially as someone else, but Naru's fascination with the movie amazed him. For a moment, he deliberated on telling her that you had died in the present world, but he knew that telling Naru meant he was inevitably telling you, and he didn't want you to panic or throw yourself into a corner.

If he was put in your body, and judging from what he knew happens to you, he was meant to save you.

Perhaps, the care rose in his heart after learning that he was in your body of all people. Knowing that you had died, alone and isolated in a house where your aunt was probably never home, having not been fed or having any friends for that matter, Kenma knew better about the circumstances of your death, and he made it a point to ask him later.

Once the movie was done, the first question that Naru asked him proved to him that Naru was indeed one of the smartest people he'd met.

    "Something's gonna happen to 'er, isn't it?"

When he woke up back as himself, the first thing he saw was the familiar Ratchet and Clank poster in front of him, and the loudness of Tokyo livelihood. He turned to spot his uniform neatly folded and hung from hangers against the door, and his heart twisted in dissatisfaction with how he had just haphazardly thrown yours. He noticed the note you had left behind and smiled as he read your words, before noticing the line below your first note. His eyes widened and he rushed toward his laptop, before noticing a large crack on it.

    "You've got to be kidding—" He traced his hand against the big crack on his laptop's screen before feeling nothing but ire in his heart, "—she fucking broke my laptop!"

Rushing down to meet Kenma, knowing full well that he'd understand, he noticed his father coming toward him with breakfast. Kuroo eyed his father strangely before his father returned the gaze.

    "You ate yesterday, so what's the trouble now?"

Kuroo groaned internally when he realized that you had no idea what issues he was having and Kuroo didn't want to argue first thing in the morning. Snatching the toast his father had made, Kuroo rushed out to meet Kenma.

    "Oi, Kenma!"

Kenma's eyes met his friend's form before a smirk plastered on his face, "So, how was it living as someone who's dead?"

    "She broke my laptop!"

Kenma's smirk didn't die down, "Yeah, she was trying to watch the movie, but then I told her you might have watched porn earlier and she dropped it. Don't blame her, your laptop's probably filthy."

Kuroo gasped, "It is not!"

Kenma shrugged.

    "I don't even want to explain to the old man what happened. He's going to whoop my ass for it, it's barely a year old. Agh, damn it."

    "Kuroo," Kenma's voice suggested he was being serious, "This is strange."

He let out a sigh, "No kidding. I woke up crying," Kenma looked at him, "She's got a shit life, no offence to her. Mum's a bit cold, brother's a little shit, her best friend's a bit... strange, she gets bullied by this dumb loudmouth, and the guy she liked practically tried to assault her."

    "She wasn't too happy here either, from what I've heard," Kenma said, "Her mum passed away because of an accident and her aunt brought her here. Her aunt's a monster, though. Barely cared for her. Drove her to the edge until..."

Kenma felt his heart constrict uncomfortably. Sure, she had broken his laptop but that was minor compared to the changes he'd made in your life. Just thinking about it made him wonder how you'd take it, but there was something strange overall regarding the entire timeline of it all. If you were dead in the present life, how did it matter what these small changes instigate? If anything, Kuroo understood that it was your depression that drove you to the edge; but, considering what he'd done yesterday, standing up for herself when she clearly had not before, Kuroo wondered if it would make a difference at all.

    "Need to know more about why she... you know."

Kenma nodded, "So you think it'll happen again?"

Kuroo thought of the tears that leaked out of your eyes that morning he woke up as you. He nodded, a serious gleam in his gold eyes. It better, he thought, his stomach twisted as he remembered hearing of your death for the first time.

    "What about practice yesterday?"

    "Didn't have it. Nekomata's pretty pissed. Gave you a mask and she moved around pretending you were sick."

Kuroo sighed with relief but felt worse when he thought of the welcome you might be getting later today. He understood that the events might have already occurred but if Kuroo's swapped into your body and if that made any change in the timeline of events, if that meant you could come out of this alive, he wouldn't mind. No one deserved to be pushed to an extent like that, and whether you knew it or not, you were worthy of so much more. He'd gone through your notes, he'd gone through a few of your scribbles and he could understand that you were a hard-worker. You wanted to move to Tokyo and live a city life, you wanted a better life for yourself and he could see just from one day that you were striving for it. Sure, you were a tad bit insecure, judging from how Akio had spoken of you, but Kuroo knew you were so much more than what you thought of yourself.

He didn't know why he felt this way, but he didn't want you to go down the way you did. And if these swaps made a difference, then he'd ensure that the difference was good.

The more the day progressed, the more he thought about what you were doing. While he knew that his timeline was set in the future and that yours was from a year ago, it still felt like you were there, going to school, managing the bullying, the idiotic crush you had on that jerk. He knew that it was just because of living in your body for a day that he cared and that until now, despite learning you had died, he had no idea who you were, and while he did feel bad for you, it was only after this did it feel a tad bit personal.

A week passed before Kuroo woke up as you again.

Instantly, his hands rushed to your breasts and a large drunk grin plastered on his face. I've missed you two, he thought before finding that the screen dividing your brother's side of the room was open and your brother was staring at you—Kuroo—intently.

    "What are you doing, nee-chan?"

Kuroo gasped before throwing a pillow at the little boy, before hearing him groan and throw it back. It wasn't that the little boy, Takeru, was a little shit, it was just that he seemed to have the ability to be around when he wasn't needed. Suddenly, as if he were being pulled out of a stupor he realized that he hadn't woken up with tears in his eyes. Turning to young Takeru, Kuroo gestured for the boy to come closer. Takeru listened and crouched beside Kuroo, before waiting intently.

    "If I had memory loss and forgot the entire day of yesterday, how would you describe what happened to me?"

Takeru hummed before tapping his chin a couple of times, "You din't 'ave a good day yesterday," Ah, damn, "You fought with mum and she hitchu," Kuroo winced, "but I think ya were mean ta 'er, 'cause she was cryin'. You were cryin' too, sayin' how you were sorry butchu din't tell mum that so ya were cryin' for nothin'. Naru-nee came'oer, but she had ta leave after some time. And in school," Takeru shrugged, "I don't know 'cause yer in high school and I'm in elementary."

Kuroo ruffled Takeru's head before smiling a bit. Seems like you had quite the day, he thought before hearing Takeru say something strange.

    "You should talk to 'kaa-chan," Kuroo's eyes widened, "She misses ya. She tells me when we pick salt. She misses ya, nee-chan."

(y/n) moved to Tokyo because her mum passed away in an accident, right? Kuroo thought before narrowing his eyes, What kind of accident was it? And what happened to Takeru?

Heading to the living room, Kuroo noticed your mother near the kitchen. Her face was puffy, and it looked like she had cried herself to sleep the night before. Kuroo knew it was not in his place to say or do anything, but there was only one thing he could conceive that could perhaps help in this situation. Whatever it is, if we can at least avoid her mother's misunderstanding, then maybe, (y/n) can stay behind.

    "Kaa-chan," It was strange for Kuroo to be calling someone that after years, "About yesterday—"

In one instant, your mother turned to face Kuroo, you, and her eyes filled with tears. She instantly wiped them away before nodding.

    "I've made breakfast—"

    "Please," Kuroo said, "I might not say this often, but... I miss you more than you know. I know things aren't okay and I know I might act differently sometimes, but you need to know I'm always here for you. Just talk to me, okay?"

Your mother stared at Kuroo like you were another person; which was true, but it wasn't like she'd notice.

    "I sometimes forget ya are yer father's daughter," your mother said, chuckling, "Yer so sweet, baby. I'm sorry for hittin' ya."

    "I'm... sorry for raising my voice."

Your mother knew you hadn't raised your voice. Your mother also probably knew that something extraordinary was going on, but just to see her daughter smile and nod at her made her feel strangely content. A hand reached toward Kuroo and grazed against his, no your, cheek, and he felt tears sting the back of his eyelids.

    "I'll try ta be a bit more nicer, yeah?"

Kuroo chuckled before feeling his the back of his throat hurt. He nodded, because, well, what else could he do? Breakfast that morning was relatively milder, there was an air of ease spread around and while he wanted no credit, Kuroo's heart bubbled with a bit of pride. It wasn't too intense, Kuroo felt the same sort of penchant luck he would feel if after casually tossing something across the room and it hits his target so crisply and perfectly that he feels no desire even to attempt another shot. While walking to school, Kuroo waved at Takeru before turning to spot Naru waiting outside her house. Running to her, Kuroo slapped the girl's back before grinning widely.

    "Yer the boy!"

Kuroo felt his heart drop, "How'd you know?"

    "If (y/n) ever let 'erself smile like that, that'd be the day," Naru chuckled, "We've got tests today, yer on the worst possible day."

Kuroo felt his heart drop, but that wasn't because of the tests. Oh shit, he thought before realizing that today was one of the practice matches scheduled between Fukurodani and Nekoma, and you were there in his place. Oh, fuck, he thought before running a hand through your hair, before stopping himself. Wow, he thought, your hair is so smooth. He remembered touching your hair before, but was it always this smooth?

    "You look like yer constipated," Naru said, staring at his face. "Somethin' wrong?"

    "Nothing I can do about now." Kuroo said, sighing. We're losing to Fukurodani, and I lost a bet to Bokuto. Great.

    "How's she been doing so far?"

Naru hummed, "Better, I think. She ain't cleanin' her desk, though. The names are still 'ere."

    "Names?"

Naru cringed, "You'll see 'em. People've stopped talkin' to 'er, but that's surprisingly helpful. And... Oh, yeah! She got a job."

Oh, fuck me.

    "What job?"

Naru shrugged, "Tis easy, just regular shop keepin'. The general store has obaa-san watchin' it over, so (y/n) decided to help out for some dough."

Ah, that's doable, he thought before saying, "What test?"

    "Math. She hates math."

Kuroo sighed with relief. I'll give her a gift for ruining her life the last time, he chuckled before entering the school, only to find no one looking at him. He paused for a moment before feeling Naru turn and look at him, suddenly having frozen to the spot. It was as if he was an outcast, living an invisible life—no one could see him, his life didn't matter, his existence as such was minute. He turned to Naru before she offered him a kind smile and a nod suggesting that yes, this was how things were.

Kuroo only let it fuel his determination further.

Entering class, he noticed that (y/n)'s desk was riddled with insults, which boiled his blood. With his eyebrow ticking at how unabashedly disgusting this was, Kuroo took out (y/n)'s kerchief before wiping the insults off. He heard a few snickers before he turned to them and glared, only to have them swallow their chuckles. Kuroo returned to swiping the names off the desk before letting out a breath and sitting down.

    "Those names are gonna be back tomorrow." He heard someone say and Kuroo knew responding would be bad for (y/n).

But, he really couldn't help it.

    "And they'll be off just as quickly as they came. Maybe, the hand that writes them will be off too."

It was then he realized that (y/n)'s voice, when used in such a sweet yet dangerous manner, was a tad bit arousing. She could be menacing if she wanted to, but for that, he knew she had to be pushed a little more. He didn't know the entire story, but he knew that if he allowed himself to be completely immersed in what she went through, then there was a chance he could save her. He wanted to save her, he wanted her happy—and knew it was because he was able to live as her.

The test went really well; he wasn't sure if (y/n) was really good at math, but judging from what Naru had said, you hated the subject so that meant you weren't too good. That didn't matter, you were probably going to score more than you ever had before. On his way out with Naru, he spotted Akio at a distance, before he gave him the stink-eye, before Akio walked away, scoffing.

    "What'd that pig say after?"

    "Came and called 'er a slut the next day," Kuroo frowned, "But, she was surprisingly mature 'bout it. Didn't bother with 'im. Heartbroken (y/n) is the most productive (y/n). Got 'erself a job."

Every cell in your body screamed that you wanted to survive. If he could see it, if Naru could see it, then why couldn't you?

That night, he left a message for you in your mirror. I apologized to your mom for you. Scored a good number on your math test. Cleaned your desk for you. Please keep it that way. And I forgive you for the laptop. Kuroo sighed before heading to your bed, before allowing himself to rest.

When he woke up, the first thing he saw was black—there was a note stuck to his face. Blinking, he pulled the note to see something written in big bold letters.

Kuroo Tetsuroo, you self-centered pig!

He narrowed his eyes at the accusation before sitting up and scratching his head. What the hell did I do? You're the one that broke my laptop! Turning to the side, he saw a completely clean desk, with books stacked like a sane person's desk, and his uniform was once again hanging neatly ironed from the hanger by his door. His right eyebrow twitched before he walked to the bathroom, and in his mirror, big red letters from his red marker had been etched ruthlessly: How dare you scream at Akio-kun?! How dare you mess up my life the way you did?! I was fine before you came along! I didn't even do anything the whole time I was you and I could have easily messed things up!

His eyebrow twitched dangerously before grabbing his phone and calling Kenma.

    "What happened yesterday?"

    "Ah, you got a stomach bug and sat out during practice. Bokuto called you a coward."

    "Ah, fuck."

    "And she finally watched the movie."

Did she now? Kuroo felt an odd sense of anger and misplaced sort of betrayal lodge in his heart. However, these feelings were soon going to be replaced.

When you woke up as Kuroo, you didn't get startled right away. You had expected it by now and in a strange way, you hoped for it; you wanted to mess small things up a little bit by behaving differently, just as he had done with little to no consideration to accommodate in your life. You frowned before not even being bothered with the bed hair and rushed downwards before noticing Kuroo's father by the counter.

    "Otou-san," You weren't sure how Kuroo addressed his father, if Kuroo even addressed him at all, but it felt very strange for you to use that word after having not used it in years, "Good morning!"

Kuroo's father turned to you with horror before freezing as you approached him and gave him a hug. You tightened it gradually, feeling his father freeze up at how uncharacteristic it was for his son to greet him that way.

    "Did you have a bad dream again?"

You froze before staying that way, not expecting this.

    "Been years, I thought. Now you're hugging me like a moron. You know it's just a dream, right?"

You pulled away before feeling your heart sink at the way his father was looking at you. He let out a sigh before shaking his head.

    "It's not your fault, idiot. Separations happen. People... people die. I know we never had this talk but—"

    "N-No. I..." It feels wrong that his father was talking about something so personal with you, thinking you were his son. "I'm sorry—"

    "That's the thing, Tetsu," His father smiled bitterly, "You shouldn't be, son. You of all people shouldn't be."

Breakfast was quiet but tranquil. It wasn't weird, and you noticed Kuroo's grandparents smile at you and wave, wanting to catch some more sleep before having breakfast. Your heart gave way at seeing such a cute old couple hold each other's hands and help each other around, and you wondered what kind of boy Kuroo was. Heading out, you noticed Kenma there again. Leaning down, you smiled at him before saying, "Kenma-kun!"

Kenma's eyes widened before saying, "(s/n)?"

You nodded sheepishly, before rubbing the back of your, no Kuroo's, neck. Kenma sighed before letting out a chuckle, causing you to tilt your head at him confusingly.

    "What's up?"

    "Of all days," Kenma said, an evil glint in his eye, "Today's the swap day."

    "Why? What's today?"

Kenma said, "Well, let's just say you can't miss volleyball practice."

Wanting to mess with Kuroo a little bit more, you noticed the line of girls looking at you from the corner and shot them a sweet smile, before feeling Kenma nudge your stomach with his elbow.

    "Are you trying to get him in trouble?" You nodded pridefully, "Then try harder, Kuroo always smiles at girls."

You felt annoyed at his words, but you sort of expected Kuroo to be a bit of a flirt.

    "Is he a flirt?"

    "He doesn't realize he's doing it. He's just a dork."

You giggled at that before Kenma turned to you and cocked an eyebrow.

    "I know it's hard for you, but try to be a boy, okay?"

You let out a breath before nodding and heading over to your, no Kuroo's, classroom. You noticed how his bench was devoid of names, and your heart shrunk at the thought. You'd gotten used to seeing the names on your desk, but right then, the emptiness made you remember where you had come from. Kuroo was loved and revered for being the volleyball captain, and being handsome, and had friends who loved and cared for him. You let out a breath before trying to remain in character, finding no energy in your heart to play with Kuroo's life.

You knew he had to take your math test, but you believed he'd ace it. Seeing how good he was at math, and how Kuroo was a year older, after all. You wondered if he'd fail on purpose because you had broken his laptop, but your heart told you he wasn't that petty. But, what I'm doing is petty, right? You frowned before thinking of how Akio-kun approached you the other day, and the names on your desk.

After school, you followed Kenma into the gym, your heart pounding the entire time. You tugged at Kenma's sleeve right after changing, before he sighed.

    "Just... smirk at everyone and cock your right eyebrow and try and make fun of the really short guy, Yaku, and be rude to the really tall guy, Lev. And have you ever played volleyball before?"

Your heart sunk as you nodded slightly, "A few times in middle school."

Kenma chuckled, "Serves him right for being cocky all the damn time," You narrowed your eyes, "Let's see how it goes."

Walking out, you saw Kuroo's volleyball team for the first time. They weren't even looking at you, but then you noticed the really tall guy that Kenma said was called Lev. You gulped before shooting him a deadpan as he approached you.

    "So the thing—"

    "Lev," Kenma interrupted, saving your life, "Did you practice what I told you?"

    "Eh?"

    "Look at the ball while smacking it. Don't lower your elbows. You need to prioritize speed over height—"

As Kenma was talking, you could see Lev step backward in absolute horror. You wanted to laugh at the way silent and smooth Kenma turned into an intimidating mentor, but the interaction they had was simply just too sweet to ignore.

    "Wait! Don't say all that at once!" Lev begged, causing you to chuckle meanly.

   "By the way," You swore you could feel ice around Kenma's shoulders now, penetrating straight to Lev, "I've told you all this before."

Letting out a breath, Kenma calmed down before shooting you a look and then turning to Lev, "You're still nowhere as good as Shoyo."

Shoyo?

    "Damn it! I'm definitely going to turn this around!" Lev said, pumping his fist in the air.

A moment later, a bunch of differently dressed students entered the gym. Your eyes widened a tad bit before finding Kenma's, who simply shrugged and alerted you to come to the side. While it received weird looks that you were being too quiet and being summoned by Kenma, you had no other choice but to move away. The short person, Yaku, gave you the stink eye, and you wondered if he liked Kuroo at all.

    "Bokuto looks like an owl and is probably going to smother you," You felt your stomach flip, "Akaashi is quieter and won't bother you. And the others don't talk to you as much. Kuroo flirts with the female managers, but it won't look weird if you don't talk to them today. Just say your stomach hurts or something."

    "Won't that make Kuroo look bad?"

Kenma smirked, "Everything will make him look bad, you can just hope to reduce the damage."

    "Hey, hey, hey! Kuroo-kun! Ready to lose today?"

    "A-Ah," You gulped, unaware of what to call him and said the first thing that came to mind, "You're the one that's gonna lose, o-owl bastard!"

Bokuto blinks at what you called him and a second later bursts out laughing. Akaashi nodded at you before greeting you quietly. Kenma shot you a thumbs up before you let out a breath of relief.

    "Haven't heard you call me that in a while. You're definitely going to lose!"

In the middle of practice, you gulped before clutching your stomach and moving to the side. Strangely, it was Bokuto who rushed toward you as if something was wrong.

    "Oi, oi, oi, you look pale there, Kuroo-kun! You alright?"

    "Haven't been," You seriously considered getting a job as an actress, "All day."

Akaashi turned to the coach before bowing once, and it was Yaku who rushed to you before placing a calm hand on your back.

    "What's happening to you?"

    "Must be the food—"

    "Ah, damn," Yaku turned to the coach before saying, "I think Kuroo's got a stomach bug! Let's sub him out."

    "Hm, maybe," Bokuto tapped his chin and said cheekily, "You're just scared of losing and your body's reacting that way."

    "Please ignore him when he's being that way, Kuroo-san." Akaashi said, looking straight at you.

After practice, which you stayed behind to watch, constantly making weird faces to show you were in pain, Kenma accompanied you home. It was quiet for a bit as you continued to walk with him, not knowing what to say.

    "About Kuroo-kun's mother," You began, "His father told me something today."

Kenma turned to you and blinked, "What'd he say?"

    "That it wasn't Kuroo-kun's fault."

    "Ah."

    "What did that mean?"

    "I can't tell you."

You pouted, but you understood where Kenma was coming from. You knew almost nothing about Kuroo at all, and even if he had turned a bit of your life around, you knew he knew nothing about yours. Maybe, by trying to alter his life a little bit, you'd only sunk to make him act more like himself, which was nothing close to what you had initially planned on doing. There was no point in trying to shame Kuroo, when in hindsight, he had simply just tried to stand up to the people who wronged you.

Junko never bothered you for notes after that, and Akio-kun left you alone, resorting to just giving you ugly looks whenever he passed by you. You'd lost every bit of feelings you had for him after Naru told you he'd tried to assault you, for which Kuroo had merely punched him out of defense. You wondered what you'd have done if you were in that situation. But, I was, you thought before feeling the back of your eyelids burn, I was in that situation and even then Kuroo-kun was the one who saved me.

It felt odd that someone you had never even met was helping you out like this, and it made you feel weirdly crippled. That night, you finally allowed yourself to watch Kimi no Na Wa on Kuroo's computer, which was brand-new. You made careful effort to ensure you wouldn't drop it this time.

However, you wanted to let him have a piece of your mind. Heading to the bathroom, you scribbled on the mirror with his whiteboard marker and then wrote a post-it note to stick on his face as you slept. However, the real notes that you wanted him to see where on his desk, beneath a book you knew he might miss. You managed to clear out his pigeon coop of a table and stacked everything the way you would have for yourself. It was after that did you find yourself writing what you really wanted him to know.

I know you're trying to help me, and I want to thank you. But, I can't. If I allow you to keep helping me, then I will never help myself.

But, thank you. For everything.

You let out a breath before sticking the post-it to your face and lying down. It had been a strange day.

[lyndiscealin]

Akio IV- Ending

Arthur sat down on the low coffee table in front of the couch.

“They called you Riko.”, he offered, clearly trying to stay calm and collected. Riko looked away when his brain produced an image of blood running down from a cut on his cheek. The urges were stronger since he had woken up and he had to call his therapist for new sessions before this got even worse. He didn’t want to hurt Arthur even if his brain suggested otherwise. He had dreamed about it a few days ago. Arthur strapped to a bed, screaming in agony while Riko had sliced him open. He had woken with a fucking boner and had never felt so dirty and bad in his life. Technically he knew he should feel worse about what he had done in his past, but hurting Arthur that way was a far more horrible thought.

“Yeah”, he answered, drowning the urge in the sadness he felt, not trying to think about the possibility of just holding Arthur in this apartment. Thankfully he wouldn’t even be able to do that. “I was called Riko until I was twenty.”

Arthur clearly waited for him to go on, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know how or where to begin.

“So… want to tell me why they did this to you? And why you wouldn’t tell the police?”

Did Arthur just want to hear it from him or did he really not know? Riko wasn’t sure, but it didn’t matter either way. He had to tell him. Minyard had left him to bury this last knife into himself. He knew that it wasn’t sheer luck that let him survive. If Minyard or Josten had wanted him dead, he would be.

“I’m sorry, Arthur. I… I’m sorry I can’t feel sorry for keeping this from you. I was selfish, but I don’t regret it. I’m just… I’m just sorry for wasting your time.”

“What are you talking about?”

Riko wasn’t able to look at him, so he looked at the ceiling instead and word for word hammered nail after nail into his own coffin:

“I was born into a mafia family. Only first sons were allowed to the main family branch so I was cast out and adopted by my uncle. With him I led an Exy cult. Maybe you heard of Riko Moriyama and the Nest and Evermore. That was me… my brother faked my death and kicked me out of the family entirely. I did… I did horrible things to people… to children. Josten scars on his face aren’t from me, but a lot of others on his body are.”

He swallowed but didn’t stop, because he wouldn’t be able to say anything again if he did. Maybe these were the last words he would ever speak. It certainly were the last he would speak to Arthur.

“I… tortured… them. Josten wasn’t my only victim, not even the worst one. On some days it’s still hard to feel bad about what I’ve done. On some days it’s just like watching a movie and let myself be amused by all the gore that is shown. On some days it is still just… entertaining. I… I am a monster. I would undo all of what I did if I could, but I can’t and I can’t even undo how I feel about it completely.”

Arthur didn’t say anything to any of it, so Riko dug his grave deeper and deeper still.

“On some days I want to hurt you”, he whispered. “See you bleed. Hear you scream. Obviously I am able to control it now, but it is still there. The urge is still there. I’m just a monster waiting for an excuse to wake again. So… yeah. I didn’t tell the police because I deserved what they did. I honestly thought they would kill me, but I think being in pain for the rest of my life is even better. I… I tried being happy with you, but I only have been selfish again. All this… work you had with me. Especially these past weeks. I should have told you sooner. I… shouldn’t have let you near me in the first place. I should have stayed alone. I’m sorry for taking two years from you. I really am. I thought it would be okay to be happy, but of course it isn’t. I’m sorry Arthur. I really am.”

For a very very long eternity it was eerily quiet. Riko’s words were gone and it felt like they would never come back to him. He wouldn’t need them anymore after this. The thought of a therapist suddenly felt childish. He didn’t need one. When the urge would get stronger again, he just had to let it out on himself until he one day would cut too deep.

“I have to go do some grocery shopping.” Arthur’s voice was very quiet. Was he afraid? He should be. He should be afraid of him, of the monster he was. Everyone should.

Riko just nodded and a few moments later, the apartment fell silent again. He would live in this silence now. It was exactly like the time after the nest. He could still remember the days when he suddenly had been alone and nothing.

He knew how to do this. He knew how to wash clothes and how to take care of himself. He didn’t know how to cook, but he could learn. He had been able to learn Exy to a perfection, it would be laughable if he couldn’t learn how to chop things and how to cook them so they would become a meal at the end.

But he didn’t know why to do any of it anymore. There was no practice he had to do good at, no team meetings with his team or the professional teams he was playing for. No training for court, no teammates who would fall upon him like vultures as soon as he showed some kind of weakness. There was no father or brother to impress, no one who gave a shit about him. Not that there ever had been anyone. Kevin and Jean, his brain provided unhelpfully and he nearly laughed about that nonsense. Kevin’s interest in him didn’t go farther then his worth as an Exy player and Jean… Jean… Jean wasn’t even worth thinking about. He had been a toy, nothing more. You didn’t cry if a toy didn’t love you back, what a stupid sentiment.

He didn’t leave his apartment for a long time. It felt wrong, going out alone. So he never learned anything, because he didn’t have things to shop. He just ordered food.

When he lay awake at night, he watched the wall opposite of his bed. The wall where Kevin’s bed should have been, but it was empty now. Just space that wasn’t used and never would be. If he just hadn’t thrown that fit. If he just hadn’t broken Kevin’s hand. Everything would be fine now. Wesninski would have died somewhere on the road like he had been supposed to and he and Kevin would have played court. Everything would be perfect now. If only these assholes hadn’t thought to pitch Kevin against him. To find out who was better. Idiots. Incompetent fuckers. they made him realise that Kevin had been better, that Kevin held back. Kevin Kevin Kevin, he couldn’t hear anything else. Everything had been about him. No wonder his father hadn’t been interested in him - the second best. Second all his life. Second son, second best at Exy… disposable. A failure. Not even a honourable name had been given to him. Even his gender had been only the second best. If he had turned out to be a girl, he could have stayed in the main family. Second in everything. He hadn’t been able to take it anymore.

A month in his new apartment and he smashed it to pieces. He started with his dishes and cutlery then sliced his upholstery open, ripped his cushions and pillows apart.

It had been his neighbours who called the police because of the noise.  When they found him the apartment was a mess of broken dishes, dirty ripped up clothes and he had several cuts on his hands from god knew where. He hadn’t washed himself for nearly two weeks and in his blind rage he had attacked the officers. He spent the night in a hospital and was then transferred to a psychiatric clinic. From there on it was years of medication and therapy and slowly… very slowly he learned what he had done and it got worse and worse before it got better even slower. A lot of therapists had given up on him, but at some point he had searched for new ones himself. 

At some point he had wanted to get a better person. He clawed his way out of everything at some point, was off medication for a few years now and had finished therapy shortly before he had met Arthur.

He didn’t really think that his boyfriend would really come back, but when the sun began to set he heard his front door click open again. It had been hours and he half expected to see Minyard or Josten again or maybe even Jean. Jean… seeing him as an actual human being had taken ages, partly because he subconsciously had known what that would entail. He hadn’t lied when he had told Arthur that on very bad days he still felt amusement about what he had done to others, but on his better days… on his better days he wasn’t even able to think about what he had done to Jean.

He turned his head in the direction of his front door, but Arthur first went to the kitchen. He really had gone grocery shopping…

It took a few minutes but then he settled down on the coffee table again. This was it then. The final conversation.

“I needed a bit of time to think”, he said like he had to apologise. What an absurd thought. Arthur apologizing for being shocked that his boyfriend was a monster. Riko nodded.

“You told me you were twenty when you stopped. So you were a child still when it started.”

“That’s not an excuse”, Riko said instantly. Because it wasn’t. That was important. It wasn’t an excuse for anything. It didn’t make a difference for his victims. His therapists had tried and failed to explain that the reason why he did things and an excuse were two different things, and that he couldn’t be made responsible for everything he did because of his mental state. It sounded a lot like an excuse to him that way.

“No, but simultaneously it kind of is, don’t you think?”

Riko huffed and looked up at the ceiling again: “Try to tell Josten that. I’m sure he will be understanding.”

“That’s not what I mean, stupid. Of course it doesn’t undo what you did. But you were a kid and no one told you that what you did was wrong. You thought it was okay and normal and… that is something you are not responsible for.”

What was that even supposed to mean? “Most kids know what’s right and wrong.” He didn’t want to talk anymore. He wanted Arthur to be gone already, this was torturous.

“Most kids live in our society and not in some mafia parallel world.”

Riko didn’t say anything, just stared up at the ceiling. He wanted this to be over. His chest hurt and he felt as empty as when he had realised that he was nothing and noone anymore. That he had lost everything. It had been shitty, but at least it had been his life.

“You signed for a professional team at a pretty young age. You played for two teams simultaneously and had school and later university. That had to be stressful.”

Riko shrugged. Yeah, it had been. So? A lot of people had a stressful life.

“I bet your uncle beat you, when you wouldn’t bring the results he wanted.”

“Sometimes.”, he mumbled. Bad grades hadn’t been an option or if he was tired during practice.

“Always in front of cameras or in this horrible building underground with other Exy obsessed people.”

Riko shrugged again but noted that Arthur probably had googled him.

“Have you ever been to therapy?”

Hadn’t he mentioned that? Was it important? “I had a nervous breakdown four weeks after my faked death. They put me in a mental facility for a while.”

“What was your diagnosis?”

Riko sighed heavily. He was so tired. So endlessly tired. He tried to remember the exact words of his multiple diagnosis until someone was able to pin it down. The ultimate verdict had been: “Antisocial probably sociopathic personality disorder, narcissism and sadism. The latter are part of an ASDP but they liked to point that out specifically. I was part of a few scientific papers as a success story. I probably could find them for you, if you are interested.”

Maybe it was just curiosity on Arthurs part. Whatever.

“So you know that these are mental illnesses?”

Riko shrugged again. Not an excuse, still.

“So when someone’s legs were broken at a young age and no one helped them fix the legs and they grew together all wrong, you would blame them for not being able to run?”

“That’s not the same!” Riko sat up quickly and then fell back into the pillow again with a pained groan.

“It’s not, but it is similar enough. I don’t say what you did was okay in any way, but in all fairness, you hadn’t had a lot of possibilities to turn out any kind of normal. I am not one of your victims, so I can’t forgive your actions, but I think you are allowed a chance in life. I love you, you know that. And I don’t think I would if you still were the monster from fifteen years ago. You never hurt me. Yes, you temper tantrums are there, but you just yell and throw things around. You don’t even throw things at someone. I’m kind of glad to know where they come from, now and I am a bit impressed that you even came this far. That you are able to feel empathy. I can understand that your therapists called you a success story.”

Riko didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what. Maybe he fell unconscious and was dreaming? Why had Arthur still had so many good things to say about him?

“Akio… you aren’t just horrible or something. I know you care about others. You helped me through some tough shit with my family and me and our friends like to hang out with you. You are on a good way and I think it wouldn’t be fair to leave you because of what you did as a kid, especially with all that background of your upbringing.”

Riko… Akio? … looked at Arthur and didn’t know what to feel. Was this real?

“You won’t leave me?”, he asked, his voice hoarse with disbelief. “How can you? I… don’t understand.”

“I will need a bit of time to process everything properly but… but I can’t leave you, Akio. I want to ever meet Riko, really, but I love you like you are now. As Akio. Just… please if you still fantasize about hurting people you should maybe start therapy again. Not only because of that, I really am worried about you at the moment. I think the injuries and everything have triggered things for you. So just… I will stay, but… contact a therapist?”

Akio swallowed and nodded. “Yes, anything.”, he promised. He would do anything, if he just could keep Arthur.

Cautiously he extended his hand and smiled weakly when Arthur took it.

[sentainokyodo]

[[While we’re on the angst roller coaster, I think it’s time I talked about Akio’s mom. There’s a read more because she’s... awful, and emotionally abusive, and no one should have to read that if they don’t want to.]]

Suzuki Kanada Asami met Yuuto in high school. Under pressure from his homophobic and just over all asshole of a stepfather, Yuuto accepted her confession and they started dating. She controlled pretty much everything about their relationship, but seemed nice and pleasant to everyone else, including his parents, and seemed mostly pleasant to him too. 

She ended up pressuring him into sex when they were both eighteen, and when she got pregnant, his stepfather insisted that he marry her. So they did, and Akio was born, and for a little while everything seemed fine. But as Akio grew older, Asami became more and more critical of everything and everyone in Yuuto’s life, especially his siblings. He ended up withdrawing from contact with them for the most part, only seeing them at family functions. His contact with his sister almost completely stopped after a particularly nasty fight between Haru and their stepfather caused her to stop attending family functions as much.

As Akio continued to grow, he noticed his mother getting more and more critical of him and those around him. If he tried to speak up in defense of anyone she criticized, she would automatically turn the criticism on him and make him feel guilty for talking back to her. However, she would only do this when they were alone, claiming that she only trusted him with this knowledge, while secretly doing the same with his father. When they were together, she would act the part of a caring and loving

When he was ten, Akio finally confessed to his uncle what she was doing, after making Right promise not to tell. To this day, it is the only promise Right has broken with Akio. He went straight to his brother, who confessed that she treated him similarly, and went off to find his wife.

He ended up catching her in the middle of berating Akio, and told her to get out of his house, and that this was the end of their relationship. She ran to his stepfather and mother, and got the stepfather on her side, causing the rift that was already between the stepfather and mother to finally splinter. Yuuto and Right’s mother ended up divorcing their stepfather shortly after Yuuto and Asami were divorced.

Asami did not fight for custody over her son, and has not reappeared in front of them since.

Neither Yuuto nor Akio will talk about her unless absolutely necessary, and the rest of the family follows suit.