#and i was back on my feet just over a week later 🙃 but seriously
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Me earlier: oh actually I don’t think my PMS has been that bad this time around?? Maybe microgynon is stabilising my mood
Me just now: *reading people’s stories about knee sprains and sobbing from sympathy*
#i had the bright idea to research knee sprains. as if 1) i don’t already know enough (having now experienced FOUR)#and 2) that wouldn’t cause my anxiety to spike through the fucking roof#there was this one man’s story though that got me#he said he went to the urgent care and the doctor was more focused on telling him about how overweight he was than examining his knee#he ended up getting his prescription and going home but then while he was trying to limp around doing his chores he put his weight on his#knee wrong and it TWISTED#and i was reading this going ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ because i know EXACTLY what he means#the pain of a partial knee dislocation is… not something i can explain to anyone who hasn’t experienced it or something similar#it is. gut wrenching. i don’t know how i didn’t throw up any of the times it’s happened to me#what hits you before the actual pain is the Wrongness of it. it feels like you’ve broken yourself. and you feel so so sick#then the pain hits you and all you can do is scream#it’s so horrible. the first time i did it i thought i’d broken my leg. i felt on some intrinsic level that i had damaged myself irrevocably#i saw like weeks or months of hospital stays and rehabilitation in my brain. i thought i was disabled; possibly permanently#then i went to a&e and found out i’d partially dislocated my knee leading to an overextended ligament#and i was back on my feet just over a week later 🙃 but seriously#this time around it’s been 2 weeks and i still can’t straighten my knee while i’m standing up; i can’t put my weight on it#and i can’t stand or walk for longer than 5 minutes. with or without my brace#it’s scary!! like helloooo. i would like to go back to my (extremely physical; i’m talking 7.5 hours a day on my feet) job sooner or later#and i know i’m improving but it really feels like it’s absolutely minute. like. i was going to send my boss an update but then i realised it#would be exactly the same as the one i sent last week. i still get fatigued if i stand for more than a few minutes. i’m still just barely#getting around my house. like…#people keep asking ‘how’s the knee’ every single day and i’m like ‘it’s the fucking SAME’ like use your brain.#it’s not going to fully heal overnight!! it’s not even going to be much different#god i Wish i’d gone to the hospital when i first did this. i wish i knew for certain i hadn’t torn anything#like i don’t think i’d be able to move as well as i can if i had. and i think i’d have a lot more pain#but SERIOUSLY. i know i probably shouldn’t clog up the a&e but is there a way to go to the hospital with a knee sprain after 2 weeks#and be taken seriously. or should i pretend it only just happened.#i don’t think i could pull that off considering there’s only minimal swelling left. but my knee does look fucking bizarre i’ll give it that#okay if i still can’t walk properly in another week i’m showing up at a walk in or somewhere and refusing to leave til someone looks at me#personal
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