#and i was proud of myself for doing it bc honestly i dont think they'll get anywhere but

[queenerdloser]

i made it one of my new years resolutions this year to try and get fifty rejections from lit mags and publishing houses because honestly??? part of my problem with ever submitting my original fiction is that it’s really hard to do it and get rejected and feel good about that, so in the end it feels easier just to never submit anything. but that gets me nowhere!! so i’m trying to trick my brain into thinking that if we get accepted, great! but if we get rejected, it means that we’re actually closer to our goal, which is also good! excellent!

which has helped because i’ve actually submitted to several places during the first few weeks of january and it helps me submit stuff even that i don’t know are up to snuff, because in the end i can be like... well even if they reject it, that’s another tally for my rejection goal, sweet! so it makes it easier to submit pieces that i’m on the fence about, whereas before i would wait and wait and edit and edit until they felt perfect. 

[girl-bateman]

Im so sick and tired of it honestly. any time I express a single negative emotion my entire family gets like scared of me?? So scared they refuse to talk to me, my mom leaves notes instead of talking to me and my sister stays away entierly bc she's too afraid. It is just so devastating and i dont know what to do anymore. Im always told to not hold in my emotions and to work through it and bla bla but I can't even get irritated witouth making my sister cry. I can't have regular emotions witouth being the bad guy, scaring the ones I love and hurting anyone who gets close. Worst part is that I can't even really talk about it witouth sounding like the most massive cunt on the planet. Like yeah, obviously I am the problem, I am the one who can't express myself in a normal way, and obviously if I scare people IM NOT the fucking victim. I'm feeling bad for myself bc I'm not entitled to the feelings regular humans get to have, but while I'm feeling bad for myself I'm scaring off the people who might have actually cared for me if I wasn't so??? Wrong. I know it's melodramatic but I really am just wrong. I can't be angry or sad or even mildly irritated witouth making everyone around me uncomfortable and scared. The way I am a human is by definition wrong and I'm so sick of it. And I've tried to not be selfish, I've tried holding it in, I've tried working on it, but something fundamental inside of me will always always be wrong. I've literally been in therapy for more than half of my life, I've worked so so so hard and it's still not enough. Even when I think Ive done well, when ive managed not to lash out and explode it still isnt enough. Even when i do my absolute best, even when i think im doing better, even when im proud of myself it isnt enough. And im starting to think that there is no end to all, that no matter how hard i try i will always be wrong, that even if i get better i wont ever be good. no matter how much someone cares about me, no matter how many times they say they love me or show me that they're there for me, I'll always find a way to scare them off because they'll always find a way to convince my brain they never actually cared in the first place. Living like this is hell on earth and its endless cycle just feels so hopeless sometimes. I'm just so tired of having to try and try and try and try, and at the end of it all wondering who it was all for and it if was worth it at all

[naramdil]

Hafsa i have followed you for years and have always appreciated your beautiful advice and thought processes which led me to reach out to you since idk who else i can talk to. I basically had a good cry today because i’m 27 and still very lost career wise. Idk what i’m meant to do or be and i feel so behind in life while my friends have careers they enjoy. I just feel like i’m stuck doing things i hate for money. I dont even know if i’m meant to be anything career wise and it scares me so much. I’m currently trying to do this web development course because i know i can land an excellent job after i complete it but i dont look forward to studying it. I know i’m doing it to get a good job so i can do the things i want to do like travel, cook and my other passions. I dont think i have a passion in any career. But i also dont want to hate what i do 8 hrs a day. Idk if i will hate web development but it’s not the most exciting thing to learn. At this point, i dont have time to explore my passions and discover myself. That time has gone. I just dont know what to do now. I know this is a lot and by all means if this is something you wish not to address then i totally understand. I wish you the best 🤍

hey, I am sending you a big hug and I hope your big cry was a good release for you 💗

I'm really proud of you for finding a way to fund your passions, it's a long game for sure but I think it's a very smart choice bc being in a financially good place - putting yourself there - can end up being very rewarding, even if right now it seems like you're gonna hate it. bc in the long run, you'll have the stability to be able to then focus on your passions outside of your work, and compartmentalizing your life like that is honestly a blessing and healthy. i honestly think the idea of doing a job that you're passionate about is false marketing bc majority of people cannot and will not have that. and that's okay!! it's unfortunately the system we live in. so I feel like you shouldn't feel bad if your career isn't what you're passionate about - with a very important caveat and that is: it shouldn't be soul sucking either. so if you hate web development, and it is becoming a soul sucking thing maybe you need to find something else? (again, maybe once you actually start working in this field you may end up liking it, so no harm in giving it a shot if you haven't had a job job yet)

another thing is ik there is this mentality that if you've spent so much time on something you hate you might as well see it through and push aside what you actually want, but I don’t agree. you should not continue doing it if the only reason you’re doing it bc of the time you’ve already expended on it. that’s like staying in a relationship that you’re no longer invested it. sometimes it’s time to break up and that’s okay! like i've heard of people quitting medical school bc they realized they did all this work and it wasn't worth it for them. and even me - i started pre med, got a business degree and now am in fashion school.. so like i literally knew ten years ago this is what i wanted and it took me that long to get here but like .. here i am... truckin along lol.

so idk, I guess it's time to think about what you want and seeing how you can get there. and forgetting about society and the idea of time and what you "should have" accomplished by now etc. bc those are the things that contribute to the feeling of stuckness, and you don't deserve that at all. you're not stuck, you have agency over your life and you don't have to do anything perfectly, just what is best for you. so just give yourself grace, treat yourself like you would treat your best friend or a young cousin, you know? like you'd tell them they're wonderful and that their life will be okay bc they'll make it okay, and you need to tell yourself that too. it will be okay, it's literally never ever too late, (let me be an example of that, also there are people at my school in their 40s so honestly it is really and truly never too late to do anything!) and just give yourself some love and time and you will figure it out little by little. you've got this babe 🥰

[toadallybpd]

a secret thing. Idm hanging out with my family.. my parents are a bit shit but mostly they're okay. We're not friends but we easily small talk. They have damaged me in a lot of ways and I'll never forgive them for what they have done... but I just dont hate them. they're okay sometimes. I'm not as strong as some people, I cant just ignore them or go about my own day without giving them attention (I know they'll be annoyed if I dont) im struggling with it all atm

I’m honestly going through the exact same thing. It’s very complicated to deal with bc you want to just stay away from them bc you can’t forgive them for the bad things they did but you rely on them and feel an attachment to them bc they’re your family. When I was younger I always said I was going to cut off my mom once I turned 18 but now I’m 20 and I feel too guilty to do it.

I’ve just tried to keep emotionally distant as much as possible. Whenever my mom makes promises, tells me she’s proud of me, tells me she loves me, etc I try to accept it verbally, but inside I try not to take any of it seriously. I try really hard to not hold onto anything she says in order to protect myself. It’s really complicated and hard to do and I’m really sorry you’re going through it too.

Not being able to cut off contact isn’t weak. Cutting off family or staying in contact with family both require strength. There is strength in being able to cut off a family member who hurt you, but there is also strength in being able to continue talking to a family member who deeply hurt you in the past. It’s painful and it definitely requires resilience. You are much stronger than you think you are and I am proud of you.

I’m not entirely sure if there really is good advice to give especially because I’m going through the same thing. The only thing that has helped me slightly is just keeping emotionally distant to protect myself. If you ever decide it would be better for you to cut them off especially if they hurt you again, please do it. It’s hard but it is necessary if it will better protect you if they are out of your life. If anyone has any other advice please comment below or send an anon if you are afraid to comment.

anonymously send me a secret

[jiminspromise-remade]

Coming from a non-army, I'm honestly really worried for bts after seeing that tweet saying that korean exo-ls will come to their comeback stages & fansigns to boo them and throw things at them and all the other nasty things. I hope k-armys saw that tweet and would do something about it. Something mature and not as negative as bringing exo-ls down. I just hope they'll give bts their support. The fandom is called 'army' for a reason. We got your back 💪

im worried too :// like idk why ppl are putting so much time into hate ????? like?? waste ur energy on something thats worth wasting it for LOL if u hate bts go ahead!!! no ones stopping u!! but just be respectful of ur opinions and dont act like…….that……..and like do these exols rly think that exo….would be proud of them if they saw this??? its honestly so disgusting and tbh idk if its just cuz i surround myself with bts more but i always see exols giving shit to armys and i dont see it going the other way around to that….extent. not saying it doesnt exist,,, just saying that its not as?? prominent?? but anyways fjdjfkd thats just from what i see.

but!! ive also been seeing a lot of exols supporting bts n it warms my heart bc wow??? the interactions arent toxic for once !!