#and i will not have my future ruined by a guy. nooo fuckin WAY.

[bangcakes]

.

[nalyria]

God Michael! 🤣🤣 I finished playing Shadows of Saintsfour about two days ago during the Freeplay event and my LI was Michael.

I played SOS awhile ago but didn't get pass season 1 because I thought the series was super predictable which made it boring, but WOW DID IT PICK UP IN SEASON 2, esp 3!!! I can't believe it got better within those 2 seasons. I thought the story would be dragging on for no reason, but was pleasantly surprised that season 3 and season 2 were tied together with 1. And they existed in one cohesive story! I can't believe that I would have never, and I mean NEVER, would have touched this story again if it wasn't for the Freeplay event. I completely underestimated this story... I would have missed out this gem. Now I see why this is one of the more well-liked and popular book of the app now.

That being said, I love Michael. No not love, I ADORE him. Seriously.

I never screencap game moments but I had to for Michael. I never felt so much adoration for a character that made me want to do this 🤣🤣. I love the romantic scenes between MC and Michael and the conflict that was presented in season 2. And his asshole-douchery flaw....

In his next line, he says he's worried about you. He's just worried, but still Michael, no need to bring your girlfriend's friend down. ESPECIALLY WHEN THAT FRIEND HAS BEEN WITH HER THROUGH THE THICK AND THIN THAN YOU DID IN SEASON 2 and 1!!! (ofc Michael saved MC's life in season 1, but Derek has been sticking with MC when Michael hasn't, which is alot)

However, his sweetness towards MC is altogether too much. I wish he had more interaction with her friends tbh. But now I present the last line (I think) and perhaps the best from Michael...

So sweet 💕. Gosh he is still fallen head over heels for us 😳😭 like the first time. The sex scene with him was also so sweet... the line said everytging about him is familiar, yet there is something new to discover. 🥺I love how protective he is of MC and how absolutely loyal he is to her. He runs away with her FFS!!!! He leaves a gang and family with an equally traumatized brother just to be with her. He leaves everything for MC and if that doesn't scream Bae material, I don't know what else. He is the epitome of a ride or die partner and I cannot, I don't think, can feel the same attachment to the other LI's in this book. Probably John though lol.

I was super anxious during the train station scene because I thought I didn't have enough points with Michael for him to run away with me and the writers made it seem so, so I tapped pretty fast, half reading the lines in trepidation. When I read that he actually came and then we held hands as the train departed... my heart... 😭💔💔💔💔 RC don't play with my heart like that 🤣🤣🤣

That aside, I wish Michael had a bigger role in season 1, 2, and 3. He did in season 1, but he stopped appearing frequently, esp in 2 and 3. I thought he would appear more often because he's MC's bf. And it would make more sense for both of them to search together. Even unromanced, it would still make sense for Michael to hang with MC's group because they're the only ones who are really actively looking for Bobby. This would have led to more dynamics and interest in MC's friend group..alas, this didn't happen. A missed opportunity IMO but I suppose his absence could be explained by this: he has his own life. Lol. Or a different way of doing things. Still doesn't really make sense to me, but oh well. I still very enjoy his route and his development nonetheless.

I also wish other LI's had more moments with MC. I heard Stephanie was sidelined, not sure though because it was as though the main love interests would only appear around the time our chosen love interest appears. Not sure how much that is true since in season 1 I didn't romance her. Strange how she barely appeared in my route though. I thought she would help us more or become part of the gang, but she didn't. Disappointed because I would have def liked another best friend besides Candy and again, more layer to the friend group. Her interaction with Michael would have def be interesting.

I also wish that non-romanced main love interests appeared more than the Black dragons. To me, I don't think their role fit with the story very well if you think about it. Luke and Stephanie def would. Stephanie's grandma is acquainted with Mrs. Hill and is a witch; Luke's family's hold over the cursed painting. I wish the black dragons' appearances were at least shared with the non-romanced ones. Like I wish I knew what Luke and Stephanie were up to in detail. It was seriously strange for Luke to not be around when Bobby was missing and that he never tried contacting us. In both seasons 2 and 3, I couldn't stop wondering what they were up to and missed them (although Luke drugged us lol).

So imo, the black dragons' role should def be less than Luke and Stephanie. Definitely weird, but it is what it is.

Speaking of the Black Dragon's, Aaron is a hot daddy. Like GOD DAMN. I couldn't help but flirt and kiss with him although I was scared that it might ruin my relationship with Michael 🤣🤣🤣. Cherry.. i would like cherry if he was drawn better. At first, I couldn't like him because of his sprite but his personality is ahh, so mischievous, I love it. I would have picked Aaron over cherry though LOL.

I would replay season 3 to romance them again, but the scenes are very few and I already played most of them. I'm just missing their final sex scenes really, so it's not really worth it to replay the entire season just to get their ending and final sex scene lol.

I can't bear to cheat on Michael with Aaron or cherry, I can't do him dirty like that. Like for FFS, Aaron married Luke's sister and we never, at least imo, build the same heart wrenching connection we do with Michael compared to them. And the fact that he freaking left everything in his life for 10 years to be with us!! Like nooo I can't!! 🤣🤣 there aren't enough scenes with the side characters to justify the cheating 🤣🤣 Michael is too gentle and sweet for the hurt.... but i did cheat on him with Derek HAHHAHA mostly because 1996 Michael wasn't available so I thought something happened so I was like ALRIGHT GUESS WE FUCKIN'. I was tempted to choose Derek over Michael because Derek has been with us more than Michael has. Not to mention, he really cares for MC. Wish there was a 3p ending with both of them 😭😭 they're both super loyal to MC and would lay their life down for her.

The same thing with John too. I can't bear to see Michael grieving over MC and MC picking John over him... can you imagine Michael dying and finally seeing his dearly desired dead gf in DreamWorld but only to see her gettin' it down with some guy who tried to kill everyone in the past? 🤣🤣🤣 nah man I can't do him dirty, especially when Michael saved us from the Faun. Speaking of that event, it was weird that there wasn't a conversation/consequence from Michael who saw John kiss us LOL. And he definitely heard us talking about the intimate moments we shared HAHAHAHA. Though, John's short route is terribly cute. I really enjoyed it tbh. Surprised that we didn't have any repercussions for cheating on Michael with him. Moving on, I watched his ending on YouTube and it was super bittersweet.😭

I honestly like his route a bit more than Aaron's. Or equally. Can't decide! Aaron's route is basically MC still in love with her old crush who used to intimidate her and was exciting since he's someone you wouldn't acquaint yourself with, especially as a young, inexperienced student. And then coming back as a mature woman, and still knowing that you're in love with him and he is still too, ah so cute. That moment you share with him in the snow on the swings 💕💕. Honestly I feel like that moment MC needed a proper adult figure to comfort her so that scene was a bit weird and made me think, hm, MC is probably crushing on him because he is older, hot, and is sort of providing a parental comfort to her lol. In my HC universe, MC crushes on him, but it quickly dies because she was vulnerable in the moment. I'm happy that that moment didn't escalate any further and that Aaron didn't chase MC unless MC did in the end. It would have been very weird because it would have been a moment where he, as an adult figure, take advantage of MC. Then again, it's fantasy/fiction. To each to their own eh? I still enjoyed it. I honestly could personally relate to the line where Mc says that the experience and age (something like this) provided comfort to her, so that moment felt awfully sweet to me.

In the end, there could only be so much you can push in in a story game app.

I still really enjoyed this story. Despite the flaws I pointed out, I love this story to every bits. I find this much more entertaining than SOTF, so I'm glad that it is written the way it is. Perhaps I should write a post about SOTF in the future since I'm close to finishing it, but I don't think I will since I don't like it much.

[boobachu]

The T.C. rambles while watching a force awakes

Re-watching star wars 7 to see if out of the 3D headache IMAX theatre, if it’s any better.

I still hate parody Han Solo guy, like he reminds me of post-Black Knight Sonic the Hedgehog. Just really unfunny and trying way too hard to be hip and internet savvy or something.

I don’t think anything will change my opinion that he shoulda been a bit character.

I’ve decided to commentate the whole fucking movie so read on if you dare.

Rey’s making space bread. It’s very gross.

I doubt anything will change my opinion that she’s the best star wars character.

Oh God BB-8

HBomberguy ruined BB-8 for me. Whenever I see him all I hear is

L I T T L E   W H I T E   C U C K - B A L L L L L L

I guess Rey doesn’t like him either, I forgot this part.

I wish they got rid of the Dorito Destroyer.

Oh boy Darth Helmet is interrogating Lone Star.

Kylo Ren has the stupidest helmet.

There’s subtitles on this so I learned the guy’s name is Poe

RRRAAAAAAAAAAAA

Like Kylo Ren is really badass in the first half I remember this, like he stops a God damn laser blast.

Would you sell BB-8 for 60 meals?

Oh hey

Ugh what’s his name... the storm trooper’s gonna take Poe outta here.

You need a pilot. LOL

I guess Poe is alright, just his first impression was very dumb.

Oh snap it’s hooked down. What kinda name is Hux that’s stupid.

Ha hah shootin’ em down just like Annie in ep 1.

Get fucked command center.

Why do they still have Twin Ion Engine fighters?

I guess we still drive cars so eh...

Ah his name is Finn now, I guess he is a clone? or something?

Maybe they have multiple types of clones. I wonder if they still use Jango Fett...

Fucking proton torpedos!!!

Ah yeah I forgot Finn just wants to GTFO

Trailer shot. Nice.

Oh wait I can turn off subtitles. Good that was disorienting me.

And Poe dies... a great fake-out you thought parody han solo was a protag, but no this is the story of Finn, the storm trooper defecting from nazi hell-space to find his own life on Jakku or wherever.

He keeps Poe’s jacket for cover, very poetic. HAH

POE-ETIC God why did I hate this movie again?

If there’s a Kylo Ren, where is Kylo Stimpy?

Oh God Finn no don’t ugh drank the slop water ugh no why ugh

Finn goes to save Rey cuz white knight trope. Rey can handle herself like a ‘90s chick. Hey she’s a pit chick she’s got a staff.

RUN FINN RUN

Rey fuck taser what

Finn’s having a lousy life.

Poor basketball’s friend died. I feel like the story is rushing.

Like I expected more of a build-up not “SPIT OUT THE EXPOSITION FUCKIN”

Ah, storm troopers...

Rey doesn’t want your cooties, Finn.

Fucking TIE fighters fuck

Is Finn dead? No he just nappin’

Everything exploding!

THE GARBAGE’LL DO

God damn Millenium cheeseburger.

I can do this I can do this

HOW DO YOU FLY A CHEESEBURGER

Fucking karma’s a cheeseburger, that’s what you get for callin’ the SS you loser

The action scenes are choice

Ah Dorito ruins.

Oh I remember this part just

TIE DOWN

oh no Finn down

here it comes

G E T  R E A D Y

fucking engine exhaust TIOGHT

HARD RIGHT

WOOOOOO

Takin’ the shot yeah

Space

CHUCK A  SHIT

ohp

Kylo is Mado

NERD RAGE

AAAAAAAAAA

Kylo is such a 12 year old in 2003.

GIRL?! THERE WAS A WOM?!?!?!?!? XDDD fucking loser

pweese BB-8 help I dunno what I do

fucking lighter thumbs up

Damn Finn what a nerd. “Got a boyfriends? a boyfriend?”

oh no they got garbage dayed

come on Rey gas them gas them all

oh great it’s Han Solo and Chewie

oh wait he used to be Han Solo

What is he now Han Oriana? Whatever Leia’s last name was I never could spell it.

Damn buncha everything happens

Oh great it’s big eyed billy joe armstrong and his O-nauts

WE WUNT OR MUNEY BAEK NAU

oh boy more losers.

It’s all over for Solo.

Ah shit just unleashed things.

There goes the neighborhood just fucking angry meatballs of death AND HE FEEDS THAT DUDE TO IT

oh shit it quiet

Rey is allalone...

Fucking Finn I turn my head a sexond and the meatball caught him.

Get to da cheeseborger

“I never ask that question until after I’ve done it”

Just lightspeed dashed I swear he looks like british billie joe armstrong.

Damn giant fish thing on planet deadly pokeball.

Who is supreme leader he is stupid ugly stupid.

Oh his dad’s Han Solo wow way to blow it spoiler alert fucking why didn’t they save that for the end who wrote this crap oh he was a hologram.

Damn babuy chewie

Ah the new hope plot.

I dunno they twist it enough to make it feel fresh so eh.

Ah a planet of islands... the scenery reminds me of ep 2

“Did you just call me ‘Solo’?”

Women always figure out the truth, always.

There needs to be a han solo inspirational poster that says that.

A job? The fabled... job? You offer job?

Rey has a home? I thought she was just a wayfarer.

Don’t stare “At what?” any of it XDDDDD

Yeah this story feels like it’s going too fast like what’s going on.

HAAAN S O L O

Wait she’s hot for Chewbakka?

Man this band sucks.

Oh great fucking droid nark NARK

Weird lady narks NARKS EVERYTHWIER

Oh boy Darth Helmet is brooding.

Fucking Darth Vader. Kylo Ren is such a fanfiction.

Like, the idea of a warrior of light choosing darkness is something you seldom see done, but... eh... I guess? IRL kids no like most nazis are privilidged and a decade ago would be seen as nerds.

what’s this

what are you doing

The eyes of a man who wants to run

Finn need go bye-bye

Oh wait storm troopers are stolen, not bred. That’s worse like

Finn is really shiny there who does his makeup?

Rey sure didn’t care he was a storm trooper LOL

The screams... they becon me...

Finally a fresh feeling scene.

WHAT’S IN DA BOX

fucking lightsaber

T R I G G E R E D

Is she clairvoyant? I dond’t remember this part.

Is this special edition?

FUTURE

I like specs. She cool.

FUCK D A FORCE

Oh boy nazis

Fucking screamy bitch XDDD

FIST UP why are the nazis doing the fist up this is upsetting.

PEW

How does the laser split up into shit and what is this planet?

Like this is supposed to be dramatic but... you literally don’t know any of those people or any of those planets. This should have been episode 8 or 9 after establishing those planets.

 W H A T    A    W A S T E

oH BOY  Finn got da lightsabah

BEASTS

There goes that dump, way to go Rey it’s your fault I guess BLANKS

Way to kill that soldier

MURDER SPREE

Oh boy Kylo Ren, what a hoot that guy.

wait is this the part?

Han Solo so has the force like if his force3 ghost isn’t in the movie

YOU HAAAVE ONE

Han Solo what a goof

TRAITOR

M E L E E   B A T T L E

Fucking just like in Empire except it’s not Yoda hallucination probably.

Caughted

THE RESISTIES

The x-wing is still the coolest thing like Sonic knew that.

Damn Finn calm down it’s just a pilot.

Rey is in weird jungle o no

She just got godlike and Ren is gonna break that killstreak

MELEE OP

Fucking using cheater force

Kylo you sound like such a dork

That cross saber is still stupid where’s the minorah saber

Nooo Rey!!!

C’mon Finn melee them

fucking lightsaber the whole first order you can do it

just

throw it at the ship

just

throw

and the bad guys win

C-3P0 you mother fucker

Changed your hair

Same Jacket

I can’t believe Carrie Fisher is dead.

The resisties are kinda boring looking.

Oh look it’s Poe, he’s alive somehow.

Maybe the second time I’ll get the good explanation.

Oh no, there’s no good explanation he just wasn’t there.

L A A A A A A A A A A M M M E.

Okay we’re past a new hope kinda in empire strikes back territory and the ending is the last jedi. Like I totally get people being upset that this is basically the original trilogy in a nutshell.

Damn dead R2-D2

Wait C-3P0 has a red arm why

I wonder how many parents relate to Han and Leia because their son turned into a nazi.

Fucking Snoke. What kinda name is that. Solid Snoke.

Was Kylo Ren just staring at Rey’s unconscious body for the past hour?

I’m sorry he’s just not intimidating he looks like a cheap halloween darth vader

Then the dramatic reveal like remember when Darth Vader was so disfigured from burning alive?

Kylo’s just ugly. Like that’s it that’s the reveal. Kylo is ugly.

Rey/Kylo is like whenever a 4chan boy tries to hit on a hot youtube girl like your face just melds into the chair to escape his grasp like a cat that doesn’t want to be pet.

I dunno this scene is just so stupid cuz they both look dorky like this is happening at otakon

You. You’re afraid... that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader

BITCH GOT TOOOLLLLLLD

Kylo has a huge nose. Like he’s Lois Griffin triangle sandwitch nose

I like how Rey tries to Luke Skywalker the storm trooper and he’s like “Serious?”

LOL fucking just left

T A N T R U M   T I M E

and the storm troopers just turn around LOL

Okay I love this weapon like, it’s a combination of the star crusher and a vaccum cleaner from Luigi’s mansion. It destroys the star, but in the way that it uses it to destroy things.

“So it’s big”

Disable the shields... there better be Ewoks on that planet.

Seriously, what does Poe add to the story after the escape?

Damn leila and han... dum

Hey a woman stormtrooper, like just a white gal. I didn’t notice that.

Damn lightspeed their way in.

Hooooh what a landing.

...Han Solo...

That‘s not how the force works!!!

LOL

Finn just wants Rey. I can see why people would think he’s horny for her since that boyfriend line, but that was the last horny thing he said.

Fucking mad with Power, calm down Finn then again we all wanna tell off our boss.

Rey is gonna escappeeeee damn hang on the side of the wall is that a switch what

Rey just climbing that wall like a monkey.

S H I E L D S   D O W N

Fucking Han... is there a trash compactor? You dirty bastard

And here comes the interesting part of Jedi Returns SHOOTY TIME

A T T A C K   T H E   S C P H I N C T E R (that’s how you spell it right)

Oh I love the sun thing like, it’s a great way of showing the timer without a clock.

Oh look it’s Rey, go on and almost get shot to death

H U G

Escape now, hug later.

The cinematography is good I like the dog fights.

LET”S BLOW SHIT UP

I dunno this just really isn’t dramatic at all

Placing bombs, just like in Jedi.

Here comes Kylo

At least he keeps the mask on, like too many movies rely on faces.

oh light’s almost gone.

M A H   B O Y

Ah the stupid part

Wait is his name Finn too?

Like this woulda been way more dramatic if you didn’t know Kylo was Han’s boy.

There’s no music making this awkward and gut-wrenching which you don’t see modern mvoies do.

I’m being torn apart ;w;

What a bitch

Knowing what happens these lines are hilarious

Will you help me

L I G H T S   O U T

red

STAB, STAB, STAB~

AHHHHHH HOOO HOO HOO HOOOIIEEEEE

I dunno like, you’d think Han Solo being stabbed to death with his son would feel more heavy but that was just... nothing.

A S P L O D E

Fucking Kylo TEEF

Night time, being chased by a crazy dork in the woods.

oh here it comes

TRAILER FUEL

YEUR A MUNSTAH

REY DOWN

C’mon Finn

TRAAAIIITOOORRRR

MORTAL KOMBAAAAAAAT

Fucking melee battle

Just fueled by the rage of his fallen friend, the desparation of the sun dissolving he fights for his life against a wounded lunatic.

Okay so maybe that cross saber has a use.

FINN DOWN

grabby time

oh no

REY GRABBED THE SABER

ROUND TWO, DARTH LOSER

This is unbearably xcool

Time to shoot the hole... like in new hope.

This ending is just all three original endinds with new stuff

30 seconds

SNEAKED IN SHOOT EM UP WOOOOOOOO

JUST LIKE ANNIE IN EP 1

only cooler

KA BLOOOOIIEEEE

fuckin’ A

this battle is just like in empire strikes back

fucking planet’s falling apart so it’s better

A tempting offer

Who wants kylo ren to be a teacher like he’d be like a nun

W 0 0 T

it’s the comeback

don’t give the hero a dramatic pause to focus

B E A T   D O W N

the struggle is real

K-O

Take that loser

there seems to be something between us, Ren

Welp the planet is collapsing woo

Finn don’t you die, Poe is a loser you’re cool Finn

Ah it’s Chewie in the Churger

oh yeah han died like I thought it was han but no he died XDDDDD

GTFO

Here comes the sun doot de doo doot~

Epic

Now for the final scene of congrats.

“Sorry General, your boyfriend was stabbed by his son and then the planet exploded”

H U G

Poor Chewie.

Fucking Artoo what are you doing here.

Like, this shoulda been episode 8 here, it feels like it shoulda ended with han’s funeral and the map was the start of the next movie aunno.

And Finn’s tale of a freedom slave blowing up the nazi death planet comes to a close.

Wait is she leaving?

I thought there was a funeral.

Nothing?

Not even an F?

Yeah then se see’s Luke’s hairy ass and it ends so awkwardly like this movie felt like two movies and THIS SHOULDA BEEN IN THE SEQUEL WHAT

Whoever wrote this is an idiot, whoever directed is even worse.

ANyways my conclusion is that the movie isn’t horrible, but... I dunno it’s about as bad as ep2 tho that movie’s crime was being boring, this one was too much story crammed into a short period and ruined opportunities.

I might watch ep 8 but I just am not invested like

HAN SOLO DYING MEANT NOTHING

Like fucking handing him a lightsaber what kinda ending is that

R O G U E   O N E   W A S   B E T T E R.

The end.

[maude-lebowski]

Black: "Tbh Allie, a roadtrip with you sounds like my literal worst vacation nightmare." Me: "What the fuck man, I'm literally the best to roadtrip with, how can you fuckin' say that?!" Black: "First, your music taste: Oh no. Oh nooo, son. I can't do that half the time here, I could never sit in a car with that shit, nowhere to run, just hours and hours of your weirdass, terrible fucking taste. I never even knew there could be so many guitars in songs played so many different ways. Now your singing ain't the worst, I'll give you that, but the music you sing?! It's the worst." Chad: "Now I admit most of her genres aren't my go to when listening to music because we all know my heart permanently lies with hip hop, but I can appreciate her music. I feel like we'd have a good time sitting in the car going back and forth between your stuff and mine, analyzing the lyrical complexity of each of the songs. Then we could belt out some classics, some Gladys Knight, some Tina Turner... Black: "All of that, all of it sounds awful." Me: "Sorry my music taste is varied and mature and doesn't boil down to Lil' Wayne, 'That One Song By Future', and old Dragon Ball Z video game soundtracks." Black: "I'm gonna pretend you didn't just use that tone when referencing the GREATEST SONG EVER MADE, "LOST COURAGE", so we're just gonna continue on with why my idea of hell is being trapped inside of a moving car with you. So next: You never want to relax. Travel is always about "GO GO GO WE HAVE TO SEE FUCKIN' EVERYTHING THAT FUCKIN' EXISTS IN THR STATE OF ARIZONA IN UNDER 12 HOURS!!" with you. I'm on vacation. I wanna lay on a beach. I wanna relax. This isn't the fucking Amazing Race, this is my me time. And the shit you wanna see is terrible on top of it. It's all shit like museums, weirdass ruins, alien cave paintings, rocks that looks like other things that aren't rocks, more bigass rocks, and bigger rocks that don't look like rocks. 'OH, BLACK, LOOK AT THAT ROCK! IN 1622 FUCKING NAPOLEON SAT ON TOP OF IT FOR 5 MINUTES AND NOW WE HAD TO DRIVE 3 HOURS OUT OF OUR WAY UP A DIRT MOUTAINSIDE TO TAKE A FUCKING PICTURE WITH IT BECAUSE I'M ALLISON AND THAT'S WHAT I FUCKING DO.' THAT'S WHAT YOU FUCKING DO. Now correct me on my bad history, you know you want to. Because that's what the whole time we aren't listening to terrible music would be, driving on terrible roads while you try to fucking teach me terrible history shit. Repeat after me: VACATION. IS NOT. FOR. LEARN.ING." Chad: "I would have to disagree on that." Black: "Plus you always accidentally end up at haunted places and then DON'T IMMEDIATELY LEAVE BECAUSE YOU'RE A STUPID WHITE GIRL. And I will NOT be the black guy who dies first in the horror film of your life. We all know what you do in your house, and we all know your travel horror stories. We all know about that time you literally forced your ex to sit in some sort of ancient sweat lodge in a secret canyon and talk to aliens. WE. ALL. KNOW." Chad: "Hahahahaha I- That's not- hahahahaha Black what the fuck?!" Black: "WE. KNOW." Me: "I'm going to take this time to formally state my innocence as it relates to the alleged crime of forcing an ex-girlfriend down a secret canyon into an ancient sweat lodge to commune with aliens. I will also acknowledge that all other evidence put forth against me in the charge of my being an un-fun roadtrip partner, while not technically false, has been presented inaccurately in that all of these things are actually FUCKING. GREAT. because roadtripping with me is FUCKING. GREAT." Chad: "If I'm going to be completely honest here, I'm leaving this conversation with a bit of an overwhelming desire to take a roadtrip with Allison. I want talk musical complexity, sing classics, get up at the crack of dawn to watch the sunrise over giant rocks that look like other things that aren't rocks, visit ancient ruins, learn history I was never taught in school, and partake in ancient shamanistic rituals allowing me to converse with extraterrestrial beings." Me: "You're gonna be disappointed with the last one."