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#and ignorjng the genuinely genocidal beliefs of my parents against myltple peoples
this-should-do
·
4 months
Text
venting dont mind me xp ✌
#if i dont get out of my parents house im going to die
#either by my hand or my mothers
#i refuse to be forced into the role of woman becuz my mother cant get over herself or accept other peoples suffering
#so i either leave or i die
#i am never more depressed than when im in this house and it gets worse everytime i return
#every second of oeace is a facade careful held up by smiles and jokes while ignoring who i am to please others
#and ignorjng the genuinely genocidal beliefs of my parents against myltple peoples
#at least one of which includes me
#why cant life be easy
#when is it .y turn to tbrive
#in this hluse i am no older than a middle schooler no more mature or happy
#everyday i dream of relapsing sh-ing just for some control of the pain i experiemce something anything
#maybe someone will finally listen to me and se ehow ioset i am see how smothered i am and the sting will pull me back down to earth again
#but no who would see would understand
#my brothers or my parents none of them would kniw why even if i said it to thwir face
#i dint event even want to think of what my mother woukd say
#shed use it as an excuse to further deny my transness surely
#say how horribke and spirtful and manipulative i am against her
#that i ddi it to hurt her
#i am trapped as a doll in a house only allowed to be agreeable no politics no emotions other tan
#contentness and love and adoration for my family
#or else i am unloveavle and horrible and sick
#i cannot tell my mom she has uoset me becuz it would be unfair i am silent instead
#i am to take her anger and rage as a perfect recepticle and no matter how well i handle it
#i am thanked with resentment amd scorn amd terfisms
#i can neither disagree woth her beliefs nor avoid discussing them to keeo the oeace all she wants is comoliance
#i refuse to do that tho ill take hee scorn on that one thing i refuse to xomprimise my beliefs verbally to save my own skin
#ill just be quiet
#im sure id be a better recepticle for her dead so she can dress me up as a girl one last time
#the dead cant argue or disagree with you its everything she wants from me
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