#and im gonna strangle the shit out of that fat man when i see him in hell!!

[izzy140105]

On this day in 1536, this beautiful woman finally found peace 🤍

[itsmeluvxx]

Katsuki wishes the mirror was malleable. Watching his reflection, perfect as it follows his movements like a puppet, he wishes he could crawl through the silver frame and make tweaks. He would first change his eyebrows by filling them with hair follicles to create that bushy look he has always wanted. Next, he would move to his nose, he doesn’t know how it could be improved but he knows it needs it, it’s way too dainty. Tweaking his jawline would be next on the list. By pushing and pulling he would make it stronger. His body needs too much work to even comment on. Puberty would be the natural remedy, except, he doesn’t have that puberty- instead, he will just get softer.

His reflection frowns and pokes at the fat on his chest. He isn’t binding right now and it proves to be a mistake because the longer he stares the farther his mind wanders. It’s deep in the woods that grow in the darkest parts of his brain, overgrown with weeds and mold. And, the mold just keeps talking, “No one will love you like that,” and he replies with little sanity, “You’re right, I’m hideous.”

He walks away from the mirror, done with the conversation, to flop onto his bed, the red comforter conforming to hug him. He pulls it up around him, ready to disappear in a pile where all that exists is his eyes peeking out, watching. His All Might poster stares back and it makes his eyes feel less puffy. It’s a stupid comfort. But, the poster was his prized possession, framed and hung like precious cargo, despite it being five dollars from Walmart. His parents gave it to him when he started his transition as a sort of “you can do it!” give and he can’t give it up. When he sees it all he can imagine are his parents’ happy tears and the long talk his dad gave him about being a man. His dad was so proud of him when he repeated back the rules, the first being “men don’t hit anything but baseballs.”

His phone lights up on the bed next to him, flashing his explosion home screen and a notification. His discomfort is immediately replaced by giddy adrenaline. No one texts him, his school turned its back on him when he decided to wear the boy’s uniform and cut his hair short, but, he does have one person.

He opens the DM with slightly shaky fingers and excited eyes.

AllM1ght: KACCHAN!!!!

LordExplosion: …Deku

Allm1ght: you would not guess what i got in the mail today

LordExplosion: youre right i wouldn’t

Katsuki watches as Deku types for thirty seconds and then restarts, his typing bubble flashing for at least two tedious minutes. Sometimes he could strangle the nerd, it’s not like he could warrant the time with good grammar. Which, he knows the other has because the idiot writes nerdy fanfiction (so does Katsuki but that’s beside the point.) Finally, the reply comes through and he’s shocked by the sight of an image of Deku, something they’ve never sent before. Granted, his face isn’t in it, it’s all neck down. In the background, there are piles of dirty clothes- gross- but most importantly, there’s a shirtless Deku on his phone.

AllM1ght: I GOR MY FIRST BINDER!!!

AllM1ght: IM LITERALY IN TEARSA

AllM1ght: thank you for the advice by the way, it really helped when i bought it

Holy shit. There’s a shirtless Deku on his phone. He really shouldn’t be blushing this hard, but who knew the nerd has abs-

AllM1ght: Kacchan?

God, he thought his small, innocent crush was gonna go away soon, but nope. No hope now. He was useless and gay and those were perfectly good abs. He looked good as fuck in a binder.

AllM1ght: did i make it weird

AllM1ght: i kinda thought i shouldnt have sent a photo

AllM1ght: sorry

AllM1ght: I didnt even ask if that would trigger your dysphoria or anything

Katsuki’s eyes are torn from the photo by Deku’s rapid texting, his eyes widening when he reads the flood of messages. His heart beats off, processing Deku’s panic over his lack of answers to the read messages. He feels horrible, Deku thinks he’s sent him into a dysphoric attack of some sort when in reality he had just been thirsty. Goddammit, Katsuki. He’s an idiot.

LordExplosion: hey shush

LordExplosion: i was just distracted

AllM1ght: you sure it was fine?

LordExplosion: yah it was fine deku

LordExplosion: no need to freak out like that

AllM1ght: sorry :3

LordExplosion: Tch

AllM1ght: AWW you love me <33333

Blushing at the message, he buries himself further into his bed and covers his head with the comforter so that all he can see is the light reflecting Deku’s messages. All he wants to focus on right now is the nerd. He makes him feel all… fuzzy. He doesn’t know what to call them, friends, mutuals,- something else.

They met around a year ago. Both of them used online communities to escape when they were rejected by their schools. Deku was running an All Might fanfiction blog, reblogging anything he thought was good and posting his own. He was surprisingly good, garnering a good amount of followers. Katsuki was running his own blog, although his was more personal than anything. He would casually post and reblog transgender posts, cat videos, and he would occasionally put his two cents in the All Might fandom. One of his posts went “viral,” a stupid comment that Nighteye and All Might were definitely divorced. Deku had found him through that post, them becoming mutuals after Deku followed him.

Katsuki had thought it was weird how much Deku had been interacting with his male to female posts as Deku had his pronouns listed as She/Her in his bio forever. But then, one day while they were showing off their comic collection, Deku confessed he thought he may be a boy. Katsuki told him what his parents told him, “You can do it!” and that’s how Deku got his nickname, he said he may use “Dekiru” as his new penname and Katsuki retorted he was more of a “Deku” than anything.

The nickname Kacchan came about in a way more embarrassing way that Katsuki was not willing to divulge.

Somewhere along the way of these texts, Katsuki had developed some sort of crush- ew- on the nerdy-ass boy.

LordExplosion: sure…

AllM1ght: you do! just admit it!

LordExplosion: no

AllM1ght: cmon i love you say it back

FuCK. Katsuki was bright red at this point. Was this flirting? This had to be flirting. The idiot said he loved him. Oh my god. Panic. Panic. Panic. This was what gay panic felt like.

LordExplosion: i love you :(

He was going to scream.

AllM1ght: im blushing

He made the nerd blush.

AllM1ght: hey kacchan

LordExplosiom: yah deku

Katsuki thought the typing bar would hover for a while, in the usual Deku manner in situations like this. And apparently in ab photo situation. God. Those were hot. But, instead, the reply was almost instantaneous.

AllM1ght: do you wanna be my boyfriend

Katuski choked on his spit. What does he say? He wants to, he really, really wants to say yes. He can imagine it, calling each other up and saying lovey-dovey things. Or, flying to each other and doing those super embarrassing first meetings at an airport that always end with someone being held in the other’s arms. He hopes he’ll be the latter, as it’s the less embarrassing option of the two. He wishes for it. All of it, everything that being a couple is.

AllM1ght: ive thought about it for a while. I think itll be really good i mean ive looked up to you for so long. And you always get what im going through and i hope its the same way for you and i dont know about you but i really wan to meet you and hold your hand and run my fingers through your hair

AllM1ght: i really really like you katsuki

Katsuki. Katsuki. Katsuki. He wishes he knew what Deku’s voice sounded like saying that, but for now he can just imagine.

LordExplosion: i really like you too Izuku

He really wants to scream now. That was probably the first time he had ever used Izuku’s chosen name and it was in a cringe confession. He’ll bury himself.

AllM1ght: <333333333333333333333333

AllM1ght: WERE BOYFRIENDS

AllM1ght: MY BOYFRIEND IS KACCHAN

LordExplosion: WELL MY BOYFRIEND IS DEKU

LordExplosion: HELL YAH FUCKER

He thinks back to the thoughts before when he stared at his body and thought no one would ever love him. God, how wrong was he?

[samatok-i]

sooooo this is my first request here so I spent 737484647 hours thinking on what would be a good start but I think I'll settle for something simple,, may I request first date headcannons for the boyes?

I APOLOGIZE FOR THE WAIT TUMBLR RLLY LET ME HAVE IT!!! blease accept these qwq (im breaking them up by division so the post wont be so cluttered :0)

💫 Allstars on a First Date Pt. 1💫

♡Buster Bros♡ :

Ichiro: 

-He wants to take you to the movies! He’s not picky at all about what you guys go to see because he’s the kinda guy to enjoy the experience no matter what kinda movie it was! He’d love to talk about it afterwards with you if the movie was trash or if it was really good! (when he saw Into the Spider-verse with his bros he raved about it for days) 

-(his fav spidey person is Peni cuz he’s a slut for mecha anime)

-If you wanted to pick the movie that’d be totally fine with him! (unless theres a new movie adaption of an anime he wants to see- he’d agree with your choice but you can see the Longing in his eyes as he walks past the poster and you just might hafta give in lmao)

-Definitely pays for your snacks and drinks even if you protest because he’s a huge sweetheart (need me a MANS)

-He’s no scrub either he goes for the large drink, the large popcorn. AND king size m&ms??? Do you even deserve him????? No baby I’ll hold the food tray you’ve done enough 😤

-He finds y’all good seats and takes the tray so you can get comfortable before doing so himself and immediately going to demolish the popcorn before the previews end because he’ll always be a rebel at heart

-During the movie he (subtly but not Really) shifts closer to you and occasionally leans over or puts his hand on your shoulder lightly to whisper a joke or a thought he has about the movie in your ear (stay calm Reader-chan)

-You sorta spend the rest of the movie whispering jokes and making witty comments and giggling to yourselves like adult children and Ichiro thinks your laugh when your trying not to laugh is cute

-If something funny happens during the movie he’ll laugh loudly, if something sad happens you’ll hear him sniffling into his jacket sleeve and if something scary happens he’d keep that to himself but the way the his voice wavers when he asks if you’re okay kind of gives him away (he will Jump at the opportunity to hold your hand if you ask)

-He asks to stay after the credits because he cannot miss any after credits scenes its not in his blood, that’s not the kinda man he is

-After the movie is officially over he beats you to throwing away the trash and putting the tray back

-Would also immediately fire off about what stuck out to him in the movie and what he thought it lacked and ask your thoughts about it with a glimmer in his eyes

-He set a curfew for himself that he told his brothers he’d be back by but you both have a few more hours to kill so he asks if you wanted to grab dinner somewhere

-The place he takes you too isn’t fancy or high class, it’s just a nice, warm family diner he takes Jiro and Saburo to sometimes- he promises you’ll like it! (the place is also very special to him yknow)

-”If you don’t like it you never hafta go out with me again!” he joked but when you told him in all seriousness that you wouldn’t do that to him, some sort of tension fell away from his demeanor and he laughed warmly (relieved even) and said how that was real sweet of you

-Ichiro makes good conversation over dinner- he treats you like that he would an old friend or someone close to him and makes sure you stay engaged in the conversation just as much as he is

-After dinner (he pays of course- he was quick to whip out his wallet) you both make your way outside of the restaurant and you notice how he starts to fidget by rubbing the back of his neck and shifting his weight from each leg

-He asks if you had a good time and when you tell him you did (you Better) he visibly lights up, all traces of nervousness leaving him and his smile is big and its adorable

-(If you tell him that he wouldn’t know what to do other than stutter out a shocked thank you as his cheeks color)

-He says maybe you guys could go out again sometime? If you want? It’s totally chill if you don’t tho.

-When you say yes you didn’t think his smile could get any brighter and you realize how nice it makes you feel. How fuzzy.

-”Okay cool! That’s awesome! I’ll talk to you later alright? Be careful on your way home!”

-When you respond he starts fidgeting again like he wants to say something else and when you’re about to ask him what was up he quickly pecks your cheek before you could even register how close he had gotten. If his face wasn’t red before it definitely is now

-”I’ll call you okay? G’night!” he waves as he’s leaving and his big smile never leaves his face

Jiro:

-It’s arcade time! That would definitely be his first choice on where to take you

-Ichiro insists Jiro bring you over before y’all leave and although Jiro would love for his Niichan to meet you he can’t say the same for that little rugrat he’s forced to share a home with

-Of course he brings you anyway because Ichiro really wanted to meet you and Jiro can’t just say no to his older brother like that (Ichiro made Saburo promise to behave and he did so while wrinkling his nose and shooting Jiro a look behind Ichiro’s back and Jiro shot him a smug look in kind- Ichiro caught that one though and flicked his ear)

-When you reach the front door of the Yamada residence the door swings open before you could even knock

-Ichiro greets you warmly and eagerly ushers you inside telling you how much he’s wanted to meet you because “Jiro talks about you a whole lot yknow!” (Jiro makes a strangled noise of betrayal and his face goes red)

-You get an excited introduction from Ichiro and a less excited more being polite out of obligation introduction from Saburo (who’s about to make a quip at how Jiro even got someone to go on a date with to which Ichiro pushes Jiro towards you and says how you both ought to be going- “Also don’t forget about curfew got it? Have fun!”)

-When y’all make it to the arcade and get your game cards (they’re still tokens in my Heart) Jiro asks what game you wanna hit first and then y’all just sorta take turns dragging each other around

-His personal favorite games are 1v1 fighting games, racing games and dancing games- he loves the competition they bring and if you challenge him it’ll totally pump him up “You’re gonna regret it when I kick your ass!” 

-You guys go around the arcade with a new fighting spirit and try to kick each other asses at almost every game. Basketball, air hockey, hell even wack-a-mole- theres no holding back on any of them

-After you guys’ 3 round long dance battle you announce that you need a Break and he agrees (his jock ass could go for a few more rounds but he don’t wanna leave you out)

-He buys you a drink of your choice because he was informed that that was the Manly thing to do (”gentlemanly” was the word used but technicalities, technicalities) and asked if you’re down to get some food 

-Y’all both go for pizza (unless dear Reader is lack toes of taller ants then he wouldn’t mind letting you pick)

-You guys just share a big platter because Jiro’s funds are limited but he’d still like to treat you

-You guys laugh more often than you chew and take silly videos of each other eating to post on social media until you both decide that it was time to make more rounds around the arcade

-When it’s time to exchange game points for prizes Jiro loses his impulse control (read: non-existent) and picks out a bunch of dumbass shit

-”Bro I’ve wanted a kazoo for so fuckin’ long it ain’t even funny”

-If you want something a little higher on the points list but don’t have enough for he’d put back some of his shit (goodbye Creeper plushie) and say y’all could try combining points

-When its about time to leave Jiro clumsily says that he could walk you home- if you want! It comes out rougher than he intended and he can feel his face heating up but he’s determined to hold eye contact with you until you give him an answer

-He walks home with you until you both reach the front door of your place (also like how he was informed) and says he had a real good time and that y’all should definitely go again…y’know if you want…or whatever…

-You tell him you do and his face is Priceless (shock turning into something more like joy until he schools his features to look less like an excited puppy)

-Now unsure of how to end the conversation without being awkward he settles for the Bro Clap on your shoulder (totally not awkwa r d) and promises to get at you later 

-”I’ll dm you later ok? See ya!” he turns leaving you with a cool wave over his shoulder but he has the biggest grin on his face

Saburo:

-Oh god Saburo’s first date

-It’s his first date

-”Baby’s first date haha” “Shut up, maggot”

-He’s so nervous please help him

-He doesn’t have a clue how he was able to invite you out for the weekend let alone get away with calling it a date

-He’d be stroking his big fat ego if he didn’t feel like he was going to collapse- but he’ll be fine he has to be

-After all it’s just the aquarium! He actually likes the aquarium unlike the idiotic suggestions The Lesser One gave him (he would never go to the mall by choice). But he found the specimens kept at the aquarium to be interesting.

-Also Ichiro said he’d “chaperone” as his support (which Saburo would have never asked his Ichinii to do so in any other situation but…it’s a date. This is not his area of expertise. No matter how much research he had done on what to do and what not to do his anxiety never went away.)

-The plan was to meet the Yamada brothers at the aquarium and sure enough you couldn’t miss the two freakishly tall boys (one waving with both hands and the other meekly raising one hand in greeting)

-Ichiro took the lead, introducing himself on the way in and thanking you for taking care of Saburo (Saburo’s cheeks may have tinged a light pink at that)

-After making your way in Ichiro said he’d get out of y’alls hair and to text him if you needed anything

-Then you were both alone

-Saburo squashes the feeling of unease settling in his stomach and whips out a map of the building, asking if there was an exhibit you’d like to see first and then set off when you’ve made your pick

-At the exhibit he finds himself wanting to tell you what he knows about this particular species but he doesn’t want to annoy you or seem like he’s bragging about his knowledge (thats what kids at school usually assume- and although he Is known to brag he also like to share facts for fun)

-He starts slowly, “You know these animals are actually very interesting..”

-When you turn away from the exhibit to look at him and prompt him to speak more he’s actually startled and stutters a bit before continuing 

-You tell him that what he said was interesting and these animals were cooler than you thought!

-Oh. Oh.

-Saburo’s face feels warm as he opens the map again

-You guys laugh at the otters, marvel at the jellyfish and pet the little stingrays (Saburo was honestly a little reluctant at first but you coax him into it easily and the smile he wears when he touched one is a sweet little thing)

-He was becoming more eager to share his random information with you and you were just as entertained to listen

-He also laughs with you if you point out something funny the animals are doing

-”Hehe T-Pose crab.” “T-Pose cr a b” (these r what kids b talkin about dont @ me)

-He found himself loosening up around you qwq

-You guys eventually reach the gift shop and Saburo’s immediately drawn to these little sting ray plushies (they remind him of Mantyke from pokemon hehe) and he really wants one but…should he? In front of you?

-You catch him staring at them and then get a crazy idea: you both get one

-His cheeks flush immediately and before he can protest with something stupid you pick one up and give it to him while taking one for yourself. 

-Saburo was so caught off guard that he almost forgot to offer to pay (its Gentlemanly, Jiro, not Manly you fucking imbecile-)

-(Regardless MC BB taught them well)

-After you both snap a pic of your matching pokemon plushies, Saburo texts Ichiro asking if he could take you guys to McDonalds and Ichiro is fucking on it bro

-You all leave to get some McNuggies and make fun of the new Lion King toys because that shit is nasty (i know Hypmic is set in the near future but have you considered: i do what i please)

-It’s sundown by the time you all finish eating so Ichiro insists they accompany you home

-When you all reach your place Ichiro fakes a phone call and leaves you kids to be anxious alone

-Saburo says he hopes you had a good time and that if you’re ever free on the weekend again maybe you could hang out? If you’d like to…. (Ichiro fist pumps from behind the corner)

-You tell him of course you would and his cheeks grow warm again and he stutters out an “O-Okay!” and that he’ll keep in touch and he smiles and you smile and its cute bro

-He leaves you with a “I’ll see you at school” and a small wave

-He tries to keep his face neutral when Ichiro asks him how it went (and that his Mantyke plush is cute) but he fails horribly, a slow smile creeping onto his features

♡

WOO finally finished these for a second time! i still had a lotta fun writing them though!! the rest of the divisions will be up shortly ;3c thanks for requesting!! 💖💗💕

[viralhottopics]

A Definitive Ranking Of 2000s Rom Coms

Although people who peaked in high school like to act poetic about how great the 2000s were, they werent actually any better than the present day. I mean, it was a time when Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wore matching denim outfits in public and nobody carted them off to an insane asylum.

But Im prepared to make a concession on two points: 1) At least we werent under the administration of a sentient slime mold wearing a bad wig. 2) The 2000s were a golden age for romantic comedies, mostly thanks to Judy Greers tireless efforts to play every heroines best friend. Plus, only like half the jokes were sexist, and there was about an 80% chance pre-pretentious Matthew McConaughey would show up.

Obviously, a betch has to be picky about her rom-comssome are shitty in a good way, but others are best avoided in case someone catches you watching them. To guide your Netflix viewings, here’s a totally objective list of 00s rom coms. If you disagree, which Im sure everyone will, please note that Im not actually forcing you to watch these movies; Im just saying that if you regularly watch any of the bottom five, you have terrible taste.

14.

is considered a modern classic by two groups of people. 1) men in their late 20s with a crush on Natalie Portman and a thriving quarter-life crisis and 2) 8th graders in 2004 under the assumption that any movie that features a Shins track in its soundtrack is automatically deep. To everyone else, its a film about self-absorbed white people whining about their lives until theyre magically fixed by the power of mixtapes. There are approximately a zillion issues with this film, beginning with Zach Braffs complete lack of expression and ending with the fact that you cant cure real depression by listening to The Shins, no matter how clearly superior the soundtrack is to anything else in this film. Worst of all, though, is the fact that Natalie Portman played a manic pixie dream girl so obnoxious I still dream about strangling her character sometimes. Padme deserves so much better.

13.

Im not saying romantic comedies have to make much sense, but s plot is mystifying. Matthew McConaugheys parents are tired of him living at home, so they call in a lady high class escort (Sarah Jessica Parker) whose job is literally seducing men into moving out of their parents basements and unceremoniously dumping them. Because that’s plausible, and not at all fucked up to force your son to fall in love with someone you’re paying. Ridiculous premise aside, you know a movie is terrible when famed nicegirl Zooey Deschanel is the best thing about it.

12. Monster-in-Law

In case you missed this one, and for your sake I hope you did, is about Jane Fonda inexplicably being terrible to Jennifer Lopez, who walks a lot of dogs and is engaged to Fondas son. That right there should tell you all you need to knowI cannot think of one movie that JLo was in that was anything above mild torture, and we’re supposed to root for her character why, exactly? If my son was engaged to a full-time dog walker you can best believe I’d do everything short of actual murder to put a stop to that bullshit.

11.

Im told some people love this movie, but Jesus fucking Christ, is it possible for the two main characters to be any more appalling? Here you have two assholes manipulating the shit out of each other and just generally acting psychotic, all to win a stupid bet with their friends. They really should call it “How To Act Like A Psychopath And Lose Your Dignity.”

10.

Not gonna lie, I fucking adored when I was an impressionable preteen. It had time travel! Mark Ruffalo! A makeover scene! Years later, the movie is still fun to watch, even if it is way too obsessed with the 80s, but the jokes are more cute than funny. Also, why would anyone allow their 13-year-old child to go to a sleepover hosted by a 30-year-old? That is … questionable to say the least. Not to mention Jennifer Garner’s character does a reverse transformation from a betch into a nicegirl and dumps her hot pro bf in favor of her formerly fat friend. Blah blah, true love, I don’t give a fuck. Tenth.

9.

is close to being wrapped in cutesy narration, but it’s far superior. For one thing, it reintroduced the world to Joseph Gordon-Levitts dimples. For another, it manages to be a fairly realistic depiction of a shitty millennial relationship without being super fucking depressing. But thats also kind of the problemrom coms arent supposed to be realistic, theyre supposed to be clich and feel-good, and I don’t care what you say, Summer is a thot. I have literally stayed up at night mapping how she could have possibly met someone worthy of engagement a mere 118 days after she broke up with Tom, and only six days after attending a wedding as his guest (yes I did the mathI told you; this movie keeps me up at night). No matter how you slice it, she had to have cheated on somebody.

8.

Full disclosure: As a Southern betch, Im stoked that takes place right next door. (Dear Hollywood: An entire country exists between New York and LA.) But even though it features Patrick Dempsey as the other man, Josh Lucas with a dreamy Southern accent, and Reese Witherspoon, there are still some issues. Mainly, WTF WERE YOU THINKING, MELANIE? Did you really dump your future president fianc for your secret redneck husband just so “the first boy you kissed could also be your last”? I’ve heard of trying to keep your number down, but damn if this isn’t some delusional shit.

7.

Everyone on planet Earth can relate to having a batshit crazy family, and thats exactly what makes appealing. The two leads are fine, considering they’re not Kate Hudson or Matthew McConaughey, but the extended family is everyones favorite part of the movie. Honestly the most memorable moment to come out of this movie is the “put some Windex on it”pretty good deal for Windex, not so much for the people who actually starred in the movie. However, it does get points for the memorable line: “The man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she pleases.”

6.

The plot is pretty flimsy (a Canadian businesswoman has to marry her assistant to avoid deportation) but everyone loves a story where the couple starts out hating each other and eventually falls in love. The cast is what makes this movie pure rom com gold: Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, and Betty fucking White, who gifted us with the infamous Native American dance scene. Basically, it’s predictable but ridiculous, making it better than some of the other garbage movies on this list.

5.

Admittedly, is probably to blame for some of the chubby man-child/beautiful, svelte woman couplings we see in the media that give men unrealistic beauty expectations (of the types of women they can expect to date), otherwise known as The Beyonc/Jay Z Phenomenon. But whatevs. Its a good movie. Seth Rogen has that whole dad bod thing going onapparently a thing some people are intoand Katherine Heigl was at the top of her rom com game before she pissed off the entire cast of .is actually hilarious, which is enough to make up for the fact that Katherine Heigl appears in it.

4.

Even aside from my undeniable crush on youthful Sandra Bullock, is a quintessential early-2000s romantic comedy. Allow me to explain. 1) It stars an ambitious career woman who dont need no man. 2) But she kind of wants one anyway, and everyone realizes what a catch she is when she puts on lipstick and a dress. 3) Did I mention its plot is literally an extended makeover scene as Bullock goes from bad ass FBI agent to bad ass beauty pageant contestant? I rest my case. Add in some cute female friendships and a scene in which Bullock teaches us how to fend off an attacker, and its basically required viewing every year.

3.

You had to know was going to make the list despite this amazing take-down article of why it’s actually terrible. With approximately a bajillion storylines going on, its hard not to find one you like and get invested, and it doesnt hurt that the film features every well-known British actor under the sun. Im not sure how the movie manages to juggle all the different plots without being confusing and/or boring, but Im not gonna question it. However, this shit is TOO FUCKING LONG. If I have to pop an Adderall just to make it through a damn movie (which I do), you need to send your editors back to the drawing board.

2.

is the perfect example of a rom com thats super clich in theory, but in practice, its so fucking heartwarming it doesnt even matter (ugh). Katherine Heigl plays ultimate nicegirl Jane (in case the fact that her name is “Jane” wasn’t enough of a clue), whos been part of 27 weddings and miraculously hasnt gone broke from buying all the bridesmaid dresses. The dudes are pretty forgettable, but Janes psychotic sister and slutty best friend totally steal the spotlight, elevating the film to truly betchy heights.

P.S. For once, James Marsden plays the leading man, so his preternaturally perfect face gets more screen time, #bless.

1.

Bridget Joness Diary is the ultimate feel-good movie, as in its literally impossible to watch it without feeling your icy soul thaw ever so slightly at the end. The titular character starts out fat, single, and past the age of 30, so basically our worst nightmare. By the end, though, she manages to bang Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, land a better job, and become a self-described wanton sex goddess. If those arent your life goals, you clearly need to start your own self-help journey.

Read more: http://betches.co/2leb0vU

from A Definitive Ranking Of 2000s Rom Coms