#and it was a really tough decision bc im indecisive

[moeblob]

New farmer (for 1.6 update reasons).

His name is Death and he's really death. He's pretty quiet and just wants to live in peace with his chickens. Tries to interact with the town as little as possible but is really curious about them and how they live and is super satisfied to simply watch them - but as the new person it seems no one wants to let that happen.

[ryncorrect]

university!au: day6 sungjin

i’ve abandoned this au for so long istg my life is a mess yall please forgive but anyway im back with my bullshit and ready to spread my cringe-worthy stuff to the world again

name: park sungjin

major: practical music and arts

other activities: leader, guitarist, and vocalist of university band, president of music club, member of cooking club

park sungjin is the embodiment of leadership

i mean he’s the band leader, the club president, also the president of his class since year one, like he’s so trustworthy and responsible, literally nothing can go wrong under his sight

and even when things do go wrong (life is a bitch) he’ll still make sure everyone is fine and having the time of their lives pun intended

anyone who meets sungjin for the first time will probs say he has this tough man aura, cold,,, tsundere-ish idk

but as someone who have known each other for so long, you never understand when anyone says sungjin looks cold

you know damn well the moment sungjin opens his mouth he gonna throw dad jokes with his satoori dialect

dad jokes are fucking funny fight me

you once said sungjin should start his own comedy club

......he’s currently considering it

oh right he also talks about food all. the. time.

he joined cooking club for a reason okay

no, he can’t and doesn’t really cook he’s only there to taste food and people let him there because he’s nice and he knows how to appreciate the cooks

uh we love a man with manners

so, who is sungjin for you exactly?

he lives next door, one year older than you, was a leader even when you were little ayeee childhood friend cliche

can you imagine little sungjin leading his friends in game its so pure brb crying

you told him everything you couldn’t tell ur parents because they were busy, you asked for his advises, he made sure you were safe and happy

you still depend on him even after you two have grown up

you enrolled to the same university, took the same major with him, and even joined the clubs he’s a member of

this isn’t because you’re indecisive, it’s just that you spent so much of your childhood with sungjin that you two became similar to each other, up to your hobbies and interests and even palate lmao

that’s why he loves to eat with you because you two never argue about the menu

the only club you can’t join is the band, and that’s because jae rejected your application

reason: extremely close personal relationship with sungjin, therefore sungjin will take your side if we ever had an argument

you denied that; no, sungjin wont take anyone’s side based on feelings bc he’s a logical person and he always listens carefully to every side of the parties before he makes a decision..... but jae wont listen

brat

"you only rejected me because im a better guitarist”

“lalalalala cant hear you over my authority as the important band member”

“fuck you”

“i don’t accept offers”

anywayssss you did fail to join the band, but you’re friends with them, theyre literally so used to your company that sometimes they forgot youre not actually in the band

you and the guys teamed up for sungjin’s surprise birthday party

the surprise failed because dowoon accidentally added sungjin to the group chat

sungjin being nice and playing along anyway because he didnt want to disappoint you

and then its sungjin’s turn to ask the guys for help for your birthday party

failed again because dowoon AGAIN accidentally invited you, in person, to your own birthday party

dowoon what the heck?????

yeah its all cute and sweet but thats all of your relationship with sungjin, you treat him like a dependable brother and he treats you like his own little sister

thats what you tell to your friends too when they ask if you two are dating

they’re glad thats the case

because they have a crush on sungjin LMAOOOOO PLOT TWIST

they’re hoping they can get to sungjin through you yanno like asking you to send him snacks and letters or to tell him they say hi

you dont mind i mean you know sungjin is one admirable person ofc everyone likes him

sungjin never rejects nor accepts it hes just like “yay snacks!”

“god damn it sungjin just date any of them im tired of being a matchmaker”

“then dont?? literally no one asked you to”

little did you know that sungjin had the same problem

some of his classmates are interested in you but whenever they come to him he just says, “dont ask me i dont know anything and if i do i wont tell you”

this one sandeul guy has started asking you out and stuff

“ehhh youre so nice i’ll think about it!!”

you, immediately texting sungjin: ur friend sandeul ask me out what should i do

sungjin: do you like him tho

you: not really idk him yet

sungjin: just tell him your mom said no

you: damn nice

but this guy is so persistent and you gotta admit hes kinda cute and after a few tries you finally said yes to him

so you two went together and it was pretty fun

sungjin isnt too happy when he hears about it from sandeul

he asked you, “why didnt you tell me first?”

“well i dont think its a big deal. it was just a date anyway”

but you always told him everything

sungjin never speaks about it again

you go on another date with sandeul the week after

you tell sungjin later and he doesnt ask how it went

hes just “oh”

idk he’s kinda distant now, he rarely talks nor replies to your texts

he doesn't visit music club nor cooking club either so you don't see him often

have i told you im uncreative and all my aus are lame???

you think its probably because hes focusing for the finals, but even after it’s over sungjin doesnt really hang out with you or the band anymore like he only comes for practices and leaves right after

weirdly no one says anything about sungjin’s absence

but you cant stay quiet any longer and decide to ask dowoon whats wrong with sungjin

you shouldve known dowoon cant help much

“honestly i dont know either, maybe you should ask wonpil he’s sungjin’s roommate”

“but what if wonpil told sungjin”

“told sungjin what?”

“that i asked about him”

“asked him what?”

“...nevermind”

you asked younghyun

younghyun doesnt help either

“i dont know, just ask him yourself. i thought you were the closest to him??” why you so salty man

okay fine lets ask jae

“i’ll tell you for fifty bucks”

“dude im broke”

“then deal with it yourself”

you had no choice but to ask wonpil

“he’s just tired”

you know wonpil lied but this little shit refuses to tell anything

“please dont force me to answer i will cry really loudly and it’ll be embarrassing for the both of us”

why do you befriend them in the first place smh

oh youre right about wonpil telling sungjin that youre worried, and he does tell him to talk to you if he got something in mind

sungjins hesitant but in the end he only says, “no... its just that i didnt realize until recently that my little sister has grown up a lot”

“dear god wtf you sound like her grandma”

skip the boring part so uh a few more days passed awkwardly between you two and after your failed attempt at asking around you decide to confront sungjin in person

youre in the band practice room, the others are present, sungjin’s about to leave early as usual, and you find yourself jumping up your seat, “whats your problem with me?”

you know sungjin hates confrontation but you cant stand it anymore. you tried giving him time but if theres anything you seem to be more of a stranger to him

“i dont know what i did wrong and i wont know if you dont tell me, so let me know. i’ll listen and i’ll apologize if its my fault, but dont give me silent treatment like this. its so unlikely of you"

you can see sungjin clences his jaw as he replies calmly, "people change"

"you don't change, youre being childish. if you're mad you should talk about it. if you don't want me here you should tell me to go. if you don't like ME dating your friend you should tell me not to!!!"

drama much ryn

"youre your own person and you make your own choice, its your life and i cant keep telling you what to do or what not," and the end part kinda slips, "i don't hate you dating my friend or anyone, okay? im just not used yet to be a second person for you and im afraid youll get hurt"

"youre never?? a second person sungjin where does this idea even come from youre the only one for me i dont want anyone else???"

and suddenly there's a train of awkward coughs and you come back to your senses and you realize you're being watched

jae pretends to make a phone call, "mom pick me up im scared"

lame jae lame

dowoon mumbles, "can we,,, make an exit first before you two declare your undying love bc its privacy yanno"

you feel the heat spreading across your face as you open your mouth the same time as sungjin, both want to deny dowoon, but younghyun beats yall to it, "yeah you two are in love with each other we been know"

you and sungjin stares at each other, confused, "we don't???"

"oh honey,,, my dear,,, ive read enough sappy shit in writing club to see where this is going"

the conversation was cut there and neither of you bring it up again,

because the idea of you loving sungjin or sungjin loving you is so weird that you refuse to think about it, and so is for sungjin

but ever since that, sungjin has drastically come back to normal its almost hilarious, he spends a lot of time hanging out in the music club, practicing with the band, visiting the cooking club, making a joke here and there

sungjin is himself again with you, a caring dependable brother whom you come to whenever you need to talk or just hang out with and he always makes sure he has time for you

sap

you know hes always been like that but why does it feel different now??? the way he smiles or pulls your hand so youre walking on the inner side of the road,,, how he neatly places your spoon and chopsticks on a napkin when you two go out to eat together,,,, why

tender love baby chICKEN TENDER

mydayexol follow me

andddd so one day, someone asked you out. again.

wow ur so popular i cant Relate

you, texting sungjin: sandeuls friend jinyoung something invited me to a party next saturday should i come

sungjin, replying to you: hmm

you: ???

sungjin: i think its up to you

for some reason youre disappointed by his reply,,, but he’s right tho its your call if you wanna go then you go its not about what sungjin says

right?

right???

but suddenly you got another text: but if you ask for my opinion i would say don't go

you: actually i dont want to either lol so what should i say

sungjin: tell him you already have a date

you: nice

sungjin: with me

you: ayyeee

you: wait what

sungjin: i mean its just a suggestion

sungjin: which you can accept

sungin: or reject

for some reason you can imagine sungjin’s cheeky smile through his texts and it makes your inside tingles and you wanna giggle

so yea you thought it was a joke but he actually did take you out for a movie and dinner

it was really nice

so yanno the weird thing is that neither of you ask the other to be “official” but you just. are dating.

ur friends are mad like “bUT YOU SAID YOU TWO WERENT A THING”

“lol sry i changed my mind”

“fuck you”

“no thanks sungjin can do that... bUT DONT TELL SUNGJIN I SAID THAT hes gonna kill me”

“is he ur mom”

“basically yeah”

this sucks real bad but who cares

not me obviously

ill be back soon (or not) with dowoon’s one lets hope i can do better than this dnsjfsndfj lnjajnfdjs lmAO I LOVE YALL AND HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE

[meyhew]

oh seed sorry to bother you but im spiraling bc im studying for the lsat and trying to get into law school but also i want to be a teacher sooooo bad???? but like the public school system is so messed up and i worked in a classroom for a quarter and it was honestly so discouraging seeing how helpless teachers, like yeah they can make such a huge impact on students but also they're stuck and limited in how much they can do bc of funding and resources and stuff (1/4)

and i feel like i can do so much more as a lawyer and like make an actual concrete impact on the systems in the US and work on education reform or as an immigration lawyer or SOMETHING that can set precedence and make me feel like im doing enough to make some sort of difference. And like i was privileged enough to go to one of the best universities in this country and like i feel like i should use the name and the connections to do something major and idk man (2/4)

its like i know i would have so much fun being a teacher bc i love early childhood education and working with kids and like im SO GOOD AT IT like i know that sounds like im so full of myself but like everyone i've told that im aiming for law school who has seen me work with kids has been so disappointed, like i know i could do so much as a teacher but im so scared im gonna wind up another worn down teacher frustrated with the system and regretting not putting my energy towards fixing it (3/4)

& also i dont want to be poor the rest of my life. I want to be able to go on vacations & treat my sisters to the things they deserve, pay off my parents' house & shit. my parents have sacrificed so much for the sake of my future & idk i guess i have this first gen/low income guilt of wasting the opportunities ive been privileged with. i know teaching would NOT be a waste but knowing what i could be making and what i could do as a lawyer just makes everything so much harder to figure out (4/4)

hi! i contemplated whether to post all of this or just answer in tags, but i figured someone else might have something more useful to say than me. 

a piece of really great advice i once stumbled upon said that whatever your dream job is, you should never go for it. chase after the thing that’s second or third on your list of passions and keep the first one just that — a passion. you don’t want it to burn you out mentally. after a ton of indecision i’m also seriously considering going to law school simply because it’s something that i know i’ll be passionate about, but also the financial security that comes with the profession. i completely understand why ur conflicted, but teaching is something you could always do in some manner while also being a lawyer — in an ideal world. maybe not a fulltime teacher for the little ones, but there are a lot of ways to teach. and the first gen/low income guilt... oh man i feel you. i’ve wanted to go into the psych field for so long but realistically in the long run it just won’t live up to my parents’ expectations after everything they’ve done so its like :/ i get you. wishing you all the luck in figuring it out tho it’s a tough decision ✨🌻

[gotatext]

TASK OO1 / OOC SURVEY.

[kermit voice] hallo.... its me 

YOUR ALIAS & NICKNAMES — nora

AGE — 23

TIMEZONE — gmt

PREFERRED PRONOUNS — she/her

MBTI — enfp-infp border cos im an introvert who Masquerades as an extrovert :)

HP HOUSE — i spent 10 yrs of my life thinkin i was gryffindor.... to find out.... huffle....puff...... 

ARE YOU A STUDENT? WHAT DO YOU STUDY? — i fuckin wish! being a student was dope af i got stressed about essays like once a month and apart from that i was just chillin, surrounded by really intelligent people every day n livin it up on the party scene. adult life fucking sucks no one wants to have fun cos we all work fuckin tonnes of hours so we can afford to eat and get paid peanuts xx

ARE YOU ENJOYING IT? — im really afraid of bein one of those jock types who peaked in high school but i deff peaked in uni like 100% i was way more interesting 2 years ago

LINKS TO OTHER ACCOUNTS & SOCIAL MEDIA — im not showin u my instagram bc im a fuckin embarassment but this is pinterest , this is my personal blog, this is my writing / 1x1 blog i never use any more n this is my trash talking twitter where i mostly just cry about timothee chalamet and bash the tories. 

DISCORD USER — kristine’s forehead vein#8664

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FICTION GENRE? — i dont read fanfiction much but when i do u can be sure it’s slow burn angsty enemies to lovers mutual pining heart attack every time one of them accidentally brushes the other’s hand

TOP FIVE FAVOURITE FILMS — suspiria (2018 luca guadagnino version rogue i kno but i prefer the remake), the lobster, before sunrise, baz luhrmann romeo + juliet, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,  thoroughbreds (REC!! so underwatched pls watch it. compelling female characters), hunt for the wilderpeople (also so underwatched), swiss army man, call me by your name, atonement, moonrise kingdom, trainspotting, the florida project. i rlly like films ok

A BOOK YOU FEEL “CHANGED” YOU? — the song of achilles by madeline miller n also fen by daisy johnson

A MOVIE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? — booksmart cos its fuckin dope

WHAT IS YOUR SIGN? — libra

ARE YOU INTO ASTROLOGY? —  i like to pretend im super invested in it mostly to anger my friends but tbh.... i just use it as a rough guide for character creation.... its fun but i dnt .... fully invest in what it has to say..... altho i am the most unbalanced n indecisive bitch on earth so i guess they got that right !! i just live to please baybeyy!

WHAT PLATFORMS HAVE YOU ROLEPLAYED ON? — tumblr for about 8 year (omg) n before tht facebook..... i was very embarassingly in a twilight rp..... i wrote jane..... i also rped as a scene kid oc n when i was like 12 i was on some weird forum harry potter roleplay where i basically played a self insert with georgie henley as the fc......

WHAT OTHER HOBBIES DO YOU HAVE? — i used to have so many hobbies but now i jst lie in my bed staring at the ceiling. but before i was workin like a dog i loved reading, writing, acting in theatre productions..... going out on the town getting bevved..... big druggy EDM nights in warehouses tht probably weren’t liscenced for tht many ppl..... gigs... costume-design and making, spoken word poetry, acrylic painting n rollerskating but my sister broke my skates abt two years ago in vengeance and i’ll never forgive her that fuckin bitch

HAVE ANY PETS? IF SO, TALK ABOUT THEM! — no my landlord is a fascist

IS THERE A TV SHOW YOU RECOMMEND A LOT? — i’ll never stop reccing euphoria!! also i was pleasantly surprised by looking for alaska!! but i also rlly like bob’s burgers, parks and rec, good omens.... black mirror, n sharp objects. lovesick on bbciplayer (n netflix i think) is also rlly fun

ANY SHOWS YOU LIKE SOME MIGHT BE SURPRISED TO HEAR THAT YOU DO? — maybe love island, idk if i talk abt that much bc i am ashamed but i am so obsessed with it. i even got the love island game n got so invested in my fictional relationship w bobby tht i had to delete it

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IT? — god god... i haven’t finished a book in ages.... i recently started reading milkman by anna burns, the bees by laline paull and everything under by daisy johnson.... bt the last book i read cover to cover was probs circe. defs read it. feminist and witchy

CURRENTLY READING? — i jst said this but the bees, everything under and less so milkman cos im finding milkman a bit tough

LAST FILM? REC IT? — i watched ladyworld the lord of the flies all-female remake n even maya hawke could not save it.... dnt get me wrong from an art film point of view i loved it but it felt a bit underdeveloped n a level media studies for me..... apart from tht?? the runaways (yorkshire film not released yet at a preview screening) and threads (also a yorkshire film from the 80s about nuclear apocalypse)

THREE MOVIES YOU NEED TO WATCH — portrait of a lady on fire, i work at an independent cinema n we recently had a preview screening and everyone said it was SICK, uhhhh short term 12, n the new eliza scanlen movie babyteeth

WHAT MOVIE DO YOU THINK YOU’VE SEEN THE MOST TIMES? — madagascar because when i was 12 my parents bought me a little television with a dvd player in it for my birthday and madagascar was the only dvd i owned for like..... the first two years of havin the absolute luxury of a tv in my room so i just used to watch it all the time n i now basically know the script inside out

WHAT ALWAYS PUTS YOU IN A GOOD MOOD? — nothing, life is pointless n i hate fun, let me rot in peace

WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE MUSICIAN / BAND? LIST IF THERE ARE MORE THAN ONE. — ughhh god probably lcd soundsystem. gorillaz, the streets, tame impala, talking heads, soft hair, i also love lizz tho n also angry twangy guitar girl bands like girlpool, courtney barnett, best coast, cherry glazerr,

WILD NIGHT OUT OR QUIET NIGHT IN? — quiet night in my party days are over i cant even be bothered to go to the shops if its past 4.30pm and dark these days

ANY PHOBIAS? — clowns n rats

DO YOU LIKE BUGS? — absolutely not

BIRDS? — yes but not if they fly in my face

ARE YOU A CAT OR DOG PERSON? BOTH? — i love both i want one 

BIGGEST PET PEEVE? — tory middle aged boomers who treat me like actual shit on their shoe because i work in the service industry like thats my choice and their poor economic decisions didnt mean i have to do a shitty job to afford to live bcos of austerity n cuts to arts funding meaning i cant get a job writing unless i self-fund :)))

FAVOURITE THING ABOUT THE RPC? — that everyone ive met through rp is a fuckin LAFF

TOP TEN FAVE FCS TO USE? — god .... diana silvers, timothee chalamet, margaret qualley, kristine froseth, froy gutierrez, zendaya, elle fanning, astrid berges frisbey, hunter schafer, leonardo dicaprio

FIVE YOU LIKE WRITING AGAINST? — herman tomeraas, hunter schafer, saoirse ronan, timothee chalamet, froy gutierrez

FAVOURITE TYPE OF FOOD? — linda mccartney 1/2pounder mozzarella veggie burgers, sweet potato wedges, tomato soup, mozzarella sticks, brownies

WORST FOOD? — green things like broccoli n sprouts gross. baked beans cos as a kid ppl used to do baked bean baths for comic relief / red nosed day a lot n i thought when they were finished in the baked bean bath they just put all the cold beans back in the tin. actually anything small that moves around on your plate. peas. spaghetti. sweetcorn. i dont like small things i cant control.

DO YOU PLAY VIDEOGAMES? IF SO, WHAT ONES AND ON WHAT PLATFORM DO YOU PREFER? — last year my housemate had an xbox n i went through a phase of obsessively playin fable 3 it was amazing. i had like 5 husbands and 3 wives and loads of kids but they all ended up leavin me cos i spent so much time out doing quests neglecting them

ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE TAG? — this

LASTLY, HOW DID YOU FIND US? — im one of those bitches who was in this grp all the way back when it was swipe... so quirky and original!! i knew the band before u! anyway im goin now this has been sufficiently embarassing..... i am lame

[forethan21]

14/12/2020 RAW

I didnt mean to hurt u so much. I didnt mean to turn my back on you that quickly. I hope you knew I didnt want to do that at all. I didnt mean to give you false hope and ndi kta ginagago po. I just dont know how to tell you what I felt. Sorry if nabitawan ko yung masakit ng mga salita sayo. But you needed to hear it in my perspective. Im trying to blame you manipulate you, ginagago ka nooo i would never do that. Im explaining why I was terribly hurt. Yes it was unintentional but you didnt try to think and understand me.

When i decided to give up i hope you knew how much that hurted me too. How i cant sleep every night thinking youre hurting and crying. How the one i love is hurting bc of what ive done. It gave anxiety. 

Ethan alam ko you took the risk. You were courageous for trusting me. I knew how much it hurt when your exes left you, cheated on you. It made you question your worth and how you werent enough. And i failed to show you as well that you could trust me. I understand now how every falter of my trust for you makes you feel discouraged. I understand how much it takes to love someone again. I unintentionally played with your trust. I didnt mean to pow I was freakin indecisive no doubt but it didnt have to be that way. We both had trust issues and we couldnt understand each other. I realised how much it really affected you but I think it would have hurt less if you actually did it intentionally. Bc having no clue about what I feel makes me think that u never loved me. 

Im really sorry for breaking your heart.

I want you to know that i would never do you like that. I would never play with your emotions. I could never do that to someone who was willing to trust me and love me. Its for the both of us po. I felt like I was also ruining your life. You were too dependent on me. You were gone for one month at work bc of me and that keeps me awake at night bc I wanted you to take care of yourself. But u couldnt even give the slightest love for yourself. 

Im sorry i couldnt fight for what we had.

I didnt mean to hurt your heart pow. Tbh i dont like this feeling. The fact that i know that youre hurting is making me hurt as well. Like wtfff i wish you were the one that broke up with me. Babi you gotta know your worth. Dont rely on the quality of life on me. Dont allow the quality of your life to become dependent on a particular person staying in it. Im temporary and you need to learn to live by yourself. To be happy with yourself. To not find that in someone just for the sake of being taken or secured. When you told me that there was not season in your life where you were alone. It was always having a gf or a fling. And i get it now. God is teaching you to live happily by yourself. To engage in self love and confidence. 

It never came to me that your love was never enough. Yes I questioned it but you know what I was thankful for the thoughtful things you did. I appreciate them all as I said in the letter below. And please dont ever think that i gave up bc it was lacking. I gave up bc you needed to learn what its like to not rely on someone to make you happy. 

I also just wanted to chose myself this time. I chose to wait for the right person, right time. It may be you or not but I fully surrendered to God this decision and put my trust on something that is the best for both of us. Ndi ka po nagkulang. You just needed time to learn more about yourself. To learn how to love yourself before showing love to others. You need to heal the trauma that created anxiety and chaos within you. You need to do that yourself before anything else. I’ll completely support you in everything you do in the side lines but you gotta go through this journey in self love. Its a tough road out there but i believe you can conquer anything with the right mindset. Dont give up in love. Start loving yourself and love will come right at your door. 

[inejgvafa]

Apollo, centaur, hippolytus, aegis, and athuna 😅 one of each category, sorry if it's too much P. S. I love your blog, have a great day 💛

nothing is ever too much

Apollo: What kind of music are you into? 

hip-hop/rap, R&B, pop, alternative, and sometimes classical bc i’m a band geek 

Centaur: Last book you read?

the last book i finished reading was The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern (it was pretty good, would recommend especially if you love imagery&magic in books) however, the book i’m currently reading is A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab (i love it so far!)

Hippolytus: Tell an experience you will never forget.

man this is a hard one but i think i have one after staring at my screen for so long. okay this might be a little long but i’ll try to keep it short (im putting this in after i typed everything.. sorry its not short at all). so this was my first ever homecoming in high school. i was a freshmen and the guy who asked me to the dance was one too. he also payed for my admission. lets call him Dan. Basically everything that could’ve gone wrong that night went wrong. Let me tell you guys COMMUNICATION is KEY!!!! It started off on a bad foot. He didn’t communicate times very well so i ended up missing pictures and dinner with him bc i was getting ready lol. I tell him we can just meet @ at the school where the dance is being held. he agrees. I get to the school and line up at the entrance and go inside. It takes about 5 minutes for me to find him and we say our hellos and i apologize for missing dinner&pics. Just let me reiterate that this is HOMECOMING: A FRICKIN DANCE.. so me having common sense expected to dance, but apparently Dan did not agree. He refused to dance, even tho i asked him a bunch of times. he was what one would call socially awkward even tho we were friends before he asked me to go. i try to be nice but im miserable and my friends are out on the dance floor partying it up w/o me so i tell him im gonna hang with my girls for a lil bit and that id catch up later. side note: i did not catch up with him later… so its towards the end of the night and i just spent the last 2 hours with my girls in the middle of the dance floor and i realize i completely forgot about Dan. naturally i go looking for him but find a mutual friend instead. we will call this mutual friend Jon. Jon tells me that Dan was beyond pissed and that he had to take him into the bathroom to calm him down. I already feel bad and this makes it a 1000 times worse. but little do i know this was only the beginning. Jon then proceeds to tell me that Dan actually got so mad in the bathroom that he punched one of the metal hand dryers (look it up for a reference if you do not know what they are) and i’m in shock and then Jon tells me Dan had his mom pick him up bc he had to go to the hospital bc he thought he broke his hand side note: it was NOT broken… I’m feel bad but its not like i told him to punch a very hard metal object. Dan was my ride home so i just hitched a ride from one of my friends and that was the night done. The next week at school Dan had a wrap around his hand (only bruised) and he told the entire band (concert band/marching band) that i was a hoe for ditching him to dance with other guys in a grind circle A FRICKIN GRIND CIRCLE! at least put some effort into your lies to make them believable but apparently they were believable enough bc half the band actually gave me dirty looks and called me a whore lol. i was pretty unfazed bc i didn’t really care what they thought and bc i knew my side of the story. i didn’t tell anyone mine and i just let Dan tell his side while he looked like an idiot for getting “ditched.” flash forward to today: the band is back to normal bc eventually my friends told my side of the story and people understood. Dan and I haven’t spoken a word since that night and he’s kind of fallen from graces if you know what i mean. i will never forget this whole fiasco and if there is anything to be learned its don’t go to a dance if you don’t intend on dancing LMAOO.

Aegis: What is your favorite book or series?

My favorite book of all time is probably A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas but my favorite series is The Infernal Devices trilogy by Cassandra Clare. ACOMAF was an amazing second book (in the ACOTAR series) and the author, in my opinion, got every single thing right. The Infernal Devices was my first ever YA series and it truly got me into reading so it will always have a special place in my heart

Athuna: If you could live anywhere in the world for the rest of your life, where would it be?

this is a tough decision but I’d probably say somewhere in the Phillipines bc that’s where my mom is from. Somewhere in Canada would be nice too or Hawaii or Italy. I’m very indecisive as you can see. But honestly anywhere in Asia and I think I’d be content. 

[erunerwynter]

About my ocs bc translating my fics apparently has this effect to me

Warning: stupid shit

Kevin - half orc wizard  - tried so hard and got so far - grew in a human settlement so that’s why he has a human name - his mother didn’t hate him, which is a good thing - wants to make his mama proud by becoming the best wizard that ever existed - also bc people in his village first and the other students at the Arcanum (the magic academy of the world where all of this is setted in, Gaia) later treated him like shit bc an half-orc wizard? u gotta be kiddin - that why he a Angry SJW™ - gay af but who has time for relationship i goTTA STUDY - he tol - spiky fangs but i love him regardless - my actual son - v paranoid about his spellbook bc at the academy of magic stupid students burned his first spellbook so there’s that - my precious boi pls love him - has an halfling boyfriend, Andrej - a cat person - has a raven familiar bc Aesthetic™ - loves the smell of ink - would have supported Anders in his decision to blow up the Chantry

(putting the rest of them under a read more bc it’s gonna be long)

Andrej - halfling fighter  - has a giant wolf named Zero, that often uses as a mount - he smol, he mysteryous  - born in a tribe of nomad halflings, where he learned to fight - but then he fucked up big time and was kicked out - worked as a mercenary for a while - one day he found Zero, that was still a pupper, and adopted him - Zero is basically his best and only friend - “doggos are better then people” - has a sister that studies at the Arcanum, she’s a really good wizard - one day he visits her and meets Kevin, his future boyfriend - fights with a rapier bc Aesthetic™ - has a tattoo somewhere - “i will punch you in the dick Kevin” - embodiment of “id sell you to Satan for one corn chip” - he may look like a tough guy but he just needs to be loved - loves being the little spoon - he also gay af

Hòdur - drow alchemist - adopted by a human witch, raised in, like. the islands with the most xenophobic elves of the entire world and still managed to survive - has a stepbrother, an half-elf named Taro, and i will talk abt him later - talk shit abt Taro and he will poison u - “i dont trust all that stupid magic shit” “excuse me r u aware that ur mother is a literal witch” - rlly he just doesn’t have talent for magic so he just. decided that magic is stupid and turned to alchemy - he a Man Of Science™ - “the risk i took was calculated  but man am i bad at math” - Heterosexual Token™ - worries too much - is willing to Fuck Shit Up - hates loud noises - “why cant you all just leave me aLONE”

Taro - half-elf bard - apparently living embodiment of elves’ perfection - actually a little shit - talk shit abt Hòdur and he will kick u in the teeth - has nicknames for everyone - loves 2 embarass his big bro (bc Hòdur is the big bro) - 5 centimeters (more or less 2 inches for u englishpersons) taller than Hòdur, always reminds that to him - (this annoys Hòdur to no end) - (and that’s why Taro does it) - “so Kevin how do you and Lem do that” “FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS TARO SHUT THE FUCK UP” (that was Hòdur) - sexuality what is that - had a thing with the blacksmith’s son - the bastard has a really smooth voice  - would wear the t-shirt that has “Sin” written on it (you know the one) - i love him holy shit

Robin - tiefling maga (the class name is actually magus but Robin is a she so) with the skirnir archetype (the base class equivalent of the prestige class of the Eldricht Knight, but with the archetype that makes her a shield mage basically) - Angst™  - wants to do the right thing and she will do it - her favourite Overwatch character would be Pharah or Reinhardt - she has a shield and she’s not afraid to use it - always stressed af does she even sleep - always hears the voices of her devilish inheritance - praying conforts her a little tho - a very religious person - well she was raised by a priestess of the god of love and compassion, so - yea she was abandoned as a child bc her parents were nobles and you can’t have a tiefling daughter that would be A Bad Thing - so a priestess adopted her and teched her how to be a rlly good person and to protect the innocent - “I BELIEVE IN U o wait did u just killed an innocent now im gonna Fuck You Up™”  - “a sex drive what is that where is sex driving does it have a license”

Ume

- sea elf shaman (hybrid class between the witch and the oracle) - like,, indecision but as a person - has an hawk as a familiar wihich is pretty strange bc she is really tied with the spirits of the sea - looks like a cinnamom roll is actually a cinnamom roll - “do you prefer red or blue” “I LOVE BOTH OF THEM U CAN’T MAKE ME CHOOSE” - the kind of fangirl who has way too many ships - likes swimming - except for that one time when she almost drowned she didn’t like swimming in that moment - Moana vibes - yeah u know moana was so good and im so weak that’s why she lives in an island and talks to the sea sometimes - there was that one time when she flirted back at Ikaro and he almost died for the surprise - she was, like, the Best Shaman Apprentice on the island but she wasn’t really sure wheter become shaman or not bc if she accepted her role she wouldn’t be able to see the world - but at the same time she loves her island and her people so - yeah she kinda gets homesick a lot - but she got to see the Arcanum and the big cities and the Moon Mountains and the Ramil Desert so there’s that - her hawk is cute, she screm - witch shaped like a friend

Ikaro

- the Human Token™, a gunslinger - dat boi - son of a gun - jesse mccree but as a pirate - birate - lovechild of Han Solo and Jesse McCree  - “im not a pirate im a buccaneer” - the fuckboiest fuckoi that ever fuckboied - tried to flirt with Ume and got a “stop embarassing yourself!” from Taro - “the loser had it coming” –cit. @eldrich-archivist - has seen some shit - stole some of that - and murdered some other - he doesn’t regret killing people, but that doesn’t mean he likes doing so - “i’m not good, i’m not bad, but i sure as hell ain’t ugly” - travelled on a pirate ship for many years - he feels like he is searching for something, in the vast seas of Gaea, but even he doesn’t know what, or who - has a Dark Past™, that’s why he’s on the run - not the captain on the ship he’s on - just one of the many men on board - (his captain is a very badass aasimar lady maybe i’ll give a backstory to her later) - sinnamom roll - flirted with Kevin and Lem almost stabbed him - then flirted with Lem and Kevin almost killed him with a lightning - also likes flirting with death - kinky af, probably into bondage - lowkey a furry

And finally, my favourite

Allegra

- dwarf sorceress/bard but a dancer - she’s mute, so she casts spell while dancing - travelled with a travelling circus - ran away from her home in the Underworld bc she’s transgender and feared that her father wouldn’t understand - her powers come from the storm (stormborn bloodline) - Taro’s nickname for her is “Lady Thunderdwarf” - Taro is also a very good friend of her, he sings for her and she dances - sometimes when she dances she summons the rain unconsciusly - her name means “happy” or “cheerful” in Italian - cinnamom roll, too good for this world, too pure - hates little and close spaces - has a birthmark that is suspiciously similar to the holy symbol of the god of the wind but?? maybe it’s a coincidence??? maybe not??? who knows - at first she can only talk with Kevin bc he’s the only one in their “party” that knows sign language but then they teach it to everyone - she and Kevin are really great friends bc they both know how it feels to be an outcast - didn’t believe in love at first sight until she met Zero - “ALLEGRA STOP THROWING MAGIC AT MY DOG HE’S BITING THIN AIR YOU’LL MAKE HIM FEEL SAD” - never came out to her dwarven family, and she regrets that a little - but she’s still scared, so she doesn’t write to them - she has two brother (one older and the other younger; the former has died) and a younger sister; her mother died when she was little so she doesn’t remember much - she doesn’t know, but her father cares deeply about her, even if he still thinks of her as a “him” - family is very important to dwarves, and she feels that Ume and Kevin and the other are like a family to her now - before she met Taro, when she was still travelling with the circus, she danced on the music of Kakeru, a young bard from the Eastern continent that is the Kukize that is very good at playing the shamisen and teached her how to read his native language and told her the myths and the legends of his land. she teached him the sign language and how to read dwarven runes - she can forge things bc that’s a thing that every dwarf learns, but she is no master of that art - i love her so much asklabaksdsksfgagsds

[custardtoast]

hmm small (edit: really lengthy) rant about my life rn

I just had a week off school and it was a much needed break... I did volunteer for 3/5 of the days so it wasn’t a crazy break, since I still had quite a bit of stress about those 3 days

I am currently in that typical position of “I didn’t do anything productive pertaining to school work all week so now I feel guilty and I should stay up and get something done” but at the same time... I feel like I always beat myself up so much when I know that I was quite busy with other things, and school work isn’t always the only priority. Granted, I did watch a kdrama lol and didn’t sleep until 2-4 am on most days, while waking up close to noon.... but I feel like I needed that. I just hate how i can never fully relax but I also can’t bring myself to work... but that is the ultimate student dilemma. I wish I had better self-control and organizational skills to balance everything

On a related note, I’ve been thinking rly hard about what I want to do after I graduate from uni... I was thinking about applying to a summer internship for half of the summer, but I need a reference letter and the deadline is this week, so I feel like its sort of inappropriate to ask any of my profs at this point... I also was thinking about just bumming around for the entire summer and being productive in other areas of my life ... like I’ve been thinkin about starting a youtube channel (lol me and everyone else in this internet world) bc I’ve just been so inspired by all these amazing ppl who show their struggles to everyone and at the end of the day they’re all beautiful ppl... I really like the idea of sharing my life w all these internet friends bc frankly, I don’t really share my life with anyone irl (i know that sounds super sad but it’s true... i dont feel like im close w anyone anymore and once i graduate from uni i feel like i’m gonna be cut off from everyone I currently talk to and I feel like no one would rly make the effort to talk to me otherwise)

so idk i kinda wanted to start a vlog/lifestyle channel so I could just chat to the camera, since i rly do have a lot of thoughts i’d like to share, but i’m just too scared to share them with anyone i actually know irl. it feels easier to just talk it out to no one in particular like a diary, but then have ppl (hopefully) care about it. but at the same time there are TONS of lifestyle channels out there and i dont think i have a particular “tv personality”? 

also filming those kinda videos have nothing to do w my university degree and idk i feel like.... it’s important to be well-rounded but i don’t want my degree to be for nothing, so i also have to think about what i want to do as my future career. which is really tough because... i’m in the sciences, i currently do clinical research in a lab, and it’s okay... i love the learning aspect but i’m not a fan of the actual scientific research process. i can’t really explain why but you’re just... studying something so small for so so so long and it’s hard to feel like you’re making any progress. but i suppose the beauty of the field is if/when you actually make progress and a contribution. i’m also scared about the whole competition in the field and constantly keeping yourself afloat with grants, idk if i want to dedicate my life to that. and to be honest i dont think im smart enough or that much of a critical thinker to become a researcher and get a phd, although i would really love to be a university professor (too bad u have to have a phd loool)

some other options are going to med school, optometry school, becoming a dietician or a physician’s assistant... med school is the scary one bc i always think about.... why would i want to be a doctor over another medical professional? do i actually have the qualities to be a good doctor, or am i just doing it bc of the image or the pressure? do i actually enjoy working with patients?? ofc those questions apply to the other options as well but... im always doubting myself and i feel like that quality alone is not very ideal for being a doctor. i would feel more comfortable being an optometrist, dietician, or physician’s assistant bc it feels like... even if you mess up there are still other people to back you up, whereas with a doctor, you are the one running the game. which is super important and impressive, but i just don’t know if i could handle with the stress and if i have the capabilities to make unwavering decisions. just cuz i know im so indecisive.... man. i got rejected from med school which is why im rethinking all of this. i might go to grad school next year, either in nutrition or continuing in physiology. i really like topics in nutrition and a masters in nutrition is only a year long, but i would have to find a new supervisor and im not a super huge fan of research (like i’ve said before)... but it seems better than a 2 year masters in physiology. i could stick with my current physiology supervisor, but that also means im stuck studying the same thing as i am now for 2 years. and idk if i love it that much.... agh... i dont know......... i wish someone could tell me what’s the best path... but i know no one can... and i know that no one is gonna read this huuuuuge text.... im just rambling at this point bc i have no one i feel comfortable personally messaging all of this to

being indecisive.... leads me to my next point. which is strange, but i really want to get a tattoo after i graduate. ive been thinking about what to get, and ofc, due to my indecisive nature, i can never really decide, but i think... i kinda know what i want? i just need to think of a good placement for it bc i dont want it to be visible in my every day life, just due to the judgemental nature of the field that im in right now and possibly will be in the future (eg. if i work in the medical field, i will most definitely be judged if i have visible tattoos, maybe less by the younger demographic but by the older ones for sure, and that can affect the whole patient-doctor interaction, or even interaction with mentors?) so if u have any tattoos, i’d love to know what you have (if you’re comfortable w sharing) and why, so it helps me justify getting my own lol (even though that doesnt rly make sense.. i should just get it if i want it, but im still debating)

guhhhh my brain has run out of juice and i should go to bed, im really trying to not sleep at 2 am today. i wish i could fall asleep faster. im not gonna give myself heck for not getting anything done during reading week, or tonight, cuz i know i’ve been going through some rough mental patches, but i hope if i sleep earlier, wake up a bit earlier, take back more control of my life, i can be more productive and less stressed. pls wish me luck.

i rly want... to make meaningful connections and impacts in this world.