#and it was really hard for me to remenber her name right

[totally-not-your-babe]

I don’t know if I will ever write the whole thing, but I just had to get it out of myself Sooooo enjoy

Word count: 1099

Warnings: mention of child abuse

A/N: English is not my first language, sorry for the possible mistakes

- So shall we go through the formalities? - he asked and she looked at him like he'd grown another head. - I'm Miles and you are...? - but he didn't get an answer. She just gave him another mistrustful look, her ears were flat and her tail flicked from one side to the other. Quaritch let out a sigh. - I guess I'll just have to keep calling you Princess than - he said with a smirk and she hissed at him. That was the reaction he wanted. - If you don't like it, you really should tell me your name.

- Eyk'ran te Emkä Lear'ra'ite.

- Wow! - he let out a breathy laugh. - Oooookay now a bit slower.

- Eyk'ran. Te Emkä. Lear'ra'ite - she said slowly like people talk to a little child and turned to him. - Eyk'ran is like Miles, that is what the people call me - she told him and waited till Miles nodded and than continued. - Te Emkä is the family I am from, family name... You say... You call it... suname - she muttered with a grimace on her otherwise pretty face. He thought for a second that she looked cute thinking so hard, trying to remenber the words in English, but he quickly banished those thoughts.

- Surname.

- That - she hissed with annoyance. - Lear'ra'ite means I am daughter of Lear'ra. She is ma sa'nuk, mother - he just nodded again and waited for more, but the next moment he was surprised. - What is yours? - Eyk'ran asked.

- My surname? Or my mother's name?

- Both - her ears perked up as she looked at him.

- Quaritch - Eyk'ran tillted her head and grimaced again. - And my mother's name was Nora - Quaritch said with a bitter taste in his mouth. He barely remembered her. His human self was young when she died, leaving him with that sorry excuse of a father he had. Michael Quaritch has never been there, not before his wife's death, certainly not after. But young Miles didn't really mind it. On the occasions when he was there he drank, he shouted and liked to use his belt on his son when he thought he deserved it. Which meant all the time. Miles lived with him as long as he had to but as soon as he was old enough he joined the marines and never looked back.

- Quoitch - she tried after a minute of silence bringing him back from his dark thoughts and the moment he proceced what she was trying to say the Colonel started to laugh. - Don't laugh at me! - she showed him angrily but Miles didn't stop on the contrary, he started to laugh harder. - You can't say my name either.

- Yes I can - she just gave him a sceptical look. - Ikran te Emke Lerrate - now it was her turn to laugh so hard her stomach started to hurt.

- You skxawng.

- Now I didn't understand that, but I have a feeling if I did I would be really offended - he said after she stopped laughing at him.

- It means moron. You are a moron Miles - she let out a giggle.

- Yep, definetly offended.

- No, you are not. You have no right to be, after saying my name like that - her accent getting ticker in one minute and almost going away in the other.

- It wasn't that bad - he said rolling his eyes.

- You called me Ikran!

- If that's how your name sounds like - he tried to defend himself.

- Ikran is... - she stared so close to laughing again, but he didn't let her finish.

- Yeah, yeah our winged friends. I know. Still that's how your name sounds, no matter what you say Princess - he teased her, but it was like she didn't notice, or she just didn't want to.

- It is Eyk'ran. It is put together from two words, my parents found suitable. What my mother heard from Eywa.

- So what does it mean? - now he was the curious one, his ears perked up as he looked at the na'vi. She found his ears strange, they were small and pointed almost sharp looking. She had to fight the urge to touch them.

- Eyk means lead, but my mother said she used it as short for eyktan. Leader - her voice cracked when she tought about her mother, but she was quick to clear her throat. She didn't want to seem weak. - Ran is... - she cursed in her own language under her nose when she couldn't find the words. - Something that is in you. Something that is who you are. It is born with you. I do not know how to say - she admited quietly, but Miles understood.

- So a born leader, huh? - Eyk'ran looked at him, but just for a second, then she stared to stare at her slim fingers. That is what everyone thought her to be. But how, who she was supposed to lead now that all her people are dead? She should have died with them to. She would have, but the demon in front of her saved her life. Why? She had no idea. And something, maybe Eywa herself, told her, that maybe Miles was just as confused about it as herself. She didn't want to think about it.

- What is the meaning of yours? - she looked at the demon again to distract her thoughts about her failure as a leader.

- Miles? Well... I think it means... Maybe it means soldier - Ironic. He tought.

- Soldier? What is soldier?

- Soldier is a fighter - he tried hoping she understood.

- Tsamsiyu - she said and looked him over and when she saw that the man was confused Eyk'ran explained. - Tsamsiyu means warrior. You are a warrior Miles, you have a heart of one - she added quietly. 

- Oh you think? - he raised his eye brown, but she just rolled her eyes.

- Yes. But your heart is not the problem. The problem is that empty demon head of yours - she snapped and turned away from him.

- Maybe the problem is that my head is not so empty, but sometimes I wish it was - he whisperd thinking about his dreams. The dreams that weren't dreams rather than memories from his previous life. A life of a man who he didn't want to be.

[rottencandybear]

So... One of the things of my lists was going to a zoo. I'll talk about somethings i saw in there (In order pf display).

1- I saw these turtle having fun and it was really funny (The sounds are just me being weird lol);

2- O Really cute poney, i don't remenber her name, but she is really nice, that little horse came to the fance and let everyone pet her, except me, maybe she's racist;

3 & 4- Bear is my favorite animal, i had to hold on so hard trying not to cry. I love bears so much, i can't believe they can kill almost anything with bear hands (lol). One of them was call "bear with glasses", they were called that beacuse of their faces, and for some reasos thoses had amaller nose, they look like a old guy;

5- There was that tree with initials on it. Since I'm a lonely lame bitch i would add some random names initial so the couple would turn it to a threesome;

6- Thats my feet with a draw of a penis on the ground;

7- That pig was given to the zoo from a old lady that could not keep him. He was obese and she didn't have the right equipment to take care of him, he was not even able to walk anymore. The zoo took care of him and now he is way thinner but is still relearning how to walk. And he lowkey look like a fucking pug;

PS: Zoos are totally against my beliefs but it was a thing used to love when i was a kid and it is one of the only good things i remember about being a kid. And i really wanted to see some animal before i went away, like armadilos and some cool as insects and arachnids, but sadly there was none. I steel belive that zoos are some fucked up shit, animals should be free and living the way nature flows....

Well, whatever and sorry for my bad english...

[amnachil]

The College Society Chapter 2 Part 8

This is the last part !

Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey Thursday January 10 – Friday January 11

It was his last exam. The Dean's grandson finished it easily. He was sure to pass anyway. When he went out, he glimpsed Theo. The bastard was waiting for him. What the hell does he want ?

"Hey buddy." he said with a grin. "You have a minute ?"

"Make it thirty seconds, I don't have the fuckin' time to talk with you."

"Okay. I'll chase Liam after all. I want him."

"You want him."

You greedy pig. Fuckin' asshole. Dickhead. I don't know enough curses to qualify you. Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey just smiled dangerously. This bally fucker.

"And why are you suddenly interested ? You failed month ago to get him."

"That's right, but I think I can be in luck now. I have some... advantage. And damn, he became so hot during christmas. Hunky but chunky. I love it. Sorry, you were too slow. He's mine now."

The blond lad just laughed. He laughed so loud that all the students around heard him.

"You're a little swaggerer Theophile. Are you seriously defying me ?"

"Hell yes."

Not that far ago, you were begging me just to have the right to suck my cock. You'll regret this overconfidence. Liam had faced a hunter way more dangerous than Theo. He survived to this Raphaël dude, he can beat a fucking swimteam captain like you too.

"You don't ask what's my plan ?" wondered the law student.

"Sorry but... since you're not a real opponent, I don't care." replied the Dean's grandson.

"Really ? Well, considering you're hunting him for more than one month now, I can only suppose you are rusty. Maybe the best hunter just failed. Maybe he isn't the best anymore."

"And maybe you are missing my dick so much you want it again ? Who knows ? I'm done with your bullshit for today. Bye."

The next morning came quickly. Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey didn't sleep well, because he and his spy Nancy made some research about Theo. And they discovered something really interesting and important. Maybe he have a fucking advantage after all. After that, Nancy and him had had sex, and so he had slept only four or five hours. Anyway, he got some business to make. The faster, the better. The Dean's grandson met Steve Callagan, the head of the music club, in his room. He had just finished a breakfast apparently. There were one thing or two to know about the guy. He was a watcher hunter. He loved to see two chicks or one guy one girl have sex. No gay tho. Never understood why. Two guys, two dicks, it can be funny. And Steve had, like Theo, an official girlfriend, the lovely Bettany. Her name is a porn in itself. Anyway, they were cute together, except Bettany was a chubby chaser and fattened the musician quite a bit. There're more people liking meaty partner than you would say at the first sigh. Myself included some time.

"You want something Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey ?" asked Steve when they were alone.

"I heard you had two tickets for this famous movie saturday. I want them." he commanded. "A porn tape in exchange ? I have recorded a lot of stuff during the holidays, including a sexy delivery girl. Exactly your taste."

"I'm sorry dude but... Matthew Davos from the swimteam already gave me a video of himself and this black runner chick. I took it against a concert ticket. And now Betty really wants to see the movie."

For god sake. Who care about a stupid black girl who looks like an elephant and a little thief ?

"Give me those ticket or I swear to god I'm going to find Bettany straight away and I'll fuck her so hard that she'll be unable to walk for a week. Then I'll be back there and you'll suck my fuckin' dick until you couldn't blow in this stupid tuba of yours. Okay ?"

And Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey got the tickets.

Liam Saturday Januray 12

When he finished his lenghts at the pool, the chestnut lad took a deep breath and went to see Colton. Exams were over and this afternoon, Dami invited him to see a movie. He hadn't much time to discuss with his friend, but he intented to help him as much as possible. But I hope he'll not talk about my past... Colton was currently stretching. Normally, Christmas was the perfect time to be slacking a bit. (Liam did. He had lost a bit of definition but he was working out again now). (It might be the reason why all those girls were accosting him at the gym or the pool). (But he always tried to avoid them, because he suspected the witch to be among the crowd). Anyway, Colton as for him was as handsome as ever. Well-built, not too strong, not too thin. He hadn't the single bit of fat on him. (To Liam, it was a lost, but whatever).

"Hey buddy." started the chestnut lad. "How went your exams ?"

"Good I think." replied his friend. "But I wasn't as focused as I wanted to."

"Why that ?"

Liam decided to play it dumb. It was better than talking about Leila who had threatened him. (She was the evil twin, obviously).

"Barbara cheated on me, and then she left me." Colton confessed with sadness. "She said it was better this way."

Of course, the dark-haired lad was too diplomat to say something mean. He had a sweet tone, even when he announced bad news. Liam suspected him to be half teddy bear. (Teddies Bears were alive, yes, and sometimes they sent a child in the human's world). Anyway, the lad was disgressing. He was here to help his friend.

"Maybe I can do something about it ?" he asked. "Wait, did you said she cheated on you ?"

(Yeah, it took a long time before Liam realised what it meant).

"She didn't say with who, but I'm guessing someone important at the university, cuz right after, she became the future head of the student union. When this girl, Summer, will finish her mandate, they will present Barbara as their favourite candidate. Anyway, I think we can't do much about this. I'm going to swim now, see you later."

Well, she liked to be the class delegate in highschool after all... Liam had suddenly an idea. He could probably know who was the guy in question. He just had to ask Dami. (He was pretty sure this one was important for the university). (He once had said something about the Dean, but Liam didn't remenber well). And then, maybe he could work on something.

Speaking of the devil, he met Dami on the early afternoon for a movie. His blond friend carried with him a bag filled with something, but he didn't say what. They entered in the theater and took their sit.

"You'll see, it's a good movie." assured Dami. "And there, I cooked this. Tell me if you like it."

He offered a cake. Two month ago, Liam would have declined. (At least try, because his friend had some authority). But now, he glady ate it. The film went like this. It really was good. And the chestnut lad consumed everything Dami gave him. He just didn't realised how much it was. There were all kind of pastries, crusty and spongy, with cream, jam or chocolate. In Liam mind, they were both eating peacefully. Yet, at some point he discreetly slipped a hand beneath his shirt and rubbed his belly. He was rather bloated. (It didn't stop him to eat whatever Dami offered tho). Eventually, he realised his tum was very swollen. Looks like I'm stuffed. I ate more than I thought. For a moment, Dami stopped. The movie was almost over when something happen. But Liam didn't realised it happen until the end. When he was about to stand up, he noticed his friend was holding his free hand. Oh.

"I asked you if it was fine." whispered the blond lad. "And you said nothing."

His eyes were showing a mix of excitment and cautiousness. Liam hesitated a second. What does this mean exactly ? Maybe Nate is right. Maybe Dami saw this as a date. But was it a problem ? Liam didn't know the answer at this question. He soflty took his hand off.

"Don't worry, I'm okay with it." he said. "Can you tell me something ?"

His friend frowned, but nodded.

"You probably know Barbara Henrion ? Is there a chance you know who slept with her and offered her a favor afterwards ?"

"She had sex with Javier Esposito, the vice-president of the student union." answered quickly Dami. "This one told me about this. But you know, they're all sleeping with each other in this union."

"Well thank you. And thank you for the movie and the snacks. You really are an awesome chef dude. I have to go to work now so... see you soon."

Liam then joined the night shift of Pasta's Place, as usual. The work happened to be a bit difficult with a full belly, but he managed to do well. Judy checked on him at least ten times. She said he must be careful at everytime of the night and the day. According to her, there was some guy who might corrupt him. (Liam supposed she was referring to some minions sent by the forces of chaos). Anyway, before going to bed, the lad called Nate. Luckily, this one wasn't partying this time, just chillin' at his place. They rapidly talked about Dami, obviously.

"To my opinion, you should give it a try." suggested his bestfriend. "I mean, you deserve a bit of happiness after all what happened. And I think you're ready now, you got enough time since your ex. Plus Damian sounds cool."

"I don't know man. Maybe I'll ruin everything like last time. I don't feel confident yet..."

"Dude, you were in highschool, it was your very first relationship with another boy and he had a lot of issue on his own." reminded Nate. "Damian is two years older than you. He's certainly more mature. It'll be different. It has to be."

Liam nodded slowly. As always, his soulmate was right. But he needed to go slowly. I mean, I don't know Dami that much after all... I must take my time.

"I bet you nodded." whispered Nate. "You know I can't see you through the phone right ?"

Rebecca Monday January 14 LAST PART

She never thought things would change like this, in such a short amount of time. Emilio didn't show up ever again. Of course, she still met him during the University's training. But he avoided her. Bob noticed, but said nothing. In fact, there was one thing her coach didn't know. Rebecca was now dating Matthew. Like Chelsea. They were both with him. It's a nonsense but I don't know. I feel good with him. He was kind, way more than she thought. He also was protective. She felt at ease with him. And god know how supportive he was. When she had been dating Emilio, they were used to talk about running. But he had never encouraged her like Matt did. Chelsea and her were the best among the team, and he was proud of it. He didn't hide his love for both of them. And the weirdest thing ? Sex with the blond lad and Chelsea was awesome. Way different than everything she had try before. The man led the ride, and she was glad with it. I know it only has been six days since we started but... I wonder why I hated him in the first place. He had admitted he was jealous of her at first but it had evolved in feelings for her. So basically, Matthew had a crush and regretted what he had done so he decided to help her. And now they were dating, the three of them together. It was weird, but Rebecca wasn't disliking it.

This evening, during the swim training, she couldn't stop herself staring at her new boyfriend. His tight swimsuit highlighted his handsome body. She had learnt he was 182 cm (6'0") for quite a chunky 77 kg (170 lbs). He was muscular but thick, and she loved it. Liam and Theo might be the only in the pool who could rivalise, despite being both thinner.

"You're looking at Matt with a lot of admiration." pointed out Laura. "Maybe you wanna told me somethin' ?"

"Not really. I was just watching."

"Yeah, watching eh." laughed the petite blonde. "You know, since you broke up with Emilio, you can find another man but... Matthew is with Chelsea. And not your type to be honest. A bit too cocky I think."

"You must be right."

It was what she had thought at the beginning of the year. But he saved her from Emilio. And she liked his confidence eventually. He wasn't a bad guy. Laura continued :

"Anyway, I have another topic to talk about... Promise me you won't be mad."

"Who can against you ? You're so lovely."

"Thanks for that. So... I know things aren't fine between Nick and you. And at first, I thought it was none of my business but... I can stand it anymore. I think you're wrong, since the very outset. I mean, he helped you on several occasion, and yeah, he's a smart aleck, but he was always there for you. And you, what did you do exactly ?"

Rebecca opened her mouth but... nothing came out. She had no good excuse. I was just too proud to admit I was wrong. Their argument started when she had tried to change him. I did that in order to make him conform to my standards. It's not fair.

"You're right." she admitted. "The blame is on me. But what should I do now ? Our friendship is completely over. And you know what ?"

"Hum ?"

"I don't care anymore. Before, when I dated Emilio, I felt guilty but not anymore. I think I understood how works the college society."

"Really ?"

"Hunt, or be hunted, as simple as that." Rebecca affirmed. "I found a pack, and now, I'm ready to be on the hunter side. Nick isn't my concern anymore."

To be continued

And so here we are...

Congratulations Rebecca, you’re now a hunter ! She’s free from Emilio and she found something meaningful for her. Let’s say she’s perfectly fitting in the College Society now ;)

As for Liam well, seems like feeding him was the good choice ! What can make him happier than a full tummy I wonder ? But Damian can still screw this up for sure... And the war with Theo only begins !

Like last time, The College Society will be on hiatus for two or three weeks. Chapter 3 will be longer, and we’ll have a new character POV !

In the meantime, you can read To the Perfection, my other weight gain story !

[fire-adira]

A little about myself

FIRST RULE :  Tag nine muses you would like to know better ! (I was never too good at following rules :D #rebel! )

SECOND RULE : bold the statements that are true for your muse ( italics for situational/verse dependent )

Adira, I choose you!!

APPEARANCE

I am 5'7" or taller (5′7′’ actually, plus heels :D )  I wear glasses  I have at least one tattoo  I have at least one piercing  I have blonde hair  I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined (I mean, not when she is pregnant at least!) I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY

I love meeting new people.  People tell me that I’m funny. Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me. I enjoy physical challenges. (Fite fite fite) I enjoy mental challenges. (A game of sava/chess is always a pleasure for her) I’m playfully rude with people I know well.   I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it. There is something I would change about my personality. (She would like to obliterate her soft and sweet spot completely!) 

ABILITY

I can sing well (She’s doesn’t enjoy singing much, actually xD She does like humming) I can play an instrument (Piano :> She looooves playing it. Reminds her of a few surface times that were actually good) I can do over 30 push-ups without stopping  (gotta get fit!) I’m a fast runner. I can draw well. (Stick man count?) I have a good memory. (being a mage and a matron mother, she really has to XD) I’m good at doing math in my head. I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute. (Helpfull.) I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling.(Why would she bother arm wrestling, really!) I know how to throw a proper punch. (Theorically? Yes! Physically? She doesn’t have much strenght so she laces it with magic xD So I guess?)

HOBBIES

I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month  I enjoy writing  (She prefers reading. Writting is limited to reports so she does it because she has to) I do or have done martial arts (She learned kickboxing a long, long time ago :D) 

EXPERIENCES

I have had my first kiss (It was actually stolen from her. In not the good way. She can’t remenber it anymore) I have had alcohol (more than she can count. Vintage is her favourite :D ) I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have been at an overnight event (drow events count as overnight, yes?) I have been in a taxi (Carriage counts?) I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year (I suppose seeing a healer because of crushed legs count, yes? xD Fighting gravity people sucks) I have visited another country/Planet/Galaxy/Universe (Country and continents. She travels a lot) I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS

I’m in a relationship (Well, complicated. It’s an open relationship with 3 others? 2 now? I’m not sure) I have a crush on a celebrity  I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships (yep!) I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them (does almost killing someone after admiting she loved them counts? xD) I get crushes easily (It is really, really hard for her to crush on someone. Like really hard) I have had a crush on someone for over a year (Yep.) I have been in a relationship for at least a year (Surprising, I know!) I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”  (Actually, I believe she has nobody she considers best friend. Friend? She has few, less than a handfull) I live close to my school (Her school was in Menzo, so she lives faaar) My parents are still together (lol. Her mother killed her father. She killed her mother. Lot’s of drow drama here!)  I have at least one sibling (She has 3 actually! Two sisters that are now dead and one brother. Only family that did not betray her)  There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month ( I share(d) my room with someone (Only in ocasional nights and with only her lovers. Oh and her children too, if they need her)

RANDOM

I have break-danced I know a person named Jamie (What are the odds) I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce (drow names are hard to pronounce) I have dyed my hair (red when she was a wee lad) I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week  (No punch, but she did set them on fire tho.) I know someone who has gone to jail (She has been in the jail too) I have broken a bone (Better ask what bone hasn’t she broken) I have eaten a waffle today  I know what I want to do with my life (She has a very detailed goal. Stuborn drowess) I speak at least 2 languages (She speaks 7. Reading a lot and being 506 is usefull for having time to learn more)

—

Tagged by: @eternal-necrodancer I tag: @luupetitek , @leidensygdom , @agent-underdark , @salokorai , @eine-krone, @misterartist, @das-the-drop-bear

[teabunnie]

I had a lot of mental health issues as a kid. I had sensory issues, an absolute need to fidget and make weird noises, (I vividly remember being publicly shamed by a teacher in this grade for making a NOISE) hallucinations and probably more. The hallucinations and paranoia peaked in my early teens and then just STOPPED. I never spoke to anyone about them even when they were very difficult to deal with because I was a secretive child.

As I got older I was mostly curious about this, but sometimes I worried they would come back. Every few years I see a figure out of the corner of my eye that's not really there and I panic, thinking I'm about to start having hallucinations regularly. I don't.

I have always been very careful to hide my feelings. Almost a decade ago, after something reminded me of an abusive relationship I was incapacitated for a few days. When I tried to force myself to go back to college to avoid failing a class with a strict attendance policy I wrecked my car. My mom saw through me and (correctly) told me I should see a therapist. I started trying to find one.

I called the hotline my mom gave me that was linked to our insurance. I had to answer a long list of prying questions before being emailed a list of providers. I don't remember what was wrong with the first list, but something wasn't right and I had to call back. They told me they needed me to go through the list of questions again. I hated it. I cried. I did it. I wanted help. I was emailed another list of providers. I called one of the providers. They were confused. "You want to make an appointment for yourself?" "Yes." "How old are you?" I was given a list of providers for children. The person at the hotline assumed I was a child without asking, probably because of my voice. I couldn't bring myself to call the hotline a third time. I don't think I could bring myself to tell my mom what had happened.

I'm not sure how long after that I decided to talk to my primary care physician. I told him I was having panic attacks. He tried to prescribe me an SSRI. I was (and am) convinced for a number of reasons that this will not help me. He prescribed me a low dose benzodiazepine as needed. This helped when I took it, but I rarely took it when I needed it because I felt bad about it for one reason or another.

The next year at my appointment he had me fill out a depression survey thing. I didn't think my answers were really dramatic or scary. He did. He tried to convince me to take an SSRI. I told him I wouldn't. He told me that if I asked for a refill on my benzos too soon he would insist. Okay. Another reason not to take them when I needed them. I told him I wanted to see a psychiatrist. I had decided that I specifically wanted to see someone who could make a diagnosis and provide appropriate medication if necessary. In addition to an anxiety disorder I was beginning to suspect that I was on the spectrum. I didn't want a therapist. If I went to a therapist I wanted them to be recommended by a phychiatrist. He gave me a list and personally recommended two people on the list.

I called the first person. They weren't accepting new patients. I called the second person. They weren't accepting new patients, but said they could set me up with someone else in their office. Good enough for me. Let's do it.

After making it to the appointment I realized that they had set me up an appointment with a therapist. Someone who couldn't diagnose me. Someone who couldn't prescribe medication. I decided to make the most of it.

The therapist I saw asked all the wrong questions. She wanted to know what was currently affecting me that day. She told me some things I already knew about panic attacks. She told me that everything I panicked about was something totally reasonable to be upset about, but she said it in a way that made it seem like I didn't have panic attacks. She would get off topic and talk to me about her other patients a lot. I got nothing out of my appointments, but I was so determined to. I tried so hard to be hopeful. I kept going. I spent a few hundred dollars on these appointments. On my last visit she made a sexist comment. There was my breaking point. I felt intensely discouraged. I had a lot going on in my life and I decided to try again later.

My mental health declined and with this came intense stomach and chest pain. I threw up a few times. This had never happened to me before. I went to see my doctor and he checked me for everything he could think of. He could see that I was in terrible shape and he looked genuinely, intensely concerned. He looked defeated when it wasn't the first few things he thought it might be. I asked him if it could possibly be anxiety. He said he really didn't think so. I broke down sobbing and told him about all the things that were worrying me at the time. He was taken aback and said that it might really be anxiety. He told me that I should take my benzos just a little more often when I need them. I was buying a house and we both knew this was probably the last time I would see him.

I moved to the country and my mental health was ever deteriorating. I needed to find help. I found a new primary care physician and asked him for help finding a psychiatrist in the area. He said he was sure there weren't any in the area, and basically that I was on my own finding one.

I tried Google. I called the nearest mental health center. The secretary directed me to a number that went straight to voicemail. I recieved a call back 4 days later where a man left me a voicemail saying to just call back. I did and got the same man on the line. (Same name! Same voice!) He said that he was NOT the person to talk to and he didn't know why I was calling him (less than 24 hours after responding to my initial call) after a lot of yelling about how he didn't understand the new phone system, he directed me to the director of something or other. I tried to explain my situation and she first implied that I was looking for abusable drugs, then said over and over that they couldn't help me because it didn't sound like I had a "serious" mental health problem. Then she said she couldn't help me because of the county I live in. She listed the four counties her office serves, which included my county. I don't know what to say about any of this. I don't remenber what I said. Probably "okay." She told me to call my insurance company.

I eventually worked up the nerve to call my insurance company's mental health hotline. It was a fully automated system. There was no option to speak to a person. I asked for providers within 50 miles. I couldn't understand the name of the provider. I asked for it to be spelled, but I still couldn't understand. Then it glitched and hung up on me. I called back and got the name of the provider. Then it said that was the end of the list. One provider within 50 miles. I googled the phone number and it was another branch of the mental health center I called before. I didn't like that, but I called. The secretary gave me the number of their "income specialist" or something. I called. It was an automatic, always leave a voicemail thing. No chance of getting a person on the phone. I left a voicemail and cried. A week went by and they didn't call. I was too tired to keep trying. I cried a lot. I figured I'd try again in a few months maybe. Maybe.

After two weeks the income specialist called me back. She spoke to me for a while, and though she was kinder about it than the director, she told me she couldn't help me because it didn't sound like I had a serious mental health disorder and I didn't have a caseworker. She asked me the name of the provider the insurance company gave me. It was a unique name. She told me that that person worked there, but they were not a mental health provider and certainly not a doctor. I had already had so many issues with my insurance company at this point that I was hardly surprised. She recommended a psychiatrist in Farmville, a little over an hour away from my house. She said she knew they were accepting new patients. I thanked her.

It took me a while to find the energy to call this psychiatrist. Her secretary seemed confused, and said she would have to check if the doctor was taking appointments and call me back. I said that I was told she was. She insisted that she would have to call me back. She had all my information. A week later I had not recieved a call back. I called again. The answering secretary confirmed that the other secretary must have forgotten about me entirely. She said that there was a long wait list, 3-4 months, but if that was okay she would add me. I agreed. I figured if I've waited this long, I could wait a few more months.

After finally getting on a wait list, my mental health just got worse and worse. I'm in physical pain almost every day. I can't concentrate. I'm doing poorly at work. Sometimes I can't remember to shower for 4 days. I forget what I'm saying mid-sentence. I cry a lot. My stomach is always upset. In the past few days I've had insomnia like never before. I feel like my fiance is having to take care of me like a child. They act like they don't mind, but I do. I want to be helpful. I don't feel helpful most days.

I have always known that my panic attacks are completely different if I'm at work versus if I'm at home. I've been thinking about all the ways in which they are different. And about how recently I seem to completely shut down, unable to think or speak. After some research I think some of my panic attacks aren't panic attacks, but autistic meltdowns. I hoped learning about this would make me feel better, but I just feel hopeless. I want to see a doctor. I'm scared I'll finally see a doctor and they'll be shitty or not have any expertise on autism. I don't have the energy to keep looking. I barely have the energy to get up in the morning. I just don't know what to do.

[amnachil]

The College Society Chapter 2 Part 2

And the next part is here !

Liam Sunday December 3

"You're free handsome, you can leave."

These words were sweet to his hear. After several hours serving customer, Judy finally let him go. (Of course Liam was glad to be serving and not taking care of the dishes anymore, but he met an old lady really strange who tried to touch his ass and he got a little scared). (She tried twice at least).

"You did well by the way." continued his boss. "I mean you only forgot five orders... That's a day to remember !"

The young lad frowned. He did not. (Ok, maybe he did). His coworkers called him "the lost waiter" for a reason... By the way, he wasn't sure to be useful for business.

"There's someone waiting for you outside." she concluded. "See you next week."

Kinda curious, Liam changed and headed towards the door. Surprisingly, it was Nick. That's new. Usually, he's playing video games at this hour. The dark-haired lad was wearing a fluffy jacket and black jeans. When he saw his roommate, he smiled.

"Hey bud'."

"Hey." greeted Liam. "What's going on ?"

He knew something was odd. The geek never went out of their flat without a good reason. And he just smiled, which was unusual since Rebecca and him had argued. And he got this little twitch when he wanted something. (Liam felt proud of himself. He was a real spy when he decided to). (Or just a good friend, but whatever).

"Nothing in particular." answered Nick. "Let's walk for a bit, please ?"

"Uh, okay."

Then, they became silent. At start, Liam just watched his friend. But then, his eyes got caught by a weird trash can on the other side of the street. It looked broken. I wonder who did that... Maybe Nick ? (He then remembered what he did, like three months ago, and he just blushed). Anyway, they  arrived at their building, but Nick just continued straight ahead.

"I'm not in the mood to listen to Rebbie and her boyfriend fuck." he complained. "Come on, let's go to the fastfood at the corner. I'm hungry".

Liam was honestly sleepy (like almost every night). (Or maybe everytime ?). However, he had also zero willpower. (You could ask him to dance naked in the street, he would do it). (Thinking about it, maybe not).

"Dude, are you coming or not ?" asked his roommate. "Stop looking at the sky like this, it's freaky".

Once inside, Nick ordered two burgers and some fries, and they sat far away the other customer. For a short time, they remained silent again. Liam nearly fall asleep. (Once he started to close his eyes, he had a really hard time resisting).

"So what's the deal ?" asked suddenly Nick. "Between you and this girl ?"

"You mean Judy ?"

"Not your boss silly, Colton's girlfriend. I saw you watching her. I mean, normally you're not looking something or someone in particular, just... dreamin'. But each times she's around, it's different. Have you a crush on her ? Cuz Nate let me thought you weren't... interested in girl anymore ya know ?"

Liam's brain took in the information. He's talking about Barbara. Dude his friend was more observant than he believed. He's always playing with his gameboy, but he saw that... I wonder if everyone else know too. But the truth was... Liam just failed to talk with Barbara. He just chickened out and ran under his blanket each time he tried to approach her.

"I'm not in love with her." belied the young lad. "I just happen to know her from highschool... But can we not talk about it ? Like we're not talking about you running away from our appartment because there are zombies in it."

(It was Liam's conclusion. Nick would only left if he mistakenly summoned undead). (But the unicorns would save the day). His friend stared at him, stunned.

"Man, you're so weird. I honestly don't understand how you're functioning. Anyway, I was just a bit angry at myself for stuff... But now it's ok. Let me finish this and we can go back, I can tell you're dead on your feet."

Rebecca Monday December 4

All the weekend, she had sensed something bad would happen. She had thought it was about sport, and couldn't find what the hell she had been missing. But now, she remenbered. The fucking group project. It was due for today, and they didn't finish it. Rebecca woke up panicked. She barely noticed Emilio who was still sleeping, and got dressed hella fast. Then, she rushed her neighbor's flat. Please, be awake. It's in one fucking hour. Please be awake. She couldn't afford to have a bad grade. Rebecca knocked so hard on the door that she probably woke up the whole floor. But Liam and Nick weren't answering. Those bloody sleepy heads ! She rushed towards the closest library. Let's hope I can do something by myself. She tried to call Colton, but he didn't ansewer either. Damnit. Rebacca was almost there when she ran into Matthew.

"Hey girl !" he shouted. "Where are you heading so fast ?"

"I forget to finish a group paper. I'm sorry but I need to go."

"Oh come on, that's no big deal." he replied ironically. "Stop being so serious about everything. You're already a star athetle, why do you need to study in the first place ?"

She stopped for a sec and looked at him. What a dumb question. My parents want me to. It's for my future.

"C'mon girl." Matthew laughed. "I mean, wouldn't you be better if you only trained ? And you really could use some free time for yourself. You got a bad reputation in the campus to be honest."

"What ? Why ?"

"Well, you're trying to be the best runner, the best swimmer, the best student and all... It's kinda obvious people don't like it. Oh, and your boyfriend got a lot of women after him aswell. They hate you."

Rebecca didn't knew what to say. People hated her... because she tried to be perfect ? What the hell ? Maybe that's the reason why Nick is so raging lately... He simply was jealous of her success.

"Anyway, it's always nice to talk with you, but I should hurry." stated Matthew. "Chelsea's waiting for me at the coffee shop."

Rebecca nodded and watched him draw away. Weird. After everything he did, I thought he just hated me but... now he's nice. Maybe he's trying to make it up on his behavior.

The young girl tried her best on the group project. Sadly, it wasn't enough at all. She headed towards the class quite depressed. Matthew's words were still making her think. And she feared the bad grade incoming. When she entered in the room, she looked at Colton, Liam et Nick. The first one looked a bit stressed too.

"We are screwed guys." he admitted while she sat. "We didn't finish the paper. In fact, we barely did it at all."

"We had a paper ?" asked Liam.

They all looked at him. That guy will turn me crazy one day. Did he know they had exams coming soon ? How the hell he managed to go to college exactly ?

"In fact, you're worried for nothing." assured Nick. "Because while you were all doing god know what, the genius I am did the project. Alone."

He gave it to the teacher with a smile.

"Don't thank me fellows." he added. "I know Rebbie doesn't like to thank people who saved her ass anyway."

She opened her mouth, but nothing came to her mind. He had all the rights in the world to be mad. And she should say something, she knew that. But his provoking look enraged her. Damnit. The runner girl was too proud. She just ignored him. And felt hella bad about it.

Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey Wednesday December 6

The lad moaned. On the screen, the girl just pronounced his name in such a positive way. Bloody hell she had a sensual voice. With the remote, Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey rewound. Oh damn, that was so hot. Yeah, Amber, the chearleader captain, had a beautiful voice. He sped up the video until he saw Zack Jonhson. This one murmured his name. Hell. That's something. Zack had a special tone. Especially when he said "Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey". He just whispered each syllabe with so much passion. The Dean's grandson listened it again. And again. Eventually, he came with a satisfied grunt. That was so good. A bit awkward, but so good anyway.

"Hey Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey !" hailed Summer through the door of his appartment. "Are you in there dude ?"

Well, she didn't pronounced his name like in the video, this bitch. She was way more submissive in bed. The blond lad adjusted his boxers and closed his zipper. He didn't bothered put a shirt, and opened the door.

"What do you want ?"

Stupid cow. She had gained some weight since she had become the head of the student. Just, Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey had nothing against some chub. In fact, he could like it in some people. But this dummy ? She was uglier everytime he saw her.

"You asked me to tell you when the swimmers started their training." she reminded him. "Well they just started. And wow there are some cuties among them. Theo kept his card close to his chest."

She was definitely lusting after those guys. Such a pathetic predator. She was a collector, she couldn't handle the "break-up phase". And that was why she would be in troubles one day. But he didn't care, since he had already fucked her enough. He finally took a shirt, and headed towards the pool without even a glance for her.

When he arrived, he first heard Theo. That man had a strong voice. An unctuous one. He's a sneaky little bastard, but we had our greet time together. They ended it on a mutual agreement. Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey then remarked Laura. The loyal girlfriend. That was a lovely weird story, honestly. Laura was deeply in love with Theo, even if she knew what he was doing. They had a sort of agreement, because he helped her back in times. It's cute, he loves her and fuck chubbies in the same time.

"Uh... Sorry but I need to get to the pool please. I'm already late."

Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey turned over and stared at his prey. Oh god, I'm in luck. It might even be too easy. He had done some research, and knew the boy's name was Liam. He was from the middle of nowhere. He had achieved highschool with an A-, and was now studying economics. He wasn't a scholarship holder, and he lived in a flat outside the main campus with one roommate. I also noticed he's from the same town than this cute soccer player... Muller. I like that boy, he's gifted. Anyway, it was time to start the hunt. And this braindead freshman didn't move yet. He was just looking... What the hell is he lookin' at exactly ?!

"I'm Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey." the Dean's grandson introduced himself. "Nice to meet you."

The boy didn't answer. How come ? Is he that stupid ? Liam was tall, and ripped. Ripped as hell. Broad-shouldered, he had an impressive chest, and a blossoming six-pack. He was probably doing some cardio and muscle-development exercises as well as swimming. His face was kinda sexy. With chestnut hair, masculine feature, he had deep grey eyes, with a glint of blue. And his ass, that fucking ass made the hunter's cock hard in a second. But Liam seemed completely lost in his thoughts. I'm not being ignored by a little shitty swimmer. No way. Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey kicked the lad in the leg. Gently of course. The freshman landed on Earth.

"What ? Did you say something ?" he asked.

"I'm Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey." repeated patiently the hunter.

"Hello. I'm Liam Strucker. Nice to meet you."

There was something really, really odd about his tone. He sounds completely high, but he isn't. In fact, he didn't seem stupid either. I thought he was but...

"Can I go to the pool now ?" asked Liam. "I should be doing lenghts by now."

"Yeah, just go."

The hunt would be harder than the Dean's grandson expected. I think I understood why Theo failed to pick up this guy. It'll be fun.

To be continued

Some develpment without weight gain I know but we’ll come to it ! So Liam and Damian finally met ! Let’s see if the hunter will succeed to have our dreamy boy in his bed !

Nick is an important character for the story, even if he hasn’t his own pov. He’s a nice guy, doing all the work alone and all. But what’s in his mind ? Maybe it is related to the little belly he’s denying ? ;)

In a month or so, I’ll start to post another long story at the same time (probably every saturday). It’s called To the perfection and the main characters are Thomas Muller and Dan Vince. It’ll feature a lot of pining, kinky desires and weight gain.