#and its only a pale imitation of his brilliance but its also all that ive ever had access to
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Thomas Hardy said Neutral Tones, baby
#i have a couple of days to decide whether or not to fly out and spend my birthday with my dad#im like. trying to be an adult. and work on my relationship with my dad and mend it because i love him alot#i know he loves me so so so much in return. like its the polar opposite of my mother. he always has.#but every now and then that deep resentment resurfaces and all i can think about is how apathetic and detached he was.#and hes been so present and active over the last 5-6 years. i know this is him trying#her church and her schools and her books and her poetry and her colours and her everything#nothing of his culture. nothing of what makes him himself was shared with me. I had to put the pieces of him together#and its only a pale imitation of his brilliance but its also all that ive ever had access to#all that i was allowed to have.#when lana said: here's the deal; my father never stepped when his wife would rage at me- so i grew up awkward but sweet etc#its clearly universal y'know 😍 men being emotionally unavailable 😍😍😍😍#anyway we're working on breaking the cycle !!1#so i will probably fly out#its just hashtag a l o t
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