#and literally don’t know how to resolve them aside from my college method

[curiosity-killed]

Shoutout to my friend who watched me go from “I feel like I’m going to throw up” to “I think I’m going to have an anxiety attack” to actively hyperventilating on the floor in the space of 1 (one) minute and somehow responded effectively.

Significantly less of a shoutout to my body for APPARENTLY having the exact same physical cues for both “going to pass out from low blood sugar/dehydration” and an anxiety attack

[hqbbg]

dense.

pairing: iwaizumi x reader

summary: you’re dense and iwaizumi is stubborn.

genre: fluff

word count: 2.0K

warnings: language

author’s note: idk why but i've been simping for this mans all week (actually nvm i do know why,, like who wouldn’t) but also it’s late at night and idk what this is but pls accept and enjoy it 👉🏼👈🏼👉🏼👈🏼

Your mother had always told you it was rude to stare and throughout your childhood, you did your best to avoid getting scolded at for staring at random people. However, while sitting at a café in an attempt to study, you can’t help but shift your focus from the notes in front of you to the boy sitting a few tables away, chewing on the eraser of his pencil as he leans over his notebook, looking deep in thought. You have your cheek pressed against your left palm, your elbow propped up on the table and your pencil not even in your hand anymore as you shamelessly stare at the stranger.

He’s sitting in your direct line of sight ahead of you and you’re sure that you’re also in his, but he has yet to notice or acknowledge you. He looks smart—or at least is trying to be—as he releases the end of his pencil from his teeth to scribble something down onto his notebook.

His eyes flicker up in your direction and you quickly avert your eyes back down to your notebook but keep your head in the same angle in order to avoid looking suspicious. You pretend to be deep in thought for a moment before your eyes make their way back to look at the handsome stranger in front of you, his own attention devoted to whatever it is he’s studying.

You’re not even sure how much time has passed before you feel someone flick the back of your head, causing you to wince and angrily turn to see the person responsible for the subtle throbbing you feel now.

“Ow, that hurt, Iwaizumi,” you frown as you rub the back of your head.

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes as he sits down across from you, effectively blocking the view. He places your coffee down in front of you and takes a sip of his own, raising a brow as he looks at your notes.

“You’ve barely made any progress.”

“I was taking a study break,” you reply as you drop your hand from your head.

“Study break my ass,” he scoffs. “You’ve been staring at that guy since I left to go stand in line for your coffee—you’re welcome, by the way.”

“Thanks,” you mutter as you lift the cup to your face and inhale the fragrant smell of coffee, taking a sip shortly after. “Also, can you blame me? He’s really cute.”

Iwaizumi looks at you and you swear that you see his eye twitch slightly.

“Your exam score is not going to be cute if you don’t focus now, you know,” he says as he sets his cup down, leaning back in his seat as he crosses his arms across his chest.

“I know,” you sigh as you pick your pencil back up. “I can’t focus, though.”

“We’ve been here for half an hour. Have you even tried?” Iwaizumi raises an unimpressed brow.

“Of course I have,” you huff indignantly. “It only took me ten minutes to get all my stuff out and then five more minutes to use the bathroom. I tried to study for at least five more minutes before I got distracted.”

“Well, now that I’m here, you shouldn’t have any distractions,” says Iwaizumi as his lips quirk up into the slightest smirk. You sigh dramatically but know that there’s nothing you can do.

His method of forcing you to at least try to study is affective for some time, but the content of your notes is utterly dry and quite frankly, you’re bored.

“You didn’t have to come today,” you say casually. You’ve been searching for an excuse to not study for the past few minutes, and this seems to be the only thing you can come up with.

Iwaizumi looks up from his phone for a moment before looking back down, his thumb scrolling through whatever app he’s on.

“Who else is supposed to keep you focused? Plus, it’s not like I had anything better to do today.”

You blink a couple times at him but say nothing.

Iwaizumi has slowly and steadily been spending more time with you lately, keeping you company practically anywhere and everywhere you went. You didn’t mind necessarily, since you two get along aside from the occasional bullying you both inflict upon each other which is all in good fun. Plus, he’s pretty easy on the eyes, so you have no complaints there.

You’d known him for quite some time now but can’t remember when exactly you two had become friends. You remember seeing him when you were both in high school, with you as a faithful supporter of your school’s boys’ volleyball team while he was part of the opposing school’s team, practically glued to his much more popular friend—what was his name? It started with an O…—and was always overshadowed by him. You didn’t see him much again until you came to college and recognized him in one of your classes. Over time, you seemed to naturally gravitate towards each other and have gotten to where you are now a whole year later.

“I really can’t focus,” you huff as you set your pencil down, leaning back into your seat with a slouch. If your mother saw you right now, she would probably scold you for your posture.

“We’ve been here for barely an entire hour,” says Iwaizumi, looking up from his phone again.

“It’s just one of those days, you know? Maybe I can try studying later tonight or something, but bottom line is that I can’t be productive right now.”

“Fine. What do you want to do instead?” Iwaizumi puts his phone down and looks plainly at you.

“I didn’t think I’d get this far,” you say to yourself, but loud enough for him to hear. “Well, I guess for starters, can you scoot over to the side a little?”

“No,” Iwaizumi says without missing a beat.

“Aw, come on,” you whine. You know it’s childish and are very aware that it bothers Iwaizumi when you’re like this, so you do it a little more to egg him on. “If the situation was switched and a pretty girl was behind me, I’d gladly move to the side for you!”

“If you want to look at some guy so bad, just look at me.”

You want to protest but a different idea comes to mind.

“Fine,” you say and lean forward to prop both elbows onto the table in front of you, cupping your own face as you stare at him.

Iwaizumi looks at you questioningly, his eyebrows furrowed but you notice the slightest tint in his face to betray the unimpressed expression on his face.

“You look like a dumbass,” he says, not looking you in the eye as you blink innocently at him.

“You know, after all this time, I think I just realized your eyes are kinda green,” you say, ignoring his statement.

“How long are you going to keep this up?” Iwaizumi also doesn’t seem to have a problem ignoring your statements.

“Keep what up?” You can’t help but smile smugly at him.

Iwaizumi inhales deeply before he also leans forward to mirror your position, his face dangerously close to yours. You never realized how small the table between the two of you was and now it’s your turn to blush.

“I can sit here all day like this if you want,” he teases, a confident smirk plastered on his face. He still can’t meet your eyes for too long before he has to look away, but you don’t mind because suddenly, you are also having trouble maintaining eye contact with him.

“Maybe not all day,” you say, doing your best to not look fazed by any of this. You’re also feeling very aware of how the two of you must look to other onlookers and can’t help but feel the embarrassment heat your face up even more.

“You can always give up first,” he taunts, maintaining his smirk.

You internally curse his stubborn resolve and the fact that you are able to match it, refusing to give up first.

“The more I look at them, the prettier your eyes seem to be,” you decide to use a different approach in getting him to give up first.

“That’s not going to work on me,” Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, shaking his head slightly.

“Wow, do people just tell you that all the time then? Must be nice.”

“I’m surprised it took you this long to notice,” he retorts.

“Clearly, I’m not the most observant person in the world,” you push your lower lip out just the slightest bit to form a small pout. The flicker of his eyes to your lips does not escape you.

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” he says. “Something can be painfully obvious and in front of you and you still wouldn’t notice because you’re just that dense.”

“Pfft, notice something like what?” You frown, furrowing your eyebrows. Sure, sometimes you were a little clueless, but you didn’t go as far as to consider yourself dense.

“Like a test or quiz answer—”

“Lame. Everyone misses things like that from time to time,” you scoff.

“—or if someone likes you.”

“Well, someone has to like me in order for me to notice that kind of stuff,” you retort back.

“You’re literally not seeing it right now and it’s right in front of you,” Iwaizumi frowns, unable to look you in the eye.

You feel like you’re catching onto what he’s saying now but decide once more to give him a hard time just to confirm your thoughts.

“Wait, do you think the guy behind you is into me then?”

You see the irritation on Iwaizumi’s face and do your best to not laugh.

“Forget I even said anything,” he scowls as his eyes fix onto something behind you.

“If I’m dense, then maybe you can just enlighten me,” you say, your eyes searching his face for any signs that he might be upset with you, just in case. He just seems a little dejected.

“There’s no point,” Iwaizumi sighs. “Maybe the guy behind me can tell you for me.”

“Wait, I was just teasing you,” you pout your lips slightly again leaning to the side to get into his view. You hadn’t meant to hurt his feelings or anything. “Just tell me.”

“I’m not good at this stuff,” he grumbles as he looks away from you again.

“You can tell me anything, Iwaizumi,” you say, removing one hand from your face to reach over and poke his arm. Sometimes you forget how toned and solid his arms are.

“You’re just giving me a hard time now, aren’t you?” Iwaizumi looks at you skeptically and you can’t resist the small grin on your face. “You’re a crappy person, you know that?”

“Aw, don’t be like that,” you whine, your grin leaving your lips as quickly as it came. “You still haven’t told me.”

“Should I spell it out for you?”

“If that’s the method you choose, I won’t stop you,” you shrug as you bring your hand back to cup your face. Iwaizumi gives you a look, unamused.

“I like you.”

Your hunch is confirmed but hearing it out loud from him makes you feel different.

“Can you say that again?”

“No,” Iwaizumi frowns as he relents, dropping his arms and leaning back, looking away from you. You can see his cheeks and ears are reddening by the second and can’t resist the smile on your face.

“I guess I am pretty dense when it comes to that stuff,” you say as you also drop your arms and sit up straight. “On a serious note, can I have some time to process that?”

“Sure,” Iwaizumi nods as he grabs his coffee cup, getting ready to stand. “I guess I’ll see you later.”

“Where are you going?” You look at him with curious eyes.

“Do you not want me to leave you alone?”

“No,” you shake your head. “If anything, can you just tell me again? I want to make sure I heard you right the first time.”

“You really are a crappy person,” Iwaizumi says, but you can see the small smile on his lips. “You would’ve gotten along well with my friend Oikawa.”

“Ah! That’s his name!”

[phoenix1966sbottom]

Hi Phoneix! Do you have any favorite fics discussing the more gloomy, realistic problems between Sam and Dean? Safiyabat's for example (just an example, it doesn't need to be something like that), but non-slash is fine with me. Preferably hurt Sam, and no fixing. Also, if you don't mind, I'm curious what's your idea on their dysfunctional relationship? Thank you! ( I understand this is a fic rec blog, please just ignore my question if you don't feel to answer :)

When I read your first sentence, I immediately thought of Safiyabat for their wincest and gen stories. I haven’t come across many that really focus on the dysfunctional nature of the family relationship as well as their stuff and stays close to canon (there are plenty of serial killer!AUs, etc., for example).

That being said, I have a couple of gloomy ones and ones that just focus on the broken, family dynamic. Hurt!Sam all the way. Heed the warnings where the stories are hosted as there are deathfics in this list, not to mention other disturbing content (also, John and/or Dean are not “good” guys in these stories):

Remember When…by darkroses on Ao3. Sam/Dean, Dean/John. Wincest. John is mysteriously back from the dead and Sam is happy about that until he walks in on his father and Dean. Sam is upset and jealous, so Dean reminds him of times in their past.Sam doesn’t want to think about those times. Dean thinks Sam is playing a game by shying away from him.

Don’t Let Me Know We’re Invisible by mimblexwimble on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean. Wincest. The sex is ambiguous. Sam just can’t cope with the hunting life.

Wild Men Who Caught and Sang the Sun by kroki-refur on adult-fanfiction.org. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Sam is Dean but Dean is not Sam.

What Doesn’t Kill Us by kroki-refur on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean, Sam/John. Wincest. Incest. Heed the warnings on this one! John and Dean use abusive methods to keep Sam in line. (this might be f-locked now)

Talk to Me by darkroses on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. John walked in on the unthinkable. He never wanted this to happen but he needed answers. He hoped this wasn’t true. He hoped there was another reason.

The Wolf At His Door by goandgetthegun on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest.  Dean wants Sam in every way he shouldn’t, so when he gets an opportunity to have what he wants, he takes it.

The Virgin by darkroses on Ao3. Sam/John (non-con). Wincest. Sixteen year old Sam is on a hunt with his dad, brother, and Bobby. The thing is targeting virgins. John takes matters into his own hands to protect Sam.

And if I show you my dark side by ratherastory on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Dean will never let Sam go, and Sam knows it. This changes nothing, but it changes everything.

These two are a/b/o by darkroses:

To Have Worth. Sam/Dean. Wincest AU. Dean claims Sam from a young age to be his omega. Sam wasn’t sure how he felt about that. His feelings changed with time. All he wanted was to be worth something. No matter what Sam offered, he could never have what he was searching for.

The Monster in the Shadows. Sam/John, Sam/Dean. Wincest AU. John comes to terms with how to treated Sam after he presented as an omega at the tender age of twelve. He only did what he thought he was right. He can never make up for what he did. He can never change what Sam thinks of him now.

And, finally, a gen one I really liked because it showed how Sam suffered for a decision Dean made (something the show, in my opinion, teases at but never fully resolves. e.g. Dean selling his soul and not really considering what hell he’s condemning his brother to in the process, allows an angel to possess him even though he knows Sam hated every moment of Meg and Lucifer). It goes AU after Dean knocks Sam unconscious and leaves him on the ground in 9X23.

How the Wild Things Start by foolscapper on Ao3. Gen. Sam-centric. "This is where it starts — the brightly lit ring, the screams, the glinting of knives, the baring of teeth. This, right here, is where it begins. Sam turns to Dean, Metatron just a hero’s walk away, and Dean slams his fist into the side of Sam’s face. It will bruise, but that’s not the point. Sam will not face Metatron’s blade and wrath, but that is not the point. The point is, Dean puts Sam’s hands on his chest, the action sickly sweet like perfume left on a tacky, bloated corpse — and then he walks away. He leaves Sam, dreaming black dreams on the ground, just outside of the impala. Baby does not protect him when one of Abaddon’s followers finds him. Baby does not scream for help or look for Dean when the demons drag Sam’s unconscious body away.When Dean leaves Metatron’s burnt-out husk, his bones screaming ecstasy from the kill, he finds Sam gone.“

As for my thoughts on dysfunctional wincest…I’ll put them below the cut so people can skip that if they want.

I started watching the show as it went on the air, so I have had 12 years to mull over all sorts of relationships, etc. Below are my thoughts on wincest in fanon. I am by no means saying it exists in canon or should exist in canon. These are simply my opinions. 

Wincest, to me, was there from the start. You’ve got the father (and one day I will sit down and write out my take on John) who raises his sons as soldiers (I know Sam described them as “warriors” in the pilot, but I suspect the word choice was intentional by the writers. There are rightfully all types of negative connotations to the phrase “child soldier”). Nevertheless, this is how they were raised.

The sons were never given the time or permission to form outside attachments with all the moving around John put the family through. They were taught at a young age to lie, and later to cheat and steal via credit card fraud and pool hustling at the very least (a reason the whitewashing of John’s character in these last few seasons irks me. “I raised you right” was John’s motto? Really? However, that is a discussion for another time)

Dean was given the heavy burden of raising his brother. John stripped him of his childhood and drilled into him to always “take care of Sammy” from a very young age. And that is where I see the seeds of wincest, with the older brother having proprietary feelings for his younger because John placed Sam (literally and figuratively) in Dean’s hands. And, at his end, John placed Sam’s life once more in Dean’s control by urging him to save or kill his younger brother while leaving Sam in the dark about what he knew.

John emphasized family first according to his rules and did not allow them to leave (except, of course, he was allowed to go off and not only father another son, but let that son have the life, including “normal” dad, Sam and Dean ached for). The price of leaving the family (and for college, not to run off to deal drugs, etc.)? Excommunication from the only family/support system Sam was allowed to have. Having made his sons so dependent on the family unit, I wonder if John secretly thought Sam would eventually cave and come crawling back to them (my speculation - nothing in the show overtlypointed to this).

For me, that sealed the deal that Sam and Dean were much like two people trapped on a deserted island, or like siblings trapped in an attic with a parent that was only sporadically present - ripe breeding ground for incestuous thoughts and feelings. No, I don’t for one second see it as a healthy relationship, because the boys were never allowed to know healthy.

Furthermore, Dean was always the controlling partner. I would say to the point of obsessiveness, which is understandable given the pressures that were placed on him by John. In the first season, we get to see Dean isolating Sam from the life he was building outside of the “family”. In “Skin”, he sort of mocks Sam for staying in touch with his friends, making him feel guilty that he is dishonest with them and agrees when Sam rather incredulously asks if he is supposed to just cut them out of his life. By the end of that episode, Sam is resigned to no longer really staying in touch. But Dean, like John, gets to live by different rules. We discover Dean did have a relationship with Cassie while Sam was away, going so far as to break that unspoken rule the family had about not revealing the hunting life to people they aren’t “saving”. That backfired on him, with her ending the relationship. When they meet up again in the first season, he promises to come back to her even though she doesn’t believe they have a chance. He never does return and even ignores Sam’s offer of staying there longer (Sam wanting Dean to have that life he himself had tried to fashion is once again echoed in the promise he extracts from Dean in Swan Song. Notice that when Dean returned from Purgatory [when he was thought dead], he harangued and punished Sam verbally and emotionally for trying for normal once again).

So, the show continued its slow reinforcement of the boys never having successful relationships outside of their tiny family. Sam “fails” at love when almost all his significant others die, and Dean “fails” at love when he is either rejected by them or he feels they are unsafe knowing him (in the latter, he makes one of his unilateral “I know what’s good for you even though this will take away some of your autonomy” decisions and has Lisa & Ben mindwiped. foolscapper did a dark fic au on how that choice played out in the end…ouch)

To me, there is so much fodder to play with in fanon for a twisted, unhealthy relationship with a dark, controlling Dean. Although I read very little written like that, it is my favorite wincest headcanon. This is not to say I don’t enjoy a romanticized version of wincest (because I do very much and it is usually my preferred reading), but, to me, the show enforces an unhealthy, push vs. pull relationship between the two that they will never completely resolve.

As an aside, I also find it almost humorous we all refer to them as “the boys” when they are men (if you take into account their age), as though we subconsciously acknowledge they have not grown up into adults in the conventional sense of the word and probably never will.

They truly are the lost boys doomed to never leave Neverland.