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#and maybe i am at fault and it's just that the way word this i interpret this way?
clarisse0o · 2 days
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Camp Wiegman-Part 73
Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle
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Alternative Universe: Military School
Words: 5K
Masterlist
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Thursday, March 24; 8:30 AM – Camp Wiegman
I’ve never seen such organization. Mr. Johnson has planned everything down to the smallest detail. Everything except maybe the bus being late. Still, we know the time to leave is approaching quickly. Our management teacher, along with Lucy and Ingrid, are our chaperones for this trip, which is seeming more and more boring. Through a small note, we found out that the company we’re visiting isn’t even in Manchester, so we’ve got quite a drive ahead. I made sure to pack my headphones for the trip after confirming with Lucy that it was allowed. I have a feeling I won’t enjoy any of this. The company selected is an industrial one. To be honest, none of this interests me at all. Seeing that nothing was happening for a while, I slipped out of the group standing by the grills to go see Lucy.
"Are we leaving soon? This is getting long."
"I know. The driver’s on his way. Your teacher just spoke to him on the phone."
"Okay," I sighed.
"Come on, don’t complain, you’re getting out of a whole day of classes."
I shrugged. Honestly, I think I’d rather stay here, given what’s waiting for us. Lucy laughed at my lack of enthusiasm.
"Oh, come on, it could be cool. It’s interesting to see the world of cars."
"Speak for yourself."
From her perspective, it’s definitely different. She really likes motor vehicles. At least there’s one person who’s going to enjoy this trip.
"Go join the others, we’ll be leaving soon."
I sighed but did as told, heading back toward my friends. At least she was right. After a few more minutes, the bus finally arrived, much to everyone’s relief, especially the teachers, given how my class was starting to get restless. After one last headcount, we were finally able to board the bus. As for me, I hung back with my friends, as well as Lucy and Ingrid. We figured everyone would rush to get the back seats, and that’s exactly what happened. Johnson had to shout to be heard over the commotion. Poor guy, he’s going to lose his voice at this rate. Our turn came, and the only thing that mattered to me was sitting near my girlfriend, which luckily, I did. I sat with Alessia, just behind Ingrid and Lucy, but in front of Lotte and Leah. At least we were sure we wouldn’t be bothered. Our teachers sat in the same row as Lucy. She took the window seat, which was fine by me. At least I knew my management teacher wouldn’t bug her. I’d already noticed he’d been trying to cozy up to her since this morning. I’m not jealous—okay, maybe just a little. He did one last headcount before giving the driver the green light. The noise in the bus was deafening. I was going to get a headache before we even reached the factory. I was already not feeling great anyway.
"Sorry for the delay. Traffic is terrible this morning," the driver explained. "There was an accident on the road I took. It was too late to turn back."
"It’s not your fault," my teacher sighed. "But this means it’ll take us longer to get there. We’ll probably hit rush hour."
Wonderful! That was the last thing I wanted to hear. My exaggerated sigh made Alessia laugh.
"Wow, you’re really not excited, huh?"
"Next time, I’ll fake being sick."
"Not in your wildest dreams," I heard Lucy say from the front.
I made silly faces, making my friend laugh, but it caught my girlfriend’s attention. She raised an eyebrow, but I just gave her an angelic smile in return. Luckily for me, she quickly gave up.
"You didn’t wake up on the right side of the bed, did you?"
I shrugged. Not really, no. I got my period this morning, and it’s been a while since I’ve had such bad cramps. That’s not something I was about to tell her, though. If this was the price for restarting my whole system down there, then so be it, although I could have done without it. I sighed, leaning my head against the window. This trip was going to be long—I could feel it.
"You’re really pale. Are you sure you’re okay?" Alessia asked.
She placed her hand on my forehead to check my temperature. Her comment seemed to alert Lucy, who turned around again.
"I’m fine," I sighed. "Just feeling a bit off."
"What’s wrong?" Lucy asked. "You look like you’re about to be sick."
Now that she mentioned it, my stomach wasn’t the only thing bothering me. I shrugged in response.
"Do you mind switching seats, Alessia?"
"No, not at all," she replied.
Within minutes, Lucy was sitting next to me. She touched my forehead, but I didn’t think she’d find anything. I didn’t feel like I had a fever.
"Did you eat anything this morning?"
"Yeah."
I blushed, looking down at my hands. I didn’t know how to explain what was wrong without saying it out loud.
"Does something hurt?"
There it was—the opening I needed.
"My stomach, but it’s not because of what I ate..."
She raised an eyebrow at my confident tone. Then, I saw the light bulb go off in her head.
"Oh. I see. Did you take anything?"
"No, I didn’t have anything on me..."
"Okay, hang on."
She bent down to rummage through her bag. All I wanted to do was collapse onto her, but we both knew that wasn’t possible. Johnson, who was sitting a row ahead, started asking Lucy about me, but she quickly brushed him off, saying she could handle it. Usually, when my periods started like this during my teenage years, the pain would escalate, which was what worried me. I still had cramps sometimes, but not this intense. Normally, you couldn’t tell by looking at me, and I rarely complained.
"Here, take this."
She handed me a pill along with a bottle of water. I swallowed it without even asking what it was, especially now that even my head was starting to ache. I would have taken anything to make it stop.
"You’re usually not in this much pain, are you?"
"No."
I blushed again. I didn’t want her to think it was her fault. She just nodded.
"Rest up. We’ve got at least an hour before we get there, thanks to the traffic."
I nodded and leaned my head against the window. It wasn’t the best idea, considering the way it was shaking my head, but I didn’t have much choice.
"Don’t be silly. Come here—it’ll be more comfortable."
She surprised me by inviting me to rest my head on her shoulder. I wasn’t going to complain. It was clearly much more pleasant. With that, I closed my eyes, hoping the medicine would kick in.
Thursday, March 24; 9:50 AM – At the company 
"And here we are," my teacher announced.
We had just arrived at the company, a full half-hour behind schedule. I was cold. Lucy had woken me up just before we arrived, and my body was struggling to warm up again. All I wanted was to be in my girlfriend’s arms. I hated being so close to her yet feeling so far away.
"I expect you all to behave impeccably during this visit. This is one of the few trips that’s been approved by our school, so don’t make the principal or me regret it."
Oddly, everyone had calmed down. I’m not sure what had happened, but the last thing I remembered was the incessant noise of my classmates, which had kept me from sleeping properly. Lucy was by my side, and I don’t think she was planning on going anywhere. She was so sweet to care this much about me.
"As I mentioned in class, you'll be divided into four groups of six or seven people. We'll assign the groups, and then we can begin."
Everyone is called one by one. Lucy kept me by her side, assuring me that we would spend the day together. To be honest, I tried hard to get her to reveal who was on her list, like Alessia, but surprisingly, she didn’t let anything slip. So, it would be a surprise. The surprise didn’t last long though. Ingrid was the first to form her group, and Alessia and Lotte were in it. I realized Mr. Johnson had purposely separated us. My other classmates weren’t with their usual groups either. Well, at least he ensured we were with someone we knew. Then it was Lucy’s turn. I was right—Leah was in my group, along with a few others I barely knew. I don’t tend to talk to many others, but being with Leah is fine. Though she didn’t seem too pleased, judging by the sigh she let out as she joined us.
"Try to contain your joy, Leah," Lucy teased.
"I’m doing my best," she replied, rolling her eyes, making my girlfriend do the same.
Some people laughed, but it didn’t last long. Lucy commands respect and asked us to form a line, two by two. Mr. Johnson, who had another group beside him, couldn’t help but comment.
"Well. You’re a woman who knows how to command respect."
I’m going to punch him soon. Lucy, noticing my frustration, discreetly grabbed my wrist to stop me from saying anything.
"The important thing is that it’s mutual," she retorted.
Her reply made him look away, and she let go of my wrist. I hated how he acted like he had the right to flirt with her. She really needs to put him in his place. If she could tell him she’s taken and mention she prefers women, that would be perfect. But, unfortunately, according to her, it doesn’t need to go that far. Maybe I should show her what it feels like to be hit on in front of your partner and not be able to do anything about it... My period is really messing with my emotions. I took a deep breath to calm myself. Lucy gave me a soft smile as she stepped ahead of Leah and me.
"Alright, we can head in now," announced my teacher once the groups were formed.
"Let’s go, and quietly," Lucy instructed when it was our turn.
Without resistance, the group obeyed. We entered, and to my surprise, the interior was quite welcoming. I had expected something much more industrial, given the environment. We were greeted by a man in his thirties. He spoke briefly with our teacher before giving an introduction. I realized he was the director. Given his age, it was likely a family business, and that’s exactly how he introduced it. Since some were already taking notes, I followed suit, fighting off the headache that was starting to form. I wasn’t sure I’d make it through the day. Lucy seemed to understand how I felt, but apart from a small, sympathetic smile, she couldn’t do much.
"Alright, now that the introductions are over, we’ll begin the tour."
I started to panic. I hadn’t written much compared to Leah’s notebook. She smiled at me and said she’d share her notes with me at the end of the day if I wanted.
"We’ve divided you into four groups. We’ll be exploring the different departments of the company. There’s the administration, the design office, the factory itself, and the logistics section."
I jotted down what he listed. Those would be the four key areas. Based on the questionnaire we had received, I began to understand much more. He wanted us to grasp the management aspects of a business.
"Each area is vital to the smooth running of a company, so it doesn’t matter in which order we visit them. I’ll personally be following one of the groups today. The others will be guided by my colleagues. I hope you enjoy the tour of my company."
You could really sense how proud he was of his business. I could easily see Lucy reacting the same way someday. She was about to join the other instructors, probably to decide which group would go where, but I stopped her.
"I think I need to use the restroom before we start all this..."
My stomach was still hurting, and the medicine hadn’t worked. She nodded.
"I’ll ask about it."
I watched as she walked off to speak with the director. And there was another man staring at her a bit too much. I’m really going to lose it with all these guys. 
"Still not feeling any better?"
"No," I sighed.
I glanced at Leah, who was fidgeting beside me, her hands stuffed into her pockets. I could tell something was bothering her. I was glad to be with her today. Since I started dating Lucy, she’d distanced himself, and I had to admit it hurt a little. She was one of the first I’d managed to befriend since I came here. She’s a really good person, even if she doesn’t believe it himself.
"Everything okay?"
"Not really... I feel bad."
"Why?"
"I wasn’t fair to you and your girlfriend."
"Oh... Leah..."
"I feel guilty for judging you too quickly. You two seem really solid, unlike what I thought."
I smiled softly. For her to admit her mistake, she must have given it a lot of thought. I was surprised, but happy at the same time. Maybe not all was lost. She really cared about our friendship after all.
"I don’t hold it against you, don’t worry."
"I was thinking, maybe we could plan something together, with her, sometime."
"Yeah, we could do something at the end of the year if you want. I don’t think she’ll be up for it before then."
She nodded understandingly. She finally dared to look at me after all that. She tilted her head, narrowing her eyes.
"Are you sure you’re okay? You really don’t look good."
I shook my head. I’d been trying to hide it, but I was on the verge of vomiting right there. I barely opened my mouth.
"Hey, Bronze," Leah called out. "She’s about to throw up."
Thank goodness she understood. Immediately alarmed, my girlfriend pulled me into the restroom. Luckily, the door was just behind us all along, and I hadn’t even noticed. She barely had time to open a stall and save my hair before I threw up my breakfast into the toilet. The scene felt like déjà vu. She sighed as she tied my hair back with a hair tie.
"Do you feel any better?"
I didn’t even have time to answer before it happened again. All Lucy could do was rub my back. I’d never been this sick before, and I was starting to wonder if it was really my period causing this.
"Okay... You can’t do the tour like this."
"Is everything alright in here?"
I sat on the bathroom floor as this voice echoed. I must have looked pathetic. Lucy grabbed some paper to wipe my mouth before flushing the toilet as she stood up. I looked over at the man I recognized as the director.
"No," Lucy answered. "She’s been feeling sick since this morning, and it seems to be getting worse."
My stomach was hurting so much I had tears in my eyes. I held it with my arms, but it didn’t help. I didn’t dare look at them either. I preferred to stare in the opposite direction to avoid them seeing me like this.
"It’s been decided that I’ll lead your group through the tour, so I suggest going ahead without you."
"I’m not sure that’s the best solution. Students can be difficult sometimes."
"Oh, I don’t doubt it," he laughed. "I have four kids and I run a business, so I don’t think six students are going to give me much trouble."
Hearing that, I noticed the wedding ring on his finger. I felt foolish for thinking he was eyeing Lucy earlier. Now that I saw him up close, he also seemed slightly older than I had initially thought. He looked to be in his thirties, but probably closer to forty.
"You can’t leave her alone, so take care of her. Maybe she’ll feel better, and you can join us later. We’re visiting two departments this morning, and then it’ll be time for lunch," he explained.
"I need to check with Mr. Johnson first."
"It’s already been arranged. He agreed to this."
"Alright... Well, thank you. Hopefully, we’ll join you later."
"My pleasure. Good luck," he said before leaving.
Once we were alone, Lucy crouched down in front of me again. I felt better, or at least relieved, but my stomach pain wasn’t going away. Lucy gently cupped my face.
"Are you sure it’s your period? This seems a bit extreme."
I shrugged. I wasn’t sure anymore.
- "The pain isn't just in my lower stomach..." I admitted after noticing it.
- "Alright," she murmurs. "I'll call the school. Maybe you’ve eaten something that didn't sit well, and if that's the case, you’re probably not the only one."
- "I had the same thing as usual," I complained.
- "I know, but you never know. I'll be right back."
She kissed the top of my head before leaving to ask for a phone. Apparently, she didn’t have hers. I groaned when she left. Judging by the silence, I assumed the others had already left the lobby. Something like this always has to happen to me, especially during my only class trip. I'd pay good money just to get a hug from Lucy right now. I waited a while, and during that time, my stomach continued to rumble. Maybe she was right. It probably wasn’t just my period causing this. It felt like hours passed before she finally returned.
- "Did you have hot chocolate this morning?" she asked.
What kind of question was that? Of course, I had. I nodded.
- "Well, looks like we have our answer. The milk was expired. They forgot to check the date. Didn’t you notice anything odd about the taste?"
- "N-no."
Since I usually dunk my pastry in it, I hadn't noticed anything strange. I groaned again as the pain persisted. Lucy sighed and sat down next to me. I wasted no time collapsing into her. She chuckled, wrapping her arms around me, and I sighed in contentment. I had been waiting for this moment. She kissed my forehead again.
- "You’re burning up. Looks like you’re in for a rough day, poor thing."
- "It’s not so bad, since you're here with me."
She chuckled softly, tightening her embrace.
- "For once, you’re being optimistic…"
I nudged her playfully in the stomach, making her laugh. I could stay here for hours. Of course, she had to shatter my hopes.
- "Come on, we can't stay here. The ladies at reception offered us a room to rest in."
- "No... I'm fine right here," I mumbled.
- "Come on," she teased. "We’re not staying on the bathroom floor all day."
I groaned as she stood up, leaving me without anything to lean on. I had no choice but to stand, with her help. The only positive thing was that my nausea had passed by now. Lucy supported me as we walked to the reception area where two women stood behind the counter.
- "Is the room still available?" Lucy asked.
- "Yes, of course. I’ll open it for you," said the younger woman.
She stood up immediately, offering me a small smile that I struggled to return. She led us to a door opening into a large conference room.
- "Feel free to ask if you need anything."
- "You’ve already done a lot. Thank you."
She nodded and left us alone. Lucy guided me inside and closed the door behind us. At least we’d have some privacy.
- "Alright, lie down for a bit. It’ll help."
She made a makeshift bed by lining up several chairs in a row.
- "Come on."
I sighed but complied. I took my time, a bit afraid of the setup's sturdiness, but once I lay across the chairs, I realized it wasn't too bad. Lucy even gave me her scarf as a pillow. She couldn’t have picked anything better—I could still smell her scent this way. She then covered me with her jacket. I felt like I was freezing, but Lucy said it was due to the fever.
- "You’re staying, right?" I murmured.
- "Of course."
She pulled up a chair across from me and sat down. I smiled as she ran her hand through my hair to move it out of my face. I clung to her other hand, wanting to make sure she wouldn’t leave, though I knew she wouldn’t.
- "I love you," I murmured before drifting off to sleep.
Thursday, March 24; 12:10 PM 
I woke up to some commotion. Several voices stirred me from my deep sleep. I blinked a few times, trying to remember where I was. I hadn’t moved from the chairs. My first sight was Lucy, still sitting across from me, talking to someone I couldn’t make out. Our hands were no longer linked, and I soon understood why, recognizing the masculine voices in the room.
- "Looks like she’s waking up."
Lucy immediately turned her head toward me. She smiled as I stretched slowly, still gripping her scarf beneath me. Something felt off about the room, but I couldn’t place it.
- "How are you feeling?" she asked.
I shrugged, still groggy. I wasn’t sure how I felt yet. I thought my fever had broken since I wasn’t as cold as before.
- "Your classmates are having lunch. Are you hungry?"
A wave of disgust washed over me. Any mention of food made me nauseous right now. Lucy laughed at my expression, which must have been amusing.
- "Alright, I get it," she smiled softly. "But I’m hungry. So either you come with me, or someone else will stay here with you."
I groaned, trying to sit up. She quickly stopped my abrupt movements.
- "Take it easy," she teased. "I’m not going anywhere."
A cold draft hit me as I lost the warmth of her jacket. I slowly sat up and glanced around. Mr. Johnson was there with the company manager. I was glad they didn’t bombard me with questions. However, I noticed my teacher giving me a rather stern look, which I ignored. I ran my hand through my hair to smooth it down, shivering in the process.
- "Can I keep your jacket? It’s still so warm."
My voice cracked from disuse. Lucy nodded and helped me put it on to preserve the warmth. She also draped her large scarf over my shoulders like a shawl.
- "Alright, let’s go."
She guided me with a hand on my back. I ignored the men in the room, sensing that they understood this wasn’t the time to talk to me. Lucy must have filled them in before I woke up. We walked into another, larger conference room. The company had prepared sandwiches and muffins for lunch, which was nice of them. My classmates were gathered around the table, but Lucy led me to the far end, where the teachers were seated. I still felt a bit out of place, but I didn’t want to leave Lucy just yet.
- "Hey there," Ingrid greeted me. "You always get sick at the worst times, don’t you?" she teased gently.
I groaned in response. Lucy laughed as she pulled out a chair for me between the two of them. I sat down, gripping her scarf tightly around me.
- "Stop bothering her. She’s already grumpy enough."
- "Oops, sorry," Ingrid said with a playful grin. "Do you know what caused it?"
- "The milk this morning. Wiegman was furious. Several students got food poisoning."
- "Damn, that sucks for you," she said, patting my shoulder. "Though now we know you’re the only one still drinking hot chocolate in the morning. Maybe it’s time you switched to coffee," she joked.
I shrugged off her hand and rested my head on my arms on the table with a soft groan. Lucy chuckled, running her fingers through my hair.
- "She’s just kidding. Calm down."
I didn’t respond. They continued chatting, but I lost track of the conversation. I felt like I could fall asleep again in any position. However, Lucy didn’t give me the chance. She gently rubbed my thigh, discreetly keeping me awake.
- "Looks like someone won’t be feeling better this afternoon," Ingrid remarked.
- "No, it doesn’t seem like it."
- "Do you want to switch?" Ingrid offered. "I can stay with her if you want to do the factory tour."
I glanced over at Lucy. I didn’t want to keep her from the tour, but I’d rather have her stay with me. As if to reassure me, Lucy’s touch became more soothing.
- "No, it’s fine. I’ll stay with her."
- "Alright, as you wish," Ingrid didn’t insist.
I felt relieved. I love Ingrid, but she couldn’t replace Lucy’s presence. The break was brief. My class soon resumed the tour in their groups. I didn’t even get a chance to chat with my friends. I hope they don’t hold it against me for ignoring them during that short time. I’ll catch up with them once this is all over.
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glitchxinthematrix · 3 days
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IRREDEEMABLE
Part 4
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Love, a concept so complicated to even grasp and yet, every single soul in the universe end up craving it. I have had my share of the cravings, but, news flash, it all resulted in me being left alone stranded. So the concept is now hid safe inside a box. buried deep down somewhere inside, and at times like these I hear the faint screaming it does from the suffocation, all for some acknowledgement. And now, Geto, Love? The one minute he stared longer? Gojo's words kept replaying in my head on my way to find Suguru.
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I wouldnt run my thoughts any deeper into this, i mean why should i? what did he do about this? how long has this been going on, and ,oh fuck , thats a pillar and my head is gonna raamm into-, wait no its soft, wait its a hand, a familiar one, shit-
I slowly raised my head to see geto by the vending machine with one can of his favourite drink and the other hand as a barrier to my head and the wall. and yet he doesnt frickin spare me a look, why te hell is his head stooped so low.
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Walls are everywhere these days huh?,the audacity to joke around right now without even meeting my eye.
"So youre not even gonna look at me?" I blurt out, unexpectedly helpless in my delivery.
As I see him lift his head up very reluctantly and struggle, i find myself doubting everything gojo previously said, miutes ago.
"Whats up y/n". THE NERVE.
"Didnt take you to be a fuckboi Suguru Senpai, following your best friend's steps is it?"
With a confounded expression I saw him squint his eyes and , well that should be a question then.
"You never called, Geto".
His eyes bulged a bit like he wasnt expecting me to care about the things that we did yesterday. I saw him mumble something under his breath while maintaining the good old strained eyebrows.
"What, you dont care about how i feel now that you slept w me?"
I see his expression waver into immediate shock that desperately needed to set some things straight.
"Y/n..you don't know what you're talking about.. please".
No amount of strained expression from him is helping this mixed signal facade that's happening to me. He takes a deep breathe noticing my baffled expression.
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"I do. i do care, more than I've done for anyone else. its just.. by the time you were asleep in my...in my arms, gojo had texted. Soo..it worked. Everything worked out. As intended. Or it didnt, and he came to his senses maybe,finally,else, it doesnt make sense. it makes zero sense. i mean why the fuck would someone not know how to treat you? to treat you shouldnt come as a chore or a result of some challenge, its as natural as breathing air, and idk what was with him all this while, but im sure he realises now, so give him a chance, he'll treat you better I'm sure."
"Is that what you want?"
"What..why..why would it matter, what I think" he visibly gulps, confused.
"It matters to me geto, if you care about me, to know that you like me, I don't know geto you messed with my head, I can't get you out of it...i broke up with gojo."
"What..wait. what?" His face couldn't contain the emotions that rollercoastered through his mind.
"Just say it geto, fucking say it. Do you or do you not like me. Shit, why am I even doing this? " I steer away on my heel as an attempt to hide the tears that are about ruin my mascara, until I feel an immediate grab on my wrist, the same soft hands.
"y/nnn, y/nn....how do i tell you this...you have no idea. not a thing. the way i have craved for you, to be with you, the way i have literally felt my blood boil seeing the way my bestfreind treated you. you have no ideaaa. please dont torment me any more than this, shit im sorry, i know, its not your fault. hell you had no idea how i felt. its just. all you had to do was exist ynnn. the way you aree, the way you smile, hold the hemm of gojos shirt when he failed to pay you the attention you more than deserve, the way you gently hit shoko on her shoulders when you laugh, the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, the way and fuck the way, the way i saw you yesterday, every inch of you, its etched in my memory, by choice. Fuck, I need some water"
I couldn't contain the happiness that bloomed inside me and I had to do something crazy because he looked just too cute.
" for now i can help you moisten your lips I think", I stand on my toes to reach his open mouth, so confused and wary and place the timid but hungry kiss on it, but within seconds he makes sense of things and grabs me by my waist only to land a kiss that lasted longer than the hourly bell that rang twice or thrice after that.
"Aaargh, this...you're tempting me to do something irredeemable again" he breathes with a glistening red lips messy with the stray tints of my lipstick.
"Let's redeem through it this time then."
The smirk on his lips right then looked more promising than ever.
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you don’t have to answer this ask but wow how are you supposed to be the bad guy fucking apologizing for reacting badly to being told to kill yourself?? i hate this website
well okay hold up i never said i was the bad guy. i said there were misunderstandings on both sides and that i was sorry for an issue in one part of how i handled it. just one.
#ask tag#not counting#like um. i do understand that maybe this person's sense of humor is way different then mine okay#but like. they said that they didn't mean it legitimately and once they saw it was haarmful they apologized#for me to say ''i am glad i understand your side of the story and you understand mine'' i am not saying i'm the bad guy#there's really no ''bad guy'' in this situation as i see it because the world is more nuanced then that y'know#like. sometimes people have a sense of humor that you can't pick up on. it doesn't mean you shouldn't state your point of view#and say ''that wasn't how i want people to talk to me and i also won't let you do that''#also the only part i really ''apologized'' for was that i used a term for them that was uncomfortable#i assume for gender reasons. and i understand where that comes from. if someone called me ''girl'' while arguing i wouldn't like it#whenever i said sorry after that i did my best to try and word it in a way like ''i am sorry this happened but it's not my fault''#like how when. idk. someone's grandma dies and you say ''sorry for your loss'' you're not saying that you killed their grandma#you're just saying that you feel bad that the thing happened but not that it's your fault#and yes. i do agree that the situation may have been fixed if they just said it was a joke but hindsight is 20/20 right?#anyways. that's my take on the situation.#and like. idk. if they apologized and told me how they saw it. i'm gonna believe them because i have had WAY more malicious people here#like idk. there have been anons who have said wayy worse and there's no discernable reason for why they would#like that one anon who told me that i should get my arms chopped off or something. idk. i deleted it before i could commit it to memory#and that was on purpose#but like. my point is. there's worse people. and if i focus all of my energy about being mad over a person who made one joke in bad taste#idk just seems like a waste of time#at least that's my perspective on the situation. never said i was the bad guy. just sorry it happened#also sorry it happened so late at night for me! i need an ibuprofen and a bagel now
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butteryunlikelylady · 1 month
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it was never my life to live and he didn’t fall for the real me… he fell for an accessory and thought he could just change the label while things stayed the same
#sorry y’all I’m probably gonna be venting about this the next few weeks#still getting over the sudden ending of this SR and I’m working my way through it#wait why am I apologizing it’s my blog 😭#mine#SB chronicles#it will probably irk me for a while that he thinks I’m at fault for the way things ended when it was entirely him#and he will probably think of me as sensitive and petty and a hoe that was just after his money and he’ll be all the more bitter#towards women after this and I feel bad for whoever he picks up after me#he’s just on a cycle of rebounds…. not healthy at all#his punishment is who he is and no woman in her healed mind is going to stay with him once she realizes who he is#he will end up alone sooner or later#or keep running through women bc he eventually takes his facade off#maybe white women can handle all that emotional abuse but not me baby#I like my men respectful sweet patient and kind and good at communication#I still can’t believe I was going to date him for real and before I could get those words out#he immediately showed me why I would have regretted that decision#I somehow dodged a bullet but still experiencing pain and feeling like I was owed more good times with him#I just wanted a few more months of all the good…..#but there were a lot of things that irritated the shit out of me and I’m forgetting to remember those things#I’m romanticizing our time together#I mean it was wonderful while it was good but I hated hearing and smelling his fucking gross f*rts#that is definitely something I will never get used to tolerating from a man#or how easily distracted he was or how he didn’t like to sit inside of moments like I do#how he often gave me the illusion of choice but then we ended up doing whatever he wanted#I definitely would think ‘oh I can’t wait to never deal with _____ again’ and now I don’t have to 🤷🏾‍♀️#I just miss the affection attention and sex and how I felt disconnected from my sad reality when I was in his world#I just liked his world#it was rich and quiet and high quality and carefree
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uselessnbee · 2 years
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not to be an extreme Mike defender (i mean i am-) but i just want to point out that El's whole idea of a romantic relationship comes from tv and we all know how they are portrayed...the moment the guy and the girl confess they're making out and fucking. the amatonormativity in tv is strong, it's also why i had such a hard time coming to terms with me being aroace. when i was younger in my mind relationships=sex/making out because that's what television told me. so El probably thought the same. that now that her and Mike are dating they have to make out all the time. Mike took unhealthy relationships he sees in his life as an example (st*ncy who were kissing all the time) and El took tv romance as an example for their relationship (where there are romantic relationships protrayed as very sexual)
anyways i'm only talking about this because often when people talk about how Mike and El are unhealthy because they only make out all the time they kind of tend to make Mike into some asshole who took advantage of a naive innocent girl who didn't know better and made her think they have to kiss all the time and i just want to point out that they both were just kids and didn't know better and only took things they saw in other relationships as examples. they both are in this situation because of the heteronormativity and amatonormativity in this society so just...maybe let's not make Mike into such a villain...
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neverendingford · 5 months
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#tag talk#fuck. I might just be a straight woman.#like. I like men. and the more I transition the more I vibe with binary womanhood.#sure I don't like getting shoved into restrictive femininity. but I vibe with womanhood as separate from femininity.#anyway. I might be straight. and In ten years it's very possible that being trans becomes a much less huge part of my life#because it will stop being something that I do and something that I wish for and simply something that I am#yeah yeah whatever hi my name is Reggie and I like men#I just. as much as I don't like certain restrictive gender roles I find myself slotting very comfortably into others#and I realize that my idea of gender and their roles was very much shaped by my female role models growing up#and a lot of the disconnect and distress when growing up was due to not being able to follow the path everyone else did.#all my girl friends were growing up into women and I was stuck on the man track.#and being gay was the closest I could get to being myself#but I'm closer than I've ever been before to being able to live my truth as myself#still not gonna shave my legs unless it's sometime in the future for a very specific event.#I like them fuzzy. they make me feel cool.#I like having some cultural masculinity still. I just don't want to be defined by it#talking about my binary trans experience is always a little weird because I'm aware of how binary I'm describing things#and I get that if my words were used to describe someone else's experience it might end up sounding hella transphobic#but these words are for me. they're my experience. they're my life not someone else's.#and this is how my identity works.#it's like how feminism protects the right of trad wives to be trad wives.#we just gotta recognize that just because one woman wants to be the designated dishwasher not every woman feels that way.#anyway. I might be dating a guy by this time next week. he's cool so far and we kinda got match-made by a mutual friend#we watched Redline tonight and it's hella good#he's really cool but I feel like I've got something to provide and to bring to the relationship. so we're still on peer-level I think.#which is new. usually I'm way ahead of the other person. maybe my fault for fishing in the bad fish barrel#the emotionally damaged and burdened fish barrel.
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spotsupstuff · 1 year
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ur grading people and if they get an f theyre blocked? my main you aint a kindergarten teacher this is a microblogging platform
yeah, that's why there's that function called blocking! :) cuz this is a microblogging site! that's what microblogging platforms have! :) so you don't have to put up with people's shit! :) interesting that kindergarten teachers where you live are capable of blocking people in real life, hope you had fun with that
#spot says stuff#this is the INTERNET You are the one who curates your own fucking experience and if i dont like someones vibes or what theyre saying to me-#-they are going to get blocked! ''grading'' people??? its called judging people and having set boundaries and self respect#im not here to conform to strangers tastes n the need to Watch Me i dont care about that more than i care about myself#i am not a ''content creator'' i am not someone with some power like a ''kindergarten teacher'' i am a stranger to All of you and-#-just another tumblr user and i dont owe you fucking anything just like nobody Here owes me anything besides base respect#n base respect includes watching what you say to people. i dont have to put up with strangers faults. im holding everyone here accountable-#-for their actions and words because i believe that you are capable of being a good considerate human person n acting sensibly#what would happen if i blocked a person on Tumblr Dot Com. the goddamn apocalypse? please. blocking isnt controlling people around you-#-its Boundaries. you can get over some random bitch blocking you on the internet. its not my responsibility if someone decides that their-#-entire emotional wellbeing depends on a *Stranger*#i have P@NSEAR blocked cuz i just Dont like their content. if someone ''gets an F'' from me for behaviour then MAYBE theres a REASON?#''ur grading people'' goddammit man who Isnt judging the people around them and the interaction they have with them#HOW many times ive said ''feel free to block me!'' in a positive way cuz of smth as small as a too gorey design. what do u think-#-blocking is ysee??? ''you are acting entitled'' because i AM! i AM entitled to having a good comfortable experience on the INTERNET#just like ANY OF YOU. please anon! you dont like my way of treating myself on the Internet do just that! block me! i wont throw a fuss??#if Anyone here doesnt like the smallest aspect of me judge me. i invite you to. judge me and if that aspect is too loud for you Block me#to get along with this anons absolutely correct n in place anecdote: Grade Me. give me an F. boot me from the school whatever That means#keep yourself safe and make your experience on the internet comfortable#i cant tell if youre one of those dumb anon askers who r just lookin for attention or fight Or a reasonable person but heres my look at it#entertain it before you disregard it. got me pissed off from the moment i wake up u dont even know bout my whole blockin system dear god
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snekdood · 9 months
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idk who needs to hear this (vaush) but being a skilled debater and being Good With Words does not make you correct.
#just bc you can finesse your audience into believing anything you say bc you're good at convincing them STILL doesnt make you correct#on everything bud.#spewing incorrect shit just bc you know you can get away w convincing ppl of it makes you no better than the alt righters you hate#its like he learned he could convince everyone hes correct if he words things the right way and decided his biased opinions#was what everyone needed to be taught as fact. fucking wild.#'durr its not my fault if my audience uncritically believes everything i say' yeah it kinda is bc you kinda set it up as#'if you dont agree with me you're just dumb and dont know anything'#also even if you jokingly say 'im always right' doesnt mean 1. thats not gonna subconsciously effect you to make you think you Are#and 2. that doesnt mean everyone knows you're joking.#so fucking pissed at him for this. unbiased my ass#maybe he lost a huge chunk of fans all at once so hes doing everything he can to keep the remaining ones not sure#oh well. at least hes not as bad about it as keffals. though i am still starting to get culty vibes from vaushs audience now.#at least the ones perpetually in his chat.#also then again i wouldnt exactly consider keffals anything near a 'skilled debater'#and before any a yall accuse me of kds bitch idgaf about the noodles shit. its dumb. i understand nuance.#unlike yall who are devolving into b/w thinking where you think anyone critical of your faves is just a wokescold with#[enter name] derangement syndrome#only reason i stopped interacting w keffals shit is i realized she would never respect me as a person so yeah. same w vaush quite frankly.#keffals dismissing trans mascs. vaush acting like ppl who believe in shit are all mentally ill. yeah im over them for that shit.#like get fucked you up-your-own-asses elitist tools#ig that one applies to vaush more. keffals just doesnt care about anything but herself it seems like.
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dashiellqvverty · 10 months
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one thing people online are going to do is attribute things to taika waititi that he has literally nothing to do with (from that post abt wwdits where they are interviewing the SHOWRUNNER who is NAMED in the article and is very much not taika)
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sonic06apologist · 2 years
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Really starting to think that that thing called climate change might be real
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catchmewjsn · 2 years
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I need to go visit grandma today with mom, and bring her things and should be back on Monday, but I'm feeling like laying in my bed, my stomach is already sensing my period coming probably tomorrow and my skin feels like i treated it with sand paper too
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vicsy · 2 years
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nomairuins · 2 months
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the difficulty of trying 2 explain to ppl that im Not being self deprecating or belittling my mental illnesses when i say something that could be perceived as overly critical towards myself but that thise things actually r true abt me. ppl did die.
#i wrote a whole post trying to explain and then i realized it judt wasnt particularly worth it so i out it in the drafts. so i wrote for#like 20 minutes and all i got is soooo insanely dissociated . can we kill connor im sick of this fucking guy#idk. i wish often incould just project my brain on a wall or sometjing abd ppl would get it and i wouldnt have to explain it#bc everytjing i say even when it sounds crazy or it sounds oike im habing a breakdown its like. its how it actually is its the truth but#nobody ever fucking understands bc i cant. word it in a way that makes it make sense to people#like my most prominent 'delusion' i cant fucking explain it to people bc theyre like Woah thats rly rly rly concerning and sounds like its#rly harmful for yourself to believe that but it literally isnt I have to believe it bc its one of the only things that actually is keeping#me alive but if i ever fucking talk abt it nobody understands it#sometimes it is very scary and it makes me miserable that its true but i know that it is true. ive woken up in terror crying abt it Multiple#times but ik that its true and its a good thing its true bc it means i am alive roght now. as alive as i always am at least#but wtvr. the post wasnt even originally abt that#it was abt dropout stuff and like. yk. bc when i say I dropped out bc i was lazy and whiny ppl think im being mean 2 myself and erasing like#the depression and the ptsd and the Identity shit and the dissociation and the panic attacks and the seizures and grief and stuff#but its like. yes all that also was going on but i also was just lazy. if i wasnt lazy i couldve judt fucking graduated and i wouldnt be#trapped now#<- That is only true for me . ik thats like a stupid thing to say but this is why i cant rlt Be honest abt how i feel abt myself dropping#out is bc i get horrific fucking guilt bc i Was judt lazy and fucking stupid and i Am a bad person for not graduating hs#but that is not true for other dropouts for other dropouts deopping out doesnt mean youre dumb or lazy and it doesnt make you a bad person#but its different for me ik everybody thinks theyre the exception but i am i Am just lazy i am just stupid and its my fault. specifically.#idk i need to go lke slam my head into a wall.#idk what happened i wasnt fucking doing bad and then i made like. a loghthearted post abt sometjing and derailed in the tags and now its#oh i remembered. i tried to sign up for a ged class and encountered 1 obstacle and fucking gave up . God. i loterally havent changed at all#we neeedddd to get rid of connor or at least get a bew one in so fucking sick of being rhe one im so sick of being Connor i dont want it#anymore . head on pike#idk. im fine. im just habing a momey. im.probably judt pissy bc i didnt sleep. maybe ill take an edible
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bredforloyalty · 2 months
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honestly i am one of god's creatures
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fionnaskyborn · 4 months
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I wonder if there is like a quota for how many fuckups a man can make in life. I don't know where I was going with this. I guess I just wish every step I made wasn't one in the wrong direction, or that I could at least backpedal out of bad decisions without any fatal consequences like damaging someone else. Life sucks.
#maybe it's just the tiredness and exhaustion talking sure but i think i need to become way less of a fuckup of a woman in order to do#anything worthwhile in life#lesson learned‚ i guess. don't make any decisions you would make once you have your shit together BEFORE that moment in time.#god‚ i wish there was an easier way to do these things. an easier way to learn. an easier way to live. i fucking hate being in pain and i#hate every single waking moment of my life i spend not in an ideal world where i am good and happy and free and not as fucking mentally ill#all the fucking time. i do wish there was an easier way to live. i really do. i hate my life. we are back to square fucking one.#just when i thought i was getting better i rush headfirst into oncoming traffic without a care in the world and another aspect of my#existence that once brought me great joy becomes almost nightmarish to think about‚ except this time around it was completely and entirely#my fault‚ and i see no way out of what i've done.#maybe‚ in another world‚ i could see the decision i've made‚ the path i've chosen‚ as a good one. but unfortunately‚ i am stuck with a hell#brain that hates me and everything i do‚ leftover traumas related to the concept commonly referred to as the defining trait of humanity‚#and‚ to top it all off‚ the beautiful words that i have received only send me flying into a state of panic once i turn my head to look back#at everything that was said and done. i genuinely hate how my brain works. i wish i wasn't so much of a scared‚ scarred‚ terrified injured#animal. i wish that i could enjoy nice things. i wish that i could just be alive and make mistakes and live life and be happy with all of#that. but that's not the kind of life that was cut out for me‚ and i have been blasting here's to you sitting numb in my chair wondering#how i even got to this point in time‚ mouth agape‚ barely breathing‚ gazing at nothing.#tl;dr no one on god's green earth deserves a fuckup like me#logs#black blank blah-blah-blah
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luckyladylily · 1 year
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You know, after a hundred days of strike, I have noticed absolutely no differences.
I mean, they say shows are canceled because of it, but they would cancel shows for any reason or no reason at all. They often wouldn't tell us one way or another for months or years. Functionally, the uncertainty is the same.
The same goes for delays. How the hell am I supposed to tell if some show or another was delayed? They were never released in any sort of timely fashion before. What does a delay even mean when there is nothing even resembling a schedule? I mean, there wasn't even something like "within the first two weeks of august we will put something up for you to watch."
Zero accountability means they got away with whatever bullshit practices they wanted to, but now its cutting both ways. Any claim that this strike is negatively impacting me is meaningless because Netflix and most the other entities like them have built a system where it is extremely difficult to hold anyone accountable for anything.
And now they seem to think they can just bring accountability back? If they had numbers they could point to maybe it would work, but that's half the battle here. They are desperate to avoid releasing anything that tells anyone outside the company what the hell is going on. So we are just supposed to take their word for it, no really bro, it's actually really bad for you and all the strikers fault if only you could see the numbers that we refuse to show you, you're just gonna have to trust us bro.
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