#and maybe later. but thats when ive been drowning it out with music out of a desperate wish to sleep

[orcelito]

Went upstairs, fully intending to knock on their door to ask them to stop. Got as far as their landing before chickening out. But I did bring the note too, just in case, so I left it on their front door.

For what it's worth, i did end up hitting the ceiling again to try to get them to shut the fuck up. And I don't hear it now. But that also might have a little to do with my fan, which I turned on extra high today. I don't prefer to have it on more than the lowest setting (for sound padding) bc it makes my cats cold. But if they get too cold, they can go to another room. I really really need to be able to sleep tonight. I'm really feeling the sleep deprivation catching up to me.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Ocean Eyes - Part 8

A/N - Finally an update!! Im sorry of this is bad but im trying to get back into the swing of it! 💕💕

My week had been long! Or at least it felt that way. Work had been busier than usual and Mason was being extra clingy. If he wasn't hanging onto me he was throwing a tantrum because he wanted his dad. Chris had been stopping by every day after he got off from work, most days staying for dinner and then leaving once Mason was down for the night. On the few occasions Chris couldn't make it..... i knew Mason was going to act up. It was nice having Chris's help with Mason, but i couldn't help thinking about how much easier life would have been with him around from the start.

Another person who had noticed Chris's increased visits was Brian! My god he was driving me mad!!

He would show up all the time at the coffee shop trying to talk to me about random things. He would always be out the front of his house when i arrived home, it was getting ridiculous and honestly a little creepy! Even to the point of him showing up when i was grocery shopping with Mason.

Friday evening quickly came around and I packed a weekend bag for Mason and I ready for our weekend in Boston visiting Chris's mom Lisa. It had been agreed that we would stay at Chris's house after Mason found out Chris had a dog.

He wouldn't shut up about meeting Dodger!

Chris came by to pick us up, he grabbed our bags and took them out to his car with Mason following him while i double checked the house was locked up and i hadn't forgotten anything. I set the alarm and locked the front door, as i turned Brian was walking over.

"Hey, you going somewhere?" He asked like it was something he should be aware of.

"yeah, just a family thing" i nodded shrugging casually as i continued towards Chris's car.

"How long you gonna be gone for?"

"Only a few days, goodnight Brian"

"You okay?" Chris asked walking over to me while throwing a glare at Brian who wasn't too far behind.

"Yeah lets just go"

Chris put his arm around my waist and led me to the passenger side while standing between me and Brian as if shielding me from my creepy neighbour.

"I know its not my place to say, but i don't like that guy. He freaks me out the way he is with you" Chris said quietly once we were on the road.

"I know, i hate it too. He's gotten worse since he's seen you around more"

"I really think you should think about moving"

"Ive been thinking the same thing actually"

"You have?"

"Yeah, i don't feel safe in my own home anymore. The guy is literally everywhere i go"

"He still coming by the coffee shop?"

"Everyday" i nodded "now he shows up when i'm getting groceries with Mace....."

"Maybe you and Mason should stay with me until you find a new place, or i'll stay with you....."

"Chris...."

"Im not trying to overstep i swear, i just want to know you're both safe"

"I'll think about it".

To say Chris's house was impressive would be a huge understatement. When we walked in we were tackled by the brown and white dog Mason had been dying to meet. Dodger was so happy to see people and so gentle with Mason, the two were hitting it off already. I stood looking around the house and couldnt believe how clean and tidy everything was.... it looked like something out of a magazine....I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my mouth, that got Chris's attention.

"What?"

"I was just thinking about how tidy it is.... you do realise thats gonna change with a 5 year old running around?"

"Of course i do, i'm not stupid.....Im looking forward to it"

"We'll see if you feel that way later" i shook my head before bending down to fuss Dodger who was now wanting my attention.

"Pizza okay for dinner?" Chris asked after he had shown us to the guest room and got us settled in.

"Thats fine, Mason will be thrilled" i smiled "must get his love of pizza from you".

Chris just smiled proudly as he pulled his cell phone from his pocket to order.

"Your favourite still ham and pineapple?"

"Of course!"

"So gross"

"Christopher don't start that argument with me again.... pineapple is good on pizza!"

"Keep telling yourself that sweetheart" he chuckled shaking his head as we made our way back downstairs. We had argued about pineapple on pizza for years!

"Mason agrees with me" i shrugged with a smug smile as a look of horror spread on his face.

"No!..... say it ain't so....."

"Sorry its true, ask him"

"Hey buddy?.... what pizza do you want?" Chris called over to Mason who was sitting with Dodger in front of the TV.

"Ham and Pineapple please"

"Thats my boy!" I grinned at Chris before going to sit with Mason and Dodger.

I was standing in front of the mirror looking at my outfit choice for the day, maybe i should change..... i had already changed 3 times!! My stomach had been in knots all morning, the nerves getting the better of me, Id barely touched the pancakes Chris had made us all for breakfast.

"You look so pretty mama" I heard Mason say and turned to see him standing in the bedroom doorway smiling at me.

"Thank you baby" i smiled back lovingly at him before taking one last look in mirror and taking a deep breath.

"I guess its time to go meet your nana huh?"

"Yep! Come on lets go! Dad said Dodger can come too" he was so excited!

"He did?? Wow bud thats great! Come on then lets go".

Chris was sat on the sofa waiting for us, he was looking at something on his cell phone that made him frown.... he looked pissed off truth be told.

"Hey, we're ready when you are" i said casually letting him know we were in the room. He looked up instantly, his eyes looking me up and down as a smile spread on his face.

"Wow you look nice.... both of you"

"Thanks, we wont embarrass you then?" I asked only half joking, even though i knew his family this was still nerve racking.

"Why would you ever embarrass me?"

"I...."

"Mama can we go?" Mason interrupted walking over with Dodger on his lead.

"Wow someones eager to meet his nana huh?"

"Sure pal, lets go" Chris beamed grabbing his car keys and slipping his phone in his jeans pocket.

Chris's cell was blowing up in his pocket as we drove to his moms place, 5/6 ignored phone calls followed by a shit ton of text messages. I could see him getting more and more irritated the longer they kept coming through.

"Everything okay?" I finally asked looking over at him.

"Huh?"

"Your phone?...."

"Oh yeah, i'm sure its nothing important"

"The person trying to get your attention seems to think differently"

"It can wait" he quickly looked at me with a tight lipped smile before turning his attention back to the road.

"You sure? You can pull over and check...."

"Im positive"

"Okay if you say so"

"I do say so, now shush i like this song" he said smiling as he turned up the song on the radio drowning out the sound of his phone.

My knee was bouncing and my heart racing from my nerves as we drove up the drive way to Lisa's house.

Chris put the car in park and looked over at me with a smile.

"You know you have nothing to be nervous about? My mom loves you, you were always like another daughter to her"

"I know, but i left..... she's gonna hate me for leaving the way i did.... for not telling her...."

"Hey, she knows this is on me. She always knew it was my fault we didn't work out...." he looked down at his lap "she was so happy to hear you were coming to see her. She can't wait to see you and meet Mason"

"She was?"

"Yeah, now come on you got this"

I nodded and took a deep breath before throwing open my door and climbing out of Chris's car ready to face the music.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier @fairlightswiftly @hiddelstannerbarnes

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @melissaglenn5 @denisemarieangelina

@mrsjeffwittek @mery-be @marvelfansworld @cmalass @capstopavenger @fallenoutofrose @kelbabyblue @biebsmylife95 @loser-alert @traceyaudette @w3lissax @jennmurawski13 @ford66steal @saiyanprincessswanie @christocrave @jakiki94 @torntaltos @buchanansebba

[cowboyshit]

@adampage tumblr did a dumbass thing and messed up the read-more to where I couldn’t put it under one so I had to delete your ask and I’m making a separate post for this disaster of a ramble hoooo boy i hope you’re ready for what you’ve unleashed

adampage  asked: ma’am I know you’re high off your rocker but if you have time would you please critique hangman’s playlist for me bc I want to know your thoughts 🥰 anyway yeehaw

OH MY GOD yes???? yes I fucking WILL?????? let’s just pump the breaks on what i was doing right the fuck now, get his playlist in front of me (even though ive been listening to it nonstop and have so many things to ALREADY SAY) and talk about this shit. im sorry if this isn’t coherent im pry just gonna ramble. (edit to add now that I’m done: ITS FREAKING 3252 WORDS LONG LMAO OH MY GOD)

first and foremost. I Love It. let’s just slap that down. get that out of the way. ITS SO GOOD. SO FUCKING GOOD. also this is going under a readmore cause YEAH. it’s THAT LONG.

let’s start first with mr. adam ‘i taught graphic design when i was 20 and learned adobe illustrator and photoshop to design my own tshirts when i was an indie wrestler’ page’s cover image. wait. no. back up - look at the profile image he chose for his profile. it’s not a selfie. it’s not a picture he snapped with his camera. it’s a screenshot of the “has been drinking” moment on aew dynamite. what a lovable FOOL. he really saved that and put that as his profile pic im skjdfkjfd okay now swing back to the anxious millenial design with the signed hangman adam page for the cover. he designed that. I swear he did. I swear he did that. I could be wrong but I just feel it in my bones. that was him. also, THAT should have been the vintage shirt. cowboy shit is cute but ANXIOUS MILLENNIAL COWBOY? I NEED THAT AS THE SHIRT!

okay now let’s get into the songs. wait. before i go through it I do want to say something about the playlist overall.

I can’t decide if this is because he shares so many similarities to the character hangman adam page, but so many of these songs apply to his character like, this fucking playlist plays like a hangman adam page THE CHARACTER playlist. like this is the playlist i’d find on 8tracks back when that was the “thing” in fandom where every song makes me go “OMG THAT IS THAT CHARACTER” like. I don’t know if he did that purposefully as an extension of the character? or if it just happens to line up because of how similar he is and his story is to his character but SOME of these songs wooooo boy they get deep dont they? when you compare them to the character?

okay. songs.

so I know some of these, especially the classics, summertime of course, but for the ones I didn’t know I love them so much. they have such a vibe that just fits him, and they’re all so good???

rather low by nick shoulders is one I didn’t know and I fucking LOVE it. and look. it goes from Long Time Gone by the Dixie Chicks. Long Time Gone about being away from the country life, from home and if my THEORY is right about this playlist hitting the character, hangman is struggling with being lost, without a family. it goes from that to rather low, which talks about not being welcome at home. like “I told you once I told you twice, I’m steeped in verse and cursed in vice” ajdskjds GOOD lyrics. beat slaps. song slaps. I love it.

okay so we go roll on mississippi which is soft compared to the two upbeat songs that just hit us before. calms you down after that high energy beat rather low had. lets you breathe. AND it’s got a sad, soft, longing pull to it, falling in with more of those “lost” from home themes. “You're the childhood dream that I grew up on. Roll on Mississippi, carry me home. Now I can see I've been away too long.” UGH! and also, it’s just a good fucking song.

then we go to a song i haven’t heard and love, going places by aubrie sellers. it’s a little bit funkier, but still soft. also groovy as FUCK. and it obv talks about GOING places. so maybe the first three songs were about the home he’s left behind, but now it’s about where he’s going. and man this song just SLAPS.

A CLASSIC is next, 1970 something illegal smile by john prine. it has that classic soft croon, such a good country sound and it’s a little bit playful. it makes you wanna smile and sway back and forth. it’s a good song. fun. but it’s almost a little bit. dark? “ Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone. No, I'm just tryin' to have me some fun. Well, I sat down in my closet with all my overalls, tryin' to get away from all the ears inside my walls. I dreamed the police heard everything I thought, what then?” it just makes me think of when his character “killed” joey ryan. I could be looking too far into it but, that’s what popped into my head.

OKAY NOW this next one. fuck yeah I DIG this song. I hadn’t heard this song and it quickly went into my liked songs. and if we’re following his character, the lyrics hit HARD. “ I've lost the will to try this worthless lullaby. Its melody won't fly me past oblivion. I bet it would be nice to find that paradise, a world of sparkling light beyond the setting sun. But I don't dream anymore” ugh !!!!!!! UGGGHH!! SO GOOD?? and even the slight upbeat to it. “would if I could but I don’t dream anymore” uuuuggghhh SO GOOD. love this song. one of my faves of the whole list for sure.

the next two back-to-back are CLASSICS and fit the hangman adam page character so damn perfect. i’ve even looked at lyrics from merle haggard’s i don’t want to sober up to night for adam in the past akjfdkjdsf it’s fucking perfect. and then followed by dwight yoakam’s honky tonk man?! amazing. we go from from fucking heart-wrenching lyrics if you think about them for him: “ I don't want to sober up tonight. I don't want to act like things are alright, and I don't want to change just to make you think I'm happy. That's my right, I don't want to sober up tonight. I want to keep my mind a little hazy. I don't care if all my friends think I'm crazy. The way I treat myself I might be a little crazy But that's alright, I don't want to sober up tonight. I'm here to drown another day of misery. I'm in here to spend one night without a mem'ry and the way I'm drinking now there won't be any memory. But it's alright, I don't want to sober up tonight” to HONKY TONK MAN. HONKY. TONK. MAN. “ Well I'm a honky tonk man and I can't seem to stop. I love to give the girls a whirl to the music of an old jukebox, but when my money's all gone, I'm on the telephone singing, hey hey mama can your daddy come home?” ajhsdjksdjkf like. look. partying hangman, drunk, swinging a girl around in the country bar???? cause he refused to sober up and just wanted to have fun? anyways regardless if there’s a connection or if im reaching, these are some good classics to pull out right here. honky tonk man will ALWAYS bring the party back up.

another song I didn’t know but now love? happy reunion by colter wall? this is a good freaking cowboy song??? and it’s a cute story???? about what a cowboy does during his day??? what the fuck? riding along the range with his dog, helping the cow, getting the calf back that’d gotten lost???? CUTE? anyways this is a vibin as HELL song and if it’d come out when I was still raising cows my ass woulda been blasting this shit as I drove to feed the herd for SURE. this song is a whole ass vibe and I’m digging it.

okay. walk through fire by yola? another i didn’t know (which - so far it seems all the songs that arent classics - spare dixie chicks - are from 2019) and I am obsessed with???? it’s so good? and fuck just such a good love song??? “Standing on the side of the river. Staring across the great divide. I'd give all my gold and silver just to get to the other side. Your love is like a rescue vessel, carries me through the night through these flames of destruction. I know you're gonna make it right. I know, I know you're gonna save my life.“ LIKE? HENLO????????? FUCK!!!! THATS SO GOOD. that whole song I could post all the lyrics tbh. and the way she CROONS it ugh. yeah. I love that song.

FUCKIN YES. DOLLY FUCKIN PARTON. youre not gonna make a country playlist and not include a dolly parton song boy i KNOW IT. and the song choice??? hm? remind you of a CERTAIN COWBOYS STRUGGLE WITH NOT HAVING A HOME???? “What difference does it make which way I go, got an empty feelin' down inside. Still I need to stay alive and who can tell what waits beyond this road. I'm a drifter” ajdfshjsd god I love dolly. and of COURSE he does too. i’m so pleased by this choice I can’t stop smiling. ugh. love this. love dolly.

sandpaper oneside, rubber other by the bobby tenderloin universe what do you know? another 2019 song I didn’t know and yet absolutely LOVE. I also am loving how he does a mix of classics with newer (but still almost classic-country sounding, maybe like. classic meets modern) country music in this playlist. AND WHAT A SONG. it’s so good? and again, just makes me think of the character. “there are two minds inside me. that’s one life too many. but i keep moving slow on both sides, strong as I can be.” tell me that doesnt make you think of hangman adam page. and it has such a... sad vibe. “i cant believe the things i am. as much a lion as a lamb” !!!!!!!!!!! ugh such a GOOD LINE. THAT SLAPS. LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh this song. especially the back vocals of the woman that comes in later on? it’s like. ethereal. beautiful. fucking beautiful and almost haunting. paired with the sad lyrics? UGH. gorgeous.

long white line by sturgill simpson i do know and LOVE and it’s got a fun, uplifting cowboy beat following the more slow, sad croon of the last song. it’s SO COUNTRY. the way it’s sung? SO COUNTRY. and also ajdfskjsd adam. “I woke up my baby was gone without her I don't need no home” and “Gonna' push this rig 'til I push that girl out of my mind. If somebody wants to know what's become of this so and so tell em' I'm somewhere looking for the end of that long white line” kjdjkfdkjf this is just such a country song, and it fits SO well, especially after that previous pick.

now we go from two new songs to another classic. another (i think) 1970s country hit. lonesome, on’ry and mean is SUCH a classic country song. it has that good old sound, and the story it tells too. and just, I can’t stop thinking about hangman just “ Been driving these highways, been doing things my way. It's been making me lonesome on'ry and mean.” ajdskjflkf it’s fair to say that character IS lonesome, on’ry and mean right now. anyways, fun country song regardless and I DIG the addition.

okay back to a newer song and holy shit. this is my personal favorite of the new songs he introduced me to. this song I LOVE this song. fuuun FUN beat, makes me want to fucking GROOVE. I love love love this, and I love the way the singer sings? it just makes me wanna UGH. just wanna sway to it. the whine in the croon I just love. and the BEAT. the beat is so fucking good. and the lyrics? “I'm that wholesome Midwestern boy that you want to bring home to your mama. Even though I bring you joy, baby I'm not the toy you wanna play with at night. Too many things I've seen. Too many people and places I've been. I'm thinking about doing those things I shouldn't be doing. Something I've never done before. I want something to fuck me up. Need somebody to fuck me up. Everyone feels like it. Fuck me up, fuck me up, fuck me up” ajdsjkds I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH “Well I might go and get drunk and stoned 'cause it's better than being only crazy. If I ever come back, wherever I end up at is where I was supposed to be.” it’s so perfect for his character it drives me crazy. this is a song I’d listen to and first, groove to, and then be like THIS SONG IS HANGMAN. love this song. absolutely a favorite.

the next song though. the next song. fucking hangman adam page and his love of biscuits. southern biscuits by seasick steve oh. my. god. this BOY. THIS COUNTRY BOY. THIS BISCUIT LOVIN COUNTRY BOY. this is such a damn good addition. not only is it so fucking country, almost. spoken/sung? the soft hum with the fucking banjo??? and of COURSE of course he knows and loves this song I can’t with him. and it hits you with the: “ Southern biscuits, nothin' better in the world 'less they're made for you, by your southern girl.” and I go UWU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

two new songs so guess what? classic time. BALANCE. HE’S KEEPING BALANCE. I swear he’s done this purposefully and I could be crazy I could be giving him more credit than is due but I swear he’s picked the arrangement of songs too. because this is too coincidental. so, we’ve got our classic livin on the run by david allan coe. what a DARK song to go with. about a man who murders a woman and lives on the run (again, can’t help but think of the joey ryan murder thing, but hey. that’s just me grasping for straws) regardless if it ties or not, it’s a good classic and it’s fun to croon to even if its uh. dark but sung like. upbeat? almost???

okay, another classic and, to me, one of the sexiest songs on this playlist. I fucking love this song. it’s sexy with an underlying of dark. she literally seduces and knocks the guy out and robs him blind and he’s STILL craving her summer wine like. this song is SO GOOD. so fucking good. the way the music swells with the storytelling is beautiful. “Strawberries cherries and an angel's kiss in spring, my summer wine is really made from all these things. Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time, and I will give to you summer wine” is just so ajkdfskjdfs ugh i love this song

and guess what? two classics so we’re swinging to a newer song. left turn on a red light by blackfoot. oof. I didn’t know this song and it hit me, it’s so good and I know im saying that about all of them but Honestly. “ Sun shines down on the desert, and it seems to make my life a haze, and I dream of my childhood sweetheart,and the freedom that I had in those days.” UGH. “ Will I always be a rambler? Will the ones I love always keep tellin' me, "You stare too long in the mirror, son, someday you'll be too blind to see.” HELLO???? those lyrics? SO GOOD. and again applying them to hangman just makes me FERAL SCREAM.

cowboys and hippies by cody jinks is such a hangman song it’s almost unreal. if I was going to REALLY reach I’d say it almost reminds me of the way the crowd pulls him back. “At some old honkytonk bar that I know by the smell, some old drunk on a barstool on a Merle Haggard tune. That's my kind of room. Raising hell with the hippies and the cowboys. They don't care about no trends, they don't care about songs that sell. Yeah, tomorrow I'll be gone, so tonight everybody just sing along, raising hell with the hippies and the cowboys” GOOD LYRICS. this has the same sad undertones too as a lot of these songs have too.

ugh. I love him sincerely for this next one. blue skies is one of my favorite songs, but blue skies by willie nelson? YES. my grandpa used to play willie nelson ALL THE TIME and I love this version. an uplifting song to follow the heavier songs. I’d like to think of a hangman who has the blue skies from now on. all of his blue days gone. this song is such a classic (cover) that just. good pick. I love this.

alright, so we’ve got a classic but he’s chosen the version from bojack horseman which makes me think that might’ve been the first time he heard it, but that’s neither here nor there. stars is a BEAUTIFUL song. and boy am I happy we had blue skies before this cause fuck. how sad? how emotional?????? “People lust for fame like athletes in a game, we break our collarbones and come up swinging, some of us are downed some of us are crowned, and some are lost and never found” fuck. fuck fuck fuck. and the last two lines, thinking about hangman? “So if you don't lose patience with my fumbling around, I'll come up singing for you, even when I'm down.” FUCK. my HEART. good pick but OUCH. good but ow.

summertime by orville peck is next BLESS finally an orville song I was gonna lose it on him if he put a playlist and DIDN’T include an orville song. interesting though he went with summertime, the newest, and not any of the ones off pony. but! it follows stars well. its soft, lull, and the lyrics are so hangman now that I put it in this context. “Catch 'em by surprise and chasin' the horizon, nothing holds me down. Askin', "Where the time's gone?" Dreamin' with the lights on, tryna keep your eyes on something along the rise" anyways I know YOU know this song well it’s so fucking good. has that same soft pull a lot of these songs have. the way that chorus swells though? the secondary vocals??? ugh. yeah this was a great choice, I’m glad he went with summertime. it fits the vibe of this playlist so well.

we’re ending on a song with such a country sound to it (i mean all of these do), a bit more upbeat, a bit more funky. “Some say I'm a wild man, drink too much nectar from the corn” and also “Oh the school, it wasn't for me. I earned my stripes a different way I learned to sing harmony and go play out on the stage” definitely makes me think of hangman for SURE. it’s a funky song to end on, and if you keep listening to the playlist on repeat like I do, it even falls into long time gone really well.

and of course this is assuming you’re meant to listen to them one after the other and not on shuffle. I’m sure it still works on shuffle but I LOVE the flow of this playlist listening to it one after the other.

love this whole playlist. and my identifying it with the character could TOTALLY be reaching, but of course I’m going to think of him and analyze his selection of *these* songs specifically to put out to all of us. out of EVERY song he likes. he didn’t include... hmm cowboy take me away, for example? shoulda been a cowboy??? the vibe of the overall playlist FITS “anxious millenial cowboy” it has an underbelly of sadness to it. and I dig the fuck out of that.

overall 10/10 I love this fucking playlist thank you goodnight

[crazy-hand-official]

on hole

ok so this posts been a long time a comin’ but i finally feel like im drunk enough to talk about (and never shut the fuck up about) one of my favorite bands... Hole

hole’s music has meant a lot to me since i picked up Live Through This at some boring ass used cd store that also happened to sell erotic fantasy novels about good fathers. but anyway. holes music is for women with bad fathers. women who are kind of fucked up and angry about it, too. women who have trauma and scars and are kinda gross. women who were wronged but somehow by the grace of god empowered in the face of their horrible experiences. 

or at least it feels like that, dont it?

that was the main appeal of hole to me, anyway. i fell in love with this album around the second or third listen through. i was like, damn, shes pissed. it was so refreshing to hear a woman just screaming out her frustrations. how cathartic must it have been to be able to not only get it out, but also be taken somewhat seriously? of course hole never got the recognition they deserved. im of the unpopular opinion that they were waayyyy better than nirvana. without sounding kinda sappy... you know what fuck it im not apologizing to any of u. hole totally made me embrace womanhood. it influenced my own, much beloved way to just exist. 

but also i guess i just really love tunes. 

ps im not here for the courtney killed kurt debate lmfao!!

ok so heres the part where i write my onions about their four studio albums 

Pretty On the Inside

their first album and admittedly, my least favorite (that doesnt say much because i still really enjoy it). its sound is much more abrasive. love employs her most guttural screams in this one, but ill get to that. to its credit, its the most experimental but many interpret it as amateur guitar screeches and song bits just hashed together. and maybe theyre right! but what band doesnt have that not-quite-there-yet first album? its an unrefined, beautiful mess. A song title or two is spelled wrong. Garbadge man is one that comes to mind. and for some reason, its just... fitting. its an artistic mistake left in and its so dumb but thats the fun in it! thats the punk in it! they dont give a fuck so why should you? this album is a messy bitch. 

track im gonna nut about: mrs. jones

this song is apparently about a back alley abortion, and its just as brutal. love is screaming, just guttural sounds and expletives and nauseating lyrics. when i first heard it, i was absolutely entranced in the atrocity of it all. shes sweating, panting. i will follow you down the sick drain

other favorite tracks: teenage whore, good sister bad sister, pretty on the inside

Live Through This

their most popular album also happens to be my favorite! the start of it all...

i havent shut up about this album since day one because i just like it so much! she refines her skills and just comes out with a successful album that ties an array of horrible themes and wraps them up in a pretty pink bow. its soft aesthetic covers the dark, sickening themes that make the album. rape, anorexia, self harm, self hatred, violence, abuse... the list goes on. someone i one knew asked me why women with bipolar disorder and bpd love hole so much and i had to bite my tongue but to be brutally honest we probably like it because love had the nuts to scream about taboo themes that are so hurtfully common in our lives. just like how the depressed rally behind the smiths. oh that and the musics awesome. but anyway, the cover is a beauty queen the moment shes crowned. its supposed to represent someone who has fought, clawed, and fucked her way to the top. but look! shes the queen! shes the beauty queen! everyone will finally love her and treat her with respect! and all she had to do was sell her soul. all she had to do was get abused over and over to the point of breakdown. but she made it, didnt she? i mean, look how pretty the crown is!

favorite track im not gonna shut up about: i think i would die

im gonna be super lazy and just copy and paste what i wrote up one time when i talked about this song before:

wait nevermind i cant search for my post through my tag because tumblr is broken. something about breastmilk? ill update once i find it lmao. 

other favorite tracks: violet, softer softest, miss world

Celebrity Skin 

i dont have as many onions on this one. supposedly, love didnt want this album to become ‘the widow album’, but theres a song or two about kurt’s death snuck in there. this albums loud, but not nearly as angry as the first two. in fact, when shes not singing catchy pop tunes about how jaded she is, shes being sincere and heartfelt. all in all, its a fantastic album and my second favorite that hole has to offer. 

favorite track of the album: heaven tonight

ive heard two stories about what this songs supposedly about. on one hand, people say its about two lovers. the girl wants to lose her virginity to the guy, so she drives (recklessly) to his house and dies in an accident. she’ll never grow old, she’ll go to heaven tonight. on the other hand, i heard that love just wanted a fun song to sing to her daughter, frances bean. either way, it makes me want to dance. so idk if its about teenagers fucking or about a little girl who just needed a song, but its cool.

other favorite tracks: awful, celebrity skin, reasons to be beautiful

Nobody’s Daughter

years later, hole released their final album. when i first heard it, i was disappointed. the first track was great, but then.... i noticed her voice had deteriorated significantly due to her smoking and other vocal abuse. and i thought, damn, i really wish she released this when she was younger. she sounds normal when she screams, but i guess to compensate when singing softer parts, she does this kind of weird weird thing when enunciating that... ok i cant pinpoint or describe what exactly it is but it kinda sucks. ‘honey’ is the only hole song that i dont like very much, and its the best song to use as an example when trying to explain how her voice got all fucked. now, we cant all be bowie (whose singing voice only got better after years of smoking). but still. 

anyways, i listened to the album again, and i mean really listened to it. and actually! the smoker voice is the beauty of it! its a woman who is past jaded and past giving fucks about anyone or anything. its songs from a woman of experience. and she still sounds badass! her voice is so rough, she sounds like she could still fuck anyone up. its exciting. 

favorite track to get all sappy about: letter to god

i really found an appreciation for this song. this is a song about someone who cant be saved. and isnt that fucked up? youre so bad, so hated by all of those around you, but no one can hate you as much as yourself. and you try everything to pick yourself up but just nothing works. and everyone has their two cents in what they think will help you. but youve tried every med in the book and youve tried this and that and the other thing, and you come to the conclusion that you just cant be saved. youre drowning. so what do you do? you turn to god, a supernatural all-mighty being. but shit, i hope he can help you. because if he doesnt, fucking nothing ever will. so go write him that letter.

  i never wanted to be the person you see

other favorite tracks: nobodys daughter, skinny little bitch

and thats what i have to say about that!

[ac-ars]

3 times Matteo distracted Luna unintentionally and one time he did it on purpose

hi its been a little, ive been drowning in work and cold, but thats not the topic

exactly two years ago, this bitch came to soy luna fandom and she wrote a fic exactly with this title and the very same plot, but today she is here with the version that is actually not as cringy, so lets enjoy this

yeah its been two years of me spamming you with my shit yall

(this is s1 in case you need to know)

🌙

3 times Matteo distracted Luna unintentionally and one time he did it on purpose

She finds it weird. Weird, and strange, and suspicious. Having him always there, somewhere in the background or passing by randomly, always when she is talking to someone or zoning out, deep in her thoughts. She wonders if it’s something new, or if she just started noticing it now, recently. If she started paying attention to his person more than before. Or maybe he simply decided it’s time to creep around her, or maybe she is just paranoid. 

1/

Ambar is whiny again, moving her hands wildly in the air, huffing and flipping her hair back. Luna just lets her keep this steady face while trashing her, and honestly the brunette doesn’t care. She just happened to be in the bad place at wrong time, overhearing some shady shit Ambar was talking about someone and Jazmin noticed Luna behind the back of annoyed blonde. Now she has to listen whole long lecture about how she needs to learn to mind her own business and not put her nose where she shouldn’t.

Luna doesn’t care at all, she literally just wants to go home, change and run to Roller, but apparently life is testing her and her next obstacle is Ambar with Jazmin, standing in her way on the hallway. She doesn’t want to be rude or mean, and she doesn’t interrupt the blonde and at first focuses on Jazmin, who with crossed arms very seriously keeps nodding her head at every word her /friend/ says.

When it’s too much for Luna to manage watching the girls, she moves her eyes somewhere around so it doesn’t look like she is ignoring the drama, she searches for a thing that catches her eyes and oh boy, this boy definitely is a good thing to stare at, while ignoring drama.

He is leaning against the wall casually, having some ugly, fat book in his hands, his long legs in those dark uniform pants. Luna hums tiny, definitely liking what she sees, and takes her eyes higher, very grateful to the person who invented school uniform, or at least here in Blake, because damn this jacket on his shoulders and around his arms is having her at least messy. If it weren’t Matteo Balsano she would have thought he is hot.

She licks her lips a little with tiny sigh, until someone waves their hand in front of her face and Luna pouts in the first instinct, but then stops as soon as possible, seeing this dramatic wrinkle on Ambar’s forehead.

“Lunita, are you even listening, or you are just taught to listen only when you aren’t supposed to?” Smith rolls her eyes, talking probably too loudly if Luna were the one to judge

“What?” She asks and Ambar huffs offended before flipping her hair once again.

Jazmin half shuts her eyes, making her eyelids flutter angrily. “You weren’t listening, were you?” she asks and Luna wants to answer something, she doesn’t know what yet, but before she manages, the blonde speaks instead. “We will finish this conversation at home. Be careful for next time and try to not make any mess.”

Ambar leaves and Luna just watched her storming quickly and Jazmin running after her awkwardly. Great.

2/

She is sitting with Nina in the Roller and trying to somehow do their physics homework. Or more like trying to do Luna’s, because Nina has her done and since they got different exercises, it’s even worse. Except that the day is very nice, the place is chill since most of the people decided to stay outside because of the weather.

Nina is explaining some weird thing about gravity, which actually makes sense for few first minutes, Luna manages to listen and get all of what her friend is saying right now and showing on the pictures from the book. Everything is amazing, yet only until she catches some laugh, very familiar laugh and the endlessly curious part of her just looks at the direction said laugh came from.

He is there again, entering the cafeteria with Gastón, laughing at something, maybe a joke or a meme. Luna likes his laugh, and she also likes him laughing. He always has those shining eyes and this one single dimple in his cheek, the sound of his laugh makes her relaxed and she always wonders why he is only rarely like this with her, why does he always have to tease her and fresa around.

Their eyes cross for a moment, and he smiles, making her smile back and look at the book again with tiny blush, because she isn’t sure if he knows he just caught her at staring, and they are only friends, so staring isn’t a friends thing.

She can feel that he is still gazing at her and when she tries to check after a moment, there is paper sheet covering him and Luna guesses it’s study time again.

“Luna, what are you doing?” Nina asks a little amused, the brunette judges that her friend knows who she was looking at. “Tell me you understood at least a beginning.”

Luna smiles and nods. “Yeah, the beginning yes and a part of the middle, are we gonna continue now?”

Nina shrugs and takes a sip of her smoothie. “I think we should have a break.”

3/

Today is the Simón day. They hang out at first after her school and make some Mexican food with her mom, then they go to the Roller and sing something, and now they are on the rink, trying to get some new choreography for the team, and in general she loves him so much it hurts. Or no, it doesn’t hurt. Loving Simón could never, ever hurt her.

He is telling her about Rollerband’s songs that they have written, currently planning some video. She couldn’t be happier that he found here friends who have the same dream about making music, who help him make it all happen.

Actually right now it’s her working time, she is supposed to make sure no one kills themselves while trying to make a spin, or just get on the skates, and the one dying today will be Luna Valente herself, because he is again in the same place as she is, and he looks so good her face is already getting warm.

Ramiro is showing off currently, jumping on one skate and telling something to Matteo, she can’t really catch what, but the latter repeats exactly what his curly-haired friend just did, and this smug smirk is having Luna dying already.

It’s time for Matteo to do some fancy and impressive shit, and she just skates around backwards before jumping so he is skating forwards now and she knows that he didn’t get the king of the rink title without a reason.

Not to mention this soft, lavender shirt, that must be new, because she hasn’t seen this one yet, with rolled up sleeves and first buttons undone. His hair is kinda messy, untidy like someone brushed their fingers through it few times and Luna guesses that Matteo did it himself, after jumping and skating around. When Ramiro tries to do the same, Balsano looks at Luna and smiles, call her dramatic but the world stops, so she smiles back at him while taking strand of her hair behind her ear. It falls back, and he raises his eyebrow before winking at her and turning away and she sighs.

“Luna, do you think it’s a good idea?” Simón asks her and she notices he asks, and that he is expecting an answer now with this puppy smile and hopeful shine in his eyes.

“Yes, he is perfect.” She says, not really caring what exactly.

He frowns at her and touches her shouldr. “What? Who?”

She almost chokes now because this woke her up and he is waiting for her to say something and confirm or deny that she is mentally ill.

“No, I mean I’m perfect, I mean I’m okay and the idea it’s nice, it should work.”

Simón sends her lazy smile, this one saying that he has seen through her bullshit and knows what happened, and why and yet he will just let her get away with it, that’s how much of a best friend he is.

“Okay, I hope you don’t mind me going to the boys now, but if I won’t tell them the idea now later I will forget it, we both know this.”

She nods smiling and lets him kiss her cheek, and as soon as he is gone she sighs covering her face with her hands. She will die soon in some way and she kinda can’t wait for it.

+1/

Luna has never thought that this day would ever come, but yet here she is in her bedroom, sitting on her bed, surrounded by the books and next to her is sitting very focused and very casual Matteo Balsano. Yeah, the one you all know and you’ve hear of. He is here, because they needed to study and he said it would be chiller at her place. Her parents actually did let them go upstairs, only if they will leave the door open, but still.

It’s not like something would ever happen here.

He, as the smart astronomy creep guy he is, is explaining her some differences between the planet and planetoid. She is still a little surprised with every chance she gets to experience how much of a nerd this boy is, how he talks using fancy book words, but in the way that she understands, he makes it easy to get and remember and she hopes he will have some free time before the finals.

So now she is using her chance to be able to focus only on him, to watch his mouth as he is reading from the book and telling her about the picture on the paper, she is using it because she doesn’t need to explain why is she like that and it’s just a perfect chance. If she has to be honest she already knows that planetoid is just an asteroid, though he seems so happy that he is able to talk something about space and cosmos she will let him talk as much as he wants to.

His voice is calm, and soft like quiet music, maybe a little rough at the same time, and it’s definitely nice change that he isn’t making fun of her. It’s a rare thing, so Luna definitely appreciates this, thinking that it’s maybe very special moment, her parents won’t really try to interrupt them so they are alone and it’s just so nice.

“What’s on your mind, delivery girl?” he asks with different voice, a little curious.

“It’s nothing, mostly planetoids,” she says, probably blushing a little and most likely this sold her, because he smiles. “I think it’s something very different.”

“Stop being a snob, Matteo and teach me how to be smart.”

He laughs at this, a little louder than normal chuckle and she can only laugh with him and relax her muscles. Balsano pokes her on the rib and sighs. “There is not much to do, and this is an important thing, so let’s do it quickly and get over it. What do you think?”

Luna pouts tiny, because if he says something is important, then it’s probably difficult as well and she doesn’t wanna difficult. “Okay. But later cookies.”

“Yes cookies,” he nods smiling. “But for now you gotta come over here and see the picture in the book.” So she does, she does sit next to him humming and looking at the pretty, colorful picture, the colors are so nice and she doesn’t really think of the shape itself.

It’s too hard for her, too hard to have to focus on important stuff when her brain doesn’t wanna. Like she knows that she has to do this, and she will probably never have as good teacher as this boy next to her, but at the same time this is very unfair that she ended up with him, because she wants to focus on him, on the way their knees are touching, how his voice gets a little messy when she moves a little closer to see better in the book, how the air is heavy and she can’t breathe without taking in his smell into her lungs.

He is too close for her to stay sane, to be able to study anything except the light brown flakies in his eyes, she isn’t sure if they have always been there, because his eyes are brown, yes, but from this distance Luna is able to see how the shape of one of his irises isn’t really perfectly round, and that the closer to the edge it’s darker brown. She wouldn’t be able describe the picture from the book she was looking at like a minute ago, but she would write few page long essay about his look, and this just shows how big her problem is. Also, she wants those long, long lashes of his.

Now to stop being a creep Luna takes her look somewhere else, to his lips, a little chapped and pale, moving since he is talking all the time. He is probably saying something important, something she should memorize and be able to write on the test, but it’s too much for her brain now. She knows how his lips are against hers after this competition when he kissed her only for the choreography, but she really would love to check again.

He sighs and bites on his lower lip, most likely doing it on purpose and this wakes her up. Of course he kows she has been staring and she hates him for that.

Luna quickly jumps with her look to his eyes, directed at her face and she can’t move away even if she wanted. But she doesn’t want to move away, and a second later she actually can’t, because his hand is on her waist, pulling her to him as he presses his lips to hers. Without hesitation Luna rests her fingers on the nape of his neck so she can make sure he won’t run away or think she doesn’t want to kiss him this time, and he smiles against her mouth, which is kinda annoying. At this point she actually doesn’t mind him being an ass and distracting her like this today.

[aquirkynerdytur-port-key]

1/28/19

God why is everything so fucking exhausting

I can’t seem to stay awake no matter now much caffeine I drink or how much sleep I get, and I just want to be able to stay awake and learn and do decent in my classes but I’m fucking stalled in life, everything is continuing around me, if not faster than normal, and im here, all alone but not really alone? I cant even do homework anymore the slight drive I managed to keep from 8th grade until now has burnt out and I cant motivate myself to do the readings or the problems or whatever and im just drowning and cant stay happy, even though im doing things I love. Also like, my friends arent really friends anymore? More like “colleagues”, and everyone else is essentially a stranger.

God I miss Cole

Hes moved on to bigger and better things and probably better friends, we barely talk anymore and im too scared to start up a conversation because it always goes along the lines of:

Hey

Hey

Hru

Im fine, hbu

Uh im gucci lol

And then we stop talking for months on end.

Everything is just falling apart and I don’t know what to do. I cant tell my parents or family, it would be too awkward and they would give “advice” which is just stating the facts.

Recently I’ve been thinking about dying, but like always I come to the conclusion “no thats selfish, you’re a chicken anyway, what if Cole/finley/acey/Ryan needs you tomorrow???” So I dont do it

Tried to learn how to file a complaint to sr Adams today. That was a fun talk.

Maybe questioning my sexuality now? I mean, I dont FEEL anything romantic/sexual to others, but like, I talk about girls a lot and how I would like, tap that and shit like that??? Not sure anymore. Im gonna stick with my feeling over my mentality and thoughts tho… so still identifying as Ace/aro.

Learning ukulele is good, lots of fun, liana Flores is amazing at songwriting and honestly it would be so so SO cool if I could learn how to write decent songs/good chords for one. People say music is essentially poetry, but all of my poems would NOT work whatsoever with any tune or beat or whatever.

Also im really fucking pissed that I have such a shit memory for things that matter.  I can remember the entirety of heathers, BMC, the Hamilton and mean girls soundtrack, countless episodes of DW/Sherlock/Spn, numerous pages from PJO or HP, but cant seem to remember anything valuable for history class. So fucking annoying and stupid.

Guess its getting bad again, my completely undiagnosed, probably nonexistent depression and anxiety.

I hope mr petrocelli is recovering nicely. What a dude.

But yeah I feel like it’s getting bad again. Ive been feeling like im about to throw up for the past month or two, cant seem to feel anything positive for more than a couple minutes, and have been so fatigued that I cant focus on anything.

Fuck man, writing the truth down on here is kinda painful. Like this is probs the 3rd time ive cried while writing this, when ISHOULD be doing homework.

Membean can suck my nonexistent dick. SOOOOOO fucking stupid I hope that I wont have to do it next year because I KNOW most of the words but still get the questions wrong because im given synonyms or I forget how to spell it. Its also EVIDENT I know these words because I use them quite a bit, but NOOOOO I HAVE to do a fucking memorization thing.

I really wish that I could freeze time, because I feel like a damn mirror thats been shattered. The glass shards can still display the image, but it is hard to see. a single hit or amount of stress can cause the shards to collapse and become beyond repair.

Hm, is this like a diary now? This is so damn weird. Who knows 🤷‍♀️ if anyone reads this later on, what’s up lol. Think thats enough for now, sorry to waste your time complaining about some pretty minuscule things…

Shit that was so fucking pathetic, apologizing to someone who probably will never read this anyway. Anyway, hasta la taco, as Asha would say.

Do you think it would be possible to go to the health center and ask for a mental health day or something? I just. Cant do class tomorrow. Just thinking about HOMEWORK (and tomorrow lol) is enough to make me start crying, but the last time I went because of a mental breakdown they told me to stop running away from my problems and to grow up and face it because I wont be able to chicken out in the real world.

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

Okay folks. this is it. part 1 of the final chapter

here we go.

-

trial day 2?? oh yeah i forgot they split this game up in the worst, uneven way possible 

-

wow that cutscene was

something alright

-

wow datz actually managed to hold onto the snow globe. kudos?

-

what the fuck

i think i heard it wrong but Dhurke’s objection sounds like an old man 

I'm pretty sure i heard it wrong 

missed the bass

-

who was that no– oh Garananana

i guess she's gonna be the final boss instead huh

- 

im so tired i cant even snark properly 

-

“is that kosher?”

i like it

-

oh god

what.... what is she wearing 

i mean

fuckin

TALK about madonna-whore complex. oh yeah, time to turn super evil?? bear your midriff! show off dem tiddies! 

look, SOJ. theres only one bad bitch in ace attorney who can pull off floaty tendril hair, and its NOT ga’ran.

i cant believe i have to look at this train wreck for the rest of the trial

-

“heh heh heh. its all coming back now. the feel of my blood pumping through my veins”

this is perhaps because youre actually moving now, your eminence.

-

can we just dispense with the trial and have a good old fashioned anime fight? cmon apollo, spike up that hair and grab your BFS. 

-

“meep”

WHATS WITH THE MEEPING

BONNY DID THAT TOO

SOJ ITS 2016 ...ACTUALLY ITS 2028 YOU HOLES

-

everyone in the court: :O what??? whats wrong with rayfa??? why is she sad???

oh i dunno maybe because her fucking Father just got brutally murdered?? maybe??

what the fuck is up with SOJ characters being dumb as a bag of bricks when it comes to other peoples’ feelings regarding death of loved ones???

-

phoenix: shits fucked, thats why?? apollo: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-

“seems like she's worse off today than she was yesterday”

hey game you'd better not be implying any shit 

-

“discipline”

soj

-

alright, back after another longass break. i can do this.

( That’s oddly compassionate of him, all things considered )

I was about to defend Nahyuta because what kind of person wouldn’t try to spare a child from witnessing that kind of trauma... but then again, this is the Sadmad who purposefully tried to trigger someone into losing a trial so

(shrug emoji)

-

grana’s gone into full HORHORHOR BITCH MODE 

partially I'm totally numb because i dont have any stakes in her newfound ebilness, and partially I'm tired of this weird new trend of child abuse in the new games 

- 

“Barbed head.”

oh my god 

the first person she goes to after realizing that her caretaker is gone is fucking Phoenix 

im gonna cry 

“ive been reduced to “royal robe remover”” NO NICK YOU’VE BEEN UPGRADED TO DAD BY SOMEONE WHO’S NOT YOU

( ‘It’s like she’s grooming Mr. Wright to be Nayna’s replacement’) 

I know this game is all about confusing bullshit for heartwarming moments and vice versa but guys 

good lord

my heart

i really needed that 

-

(sigh) they really couldn’t get someone who sounded like a fucking 14 year old to do her voice?? really???

-

rayfa: (looks like she's going to die and collapses)

apollo: this is not good...

gee apollo you really think so? 

-

wait a fuking second 

we went through the whole dance cutscene and we’re not even going to see the pool??? does that mean the priestess has to be conscious and present for the images to be visible? ...and how does that work, anyway? 

i just realized, a medium could use a pool to see the dead, but how the hell could they project it for others to see?? does she literally open a portal to hell???

(sigh) i just regret sitting through that cutscene again

-

“cabal of traitorous lawyers”

i love that

-

(Seriously Dhurke? This is no laughing matter.)

this basically sums up Dhurke’s entire personality 

...yknow, i know what they were trying to do with his character– i really do. i know he’s supposed to come off as a dashing, cavalier rebel who laughs in the face of danger. 

but they overshot endearingly irreverent and ploughed straight into fuckwaddome. if you want a character to be charming, they need softer moments too. Dhurke isn’t a bad person, but he’s kind of an asshole when you get right down to it, and nothing so far is proving otherwise. 

-

ok ive heard Dhurke’s Objection again and it doesn't sound like an old man– it just sounds about as overblown and ridiculous as Manfred von Karma’s (not to mention about as deep)

-

LET DHURKE SAY BITCH

... i guess

-

another perfect example of Dhurke being kind of a fuckwad: he keeps needling the queen and baiting her in ways that could get himself killed, which would be all fine and dandy if he were the brave resistance leader being tortured for information in the bowels of a dungeon.

...but here’s the thing.

IF YOU DIE, DHURKE, APOLLO AND PHOENIX DIE TOO. DID YOU FORGET ABOUT THE GODDAMN DC ACT? ITS NOT JUST YOUR DEAD ASS ON THE LINE HERE SO SHUT YOUR SASSY TRAP AND THINK ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN YOUR *AMAZING WIT* FOR ONCE.

you’ve got 2 extra lives on the line here.

...3 if my suspicions are correct.

-

stop calling him son please you abandoned him in an orphanage and didnt contact him for 14 years.

...and if he can’t call you ‘dad’ you have no right to call him ‘son’

-

coming back to this after ghost trick has convinced me that one of ga’ran’s lackeys miiiiiight be related to Cabanela, baby

-

“Wright... I can see we are kindred spirits, you and I! Hah-ha ha ha ha ha!!”

NO

NO 

NO

NO

FUCK YOU DHURKE 

-

“It’s pretty easy to spot the difference between a soulless man and the soulless shell of a man”

ok that did get a laugh out of me, good job dhurke.

-

apollo: pls dont get us killed dhurke: mmmm ok ill try but I'm not promising anything lol

://///

-

“But remember, son, if you truly believe in me, you should be able to prove my innocence.”

do i even have to list how many reasons thats wrong and a shitty thing to say

-

“Such Insolence”

You’ve been beat out, Not So Fast

-

Ga’ran used Gust!

Apollo flinched and couldn’t move!

-

“I could behead you at any time”

she's got a point; she’s a fucking despot, there’s no reason to actually hold a trial. i mean i guess she wants to shut up the rebels but just killing them would be a lot easier and its not like she has any qualms about murder

-

“Aw shoot, ya got me.”

again, not an appropriate reaction for whats going on buddy

-

lol get fucked kjudge

-

DGFUFUS OH COOL

WE GOT GUILTY (excited cheers from the audience)

the applause and the shots of everyone with :O faces is making me feel like i just won a gameshow 

wheres my cheesy jingle 

-

also i love how Dhurke’s like “oh shit!! my assholishness has directly resulted in my son’s death!!! did NOT see that coming!!!!!!!!!”

-

again the sound mixing is drowning out the background music (sigh)

-

“your benevolence? I’d be happy to lend an ear if you’d like to talk!”

>this is it, this is why he leaves the series guys. Apollo is too good for these sinful games.

-

DAMNIT DHURKE, YOUR SHIT MOUTH IS RUBBING OFF ON YOUR SON

-

hmm

we’ve got an april may here

-

“Rayfa, I shall buy you a new servant”

so Kooraheen practices slavery..? I mean, she.... she said ‘buy’, not hire.

-

“she would have left shoeprints”

do

do you know what evaporation is your malevolence 

-

wait wait wait

that doesn't make any sense 

the only prints leading out are from Inga, but the prints inside the building are from Nayna? how did she avoid leaving prints leading inside, then?? did she just long-jump over the dirt path???

-

the guards are not fanboying, apollo, they’re toadying. there’s a difference.

-

apollo: maybe the place he was stabbed and the place he died were different 

(the game only continues after you carefully explain what dying of blood loss is three years later)

-

to be completely fair, there are actually stories of people who were unaware of being stabbed 

furthermore, when you get stabbed, you’re not going to be the most rational human being on earth. 

phoenix, don’t give sadmad that point, especially when he’s currently assaulting your protege 

now, as i was saying, Apollo’s suggestion that Inga was stabbed in the back and then ran into the temple is perfectly plausible; running to shelter from an attacker is probably the first thing you’d want to do when injured, and the tomb was a pretty safe place, i’d wager. 

tbh i really don’t know why they’re arguing about him feeling the pain as that wouldn’t really impair his movement considering he was stabbed in a place that wouldn’t affect his ability to walk???

but yeah apparently he was doped up to shit so 

-

...i highly doubt back pain medication is strong enough to negate a stab wound. on the other hand, if it is and your back pain is THAT intense, Inga, you need to see a fucking doctor pronto.

...yeah shots straight into the spine is one step away from surgery; not to be an asshole but I'm not sure Inga was doing so well anyway before he went 

-

huh. are they really gonna give us an actual choosable choice to abandon Dhurke and save our own skin? Cause that would be interesting; a lot like the old games where you could “”choose”” to defend a client or not.

to be clear here, though, i wouldn't choose “no” even as much as i dislike dhurke. we know (sigh) that he’s innocent, and even if i dont like him it’s our duty to defend his shitty ass

OH HOLY FUCK

THERES THE CHOICE

wow. y’know SOJ, i dont much like you, but you fuckin Did That. well done.

also thank you for the Justice pun it is much appreciated.

-

“And while I can’t say I’m used to it, this isn’t exactly my first rodeo”

FWHAT

>game flashes back to the Ahlbi case

DSKJFLS THIS IS LITERALLY THE “at second rodeo: this isn't my first rodeo” POST

-

YES OK WE’VE SEEN THIS CUTSCENE TWICE NOW ALREADY

WE GET IT, RAYFAS GOT COLD FEET ABOUT BEING QUEEN

MAYAS IN THE GAME 

OK

-

phoenix: allow me to mansplain how rayfa is feeling despite how fucking obvious it is. after all, we know our players have the mental and emotional capacity of goldfish!

oh hey mansplain is a legit word in the dictionary 

cool!

-

why are they building this up?? just fucking tell Rayfa to do her stupid dance again and get on with it; we already did this at the beginning of the trial 

-

“Hmm... Indeed. It would be problematic.”

ohohoooohohohhhihgjhgo

-

oh her nails are actually tiny pen 

thats neat 

thank goodness Kooraheeneese is an up-and-down written language– otherwise they’d have to make a whole new animation for the english game teehee

-

“....................But... Horn Head needs my help”

oh my heart

-

dan she just straight up begone’d her 

-

see the one thing that falls flat here is that, during a regular trial, the prosecution saying “oh, ok, have it your way; you can try to prove your theory” holds up a little more since they... you know. don’t have absolute power.

where as, with Garananana, its more like she's just a huge posturing pushover. especially since every other minute she's saying “ok, I'm gonna kill you for REAL now.”

-

rayfa: b but if i fail you'll be killed!!! i dont get it...

apollo: i literally just finished explaining that I'm 100% ready to die for my shitty job that was like 5 minutes ago

it is sweet to see that he’s cheering her on though. good big bro 

-

I'm finding small solace in this beautiful moment of “your foreign dad and bro are here for you babe reach for the stars”

Athena’s probably flashing a double thumbs up from the gallery too

-

“But... I finally know now. I know in what I can trust”

Bobby, from the afterlife: YOU’RE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE 

-

Garan: What??? my tiny 14 year old daughter is going to do a thing i don’t want her to??? fuck there’s no way i can shut her up. not even with all of my large adult man guards who could easily just escort her out of the courtroom without any resistance because they’re my fucking royal guards and I'm the Queen

-

oh shit she took off her own cape

im so glad i muted the game so her awful voice actress couldn’t ruin this cool moment

-

and now as this long ass cutscene plays out again, i simply cannot help but wonder about the poor choir and how long they’ve been on standby 

where do they keep the choir during trials 

whats it like singing the dance of devotion song every trial 

-

oh finally here we go. alright, lets see what the magic party pool has in store for us this time 

...o ...ok then

-

OH! OH SHIT 

Inga’s face blind?!

Y’know I did have a few thoughts about that when we discovered his notebook but I didn’t think they’d actually go that route... though, thinking about it now, it is pretty convenient.

...ok everyone’s freaking out. maybe they’ve never heard of face-blindness? ...or maybe its not face blindness after all

im pretty sure it is though

-

i dont know why but everyone being like FUCK ITS GOD and phoenix being like “whoops shits trippy now” made me laugh pretty hard

-

ok i gotta say I'm actually a little invested now, even if its just because i think face-blindness is an interesting thing to incorporate into a murder case. again, a convenient thing, but an interesting thing all the same.

-

ahh fuck i keep forgetting how the stupid seance works 

welp, there goes one of my souls... (sigh)

-

..apollo you dont need to show her the picture of her dead father to say “he had a cell phone”.

-

the voice was coming from INSIDE THE PHONE 

-

RAYFA HAS A PET FROG????

WHAT

SHOW US THE FROG SOJ

SHOW US THE FROG! SHOW US THE FROG! SHOW US THE FROG! 

-

...why would Rayfa interpret the sound of the warbaa’d (something she’s familiar with) with a lion’s roar (something she’s unfamiliar with) ??

-

oh i see thats why Vore Machine is an idiot 

for plot convenience 

-

Datz Are’bal, a man who throws fire crackers at children.

...sounds like an are’bal guy.

bahdum-tshh

-

“The joker who got a kick out of startling Ahlbi with his Dragon Snot Snaps”

...something tells me that if Datz found out about Youtube, he’d be one of those “””prank””” channels.

also WHY ARE THEY CALLED SNOT SNAPS

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

-

“happy-go-lucky”

i think you mean vaguely sociopathic

-

(sigh) ive finally been worn down to the point where i need a walkthrough. ive... been beaten...

-

boy ahlbi’s just a font of knowledge isn't he 

-

DID SHE JUST BREAK HER NAILS OFF

PLEASE SAY THOSE WERE STICK ONS

HOL SHIT

-

MMMM LAY IT ON ME NICK

face blindness 

... i mean theyre not calling it that but thats what it is 

-

yeah yeah channeling blah blah come on! youre in the LAND of channeling !

-

shduhjahdjk

I'm picturing Inga running into his own dead body and flipping his shit 

-

oh man. thats the end of Trail 2 part 1.

guess i’ll see you guys on the other side... heheh. 

[alwaysjaimee]

1-100 ;)

wow alright!!

1) Sexuality?

Straight

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Alison Sudol, Emily Blunt, Taylor Swift, Emma Watson

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

‘forehead. If it hadn’t been for Voldemort, Harry would still….’ - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - J.K. Rowling

4) What do you think about most?

Everything. Anything I can stress or worry about mostly 

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?

its the crying face emoji…

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with Pjs

7) What’s your strangest talent?

um I don’t even know tbh

8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)

uh 

‘Girls can conquer the world’

‘Boys can drive you insane’

LOL

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Not that I know about

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?

prob yesterday in the car to annoy my friend 

11) Do you have any strange phobias?

I don’t think any of them are necessarily strange… Although I have a fear of Hyenas yet there are none anywhere near me or have I ever really been around any…

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

I don’t think so..

13) What’s your religion?

technically atheist. but I do think there is a god out there

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Reading or hanging out with friends or my dog

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

I like both

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

A Fine Frenzy. That counts as a band right?

17) What was the last lie you told?

Im not actually sure

18) Do you believe in karma?

Yeah a little

19) What does your URL mean?

‘Always’ is from Harry Potter and ‘Jaimee’ is my name

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I think my greatest weakness is; animals (

I think my greatest strength is; my judge of character

21) Who is your celebrity crush?

Eddie Redmayne and Zac Efron

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23) How do you vent your anger?

many ways. Song writing, dart throwing, crying and sleeping etc. depending on the situation also bottling it up for later

24) Do you have a collection of anything?

I have a collection of snow globes and keyrings from places I’ve been. I also have a few Pop Vinyls. I also collect all the movie tickets and concert tickets that I’ve attended.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Depends on the person

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

sort of. I don’t think Im fully to the point I want to be just yet

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

Hate; Balloons popping, scrapping of forks/spoons on plates, nails on a chalkboard etc

Love; waves crashing against the shore, pianos, acoustic guitars, laughter etc

28) What’s your biggest “what if”?

‘What if I had the courage to do that’

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes to a degree

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm; Book

Left arm; Pillow

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?

The coconut ‘Victoria Secret mist’ I sprayed earlier

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

um idk

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?

of America? or Australia? 

America; Seen the West Coast, not the East so ill go with East

Australia: East

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Voice wise Michael Buble

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?

Love. Family and Friends

36) Define Art.

Everything. The essence of the world. A way to make everything okay, even for a little while

37) Do you believe in luck?

sort of 

38) What’s the weather like right now?

coldish

39) What time is it?

1:55am

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Yes I do drive. NO I haven’t crashed 

41) What was the last book you read?

Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban 

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?

sort of

43) Do you have any nicknames?

Scout

44) What was the last movie you saw?

Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? 

cracked my head open

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Ive had them land on me but not ‘caught’ them

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?

Im low key obsessed with Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

48) What’s your sexual orientation?

straight

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

yes

50) Do you believe in magic?

Yes. Makes you believe anything is possible. 

‘Without even the possibility of magic, you’ll never find it’

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

If what they did was bad enough, then yes

52) What is your astrological sign?

Aries

53) Do you save money or spend it?

spend. but if I have something to save for I’m generally quite good

54) What’s the last thing you purchased?

a birthday present for a friend and face wash (riveting I know)

55) Love or lust?

Love

56) In a relationship?

not right now

57) How many relationships have you had?

none that were very important 

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nope

59) Where were you yesterday?

Out for lunch and shopping with one of my friends

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

my slippers, iPad, pillow, lamp and a box

61) Are you wearing socks right now?

Nope

62) What’s your favorite animal?

Dog

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

humor/wit/sarcasm

64) Where is your best friend?

at her house asleep

65) Spit or swallow?

LOL

66) What is your heritage?

Australian, New Zealand, English, Irish, Scottish

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Watching Youtube videos

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?

um wtf

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

some questions just shouldn’t be asked

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I think so

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog. Couldn’t live with that guilt. If your boss still fires you after that, they’re not a good person to work for

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) Thats hard. I think maybe? but then thats a lot to put onto someone

b) Spend as much time with everyone as possible. See nature, read, try new foods etc

c) To an extent, hell yes

73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

GAH THATS HARD. 

love. if someone really loves you they will strive for your trust and vis versa

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

‘Blow Away’ A Fine Frenzy

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

HA

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Trust, love, communication

77) How can I win your heart?

Being genuine, funny, kind hearted and trustworthy

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

honestly it can

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

moving on

80) What size shoes do you wear?

between a 9-10

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

something like 

‘family and friend. kind to everyone’ or something

82) What is your favorite word?

Serendipity

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

break

(darker than I would have thought)

84) What is a saying you say a lot?

‘bless’ and ‘anyway’

85) What’s the last song you listened to?

‘Lifesize’ - A Fine Frenzy

86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

Purple, blue, light green/pastel green, pink, black

87) What is your current desktop picture?

iMac; Golden Gate Bridge at sunset surrounded by cloud

Laptop; Yosemite with a pink/purple sky

Phone; Me and my friend before she left to move to London

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

wow. um no one. well I mean, no one Im actually gonna write…

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

hmm thats tough

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

scream and cry without a doubt

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Telekinesis 

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

probably something with my parents when I was younger. Like a party or game night or something like that. 

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

the stuff that happened in 2012

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Does Zac Efron count? 

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

London

96) Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not that Im aware of

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?

I don’t think actually in the car. but outside the door, yes

98) Ever been on a plane?

Yep

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

STOP HATING ON EACH OTHER. ACCEPT EACH OTHER. HATRED AND ANGER DOESNT SOLVE ANYTHING. WE ARE ALL HUMAN. WE ALL BREATHE THE SAME, BLEED THE SAME, DREAM THE SAME. NO ONE IS BETTER THAN SOMEONE ELSE SIMPLY BECAUSE OF THEIR GENDER, RACE, SEXUALITY OR ANYTHING ELSE. STOP KILLING EACH OTHER, STOP BULLYING EACH OTHER. LET PEOPLE LOVE WHO THEY WANT. HELP PEOPLE, DONT HURT PEOPLE. PROTECT EACH OTHER. BE KIND TO EACH OTHER. BE KIND TO ANIMALS. PROTECT ANIMALS. PROTECT NATURE. BE KIND TO OUR PLANET, ITS THE ONLY ONE WE’VE GOT

yep basically. 

[slytheroccamy]

TJLC in The Six Thatchers *SPOILERS*

JOHNLOCK IN THE SIX THATCHERS ( please read, it'll be worth your time I promise) Okay so I watched The Six Thatchers maybe 8 times now and have a few things I would like to point out to provide further evidence that JohnLock will happen in The Final Problem and would like to hear your thoughts! I know this is really long, but I went into extreme detail of the episode and I think it's worth reading, especially since Rebekah is likely not going to make an episode on it. Anyway, without further ado, All evidence of Johnlock in The Six Thatchers. 

 1) On the fridge I'm sure we all saw the pamphlet with the elephant, but directly above it is a post-it note with 13th written on it. I started thinking what this could mean and then realised that including TAB, The Final Problem would be episode 13 of Sherlock. The elephant will be addressed finally in the 13th episode. 

 2) Can we please note the ridiculously not so subtle water imagery throughout the episode? literally overlaying sherlocks face? 

3) the main villan of the episode was refered to constantly (before the reveal of her identity) as Ammo, which we find out actually means Love. and said villan ends up killing mary, the one thing standing between sherlock and john. (sidenote I do love Mary as a character and was sad to see amanda go, I knew it had to be done for the sake of Johnlock)  also, convenient that John now has a child, something John and Sherlock wouldn't of been able to have on their own. 

4) Save John Watson. Save him. Save him Sherlock. Save him from what exactly? Oh I don't know maybe the repressed sexuality he has been hiding all these years? Save him from the pain of staying in the closet? (which is pretty painful, I know from experience. You really do feel saved when you fall in love for the first time) also, Save John Watson; the skip code sent to Mary in the Empty Hearse. In which John was being burned... as in "I will burn the heart out of you" burned. just saying. 

5) Free as a bird. #ohwhatabeautifulmorning Here are the lyrics to oh what a beautiful morning - There's a bright golden haze on the meadow, There's a bright golden haze on the meadow, The corn is as high as an elephant's eye, An' it looks like its climbin' clear up to the sky. Chorus: Oh what a beautiful morning, Oh what a beautiful day, I've got a wonderful feeling, Everything's going my way. - Okay how many songs do you know have the word elephant in them? not many, and of course the one song sherlock tweets is about everything going perfectly and mentions a freaking elephant... Also, It's from Oklahoma! the Musical... which you can read about the relevance to in Rebekah's tumblr blog 

 6) John's Blog We get a quick shot of John's Blog in the opening, (the real life counter part of the blog is no longer being updated) but it's important to note that the counter is no longer stuck at 1895! They've broken past the barrier of the suppressive time period! Also, the titles of the blogs (in order of apperance) are:

 221Back! (which from what I can read off the blurred image, is about how he hasn't written in a while and that he'll try to write everything up soon, and that he's going to be a dad) 

 Dusty Death (a case about a woman who's husband drowned, but had sand in his lungs not water.) 

 Unknown Blog Entry (about a man who came in looking white as a sheet and a wound in his hand. We don't know much about this case except that it was the wrong thumb?)

The Duplicate Man (How could Dennis Parkinson be in two places at once and murdered in one of them? Again don't know much excpect that it's never twins.) 

 The Circus Torso (Limbless body found decomposing in trunk in waterloo wouldn't be identified.) 

 The Canary Trainer (Andrew Wilson was an unusual man with an Unusual hobby. He seemed to have no connection to the man whos life was so abruptedly ended one freezing night) 

 The Cardiac Arrest (Joel Fentiman was found strangled in the bedsit he shared with his brother. They had always got on well and there was no sign that the situation had changed... we could never have known that there was a potential assasin lurking close by.) I may be reading too much into this one, but perhaps, since people view sherlock and johns relationship as platonic and brotherly, they share a flat, and according to the non tjlc viewers, there is no sign that that would be changing. and if it were to continue on that way, the more than platonic relationship would die. Strangled. not able to speak. or breathe. Suffocated by an assasin... cough mary cough. Again, could be reading too much into this one. 

 7) Sherlock's Tweets There are many in the first act of the episode and it goes by fast but here is what I could collect in order. 

Free as a Bird 

#ohwhatabeautifulmornin 

#221BringIt! 

 8) The Canary Trainer Woman: "Didn't see that coming" Sherlock: "Naturally" The woman is the viewers, this is made apparent by the fact that she is viewing sherlock over a device and not face to face in person like a typical client. 

 9) John's Missed calls from Mary John has 59 missed calls from mary after he spends all his day with sherlock... hmmm in SIB John mentions that Sherlock has had 57 texts from Irene, sherlock recieves two texts from Irene after this point, Im not dead lets have dinner and goodbye mr holmes. making 59 total texts from Irene. Not sure if there is an important connection here but as mycroft so fondly pointed out, there are no such things as coincidences. so take this as you like. 

 10) Sherlock Watson Sherlock mentions yet again that he wants them to name their daughter Sherlock because her thinks it would sound good, he likes the name Sherlock Watson. Of course Mary and John both remind him that it's not a girl's name, to which Sherlock just grins 

 11) Sherlock is named Godfather to the child. it's a strectch but Father is in the title and Mother is gone by the end so... 

 12) Margaret Thatcher Okay so as the title of the episode and the main story line, this is really important. Margaret was one of the greatest Prime ministers of all british history... except for one glaring flaw... she was very anti-gay. Okay, so, the Welsborough couple are mirrors to John and Sherlock, this is clear from the fact that their case begins with a reflection in a balloon. Also because they say they had no life before they met eachother, much in the way john's blog blatently states he literally had no life whatsoever before he met Sherlock. When they kiss, the wife says "she's looking at us disapprovingly again" referring to the Thatcher bust, this however would make no sense unless it's not refering to them as a straight couple but instead their mirrors John and Sherlock, because as I previously stated, Maragret Thatcher was very anti-gay. Throughout the episode busts of Thatcher are being broken in order to find or free something hidden. The are literally shattering the anti-gay minister in order to free something hidden... come on people. this is so glaring its almost baffling how other a handful of us have figured out the true drive of the show. (side note, the power ranger on Charlies car is blue... guess what the name of the blue power ranger is? Billy. Also he was considered the brains of the group) Later in the show sherlock finally catches on to whats happening with the busts and the following conversation occurs between sherlock and lestraude. 

 L: and now someones wandering about destroying them all. Makes no sense whats the point? 

S: No theyre not destroying them. Thats not whats happening 

L: yes it it 

S:Well it is whats happening but its not the point... Ive been slow, far too slow 

L: well im still being slow over here so if you wouldnt mind... 

S: slow but lucky, very lucky. 

 *takes deep breath* okay. so if we read this conversation with the busts representing heteronormativity in media, or the straight perception of the show, and lestraude as the audience, we are being told that yes the physical busts are being destroyed but thats not the point. the point is johnlock. the general audience still doesnt see it, some people are catching on, but the whole thing has been moving very slow, because the writers dont want to rush it, they want to do this right, and in order to do that they need to build up a story for years, a story that will change the way we see things, but without throwing it at us abruptly and randomly. This is a love story remember, and love stories need build up or it feels forced. and this is something that should in no way feel forced. 

 13) Titles This fun little concersation: *talking about the Ghost Driver case* Sherlock: "Dont give it a title" 

John: "people like titles" 

Sherlock: "I hate titles" 

John: "give the people what they want" 

Sherlock: "no, never do that, people are stupid. 

 Mary: "uhm some people" 

Sherlock: "All people are stupid.... most people." 

 you sure were still talking about blogs boys? Everyone wants to title them as platonic and friends and all this jazz to which sherlock says he hates titles and then goes on to say that most people are stupid, implying that there is a section of people who nderstand and arent blind to the obvious cough cough club tjlc 

14) John's Hair I think it's important to note that John is using a lot more product in his hair this season, and as Sherlock Holmes himself pointed out, Product in the hair is a sign of gayness, previous seasons said john only washed his hair, there was a difference. now hes upgraded to full product, clearly taking more of an interest in maintenance of himself. Not to impress mary, theyre already married what's he got to impress at this point? unless hes not trying to impress anyone it's just for himself. which is according to sherlock, kind of gay. 

 15) SOMETHINGS COMING Throughout the literal entire episode it is constantly repeated that something is coming! The want to make it obvious that it is coming something big is going to happen! Sherlock has a little rant about how by analysing everyones movements and patterns the future is entirely predictable mathmatically. well guess whose been doing that the entire time? Us. The TJCL cool people who have dedicated countless hours into analysing characters to discover that Johnlock will happen in the Final Problem. well done guys yay! Sherlock didn't like the original ending of Appointment in Samarah, she he WROTE HIS OWN ENDING The transition for that scene you may ask? Glass... shattering...onto.....a...shattered...bust...of...antigay...margaret...thatcher .........Guys... come on... they are screaming it to us at this point. 16) Now that youve pointed it out Sherlock talks Mr Kingsley through his deductions, after which mr K states that once he'd explained it, it was quite obvious...(cough cough johnlock) to which sherlock gets offended and making up a bunch of lies, namely, says his wife is the most dangerous spy in the world, operating deep undercover. 

17) game face Theres a weird moment where the margaret bust is transposed onto sherlocks face, and then lestraude says that shelock doesnt look pleased. sherlock replies with "this is my game face". Keeping in mind that Thatcher busts in this episode represent the heteronormativity in media, sherlock is putting on a face, a face to appeal to heteronormativity but he isnt pleased. He isn't pleased with wearing the game face anymore... because it's not a game anymore... johnlock, isnt a gameface anymore and the heteronormative mask is going to come off soon. 

 18) Toby the dog = Johnlock 

J: "Hes not moving" 

S: "Hes thinking" 

J: "Hes really not moving" 

S: "Hes slow and sure john, not dissimilar to yourself" 

J: "You just like this dog don't you" 

S: "Well I like you" 

Mary: "Hes still not moving." 

*enters montage of Sherlock's theme melting into John's chords in a major key. in a visual pattern identical to John and Sherlock running through the streets of london in SIP*

19) Sherlock. Holmes. Falling. Through. Shattering. Glass. Into. A. Pool. Of. Water. With. Waves. Painted. On. The. Walls. Forcing. A. Man. To. Choke. On. A. Waterfall. 

 20) Promotional posters In a poster for the Final Problem, there shows a violin with the E string broken. if anyone has a theory to what this represents please let me know. On a seperate poster john and sherlock are in their chairs staring at eachother with the room flooded in water and a tea cup floating between them 

 21) GWJ GWJ is spray painted on the door outside of the location where Mary and Sherlock meet... Theories for what this stands for? Like... Gay with John? or Go with John? or Gratiss Wants Johnlock? 

 22) So many lies J: so many lies and I dont just mean you. we find out john means the almost affair here, BUT I don't think so. Okay for started the almost affair broke my heart so I wont be talking about it at all, but the fact that it was even considered means John isnt 100% happy in this marraige. He wouldnt even consider it otherwise. But what isnt he happy with? He loves mary, we all do, shes awesome. Hes got a beautiful child, and is still solving crimes with his best friend... unless... unless he Isn't happy with mary because even though he loves her... He loves someone else more... Sherlock. And being around Sherlock all the time and not knowing Sherlock loves him back while being married has got to be taxing and is definately something that could push someone to consider having an affair. Hes sick of lying to mary and hes sick of lying to sherlock. Hes sick of lying to everyone, he just wants to be out of the dang closet guys! 

 23) E Okay. Im not going to talk bout the almost affair because im still mad at John for it, but I have to talk about the mystery woman whom it involved. E. Earlier I said there was a promo image with a violin with a broken string, the E string. Now, when we learn about the lies and the almost affair, we see E through the reflection of the plane window. so we know shes a mirror. But a mirror for whom? John? Mary? She is wearing a rose on a necklace, and we know mary's name is actually Rosamund.If it's mary why would John be having an affair with someone who mirrors his wife? Maybe becuse he feels that Mary is the affair and his real relationship is with Sherlock? We also see E next to a poster for the seasons villan and the words It's Murder. Coming soon. Hes Back. and if E really is a mirror for Mary than that's not that big of a jump since Mary is murdered at the end of the episode. 

 24) The Vauxhall Bridge The Vauxhall bridge is known for it's statues on the pillars which are hidden to anyone on the bridge, and instead only visible to those on the water... a lot of water in this episode guys... a lot. 

 25) When Sherlock sends John and Mary different texts at the same time. to Mary he says "The curtain rises The last act Its not over." Thats a nod to us, the viewers. Telling us when johnlock is going to happen. the last act. The Final Problem. and not to give up hope because of John shutting out sherlock at the end of the episode. Theyre telling it its okay, its not over, all will be revealed in the last act. 26) water water water freaking everywhere opening, water rosies's mobil has fishes, rosie's baptism. Sherlocks face overlayed with water as hes taking to mycroft about destiny. Sherlock fighting with ajay in lots of water Sherlock meeting with Mary in the rain Sherlock standing on a bridge above water Mary getting freaking shot in an aquarium.... SHerlock goes to therapy and what does Ella have on the table? Water. Guys... come on... 

 27) What to do about John? 

S:I need to know what to do

 E:Do? 

S:About John. 

*increased heartbeat is heard in background* 

 What's the worst thing you can do to your closest friends? Tell them the truth. Sherlock hun you gotta tell John how you feel. 

 28) Molly We only see Molly once in this episode and shes a mess. we know shes a john mirror so john is a total wreck at this point, but is really sorry for shutting out Sherlock. 

 29) Closing Can Samarra be avoided? Im looking at the merchant story as the Sherlock Holmes story as it's always been told. Two platonic friends who are just that. And like how Sherlock wrote his own ending, where the merchant goes to another town and lives, Moffat and Gratiss are writing their own end. One where Sherlock and John get to live free and be together. Free from the 1895 lock around their story. Can samarra be avoided? Well it fades to water and then we get Mary telling Sherlock to go to Hell (no idea what that means gunna be completely honest here) but I think that the whole point of the episode is yes. samarra can be avoided. and thats what their going to do. write a new ending. because as moffat says, if youre not writing it to change something, to correct someone, than you shouldnt be writing it at all. 

 SO there we go. Those are all the things I found in the 6 Thatchers. I would love to hear what you all think,. Thank you to anyone who read all the way through. Im so blessed to have been apart of this amazing journey with all of you. Now all we need is a gay disney princess am I right? Seriously though, I love you all and am blessed to be in such a great community here. 

TL;DR johnlock is real. it will happen. and it will happen in the final problem.

[inactive-mermaid-in-a-trash-can]

vent pls ignore

i miss him so much i wish he meant the things he said because it feels like he did at the time but it changed and he didnt say anything and i asked him i asked whats wrong are you mad because i could feel it i could feel something was wrong but i cant tell bc ive never even kissed a boy god knows this is the closest ive ever been to a fucking relationship by miles i dont understand him at all its like he was scared to be alone with me but missed me every damn day and i told him i was honest he deserved to know, someone as overwhelmingly more experienced, that i’ve never done anything like this before he knew that and he told me he fell in love with me when we met and i wasnt ready and i dont even think thats true anymore and he woke me up to tell me he was in love with me and two weeks later!! two  fucking  weeks he just wants a hookup and i want to give him the world what did i do he wont even tell me i tried i asked him and he ignored me for hours and didnt even give me an answer by the end of it school is awful i knew i had depression but this... i dont know how to handle this im crying right now out of the blue not because of stress not because i was yelled at but im just fuckign sad so overwhelmingly sad i can drown it out i cant escape it the ways i used to and im pretty sure i got anxiety now too i wake uop every morning scared that i have to go to school it doesnt end and i wont ever end i feel sufficated and i have the most free time now then i will ever again for the rest of life i dont know what to do it feels like im wasting my youth bc how rigioursous my courses are but idont want to drop them because I want to do well bc im capable im fucking capable but at what cost every day is stressful and i get home and take unhealthily long naps and then cant fall asleep until past midnight i dropped my friends but i picked a fight with the wrong people and i dont fw anyone in my classes i cant be there for my best friend and now theyre finding new friends like they do every year which i have literally never been able to do and hes going to parties and has MULITPLE GUYS INTO HIM but still gets to say he thinks hes unattractive and basically doing everything highschool thing i thought only happens in movies and i have no friends i do nothing outside of school the one guy whose ever liked me back realized i wasnt enough and i wasnt worth it and its unfair hes so attractive and he was crazy popular in highschool and by all means should have been comprehensive of whatever the fuck it is we had like he was older and crazy hot and ive been complemented on my looks my a stranger exactly one time by a stranger and i remember it vividly bc no one has ever called me cute but he called me cute and said i was beautiful and he loved me bc i like him for who he was but isnt it fucking ironic that he never cared about me like i know so much about him bc i CARED I FUCKING CARED AND I ASKED BECAUSE I WANTED TO KNOW I GENIUNELY WANTED TO KNOW HIM AS A PERSON and he never asked me a fucking thing. he never asked about what music I liked or the what I was studying in school or what I wanted to do after highschool. he never cared he never bothered to ask i shouldve known bc when he told me i said!! i said we dont know eachother!!! and he let his emotions get ahead of him and cant even let me have fucking closure... two weeks... what did i fucking do... he isnt a great guy i dont think a relationship w him would b all that great... but i miss his touch i miss the attention i miss jsut feeling fucking wanted its hard to love yourself when it feels like no one has ever liked you your entire life for a goddamn reason. i know im stubborn i know i have strong opinions i know i dont act like a girl i know i dont act like a boy i know i look funny i know im not pretty I KNOW. sure im cute from a distance i guess. I dont click with anyone im an art kid at heart but im not artsy any more i still dress emo and my music is just basic alternative im not into anything intresting at all. im not intresting. Im not worth it to anyone i dont know what im fighting so hard for. i need to keep my grades up because if i dont and i end up figuring things out in the end but i cant do it bc of my grades id hate myself for the rest of my life im just.. trying to keep my oppurtunities open... but i just.. wish it were easier. i might have to drop my courses and not do the diploma i wanted.. but i can do an entire year of this... im not even studying for my SATS or applying to colleges yet. i dont have the energy to hang out with the one friend i have and i dont have to time to draw or play ow i just. im not enjoying my life. im young and im fucking wasting it. i hate this. i just want to be happy. i just want to be happy. why am i sad. its been a month it isnt just him i didnt fail a test it isnt my grades im not stress crying it isnt homework my relationship with my parents is better then ever it isnt them. maybe it is him. or at least hugging him seems like it would make everything better. fuck it really is him haha. it isnt even really his fault. he cant help if his feelings changed. i guess he was scared too. i hate him i love him i hate him i love him. i miss him. god i dont even know what i want i dont even want him i want how he made me feel. loved wanted pretty attractive. i fucked up