I’m having normal thoughts about boys right now ok (I have a deep visceral need to hunt someone through the forest, nothing but the sound of him gasping and breaking through the brush with his heartbeat thrumming like an animal of its own in his chest and in my ears, my paws beating against the earth as I race after him, teeth clicking and practically foaming at the mouth at his scent. Just him and me in the dead of night. And when I finally catch him I pin him to the ground and fuck his brains out under the full moon <3 )
I can be left alone with a pretty guy in the middle of the night under a full moon. Yeah just leave him by the forest :) no yeah don’t worry abt it haha yeah I’m just gonna go out for a run :) it will be good for me and also him. Enrichment :) being hunted by a big werewolf counts as a couples exercise right
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Cannot believe you have to actually sit with another person and verbalize your symptoms in order to find out what's wrong with you. Fucking cursed method.
And then on top of that sometimes the thing that's wrong with you is "it be like that sometimes."
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anyone else have maybe like 3 days to a week where you're super energetic and in a good mood and feel capable of doing all the things you want to do followed by like 2 to 3 weeks of complete paralysis where you can hardly leave your bed/couch for lack of energy and will power and cooking even a single simple meal takes all the strength in the universe. and cleaning the kitchen afterwards? forget about it. 🥲
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1. I put a bunch of my plants out on the balcony for some extra sun as we get closer to the fall and The Darkness
2. Immediately had the thought of “it’s nice to have my balcony so full of plants but sad that it basically empties out my apartment of growing things :(“
3. From where I’m sitting at my desk, I can still fully see 9 plants inside and there’s another behind my monitor and another in the bathroom and two more in my bedroom
4. I think, possibly, growing up in a forest with an intense gardening mom may have, slightly, maybe, caused me to have unhinged needs for plants in my environment
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Ok actual real goal of my forever is to build a life where I'm doing so many things daily (or regularly) that support my mental health that I no longer need antidepressants. I know they're essential to me for the time being cause the alternative is - not something I want to talk about - but I think with the right, highly focused combination of habits I can support myself drug-free.
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Okay, now that it's finally 2024...time to say my New Years Resolution!
Draw 366 Kayanos and explode. ∠( ᐛ 」∠)_
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I can't stand being open about negative emotions, but covering them up feels like a fucking knife to the chest.
I think it's because the system is autistic and misses social cues / boundaries, so Grey has overshared and accidentally put too much on people in the past.
And from a combination of autism trauma + abuse & us not actually knowing the line between healthy sharing/support and Too Much, my brain processed it as "if you admit you're having a hard time or ask for support, they won't love you"
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Every couple months I have a mental health crisis for “no reason” when I’m so on edge all of the time + have insane emotions + can’t focus on anything + do not like being around ppl + nervously pace for hours and hours everyday. Then I realize I haven’t worked out in a long time. Then I work out. Then I immediately feel fine. I’m a husky
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