#and not abt stuff like 'oh im a binary trans man but i can still be a lesbian uwu' like you Do realize thats a Literal t*rf talking point

[molthethratrenerd]

my gender

This is gonna be a long rant abt my gender so you do have to read it. I just need to say it.

Ok so ive been question my gender/sexuality for like 3-4 years now and i this was kinda it

Oh i'm a bi girl -> im pan girl -> lesbian -> pan she/they still a girl but queerer

Then like i was more worried about trying to figure out my sexuality right cause like i wanted to be kissed before my 16th (that didn't happen) 

Then like maybe mid 2022 i started thinking about gender and i knew 2 trans people but i was kinda like no that can't be me flashforward to march 2023 i got in to will wood and i was like ‘no way i'm in anyway trans but if i could be him i would’ and i like said to myself that i just thought he was attractive?? Then the same thing happened with the character jesse st james from glee which was even weird because there was no way i would want to date him, so thats when she/they pronouns came in i put it in my bio. Then kids from my class found out and made fun of it so i changed em back to she/her. 

Then since like september last year it feels like minimum weekly i’d either not be able to stop thinking abt gender or take way too many ‘what's my gender quizzes’ 

And like i feel its alway been in the day of my head, but its becoming more prevalent since then ive been like could i be non binary, genderfluid pintrest boards. At the beginning of the year i cut my hair again, which felt so good,.

So now somedays im having thoughts like ‘oh my fucking god why cant i drink something and be a guy’ ‘please for fucks sake’ though im nor sure id like to be a man im not 100% sure im a girl (im moving further from that). But like if there was like a magical thing i could drink do idk that would turn every inch into like robert smith between 1983-2004 id do it so quickly omg. 

And like it kinda hurts that i'm not idk (and ive never felt this for any girl celebrities)

And i kinda think they are also there those thoughts but some days theyre less i thinks thats just cus im distracting myself though i dont know i could be fluid. 

But i dont want to be any guy like the men in my family most of them are big i cant think of a better word then buffheads more so my dad but i could just not want to be like them i dont have a good relationship 

I dont think i HATE being a girl- i don't love it i like some parts but i dont think its things exclusive to girls say cause gender norms n stuff. 

I dont know if i have dysphoria because that fluctuates but im vision impaired so if i dont try and look at my body i forget some of it exists i really dont like my boobs or how clothes sit on my body think i like okay with having a cups (that i could easly hide if i wanted to  i dont but that cause also be cause by the pain they cause me.

My waist i like but only because that's the part of my body thats skinnest like my body was less shapely but that skinny id be elated.

But especially o the days i think abt it more but also all the time i do wish for more masc features eg adams apple more angular face bigger hands etc etc.Voices of weird one because my voice is in mezzo soprano range my speaking voice however in chest voice is kinda low  but I was self-conscious about it growing up because it made me stand out in different even though really it wasn't I think I just thought people were staring at me for no reason.  I think I only like my voice when I'm singing when I'm acting because I can imagine myself playing characters who aren't me but idk but if it was lower like high baritone or tenor id be like so fucking happy.

And like i Kind of want to try dressing differently but I can't because a I don't want my family to know certain pieces of clothing would be mens Not that they have a problem with it I'm assuming they could though but they probably just want to talk about it and I would not but also like  I remember one time I was at the shop called Factorie  and I wanted to get the Black Parade t-shirt but it was a mens shirt  and my god the amount of anxiety I had and the amount of people that I felt were staring at me I almost had a panic attack. 

And like I feel like if I ever did do anything about gender irl  I'd run away from everyone I know and cut of connections again not because I feel like they'd be bad about it but just I've built this thing around myself so long and I don't think I could even my queer friends like i dont know  my parents I'd feel like I'd be letting them down, and like 

But also so much for my childhood makes sense

Like when I was about 8 I got eczema for the first time and my first thought was ‘oh im turning into a boy… shit what am I gonna tell my parents’  which I don't even know why my brain made that jump but i hated my boobs sometimes more then others Once they got past a certain size,  when I had a pixie cut and a couple people in the street would mistake me for a boy felt exposed ‘like shh don't tell’ 

But I was also such a girly todder/ child  from like ages four Tube8 I would pride myself on being the girlest girl never wearing pants  because I kind of think it was trying to win that competition but I don't know         

I don't think anybody read this whole thing but if you did help me out or don't I don't care but I just needed to vent this 

m

[thermodynamic-comedian]

do u mind giving me info about the ghosts and stuff

plus a bit of context (e.g. the one with the massive tits) and pronouns/hcs

YIPPEEE. ok im gonna give a quick autistic rundown of every ghost character, and then go on to some headcanons (under the cut). but i also highly suggest watching some lore explanation videos on youtube for more context!!

ok so. the general premise of the band ghost is that there's a satanic church known as the clergy, and they started the band to spread satan's message.

the leader/frontman of the band is given the title of papa emeritus. there have been 5 papa emerituses as of right now.

papa emeritus 0, also known as nihil, was the frontman of ghost in the '60s. he is the canonical father of the other papas (except for copia).

papa emeritus 1, also known as primo, was the frontman of ghost from 2008 to 2012. he failed to get more people interested in satanism, so the clergy replaced him with his younger brother:

papa emeritus 2, also known as secondo, was the frontman of ghost from 2012 to 2015. he also failed, and so they replaced him with the youngest of the emeritus bloodline:

papa emeritus 3, also known as terzo, was the frontman of ghost from 2015 to 2017. he gained attention, and was overall popular, but he lost sight of his mission, and was taken out by the clergy.

so, while searching for a new papa, nihil (now an old man) took over ghost for a while. this is how he was introduced to the fandom.

but eventually, the clergy found a new frontman for ghost: cardinal copia. at first, nihil was opposed to making copia papa, because he's not a part of the bloodline, but still eventually copia became papa emeritus 4, our current papa.

when copia took over the ghost project, all former papas except for nihil were killed. nihil later on died of undisclosed causes, but has since returned in the form of a phantasm (for some fucking reason).

another character you should be aware of is sister imperator, a member of the clergy, and nihil's lover from way back in the '60s. the two broke up after nihil made out with random audience members mid-show. it's also heavily theorized that imperator might be the biological mother of copia.

now, a little about the nameless ghouls:

the nameless ghouls are the masked band members of the band ghost. there have been different sets of ghouls for each era of ghost, but our current ghouls are: sodo (aka dewdrop or fire), rain (aka water), mountain (aka earth), aether (aka quintessence), and swiss (aka multi-ghoul).

there are also ghoulettes, or female ghouls! these are cirrus, cumulus, and sunshine!

it is not known wether the nameless ghouls are human or not, but the fan interpretation is that they're demons, summoned to serve the clergy.

another character you should probably know about: mr. saltarian. our newest character. all we really know about him is that he's a member of the clergy.

NOW ONTO THE HEADCANONS.

ok so. abt the massive tits thing. that would be secondo. idk why its just,,, me (and most of the fandom) are convinced secondo has big tiddies. no real reason behind it's more like a gut feeling.

all of the papas are trans. to me. specifically gender neutral primo (any pronouns), transfem secondo (they/she), genderfluid terzo (he/she), non-binary copia (they/vem). nihil is a he/him lesbian and that is all i have to say on that. same with the ghouls, except they're all agender to some degree, since they don't understand the human experiance of 'gender identities'. none of them care what pronouns they're referred to by, but he/theys and she/theys and obscure neopronouns are preferred.

copia is very very very autistic, i feel like most people can get behind that. constantly wearing gloves, little to no facial expressions, actively failing at social interactions. they just like me fr.

this is kinda off-topic but my favourite ghoul is mountain. idk why i just rlly like them.

oh also a weirdly specific headcanon of mine: sister imperator is estonian. i just feel like that's true.