#and now I'm like this and i need both as nuch as i hate both

[steampoweredskeleton]

Ignore

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Anyway, I'm trying to procrastinate on finals shit, so I'm probably gonna go on a cleaning rampage today honestly (which also means I'm gonna have to go smoke later because hooooooo boi my body just don't work like it used to lol). Which is fine with me because the mess has been driving me up the wall anyway and I did wash the cabinets today and it made the little happy cells in my brain go "ding" so it'll probably be worth it.

We're living in this little shoebox apartment right now and while there are downsides broadly, one of the major upsides is the cleaning. There's only 3 rooms and they're all tiny, so if I really put my mind to it, I can clean the whole place by myself in a day, even with all of my physical and mental health limitations.

Of course, it also needs cleaning more often because any amount of ~stuff~ building up looks like a nuch bigger deal than it is. Gotta go for that real minimalist look here unfortunately. No comfy oversized armchairs for me. But it works for us where we're at in life right now, and we'll be moving at the end of the year again so I'm not too stressed about it.

Of course, I did get it in my head to buy a cheap shag carpet for the bedroom because I hate being barefoot on hardwood floors in winter, and didn't think about the fact that dogs love to shred paper so now the fur of the carpet is just a tangle of paper shreds I can't get out lmao. Probably gonna get rid of it at some point because I can't stand the texture anymore either. But that would be a whole thing in and of itself now, so not today.

Today, it's taking the recycling out (too many boxes piling up), folding and putting away the clean clothes, putting the dirty clothes and linens in the baskets, tidying away the pets toys into their bins, sweeping the floors (both my dogs are furry little monstrosities I love them so much), mopping the floors, taking out the bathroom trash, cleaning the tub and sink, and replacing the self cleaning pods in the toilet. I may also rearrange the bedroom a little so the closet is easier to access.

With luck I'll either get through all the cleaning, or I'll procrastinate the cleaning by doing my final project lol.

[mejomonster]

Yall gonna hate me but I am still just reading gram as bi

And he's seen "black" grow distant over the weeks, flirt with Sean and get close, seen black dump eugene then dump her a second time, seen black not care he tried to flirt or tries to be close or even that he made a move on blacks ex

And I think it tracks for gram to on 1 level want to comfort eugene cause he's partially projecting and feeling thrown away too 2 want to comfort her cause they seem like friends and they're both discarded by black so he wants to not feel alone and probably feels bad for her feeling discarded too. And then 3 he's been trying to get over black since black started dating eugene, and now black is full on ignoring him as even a FRIEND ! And I think gram is trying to rebound and in his head eugene seems nice. He's nice. Black is totally different. And he just wants some kind of control over his own feelings and position in relationships rn.

Of course eugene rightfully does not wanna rebound with gram, does not seem to like him that way (and/or she's just not up to dating post breakup and wants to be alone). So gram is STILL ultimately left floundering. He is still abandoned by black who's distant and who left Everyone he loved romantically (eugene) or as a friend (gram), he is unable to make up for black being cruel to eugene and feels like a Fool for trying to fix blacks relationship problems, he feels like a fool for trying to help eugene when he can't even help himself. He is still DROWNING my poor dude...

Just like. From a bi writing perspective? How he's acting reminds me a bit of Two from Theory of Love and how he goes after his girl friend first. Then goes after Un unintentionally at first almost as a rebound. In ToL case yeah the second ship with Un was endgame. But in Not Mes case, the second person eugene is the ex of grams first crush, making the rebound element more intense and giving of course eugene more reason to NOT want to be a part of it. So like. Idk I think gram considering his romantic options is acting fairly predictably? He's not going to make a move on black cause he keeps getting MORE distant and pushing gram away more (as white) after already picking eugene over him (when it was actually black), and if nuch is grams ex he's not going to put her through him rebounding on someone. But eugene he sees as in a position similar to him so he feels like it's a less bad idea to make a move on her. He thinks she's in a place closer to him emotionally - but ultimately she's not.

What gram really needs? Not even romantically just as a base thing? To see black again!!! To hear that the past few weeks was white!!!

When we started this show I imagine gram had already developed his crush on black, and buried it/was trying to decide how to move on since black was dating eugene. So romantically he wasn't in a great place. But friend wise? He was staying nights with black ans studying and riding bikes together and hanging over blacks shoulder cuddling and smelling black and complimenting him and having in depth political convos where I'm betting black always sided with gram against nuch lol. Based on how gram acted when white first appeared.

So like. The instant black is at all normal around him again? Or calls him out on gram seeming to act distant too now? I think gram is gonna get back some of that emotional foundation he started the show will. (Ideally if white issue is mentioned)

I am worried black is currently in a "push everyone including gang away to protect yhem" mentality tho. Which would mean gram is gonna keep feeling abandoned unless black is forced to be one on one with him again in a scene.

Tldr gram is gonna make a lot more sense if he gets to interact with his real best friend black again. I think a huge part of the confusion with him is dude is absolutely drowning isolated rn not just romantically (where he's being messy af) but in the gang, with any friends etc. Black was his friend. Close like family even. The rest of the gang wasn't That much to him the same way. And he hasn't had that relationship around for weeks now and doesn't have any idea why.