#like emma needed comfort and security and rest. and Caleb needed freedom and expression and excitement
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#delete later#thought about emma again and got real sad#she wasnt real abd she deserved to be#im sorry you didnt get to grow up#im sorry so much of wgat you knew was shitty stuff from shitty situations#its wild reading about like inner child work or whatever and being like well i got two od those bitches#bc i was busy trying so hard to be one kid and actually being another kid that they may as well be#different. and not in a did way obvs. in a masking way where they were so kinda built up tgey were theor own structure#like emma needed comfort and security and rest. and Caleb needed freedom and expression and excitement#and now I'm like this and i need both as nuch as i hate both#i dobt think rhe way i was ever treated was oit of malice by any of the ppl#but it still sucked#and thats hard#its been ages since i thought about emma and what happened when she was the mask#as i unmask my autistic behaviours more too i feel the fear that was apart of that mask reduce a lot too#which is glorious
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