#and now i'm like who fucken cares if people want me. i have way less of a sense of self at all i am just here to observe the world and see

[charmtale]

the benefit of someone treating you like shit is that it can push you to realize what you really want out of life. i think we're here to experience so many people and places and things and more than anything, joy. i don't think we exist here on this giant earth to curl up in one not-too-horrible corner with not-too-horrible people and live our lives exactly how we think they want us to so that we can stay 'secure'. at least i'm not

[altschmerzes]

augh. the fuckening continues. Some More Stuff has gone down with my shitty shitty dad. yes. the one that died. It Continues To Go Down, Some Fucking How.

if you saw me talk about this somewhere else already sorry lmao. i don't even know why i'm like. i know there are people who i want to know things about how my life is going and who are invested in how i'm doing who follow me here and wouldn't have seen this elsewhere so it's like. sort of a bulletin and also i'm still just. it's circling around in my head kind of inescapably so. here's this. sorry for the continued oversharing re: The Fuckening, hopefully this'll be the last of it but apparently there is no way to remotely guarantee that he will stop pulling shit like this despite literally no longer being alive.

theres been a whole Thing where my dad had a life insurance policy through his work and the people from his job contacted our family and said that my sister and i were listed as the beneficiaries on the policy and so they needed the death certificate and our information to get that taken care of. i have been the one primarily in contact with the lady handling it, we emailed and talked on the phone a few times. and then recently my sister got something in the mail from the insurance people and i didn’t and we wondered if it was a problem with my address being canadian or my name change and so i called the insurance company today to get that sorted. according to them, based on the information provided by his work, I Am Not A Beneficiary. it’s just my sister, im listed as a contingency in case something happened to them before him or whatever i guess. so now there’s. that. going on. which, like. it makes sense, my sister is the one he had a relationship with and that’s a choice i made and it’s not like im owed anything but it’s still like. once again my sister is everyone’s favourite and im Nobody to my family unless they’re directly reminded i exist. except that like. he did remember i existed. he deliberately and specifically listed me as the backup and it was like- i felt weird about the whole thing already. Really Weird about it but this did not. make me feel Less Weird.

and it's like i just. why couldn’t the HR person from his job have read the fucking form correctly if that’s what it said this whole time. why was i listed as a CONTINGENCY beneficiary in the first place. i knew that man, i knew how his mind worked, i remember how every time i saw him when we WERE speaking he would inevitably bring up my brother and how my brother wouldn’t talk to him and how much that sucked. listing my sister for this policy and then adding me as a Backup Plan was like. this wasn’t about wanting to take care of my sister and just not thinking of me at all. so it’s like all the rest of it and now just. knowing, like knowing this was a choice he made to Punish Me for not being involved in his life. because his focus was never on what he had it was always on what he didn’t and how unfair and horrible it was that he didn’t have it. if he just hadn’t thought about me at all his partner of 11 years would be listed as the contingency if they Needed him to have one, the only reason to have put my name down like that was to Make A Point and to get back at me for walking away from him and it just?

like who does that. i cant get my mind around it. there is literally no reason for my name to have been included the way it was except to make a point and that’s what im upset about, not the inheritance stuff, it’s just. he was a vicious, petty, vindictive person and he got one last shot in to hurt me the only way he could because i wouldn’t talk to him. that letter he sent last year to my grandmothers house, this, he like. he hated me, i think. some part of him was so angry at me that he hated me and wanted to hurt me in any way he could even just by writing my name down like Not You Though, The Other One Is The One I’m Acknowledging As My Child Who I Want To Care For And Protect In The Event Of My Death, But I Need It To Be Clear It’s NOT You on paperwork he probably never thought anyone else would see. how pissed and resentful do you have to be for that to be something you think to do.

just like. was it not enough. was what he did to me when i was a kid not enough. why do things have to KEEP happening. why does he KEEP needing to find ways to hurt me as bad as possible because that is the outcome he wanted. was to hurt me as bad as he could in whatever way he could. just. what the fuck.

yknow in my like. ninth grade english class there was this one super insane day after it was made extremely clear that my teacher had no control over the class and wasn’t gonna try and rectify that where these two kids who hated each other got in this big fight like. mid-class. and the way this fight took place is one of them was shouting across the room and the other was, and this is not a joke, repeatedly changing the name of a wifi hotspot on his phone, as a way of responding to her. this is about that level of petty, immature bullshit. conducting a fight with someone by changing the name of a wifi hotspot. getting back at your bitch of a daughter who won’t talk to you by filling out HR paperwork so that it’s SUPER clear you only meant the other one and NOT this one SO THERE. etc. what a fucking child.

[girl8890]

R Town | Ch.19

Jungkook x FemOc

3.3k

POV: M

Warnings: Vaginal sex, Forced sex, Rape/Non-con, Emotional abuse, Domestic violence, Threatens murder, Confessions.

Index | CH20

。・°°・°°・。 。・°°・°°・。 。・°°・°°・。

"You filthy! ... Fucking! ... Whore!" Felix spaces out each of his words as he thrusts into me.

Felix's presence hurts me emotionally, but the things he does to my body hurt my soul. But there's nothing that hurts me more, physically and emotionally, than when Felix decides to use my body, but when he's jealous.

The thing is, Felix doesn't even know who he's jealous about! He's just been hearing around that I've been going out late at night, and that's enough of an excuse for him to fuck me until I can't walk.

The tears stain my cheeks as Felix continues to strangle me and fuck me at the same time. I'm clawing at his hand to let me go, but he just fucks into me harder.

"You really think you could get away with it, huh? You fucking someone else. Your mine, and mine only!"

With one more squeeze of my neck that has me close to blacking out and a violent thrust into me, Felix spills his toxic seed inside of me.

He's breathing heavily, and I'm not only exhausted but completely defeated at this point. It's been three hours since Felix dragged me out of our club and brought me here to our shared bedroom to fuck me into submission. The bruises from last time just started to fade too.

Felix pulls out of me and then pushes my face away from him as he rolls over onto the other side of the bed. I guess he's finally done with calling me a whore on repeat and using my body like one.

I feel more tears fall, but I don't make a single noise. Not wanting Felix to even recognize my presence.

The thing is, I haven't been sleeping with other people besides Felix. Not that I've been wanting to sleep with him at all. HIM, on the other hand, he's been cheating on me with the girls and guys at his clubs since we first got married. But I could give a shit less about it. Why would I give a shit if someone I hate fucks around? The only thing I worry about in this is the girls in that situation.

But still, I told Felix a week ago that I haven't been sleeping around and that the people telling him I have been are delusional. I thought he left it alone after that conversation at the club, but I guess not. I just don't understand why he decided to take it out on me now.

"You really thought you could get away with it. You stupid whore."

I clench my eyes shut and feel rage bloom within me. My energy and spunk finally coming back. I think more than anything, I hate the word whore, especially coming from him. It's degrading and is only ever directed to women in a negative light. It's only ever directed to me from Felix in a negative light.

I sit right up and yell without a care about the repercussions, "I'm not a fucking whore, Felix! I haven't slept with anyone, and if anything your the fucking whore!"

Felix's eyebrows shoot up. "Excuse a fucken me? I'm a fucking saint compared to you!"

I laugh. I actually laugh at him because that's a load of crap. I get out of bed, somehow not sore, and find the closes pair of clothing to put on myself. A flowy dress is all I can grab at the moment, but hopefully, Felix doesn't think I'm putting it on to look good for him.

"Yeah, maybe a saint to a coven for Satan! I know you fuck around with all the girls and guys at the club, Felix. Do you think I'm stupid!"

Felix looks nervous for a second, but it quickly turns into a smirk, making me roll my eyes. "But you know they mean nothing to me, baby. I use condoms and none of them have ever been as tight as you."

I blanch at Felix's version of a compliment. "Your disgusting."

I begin to walk to the bedroom door, wanting to get as far away from Felix as possible, but he somehow beats me to the door. Stopping me from exiting the bedroom.

"Not so fast, my dear wife." I begin to cower at his words. His voice is deeper than usual, and he only talks that way when instead of fucking me into submission, he's going to beat me into submission. I back up as Felix steps forward. "Your not going anywhere tonight."

I back up until my back hits a wall, and Felix cages me between the wall and him. He slams his fist above my head, and I jump in response. "So, you can tell your precious Jungkook goodbye."

My eyes widen. I don't know why I'm not surprised, though. His "friends" did tell him I was sneaking around town at night, but I guess I was too distracted with being with Jungkook to think Felix would ever find out about him. There's no way he knows exactly what went down a week ago with Jungkook and me, but I also haven't let the opportunity happen again since that day. Me to afraid of what Jungkook will say the next time I see him.

Felix nods his head and uses my reaction as proof enough of his stupid way of thinking. "That's right. You really thought I wouldn't find out you've been sleeping with some nerd? God, you are so stupid. I found out about your's and his relationship before we even got into this town. You really thought I wouldn't realize we opened a business in my wife's hometown?"

I am stupid. For not realizing Felix would put two and two together about this town and me, on top of the fact that my childhood best friend lives here still and is a guy. I feel so flabbergasted all I can say is, "I-I haven't been sleeping with him."

Felix gives me a look that shows he doesn't believe me. "Sure, you haven't. And I haven't been sleeping with the girls at the club." He fake laughs and then says words that turn my blood to ice, "Stay away from the gamer geek, M. If you don't, not only will you have to deal with me, but your brother too. This is your only warning."

Then Felix walks away. I watch him walk out the door, and I don't move from my spot until I hear his car drive away. Then I fall to the ground and cry. I cry because now not only is my life in danger, but Jimin's life too. I know Jimin has some form of protection, though. Seeing Taehyung run after him a week ago was proof enough that Jimin was talking about him when he was crying to me drunk.

But I also cry because now I really can never see Jungkook again. I know I've been ignoring him, but truthfully my feelings have been only growing fonder for him since then. He's the complete opposite of Felix. He's sweet and kind, and our history together is just a bonus. Jungkook is the type of guy I used to dream of being with when I was younger. Not to mention how he made me feel a week ago. I've never felt such passion from a person before. I only ever slept with Felix, so I never knew what it was like to be touched with such care and devotion as Jungkoom did. It felt so nice, and it had me craving more.

"Fuck!" I scream into the empty mansion.

I miss Jungkook. Even when Felix threatened my life, I miss the man he tells me to stay away from. All I want to do is be with him now. Jungkook seems like the type of guy to see a girl like me and just want to hold her. I want to be held in that special way I've only heard about from girls with their boyfriends. I want to be held like being in that person's arms means protection. Like nothing can hurt you as long as you are with that person.

I felt that way about Jungkook that night. I feel that way about Jungkook now. I know it's not right to assume Jungkook is okay with being that type of person to me. A person I can rely on to love me and want to protect me at all costs. It was years before I saw him when I left at the age of eight, but since coming here and being with him again, it feels like no time has passed.

I don't want time to pass anymore. I don't want to wallow on the ground every time Felix gets jealous and takes it out on me. Just for once in my terrible life, I want to feel loved and cared for. Is that really too much to ask? Is it too much to ask to feel safe with somebody? Anybody?

I feel safe with Jungkook. I feel wanted by Jungkook, and even though all we shared was one intimate moment, something about the way he touched me and handled me so gently has me thinking there's more to Jungkook's feelings for me than just friendship.

I know he thinks I'm attractive. The constant flirting and the shy blushes his face grows when I flirt with him back is proof of that enough, but now that I've kissed him... now that he's kissed me... I want him to have feelings for me. I want him to have this longing feeling in his heart as I have.

I want to be loved by him. I no longer want to be scared of my husband and be set that this is my life. I don't want to be fearful for my life and worry about other people's lives. I hate keeping secrets about how my marriage truly is and why I'm in it in the first place.

I know it's selfish. I know my feelings and the way I'm thinking right now could put myself and others in danger, but for once, I just don't want to care. I want to be truthful about myself, and even if it's just for a night, feel free. I want to be free to be myself. Jungkook has allowed me to do this... so I stand up.

I guess I'm turning into one of those people that do the opposite of what they are told.

I stand up off the floor and wipe my tears. With one last sniffle, I let it all go. I ignore Felix's threats and do something for myself. I don't worry about what will happen after the fact, and only about the present.

I shower, put the dress back on with a pair of panties, and walk out the door. Planning to go and see the only person I've ever felt truly safe with all my life.

。・°°・°°・。 。・°°・°°・。 。・°°・°°・。

When I get to Jungkook's game store, I'm surprised to find him not inside. Since we reunited, he's always been in the store. That's where we would always hang out, after all. I was to worried Felix would find out and do something reckless if he saw Jungkook and I together, so we just always stayed in the game store, but tonight I'm not caring. If Jungkook wants to fly to fucking Canada tonight, I'll say yes.

Just for tonight, I don't want to worry about anything else. But I first have to find him. I even check his office, and he's not there. I stand there, in the middle of his game store, and try to think about where he could be right now. I know he's friends with this one guy, Suga, but for a reason, he didn't explain to me why he hasn't been talking to him lately, so I don't think he would be with him.

I think and think... then I snap my fingers in realization. Although I've never been there, I remember Jungkook told me he lives in the apartment above the game store. I walk to the back of the store and exit through the back door. Once I'm outside in the back of the store, I see the black metal stairs leading to a single door. It looks like a plain maintenance door, but as Jungkook explained to me before, he made that space a place for him to live so he didn't have to be away from his games for too long.

I actually crack a smile when I think about this information. Some girls would find it weird or even annoying that a guy is that obsessed with gaming, but there's never been a time where Jungkook's seemed to pick video games over me. I hope this fact adds proof to my thinking that he has feelings for me and I'm not just delusional.

I walk up the metal stairs, and before I knock on the door, I take a deep breath. Once I see Jungkook, I'm telling him everything, so knowing I'm about to spill every single one of my secrets is kinda nerve-racking.

How Felix and I's marriage came about, how he's been treating me, my feelings for Jungkook, everything! I want to be free tonight, and the only person I trust to be free with is him, so... I knock on the door.

No one answers at first, so I go to knock again, but then in the corner of my eye, I see a little camera above the door wiggle around. I look at it curiously, but I don't get to look at it long because then the door flies open, making me jump in my spot.

I see Jungkook for the first time in a week, and I actually start to blush when I see him. His hair is a mess like he just woke up from a nap, and he's shirtless. Wearing only a pair of plaid sleeping pants. I realize now he was probably sleeping, but what really catches my eye is the sleeve of tattoos. I know he has hand tattoos, which I complimented after I saw them for the first time, but this is the first time I've seen Jungkook's entire set of tattoos. Then there's the obvious part that's made me blush and some parts of me tingle... my childhood best friend has a six-pack.

I actually have to fucking swallow to keep myself from drooling over him. Before he hopefully notices, I look back up at his wide eyes.

"M! W-what are you- where have you been?"

It's obvious by his stutter that he was worried about me, and I feel bad about making him worry. It also doesn't help that I haven't seen him in a week, and I decide to come and see him again in the middle of the night at his home.

"I'm sorry I haven't been coming to see you, but - um..." I glance at the Lee club, suddenly realizing I'm right near where Felix is most likely at right now. "Can I come in, please?"

Jungkook's eyes widen again, him realizing he hasn't asked me to come in yet. "Oh! Yeah - Yes, of course!"

I giggle out my thanks because it's adorable how he gets all flustered. I walk into his home for the first time, and the first thing I notice is how big the space is. Right at the entrance is two big, fluffy, black couches, and because I can't help myself, I skim my fingers across the fake fur. There's a flat-screen tv across from the couches with, of course, a bunch of video game consoles hooked up to it. There's also a pretty decent size dining room area with just two chairs and a small table. That's right in front of his big, all-stainless steal kitchen. I'm not sure if Jungkook likes to cook, but by the looks of his kitchen, I can tell it's definitely used.

I then see two doors, and I swallow thickly when I realize one of those rooms is Jungkook's bedroom. I wonder if he's ever brought another girl into his house... into that room...

"I know it's not much, but it's good enough for me." I look back over to Jungkook and realize he put on a shirt. I secretly wished he didn't, but I'm not here to drool over him.

"What do you mean? Your place looks great!" I spread my arms out and spin to show my excitement about it, and I'm happy to see Jungkook smile because of it. His smile is so adorable with the way all his teeth show.

"Thanks, M. I don't think I've even had anyone else up here before, so that makes you special." I fold my lips over my teeth, trying not to smile with knowing this information and the compliment he gave me.

Suddenly, Jungkook looks worried again, probably just now remembering the last time we saw each other. "As much I love seeing you again, and I don't want to scare you away, but I can't just ignore what I saw last time I saw you."

My smile falls, but I nod my head because that's fair. Me running out his office after he saw my bruises wasn't fair on him, and truthfully I was just scared of him asking questions but tonight is different. I want to come clean... I just hope he accepts the truth about me.

Jungkook steps forward, and my eyes widen when he takes my face in his hand. "And I can't just ignore what happened between us either."

I feel my smile start to form with the remainder of us kissing the last time we saw each other. Jungkook bites his lip, equally happy about this reminder.

"I didn't expect you to ignore it. My life's just... complicated."

"Tell me how then!" I'm surprised by Jungkook's sudden rise in voice, but he quickly calms down. "I'm sorry, it's just... those bruises." Jungkook shakes in rage as he mentions the bruises. "Did your husband do that to you?"

I start to cry. Not full-on wailing and falling on the floor crying, but tears do fall from my eyes. Something about the way Jungkook is talking and looking at me. He must be thinking I'm sad, but I'm not. I'm not because he sounds like he wants to kill the man who did this to me. Like he doesn't want to let me out of his sight again because of the chance of Felix hurting me. I cry because he cares. He cares about me.

I can't form words, but I do nod my head. Confirming Jungkook's question. Which ends up forming even more questions from him.

"Fuck, M , I -... why are you with him? Why do you stay with him? Why don't you leave him and find someone that will actually love you?  Bruises like that are not love!"

"I know, Kookie. I know, but-"

"Do you? Fuck - like... I can treat you better then that." I knew it. Jungkook has feelings for me, but what I didn't know was...

"I love you, better then that."

Jungkook backs up, not expecting his own words to come out as or when they did.

"W-what?" I say, utterly shocked and not expecting this type of confession. Jungkook glances around, hoping I didn't hear his exact words, but he knows it's too late for him to backtrack.

Then he says, "Fuck it!" And admits, "Yeah, I love you, M! I have since we were kids. Let me love you better then him. Let me treat you better then that fucker ever has and ever fucking will!"

Jungkook holds my face in his hands again, and I see it in his eyes that everything he's saying is 100% true. And now I'm thinking...

How could this handsome, smart, kind, protective, beautiful soul of a man love a broken person like me?

-

-

-

If you are experiencing the same or similar situation to the one above, you’re not alone. Call this toll free national domestic violence hotline (800-799-7233) or the one in your area. The first call is just the start to recovery and rehabilitation. 

Index | CH20

[steadfastmockingbird]

Quality over quantity.

I have a head full of thoughts, most of them angry in a pathetic, I-am-currently-anemic kind of way. Rambling suicide prevention talk below, about someone else's future actions, not mine.

My thoughts are angry because I will almost definitely lose a person close to me to suicide eventually. I've promised I won't try to stop him when the time comes - he has multiple agonizing and life limiting conditions, and getting decent care won't happen any time soon. You can blue sky all you want about fixing the system in the future and how one day it'll all be perfect, but that doesn't change the reality for people suffering right fucking now. They have breaking points. Anyway. When he chooses to go I won't be calling the cops to re-break his spine on the way to psych incarceration or crying down the phone that this is soooo unfair to me and how dare he make me suffer.

I'm angry because so many attempts at suicide prevention look like that. So much of it is a phone call to have the inconvenience dragged away or 'don't be so SELFISH and hurt the other people in your life by dying' when actually, if I forced him to stick around, I'd be the selfish one forcing him to endure that level of pain and what doctors often euphemistically call 'SLS' - 'shit life syndrome'. I refuse to make him suffer for something I'll get over. I'll survive the grief; in a few months 95% of the agony will be gone and the 30 or so years I have before lithium shreds my kidneys for good will be more or less okay. The gradual fuckening of his body has been happening for decades already. He's tired and done, and if he's forced to live another decade against his will it will be in constant fucking agony.

I'm angry because as someone who has made sincere attempts to kill myself, what stopped me was not the police at my door or well meaning empty gestures like 'talk to me any time!' from people who called the authorities when I went to them for help.

What stopped me was a package in the mail containing a band shirt, a book and some yarn. I had to finish the book, you see, and find a use for the yarn. What stopped me was getting care for a condition (dysphoria, wheee) I didn't even have the words to describe at the time. The most someone has ever, ever done was telling me the name of the demon at my heels. What stopped me was community; a dear friend saying to me what I say now to the person I'm likely to lose. What that friend said was 'I don't care how long you live. I want you to live well while you're here. Quality over quantity.' He gave me the cash to buy my first binder as he said that. It fell to rags a decade or so ago but I've never forgotten.

That's in my head every time I talk to the loved one I'll eventually lose. Focusing on the quality of his life has done more to prevent his death than a thousand lectures about selfishness or taking the coward's way out or how much other people will be hurt. Definitely more than any psych ward stays. When people have little comforts and things that bring them joy and can take care of themselves and feel valued and supported by those around them they're far less likely to end themselves than the person who hears an empty 'my door is always open' knowing that the door will be slammed shut, locked, and alarmed when they actually ask for help.

I sent him a mug with two handles a month or so back. Trawled Etsy for one that looked like an actual mug for grown ups, instead of a bigger version of a plastic toddler sippy cup. One of his conditions limits the strength and use in his arms and shoulders, but a cup of good coffee is one of his big joys in life. I want him to have that joy for as long as possible. In the past I've sent him a space heater, so that he can have more comfortable showers. Thick socks, so that the Massachusetts winter doesn't cause him as much pain. Gluten-free Jaffa cakes and English chocolate, because Hersheys is a crime even when you're not already suffering and gluten is his arch nemesis.

And I'm angry because it's not enough. I can't fix him. I feel powerless and frustrated because I will lose him eventually. It sounds cynical to say I've bought myself an extra few years with him by refusing to give up and trying to make sure he's at least comfortable, but that's how it feels. I spend time trawling the internet for two handled mugs because I am selfish, and I'm not willing to give up on him yet, but if I'm asking him to stay I should at least be minimizing his suffering.

If I fly out for his funeral, and there are people all around lamenting that they should have done more, but they didn't even take the time to make sure they had food he could safely eat when he visited... it won't be the fucking dead I'll be speaking ill of.

[rose-riot-johnson]

Okay every1 😁👍My debut character x reader story is here😁👍 I hope you enjoy💕

I Never Wanna Lose You (Eijirou Kirishima x reader-+18: Language, violence, talk of sex blood and violence, and at least self destructive thoughts)

Genre: Angst with somewhat a happy ending

For at least most of your life you've been going through a lot. Yes you have some good memories but you also have the bad memories. You've been thinking about your memories a lot lately.

Yes, it's good to let the past go but it's easier said than done. Also when you try hard not to think about them it just comes to your mind. Sometimes it's good to think about your memories, but there were times you get anxiety and/or depression when you think about them and at times it stresses you out.

It's been happening to you a lot lately and it's getting to the point where you're having a hard time holding back your tears and no matter how hard you tried to keep it off your mind it keeps coming back. Yes there were times you've completely forgotten about those memories but sometimes they keep coming back, even at random.

Well after you met Eijirou Kirishima, it wasn't getting this bad. Infact after he came in your life you've managed to cope with things better and you've been less gloomy and at times more cheerful. You being in his life is the best thing to ever happen to him as well.

But after a while that anxiety and/or depression came back to you on and off. And it all started with that time you went to the weekly morning function you go to and it just basically got bad where you ended up having an altercation. It was with this other girl you were jealous of for a few years.

Well the reason why you were jealous of the other girl you go to the morning weekly function with, because this guy she was hanging out with was basically play even your 1st time you and that guy kissed. You eventually never considered it a relationship and just told him your done. The sad part is that you never knew if she ever knew that he was playing you considering the possibility that he was hooking with or even dating him to begin with.

This altercation basically started on the topic of the the guy who played you as she was making accusations that you were trying to steal him away from her years ago, which you were innocent in that case, but she believes the opposite. Then after she got done arguing with you about her accusations about the guy who was playing you, the topic of Kirishima came up. She was basically downing you by bragging about how her plans to take Kirishima away from from you and to have sex with him and about how she claims she doesn't have a chance with Kirishima and why would anyone want you.

That's when the both you and that girl were screaming at eachothers about how both you and her hate eachother. You also screamed at her about how you truly feel about her and your own accusations about the same guy she was accusing you about. That's when the altercation got physical. She slapped you in the face, so you completely lost your cool and attacked her. It took 10 people or so to get you off her to stop you from attacking her. You got kicked out of that morning weekly function, but the other girl never did as they probably would let her get away with murder, if she was or wanted to murder anyone.

Eversince then you became insecured, especially about yourself again. You have been having the anxiety that he will find a reason to leave you, especially for the girl you fought with. You tried everything including thinking positive thoughts and Kirishima to drive your past, insecurities, (depression) and anxieties away but nothing worked. It's even gotten where you wanted to harm yourself.

Well you just thought of the one thing you never thought of trying yet. You decided to call Eijirou Kirishima at midnight, because you had a hard time sleeping because of everything that was bothering you lately. As you're calling Kirishima, he answered your call as he said, "Hi (female reader name). I know it's you. I love it when you call me at midnight and all, but why did you call me this late, sweetie?", "I will explain later, I really need someone to talk to right now, but I need you to come to my place right now", you cried and sobbed. "I will be on my way then your womanliness.", Kirishima said as he knew something is wrong, before their call ended.

When Kirishima arrived at your place he knocked on the door. You answered the door. You came to him crying as hugged him so tightly, then he hugged you lightly while you hugged him as tightly as you could. You explained to Kirishima what has been bothering you including about the girl you had an altercation with at the morning weekly function you used to go to. And mentioned that your insecurities, past, depression, and anxiety came back at you hard, especially since how the girl you fought with was bragging about Kirishima and how she was downing you about him.

Eijirou Kirishima assured you, "You already have me cuteness. She's just bitter with you about something your completely innocent on. You're alright. You will never lose me lovely. I will stay the night with you so you can feel secured", as he hugged you tightly. He continued,"I'm happy you came to me about this and I would like you to come to about things more often, including how you feel about things. I don't want you to be in your shell. I wanna see you out of your shell more. Please don't live in fear. I never wanna lose you. I wanna keep you in my arms forever. You're such a special woman who means so much to me.",then he choked up in tears as he continued more,"the truth is I never wanna see you go. Not even though killing yourself in anyway like that."

Then Kirishima goes," If you do this to yourself and I find out about this and why and if anyone has being around you is a factor, I don't care who they are, if I find the fuck out who's responsible for this shit, I will find out where they live, look for them, hunt them the fuck down, as I kidnap them find an abandoned building and torture them!".He continued,"I will torture them in anyway until they die and I will use my quirk to carve your full name on them where they can see it to make them fucken suffer if I have to! You mean the world to me babe and I will do anything in my power to keep you safe." It took a couple minutes for both you and Kirishima to calm down. "So please try not to change for the worse like you did again, especially over this, (female reader name)", he said as he kissed your forehead,"I love you, (female reader name)"."I love you too, Eiji", you said feeling more secured now.

The End

[volleyboys-imagines]

Um, this ask is a bit difficult maybe, but could you do headcanons/imagines of how to captains are falling in love? Like, do they confess immediately or do they keep pining for five years? Do they tell all their friends about every detail or are they the type that would die if someone found out he has a crush? Can he pull of a normal conversation with his crush or is he a stuttering mess? I'm so sorry for requesting smth like this please forgive my sins

oh no anon, you’re not sorry :

yes this ask is a bit difficult; most of the time it depends on the person they’ll fall in love with, sadly. I don’t know what other people’s headcanons on these boys are, but here’s whatever I have in my head :) ||

I think that Daichi wouldn’t really know it until it’s too late, and it hits him like a ton of bricks. Like this girl is someone that just fit herself into his life and he really hasn’t noticed that he’s fit her into a lot of his activities until now. He’ll call up Asahi or Suga for some advice because the realization’s way too much for him to handle because man does he finally know why he likes this person so much and it’s just. so. bad. He wouldn’t confess immediately because he’s afraid that the feeling wouldn’t be mutual because he can name a few other captains that are so much better than him in other places. He’s not as smart as Kuroo, as handsome as Oikawa, as serious as Ushijima, or as carefree as Bokuto. Because of this, he’ll probably pine for some time until someone (most likely Sugawara) pushes him out of his comfort zone and confesses. He’ll be a stuttering mess because he doesn’t want to be rejected and embarrassed and everything else that runs through your head when you try to confess to someone you really like. Does she like the flowers? Should he have given chocolates instead? Do I look good enough in this suit? He’ll probably have a nervous breakdown, and it’s up to his girlfriend to iron out the kinks in his confidence.

As I write this I realize I don’t have a good enough cliché headcanon for Oikawa. I’ve visualized him more as the kind of guy that is and isn’t looking for a romantic kind of love; he’s kind of confused. He wants a romantic kind of love because it’s the most common form, especially in movies and books. It’s the ideal form of a relationship that two people form a bond. He wants to be there to cuddle and take care of his girlfriend, take her out on dates and give her flowers, and be there for her forever. But it doesn’t always work that way, since he’s more or less married to volleyball. So how does make time and effort for his girlfriend? The answer is that he doesn’t. He’s also not looking for the romantic relationship because it’s already failed once (remember his ex in canon? yes that one). Instead, he’s looking for someone out there that can not only deal with his idiosyncrasies, but also share them. Because of this, he’ll likely fall in love with someone that’s been with him every step of the way, through the ups and downs, having her loyalty and trust tried and tested. He’s the kind of guy that will realize this sooner or later, and she’ll be the only answer to all of the questions on who he should have by his side for the rest of his life. For the person that sticks with him through all of the hurdles in life, he won’t hesitate to buy that person a ring, get down on one knee in front of the crowd and ask, “Will you be mine?”

Kuroo’s always falling for girls left and right. He doesn’t know why he falls easy. He’s found long-haired girls, short-haired girls, tall girls, short girls, thin girls, fluffy girls and usually, the feeling isn’t mutual; he thinks it’s because he looks like a bad boy. The pining lasts about…three months. It’s that fast. He doesn’t really have a set of special characteristics for a future girlfriend, be it physical or personal, because he’s got this theory in his head that, whoever has these characteristics will also have a unique ‘taste’ because of their other qualities. He’s looking for this kind of girl whose unique combination, fitted with his, creates a power dynamic. He doesn’t keep it to himself, does the ‘oh my friend likes this girl’ but everyone sees riiiight through it. He’d look way too pale if someone actually mentioned this crush of his. Unlike Oikawa and Daichi, Kuroo is somehow knows he’s falling in love with this person. Like he catches himself noticing the little things about his crush. He’ll make an effort to see if he has a chance with her (casually asking her out, dropping hints, etc.), and if he feels that the feeling isn’t mutual, he’ll stop. If he knows that she’s got her eye on him however, he’ll go in for the kill and confess. The actual confession is sappy and cheesy, with a lot of pick up lines and cheesy comparisons (”You know, you’re like a flower…pretty and cute. You know what would go well with flowers? Chocolates.” “Of course.” “…oh am I not chocolate? Not sweet enough for you? *presents chocolates*”) because it’s Kuroo for godsakes. Confessing is probaby like, at whatever time of the day the s/o likes best (dawn, midday, afternoon, sunset, night [under the moon and the stars??]), and after doing something (watching the sunrise/sunset, breakfast at the café, whatever) he’ll go and take their hands and be like, “I know we’ve been friends for the last x months/years, and *swallow* and I’d like you to know that I appreciate all you’ve done for me, but I really don’t want to stay as friends.” “*S/O’S HEART DROPS* W-what…? But we’ve been together—” “*DEEP BREATHS* That’s why I want you to be my s/o instead.” OHHH GODDAMMIT and Kenma and Yaku and Kai would be there tryna film that (not Lev because he’ll still pop out with “KUROO-SAN AKIRAMERUNA”) omigod

I think Ushijima would be the same as Oikawa: he wouldn’t really ‘fall in love’ with someone as romantically cliché as possible, but only because it’s his nature. The only problem is that Ushijima will choose an s/o that is directly contributing to his life. Not with love or anything, but a partner that makes the most sense having in his life. Love as we know it is out of the question. So it takes years, I think, and everyone else is just waiting for Ushijima to pop the question because fuck they’ve been around since whenever and Ushiwaka brings them wherever he goes and they’ve been super attuned to all his habits and quirks and nonexistent facial expressions that you can cut the sexual tension with a knife. So yeeah it’s not really as exciting with Ushiwaka, but super fulfilling when he confesses with a ‘romantic dinner’.

Bokuto falling in love? I think the best way to describe it is that his friends (and his s/o!) would all know it before he would because it’s so. damn. o b v i o u s. It’s not enough that he’s loud, but his PDA game is so…PDA. It just is. If he sees them in the morning before class he’s going to come running and bear hugs and lifts and twirls around; the only things left are the kisses. He’s going to walk them to class and chat with them all the way until he has to go because his class is on the other end of campus and he’s gotta run for it or he’ll be late! He’ll text them to meet up for lunch and when you do meet up he’s going to treat them for lunch. During weekends he’ll take some time out from partying just to spend time with them, so takeout + Disney movies + pillow forts on Fridays. If the conversation turns to his crush, he’ll immediately start denying the hell out of it. Confessing? He’ll strut outside in his best suit, the black one, with a bouquet of the favorite flowers, and text his s/o so he could meet them and, if it’s in class, he wouldn’t care if the professor is in there he’ll just fucken barge in there and just go through with it because what the heck does he have to lose. Now people know that classroom is lucky for love. :>

Terushima falling in love is just like…falling into bed after a long day. Getting into a warm bath. Chicken soup when you’re sick. Basically Teru falling in love makes him warmer, more comfortable with that someone. Sure he talks to people, but nobody really knows a damn thing about the partyboy. He opens up to his s/o like nobody else before, and when he catces himself telling this person his secrets he’ll ask himself ‘why the hell am I telling this to them??’ The answer will always elude him until he just. gets it. He likes this person enough to open up to them, to trust them with the things that he’s kept to himself for a long time and it feels like falling into bed after a long day. The weight in his heart is gone, and he feels like a free man. And when he sees them the next day his heart just does a tiny little skip and he smiles. Nobody knows about this, but he’ll feel proud that he’s found someone if his friends just seem to know. He’ll get that little smile on his face that woudld creep anyone out because the cool kid’s finally smiling so softly that it just can’t be romantic at all. Confessing would be super heartfelt. Like, holding hands in the moonlight and “[First], we’ve been friends for x months/years. We’ve been through a lot. *lists all of the things they’ve done together* And now I’ve realized that it’s fun going through life with someone by my side. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had so much fun with someone…not even in high school. But I know that there are other people out there that want this special someone of my choice, so I gotta, you know, stake my claim and all that shit. *deep breaths, thinking that was really stupid* [First], will you go through life with me?”