#and now it’s present day and we are the POOREST of all his siblings even though it started with him being the one they all depended on

[oldcurse]

Yesterday my dad told me that my cousin’s parents are taking her to Malaysia for graduating college 😐

[storiesbetween]

🥳io saturnalia🥳

I was going through my writing archives when I found the Saturnalia essay I wrote on my deleted LJ many years ago, and I decided to post it here for old time’s sake (and because my Patreon isn’t ready for content yet lol). Hope it makes your Wednesday a little more festive ✨

Seneca and Smurf Hats: A Saturnalia Primer

(written Dec 8, 2010) 

December used to be a month — now it's a whole year.

Anyone who’s grumbled at Christmas stuff on sale in September can relate to this Stoic observation by Seneca. Saturnalia has more in common with modern Christmas than you might realize — from its origins as a single holy day, Saturnalia snowballed into a December-devouring extravaganza of parties, presents, shopping, eating, and funny hats. Look around you: do you see evergreens, candles, holiday outfits, trays of food, a general lack of work ethic, and that one guy who always acts like an idiot at your office party? It’s beginning to look a lot like Saturnalia.

Officially Saturnalia was the festival of Saturn, the Roman god of agriculture and the father of Jupiter and his sibling. Saturn was a god of peace and plenty, and the Romans worshiped him at the winter solstice with a day of rest and feasting. Being Romans, that day became a few days, then a week, then almost a whole month of partying, gift-giving, and relaxation of the strict Roman social order into something kinda-sorta almost resembling equality. (But not really.) Saturnalia's official date was December 17th, but eventually things got started around the 15th and went on for almost two weeks, and all of December had a festive atmosphere similar to that one coworker who starts playing Christmas carols the day after Thanksgiving. Augustus and later emperors tried to trim the celebrations back to a few days, but it never worked; the season eventually became so overblown that conservatives complained about too much secularization, too much focus on material goods, and that a holy day had become an excuse to quit work and get drunk. (Sound familiar?)

The Romans celebrated Saturnalia in ways that would look very familiar to our modern eyes: decorating homes and shops with winter flora; exchanging gifts with friends and family; giving bonuses to employees and servants; even wearing gaudy holiday clothes. And of course, food – lots and lots of food. Because Saturn was associated with grain, baked goods were a staple feature of his festival, but other than that any kind of festive potluck with friends and family would do. These traditions became as deeply ingrained in secular Roman society as Christmas is in secular Western society, so it makes sense that they’re still kicking around a few millennia later. If you’d like to give your midwinter holiday get-together an authentic Saturnalia feel this year, here are a few suggestions to get you started.

Deck the halls. Evergreens, pine cones, berries, and other winter symbols were used to deck the halls for Saturnalia, as they were for winter festivals in other cultures. They represented then what they represent now: the resilience of life during the coldest months. Candles were a particular favorite, being symbols of light in the darkness. Trees were not brought indoors, but outdoor plants might be decorated; outdoor markets were popular too, a predecessor of the Weihnachtsmarkt.

Set the table. Saturn is an agricultural god, and Saturnalia was a time to show him how thankful you were for his bounty by stuffing your face with as much of it as you could. The Saturnalia feast was meant to be a gathering of family, friends, and loved ones; the rich had lavish banquets, but even the poorest managed something special for their holiday dinner, perhaps by pooling resources with friends for a neighborhood get-together.

Exchange gifts. Gifts were a big part of Saturnalia — for the über-rich they might be extravagant luxury items, but for most people they were simple trinkets, the kind of items we might call stocking-stuffers today. Family members, friends, and business associates exchanged gifts; it was also expected that employers would give something to their staff, and all but the cruelest masters gave small gifts to their slaves. I read in one of my history books that at some parties, everyone brought a gift and drew lots to see which one they got to take home. The world’s first Secret Santa?

Dress festive. The Romans dressed by class, but during Saturnalia season they went casual as a symbol of loosened social mores. The theory was that everyone was equal on Saturnalia, so official garments like togas or uniforms were ditched in favor of brightly colored tunics and leisure wear. The featured item was the pileus, or phrygian cap, the floppy hat usually worn by freedmen but adopted by everyone on Saturnalia. (And yes, that is where Smurf hats come from.)

Unlike many Roman festivals, Saturnalia was meant to be celebrated at home, not at state-given games or public shows. It was a time to celebrate with loved ones and show benevolence to inferiors; executions were forbidden, and violent games were not allowed. Role-reversal was the theme: workers staying home, some prohibited activities permitted (like gambling in public), class-defining wardrobes put away, slaves being served by masters. The medieval tradition of the Lord of Misrule is a descendant of this last custom, when masters would throw banquets for their slaves and allow them to be pseudo-disrespectful for one day of the year. But the illusion only went so far — those slaves would have spent their day cooking the feast that would be served to them that night.

Yet there was also a religious message beneath all the Saturnalia food and partying, whether or not individuals chose to participate in that aspect of things. Sacred rites included a ceremonial unbinding and rebinding of Saturn’s statue, special sacrifices in his temple, offerings of cakes and grain, and prayers of thanks. Saturnalia was at its heart a winter solstice festival, expressing gratitude for what went before and what is yet to come. A modern Saturnalia altar might include winter-themed trinkets, candles, favorite cookies and treats, and decorative ribbons to symbolize the unbinding of the sun after the solstice. Some modern-day celebrants favor red, gold, green, and silver as their festive colors to honor Saturn and the solstice.

If you're thinking of setting up a Saturnalia dinner this year, there's good news: you can pretty much have whatever you want. There doesn't seem to have been a certain special dish specific to this holiday, like Thanksgiving turkey or New Year black-eyed peas. Go for whatever you would consider a celebratory feast! (For me that would be a plate of ribs and an Oreo Blizzard, but hey.) But if you want to give your winter feast a Roman feel, here are a couple suggestions.

Focus on finger food. Sausage rolls, pigs-in-a-blanket, fruit, cheese, olives, nuts, and deviled eggs would all be historically correct. The Romans considered raw vegetables unhealthy, so skip the crudites and serve your veggies in the form of pickles, chutneys, or relishes. Hummus would be fine, and those little quiche bites are surprisingly authentic. Whatever appetizers you choose, be sure to include lots of bread!

Break out the BBQ. Pork would be the easiest and most authentic choice for meat dishes, preferably roasted or grilled. If you don't eat pork, then poultry, lamb, wild game, and seafood are all historically accurate (the Romans didn’t eat a lot of beef). If you're meat-free, go for legume dishes that you can scoop up with flatbread, or fry them as fritters — falafel goes way back!

Get baking! This is where Saturnalia really shines. Baked goods and sweet treats are what made this celebration special. Candied fruit, jams, and tarts would all be appropriate, as would sweetened nuts and seeds — but the real star of the show should be cookies. Small cakes and decorated cookies were a signature staple of Saturnalia. Gingersnaps, pfeffernüße, paprenjak, nut rolls, honey buns, insert your favorite holiday cookie here. (Just remember the Romans didn’t have chocolate. But who am I to stop you?) These cakes were part of the Saturnalia offerings, so go all out. Here are two Roman recipes you might want to try:

mustacei (spice cakes)

4 cups (500g) flour

1 1/2 cups (300ml) grape juice or sweet wine

2 Tbsp anise seeds

2 Tbsp cumin seeds

1/2 cup (100g) lard

1/3 cup (50g) grated cheese

about 20 bay leaves

Grind the anise and cumin in a mortar. Mix the flour with the juice, then stir in the anise, cumin, lard, and cheese. (I’d recommend a little salt if your cheese is bland.) Shape into small balls and flatten by pressing a bay leaf into each one. Arrange the cakes on a tray, bay leaf down. Bake at 350F (180C) for about a half hour. Makes about 20 cookies. 

Feel free to substitute vegetable oil for the lard (I totally understand). If you want to increase the spice content, try poppy seeds, cinnamon, ginger, and/or black pepper; all of those would be authentic.

globi (cheese balls)

Tiny deep-fried cheesecakes  — a treat truly worthy of the gods! 

Combine equal parts flour and soft cheese and knead well. 

The most historically accurate would be spelt or wheat flour (i’m gluten free so i use oats) and ricotta cheese.

Let the dough rest while you heat oil for frying.

Lard is historically authentic, but yeah, any oil is fine.

Form the dough into small balls and fry until golden brown.

Drizzle honey over the globi while still warm and, if you're feeling frisky, sprinkle with poppy seeds. Bask in the deliciousness. 

Now make yourself a nice big batch of spiced wine, light some candles, put on your smurf hat, and you’re ready to set your Saturnalia table. Carpe Cibum!

Recipes are taken from A Taste of Ancient Rome by Ilaria Gozzini Giacosa, based on original texts from Apicius and Cato. Other sources include The Handbook of Ancient Rome by Adkins & Adkins and Edith Hamilton’s The Roman Way. If you’re into primary sources (and who isn't?) I recommend Martial's Epigram 14, Seneca's Epistle 18, Horace's Satire II, Macrobius’ Saturnalia, and Cato’s De Agri Cultura. 

[misssophiachase]

Happy Independence Day to all of my American friends!

So, this July 4 themed, modern royalty drabble is very loosely based on Prince Harry’s infamous trip to Las Vegas but different because it’s with Klaroline : )

This is dedicated to my favourite angry baker @megansarah11. Happy belated birthday, luv!

Justice and Independence

Lobby - MGM Grand Hotel - Las Vegas, Nevada - July 3

“Why did you decide to get married on the Fourth of July weekend in Las Vegas again?” Caroline insisted, pushing her way through the throng gathered outside the MGM Grand, bags in hand.

“Because we met at this hotel three years ago on Independence Day. I thought it was romantic returning here to exchange vows,” Lexi replied. “Don’t tell me you don’t remember, Care? You were there when we met, although the margaritas might have affected your memory.”

“Very funny,” she scowled.

Of course she remembered that weekend. Bonnie had been dumped by her worthless, cheating boyfriend and Katherine had convinced the four girls to take a road trip. One that, unbeknownst to Caroline, would end in Nevada. Las Vegas to be exact. Katherine argued that had she told her their destination Caroline wouldn’t have come and she was right. Vegas just wasn’t her style she’d insisted, to which Katherine replied with an exaggerated eye roll.

Caroline wasn’t boring, well that’s what she told herself anyway. She’d always been too busy during college striving for the best grades for her future career and it had paid off. She was the newly-appointed director of a not-for-profit organisation and couldn’t think of a better or more fulfilling way to spend her time. In fact, she was due in Malawi next month to tour the much needed sanitation infrastructure they’d built in one of the poorest villages.

If she was being honest, the overt opulence of Vegas didn’t quite sit well with Caroline. But Lexi was one of her closest friends, so she’d never begrudge her a dream wedding. She’d always liked Matt and had to admit they made the perfect couple.

He was the star quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers and had been on a team trip when they’d met poolside. Their chemistry had been instantaneous and Caroline had never seen Lexi so happy and that look on Matt’s face when they were together was enough to convince Caroline he was equally as besotted.

Feelings aside, Caroline was determined to survive the weekend. She was one of four bridesmaids and knew she had to make this occasion perfect for Lexi.

“Seriously?” Katherine groaned. “What’s with the hold-up? I need to get to the spa pronto and combat this dry skin thanks to this stifling desert air.”

“It shouldn’t be a moment Miss,” the receptionist assured. “We just had an unexpected VIP guest check-in.”

“What are we, chopped liver?” She muttered under her breath.

“Who are you exactly?” Caroline teased, knowing the celebrity was Matt and his teammates, not them. He had a last minute practice session and so was arriving later that day.

“Well, that would explain the traffic madness outside,” Bonnie huffed, placing her bags on the ground with a bang. “Last time I checked I wasn’t your personal porter, Katherine. We’re only here for the weekend, what the hell do you have in here?”

“I need to be prepared for any occasion, Bon. So anyway, who’s this mystery VIP?” Katherine purred, leaning across the desk and exposing some extra cleavage on purpose. “Anyone we’d know?”

“My lips are sealed,” he uttered, his eyes reluctantly diverting from her cleavage. “Looks like your rooms are ready and our wedding planner has said she’ll come up shortly to finalise the details for tomorrow.”

“Hallelujah,” Anna sighed, joining them at the front desk. “I hope there’s going to be a nice goodies basket included too?”

“You practically ate like a three course meal on the drive over, Anna. Do you ever think about anything else?”

“Ah, no,” she grinned. “Come on ladies, let’s get this party started.”

Skyloft Suite - Two hours later

“These lights are bloody impressive,” Enzo whistled, taking in the view of the famous Las Vegas strip from the suite window as the sun slipped lazily over the horizon in streaks of bright oranges and pinks.

“Says the Vegas virgin,” Klaus smirked from his place in the hotel spa.

“We can’t all be Princes and travel the world,” he scoffed. “I’m just a lowly protective services agent who’s lucky to even get a vacation given your gruelling schedule of social events Romeo.”

“You’re welcome to take my place, Enzo.”

Although people liked to think he had the perfect life, Klaus hated all of the unwanted scrutiny and attention his position attracted. His siblings seemed to accept the responsibility far better than he ever had and Klaus was more than happy to let them do that while he enjoyed himself to the fullest, starting with July Fourth weekend in Vegas.

“I’m not sure you mind too much when it comes to protecting Rebekah,” Klaus responded, sending his body guard a knowing smile. Although not public knowledge, the attraction between Enzo and his younger sister and princess was well known amongst their entourage. It had been simmering for some time but the Queen didn’t look too kindly upon such an uneven match for obvious reasons.

“You know more than anyone else about my professionalism,” he responded tartly. It was true and Klaus wished his grandmother could see just what an honourable match he would be for the Princess, if she bothered to get to know him. “Which is why I’m going to tell you…”

“Please, enough with the lectures,” Klaus groaned.

“Well, I wouldn’t be doing my job if…”

“Last time I checked you’re my bodyguard, not my mother, mate.”

“Well, someone has to be, Klaus.”

“You’ve been around Rebekah too long,” Klaus shot back, sending his brother a dirty look. “Now, how about a whiskey? I’m absolutely parched.”

Morimoto Restaurant - Four hours later

“To the Bride and Groom,” Anna toasted, raising her champagne flute in the air.

Matt, Katherine’s brother and Anna’s boyfriend Jeremy and his NFL teammates Jesse and Tyler had arrived a few hours earlier and the bridal party was enjoying the rehearsal dinner at the famed Japanese restaurant at the MGM Grand.

The rest of the table repeated her sentiments, clinking their glasses together in celebration. Caroline felt the tension in her body slowing start to ebb away, finally beginning to relax. That massage at the spa earlier was just what she needed. Maybe a wedding in Vegas wasn’t going to be so bad.

It certainly wasn’t going to be your typical wedding, with only the bridal party attending and the small reception taking place at one of the private cabanas with July 4 themed fare. They wanted their wedding to resemble how they met after all.

“Does anyone know who this mysterious VIP is staying at the hotel?” Katherine asked the table, looking specifically in Matt’s direction. She’d been stalking the hallways hoping to find out who was staying at the MGM Grand but no luck so far. Caroline had to give her friend points for dogged determination and persistence.

“Why are you looking at me?” He baulked. “You know just because I’m a football player doesn’t mean I know every celebrity out there, Katherine.”

“You really need to get over this weird scavenger hunt, Kat,” Caroline implored. “I mean who really cares about celebrities; you know present company excluded and all that.”

“I care,” she pouted. “What if it’s Chris Hemsworth or Brad Pitt?”

“Well, last time I checked Kitty Kat, Chris Hemsworth is happily married,” Bonnie observed. “And Brad Pitt is just all sorts of complicated right now and I never took you for the child friendly type and he’s got like a lot.”

“Plus, aren’t we good enough company for you?” Lexi asked, feigning annoyance.

They’d all laughed off her curiosity as dinner arrived. The girls were staying together overnight even though they had their own rooms. So, Caroline had ventured back to her suite to grab her pyjamas and some overnight supplies.

Given their room was only directly down the hall, Caroline decided to change there, putting on her pyjamas which consisted of a blue, fitted singlet and tiny, white shorts and tying back her blonde waves into a high ponytail. Grabbing her toiletries bag, she opened her room door not expecting the sight that met her in the corridor.

He was stark naked, well except for a cowboy hat placed strategically over his nether regions. Caroline wasn’t sure where to look. His toned physique was nothing short of impressive and those dark, blonde curls, crimson lips and stubble weren’t so bad either.

“Hide me, please?” He pleaded, racing past her and into the doorway wearily, looking back briefly before going inside. “There’s someone I really don’t need to run into looking like this.”

“And yet you feel the need to punish me instead,” she shot back, just as he pulled her inside too and shut the door behind them. Caroline shivered as his pale skin made contact with hers, desperately trying to avert her gaze. “What the hell do you think you’re doing in here?”

“Sorry, I don’t usually make a habit of running into strangers’ rooms,” he apologised. Caroline couldn’t miss his crisp, English accent as he said it.

“And what about running around public places naked?” She asked her eyes fixed firmly on the floor, hoping to avoid anything even more awkward.

“Only when I lose a bet and we’ve run out of ice,” he explained. “I mean the odds of beating a straight flush are extremely rare and…”

“I cannot believe this,” she interrupted, her eyes still not meeting his naked form. “I’m calling the police.” Caroline made her way towards the bedside table and reached for the phone.

“Oh, come on love,” he attempted to reason with her. “There’s no need to be so hasty. This is just a little misunderstanding. You’ll laugh about it later, trust me.”

“I highly doubt that,” Caroline hissed, forgetting about his current state of nakedness and glancing over to meet those blue eyes briefly.

“Please, don’t,” he begged. “If you do, things could get a little messy.”

“Oh really? More than this?” She argued, now placing both hands on her hips. “I’ll give you thirty seconds to explain.” As she stared at him more closely (carefully trying not to peruse any lower than his neck), Caroline was trying to figure out just why he looked so familiar.

“My family won’t look upon this too kindly, I guess you could say,” he uttered feebly.

“So, you’re scared of having to explain this to mommy?’ She scoffed, thinking he was just another rich kid with a trust fund. "Unbelievable.” She picked up the phone, pushing a button and listening for the operator to dial out. “Yes, I’d like the Las Vegas Police Station, please.”

The naked stranger took his opportunity grabbing the phone receiver from her tight grasp, his cowboy hat falling onto the ground in the process. Caroline was too dumbstruck to fight back, whoever this guy was he certainly had some impressive assets. “Oh my eyes! What do you think you’re doing?” She managed to bite out, her face flushed and Caroline knew her skin was now a very deep shade of pink.

“Sorry about that,” he murmured, replacing the receiver and returning the hat over his private parts. “But I, uh, couldn’t let you call the police.”

“Obviously,” she growled. “What do you want? Money or something? Is this some pathetic attempt to rob me?”

“Yeah, I’m your friendly neighbourhood, naked thief,” he teased. “Look, I don’t want your money, I just needed somewhere to hide out but I’ll leave. Any chance you could lend me a robe though?”

“Unbelievable,” she muttered.

“Well, if you’d prefer me like this then,” he smirked, flashing a stray and not so unattractive dimple in her direction.

“I never said that,” she snapped, retrieving the white, fluffy robe from the hooks on the back of the bathroom door before throwing it at him unceremoniously. “In fact, there’s nothing I’d love more than for you to put some clothes on.”

“Not that I’m judging or anything, but you’re almost as bad as me,” he offered, turning his back to her and flashing his taut backside. When it came to a perfect physique this stranger had it all, pity about his weird personality traits.

“And how do you see that?” She growled, relieved to see him tying the robe at the front as he turned back around.

“Well, where were you going in those skimpy shorts and singlet? Booty call, sweetheart?”

“Seriously, you are really going to judge me right now, buddy?”

“I’m not complaining or anything, I was merely stating…”

“Urgh, get out,” she huffed, gesturing to the door. “Wouldn’t want mommy grounding you or anything.”

As soon as he’d left Caroline leant against the door wondering what the hell had just transpired. And why did he still seem so familiar? Caroline wasn’t going to take any chances, placing the other robe over her pyjamas and making her way to Lexi’s suite thinking this was best left between her and the arrogant stranger.

SkyLoft Suite - July 4

“I cannot believe you left the room naked,” Enzo chided, as Klaus consulted himself in the bathroom mirror the next morning. “I take a phone call and go to the bathroom for a few minutes and your idiotic; high roller buddies let the Prince of England go out in public with only a Stetson to protect his modesty.”

“Well, to be fair I did say I’d get the ice if I lost that hand.” Klaus had called some of his wealthy; Las Vegas mates around so they could have a friendly poker match, not expecting it to descend into such frivolity. It was Vegas though and drinking neat scotch all night would do that to a person.

“Naked though? How old are you again? You know anyone could have seen you, dumbass.”

“Well…”

“Well, what? Don’t tell me I’m going to turn on TMZ and find you strolling around the hotel butt naked.”

“I did recognise Nathaniel Lucas, that Royal correspondent from The Mirror, skulking around the place but don’t worry grandma I ran into a nearby suite before he saw me. I’ll have you know that even completely inebriated I still have my wits about me.”

“Well, thank god for your bloody wits,” Enzo muttered. “And you wonder why you need a babysitter?”

“I thought you didn’t like me calling you that?”

“I don’t but it’s true,” Enzo muttered begrudgingly. “Do you think they found out about the wedding and that’s why Lucas was sniffing around?”

“The Groom doesn’t even know I’m coming to his wedding, let alone The Mirror.”

Matt Donovan had unexpectedly become one of his good friends after they met at an English pub when he was playing an exhibition NFL match. They’d started a competitive game of darts and the night had descended into some drunken fun. Given their high profiles Klaus and Matt would usually try to catch up discreetly and avoid the unwanted media attention.

When he’d told Klaus he was getting married and asked him to be groomsman, Klaus had turned him down telling Matt that he didn’t want his and Lexi’s wedding to descend into a media circus. His disappointment at declining never faded though and Klaus decided to make a surprise appearance.

What he hadn’t expected was to turn up naked in some girl’s suite last night. Klaus had to admit that uptight hostility was kind of refreshingly sexy, so too the woman herself. Especially attired in such skimpy clothing. The one thing he’d been relieved about was she didn’t seem to recognise him and they’d no doubt never see each other again.

“So, should I ask about this stranger’s suite and the robe you managed to acquire in the process? I hope there’s no lawsuits pending, Niklaus. I’m not sure the Queen could take it.”

“You are sounding more like my grandmother every day,” he drawled sarcastically. “Now, who’s ready for a nice, summer wedding?”

Forever Grand Wedding Chapel - Three hours later

Lexi looked beautiful. Caroline always knew she would but seeing the strapless, white Vera Wang creation on her was absolutely stunning in this moment. Her blonde hair had been pulled back into a chignon at the base of her neck with a few wavy tendrils framing her face. Pearl earrings complimented the similar embellishments on her dress. Although the reception was going to be a casual affair, Lexi wanted her wedding ceremony to be more traditional.

“Are you ready?” Caroline grinned, passing her the blush pink bouquet of peonies. Anna, Bonnie and Kat were organising some last minute details with the wedding planner leaving Caroline to finalise Lexi’s outfit.

“Too bad if I’m not,” she grinned. “Also, I should let you know that there’s going to be a new addition to the bridal party.”

“Excuse me? You seem entirely too calm for such a big change this close to the ceremony.”

“One of Matt’s friends decided to surprise him and show up in Vegas,” she explained. “I figured I could be a complete bridezilla about this but I know how much it means to Matt. And, let’s just say, it was difficult to say no to this particular addition.”

“Who is it, another teammate?”

“Uh, no not quite,” she uttered. “Anyway, the numbers were uneven and you know how much I like symmetry so that means you and Bonnie don’t need to share Jesse. Although I’m sure he’ll be gutted by that fact.” Given the groomsman had been making jokes in the lead up about having two women to share, Caroline was pretty certain he would be.

“Anyway, we’ll talk about that later. Come on Care, let’s get me married.”

Caroline wanted to ask about this mystery groomsman but if Lexi was relaxed then so was she. Caroline regarded herself in the mirror one last time. Lexi had chosen flowing, chiffon gowns for the four girls, each in a different shade. Hers was a beautiful, peach strapless dress, her blonde hair flowing over her shoulders in loose waves.

As the familiar music began to play throughout the small chapel, Caroline took her position to walk up the aisle after Bonnie. As she made her way to the makeshift altar, Caroline’s mouth dropped unable to hide her surprise.

Standing in a grey suit was her naked visitor from last night. She was surprised she recognised him given he was fully clothed. Unfortunately he looked more handsome than ever and she couldn’t miss the knowing smirk he sent her way. Bastard. Why he of all people was part of the bridal party Caroline would never know.

It was only when she was standing across from him that it hit her with blunt force. She knew exactly who he was and suddenly she felt a little ill thinking back to their conversation the previous night. She decided to blame her ignorance on the fact his state of undress had proved to be a very large distraction.

One hour later and they were dressed down in bikinis (each corresponding to the colour of their bridesmaid gown) lazing by the pool at the intimate cabana venue. Tables were filled with a selection of July fourth goodies including; hot dogs, burgers and potato salad, amongst other things, and a red, white and blue wedding cake to complete the theme.

“I have to admit I’m liking this menu,” Caroline smiled, biting into a slice of fresh watermelon. “But I think we have enough here to feed an army.”

“You forget, we have Anna,” Bonnie teased, watching their friend practically hoover up the food.

“I heard that,” she muttered between mouthfuls.

“At least now we know who the mystery VIP was,” Katherine murmured taking in his appearance appreciatively. He and Matt seemed to be having fun catching up, both seated by the pool with their legs submerged in the water, Coronas in hand. “I never would have guessed royalty though, Matty Blue eyes certainly is coming up in the world.”

“How does Matt know the Prince of England exactly?” Bonnie asked, looking to Lexi curiously. “And who’s the serious brunette loitering over there? I noticed him standing in the corner of the church too.”

“That’s Enzo, his security detail,” she explained. Caroline wondered where his security detail was when he was running around the hotel naked. “As for how they met, apparently it was at the pub. They played some darts, got raucously drunk and bonded. Probably not the most conventional meeting story with a Prince.”

“Who the hell cares how they met,” Anna purred, eyeing him up. It was obviously the only distraction that would make her cease stuffing her face. “He is even more gorgeous in the flesh, especially in those tight….”

“Ah-hem. Excuse me, boyfriend here,” Jeremy interrupted, overhearing their conversation.

“I still think you’re gorgeous, honey,” Anna cooed. “I told you, I love you more than cheese, remember?”

“And that’s saying something, Jer,” Katherine told her brother sarcastically.

“Gee, thanks sis,” he groaned, jumping into the water to join his teammates and spraying them all with water on purpose.

“Mature,” Katherine squealed, wiping the unwanted water from her skin. “But more importantly back to the Prince. It should be against the law to look that good in swimmers.”

“Oh, come on, he’s not that good,” Caroline lied, remembering that body well and exactly what was housed under those swimmers.

“Are you feeling okay, Care?”

“Yeah,” Bonnie agreed. “Has the hot, desert sun warped your mind or something?”

As much as she wanted to agree with her friend’s assessment of his physical attributes give they were in fact true, Caroline knew exactly what a smug bastard he was and had no intention of telling anyone about their unorthodox first meeting. The fact that he represented the royal family and was wandering around naked in hotels spoke volumes about the kind of person he was.

She could feel his eyes trained on her across the pool and she suddenly felt flustered knowing it wasn’t only due to the hot, desert sun as Bonnie liked to put it.

“I’m going for a swim,” she murmured by way of response, slipping into the pool and submerging herself under the water, determined to try and wash him from her mind.

Private Cabana – Ninety minutes later

To say he was surprised to see the familiar blonde walking up the aisle was an understatement. Not only did she look more beautiful than ever, she also happened to know his friend. How, Klaus wasn’t quite sure. But he had every intention of finding out and that was exactly what he did earlier.

“So, you did well, mate,” Klaus said, gesturing to Lexi from his vantage point by the pool with the groom.

“She is certainly gorgeous,” he grinned.

“Well, that and the fact she keeps your idiotic ass in check,” he laughed. He hadn’t known her long but from what Klaus could tell Lexi could hold her own.

“Her and the other four,” he joked. “It’s like I’ve not just gained a wife but four very opinionated sisters.”

“So, she’s known them for a while?”

“Since high school, you couldn’t get four more different girls. Speaking of which, looks like you have a few admirers across the pool.” Matt said, gesturing subtly towards the brunettes checking him out.

Although all very attractive, Klaus was only interested in the gorgeous blonde and by the looks of the complete disinterest on her face, she didn’t feel the same way about him.

“You know I prefer blondes, Matt.”

“Well, you’ve picked the wrong blonde,” he chuckled. “Caroline isn’t your type and she is way too smart to be seduced by you, even if you are royalty.”

“I’m deeply offended by that,” he baulked. “Maybe I don’t want to seduce her. Did you ever think that I might like her?”

“You only met Caroline like five minutes ago, man,” Matt scoffed. “Excuse me if I’m dubious about your intentions.”

What Matt didn’t know was they’d actually met earlier than that. Granted he didn’t make the best first impression but Klaus was hoping to change that and felt like this coincidence was his chance. Unfortunately by the curious glances of her friends, his cover was well and truly blown now.

“Small world, huh?” Klaus offered, joining her by the BBQ to get some patties for his burger. Looking at her in the peach bikini, Klaus couldn’t believe how stunning she seemed to get every time he saw her. That disapproving look on her face wasn’t doing her any favours though.

“Yeah, too small,” she mumbled, her eyes not leaving the meat sizzling away.

“I am sorry about last night, if I’d known…”

“What? You wouldn’t have jumped into my room completely naked last night?” She hissed.

“Well…” he trailed off thinking that it wasn’t the first time he’d placed himself in a precarious situation after a night of drinking.

“Look, I get it,” she interrupted. “If this is because you’re scared of me telling my friends and the Queen or whoever else finding out, then don’t worry.”

“I’m actually surprised you didn’t tell anyone to be honest,” he murmured. Klaus was so used to people using his high profile against him but she didn’t seem to care. “Thank you for your discretion, it means a lot, Caroline.” Klaus had to admit her name sounded heavenly rolling off his tongue and all he wanted was to say it again and often.

“If you must know, I have absolutely no interest in the poor life choices you make.” Caroline looked past Klaus and could swear she saw his sombre bodyguard crack a smile as said it.

“My poor life choices? It was one game of poker. Granted it got a bit out of hand but I’m perfectly fine with my life choices, sweetheart.”

“Well, good for you,” she drawled. “Now, I’m going to go and eat my burger before I completely lose my appetite.”

Klaus watched as she walked away, thinking just how much of a frustrating, holier than thou, pain in the ass this woman was and just how much it made him want her more.

Nhkoma Area Development Programme – Malawi – six weeks later

Caroline sat in the back of the jeep as they approached the village. While it had taken her over a day and a few stops, Caroline was so excited to be there. Her company had been working for months on fundraising for this much needed sanitation project in the Nhkoma area and it was wonderful to see it come to fruition, especially for all the local residents, young and old who were crowded around curious about her arrival.

She jumped out of the jeep, adjusting her wide brimmed hat to ward off the scorching sun. Although extremely hot and covered in flies, Caroline couldn’t wait to see what they’d done and the effect it would have on the community.

“Miss Forbes,” James, the director of the programme came forward to greet her. “Thank you for coming. It’s so good to finally meet you face to face.”

“Oh, please, it’s Caroline,” she smiled, shaking his hand. “It’s my absolute pleasure to be here and see everything first hand.”

“This really is a lifesaving project and will do so much for improving the health of the people here,” he agreed. “They’re actually pretty excited today to have a few international visitors.”

“Visitors?” Caroline asked curiously. Last time she checked, she was the only one who was due to tour the new facilities.

“It was all arranged at such short notice and I do apologise for the inconvenience, Caroline. They were extremely reluctant to reveal too many details to anyone given the high profile of our other guest and the associated security issues as I’m sure you’d understand. ”

“Well, having someone well known to witness this project will be extremely beneficial for this and future endeavours in the area I imagine, James.”

“We certainly don’t begrudge the publicity that’s for sure,” he agreed. “Now how about I show you to your tent so you can drop your bags before our tour,” he suggested, leading her to a nearby makeshift camp and gesturing to one of the tents. “I’ll leave you to get settled but will be back in about ten minutes.”

Caroline smiled in his direction before making her way to the row of tents, suddenly forgetting which one he’d pointed at because they all looked the same. Was it the one on the left or right?

She decided to try one, hoping that no one was already in there if she guessed wrong. Opening up the flap, she peered inside faced with a very naked man, his back to her as he attempted to change. In fact looking at that toned backside, Caroline could swear he was familiar. “Uh, I’m sorry,” she squeaked awkwardly. “Wrong tent.”

Replacing the flap hurriedly, Caroline reeled backwards in shock, and found herself falling back into a very hard chest in the process. She turned around, her face still flushed in embarrassment as she was met with a very serious and familiar face. “It’s you.”

“Well, hello to you too, Miss,” he responded in a strong, English accent, a slight smile tugging at his lips. “Is everything okay?” Caroline had a feeling he knew exactly what was wrong.

“Please tell me that’s Prince Elijah or Kol in there.”

“I think we both know the answer to that,” Enzo said. “You should really get to know the Prince; you might find you have more in common than first thought.”

“That’s highly unlikely,” she muttered.

“Lovely to see you too, Caroline,” a familiar voice interrupted. “And here I thought you’d be happy to see me again. We seem to be developing a pattern.”

“You’re the one who can’t keep his nudity to himself,” she scoffed trying to ignore just how handsome he looked. His stubble had since grown into a slight beard and Caroline had to admit the casual jeans and khaki shirt look suited him.

Not that she’d admit it aloud but Caroline might have googled him a few times in the past weeks. She was surprised to see absolutely no stories or photos of him partying around London. In fact the only one she’d seen was him visiting a cancer ward at the Royal Children’s Hospital. She’d be lying if the picture of him hugging a seven year-old girl with terminal brain cancer didn’t melt her heart. Maybe she’d misjudged his life choices, well only some of them given his nude run.

“Maybe that first time was my fault but I wasn’t the one who walked into my tent while I was innocently changing,” he smirked. All Caroline wanted to do was wipe it off his face.

“It was a mistake,” she spluttered. “Anyway, what is all of this? Are you following me or something?”

“Oh, don’t flatter yourself, love,” he drawled. “I had no idea you’d even be here.”

“A likely story,” she muttered. Before Klaus could bite back, Enzo coughed loud enough to get their attention. They turned around, noticing James standing there watching their lively exchange with avid interest.

“Looks like I won’t need to make any formal introductions then,” he smiled, albeit awkwardly. “Should we begin the tour?”

Campsite - Five Hours later

Klaus sat by the fire and looked around the campsite thinking how different this desert was to the one he’d been in six weeks earlier. He’d actually enjoyed himself for the most part. It was great to see Matt so happy and even though he was convinced Caroline despised him, Klaus couldn’t remember when he’d had more fun with a girl. She didn’t treat him like a Prince and that was something he’d been craving for years. Klaus figured that’s why he wasn’t ready to settle down because he hadn’t met anyone who could see past all of the royal bluster.

Although not widely reported, because it was more interesting for the media to comment on his love life, his real passion was charity work especially with kids. He’d spent a lot of time raising awareness for children’s cancer charities in England and more recently in different parts of Africa to combat children’s health and encourage education.

It had actually been Enzo who’d told him about the new sanitation project in Malawi and Klaus decided to pay them a visit given he wanted to see it first hand and hopefully promote similar initiatives in other parts of Africa.

“Good to see you’ve kept your clothes on this time,” she murmured, taking a reluctant seat next to him on the log.

“The night is still young, love,” he grinned.

“You are unbelievable.”

“And you are entirely too uptight for your own good, Caroline. What is so wrong with having a laugh or making a joke? Last time I checked that doesn’t make me a bad person. Now maybe walking around naked and running into other people’s suites I’ll give you but the rest is all your issues.”

“I was surprised to see you here.”

“For the last time, I didn’t follow you here, sweetheart.”

“I know,” she conceded. “I think your knowledge speaks for itself. Well, that and the fact that James told me about a few of your past initiatives and Enzo mentioned you were looking at trying to get this replicated in other villages.”

“I’m glad you believe other people about me,” he growled.

“Sorry, let’s just say first impressions are very difficult to forget but I’d be willing to declare a truce and possibly work together for the greater good.”

“I suppose that might work,” he turned to face her and offered his hand, not expecting the delicious warmth to spread through his body from one touch. “You know, I happen to be the best ghost story teller of all time. I’m talking spine chilling stuff that will make you jump into my lap in fright.”

“I bet you’d like that,” she groaned. “Okay, just as long as you keep your clothes on everything will be fine.”

Turned out it was sooner rather than later when she saw him naked again but this time neither of them were complaining. Klaus knew he had a certain, nosy bodyguard to thank for matchmaking them and was so glad to see him happily married to Rebekah. Turns out it wasn’t just his sister that had found true love either. His brothers were besotted by two of their very own Americans that Caroline knew well.

It was a cold and wintery morning at their apartment in London two years later, when Klaus got down on one knee completely naked and proposed. He said it was fitting given the way they met and she agreed, although begged him not to tell people that’s how the Prince of England popped the question. Upon agreeing to marry him and become Princess, Caroline’s only condition was that she could continue doing her charity work and Klaus was more than happy to be by her side doing it too.

You can read and review HERE

[mgahunahuna]

Blog Entry #7: Psychodynamic Development

1) Ask one of your parents or primary caregiver a story about their childhood. Of how they were raised by their parents. Or perhaps a funny story that reflects their childhood. Reflect on how this has affected their parenting style and how they relate with you.

For this blog entry, I interviewed my mom. The story that she shared to me about her childhood is one of clothing. She told me that when she was still little, she used to wear hand-me-down maong pants that used to belong to an older male cousin. It was often common for them back then to just share clothes. Since the older male cousins would grow out of their pants quite fast, these would eventually be handed down to the younger cousins, male or female. However, this story is underlined by a harsh reality that my mom and her family faced while she was growing up: money was tight, and they understood that they had to live within their means.

My mom has four other siblings, with her being the second eldest. Her parents had to support all five kids using only their salaries as government employees, having no other means of income. However, my mom and her family were not ashamed of having to live off limited resources. Sure, they weren’t the poorest, but it was still a struggle for them considering their circumstance. It was the constant presence of my mom’s mother (my grandmother) that really made her childhood complete. My grandmother was a practicing doctor at the time, and she worked for a public hospital. Even if she always had a busy schedule, she would always find time to be there for my mom and her siblings. This also included being able to be there for their school activities and programs. My grandmother would apparently never nag or complain. She would just be there for them and help provide for their needs. This constant support gave them not only the motivation they needed to get through their tasks, but also the love that they needed to have a meaningful life.

When my mom told me about her story, I immediately related it to how I would always be given hand-me-downs that my older brother used to wear. From items like shirts, shoes, pants, even jumpers, I would always eventually end up wearing what my brother’s clothes. I guess this is one behavior that my mom eventually passed down unto us: resourcefulness. When she was growing up, she knew she had limited resources, and she would strive to make the most out of them. I even see this same behavior in her up to this day. She always makes sure that things in the house that have no use anymore are either recycled or given away. She makes it a point that we all find a use for something. She doesn’t like waste. It’s this resourcefulness that she embodies that makes her very keen on making the most of what you have. If you already have one of something, there’s no need to buy more. I guess I can also see it in the way that she perceives purchasing anything. My mom is really not the type to splurge. I would say that she’s very fiscally responsible. Given her background and the story she told me, I now understand why this is so. It’s not easy to have so little, and that taught her a lot about valuing what you already have.

Moreover, I can confidently say that the way my mom described her mother, is the same way that I would describe her. She is honestly the most supportive mother I could ever ask for. She is always there to understand me and give me the support that I need -- may it be financially, emotionally, or physically. My mom used to work as the corporate communications manager of the second largest electric utility in the Philippines. Her job was definitely not easy. Having to represent the company in various matters, both internal and external -- she had a lot on the line. I still remember when I was about six or seven years old, she would kiss my forehead late at night to say goodbye, because she needed to go back to the office to help oversee the telephone brigades during widespread blackouts in Cebu. She took her job very seriously.

But at the same time, she also took her job of being a mother even more seriously. My mom, no matter how busy her schedule gets, would always make time for me and my brother. She would attend all school activities that involved the parents: from PTA meetings, to school competitions, to music recitals, and recognition days. She was always present, even on weekdays when you would expect her to be working at the office. I never heard her complain. She would just do it. At the time, this didn’t really mean a lot to me. I just thought that this was expected of her because she is my mother. But in retrospect, I should have appreciated her gestures more, because she sacrificed a lot in order to make me feel loved and give me the support that I needed.

My biggest takeaway from this part of the blog is: I have the best mom in the world.

2) What do you think are some intergenerational patterns that run in your family? Do you find them helpful or not? Why?

As mentioned in the previous part, an intergenerational pattern that runs in my family would be being resourceful. I can even attest to this being present in both sides of my family. My dad is also very resourceful. He used to tell me stories about his parents being very strict and disciplined, which also eventually became my dad’s parenting style. Since my dad also didn’t live lavishly, he was taught to be resourceful with what he had. This pattern of being resourceful has been ingrained into both sides of my family because until today, they are still being practiced. Even with my aunts and uncles, this same pattern of behavior can be found. I honestly find this intergenerational pattern to be very helpful. I will admit that I am not living in the same condition that my mom and dad used to live in. They both worked very hard to give me a more easy life -- sending me to an expensive private school, and now an even more expensive university thousands of kilometers away from home. But, because of this, I have come to appreciate being resourceful even more. Even if I am aware that my parents might have the money to buy me this or buy me that, it is that feeling of “utang na loob” that makes me look back and be grateful for all that they have done for me. Especially now that I live alone and I have to budget my allowance, it is this mindset of making the most of what I already have, and not constantly looking for more, that has helped me survive the past few months so far. I also think that it is a skill that is timeless, since the reality is that everything in this world is finite.

Another intergenerational pattern that runs in my family would be that both the father and mother have equal authority. The reason why I am putting this is because I know it is not common for this familial set-up to be the case. When asked who the breadwinner is of the family, people will automatically assume that it’s the father. When asked who the “ilaw ng tahanan” is, people will automatically assume that it’s the mother. But in my family, this was never really the case. Both the father and the mother had respectable occupations and served as main contributors to the overall welfare of the family. My grandfather worked as a hospital administrator while my grandmother worked as a doctor. My father works as a proprietor while my mother now works as an administrative assistant. There was never a clear disparity between the two; that one was more important than the other. They both just worked to be the best parents they could be. Consequently, both are respected and admired in the same manner. I would say that this is helpful because it’s a very positive way of looking at family relationships, instead of perpetuating gender roles that only limit one’s capabilities.

3) If they are helpful, how can you keep them going? If they are unhelpful, how can you change it? What can help you?

I can keep them going by committing myself to practicing these very same behaviors and trying to integrate them into my daily life. Being resourceful, for example, can be integrated into how I manage my allowance or even my school supplies. With regards to the second, I can just respect and uphold this belief in other people I see, including my parents, since I don’t have a partner of my own yet. But when I do, I will practice the same thing: co-equal responsibility.

4) Ask your parents a story about your childhood. Relate it with Erikson's stages of Development. How has this affected your growth and development?

One story from my childhood would be this rule my mom used to call: the 100-peso rule. This rule was basically that every Sunday, I would be allowed to pick out any toy I want from Toy Kingdom but that toy can’t be priced over 100 pesos. Sometimes, I would throw tantrums inside Toy Kingdom because I really wanted a specific toy but it would usually be priced over 100 pesos. My mom would be very firm in her saying no to me, which caused me to become upset and cry. This rule applied to me when I was about 4-6 years old, the perfect stage for tantrums. This is also considered to be the “Initiative vs. Guilt” stage. I am exhibiting initiative in being assertive about the sorts of things I want and do not want. And if I don’t have it my way, I become aggressive.

Because my mom would be very firm in her denial of me buying more expensive toys, I guess she limited my avenues of expressing initiative, which did eventually lead me to expressing guilt. However, I think this still turned out well for me because it was able to teach me about misplaced initiative. I learned that there are boundaries to things and I can’t always have it my way. My mom was able to help me with discovering respect for boundaries and express self-control In terms of my growth and development, this same belief of respecting boundaries and self-control is still with me up to now. In fact, I think it’s one of the things that has been ingrained in me the most. I can easily make decisions for myself and tell myself no if necessary. My decision making calculus is more equipped, and I think it’s in part because of how I was raised in this particular time of my life.

5) Go through Erikson's stages 1 to 5 and see how your development is across the stages? Are you leaning more towards trust or mistrust? Etc. Use a scale (1 - dystonic to 10 syntonic) to illustrate how you developed these in these stages. Note: dystonic is the more negative side and syntonic is the positive.

Stage 1: Trust vs. Mistrust - 9

My parents and other caregivers were always there to support me and I never really felt like I was being disregarded or not paid attention to. My needs were always attended to.

Stage 2: Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt - 9

My parents always told me that even at a very young age (as young as 2 years old), I was already very independent in many things. I would walk everywhere by myself, I would feed myself, I would even put myself to sleep. My parents were also not very restricting of me, as they allowed me to discover my own capabilities by myself.

Stage 3: Initiative vs. Guilt - 7

I exhibited initiative by being assertive about the sorts of things I want and do not want. If I don’t have it my way, I become aggressive. Because of this, my parents started to inhibit some of my initiatives and became controlling over the sorts of things I wanted (ex. 100-peso toy rule).

Stage 4: Industry vs. Inferiority - 7

I felt very competent and confident about my abilities, especially in school. I was always being encouraged, thus my performance in school was actually quite great. There were times, however, when my peers or even my teachers would have an absence of encouragement (replaced with criticism), thus I started to feel an essence of inferiority and my self-esteem and confidence was affected.

Stage 5: Identity vs. Role Confusion - 5

It was during this stage that I started to become very conflicted about how I viewed myself, the world, and my presence in the world. There were many conflicting conceptions in my head that all just wanted to be consolidated. This was because on one end, I had my family and their beliefs, but on the other I had my personal beliefs that I garnered outside of the home.

[thesecretlifeofmerribethc]

5.11.19 - 5.16.19 feat. NEW JOB + BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5.11.19

Saturday! Cleaned manong’s car out while the sibs cleaned the house. I drove to Target and we also walked to 5 Below and Marshalls. At Marshalls manang bought an espresso maker!!! It’s so cute, and it was only $8. At Target I bought mom a small eye shadow palette for mother’s day lol (that’s all I could afford). Got some Mcdonalds and went home to play Overcooked 2. Mom was home from hanging out with tita Delai and tita Emy. Also. I found out my wisdom tooth in the back of my right side of my molar is finally popping out of my gum!!!! Bout time but man :P

5.12.19

Happy Mother’s day!!! Woke up and gave mom her gifts. Oh yeah, at Marshalls, manang bought marv lindor chocolate to give to mom lol. At church it was so busy! Decorated (again) the dining hall but at least it was simple. Food was great!!!!! Mark and kuya Sanjay both brought chicken curry! Mark actually brought a lot of food!! SO NICE of him. He brought curry, rice with beans, and plaintains. It was so good!! Dad had work so at home the sibs and mom took pics.

5.13.19

Prepped for interview questions and my clothes for my interview with Delfin at DMC - DRH! So nervous.

5.14.19

Phewwwww ok`so I got up pretty early (ok not really, but like 10 a.m. lol) to review some interview questions and answers. Got ready and then mom, dad and I made our way to Detroit. It was a sunny, beautiful day! Got to DRH and checked in with the front desk. Dad and I waited for about 20 minutes before we got the go to go upstairs. During that time of wait, dad was approached by like 4 co-workers, 1 was Marko who worked on the 5th floor but days, and he gave me some encouragement. Then it was dad’s own coworker, the PCA. And she was like “Ha? She’s having an interview with _______?!” And then before we went to the 5th floor, we stopped by dad’s office and his coworker was there too and she seemed iffy about where/who I was interviewing with and it kinda worried me. Anyway, went upstairs and met with the manager, however I went into the room and sat with the coordinator who interviewed me. She was SO nice. I really like her. I don’t think I nailed the interview, but thankfully the questions she asked were pretty easy, and she was very positive. After my interview with the coordinator, I was then facing the manager who came in the room to ask if I had any questions. After about 20 minutes of talking he then asks me, “I’m going to ask you a hypothetical question. If I were to offer you the job right now, what would you say?” and I said yes. And then he said, “I’m offering you the job.” So HOME GIRL GOT A JOB!!!! After that I took a tour with the coordinator and checked the 3 units within the 5th floor. I DID IT. Friends congratulated me on the Groupme. Was so funny cuz Jod was like “Bebet went from being the poorest in the group to the richest” and all my friends were like “WOW WE KNOW A DOCTOR” “WOW DOCTOR” Got picked up and celebrated at Mcdonalds on Mack. It was so busy. After that, mom, dad and I just went to the downstairs parking so dad could nap before work (yes, dad sacrificed napping to support me for my interview <3333 he walked into the hospital with me and walked me up to the 5th floor too!). Dropped dad off and then mom and I went to get manang. Manong picked up Marv. Before we picked up manang mom and I went to burlington to look at shoes but didn’t get anything. Got manang and once we got home we changed and got ready since Jod was gonna pick us up for taco Tuesday at Maiz!! Si parked at our house and so the 4 of us rode together. Got to Maiz and waited for like 15 minutes for a table, and then Jovel and Nai came. After we were done eating Sam came but we ordered his food so that it was ready when he came. I was pretty disappointed with my food. The shell was SO SOGGY and old tasting. It broke apart :P And the meat was cold! Sigh. Like the shell was even doubled up because it was breaking apart. Anywho after that we went to Cultivate(?) where we played exploding cats. Then manang and I rode with Sam and Si home!

5.15.19

Mom cooked me some spaghetti for tomorrow! :))) Mom had a date with tita rose and others so it was just Marv and I at home. I cleaned before marv got home. Cooked egg for the sibs and I and then watched som one punch. Then I went to the garage to get started on the trash. Once manong and manang came home the four of us in good moods worked together to get the wooden pallets, couch, stove and trash out to the curb. After that we played Overcooked 2. BUT OMG. So like, at 2 am today before I hit the hay, I went on FB and saw a flyer that St Joseph Mercy Hospital in Ann Arbor was having a nurse job fair!!! I signed up and told Danielle. She’ll most likely ride with me!! Sigh.... Kinda wished I didn’t say yes immediately. And I kinda wished I was ready for an interview with Beaumont. Sigh. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be tho.

5.16.19

Happy birthday to me!!!!!! Thank you Lord!!!! Literally woke up and cried. God is so good. All the time. So thankful for another year. Woke up and went downstairs and found a bouquet of beautiful carnations and a card from dad (I was still up last night and he didn’t get home until 5 just to get these for me! :’D). Had breakfast with mom and dad and then just chilled for the day! Then it was time for prayer meeting. Picked up Marv then went to 7-11. Got some donuts and iced coffee. Then we got manang and then went to burlington near church. Got to church early and just walked around the parking lot. It was such a beautiful day!! After prayer meeting we went to Meijer in Woodhaven to get rice. At home I ate spaghetti! And then manang gave me her gift which was a cute milk carton purse!! Oh and $10 cash!!! I was sooooo surprised when I saw the purse. It was SO cute!! <3 Also going to Ann Arbor tomorrow! Picking up Danielle thanks to manong :)

5.17.19

Woke up so early today! Woke up at 8:30 and got ready. Manong and I left at like 9:30ish or so to get Danielle. On the way to Danielle’s there was a pretty crazy driver on King road right before the brownstown police station. Anyway, got to Danielle’s, picked her up, then got breakfast at Mcdonalds (thanks manong! <3). Then we made our way to Ann Arbor. Found a parking space and practice some questions and such then walked in. It was busy but man everyone was SO NICE. Danielle and I met with the manager of the Medsurg (gen surgery) floor and the neuro floor. They were really nice. Then we talked with the manager for the ER. After that we took a tour with Dan and HE WAS THE ABSOLUTE BEST. He was so inspiring to me. Like, he had no hospital experience, working as a full time mail man during school. He became a nurse and then after a year he went to grad school and became a CNS! He’s been at SJMH for 10 years already!!! He was really super nice. He even says, “I hope you get a job here! I teach in the orientation as well” and I’m like THAT WOULD BE A DREAM. The hospital was absolutely beautiful. Probably the best hospital I’ve ever been to. They even have a nail/hair spa!!!!!! And it smelled SO CLEAN. It would be amazing if I could get a job there after DRH! Anywho, the only sad part was that the medsurg floor wasn’t doing on the spot job offers or interviews :( When I heard that I felt that God validated me going to DRH. I prayed that Lord, my siblings plan to move to Washtenaw. If I get this job I would be so close to them. If it is your will I be at SJMH, Lord please provide me a job on the spot. If not, then I’ll stay at DRH. So there you go! There’s God’s answer. Although the manager said that if I were to hear anything, it would be on the following Friday, however I didn’t get any call back. Anywho, after we got back to the main area from the tour, Danielle went ahead to talk to the CCU presentation. I sat in the food area and had a cup of coffee. Talked to 2 ladies that were waiting in the medsurg line and they were so nice. Then I went outside and called PJ and just talked about my whole dealio. After danielle was done, manong came and picked us up. He was just waiting next door at WCC. Got lunch at KFC and ate inside. I was starting to get cramps sadly! After dropping off danielle, manong and I went to Advance Auto Parts in brownstown, then home. At home I just rested in my room having taken 3 ibuprofens for my cramps (I really need to take something else now). Then I got ready for dinner cuz the whole fam was going out for my bday! Picked up Ne on the way. Thought we were going to Leo’s but I looked up and we were at OLIVE GARDEN!!!!!! I was so surprised. Had a great dinner. Ordered my fave chicken alfredo. After OG we went to Target then Ne’s place! Drank some tea and chilled then went home.

5.18.19

Busy day today! Cleaned the house and got it ready for when the friends came over! Manang and mom went to Kroger to get food so Marv and I finished up. Manang washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen while I vacuumed and cleaned bathrooms and made sure the house smelled good. Oh and Marv put the plants frmo the loft outside on the porch (about time those plants were gone!). First friend to come was Jod, then Josh and Joseph, then Bubby and then jovel, PJ and then daen. Played overcooked (jod loves it!) and then took pics with my star donut cake lol. Then Hannah and cam came!!!!!. We were laughing so hard the whole day!!! Hannah talked about her crazy experience with cult customers at timmy hoes and that was the ongoing joke of the night. Played Wario Ware and then Jackbox! It was so funny. Check out my album on Google photos to see some of the jokes lol. Dad was so funny too when we told him about the cult.When he came out of his room he was like “I took my naked picture to give to the cult” xD LOL my friends were laughing so hard. Cooked shin ramyun and boiled eggs and ate that. Had a lot of food today (qdoba chips and dip from jod, pizza from pj, egg tart and vanilla ice cream from josh, orange creamsicles from jovel, donuts from hannah, candy from daen). Overall it was a really fun and funny night. Also hannah gave me a gift of $45!!! I was so surprised. So thoughtful and nice of her!!!! :’)

5.19.19

Church!! T’was a busy day. Took pics with my cake and oh my goodness, tita Mildred and my class made a banner for me! Church members were so generous in terms of birthday gifts. I made about $235 total! God has been so good to me. Wow. He has blessed me with so much. Some of the gifts I’ve gotten:

-Card, flowers, and olive garden dinner from mom and dad

-milk carton purse and $10 cash from manang

-pink selfie stick cell phone case from manong (didn’t get this till later)

-dunder mifflin hat from Marv (didn’t get this till later, but I’m listing it now lol)

-Versus versace watch from PJ

-$45 from hannah

-Money from tita Mildred, merrilee, and tita cheng, as well as a black and white striped shirt from tita Gina.

-Leche Flan from ne!

After church, the sibs and I went to Ne’s. Ne made me leche flan with cream cheese! Ugh so good. Chilled at Ne’s until midnight ish!

5.20.19

Today was a pretty chill day. Later in the day I went to the gym with manong. PJ came too. Manong and I worked out from 9:40 to 1 a.m.! GSW also played and won. Worked out so long. I drove to the gym and home. After the gym I drove to Meijer and manong bought me lunchables cuz I was so hungry lol.

5.21.19

Officially signed and sent my acceptance for the DRH job position!!! It’s official!! After that dad and I did yard work in the back. After that we had dinner with the fam and then I worked on making thank you cards for my manager and coordinator at DRH. Watched some bball!

5.22.19

[kasperdegraaf-blog1]

Fighting injustice against widows

Today, 23 June, is International Widows Day, the UN’s global day of action to fight discrimination against widows. This annual event was the brainchild of Lord Raj Loomba, whose Loomba Foundation has for 20 years helped poor widows and their children, and brought their plight to the world’s attention.

A young widow and an old widow at a government-supported ashram in Vindravan. Photograph © 2013 Amy Toensing.

The beginning

The story of The Loomba Foundation begins on 23 June 1954, when Jagiri Lal Loomba, a successful businessman in in the small Punjabi town of Dhilwan in the far North of India, died after battling tuberculosis, then a widespread threat to public health in India. His wife Pushpa Wati – Pushpa means flower in Hindi – was left at the age of 37 to care for the family’s seven children. 

In accordance with custom, Jagiri’s mother – a widow herself – that same day ordered her daughter-in-law to remove her Bindi, the sign of a married woman, take off all her jewellery, and never to wear brightly-coloured clothing again. In an instant, Shrimati Pushpa Wati Loomba’s world had been shattered: she went from being blessed and happy to disconsolate and sorrowful.

The contrast had a profound impact on her ten-year old son. “I was too young to apprehend the situation,” Raj Loomba now recalls, “but gradually I saw that her life had totally changed. Before, she was a happy wife. Now, she was a very distressed widow.” In years to come, Raj would discover that the family still had much to be thankful for compared to the misery of others. But that was little comfort now, as he watched his mother’s despair.

The traditional injustices visited upon widows remained an ever-present feature of their lives and twelve years later, when Raj married Veena Chaudhry, “the priest asked my mother to move away from the altar, the reason being she was a widow and she could bring bad luck to me. I became very angry. Why, a mother who gave me birth, who educated me and always wished well for me – how could she bring me bad luck?”

The injustice meted out to his mother – symptomatic of a deep-rooted culture that brings misery to millions – is something Raj Loomba never forgot. When his mother passed away in 1992, her son, by now a successful businessman in the UK, resolved to do something about it. Five years later, in 1997, Raj and Veena Loomba established the Shrimati Pushpa Wati Loomba Trust – as The Loomba Foundation was initially known in the UK – to care for widows and their children, and to change the culture that discriminates against them. From the outset, the Foundation’s focus was not just on developing meaningful ways of improving the lives of those who suffered from this discrimination, but also on engaging governments, industry and wider society. On 25 March 1998, the charity was officially launched in London in the presence of British Prime Minister Tony Blair and his wife, Cherie Blair.

A year later, on 31 March 1999, the Prime Minister of India, Shri Atal Behari Vajpayee, in a ceremony attended by UK High Commissioner Sir Rob Young, inaugurated the Foundation in New Delhi by lighting a ceremonial lamp at his residence.The time had come to start making a difference.

Education

The money earned by eight-year-old Gunjan from selling flowers is the main source of income for her widowed mother and three siblings. Copyright © 2016 Amy Toensing.

To give her children the best chance in life, Shrimati Pushpa Wati Loomba made sure they were all well educated. “Fortunately for us,” Lord Loomba now recalls, “my father had left enough money.  My mother spent it educating all of us at the best institutions.”

Raj Loomba studied at Iowa State University in the USA. His sisters graduated from Punjab University, at a time when many girls in India did not even go to school. There was little money left by the time the girls were all married and it took Raj Loomba many years to build his own international fashion business from the ground up, but none of this would have been possible without his father’s wealth, combined with his mother’s determined focus on education. “If I’d been the son of a poor widow,” he says, “I would have grown-up an illiterate man, possibly plying a Rickshaw in some suburban town in Punjab.”

In India, there are some 46 million widows – almost 10% of the female population of marital age – and of these, more than 15 million live in abject poverty. If there is an inheritance it is often taken by the husband’s relatives. By custom widows – even child widows – are not permitted to remarry and it is very hard for them to find any form of employment. As a consequence, their children are unable to continue their education and instead are put to work at a very young age to help support the family. The curse of widowhood thus sets in train a cycle of deprivation, with consequences that blight communities and last for many decades.

The Loomba Foundation saw that if it could fund the education of the children of poor widows, it would not only transform the conditions of that family but also provide for a better future for all its members. Thus, the first of the Loomba Foundation’s aid programmes began at the inauguration of the Loomba Foundation in India on 30 March 1999 by Prime Minister Atal Behari Vajpayee, with the launch of the Delhi State Programme funding 49 girls and 51 boys up to secondary graduation, and beyond for those who wished to go into higher education. This was part of a bigger target: to fund the education of at least 100 children of poor widows in each of India’s 29 States within a decade – a target which the Foundation beat by three years. By 2006, 3,610 scholars had their education completely funded to secondary graduation and many beyond, to achieve university degrees and make successful careers. 

Empowerment

Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi launches the Loomba Foundation’s widows empowerment programme in his constituency of Varanasi on 22 January 2016.

The focus of the Loomba Foundation’s second principal aid programme is the empowerment of widows. If in many villages, towns and cities and in numerous countries it is impossible for widows to find employment – whether because of discrimination or lack of skills – the inevitable consequence is that they must support themselves by other means, and all too often this leads to child labour, prostitution and other forms of exploitation. The Loomba Foundation’s empowerment programme invests in skills training, equipment and microfinance to help widows set up in business and become independent.

Working in partnership with governments and NGOs such as Youth Business International – a project of the Prince of Wales International Business Leaders Forum, Virgin Unite and Oxfam, the Loomba Foundation empowerment programme has delivered economic dependence for thousands of widows in countries including Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Nepal, Syria, Kenya, Uganda, Chile, Guatemala, South Africa, Rwanda, and India.

According to the 2011 Population Census of India, the holy city of Varanasi in the State of Uttar Pradesh is home to 90,000 widows. The Loomba Foundation received powerful support from the Prime Minister of India, Narendra Modi, who represents Varanasi in the Lok Sabha and who on 22 January 2016 launched the Foundation’s programme to train and support 5,000 poor widows in the city. This project is due to be completed in July 2017.

Today, 23 June 2017, the Loomba Foundation launches its largest widows empowerment programme to date at the Dorchester Hotel in London – to deliver, in partnership with the Rotary India Literacy Mission, training and startup support for 30,000 poor widows in a wide range of skills and trades including Beauty & Wellness, Health & Care, Security, Telecom Services, Tourism & Hospitality, Handicrafts, Food Processing, Textiles & Apparel, Agriculture and Automotive.

International Widows Day

UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon with the Loomba Foundation delegation presenting the first Global Widows Study in 2010.

The Loomba Foundation began its programmes to care for poor widows and their children in India because that is where the charity’s founders, Raj and Veena Loomba, had experienced first hand the injustice of entrenched attitudes towards widowhood, and also because the scale of the problem in that country is vast.

The more they spoke up about the marginalisation of widows, however, the more they came to realise that the issue is by no means confined to India, or even South Asia, alone. Customs vary from country to country and region to region, but in many parts of the world widows are at the bottom of the social heap – abused, cast out of society, deprived of their property and sometimes of their children too. All too often they are invisible and unheard, the poorest of the poor, unable to support their own dependants. As in India, so too in other parts of the world, the impact of this discrimination is highly detrimental for society as a whole, since it destabilises communities, creates extreme poverty that can last for generations, and gives rise to prostitution, drug trafficking, slavery, child labour and violence.

A global day of action

As we have seen, the Loomba Foundation extended its reach beyond India, with education and empowerment programmes in other countries across Asia, Africa and South America. Raj Loomba realised, however, that the problem could never be fully addressed without concerted global action to raise awareness, fight injustice and change deep-rooted cultures. This is why, on 26 May 2005, the Loomba Foundation launched a flagship new initiative: to designate 23 June as International Widows Day – a global day of action to bring the plight of widows to the attention of the world, so that in time it may be eradicated. On the day the initiative was launched at the House of Lords in London, Raj Loomba also initiated a campaign to persuade the United Nations to give the initiative its official recognition.

From the beginning, International Widows Day galvanised support from a wide range of organisations: grassroots organisations, NGOs, governments, corporations and individuals around the world. The Loomba Foundation organised and facilitated events in dozens of countries, including high profile conferences, concerts, balloon flights and petitions.

Five years after the Loomba Foundation launched its initiative, its campaign bore fruit. On 22 December 2010 the United Nations General Assembly, on a motion proposed by president Ali Bongo Ondimba of Gabon, unanimously resolved to adopt International Widows Day as an officially recognised global day of action, to take place every year on the date when, in 1954, Shrimati Pushpa Wati Loomba had become a widow: 23 June.

Since this was the first time the suffering of hundreds of millions on widows and their dependents had been officially highlighted by the international community, it was an important step in bringing light where for so long there has only been darkness.

The number of events to raise awareness around the world has grown substantially since, and each year on 23 June the UN Secretary-General sends a message to all member states to remind them of the issue and International Widows Day has become established as a cornerstone in the ongoing campaign to eradicate all discrimination against widows from the world.

Research

Solome Sukuli, a widow in Luwero, Uganda, and her family were threatened with eviction by her in-laws on the day of her husband’s funeral. Copyright © 2016 Amy Toensing.

As long ago as 2001, UN Women said that “there is no group more affected by the sin of omission than widows. They are painfully absent from the statistics of many developing countries, and they are rarely mentioned in the multitude of reports on women’s poverty, development, health or human rights.”

Eradicating discrimination against widows requires action and leadership by governments as well as fundamental change in deep-rooted cultures and traditions. Neither of these are possible without deep and detailed knowledge of the problem.

This is why, when the Loomba Foundation embarked on its International Widows Day initiative, it simultaneously began a research programme to address this omission and to uncover the scale of discrimination against widows, its many forms, its roots and its impact on the economy around the world.

In 2008, the Royal Institute for International Affairs at Chatham House in London and the WorldPublicOpinion.org international survey organisation managed by the Program for Public Consultation in Washington, D.C., were commissioned by the Loomba Foundation to build up a picture of international attitudes towards widowhood. The results were revealing. Of 18 countries polled, 12 saw at least 40% of respondents reporting some or a great deal of widows’ disadvantage. More than six out of ten respondents globally said that widows received worse treatment than women generally. Indicating through the geographic spread of its responses that widows’ deprivation is not exclusive to any one culture, society or region, the survey led the Loomba Foundation to undertake a far broader and more ambitious project that had never previously been attempted: to build up a global picture of existing knowledge about the treatment of widows.

The first manifestation of this work was the Global Widows Study, published in 2010 as an addendum to the book Invisible Forgotten Sufferers by Vijay Dutt. The study examined disparate existing data sources to establish widow numbers in different regions of the world, their relative proportion in the female population, principal causes and drivers of widowhood underlying these numbers, traditions and customs that lead to abuse, and the social and economic impact of discrimination. The evidence of the global nature and scale of the problem that was revealed in the study was a factor in the UN’s adoption of International Widows Day on 22 December 2010.

The World Widows Report

The research continued on a larger scale, leading to the publication in 2016 of the first edition of the World Widows Report, which provides a unique complete, country by country, regional and global quantitative breakdown of data about widows. It brings together data from national and international census archives with disparate and inaccessible material from unusual and hard to find sources, including in-depth studies in academic journals and reports by international development organisations.

The World Widows Report is the first comprehensive compilation of current knowledge about the plight of widows, country by country and worldwide. It showed that discrimination against widows is deeply ingrained in cultures across all continents, resulting in extreme poverty, gender-based violence, child labour, discrimination against girls, increased infant mortality and numerous other severe consequences which directly affect almost a billion people around the world. Significant change in these patterns will only come about if the underlying causes are directly addressed through legislation, education and empowerment.

Research also drives and informs media reporting, a key factor in increasing awareness and changing attitudes. Publication of the World Widows Report received widespread coverage in outlets from Reuters to the India Times and the scale of worldwide discrimination against widows it revealed was the basis of a major feature by Cynthia Gorney in the February 2017 issue of National Geographic Magazine, with photographs by Amy Toensing, some of which are reproduced here.

Copies of the World Widows Report can be ordered here. The Loomba Foundation is working with leading academic institutions to extend research and study in this area.

The future

Chuyia (Sarala Kariyawasam) is an eight-year-old girl whose husband suddenly dies. In keeping with tradition, she is dressed in white, her head shaven, and left in an ashram, to spend the rest of her life in renunciation. – Scene from the award-winning film Water by Deepa Mehta.

In 2017, widows still face discrimination in many parts of the world, with almost 40 million in extreme poverty and their children often exploited and unable to receive an education. While some customs and practices are most degrading and extreme in some regions, widowhood hangs like a dark cloud over women almost everywhere for as long as society views the status of women in terms of their men. The economic risk to families of widowhood causes parents and grandparents to favour boys over girls for education and employment, and so a cycle of deprivation is set in train that affects all humanity. This is why widowhood is not a special interest issue, but a universal one that must be treated with the highest priority if the Sustainable Development Goals adopted by the United Nations in 2015 are to be achieved.

The Loomba Foundation’s aid programmes have transformed the lives of more than 200,000 people, but we know that even if that figure is increased by a multiple of ten, it will still only scratch the surface of the problem. This is why the Loomba Foundation will continue working with governments, international organisations and partners around the world, raising awareness through International Widows Day and carrying out further research to underpin policy and, ultimately, to change cultures so that girls and women can fulfil their potential, and widows can take their rightful place as valued and treasured members of all communities.

The Loomba Foundation is accredited as a Non-Governmental Organization with the United Nations Department of Public Information and has Special Consultative Status on its Economic and Social Council.

Amy Toensing’s photography collection, Widowhood, will be exhibited at Visa pour l’Image, the International Festival for Photojournalism, in Perpignan, France, in September 2017. The project was partially supported by the Pulitzer Center on Crisis Reporting and by National Geographic Magazine.

This feature is an edited extract from Twenty successful years, written by Kasper de Graaf, designed by Malcolm Garrett, produced by Images&Co and published by The Loomba Foundation on 23 June 2017 to commemorate its 20th anniversary. A digital version of the book may be viewed here.