#and ofc I got referred to the department that requires me to go by train for 45 mins and then wait 20 mins for a bus to drive like 5 mins

[vermiliondrug]

The depressive urge to book an appointment for a new tattoo, because getting ink is the best therapy

[habibialkaysani]

work and money related whining under the cut

okay so I have decided that I’m not going to bother anyone today with my problems like I always do. instead I will word vomit here for a bit.

so, right. since friday last week I’ve been very poorly. I’m talking stomach pains, then vomiting, then (tmi) diarrhoea all night. my sister and lil brother and also my dad had similar symptoms. the next day I felt too weak to get out of bed because I hadn’t slept the night before, let alone go to the walk in centre with my dad, brother and sister. I also didn’t want to have to disclose how much medication I’m on in front of them or otherwise be in a medical setting with people who think I’m making up my problems.

I called my boss, told him I had caught something, a virus most likely, and that three others in my family were also ill. I didn’t say what the actual symptoms were because like. I was embarrassed, tbh. and also I didn’t feel like I should have to? like, I’m ill, I can’t come into work, end of story. at first he sounded like he actually gave a shit on the phone and he even sounded sympathetic. then I said I didn’t think I could come in saturday or sunday, and he was like “idk if I’ll be able to find cover at such short notice” and eventually I was browbeaten into agreeing to come in for the morning on sunday if I felt a little better.

well I took some medication and felt somewhat better and the loose stools eased up a bit but I still felt awful. I said I wasn’t feeling 100% to my boss and he said to try to come in the next morning. thankfully the next morning it was snowing and he texted to tell me not to come in. turns out my manager was the one who persuaded my boss to tell me to stay at home because of the weather. 

then things were a bit touch and go the next few days. I went to see the doctor monday and he said I should keep taking the medication and watch my food. but I was still having diarrhoea as soon as I stopped taking the medication and the thing is you take it as damage control, as in after each loose stool. so it was obvious the virus was still in my system on wednesday. I had work thursday, so I called my doc and he said I should stay off work until the diarrhoea eased up, and that esp given I work with children there was a risk of me passing it on to someone.

but I was literally dying of anxiety at this point. because my boss was being very forceful with me even if he was trying to disguise it as concern. like, he texted saying “feeling better please?” and after he asked me in a text to come in just or the morning he added “don’t want to sound selfish” even tho that is literally what he was doing. he didn’t seem to understand the concept of someone being sick and therefore being unable to work. he was making me feel like it was my fault for him having to find cover - or at least it felt like that to me and I apologised profusely several times over.

anyway my parents were getting pissy at me, like they have been the last few days while I’ve been ill, but in this instance they were right. I couldn’t go to work when I was infectious. so I called up my boss and explained again that I had a virus. this time he asked me about symptoms so I reluctantly told him about what they were and I again mentioned that out of the seven of us, four had caught this virus. and then he said it was fine, he would sort out cover, and just to let me know if I could make work saturday.

while all this was going on, I got a letter from the student loans company saying that I needed to update my employment details because repayment starts in 2018. the form was asking for all this stuff like payroll department and paye reference and I literally had no fucking clue what any of it was. I called the student loans company up and they asked what it said on my payslip. I said I didn’t get payslips. I just got money transferred to my bank account. they asked if I could get in touch with hr or the payroll department. small problem: we don’t have one. they asked if I had any details on my contract. I don’t have that either. the guy on the phone was sounding increasingly concerned so ofc I quickly told him I was tutoring kids, just in case he was wondering if I was doing something dodgy for a living. he asked me how I pay my taxes and I admitted I’ve... never paid taxes in my life. he asked if when I started there they took my national insurance number. I said no, they didn’t.

at this point I was getting worried myself. they eventually told me I could send in a bank statement with a letter explaining where the money came from each month, but that I should look into this further and if possible fill in the form as actually required. I hung up and called my manager, who is also my friend. she and I spent a good half hour on the phone and she told me all the dodgy things our boss has done in the last few years. she told me that she’s asked for a written contract (y’know as the manager) three times and he keeps telling her not to worry about it. eventually one day while she was tidying up she found it, and she was shocked that it was a legit document that actually existed and more importantly that she had never seen it before with her own two eyes. he had also specifically said to her that he didn’t want her to sign it.

my manager then told me that the boss told her that all the tutors at the centre are private contractors. I’m now wondering, tho, doesn’t that mean we need to have, um, contracts? like, I did law. I know contracts can be implied, but surely there are standards that need to be maintained and rights that should be enforced? furthermore on reflection and in hindsight, I have no fucking clue how we all are cleared to work with children when I know I for one am not first aid trained or dbs checked (that’s like a criminal records check). and just. there are so many holes I’ve in all honesty been trying to avoid in this job and this workplace. I don’t know if the director aka my boss actually pays his taxes correctly or if he is really and truly legit. and I want to leave and technically I can because I don’t have a written contract and therefore I don’t need to give notice, but I also need to find something else in the meantime and I have no fucking clue what I want to do next now I’ve ditched law.

oh and I’m also in overdraft yet again because I bought that expensive bracelet for my sister’s birthday (she returned it and got a watch) and my mum hasn’t paid in her half yet. I also promised baby speedy I would buy her a winnie the pooh floor puzzle and I’m not going to be paid until the end of december so this will be fun :) but thankfully my overdraft is interest free for the next year provided I don’t exceed the limit. thank the lord and also the fact that I was a student up until recently for that.

so basically I need to look for a new job. and my sister kept nagging me about retail and I kept saying no, but tbh I’m wondering now if I really have a choice? like I’m looking for some admin stuff but idk. sigh. so yeah. that’s my life. fuck this shit.