#and ofc i don't want to burden any of my friends with any of this shit because none of it feels substantial. like i know i'll feel better

[joydoesathing]

hallooo💗💗💗do u have any nacho headcannons,like his family,his relationship with his ex,with anatolli etc ?only if u want ofc💓💓,also the last art of him it's extremely beautiful,all my german friends agree 💕💕💕💕( srry for bad english i don't think google translate translates so good)

have a good day/night💓💓🙏,at us in germany now it's 8:45 PM in Berlin kissesss🎀

thank you and i hope you have a great day/evening too

so here's a short list of some of my hc for the mikaelys boys (i'll just throw in my headcanons for anatolii while i'm at it)

Nacho

A friendly and mild-mannered man that gets along with people but is sometimes known to be a bit of a nervous wreck at times.

He dotes quite a lot on Anatolii (when he first started of as a single father, he didn't really have the time to bond with Anatolii because he had to work a lot more now that he had a son to care for and he didn't really know how to balance his time for work and for Anatolii. When he's gotten the hang of managing his time a year or two later, he wasted no time to start providing Anatolii with all the affection and love he needed)

When he was younger, he was quite a troublemaker and had bad company for "friends". But ever since he stepped up as a dad, he has long since cut them off and manned up.

He isn't really up for dating or getting into a relationship with people; not ever since the trainwreck of a relationship he had with Frances. He does feel really guilty about the whole thing, so he decided to dedicate himself to put Anatolii's wants and needs before his as a form of atonement.

When he and Frances were dating when they were younger, he didn't really take their relationship seriously. Now that he looks back, he probably thinks it's just his imagination, but, could he possibly now still have lingering feelings for her..?

He has a large scar on his lower back from the "incident" with Frances.

Currently, Frances and him are on neutral terms. He gets super nervous and awkward when he sees her but when Anatolii does interact with Frances, he can't help but ask his son what was Frances like or how's she doing etc.

Anatolii

He may act and look quite cold, uncaring and unfriendly, but he's really a sweet boy (he doesn't smile a lot but he's good-natured)

Performs really well at school so he's quite smart

He plays football and collects matchbox cars as a hobby.

Also really likes model trains.

Though he may not look like it, he really looks up to his dad more than anyone. He tries to learn how to do things by himself quicker to not be a burden to his dad and also to sometimes earn his dad's praise.

He lived his life not knowing who his mother is, but he's been quite hesitant to pry his dad into talking about it because Nacho would always look quite pained when he does try to talk about it. Nacho has always told Anatolii that, his mother always have and will continue to love him, it's just that there's a certain problem that's keeping her away from them. Out of love for his dad, he just took his word for it.

[foxgirlmoth]

I don't talk about this stuff on here pretty much at all, but a past relationship really broke a ton of bits and pieces of my brain and heart in weird ways (I'm finally thinking about him almost never but the shit he pulled was abusive as hell and still affects me sometimes). Being in love with my current girlfriends for a while felt almost. Painful? Almost like I should be ashamed I can fall so deeply in love with people, and especially how quickly that can happen sometimes too. Thats how it kind of felt. I tend to get overwhelmed with emotions if I'm feeling them very strongly, and that has been extremely embarrassing and also felt almost like I was being a burden to those I love (which love is the main emotion that can 'get dialed up to 11' for me). It IS debilitating in some ways!!! It hasn't gotten bad enough I've been nonverbal in a really really long time but that happened this past week and it was wild to me.

Things are getting better now though! Therapy in the past has helped, and honestly having such patient and understanding partners has made a world of difference ;w;. my wife is someone who was one of my best friends and I had a huge crush on and now I can ask for cuddles and we can nap together and I've fallen so much in love. Her and her presence are literally heaven for me, I don't know if anything has ever made me happier than just laying next to her and feeling her warmth.

Worries of course flare up and I feel like I need to lean on her a lot during those moments, but I don't feel like too much of a burden to her. I love seeing the posts that say stuff like 'Its okay to be a burden' or 'its okay to be annoying' because really truly I think I need to be those things to survive sometimes. I can be 'a lot' and I can be a little bit obsessive and those things aren't inherently bad or evil of me. I just make sure I'm feeling okay during and after and make sure I'm checking in on myself often. I'm a bit of a broken girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not extremely happy and living a life I love. I've written poems and everything about how it feels like it must hurt to love me and my broken jagged edges, but hey, even if it does a little bit, it doesn't mean someone like my girlfriend/wife won't go through a little bit of burden to love me, and I'm more than happy to return all of this and more for her as well if she's ever in need or feels broken ;^;

[jankwritten]

vent post time pardners

part of my issues with the way I experience time is that one day to everybody else can feel like literal WEEKS for me. It's not every day, but some days, especially when I spend most of it writing or inside, not interacting with people, I feel as if I've gone multiple days/weeks without talking to anybody.

this then exacerbates my issues/fears that if somebody doesn't talk to me much for a day, they suddenly hate me. so if I'm perceiving one day wherein I don't talk to people much as more like 10-11 days, all of a sudden I'm panicking that everyone hates me and never wants to talk to me again because I've only said maybe 2-3 things to them over the course of what is, IRL, only one day. because I'm perceiving that to be ten times longer instead of the actual span of time that it is.

does this make literally any sense. is this like, a common occurrence for other people? i would like for it to stop pls, because it really fuckin tanks my mental health and i'm So Tired of that happening.

(more vent in the tags)

[adoregojo]

↬ two paths 一 ⦁ nagi.s, reo.m

▶︎ sooooooooooooo... this is some rotting dabble i abandoned, and since Im kind of desperate for any glimpse of motivation, i finished it. and surprise, surprise! its a reo and nagi fic lmaolmao.

▶︎ summary: reo have had a crush on you for a good long two years, and when it's the time to word his love to you, but a obstruct of your part says otherwise. ▶︎ context: nagi is your childhood friend, jealousy, idk if this counts as a love triangle? it's more like your a brick head, some angst (ofc) kind of a plottwist !!gn reader!!

"i like you, I've liked you ever since you stepped into my world, i like everything about you, your smile, your eyes, your gentle hands, your laugh, and most of all your soul that kept me hostage. and i-"

the hang up sound cut him off.

silence fell upon the other side of the phone, only the stillness of the disconnected tone nudging him back to reality. his hold on the phone was a robust one, so stout to the point of a crack to echo. the compound of bitterness, remorse, frustration, all were hefty on the little pinning heart of his.

and with that, you rejected reo, without even saying a word.

and the next days were nothing but a grievous duration, to him the most. as much as reo didn't want to see you for a while, there was no escaping you when you were in the same school, classroom, 一hell, even club. you were in every corner and every ditch, and he'll be a dead lier if he said that your appearance alone wouldn't tiptoe on his heartstrings. reo can stay still ever so firmly and yet you'd still be able to prod him out of his ground as convenient.

reo wanted to be mad at you, to hate you even, but he couldn't, he sincerely couldn't. even when the strain was tense, unbearable, but somehow it also felt pitifully suffocated, graciously. it was you after all, where he felt like a fragile creature under your spell, gosh一 you had reo warped around your finger with cement.

nevertheless, what drove him to the edge was how you operated it. while reo handled it by immersing himself in two blankets and eat ice cream to pacified him to crying himself to sleep. however, you on the other hand was having the time of your life. greeting him good morning to saying goodbyes, even asking him how his day went, did his confession meant that little to you?

reo wondered if you bat an eye, you just denied him after all, but some acknowledgment would've been great. or at least have a talk about it. but instead you acted like it never even happened. the idea of you skipping over his feelings made him sick to his core, it sounded so ill-suited, you above all if not the most considerate, thoughtful person he'd ever met. that's how reo fell for you in the first place.

he wasn't gonna apologies for being selfish, he wanted you to himself. reo kept all his feelings for you bottled up for a good old two years, and he just cannot bare with the fear of someone else stealing you anymore 一something that kept him on trails of restless nights一

maybe that's what herd him away from you, the decedent between the two grew by each day. yet reo loved you too much to live with the consequences of his actions, he can't even look at you without screaming 'why don't you care as much as i do', your sudden unfamiliarity stings him slowly and most of all painfully.

for you to blow him away like a dust that burdens your clothes felt it was caused by a clone, or did he just never knew you like he thought he did?

it ached to see you asking him if he's okay, if you did something wrong to drive him away. and goddamn it hurts seeing you like this, he would rather bang his head to the wall repeatedly than see that anguished expression ever again, and worst of all, reo was the reason for it.

you were heavy on his mind 一as if you weren't already一 the recollection of you standing with your sweaty palms rubbing against each other, a bad habit you do when you get uneasy, he really fucked up to the point where you have became a nervous wreck in his presence. your utter was light, questioning if he even wanted to be your 'friend' anymore.

you weren't the one to blame, reo was the one who stopped talking to you, stopped sitting with you for lunch, he even withdrew the club you two shared 一he didn't even have a liking for it, just joined because you were there一 all that and you still tugged on the last tie of faith reo would walk back into your life with open arms.

but reo didn't want to be your 'friend', not anymore. he wanted to be the one to protect you, to understand you, he wanted to be your man, your other half more anything, for him to be your everything just like you are his. you can't just make heaven a living place on earth then walk away when he was on knees for you.

he left you at halt, saying that he needed some time. you never knew time for what because he walked away before letting you word anything out. so now, his hands buried deep in his pockets, he felt heavy, mind and heart on a race track. he felt awful, the image of you standing in confusion, lost on what to do will hunt him to his grave. he tried running his fingers throughout his violet lockes, he was petty, selfish, and reo knew he could've worded it better instead of this.

from the corner of his eye, he could spot a bunch of flowers fluttering under the rush of air, hit by the sunlight to outshine any other plants besides. he could've think of how beautiful they looked, but no, the first thing that popped out his mind was the image of how bliss you'll be seeing them flourish just the way you liked it.

reo contemplating his actions, the pure, straightforward out of his heart gates confession and how far it had driven him. how beyond it had tossed what you two had. something blended with bittersweetness squeezed within his chest, envisioning of your smile made it a challenge to breathe.

so he keeps on strolling, trying to straighten himself until a familiar tall white headed form comes to his view. ranking ahead of a vending machine, nagi was too busy searching for what it appears to be a coin to even notice reo.

nagi was your friend, the one who watched the two of you downfall in silence. he didn't say a thing about it, didn't get involved and much rather concentrate on his phone-games. but there was something else, nagi have been your friend for what reo have been told since childhood. it was something anyone can figure out in the first glance, nagi doesn't leave your side for what it seems like eternally, he remained as your sidekick for decades. he witnessed all your phases, your growth. and he wasn't planning on departure his spot. it was a rare sight to see nagi not glued to your side, did the sky spare him? did his desperation reaches the empyrean?

"hey," reo announced his presence, nagi's bored eyes soaring over him. so the purple head flipped a coin to his direction, nagi tamed it halfway, staring at the single coin then back at his friend. "need another one." he uttered flatly as ever, so reo push out a sigh as he tossed him another one. the snowy head mummers a low thanks.

"listen, i need to tell you something." reo enunciates after a moment of hesitation, caressing the back of his neck as his lilac hues kept on swirling around. his friend just humming in acknowledgment, supporting his chin with his hand while still examining over the endless optionals of drinks.

"it's about yn."

nagi rattled momentarily, your name was like a cold water on his senses.

well, that was easy. reo thought. "i did something a few weeks ago, and i think i fucked up everything." he says, undertone. as if he was admitting an unforgivable crime.

"what did you do?" there was something off about nagi's tone, his grip on the coins was merciless. but his face still seemed boarded, nonchalantly but oddly firmed for some reason.

"i kind of admitted my feelings to them..."

nagi's daze expression shattered in an instant, not anything crazy, but his eyes grew obscure, casing over reo like a giant blacked cloud.

for nagi to carry that kind of aura was eccentric, that face would only arise every time an unnamed got a little too close to you. at that time, reo convinced himself that he was imagining that, because nagi out of all people stood his ground when it comes to dating, he'd always say the same thing 'dating sounds like a hassle'. and sometimes something wild like 'don't need someone else around, I already have yn.' reo wasn't a backstabber, he only confessed to you because he lived under the roof that his friend wasn't even able to handle anything intrigued with romance.

"i just, been liking them for ages. and i found the strength to finally say it to them, they-"

"hung up on you." the snowy head finished his line, which made reo eyes widen a bit.

he shifted awkwardly, "haha, did they tell you? how embarrassing.." he tried laughing it off, trying to avoid nagi's gaze for his sake.

"they didn't." nagi spoke quickly, voice strained than usual.

"oh? so how did you?.."

"because i did it. i was the one who hanged up."

there was a moment of lull, where not even the waves of wind could sooth over the tension. reo stood still, waiting for nagi to stick out his tongue playfully and shout 'gotcha!', praying for whoever might've fell upon to this to be a sick prank.

"you what?" he doesn't even realize he spoke before the words had already slipped.

nagi sigh tiredly, his fingers still at halt to press the numbers of his wanted drink, he didn't like focusing on two thing at the same time. "i thought you'd figure it out already. man, do i have to explain myself now? what a hassle." he let out softly.

"nagi, you-"

reo doesn't get get the chance to speak, to think, before nagi cut him off swiftly handling the conversation, like he knew this was coming. "listen, reo. i like being your friend, but i can't let you have yn." his words kept hurtling reo, it all poured down at his like a sucker punch.

"i don't understand."

"it's not that hard, i liked them first, i found them first. so they're basically mine."

oh, oh.

it all made sense now. reo felt like an idiot, why is he seeing this now? this is why you were clueless, because you didn't answer it in the first place. why, why was he so rushed to say it and not letting what he thought was you speak first.

every time when nagi would drink from the same bottle of yours, when he would twirl around a piece of your hair randomly, when his head would rest on your shoulder in every ride home, when he would shut down every time reo rambled about you, he just got it. why was he just connecting the puzzle? was his feelings for you so blinding that he couldn't see this?

reo wanted to say something, in fact things. but the lump in his throat clogs his attempts to protests. leaving his mouth agape.

and it was like nagi couldn't get a hold of concern about this, in fact he found waiting for his drinks to make it way down more interesting. yet he sensed a blazing breeze from his friend's direction, it was hard not to when they were on the same burden as an elephant. so the snowy head swiftly retorted, "plus, you already are the standard, right? I'm pretty sure you can find someone else, it'll be better if you found one quicker."

after that, nagi bent over to grab what was supposed to be his lemon tea alongside your favourite one. boredom eyes doubled-dyed at the cans, mostly at yours before blowing out a vague breath一did he just scoff?

"why you.."

"sorry, don't like sharing."

and with that, nagi walked away. head empty with the only maintenance thing was a picture of you as he handed you your favourite flavour with the money that wasn't even his. leaving reo dumbfounding at his back, he didn't get a say on this, like this wasn't even meant for him.

this wasn't a stage he can purchase to himself, not even to earn a role. he felt like a third-wheel in you and nagi's love tale.

it loathes him, brings him to edge even. but most of all, reo now wanted you more than anything.

[lookismaddict]

Lookism Chapter 442 Memes/Thoughts I Have:

(SPOILERS !!! I don’t own any of the Lookism panels and the translations. Only the memes that I made. The sole purpose of this is to provide summaries/reviews for each chapter so if you don’t want to see the rest of it, then just keep scrolling. It’s your choice.)

Time to cry all of our hearts out. 😫

Nuuuuuuuuuu poor babies 😭

OMGGGGG THE FIRST GEN. KINGS ARE HERE!!!!! AHHHHHHHH BRO I GOT MAD GOOSEBUMPS 😩

Ugh, this is making me feel touched and all. Everyone gathered in one place because they really respected him. Bruh, Imma cry again 😭😭😭 I hope Taesoo Ma, Gongseop Ji, and the rest of the First Generation would somehow investigate his death and avenge Jichang. 🙏🏽

YEEEEESSSSS DANIEL HAS ANOTHER ALLY!!!!! YESSSSS LET'S BUILD THIS CHARLES CHOI HATECLUB!!! 🔥

OHHHHHH. MYYYYYYY. GOOOOOOOD. JAKE IS SO FREAKING CUUUUUUUUUUUTE AS A LITTLE KID!!!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOD, I JUST WANNA HUG HIM AND CRADLE HIM IN MY ARMSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! 😩😩😩❤️❤️❤️❤️

HE REALLY IS CUTE THO WHEN HE WAS LITTLE. WHO WOULDN'T WANNA JUST GRAB HIS CHEEKS, PINCH THEM, GIVE HIM A PIGGYBACK RIDE, AND HUG HIM AND SQUEEZE HIM????? 🥺🥺💞💞💞💞

Ohhhh shiiiii, Jake gonna meet with Daniel there and THEY'RE GOING TO TEAM UP AND FIND JINYOUNG PARK AND TAKE DOWN THE FIRST AFFILIATE LIKE THE ACTUAL BOSSES THAT THEY ARE. 😎

Ohhhhh my- LINEMAN ABOUT TO GET AN UPGRADE!!!! IS THIS GOING TO BE HIS TRAINING ARC??? 👀

AYYYYYYYYYYYYY LETS GOOOOOOOOOO!!!! TIME TO TRAIN LINEMAN!!! BULK UP AND SHAPE UP BRO 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽

Oh shit... 5th Affiliate. 💀 Did I mention that I don't like this phase of Eli? I mean, sure. You're doing this all for your family in Hostel, but there's another way to settle this and provide for them, no? I mean, you got friends bro. You don't have to shoulder the burden on your own. Learn how to depend and rely on those who you hold dear too.

King, it's ok. Just undrown yourself and stop siding with Workers.. 😀

I stg, this twink of a crew leader is afraid of Daniel Park. Little did he know, Daniel and James Lee are actually a team lol. I swear, it's like Eugene blames Daniel for everything now that Daniel tried to interfere with his plans. Mf would now blame him for everything and anything that doesn't work out.

Mandeok: *suddenly walks into Eugene's office* Eugene, the coffee maker isn't working anymo-

Eugene: IT'S HIS FAULT! IT'S ALL DANIEL PARK'S FAULT!!! HE ERADICATED SOME OF MY AFFILIATES, AND NOW HE'S AFTER MY COFFEE MACHINE?! Yuseong: *starts to rock back and forth in his chair, cradling himself while afraid of his brother's psycho outburst*

Come on stink, get it together. You're going coo coo now. I don't know why I thought of Eugene in this scenario. It was funny in my head.

Oh great. NOW, THEY'RE THERE. 🙄

WHO'S GOING 100 MPH ON THE MAIN STREET BRUH??? Also, who tf are YOU mf? 🤨

Also, omg. PTJ, do you always ctrl + c and ctrl + v on your characters' hairstyles or something? Because Warren doesn't look like Zack anymore, but now he looks like-

Like ok, I get it. You're addicted to the copy + paste hairstyles, but I don't wanna have to do this, but... Imma hand over the scissors to Eli and have him end the ctrl + c, ctrl + v era. 😭 Bc, wth is this shit? But they look good tho, ngl.

OHHH NAH NAH NAH NAHHHHHHHH. SOMEONE TAKE HIM BACK, FR. GOO, COME GET YOUR BRO LMAAAAOOOOOO. But oml. EVERYONE'S GOING TO BE AT THE FIRST AFFILIATE, I STG. THEY ALL GOING TO HAVE AN EPIC BATTLE LIKE SMASH BROS. OR SOMETHING, AND THEY'LL GO AT IT, IN ON FINAL BRAWL. And fr Warren, wth have they been feeding Logan for him to get THAT BIG? STEROIDS???

If he took, "I need a big boy" to heart, then I don't want it. 💀💀💀

Nah, it must be all that coke protein powder. Goo gave him a whole bucket of protein powder and Logan would be sniffing and eating it all.

Well, obviously "No." Logan. Also, HOT DOC IS BACK!!! Ofc he is. He's the main star of the First Affiliate.

THERE HE ISSSSSSS, THE MAIN MAN OF THE HOUR!!! 😩 LOOK AT HIM BEING ALL TOUCHY WITH ELI!!! Tbh I didn't know how to feel ab that. "Put these away, motherfucker." YTFJTYFGUYKGFJYGUHKIFUDFKILLUGYKF I'M LMFAOOOOOOOOOO ELI REALLY DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE. HE'S SO DONE.

What did he mean by "I'm not sure though?" 😀 Also, the way Logan said, "How cute is this bastard... Should I give you a kiss?" and Warren replying with, "I'm taken, so no thanks." MAN, WHAT IF YOU WEREN'T TAKEN? THEN WHAT? 🤨 ALSO, THE WAY HE SAID HE'S "taken" NOW BC HE HAS SALLYAHSIDFHSDFIUSHDFIUW. AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT GOT ME SCREAMING.

AWWWWWW MAAAAAAAAN, I wOnDeR wHo CoUlD tHaT bE ??? Definitely, not Daniel Park.

OH MY GOD. ARE WE FR GETTING A LOGAN LEE VS. DANIEL PARK SHOWDOWN NEXT CHAPTER???? AYOOOOO??? HE'S GOING TO SEE DANIEL'S CURRENT FORM????????? AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M SQUEALINGGGG!!! 😆😆😆😆

"Will Logan Lee face off with Daniel Park soon? Will they ever find Jinyoung Park now? Who will be the next to arrive at the First Affiliate??? Tune in, next time ONNNN-"

Yeah man, F this.

[beanghostprincess]

Usopp is shafted by the fandom bc of racism mostly unfortunately but also I've heard a lot of people tend to not like Usopp because of how pre timeskip he's so cowardly or whatever which really throws me through a loop and floors me personally because besides the fact that he's my besutiful funny little guy for that, I also think Usopp isn't really that cowardly at all--I think he's brave. For the same reason why Nami is brave and why they both help eachother. They don't have superpowers or freak bones built into them, they are realists and grounded in the fact they know exactly what they're up against and they're just normal ppl against gods and bloodthirsty weirdos. And yet they both overcome that fear of...Dying and stand with their crew anyway. They are so brave and strong to me. Usopp is amazing and the reasons people have for not loving him to pieces are ones I always find quite shocking.

I agree wholeheartedly!! Tbh I've always thought Usopp was underrated mainly because of racism but being white I don't think I can make a proper analysis about the racism within the fandom because I don't get it first-hand. But I would love somebody to write it because I genuinely think it's very off-putting how the fandom treats him and I'd love to read it. So, if anybody knows/writes a post like that please send it to me!!

And yeah, most of the people I've known who dislike Usopp always use the "he's a coward" excuse when he's genuinely one of the bravest characters. Zoro, Luffy, and Sanji can rely on their abilities while Usopp is just- He's not built different like them. He's no swordsman. He can't ignite fire from his leg. His body isn't rubber. The monster trio is called the monster trio for a reason, lmao, and they're also pretty much normatively pretty and just guys. Like average guys. Don't get me wrong, I love the three of them, but they're extremely sexualized for a reason and it's because they're sooooo made for the male/shonen-gaze. And I actually love the Monster Trio because even if they're like that, they have amazing backstories and their personalities are extremely complex, even more if you compare them to an average shonen protagonist. But, you know, after all, they're still normative af. They're made for men to want to be like them and women to love them, so a straight white cis guy from the general audience will see them, and ofc he will resonate more with them than with Usopp (when actually the Monster Trio is also for the queers and their stories are wayyyy better than what the general audience ends up seeing, but the mischaracterization of these three is for another post, ig).

On the other hand, Usopp is not like that. He isn't normative. First of all, he's black (forever mad at the whitewashing the own show did to him) so of course racism plays a big role here. But also he's scared most of the time because he's not built like the monster trio. He's scared of dying and scared of being left out and a burden. He wants to be stronger and turn into the adventurer he dreams of being. Despite not having any talent (or not seeing his own talents), he still tries to train harder and harder every day to overcome that fear. Even when he's scared, he'll help his friends and his captain even if that means dying. And people still call him a coward because they can't fucking read properly and they just see the first layer of his personality. I honestly think people don't like him because they hate having to think and having to analyze a character that has more complexity than just fighting and being hot (two things that he also does very well, thank you very much). Usopp is brave and complex and he's so so so funny and enjoyable to watch. He's a relatable character for a lot of people and he has one of the most emotional moments in the whole show. Maybe the people who don't like him suddenly skipped Water 7 because otherwise I don't fucking get it. One of the things I love the most about him is that his dream is something he has to achieve by himself. A thing he has to do by himself and for himself. Believing in himself. Unlike the other dreams of the crew, because most of them are tangible. I know his character is often played for laughs but damn, his emotional moments hit hard and they always break me. I've always loved him and I always will and I will forever fight Usopp haters because I just don't get them.

People hate seeing complex characters because then they have to think instead of just staring at men titties <3

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Only the Strong Survive Ch. 6

Series Summary: Lexie Weston is in a terrible, abusive marriage. In her mind and soul, she feels like she has no way out that won't result in her death. But something changes in her life to make her take the risk. Can she rely on Sheriff Beau Arlen to protect her like he said he would, or will this risk lead to ruin?

Pairings: Beau Arlen x OFC (eventual)

Series Warnings/Explicit 18+: Smut, Angst, Fluff throughout. A pretty slow burn, TW: Abusive marriage, Domestic abuse will be talked about throughout. Chapter warnings will be more specific

Word Count: 3,348

Chapter Summary: Y/N is starting to realize some exciting and scary truths.

Chapter Warnings: Not many in this chapter. Brief mentions of abusive relationships, and hard times.

A/N: So, this next chapter took almost an entire year to get out to those of you who've been enjoying this series. I apologize profusely, and can only blame it on my cruel muses, who stalled this story in my brain. But I'm very grateful to those of you who said kind things about the story and said you were looking forward to the rest. It's encouraging to have people say they want to hear more. (In a friendly, kind way, of course.) So thank you, and I don't think the next chapter will take another whole year. (Like six months, tops. 😜 JK! JK!)

Hope you enjoy Ch. 6!

P.S. This song features in the chapter - To Make You Feel My Love and I've linked the version I was imagining here. (Minus the cheering crowd, and with a singer I love EVEN more than Garth Brooks.)

The beautiful divider at the bottom was created by @saradika

Series Master List || Main Master List || Tag Lists

Lexi stood in front of the full length mirror and shook her head at her reflection for the dozenth time that day. She felt ridiculous.

“Ooh, you look so cute!”

Cicely Travis was beaming as she came up behind Lexi to squeeze her shoulders. The young, tall, brash, and outspoken woman had become a good friend to Lexi in the months that she’d been staying at Haven House. She was a decade younger than Lexi, but seemed to have lived four lifetimes in her mere quarter century of life. 

The women had shared some of their hardships with each other, but certainly not all, so Lexi only knew that Cicely had run away from home at thirteen to get away from her mom’s boyfriend, and that she’d spent some of the years since as a sex worker. It was one of the things she’d told Lexi right away. 

“I was a hooker and a stripper.” Cicely had told her out of the blue on only their second meeting. When Lexi had just blinked at her for a moment, Cicely had explained. “I’m not any more, but I like to tell people that right off, so that there’s no misunderstandings or issues down the road. I did what I did, and I’m not ashamed, so, if that’s gonna stop you being a friend, then I wanna know that now. You know, save us both time.”

Lexi had just shaken her head and shrugged. “I don’t care.” She’d said honestly. “We all survive and exist the best we can. Sucks being a woman sometimes.”

Cicely had snorted. “Damn right, sister.”

Since then the women had bonded over some shared hardships and the general shittiness of most of the men they’d known. Cicely had also been there for her as Lexi had proceeded through four more court dates over the last two months.

She hadn’t been asked to speak again, thank god, but the judge insisted on all her written and recorded accounts being read into the record. So four times she’d had to sit in the courtroom and listen to Marsha read out her words describing the abuse, or else listen to her own timid voice coming through a tinny recording as she recounted years worth of trauma. 

And every time, after getting a ride home from Beau complete with his encouragement that everything was going to work out, she went to Cicely’s room to commiserate about the day and to admit just how scared she was. She never wanted to admit her fears to Beau because she didn’t want to burden him more than she already had. But also, she didn't want him to think she was just this scared, trembling thing. 

He’d called her a warrior, and she wanted him to keep believing that.

But Cicely would listen, and then trash Simon and the judge and Simon’s lawyer endlessly. It felt very therapeutic to Lexi, and Cicely often made her laugh with her slightly crude, but always hilarious sense of humor. 

She was the perfect kind of friend for Lexi; someone non-judgmental, who was so brash and loud, and talkative, that it became impossible for Lexi to stay quiet and shy. Cicely just pulled her along in the conversation no matter what.

Now the younger woman smoothed down the back of the blue polyester robe that Lexi wore, before stepping in front of her to beam at her. 

“This is so stupid.” Lexi said for the hundredth time that day. “I look like the world’s oldest high school graduate.” She rolled her eyes.

Cicely shook her head. “Nah, don’t be silly.” She pulled the graduation robe tight across Lexi’s baby bump. “You look more like a knocked up teenager.”

Lexi couldn’t help snorting out a laugh. She slapped Cicely’s hands away and let the gown fall back loose.

“Seriously,” Lexi continued, “I can’t believe they're putting on this whole thing. It feels like a bit much for passing a GED test.”

As she finished and before Cicely could respond she looked into the mirror and saw Beau and Jenny saunter into the tent.

“Oh my god!” Lexi cried as she spun around to face them. “What are you doing here?”

They both smiled and Jenny gave her a hug. “We’re here to celebrate you graduating, of course.” She answered as she stepped back beside Beau.

Lexi felt her cheeks go crimson. “Oh, for pete’s sake, I’m not graduating.” She shook her head. “I passed a test.”

“Lexi, this is a big deal. You should be proud of your accomplishments.” Beau argued while Jenny nodded.

Cicely gently bumped Lexi in the shoulder with her own. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell her all day. We deserve to be celebrated!” She turned her head towards Lexi. “You listen to this beautiful man when he tells you things. He’s obviously very wise.”

Beau gave a mock bow. “Thank you, thank you.” He turned to Jenny and tapped a finger against his temple. “See, what have I been telling you? Wisdom.”

Jenny rolled her eyes and continued as though he hadn’t spoken. “Seriously, Lexi, this is definitely worth celebrating. And to that end, the station is hosting a little graduation party for everyone this evening. Six o’clock, at Beau’s trailer. The land is beautiful, and there will be a huge bonfire to ward off the chill, and amazing BBQ and drinks.” She smiled at Lexi. “And sparkling cider for those of us who can’t partake.”

Beau looked at Lexi, understanding in his gaze as he obviously caught the trepidation in her expression. “There will also be more than a dozen cops there, so you’ll all be very safe.”

Lexi was amazed sometimes how easily Beau understood her. He seemed to read her mind at times, and he always knew just what to say to make her feel better, or feel safe. It made her happy and nervous at the same time. She could feel the way her heart was responding to him, could feel the way her body responded to him too. 

When he was close to her, she always wanted to lean in to him, always wanted his arms around her. She remembered the way it had felt to give him an innocent kiss on the cheek, and now when she looked at him, she was uncomfortably aware of his mouth and how she'd been mere inches away from feeling his lips under hers.

At one of her most recent doctor’s appointments, the doctor had informed her that many women notice an increased libido during the second trimester, and warned her to make sure if she had sex to use a condom as being pregnant didn’t stop her from getting an STI.

Lexi had blushed, but told the doctor there was no chance of that. But she was blaming the increased libido for why her heart raced, and butterflies flew wildly in her belly every time Beau was near. 

She didn’t know very much about sex outside of her marriage. She’d slept with three guys before Simon, and none of them had been exactly earth shattering. Of course, sex with Simon had started out as nothing special and turned into a nightmare. Thankfully in the last few years of their marriage, he hadn’t been much interested in her, and he had very little ability to get it up, so she’d at least been granted that small mercy.

So, this was the first time she’d ever felt this kind of strong attraction to someone. It was slightly overwhelming, so she was definitely blaming it on the hormones racing through her blood while also trying desperately to ignore it altogether.

Jenny gave them final details about the after party and then she and Beau hugged Lexi and Cicely quickly before going to take their place in the high school gym that was hosting their small graduation ceremony. 

After they were gone, Cicely whistled slowly. “Je-sus CHRIST, that man is fine!”

Lexi choked slightly on her laughter. “Cicely!”

The other woman gave her a look. “You telling me you don’t think so?”

Lexi shrugged. “That’s not the point. He’s our friend. He’s been very kind to me.”

Cicely frowned at her. “So? That makes him LESS attractive?”

Lexi rolled her eyes. “I just mean, I don’t wanna talk about him like that.”

Cicely snorted. “There’s nothing wrong with appreciating beauty where you see it. I’m telling you, if I thought I had a chance in hell of pulling him away, I would be all OVER that man.”

Lexi felt her heart plummet. “Pull him away? I thought…” She cleared her throat. “I thought he was divorced. I didn’t realize he was with someone.”

Cicely looked at her like she was nuts. “You can not possibly be that obtuse.”

Lexi frowned. “What are you talking about?”

Cicely rolled her eyes. “What am I…? Girl, that man is so far gone for you it’s almost pathetic.”

Lexi’s eyes grew huge. “What are you talking about? Are you crazy? He’s not interested in me like that. He’s just a kind person. He’s a friend.”

Cicely gave her a deadpan stare and Lexi waved at her dismissively. “You’re crazy.” She said again.

Her friend shook her head. “Lexi, seriously. Beau is kind and friendly to me. He’s kind and friendly to his co-workers, to Sarah, to the other women here. But it’s not the same. When he looks at you, his face gets all…gooey.”

Lexi snorted out a laugh. “Gooey? Beau Arlen is not gooey about me.”

Their conversation was interrupted when Sarah poked her head into the room. “Okay, ladies - showtime! Everyone out in the hall to line up.”

Lexi smoothed down her gown and moved towards the door, but Cicely held her back a moment. “Okay, just pay attention tonight, at the Barbeque. If you pay attention, I know you’ll see it. And I say when you see it, baby, jump on it.”

Lexi shook her head and followed Cicely out the door. Her friend was wrong, imagining things. She knew it. Beau didn’t think of her as anything but a friend and someone he was trying to keep safe. 

That was all…right?

***

The women and their children were shuttled over from the high school to Beau’s in a rented school bus, and when they all arrived - the party started.

Beau’s land was very beautiful, Lexi thought. It was situated in a valley with a stunning view of the mountains all around. When they arrived around six o’clock, the mid-March sun was already sinking in the west, being swallowed up by the peaks in the distance. It was a perfect night, though, slightly warmer than usual, with no wind, and a huge bonfire to throw off plenty of heat.

The kids all immediately started a game of tag in the field, and left their moms to chat and mingle with each other, the deputies, and the Haven House staff in attendance. The atmosphere was jovial and celebratory, and despite herself, Lexi began to feel excited and proud. 

Not long after her arrival, she met Beau at the grill. He was laughing and joking with everyone, proclaiming he was king of the grill. As she watched him tease Deputy Poppernak, she shook her head at Cicely. She was crazy, Beau was this way with everyone. 

But then he spotted her standing in the crowd and his face did…change. She didn’t know that she’d call it gooey. But his eyes definitely lit up, and he left his precious grill to come up and give her a hug.

“Lexi, you looked so great up on that stage! Congratulations!”

She hugged him back, closing her eyes and trying to get Cicely’s words out of her head while also trying to ignore the way Beau’s strong arms felt locked around her. She inhaled his cologne and the butterflies were back. He pulled out of the embrace and she smiled at the ground.

“Thanks, it was a really nice ceremony.”

“Congratulations.” Said a voice from behind her and Lexi turned to see a teenage girl walking up to stand beside Beau. “How hot are those polyester robes? I want to dress accordingly when I graduate next year.”

Beau chuckled. “Lexi, this is my daughter, Emily. Em, this is Lexi Weston.”

Lexi shook her head as she took Emily’s outstretched hand. “It’s Howard again, actually.” She looked at Beau. “Marsha is helping me with the paperwork to change back to my maiden name.”

He nodded and smiled softly. “That’s great.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Howard.” Emily said politely.

“No, please, it’s really just Lexi. And it’s so nice to meet you too. You know your dad talks about you all the time.”

“Oh my god, how boring for you.” Emily said with a pained smile and an elbow to her dad’s ribs.

Lexi laughed lightly. “No, I like his Emily stories, he’s helping me prepare.” She explained with a hand on her baby bump. In the last couple of weeks it had become an honest to goodness bump, obvious unless she was wearing something flowy. The t-shirt she and leggings she wore now did nothing to conceal it. 

“Oh, good.” Emily said with a grin. “I love when he tells baby stories about me. It’s not embarrassing at all.”

Lexi laughed, and Emily reached up to kiss her dad’s cheek. “I’m gonna go organize the kids into lines to make s’mores.” She looked back at Lexi. “Congrats again.”

She bounded away and started the kid round-up. Lexi smiled and moved to stand beside Beau and watch. “She’s really great. So smart and capable.” She said as she watched the young girl effortlessly get the kids in line, and enlist the deputies to haul the s'mores making ingredients over to the bonfire.

Beau’s smile was all pride. “Yeah, she’s pretty incredible.”

Their attention was wrenched back to the barbeque as Poppernak called to Beau. “Hey boss, as king of the grill, you might wanna come figure out where all this black smoke is coming from!”

***

A couple of hours later most of the people had gravitated to sit around the big bonfire where it was warmest. There were dozens of chairs set around it, and lots of blankets to share.

Cicely and Lexi were almost in each other’s laps, curled up on a big adirondack chair under a thick wool blanket. They were very toasty, and Lexi was loving the peace and contentment she felt as she just listened to the soft rise and fall of conversations around her, the laughter that would break out occasionally, the sleepy voices of little ones in their moms’ arms, and the sharp crackling of the sweet smelling wood as it burned.

A couple of seats away Beau was leaning towards Cassie and talking animatedly with his hands. She couldn’t make out his exact words, but she liked to watch his expressions; he was so animated she could almost guess at the conversation.

He said something to make Cassie laugh and then he looked up and caught Lexi’s eye. His smile turned soft and he winked at her. “Comfy over there?” He asked a bit louder.

Lexi nodded happily. “Very.”

“Good.” His smile lingered a moment before his attention was snagged by Emily.

Cicely pinched Lexi lightly and cleared her throat. “Goo-ey.” She whispered conspiratorially.

Lexi slapped her friend’s thigh under the blanket. “Stop it.”

Cicely hummed noncommittally. “Whatever.”

When Lexi looked back at Beau he was shaking his head at Emily who was trying to pass him a guitar. Other people around the fire seemed to notice at the same time and they quieted down to listen. 

“No, god.” Beau was saying with an embarrassed laugh. “I’m not gonna subject these lovely people to my singing.”

His deputies all started egging him on too, but he was shaking his head, adamantly refusing to take the guitar from his daughter. Finally she pleaded with him.

“Please, you used to sing all the time.”

“Yeah, to make you go to sleep. Pretty sure you’d just pretend to make me stop.”

Emily pouted at him. “No, I loved listening to you. Come on.” She paused. “You haven’t picked up a guitar since…since before you left Dallas.”

A look shifted over Beau’s face that Lexi couldn’t interpret. He seemed sad, but also wary. He sighed. “Em -” 

“Please!” She interrupted him. 

With an even deeper sigh he finally took the guitar from her. His audience clapped and he shook his head, clearly embarrassed. “Oh god. What am I supposed to sing?” He asked his daughter, slightly desperate sounding. 

“Sing that one you used to sing.”

Beau lifted his hand in exasperation. “What one I used to sing.”

“The ‘love’ one…the…make you feel the love.”

“Make you feel my love?” Cassie clarified and Emily nodded. “Ooh, I love that song!”

Beau was obviously still very reluctant, but he settled the guitar on his lap and strummed a few chords before adjusting the tuning pegs to his liking. Finally he cleared his throat and shook his head as he looked out at the now silent audience staring at him.

“Oh boy.” He said quietly and everyone chuckled. “Sorry.” He said with a shake of his head.

Then he began plucking at the strings and a warm melody surrounded them all. When Beau began singing there was a collective intake of breath, clear surprise on everyone’s faces. His voice was warm and full, melodic and emotive. In short, it was beautiful.

When the rain is blowing in your face And the whole world is on your case I would offer you a warm embrace To make you feel my love

He watched Emily as he sang the words and Lexi knew he meant every word he sang to her. He looked around the circle with a slightly sheepish smile as he strummed out the melody between verses, but his eye caught Lexi’s again as he began the second verse, and it was as though something kept their gazes locked as he sang. Lexi couldn’t have looked away if her life depended on it.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear And there is no one to dry your tears I would hold you for a million years To make you feel my love

He strummed his way into the first bridge and then looked down at the ground before looking back at the rest of his audience as he began singing the bridge. Even though he wasn’t staring at her anymore, Lexi could feel every word he sang as though it was only the two of them there and he was singing it right to her.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet But I would never do you wrong I've known it from the moment that we met There’s no doubt in my mind where you belong

Cause I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue And I'd go crawling down the avenue There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on a rolling sea And down the highway of regret The winds of change are blowing wild and free Oh, but you ain't seen nothing like me yet

The last verse he sang slowly, plucking the strings gently, and there was no doubt that he’d cast a kind of enchantment over the whole group.

Cause there ain’t nothing that I wouldn't do Go to the ends of the Earth for you Make you happy, make your dreams come true To make you feel my love

The last note echoed into the evening air and there was a moment of peaceful quiet before everyone started clapping and talking at once. Several deputies got up to slap Beau on the back, and everyone was shouting disbelief and praise. 

For his part, Beau turned very red, and thrust the guitar back into Emily’s hands before wrapping one arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side, and kissing the top of her head.

Beside her Cicely sighed deeply and repeated herself to Lexi. “Gooey.” She said, but her tone was definitely saying, “I told you so.”

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[amusingmusie]

More questions about Evie? Ask and you shall receive!

Al and baby Evie. What would that look like? Does he dote on the baby, leave her to Nel, try (and fail) support the demon spawn he brought into the world? Basically, would he be a good father, and does he carry the burden equally?

Honestly, I think Nel would make a pretty great mom seeing as she basically raised Grace from birth, and Grace turned out fine! Nel does seem to have a nasty habit of raising agents of chaos, though. Maybe it wasn't actually Al's fault 🤔

Presuming, once again, that Al was alive for this, does he keep up with his habits? Does being responsible for a child who might cry a lot at night put him at a higher risk of being caught missing, and cut down on the murder time? Or who knows, maybe morals kicked in, and the thought of being caught and leaving Nel alone with a kid was a line not even he would cross (he's a murderer, not a monster).

And what was baby Evie like!!! Quiet baby? Loud baby? A nightmare in private, but an angel in public? She seems like the type to need constant attention.

There have also been a lot of hints that Evie is Violent. Did Nel do a good job instilling fear of the law into her? Or did Evie inherit her father's "hobbies," too?

What about his powers? Is there anything inherent about them that Evie might get? Or would she have needed Al's guidance in order to use her abilities. And if Al was alive, would he have taught her?

Does she have actual friends? I know that Nel is a loner and Al doesn't really care if his "friends" lived or died, but does Evie have any genuine human connection - outside of her arch nemesis ofc (don't tell her I said that). Like a bitch pack or a best friend who roam the school tormenting everyone they meet. Just as a treat.

Also, Roxy: what's her story? Is she a young Nel with a new look and (hopefully) no nicotine addiction? Does she get to have friends?

Let me know if I should break these asks up more in the future to avoid the wall-of-text problem! Once again, don’t feel pressured to answer any of the questions if you don’t want to or if it’s spoiler territory. Take care of yourself! Don't get lost or stolen!!!

YIPPEEEE!!! For pride month I am answering a yummy ask about one of my favorite evil lesbians.

In the little thought-world-brainrot-center I've created for Evie, Alastor isn't exactly around to know about her let alone interact with her. If he WAS around, I mean, he'd try his best to make sure the kid doesn't hurt herself since she is an extension of himself and he appreciates that, but I don't see him being the best dad. Emotional comfort? He doesn't do that. Teaching her to dissect things? Now that he can do!

I actually jokingly refer to an alt timeline in which Nel gets pregnant as "the good ending" because it's the only thing that would stop Alastor's charitable side hobbies in their tracks. Not because he has a change of heart- he just literally cannot find the time for it, and he knows Nel would cave his skull in if she caught him. He'd maybe try sneaking out one (one) night and then the ginger sits up in bed from a dead sleep and just says "fuck. no."...he gets right back in and doesn't sneak out again until Evie is older.

Evie was a pretty good baby! She didn't become an odd little cretin til she could walk, because then baby girl decided she wanted to play in the knife drawer.

She is violent in a way, but she actually takes more after Nel's brand than Alastor's. As weird as she is, and as sweetly as she threatens people, she doesn't resort to violence unless you've fucked with her or someone she cares about. It's that same sort of momma bear mauling-style that Nel has combined with Alastor's lack of remorse/excitement. It's not like she's killed anyone though, or even seriously maimed anyone. She has the capability, but not the urge. I know I jokingly call her an evil lesbian, but she's not actually evil. Just a menace.

I actually have always played around with the idea of Miss Genevieve being very spiritually attuned! I know that the supernatural takes a backseat role in my fic (for now anyway, that'll fucking change soon enough) so for Evie's story, I wanted it to play a much larger role. She's the kind of kid to look at someone and go "March 15th, 1933" and then skip away like it's nothing. Nel got used to it really, really fast. There's more than just her and Evie living in their house, after all. If Al was around, I don't know if he could have helped? I write him as someone who is aware but perhaps not the most integrated into the paranormal world (while alive). He'd definitely find it funny that Evie is though.

Evie has friends, but not close friends. Her story is hard to explain without spoiling my fic so all I can say is that she isn't a loner, but is incredibly lonely at times. Most of her relationships are shallow since she doesn't let others in. While her weird, chaotic nature isn't a front at all, she does rely on it to keep others at arms length if they get too close. She's incredibly popular with people she doesn't know well to the point that she has sort of created a little clique for herself. They don't really see beyond what she shows them. For those she's "closer" to who see her oddities, she uses those oddities and back-handed comments to keep them from getting close. Only Nel and Grace (and eventually Roxxy) are let in.

Roxy my beloved. She's much more than just another Nelly; she actually leans a little opposite to Nel, she's a slacker and usually gets in trouble pretty constantly. She's got a lot of anger from family expectations but she reacted to those expectations completely differently than Miss Penelope did. Roxxy actually has more close friends than Evie. Nobody would really see it unless they saw how fake Evie is with people (Husk would have a field day with that girl).

Thank youuuu for all the questions and I'm sorry it took me a while to answer them!

[themissakat]

sorry about taking so long to think of words, but i think i finally have good questions.

what are your guesses for where the 3rd game is going to take place? Visit a new location or return to old locations of the first 2? the forbidden west and carja and nora?

How do you think aloy and friends are going to develop? where could the game go to further the character arcs of the squad?

words are hard you're good

gonna put a readmore bc it has a lot of Forbidden West spoilers!!

My first guess would be that we'll see something related to the Oseram homeland, as its the only one of the main tribes (aside from the Quen ofc) where we've met their people but not been to their capital. I don't have 100% certainty on this because the Oseram are the most nomadic of all the tribes we've seen thus far, those guys are everywhere, so its hard to say if visiting a centralized leader would be applicable to getting their support, as opposed to getting in touch with individual groups like the Vanguard at Meridian or the group at Burning Ember.

I think it would be so cool to see the Quen homeland, and I've read some fics that propose the potential use of Zenith tech (like the shuttle, its just hanging out still) to travel those long distances faster. It would be interesting to see if they push the travel that far, as they played a little bit with that in Burning Shores and going to the San Francisco area, but Vegas to San Fran is a little different than crossing the entire Pacific Ocean.

as for the characters, I really hope to see Aloy continue to open up about accepting help from others and not shouldering the entire burden herself. One of my favorite arcs in hfw was how Aloy contended with Elisabet's "legacy", and how she, at first, accepted sole responsibility for it, to the point of pushing everyone else away from her. Her being the "key" to the facilities obviously put her in a place of "if i dont do this, no one else CAN", but I think that the introduction of Beta and the staunch support of her friends really finally pushed her into "it is okay to accept help".

I think that meeting Beta and contending with their differences despite their being genetically identical was a very needed push for Aloy, because it put a mirror up to her experiences and reinforced for her that she IS NOT just a clone of Elisabet, but her own unique person as well. I will keep saying it but their sisterhood breaks me and rebuilds me into a better human, i love them so much sdjfhsd

I do think we'll be seeing a lot of returning cast of course, including Avad and hopefully the Nora as well. I'm very excited for the introduction of Seyka to the greater group, because I'm curious how the writers will handle Aloy actually having a requited romance, instead of just being the subject of a lot of people's attention. ( my thread for talking about hfw is called "Flirting With Aloy Like It's An Olympic Sport" for a reason ).

Despite not being the main focus of the story, there are SO MANY moments where Aloy interacts with romance and attraction that I can't see them not resolving that plot point for her and Seyka. I, personally, expect it to be tied into the concept of "after", of the future she will have once the future of the planet is secured. I personally headcanon that Aloy will struggle with this concept, as she has been completely goal driven her entire life, and to finally achieve that goal is something she has never considered.

I want to meet Federa and Zo's baby ofc. I dont have too many other specific thoughts about character arc resolution for the rest, aside from that I hope Erend finds something worth fighting for, as he has lost SO MUCH and at times seems to be the most lost amongst the group. He has his heart in the right place, but I feel he is very deep in his grief for his sister still, whereas a lot of the other characters have more specific goals or people to inspire them onward.

I can't think of any more specific thoughts atm sjdfd except, Gildun beloved, Burning Embers crew beloved, good characters all around.

[sporesgalaxy]

While we're on the topic of trans stuff, I hope it's alright if I ask a question!!

I know you had long hair for a while, and that you ended up cutting it all off, and I'm just wondering how you felt about it? Did you have any anxiety beforehand? How was it after?

Totally cool if you don't wanna answer ofc!! I hope ur doing okay :^)

Yes!! I was anxious, bc I wasn't sure how it'd look! But since a friend of mine was the one cutting it, when the moment finally came I had an attitude of like "well, we're making silly memories! who cares!" So it ended up being a lot of fun!

But I'd wanted short hair for YEARS before that, and for YEARS I was unable to work up the nerve to go ask a professional hairdresser to cut it. Didn't help that some family was politely discouraging me, but whatever. Point is, I had a lot of time to get used to/learn to fight off the anxiety lol, and in my experience waiting longer just kept me unhappy and uncertain longer!

The thing I tried to keep in mind is that hair grows back!! you can always grow it out longer again if you don't like it. Yes it will look awkward for a while if you do that, but to me it was worth finding out if I liked it shorter than I'd ever tried before! And I'm so glad I cut it now! If I'd never taken the chance, I'd never have known how much I like it this short!

Ok I'm going to ramble some more about the specific Functional and Sensory benefits I've found short hair had compared to long hair, for me anyways, but this is already quite long so. readmore upon ye

•••

People may tell you "ohh you'll have to fix your hair and put product in it every day when its short" but what they DONT tell you is that it is SO MUCH EASIER TO FIX YOUR HAIR WHEN THERE IS WAY LESS HAIR TO FIX!!

I can dump like 2 cups of water on my head and its wet, and it dries in like 30 minutes. Combing it is SUPER fast, slapping some pomade in it or whatever is quick n easy. "Fixing my hair every day" was a MAJOR factor in me being intimidated out of cutting it in high school, BUT IT NEVER SHOULDVE BEEN!!! I was FOOLED!!

Ummm ahh what else. I was worried I'd miss my long hair since I'd had it for so long and tended to fiddle with it a lot just to so aomething with my hands.

But from what I remember, I didn't miss much about my old hair after I cut it. I tend to like it being long enough on top to twirl between my fingers, and it wasn't at first so I missed that as a stim, but otherwise it really felt like getting rid of a burden!

I don't get it randomly tangled in things anymore, I don't have the Literal Weight On My Shoulders, I don't finding shedded hairs wrapped around things all the time, there is NOTHING in my face when I eat!!!!!!!!!! It has been MONTHS since I found one of my own hairs in my mouth!!!!! It is nigh impossible to get even the most treacherous pancake syrups in my hair!!!!!! It's amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also never DID anything with my long hair, because every time I tried anything more ambitious than a ponytail it would hurt my scalp more than I ever felt The Look was worth, so I didn't find myself missing any old hairdo possibilities either. I'm still not ambitious about styling it, but I don't have to be :) even for semiformal events :D it's awesome

[arjunasearth]

it is so freeing to talk to your best friend. She understands me like no other and truly is my soulsister. I am so deeply thankful for her understanding, patience and her not being judgemental no matter what happened to me or what I did / how I behave. It means so so much to have friends like her in my life. I am going through so many processes of healing recently, it's being going on for such a long time.And it will go on and on. It cannot happen overnight. To break open and to release so much hurt also means feeling it , feeling through it so that we can allow it to exit our being as it has entered us and stayed there way too long. Ive locked myself. Ofc, I shared bits and parts about my healing process and the pain I am going through here on tumblr. But what really almost broke me was locking my thoughts and feelings up and judging myself for talking about them with people,especially my closest friends. I felt shame towards myself and it is only now when I started talking about it more openly that I realize how much pain there actually still is and has been stuck, stagnant for too long. It is time for me to let all of this pain go, to release. To share and to be vulnerable. Because being vulnerable is nothing bad at all. It is true strength. Towards my heart and soul. It it the inititation for healing , for feeling and for releasing. Writing has always helped me to release, ofc writing physically in my book helps more than digital writing tbh but it's still a freeing process. It is releasing and sharing deep thoughts and feelings. But I also understood and learned (the hard way) that we are never alone with our pain and hurt, there will always be people who listen if we do not lock ourselves up in our heads / ignore our pain. There are many ways to release for me, first of all, movement. I can let go of burdening energy when I move and come back to my center, vibing with the flow. But talking , being listened to in person and non-judgementally...sisterhood and brotherhood...this is what I truly have been lacking and missing all the time because I felt ashamed, not ready, bad for talking about my pain , my hurt , the abuse I experienced. I think it is a HUGE step to open up and to allow vulnerability in my life. I was so fixated on my expartner and how I can help him feeling, healing , that I almost lost my self and began to numb my feelings and thoughts. And I understand that this has been fundamentally wrong. Because in a way, I ignored my needs.My being and who I was and still am, where I have changed and what I really need in my life. My friends and family brought me back and fully support me in this processes and they have always been there. It was me who turned my back on them, without wanting to hurt them in any way-and they never judged me for that and still don't. I am not someone who is judgemental in any way and yet I realize that I have been so judgemental towards myself instead! This should not be the case. It is never wrong to speak up about how I feel and what hurt and hurts me. Its is my birthright to do so. To share. To communicate. Breaking out of this very toxic patterns in my head (and life) really frees me right now. It is like dropping so much burden, pain and hurt that I carried on my back like a waaay too heavy sack that I have been carrying for too long, for years and even decades of my life. Breaking out hurts but also feels so right, as it is supposed to feel I guess. Also coming more and more back to my journalling practice helps.I am worthy of support, guidance and help. I am worthy to reach out when I am being deeply overwhelmed with my emotions. I am worthy of vulernability, towards myself and others. I am worthy of not being judged in any way as I dont judge others.I am worthy of coming back to my true essence, my inner child , releasing deep pain and hurt.

Blessed Lunar Year Y'all <3

Strong Energies are head.

May we all transition gently into this new lunar cycle.~~

Sending love <3

[ophelliate]

even MORE turtle thoughts (just watched the movie again)

here's the last post and ofc, spoilers under the cut –

god where do i even begin

okay i forgot to shout her out last time but april was great !! i find it super interesting that her locker being fixed is the final shot of the movie before the mid-credits. i feel like that shot confirms this idea that april is kind of part of the turtle family and their theme of acceptance. they were both rejected by the people around them but through bonding and helping each other out, they were able to be viewed in a newer light, together

i think the theme/act of helping people is actually super crucial to the story, april revived her reputation because the turtles helped give her a story, the turtles are helped by humans to save the day because april saved their image, the turtles were saved by splinter because he cares about his boys and the mutants helped them with the mutagen ray because they realized there was more to family and belonging than any sort of violence, the entire pattern is super neat to me since well...

i feel like a lot of turtle iterations end up with the turtles thinking "we're the only ones who can do this" and it always weighs a heavy and isolating burden on them, so to see them actually receive this support and have them realize that they aren't alone in this, it seems like these guys are gonna have a much healthier upbringing than in the past!

speaking of support though, all of the mutants are in the sewers now??? they just have one big-ass cousin family?!?! bro i know at least one person will make some sort of The Family Madrigal-like parody with them, i don't know why that was the first thing i thought of but the potential is there

oh yeah and mondo had at least one rainbow bracelet i think, all of his bracelets are probably multicolored but i saw a pattern and just giggled with it

something else kinda funny was that aside from the shell-cracking, almost every turtle had a near death moment but was saved by family

like, mikey was about to be ran over TWICE (one during the Splinter flashback and again at the car mechanic fight, forgot who saved him after splinter), raph about about to get shot in the same fight before i think donnie intercepted it, and donnie was about to get completely crushed by a car before raph caught him

the only one who didn't almost fucking die (at least that i didn't notice) is leo and honestly considering past iterations, that's somehow scarier for him

during the movie, the boy i ended up focusing on the most was raph to my surprise (since tbh he was my least fav beforehand) but really i was able to grasp a lot more into each of the four this time around (which i'm sectioning because god these bullet points are long)

Mikey

my gut's telling me that mikey has a lot of potential conflict when it comes to a human life, since i think he's sort of shown as the most vulnerable of the turtles, he's always the one who wants to interact with the human world, to have a real connection to it and the people

but he's also the one who gets hurt the most often, from almost being run over, being the first one drained of blood by cynthia, and getting those black eyes. we see very clearly that he keeps getting hurt despite his goal and ideals being– basically the exact opposite.

even with that though, he's the one who perseveres and ends up being the kind of hope in the team, even if he presents himself as the silly guy, and i feel like that strength will carry throughout the series in the process

Donnie

donnie is a bit different this time around. people have already noted that he was considered the friendliest one by his brothers, which most versions of the team would give that role to mikey. i imagine that it comes from his fandom background where he may or may not have online friends (his phone had app icon colors that looked similar to twitter, snapchat and line or whatsapp).

though, it's been pointed out that donnie's interest in the human world contrasts to mikey, where he's more interested in the general culture and what is created out of them which is a bit more distant than mikey's interests.

side note but i genuinely thought donnie isn't really a stem kid at first with the problem solving he was giving in the movie, which in my head i thought would be the writer's attempts to avoid any savant syndrome qualities with him. though after thinking about it/looking through some articles, i imagine that his tech-qualities will be explored later and/or after he gets some public education.

Raph

raph was pretty interesting now that i really focused on him this time around. where, 1.) he might be the second nerdiest of the group, and 2.) he still might be a foil to leo's character.

when it comes to raph, he ends up being blocked as "anger issues" though it seems like very showmanship kind of aggression, like what you'd see on television than any sort of malice. and then it hit me: these kids were raised on martial arts/actions films. raph's favorite movie was legit confirmed to be bloodsport. i don't think raph is a violent warhammer more-so is he trying to be like the people he may look up to, which are action stars.

he also just views a lot of fiction as fact more than his brothers, like when he's the one to bring up that you're supposed to like school like in the movies. in a way, he's like a jeff winger nerd to donnie's abed.

the second thing to this is that raph seems to be the one who wants to distance himself from his family the most, though he admits to still loving them at the end of the day. he wants to differ himself from his brothers and splinter, so he does that by attempting to rebel and act like only type of "cool guy" he really knows, which luckily it seems like he enjoys doing it at least. this desire to distance himself is also likely what charges his need to be with humans, unlike mikey and donnie.

oh yeah, and something interesting is that raph was actually the first one to go to splinter when scared in the flashback, and it makes me think that something may have happened to change that dynamic to make him act the way he is now, that or its pure teenage rebellion

Leo

leo was kind of hard to grasp, maybe it was because i didn't relate to him as much, or he's just starting out, but what i got out of him now is still something that's hard to articulate.

at the start, leo was very distant from his brothers, staying in the shadow and following splinter's rules to a T. it made me wonder why exactly it was april to trigger his rebellious side and start being more in the group thereafter, but it seems like what connects leo to really anything is his own tangible relationships, or things he can really connect to in a non-conceptual way

yeah, he thinks humans are cool and wants to be with them as much as his brothers, but he puts his priorities on his family because he thinks that is all he can realistically have and doesn't strive for more. he looks up to his father since he thinks his wisdom is the best solution for his family's safety and happiness.

BUT, when he meets april, he goes "oh, pretty girl, i'll help her out" (which like, completely fair), and likely the plan was for nothing else in return. But it's when april befriends them does it really click to him that this impossible dream life is actually possible. and THAT'S the moment leo starts rebelling, going behind splinter's back, and getting closer with his brothers.

he acts on what he thinks is best for the people he loves and cares about, and his desires are more based on the people around him than himself or anything conceptual. it contrasts with raph since his desires center more around individuality than anything, so i feel like there's something that might happen between that. that or leo figures himself out before any conflict erupts in the process.

oh yeah and one last thing

in the mid-credits, when the boys are highlighted in cynthia's recordings, the boys end up being numbered out of order, where mikey is 1, leo is 2, donnie 3 and raph 4. this may not mean anything in the end but it feels a bit odd to be something non-important.

aside from that, i'd love to hear y'alls thoughts! i just had a lot in my mind and needed to put it somewhere (and apparently a lot is an understatement holy shi–)

[shrinkthisviolet]

❝ if you ever need a place to stay, let me know, okay? ❞ for Iris and Cisco please?

This one…really got away from me 😅 in a good way though! Under the cut for length (and ofc this is post-s3, pre-s4):

Cisco thought he’d gotten to know Iris pretty well over the past few years. Even amidst Barry's coma when they’d first met, they’d become fast friends. Iris found him more approachable than Caitlin at the time, and Cisco found Iris a welcome spot of bright optimism in a dreary place filled with loss.

Iris was always like that. Always encouraging, optimistic, nurturing. Cisco had seen her cry plenty of times, but he’d also seen her brush it off when she saw him, change the subject. And he’d never really felt like it was his place to say much about it. Especially since by the time he did feel like they were friendly enough for him to do anything, Barry was awake, and Iris was dating Eddie, and...Cisco knew where he’d be more of a hindrance than a help.

But now…in the wake of Barry leaving, it fell to Iris and Cisco in different ways to cope. Barry had placed the burden of leadership on Cisco’s shoulders, told Iris to keep growing, loving, and running, and Caitlin was...off dealing with her own stuff.

Cisco tried, but...he was no leader. He could give Wally direction behind the comms just fine, but...really, he was more intent on getting Barry back, so that he could set everything right. Maybe things would make sense again. Maybe...

Maybe his best friend’s bright smile would stop haunting him. Maybe Savitar would.

(The sight of that hand, so close, so close—he knew about Cisco's nightmares, he knew how much it hurt, how Cisco remembered every agonizing detail, and he'd still—

“Not you,” Savitar cooed, “her.” His other best friend. As if that was any more merciful.)

Iris wasn’t doing much better. She’d quit her job, she was apparently still living at the loft...and more often than not, she offered to run comms while Cisco went to see Harry, or Dr. McGee, or Jay Garrick's wife Joan, or...

Or while he just went home, curled up into a ball, and sobbed, screamed, dreamed about Barry returning, woke to that being only a fantasy.

It got easier, passing that torch to Iris. He hadn't even realized it until it had already happened. He didn’t even realize that she was there after he left hours after sunset, and there before he came by at 7am.

What he did know was that one day, he left, realized hours later that he’d forgotten something, came back in...and found Iris hunched over the desk, sobbing quietly.

And then it hit him. Hard.

“Iris...?”

She startled, wiping at her eyes and trying for a smile that didn't hold. Once, twice, thrice. “Oh. Cisco. I...I didn't realize...I thought you’d—”

“Yeah, I just...I forgot something,” he said. “I, um...” He was almost tempted to make a quick escape, but Iris’s heartbreak rooted him in place. “Are you...?”

“I’m fine,” she said quickly.

“Right. I just. You don't look—”

“I said I’m fine!” She snapped, sighing right after. “Sorry. I just—”

“No, I shouldn’t have..." he sighed. “Look, you don’t…owe me an explanation of anything. You loved him more than anything…I get that. I just wanted to say...if you ever need a place to stay, let me know, okay? My apartment’s big enough for two.”

Barry was a hard person not to love…and a harder person to not grieve. Cisco was nearly torn apart by it…he couldn’t imagine Iris’s pain.

Iris's eyes widened. “I...what?”

“Well, I just—I know your loft is really important to you, and I don't mean you have to move out,” he rambled. “I just. If you wanted to. Temporarily. Just...just until...”

Until when? Until Barry came back? None of Cisco’s ideas were yielding results, he couldn’t promise th—

“Okay.”

Cisco blinked. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Iris agreed, smiling shakily. "I, um. Just for a couple nights, maybe. Change of scenery could be nice. If…if that’s okay with you.”

“Y-yeah, yeah. That's what I was thinking. Um...” Cisco ran a nervous hand through his hair. “Whenever you want. Tonight, even.”

“You’re sure?” Iris asked slowly.

“Only if you are.” He didn’t want to push her into anything.

“Cisco, it's...I mean, it's your apartment you're offering, I don't...I wouldn't want to impose—”

“It’s not an imposition,” Cisco insisted, “I’m offering. We’re friends, right? And this is what friends do.”

“Yeah.” Iris’s smile was a little brighter now, which Cisco counted as a victory. “Yeah, this is what friends do.”

prompt list!

[mysteriawrites]

Hi! I was wondering if I could get a matchup please?

I'm an Aries, infp,9w8, which is an odd combination I think lol. I'm pretty short only 5'1, I get told I have a pretty athletic build like a volleyball player, but I play zero sports. I tend to get insecure of my looks cause I don't look my age at all, people always think I'm like four or so years younger than I actually am. I like dyeing my hair colors like hot pink, and lavender. I'm pretty introverted on the surface as I'm like hella scared of rejection, but once I get to know someone I'm very chatty and bubbly, I love reading, writing and listening to music (late 90s early 2000s pop rock/indie mostly). I'm the therapist friend but also the goblin friend. My love language is physical touch and words of affirmation, both giving and receiving, though with physical affection it tends to be a lot more of poking and playfully punching others (if they are fine with it ofc). I'm very sensitive, like painfully so, I get told a lot that I'm a "bleeding heart" and I tend to cry when people raise their voices at me which is very annoying.

Thank you! I hope you have a good day/night :)

Hello hello thank you for the request. DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

HEX HAYWIRE!!!

You and Hex go pretty well together. You both seem quiet at first but are actually hiding a rather chaotic side and can even be slightly insecure. I think that because you two understand what the other is going through, it makes it easier to express your love and bring each other up.

You and Hex met when you were enrolled in Xsoleil. You had the power of healing and immortality which many would kill for, but no one was aware of how much of a curse it actually was.

You had lived for a very, very, very long time. You made friends and lost them to time, found love and lost love, you saw the world build and destroy for centuries without much you could do about it.

All the memories and feelings good and bad began to pile up in your head and darkened your heart. To the point where you thought it would be better to wonder the earth alone from now on.

Until you arrived at the institute that is. How you ended up there no one is entirely sure (author chan couldn’t come up with any ideas), but they decided it would be best if you had some counseling.

And that was how you met Hex Haywire. At first it started as a typical councilor and client type deal. You were forced by the school to come in once a week and talk to him and he would sit and listen intently.

Over time you would open up to him more and more as you slowly let down the walls you had been building for centuries.

One day after hours you had forgotten something in a classroom that you needed for your homework, so you went to go get it. As you went down the hall you passed by Hex’s office and heard sobbing.

You knew it was after hours, so he probably wasn’t with another student. You became worried that maybe he was hurt or in danger, so you knocked on his door. The door opened to reveal a very disheveled Hex who greeted you with a smile.

Now Hex has learned to become very good at hiding his emotions in order to be strong for others, but you somehow could feel that something was not right with him. So, you invited him to have tea and talk with you.

Ever since then you two became each other's support. He would help you whenever you two had counseling sessions, and you would help him take a load off after hours with midnight tea and chatting.

It took him awhile to open up to you for he didn't want to burden you, but eventually he learned to rely on you as well. Things were peaceful for a while. Until they weren't.

One day you walked into Hex's office to a very serious looking Hex. You asked him what was wrong, and after a moment of silence he told you that he could no longer be your counselor and that you guys should probably stop hanging out together too.

You asked him why and he was reluctant to answer. You felt betrayed and hurt. You had finally been brave enough to get your walls down with someone, and they don't want to be friends anymore.

You demanded to know why, and it became a heated argument. When the tension reached its peak, Hex revealed that the reason he couldn't keep seeing you anymore is because he had fallen in love with you.

It was unprofessional and a conflict of interest for a counselor to have romantic feelings for his client. However, his feelings for you grew, and it ate him up inside to be able to be with you so he figured it would better to stop seeing each other all together.

As he confessed his feelings, you began to feel guilty for pushing him but also a different feeling. You realized that you as well could not bear the thought of losing Hex. You too were in love with him.

After a long and emotional talk, you and Hex confessed your feelings. You decided to take things slow for now, but sure enough you two became a very serious couple.

You two would mainly spend your days cuddling and watching a movie, listening to music together, or showering each other with compliments. You two can also be a bit teasing sometimes (he especially likes to tease you about the height difference between you two), but you guys know not to take it too far.

You are each other's support system and wouldn't have it any other way.

RUNNERS UP: Ike Eveland

[mes0p0tamia]

How the Vessels Would Comfort Someone (maybe you..? idk that's for you to decide) After a Breakup/emotionally traumatic situation etc.

the lovely @callmemephistopheless requested I write this <3. I usually don't like to write x reader stuff so it could be x reader if you feel like reading it that way; (it's more focused on the boys and their reactions than who they're comforting sry) but I just couldn't refuse a good idea and a request from a friend. fr though writing this kind of stuff will defiantly help improve my writing and help me improve my characterization of the boys in other works (Also it really warms my heart to have people suggesting ideas, so if you have any, I would absolutely LOVE to hear them. please.). Enjoy!

the nature of the relationship between the vessels and the person (or self-insert) is totally up to you btw

Vessel

obviously, vessel would not be very good at comforting people. the only person worse at it is ii. look at him Hes all fucked up!

He used to be worse at it, but ever since he became sleep's Vessel vulnerability has been easier. He's now more comfortable being vulnerable around others and knows how relieving it can be to vent and talk about things. So, he encourages people to talk to him about that stuff, especially the other vessels and the worshippers.

He comforts from a place of understanding. It's easy to tell that he is quite uncomfortable (he's new at this be patient he's trying ok) with someone being upset, or crying in front of him, but it's easy to tell that he understands. Heartbreak and vessel are like, besties. he gets it.

he may not give kind words, or reassurance, but he makes sure that it is known that he understands, and that he defiantly cares.

I think he'd either sit with you, or just give you space. He probably wouldn't say anything though.

or maybe he'd just let the person talk at him.

Vessel has been in a lot of pain for the better part of his life, and he wouldn't wish it upon anyone. especially anyone he cares about.

ii

Honest to god, I think ii would either run away or seize and die if someone was crying and wanted comfort from him. Obviously, he means well and doesn't want to see anyone he cares about cry, he's just so goddamn bad at it.

Dude has literally no idea what to do.

It's probable that he'll just throw a box of tissues and a blanket at you and dip.

Being serious though, it stems from a place of having no idea how to deal with his own emotions and being vastly uncomfortable with vulnerability (Vessel and iii are trying their damn best with ii).

Vulnerability and trust are extremely hard for him.

I think he might be the type to make food for people. He doesn't have to talk or be expected to provide calming words; he can just not do all of that, and still show that he cares. And I mean it works, his comfort food is heavenly. It's the type of cooking to make you cry because it's so nice, and the fact that he went out of his way to make something.

either that, or he'd just like.. sit there and stare..? kind of...? he's trying his best ok.

iii

iii ofc is the best at this kind of stuff. he manages to offer advice without being condescending, all while still being comforting (they all have no idea how he does it)

He is they type of person to shoulder everyone's burdens for them. It's a big part of the reason why he looks to sad and tiered all of them time.

Yes, Vessel is better at being vulnerable now because of Sleep, but it's also because of iii.

He just has this aura about him that makes you want to talk about things and spill your guts, because you know that he'll understand. He will not only listen, but he'll comfort you, and give you advice (and does he follow his own advice? hell no but that's not the point-)

This 'talking about feelings stuff', however, does not apply to him in his mind. His feelings are his burden and his alone.

One time the other boys noticed he was having a real bad time after one of the rituals, and just could not get him to talk, so they all sat with him in a big group hug type thing (it was more a pile than a group hug. boy pile!). iii actually broke down, it was bad. He's been better since then.

iv

iv is not very verbal with comfort or communication, it's more a physical thing for him. Words are very hard, so this is his solution.

It's like a 'I'll hug you until you stop crying' deal.

His favorite thing to do is be a giant human weighted blanket and just crush the person under him until they feel better.

He feels like the closer he gets to someone physically, the more they are comforted. This may not be right exactly, but it's his logic so deal with it. It works for him, so it's gotta work for other people, right?

He also like, gets pissed off for people. He's the type to be very protective and care so much for the people he cares about. It's hard for him not to be angry when something like that happens. Especially if someone hurts people he cares about.

He is like a giant guard dog that is bear sized.

And unlike the other vessels, he has no problem being vulnerable, he just forgets about his own issues.

He has internalized his own issues to such an extent that they are not issues anymore, just facts of life; they are just things that happen sometimes. And don't get me wrong, he does have breakdowns and they are bad.

But to him its just like, a thing that happens.

he will have a panic attack and then just 'fuck it we ball' his way through a mental health crisis that he's convincing himself isn't real and totally not happening to him.

[wishesunderthestars]

Amongst the sea of amazing bts fanfics I keep coming back to Eunoia ever so often. It's truly one of those fics that you never forget about yk. It's amazing how you have created such an immersive world; that the length of Eunoia isn't intimidating, no matter how many times I read it. I am going into indulgent and fangirl territory next so I have a feeling this is gonna be kinda long (sorry for that TvT).

Ok sooooo... Starting with the amazing way you write such a relatable and human y/n. I know you don't always have to write relatable reader inserts since the point of these fics is to be able to experience stories and situations that you might (and prolly won't) irl. I know (us) the ppl reading this fic aren't world class producers who are friends with taylor swift but gosh darn it I feel like it when I am reading eunoia XD . The y/n feels so... human. They have their fears, insecurities, mess ups and they worry and overthink yet they also have their strengths and try their hardest no matter what. Their love hate relationship with their career and burnout, is honestly so refreshing to see becuz no matter if your career is your dream you are going to get tired at some point. OH YEAH AND THEIR COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR PARENTS! My gosh, it was so good to see someone acknowledge how hard it is to have a relationship with your parents where you don't hate them but you also don't get along because of your massive differences. It feels like you are stuck b/w a rock and a hard place. An argument that will never find it's peace...

Also, I feel like you absolutely nail the members' personality to a T. Ofc, tho you just HAD to give them such TRAGIC backstories ;-; (but yk I get it, the angst is what makes the fluff all the more sweeter). I adore the intricacies of their relationships with each other and also with the reader. All of them mean well but are hesitant to cross any boundaries. I hope we can see them get even closer and develop even stronger bonds so they don't feel like they are burdening each other with their problems and instead rely on each other <3 OK RAPID FIRE ROUND-

Namjoon- so charming, absolutely stole my heart with his rizz, emotional support bby, my anchor in the storm

Jin- absolute SWEETHEART, yes love how did you know the way to my heart was through the stomach, flustered jin is my kryptonite

Yoongi- OOHH gimme that angsty emo boy XD, No but for realisies BBY LEMME GIVE YOU A HUG! it's ok, we're gonna be okay <3 your past doesn't define you!

Hoseok- Sunshine Bby, You are loved, valid and just as important as all of the others, never a burden and always do so much more than you take credit for

Jimin- CLINGY BBY COME HERE & HEAL MY TOUCH STARVED SELF, His backstory made me genuinely sob, don't be afraid love you are safe here <3

Taehyung- ADORABLE LITTLE BABY BEAR, well since we haven't seen much of him I can't say that much but I hope to see more of him and his growth in the upcoming chapters <3 (Also since he is my bias I am even more invested! I am excited to see what direction you take him in :)

Jungkook- Bunny boy come here and tackle me to the ground with a hug >:) He is so cute, he just wants everyone to be happy together ;-; the juxtaposition of a cute bunny who is ripped *chef's kiss*

I feel like eunoia rn is at a midpoint. Things have settled and are not as chaotic but there is still so much to be done! So much to be said, done and so much to heal from. I feel like the story can go in any direction and I am so so curious as to what your vision is for the next chapters (ma'am can we have some crumbs please :> ). Also I was wondering; it was originally marked as smut so if you are still thinking of doing that? (I reallyyyy hope this does not come off as rude I was just genuinely curious; I love the story regardless and it's totally your call).

PHEW, OK THIS IS A LOT! I kinda feel bad for blabbering your ear off but what can I say, this fic is very dear to me.

(pls accept this cute kitty as compensation)

This ask made my day and I'm sorry for taking some time to reply but when I receive such long asks I usually like to think some more before replying. First of all, thank you so much for your words and the fangirling. I live fangirling!!

It is very important to me when writing the main characters in stories to give them their own personalities and make them as human as possible. I don't think it's as fun to write perfect characters or to read about them at that. The mc of Eunoia is very close to my heart because I can see myself in some aspects of her character and I'm happy that's true for other people as well. Relationships with parents can be very hard to navigate and she and her parents have a complicated history. They will never stop being her parents but their differences are so stark and they are nearly strangers by now. She was trying with them for the longest time and she didn't know when to stop trying. Or to stop pretending.

All the hybrids share unique relationships with each other. They might have tragic back stories but they are ones that led them to each other. They have had people crossing their boundaries so many times in the past that they are afraid of doing that to each other. They are all my babies and I adore them.

I was planning to write some light smut for it but I've been rethinking it. I don't have any experience writing smut and in this case the second person is throwing me off. I'll try but I don't know how it will go and if it will fit with the story well.

Thank you for sending this and thank you go the kitty💜 Sending all my love 💜💜💜